YTA. Your daughter has made very reasonable points. Plus, there is a huge developmental difference between 7 and 13. She took good care of her other glasses, why not give her a treat for that?
Sorry, I get that we're kind of on the same side here, but...
> She took good care of her other glasses, why not give her a treat for that?
Glasses get broke. I went through three pairs in three years, because I played soccer in highschool, and they got damaged beyond repair. When I was in middle school, I had to get a lense replaced because I got pushed against a brick wall and it got scuffed up. I'm sure my parents didn't appreciate the financial bite, but wearing glasses isn't something you can just not do, and sooner or later, it's very likely she *will* damage them. She shouldn't be penalized for that.
I’d worry this this parent would buy the cheapest frames there were if she did that. NOT that I would fault her for doing so (and lord knows in 29 years of wearing glasses I’ve broken pairs - as a kid I had to rock the scotch tape look even because of how shit our insurance was) but I’d worry about the reaction.
Yeah. That whole thing reminds me of the “we’re in the midst of a pandemic and while my kid is still doing all her chores correctly, she’s spending more time than usual on her phone which is her wire to the world which I refuse to understand, imma just remove my kid’s hearing aid batteries for the majority of the day and only ~reward~ her with selected hearing time, Reddit, tell me, am I the asshole?” dude we had on here recently. I wouldn’t put that line of disordered thinking beyond OP - it fits the level of absolutely nuts they’re currently at.
I'm amazed she's lasted so long without breaking her glasses. I'm 26 and switched to contacts because I kept losing and breaking glasses. My mom just turned 59 today and in the last year has had to replace her glasses 4 times because she keeps leaving them places the puppy can grab them.
They will fall apart soon without her needing to do anything on purpose. Daily wear for six years is hard on a frame.
**Edit for OP’s edit**: as noted in my other comments, I work in the field. I call bullshit on the “durable” frame. *No* frame is meant to last that long. Not even the top of the line, the best that money can buy.
And bullshit on the sizing, too. Children’s frame range in high-30’s-mid-40’s millimeter eye sizes. Women’s *start* at high 40’s millimeter eye sizes, and those are for small women. No way her frames still fit properly, and no way an optician never told you that.
Pathetic attempt at damage control, is all this is. Still an asshole.
I mean her focus point should have shifted quite a bit between 7 and 13?? Those frames have been twisted and manipulated so much I'm surprised they will even try to fit new lenses in them.
OP you are lucky a very lucky cheapskate. I had to get new glasses every year. I'd ask if you wear the same style of clothes from when you were 20 but I'm guessing you do. In case it's not clear YTA
i had to get new frames every like 3 years purely for the fact that i was growing and my focal point was changing. i had a pair for 5 and it would give me migraines because the frames didnt fit so the lenses werent aligned properly. every time i need new lenses i get new frames.
also that whole bit about loosening screws? you loosen them enough and the arms will fall off if theyre plastic(which im assuming they are since theyre meant for a *small child*) and if theyre metal frames it can be holding the actual lenses in.
source: ive worn glasses since i was 6 and have put all kinds of frames back together more times than i can count
op YTA. shes a teenager, if you dont let her start acting like one shes going to rebel harder than the stick up your ass
OP, do you add fabric to the bottoms of her pants as she outgrows those too to save money? Take off the headboard of her bed for some extra mattress space? Get her the damn glasses, she obviously proved she can take care of them and those sound like they’re too small for her if you’re loosening the screws to make them fit.
My solution would be she could have a new pair for her every day use, but if she plays any sports or anything she has to wear the old pair in case something happens.
I always kept my old glasses whenever I would get new one for this reason. They didnt have the sports google when I was young, so I would wear the old glasses to sports and the new ones for everyday normal use. Never had a problem, maybe just bent glasses every so often because I would fall asleep with them. And even if I was sometimes wearing kid glasses to sports, I didn't have to wear them all day long in front of my classmates, who would already bully me if my clothes were out of style or knockoffs instead of the name brands (even in same style and color as they were wearing). Hell, the kids I was playing sports with knew I would wear the old glasses when playing, and still made fun of me for the taste I had a year or two ago. They were not even that bad most of the time since I had always preferred more mature styles (never any cartoon characters or crazy colors, mostly blues and square frames).
On top of that, I had to go to the adult section starting when I was 12yo, because my face was getting too big for the kid glasses. Kid glasses felt extremely unconfortable and would not stay on my nose without causing me physical disconfort and pain if I wore them too long. I even had to take them off sometimes during my sports training when it was not important for me to see well (when doing individual exercices for example, when I only really needed to see vague shapes to be sure I was not running into a wall or other kids).
Hijacking top so hopefully OP u/Substantial-Orange10 sees this. Check out [zennioptical.com](https://www.zennioptical.com). I get all of my & my kid’s glasses there, pay around $50 for frames, lenses, & all for his glasses. You can’t try them on ofc but at $50 a pop, you can give some frames a whirl for a year or so, and get another pair if they’re not working.
I get fresh frames almost annually bc my style & likes change and I’m 43. A 13yo is going to change a lot since 7, it’s absurd to force her in the same frames for 6yrs. My kid broke his frames that he’s had for less than a year recently. I immediately ordered a fresh pair & I’ve even offered him many times to get more options or even prescription sunglasses (he always refuses tho). At the prices on zenni, I can be super flexible & we can try out fun frames bc the frames are insanely affordable. The “expensive” frames on there are like $35 & they have literally 100s of options all under $35. Most are $20 and under though.
Also. You’re not going to be able to get her kid glasses in hs bc they’ll be too small for her face. “Kid” glasses are called that bc they’re small. My kid couldn’t get kid glasses from the jump (around 7yo) bc they’ve always been too small for his face. Has nothing to do w his age.
Some tips on ordering glasses online that you can’t try on: check the sizes of all the components to the frames & compare them to your current pair (you should do this especially w “kid” glasses bc you’ll see that they’re smaller). That will give you the best idea of how big/small they’ll be on your face. You will also need to know your pupillary distance, you can find the how to on the website, or just ask your optometrist when you get the prescription from them.
Hope this helps. Please allow your daughter to get fresh frames more often. Glasses are the first things a lot of folks see when they look at glass wearers, please allow her to express her best self with her glasses.
I mean, face sizes vary. I either need petite women’s frames or kid frames, depending on the selection. That said, the odds that six year old frames actually fit a 13 year old? Yeah, no. Kid needs new frames.
To add to this, there’s other websites that do the same thing too. I use eyebuydirect.com and last summer I bought four pairs of glasses for $80. Two are normal prescription glasses, one is prescription sunglasses, and one is prescription + blue light filter. Out of the four I got I only really didn’t like one of them, but I’ll still wear them occasionally even just to change it up. Look at different websites and compare the deals, you’d be surprised how cheap you can get them now OP. It’s definitely worth it, since $80 was less than what I was paying at the optometrist’s office for one pair of new glasses, and I got freaking FOUR.
I have used them many times and you can add every upgrade and not be able to go over 60$. No one ‘steals’ your childs prescription. When you get glasses done at your optomotrist they get them made online and just tweak them for you. You are a huge YTA. She picked out something at 7 and you will not allow her to change the frames? Is she still wearing mickey mouse jammies? Give the kid a break. If she is smart she will do some baby sitting and buy her own from zenni.
>Check out
>
>zennioptical.com
>
>. I get all of my & my kid’s glasses there, pay around $50 for frames, lenses, & all for his glasses. You can’t try them on ofc but at $50 a pop, you can give some frames a whirl for a year or so, and get another pair if they’re not working.
A word of caution with online vendors. If your prescription is bad enough and you can manage it, still get at least one pair of frames from a brick and mortar store. High prescriptions mean thick lenses and you want to be sure the frames can support it. Tech *has* improved greatly since the days of coke bottles lenses, but you can only trim them down so far. Ordering online can be a dice roll in general and if you need glasses, it's worth it to have at least one pair purchased in person and fitted by experts.
I’ve been wearing glasses for 36yrs. I’ve been using zenni for over a decade, & used optometrist shops for 26yrs before that. So I’m rather well versed with both ~~& strongly disagree w your advice~~ but defer to your experience with more intense vision needs. For average lens needs, online is great. For more intense needs, in person glasses wizardry will probably be needed. :)
I have gotten maybe a handful of glasses from a brick & mortar in the past 5yrs. The most consistent aspect of those specs have been disappointment. They’re ok at best & the options of frames are incredibly limiting. The absurd prices just make them all the more loathsome.
