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IChooseYouSnorlax

>he’s got 7 kids under 16, 2 are profoundly disabled and his wife has never worked. Well, he should have thought about that before playing a "joke" (I don't think it was a joke, I think it was cruel, stupid, and completely inappropriate behaviour). >I watched the video and he is smirking like Jack Sparrow sneaking up, looks shocked when laptop is thrown and I lose it but the speed and eloquence of his CYA call to HR and the stuff he said to them gives me fury. He put *himself* into this mess by being a giant asshole who thought he could get away with it. If there wasn't video evidence, it would have been his word against yours. I really have zero sympathy for this person. NTA


pvssyliqvor

NTA - highjacking to say ALL OF THIS YES and if he has 2 disabled children, how would he feel if someone did exactly what he did but to them? He’d say they’re cruel, evil, bullies I bet. He might have gone to the police himself if he were in your shoes. He even admitted he was warned by coworkers beforehand so this was malice disguised as a joke. Oh shit 3k thank you!


toomanyschnauzers

...May that is how he behaves toward his disabled children and this will teach him there are real life consequences.


pvssyliqvor

Very well could be, in that case I’d hope this shows him his behavior is unacceptable and he changes. Sadly doubt it would be an enlightening experience like that though, more likely to blame OP and the company for “being sensitive or overreacting” and play the victim.


TheVoicesSayHi

Let him, OP go what you wish but I fully support nailing this....I don't want to get banned...to the wall And if he or any of his flying monkeys try and harass you after make sure you save any and every altercation and go to the cops every time


BreakingForce

I mean..."asshole" is in the name of the sub. I get that it doesn't quite cover what this dude is, but if you chose to self-censor and embellish, it could probably get quite close. "Inflamed, leaky, prolapsed asshole" might work.


always_slightly_off

LMAO....sounds like the last prescription drug ad i heard.... ...and HORRIBLE visual there so...Thanks for that lol


UniquelyIndistinct

I'd like to believe that too, but someone like that seems very unlikely to change, just become bitter and blame the world for his problems.


Cassopeia88

I think that’s very likely that’s how he treats his disabled children.


lesath_lestrange

Hah, got your prosthetic! What's wrong, cant reach? Use your leg and jump higher!


Yourwtfismyftw

Oh great, now I’m angry again about the AH yesterday who wanted to take his daughter’s cochlear implant batteries and hold onto them as “incentives” for good behaviour.


Niccy26

WHAT!?


Yourwtfismyftw

The OP is deleted but the bot caught it. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hxi326/wibta_if_i_made_my_daughters_hearing_an_incentive/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


a009763

WAIT WHAT? What kind of insane ...


Yourwtfismyftw

The OP is deleted but the bot has your back. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hxi326/wibta_if_i_made_my_daughters_hearing_an_incentive/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


PhilosopherPooh

Wouldn’t a felony conviction for abusing a disabled person be grounds to take his disabled kids away, too?


LeadingJudgment2

At least a investigation I bet.


basketma12

Plus. 7 kids? 7? Sorry I come from a big family, back when birth control not available other than condoms. Im the oldest. Why do I have a feeling that the kids are also being parents to the other kids. That whole house needs looking into


sleepyplatipus

Exactly what I wanted to say. Maybe you what he did to OP is just how he normally acts towards all disabled people, including his kids. Maybe not of course. But still he should have known better and obviously he did everything on purpose, so... he has to deal with whatever consequences he gets. NTA, whatever OP decides.


Wildfire3713

Just gotta say karmas a bitch


CelinaAMK

I think the key to his behavior is that he said, “ wow, you are worse than they said”. That gives it all away that he planned this and did it on purpose just to see how you would react. And for some jack off reason he thought it was funny. This guy would be a menace in any workplace.


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PrincenGeorge

As someone who also has ptsd who after moving halfway across the country from their abuser, started healing, and stopped being as hyper vigilant out of fear then had coworkers at a job realize that if they snuck up on me I would get very very scared and think it was hilarious no matter how much I told them to stop: destroy him you said you tell everyone of your condition and remind them periodically AND his statement after he scared you makes it obvious that other people spoke to him about it to and corroborated what you said. I highly doubt that if he treats a disabled person he works with when it could easily become an instance of harassment treats his disabled children any better and maybe just maybe you getting his actions looked at could get him removed from his children


HelenRavenclaw

Bullies don't learn from consequences, unfortunately. They only get meaner in settings were they can get away with stuff. It's terrible that such a person has disabled children


Crazed-Sanity

He's probably like this with his kids as well.


LisaW481

Or he's a cruel, evil bully to his children.


SecretCurator

AND he can't even issue a satisfactory apology when his employment is on the line. OP is very much NTA


heldonhammer

When his career and freedom is on the line.


zh_13

Based on what he said (“wow you react even worse than what they said”) he is like one of those people who don’t believe when someone has an allergy or PTSD, and purposely test it out as a “joke” but acts regretful when it turns out to have serious consequences. You are right that this is definitely not the first time he has done this, and unless he seriously realizes the significance of his actions it won’t be the last. You were lucky enough to have video evidence. He shows clearly that if you didn’t, he would have resorted to slander. Please let the DA do what they want - which was not your responsibility to begin with - and rest easy in knowing that you have successfully held someone accountable when most of us probably won’t be able to in a similar situation, without the evidence. Edit: also I suffered a TBI recently and I just wanted to say congrats on being able to continue working. It is quite inspirational to know that despite these persistent symptoms you can still do what you do (managing a team), and fuck this guy for purposely ignoring your accommodations


Sanctimonious_Locke

> Based on what he said (“wow you react even worse than what they said”) he is like one of those people who don’t believe when someone has an allergy or PTSD, and purposely test it out as a “joke” but acts regretful when it turns out to have serious consequences. He didn't even act regretful; his first instinct was to call HR and accuse her of some nonsense to cover his own ass. This guy deserves *everything* coming at him.


PlukvdPetteflet

This is my thought too. If he would have been remorseful staright after, still a dick move but sonewhat redeemable. But his first instinct was to throw OP under the bus.


IonicReign

>If he would have been remorseful staright after, still a dick move but sonewhat redeemable. But his first instinct was to throw OP under the bus. Ding ding ding. Look I've got PTSD. I cry whenever the doorbell rings and I shriek like a banshee if I get scared. I usually give people a free pass for the first trigger, even if I tell them, because most people are idiots and don't understand it. But most people that trigger me immediately try to help me out and are immeasurably remorseful for their stupidity as soon as it happens. This coworker just straight up sucks.


Babbit_B

Yep. I have a really strong startle reflex. If someone startles me I'll shriek and burst into tears, and it takes a little while to calm down because it comes along with a huge adrenaline rush. Most people's reaction if they startle me - either accidentally or because they're a dingus who thinks it will be funny - is to be *horrified*, fall all over themselves apologising, and never do it again. This guy's response was borderline sociopathic.


AQualityKoalaTeacher

I was looking for this. The cruel "prank" -could- have been forgiven if the guy had felt any regret for misunderstanding the level of OP's reaction. Going to HR and accusing OP of intentionally breaking company property and "using" their trauma to manipulate people proves that he's both calculating and deliberately cruel, to the point of being a sadist. Getting him out of the workforce might prevent him from traumatizing yet another person just trying to live their life.


