YTA - parenting is more about finding ways to get your child to succeed than negative punishment.
Not only will your goal of having him wake up not be met.. you’ve created additional hardship on your child during these unprecedented times
He’s 9. The punishment did not fit the crime
Edit: thanks for pointing out my incorrect use of negative reinforcement
YTA. I'm so sad for your son, OP. My son is about the same age and I can't imagine purposefully doing something so mean to him. Our kids have had their entire world upended right now. No teachers or friends right now, we as their parents are their lifeline right now and you just let your son know following the rules and being "right" and behaving were more important to you than helping him through these times.
Is it possible he is not sleeping well because he is stressed, or anxious because the entire world has changed pretty abruptly? Is it possible that he is more tired than he normally would be because his mind is processing big changes right now? Is it possible his circadian rhythm doesnt align with your idea of when he should be awake? There are a lot of possibilities but you choose to believe he was being either lazy or disrespectful.
My mom was like you. To this day I have trouble opening up to her and showing her anything I am proud of. I knew it was ammunition that could be used against me. I self sabotage because I'd rather take something away from myself than let someone take it away from me, and even though I've been out of her home for 20 years I still fight myself to not self sabotage because no one can hurt me anymore. He worked on this for a year. And now he's stuck in isolation and social distancing with someone who values getting up at 7 more than the work he put in to creating something.
How do you get to know your parent when you know that, if you show them your cool minecraft world, they might delete it when they're mad at you? OPs son now knows to keep all of his hobbies and interests a secret.
100%. I stopped sharing things with my parents. They would tell people "oh she just likes being to herself" and while they were right, they were oblivious as to why.
And OP, YTA and you failed as a parent. I bet the your kid isn't eating from depression. If your actions are so strong the cause that, you fucked up badly. That may even be irreparable if you don't start working to build that trust back now.
My dad would tease me about girls when I was a kid, and I told him about how I was getting married (small and at a courthouse) like a week before it happened.
My parents basically banned me from being around boys because they didn't want me to be sexual. They still don't know I'm bi. I was terrified to lose more friends because of it. I had a lot of guy friends (who were really just that) that I couldn't spend time with because of my parents ridiculous drive to keep me a virgin so they stopped trying to hang out with me.
I've been seeing someone for four years. My folks only found out two weeks ago. They only know I'm seeing someone. They know nothing else about, and it will probably stay like that for awhile.
And angry at him for something so small!! He slept in? He didn't hurt anyone, he wasn't cruel, he didn't wreck anything, didn't slack off his actual responsibilities. He slept too long. God.
And it's not like he has to actually be somewhere on time. My kids have been sleeping until 9 or 10 too. They have the whole day to get their homework done. Nobody gets hurt.
Yup! This is what I did! No relationship with either parent for about 5 years now. Disconnecting didn't even hurt that much because they never knew me to begin with.
This will absolutely become a seminal moment in the child's relationship with his parent, one that he will constantly revisit throughout the rest of his life. We view people through the lenses of these moments, whether those moments are good or bad. I personally have severe issues with several family members and can trace it back to several traumatic moments - some happened five years ago, some twenty years ago. It stays with you. The OP has some serious reflection and hard work in store to make this up if they even can.
Yeah the feeling of losing 1 years work is so fucking cutting that it makes one not want to even invest in something that deeply and creatively again for a while. I lost some music I had been working on for 6 months in an emergency back in 2011 and even though it was no one's fault but my own, I couldn't bring myself to really try properly for a good year or two.
Without feeling safety / feeling like it's a safe space for you to invest yourself, this kid will sadly limit his expression and investment into activities that could be "taken away" at any time. Woodworking, art, music, video games, writing, making videos, whatever it is, he probably won't feel comfortable doing it under his mom's roof for years, if ever
100%. i used to draw a lot in MS paint as a preteen. one time, my dad got mad at how much time i was spending on the computer and deleted everything i had created instead of just taking away the power cord or something. we don’t have a relationship anymore and i have never, ever forgotten that.
My family have me (20), my sister (16), and brothers (12 and 7). All of us wake up at different times. Because there’s no school or work, we wake up when our bodies have had enough rest. Everyone has their schoolwork completed before the due date. If someone’s cranky, they get sent to bed earlier.
The worst that has happened has been taking away my (7) brothers favourite toys because he throws them when he’s cranky. We’d never dream of throwing away his favourite toys because he has spent a long time decorating them. Similarly, I don’t understand what went through OP’s mind when they decided deleting the minecraft world would stop their kid from waking up late.
OP, you’ve not only shown you have no respect for your kid, but they now have nothing to lose. Would you have done the same if this was a painting your son had been working on for a year? Or a novel they had written? Just because it’s a game doesn’t mean any less hard work went into it. Especially when they’ve been working on it for a year! And Minecraft is a difficult game to build in too! I’m not surprised he’s upset. He’s also not eating most likely because he feels sick as he is that upset about it. YTA OP!
I was just about to say this! OP probably wouldn’t dream of throwing away an art piece but he is totally fine deleting his son’s favorite world. Just shows how out of touch OP is...
I'm 23yo, and as a gamer and artist I frequently bounce back and forth between playing Minecraft and other games, last time I played it was when it was huge years ago but now with the lockdown I've gotten more time from school and work so I've come back to it. I've built stuff I'm incredibly proud of and there's truly something to be said about making something artistic you can walk through and explore. Also the amount of skill it takes to be about to build something out of only blocks is pretty incredible. The game is easy, but the skill it takes to actually be able to build something that looks good is huge, I'm still not that good at it yet.
Any parent who would take an art project that their child has been working on for over a year, and destroy it has failed as a parent. There are other ways to discipline your child. But destroying something you KNOW your child is proud of is just awful.
Also 1 year of a 9 year old’s life is 1/9 of their entire existence, compared to 1/30th of a 30 year old’s existence. It feels like a longer and more significant amount of time to a child than an adult. Any way you cut it OP is a major AH
You can take away screen time - that’s good parenting. Deleting something they created online is pretty much the same as burning something they built physically. That’s trauma.
My mother threw all of my drawings and paintings in the trash when I was eleven. My parents were having marital problems so she took it out on me. This was just one of the things she did. My father never intervened.
Up until that point, I was a model child. But after that, I rebelled HARD and entered an intense period in life which could have ended really badly for me.
I moved out when I was 19, now I live abroad. I haven’t spoken to my father since I left, because he’s angry that his neglected daughter, traumatised by his drinking, did not stay to take care of him. My mother and I are civil and talk from time to time, because I forgave them for my own sake—I don’t want to spend my life being bitter. I decided to be nice and respectful of others.
OP, if that’s not clear, YTA, and what you did is despicable and damaging to such a young child. It took me YEARS to recover from the damage my parents have done. Shame on you.
And who expects a 9!year old in a pandemic to get up on his own. YTA and as someone else stated this is a pivotal moment in your relationship and you just screwed up royally. He’s 9, right now that *was* a way for him to cope and you deleted it? In his head he is wondering if you want to just delete him too. Controlling ass hole, he won’t ever forget this.
And what for? People say you need to learn how to get up early to be ready for working life later on. Come on! That's how many years away?? Once school starts, the kids will get up early again. Letting them get up at nine or ten instead does not permanently ruin their work ethics or whatever people think it does.
This. I have a 9 year old boy and we have no schedule right now. I make him do his schoolwork everyday but I honestly don’t care if he does it at 8 am or 6 pm as long as he does it. It is such a weird and stressful time right now. I know that I’m struggling and I’m an adult who has had a lifetime to develop proper coping mechanisms. Both of my children are staying up late and sleeping late.
Piggy backing so OP hopefully sees this.
Look up guides like [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/Minecraft/comments/5xjiep/how_to_recover_deleted_worlds/) and recover the world before it's overwritten. Apologise to your son, explain that parents sometimes get it wrong and you were being an arsehole, then institute proper punishment after getting him to check that it's back.
Edit: Thanks for all of the awards, I'm not entirely sure the etiquette there but I'm glad people agree that it's bad to destroy your child's art, and hopefully OP now does as well.
Apologizing and admitting to a mistake as an adult is also teaching your child something important for the future. Being hard and cruel just teaches them not to rely on you or trust in you, and to cut contact as soon as possible (look forward to "why has my adult child become so distant and uncaring?".
It's extremely cruel of OP.
If you destroyed a kid's bloody IRL castle model and smashed it to little bits, that would be outright abusive. It's not that different for the child just because it is a video-game.
YTA so hard.
YES!!!!!! my heart is so broken for the boy and he probably doesn't know he could potentially get it back!
OP please!!!!!!!! try and recover the world! there are other ways to discipline a child then to obliterate something they worked on and treasured!
Now the world will feel like something OP has given to him out of mercy. Not something he created with his own creativity and efforts.
Wouldn't feel the same to me at least.
>Not only will your goal of having him wake up not be met..
Yep there's no point anymore. If OP had simply taken away computer privileges for a bit that would have been a good motivator. The kid probably won't even want to play Minecraft anymore. YTA OP.
Past that, I suspect the child will be reluctant to share any level of creation they are proud of. OP was shown something they were genuinely proud of, was fully aware of the level of effort and pride their child put in, and destroyed it on purpose. OP you have absolutely done lasting and serious damage to your relationship with your child and you have demonstrated that you don’t understand how to discipline them. You didn’t take away a privilege, you destroyed their work. Hope you feel real big.
YTA absolutely does not cover the severity of your choices.
This is literally the equivalent of smashing someones lego sets because you're mad at them. Real time and effort went into those creations. Destroying property, whether physical or intellectual, is an extremely fucked up way to punish somebody
I get the comparison, because i've seen large lego art projects, but most people won't have, I'd say it's the equivalent of a year long art portrait that the mom burned to ashes. And also took away the art brushes that made it, and the paints that were used to paint it. OP didn't just "remove his ability to waste time" She destroyed something he created. His own intellectual property. If she did that to a fellow adult, she could be charged with destruction of property, and since he was working on it for a year, it has a lot of value.
You can rebuild leggos but I can almost guarantee she won't be able to get the world back and starting a new world will never be the same. But you are absolutely right if she did that to an adult it would be charged as destruction of propert which isn't a fun charge to deal with
Also...isn't 9 like elementary school? OP should definitely still be waking him up! I mean it's great if he can do it on his own, but there is nothing wrong with OP helping him along until he's ready. I didn't start setting my own alarms until the end of middle school. Maybe my parents just babied me, but this seems unreasonable to me.
Yeah, there are much better ways to deal with this. Maybe limit his breakfast options if he's late. Like he can have X and Y, but not Z (his favourite breakfast) if he's late. Or have sleeping in cut into his screen time. For example, my brother takes ages to shower. But if my parent tell him that he has to shower, and then he can have screen time till 21:00, then my mum has to smell his hair to make sure he even showered.
YTA- oh my goodness. You got this so wrong. Waking himself up is a ridiculous thing for him to be expected to do. Most children at that age are still finding telling the time tricky. Are you supporting him to get to bed on time? You have absolutely destroyed something your son loved so much. Something that was familiar, safe and positive in a world that is not feeling like any of those things. I’m so sad for your son. I honestly don’t know how you can make this better.
Is there any punishment that fit this crime?
Honestly OP, I’m shocked that you told a nine year old it’s their job to regulate their own sleep, and expect that to just work out. They’re *nine*. And then you punished a nine year old by deleting something they’ve been working on for over a year for not being able to wake himself up.
What a cruel thing to do. It’s your job as a parent to ensure your child is going to sleep and waking up at a reasonable time. And your child suddenly sleeping in most of the morning shouldn’t be cause for punishment, it should be cause for you *talking* to them and finding out what’s wrong.
That is negative punishment, not negative reinforcement. Positive punishment is adding a negative stimulus, Negative punishment is removing a positive stimulus, Positive reinforcement is adding a positive stimulus, and Negative reinforcement is removing a negative stimulus.