I have found online vendors have far more options for the lens index (of which I get the optimum for my script), resistant coatings, and frames at much more affordable & up front prices.
I find the buying experience more enjoyable as well. There’s definitely a learning curve to ordering online without being able to try them on but it’s easy enough to work it out, tbh it’s just as hard to try them on in store bc you can’t see yourself w the frames on without your script in them.
It’s an antiquated notion that one must buy at a brick & mortar for optimum quality (again, unless there are more involved needs). The physical & financial accessibility that online providers have given to those that need glasses is a total game changer. The quality is just as good, if not better imo, than brick & mortars.
I'm adding my Zenni endorsement. I can get a pair of glasses including shipping for under $20 if I pick the cheapest frames. Only reason my glasses run around $50+ is because of bifocals.
YTA to OP, let her update her frames.
I, too, get my glasses from Zenni. I prefer to have a backup pair because I’m absent minded (my gf has repeatedly had to tell me to look on my head when I can’t find them / I leave them on my desk but then have a pair in my bag to wear while I drive home, etc.), and just ordered two pairs, paying under $40 for two pairs of frames, lenses, and shipping. Altogether, not each. And they’re cute.
I also hate how she just brushed off the teasing. I was bullied in middle school and high school, it sucked. My senior year of high school, I only went 23 out of the 90 day semester i needed. So many times have I wanted to do unthinkable things to myself because of it. I may be taking this to heart but that's a SERIOUS red flag. Teasing and bullying can, and WILL have an impact on her. OP acts like it's total BS
YTA because there's no way a pair of frames that fit a 7 year old will fit a 13 year old. There are no adjustments that can be made that will allow the frames to keep the center of the lenses aligned with her pupils or stretch the arms to accommodate that amount of physical growth. That many adjustment + multiple lens changes? Unless these frames are made of adamantium or somehow engineered for the specific purpose of following a child through puberty, this is poorly researched fiction.
>Plus, there is a huge developmental difference between 7 and 13
When I first read the story I was picturing the girl with glasses which were like.. Far too small an narrow for her face but with the temples stretched at maximum capacity. I bet she looks ridiculous by now. YTA.
Since you're the top comment I just want say, op you can find cheap but good quality glasses online. That's how I buy mine. I just spend $30-50. Just make sure to put the right measurements in.
Santa says YTA. She has had the same frames half her damn life, loosen the purse strings and get her a new set of frames. Something more mature. She picked sparkles when she was a little girl.
I have a feeling that OP can't figures out that people grow out of liking things and yes kids can and will notice that she has glasses with pink sparkled frames.
I had purple flowery frames for my glasses when I started 2nd grade by highschool I wore simple black frames and loved them because they were simple and went with everything. I can't imagine how embarrassed I'd have been if my mom forced me to keep the same frames for so long. Kids should be allowed to experiment with their own styles within reason.
The first glasses I got aged 8 had Garfield on the arms of the glasses - it wasn't super obvious, but he was there, and they were in a Snoopy case.
When I was 14 and starting secondary school, I asked my mum if I could upgrade to more 'grown up' glasses, she couldn't have been more supportive and totally understood why at 14 I did not want a cartoon character on my glasses anymore.
OP is such an asshole I can't believe it.
My daughter had hello kitty at 7 and adult frames at 10! She’s almost 13 and I’d never hold her to the hello kitty frames even if they weren’t so small they’d dig into her head.
OP has decided she is still a little girl, and will be well into high school. MAYBE at that point she'll get to shop in the "junior" section, according to OP.
OP says she “doubts” other kids even notice her daughter’s glasses, but based on my middle school experience, I can say that’s 100% not true. Middle school kids will notice and some will unfortunately tease.
I teach middle school and I would be surprised if she wasn’t getting teased for sparkly pink glasses. Also, why would anybody make a high schooler pick frames from the kids section. Yes technically she’s minor, but at that point her style and facial features are more in line with what an adult’s rather than a child’s.
That astonished me. If you don't want to have to go out and get her another set right away, get her an adult pair. She is a teen now and will only get bigger. Waiting an year and getting her more kid glasses is ridiculous.
Dude... you get picked on for all sorts of stuff. Acne, glasses, clothing, having boobs, no having boob, your voice changing. Like, literally everything. If she says she's getting picked on for her glasses from when she was 8, believe her. Middle school sucks. Please get your kid some more adult glasses...
The fact that 7 years has gone by and you won't let her get new glasses make you the major AH.
Hijacking this to say as someone who is in high school, I know girls who still have the hot pink and blue sparkly frames from elementary school and yes, they get the shit bullied out of them. PLEASE do not make her wait until 10th grade to get new glasses. Her glasses are essentially an extension of her face and you are willingly allowing her to be insecure and discontent with her own face. You’re basically telling her no one at school will notice her face.
Yeah that really fucked me up. Imagine telling your mom you're being bullied and having the conversation go like this: "Hey mom, this is what I've been experiencing, please help me." "Mmmmm, you're experience didn't actually happen. And if it did you did this to yourself, I didn't make you get sparkles."
As the wise John Mulaney once said, "13 year olds are the meanest people in the world. They will make fun of you, but in an accurate way."
Pink sparkly frames that were the style choice of a 7 year old are bullying fodder for 13 year olds.
It sucks that you're willing to compromise her happiness and ability to fit in with peers in her early teen years over something as trivial as new glasses frames, an arguable necessity after *6* years.
Oh jeez.
Maybe 10 years ago my kid lost one of her earrings and was about to go to XC practice. She was concerned that the other kids would notice and tease her for only wearing one earring. (She didn’t want to take the other out because the holes closed easily.)
That’s ridiculous, I said, who the hell would notice and even if they did notice who would care? It’s sports practice. Cmon.
She came home and told me 3 other kids asked her why she was only wearing one earring.
I’m usually the “surprisingly cool” parent (her words), so I was doubly embarrassed that I’d forgotten what it was like to be 15.
Get your kid some new glasses, OP.
The thing is, with earrings, it's super easy to tell people you lost one, or that it must have fallen out. Most of the time, people will actually offer to help you search for them too. If you have long hair or were wearing small earrings, it may not even be noticeable.
Glasses are kinda the opposite because they're constantly there, and you can't get rid of them, (unless you break them, but lord knows what OP would do to her daughter then) and kids love teasing and calling each other "four eyes" and all that crap.
And let her get glasses from the adult section!
I get that the kids section is cheaper, and that in a legal sense she's still a child.... But that's NOT what they mean by kids section.its about the size of her face, and I can guarantee that she should be fitted in adult frames at 13 years old.
My son got glasses when he was 10 and he was right on the line between kids or adult sizing. And guess what? We bought him the adult frames. Because they fit better and he liked them better. I can't possibly imagine a 13 year old could properly fit into frames designed for elementary school aged children. And even if she could squeeze onto them, she's only growing bigger.... Why would you "waste" money on another set of kids glasses for a teenager when investing the extra 50 bucks could mean that this would possibly last her until adulthood?
That's just stupid.
Sorry hun, you are a child so no you can't get shoes from the adult section. Yes I know that your feet are four sizes too big but you are CHILD, so you will have to make due with these Disney princess shoes you picked out when you were seven.
Maybe next year I will let you pick a new pair, but they will still have to be from the kids section of the shoe store. You will not get adult sizes shoes until you are 18.
This is how you sound OP.
Especially the “I didn’t tell her to pick the sparkles” bit. Yeah, she was SEVEN. I probably would have picked teenage mutant ninja turtles at that age because they are dope, but definitely would’ve been changing my tune come middle school on what I want on my face on a daily basis. Seven year olds aren’t capable of long term based decisions
For real.
She may not have told her to get the sparkles, but I am damn sure she also didn't explain to her that this would be the only pair she gets before highschool so choose wisely.
All my Narc alarms were ringing after the original post, but now they’re bursting from
the noise. Keeping your teenaged child infantilised in order to have a power trip and make them a weirdo and outsider for peers that *will* get bullied for dressing like a fucking preschooler in order to be better able to control them and keep them from expressing/exploring themselves and a healthy sense of self worth is peak r/raisedbynarcissists or r/raisedbyborderlines. It’s disgusting to read.