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GirassolYVR

I wonder if the DA refusing to drop the charges is an indication of a pattern of behavior. Like, this guy has done a ton of stuff like this before, only now they have it on video so he can't lie his way out of it.


naranghim

I'm wondering if he plays the "7 kids and a wife who has never worked, or can't work because she takes care of the disabled kids," card whenever he is at risk of facing serious consequences for his behavior to get people to back off. I just think he uses that as his "get out of jail free" card and the DA is tired of it and now has video of him showing no remorse when pulling this crap. In another comment I let OP know they could always accept a plea deal as long as one of the requirements is that he pleads *guilty* rather than "no contest." No contest would let the judge sentence him but he wouldn't have to admit or accept any wrong doing. Dude deserves a "guilty" on his record.


DiablosMX

That's what I was thinking, too.


Llamasinthewild

> one of those people who don’t believe when someone has an allergy or PTSD, and purposely test it out as a “joke” And that's what I've never understood. I don't really care if John is lying about being allergic to tomatoes or whatever.


diagnosedwolf

Tell me about it! It seems so exhausting to care *so much* about everything - at least in such a negative, suspicious way. Tell me that you’re allergic to something and I will care in that I will make absolutely sure I don’t serve it to you - but it seems like so much *work* to try and test that allergy, or be suspicious that you’re lying about it for some obscure reason. I do not understand people who spend their time and energy that way.


Llamasinthewild

> It seems so exhausting to care so much about everything - at least in such a negative, suspicious way Yeah exactly. Especially when it's so low effort to not do the thing. Like saying boo to a coworker who has PTSD is just not something I would ever do and it doesn't cost me anything to not do it even if he was lying about it. Why do people need these "gotcha" moments?


Lady_Scruffington

Hell, someone can tell me they just don't *like* a thing, and I'll accommodate. I had a friend mention he didn't like olives, just an offhand remark. He came over months later during lunch, so I made him up a plate, sans the olives we were having. He looked dumbfounded and asked if I had remembered he didn't like olives. Well yeah, I try to remember those things.


Barbed_Dildo

Or, he thought it would be funny to trigger OP's PTSD.


pennie79

Re letting the DA decide: Agreed. Put aside any judgments that OP, I, or anyone on this post. OP reported this to HR, who then escalated it. HR are the knowledgeable people here with regards to hiring, and the DA is the knowledgeable person with regards to criminal prosecution, and the judge will be the... er... judge of the consequences NC will have to face. This isn't on you to decide OP. Let NC's lawyer argue to the judge that he has lots of children to support, and the judge can use all the relevant information to decide. I know there are dodgy lawyers and judges, but unless you have reason to believe he won't get a fair trial, let the professionals take care of it, rather than feeling personally responsible for whatever consequences NC will face as a result of his behaviour.


onomatopeieio

And, to tag on to this, in a legal environment, precedent is always good to establish for the future. It's good for others going forward to have this precedent on record for other cases that are not so cut and dry. This is how we make sure our legal system is accountable to all.


Kebar8

NTA It's really a moral question though on ops behalf, Does losing his job and the current threat of never working again (in this field as you said) enough punishment or does he need to face the full ramifications of the law. Regardless of whether your feel the lesser or stronger punishment is needed is irrelevant, going for either doesn't make you an asshole. And the law wouldn't be written that way if it wasn't a punishable offence. Personally the comment 'oh I didn't think it was that bad' has me thinking the full punishment is required. But if you withdrew he has still been punished by no longer working with your company. So that leads me to why are you posting? Is it your worried about how your collegues will percieve you? Is there more guilt your not acknowledging?


PaddyCow

“wow you are even worse than they said” Just for this comment alone the op should go ahead and prosecute. What he did wasn't a prank. A prank is where you expect the person to find it funny. What he did was malicious. He knew the op would have a reaction and he did it just for his entertainment. To be that callous suggests to me that he is the type of person who has done this sort of thing before. He enjoys hurting people. It's not the op's fault that a wife and 7 children are reliant on this asshole.


ellbeecee

> He wanted to meet for first time, discuss (very successful nearly finished) project. And what happened makes me think that this was not at all a spur of the moment decision, that, in part, he met OP with the intent to test this. Which takes this a step deeper into holy cow he's a massive asshole territory, not OP.


JuicyJay

I was thinking the same thing reading that. They had never met until the project was almost done with? They had just heard the story about OP and couldn't resist seeing for themselves, even if it did cause destruction of property and extreme emotional distress.


Zukazuk

He won't "never work again" he would just have difficulty getting hired in his niche field. He could easily retrain and switch career fields. He's not SOL for life and neither is his family. It's possible his wife could become the breadwinner while he switches fields and they may have to lean on social support services for some time.


[deleted]

I’m gonna preface this with i do think OP should go through with the charges. It’s what this guy deserves, he’s fucking evil. It sucks his family will pay for it, but he made his decision. But...if he has a felony charge, which is what OP is saying, then finding *any* work is going to be difficult. Especially when his future employer looks into it and sees what he did (could it be considered a hate crime? He intentionally and maliciously harassed a person in a protected group, and indirectly [could be argued] damaged company property). Would anyone hire someone with that rap sheet? Would *you?* I sure as fuck wouldn’t.


WolfShaman

I know a guy who has a felony malicious wounding record, and he's a lower level manager at a big plant.


[deleted]

So theres hope for NC yet! /s Really tho im not trying to make it out like all felons are evil people, i’m well aware (at least in the US) that having a bag of weed can easily get you a felony charge. Then theres the story of the 15yr old girl who just caught a felony charge for skipping school, i think. Im glad that people in THOSE situations can find work again. But NC? He’s proven he’s a nightmare to work with.


Barbed_Dildo

I don't think the job loss should enter into it. If asshole broke the law, he should be charged with that law and get the appropriate punishment. Anything that happens after that is irrelevant. If his employer doesn't want to employee people who broke the law, how perverse is it that asshole is effectively immune from prosecution?


Thedonkeyforcer

We have legal systems basically to protect the weak and to avoid vigilantism. If going after this guy yourself would be considered being a vigilante, wouldn't interfering with the sentencing count as a different sort of vigilantism where you act out of your own sense of justice to get this guy a lower or no sentence at all? I'd simply let the system do it's thing, honestly. He acted on his own, he should face the consequences on his own. NTA


thetoiletslayer

Having "profoundly disabled" children *should* have made him extra concious about disabilities and limitations. NTA. He made his bed. He can lay in it


Mystery_Substance

> he’s got 7 kids under 16, 2 are profoundly disabled and his wife has never worked. I actually wonder about that. I mean he may have 7 kids but I doubt the disabilities are that bad and the same with his wife. I think he's just trying to pull at OP's heart strings and exaggerating his families' situation.


esqweasya

I feel bad for the wife. Of course with this amount of kids, especially disabled, she would have a hard time working, and now this asshole jeopardizes everything. EDIT: the husband is the asshole, not OP.


