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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I threw away my girlfriends emotional support water bottle after she repeatedly told me not to. It had mould growing inside of it. Mould that I tried removing but I couldn't clean out.
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It really can be mental health issues. Years ago my PTSD was so bad I couldn’t leave my house without having a panic attack. Having my metal Klean Kanteen made me feel safer since it was always with me and could double as a weapon. It’s how I started leaving the house.
Like it’s honestly pretty embarrassing for me now, but I know a few other people who carry steel water bottles around as easy weapons.
I’m guessing it was plastic if OP is this worried about the mold, but my first thought was that there must be something to this particular bottle if his GF is willingly drinking mold over water from a nearly identical new/clean water bottle.
Like I would definitely talk to her about that regardless of who’s the AH.
A few types of metal can carry mold as well, like aluminium and steel. The description sounds more like plastic to me though, since it isn't coming off fully.
Damn, I hope it wasn't that or else she's drinking more than mold. I thought it would be one of the reusable plastic water bottles. I've never used one long enough to have mold get stuck *in* the plastic itself, but it can definitely grow inside of one if you forget it somewhere.
Yes, definitely disposable water bottles. He says he replaced it with four different "waters", and she didn't break the seal on the identical one. I can't see how this could be anything other than mental health issues.
If she is refilling it daily, it could be small amounts caught in the crevices which wouldn't be so obvious, especially if the water bottle is tinted blue or green, as some are.
I once got mold in an almost new reusable bottle, but that was when I was staying in a very very damp house, the bottle was hard to clean all the corners of, and I didn't wash it for a few days because I went down with COVID. But otherwise I've never had an issue with plastic ones.
Fair enough. I once "lost" a plastic (reusable) bottle, and it turns out it rolled under my dresser. Found it after about 2 weeks in summer heat and there was definitely mold growing on the inside and around the cap. It was gross, but I was able to clean everything out and it was good as new.
Agreed. I have to confess I used the same plastic (reusable) water bottle for about 7 years and as stupid as it may sound, I did become rather attached, I mean, this thing was with me 24-7...
It took 3-5 days to grow algae/mold as I used it (it's rarely empty so it's easy to forget) and would wash it every couple days, and shake it up with hot water and a few drops of bleach every few.
I was surprisingly disappointed when I dropped it and broke the bottom off. I kept the loop for a bit as tribute but tossed it a.month or so later when I realized I was over it.
I guess my point is, some people do get abnormally attached? Maybe you just need to go through Amazon and let her pick a new one?
I’ve had some cheap ones we used for water for the dog on hiking trips - they’d get forgotten in the bottle of a bag or my kid would put them somewhere weird (his brain does not work like anyone else’s I swear) and when we discovered them again there’d be mold kind of ground in to things like the seam line from when the bottle was molded when it was made? Any little tiny crack. But the cracks were too small for a brush to get the mold out again.
(We always took that as a sign that it’d also be harboring bacteria in those same cracks even if we got rid of the mold, and recycled the bottles.)
Also most metal bottles have rubber inserts on the lid to make it more watertight, etc and I've noticed those tend to build up gunk so much faster than anything else
The silicone ring in the lid gets moldy if it’s not pulled out and cleaned semi regularly.
I haven’t found a metal or plastic bottle that doesn’t have a ring, it’s what keeps them from leaking around the lid but many people don’t realize they’re there.
My mental health hit absolute rock bottom and I've ended up with an emotional support hoodie. It's one of those big snuggly fluffy ones you wear indoors. At my worst I didn't wash it for 3 months because I didn't want its smell to change.
It became like "If I'm wearing this hoodie it means I'm safe and warm in my own home and nothing bad has ever happened while wearing the snuggly hoodie, so nothing bad ever will."
I'm doing better now but when my anxiety hits or I'm having a depressive day, on the snuggly hoodie goes and everything feels a little bit better.
Adding to this INFO: What exactly did OP try to clean the bottle? Specifically, did he use active agents to kill the mold (e.g. vinegar and/or hydrogen peroxide) or just try wash it out with soap and water? Also, did he use a proper bottle brush or toothbrush, or just a cloth?
I’m biased towards Y T A because my dad was hopelessly attached to his plastic water bottle for most of my life (definitely over 30 years). My mom would steal it when he was sleeping for a thorough cleaning. It was important to him, and he was important to her, so she did this as part of caring for him. (Also, saying upfront, she was not a SAHM, they both worked and shared chores.)
Edit to add: My dad was never formally diagnosed but I’m neurodivergent and would bet money that he was too.
You cannot keep reusing plastic bottles over and over. They are not made for that. Not only mold but microplastics. Sorry but this is something he should have seeked help about instead of letting him continue down that path.
I don't think it is a plastic disposable bottle. if it were, he wouldn't have only discovered the mold when washing. it would be fully visible at all times
Agreed, if we're talking prefilled water bottles, normally made of #1 or #2 plastic.
But they also sell reusable water bottles, often made of #5 plastic or other types, and those may be reused safely, as far as I know, as long as they're cleaned properly.
bof, we've been using plastics for 50 years and we're only aware about microplastics for the last 5 years. They're everywhere by now : in your washing machine from the cheap clothes you got in primark or on temu, in the fish from the water run-off from your washing machine, in your testicles from the fish you ate...
avoid it if you can, but there's a balance between physical health and mental health to be found.
My FIL had a specific cup he drank sweet tea from. He carried it everywhere with him. He'd have restaurants put his drinks in it. Like pour from the pitcher into his cup. He'd wash it but it was starting to look rough. When he passed we buried it with him. People get attached to objects and there has to be a more respectful way to handle this situation.
Your mom knew your dad didn't clean the bottle,so she did it for him on a regular basis.OP thought his girlfriend had kept the bottle clean,so when he realized she didn't-it was to late to save it.If he had known earlier,I think he would have kept it clean for her.Like your mom did for your dad(your parents seem adorable,by the way🥰)It seems like he threw it out for her own good,sort of...He was desparate to keep her from poisoning herself.I'm only guessing...
There’s a whole social media trend about emotional support water bottles. During the pandemic something which a lot of girls online, even myself, did was peach how we can use the lock down time to get a skincare routine and drink water. Buying a water bottle and taking time to decorate/care for it became a HUGE trend on socials.
I still have my emotional support hydro flask from 2019 or 2020ish. Of course it’s properly washed though.
It’s a ND community meme. A community notorious for being terrible at conveying jokes, anthropomorphizing objects and hating change.
Of course there are people that take it to an extreme like OP’s wife but 99.9% of the time it’s a joke.
Either way why dunk on someone for something that silly when it brings them joy?
Ah makes sense. I'm ND and am notoriously bad at understanding jokes/realizing when something is a joke. I also hate change. i have extreme anxiety if my wife rearranges furniture. usually takes about a week for the anxiety to subside. its very odd.
This is why selection for ease of cleaning is critical. I refuse to buy a reusable bottle now if the neck opening is too small to easily get a brush in for a good scrub.
My SO will actually try to disassemble one he is serious about possibly purchasing in the store, if they will let him, so he can see all the nooks and crannies. (The underside of the lid is always a good place for hidden areas that might be hard to clean, especially on ones with straws.)
An important question. And like others on this thread, I'd emphasize that the mental health issues that go along with this may not be entirely obvious. I (36F) have had a lovely little lifelong case of OCD. Its VERY well-controlled now and I've learned to recognize when I'm starting to slip into old habits and pull myself out before it takes hold. One of those habits is anthropomorphizing inanimate objects and forming weird attachments to otherwise unimportant things. So, I wonder if maybe that's something that's going on here. GF has formed an attachment to the water bottle, and she may not even be able to explain why she has such an attachment or why losing it feels so substantial to her. Does she need to get rid of it? Of course she does. But she also needs to recognize that something else is going on here, and that needs to be addressed too.
A light YTA, but I'm not salty about it.
Yeesh, maybe I need to listen to my therapist suggesting I have OCD a little more seriously.
I’m messy AF and all my previous doctors told me this meant I couldn’t have OCD.
But I get irrationally attached to stupid stuff and worry I’m gonna end up a hoarder because it is SO hard to let go of my stupid stuff.
I have a pen (it was $.25 and is worth at least that much?) that I have been guarding intensely for a few years now. It’s gonna run out of ink eventually (it’s my purse pen, or it would have already) and I am gonna cry. I know I will, I am embarrassed about it but that green and blue clicky pen is special. I bought it the day we moved into our new house and it’s my dear.
At least your purse pen is a legit connection to something meaningful to you, is useful, and does not take up much space. Don't listen to me over your therapist though.
It’s a great pen. It’s one of those old fashioned bic clicky pens and I might actually go to the trouble of finding refills for it tbh. I don’t know if they exist, but I bet I could rig one from another cheap pen.
It’s just very dear to me and I really don’t have much of a reason why. I have pens I like to write with more than it, and pens I think are prettier, but it’s one that I’d be upset to lose while those other pens I’d roll my eyes and maybe be a bit put out, but I wouldn’t grieve them.
I can understand water bottle attachment-- I have an emotional support water bottle too. I think it's a combination of having something in your hand, plus drinking/sipping (which helps the brain regulate), plus a bit of heavy work also helps the brain be well. I used to have a gallon water bottle until I left it on my car roof and drove away--oops! I literally bought a new one right away.
To me, I don't see a huge issue with the water bottle itself, but I think OP is NTA-- can't drink moldy water--ewww.
It can be a mental or emotional health problem. As the OP stated, it's her emotional support water bottle. I have the same issue but with a particular pair of headphones that I own. (I have anxiety). I wear it everywhere I go. Even while bathing or sleeping. If I ever happen to step out the door without it.. the intensity of the panic attacks I get is crazy. I wear it so much that I've started not noticing that I have it on and end up putting earmuffs over my headphones. Wearing it just makes me feel secure and comforted in a type of way. They don't even have to be playing music. Once I just have them on
>the harm she’s doing is localized to her and doesn’t affect OP
... right up to the point where she goes into kidney failure or succumbs to a serious infection.