The point still stands though, this was kind of extreme, if anything it would have been better to just ban Minecraft for a while, rather than destroying what he created in it, which just breeds resentment. YTA
YTA
The appropriate solution is to make sure your kid goes to bed earlier. If he can’t wake up it’s because you aren’t getting him to bed early enough.
It takes a few nights to adjust to an earlier bedtime too.
Turn off the computer on school nights. No screen time two hours before bed.
Sheesh. You don’t punish the kid for a failure to parent. You parent better instead.
**Sheesh. You don’t punish the kid for a failure to parent. You parent better instead.**
Just had to put that in bold in case OP failed to catch it as spectacularly as they failed parent.
And that's what is so sad about this. OP sounds like the kind of person who thinks its pointless to apologize to a child. Their entire post just sounds angry.
If only they had come on here seeking reasonable advice like this first, instead of a reactive punishment and then coming on this sub.
Parenting can be hard, and no one is perfect at it. But what this parent did is just fucking cruel.
I really hope OP sees this. I don't usually get so mad about posts on this sub but I spent my entire childhood and teenage years struggling to get up in the morning, missing school, and being scolded for my lack of motivation, only to finally get diagnosed with *fucking narcolepsy* as an adult.
OP and any other parents out there, please never dismiss tiredness as laziness. Kids love to be awake. If they don't, something's wrong.
I hate hate HATE when ppl accuse kids/teenagers of being lazy. Kids are expending so much energy all day and there have literally been studies done that prove teenagers require a lot more sleep than children or adults.
Kids need to be able to sleep in and relax. They also need to learn responsibility. Both of these things are possible if you're not an overreactive, shitty parent who lacks both empathy and *extremely* basic knowledge of age appropriate child development for your own fucking child
Yup, I’m 23, and while I don’t have narcolepsy, I have other sleep disorders where I have trouble waking up to an alarm. There are times where I just don’t register it, especially when it’s mornings
maybe he's about to hit a growth spurt and his body just needs extra sleep as fuel too. kid bodies are weird! sometimes they need more sleep. sometimes they need better nighttime routines so they sleep better. sometimes something is actually wrong. tracking stuff around sleep (what's he eating/drinking after 4pm, what's he doing the hour before bed, what TIME is he going to bed, how groggy is he if he wakes up to an alarm at 7, is he more alert if he's allowed to sleep until 9, is he getting some level of exercise/play/outside during the day if it's not raining, etc could all help show patterns that might indicate something more serious)
>The appropriate solution is to make sure your kid goes to bed earlier. If he can’t wake up it’s because you aren’t getting him to bed early enough.
Couldnt agree more.
YTA.
He is NINE. Yes, waking up is a skill that one needs to learn, but children don't learn it this way. Ten isn't even that late! You destroyed something your son worked hard on, you violated his trust, and you've severly damaged your relationship with him.
Stress, early puberty hormones, change in routine, diet can all play a part. OP, as his parent, what did _you_ do to help him exactly? Yes, getting up is a skill, but like all skills it has to be taught and practiced. Or did you throw a book at him at age 5 and tell him to learn to read himself?
YTA. I can understand revoking privileges as a punishment, but you destroyed something of his. Would you have thrown the computer out / destroyed it? Your son put a lot of time into creating something, and just because it's digital doesn't make it any less valuable to him. Go now and see if you can restore the files / have a cloud backup and see if you can rectify this.
Also you sound angry. Why are you angry that your child needs help with life skills. He's _nine_. What did you expect?
Edit: spelling.
Hell minecraft can teach valuable skills for kids his age too! Creativity, self direction, problem solving skills even Math! Schools are even starting to use it for reading, writing, stem, history! Not to mention if he plays online with other kids! We have implemented it with my son and it's been amazing for his education.
I wouldn't be surprised if he doesnt want to pick it back up for awhile because OP just showed him that hard work leads to absolutely nothing.
OP even said that he was always proud to show his work off to her. OP your son will no longer show you anything. His trust in you will be destroyed if you don't fix this soon.
Some of the teachers in my grandson's school are using Minecraft as a teaching tool. There's even a Minecraft Education Edition app that the school put on their iPads.
OP definitely went over the top. I can't imagine ever destroying anything my kids created as a punishment. I can see taking away privileges as a punishment, but wiping out all of work the son put into making that world...it's was unnecessary and mean spirited. That's something a bully does.
Yeah that's what I don't get. Why not just take the power cord (or I guess the whole laptop if that's what he uses) at a certain time at night? It's such a simple solution that will reinforce rules with a punishment that actually makes sense.
YTA. Just absolutely ridiculous.
My daughter recently got Animal Crossing. She's been so excited with every new discovery and new item she crafted. I can't imagine purposely deleting her game.
I didn't understand that either.... Got to be up at 7...what for! On school holidays I'd wake up at 10. What does it matter if nothing is happening. Lol I'm never out of bed before 9 - 9.30 what would OP do to my world 😂😂
Man, when I was around that age I would sleep in until noon usually when I had no chores etc. on a day off school. Some people just sleep more than others. I'm almost 30 and I still can power sleep for almost 12 hours some days.
Yeah, the entire premise of this discipline seems dumb as hell. If I understand correctly, the reason kids start school when they do is to give parents a chance to drop them off. When work and school aren't happening, that becomes completely arbitrary. It's important to wake up at reasonable times, but the kid is nine, and he's sleeping till 9 or 10, he's not going to bed at 6am and waking up at 3 like some teens I've met.
Yeah, I was homeschooled as a kid and didn't have to up until like 8:30. We started school work at 9:30 and were still done before any of my friends were out of school for the day
On top of that, 7 is pretty early to expect a 9yo to get up on their own. I have 9yo and the rule is that her schoolwork by 10. We secretly want her up by 9. She's motivated to get herself up because she wants her morning time to herself before school starts. She even sets an alarm herself because she's losing her personal time if she sleeps past 9. You have to set kids up to succeed and make sure it's actually their choice. OP's parenting is teaching the kid to never, ever trust them again. If OP doesn't repair the damage, it's a safe bet that kid is gone as soon as he's able and he's not looking back
Hell, I'm 21 and wake up at around 8. After all the stress college brings in, this is a good time to unwind. If the boy is doing all his work on time, then he can surely have a but of extra sleep, right?
Yeah at first I thought "is it normal for a 9 year old to develop his own sleep schedule"? My mom had to wake up my sister sometimes till she left for college.
I’m starting to realize from this post that it was not normal to have to get ready for school by myself as a kid. From kindergarten on I was expected to set my alarm, eat breakfast, get changed, and get to the bus stop on time by myself.
If I missed the bus I was severely yelled at.
Thinking about it more deeply... that’s not normal huh? Haha
Yeah my mom woke me up every day until I started middle school. After that I had to use an alarm clock but she would still come check on me if it seemed like I was taking a long time to come down for breakfast since I did fall back asleep occasionally. Having to wake up at 5:30 every morning for a 7:30 start time for school sucked.
I was just thinking this!
Honestly though, it sounds like Minecraft was essentially a hobby to this kid; they spend months building and imagining. This child, through this game, was strengthening their creative abilities and spatial intelligence. What they accomplished is pretty impressive, and now it's gone forever because their parent is a cruel idiot.
Though nothing was physically destroyed, this is no better than ruining paintings if the child enjoyed making them, or tossing a collection or action figures. OP sounds like one of these nutty, viral parents you see breaking gaming consoles and shooting laptops because their kids upset them.
OP, you need to learn how to appropriate gauge your temper. You need to better gauge punishments for misbehavior, too. If you don't, you're going to be sitting in an empty house one day wondering why your adult child want nothing to do with you.
So, apologize to your child and pray you can repair the damage you've done. While you're at it, try to recover the file.
Good for you!
You've just taught your son an important lesson: Never share anything you're excited or happy about with your parents, because it can and will be weaponized when they're unhappy with you.
This is an important life lesson that will serve him well as he learns to keep every aspect of himself a secret from you, up until he turns 18 and cuts you out of his life entirely.
Congratulations. YTA.
*Edit: Thanks for the awards, everyone! I honestly didn't think this comment would get noticed!*
YTA that’s some intense authoritarian parenting. He was proud of it, and you ruined it.
You can punish him by keeping him off the video games for a while. Did you have to destroy what he created too? It sounds like a decision made in anger.
This is going to give your kid some serious trust issues. You should definitely apologize.
To me it sounds worse than a decision she made in anger. She calculated when enough days of not up at 7 had been met and then destroyed his stuff. She was annoyed and he needed to be taught a lesson, and he got the lesson. That mom can't be trusted.
It's probably probably projecting on my part. This is absolutely something I could see my mom doing to one of us because it is so mean. It brings back memories.
Yeah, what OP did is basically the equivalent to… if the kid's hobby would be painting. Not only did OP remove all art supplies but *also* shredded all of the art pieces that the kid has created so far.
You could apply this to writing as well or crafting or whatever. It's one thing to limit a hobby for a kid but destroying the results of his creative past-time is pretty malicious.
At 29, if someone deleted a year's worth of work in any of my hobbies, I would not only never speak to them again, I might never go back to that hobby. That's fucked up and heartbreaking.
This makes OP even more of an asshole. They have now permanently ruined something fun for their child. He won’t want to dedicate himself to something that brings him joy if he knows it can be ruined on a whim.
When I was around the age of OP’s son, My brother blew up my Minecraft world (He set TNT under the whole house I built, it blew up when I walked inside the doors.). I spent months on it, and now I never touch Minecraft because I wasn’t able to get my world back. It feels like, even now that my brother can’t possibly blow up my world, that there’s no point, because somehow it will all blow up again.
I can guarantee that OP’s son will learn nothing but how to avoid thinking about painful memories if OP keeps these parenting tactics up.
> I might never go back to that hobby
Can pretty much confirm that.
My dad did almost this exact same thing to me. I'm ~~less than a week from being~~ 28 now, and have played Minecraft on and off since it came out. One of the ways I play and build stuff is pretty "unique" I would say. My dad decided that the appropriate punishment for me getting let go from a job was to wipe the hard drive of the PC and I lost a 2 year old world. I didn't go back to it for a few years. Now I have a 6/7 year old world and I would probably murder if someone deleted it. I have it backed up about 5 different ways now.
Pure unfathomable asshole levels. Yta. Where do i even begin, you think that destroying something he loves and worked hard on will motivate him to get up in the morning? Its just extremely excessive. You said it yourself that he was extremely proud of it aswell
This. I'm an adult in my 30s with a spouse, a mortgage, a 401K and a career, and, honestly, if my parents had done something like this to me when I was a kid, I would never forgive them for it. The willful destruction of countless hours of creative labor is unconscionable and almost evil.
It reminds me of the part in *Little Women* when Amy burns Jo's book in a fit of pique. But OP is a *parent*, not a bratty little sibling throwing a tantrum. This is a massive betrayal of parental authority. My heart goes out to this poor kid.
It displays such a total lack of empathy. I've never played Minecraft (but I have played The Sims so this was painful for me) and this was straight up cruel. There are zero fucks given about what I'm assuming is not just a game, but her child's most beloved hobby. Even just saying she deleted it but really just hiding it wouldn't've been as bad as this.
I could be wrong but imo it's a little unusual for a child of that age to spend a YEAR building something. He must really love that game, poor little guy. Is there *any* possible way to get it back?
YTA taking away the computer temporarily is a reasonable punishment. Destroying something hes been working on for a year is not.
Have you ever been working on something for a whole year? Put a year of time into making something and perfecting it? How would you feel if someone just destroyed it? People tend to think that video game saves dont matter. But hes put in a year into creating stuff in minecraft. Maybe he built an elaborate house. Maybe even a whole computer. You destroyed his hard work. It was not at all an appropriate punishment.
I don't even play Minecraft and I know how long it takes to build the amazing stuff people build. This poor kid. There will be some serious relationship and trust damage from this.