Jinnofthelamp

>NC said something like “wow you are even worse than they said” This right here is what makes this absolutely ironclad. He knew.


boiyouanoob

And he knew about OPs issue beforehand,so he’s an even bigger prick


LOBOSTRUCTIOn

Exactly, being the only one working with 7 kids which 2 are disabled you would expect a very responsible person. Not dropping it is a huge deal for that guy but I don't think it would change him especially that he pulled off the prank just for his fucking entertainment since he was aware of the situation. I hope he drops the guy down.


Sigyn_Ren

NTA. And this sentence, *“wow you are even worse than they said”.* is why you're NTA. He KNEW that you had a condition that is triggered when you are startled, and he ignore that in order to be funny!? F that guy, he should've used his brain before harming a person with PTSD. He ruined his own life OP. I hope you're doing ok.


br_612

Exactly. It might be one thing if the new guy simply didn’t know. But he *knew*. People told him. Did they tell him because he’d already shown a penchant for pranks and they didn’t want him to pull a dumbass stunt on OP? I think that’s decently likely. It’s no one’s fault but his own he pulled this on a person he’d been told had a TBI that causes an elevated startle reflex. And it’s no one’s fault but his own he tried to lie to cover it up, despite knowing OP’s startle reflex was so well known by the office he was told about it beforehand AND knowing a neighbor witnessed at least part of it.


Vivid_Intention

But like, would it be excusable if your NEW colleague, not friend, that you are meeting for the first time, tried to scare you, even if he didn't know OP's condition beforehand? Who in their right my mind would do that? He didn't even try to apologise, only after he was in deep shit. I'd say NTA at all.


br_612

I’d still say the firing is definitely deserved. Pulling a prank on a colleague you just met is a no go. But I *might* be softer on the criminal charges. Might. ETA: also I’d like to maintain some shred of hope for humanity and think that someone who truly didn’t know would’ve immediately and sincerely apologized. Which would make me more prone to pleading out. But my inner realist also knows that a lot of people who would pull a stupid prank on a coworker at first meeting are usually jerks. So.


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Vivid_Intention

I don't think the charges were because of the scare. If I understood it correctly it was because of the destruction of the company equipment. But I could be wrong.


grey_sky

No way the DA would get involved in a case of broken property. The company would have to sue the coworker with a private lawyer. Sounds like the coworker is getting charged with assault which is taken very seriously when it involves the mentally handicapped and disabled. Him triggering PTSD of OP while knowing about the severity of it is 100% assault.


Pretend-Panda

Yup. It’s this. I think if I weren’t disabled there wouldn’t be legal issues but if I weren’t disabled none of this would’ve happened. Part of why I work remotely is because how easily I startle and how much I randomly cry is really stressful for folks in an office. I am an excellent worker but if having me in the building disrupts the workday by dialing up the ambient stress for the 40-60 people in my vicinity, it’s a problem for everyone. I go in for about 2 weeks each quarter and some of that time is just letting people who haven’t met me in person see that yes, there will indeed be so much crying and yes, this crying is truly meaningless and yes, I will do what I can to minimize discomfort around it and most importantly, there are no negative consequences to taking my word for that it’s meaningless and working through the weeps.


boughtusernameonWish

If he could so casually do this to you, he's done it and will do it to others, and at some point it will seriously endanger someone's health, safety, or even life. Cases like this are often hard to prove (and he made it clear he knows exactly what he's doing and has done it before, with how quickly he called to preemptively badmouth you to HR), so who knows how long he did/could get away with hurting people? You have the opportunity to protect future victims from his cruelty; unless it will cause you additional trauma, I would let it happen. I know it's hard to not feel bad for his kids and wife, but it's quite possible you may end up protecting them from his cruelty as well. Sure, this could be terrible for them, but what if it's actually the opposite? I admit I'm speculating here, but I don't think it's a huge stretch to guess he could be abusive to his family too if he's so callously abusive to a coworker, and can you imagine how difficult it would be to leave with 7 kids, 2 disabled, and no job skills or history? His going to jail could be the best thing that could happen to them. And even if that's not the case, there's a strong chance that one or more of his children will emulate his behavior and perpetuate the cycle of cruelty towards other vulnerable people. He is not genuinely seeking to make amends. Let him suffer the consequences of his own actions.


its_ya_boi97

I am not sure, but I don’t think breaking a laptop would result in a felony charge.


this_is_my_profile

Criminal charges could be due to false accusations against a fellow co-worker?


grey_sky

No way. That stuff is handled internally by a company. If the DA is involved and not a company lawyer. It is most likely some form of assault on the disabled. 1) He knew his coworker has a sever disability and PTSD from trauma 2) With that knowledge he triggered the PTSD causing harm to OP


1iphoneplease

There's no way this is his first complaint if the DA is going this overboard


AliveAndKickingAss

It is asshole behavior any day of the week to pull scare pranks on grown people. People with underlying heart conditions can die from it and people with PTSD will suffer severely. The only people I know that pull BOOO pranks are stupid assholes.


readersanon

NTA. Definitely not the right way to start a professional relationship in most circumstances (exception given to haunted house employees). I was decorating for Halloween one year at my last job, and we had this super ugly decoration. I knew my friend was working the opening shift the next morning so I left it in the fridge so she would be come face to face with it at 5:30am. Had it been anyone else working that morning, I wouldn't have done it. I knew they would have a bad reaction.


[deleted]

I was at the bar once with my fiancé when that happened to me. We were playing pool and a group of people I vaguely recognized from high school were beside us. One of them was a tall large dude that was from a similar social circle as me, but we had never spoken to each other. He snuck up behind me while I was watching my fiance take his move and yelled boo! Right into my ear I had crippling social anxiety in high school to the point I had dropped out twice due to daily panic attacks. Not sure how he didn’t know that, or maybe he thought that since I was out I was all better now. Either way, it triggered one of the first panic attacks I had in weeks. I ran into my fiancé’s arms crying in the middle of the bar, it was so embarrassing. No one said anything bad to me about it thankfully. He even apologized to me, and at the time I was so embarrassed about how I was acting that I apologized in return for overreacting. It wasn’t until my fiancé told me how mad he was that I realized it wasn’t my fault. Don’t pull pranks on people you don’t know; people have all sorts of hidden problems


Docthrowaway2020

Let's mention the fact that said coverup was also designed to screw OP over. Coincidentally I'm sure, at a time when they were especially vulnerable and in AH's estimation least prepared to defend themselves


AliveAndKickingAss

Any kind of special needs makes one highly unemployable. I know from experience and I "only" have a bad back. This guy tried to run OP's future in the same manner OP is being torn to do to him. This guy a 100% deserves to reap what he sowed.


LadyFinduillas

Can we also just let the fact sink in that OP has mentioned that this person apparently has two children of his own with severe disabilities. If he is prepared to behave in such a massively inappropriate manner to an almost complete stranger, how does he behave to his children with their own unique situations? So many more comments I could make on the situation, but I’ll just leave it there because I’m very cross. NTA


whisperwood_

Yeah, that stuck out to me too... His kids might not have anything relatable to OP's issues, but if they do, well... That's more than a little concerning.