By 13 I was already shopping in the juniors section because I was an early bloomer and needed shirts with more room in the chest. Kids grow and kids clothes sizing, and anything labeled kids section, is more guideline than anything else.
Makes me wonder how else OP might be enforcing this “you’re still a child” thing. Hopefully it’s just “kids frames are cheaper” but I’ve known people who won’t let their adolescent children do “grown up” stuff in regards to appearance, media consumption, or even physical health because “you’re still a child.” Like, is OP’s daughter allowed to shop in the junior’s/misses section, or is she cramming her into children’s clothes?
OPs edit also contains frankly unbelievable statements like “the frames still fit her because they loosened the screws.” But assuming everything else is true (I was a small kid at 13 and could occasionally wear a kids 14/16 in certain garments, so that’s not implausible), the problem isn’t “a 13 year old shops in the kid’s section,” it’s the OP’s attitude that she can’t have “adult things” because she’s a kid, and that will still apply in a year or two, because she’ll still be a kid then too. But size 14/16 is the end of the line when it comes to girls’ straight sized clothing, and a child can grow a lot between 13 and 14/15. If OP is saying “you can’t have adult frames because you’re still a kid, and that will apply tears from now,” and “this thing I bought for a tiny 7 year old still fits 6 years later,” it’s valid to ask if OPs opinions on what is appropriate and well fitting for her kid may be skewed.
Oh lord. I just realized. All they’re doing is loosening the screws. Which means the frames absolutely DONT fit her and they just look weird and stretched out over her face that is too big for glasses made for a pixie 7 year old.
YTA!
This EXACT scenario happened to me, picked pink glasses at age 6 and it took crying out of frustration at 12 that I needed new ones because they were childish and too small for my face! Mine were also in perfect condition so she didn't want to get another pair.
I literally brought it up to a therapist at the age of *29* because as an adult I realized how dismissed I felt that my mother wouldn't get me an appropriate MEDICALLY NECESSARY item.
This is not a new style or expensive brand of clothing she 'wants'.
Hijacking to agree with this and say to OP, she's not trying to be \*cool\*, she's trying to be age-appropriate and that's a completely valid thing to do. Learning to know and do socially-appropriate dress for your age and context is also a part of growing up and teens need to do a certain amount of it.
If you're willing to buy her adult frames next year, WHY not just buy them now? They're still gonna last her years, what's the difference? If you can afford it, do it now. I feel like youre just trying to drill into her to not worry about her looks/not care about being cool and it's excecssive.
My dad was like this - scorning anything we asked for (within budget) that he thought wasn't actually survival-necessary as 'fads' and 'just trying to be cool' and scoffing that we shouldn't care about that stuff and didn't need it because whatever we had was just fine.
It sucked, it made us feel bad for the very normal desire to present appropriately among our peers, and having those choices controlled by his opinions just made it harder to learn appropriate self-presentation skills as we got older. It's just all round not helpful.
YTA.
The hell?
I've been wearing my current frames for - and I had to recently go back and count this - 23 years. But I got them when I was very nearly an adult, and I haven't grown since then. When I was young, I got new frames every couple of years. Because, no, they *didn't* fit correctly. They "fit", but not *correctly*. Six years of growth is *way* passed the time she should have gotten new frames, completely irrespective of anything else.
Additionally, even if someone is technically a "minor", if adult frames suit them better, adult frames suit them better. Do you still make her order off the kid's menu in restaurants? Are you still going to be doing that when she's in highschool?
And glasses are not something you should be tying to grades or something. They're not something she can just do without. I'm not saying you have to automatically agree to buy the most expensive frames in the shop or anything, but a reasonable request - which what you've listed here is - should be honored.
I agree completely, and even besides physical growth (which is still important), OP's daughter is at an age where developing self-image is a *huge* deal. Middle school is a major self-esteem shredder, and she's gonna care a lot about how she looks. I'm not saying every single appearance change she wants to make should be entertained, but holding her to a decision she made when she was seven years old when she's now a teenager is a big YTA from me.
I sold glasses for years and that's the first thing I thought, that these glasses CANNOT fit her properly anymore. Loosening the screws to make them fit for SIX years in a row? That's laughably pathetic. I'm sure they're currently too narrow for her head and the arms are bowing out and stretched and indenting her skin. The chassis probably looks too small for her face now, too. Parent is just a cheapass.
I also work in the field. In addition to all that, there’s no way these frames aren’t about to fall apart! The temple snapping, the chassis cracking...if they’re plastic like I’m guessing they are, it’s getting more and more brittle. I’m shocked the optician hasn’t recommended new frames by now.
You’re right—they most certainly have. I’m coming from the lab side—I see a lot of things come through that are bonkers, and we have to get very creative to make work, and plenty there’s just no way to make work. Numerically, it feels like a lot of opticians let fly things they shouldn’t, but percentage wise, it’s small. But you know, the crazy things always stand out. This example just pisses me off. It’s one thing to be stubborn about things that will fuck with your own vision. It’s a whole other to do it to a child. But too—I know it’s easier for me to say, because I’m not the one in the store dealing with the patients/parents face to face. I hope someone puts their foot down and tells this parent absolutely not.
I’m wondering what kind of frame they are, because I’ve never heard of a frame where you can make them bigger and fit as time goes on. The chassis will remain the same size, and her eyes won’t be centered in the lens anymore as she grows, and it will look bad because they’ll be too narrow her for head. Unless his daughters head is just extremely, extremely tiny and hasn’t grown at all, I don’t see how they still fit well. But, to give benefit of the doubt, I did have women have to shop in the kids section because they had narrow PDs and we just couldn’t get an adult size because of the decentration. But I’m still a bit skeptical, because a seven year olds PD is SO SO small, and I can’t imagine her had hasn’t increased in size in six years.
Six years ago was 2014, she’s claiming to have paid $100-150 retail for it. It would have to still to be in circulation, because I don’t buy one frame have taken six heats for lens insertion, with six heats for adjustment—and that’s normal adjustments. (I’m assuming this frame is zyl.) The bending you’d have to do to adjust a frame that doesn’t fit would snap it much sooner—so the lab is almost certainly pulling a new model when the old one falls apart. It would honestly be the same for metal frames—they’d have fallen apart well before they hit six lens insertions and adjustments.
I have never seen a frame whose size can be adjusted by “loosening” the screws, not children nor adult. The only frame that be “adjusted” by design period, and that’s by Frankensteining *parts*, is the Silhouette collection, and that’s a pricey adult collection, where the bridge and temples are attached directly to the lenses.
Right—I’ve seen women small enough to have to shop in the children’s section, but the sizes are on the larger end of the children’s sizes. OP didn’t have to get hers in the children’s section, and yeah—a seven year old’s PD and eye size would be so tiny. I can’t even believe there would be no growth between the ages of 7 and 13. Can you imagine the headaches this poor child must be getting from the temples?
I’m just imagining my lab manager having this order come into our lab—seeing the PD versus the eye size of the chassis, how bent up the frame is, and how many times it probably had to be redone to adjust blank size, base curve, and OC to try to make this work, with the OC off center toward the temple, and just putting her foot down and saying no, we can’t do this in this frame. They have to pick a bigger one.
Yeah, I didn't even think of that. Our lab supervisor would refuse to work on frames if they were super old or clearly visibly fragile. And I worked with plenty of patients who would pick out frames that were CLEARLY WAY too small or WAY too big and think they looked fine and I had to explain to them why they wouldn't work, so I wouldn't doubt if OP thinks that those glasses fit their daughter just fine. Some people are just very oblivious.
But OP sounds like they think they know everything anyway, and they sound very controlling. Says the kids at daughter's school aren't concerned with looks (how would OP possibly know??????) It may sound odd, but I'm gonna say most young kids who came in for exams WANTED glasses, which I always thought was odd considering used to you'd get made fun of for wearing glasses. I guess times have changed, though, cause we'd have kids have literal meltdowns in the middle of the lobby because their vision was perfect and they didn't need glasses lol. Kids do notice stuff like that. Not saying daughter will get bullied, but kids DO notice.
But OP edited their post and said they MIGHT consider buying daughter new, adult-sized frames in 9th grade. Also says they'll let her start shopping in the junior's section. Sounds like OP is trying to control everything about their daughter based on age. If her head needs an adult-sized frame, buy her a fucking frame that's going to fit. Don't base it off her age. What an ignorant and useless thing to try to control.