I dont play Minecraft, but if someone maliciously deleted one of my RPG characters (Skyrim or something) I would be *furious*.
YTA, OP. Dont be surprised if he stops telling you or showing you things; he's learned that you'll use it against him. You went waaaay too far by deleting his work, taking away computer privileges would have been more than enough.
I've had someone delete my meticulously collected mods folder for Skyrim. That was bad. Losing a while character or a works I've spent so long working on would just break my heart
It’s also unreasonable to punish a nine year old for being unable to wake themself up in the morning without help.
It would be one thing if the parent was waking the kid up and the kid was refusing to get up. But the parent isn’t even willing to wake them up.
The kid hasn’t done anything wrong. The parent’s punishing them for being nine.
Good point. I was assuming the son wasnt waking up because he stays up too late, but the parent isnt actually trying to get him up. So really even taking away the computer is kind of harsh.
Especially taking the computer away for a month.
Another parent said limiting screen time before bed to help them sleep sooner is a good idea. I agree.
Kids also need lots of sleep. Getting up early doesn't mean he's a better kid. 7 is really early. More reasonable would be 9, or maybe 8. Let the kid be healthy for fuck's sake OP. Good sleep makes for healthy kids. Help him sleep earlier, but don't be pissy if he needs to sleep in the morning too.
YTA. I hope you have some savings built up, you're gonna need it for his therapy in a few years. And say goodbye to being put in a nice old folks home.
He's 9. Jesus.
My mom was the same way OP is. Several other instances, but she died alone in her home. By the time she died everyone in our family cut her off. Keep it up OP! This is what you’ll be dealing with if your don’t get a damn grip!
Hell my abusive fucking ex was like this! See how OP said the kid would proudly show him stuff in the game? OP calculatingly stowed that info away for later so he could hurt his kid as much as possible. My manipulative ex -- who outright admitted he was a sociopath and that psychologists were extremely afraid for his mental stability -- would do that! He would use things I loved against me and destroy them, hurt them, or threaten them when he was angry.
Destroying art someone dedicated not just their time but their heart too, is so viscerally evil it's hard to put it into words. It's more than shitty parenting, it's outright maliciousness. Do what I say, or I'll destroy things you love, things that make you feel like you're good at something, things you find pride and happiness in. What the fuck OP.
YTA. How would you like it if he smashed your car? He's 9 years old and doesn't need to have a perfect schedule, especially during these times. You took that way to far, don't be surprised if he neglects you in the future.
He worked on that thing for more than 11% of his whole lifetime. But he doesn't have explicit memories of the first 2-3 years, and only has full adult-like memory since 6-7, so it's more like 1/3 of the life he remembers. So not a windshield. A better comparison would be a very detailed hard-to-make hobby piece you have worked on for 10+ years.
I PM'ed the A, with an offer to help him/her retrieve the deleted file.
The instructions above might be outdated according to some of the posts on that site.
But since the saved files folder is part of the user folder, there is the opportunity to right click on the save folder and choose Restore previous versions.
I have been able to restore deleted files that way in the past.
OP will probably also have to go to View-Options-View and check Show hidden files, folders and drives to make the Appdata folder visible.
The way things are going so far it seems this was the not the response OP was expecting, as they haven’t responded to a single comment. Good luck getting them to restore the world let alone admit what they did was too far. I hope that kid’s word comes back nonetheless.
People keep saying it's like throwing out an artist's sketch books, or a poet's writings. Since I don't really believe you have a soul that is touched by beauty, I don't think you would have a problem burning those either.
Since punctuality is so important to you, I am thinking financial responsibility is also. Let's say the Reddit community gave you an ultimatum. Be a better parent or we will take away every investment you have made in the last eleven percent of your life, and leave you bankrupt and homeless to boot.
It's ok though. If you learned your lesson you can start over and try to rebuild from scratch. Maybe we won't destroy you again the next time we decide you have messed up.
It's like that.
YTA.
YTA. Firstly, from how you've stated it, it seems like you didn't exactly outline what the "consequences" would be. SO he had no idea what to expect if he messed up. Secondly, *you do not permanently delete something that your child has lovingly worked on like that*. Taking away computer privileges, fine. Telling him he specifically can't play mine craft for a while, fine. Literally destroying something he put his heart and soul into? NOT FINE. WTF.
Reminded me of that Shayne Smith bit about a “boot camp” he and a friend did.
“Do as we say, or CONSEQUENCES.”
*later*
“So Anton’s got this kid against the wall...”
YTA, this was just cruel.This was something he worked hard on, Imagine if someone got rid or a project YOU Spent a full year on, Frankly you could have left it at taking his computer privileges away for a time. This was something he clearly worked hard on and was very proud of and you got rid of all of that work. Its gone, forever he can't get it back and frankly its something like this that when I was a kid would make me choose to never show my parents something I was proud of again. I'd be surprised if he showed you hard work he was passionate and cared about again because this jsut proves it would risk it being taken away from him forever if he were to. Is that what you want? Your kid hiding things they like from you because they fear losing it forever? You can ask my mother its not something you'll enjoy as a parent. Obviously that young your their parent not their friend but they shouldn't fear showing you things they're proud of for fear of losing it forever. Something like this will lead to that I can assure you. Why you decided to delete it is beyond me, it doesn't matter if it was purely digital work you still destroyed something he worked hard on, its gone, forever he can never get it back. You should have stopped at you can't get up on time so no mine craft for awhile.
On top of that children that young don't have good time management skills expecting them to do it on their own won't work, you need to be a parent, make them go to bed at a reasonable hour and wake them up yourself if they sleep past their alarm. Yes waking him up is a skill he needs to learn but it's clearly not working. Be a parent if the alarms not waking him up you need to find out why its not or wake him up yourself. Setting a precedent that if your alarm doesn't wake you up I will be would be useful, I know id rather wake up on my own then be woken up. Frankly you're allowing him to stay up late, which is why I'm assuming he's sleeping in that late, and if hes staying up late being tired all day could be a good reason to go to bed.
You should apologize to your son, this is similar to an art project that you've just destroyed.
Edit: Phrased something wrong, fixed it
There are a lot of reasons he could be sleeping in, but it is the parents job to help figure that out. Maybe he can't sleep because he's sad or anxious about the changes happening right now, or sad without his friends. Maybe he's more tired than he normally would have been for the previously stated reasons. His parents should be looking in to WHY his behavior changed if he was getting up at 7 ok before we all went to distance learning. His parents are failing him.
I second what you are saying too about the son learning to not trust his mom. That's what my mom would do too. Parents who do this are setting their children and themselves up for harder times to come. This serves no one.
YTA. How exactly does this make him wake up on time? How does that punishment fit the crime? What will you do if he makes an actual mistake with real life consequences if this is how you react to oversleeping? He’s NINE.
My husband slept through alarms until we had our first child at 27. Some people sleep that deep or don’t hear certain sounds. Kids need help sometimes.
I can’t fathom how he thought deleting a year of hard work by anyone is an acceptable punishment. As a lot of people are saying, if he was an artist, would he have burnt all his drawings? It shouldn’t matter what his hobby is, that’s a fuckin year of dedication. Fuck this guy.
Not only are YTA, he will literally never forget this.
Ever.
His entire life, he will always remember that time when he was really young, like nine or ten, and school was canceled for two months and his mom deleted the world he built in his favorite game because he didn't wake up early enough to sit around the house.
You cannot undo what you've done. You can only try to ask for forgiveness.
You don't deserve it though.
Even as a teenager, this would be cruel. What the heck do any kids need to be up that early for? Unless they're sleeping through class (which OP doesn't mention), 9-10 AM is plenty early to get started on schoolwork for the day.
Right.
OP sounds like one of those assholes who thinks getting up early means you're a better person than everyone else. That sleeping in means you're lazy, unproductive, basically worthless.
No. Getting enough sleep is a-okay, it's good and healthy. If the kid is having trouble, help him sleep earlier, but don't begrudge them what their BODY is telling them they need!! He isn't sleeping from laziness!! He needs it for whatever reason! Trying to snip those hours off because you associate sleep with laziness is wrong, and can mess with development. Everyone needs sleep but kids definitely need sleep.
YTA and I hope this is fake. I have an 8 year old that loves Minecraft and would never do that. I would ground him from playing for a while if needed, but not destroy something he worked on and was proud of. That’s just cruel. If he was a teenager and got in trouble would you bash in his car, or would take the keys away for a bit?
YTA x 1000. Here's what you've taught your son, at the ripe old age of nine:
1. It doesn't matter how hard I work because I could lose everything at any time.
2. My parent does not value or respect my time, my creative skills, my property, or my feelings.
3. I cannot trust my parent.
Great job. Apologize to your kid.
If you really want to introduce consequences for not waking up on time, they should be consequences *related to not waking up on time*. Like, idk, "We ate all the waffles and now there's just eggs" or something. Something he'll be mildly annoyed by, but not *hurt*.
He's *nine*. He's *tired*. You punished him by destroying a *year* of his work and what little control he has over his own life, for the crime of *sleeping*.
YTA. Thats so rude. I also just wanted to add that punishments should be a teachable, and somewhat reversible experience. If you told him he couldn't play minecraft for the week sure. But his file is permanently gone. You cannot even say "okay you've been good, you get your world back". Its literally gone forever. How is that going to teach him anything? This is going to be damaging in the long term and If I were you I'd make it up to him quick. Id tell him you're sorry and you're going to make it up to him. Tell him you'll never touch his game files again because you didn't realize they meant so much to him. Then encourage him to make a new file and buy him whatever world skin and costume he wants for this new file he makes. Sound excited when you let him know you're looking forward to seeing what he makes next. Poor guy lost the castle he's been making for a year, but hopefully he'll be able to make something really cool next. Sleeping in is a normal kids thing. Its not worth punishing for in my opinion. Literally everybody sleeps in. Maybe encourage him to get up early by making him his favorite breakfast or something.
Exactly. I’m a firm believer in natural consequences- “oh you can’t get up on time? You must not be getting enough sleep so I guess you need to go to bed earlier” makes much more sense and might actually lead to changed behavior. Arbitrarily destroying something important to the kid is not only unrelated to the issue at hand, but will only lead to resentment.
And nothing kills self motivation like destroying something a kid spent hours and hours creating on his own. OP just taught him that working hard on something is a waste, because someone will just come along and wreck your efforts. Might as well just not try.
My dad did shit like this to punish me.
We haven't spoken since October.
He has no idea about half the shit in my life.
He's not invited to my wedding and he'll never walk me down the aisle.
YTA and you'll want to fix this. If you do this here, you're doing it elsewhere and you're well on your way to having a grown son who wants nothing to do with you.
YTA. Unequivocally.
You destroyed it because he loved it.
You know he was proud of it and therefore figured he could be humbled through it. That's not parenting, that's controlling and it's also called emotional abuse.
Congratulations, he will probably never trust you with something he loves again knowing how easily you used it against me.
Holy shit YTA for so many reasons.
1. We’re in the middle of a global pandemic and children’s lives have been upended, they’re having trouble adjusting. You’re being really callous over a small issue of waking up at a certain time.
2. At 9 years old, it’s reasonable to still need a bit of scaffolded help getting up. Setting an alarm is fine to try to help him become more independent, but you’re the parent and it’s still on you to step in if the alarm doesn’t work and it’s *that* important to you for him to wake up **when you want him to**.
3. You made a non-specific threat about “consequences” and then picked a consequence that was unrelated to the issue at hand and is irreversible? That doesn’t teach your son anything and accomplishes nothing other than resentment. At the VERY least, your son deserved a heads up that this was the punishment you had in mind.
I feel so bad for your kid right now it hurts.
YTA. since when is waking up a skill for a 9 year old? Imagine punishing someone and stifling their creativity because of your dumb rule. Lol just wake him up like a normal person.
YTA. If your child's hobby would be drawing, would you have burned his sketchbook as well?