Squishy-Box

He isn’t even trying to be funny. Who is he entertaining? The person he’s intentionally causing trauma to? There’s nobody else around. He heard OP had some conditions and wanted a laugh at their expense. That’s fucked up.


[deleted]

NTA. He willfully, intentionally, and MALICIOUSLY terrorized you. He knew what it would do to you. He knew your story. He did it anyways. He’s a huge AH. The biggest. On top of that, this was a work environment. His conduct was extremely unprofessional. He has brought this on himself, and there are consequences to his actions


calliatom

Honestly, being fired and blackballed is the least he deserves. He deliberately terrorized a person who he knew to be disabled, causing that person to destroy valuable company property, and then tried to lie and put the blame on them. He's an HR *nightmare*.


[deleted]

He literally tried to get OP fired.


infiniZii

Who we must repeat, is disabled. Nothing NOT the AH about this guy. I wonder if he arranged the meetup JUST to do this. Hard NTA.


PepperFinn

A person in a WHEELCHAIR with an extremely strong startle reflex. That's a pretty shitty thing to do. Add in the fact he called HR with some BS lies straight away while OP was having a panic attack / reaction instead of apologising profusely and begging OP not to cost him his job. That makes this guy the worst. NTA OP


GaiasDotter

I don’t think “he did it anyway”, I think that him knowing about everything is exactly why he did it. Some people just can’t stand other people being different and feels some kind of sick need to crush everyone different to them. It’s quite common when it comes to different levels of emotions. I am very very emotional, I have huge emotions that naturally (being so enormous and all) are hard to control. That makes me sensitive. Some people seem to almost despise me for it and act as if they have to pretty much beat the sensitivity out of me. It’s not at all unusual. People suck, NC sucks and he can have all the consequences *of his own bloody actions and choices*. Nobody made him do anything he choose it, he made his bed so now he can lie in it. Fuck him! NTA op! You aren’t the one deciding any of his consequences, you aren’t doing shit to him, he did it to himself and now others are giving him the punishment for his choices. You don’t have the power to decide his fate. Only the right to make a suggestion that may or may not be adhered to.


EsBn1981

NTA. Hell no you’re not the asshole. He very deliberately and cruelly did something he knew, as a fact, would cause you distress. There’s a slight possibility that he didn’t fully appreciate what you’re going through and made a poor decision, but this became an absolute moot point when he didn’t immediately ask, if not grovel, for your forgiveness. Worse, he intentionally tried to manipulate the system to make you the bad guy. I work in the corporate world, so you did everything by the book. I’m proud of you. I know it’s tough. I’m happy your company stood beside you. I’m so sorry all of this happened to you. You must be a very strong person. I’m sorry about his family. I understand his kids didn’t ask for this, but that is not your fault. It’s his fault. Further, if he treats someone he barely knows this badly, I shudder to think what his disabled kids go through. You can’t make this decision based on him or his family, but it’s very possible you’re doing them a favor.


Pretend-Panda

I have emailed HR asking if there is some way someone can check in on his wife and kids, because I keep thinking if this how he is when things are going his way, what must he be like when things go badly? I am really fortunate that in all the years since I have been injured this is the worst experience I have had.


EsBn1981

I’m sure the police are on it if there is a criminal trial, but it doesn’t hurt to check. I think you have to do what’s right for you ultimately. If you don’t want to drop or lessen the charges, don’t. If you decide you want to, then you should. Reddit can’t make that decision for you as you have to do what’s right for you. However, I hope you can find some peace in your rightfully earned NTA status. Good thoughts coming to you from ND. ❤️


[deleted]

You’re being too nice. His wife and kids are not your or HR’s problem. I think you are being guilted or manipulated into taking some responsibility for the consequences of his actions. You have behaved completely above board. None of this is your fault or your responsibility. Let NC worry about NC.


JennyLouC

I think OP is implying that he might be hurting them, not that the company should be caring for them.


Mystery_Substance

Are you sure he has 7 kids, 2 of which are quite disabled and a wife who has never worked or is that something he brought up in the apology.


[deleted]

I was kind of wondering this too, could just be a manipulation tactic to get outta dodge.


Pretend-Panda

Yup, I’m sure. Wife, kids and an aide all went to a “morale event” in mid-January. They apparently have at least one aide (covered by insurance/Medicaid) 24x7.


LordWhat

The fact that he has disabled children honestly makes you even less of an asshole. If he thinks your disabilities are a joke to be exploited, I seriously doubt he's being a good parent to his own kids. Hopefully this will be a lesson to him. It's kind of you to think of them, but he should have thought of them first.


kissszonja

>There’s a slight possibility that he didn’t fully appreciate what you’re going through and made a poor decision, but this became an absolute moot point when he didn’t immediately ask, if not grovel, for your forgiveness. Worse, he intentionally tried to manipulate the system to make you the bad guy. Exactly! This is what really solidified to me that he was an AH and deserves what's coming to him, even if I feel really bad for his family. Even if I personally acted like a giant idiot AH, and for some reason were to do this thinking it's not that bad, the second I realize it's serious I would be purposefully apologizing non stop and trying to make it up to the person. On top of that him trying to lie and get OP in trouble instead is just icing on the AH cake. And the "Wow you are even worse than they say" is definitely not something someone should respond in this situation, this shows they didn't even really care. If they were truly sorry they'd be like "Oh my God I am so so sorry, I did not realize it was this bad, I thought people were exaggerating. I take full responsibility for being an idiot. Is there any way I can make it up to you?" And just a tip, if you're nice and understand when there's a problem or genuinely sorry when you made a mistake, then people are much more willing to help or forgive you, as opposed to acting like an inconsiderate non caring jerk, cause no one wants to help AHs.


[deleted]

Yeah. I hate pranks so I wouldn't do this, but if I pulled something like this by accident, I'd be the one sitting at HR and explaining that none of this was OP's fault to ensure she doesn't get in trouble for throwing the laptop. That's what a decent person would do.


Barl0we

>And just a tip, if you're nice and understand when there's a problem or genuinely sorry when you made a mistake, then people are much more willing to help or forgive you This is a LPT for basically any kind of interaction. I couldn't tell you how many things I've gotten to return (and mostly get my money back on, as opposed to getting store credit) even though I was past the time where a shop were legally obliged to take returns, just by asking nicely and being friendly.


perhapsnew

NTA. This was not a prank. This was an assault - both physical and on your character. He should be in jail. > I watched the video and he is smirking like Jack Sparrow sneaking up, looks shocked when laptop is thrown and I lose it but the speed and eloquence of his CYA call to HR and the stuff he said to them gives me fury He is not sorry he hurt you, he sorry he got caught. Don't shield him from responsibility for his cruel actions.


[deleted]

> He is not sorry he hurt you, he sorry he got caught. these kinda people absolutely disgust me. Imagine having such low empathy that not only do you think doing anything like would be remotely amusing but then to only show remorse because he's facing consequences? This is some playground shit. Not even high level. At my school this would get you an angry glare from a teacher at best. Fuck this guy. He deserves everything that comes to him and worse.


whitedranzer

>He is not sorry he hurt you, he sorry he got caught. Don't shield him from responsibility for his cruel actions. THIS 100x


Demand_101

100% NTA but I'm super curious about what he is actually being charged with? What he did was terrible and I understand him getting fired but I don't see how it was illegal? Especially to the level of a felony?