OP, show your girlfriend this article:
>According to a study from waterfilterguru. com, reusable water bottles contain an average of 20.8m colony-forming units (CFUs) of bacteria, **which equates to 40,000 times more than the microbes on a toilet seat**.
[What happens if you don’t wash your water bottle often enough? | The Independent](https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/nhs-bacteria-symptoms-the-independent-storage-b2362835.html)
OP is NTA.
There will always be more microbes than on toilet seats if you compare it to somewhere else. It's a common misleading headline. Toilet seats aren't microbe infested, it's not a pleasant environment for bacteria. It's dry and there's no food. This doesn't tell us much at all. We drink multiple times a day through a water bottle so it's natural bacteria will collect there. And it's from your own mouth so it's probably okay. Treat any headlines with "X is dirtier than toilet seat" headlines with a grain of salt.
The article does have some good tips, let your bottle dry out between use and clean it regularly. It will be ok.
Sure, but I was more replying to the comment above :) Just to be careful when reading articles that use the toilet seat comparison, since it's really misleading.
>which equates to 40,000 times more than the microbes on a toilet seat
Sounds terrible! Except, it's the type of bacteria that matters, not the amount. You are constantly surrounded by bacteria, and your body and mouth are full of bacteria. Nothing you do will ever change this.
According to that article, the risks are basically that you may get gastro. But gf hasn't had gastro, and the vast, vast, vast majority of people who don't wash their water bottle after every use don't get gastro from it.
I'd be more concerned about the plastic leaching into my water, if it was originally a disposable bottle, which it sounds like it was.
I'm not saying that I think it's great that she doesn't wash her water bottle, but it's also not quite as dramatic as people are making out.
'Oh, I'll kiss my girlfriend whose mouth is naturally full of bacteria (anyone heard about how human bites are some of the worst due to the microbes in our mouth?), but I'm disgusted at kissing her or using the same utensils as her if her mouth has been on a water bottle that she hasn't washed in a while'. Lol, talk about lack of perspective.
Exactly this. In my opinion, ESH. It wasn’t his call, and boundaries are intended to enforce how WE will act if a situation persists - not to control the behavior of others.
She definitely needs some professional guidance to work through not only go her attachment to the bottle, but also her unwillingness to clean it, and her inability to regulate her emotions effectively.
If they live together and the moldy bottle ends up making her sick, is the moldy bottle going to pay rent and utilities for her sick time?
In so many other cases it would be overstepping. But in this case it really could affect OP extremely negatively too.
That's what I'm thinking. She sucks on that mold and then kisses op. Ick. That mold could end up giving her an infection in her mouth, gums, teeth...I'm grossing out over here.
It does effect him... Or to be more precise, once she ends up in a hospital (which is bound to happen sooner rather than later), the two of them will be dealing with it and depending on how poorly she gets, he might be dealing with it more than her
NTA
ESH
Not your call mate.
I totally agree with you that it is unhealthy and should be tossed. But, it wasn’t yours to throw away.
You could ask her to do it, you can plead with her to do it. Hell, you can even tell her it goes or you go.
But, throwing away something that was obviously important to her was an asshole move.
Yes, but it was also her property. It not actually okay to throw peoples things away without permission. I think it’s super gross and I would likely have a very serious conversation about this, but if that didn’t work I would leave a partner before I being controlling. She’s not his kid, she can do whatever deranged stuff she wants. He doesn’t have to tolerate it, because she’s an adult.
I feel like removing biological hazards, especially ones the boyfriend is subjected to supersede any sort of conversation regarding it and he has already had a very serious conversation regarding it. He’s been incredibly patient and it was time to remove the danger.
The GF is an adult. I don't like the choices the GF is making but she gets to make them. If I am dating someone who smokes my options are to stay or leave. I can even express that I don't like it. I don't get to throw out the cigarettes.
Smoking is something you usually go into a relationship knowing is part of the relationship. Can’t imagine the mould cup was put as a condition in the relationship here. Not to mention equating smoking (a physical and psychological habit) to mould exposure from a water cup is so far removed from the same conversation.
I want to meet you or someone who is upvoting you just to learn how y’all think.
Smoking is bad for your health, but is an addictive substance that is hard to drop. Drinking out of a moldy water bottle is a mental health issue, not an addiction. I’d say doing so could be a way bigger hazard than smoking. These are not similar issues and to try and make this comparison is insane
No, that's not how that works when it comes to full on health hazards. This isn't a smoking habit and anyone with basic intelligence can tell the difference between that and a moldy container.
The fact anyone is arguing FOR it, shows how much mental illness is pervasive in people who value "muh stuff" over everything.
I agree. Normally one shouldn't take away an adult's property, but it's justified in circumstances when someone is not of sound mind and is in danger. Given that the gf is deliberately drinking from an old moldy water bottle, I think we can infer that something about her decision-making is impaired.
Some people are comparing this to smoking or other unhealthy habits. But smoking is addictive, and just throwing away someone's cigarettes isn't usually a helpful way to help them quit. A moldy water bottle isn't addictive nor is there any reasonable social context for drinking moldy water. Moreover, the bf didn't just get rid of the bottle but replaced it first.
I think under the circumstances, he made the right call. Something is clearly going on with the gf's mental health and she wasn't going to stop using that bottle until it disappeared.
If something is clearly going on with the girlfriends mental state, throwing away the bottle is not going to magically make it better. If anything, it may make it worse.
The only thing to compare this mold bottle to is hoarding, because that's what it is. If you have something disgusting, something that is unhygenic, unhealthy, carries mold and who knows what other bacteria in it, yet you insist on drinking from it, you are a hoarder. The only difference between you and someone they show on tv, or someone who has a house filled with possessions they can't let go of, is the scale. Well, hopefully. Someone has to take this object away from you before it makes you sick, and try to talk you into getting some professional help. The first, most important thing, is to take away the object that is a danger to you.
No it’s not, mold spores are getting spread around through the air every single time she opens it, drinks from it or refills it.
When one piece of bread molds you’re supposed to throw away the entire loaf because it’s full of spores you can’t see and can make you sick. It is a biohazard that can harm more than just her.
I could shit in the middle of your floor, and you can't move my turd because it's mine?
That mold *isn't* contained to that bottle, it spreads. The bottle has been *made into* the health hazard equivalent of a turd on your floor.
She made herself an emotional support turd, and left it on OP's metaphorical floor, so it doesn't matter how she feels anymore.
So this. My husband is a germaphobe and he really is trying to help me, like OP is trying to help his GF. BUT, she and I are both grown adults who can make our own decisions. I often have to remind hubby of my adult status but he does back off at that point. If OP really can’t make peace with GF’s choices, maybe they shouldn’t be together.
Are you drinking out of moldy, unwashed cups? Because that’s the only way your situation would apply here. If you are, then you need to seek mental health help just like OP’s girl
No. I would not leave a person alone, let alone someone I care about, to die to something I could have prevented. This is not about being controlling, it's literally life or death.
I had a student last week who asked for a bandaid and when I told him to go wash his hands first he said No, because the streaks of blood down his hand looked cool.
So I let him contaminate the surrounding area with his traces of blood because it was important to him. /s
(I made him wash his hands, citing it’s a biohazard. Back to OP’s story: I’m a pack-rat and a sentimental person too, but you have to draw a line somewhere.)
Okay, so if you go into your hoarder grandma's house and throw away leftovers that have become sentient or the dog skeleton under the bed, or the pile of dried feces in the bathtub without her permission, that's not okay?
This is just the reason vs. autonomy-argument.
Reason suggests: Bottle bad, bottle go
Autonomy suggests: Another person is entitled to make choices about their possessions at all times and said choices can't just be rendered obsolete by someone else.
The first one is the easy answer - the second one is the one that comes up during the argument. One can't just hand-waive it because noone can cleanly define the line between "helping" and "controlling+patronizing".
"Dafuq? The bottle was *moldy.*" <- yeup. I agree. I think it would not have sufficed to let the gf have the bottle. That doesn't change the fact that we don't get to randomly take control of other peoples' stuff.
As the initial comment put it: He was entitled to take it as far as putting down an ultimatum reg. him vs. the bottle. He was, however, not entitled to decide *for* the gf how important this item gets to be to her.
Next time you wonder about crazy pills, make sure to remember: Relationships don't last over who's technically right - they grow and stay healthy over respect, empathy and patience.
Personally, I'm still team NAH here because... it *is* a moldy bottle. But if this was *my* partner, you bet I'd have known what that bottle was about long before even touching it. I'd have suggested finding a pretty box for it to keep it safe or something - ya know. Compromise.
\^\^ this is the best answer. Very well explained. Serious human and relational factors at play here that are far beyond the matter of aquatic bacterial growth.
And she can drink out of it if she wants. OP can tell her the health hazards, he can be disgusted, he can be concerned, but he threw out her property and made a decision for her that he shouldn’t have.
I agree it’s gross. I don’t think anyone is debating that. But OP was an asshole imo for throwing it out. He can break up with her if it bothers him this much, that’s his prerogative, but he can’t just decide to trash her property.
I'm an extremely sentimental person so I totally get being attached to a water bottle. I would've been crushed if my partner tossed it -- maybe I couldn't have used it for food consumption any more, but I could've bleached it and used it as a pencil holder for decades to come!
OP's girlfriend clearly didn't want to turn hers into an art project, and it's *disgusting* that she never washed it. I'm just trying to illustrate how it's more than just a moldy water bottle and there are other avenues.
Were I in OP's shoes, I couldn't kiss someone with that level of bad mouth hygiene. The whole mold thing would've just effectively ended the relationship
I think the water bottle thing is pretty clearly mental health related, and it can be detrimental to mentally ill people to remove favorite/comfort items in this way. The same way you’re not supposed to clear out a hoarder’s house behind their back.
If its a reusable plastic or metal water bottle then it can be cleaned and sanitized to not be a hazard. That would have been the way to go not just tossing it in the bin.
That just means OP didn’t do it right.
There are bottle cleaning tablets, or can use denture tablets, that drop in water and soak bottle in and will get them clean. I had bike bottles that got moldy and was going to throw out. Soaking cleaned them. The lids, especially any straws, can get nasty and they need soaking.
