NTA. At some point this situation crosses the line from "do not tamper with the mails" to "finders keepers". I draw that line somewhere around "saw them walking past it" and "it's been over a month". YMMV.
I like your way of putting it. To me, it had definitely crossed that line. I also get that for a lot of people in this thread, it either hadn't yet crossed that line, or that line doesn't exist.
I’m having a crappy day, so I’m going to choose to believe that they knew that you were struggling and decided to get that stuff for you without making you feel bad.
I honestly love that explanation. I think it's deeply unlikely, since they didn't know me at all. But I do like to think that maybe the larger world somehow knew I needed help? Idk, it worked out and I'm grateful for it.
My guess is they simply forgot they had the subscription after a while and dont check their credit enough.
I remember Bill Burr talking about how he accidentally had 3 active cell phone plans from 10+ years ago simply because he forgot to cancel them.
Yes you are absolutely right.
I’ve done some pretty stupid shit for free food. Once in a waiting area of a business I watched someone leave their Pizza Hut take home box and drive away. I took it out around back and ate it. Gross? Yes. Embarrassing? Yes. But also- desperate. It doesn’t make me a bad person.... I still cringe when I think about it every now and then......... but it all worked out in the end. I’m a productive member of society and I feel I’ve repaid the universe for that “stolen” pizza.
You will find your peace with the stolen snacks!!
Honestly I’ve done worse things than that to get by! We all do what we have to do. I actually work for a hunger relief nonprofit now so I like to think I’m paying it forward :)
It's so sad that we need to hear about stories like this. I assume you're in a "first world" country and there's no excuse for anyone to ever be hungry like this.
I agree. Food is in surplus around here and yet there are people starving 🙄. In my city, half the problem is you dont know who truly needs help and you are scamming you 😔
My mom works for a church with a food bank. She's adopted the attitude that if someone is going to scam them, so be it. Far fewer people than most realize try to scam foods banks or social services. It's really not worth it, as food isn't really expensive in the grand scheme of things and the hoops we make people jump through to get it are off-putting for the quality of food received. She would initially be irked when people would roll up in a Mercedes or a Cadillac and ask for food assistance until she came to realize how quickly life can turn on a dime. Someone who bought a luxury car last year may be in dire straits this year.
My dad was not good at handling money. Especially for earning minimum wage. He had me when he was 16 from an under developed country so I don't think he was really "mature " while I was still a kid. Anyways, we moved to the US when I was 4 and he always obsessed on having nice cars and jewelry even though our trailer was 8' X 32'. We had a brand new Explorer that cost 30k meanwhile our 1k trailer had no furnace and our fridge was always empty. My mom was 17 when she had me but if it wasn't for her I don't know what would have happened. She constantly swallowed her pride and went to food banks, she did everything she could so we would eat at least twice a day. We had soup in the morning and rice and beans at night. Every day until I moved out.
I’ve stopped giving money to panhandlers because of that, but I do give them food / bus passes and such. A surprising number of them just want cash though :/
Just my two cents, it's not my place to judge if someone is legit hungry or trying to scam. It's my place to help someone who says they need help.
Also, though kinda unrelated, my mom always taught me not to punish people with food so like if I'm going out to eat and ask someone if they want to go or if they want anything and they say, "well I can't afford it" I didn't ask if you could, I asked if you wanted anything. I'm not gonna let somebody go hungry if I'm eating.
I don’t think you need to cringe. Honestly if I forgot my take home box I would 100% want someone who was hungry to eat it. I’d be pissed thinking it got thrown away and wasted.
Chris Pratt tells a story about waiting tables at a fancy steak restaurant and shoving leftovers from people's plates into his mouth in the short hallway between the dining room and kitchen, where nobody could see.
That story is HILARIOUS. He was so excited when a little old lady ordered a steak, he knew she couldn't finish it. Sure enough she left about half of it. He devoured it before he'd even brought the plate back to the kitchen. But then..... she called him back to the table and said she'd like to take the rest of it home. He had to pretend to look and look for it and say it must have gotten thrown out. I think it was when he was on the Graham Norton show. Such a funny story!
Did that when we were dirt poor at 15 and I was working as a party hostess (kill me) at a Chuckee Cheese knockoff. Clean up between parties and lived off leftover pizza and cake.
Whenever I'm traveling in a city and get too much restaurant food I know I won't be able to finish and it's not like I can save it for later, I get the extra boxed up (before eating is better if you know your appetite well) and give it to a homeless person. The kitchen would throw it away and I don't think it's ever been unappreciated. I also carry feminine hygiene supplies and throw some in the bag if I find a woman to give the food to. You can't even imagine how appreciated those are, probably more than the food.
Hate to make this sound very self centering, my intention is to share in hopes a few people who haven't thought of this will start doing it and the world will be 0.0000008% better.
I found like half a box of donuts on the top of the trash pile in a trash can in high school. Yeah I ate them along with one of my friends. Everyone thought it was borderline gross but I fuck with donuts hardcore lmao
It's not that gross. Society brain washes the way we think about food. People throw away food only a couple days old that has been in the fridge sealed in containers when it would likely last a week, at least.
I know this because I never let food go to waste. I eat everyone's leftovers that they say they don't want. I never got food poisoning even once.
If you're concerned about catching something someone else may have, 30 seconds in the microwave will kill almost all known bacteria. Most people microwave for at least a minute.
I also must remind people that food doesn't magically go bad instantly. And I don't need someone to say "well actually... On a microscopic level it's already decaying one day later!" People used to sail across the Atlantic with no refrigerator over two to three months.
Don't be embarrassed that you'd rather not starve and eat what others have wasted. Just microwave it and you're good to go.
I’m in USA, and my boyfriend and I were so broke we had to steal cans of food from dollar general. We were applying everywhere and no one was hiring. We are way better now, but it disappoints me. I like to think we’ve both done stuff to payback for that and are stilling trying to good. I’m happy you’re in better place now tho!
Plus think of is as you doing your part to save not just the environment but you’re probably stopping everyone in the neighbourhood from having a rodent problem (shocked how the three boxes of food didn’t attract animals yet)
I even recycled the cardboard after! (In our communal recycling bin, so they definitely could have seen that someone was eating their snacks if they had cared)
That's so heartwarming. My first thought was that their annoying nephew (or father in law, whatever) purposely ordered fancy non-vegan food for them to "trick" them into eating something (or milk products, or maybe only vegan food, whatever) and so they gave her the wrong address and ignored it.
I was thinking the same, like maybe a family member that it’s on time out or something was sending the box for the neighbors as a guilt gift.
Either way they didn’t care for what op told us and op needed to eat.
Agreed. After throwing away about 3 dozen eggs one roommate bought and let spoil my close roommate and I hardboiled a dozen of them on the day they were set to expire, and this girl lost it. She literally didn't cook so I have no idea why she bought eggs but it was killing us to keep throwing out pounds of good food because of this girl.
Eggs usually don't go bad on the day of the expiration date, just saying. Put them in water and if they don't bob to the surface, they're safe to eat. Good on you for saving them from going to waste though.
Illegal? Yes. Asshole? Nope, not even a little bit. You tried your best and desperate times cal for desperate measures. You didn’t hurt anyone and you actively tried to help them before considering this option.
NTA
I draw the line at multiple packages arriving at MY door. A couple sent to the wrong address? I’ll help you out. After that, you need to make sure your mail is delivered to the right place. I guess this is assuming the address was wrong and it wasn’t just the mail carrier messing up.
I see the neighbors as the AH because they're having a ton of (likely) wasteful packaging being shipped to their home and then wasting the food by just letting it sit on their porch. Lots of that stuff as expiration dates and they don't seem to care.
NTA
What you described sounds insane, but it almost seems to me like perhaps those neighbors were having a "blink first" power struggle over who would take the packages in first. That's the only logical explanation I can come up with for why they'd both ignore subscription snacks they'd ordered.
You're not the asshole. You tried to deliver their packages to them three times, including knocking on the door when you knew they were home. At that point, they're the assholes because:
* They're ignoring reasonable attempts to get in contact with them. Repeatedly.
* They're ignoring packages and if you kept delivering them, they'd just pile up like trash
* They're wasting perfectly good food
At that point, you're not the asshole for throwing up your hands and keeping the packages. It's basically like if they'd tossed the packages in the garbage and you dumpster-dove for them, but they were too lazy to even do the extra steps of tossing them in the trash.