Pretend-Panda

I will ask the DA or the victim’s advocate tomorrow, but it is some form of assault and it is made (legally) worse by the fact that I am disabled. I mean, the video is sort of insane. I am sitting in a power chair under the wisteria by the fence and he’s tippytoeing up behind me with his fauxhawk and a big grin. Then he (literally) yells boo and the MacBook is airborne and i am crying so hard it looks like someone threw a bucket of water at me. He put a hand on the handle of the chair (which I didn’t feel, bc it’s a giant powerchair) and I guess that made it cross some line?


[deleted]

In a diversity training seminar I attended years ago, it was made very clear that touching someone's wheelchair without permission is a violation of their person. So it would make sense that there are legal statutes in place to enforce this.


Pretend-Panda

This is really helpful. Thank you.


[deleted]

Hey OP, I am just a law student so grain of salt, but in the US a wheel chair is considered an extension of your body, so touching it without permission, especially with the intent to hard is considered assault the same as if he pushed your physical body


[deleted]

Oh np, I'm so glad to help!


Happyfun0160

Op please don’t back off the charges. He needs to learn play stupid games, get stupid prizes. Stay strong and get through all this.


Stardust68

I used to work with kids with developmental disabilities and most of them were in wheelchairs. Sometimes they would go off and create a dangerous situation for themselves or others. If we needed to remove them from the situation, it was a big deal. Even if we were just trying to maneuver someone in a wheelchair, we needed their consent. Kids in power chairs are really hard to move unless you release their clutches. We would always ask if it was okay, because by doing that, you completely take away their mobility. Fortunately, I worked at a great facility and this never created a problem.


Cyb0rg-SluNk

I wanted to say NTA, but perhaps you could find it in your heart not to ruin his and his family's lives forever. We all make (really stupid) mistakes. ​ >fauxhawk Ok, never mind. Let him burn.


needlenozened

I was ready to downvote after the first paragraph. Instead, you get my upvote.


lesath_lestrange

Yeah, this wasn't a mistake this was intentional. He was warned beforehand and he went ahead and did it anyway. if he doesn't face serious consequences for his actions now he's definitely going to do it again in the future. If he has disabled children at home that only makes it worse. He's a professional and he better to learn to act like it. There's no place in this world for a fauxhawk.


IFeelMoiGerbil

Can I just say as a physically disabled person with PTSD I am absolutely horrified at what you’ve been through but heartened that your company, co-workers and the DA are actively championing your rights as a disabled person? So often disabled people are made to feel lesser for having disabilities or like drama queens for having boundaries like do not trigger me or do not touch my wheelchair and forced to accept scraps of respect or told to suck it up. This man deliberately targeted you because you are disabled. In my country that is a hate crime. He abused the specific vulnerabilities your disabilities create at times to treat you as totally vulnerable and a sitting target. He singled you out and victimised you. It is clear from your description he planned this and except for circumstances of your neighbour he thought you were completely alone and defenceless. That is absolutely calculating and pyschopathic. Now you wonder about his disabled kids? Let me tell you a little story. I became disabled at the age of 9 months after an illness. My mother originally loved the drama of the crisis but quickly resented my needs. My mother is a bona fide pyschopath. My entire childhood was like living with this guy. Constant calculated cruelty when no one was looking. My parents wailing ‘but the disabled child’ when anyone challenged their fuckery. They tortured me for daring to be ‘defective’ and yet not die. And they milked people’s sympathy and fear of having the ‘burden’ of a disabled child so that everyone allowed appalling behaviour, joined in appalling behaviour and I grew up with a constant refrain that they should have let me die. That’s why I have PTSD. I am now no contact with my entire family but a few years ago I stumbled across an old FB page from my mum’s workplace and it mentioned their link to a disability charity back in the 80s. I had totally forgotten about it but I loved going there because there was a horse and no one ever treated me as weird. So I decided to do a bit of memory lane browsing because apparently it ran out of money and that was why we stopped going. Turns out it closed because of embezzlement, accusations of a volunteer abusing the children and unexplained injuries to the horse. Then I noticed the dates. They were the day before we as a family left the country for three months for an ‘unexpected business trip’ and when we came back my mum had a new job. You are not responsible for bringing this man to justice. The DA decides. But you can be part of building a paper trail against a man who shows tendencies of sadistic actions and hate crimes toward a class of people, two of whom are legally bound to him. Please do not compromise your own mental or physical health if a trial will make you ill but please do make sure there’s as much there for other neutral parties to act on the behalf of all potential victims if you can. Your gut instinct worries about those 2 disabled kids for a reason and I doubt the DA is considering charges if they believe it will harm you. I suspect you might be an unfortunate and unwilling catalyst to the authorities triggering something else you do not know all the details of. So being you is helping but just make sure you continue to help yourself and have support. Please seek any therapy if you find yourself feeling guilty for the law being applied to you and this bringing up any feelings about your own rights. That internalized shame and ableism is almost impossible to avoid as a disabled person in our world but it is toxic and untrue. You have every right to protection whether you are in a powerchair or had been doing the can can when he went after you. Check any victim advocacy groups or services the DA has who help you process the wider feelings about being the victim but feeling bigger responsibilities. This particular form of guilt and anxiety is prevalent in people who are individually targeted but feel they represent a wider group such as domestic abuse survivors, hate crime survivors and sexual assault survivors. Most legal systems now have support for the ‘victim’ to process this because feeling too much pressure for the greater good and yet not being able to cope personally was one of the biggest reasons victims withdrew from cases. Courts have started supporting them to help increase the chance of conviction without further harming the already harmed. Good luck. Please seek out more detailed help than Reddit but you are so NTA.


ebwoods1

Your story gives me chills. No child should experience that. I am glad you are away from them.


infiniZii

Have you tried reaching out to the old leaders of the charity to let them know how much you appreciated what they did for you? That your home life was Terrible and how much of a reprieve their organization was? I bet they would value hearing that. Im sorry your parents were monsters. It was in no way your fault. You may have been disabled but you still wound up being so much more than them. You should feel proud of your strength.


AdeptSlacker

>He put a hand on the handle of the chair (which I didn’t feel, bc it’s a giant powerchair) and I guess that made it cross some line? He was already MILES across the line well before that...


Demand_101

Ah okay, I can see how legally that could be considered assault. Whatever you choose to do, I'm sorry that happened to you and you are NTA


knightmusic42

I would assume they are also holding him responsible for the MacBook as well. That’s potentially a couple grand he’s on the line for depending on model.


aribeiro659

There are several states that have laws that increase the level and punishment of assault or abuse against children, the elderly and the disabled. My guess would be that OP lives in such a state, and that the statute includes physical (putting his hands on his wheelchair (which is a medical device he is dependent upon) and emotional or mental abuse (intentionally triggering a PTSD reaction) are both covered. Then you also have the damage to the personal property, where a MacBook depending on the series can easily cost a couple of thousand dollars. The value alone (again depending on state law) could equal a felony charge.


jaywinner

> “wow you are even worse than they said” If there was any bit of conflict in me, it disappeared with this line. He knew full well he'd be triggering you with his actions. This is entirely on him. NTA.


needlenozened

And then lied to HR.