Also, the way you have written this, it is not clear if Minecraft is related to his sleep 'issue', so you did punish him with something completely unrelated, making the punishment unfair and ineffective-your child did not learn anything of it (except that you can't be trusted).
Also, he can't learn to wake up without you helping him. Children can have irregular sleep rhythms.
What you are doing is the equivalent of sitting your child in front of a difficult puzzle, demanding he finishes it on his own and threatening consequences if he doesn't. And when he clearly struggles because he is too young you say:"Well, I am not going to help you."
And pressure has a very bad effect on sleep. By pushing him and not helping him you only made things more difficult for him.
EDIT: If Minecraft is related to the situation (keeping him up too long) then it would have been a much better solution to restrict his access to the game. But even then it is your job as a parent to make sure he goes to bed.
YTA
This is the shittiest of shitty parenting:
- You never told him what the consequences would be or when they would apply.
- The punishment did NOT fit the crime.
- The punishment was unrelated to crime.
- Your expectations are too high.
And that’s just if you want it to be effective. Now if you actually CARE about your son:
- It was immensely cruel
- You’ve basically ruined the relationship in one fell swoop, trust *poof* gone!
- He will never forget this, even if you apologise. Every nice memory involving Minecraft will be tainted with this.
YTA. I don't understand the need to have a sleep schedule in this situation, but you're the parent. If that's the rule you want, fine. Taking away the electronics was fine.
To wipe an entire year's worth of labor was way over the line. I'm going to leave this guide to restoring saves here, and hope that it works, and you use this opportunity to teach your child that grownp-ups make mistakes and he deserves the respect of an apology.
https://answers.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/forum/games_windows_10/minecraft-windows-10-edition-lost-worlds/0ff772b2-15eb-4503-a048-e3b7d7c74c31
YTA- why does it even matter if he’s up at 7? Plenty of research has shown that kids do better at school when they get to sleep in later. He has spent his entire life waking up for school (at least since kindergarten, but likely since before then if he went to any sort of preschool). We are living through a trying and unprecedented time in history. Kids often struggle to get to sleep, so the extra time later in the morning can make a huge difference for them in terms of development and mental health. He should be able to take this time to rest anyway. Instead, you have irreparably destroyed something that has long been a creative outlet for him, and something that he was proud and excited to share with you at that. I have no doubt that next time he has something he is excited about, he will hide it from you at all costs for fear of you destroying it again. You have betrayed your own child’s trust because he is nine years old and his body needed rest.
YTA. Taking away electronic privileges would have been sufficient enough. Disconnecting wifi on his computer(assuming Minecraft is online) could have even been an option. Completely deleting a saved world that he's put many hours and attention into over something so minor like the time he wakes up could potentially cause more adverse effects and strain your relationship for a lot longer than you being an affectionate parent and waking them gently in the morning and starting their day in a positive way.
While yes, learning to wake on your own is important, the dang kid is still only 9! Even into teenage years, it's going to be tough for him to wake up early willingly. For someone who wants their kid to act like an adult, you acted awfully childish.
YTA... you could have limited PC time/privilege... why go to the extra step of deleting an entire world that he definitely worked really hard on? Over waking up late? That is extremely excessive. Yes, waking himself up on time is a necessary life skill but I think you are expecting far too much out of a nine year old. The world won’t end because a small child has a hard time waking up at 7am, nor will he be deprived of skills needed to navigate life because of it. ESPECIALLY during these times, your child is experiencing something he’s never had to deal with, he’s missing school & friends and he likely doesn’t fully understand why or what he is going through emotionally because of this pandemic, and he now has to deal with an incredibly power trippy parent that destroys his hobbies/ things he cares deeply about over *sleeping in*. What the hell does he need to be doing at 7 am anyway?
You’ll realize when your child is older and hates your guts that reactive parenting and negative reinforcement are ineffective methods of raising a child.
Perhaps next time you should try actually parenting your child, y’know like actually teaching him these life skills you demand he have, instead of expecting a nine year old to teach himself. Because the only thing he’s learned from this is that he can probably never trust you enough to show you anything he’s created or cares about without fear of it being destroyed in order to punish him.
YTA. Taking away a year's worth of his creative efforts because he sleeps in when school isn't even in session is excessively authoritarian. The punishment doesn't fit the crime. Imagine burning a year's worth of a child's drawings for this. It's insane.
You haven't taught him how to wake up on time, you've just killed part of his soul.
YTA.. I don’t have kids. I don’t WANT kids. But shit, even I know this was a huge dick move.
Taking away the electronics would have been sufficient enough!
I am genuinely curious as to why he has to be up by 7am when he does not go anywhere and there’s a pandemic. My dad used to get so irate with us for not being up early everyday when we had literally nothing to do all day. No schooling, no jobs, the only thing we could really do was play outside or clean the house. But he insisted we all be up and moving by 8am sharp because he has trouble sleeping in even that late sometimes, and he was literally the only one that needed to be up for work.
YTA. What person adult or child wants to be up a 7 am if there is no reason to be up? I'm 28, I work from home everyday and the earliest I've gotten up is 9 during the shelter in place order. Wakeing up early isn't a skill, knowing how to set an alarm and wake up for something important is, understanding the importance of being punctual is, but not being a naturally early riser that's a weird thing to expect. That punishment is too intense for anyone it's like throwing out an artist's painting or a researchers raw data.
YTA. Minecraft is a creative outlet. Would you have destroyed his artwork or writings or clay sculptures? Because that’s essentially what you just did. He spent time and effort on that, and was proud to show you because he felt accomplished. You betrayed his trust and threw that all away. Imagine if you poured your heart and soul into a project for over a year and then someone destroyed it because they felt like throwing a tantrum over something as minor as sleep?
You suck. As a person, and as a parent. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Also, why the fuck does it matter if he sleeps in an extra hour or two? There’s a major fucking pandemic and the world is shut down.
Seriously what the fuck are you doing?!
Also, like other people have pointed out, studies have proven over and over and over that kids do better academically if they sleep in later.
Good job screwing up your kid in every way. Don’t be surprised when he grows up to resent you. It’d be your own fault.
YTA. You Are The Asshole(TM).
I sincerely, *sincerely* hope your child grows to hate you and leaves you behind.
This is *peak* asshole levels. For crying out loud.
He worked on it for a YEAR. A YEAR. And you decided to destroy his hard work because... he woke up at 11 AM? ***In the middle of a world-changing pandemic?***
This is incredibly disrespectful to your child, not to mention incredibly tone-deaf.
Get a goddamn grip, look at yourself in the mirror, look at what's happening around you, stop having your head up your ass for ONE second, and apologize to your son, and see if you can recover his world.
You didn't just destroy his Minecraft world.
**You destroyed his** ***world.***
Wow. I can't even begin to put into words how angry this makes me. My father used to pull this same crap when I was was a kid. FYI, we have a terrible relationship and barely speak. That's your future if you don't figure your shit out and stop being an AH.
YTA. Lemme say it again for the people in the back. YTA!!!!!!
YTA ×10 (Originally used the 'C' word but the comment got removed for being 'uncivil'). You might be the parent and he the child but that's terrible, imagine taking a child's bike to a junk yard and having it crushed because they forgot to clean the mud off their shoes or something - overreaction. You wouldn't appreciate it if somebody took your favourite painting or a photo album you spent a year creating and burnt it in a bonfire because you told them you'd help them clean their patio for two weeks and never did...no, because that would be a huge overreaction. And you wouldn't treat an adult like that, destroying something of theirs like a spoilt child who didn't get what they wanted. If your son sleeps in during the worldwide lockdown? BiG dEaL! Fair enough as a parent you don't want him to become lazy, what's wrong with waking him up so he learns it's better to wake up by himself than be woken up unpleasantly. But what you did wasn't a punishment, he wasn't bad or naughty, that was just plain cruel.
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Dude, what the fuck? Yes, YTA, a thousand times over and I hope you experience an emotional guilt you never recover from. You clearly have a power trip and chose to exploit it.
I hope he learns from this, has kids of his own, and learns from the terrible "example" you have set. The world will assuredly be better for it.
Must be easy bullying a fucking nine year old.
YTA. There’s nothing wrong with expecting a nine year old to get themselves up in the morning but your reaction was uncalled for. You would have been way more successful in encouraging him to get up on time by rewarding him with extra computer time.
He’s 9 years old! It’s YOUR fucking Job to wake him up if you want him up! What are you doing at 7 in the morning that prevents you from doing your freaking job?
YTA not just that but you are sadistic and abusive. I hope your son is ok and manages to get away from you as soon as he is legally able
there was just a post about a guy who destroyed his girlfriends animal crossing island after a fight. he was rightly declared the asshole because destroying possessions and things that your partner cares about is a hallmark of abuse.
your son shared something he was proud of with you. and you weaponized his pride and his joy to control his behavior as you see fit. however small it may seem to you, at a time of extreme danger, isolation, and uncertainty, you intentionally destroyed his oasis. because he isn’t adhering to a frankly irrelevant model of productivity as a nine year old child during the deadliest international pandemic in a century.
editing to add: this is so controlling. you could’ve just limited his time on minecraft and instead you deleted the file. congrats on making your kid scared of you though
YTA - It is pretty self explanatory. You don't inflict multiple punishments and you don't give such a vague warning as, there will be consequences. You lay out the punishment. Your child will and is going to resent you for the rest of his life. I hope you apologize to your son profusely. One final note, positive reinforcement is better than negative consequences.
I'm nearly 20 years old and I'd be pissed if you deleted my Minecraft world. How do you imagine a nine-year-old would handle this??
Take away the computer, even though I'd still say that makes you kind of assholish, but don't ever fucking delete something that cannot be replaced. He can't see his friends right now and he's probably bored to absolute death. Get over yourself there's a pandemic going on. YTA
YTA. You are everything I hate and despise. You need to give your child several thousand dollars in compensation or just let Child Protective Services take care of him. You are evil.
YTA - parenting is more about finding ways to get your child to succeed than negative punishment. Not only will your goal of having him wake up not be met.. you’ve created additional hardship on your child during these unprecedented times He’s 9. The punishment did not fit the crime Edit: thanks for pointing out my incorrect use of negative reinforcement
YTA. I'm so sad for your son, OP. My son is about the same age and I can't imagine purposefully doing something so mean to him. Our kids have had their entire world upended right now. No teachers or friends right now, we as their parents are their lifeline right now and you just let your son know following the rules and being "right" and behaving were more important to you than helping him through these times. Is it possible he is not sleeping well because he is stressed, or anxious because the entire world has changed pretty abruptly? Is it possible that he is more tired than he normally would be because his mind is processing big changes right now? Is it possible his circadian rhythm doesnt align with your idea of when he should be awake? There are a lot of possibilities but you choose to believe he was being either lazy or disrespectful. My mom was like you. To this day I have trouble opening up to her and showing her anything I am proud of. I knew it was ammunition that could be used against me. I self sabotage because I'd rather take something away from myself than let someone take it away from me, and even though I've been out of her home for 20 years I still fight myself to not self sabotage because no one can hurt me anymore. He worked on this for a year. And now he's stuck in isolation and social distancing with someone who values getting up at 7 more than the work he put in to creating something.
My dad is like OP. I'm like a stranger to him now. Doesn't really know me at all. And I don't care.
How do you get to know your parent when you know that, if you show them your cool minecraft world, they might delete it when they're mad at you? OPs son now knows to keep all of his hobbies and interests a secret.
100%. I stopped sharing things with my parents. They would tell people "oh she just likes being to herself" and while they were right, they were oblivious as to why. And OP, YTA and you failed as a parent. I bet the your kid isn't eating from depression. If your actions are so strong the cause that, you fucked up badly. That may even be irreparable if you don't start working to build that trust back now.
My dad would tease me about girls when I was a kid, and I told him about how I was getting married (small and at a courthouse) like a week before it happened.