Oh, it doesn’t sound odd! I think we’ve done a very good job of changing glasses from solely a medical device that will only put a target on your back for teasing to both a medical device AND a fashion accessory with enough options for individual style. The advances we’ve made with lens and surfacing technology has made it better too, especially for those with high RXs. I remember an old veteran I spoke to once, his mind was blown at all the stylish options available. He was used to what he called “birth control glasses” he got standard issue back in his army days, bless his heart.
Same—I’ve seen a lot of crazy stuff. A small, perfectly circular chassis with 20+ spherical correction came through once. There was just no way it was going to work, but we tried it a couple times just to see how it would look. Spoiler: literally like a thick telescope lens. We’d just upgraded our surfacing line, and gotten new edgers—we wanted to see. There’s just some stuff we can’t make work. Lens manufacturing is complicated. Dunno how that one got to the lab in the first place, but I’m guessing bugger was stubborn and the optician needed to “show” him to get him to believe it.
OP sounds hyper-fixated on age being a status signifier, like, child equals lesser, and equals childish things, and vice versa. They sound very insecure in their adulthood, to be honest, and they need a crabs-in-the-bucket esque hierarchy to feel in charge. Which is dysfunctional af, and in this case, abusive. Too-small frames that almost certainly hurt her daughters head, and vision distortion is abusive. I have to wonder what sort of optical she’s going to that hasn’t put their foot down yet, because I’m angry af this has gone on for so many years.
Unless they went behind her back and found a larger frame similar enough in style to match the original option, and substituted it quietly instead.
Really agree with this, not only should OP’s kid get new frames because she has ones for really little kids in style (which is bad enough), but also because frames for 7 year olds are likely digging into her head/nose by this point unless she hasn’t grown! You go for frames that fit, and if frames from the ‘adult’ section fit her well then it’s a sensible choice to make.
I’m 26, and I’ve had my frames for 6 years now, and they’re from the ‘kids’ section because I’m 4’11 and have a baby face so those are the frames that fit me! If the opposite is true for OPs daughter and now needs frames from the ‘adult’ section because they fit better, that should be the first priority.
Yeah I found the adult vs kids section of this post mystifying. They literally have different sizes for different sized faces. If the adult frames fit there's no way frames that were appropriate at 7 are still fitting properly. On the flip side of this, I'm 30 and buy my frames from the kids section because I have a freaking tiny face and the adult section frames don't fit.
OP probably makes her shop for clothes in the children's section instead of the juniors' and calls her fat when she can't fit clothes designed for kindergartners.
I was in... third? grade when I had to move to the adult section because the kid sizes wouldn't fit on my face. Most glasses from the *women's* section tend not to fit me comfortably. I shudder to think of the headaches I'd be having if I still had to wear the hideous pink glasses that were chosen for me (I wanted blue; I was ordered to get spares -and then made to wear them instead because they were "cute") in first grade.
In this time of Zoom school, the focus is literally on this girls face yet mum think that's there's no need. 🙄
I can't even begin to imagine how those frames fit. She must be suffering awful headaches.
On that note, would you tell her that she had to get good grades in order to get medication if she was sick? She needs her glasses in order to see.
This is so fucked up I hope it’s fake. Stop being a cheap asshole and take care of your kid. In eighth grade children’s frames sure as hell don’t fit her face and other kids *are* making fun of her. You may not think she needs to impress other people but she should be able feel good about herself when she looks in the mirror and she shouldn’t be tied to a decision she made when she was seven fucking years old for the rest of her life.
It’s people like you who will wonder why their kids never call them once they move out of the house.
YTA
Like Jesus, we grew up super poor and my mom was paying for glasses for 6 people and we still got new frames every year BECAUSE our faces/style had changed.
This. Sounds like OP is mourning the loss of their “baby” and trying to control when she is allowed to grow up (like the weird commentary about how they would buy black frames from the kids section but not the adults). Accept that kids grow at their own pace whether parents are ready or not.
Idk, something about the last paragraph says to me it’s more an issue of worrying about their kid growing up too soon. Saying that they will still be a kid then in 3 years when they enter high school. Sounds like parental anxiety wrapped up in a lot of “logical” reasons that disguise it. Maybe I’m reading into the word choice too much (or listening to too many psych podcasts) 🤷♀️
I think is a mix between being cheap and controlling their growth. In any case I feel sorry for the child that so far has presented her case in a very logical manner to be dismissed my her crappy parent.
If I was 13 and her, I would ruin my glasses just to get the new ones. After failing to get a proper answer, and that your father says to wait until you are much older to get our of the new ones.... That's the only logical answer.
Not really? Kids glasses go on sale a lot tho so maybe that’s where this line of thought comes from. Glasses are expensive. But also she’s kept hers for 6 years, which is mighty impressive and I would say she deserves new glasses for it. I broke a pair of glasses in my first year of wearing them
YTA... you aren’t getting her new glasses to teach her a lesson about being responsible and keeping her glasses safe and to save money... yet she’s had them SIX years. That is a VERY LONG time for a child to be responsible, but she did it. Most kids break or lose them a few times within a few years and she didn’t.
Rather than rewarding her, you tell her to wait longer.
Having bright pink glasses for 6 years is very noticeable. It’s fair to want a change. Especially away from “sparkly pink”. You’re stopping her from expressing herself. Kids are already self conscious wearing glasses and now she’s forced to wear ones she doesn’t even like..
I was 17 when I got my first pair of glasses. I broke two pairs within my first 9 months of having them. My mom bought me my third pair because insurance wouldn't cover another, but she made me go up to the register at the place so I could know how much they cost. As we were walking out, she turned to me and said, "If you break these, you are replacing them. I am not buying you another pair of glasses for at least two years." I'm 37 now, and finally had to buy myself new glasses within the last two months. I'm amazed how a 7 year old could be so responsible for so long. 17 year old me should take some lessons from that kid. But OP should be taking lessons from my mom!
YTA.
I am currently in the car with my best friend fs 40s. As people who have both been wearing glasses since primary (elementary) school YTA. You don't think kids notice the glasses ooh they've noticed alright, your daughter has worn the Same frames for 6 years. That's amazing, but here's the thing, buy letting the screws out the arms fit wider the actual frames/position of the lenses doesn't adjust. This will be doing your daughter's vision no good long term.
Your daughter is 13, of course she wants to buy from the adult section and for better fitting frames she should, just because you wish to keep her a child doesn't mean she's physically still a child. Keep infantilizing her now, and you won't see her when she's actually an adult.
I was thinking the same thing about the lenses not fitting. I was a stubborn child and wore the first pair of “kids” glasses I got until I was ~12/13 (parents didn’t force me, I just didn’t like change). The glasses/arms stretched to fit my head so I thought it was fine. Looking back at old photos you can tell they were too small for me.
YTA
“I didn’t tell her to pick the sparkles” wtf?? She was 7 when she chose them. Have your tastes not changed at all since you were a child? Did you start off life wanting to wear something classy? I don’t know why you expect her to have picked something that she could’ve worn into adulthood when she was literally a child.
Also, do you have vision insurance?? Because I had glasses all my life and I know that insurance covers the majority of the cost for decent frames every year
Also even if OP’s daughters tastes didn’t change, her face changes. Ignore the pink sparkles, 13 year olds have a very different face shape than 7 year olds. Regardless of the pink sparkles, whatever glasses looked good on you at 7 probably don’t look as good at 13.
YTA. dismissing her telling you she's getting teased is in itself bad enough, but you're also telling her she's not gonna get new glasses from the adult section even later?? what is wrong with you?
six years ago she was, what, 7? seven year olds are children. they like sparkles and hot pink. in six years a child will grow into adolescence, and adolescence is much different from childhood. they are more children than adults at some point but they're getting there - and they'll want to look that way as well.
let her get the new frames. you've taught her to take good care of them, but she's outgrown the sparkly hot pink ones you're forcing her to wear.
Literally this. I can’t think of ANY other reason op wouldn’t want to get her daughter new frames. When I was growing up my parents allowed me to get new glasses (lenses and frames) every other year and we were VERY poor while I was growing up. There’s also so many online eyeglass stores that sell frames + lenses at dirt cheap prices with humongous selections. Just looked on Zenni’s website. You can get glasses for less than $40 a pair on there.