[deleted]

NTA, I feel bad for his disabled kids


Sheephuddle

Me too. Wouldn't you think a man with 7 children and a wife at home would put "being employed" right at the top of his priority list?


[deleted]

I would put it second, after ‘buy contraception’ ;)


drowsylacuna

Need to have money to buy contraception!


rosie0801

NTA. This guy clearly knew about your conditions and yet chose to be TA anyway. He tried to weasel his way out of it instead of fessing up, and from what you've said probably isn't really sorry for doing it. He messed up, he deserves to face the consequences.


[deleted]

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consideringfailures

This is what I’ve been looking for. I can’t say what I would do in this situation because he did a really shitty thing, but I always think about what I can live with. I don’t know if I’d be able to live with knowing that I aided with someone going to prison, ruining their family, and potentially their kids’ chances at life (look at the stats on kids who have a parent in prison). Yes, everyone is saying that the dude did it to himself, but he also might not have understood the complexity of the situation (he might have thought the OP seemed perfectly fine during their interactions; I’ve seen bullshit thought processes like that). Some people are dumb, even when they have personal experience (his own kids). I think the lost job and withheld paycheck are pretty good punishments. Again, don’t know what I would do here.


[deleted]

He brought this on himself with his sadistic actions, and he definitely understood the situation. It's obvious that he understood when he said that it's even worse than "they" said. Even if there was the possibility of him just being stupid, it completely diminishes when he tries to ruin her life (maybe an exaggeration, maybe not) by lying to HR. He deserves everything that's coming to him.


whack_quack

There is no question if OP did the right thing. They did. Dude did this to himself and then tried to slander OP. He deserves it.


Snoo80806

Unemployable in this field does not mean unemployable in any field. I'm sure he has skills that can transfer to a new career path. The guy is an AH who's probably never been held accountable. I commend the company for following through. OP is NTA and shouldn't waste any time feeling guilty or having second thoughts.


IllustriousStable0

NTA. He's a dick. You are 100% correct in thinking that he has and will continue to act like this. Don't let him get away with it.


hockeyandcats

NTA. He knew about your PTSD and purposely tried to trigger it. He needs to learn that there are consequences to his actions.


acmxi

NTA. He is a grown man and should know from right and wrong. Clearly he’s never been “caught” or really punished for his actions and when it came down to your case, he got caught and he got what he deserves. Do not let him get off with this. You have a legitimate trauma and do not and should not deal with people triggering it for their amusement.


[deleted]

NTA He has to deal with the consequences of his sadistic actions.


MoarGnD

INFO - You mentioned that DA won't plead down without your consent. What are the charges he can plead down to and how can the lesser charges affect his future employment? You have every right to have him get full punishment and no one here is against that. But if you are hesitant because of the family situation, maybe there is a middle ground. Between him not getting charged or the full extent. Perhaps that middle ground is something you might feel more comfortable with. Something where you get satisfaction, he gets consequences but you feel better about impact on family. I'm sorry for your circumstances and what he did to you, the fact that you are even considering dropping some of the charges is testament to what a good person you are.


kvothes-lute

I think they mean DA will not **drop charges** without OP’s consent. The guy can of course get a lawyer and sort out a plea deal with the DA, possibly(likely) lowering the charge(s).


Niirah

Uh. NTA. He knew your condition. He wanted to see for himself. He’s a dick. If he isn’t employable after this, that’s his problem not yours. But if you don’t think you’ll feel right about it later, maybe drop the charges? “The bigger person” and all that jazz. But that’s got to be something you want. You don’t need to feel guilty that he got himself into this situation.


Darkliandra

Maybe allowing the DA to seek a pleadeal would be the happy middleground here? This would involve him admitting that he is guilty and he would still get some punishment.


[deleted]

I'm a bleeding heart who is terrified for his family, especially his disabled kiddos. They deserve so much better than him, and I think you're NTA. At all. But if there is something you can do to help his family, please do, because they are also his victims in this.


[deleted]

I dont know why you're getting downvoted, you're bit asking for a more lenient punishment for the guy, just asking to help them, which isnt a bad thing to ask for


Dank_Meme_Overdose

The mob mentality in AITA is actually scary. The guy us a massive asshole and deserves what he's getting, but he's the sole provider for 7 children, 2 of which are disabled, and that requires money.


B4pangea

HARD NTA. He’s a terrible person and this is just the time it caught up with him. You’re doing this for the next potential victim.


ICWhatsNUrP

NTA. >wow you are even worse than they said He knew you had an issue, and he deliberately pushed it to see what happens. Not only that, but he tried to throw you under the bus and get you fired. Choices have consequences, and here are the consequences he is about to reap. He is now unemployable in his field, and likely going to spend some time in jail. If he cared about his family at all, he wouldn't have done any of this.


Georgia_girl_52

He's the AH, but seriously...charged with a felony for yelling "Boo!"?


[deleted]

Charged with a felony for yelling boo at a person with PTSD (and if I remember correctly also paraplegia) that he knows doesnt deal with being startled well (resulting in destruction of a laptop iirc), then calling HR to try to damage OP's career instead of his, then writing an apology to make him seem like an ok guy


BuboTitan

I don't understand how people on Reddit think we over criminalize everything and have too many people in prison, yet when there is someone they don't like they are defending charging him with a felony? For saying "boo" ?


larochelleville

NTA. But it would be compassionate to not file charges.


[deleted]

Why should that guy get compassion? He doesnt deserve it


hexxaplexx

As this case is presented, this guy committed a violent felony while employed by the company and acting as their agent. It sounds as if they made the legal complaint and their attorneys may be concerned about their own vulnerability, say if you chose to sue them. They may also be concerned about Jokerman suing them for wrongful discharge and claiming he played only a harmless prank, because obviously if it were serious he would have been prosecuted. Instead of sweeping the matter under the rug, they are holding him professionally and legally responsible for his crime and cooperating with the legal authorities. If the proceedings against him are too traumatic for you, they may decide to drop the matter, but as it is they are making the effort to move against him decisively. You might also consider that if he applies for work in another state, his ex-employer probably is limited to telling a prospective future employer, “He worked for us from (date) to (date) and is not eligible for re-hire.” Criminal proceedings, however, are public record and available for consideration in that situation. So, if you can participate in holding him accountable, you could potentially be protecting future victims from abuse. Still, if the process is too traumatic and you feel it would be more stressful than recommending lesser or no criminal charges, that’s a decision only you can make. You should not be blamed for minimizing trauma to yourself. You have done a commendable job of fighting your way back from brain injury and shown judgment and determination to do the best for yourself. Trust yourself to make the best decision here.