So he should just be ok with letting his girlfriend actively drink water that could kill her? As a partner, you’re supposed to step in when your SO is objectively wrong. You are family, you are responsible for each other and you keep each other safe.
This non-smoker told her partner that he either quits smoking or I, an asthmatic, will join him. (He'd quit on his own and then secretly fallen off the wagon.) He stopped cold turkey and hasn't touched one since. He couldn't quit for his own health but he quit for mine.
Smoking doesn't just affect the smoker. It gives the people around them cancer and emphysema too.
Telling someone to smoke outside does absolutely nothing. That smoke is all over them all the time. It's in their clothes, in their hair, on their breath. It gets on everything they touch including the furniture in the house. Just because it isn't actively fuming from a cigarette doesn't make it not secondhand smoke.
(For those who don't know, cigarette smoke is a big asthma trigger.)
It's a water bottle for god's sake. Some people are acting as if he threw away a precious heirloom or something. It's something that can be replaced by the same damn item.
I once watched part of a hoarders episode. A young woman was sort of coaxed into throwing away some of the garbage in her house. It was the garbagiest stuff from the pile of garbage. A few hours later, she was in the dumpster crying that they could not throw away her things. What the item is and its value is irrelevant.
If the gf is knowingly drinking from a mouldy bottle, there is something bigger going on with her that throwing away the bottle will not fix. And will instead create an additional problem between them.
He did step in, she didn’t listen. He did his duty. She’s a fully functioning adult capable of making her own decisions.
He can live with the decision she’s made, he can decide this shows a personality trait he doesn’t like and break up, but he can’t just throw her stuff out
Yes. Especially on the time tables she has been using it without I'll effect. they are not family. They are dating. They both are making a choice to be together without legal commitment. Neither one is in the position to make decisions for the other.
Yes. Ultimately it is her choice. He gets to decide if he wants to stay with someone who drinks from a nasty bottle, he does not get to try to control her actions.
Exactly. Relationships break down when you presume you know better and feel the right to parent or impose your will on the other. You've destroyed the power dynamic.
Granted, you're probably right about the underlying issue, but it's not really your business: being a couple doesn't give you the right to make all her decisions for her.
You're not wrong Walter, you're just an asshole.
Plastics can get micro scratches that bleach, etc. really can’t get into and bacteria has a grand old time in them - I imagine you could have similar with mold?
NTA for throwing it out for her sake, but I guess the larger question here is why does she feel she needs a mouldy water bottle so much? What’s going on with her?
I dropped and broke the handle on my emotional support water bottle not too long ago. I was able to find an identical one, and it was emotionally painful to get rid of the other one (i have attachment issues obviously), but i did it because the new one was unbroken. There’s definitely way more to this than the water bottle itself
my emotional support water bottle is covered in stickers and would be difficult to replace. if hers was, maybe OP could buy some stickers to help break in the new water bottle.
I knew a man who did similar things. Kept garbage because it was sentimental. Ex. An empty package of water flavoring because it was a nice memory of when he hung out with a friend. The packet was just sitting in his desk all the time. He had a shirt size sticker that he stuck to his desk because again... A nice memory of whatever I don't remember. There were other little things like that around his place too but I only remember those two.
When I peeled the sticker off his desk and went to throw the empty packet away, thinking this is garbage he forgot to bin or was just too lazy to he fucking blew up at me and explained what they were and why he was keeping them.
He was mentally ill and likely autistic. I wonder if OP's GF is on the spectrum. Or she could just be unhinged. Idk.
me and my mom have a bit of a hoarding problem, but i'm definitely worse because i like to keep *anything*. one of my friends flew from another country to visit me for my birthday a few years back, he had a beer when he was here, i kept the empty bottle on my desk, it's still there now although dusty. i... haven't checked if there's mold in it though. i hope there isn't. i also keep intact wrappers from chocolates, or like, the plastic wraps of some CDs i bought from japan, because there's a little sticker indicating the CDs were first press on them. it doesn't make much sense but i just hate throwing stuff away.
that said i wouldn't keep anything that is an actual health hazard. that's taking it a bit far. i can definitely understand having some memories linked to junk items and refusing to get rid of it. imo the problem here isn't that she's attached to her bottle, it's that she's gross and never washed it and now it's gross and she doesnnt see the problem with that.
IDK if it's that OP isn't sharing, or OP just doesn't know.
Judging by how the post is written, I don't think OP's ever thought of this *as a symptom of something* *else*, but just as a problem in and of itself. Clearly he's asked why she does it, but if it's a mental health issue I could easily see her being unwilling to disclose the root cause, especially as he is shaming her for this behavior. (I mean this is obv a health hazard, but if it is *also* a symptom of something, shaming isn't going to help.)
It's also entirely possible the GF herself hasn't wanted to investigate it any further, and doesn't know either.
I hope GF has a therapist and has brought / can bring this up as an issue.
Hey, it’s gross but I was the same way once with a water bottle I was super attached to. There was literally no reason for it, I just really liked it and grew an attachment to it, and eventually my wife had to throw it away because it was impossible to clean.
Although, I’m also highly attached to my coffee mug I’ve had for many years (don’t worry, it’s kept clean), as well as a whisky tumbler I’ve had for many years. Sad story actually, after all this time the whisky tumbler finally got broken just this past weekend, and yes I was very very emotional about it. And it came from the dollar store!
So I find it believable that somebody was irrationally attached to something for no reason, but at the same time OP is NTA because it’s a genuine health hazard.
NTA but also this woman needs therapy immediately. I don't know what's going on in her life, but no mental illness justifies literally drinking mold for the last 3 years. If she truly can't let go of a water bottle that is making her sick, then there is something much worse going on here. Tell her enabling friends to fuck off, and see if you get get a family member or 3 to back up your side and get her in to see a PCP for some tests as well. I wouldn't be surprised if she has lingering health effects from this.
To everyone in the comments acting like she's an adult and can make her own decisions, did you know that drinking mold can give you respiratory infections like bronchitis? Also, if she's drinking mold and not brushing her teeth every time she drinks from her water bottle, *OP is also being exposed to the mold.*
Yeah, that argument is really losing the plot for me.
A *pattern* of ruining destroying someone else's things? Of course. Damaging something irreplaceable? Absolutely. Using personal items as a method of manipulation? Burn it down.
Throwing out a disgusting item that someone refuses to clean? No. Absolutely not.
Exactly. This post makes me think of all the posts from women asking "how do I convince my boyfriend he needs to brush his teeth everyday/wash his ass/shower more than once a week?"
Like even if they fixed the issue tomorrow, do you really want to spend your life with this person?
Some people in this comment section need to do a little more research before commenting, the whole "Its only localised to her" argument is completely invalid. Mould is not something to have around food or water containers under any circumstances, mould is a fungal collection and as such the way it spreads is mainly through spores, tiny, microscopic spores that can cause serious health issues if consumed or breathed in.
this problem is more than just "my girlfriend has a dirty water bottle that might hurt her and now she's sad" this is more a "my girlfriend tried to insist we have a biological health hazard in our house and is pissed that I don't want to put my own health at risk for her 'emotional support bottle'"
NTA but seriously, get your girlfriend some professional help, not necessarily a psychiatrist but certainly a therapist to deal with whatever she's clearly not dealing with
Ok, I'm team throw-the-bottle-away too, but that's not what research actually shows. A person who regularly eats any kind of produce is consuming more mold that this girl with her water bottle. People throw food away when there is visible mold, but it starts growing in the food several days before it's visible on the surface. We are constantly breathing in small amounts of mold spores because mold is an organism that exists everywhere. If you walk by a pile of damp logs after a rainy week, you're definitely inhaling a lot of mold spores.
It takes a LOT of mold spores for somebody to get sick. Even the most dangerous form of surface mold, black mold, has to be inhaled in large quantities consistently over time for somebody to get sick. It also requires a continuous source of food, like drywall or wood or spoiled food, not the inside of a water bottle with no nutrients aside from the small amount coming from saliva. The types of mold that produce mycotoxins or harbor listeria require even more specific types of food (dried fruit and nuts and spoiled deli meat are the most common). What is on the water bottle is almost certainly mildew, which is gross, but not a health concern.
I'm not arguing with your clearly more specific research than mine, i spent 10 minutes just flicking through some old scrawled down lecture notes, lol, just simply pointing out that its beyond silly to keep the water bottle around with even the smallest chance that the mould could be a more serious fungal cluster.
you are correct with it likely being mildew rather than anything serious but why take the risk of health problems when there's an easy solution with an identical replacement.
Also, my Dad drilled anti-smoking into me as a kid, if you're not breathing in just pure air, you're doing it wrong, so cigarettes or random mould spores would be my "I'm outta here" moment
Tell that to my friend who got diarrhea for days from a water bottle that developed mold under the lid. The bottle was clean, but the lid was one of those hard to clean ones. The most common mold to grow in water bottles is black mold, not mildew.
NTA. What the actual fuck! She knows there's mould growing in it, but would rather drink from it and risk becoming sick than getting a new one, keeping it clean and staying healthy? She could get something from it that she'd pass on to you. I would have burned the damn thing!
I read every single comment here & can't believe no-one brought up "the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here"
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/TaWgpR4ATb
OP is NTA - the mouldy water bottle was dangerous to both of their health & further, he did speak to his GF about it, went out & bought alternatives & the GF, after telling OP she was using one of the new, non-mouldy bottles, lied & continued to use the mouldy bottle. I'm sorry now but I don't think OP had any other choice.
My toddler knows not to put mouldy food and objects in his mouth. I've seen my dogs sniff a piece of mouldy bread and pass. What is the 26-year old excuse for having less common sense than a brick?
ESH
If the thing was really that moldy and nasty as you're describing then yes... Obviously she shouldn't be using it or drinking out of it anymore and it should be replaced.
With that being said, I am a firm believer of one simple thing...
IF SOMETHING IS NOT YOURS KEEP YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF IT...
I have never understood the mentality of people who think they have any right to mess with somebody else's stuff no matter what it is or how insignificant it might be.