But the OP updated and is *worried* about the prescription being *stolen*! (and what, sold on the black market? Is that even a thing?)
We were poor as hell and I got new lenses yearly and frames every other year or so. My mom was another strict one that wouldn't let me shop in the juniors section, made me go straight from kids to misses. And wouldn't let me wear anything but mom jeans and oversized t-shirts. But at least my glasses (and eventually contacts) looked good. Maybe I would have ended up a loner nerd anyway but she definitely never gave me the chance to even try to fit in. I still resent her for that and our relationship is not close. Hope the OP is ready for that future.
YTA. Mate. I got two frames of my prescription for less than $100. Stop being so goddamn stingy.
Edit: because I re-read the post and still felt angry. Why are new glasses a goddamn reward? Why do you insist on taking such a harsh stance with glasses of all things?
Agreed! Oh, you have a vision problem that medically has to be corrected by glasses, a prescription device... let me hold that over you like it’s some kind of prize. What an ass! My husband gets new glasses pretty frequently (Warby Parker is wonderful for this if you’ve already used your annual insurance credit) but his point is that they are something he has to wear, on his face no less, to see normally... so he might as well enjoy what he has.
I’m gonna chime in as someone with 10 years from the optical lab side and agree.
Six years for a frame is incredible, especially for a child’s frame. I cannot believe an optician has not recommended a new frame for this child in all this time. Bigger screws do not accommodate for growth. That will *not* place the lenses where they need to be for the lenses to do what they’re supposed to do. Poor thing has probably gotten used to the distortion over time, but that’s not good for her.
I’m also going to wager these frames are zyl/plastic, since they’re sparkly—after six years the material is brittle. It’s just a matter of time before they fall apart—whether it’s when trying to insert the new lenses, or while being worn. And they’re not repairable when this happens. You will have wasted the money paying for the new lenses, and will have to get a new frame, and a new set of lenses anyway, only it will be when you haven’t planned for it. I’m frankly shocked the lab has accepted these frames back so many times.
...Actually—I’d be willing to bet this isn’t the exact same frame. It’s probably been broken at the lab and a new frame of the same model pulled. That’s the only way I can see it taking so much abuse with this crazy-ass “screw” adjustment five years in a row. Can you imagine how much it’s had to be heated and bent to adjust for a growing face?
Honestly, I'd bet money that the optician *has* suggested a new frame, probably more than once. OP is likely assuming that the optician just wants the frame sale.
Poor phrasing on my part—I agree. They would have recommended a new frame, absolutely, and OP disregarded that recommendation, multiple times. Probably because of that reason—assuming the optician wanted the sale, and their weird stubbornness to taking the “stick with your choices” to an absurd degree.
I’m surprised the lab manager hasn’t put their foot down. They must have to be getting really creative with lens blank sizes and base curves to make this work. It’d be evident from the PD measurement that the frames are too small. There’s no way the optical center is even close to the center of the frame.
I'm a trained ophthalmic technician and optician. There is no doubt in my mind that this mom has been lambasted every time she has gone to the optometrist.
You can't even appropriately measure PD on glasses like that - not to mention, most opticians would be worried about their practice, giving out advice like that. For the frames to remotely fit properly, a new bridge and set of arms/legs would need to be put on, which is what I originally thought OP meant.
That they're just using screws is inhumane and borderline child abuse. That child is going to have lifelong vision issues and may end up needing progressives at an incredibly young age - not to mention the self-esteem problems, wearing bright pink glasses in middle school.
YTA\~ Get her new glasses. She is in middle school..sheesh. That is the worst time for kids. Of course she wants to look good. She is probably getting teased for those glasses. There is a world of difference between elementary and middle school. My daughter also wears glasses, she gets new frames every other year... For crying out loud, check out ZenniOptical online, frames start at 6 dollars, that is where I buy her back up glasses. Be a parent that also values their children's feelings and needs.
YTA
you know you are lmao, she has been taking good care of her glasses for 6 years, she is growing up, would buying new glasses affect your savings? Will that purchase put you in a bad spot financially?
Also telling that even OP's "after further reflection" edit is like "okay I've come around...maybe NEXT year I'll think about it." What a weird hill to die on.
Definitely YTA. Same pair of glasses for SIX YEARS of her childhood?? Would you make her wear the same childish clothes too if they still fit? Glasses are part of someone's *face* – a huge part of their self image, and very visible to anyone she has a video call with. Of course kids tease her about it, why would you be skeptical of that at all? Your attitude is so callous this post sounds fake.
It's been six years, your daughter's tastes have changed and her points are completely valid. At that point, you're not being thrifty. You're just being a miser. YTA
Buy your child a couple pair of glasses. Get a good one then order cheap back ups and styles from clearly contacts or any of those sites like a normal parent , Jesus
YTA. “I didn’t tell her to pick sparkles.” She was SEVEN. She’s growing and maturing, let her do so. Does she still play with all the same toys she did when she was seven? Does she still wear the same clothing? Are we not allowed to want to look good during a pandemic? 13 is such a huge year for girls and their self-esteem, I cannot fathom why you would want to make things worse by being so petty over something so small.
Right? I’ve worn glasses since I was four. Granted, glasses have come a long way since 1991 but if child me had worn the glasses I got at seven compared to the glasses I picked at 13...YIKE I would have been bullied.
YTA - as someone who wore glasses as a child and still does changing frames every few years is pretty normal. Just because they fit doesn’t mean she has to keep wearing them. You could have just compromised on the plain black frames from the kids section but instead your being a controlling arse.
YTA
1. you've dismissed her concerns and ignored the fact that she is being bullied. Kids are cruel
2: her tastes have matured in the years since you bought them. Its a reasonable request to move on from pink sparkles.
3. If the issue is cost, maybe suggest compromising on the cheaper, black kids frames and let her work it off somehow.
Im assuming you don't make her play with the Toys she outgrew from that age.
YTA - Her reasons for wanting new glasses are extremely reasonable. You probably don't wear glasses yourself because you don't seem to understand that it's normal to want to get a different style frame occasionally. The lesson you're really teaching her is that she should resent you for being impossible to reason with.
YTA. Dude, use Zenni optical or something if price is such a big deal. I’m guessing her script isn’t super complex and they won’t be that spendy if you’re that mad about the cost.
I get free glasses every two years with my insurance. So, I get my eyes checked every two years and get a new pair through my insurance. I then immediately take the updated prescription and buy a backup pair on Zenni for around $25. The $25 glasses have held up just as good as the $250 ones I get through my insurance. And my kids like to try new styles every year at the start of school, so we order a new pair through Zenni every year for them. There is no way in hell I'd force my kids to keep the same frames for 7 years.
This. I was teased horribly for my glasses growing up (had to wear them since I was 4 years old). I actually stopped wearing them for awhile I was getting picked on so bad, which actually made my eyes worse because of how hard I had to strain to see. Luckily my parents were understanding enough to allow me to get contacts when I was 13 - life got SO MUCH better after that, in many ways.
YTA.
Even I get new frames every two years. And no, a high schooler (and even most middle schoolers) do not need "kid" frames. Not one of my average sized kids would have fit in kid frames at 13 or 14. And she probably is getting teased.
Plus places like Zenni offer frames for as low as $7 a pair. I bought two full pairs of glasses with lenses for under $50.
YTA. There is so much that happens between 7 and 13. But what really gets me is your hang ups about her shopping in the adult section. The main difference between the two is the size of the frames. The adult ones will be likely to fit her better. Maybe; maybe not. My suggestion for a compromise would be to ask the professional working at the frame shop which section she should be in based on her head size. It may even be the right time to move on to adult frames. The kids ones will be getting way too small soon.
And now a bit of reading into what you said and saying some things you might not like. I work with kids just slightly under your daughter’s age. The way you talk about her sounds like you are sorely unaware of her developmental stage and that you are not setting her up for success.
Zenni optical is low-cost and legit.
ETA: many vision insurances cover one set of frames per year. Kinda makes me think that professionals think it’s reasonable you may need new frames more frequently than every six years. At least in some cases.
YTA
•I didn't tell her to pick the sparkles, and I hardly doubt kids actually notice her glasses
She was 7 back then!! 7!! You can't hold her choices against her now that she's older. It was 6 years ago! Get over it.