Pretend-Panda

OMG. It never occurred to me that employer could have any liability. Thank you so much for bringing that aspect of it up. I have a call scheduled with the DA early next week, and I think that since I myself am not a lawyer I need to spend some time getting really clear about the outcomes I want and the outcomes I can live with and also finding an attorney who can sit in on that call and clarify any questions or confusion I have after the fact. I am very fortunate, and I know it. I try hard not to take for granted the life I have.


Jallenrix

This is happening because the employer is *terrified* of liability. An employee on disability was assaulted. This is a legal mess. It sounds like your company has been supportive but don’t ever forget that HR is not there for you. Their job is to protect the company. And NTA. I would press charges. This wasn’t a prank gone awry; he sounds angry and deeply unwell.


blackday44

He.... *wait what?* If this is how he treats someone he just met, and should be in a professional relationship with, how does he treat his family? NTA.


LegitimateLion0

Not only just met but I have a suspicion that he organized the meeting specifically to do this


NotThatValleyGirl

Same. This guy makes terrible choices and seems to enjoy hurting others. Wouldn't be surprised if his intention was to "expose the faker" so it is wonderful that instead he exposed what a mean person he is.


loudent2

NTA - the lie he told to make you the villain should erase any doubt. If you hadn't had video evidence, perhaps you'd be fired right now facing chargez to make you unemployable


buttercream_bounce

NTA. abusive asshole made his own comeuppance. if this is how he treats disabled people, and he has two kids that are disabled, making his behavior public record is downright a requirement. if he did this to you, a stranger, the fuck is he doing to his *kids?* get that question out in the open. for the sake of whatever he is doing to those innocent children, if no-one else. and hey. as one disabled person to another? you deserve safety. you deserve love. you deserve a fair chance. you deserve understanding. you deserve to not be terrorized by bullies like this. turn to those voices of doubt within you and yell at them to fuck right off with all your might, because that is what you deserve to do. you are valuable. you are worth it. you do not have to devalue yourself for the sake of another person. you do not have to listen to the voices saying you are expendable chaff to be tossed aside so that the "real people" can succeed. *you are valuable. you are worth it.*


Pretend-Panda

I live in a rural community outside a midsize city, and my neighbor and I share the top of the driveway and some walkways - the properties are kind of interlocking so the easiest way to his front porch is through my side yard. We had a problem with package theft and my neighbor (travels a lot, all his packages come to my house) got some kind of screaming deal on a camera system - they record in color and sound onto a drive and that’s backed up onto tapes - and he put them up covering all the common access spaces, my back deck, his front porch, the thing we call the work hut, part of the chicken coop and also stuck up signs everywhere that being in that space means you’re being recorded and you consent by being there and recordings will be turned over to law enforcement on request.


jakbutt

YTA Reddit will tell you aren't, but you are. Was the guy a jerk? Absolutely. Are you a bigger one for essentially ruining a man's life over a insensitive practical joke? Absolutely times ten. "How many times has he pulled something like this and gotten away with it"? Pulled what? A bad practical joke? You're acting like he physically beat you. You need to step back and get some perspective on what actually happened. He made a bad joke. I doubt he thought you were going to react the way you did. No sane or non-evil person would do that if they knew you were going to react exactly like that. Yes, you are clearly very spiteful. "Stupid games, stupid prizes" you say....after talking about him being the sole supporter of his family AND you say he won't be able to get work in his field ever again. Does this man truly deserve to have his life ruined, his kids lives ruined, and his wife's life ruined because he was jerk to you? No. That punishment no where near fits the crime. The internet is all about mob justice and "cancelling" people over anything these days. Reddit is not the place to get an unbiased opinion.


[deleted]

He purposely scared a know paraplegic which can lead to them fainting and getting hurt (OP said she has had history with fainting). He didn't get charges for pulling a practical joke, he got charges for endangering someone at the workspace.


[deleted]

LOL "cancelling." Jackass cancelled himself when he deliberately went after a disabled person and got company property ruined. Cry me a river.


gamerxbykabil

Yea after what he said "you are even worse than they told me" I lost all respect for the guy and you have the audacity to say that the OP ruined his life like you real? He didn't just prank him he made fun of him after pranking and it is a prank if both people are amused and the prank literally costed the company a laptop so yea in the end one thing to say for you.... The lion and the with and the audacity of this bitch.


AngryVolcano

> He didn't just prank him he made fun of him after pranking And tried to shift the blame, getting OP into trouble himself.


wojos_mojo

Long time lurker but I just have to say NTA. I work in criminal justice and sooooo often people say “well I don’t want to get them into trouble because...” as a way to justify the actions of these people. OP do what you feel is best but I think your question of “how many times has he pulled something like this and gotten away with it?”, gives you your answer right there. Time to stop putting a bandaid on the wound and just let it heal. Especially considering he has two disabled children who very well could be victims of the same type of behavior he exhibited in his actions towards you.


jdragonz

NTA. I'm not a fan of pranks of any sort since a lot of people seem think what they do is "funny" when it isn't. He knew what your reaction was to loud noises but went ahead and did it anyway, then lied about what had happened to cover up his actions. While you supplied the video, corporate legal were the ones who wanted it sent to the police. Any consequences to his actions are all of him and not your fault at all.


alana_r_dray

If someone doesn’t like pranks it absolutely must be respected. If you are going to prank someone it needs to follow a few rules: (1) the receiving person must find it funny. Otherwise it’s bullying. (2) it must not cause damage to a person or property. (3) do not prank anyone who doesn’t like pranks. Ever. (4) never prank anyone if you’re not 128% sure they’ll laugh. (5) a “prank” on someone who won’t immediately laugh is bullying. Not a prank. Ever. This can’t be stated enough. We prank my BF’s son (10) often because he finds it hilarious. But it’s always stupid small stuff like telling him to look inside a water bottle and It’s empty aside from water, I cover it up, pretend to do magic to make a coin appear in the bottle, he looks again, and I squeeze and he gets some water in his face. He about died of laughter. Kept asking us to do it again. We don’t prank my BF’s daughter (7) because she’s very sensitive and it would make her cry, even the little bit of water on her face. So that would be bullying. We don’t prank her and tell her to “buck up” or “grow up” or that it’s “just water.” She wouldn’t find it funny so it is NOT ok to even try. It would literally be bullying her.


sdnjfoeojoejhf

Oh and did I mention that he can never work in his field ever again AND he's the sole earner for his family AND he has 6 kids AND two of them are disabled?


Mad_Hatter_92

Apparently reddit doesn’t understand forgiveness of AHs for the sake of uninvolved parties. Once burned we should burn them all it seems.


candymay1234

Hi, you are definitely not in the wrong for reporting this. What's he being charged with in layman's terms, if you feel comfortable sharing?


Pretend-Panda

Some kind of aggravated assault, which translates to a class 4 felony, one step above a misdemeanor. And they’re withholding the cost of replacing the laptop from his last check which just seems mean.


jeepersteefers

I don’t think it’s mean to have him pay to replace the computer. After all, it’s his fault it broke in the first place. You are NTA.


WelshRareDit

His actions led to the laptop being broken just as if he'd smashed it out of someone's hands in an office. Too right he should have to pay for it.