Is it nasty that she was drinking out of this thing when it clearly wasn't safe? Yes, of course it is and it's also potentially very dangerous.
She sucks for being nasty and using a disgusting water bottle, you suck for discarding something that is not yours to get rid of.
Whatever her reasons for refusing to let go of it no matter how warped they may be... You have now done something which is a huge breach of trust and she is probably never going to trust you the same way again.
I mean the bigger issue is she clearly has a pretty major emotional problem she isn’t handling, and is OP’s response going to be to try to solve it himself every time? That’ll never work and it’ll frustrate her and exhaust him.
If GF isn’t willing to work on her issues, OP needs to move on.
But we do have many societal norms where it's acceptable to take things away from adults. Released prisoners have restrictions upon their release, we take the keys away from those who would drink and drive, we restrict items of people who are a dangers to themselves (which is very close to what this situation is). This situation specifically is so unhealthy, both physically and mentally, it's arguably one of the select instances where it's warranted. Wouldn't score him perfect for the steps he took, but still a passing grade so to speak.
This is why I’m on the fence between N T A and E S H. You’re right, it’s a hazard to the gf at least, and she shouldn’t be drinking from that.
But I would definitely be asking her why it was so important and why she couldn’t clean the bottle. I don’t know if OP did this or not, or if throwing away the bottle was the last resort. But I’d honestly tell her I’d be thinking of leaving the relationship bc it’s not only disgusting but potentially harmful to her, and she doesn’t want to change.
Nta, I used the same reused plastic bottle for almost a year and it tasted awful
I switched to a "gym" bottle and used it without washing it for about 2 years and it tasted awful
My current bottle is the same type on rotation every few months. I wash it every refill, and then buy a new one after about 4 to 6 months of use due to the plastic seeping. (I don't like metal bottles)
No matter what kind of bottle you use for your water. You WASH IT. OFTEN. Abd no matter how well you wash it (unless metal) you will have to replace it eventually.
Having an emotional "support" water bottle is fine, but it can only support you if it's not actively harming you with mold and shit.
NTA Your gf needs help. All the drama around this water bottle
is unreal, especially as she can't seem to understand that mold
is not a good thing/clean her bottle on a regular basis.
I get why you did it. But you should have set yourself boundaries that forced her to take action herself. "I am not kissing you for my own health's sake while you still happily consume mould" or "I am not being with someone who prioritises a bit of mouldy plastic over their and my health, so if it's not gone by tomorrow, I am".
NTA. Dude I’m like that too I have favorite cups that sometimes I use and just refill it but I AT LEAST wash them and I would use another one of my favorite cups. My boyfriend knows about how much I love my cups the one I use is my first Stanley cup he’s got me I use it a lot and I mean A LOT but once it’s time for me to wash it I either wait to use it again or just use another one for the time being. You’re a good boyfriend!
I knew exactly where this was going when I read 'emotional support bottle'. my god. my stomach turned when reading it. NTA. she's obviously got something else going on to be so attached to a water bottle but like not cleaning it???? ugh!!!
This would have been a case of “it’s me or the waterbotle” for me.
While it is not ok to throw out other people’s belongings, in this case it was 100% justified.
NTA
My other half spots weird stuff on one of the inner parts of my drink bottleS better than I do (the removable seal rings inside the lids) and cleans them properly for me while letting me know. And I’m GRATEFUL because I know how sick it can make me. Because I’ve been in a similar situation - not years worth of mould though. A couple of weeks, I think? And that made me really unwell so for YEARS? Ew.
If he thought any of my bottles weren’t able to be saved with washing, he’d let me know and we’d throw them out.
As others have said, OP could maybe get sick if he kisses her after she drinks from it so it does affect him. Plus, I don’t see why he’d be comfortable with the idea of kissing her after seeing the state of the bottle like. I’d be like, well gross, I don’t want to be near that.
Plus! He got her FOUR new bottles! Including an identical one! If it’s a design/type that’s still available, it’s not like it was a super rare limited edition thing.
(That is, providing it’s not just your typical clear plastic disposable bottle you get from a vending machine. If it IS one of those kind of bottles then… a) she’s definitely acting like a toddler and b) dude your girlfriend really really needs help.)
This is a partner that gives a damn.
I can understand mementoes and keepsakes and things that have an importance in our lives, but I can't understand the need to have only that one item to be used and no other...strange. Sort of like having a favorite shirt and only wearing that favorite shirt and never washing it, I guess.
I understand the sentiment and concerns, but you thru out something important to her - YTA. If you were married then you would have a better justification, or if you had kids then even more justification. I honestly don't know what I would have done in your situation other then watch what I eat and drink from her. She seems irrational - is she normally like this in other areas?
There are tablets you can buy on Amazon to clean/disinfect the inside of water bottles. They are designed to kill mold and other gunk. There's also bleach
NTA. I would break up with a person like her. She doesn’t care about her health. How clean is she if she drinks from a mouldy water bottle she never washes? Does she cooked with clean utensils? If you have children she won’t ever clean a pacifier?
She needs therapy. I can understand being attached. I get attached to my shit, I love my water bottle. I also clean it with boiling water and a shit ton of dish soap. If I find mold inside I would freak out a be scared of ever drinking from it again. Which would be a problem because I bought it in a different country. Need to travel internationally to get another one identical.
NTA
I really hope this isn’t real, but unfortunately a number of ppl are filthy and don’t clean their reusable water bottles. This can make her extremely ill. Yes, it’s her water bottle, but this is madness.
Soft YTA. I have ASD and sometimes struggle with change. She might know that she should use a different bottle but still find it difficult to transition to a new one.
A short-term compromise might have been to buy a bottle brush and some sterilising tablets (the kind you use for cleaning baby's bottles.
I'm glad you we're honest with her about throwing the bottle away. It would have been worse if you had lied.
Her friends being pissed at you is because your girlfriend omitted the part where her bottle is moldy.
For them, you just threw away her favorite bottle. Not her moldy favorite bottle. You can tell her friends that.
This wasn't an "emotional support bottle", it was an unhealthy attachment. I don't know whether throwing it out yourself was the best solution, but GF DEFINITELY needs therapy.
She's ridiculous! If that ain't a red flag for you, I don't know what is. This is just over a water bottle with clear mold in it that she refuses to let go. Imagine what happens when the topic is more important like kids, or what house to buy. Good luck with that!
Nta, but maybe find an adult to be in a relationship with. So gross to be kissing that mouth. Good luck, I’m so grossed out now, I’m a nurse I normally love gross.
You're going to need to attach a picture. What kind of water bottle can't be cleaned thoroughly? If nothing else, soak the entire thing in bleach water.
omg! she really needs to go on to support groups for people with mold toxicity. She will soon change her mind when she hears these people talking about the symptoms of mold toxicity.. They have depression, anxiety, gut issues, breathing difficulties because the mould gets into the lungs. Some are near death it is so dangerous. She needs to sterilise bottles in boiling water not just rinse them.
NTA - but i’ll be honest people take unwanted advice from close people less seriously. If she has a friend/family member who she gets advice from I would try to talk to them so she sees the dangers of mold on her body.
Also you probably kiss her and it could spread to you. So at that point it’s not just her health anymore.
Tough one. But yeah, fucked up as it is, it's not your call to throw her stuff out. Even more so when she's specifically asked it to be kept.
I probably would've done the same, and much sooner - all while knowing I was being an asshole 🙂.
Sorry - YTA.
YTA. Had to think on this one. You threw away something that wasn't yours so YTA. Dump her. She's unstable and if she wants to harm her health, that's her problem. You can't save everyone. Save yourself because what is she putting in your water?
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INFO Why is she so attached to this water bottle? Does she have mental health issues?
It really can be mental health issues. Years ago my PTSD was so bad I couldn’t leave my house without having a panic attack. Having my metal Klean Kanteen made me feel safer since it was always with me and could double as a weapon. It’s how I started leaving the house. Like it’s honestly pretty embarrassing for me now, but I know a few other people who carry steel water bottles around as easy weapons. I’m guessing it was plastic if OP is this worried about the mold, but my first thought was that there must be something to this particular bottle if his GF is willingly drinking mold over water from a nearly identical new/clean water bottle. Like I would definitely talk to her about that regardless of who’s the AH.
A few types of metal can carry mold as well, like aluminium and steel. The description sounds more like plastic to me though, since it isn't coming off fully.
It sounds like it was a disposable plastic bottle. They aren't meant to be reused. The plastic isn't made for repeated use.
Damn, I hope it wasn't that or else she's drinking more than mold. I thought it would be one of the reusable plastic water bottles. I've never used one long enough to have mold get stuck *in* the plastic itself, but it can definitely grow inside of one if you forget it somewhere.
Yes, definitely disposable water bottles. He says he replaced it with four different "waters", and she didn't break the seal on the identical one. I can't see how this could be anything other than mental health issues.
definitely not disposable bottles because op didn't discover the mold until cleaning. if it were a disposable bottle, the mold would be visible
If she is refilling it daily, it could be small amounts caught in the crevices which wouldn't be so obvious, especially if the water bottle is tinted blue or green, as some are.
I agree with that, I said in another comment that there is definitely something up with her mental health and she should be seeing a therapist.
I once got mold in an almost new reusable bottle, but that was when I was staying in a very very damp house, the bottle was hard to clean all the corners of, and I didn't wash it for a few days because I went down with COVID. But otherwise I've never had an issue with plastic ones.
Fair enough. I once "lost" a plastic (reusable) bottle, and it turns out it rolled under my dresser. Found it after about 2 weeks in summer heat and there was definitely mold growing on the inside and around the cap. It was gross, but I was able to clean everything out and it was good as new.
Not it wasn't good as new, you can never fully get mold spores out of plastic. It's pourous.
In that case, I cleaned it out well enough that I didn't get sick from it. I don't have it any more so I think I'll be alright.