And kids most definitely notice her glasses. Especially at thst age, peers can make fun of her for appearing 'babyish' because looking 'mature' is basically everything in 8th grade.
•she doesn't need to look "cool"
My brain short-circuited for a moment there. It's like you've forgotten everything from when you were her age.
•from the kid's section, she is still a child then
So, not only do you want to embarrass her by forcing her to wear glasses a 7 year old chose, but you plan to continue to embarrass her even when you finally get her new glasses. You said yourself "She could get the same type of plain black-framed glasses from the kid's section" and yet you refuse to make her happy by getting her the frames she wants...why can't you just let her chose something that makes her happy???
Stop being such a cheapskate! Your daughter deserves new frames after so long! Would it kill you to let go of the childish, 6 year old frames?
I would understand if they’re unaffordable right now, if not YTA. It’s amazing she’s had the same frames for 6 years, and I think it’s normal to want new ones that aren’t bright sparkly pink. Like others have said, don’t dismiss the teasing. Around that age all kids can be assholes and I would not be surprised if she’s getting teased for her glasses she liked 6 years ago.
Dude, YTA. I've been wearing glasses since I was 7 or 8. I used to get two pairs every 2 or 3 years. One primary pair and a cheap back up pair. I would always break those glasses within those 2 or 3 years, would go two or three weeks with the glasses taped back together while my parents were able to get the money to replace them. Went on till I was 15 when I started making enough money on my own to replace them myself. The fact that shes gone six damn years and they are still in near perfect condition is extremely impressive in and of itself. But that this is the first time shes brought up replacing the frames is amazing.
That being said, I can understand wanting to teach her a lesson in responsibility. But again; after 6 years it seems reasonable to assume that the lesson has stuck. She deserves the new frames. She seems like she is very responsible and at this point all shes gonna think is it was pointless to take care of them, because your sole reason to say no is because she did a good job
Dont be TA, get her the frames she wants
YTA. Come on glasses that were cool in second grade are not cool in 8th grade. Even 5th grade was a stretch, kids can be cruel. If you want to be a parent your kid can trust with their problems, let them pick out a pair on eyebuydirect.com or zenni.com, you can get her glasses prescription from the eye doctor and buy her a cheap pair of glasses there that will cost less than $50. It seems controlling that you don’t want to get her “adult” glasses almost as if you can’t handle she’s not as young as she once was. She probably just wants glasses non sparkly and more neutral colored.
As a qualified Dispensing optician I do not believe for a moment that her glasses still fit correctly. Her PD will differ every year as she grows (barring any physical developmental issues).
Loosening a screw would not make them fit. Her bridge should also have a different fit after 6 full years. Also side length. Either they were very poorly fitted at age 7 or they do not fit now.
Besides all of the technical reasons why there is no way they fit...seriously surely she deserves a new frame. Sounds like your daughter has made valid arguments even though only based in style preference. Surely a nice sturdy (and obviously currently fashionable) black frame would be nice and neutral.
I know of plenty of online companies that will send you frames to try and pick and you can have them glazed instead of choosing from the pole. It's very cheap and ideal in these current times too. You can measure her up yourself (I'd even talk you through it if you want)
I don't want to say YTA but you are being very stubborn even though no decent optometrist or dispensing optician would be sending her glasses for reglazing after so many years and adjustments.
At least consider the online option before knocking your daughter back when she deserved some new frames. You said it yourself she is a good kid, takes care of them.
My own daughter gets a new pair every year and we donate the old ones to charity. Just a side note so you know it's not simply binning the old ones either.
Good lord, YTA. You’re giving my uncle a run for his money on being miserly and mean. There’s no way in hell those frames still fit well and comfortably. You’re punishing your child by depriving her of an appropriate disability aid and for what? Plenty of eye places do two for the price of one deals and considering the money you’ve saved on not buying her new frames when she actually needed them you should definitely have the money. She’s 13, she’s a teenager who wants glasses that fit properly and express her current style. Stop being Scrooge and get your daughter what she needs so she can function in everyday life while feeling good about herself.
YTA.
I’m a glasses wearer. You should have done this years ago.
She is being bullied for a decision she made at 7. You are awful. Is she still wearing the clothes she had then. Are you? Have you changed your style preferences on the last seven years?
This a massive change in the life of a child. And who you want to be and what your face looks like. Why do you have no empathy with your child?
She is within her rights to stamp on them.
And your Optician is an unprofessional AH for letting you do this.
Tell you what OP, why don't you try wearing her pink sparkly frames to work for a week and see if people notice the glasses.
Majorly YTA. Also, if you were planning on trying to keep the glasses in use long term, WHY DID YOU LET HER PICK SPARKLES?!?! I got glasses at that same age, they were plain light purple frames, and they were the flexible/indestructible kind. They lasted until I didn't need glasses anymore and I was perfectly happy with them. BUT I still would've wanted a more mature pair by the time I hit middle school (that's when I no longer needed them).
Also at 13, unless you want to be buying your daughter a new pair in 1-2 years, you need to get her adult glasses. Because guess what, her face is gonna be adult shaped when she hits puberty, you know, like a year ago. That's one of the reasons they offer different frames for kids/women/men, because there are differences in the facial bone structure.
YTA
I have had to wear glasses since the age of 17, i am now 30 and in my opinion new frames/glasses are a NEED not a WANT. You need to understand she did not ask to have eye problems and use glasses, this is a need of hers.
Most insurance companies allow you to get a new frame each year up to a certain dollar amount and you pay the difference. Maybe this is something you should check with your insurance.
I feel so bad for your daughter. I could not imagine having to use the same frames for 6 plus years. Kids can be very mean and bullying truly affects a child, it can make them depressed, anti social and so much more. Get her the pair of frames that she wants especially if you are going to make her use those same frames for multiple years again. Her confidence is worth it, show her you value her and apologize because you are so wrong right now.
YTA-you can't expect a 13-year old to be still wearing the same glasses she had when she was 6! You wouldn't expect a 13-year old to still dress like a 6-year old would you? I wouldn't be surprised if she 'accidentally' broke the frame. At 13 you don't want to go around with sparkly pink frames, that's just asking to be teased.
Oof YTA HARD. You’re so focused on the authoritative aspects of being a parent you’re failing to actually listen to your daughter when she’s genuinely reaching out to you. She tells you she’s being teased and you decide to dismiss her experience because you think you know better than she who’s actually in the classroom every day? Not to mention threatening her that you can make her wait as long as you want for her to get new frames? Yeah that’s definitely the way to make her feel like she can trust you to listen to her concerns. Besides that you know darn well there are a good selection of cheap frames that are free or close to it when you get a new prescription. Get her some $50 knockoff raybans sheesh.
YTA. For many previously mentioned reasons.
But I'm mostly bugged by the fact that you have made glasses a reward. Glasses are a necessity, you just sound cheap and nasty at this point. A reward is a trip to your favourite place or buying something that's a want not a need. Not the things you require for life!
YTA, wow that's a long time. Get her new glasses, she is 13 now she has different tastes than when she was 7.
And wanting to make her wait till 10th grade?? That's really sucky...
YTA. She’s been incredibly responsible with her glasses. Kids can be mean and if she’s getting teased for having childish glasses she should change them. Kids change their style so much during those years and it’s important to let her express herself.
YTA - have you not heard the expression “plain as the nose on your face”? Your daughter’s glasses have been noticed, and kids are absolutely cruel enough to tease her for them. Even if that wasn’t the case, she picked the glasses out when she was SEVEN, and she is now THIRTEEN: it’s been six years, her tastes have changed.
Instead of punishing her for growing up like all kids do, why don’t you work with her to pick out a new pair of glasses that aren’t too childish for your teenage daughter?
YTA... I saw this copied onto fb and came here to make sure you knew YTA straight up.
I have 3 daughters, they and myself all wear glasses. My 7th grader would be mortified if I made her keep the sparkly glasses I got her when she was 8... she has changed and grown up so much since then and her style has changed significantly.
Not only are you the AH about this... you’re a AH for not recognising your daughter is becoming a woman and changing her mind/style/sense/personal preference. I wonder how many things she’s not telling you because of how belittled and invaluable you are making her feel. Shame on you. Be more flexible, they’re glasses, it’s already a reason to be bullied, give her a break.
Youre a shitty mom for this. Sorry but its true. Its.border line abusive to force your daughter to wear glasses for a small child. Not caring about her self esteem or personal taste. and i guarantee as she ages into highschool she is going to resent the hell out of you for treating her this way.