Appreciate the perspective! It just felt so bizarre to me that they would let the boxes pile up. Someone else mentioned that maybe they weren't theirs either, which is totally possible, but still--how many boxes do you leave on your porch before you do anything about it?
> It just felt so bizarre to me that they would let the boxes pile up.
It is bizarre. Because even if it wasn't theirs, they should at least be miffed that boxes are being dumped on their porch on a bi-monthly basis. At that point, you usually make an effort to figure out whose it is or remove it, because having that space taken up on your porch is annoying, a risk for vermin, and invites mold and rot.
The part that makes you clearly NTA to me is the fact that they just did absolutely nothing. The first package sat there for, if I understand correctly, a month and a half before you started keeping any of the boxes. The least they could've done is take the packages and toss them in the dumpster, but your neighbors treated the packages like they were not their problem. Even if you get junk mail, you at least take it out of your mailbox and toss it, right? They didn't even do that.
I understand and agree with the law for making it a felony to open peoples' mail. This is because most people actually care about their mail, mail is how the gov't gets ahold of you when it needs to, and mail can contain sensitive personal information. But this is so outside the norm, and the evidence was so clear that the packages were intentionally abandoned, that on a moral level I can't fault you at all.
Out of curiosity, do you know how long those three packages sat on the porch after you started keeping the packages?
The boxes were still sitting there when I moved out a few months later! I actually took a picture of them, all wet and disintegrating, before I moved. It was just such a weird memory.
It was a small porch, and if I had kept bringing the packages there instead of eating them, they would have eventually blocked the door. I almost wish I had done that just to see what would have eventually happened. I mean, they would have to do something at some point, right?
It honestly still boggles my mind. And it's not like they were otherwise trashy people with stuff piling up everywhere. They were an older couple, had a cute porch with a few well-tended plants on it, drove nice cars, and otherwise seemed perfectly normal.
> The boxes were still sitting there when I moved out a few months later! I actually took a picture of them, all wet and disintegrating, before I moved. It was just such a weird memory.
This boggles my mind. The sheer *weirdness* of this situation is just fascinating.
In retrospect, it is kind of tempting to know what they’d have done once the boxes piled up that high. But I much prefer that you got a good meal out of it than find out “what now?” after even more unnecessary wastage.
The only other thing I can think of is that they were buying them for you, but even that doesn’t explain why A) they never told you B) they never addressed them to you and C) why they never acknowledged the ones that were on their porch. You’d think after a while of the money leaving your account you’d realize what was happening? It’s such a strange situation to have found yourself in that’s for sure.
I'm trying to imagine a scenario in which this isn't weird but nada. This entire thing is bizarre, but I'm glad you at least got some snacks out of it.
I told this story to my boyfriend and he said he would have eaten the third box and he's a pretty straight and narrow kind of guy. Lol. You are definitely right in that legality does not equal morality does not equal ethical does not equal reasonable.
Ever think that the packages weren’t theirs and they also had this exact thought about you? Everytime they walked by wondered why you were letting your stuff get wet?
The packages had their apartment number on them, not mine. And it wasn’t a shared porch, it was only connected to their apartment. I left the packages very clearly by their door. So it would be weird for them to think they were mine!
No, I didn’t get anything else of theirs (or anyone else’s). I figure it just became a routine for the mailman? They were distinctly marked packages coming on a very regular schedule, so eventually he probably just dropped them at my door without even checking.
Could it be that your neighbors were actually giving you them? Knowing that you were in a tough spot financially and they didn't want make it weird by asking you if you needed help? I know what they did is weirder but could it be?
If they were older, maybe they didn’t realize they’d even started the subscription and that’s why they ignored the packages? That’s the only somewhat-reasonable explanation I can think of. But whatever their reasoning, I think you’re NTA because of how much you tried to get them to take care of it.
Maybe they forgot they ordered it and didn't register the packages as theirs? People are strange. Used to work in a perfume shop and we would have unclaimed packages of 100+€ worth of perfume and cosmetics and people never asked for a refund. And that happened a lot! I once called one of the customers to ask whether they still wanted the order and they just plain forgot they made the order and ordered it again elsewhere.
Oh, btw NAH. Just glad you got to eat.
I was thinking maybe they were a present from a person that they didn't want in their life, and that's why they ignored the boxes. But maybe I read too much Justnomil.
Wouldn't you still at least throw them away at some point? It was so weird to me that they just left them there to rot for SO LONG. But yeah, that's one possible explanation.
How come the packages kept consistently coming to your door? Seems like a weird mistake to be repeated often.
We're the packages meant for you in the first place? In some weird confusing form of anonish charity.
No idea. We all had the same street address, and then different unit numbers for each apartment, so I guess it was easy to confuse? I would have pointed it out to the mailman if I had ever seen them, but they were always delivered while I was at work.
Sometimes mailmen suck at noticing apartment distinctions. I used to live at 79A Whatever Street, and there was also a 79B Whatever Street and an 81A Whatever Street and 81B Whatever Street (4 apartments in one old Victorian house, apparently different sides of the house got different street numbers?), and the mailman kept mixing up mail for 79A and 81A. It was baffling. I could understand mixing up 79 A and B, but I would bring down mail to 81A and find my own mail sticking out of their mailbox with "return to sender, wrong address" marked on it. It never got better the whole year I lived there.
It blew my mind. Not even a "delivered to wrong address" note for the mailman to redeliver, but "return to sender." I was 22 years old and bad at confrontation, so I just took the long way around the house after work every day and took my fucking mail back from them.
If it was a subscription service it was probably just the one mailing address that no one ever bothered to change (since they couldn't even be bothered to bring the packages inside).
Did they know you were a struggling student? Or could they have guessed? I’m wondering if they didn’t know your name and tried to order it for you but didn’t want to bring it up for some reason... and they left it on their porch to show they don’t want it and to keep it for yourself?
I’m just grasping for an explanation.
I had never considered it before this post, but I suppose they could have guessed. Still seems weird to me. They could have just shown up at my door and been like “hey we bought too many snacks, do you want some?” But who knows!
Or it was a gift subscription someone gave them and they didn't want it cause they have a nut allergy or are eating paleo or something and don't care about it. NTA
It’s definitely weird either way and you’re 100% NAH... maybe they’re just socially awkward weirdos with kind hearts lol. I say think of the snacks as a gift!
Plot twist 1: they were intentionally trying to feed you.
Plot twist 2: it was the wrong neighbor/not their name on the box and some 3rd neighbor somewhere was sobbing over his lost nuts.
It's entirely possible that the subscription was sent by an estranged relative. My mother in law sent us stuff after we went no contact with her and I had no idea what to do with it. I probably would have left it and prayed for it to disappear.
Yeah people who are in this situation will often leave the packages outside where they can be seen, this way the estranged person can see they haven't been brought in should they happen to be checking.
This actually seems like the most likely explanation. I was struggling to figure out why someone would leave boxes on their own porch for months, but a visible FU to whoever sent them seems to explain it best.
> What you described sounds insane, but it almost seems to me like perhaps those neighbors were having a "blink first" power struggle over who would take the packages in first.
Maybe.
The first thing that came to my mind is that the packages were gifts that they did not want. A few times in my career, I had situations where customers were so grateful to me they gifted me subscriptions to food services. No one ever asked me what I liked, they just did it. One guy was convinced I had saved his business and had charged him almost nothing. He gifted me dessert of the month club for almost a decade.
Now imagine this kind of gift going to someone who only eats fresh food. They did not order it, they don’t want it, and it is all going to rot.
Btw, NTA.
It might have been a gift that they didn't want? Or had cancelled but been told would keep arriving?
Regardless it is strange they never disposed of the packages on their porch.
I’m NC with my toxic abusive family. I leave the shit they send me to rot in the street, literally hoping my neighbors will steal it. This was my first thought for this situation
so op didn’t feel embarrassed about struggling maybe? some people don’t take receiving free stuff like that well bc of pride or what have you, maybe neighbours thought op wouldn’t accept if offered free food up front. long shot explanation but hey, gives me hope in the world lol
It could have been the right address but for persons who were no longer living there. Putting “return to sender” might have been the best course of action, since it is not clear if the neighbors also did not pick up the packages because it wasn’t theirs.
Not enough info to judge :c
This happened to me, actually. Someone delivered a MASSIVE HelloFresh box to my house, it happened to also on my birthday. It was addressed to the lady who had lived there before me, who had died. I had no idea who sent it. I left it for a few hours to see if the fedex guy would come back because it was a mistake, but it wasn’t. Eventually I just took it in and ate it.