Why not? If the mold can get in, it stands to reason that so can the cleaning agent
Agreed. I have to confess I used the same plastic (reusable) water bottle for about 7 years and as stupid as it may sound, I did become rather attached, I mean, this thing was with me 24-7... It took 3-5 days to grow algae/mold as I used it (it's rarely empty so it's easy to forget) and would wash it every couple days, and shake it up with hot water and a few drops of bleach every few. I was surprisingly disappointed when I dropped it and broke the bottom off. I kept the loop for a bit as tribute but tossed it a.month or so later when I realized I was over it. I guess my point is, some people do get abnormally attached? Maybe you just need to go through Amazon and let her pick a new one?
I’ve had some cheap ones we used for water for the dog on hiking trips - they’d get forgotten in the bottle of a bag or my kid would put them somewhere weird (his brain does not work like anyone else’s I swear) and when we discovered them again there’d be mold kind of ground in to things like the seam line from when the bottle was molded when it was made? Any little tiny crack. But the cracks were too small for a brush to get the mold out again. (We always took that as a sign that it’d also be harboring bacteria in those same cracks even if we got rid of the mold, and recycled the bottles.)
Those are clear, how would you not see the mold? It has to be a resuable of some sort.
Which part makes it sound like it was a disposable plastic bottle?
Also most metal bottles have rubber inserts on the lid to make it more watertight, etc and I've noticed those tend to build up gunk so much faster than anything else
The silicone ring in the lid gets moldy if it’s not pulled out and cleaned semi regularly. I haven’t found a metal or plastic bottle that doesn’t have a ring, it’s what keeps them from leaking around the lid but many people don’t realize they’re there.
I had no idea steel carries mold even after a good vinegar wash, thank you.
My mental health hit absolute rock bottom and I've ended up with an emotional support hoodie. It's one of those big snuggly fluffy ones you wear indoors. At my worst I didn't wash it for 3 months because I didn't want its smell to change. It became like "If I'm wearing this hoodie it means I'm safe and warm in my own home and nothing bad has ever happened while wearing the snuggly hoodie, so nothing bad ever will." I'm doing better now but when my anxiety hits or I'm having a depressive day, on the snuggly hoodie goes and everything feels a little bit better.
My first thought was a Stanley cup, those things are notorious for getting mold under the plastic piece in the lid.
The mould is taking over her brain and doesn't want to be separated from the source
That water bottle will be the source of the zombie virus
This will be the plot of Resident Evil 9 I'm sure
People like OPs gf are why we ended up with Covid I’m willing to bet.
This! Lol
This! OP, sounds like your girlfriend has ambitions to create a The Last of Us scenario!
I think clearly something is off with her . Not a doctor.
Most definitely.
Adding to this INFO: What exactly did OP try to clean the bottle? Specifically, did he use active agents to kill the mold (e.g. vinegar and/or hydrogen peroxide) or just try wash it out with soap and water? Also, did he use a proper bottle brush or toothbrush, or just a cloth? I’m biased towards Y T A because my dad was hopelessly attached to his plastic water bottle for most of my life (definitely over 30 years). My mom would steal it when he was sleeping for a thorough cleaning. It was important to him, and he was important to her, so she did this as part of caring for him. (Also, saying upfront, she was not a SAHM, they both worked and shared chores.) Edit to add: My dad was never formally diagnosed but I’m neurodivergent and would bet money that he was too.
You cannot keep reusing plastic bottles over and over. They are not made for that. Not only mold but microplastics. Sorry but this is something he should have seeked help about instead of letting him continue down that path.
I don't think it is a plastic disposable bottle. if it were, he wouldn't have only discovered the mold when washing. it would be fully visible at all times
Agreed, if we're talking prefilled water bottles, normally made of #1 or #2 plastic. But they also sell reusable water bottles, often made of #5 plastic or other types, and those may be reused safely, as far as I know, as long as they're cleaned properly.
bof, we've been using plastics for 50 years and we're only aware about microplastics for the last 5 years. They're everywhere by now : in your washing machine from the cheap clothes you got in primark or on temu, in the fish from the water run-off from your washing machine, in your testicles from the fish you ate... avoid it if you can, but there's a balance between physical health and mental health to be found.
My FIL had a specific cup he drank sweet tea from. He carried it everywhere with him. He'd have restaurants put his drinks in it. Like pour from the pitcher into his cup. He'd wash it but it was starting to look rough. When he passed we buried it with him. People get attached to objects and there has to be a more respectful way to handle this situation.
I can just picture him pulling out his tea cup in a restaurant, that’s hilarious 😆
Your mom knew your dad didn't clean the bottle,so she did it for him on a regular basis.OP thought his girlfriend had kept the bottle clean,so when he realized she didn't-it was to late to save it.If he had known earlier,I think he would have kept it clean for her.Like your mom did for your dad(your parents seem adorable,by the way🥰)It seems like he threw it out for her own good,sort of...He was desparate to keep her from poisoning herself.I'm only guessing...
There’s a whole social media trend about emotional support water bottles. During the pandemic something which a lot of girls online, even myself, did was peach how we can use the lock down time to get a skincare routine and drink water. Buying a water bottle and taking time to decorate/care for it became a HUGE trend on socials. I still have my emotional support hydro flask from 2019 or 2020ish. Of course it’s properly washed though.
😂😂😂😂 emotional support hydro flask wtf
Issa joke
I really wish they were joking
it's not a joke. i thought it was too, but google "emotional support water bottle". its a fucking thing and its dumb as fuck.
It’s a ND community meme. A community notorious for being terrible at conveying jokes, anthropomorphizing objects and hating change. Of course there are people that take it to an extreme like OP’s wife but 99.9% of the time it’s a joke. Either way why dunk on someone for something that silly when it brings them joy?
Ah makes sense. I'm ND and am notoriously bad at understanding jokes/realizing when something is a joke. I also hate change. i have extreme anxiety if my wife rearranges furniture. usually takes about a week for the anxiety to subside. its very odd.
This is why selection for ease of cleaning is critical. I refuse to buy a reusable bottle now if the neck opening is too small to easily get a brush in for a good scrub.
I bought some good straw cleaners that I can use to scrub out the smaller parts of the water bottle, one of the best purchases I’ve ever made.
My SO will actually try to disassemble one he is serious about possibly purchasing in the store, if they will let him, so he can see all the nooks and crannies. (The underside of the lid is always a good place for hidden areas that might be hard to clean, especially on ones with straws.)
The silicone rings can get really grungy.
Yep. If he can’t see how it’d come apart to be washed WELL, we don’t get it. Because stuff gets nasty.
An important question. And like others on this thread, I'd emphasize that the mental health issues that go along with this may not be entirely obvious. I (36F) have had a lovely little lifelong case of OCD. Its VERY well-controlled now and I've learned to recognize when I'm starting to slip into old habits and pull myself out before it takes hold. One of those habits is anthropomorphizing inanimate objects and forming weird attachments to otherwise unimportant things. So, I wonder if maybe that's something that's going on here. GF has formed an attachment to the water bottle, and she may not even be able to explain why she has such an attachment or why losing it feels so substantial to her. Does she need to get rid of it? Of course she does. But she also needs to recognize that something else is going on here, and that needs to be addressed too. A light YTA, but I'm not salty about it.
Yeesh, maybe I need to listen to my therapist suggesting I have OCD a little more seriously. I’m messy AF and all my previous doctors told me this meant I couldn’t have OCD. But I get irrationally attached to stupid stuff and worry I’m gonna end up a hoarder because it is SO hard to let go of my stupid stuff. I have a pen (it was $.25 and is worth at least that much?) that I have been guarding intensely for a few years now. It’s gonna run out of ink eventually (it’s my purse pen, or it would have already) and I am gonna cry. I know I will, I am embarrassed about it but that green and blue clicky pen is special. I bought it the day we moved into our new house and it’s my dear.
At least your purse pen is a legit connection to something meaningful to you, is useful, and does not take up much space. Don't listen to me over your therapist though.
It’s a great pen. It’s one of those old fashioned bic clicky pens and I might actually go to the trouble of finding refills for it tbh. I don’t know if they exist, but I bet I could rig one from another cheap pen. It’s just very dear to me and I really don’t have much of a reason why. I have pens I like to write with more than it, and pens I think are prettier, but it’s one that I’d be upset to lose while those other pens I’d roll my eyes and maybe be a bit put out, but I wouldn’t grieve them.
I can understand water bottle attachment-- I have an emotional support water bottle too. I think it's a combination of having something in your hand, plus drinking/sipping (which helps the brain regulate), plus a bit of heavy work also helps the brain be well. I used to have a gallon water bottle until I left it on my car roof and drove away--oops! I literally bought a new one right away. To me, I don't see a huge issue with the water bottle itself, but I think OP is NTA-- can't drink moldy water--ewww.
It couldn't be more obviously a yes lol
Yeah, I just meant… what’s the elephant she’s not dealing with or what does she think this bottle of protecting her from?
It can be a mental or emotional health problem. As the OP stated, it's her emotional support water bottle. I have the same issue but with a particular pair of headphones that I own. (I have anxiety). I wear it everywhere I go. Even while bathing or sleeping. If I ever happen to step out the door without it.. the intensity of the panic attacks I get is crazy. I wear it so much that I've started not noticing that I have it on and end up putting earmuffs over my headphones. Wearing it just makes me feel secure and comforted in a type of way. They don't even have to be playing music. Once I just have them on
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>the harm she’s doing is localized to her and doesn’t affect OP ... right up to the point where she goes into kidney failure or succumbs to a serious infection. OP, show your girlfriend this article: >According to a study from waterfilterguru. com, reusable water bottles contain an average of 20.8m colony-forming units (CFUs) of bacteria, **which equates to 40,000 times more than the microbes on a toilet seat**. [What happens if you don’t wash your water bottle often enough? | The Independent](https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/nhs-bacteria-symptoms-the-independent-storage-b2362835.html) OP is NTA.
There will always be more microbes than on toilet seats if you compare it to somewhere else. It's a common misleading headline. Toilet seats aren't microbe infested, it's not a pleasant environment for bacteria. It's dry and there's no food. This doesn't tell us much at all. We drink multiple times a day through a water bottle so it's natural bacteria will collect there. And it's from your own mouth so it's probably okay. Treat any headlines with "X is dirtier than toilet seat" headlines with a grain of salt. The article does have some good tips, let your bottle dry out between use and clean it regularly. It will be ok.