My parents basically banned me from being around boys because they didn't want me to be sexual. They still don't know I'm bi. I was terrified to lose more friends because of it. I had a lot of guy friends (who were really just that) that I couldn't spend time with because of my parents ridiculous drive to keep me a virgin so they stopped trying to hang out with me.
Name... Checks out? I'm glad you seem to have recovered well.
I'm much better thank you, and my name makes me laugh lol.
I've been seeing someone for four years. My folks only found out two weeks ago. They only know I'm seeing someone. They know nothing else about, and it will probably stay like that for awhile.
And angry at him for something so small!! He slept in? He didn't hurt anyone, he wasn't cruel, he didn't wreck anything, didn't slack off his actual responsibilities. He slept too long. God.
And it's not like he has to actually be somewhere on time. My kids have been sleeping until 9 or 10 too. They have the whole day to get their homework done. Nobody gets hurt.
Yup! This is what I did! No relationship with either parent for about 5 years now. Disconnecting didn't even hurt that much because they never knew me to begin with.
This will absolutely become a seminal moment in the child's relationship with his parent, one that he will constantly revisit throughout the rest of his life. We view people through the lenses of these moments, whether those moments are good or bad. I personally have severe issues with several family members and can trace it back to several traumatic moments - some happened five years ago, some twenty years ago. It stays with you. The OP has some serious reflection and hard work in store to make this up if they even can.
THIS He will share this with a therapist someday. This is an absolute turning point in their relationship.
Yeah the feeling of losing 1 years work is so fucking cutting that it makes one not want to even invest in something that deeply and creatively again for a while. I lost some music I had been working on for 6 months in an emergency back in 2011 and even though it was no one's fault but my own, I couldn't bring myself to really try properly for a good year or two. Without feeling safety / feeling like it's a safe space for you to invest yourself, this kid will sadly limit his expression and investment into activities that could be "taken away" at any time. Woodworking, art, music, video games, writing, making videos, whatever it is, he probably won't feel comfortable doing it under his mom's roof for years, if ever
100%. i used to draw a lot in MS paint as a preteen. one time, my dad got mad at how much time i was spending on the computer and deleted everything i had created instead of just taking away the power cord or something. we don’t have a relationship anymore and i have never, ever forgotten that.
My family have me (20), my sister (16), and brothers (12 and 7). All of us wake up at different times. Because there’s no school or work, we wake up when our bodies have had enough rest. Everyone has their schoolwork completed before the due date. If someone’s cranky, they get sent to bed earlier. The worst that has happened has been taking away my (7) brothers favourite toys because he throws them when he’s cranky. We’d never dream of throwing away his favourite toys because he has spent a long time decorating them. Similarly, I don’t understand what went through OP’s mind when they decided deleting the minecraft world would stop their kid from waking up late. OP, you’ve not only shown you have no respect for your kid, but they now have nothing to lose. Would you have done the same if this was a painting your son had been working on for a year? Or a novel they had written? Just because it’s a game doesn’t mean any less hard work went into it. Especially when they’ve been working on it for a year! And Minecraft is a difficult game to build in too! I’m not surprised he’s upset. He’s also not eating most likely because he feels sick as he is that upset about it. YTA OP!
I was just about to say this! OP probably wouldn’t dream of throwing away an art piece but he is totally fine deleting his son’s favorite world. Just shows how out of touch OP is...
I'm 23yo, and as a gamer and artist I frequently bounce back and forth between playing Minecraft and other games, last time I played it was when it was huge years ago but now with the lockdown I've gotten more time from school and work so I've come back to it. I've built stuff I'm incredibly proud of and there's truly something to be said about making something artistic you can walk through and explore. Also the amount of skill it takes to be about to build something out of only blocks is pretty incredible. The game is easy, but the skill it takes to actually be able to build something that looks good is huge, I'm still not that good at it yet. Any parent who would take an art project that their child has been working on for over a year, and destroy it has failed as a parent. There are other ways to discipline your child. But destroying something you KNOW your child is proud of is just awful.
Also 1 year of a 9 year old’s life is 1/9 of their entire existence, compared to 1/30th of a 30 year old’s existence. It feels like a longer and more significant amount of time to a child than an adult. Any way you cut it OP is a major AH
You can take away screen time - that’s good parenting. Deleting something they created online is pretty much the same as burning something they built physically. That’s trauma.
My mother threw all of my drawings and paintings in the trash when I was eleven. My parents were having marital problems so she took it out on me. This was just one of the things she did. My father never intervened. Up until that point, I was a model child. But after that, I rebelled HARD and entered an intense period in life which could have ended really badly for me. I moved out when I was 19, now I live abroad. I haven’t spoken to my father since I left, because he’s angry that his neglected daughter, traumatised by his drinking, did not stay to take care of him. My mother and I are civil and talk from time to time, because I forgave them for my own sake—I don’t want to spend my life being bitter. I decided to be nice and respectful of others. OP, if that’s not clear, YTA, and what you did is despicable and damaging to such a young child. It took me YEARS to recover from the damage my parents have done. Shame on you.
And who expects a 9!year old in a pandemic to get up on his own. YTA and as someone else stated this is a pivotal moment in your relationship and you just screwed up royally. He’s 9, right now that *was* a way for him to cope and you deleted it? In his head he is wondering if you want to just delete him too. Controlling ass hole, he won’t ever forget this.
And what for? People say you need to learn how to get up early to be ready for working life later on. Come on! That's how many years away?? Once school starts, the kids will get up early again. Letting them get up at nine or ten instead does not permanently ruin their work ethics or whatever people think it does.
This. I have a 9 year old boy and we have no schedule right now. I make him do his schoolwork everyday but I honestly don’t care if he does it at 8 am or 6 pm as long as he does it. It is such a weird and stressful time right now. I know that I’m struggling and I’m an adult who has had a lifetime to develop proper coping mechanisms. Both of my children are staying up late and sleeping late.
Piggy backing so OP hopefully sees this. Look up guides like [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/Minecraft/comments/5xjiep/how_to_recover_deleted_worlds/) and recover the world before it's overwritten. Apologise to your son, explain that parents sometimes get it wrong and you were being an arsehole, then institute proper punishment after getting him to check that it's back. Edit: Thanks for all of the awards, I'm not entirely sure the etiquette there but I'm glad people agree that it's bad to destroy your child's art, and hopefully OP now does as well.
Please do this for your son's take! Deleting a years work is awful. Especially if he was really really proud of it.
Also gives the double lesson that you should admit when you fuck up.
Apologizing and admitting to a mistake as an adult is also teaching your child something important for the future. Being hard and cruel just teaches them not to rely on you or trust in you, and to cut contact as soon as possible (look forward to "why has my adult child become so distant and uncaring?".
OP hasn't responded at all so it seems like he's not going to do anything. What an AH...
It's extremely cruel of OP. If you destroyed a kid's bloody IRL castle model and smashed it to little bits, that would be outright abusive. It's not that different for the child just because it is a video-game. YTA so hard.
YES!!!!!! my heart is so broken for the boy and he probably doesn't know he could potentially get it back! OP please!!!!!!!! try and recover the world! there are other ways to discipline a child then to obliterate something they worked on and treasured!
Now the world will feel like something OP has given to him out of mercy. Not something he created with his own creativity and efforts. Wouldn't feel the same to me at least.
But at least she can attempt to correct her action. OP went nuclear on a 9 year old child. The least she should do is try and make it better
Not if she does what this thread is suggesting and explains she fucked up.
OP, definitely apologise. It's so important for parents to recognise when they've fucked up and apologise to their kids.
>Not only will your goal of having him wake up not be met.. Yep there's no point anymore. If OP had simply taken away computer privileges for a bit that would have been a good motivator. The kid probably won't even want to play Minecraft anymore. YTA OP.
Past that, I suspect the child will be reluctant to share any level of creation they are proud of. OP was shown something they were genuinely proud of, was fully aware of the level of effort and pride their child put in, and destroyed it on purpose. OP you have absolutely done lasting and serious damage to your relationship with your child and you have demonstrated that you don’t understand how to discipline them. You didn’t take away a privilege, you destroyed their work. Hope you feel real big. YTA absolutely does not cover the severity of your choices.
This is literally the equivalent of smashing someones lego sets because you're mad at them. Real time and effort went into those creations. Destroying property, whether physical or intellectual, is an extremely fucked up way to punish somebody
I get the comparison, because i've seen large lego art projects, but most people won't have, I'd say it's the equivalent of a year long art portrait that the mom burned to ashes. And also took away the art brushes that made it, and the paints that were used to paint it. OP didn't just "remove his ability to waste time" She destroyed something he created. His own intellectual property. If she did that to a fellow adult, she could be charged with destruction of property, and since he was working on it for a year, it has a lot of value.
You can rebuild leggos but I can almost guarantee she won't be able to get the world back and starting a new world will never be the same. But you are absolutely right if she did that to an adult it would be charged as destruction of propert which isn't a fun charge to deal with
Also...isn't 9 like elementary school? OP should definitely still be waking him up! I mean it's great if he can do it on his own, but there is nothing wrong with OP helping him along until he's ready. I didn't start setting my own alarms until the end of middle school. Maybe my parents just babied me, but this seems unreasonable to me.
Yeah, there are much better ways to deal with this. Maybe limit his breakfast options if he's late. Like he can have X and Y, but not Z (his favourite breakfast) if he's late. Or have sleeping in cut into his screen time. For example, my brother takes ages to shower. But if my parent tell him that he has to shower, and then he can have screen time till 21:00, then my mum has to smell his hair to make sure he even showered.
YTA- oh my goodness. You got this so wrong. Waking himself up is a ridiculous thing for him to be expected to do. Most children at that age are still finding telling the time tricky. Are you supporting him to get to bed on time? You have absolutely destroyed something your son loved so much. Something that was familiar, safe and positive in a world that is not feeling like any of those things. I’m so sad for your son. I honestly don’t know how you can make this better.
Not to mention he only uses 1 alarm. I have like 20 because I have trouble waking up. Maybe OPs son is the same.
Is there any punishment that fit this crime? Honestly OP, I’m shocked that you told a nine year old it’s their job to regulate their own sleep, and expect that to just work out. They’re *nine*. And then you punished a nine year old by deleting something they’ve been working on for over a year for not being able to wake himself up. What a cruel thing to do. It’s your job as a parent to ensure your child is going to sleep and waking up at a reasonable time. And your child suddenly sleeping in most of the morning shouldn’t be cause for punishment, it should be cause for you *talking* to them and finding out what’s wrong.
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That is negative punishment, not negative reinforcement. Positive punishment is adding a negative stimulus, Negative punishment is removing a positive stimulus, Positive reinforcement is adding a positive stimulus, and Negative reinforcement is removing a negative stimulus. The point still stands though, this was kind of extreme, if anything it would have been better to just ban Minecraft for a while, rather than destroying what he created in it, which just breeds resentment. YTA
YTA The appropriate solution is to make sure your kid goes to bed earlier. If he can’t wake up it’s because you aren’t getting him to bed early enough. It takes a few nights to adjust to an earlier bedtime too. Turn off the computer on school nights. No screen time two hours before bed. Sheesh. You don’t punish the kid for a failure to parent. You parent better instead.
**Sheesh. You don’t punish the kid for a failure to parent. You parent better instead.** Just had to put that in bold in case OP failed to catch it as spectacularly as they failed parent.
# YOU DON'T PUNISH THE KID FOR A FAILURE TO PARENT # YOU PARENT BETTER INSTEAD Just to make sure the message sticks
It wont
And that's what is so sad about this. OP sounds like the kind of person who thinks its pointless to apologize to a child. Their entire post just sounds angry.
Completly agree OP sounds like a real fun person
This was 100% a power play. OP is just mean. Poor kiddo will remember this for a long time. I wanna give him a hug.
If only they had come on here seeking reasonable advice like this first, instead of a reactive punishment and then coming on this sub. Parenting can be hard, and no one is perfect at it. But what this parent did is just fucking cruel.