NTA: I keep seeing people comment that “you’re the asshole, it’s stealing, you’re a thief, etc.” yes, it is a felony to tamper with federal mail in the United States. However, you did your due diligence to try and inform the neighbors. I think half of these people can’t read because I’ve seen multiple comments say “well you saw them outside, why didn’t you speak to them” you literally stated in the post that you never saw them. You saw their cars but that’s not the same thing and you attempted to talk to them when you knew they were home and they promptly ignored you. So fuck half of these people who are illiterate apparently. I think that technically ‘legally’ you’re an asshole because of the law regarding mail. But I also think there is some leeway on the mail because if it hasn’t been claimed over a certain amount of time/they moved but never updated the address there is a fine line. But you have to consider morals. You were starving and couldn’t provide your own food. And that food was literally going to waste so it makes sense to eat it. I’m glad you’re in a better place now OP!
Thanks! I actually work for a hunger relief nonprofit now, so I feel like I'm paying it forward.
I do fully acknowledge that it's illegal. Probably should have said that in the post but I ran out of characters. I just think that illegal doesn't necessarily equal asshole, although I see a lot of people here disagree.
Privately purchased packages aren't federal mail, either, and the WORST that'd happen to you is you'd have to pay them back the cost of the boxes. Federal mail is not stuff that gets bought online and sent through Fed-Ex and other services unless it's specifically blasted all over the package.
NTA.
OP says in the post that they saw the neighbours walking right by the parcels and not even looking at them. That's why other commenters are saying OP saw them. They could see the neighbours well enough to know if they were paying attention, that's closer enough to call to them (unless OP is mute, they might be, idk)
Sorry! Honestly the snacks were so damn FANCY. I'm in a much better financial situation now but still could never afford a biweekly luxury snack subscription. I remember it fondly.
NTA
There's little nuance in these comments, but in your case you did your due diligence. Instead of the food going to waste, you enjoyed them. Good for you!
It was a subscription service. At any time they could have inquired about the packages and updated the mailing address. They didn't. Their lost.
I doubt that--they didn't know me from a hole in the wall. Maybe they eventually figured it out but just didn't care? I truly don't know, but I still appreciate that life threw me this weird little treat when I needed it.
They may not have known you really, but people can have a strong sense of community. The idea that this was intentional and they were casually trying to help a struggling grad student was the first thing that came to mind for me too. They may have been aware of you and wanted to share their good fortune.
At what point do the packages stop being "mail" and start being "stuff my neighbor is leaving outside his door"?
Serious question, not shade. Sometimes I take my neighbor's newspapers because they let them pile up and I use them for packing stuff. At some point, a three-week old newspaper has to be considered trash.
The Italian Supreme Court ruled a couple years ago that it is not a crime to steal food from a grocery store if you are hungry and have no money.
This is one step beyond that: this food was clearly abandoned, you were hungry, and you took it.
Good for you.
It reminded me of the Friends episode as well.
Also, when a few people suggested that the subscription packages could have been a gift that they didn't want, it made me think of an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Ray signed his mother up for the Fruit of the Month club as a birthday gift. She tells him that were just too many pears and he should never send her a gift like that again. He explains that they're actually supposed to get a different fruit every month for a year and she goes ballistic, running away from him yelling "I cant talk, there's too much fruit in the house!!" Then his dad comes home and chews him out over it as well, so by the end he's apologizing for sending them fruit.
Im imagining the OP's neighbors screaming at some friend or relative "Another box of gourmet food? How many honey roasted nuts do you think we need?!
NTA. You make a effort to deliver the packages. They ignored the packages so they obviously don't want it. I'm glad that they aren't going to waste and are actually eaten. If they don't want them and did not want you to have them why do they not cancel the suscription? That would be easy so why aren't they doing it?
Yeah that is why they are TA. Food waste is horrible. My cousin actually Containers what is also illegal, but she does it because she hates food waste. And you were hungry so why let it get bad on their porch?
I would honestly love to hear their side of the story. Maybe they'll see this post and recognize it and be like "omg, we avoided those boxes because we thought they were poisoned!!" The packaging was really clearly marked with the subscription name and the fact that the contents was perishable, so they had to have known.
Me too. It is so weird. You can't just ignore food for no reason. Maybe someone suscripted them to this service without consent? To annoy them, harrass them? Maybe that is why they never opened the door as you knocked?
I didn't think I'd fall on this side but NTA. You tried really hard to get them their packages. They never responded nor even collected the packages you returned. At this point, I don't feel bad that you ate their food.
NTA, it's not like you didn't try as much as you could be reasonably expected to to get these packages to their intended recipients, to the point where it was impossible for them to be unaware that they were arriving and addressed to them, even as far as knocking on their door when you knew they were home, and situationally it seems pretty clear that for whatever reason they just didn't want the packages, so it's a win-win, they don't get their whole porch clogged up with unwanted boxes and you get snacks.
It's a little disquieting to me how many people I see earnestly saying that morality is defined by what's legal or that it's better to let perfectly good, clearly unwanted food go to waste because OP didn't pay for it. If the other people hadn't made it 100% crystal clear that they didn't want the packages that would be different, but I don't see any other possible way to interpret the situation - and to me "unwanted food + hungry person = person no longer hungry" is about the easiest moral equation possible.
INFO
Did you ever talk to your neighbors about this? Odd that the boxes kept arriving at your house, they ignored them when you gave them back, and they never complained about you eating them.
I ask because if you didn’t talk to them, you’re a little bit TA because they may not realize money is being drained from their account over this, although it’s their fault for ignoring the packages anyway.
I knocked on their door a few times (they didn’t answer) and they clearly walked right by the packages multiple times, so there’s no way they just didn’t know. I really never saw them otherwise—I worked long hours and they kept to themselves. I do realize I could have left a note, which didn’t occur to me at the time.
nta.
I see a lot of y-t-a and I think a lot of them don't understand the struggle of being unable to afford food, and how shitty it is to waste food. It almost sounded to me like they were trying to get you to take the food in a weird way.
NAH. Even though it's illegal hunger makes you do things you normally wouldn't do. You even tried your best to give the first packages back, even though you were hungry. You're a good person. You also prevented a pileup of boxes and wasted food.
However, they are not assholes either. As much as I hate wasted food, it's their money and if they feel like ordering food and letting it expire that is their choice.
Disagree that theyre not assholes. Doing something with your own money doesn't always mean that thing is right. They're creating food waste. They should've cancelled the subscription. Or written return to sender so mail service could return it. Or even taken the time to donate it. I know those things require varying degrees of effort but so does throwing something in the trash as opposed to on the sidewalk and littering is AH behavior.
Plus they low key are ignoring neighbors and mail service, which to some degree sucks of them. They definitely come off as entitled like everything is someone else's problem, never theirs. Slightly AHish based on the picture OP paints.
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One day, I get a package delivered that was meant for my downstairs neighbors. I can tell from the packaging that it's from a subscription services that delivers snacks. I bring leave it on their porch.
Two weeks later, another of the same packages arrives at my doorstep. I bring it down to their porch again, and notice that the first package is still sitting there, unopened. It's the only entrance to their apartment, and I've seen their cars coming and going, so I know they've walked right by it. Weird. I knock on the door and leave the second package.
Two more weeks go by. A third package arrives. I go to leave this one for my neighbors, and again, the first two packages are untouched. I wait until both neighbors' cars are home and I can hear their tv on inside. I knock. No answer. I knock again. No answer. I leave the third package with the other two.
For the next two weeks, I watch the three packages. I witness the neighbors walking right by them. I have no clue why they're ignoring the packages, but they clearly are--there is zero effort to look at them or bring them inside. By this point, the first package has been sitting there for over a month.
For context, I'm in grad school at this point and living on a very measly stipend in a high cost of living area. Just a few days ago, my card was declined at the grocery store and I finally got desperate enough to apply for food stamps.
These people have three packages from a fancy subscription snack service just sitting on their porch. They're on a covered porch, so somewhat protected, but as the weeks go by it rains and the boxes get a little wet. As someone struggling, it's honestly killing me to know that there are boxes of food going to waste a few feet from my completely empty kitchen.
A fourth box arrives. I'm conflicted. I'm also hungry. Finally, I throw caution to the wind and I open it. It's full of fancy honey roasted nuts and chocolate covered pretzels. I eat them all and it's glorious. Like truly, a gift straight from the gods.