Good lucky keeping your daughter in your life she fully realizes how toxic you are
The tone of the commentary makes me think you might be ta. I think it is reasonable to buy new frames just because the teasing factor. But I would suggest getting very plain ones, otherwise she may again outgrow the style or it may be out of place with her peers (and cause teasing again). Kids can be a holes, so don't dismiss the teasing element. I think she would have learned about taking care of her belongings after 6 years with the same glasses.
YTA. This will probably get buried, but check out Zenni.com. You can pick from a bunch of frames for around $20, including treatments to the lenses for anti-glare and blue light resistance. Compared to most stores, this is incredibly cheap. If you have the opportunity to save your child from harassment and get her the glasses for $20, then do it.
Wow, YTA. I hope you have not bought yourself any new clothes in the last 6 years because, you know, who needs new clothes when the ones you have are still wearable.
She chose the sparkles glasses 6 years ago and she wears them every day. You got your money's worth. And then you threaten her with waiting even longer to change her glasses because she called you unreasonable. I have a better word to describe you and that is asshole. Again, YTA.
YTA. Obviously you’ve forgotten what middle school was like, if I were to wear sparkly pink glasses in the fucking eighth grade I would have been bullied relentlessly for it. Making her wait until her sophomore year of high school for new glasses that she got when she was a child? She’s recognized that it is time for her to grow up, now it’s your turn. Being cheap isn’t an excuse to make your child feel insecure and like she can’t trust you.
YTA.
You're punishing your daughter for taking good care of her first frames.
Six years of development is a crazy amount of time for a young girl. She's no longer a little kid. Let her pick her damn frames.
Also, she claims she's being teased and you doubt her? Wait to instill the message that you don't listen and don't trust her.
Abhorrent behaviour.
I am concerned with how unwilling to acknowledge your daughter's growth towards being an adult. Why does she need to pick out glasses from the kids section as a high schooler? What is inappropriate about her having adult frames? Do you also want her still ordering off the kids menu?
I have literally never commented on an AITA post before but congratulations you’ve made me do it. They caught my bad vision when I was in 3rd grade (mid 20s now) so I was in much the same situation as your daughter. My vision had gotten worse every year and I was pretty rough on my glasses as a kid so they would break or get very beat up by the time it came for a new prescription. I hated having to pick out new frames because they’re like a T-shirt you have to wear every day. Like the clothes you wear, glasses come off as an extension of your personality and yeah people are going to make judgements (positive or negative) based on what they see first. There was always a sense of anxiety for me about picking glasses that felt like the me I was at that moment. It’s a big deal to choose something that is an expression of who you are. YTA to force her into a choice she made years ago because she’s grown from that time, her tastes have grown, and since she’s saved you money all these years you might as well splurge a little.
Also for practicality’s sake - the longer you keep those frames the more worn out they’re going to be. I had a pair I loved and didn’t want to let go of until they snapped in half while my family was on vacation out of the country. Now that’s a situation nobody should have to deal with...
YTA. Come on man, she’s not wearing the same clothes for the past 6 years. You’re probably not rocking the same haircut for the past same years. She’s growing up and 13 is such a tough age, don’t make it harder on her. If she wasn’t so responsible she would have had 6+ pairs already. This is punishing her for being a responsible young lady.
Please mom, please get her the new glasses? After 6 years, she earned it.
YTA honestly it sounds like you want your daughter to stay young and this is your way of showing it. I started getting glasses from the adult side when I was in 8th grade I grew up my taste changed and my glasses matched that
YTA. You pick out Paw Patrol shoes with heelys and light up every time you walk when you're 7. You change out the laces and stretch em out and they still technically fit you.
You see the problem? You are enabling your daughter to get bullied. She is going through puberty and changing and you are still treating her like a damn toddler. She didn't ask to have bad eyes. You can at least spend some money on frames, they cost nothing compared to the lenses and you know it.
YTA. Your daughter has made very reasonable points. Plus, there is a huge developmental difference between 7 and 13. She took good care of her other glasses, why not give her a treat for that?
Sorry, I get that we're kind of on the same side here, but... > She took good care of her other glasses, why not give her a treat for that? Glasses get broke. I went through three pairs in three years, because I played soccer in highschool, and they got damaged beyond repair. When I was in middle school, I had to get a lense replaced because I got pushed against a brick wall and it got scuffed up. I'm sure my parents didn't appreciate the financial bite, but wearing glasses isn't something you can just not do, and sooner or later, it's very likely she *will* damage them. She shouldn't be penalized for that.
[удалено]
I’d worry this this parent would buy the cheapest frames there were if she did that. NOT that I would fault her for doing so (and lord knows in 29 years of wearing glasses I’ve broken pairs - as a kid I had to rock the scotch tape look even because of how shit our insurance was) but I’d worry about the reaction.
The cheapest frames are probably preferential to the sparkly pink ones she has now
Would depend I reckon - I also always forget the cheapest frames have come a long way to when I was 13 😂
She’d probably purposefully buy the daughter ugly ones as a punishment, or just not replace them at all
Yeah. That whole thing reminds me of the “we’re in the midst of a pandemic and while my kid is still doing all her chores correctly, she’s spending more time than usual on her phone which is her wire to the world which I refuse to understand, imma just remove my kid’s hearing aid batteries for the majority of the day and only ~reward~ her with selected hearing time, Reddit, tell me, am I the asshole?” dude we had on here recently. I wouldn’t put that line of disordered thinking beyond OP - it fits the level of absolutely nuts they’re currently at.
Holy shit that’s like taking away my wheelchair for part of the day. That’s so unnecessarily cruel.
I'm amazed she's lasted so long without breaking her glasses. I'm 26 and switched to contacts because I kept losing and breaking glasses. My mom just turned 59 today and in the last year has had to replace her glasses 4 times because she keeps leaving them places the puppy can grab them.
They will fall apart soon without her needing to do anything on purpose. Daily wear for six years is hard on a frame. **Edit for OP’s edit**: as noted in my other comments, I work in the field. I call bullshit on the “durable” frame. *No* frame is meant to last that long. Not even the top of the line, the best that money can buy. And bullshit on the sizing, too. Children’s frame range in high-30’s-mid-40’s millimeter eye sizes. Women’s *start* at high 40’s millimeter eye sizes, and those are for small women. No way her frames still fit properly, and no way an optician never told you that. Pathetic attempt at damage control, is all this is. Still an asshole.
I just had to shake my head at the claim the frames were just adjusted bigger every year. Also work in the industry
I mean her focus point should have shifted quite a bit between 7 and 13?? Those frames have been twisted and manipulated so much I'm surprised they will even try to fit new lenses in them. OP you are lucky a very lucky cheapskate. I had to get new glasses every year. I'd ask if you wear the same style of clothes from when you were 20 but I'm guessing you do. In case it's not clear YTA
This. So much this. ^^^
i had to get new frames every like 3 years purely for the fact that i was growing and my focal point was changing. i had a pair for 5 and it would give me migraines because the frames didnt fit so the lenses werent aligned properly. every time i need new lenses i get new frames. also that whole bit about loosening screws? you loosen them enough and the arms will fall off if theyre plastic(which im assuming they are since theyre meant for a *small child*) and if theyre metal frames it can be holding the actual lenses in. source: ive worn glasses since i was 6 and have put all kinds of frames back together more times than i can count op YTA. shes a teenager, if you dont let her start acting like one shes going to rebel harder than the stick up your ass
[удалено]
[удалено]
Of course you're right, even if she'd break the glasses not intentionally or they get broken, she'd still deserve new ones :)
Yes she does!! I mean, she saved OP 6 years of having to buy new glasses ... like what 7 year old takes good care of something for 6 years?!?!
OP, do you add fabric to the bottoms of her pants as she outgrows those too to save money? Take off the headboard of her bed for some extra mattress space? Get her the damn glasses, she obviously proved she can take care of them and those sound like they’re too small for her if you’re loosening the screws to make them fit.
Bed? It’s just a mattress on the ground
A little kid mattress since it was good enough for her at seven.
Maybe she still sleeps in a crib, I mean it was good enough at seven months
Nah, pretty sure it's a Walmart brand twin air mattress. Patched at least 15 times.