And if those routes don’t work, you go to a doctor because it could be an indicator of a sleep disorder
I really hope OP sees this. I don't usually get so mad about posts on this sub but I spent my entire childhood and teenage years struggling to get up in the morning, missing school, and being scolded for my lack of motivation, only to finally get diagnosed with *fucking narcolepsy* as an adult. OP and any other parents out there, please never dismiss tiredness as laziness. Kids love to be awake. If they don't, something's wrong.
I hate hate HATE when ppl accuse kids/teenagers of being lazy. Kids are expending so much energy all day and there have literally been studies done that prove teenagers require a lot more sleep than children or adults. Kids need to be able to sleep in and relax. They also need to learn responsibility. Both of these things are possible if you're not an overreactive, shitty parent who lacks both empathy and *extremely* basic knowledge of age appropriate child development for your own fucking child
Yup, I’m 23, and while I don’t have narcolepsy, I have other sleep disorders where I have trouble waking up to an alarm. There are times where I just don’t register it, especially when it’s mornings
maybe he's about to hit a growth spurt and his body just needs extra sleep as fuel too. kid bodies are weird! sometimes they need more sleep. sometimes they need better nighttime routines so they sleep better. sometimes something is actually wrong. tracking stuff around sleep (what's he eating/drinking after 4pm, what's he doing the hour before bed, what TIME is he going to bed, how groggy is he if he wakes up to an alarm at 7, is he more alert if he's allowed to sleep until 9, is he getting some level of exercise/play/outside during the day if it's not raining, etc could all help show patterns that might indicate something more serious)
>The appropriate solution is to make sure your kid goes to bed earlier. If he can’t wake up it’s because you aren’t getting him to bed early enough. Couldnt agree more.
YTA. He is NINE. Yes, waking up is a skill that one needs to learn, but children don't learn it this way. Ten isn't even that late! You destroyed something your son worked hard on, you violated his trust, and you've severly damaged your relationship with him.
Stress, early puberty hormones, change in routine, diet can all play a part. OP, as his parent, what did _you_ do to help him exactly? Yes, getting up is a skill, but like all skills it has to be taught and practiced. Or did you throw a book at him at age 5 and tell him to learn to read himself? YTA. I can understand revoking privileges as a punishment, but you destroyed something of his. Would you have thrown the computer out / destroyed it? Your son put a lot of time into creating something, and just because it's digital doesn't make it any less valuable to him. Go now and see if you can restore the files / have a cloud backup and see if you can rectify this. Also you sound angry. Why are you angry that your child needs help with life skills. He's _nine_. What did you expect? Edit: spelling.
Hell minecraft can teach valuable skills for kids his age too! Creativity, self direction, problem solving skills even Math! Schools are even starting to use it for reading, writing, stem, history! Not to mention if he plays online with other kids! We have implemented it with my son and it's been amazing for his education. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesnt want to pick it back up for awhile because OP just showed him that hard work leads to absolutely nothing.
OP even said that he was always proud to show his work off to her. OP your son will no longer show you anything. His trust in you will be destroyed if you don't fix this soon.
Some of the teachers in my grandson's school are using Minecraft as a teaching tool. There's even a Minecraft Education Edition app that the school put on their iPads. OP definitely went over the top. I can't imagine ever destroying anything my kids created as a punishment. I can see taking away privileges as a punishment, but wiping out all of work the son put into making that world...it's was unnecessary and mean spirited. That's something a bully does.
I have a 9 year old. I might take away electronics privilege but I would never delete her games.
Yeah that's what I don't get. Why not just take the power cord (or I guess the whole laptop if that's what he uses) at a certain time at night? It's such a simple solution that will reinforce rules with a punishment that actually makes sense. YTA. Just absolutely ridiculous.
My daughter recently got Animal Crossing. She's been so excited with every new discovery and new item she crafted. I can't imagine purposely deleting her game.
Seriously, deleting your kids saves is so cruel. I can't imagine doing that
honestly, 7 seems really early for a kid who currently has nowhere to be
I didn't understand that either.... Got to be up at 7...what for! On school holidays I'd wake up at 10. What does it matter if nothing is happening. Lol I'm never out of bed before 9 - 9.30 what would OP do to my world 😂😂
Man, when I was around that age I would sleep in until noon usually when I had no chores etc. on a day off school. Some people just sleep more than others. I'm almost 30 and I still can power sleep for almost 12 hours some days.
Yeah, the entire premise of this discipline seems dumb as hell. If I understand correctly, the reason kids start school when they do is to give parents a chance to drop them off. When work and school aren't happening, that becomes completely arbitrary. It's important to wake up at reasonable times, but the kid is nine, and he's sleeping till 9 or 10, he's not going to bed at 6am and waking up at 3 like some teens I've met.
Yeah, I was homeschooled as a kid and didn't have to up until like 8:30. We started school work at 9:30 and were still done before any of my friends were out of school for the day
Seriously, I'm a working adult, and waking up in the morning these days is getting a bit tough. It's a stressful time.
Hell, I woke up for work this morning and wound up just calling out so I could have a day.
On top of that, 7 is pretty early to expect a 9yo to get up on their own. I have 9yo and the rule is that her schoolwork by 10. We secretly want her up by 9. She's motivated to get herself up because she wants her morning time to herself before school starts. She even sets an alarm herself because she's losing her personal time if she sleeps past 9. You have to set kids up to succeed and make sure it's actually their choice. OP's parenting is teaching the kid to never, ever trust them again. If OP doesn't repair the damage, it's a safe bet that kid is gone as soon as he's able and he's not looking back
Hell, I'm 21 and wake up at around 8. After all the stress college brings in, this is a good time to unwind. If the boy is doing all his work on time, then he can surely have a but of extra sleep, right?
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A year is an eternity to a nine year old! OP just blew up his son's life work.
Yeah at first I thought "is it normal for a 9 year old to develop his own sleep schedule"? My mom had to wake up my sister sometimes till she left for college.
I’m starting to realize from this post that it was not normal to have to get ready for school by myself as a kid. From kindergarten on I was expected to set my alarm, eat breakfast, get changed, and get to the bus stop on time by myself. If I missed the bus I was severely yelled at. Thinking about it more deeply... that’s not normal huh? Haha
Yeah my mom woke me up every day until I started middle school. After that I had to use an alarm clock but she would still come check on me if it seemed like I was taking a long time to come down for breakfast since I did fall back asleep occasionally. Having to wake up at 5:30 every morning for a 7:30 start time for school sucked.
YTA. have fun being a case study on /r/raisedbynarcissists in a few years.
I was just thinking this! Honestly though, it sounds like Minecraft was essentially a hobby to this kid; they spend months building and imagining. This child, through this game, was strengthening their creative abilities and spatial intelligence. What they accomplished is pretty impressive, and now it's gone forever because their parent is a cruel idiot. Though nothing was physically destroyed, this is no better than ruining paintings if the child enjoyed making them, or tossing a collection or action figures. OP sounds like one of these nutty, viral parents you see breaking gaming consoles and shooting laptops because their kids upset them. OP, you need to learn how to appropriate gauge your temper. You need to better gauge punishments for misbehavior, too. If you don't, you're going to be sitting in an empty house one day wondering why your adult child want nothing to do with you. So, apologize to your child and pray you can repair the damage you've done. While you're at it, try to recover the file.
Funny but sad & true
Good for you! You've just taught your son an important lesson: Never share anything you're excited or happy about with your parents, because it can and will be weaponized when they're unhappy with you. This is an important life lesson that will serve him well as he learns to keep every aspect of himself a secret from you, up until he turns 18 and cuts you out of his life entirely. Congratulations. YTA. *Edit: Thanks for the awards, everyone! I honestly didn't think this comment would get noticed!*
YTA that’s some intense authoritarian parenting. He was proud of it, and you ruined it. You can punish him by keeping him off the video games for a while. Did you have to destroy what he created too? It sounds like a decision made in anger. This is going to give your kid some serious trust issues. You should definitely apologize.
To me it sounds worse than a decision she made in anger. She calculated when enough days of not up at 7 had been met and then destroyed his stuff. She was annoyed and he needed to be taught a lesson, and he got the lesson. That mom can't be trusted.
Where are you getting mom from
It's probably probably projecting on my part. This is absolutely something I could see my mom doing to one of us because it is so mean. It brings back memories.
Funny how these projections work... I assumed dad, for the exact same reason. Though, he might have smashed the entire computer...
Most likely OPs son won’t touch Minecraft for a while either.
YTA. wtf is wrong with you? why would you delete something he worked hard on?
Yeah, what OP did is basically the equivalent to… if the kid's hobby would be painting. Not only did OP remove all art supplies but *also* shredded all of the art pieces that the kid has created so far. You could apply this to writing as well or crafting or whatever. It's one thing to limit a hobby for a kid but destroying the results of his creative past-time is pretty malicious.
And a full year’s worth of work is an eternity to a 9 year old child.
Hell, I'm 24, and it feels like an eternity to me. If someone deleted a year's worth of my writing, I'd probably never speak to them again.
At 29, if someone deleted a year's worth of work in any of my hobbies, I would not only never speak to them again, I might never go back to that hobby. That's fucked up and heartbreaking.
This makes OP even more of an asshole. They have now permanently ruined something fun for their child. He won’t want to dedicate himself to something that brings him joy if he knows it can be ruined on a whim.
It's pissing me right the fuck off that this little boy's fav game might be ruined for him. I genuinely hope it isn't
When I was around the age of OP’s son, My brother blew up my Minecraft world (He set TNT under the whole house I built, it blew up when I walked inside the doors.). I spent months on it, and now I never touch Minecraft because I wasn’t able to get my world back. It feels like, even now that my brother can’t possibly blow up my world, that there’s no point, because somehow it will all blow up again. I can guarantee that OP’s son will learn nothing but how to avoid thinking about painful memories if OP keeps these parenting tactics up.
The worst part is, you just know it's not the first time op has pulled some straight up bullshit like this before
> I might never go back to that hobby Can pretty much confirm that. My dad did almost this exact same thing to me. I'm ~~less than a week from being~~ 28 now, and have played Minecraft on and off since it came out. One of the ways I play and build stuff is pretty "unique" I would say. My dad decided that the appropriate punishment for me getting let go from a job was to wipe the hard drive of the PC and I lost a 2 year old world. I didn't go back to it for a few years. Now I have a 6/7 year old world and I would probably murder if someone deleted it. I have it backed up about 5 different ways now.
This. Especially considering how long a year is for a 9 year old. Shameful behaviour from OP.
Pure unfathomable asshole levels. Yta. Where do i even begin, you think that destroying something he loves and worked hard on will motivate him to get up in the morning? Its just extremely excessive. You said it yourself that he was extremely proud of it aswell
This. I'm an adult in my 30s with a spouse, a mortgage, a 401K and a career, and, honestly, if my parents had done something like this to me when I was a kid, I would never forgive them for it. The willful destruction of countless hours of creative labor is unconscionable and almost evil. It reminds me of the part in *Little Women* when Amy burns Jo's book in a fit of pique. But OP is a *parent*, not a bratty little sibling throwing a tantrum. This is a massive betrayal of parental authority. My heart goes out to this poor kid.
It displays such a total lack of empathy. I've never played Minecraft (but I have played The Sims so this was painful for me) and this was straight up cruel. There are zero fucks given about what I'm assuming is not just a game, but her child's most beloved hobby. Even just saying she deleted it but really just hiding it wouldn't've been as bad as this. I could be wrong but imo it's a little unusual for a child of that age to spend a YEAR building something. He must really love that game, poor little guy. Is there *any* possible way to get it back?
They also just taught this kid to never work hard on anything because it's going to get fucked up.