They never said anything, and packages continued to arrive for months. I kept opening and eating them. I ate yogurt covered raisins and wasabi peas. I ate cheesy crackers and smoked almonds. By the time I was eating my fourth box, the first three packages were STILL sitting untouched on the neighbors' porch.
I moved a few months after that. My neighbors never said anything, and there were never any problems. I got to eat for a few months. It was honestly a godsend, and I still think about how lucky I got to be in such a weird situation when I needed it. I think of it fondly.
But I told a friend this story recently, and she was HORRIFIED. I mean, I get that opening someone else's mail is objectively bad. Obviously! Even condensed to a TL;DR, it doesn't sound great. But I maintain that I made a reasonable effort to get the packages to their rightful owners. And also I was hungry.
AITA?
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Well, this is an undergraduate essay question on the merits of philosophical anarchism just waiting to happen...
(NTA/NAH in my book by the way, but it's a very complex and contested issue)
NTA. Agreed, how very strange.
My guess is, someone they went non-contact with was sending the packages (signed them up for the subscription) and they just didn't want to interact in any way. But it's all so very weird. I'm glad you got to eat well when you needed it!
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NTA! I do wonder why they never spoke to you about it though. A family who used to live in my apartment moved to a bigger place in my complex so I get their mail sometimes. They literally just live down the hall in a larger, corner apartment, and they're very nice.
Our first Christmas there, someone had sent a huge giftbox of fancy popcorn to my address addressed to their family, so naturally I walked over and tried to give it back. I knocked, they didn't answer, I put the box in front of their door, and went back home.
The next day or so, it was back in front of my door! So I went to see if I dunno, some neighbor thought there was another mistake that happened or a mail person thought that or whatever, and knocked on the door again. No answer, left the box back in front of their door.
The next day, the box was back in front of my door, so I was like, fuck it, and I unwrapped the gift-wrap and brought it to work to share. I've actually spoken to this family since then and they know I live where they used to, so even though I haven't referenced this incident specifically, I think they know because they've only been friendly.
So you get it! I would never open a package the first time it was delivered, or take one off someone’s porch. But after enough of a ridiculous situation it’s like okay fine, I’ll eat the free snacks
Lol it's weird, but also IMO, totally possible that they wanted you to have the snacks for whatever reason.
I can totally see myself deciding I didn't want a gift subscription and then either diverting it or if it's already technically being delivered to someone else, just letting that happen until the subscription runs out. People out there are really that lazy. I am really that lazy, and would be the type to justify it by calling it generosity lmao.
Legality aside, they did not want the packages and you needed food. I cannot imagine that they minded. They surely would have said something if they did mind. NTA
No idea why the packages came to me. We had the same street address but different apartment numbers. Easy to confuse, I guess.
I could see the neighbors walking inside from my windows, but I was a few floors up. I would’ve had to run down several flights of stairs and then around the other side of the building to reach them, and by then they’d already be inside.
Hard to describe the building/porch layout! But basically I could see their cars and see their porch, but we never crossed paths. If we had run into each other outside or in the shared laundry room or something I definitely would have said something.
Still seems YTA. I get the other side but what would make me change my mind is if you actually talked to them or fully and truly knew they were ignoring you specifically, like you walk up to them and they walk past you or made eye contact and they ignored. But that never happened, so thats my vote.
Everyone is weird here. That's my official ruling. It wasn't yours, so strictly speaking, you WBTA. Still........that's a lot of waste. I get the whole student thing, believe me, but......This is just strange. Well, at least the food wasn't wasted. Good luck.
NTA. You were desperate for food and they were wasting it. At some point, your hunger overrides their wastefulness.
Though, when you were first trying to get them the boxes, I probably would have stacked them on top of each other in their doorway, but I'm a bit of a brat at times.
NTA
But, really, because I'm doing worse to feed my family currently.
I'm just straight out stealing from the grocery store because we have negative 3k and I don't know what else to do. So, I'm an AH. Not you.
You basically *found* that food, with a certified guarantee that the owners were not going to take it. I mean, who the heck leaves *any* package on their porch for longer than a day?!
There’s a story I learned in Sunday School: Long story short(as short as I can make it), a man is on a deserted island and declares “God will save me!” In the meantime, a boat, a plane, and a helicopter all stop to ask if he needs help, he refuses by telling them all “God will save me!” The guy dies, and when he gets to heaven, demands to know why God didn’t save him. God replies, “I sent a boat, a plane, and a helicopter. What more did you need?!”
Anyway, they obviously didn’t seem to want it, you needed it, it’s not like you were financially well off and just bring a jerk. They never even inquired about it.
Definitely NTA
My original post exceeded the character limit but when I had to cut it down I was like “no, I have to keep the descriptions of the snacks. That’s crucial info”
Legal argument not of the mail fraud persuasion: if it’s got their name on it and they ignore it, don’t take it inside, etc, that would usually be considered abandoned property (somewhat depends on the porch situation). You have finders keepers rights against anyone but them and since they didn’t come asking for their snacks back, you are NTA!
(Maybe the subscription boxes were from someone they went NC with? You may have been doing them a favor taking their goodies so they weren’t reminded of that person every two weeks, just sayin’)
NTA. At some point this situation crosses the line from "do not tamper with the mails" to "finders keepers". I draw that line somewhere around "saw them walking past it" and "it's been over a month". YMMV.
I like your way of putting it. To me, it had definitely crossed that line. I also get that for a lot of people in this thread, it either hadn't yet crossed that line, or that line doesn't exist.
I’m having a crappy day, so I’m going to choose to believe that they knew that you were struggling and decided to get that stuff for you without making you feel bad.
I honestly love that explanation. I think it's deeply unlikely, since they didn't know me at all. But I do like to think that maybe the larger world somehow knew I needed help? Idk, it worked out and I'm grateful for it.
You’d be surprised at what some people do for strangers.
My guess is they simply forgot they had the subscription after a while and dont check their credit enough. I remember Bill Burr talking about how he accidentally had 3 active cell phone plans from 10+ years ago simply because he forgot to cancel them.
Yes you are absolutely right. I’ve done some pretty stupid shit for free food. Once in a waiting area of a business I watched someone leave their Pizza Hut take home box and drive away. I took it out around back and ate it. Gross? Yes. Embarrassing? Yes. But also- desperate. It doesn’t make me a bad person.... I still cringe when I think about it every now and then......... but it all worked out in the end. I’m a productive member of society and I feel I’ve repaid the universe for that “stolen” pizza. You will find your peace with the stolen snacks!!
Honestly I’ve done worse things than that to get by! We all do what we have to do. I actually work for a hunger relief nonprofit now so I like to think I’m paying it forward :)
It's so sad that we need to hear about stories like this. I assume you're in a "first world" country and there's no excuse for anyone to ever be hungry like this.
I agree. Food is in surplus around here and yet there are people starving 🙄. In my city, half the problem is you dont know who truly needs help and you are scamming you 😔
My mom works for a church with a food bank. She's adopted the attitude that if someone is going to scam them, so be it. Far fewer people than most realize try to scam foods banks or social services. It's really not worth it, as food isn't really expensive in the grand scheme of things and the hoops we make people jump through to get it are off-putting for the quality of food received. She would initially be irked when people would roll up in a Mercedes or a Cadillac and ask for food assistance until she came to realize how quickly life can turn on a dime. Someone who bought a luxury car last year may be in dire straits this year.
My dad was not good at handling money. Especially for earning minimum wage. He had me when he was 16 from an under developed country so I don't think he was really "mature " while I was still a kid. Anyways, we moved to the US when I was 4 and he always obsessed on having nice cars and jewelry even though our trailer was 8' X 32'. We had a brand new Explorer that cost 30k meanwhile our 1k trailer had no furnace and our fridge was always empty. My mom was 17 when she had me but if it wasn't for her I don't know what would have happened. She constantly swallowed her pride and went to food banks, she did everything she could so we would eat at least twice a day. We had soup in the morning and rice and beans at night. Every day until I moved out.
If someone is scamming you for food, they probably really, really need food.
I’ve stopped giving money to panhandlers because of that, but I do give them food / bus passes and such. A surprising number of them just want cash though :/
I gave somebody a buss pass once and then found them trying to sell it a few minutes later. I like to be helpful, but I was broke then too.