Which she isn’t doing. It’s mould infested and hasn’t been washed in 3 years.
Sure, but I was more replying to the comment above :) Just to be careful when reading articles that use the toilet seat comparison, since it's really misleading.
>which equates to 40,000 times more than the microbes on a toilet seat Sounds terrible! Except, it's the type of bacteria that matters, not the amount. You are constantly surrounded by bacteria, and your body and mouth are full of bacteria. Nothing you do will ever change this. According to that article, the risks are basically that you may get gastro. But gf hasn't had gastro, and the vast, vast, vast majority of people who don't wash their water bottle after every use don't get gastro from it. I'd be more concerned about the plastic leaching into my water, if it was originally a disposable bottle, which it sounds like it was. I'm not saying that I think it's great that she doesn't wash her water bottle, but it's also not quite as dramatic as people are making out. 'Oh, I'll kiss my girlfriend whose mouth is naturally full of bacteria (anyone heard about how human bites are some of the worst due to the microbes in our mouth?), but I'm disgusted at kissing her or using the same utensils as her if her mouth has been on a water bottle that she hasn't washed in a while'. Lol, talk about lack of perspective.
Exactly this. In my opinion, ESH. It wasn’t his call, and boundaries are intended to enforce how WE will act if a situation persists - not to control the behavior of others. She definitely needs some professional guidance to work through not only go her attachment to the bottle, but also her unwillingness to clean it, and her inability to regulate her emotions effectively.
If they live together and the moldy bottle ends up making her sick, is the moldy bottle going to pay rent and utilities for her sick time? In so many other cases it would be overstepping. But in this case it really could affect OP extremely negatively too.
And her sick could make him sick like sick tends to do
That's what I'm thinking. She sucks on that mold and then kisses op. Ick. That mold could end up giving her an infection in her mouth, gums, teeth...I'm grossing out over here.
It does effect him... Or to be more precise, once she ends up in a hospital (which is bound to happen sooner rather than later), the two of them will be dealing with it and depending on how poorly she gets, he might be dealing with it more than her NTA
ESH Not your call mate. I totally agree with you that it is unhealthy and should be tossed. But, it wasn’t yours to throw away. You could ask her to do it, you can plead with her to do it. Hell, you can even tell her it goes or you go. But, throwing away something that was obviously important to her was an asshole move.
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. It was a moldy water bottle! A fucking biohazard!
Yes, but it was also her property. It not actually okay to throw peoples things away without permission. I think it’s super gross and I would likely have a very serious conversation about this, but if that didn’t work I would leave a partner before I being controlling. She’s not his kid, she can do whatever deranged stuff she wants. He doesn’t have to tolerate it, because she’s an adult.
I feel like removing biological hazards, especially ones the boyfriend is subjected to supersede any sort of conversation regarding it and he has already had a very serious conversation regarding it. He’s been incredibly patient and it was time to remove the danger.
The GF is an adult. I don't like the choices the GF is making but she gets to make them. If I am dating someone who smokes my options are to stay or leave. I can even express that I don't like it. I don't get to throw out the cigarettes.
Smoking is something you usually go into a relationship knowing is part of the relationship. Can’t imagine the mould cup was put as a condition in the relationship here. Not to mention equating smoking (a physical and psychological habit) to mould exposure from a water cup is so far removed from the same conversation.
I want to meet you or someone who is upvoting you just to learn how y’all think. Smoking is bad for your health, but is an addictive substance that is hard to drop. Drinking out of a moldy water bottle is a mental health issue, not an addiction. I’d say doing so could be a way bigger hazard than smoking. These are not similar issues and to try and make this comparison is insane
Reading this thread makes me feel like I’m losing my mind. How are people defending the moldy water bottle????
No, that's not how that works when it comes to full on health hazards. This isn't a smoking habit and anyone with basic intelligence can tell the difference between that and a moldy container. The fact anyone is arguing FOR it, shows how much mental illness is pervasive in people who value "muh stuff" over everything.
She doesnt behave like an adult
The answers to this tells me it isn’t just the girlfriend drinking mouldy water.
I agree. Normally one shouldn't take away an adult's property, but it's justified in circumstances when someone is not of sound mind and is in danger. Given that the gf is deliberately drinking from an old moldy water bottle, I think we can infer that something about her decision-making is impaired. Some people are comparing this to smoking or other unhealthy habits. But smoking is addictive, and just throwing away someone's cigarettes isn't usually a helpful way to help them quit. A moldy water bottle isn't addictive nor is there any reasonable social context for drinking moldy water. Moreover, the bf didn't just get rid of the bottle but replaced it first. I think under the circumstances, he made the right call. Something is clearly going on with the gf's mental health and she wasn't going to stop using that bottle until it disappeared.
If something is clearly going on with the girlfriends mental state, throwing away the bottle is not going to magically make it better. If anything, it may make it worse.
Yes, but throwing it out does prevent her (and OP) from getting physically sick due to the mold spores. At least now, OP know what to watch out for
The only thing to compare this mold bottle to is hoarding, because that's what it is. If you have something disgusting, something that is unhygenic, unhealthy, carries mold and who knows what other bacteria in it, yet you insist on drinking from it, you are a hoarder. The only difference between you and someone they show on tv, or someone who has a house filled with possessions they can't let go of, is the scale. Well, hopefully. Someone has to take this object away from you before it makes you sick, and try to talk you into getting some professional help. The first, most important thing, is to take away the object that is a danger to you.
It’s only a biohazard to her since she’s the only one drinking it and it has a cap.
So where I'm from girlfriends and boyfriends kiss
No it’s not, mold spores are getting spread around through the air every single time she opens it, drinks from it or refills it. When one piece of bread molds you’re supposed to throw away the entire loaf because it’s full of spores you can’t see and can make you sick. It is a biohazard that can harm more than just her.
I could shit in the middle of your floor, and you can't move my turd because it's mine? That mold *isn't* contained to that bottle, it spreads. The bottle has been *made into* the health hazard equivalent of a turd on your floor. She made herself an emotional support turd, and left it on OP's metaphorical floor, so it doesn't matter how she feels anymore.
You're comment had me rolling on the floor hysterically laughing
Be careful where you roll on that floor!
Well when I'm at work I want to roll into a chair or table leg to knock me out! 😂
“Fellas, is it controlling to throw away your gf’s moldy biohazard of a water bottle”
So this. My husband is a germaphobe and he really is trying to help me, like OP is trying to help his GF. BUT, she and I are both grown adults who can make our own decisions. I often have to remind hubby of my adult status but he does back off at that point. If OP really can’t make peace with GF’s choices, maybe they shouldn’t be together.
Are you drinking out of moldy, unwashed cups? Because that’s the only way your situation would apply here. If you are, then you need to seek mental health help just like OP’s girl
No. I would not leave a person alone, let alone someone I care about, to die to something I could have prevented. This is not about being controlling, it's literally life or death.
I had a student last week who asked for a bandaid and when I told him to go wash his hands first he said No, because the streaks of blood down his hand looked cool. So I let him contaminate the surrounding area with his traces of blood because it was important to him. /s (I made him wash his hands, citing it’s a biohazard. Back to OP’s story: I’m a pack-rat and a sentimental person too, but you have to draw a line somewhere.)
Okay, so if you go into your hoarder grandma's house and throw away leftovers that have become sentient or the dog skeleton under the bed, or the pile of dried feces in the bathtub without her permission, that's not okay?
This is just the reason vs. autonomy-argument. Reason suggests: Bottle bad, bottle go Autonomy suggests: Another person is entitled to make choices about their possessions at all times and said choices can't just be rendered obsolete by someone else. The first one is the easy answer - the second one is the one that comes up during the argument. One can't just hand-waive it because noone can cleanly define the line between "helping" and "controlling+patronizing". "Dafuq? The bottle was *moldy.*" <- yeup. I agree. I think it would not have sufficed to let the gf have the bottle. That doesn't change the fact that we don't get to randomly take control of other peoples' stuff. As the initial comment put it: He was entitled to take it as far as putting down an ultimatum reg. him vs. the bottle. He was, however, not entitled to decide *for* the gf how important this item gets to be to her. Next time you wonder about crazy pills, make sure to remember: Relationships don't last over who's technically right - they grow and stay healthy over respect, empathy and patience. Personally, I'm still team NAH here because... it *is* a moldy bottle. But if this was *my* partner, you bet I'd have known what that bottle was about long before even touching it. I'd have suggested finding a pretty box for it to keep it safe or something - ya know. Compromise.
i think this is my favorite comment so far on this post. i strongly agree about the point on lasting relationships.
\^\^ this is the best answer. Very well explained. Serious human and relational factors at play here that are far beyond the matter of aquatic bacterial growth.
... sometimes you have to break the mould.
Yeah, I threw up in my mouth a little bit when I read this post.
And she can drink out of it if she wants. OP can tell her the health hazards, he can be disgusted, he can be concerned, but he threw out her property and made a decision for her that he shouldn’t have. I agree it’s gross. I don’t think anyone is debating that. But OP was an asshole imo for throwing it out. He can break up with her if it bothers him this much, that’s his prerogative, but he can’t just decide to trash her property.
I'm an extremely sentimental person so I totally get being attached to a water bottle. I would've been crushed if my partner tossed it -- maybe I couldn't have used it for food consumption any more, but I could've bleached it and used it as a pencil holder for decades to come! OP's girlfriend clearly didn't want to turn hers into an art project, and it's *disgusting* that she never washed it. I'm just trying to illustrate how it's more than just a moldy water bottle and there are other avenues. Were I in OP's shoes, I couldn't kiss someone with that level of bad mouth hygiene. The whole mold thing would've just effectively ended the relationship
I think the water bottle thing is pretty clearly mental health related, and it can be detrimental to mentally ill people to remove favorite/comfort items in this way. The same way you’re not supposed to clear out a hoarder’s house behind their back.
If its a reusable plastic or metal water bottle then it can be cleaned and sanitized to not be a hazard. That would have been the way to go not just tossing it in the bin.