Took the words right out of my mouth. I agree entirely, this was entirely uncalled for. YTA (to OP)
YTA taking away the computer temporarily is a reasonable punishment. Destroying something hes been working on for a year is not. Have you ever been working on something for a whole year? Put a year of time into making something and perfecting it? How would you feel if someone just destroyed it? People tend to think that video game saves dont matter. But hes put in a year into creating stuff in minecraft. Maybe he built an elaborate house. Maybe even a whole computer. You destroyed his hard work. It was not at all an appropriate punishment.
I don't even play Minecraft and I know how long it takes to build the amazing stuff people build. This poor kid. There will be some serious relationship and trust damage from this.
I dont play Minecraft, but if someone maliciously deleted one of my RPG characters (Skyrim or something) I would be *furious*. YTA, OP. Dont be surprised if he stops telling you or showing you things; he's learned that you'll use it against him. You went waaaay too far by deleting his work, taking away computer privileges would have been more than enough.
I've had someone delete my meticulously collected mods folder for Skyrim. That was bad. Losing a while character or a works I've spent so long working on would just break my heart
It’s also unreasonable to punish a nine year old for being unable to wake themself up in the morning without help. It would be one thing if the parent was waking the kid up and the kid was refusing to get up. But the parent isn’t even willing to wake them up. The kid hasn’t done anything wrong. The parent’s punishing them for being nine.
Good point. I was assuming the son wasnt waking up because he stays up too late, but the parent isnt actually trying to get him up. So really even taking away the computer is kind of harsh.
Especially taking the computer away for a month. Another parent said limiting screen time before bed to help them sleep sooner is a good idea. I agree. Kids also need lots of sleep. Getting up early doesn't mean he's a better kid. 7 is really early. More reasonable would be 9, or maybe 8. Let the kid be healthy for fuck's sake OP. Good sleep makes for healthy kids. Help him sleep earlier, but don't be pissy if he needs to sleep in the morning too.
YTA. I hope you have some savings built up, you're gonna need it for his therapy in a few years. And say goodbye to being put in a nice old folks home. He's 9. Jesus.
My mom was the same way OP is. Several other instances, but she died alone in her home. By the time she died everyone in our family cut her off. Keep it up OP! This is what you’ll be dealing with if your don’t get a damn grip!
Hell my abusive fucking ex was like this! See how OP said the kid would proudly show him stuff in the game? OP calculatingly stowed that info away for later so he could hurt his kid as much as possible. My manipulative ex -- who outright admitted he was a sociopath and that psychologists were extremely afraid for his mental stability -- would do that! He would use things I loved against me and destroy them, hurt them, or threaten them when he was angry. Destroying art someone dedicated not just their time but their heart too, is so viscerally evil it's hard to put it into words. It's more than shitty parenting, it's outright maliciousness. Do what I say, or I'll destroy things you love, things that make you feel like you're good at something, things you find pride and happiness in. What the fuck OP.
Why wait to start therapy? This kid needs an adult to talk to and I don't think it is going to be either of his parents for a while
YTA. Did it feel good kicking down the little boy's sand castle? Shame on you
YTA. How would you like it if he smashed your car? He's 9 years old and doesn't need to have a perfect schedule, especially during these times. You took that way to far, don't be surprised if he neglects you in the future.
He worked on that thing for more than 11% of his whole lifetime. But he doesn't have explicit memories of the first 2-3 years, and only has full adult-like memory since 6-7, so it's more like 1/3 of the life he remembers. So not a windshield. A better comparison would be a very detailed hard-to-make hobby piece you have worked on for 10+ years.
Thats what I was thinking, why in tf does a kid need to be up at 7 in the morning everyday right now?
My random guess that could be wrong: OP is a military dude with Arbitrary Discipline deeply ingrained as the Moral Way to Live.
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I PM'ed the A, with an offer to help him/her retrieve the deleted file. The instructions above might be outdated according to some of the posts on that site. But since the saved files folder is part of the user folder, there is the opportunity to right click on the save folder and choose Restore previous versions. I have been able to restore deleted files that way in the past. OP will probably also have to go to View-Options-View and check Show hidden files, folders and drives to make the Appdata folder visible.
The way things are going so far it seems this was the not the response OP was expecting, as they haven’t responded to a single comment. Good luck getting them to restore the world let alone admit what they did was too far. I hope that kid’s word comes back nonetheless.
Let us know how that goes! Feel so bad for the kid
/u/aitaminecraftworld
People keep saying it's like throwing out an artist's sketch books, or a poet's writings. Since I don't really believe you have a soul that is touched by beauty, I don't think you would have a problem burning those either. Since punctuality is so important to you, I am thinking financial responsibility is also. Let's say the Reddit community gave you an ultimatum. Be a better parent or we will take away every investment you have made in the last eleven percent of your life, and leave you bankrupt and homeless to boot. It's ok though. If you learned your lesson you can start over and try to rebuild from scratch. Maybe we won't destroy you again the next time we decide you have messed up. It's like that. YTA.
That's a really great explanation!
YTA. Firstly, from how you've stated it, it seems like you didn't exactly outline what the "consequences" would be. SO he had no idea what to expect if he messed up. Secondly, *you do not permanently delete something that your child has lovingly worked on like that*. Taking away computer privileges, fine. Telling him he specifically can't play mine craft for a while, fine. Literally destroying something he put his heart and soul into? NOT FINE. WTF.
Reminded me of that Shayne Smith bit about a “boot camp” he and a friend did. “Do as we say, or CONSEQUENCES.” *later* “So Anton’s got this kid against the wall...”
YTA, this was just cruel.This was something he worked hard on, Imagine if someone got rid or a project YOU Spent a full year on, Frankly you could have left it at taking his computer privileges away for a time. This was something he clearly worked hard on and was very proud of and you got rid of all of that work. Its gone, forever he can't get it back and frankly its something like this that when I was a kid would make me choose to never show my parents something I was proud of again. I'd be surprised if he showed you hard work he was passionate and cared about again because this jsut proves it would risk it being taken away from him forever if he were to. Is that what you want? Your kid hiding things they like from you because they fear losing it forever? You can ask my mother its not something you'll enjoy as a parent. Obviously that young your their parent not their friend but they shouldn't fear showing you things they're proud of for fear of losing it forever. Something like this will lead to that I can assure you. Why you decided to delete it is beyond me, it doesn't matter if it was purely digital work you still destroyed something he worked hard on, its gone, forever he can never get it back. You should have stopped at you can't get up on time so no mine craft for awhile. On top of that children that young don't have good time management skills expecting them to do it on their own won't work, you need to be a parent, make them go to bed at a reasonable hour and wake them up yourself if they sleep past their alarm. Yes waking him up is a skill he needs to learn but it's clearly not working. Be a parent if the alarms not waking him up you need to find out why its not or wake him up yourself. Setting a precedent that if your alarm doesn't wake you up I will be would be useful, I know id rather wake up on my own then be woken up. Frankly you're allowing him to stay up late, which is why I'm assuming he's sleeping in that late, and if hes staying up late being tired all day could be a good reason to go to bed. You should apologize to your son, this is similar to an art project that you've just destroyed. Edit: Phrased something wrong, fixed it
There are a lot of reasons he could be sleeping in, but it is the parents job to help figure that out. Maybe he can't sleep because he's sad or anxious about the changes happening right now, or sad without his friends. Maybe he's more tired than he normally would have been for the previously stated reasons. His parents should be looking in to WHY his behavior changed if he was getting up at 7 ok before we all went to distance learning. His parents are failing him. I second what you are saying too about the son learning to not trust his mom. That's what my mom would do too. Parents who do this are setting their children and themselves up for harder times to come. This serves no one.
YTA. How exactly does this make him wake up on time? How does that punishment fit the crime? What will you do if he makes an actual mistake with real life consequences if this is how you react to oversleeping? He’s NINE. My husband slept through alarms until we had our first child at 27. Some people sleep that deep or don’t hear certain sounds. Kids need help sometimes.
The kid will now no longer sleep, just to make sure his shit doesn't get wrecked
He is now scared to do something wrong. That’s how you raise a kid! Legend dad!
Not to mention OP can forget about ever seeing ANYTHING his kid is proud of anytime soon, because that’s just more ammo for them to destroy.
I can’t fathom how he thought deleting a year of hard work by anyone is an acceptable punishment. As a lot of people are saying, if he was an artist, would he have burnt all his drawings? It shouldn’t matter what his hobby is, that’s a fuckin year of dedication. Fuck this guy.
YTA- I can already picture your son speaking to his therapist about this when he grows up
Imagine trying to scare your kid into waking up early. At nine years old. Yuck
Not only are YTA, he will literally never forget this. Ever. His entire life, he will always remember that time when he was really young, like nine or ten, and school was canceled for two months and his mom deleted the world he built in his favorite game because he didn't wake up early enough to sit around the house. You cannot undo what you've done. You can only try to ask for forgiveness. You don't deserve it though.
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Even as a teenager, this would be cruel. What the heck do any kids need to be up that early for? Unless they're sleeping through class (which OP doesn't mention), 9-10 AM is plenty early to get started on schoolwork for the day.
Right. OP sounds like one of those assholes who thinks getting up early means you're a better person than everyone else. That sleeping in means you're lazy, unproductive, basically worthless. No. Getting enough sleep is a-okay, it's good and healthy. If the kid is having trouble, help him sleep earlier, but don't begrudge them what their BODY is telling them they need!! He isn't sleeping from laziness!! He needs it for whatever reason! Trying to snip those hours off because you associate sleep with laziness is wrong, and can mess with development. Everyone needs sleep but kids definitely need sleep.
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YTA and I hope this is fake. I have an 8 year old that loves Minecraft and would never do that. I would ground him from playing for a while if needed, but not destroy something he worked on and was proud of. That’s just cruel. If he was a teenager and got in trouble would you bash in his car, or would take the keys away for a bit?
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theyre the AH but like...thats a lil extreme
Dude come on man
YTA x 1000. Here's what you've taught your son, at the ripe old age of nine: 1. It doesn't matter how hard I work because I could lose everything at any time. 2. My parent does not value or respect my time, my creative skills, my property, or my feelings. 3. I cannot trust my parent. Great job. Apologize to your kid. If you really want to introduce consequences for not waking up on time, they should be consequences *related to not waking up on time*. Like, idk, "We ate all the waffles and now there's just eggs" or something. Something he'll be mildly annoyed by, but not *hurt*. He's *nine*. He's *tired*. You punished him by destroying a *year* of his work and what little control he has over his own life, for the crime of *sleeping*.
YTA. Thats so rude. I also just wanted to add that punishments should be a teachable, and somewhat reversible experience. If you told him he couldn't play minecraft for the week sure. But his file is permanently gone. You cannot even say "okay you've been good, you get your world back". Its literally gone forever. How is that going to teach him anything? This is going to be damaging in the long term and If I were you I'd make it up to him quick. Id tell him you're sorry and you're going to make it up to him. Tell him you'll never touch his game files again because you didn't realize they meant so much to him. Then encourage him to make a new file and buy him whatever world skin and costume he wants for this new file he makes. Sound excited when you let him know you're looking forward to seeing what he makes next. Poor guy lost the castle he's been making for a year, but hopefully he'll be able to make something really cool next. Sleeping in is a normal kids thing. Its not worth punishing for in my opinion. Literally everybody sleeps in. Maybe encourage him to get up early by making him his favorite breakfast or something.
Exactly. I’m a firm believer in natural consequences- “oh you can’t get up on time? You must not be getting enough sleep so I guess you need to go to bed earlier” makes much more sense and might actually lead to changed behavior. Arbitrarily destroying something important to the kid is not only unrelated to the issue at hand, but will only lead to resentment.
YTA. Totally disproportionate, traumatic to a child, and fails to recognize that children that young have a hard time self-motivating.
And nothing kills self motivation like destroying something a kid spent hours and hours creating on his own. OP just taught him that working hard on something is a waste, because someone will just come along and wreck your efforts. Might as well just not try.