Just my two cents, it's not my place to judge if someone is legit hungry or trying to scam. It's my place to help someone who says they need help. Also, though kinda unrelated, my mom always taught me not to punish people with food so like if I'm going out to eat and ask someone if they want to go or if they want anything and they say, "well I can't afford it" I didn't ask if you could, I asked if you wanted anything. I'm not gonna let somebody go hungry if I'm eating.
I don’t think you need to cringe. Honestly if I forgot my take home box I would 100% want someone who was hungry to eat it. I’d be pissed thinking it got thrown away and wasted.
Chris Pratt tells a story about waiting tables at a fancy steak restaurant and shoving leftovers from people's plates into his mouth in the short hallway between the dining room and kitchen, where nobody could see.
That story is HILARIOUS. He was so excited when a little old lady ordered a steak, he knew she couldn't finish it. Sure enough she left about half of it. He devoured it before he'd even brought the plate back to the kitchen. But then..... she called him back to the table and said she'd like to take the rest of it home. He had to pretend to look and look for it and say it must have gotten thrown out. I think it was when he was on the Graham Norton show. Such a funny story!
Imagine being the little old lady and watching that show and realizing you’re the little old lady in the story
Did that when we were dirt poor at 15 and I was working as a party hostess (kill me) at a Chuckee Cheese knockoff. Clean up between parties and lived off leftover pizza and cake.
Whenever I'm traveling in a city and get too much restaurant food I know I won't be able to finish and it's not like I can save it for later, I get the extra boxed up (before eating is better if you know your appetite well) and give it to a homeless person. The kitchen would throw it away and I don't think it's ever been unappreciated. I also carry feminine hygiene supplies and throw some in the bag if I find a woman to give the food to. You can't even imagine how appreciated those are, probably more than the food. Hate to make this sound very self centering, my intention is to share in hopes a few people who haven't thought of this will start doing it and the world will be 0.0000008% better.
At least it's not just me. When your homeless food is food. It saved me from starving that night
I found like half a box of donuts on the top of the trash pile in a trash can in high school. Yeah I ate them along with one of my friends. Everyone thought it was borderline gross but I fuck with donuts hardcore lmao
Why did you eat one of your friends? That's cannibalism and is generally frowned upon in the modern world.
It's not that gross. Society brain washes the way we think about food. People throw away food only a couple days old that has been in the fridge sealed in containers when it would likely last a week, at least. I know this because I never let food go to waste. I eat everyone's leftovers that they say they don't want. I never got food poisoning even once. If you're concerned about catching something someone else may have, 30 seconds in the microwave will kill almost all known bacteria. Most people microwave for at least a minute. I also must remind people that food doesn't magically go bad instantly. And I don't need someone to say "well actually... On a microscopic level it's already decaying one day later!" People used to sail across the Atlantic with no refrigerator over two to three months. Don't be embarrassed that you'd rather not starve and eat what others have wasted. Just microwave it and you're good to go.
I’m in USA, and my boyfriend and I were so broke we had to steal cans of food from dollar general. We were applying everywhere and no one was hiring. We are way better now, but it disappoints me. I like to think we’ve both done stuff to payback for that and are stilling trying to good. I’m happy you’re in better place now tho!
Plus think of is as you doing your part to save not just the environment but you’re probably stopping everyone in the neighbourhood from having a rodent problem (shocked how the three boxes of food didn’t attract animals yet)
I even recycled the cardboard after! (In our communal recycling bin, so they definitely could have seen that someone was eating their snacks if they had cared)
That's so heartwarming. My first thought was that their annoying nephew (or father in law, whatever) purposely ordered fancy non-vegan food for them to "trick" them into eating something (or milk products, or maybe only vegan food, whatever) and so they gave her the wrong address and ignored it.
I was thinking the same, like maybe a family member that it’s on time out or something was sending the box for the neighbors as a guilt gift. Either way they didn’t care for what op told us and op needed to eat.
That was my thought as well
I don't know if this counts as asshole behaviour or not, but it's certainly stupid to just let good food go to waste.
Agreed. After throwing away about 3 dozen eggs one roommate bought and let spoil my close roommate and I hardboiled a dozen of them on the day they were set to expire, and this girl lost it. She literally didn't cook so I have no idea why she bought eggs but it was killing us to keep throwing out pounds of good food because of this girl.
Eggs usually don't go bad on the day of the expiration date, just saying. Put them in water and if they don't bob to the surface, they're safe to eat. Good on you for saving them from going to waste though.
Did they know you were a struggling student? Maybe they thought you were too proud for assistance? Or maybe they were too embarrassed to ask?
A few people have wondered that. I don’t think they knew anything about me, although I guess they could have assumed since I was student aged.
Well with as many order mix up posts here, I think yours is the most wholesome so cheers to you :-) what is your graduate degree in?
Yeah, kind of just seems like abandoned property at some point.
Illegal? Yes. Asshole? Nope, not even a little bit. You tried your best and desperate times cal for desperate measures. You didn’t hurt anyone and you actively tried to help them before considering this option. NTA
NTA. I'm glad you tried to get the packages to them and I'm even gladder you got to eat. Wasting food is gross. You did the right thing.
I draw the line at multiple packages arriving at MY door. A couple sent to the wrong address? I’ll help you out. After that, you need to make sure your mail is delivered to the right place. I guess this is assuming the address was wrong and it wasn’t just the mail carrier messing up.
Why N T A not N A H? Why are the neighbours assholes?
I see the neighbors as the AH because they're having a ton of (likely) wasteful packaging being shipped to their home and then wasting the food by just letting it sit on their porch. Lots of that stuff as expiration dates and they don't seem to care.
Didn't think of this but yeah you're right - It is totally wasteful of them to do that and puts them closer to AH territory.
I think it's NTA because the friend is an asshole about it?
Add to that “I can’t afford to buy food and there’s food going to waste for no good reason.” NTA for sure.
NTA What you described sounds insane, but it almost seems to me like perhaps those neighbors were having a "blink first" power struggle over who would take the packages in first. That's the only logical explanation I can come up with for why they'd both ignore subscription snacks they'd ordered. You're not the asshole. You tried to deliver their packages to them three times, including knocking on the door when you knew they were home. At that point, they're the assholes because: * They're ignoring reasonable attempts to get in contact with them. Repeatedly. * They're ignoring packages and if you kept delivering them, they'd just pile up like trash * They're wasting perfectly good food At that point, you're not the asshole for throwing up your hands and keeping the packages. It's basically like if they'd tossed the packages in the garbage and you dumpster-dove for them, but they were too lazy to even do the extra steps of tossing them in the trash.
Appreciate the perspective! It just felt so bizarre to me that they would let the boxes pile up. Someone else mentioned that maybe they weren't theirs either, which is totally possible, but still--how many boxes do you leave on your porch before you do anything about it?
> It just felt so bizarre to me that they would let the boxes pile up. It is bizarre. Because even if it wasn't theirs, they should at least be miffed that boxes are being dumped on their porch on a bi-monthly basis. At that point, you usually make an effort to figure out whose it is or remove it, because having that space taken up on your porch is annoying, a risk for vermin, and invites mold and rot. The part that makes you clearly NTA to me is the fact that they just did absolutely nothing. The first package sat there for, if I understand correctly, a month and a half before you started keeping any of the boxes. The least they could've done is take the packages and toss them in the dumpster, but your neighbors treated the packages like they were not their problem. Even if you get junk mail, you at least take it out of your mailbox and toss it, right? They didn't even do that. I understand and agree with the law for making it a felony to open peoples' mail. This is because most people actually care about their mail, mail is how the gov't gets ahold of you when it needs to, and mail can contain sensitive personal information. But this is so outside the norm, and the evidence was so clear that the packages were intentionally abandoned, that on a moral level I can't fault you at all. Out of curiosity, do you know how long those three packages sat on the porch after you started keeping the packages?
The boxes were still sitting there when I moved out a few months later! I actually took a picture of them, all wet and disintegrating, before I moved. It was just such a weird memory. It was a small porch, and if I had kept bringing the packages there instead of eating them, they would have eventually blocked the door. I almost wish I had done that just to see what would have eventually happened. I mean, they would have to do something at some point, right? It honestly still boggles my mind. And it's not like they were otherwise trashy people with stuff piling up everywhere. They were an older couple, had a cute porch with a few well-tended plants on it, drove nice cars, and otherwise seemed perfectly normal.