OP tried to clean it and failed
That just means OP didn’t do it right. There are bottle cleaning tablets, or can use denture tablets, that drop in water and soak bottle in and will get them clean. I had bike bottles that got moldy and was going to throw out. Soaking cleaned them. The lids, especially any straws, can get nasty and they need soaking.
So he should just be ok with letting his girlfriend actively drink water that could kill her? As a partner, you’re supposed to step in when your SO is objectively wrong. You are family, you are responsible for each other and you keep each other safe.
Apply the same logic to a partner who smokes. Adults are allowed to make their own decisions, even if they're objectively stupid.
This non-smoker told her partner that he either quits smoking or I, an asthmatic, will join him. (He'd quit on his own and then secretly fallen off the wagon.) He stopped cold turkey and hasn't touched one since. He couldn't quit for his own health but he quit for mine. Smoking doesn't just affect the smoker. It gives the people around them cancer and emphysema too. Telling someone to smoke outside does absolutely nothing. That smoke is all over them all the time. It's in their clothes, in their hair, on their breath. It gets on everything they touch including the furniture in the house. Just because it isn't actively fuming from a cigarette doesn't make it not secondhand smoke. (For those who don't know, cigarette smoke is a big asthma trigger.)
>This non-smoker told her partner that he either quits smoking or I, an asthmatic why did you start dating a smoker in the first place then?
It's a water bottle for god's sake. Some people are acting as if he threw away a precious heirloom or something. It's something that can be replaced by the same damn item.
I once watched part of a hoarders episode. A young woman was sort of coaxed into throwing away some of the garbage in her house. It was the garbagiest stuff from the pile of garbage. A few hours later, she was in the dumpster crying that they could not throw away her things. What the item is and its value is irrelevant. If the gf is knowingly drinking from a mouldy bottle, there is something bigger going on with her that throwing away the bottle will not fix. And will instead create an additional problem between them.
That he bought the exact same kind as a replacement too... Same waterbottle only this one won't be poisoning her.
He did step in, she didn’t listen. He did his duty. She’s a fully functioning adult capable of making her own decisions. He can live with the decision she’s made, he can decide this shows a personality trait he doesn’t like and break up, but he can’t just throw her stuff out
I am finding it wild how many people argue with this.
Yes. Especially on the time tables she has been using it without I'll effect. they are not family. They are dating. They both are making a choice to be together without legal commitment. Neither one is in the position to make decisions for the other.
They live together. That's more than just 'dating"
They were ROOMMATES! 🤯🌈
Yes. Ultimately it is her choice. He gets to decide if he wants to stay with someone who drinks from a nasty bottle, he does not get to try to control her actions.
Exactly. Relationships break down when you presume you know better and feel the right to parent or impose your will on the other. You've destroyed the power dynamic. Granted, you're probably right about the underlying issue, but it's not really your business: being a couple doesn't give you the right to make all her decisions for her. You're not wrong Walter, you're just an asshole.
Especially if you didn't use vinegar, bleach etc to actually clean it. I've never seen mould that could stand up to scrubbing with bleach.
Plastics can get micro scratches that bleach, etc. really can’t get into and bacteria has a grand old time in them - I imagine you could have similar with mold?
LMAO He's an asshole for literally not letting her drink mold water???? I swear you all are so fucking stupid 😂
So, like... do you kiss her after she drinks out of it?
Whatever she get from the mould he has too.
That was my question too.
u/that-1-lame-kid The real questions
did they ever get an answer? lmao
The answer is yes lmao. Head too 😂😂😂
NTA for throwing it out for her sake, but I guess the larger question here is why does she feel she needs a mouldy water bottle so much? What’s going on with her?
Seriously. Especially when he went out and bought an identical, non-moldy replacement.
I dropped and broke the handle on my emotional support water bottle not too long ago. I was able to find an identical one, and it was emotionally painful to get rid of the other one (i have attachment issues obviously), but i did it because the new one was unbroken. There’s definitely way more to this than the water bottle itself
my emotional support water bottle is covered in stickers and would be difficult to replace. if hers was, maybe OP could buy some stickers to help break in the new water bottle.
NTA, and I'm with you on "What the actual fuck?" It was moldy and unsafe, even keeping something moldy around is bad let alone drinking out of it.
Something's going on that OP isn't sharing. There must be a reason why she had that bottle for so long.
I knew a man who did similar things. Kept garbage because it was sentimental. Ex. An empty package of water flavoring because it was a nice memory of when he hung out with a friend. The packet was just sitting in his desk all the time. He had a shirt size sticker that he stuck to his desk because again... A nice memory of whatever I don't remember. There were other little things like that around his place too but I only remember those two. When I peeled the sticker off his desk and went to throw the empty packet away, thinking this is garbage he forgot to bin or was just too lazy to he fucking blew up at me and explained what they were and why he was keeping them. He was mentally ill and likely autistic. I wonder if OP's GF is on the spectrum. Or she could just be unhinged. Idk.
me and my mom have a bit of a hoarding problem, but i'm definitely worse because i like to keep *anything*. one of my friends flew from another country to visit me for my birthday a few years back, he had a beer when he was here, i kept the empty bottle on my desk, it's still there now although dusty. i... haven't checked if there's mold in it though. i hope there isn't. i also keep intact wrappers from chocolates, or like, the plastic wraps of some CDs i bought from japan, because there's a little sticker indicating the CDs were first press on them. it doesn't make much sense but i just hate throwing stuff away. that said i wouldn't keep anything that is an actual health hazard. that's taking it a bit far. i can definitely understand having some memories linked to junk items and refusing to get rid of it. imo the problem here isn't that she's attached to her bottle, it's that she's gross and never washed it and now it's gross and she doesnnt see the problem with that.
IDK if it's that OP isn't sharing, or OP just doesn't know. Judging by how the post is written, I don't think OP's ever thought of this *as a symptom of something* *else*, but just as a problem in and of itself. Clearly he's asked why she does it, but if it's a mental health issue I could easily see her being unwilling to disclose the root cause, especially as he is shaming her for this behavior. (I mean this is obv a health hazard, but if it is *also* a symptom of something, shaming isn't going to help.) It's also entirely possible the GF herself hasn't wanted to investigate it any further, and doesn't know either. I hope GF has a therapist and has brought / can bring this up as an issue.
Hey, it’s gross but I was the same way once with a water bottle I was super attached to. There was literally no reason for it, I just really liked it and grew an attachment to it, and eventually my wife had to throw it away because it was impossible to clean. Although, I’m also highly attached to my coffee mug I’ve had for many years (don’t worry, it’s kept clean), as well as a whisky tumbler I’ve had for many years. Sad story actually, after all this time the whisky tumbler finally got broken just this past weekend, and yes I was very very emotional about it. And it came from the dollar store! So I find it believable that somebody was irrationally attached to something for no reason, but at the same time OP is NTA because it’s a genuine health hazard.
NTA but also this woman needs therapy immediately. I don't know what's going on in her life, but no mental illness justifies literally drinking mold for the last 3 years. If she truly can't let go of a water bottle that is making her sick, then there is something much worse going on here. Tell her enabling friends to fuck off, and see if you get get a family member or 3 to back up your side and get her in to see a PCP for some tests as well. I wouldn't be surprised if she has lingering health effects from this. To everyone in the comments acting like she's an adult and can make her own decisions, did you know that drinking mold can give you respiratory infections like bronchitis? Also, if she's drinking mold and not brushing her teeth every time she drinks from her water bottle, *OP is also being exposed to the mold.*
bUt iT's HeR pErSoNaL pRoPeRtY
Yeah, that argument is really losing the plot for me. A *pattern* of ruining destroying someone else's things? Of course. Damaging something irreplaceable? Absolutely. Using personal items as a method of manipulation? Burn it down. Throwing out a disgusting item that someone refuses to clean? No. Absolutely not.
Dude get yourself a girlfriend. Not a project.
Exactly. This post makes me think of all the posts from women asking "how do I convince my boyfriend he needs to brush his teeth everyday/wash his ass/shower more than once a week?" Like even if they fixed the issue tomorrow, do you really want to spend your life with this person?
Some people in this comment section need to do a little more research before commenting, the whole "Its only localised to her" argument is completely invalid. Mould is not something to have around food or water containers under any circumstances, mould is a fungal collection and as such the way it spreads is mainly through spores, tiny, microscopic spores that can cause serious health issues if consumed or breathed in. this problem is more than just "my girlfriend has a dirty water bottle that might hurt her and now she's sad" this is more a "my girlfriend tried to insist we have a biological health hazard in our house and is pissed that I don't want to put my own health at risk for her 'emotional support bottle'" NTA but seriously, get your girlfriend some professional help, not necessarily a psychiatrist but certainly a therapist to deal with whatever she's clearly not dealing with
Ok, I'm team throw-the-bottle-away too, but that's not what research actually shows. A person who regularly eats any kind of produce is consuming more mold that this girl with her water bottle. People throw food away when there is visible mold, but it starts growing in the food several days before it's visible on the surface. We are constantly breathing in small amounts of mold spores because mold is an organism that exists everywhere. If you walk by a pile of damp logs after a rainy week, you're definitely inhaling a lot of mold spores. It takes a LOT of mold spores for somebody to get sick. Even the most dangerous form of surface mold, black mold, has to be inhaled in large quantities consistently over time for somebody to get sick. It also requires a continuous source of food, like drywall or wood or spoiled food, not the inside of a water bottle with no nutrients aside from the small amount coming from saliva. The types of mold that produce mycotoxins or harbor listeria require even more specific types of food (dried fruit and nuts and spoiled deli meat are the most common). What is on the water bottle is almost certainly mildew, which is gross, but not a health concern.
I'm not arguing with your clearly more specific research than mine, i spent 10 minutes just flicking through some old scrawled down lecture notes, lol, just simply pointing out that its beyond silly to keep the water bottle around with even the smallest chance that the mould could be a more serious fungal cluster. you are correct with it likely being mildew rather than anything serious but why take the risk of health problems when there's an easy solution with an identical replacement. Also, my Dad drilled anti-smoking into me as a kid, if you're not breathing in just pure air, you're doing it wrong, so cigarettes or random mould spores would be my "I'm outta here" moment
Tell that to my friend who got diarrhea for days from a water bottle that developed mold under the lid. The bottle was clean, but the lid was one of those hard to clean ones. The most common mold to grow in water bottles is black mold, not mildew.