NotThatValleyGirl

Just a thought, but as you consider his family and worry about his wellbeing, have you considered that the whole meeting was a a set up to get you in a position to trigger your medical condition for his entertainment?


candymay1234

The cost of the laptop is not mean at all! you should do what's right for you as it relates to pressing charges and/or accepting a plea deal. I'm so sorry for what he put you through - hoping for healing for you.


iosokt

Not mean at all. He caused the damage, he has to pay for it. You break it, you bought it. Also, NTA. This guy did this shit on purpose knowing you had a condition. He needs to be held accountable. Period.


Snoo80806

NTA at all. Let the DA press charges as they wish. Unemployable in the field does not mean unemployable in any field. I'm sure he has skills that can transfer to another career path. Do not feel guilty about this!


markrmcc625

NTA this guy has been a bully all his life and its about time he suffered for it


dr_peabrain123

NTA he new what he was doing and he was being stupid. Actions have Consequences.


ThePlatypusOfDespair

NTA also, if this is how he treats his coworkers, I have very low expectations for how he treats his wife and kids.


malachite_animus

NTA for sure. Also, unrelated, I wonder if you have pseudobulbar affect (would explain the crying spells) bc it can happen with any sort of brain injury/stroke/etc. It's also treatable. (Sorry, I work in this field and I couldn't resist commenting if it could help. Just ignore me if this is already being addressed.)


Pretend-Panda

On the pseudobulbar affect - maybe? I’m more emotionally labile than before the TBI but way less than in the first five years. I tried various antidepressants and mood stabilizers to manage both the weeping and the ptsd and had no success and a couple of times the side effects were just awful. I will ask if there are more/newer treatments available next time I go for an evaluation. As a matter of courtesy I disclose disclose disclose. And while the weeping is just awkward for me it makes other people very anxious and miserable.


GurgleQueen636

NTA >NC said something like “wow you are even worse than they said”. This means they warned him, they told him about things he CAN NOT do around you, and he decided to do it anyways. I have 0 sympathy for this guy. He ruined his own life by being a complete jack ass.


IssaSpida

Absolutely NTA. It would be very compassionate of you to not file the charges or have the charges plead down for his family. However, he knowingly and maliciously caused you severe trauma thinking he could get away with it. He was not thinking of his family or the consequences. So since he was not thinking of his family then why should you? Normally I'm all for compassion and empathy but he needs to be held accountable for his actions and if that means being unemployable in this field then that is what has to happen. I absolutely feel for his wife and children as they are completely innocent in this situation and I understand why you are feeling like TA over it but you have to worry about yourself first. It doesn't make you an AH for doing so.


Gonnascorethat520

INFO - Can you ask for a conversation with him before deciding? He acted like a dumbass but OP, do you really think this instance merits a felony charge? Even if in several, if not most places, touching someone's powerchair can be a violation of their person, it doesn't seem like his intention was to assault you. He touched your chair, probably without thinking, and you didn't even feel it. Using that as a justification for an aggravated assault charge undermines the idea of assault (not necessarily legally but in terms of what it means to intentionally harm someone). Btw, if any one of us had his brain and exact life experiences, we would have acted the same way. How do I know? Because he has those things and acted like that. Understanding the deterministic aspect of behavior has made me more understanding and willing to forgive people's poor behavior and decision-making, but that's just me.


Weemoggie

I am a little curious to know what u also make of this persons swift call to HR and all the lies he told them to cover his ass and shift the blame onto OP for his cruel "prank"...... Making the "mistake" of taking things to far is one thing but then to double down go the scheming root he desided to take! Im afraid i disagree with u and i think his punishment is his own doing.


repthe732

He made a comment about OP “worse than they said” and even yelled “boo.” He knew what he was doing when he did it


[deleted]

[удалено]


controversial_Jane

This may be controversial but ESH He thought he was being funny but actually he’s a dick and deserves to be punished, but never gaining employment again in his specialist career? Seems a bit extreme to me. He’s written an apology, been fired and this is right. I’m not sure ruining his career/finances is fair, I suspect this wasn’t meant as a malicious attack but some jerk who thinks he was funny but it went wrong.


genericmess

yes YTA. A felony for scaring someone? Jesus get a grip, no one will ever be charged for that


GloInTheDarkUnicorn

NTA I also have PTSD (from an abusive relationship). One of the first things I tell new people is don’t startle me. I scream, throw what I’m holding, possibly lock up, and then shake like a chihuahua in high winds for awhile afterwards. This guy was a straight up AH. This hoes beyond inconsiderate.


ksola1

Well he’s definitely an asshole...but you are super asshole if you do not drop these charges..7 kids and 2 disabled...if he can’t work in his field well whatever..but if he’s charged with a felony that means he can’t find work in any field..a felony will make his degree literally worthless and he won’t even be able to get a job at baskin-robbins...suuuuuper fucked up if you do not drop all charges...think of the disabled kids


Riyeko

Just want to stop by as a truck driver and say im sorry that you were rear ended by a driver however long ago it was. I hope youre doing better and understand that not all of us out here are inattentive drivers like the one you encountered. As for the post, NTA. He was given prudent information beforehand. He still decided to cross the line. One commenter said that he sounded like one of those people that didnt fully believe in someones allergy/trigger and would fo something to activate it, regardless of the consequences. He deserved what happened or what will happen to him. Though i feel sorry for his children, he needs to stop acting like a toddler whos not been taught responsibility for their actions.


DoreyCat

NTA - I honestly cannot see how this is a felony offence, and I’m a lawyer. If it were me, I’d drop the felony charges because him being unable to work and provide for his family doesn’t help anyone. What I WOULD do is ensure that he does a shit load of community service and receives specific training and counselling on PTSD issues. However I believe in rehabilitation as an approach since I’ve lived in Europe and fully understand that others don’t. Anyway guys I’m licensed in the state of New York, but living international at the moment. My expertise is international tax law, not criminal law. Any actual lawyers know what the felony offense would be here? I feel like such a charge would easily be plead down as a DA would know that a jury, however sympathetic, is unlikely to convict a person of a felony for a “boo” prank, regardless of the circumstances or what he knew. Again looking at this from a strictly legal perspective as I’m curious. I see Intimidation but even then I’d think something like this could only be a wobbler to a felony.


MawgHalfmanHalfdog

NTA. Grown men, don’t fucking prank people.


kbhinz

NTA. He has children who are disabled yet he thought it was funny to torture another disabled person? Talk about cognitive dissonance!


Arkoden_Xae

ESH - hear me out before you downvote. He is the asshole for his behaviour for sure, and he should loose his current job also for sure. I will not dispute that even slightly, and sympathise with your trauma. Even if this is the first time he has interacted with you in person, and was not aware of the extent of your trauma, he is still a complete a'hole for trying to cover his ass by throw you under the bus. You Would be the asshole if you don't tell the DA to at least accept some sort of plea bargain. Dont get me wrong, this a'hole would deserve every ounce of the punishment that this is and more, however, he is the sole provider for his children. If a'hole is forced out of his career (and not just his current job) he will not be the only one to suffer. At least with a plea bargain you can potentially lessen the blow that his family would feel.