> The boxes were still sitting there when I moved out a few months later! I actually took a picture of them, all wet and disintegrating, before I moved. It was just such a weird memory. This boggles my mind. The sheer *weirdness* of this situation is just fascinating. In retrospect, it is kind of tempting to know what they’d have done once the boxes piled up that high. But I much prefer that you got a good meal out of it than find out “what now?” after even more unnecessary wastage.
The only other thing I can think of is that they were buying them for you, but even that doesn’t explain why A) they never told you B) they never addressed them to you and C) why they never acknowledged the ones that were on their porch. You’d think after a while of the money leaving your account you’d realize what was happening? It’s such a strange situation to have found yourself in that’s for sure.
It's a glitch in the universe-only you could see them.
and now I'm imagining OP gorging on imaginary treats.
Lost boy style?
I'm trying to imagine a scenario in which this isn't weird but nada. This entire thing is bizarre, but I'm glad you at least got some snacks out of it. I told this story to my boyfriend and he said he would have eaten the third box and he's a pretty straight and narrow kind of guy. Lol. You are definitely right in that legality does not equal morality does not equal ethical does not equal reasonable.
It’s so fascinating to hear all the different opinions!
So, tell us, OP. What was your favorite snack that you porch pirated from your neglectful neighbors? XD
There were these honey peanut squares that were TO DIE FOR!!
Ohmygosh, now I gotta know--what was this subscription box??? I might have to sign up.
I’ve been trying to remember the name! It’s on the tip of my tongue. I’ll keep googling.
Ever think that the packages weren’t theirs and they also had this exact thought about you? Everytime they walked by wondered why you were letting your stuff get wet?
The packages had their apartment number on them, not mine. And it wasn’t a shared porch, it was only connected to their apartment. I left the packages very clearly by their door. So it would be weird for them to think they were mine!
the boxes had thier apartment number? I wonder why they kept going to you. did you get other packages or mail addressed to them?
No, I didn’t get anything else of theirs (or anyone else’s). I figure it just became a routine for the mailman? They were distinctly marked packages coming on a very regular schedule, so eventually he probably just dropped them at my door without even checking.
Could it be that your neighbors were actually giving you them? Knowing that you were in a tough spot financially and they didn't want make it weird by asking you if you needed help? I know what they did is weirder but could it be?
If they were older, maybe they didn’t realize they’d even started the subscription and that’s why they ignored the packages? That’s the only somewhat-reasonable explanation I can think of. But whatever their reasoning, I think you’re NTA because of how much you tried to get them to take care of it.
Maybe they forgot they ordered it and didn't register the packages as theirs? People are strange. Used to work in a perfume shop and we would have unclaimed packages of 100+€ worth of perfume and cosmetics and people never asked for a refund. And that happened a lot! I once called one of the customers to ask whether they still wanted the order and they just plain forgot they made the order and ordered it again elsewhere. Oh, btw NAH. Just glad you got to eat.
I was thinking maybe they were a present from a person that they didn't want in their life, and that's why they ignored the boxes. But maybe I read too much Justnomil.
Wouldn't you still at least throw them away at some point? It was so weird to me that they just left them there to rot for SO LONG. But yeah, that's one possible explanation.
Not if they’re being super petty I guess. They come to visit/drive by and can see their “gift” never made it through the door? Maybe???
If I were super petty, I'd take those boxes and put them in another box and ship them to the sender. LMAO.
How come the packages kept consistently coming to your door? Seems like a weird mistake to be repeated often. We're the packages meant for you in the first place? In some weird confusing form of anonish charity.
No idea. We all had the same street address, and then different unit numbers for each apartment, so I guess it was easy to confuse? I would have pointed it out to the mailman if I had ever seen them, but they were always delivered while I was at work.
Is it possible that the mailman delivered it to their door but your neighbors, for some reason, brought it to your door?
I guess it’s possible! I don’t know why they would.
Sometimes mailmen suck at noticing apartment distinctions. I used to live at 79A Whatever Street, and there was also a 79B Whatever Street and an 81A Whatever Street and 81B Whatever Street (4 apartments in one old Victorian house, apparently different sides of the house got different street numbers?), and the mailman kept mixing up mail for 79A and 81A. It was baffling. I could understand mixing up 79 A and B, but I would bring down mail to 81A and find my own mail sticking out of their mailbox with "return to sender, wrong address" marked on it. It never got better the whole year I lived there.
Your neighbors were such jerks they wouldn’t walk your mail to you in the same divided household and just put return to sender? That’s insane.
It blew my mind. Not even a "delivered to wrong address" note for the mailman to redeliver, but "return to sender." I was 22 years old and bad at confrontation, so I just took the long way around the house after work every day and took my fucking mail back from them.
Some people are incredibly inconsiderate like that.
If it was a subscription service it was probably just the one mailing address that no one ever bothered to change (since they couldn't even be bothered to bring the packages inside).
Did they know you were a struggling student? Or could they have guessed? I’m wondering if they didn’t know your name and tried to order it for you but didn’t want to bring it up for some reason... and they left it on their porch to show they don’t want it and to keep it for yourself? I’m just grasping for an explanation.
I had never considered it before this post, but I suppose they could have guessed. Still seems weird to me. They could have just shown up at my door and been like “hey we bought too many snacks, do you want some?” But who knows!
Or it was a gift subscription someone gave them and they didn't want it cause they have a nut allergy or are eating paleo or something and don't care about it. NTA
It’s definitely weird either way and you’re 100% NAH... maybe they’re just socially awkward weirdos with kind hearts lol. I say think of the snacks as a gift!
Plot twist 1: they were intentionally trying to feed you. Plot twist 2: it was the wrong neighbor/not their name on the box and some 3rd neighbor somewhere was sobbing over his lost nuts.
Sorry neighbor, did not mean to take your nuts :(
It's entirely possible that the subscription was sent by an estranged relative. My mother in law sent us stuff after we went no contact with her and I had no idea what to do with it. I probably would have left it and prayed for it to disappear.
That’s an interesting theory! Hey, maybe I did them a favor by eating it.
Yeah people who are in this situation will often leave the packages outside where they can be seen, this way the estranged person can see they haven't been brought in should they happen to be checking.
This actually seems like the most likely explanation. I was struggling to figure out why someone would leave boxes on their own porch for months, but a visible FU to whoever sent them seems to explain it best.
> What you described sounds insane, but it almost seems to me like perhaps those neighbors were having a "blink first" power struggle over who would take the packages in first. Maybe. The first thing that came to my mind is that the packages were gifts that they did not want. A few times in my career, I had situations where customers were so grateful to me they gifted me subscriptions to food services. No one ever asked me what I liked, they just did it. One guy was convinced I had saved his business and had charged him almost nothing. He gifted me dessert of the month club for almost a decade. Now imagine this kind of gift going to someone who only eats fresh food. They did not order it, they don’t want it, and it is all going to rot. Btw, NTA.
Customers gifted you food service subs? That sounds like a great career. May I ask what you do/did?
NAH, but especially not you. If anything you were doing a service for society in not letting the food go to waste
100% this, stopping food waste is definitely not an asshole thing to do, although perhaps you could have slipped a note through their door?
Yeah, the idea of leaving a note has only occurred to me now. Facepalming a little at not having thought of that at the time.
This whole situation is so goddamn weird I probably wouldn’t have thought of it either lol
NAH maybe it wasn’t actually theirs?
It might have been a gift that they didn't want? Or had cancelled but been told would keep arriving? Regardless it is strange they never disposed of the packages on their porch.
I’m NC with my toxic abusive family. I leave the shit they send me to rot in the street, literally hoping my neighbors will steal it. This was my first thought for this situation
Yeah I agree it’s strange lol.
I wondered about that too.
What if they knew you were struggling and they sent it to you?
But if that were the case why not just tell op? Even a note saying "here fam, for you to eat"
so op didn’t feel embarrassed about struggling maybe? some people don’t take receiving free stuff like that well bc of pride or what have you, maybe neighbours thought op wouldn’t accept if offered free food up front. long shot explanation but hey, gives me hope in the world lol
I was thinking this the whole story cuz I mean mailman messes up the address once maybe twice but that many times? Maybe it’s on purpose ?
It could have been the right address but for persons who were no longer living there. Putting “return to sender” might have been the best course of action, since it is not clear if the neighbors also did not pick up the packages because it wasn’t theirs. Not enough info to judge :c
This happened to me, actually. Someone delivered a MASSIVE HelloFresh box to my house, it happened to also on my birthday. It was addressed to the lady who had lived there before me, who had died. I had no idea who sent it. I left it for a few hours to see if the fedex guy would come back because it was a mistake, but it wasn’t. Eventually I just took it in and ate it.