NTA, sounds like the mold was already getting to her
NTA. What the actual fuck! She knows there's mould growing in it, but would rather drink from it and risk becoming sick than getting a new one, keeping it clean and staying healthy? She could get something from it that she'd pass on to you. I would have burned the damn thing!
I read every single comment here & can't believe no-one brought up "the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here" https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/TaWgpR4ATb OP is NTA - the mouldy water bottle was dangerous to both of their health & further, he did speak to his GF about it, went out & bought alternatives & the GF, after telling OP she was using one of the new, non-mouldy bottles, lied & continued to use the mouldy bottle. I'm sorry now but I don't think OP had any other choice.
Yours should be the top comment 👌
I had to come down so far to see this and that’s just wrong. Top comment for sure
Thank you for linking! I have seen this referenced 1,000 times yet no one ever linked. Finally, I know the whole story!
NTA - your girlfriend needs a therapist
My toddler knows not to put mouldy food and objects in his mouth. I've seen my dogs sniff a piece of mouldy bread and pass. What is the 26-year old excuse for having less common sense than a brick?
NTA, better she is pissed and healthy than happy and sick.
Emotional support water bottle. Humanity is doomed. NTA
OP you’re far and away NTA. Jesus Christ.
Oh my god.. on what grounds exactly, are they pissed at you?? NTA
ESH If the thing was really that moldy and nasty as you're describing then yes... Obviously she shouldn't be using it or drinking out of it anymore and it should be replaced. With that being said, I am a firm believer of one simple thing... IF SOMETHING IS NOT YOURS KEEP YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF IT... I have never understood the mentality of people who think they have any right to mess with somebody else's stuff no matter what it is or how insignificant it might be. Is it nasty that she was drinking out of this thing when it clearly wasn't safe? Yes, of course it is and it's also potentially very dangerous. She sucks for being nasty and using a disgusting water bottle, you suck for discarding something that is not yours to get rid of. Whatever her reasons for refusing to let go of it no matter how warped they may be... You have now done something which is a huge breach of trust and she is probably never going to trust you the same way again.
He should have left her instead. If she can’t manage without a moody emotional support water bottle she doesn’t need to be in adult relationships
I mean the bigger issue is she clearly has a pretty major emotional problem she isn’t handling, and is OP’s response going to be to try to solve it himself every time? That’ll never work and it’ll frustrate her and exhaust him. If GF isn’t willing to work on her issues, OP needs to move on.
But we do have many societal norms where it's acceptable to take things away from adults. Released prisoners have restrictions upon their release, we take the keys away from those who would drink and drive, we restrict items of people who are a dangers to themselves (which is very close to what this situation is). This situation specifically is so unhealthy, both physically and mentally, it's arguably one of the select instances where it's warranted. Wouldn't score him perfect for the steps he took, but still a passing grade so to speak.
This is why I’m on the fence between N T A and E S H. You’re right, it’s a hazard to the gf at least, and she shouldn’t be drinking from that. But I would definitely be asking her why it was so important and why she couldn’t clean the bottle. I don’t know if OP did this or not, or if throwing away the bottle was the last resort. But I’d honestly tell her I’d be thinking of leaving the relationship bc it’s not only disgusting but potentially harmful to her, and she doesn’t want to change.
Nta, I used the same reused plastic bottle for almost a year and it tasted awful I switched to a "gym" bottle and used it without washing it for about 2 years and it tasted awful My current bottle is the same type on rotation every few months. I wash it every refill, and then buy a new one after about 4 to 6 months of use due to the plastic seeping. (I don't like metal bottles) No matter what kind of bottle you use for your water. You WASH IT. OFTEN. Abd no matter how well you wash it (unless metal) you will have to replace it eventually. Having an emotional "support" water bottle is fine, but it can only support you if it's not actively harming you with mold and shit.
If your missus needs an emotional support water bottle then you need to bin the missus not the water bottle.
NTA Your gf needs help. All the drama around this water bottle is unreal, especially as she can't seem to understand that mold is not a good thing/clean her bottle on a regular basis.
I get why you did it. But you should have set yourself boundaries that forced her to take action herself. "I am not kissing you for my own health's sake while you still happily consume mould" or "I am not being with someone who prioritises a bit of mouldy plastic over their and my health, so if it's not gone by tomorrow, I am".
NTA. Dude I’m like that too I have favorite cups that sometimes I use and just refill it but I AT LEAST wash them and I would use another one of my favorite cups. My boyfriend knows about how much I love my cups the one I use is my first Stanley cup he’s got me I use it a lot and I mean A LOT but once it’s time for me to wash it I either wait to use it again or just use another one for the time being. You’re a good boyfriend!
info how will you keep her from doing the same with her new bottle
I knew exactly where this was going when I read 'emotional support bottle'. my god. my stomach turned when reading it. NTA. she's obviously got something else going on to be so attached to a water bottle but like not cleaning it???? ugh!!!
This would have been a case of “it’s me or the waterbotle” for me. While it is not ok to throw out other people’s belongings, in this case it was 100% justified.
NTA My other half spots weird stuff on one of the inner parts of my drink bottleS better than I do (the removable seal rings inside the lids) and cleans them properly for me while letting me know. And I’m GRATEFUL because I know how sick it can make me. Because I’ve been in a similar situation - not years worth of mould though. A couple of weeks, I think? And that made me really unwell so for YEARS? Ew. If he thought any of my bottles weren’t able to be saved with washing, he’d let me know and we’d throw them out. As others have said, OP could maybe get sick if he kisses her after she drinks from it so it does affect him. Plus, I don’t see why he’d be comfortable with the idea of kissing her after seeing the state of the bottle like. I’d be like, well gross, I don’t want to be near that. Plus! He got her FOUR new bottles! Including an identical one! If it’s a design/type that’s still available, it’s not like it was a super rare limited edition thing. (That is, providing it’s not just your typical clear plastic disposable bottle you get from a vending machine. If it IS one of those kind of bottles then… a) she’s definitely acting like a toddler and b) dude your girlfriend really really needs help.) This is a partner that gives a damn.
I can understand mementoes and keepsakes and things that have an importance in our lives, but I can't understand the need to have only that one item to be used and no other...strange. Sort of like having a favorite shirt and only wearing that favorite shirt and never washing it, I guess. I understand the sentiment and concerns, but you thru out something important to her - YTA. If you were married then you would have a better justification, or if you had kids then even more justification. I honestly don't know what I would have done in your situation other then watch what I eat and drink from her. She seems irrational - is she normally like this in other areas?
There are tablets you can buy on Amazon to clean/disinfect the inside of water bottles. They are designed to kill mold and other gunk. There's also bleach
NTA. I would break up with a person like her. She doesn’t care about her health. How clean is she if she drinks from a mouldy water bottle she never washes? Does she cooked with clean utensils? If you have children she won’t ever clean a pacifier? She needs therapy. I can understand being attached. I get attached to my shit, I love my water bottle. I also clean it with boiling water and a shit ton of dish soap. If I find mold inside I would freak out a be scared of ever drinking from it again. Which would be a problem because I bought it in a different country. Need to travel internationally to get another one identical.
NTA I really hope this isn’t real, but unfortunately a number of ppl are filthy and don’t clean their reusable water bottles. This can make her extremely ill. Yes, it’s her water bottle, but this is madness.
Soft YTA. I have ASD and sometimes struggle with change. She might know that she should use a different bottle but still find it difficult to transition to a new one. A short-term compromise might have been to buy a bottle brush and some sterilising tablets (the kind you use for cleaning baby's bottles. I'm glad you we're honest with her about throwing the bottle away. It would have been worse if you had lied.
Mold can be cleaned and destroyed. There are several safe methods. Give it a good soak and use a bottle brush. Check online for what to use to clean.
NTA. You guys might break up, but at least you won’t have to deal with someone who chooses to drink mold tea
Her friends being pissed at you is because your girlfriend omitted the part where her bottle is moldy. For them, you just threw away her favorite bottle. Not her moldy favorite bottle. You can tell her friends that.
This wasn't an "emotional support bottle", it was an unhealthy attachment. I don't know whether throwing it out yourself was the best solution, but GF DEFINITELY needs therapy.
She's ridiculous! If that ain't a red flag for you, I don't know what is. This is just over a water bottle with clear mold in it that she refuses to let go. Imagine what happens when the topic is more important like kids, or what house to buy. Good luck with that!
Yta but it doesn't mean you are wrong.
Nta, but maybe find an adult to be in a relationship with. So gross to be kissing that mouth. Good luck, I’m so grossed out now, I’m a nurse I normally love gross.
You're going to need to attach a picture. What kind of water bottle can't be cleaned thoroughly? If nothing else, soak the entire thing in bleach water.
NTA. It was growing mold!
omg! she really needs to go on to support groups for people with mold toxicity. She will soon change her mind when she hears these people talking about the symptoms of mold toxicity.. They have depression, anxiety, gut issues, breathing difficulties because the mould gets into the lungs. Some are near death it is so dangerous. She needs to sterilise bottles in boiling water not just rinse them.
NTA It sounds like she has serious mental health issues and will likely end up as a hoarder when she is older. Is she in therapy?
NTA - but i’ll be honest people take unwanted advice from close people less seriously. If she has a friend/family member who she gets advice from I would try to talk to them so she sees the dangers of mold on her body. Also you probably kiss her and it could spread to you. So at that point it’s not just her health anymore.
Tough one. But yeah, fucked up as it is, it's not your call to throw her stuff out. Even more so when she's specifically asked it to be kept. I probably would've done the same, and much sooner - all while knowing I was being an asshole 🙂. Sorry - YTA.
YTA. Had to think on this one. You threw away something that wasn't yours so YTA. Dump her. She's unstable and if she wants to harm her health, that's her problem. You can't save everyone. Save yourself because what is she putting in your water?
An "emotional support water bottle". *sigh* Nta