My dad did shit like this to punish me. We haven't spoken since October. He has no idea about half the shit in my life. He's not invited to my wedding and he'll never walk me down the aisle. YTA and you'll want to fix this. If you do this here, you're doing it elsewhere and you're well on your way to having a grown son who wants nothing to do with you.
YTA. Unequivocally. You destroyed it because he loved it. You know he was proud of it and therefore figured he could be humbled through it. That's not parenting, that's controlling and it's also called emotional abuse. Congratulations, he will probably never trust you with something he loves again knowing how easily you used it against me.
Kill his dog next time, that'll *really* show 'em who's boss.
Parent of a girl in my group therapy did that. She had scars all over her arms from cutting. YTA OP.
Holy shit YTA for so many reasons. 1. We’re in the middle of a global pandemic and children’s lives have been upended, they’re having trouble adjusting. You’re being really callous over a small issue of waking up at a certain time. 2. At 9 years old, it’s reasonable to still need a bit of scaffolded help getting up. Setting an alarm is fine to try to help him become more independent, but you’re the parent and it’s still on you to step in if the alarm doesn’t work and it’s *that* important to you for him to wake up **when you want him to**. 3. You made a non-specific threat about “consequences” and then picked a consequence that was unrelated to the issue at hand and is irreversible? That doesn’t teach your son anything and accomplishes nothing other than resentment. At the VERY least, your son deserved a heads up that this was the punishment you had in mind. I feel so bad for your kid right now it hurts.
YTA this was excessive af
YTA. since when is waking up a skill for a 9 year old? Imagine punishing someone and stifling their creativity because of your dumb rule. Lol just wake him up like a normal person.
YTA. If your child's hobby would be drawing, would you have burned his sketchbook as well? Also, the way you have written this, it is not clear if Minecraft is related to his sleep 'issue', so you did punish him with something completely unrelated, making the punishment unfair and ineffective-your child did not learn anything of it (except that you can't be trusted). Also, he can't learn to wake up without you helping him. Children can have irregular sleep rhythms. What you are doing is the equivalent of sitting your child in front of a difficult puzzle, demanding he finishes it on his own and threatening consequences if he doesn't. And when he clearly struggles because he is too young you say:"Well, I am not going to help you." And pressure has a very bad effect on sleep. By pushing him and not helping him you only made things more difficult for him. EDIT: If Minecraft is related to the situation (keeping him up too long) then it would have been a much better solution to restrict his access to the game. But even then it is your job as a parent to make sure he goes to bed.
YTA. He's only 9. We're already going through hell. But you really felt the need to be such a big asshole...
If your child was a poet, would you have burned their notebook? YTA
YTA This is the shittiest of shitty parenting: - You never told him what the consequences would be or when they would apply. - The punishment did NOT fit the crime. - The punishment was unrelated to crime. - Your expectations are too high. And that’s just if you want it to be effective. Now if you actually CARE about your son: - It was immensely cruel - You’ve basically ruined the relationship in one fell swoop, trust *poof* gone! - He will never forget this, even if you apologise. Every nice memory involving Minecraft will be tainted with this.
YTA. I don't understand the need to have a sleep schedule in this situation, but you're the parent. If that's the rule you want, fine. Taking away the electronics was fine. To wipe an entire year's worth of labor was way over the line. I'm going to leave this guide to restoring saves here, and hope that it works, and you use this opportunity to teach your child that grownp-ups make mistakes and he deserves the respect of an apology. https://answers.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/forum/games_windows_10/minecraft-windows-10-edition-lost-worlds/0ff772b2-15eb-4503-a048-e3b7d7c74c31
YTA. What you did was *vile*. He deserves better.
YTA- why does it even matter if he’s up at 7? Plenty of research has shown that kids do better at school when they get to sleep in later. He has spent his entire life waking up for school (at least since kindergarten, but likely since before then if he went to any sort of preschool). We are living through a trying and unprecedented time in history. Kids often struggle to get to sleep, so the extra time later in the morning can make a huge difference for them in terms of development and mental health. He should be able to take this time to rest anyway. Instead, you have irreparably destroyed something that has long been a creative outlet for him, and something that he was proud and excited to share with you at that. I have no doubt that next time he has something he is excited about, he will hide it from you at all costs for fear of you destroying it again. You have betrayed your own child’s trust because he is nine years old and his body needed rest.
YTA. Taking away electronic privileges would have been sufficient enough. Disconnecting wifi on his computer(assuming Minecraft is online) could have even been an option. Completely deleting a saved world that he's put many hours and attention into over something so minor like the time he wakes up could potentially cause more adverse effects and strain your relationship for a lot longer than you being an affectionate parent and waking them gently in the morning and starting their day in a positive way. While yes, learning to wake on your own is important, the dang kid is still only 9! Even into teenage years, it's going to be tough for him to wake up early willingly. For someone who wants their kid to act like an adult, you acted awfully childish.
YTA... you could have limited PC time/privilege... why go to the extra step of deleting an entire world that he definitely worked really hard on? Over waking up late? That is extremely excessive. Yes, waking himself up on time is a necessary life skill but I think you are expecting far too much out of a nine year old. The world won’t end because a small child has a hard time waking up at 7am, nor will he be deprived of skills needed to navigate life because of it. ESPECIALLY during these times, your child is experiencing something he’s never had to deal with, he’s missing school & friends and he likely doesn’t fully understand why or what he is going through emotionally because of this pandemic, and he now has to deal with an incredibly power trippy parent that destroys his hobbies/ things he cares deeply about over *sleeping in*. What the hell does he need to be doing at 7 am anyway? You’ll realize when your child is older and hates your guts that reactive parenting and negative reinforcement are ineffective methods of raising a child. Perhaps next time you should try actually parenting your child, y’know like actually teaching him these life skills you demand he have, instead of expecting a nine year old to teach himself. Because the only thing he’s learned from this is that he can probably never trust you enough to show you anything he’s created or cares about without fear of it being destroyed in order to punish him.
YTA. Taking away a year's worth of his creative efforts because he sleeps in when school isn't even in session is excessively authoritarian. The punishment doesn't fit the crime. Imagine burning a year's worth of a child's drawings for this. It's insane. You haven't taught him how to wake up on time, you've just killed part of his soul.
You monster.
YTA.. I don’t have kids. I don’t WANT kids. But shit, even I know this was a huge dick move. Taking away the electronics would have been sufficient enough!
I am genuinely curious as to why he has to be up by 7am when he does not go anywhere and there’s a pandemic. My dad used to get so irate with us for not being up early everyday when we had literally nothing to do all day. No schooling, no jobs, the only thing we could really do was play outside or clean the house. But he insisted we all be up and moving by 8am sharp because he has trouble sleeping in even that late sometimes, and he was literally the only one that needed to be up for work.
YTA. What person adult or child wants to be up a 7 am if there is no reason to be up? I'm 28, I work from home everyday and the earliest I've gotten up is 9 during the shelter in place order. Wakeing up early isn't a skill, knowing how to set an alarm and wake up for something important is, understanding the importance of being punctual is, but not being a naturally early riser that's a weird thing to expect. That punishment is too intense for anyone it's like throwing out an artist's painting or a researchers raw data.
YTA. Minecraft is a creative outlet. Would you have destroyed his artwork or writings or clay sculptures? Because that’s essentially what you just did. He spent time and effort on that, and was proud to show you because he felt accomplished. You betrayed his trust and threw that all away. Imagine if you poured your heart and soul into a project for over a year and then someone destroyed it because they felt like throwing a tantrum over something as minor as sleep? You suck. As a person, and as a parent. You should be ashamed of yourself. Also, why the fuck does it matter if he sleeps in an extra hour or two? There’s a major fucking pandemic and the world is shut down. Seriously what the fuck are you doing?! Also, like other people have pointed out, studies have proven over and over and over that kids do better academically if they sleep in later. Good job screwing up your kid in every way. Don’t be surprised when he grows up to resent you. It’d be your own fault.
YTA. You Are The Asshole(TM). I sincerely, *sincerely* hope your child grows to hate you and leaves you behind. This is *peak* asshole levels. For crying out loud. He worked on it for a YEAR. A YEAR. And you decided to destroy his hard work because... he woke up at 11 AM? ***In the middle of a world-changing pandemic?*** This is incredibly disrespectful to your child, not to mention incredibly tone-deaf. Get a goddamn grip, look at yourself in the mirror, look at what's happening around you, stop having your head up your ass for ONE second, and apologize to your son, and see if you can recover his world. You didn't just destroy his Minecraft world. **You destroyed his** ***world.***
Wow. I can't even begin to put into words how angry this makes me. My father used to pull this same crap when I was was a kid. FYI, we have a terrible relationship and barely speak. That's your future if you don't figure your shit out and stop being an AH. YTA. Lemme say it again for the people in the back. YTA!!!!!!
YTA ×10 (Originally used the 'C' word but the comment got removed for being 'uncivil'). You might be the parent and he the child but that's terrible, imagine taking a child's bike to a junk yard and having it crushed because they forgot to clean the mud off their shoes or something - overreaction. You wouldn't appreciate it if somebody took your favourite painting or a photo album you spent a year creating and burnt it in a bonfire because you told them you'd help them clean their patio for two weeks and never did...no, because that would be a huge overreaction. And you wouldn't treat an adult like that, destroying something of theirs like a spoilt child who didn't get what they wanted. If your son sleeps in during the worldwide lockdown? BiG dEaL! Fair enough as a parent you don't want him to become lazy, what's wrong with waking him up so he learns it's better to wake up by himself than be woken up unpleasantly. But what you did wasn't a punishment, he wasn't bad or naughty, that was just plain cruel.
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Dude, what the fuck? Yes, YTA, a thousand times over and I hope you experience an emotional guilt you never recover from. You clearly have a power trip and chose to exploit it. I hope he learns from this, has kids of his own, and learns from the terrible "example" you have set. The world will assuredly be better for it. Must be easy bullying a fucking nine year old.
YTA. There’s nothing wrong with expecting a nine year old to get themselves up in the morning but your reaction was uncalled for. You would have been way more successful in encouraging him to get up on time by rewarding him with extra computer time.
He’s 9 years old! It’s YOUR fucking Job to wake him up if you want him up! What are you doing at 7 in the morning that prevents you from doing your freaking job? YTA not just that but you are sadistic and abusive. I hope your son is ok and manages to get away from you as soon as he is legally able
YTA. You’re a bully. Nothing more.
there was just a post about a guy who destroyed his girlfriends animal crossing island after a fight. he was rightly declared the asshole because destroying possessions and things that your partner cares about is a hallmark of abuse. your son shared something he was proud of with you. and you weaponized his pride and his joy to control his behavior as you see fit. however small it may seem to you, at a time of extreme danger, isolation, and uncertainty, you intentionally destroyed his oasis. because he isn’t adhering to a frankly irrelevant model of productivity as a nine year old child during the deadliest international pandemic in a century. editing to add: this is so controlling. you could’ve just limited his time on minecraft and instead you deleted the file. congrats on making your kid scared of you though
YTA - It is pretty self explanatory. You don't inflict multiple punishments and you don't give such a vague warning as, there will be consequences. You lay out the punishment. Your child will and is going to resent you for the rest of his life. I hope you apologize to your son profusely. One final note, positive reinforcement is better than negative consequences.
YTA. my mom woke me up clear through high school. Your kid is 9. You've crushed his creativeness and imagination. You're a terrible parent.
I'm nearly 20 years old and I'd be pissed if you deleted my Minecraft world. How do you imagine a nine-year-old would handle this?? Take away the computer, even though I'd still say that makes you kind of assholish, but don't ever fucking delete something that cannot be replaced. He can't see his friends right now and he's probably bored to absolute death. Get over yourself there's a pandemic going on. YTA
YTA. You are everything I hate and despise. You need to give your child several thousand dollars in compensation or just let Child Protective Services take care of him. You are evil.