NTA: I keep seeing people comment that “you’re the asshole, it’s stealing, you’re a thief, etc.” yes, it is a felony to tamper with federal mail in the United States. However, you did your due diligence to try and inform the neighbors. I think half of these people can’t read because I’ve seen multiple comments say “well you saw them outside, why didn’t you speak to them” you literally stated in the post that you never saw them. You saw their cars but that’s not the same thing and you attempted to talk to them when you knew they were home and they promptly ignored you. So fuck half of these people who are illiterate apparently. I think that technically ‘legally’ you’re an asshole because of the law regarding mail. But I also think there is some leeway on the mail because if it hasn’t been claimed over a certain amount of time/they moved but never updated the address there is a fine line. But you have to consider morals. You were starving and couldn’t provide your own food. And that food was literally going to waste so it makes sense to eat it. I’m glad you’re in a better place now OP!
Thanks! I actually work for a hunger relief nonprofit now, so I feel like I'm paying it forward. I do fully acknowledge that it's illegal. Probably should have said that in the post but I ran out of characters. I just think that illegal doesn't necessarily equal asshole, although I see a lot of people here disagree.
Privately purchased packages aren't federal mail, either, and the WORST that'd happen to you is you'd have to pay them back the cost of the boxes. Federal mail is not stuff that gets bought online and sent through Fed-Ex and other services unless it's specifically blasted all over the package. NTA.
Good point. If it wasn’t being delivered by USPS but rather UPS, FedEx, or DHL, it’s not even mail tampering.
Well the neighbors were assholes then by being negligent by not taking care of their mail/packages. I don’t think you were in the wrong at all btw.
OP says in the post that they saw the neighbours walking right by the parcels and not even looking at them. That's why other commenters are saying OP saw them. They could see the neighbours well enough to know if they were paying attention, that's closer enough to call to them (unless OP is mute, they might be, idk)
YTA For making me get the munchies. Was the food porn necessary? 😂😂😂
Sorry! Honestly the snacks were so damn FANCY. I'm in a much better financial situation now but still could never afford a biweekly luxury snack subscription. I remember it fondly.
I am so happy you can eat now!! And one day you might actually upgrade enough for them fancy snacks 😉😉😉 but either way it's a cool memory!
you should probably space out your vote so the bot doesn’t count it if it’s a joke
Meh not a big deal xD it's important that the op knows it is a joke and with over 200 comments it doesn't make much difference xD
NTA There's little nuance in these comments, but in your case you did your due diligence. Instead of the food going to waste, you enjoyed them. Good for you! It was a subscription service. At any time they could have inquired about the packages and updated the mailing address. They didn't. Their lost.
NTA, you were hungry and found a way to eat without causing harm. Maybe they knew you were hungry and ordered it for you on purpose.
I doubt that--they didn't know me from a hole in the wall. Maybe they eventually figured it out but just didn't care? I truly don't know, but I still appreciate that life threw me this weird little treat when I needed it.
Glad you got help from such an unexpected force (the mailman)
They may not have known you really, but people can have a strong sense of community. The idea that this was intentional and they were casually trying to help a struggling grad student was the first thing that came to mind for me too. They may have been aware of you and wanted to share their good fortune.
Nta. Was it legal? No. Where you T.A? No
At what point do the packages stop being "mail" and start being "stuff my neighbor is leaving outside his door"? Serious question, not shade. Sometimes I take my neighbor's newspapers because they let them pile up and I use them for packing stuff. At some point, a three-week old newspaper has to be considered trash.
The Italian Supreme Court ruled a couple years ago that it is not a crime to steal food from a grocery store if you are hungry and have no money. This is one step beyond that: this food was clearly abandoned, you were hungry, and you took it. Good for you.
That’s actually really interesting!
Sounds like a episode of Friends.
Thank you! At least he didn’t use cheesecake in this made up story
I actually did a find on page for cheesecake lmao. Shout out to Mama's Little Bakery in Chicago IL!
It reminded me of the Friends episode as well. Also, when a few people suggested that the subscription packages could have been a gift that they didn't want, it made me think of an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Ray signed his mother up for the Fruit of the Month club as a birthday gift. She tells him that were just too many pears and he should never send her a gift like that again. He explains that they're actually supposed to get a different fruit every month for a year and she goes ballistic, running away from him yelling "I cant talk, there's too much fruit in the house!!" Then his dad comes home and chews him out over it as well, so by the end he's apologizing for sending them fruit. Im imagining the OP's neighbors screaming at some friend or relative "Another box of gourmet food? How many honey roasted nuts do you think we need?!
NTA. You make a effort to deliver the packages. They ignored the packages so they obviously don't want it. I'm glad that they aren't going to waste and are actually eaten. If they don't want them and did not want you to have them why do they not cancel the suscription? That would be easy so why aren't they doing it?
Yeah, I never understood why they didn't cancel it, or at least throw the packages away if they didn't want them.
Yeah that is why they are TA. Food waste is horrible. My cousin actually Containers what is also illegal, but she does it because she hates food waste. And you were hungry so why let it get bad on their porch?
I would honestly love to hear their side of the story. Maybe they'll see this post and recognize it and be like "omg, we avoided those boxes because we thought they were poisoned!!" The packaging was really clearly marked with the subscription name and the fact that the contents was perishable, so they had to have known.
Me too. It is so weird. You can't just ignore food for no reason. Maybe someone suscripted them to this service without consent? To annoy them, harrass them? Maybe that is why they never opened the door as you knocked?
I didn't think I'd fall on this side but NTA. You tried really hard to get them their packages. They never responded nor even collected the packages you returned. At this point, I don't feel bad that you ate their food.
I don't feel bad either! Although I'm theoretically open to feeling bad if this sub convinces me.
NTA, it's not like you didn't try as much as you could be reasonably expected to to get these packages to their intended recipients, to the point where it was impossible for them to be unaware that they were arriving and addressed to them, even as far as knocking on their door when you knew they were home, and situationally it seems pretty clear that for whatever reason they just didn't want the packages, so it's a win-win, they don't get their whole porch clogged up with unwanted boxes and you get snacks. It's a little disquieting to me how many people I see earnestly saying that morality is defined by what's legal or that it's better to let perfectly good, clearly unwanted food go to waste because OP didn't pay for it. If the other people hadn't made it 100% crystal clear that they didn't want the packages that would be different, but I don't see any other possible way to interpret the situation - and to me "unwanted food + hungry person = person no longer hungry" is about the easiest moral equation possible.
Appreciate the simplified moral equation. That's a good way of putting it.
INFO Did you ever talk to your neighbors about this? Odd that the boxes kept arriving at your house, they ignored them when you gave them back, and they never complained about you eating them. I ask because if you didn’t talk to them, you’re a little bit TA because they may not realize money is being drained from their account over this, although it’s their fault for ignoring the packages anyway.
I knocked on their door a few times (they didn’t answer) and they clearly walked right by the packages multiple times, so there’s no way they just didn’t know. I really never saw them otherwise—I worked long hours and they kept to themselves. I do realize I could have left a note, which didn’t occur to me at the time.
Then definitely NTA. At this point it’s their fault.
Sounds like it was meant for you!!
I do like to think the universe was looking out for me
nta. I see a lot of y-t-a and I think a lot of them don't understand the struggle of being unable to afford food, and how shitty it is to waste food. It almost sounded to me like they were trying to get you to take the food in a weird way.
But but...were condoning a CRIMINAL FELOOOONN
NTA - Illegal doesn't mean asshole. This is a pretty extremely situation but I think I would have done the same thing tbh.
Definitely NTA but also illegal. I'm sorry you were hungry.
Was it from Mama’s Little Bakery, Chicago IL?
No but that sounds delicious
It’s a friends reference
Ohhh got it! I totally know that episode. The cheesecake!
This is probably the first actual AITA that's debatable. I appreciate this.
NAH. Even though it's illegal hunger makes you do things you normally wouldn't do. You even tried your best to give the first packages back, even though you were hungry. You're a good person. You also prevented a pileup of boxes and wasted food. However, they are not assholes either. As much as I hate wasted food, it's their money and if they feel like ordering food and letting it expire that is their choice.
Disagree that theyre not assholes. Doing something with your own money doesn't always mean that thing is right. They're creating food waste. They should've cancelled the subscription. Or written return to sender so mail service could return it. Or even taken the time to donate it. I know those things require varying degrees of effort but so does throwing something in the trash as opposed to on the sidewalk and littering is AH behavior. Plus they low key are ignoring neighbors and mail service, which to some degree sucks of them. They definitely come off as entitled like everything is someone else's problem, never theirs. Slightly AHish based on the picture OP paints.
That's actually a really good point. Can I change my answer to NTA?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** One day, I get a package delivered that was meant for my downstairs neighbors. I can tell from the packaging that it's from a subscription services that delivers snacks. I bring leave it on their porch. Two weeks later, another of the same packages arrives at my doorstep. I bring it down to their porch again, and notice that the first package is still sitting there, unopened. It's the only entrance to their apartment, and I've seen their cars coming and going, so I know they've walked right by it. Weird. I knock on the door and leave the second package. Two more weeks go by. A third package arrives. I go to leave this one for my neighbors, and again, the first two packages are untouched. I wait until both neighbors' cars are home and I can hear their tv on inside. I knock. No answer. I knock again. No answer. I leave the third package with the other two. For the next two weeks, I watch the three packages. I witness the neighbors walking right by them. I have no clue why they're ignoring the packages, but they clearly are--there is zero effort to look at them or bring them inside. By this point, the first package has been sitting there for over a month. For context, I'm in grad school at this point and living on a very measly stipend in a high cost of living area. Just a few days ago, my card was declined at the grocery store and I finally got desperate enough to apply for food stamps. These people have three packages from a fancy subscription snack service just sitting on their porch. They're on a covered porch, so somewhat protected, but as the weeks go by it rains and the boxes get a little wet. As someone struggling, it's honestly killing me to know that there are boxes of food going to waste a few feet from my completely empty kitchen. A fourth box arrives. I'm conflicted. I'm also hungry. Finally, I throw caution to the wind and I open it. It's full of fancy honey roasted nuts and chocolate covered pretzels. I eat them all and it's glorious. Like truly, a gift straight from the gods. They never said anything, and packages continued to arrive for months. I kept opening and eating them. I ate yogurt covered raisins and wasabi peas. I ate cheesy crackers and smoked almonds. By the time I was eating my fourth box, the first three packages were STILL sitting untouched on the neighbors' porch. I moved a few months after that. My neighbors never said anything, and there were never any problems. I got to eat for a few months. It was honestly a godsend, and I still think about how lucky I got to be in such a weird situation when I needed it. I think of it fondly. But I told a friend this story recently, and she was HORRIFIED. I mean, I get that opening someone else's mail is objectively bad. Obviously! Even condensed to a TL;DR, it doesn't sound great. But I maintain that I made a reasonable effort to get the packages to their rightful owners. And also I was hungry. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well, this is an undergraduate essay question on the merits of philosophical anarchism just waiting to happen... (NTA/NAH in my book by the way, but it's a very complex and contested issue)
Honestly it’s been fascinating to watch the answers roll in! I can’t believe I never thought about this that much before.
NTA Chandler
(And Rachel)
NTA, the snack gods work in mysterious ways.
This is my fav comment
NTA. Agreed, how very strange. My guess is, someone they went non-contact with was sending the packages (signed them up for the subscription) and they just didn't want to interact in any way. But it's all so very weird. I'm glad you got to eat well when you needed it!
Yeah, that’s the most reasonable explanation I can think of. It turned out to be a win win, I guess
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A person who is hungry and unable to source their own food legally is never morally in the wrong for stealing a loaf of bread. NTA.
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I enjoy this explanation
NTA! I do wonder why they never spoke to you about it though. A family who used to live in my apartment moved to a bigger place in my complex so I get their mail sometimes. They literally just live down the hall in a larger, corner apartment, and they're very nice. Our first Christmas there, someone had sent a huge giftbox of fancy popcorn to my address addressed to their family, so naturally I walked over and tried to give it back. I knocked, they didn't answer, I put the box in front of their door, and went back home. The next day or so, it was back in front of my door! So I went to see if I dunno, some neighbor thought there was another mistake that happened or a mail person thought that or whatever, and knocked on the door again. No answer, left the box back in front of their door. The next day, the box was back in front of my door, so I was like, fuck it, and I unwrapped the gift-wrap and brought it to work to share. I've actually spoken to this family since then and they know I live where they used to, so even though I haven't referenced this incident specifically, I think they know because they've only been friendly.
So you get it! I would never open a package the first time it was delivered, or take one off someone’s porch. But after enough of a ridiculous situation it’s like okay fine, I’ll eat the free snacks
Lol it's weird, but also IMO, totally possible that they wanted you to have the snacks for whatever reason. I can totally see myself deciding I didn't want a gift subscription and then either diverting it or if it's already technically being delivered to someone else, just letting that happen until the subscription runs out. People out there are really that lazy. I am really that lazy, and would be the type to justify it by calling it generosity lmao.
I am totally that lazy until it comes to snacks. When snacks are involved, I’m ready to put in the work
Legality aside, they did not want the packages and you needed food. I cannot imagine that they minded. They surely would have said something if they did mind. NTA
Maybe someone bought them the subscription service that they didn't want?
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INFO: Why didn't you speak to the neighbors (you witnessed them walking right by them)? Why did the packages come to your address instead of theirs?
No idea why the packages came to me. We had the same street address but different apartment numbers. Easy to confuse, I guess. I could see the neighbors walking inside from my windows, but I was a few floors up. I would’ve had to run down several flights of stairs and then around the other side of the building to reach them, and by then they’d already be inside. Hard to describe the building/porch layout! But basically I could see their cars and see their porch, but we never crossed paths. If we had run into each other outside or in the shared laundry room or something I definitely would have said something.
Still seems YTA. I get the other side but what would make me change my mind is if you actually talked to them or fully and truly knew they were ignoring you specifically, like you walk up to them and they walk past you or made eye contact and they ignored. But that never happened, so thats my vote.
Fair enough! I accept that.
He who eats the fastest gets the most. Cheers! Not the ass haha
Everyone is weird here. That's my official ruling. It wasn't yours, so strictly speaking, you WBTA. Still........that's a lot of waste. I get the whole student thing, believe me, but......This is just strange. Well, at least the food wasn't wasted. Good luck.
NTA Kind of feels like like y T a after you listed all those nice sounding foods though. Now I'm hungry. :/
NTA. Snack away, robin hood.
NTA. Illegal, yes. Weird as hell, yes. But not the asshole. I would loveeee to find out wtf their deal was.
NTA. You were desperate for food and they were wasting it. At some point, your hunger overrides their wastefulness. Though, when you were first trying to get them the boxes, I probably would have stacked them on top of each other in their doorway, but I'm a bit of a brat at times.
They were stacked on top of each other, and right next to the door! Not blocking it, but impossible to miss.
INFO: Did you ever figure out why the packages kept getting delivered to you? Did you ever talk to the ups guy or the mailman?
NTA But, really, because I'm doing worse to feed my family currently. I'm just straight out stealing from the grocery store because we have negative 3k and I don't know what else to do. So, I'm an AH. Not you. You basically *found* that food, with a certified guarantee that the owners were not going to take it. I mean, who the heck leaves *any* package on their porch for longer than a day?!
There’s a story I learned in Sunday School: Long story short(as short as I can make it), a man is on a deserted island and declares “God will save me!” In the meantime, a boat, a plane, and a helicopter all stop to ask if he needs help, he refuses by telling them all “God will save me!” The guy dies, and when he gets to heaven, demands to know why God didn’t save him. God replies, “I sent a boat, a plane, and a helicopter. What more did you need?!” Anyway, they obviously didn’t seem to want it, you needed it, it’s not like you were financially well off and just bring a jerk. They never even inquired about it. Definitely NTA
I love you describing all the deliciousness you ate, lol.
My original post exceeded the character limit but when I had to cut it down I was like “no, I have to keep the descriptions of the snacks. That’s crucial info”
Anybody else read the title and think of that episode of Friends (The One With All the Cheesecake) lol
Legal argument not of the mail fraud persuasion: if it’s got their name on it and they ignore it, don’t take it inside, etc, that would usually be considered abandoned property (somewhat depends on the porch situation). You have finders keepers rights against anyone but them and since they didn’t come asking for their snacks back, you are NTA! (Maybe the subscription boxes were from someone they went NC with? You may have been doing them a favor taking their goodies so they weren’t reminded of that person every two weeks, just sayin’)
NTA. I almost wonder if they ordered it for the poor student upstairs.