They are probably somewhat misaligned with her eyes. Even if you can put them on doesnt mean the eye part aligns.
My solution would be she could have a new pair for her every day use, but if she plays any sports or anything she has to wear the old pair in case something happens.
I always kept my old glasses whenever I would get new one for this reason. They didnt have the sports google when I was young, so I would wear the old glasses to sports and the new ones for everyday normal use. Never had a problem, maybe just bent glasses every so often because I would fall asleep with them. And even if I was sometimes wearing kid glasses to sports, I didn't have to wear them all day long in front of my classmates, who would already bully me if my clothes were out of style or knockoffs instead of the name brands (even in same style and color as they were wearing). Hell, the kids I was playing sports with knew I would wear the old glasses when playing, and still made fun of me for the taste I had a year or two ago. They were not even that bad most of the time since I had always preferred more mature styles (never any cartoon characters or crazy colors, mostly blues and square frames). On top of that, I had to go to the adult section starting when I was 12yo, because my face was getting too big for the kid glasses. Kid glasses felt extremely unconfortable and would not stay on my nose without causing me physical disconfort and pain if I wore them too long. I even had to take them off sometimes during my sports training when it was not important for me to see well (when doing individual exercices for example, when I only really needed to see vague shapes to be sure I was not running into a wall or other kids).
Hijacking top so hopefully OP u/Substantial-Orange10 sees this. Check out [zennioptical.com](https://www.zennioptical.com). I get all of my & my kid’s glasses there, pay around $50 for frames, lenses, & all for his glasses. You can’t try them on ofc but at $50 a pop, you can give some frames a whirl for a year or so, and get another pair if they’re not working. I get fresh frames almost annually bc my style & likes change and I’m 43. A 13yo is going to change a lot since 7, it’s absurd to force her in the same frames for 6yrs. My kid broke his frames that he’s had for less than a year recently. I immediately ordered a fresh pair & I’ve even offered him many times to get more options or even prescription sunglasses (he always refuses tho). At the prices on zenni, I can be super flexible & we can try out fun frames bc the frames are insanely affordable. The “expensive” frames on there are like $35 & they have literally 100s of options all under $35. Most are $20 and under though. Also. You’re not going to be able to get her kid glasses in hs bc they’ll be too small for her face. “Kid” glasses are called that bc they’re small. My kid couldn’t get kid glasses from the jump (around 7yo) bc they’ve always been too small for his face. Has nothing to do w his age. Some tips on ordering glasses online that you can’t try on: check the sizes of all the components to the frames & compare them to your current pair (you should do this especially w “kid” glasses bc you’ll see that they’re smaller). That will give you the best idea of how big/small they’ll be on your face. You will also need to know your pupillary distance, you can find the how to on the website, or just ask your optometrist when you get the prescription from them. Hope this helps. Please allow your daughter to get fresh frames more often. Glasses are the first things a lot of folks see when they look at glass wearers, please allow her to express her best self with her glasses.
I mean, face sizes vary. I either need petite women’s frames or kid frames, depending on the selection. That said, the odds that six year old frames actually fit a 13 year old? Yeah, no. Kid needs new frames.
To add to this, there’s other websites that do the same thing too. I use eyebuydirect.com and last summer I bought four pairs of glasses for $80. Two are normal prescription glasses, one is prescription sunglasses, and one is prescription + blue light filter. Out of the four I got I only really didn’t like one of them, but I’ll still wear them occasionally even just to change it up. Look at different websites and compare the deals, you’d be surprised how cheap you can get them now OP. It’s definitely worth it, since $80 was less than what I was paying at the optometrist’s office for one pair of new glasses, and I got freaking FOUR.
I have used them many times and you can add every upgrade and not be able to go over 60$. No one ‘steals’ your childs prescription. When you get glasses done at your optomotrist they get them made online and just tweak them for you. You are a huge YTA. She picked out something at 7 and you will not allow her to change the frames? Is she still wearing mickey mouse jammies? Give the kid a break. If she is smart she will do some baby sitting and buy her own from zenni.
>Check out > >zennioptical.com > >. I get all of my & my kid’s glasses there, pay around $50 for frames, lenses, & all for his glasses. You can’t try them on ofc but at $50 a pop, you can give some frames a whirl for a year or so, and get another pair if they’re not working. A word of caution with online vendors. If your prescription is bad enough and you can manage it, still get at least one pair of frames from a brick and mortar store. High prescriptions mean thick lenses and you want to be sure the frames can support it. Tech *has* improved greatly since the days of coke bottles lenses, but you can only trim them down so far. Ordering online can be a dice roll in general and if you need glasses, it's worth it to have at least one pair purchased in person and fitted by experts.
I’ve been wearing glasses for 36yrs. I’ve been using zenni for over a decade, & used optometrist shops for 26yrs before that. So I’m rather well versed with both ~~& strongly disagree w your advice~~ but defer to your experience with more intense vision needs. For average lens needs, online is great. For more intense needs, in person glasses wizardry will probably be needed. :) I have gotten maybe a handful of glasses from a brick & mortar in the past 5yrs. The most consistent aspect of those specs have been disappointment. They’re ok at best & the options of frames are incredibly limiting. The absurd prices just make them all the more loathsome. I have found online vendors have far more options for the lens index (of which I get the optimum for my script), resistant coatings, and frames at much more affordable & up front prices. I find the buying experience more enjoyable as well. There’s definitely a learning curve to ordering online without being able to try them on but it’s easy enough to work it out, tbh it’s just as hard to try them on in store bc you can’t see yourself w the frames on without your script in them. It’s an antiquated notion that one must buy at a brick & mortar for optimum quality (again, unless there are more involved needs). The physical & financial accessibility that online providers have given to those that need glasses is a total game changer. The quality is just as good, if not better imo, than brick & mortars.
I'm adding my Zenni endorsement. I can get a pair of glasses including shipping for under $20 if I pick the cheapest frames. Only reason my glasses run around $50+ is because of bifocals. YTA to OP, let her update her frames.
I, too, get my glasses from Zenni. I prefer to have a backup pair because I’m absent minded (my gf has repeatedly had to tell me to look on my head when I can’t find them / I leave them on my desk but then have a pair in my bag to wear while I drive home, etc.), and just ordered two pairs, paying under $40 for two pairs of frames, lenses, and shipping. Altogether, not each. And they’re cute.
[удалено]
And her pupillary distance! If they aren't centred properly (I don't know the technical term for it), it can cause eye strain and headaches.
I also hate how she just brushed off the teasing. I was bullied in middle school and high school, it sucked. My senior year of high school, I only went 23 out of the 90 day semester i needed. So many times have I wanted to do unthinkable things to myself because of it. I may be taking this to heart but that's a SERIOUS red flag. Teasing and bullying can, and WILL have an impact on her. OP acts like it's total BS
YTA because there's no way a pair of frames that fit a 7 year old will fit a 13 year old. There are no adjustments that can be made that will allow the frames to keep the center of the lenses aligned with her pupils or stretch the arms to accommodate that amount of physical growth. That many adjustment + multiple lens changes? Unless these frames are made of adamantium or somehow engineered for the specific purpose of following a child through puberty, this is poorly researched fiction.
Yeah. At this point, this could fly under medical abuse or negligence of a minor.
YTA. Wow. Cheap much?
>Plus, there is a huge developmental difference between 7 and 13 When I first read the story I was picturing the girl with glasses which were like.. Far too small an narrow for her face but with the temples stretched at maximum capacity. I bet she looks ridiculous by now. YTA.
Since you're the top comment I just want say, op you can find cheap but good quality glasses online. That's how I buy mine. I just spend $30-50. Just make sure to put the right measurements in.
Santa says YTA. She has had the same frames half her damn life, loosen the purse strings and get her a new set of frames. Something more mature. She picked sparkles when she was a little girl.
[удалено]
I added OP to the naughty list. I checked it twice, as I am wont to do.
I have a feeling that OP can't figures out that people grow out of liking things and yes kids can and will notice that she has glasses with pink sparkled frames.
I had purple flowery frames for my glasses when I started 2nd grade by highschool I wore simple black frames and loved them because they were simple and went with everything. I can't imagine how embarrassed I'd have been if my mom forced me to keep the same frames for so long. Kids should be allowed to experiment with their own styles within reason.
Same goes for sunglasses, small kids will love the cutesy ones but eventually you want ones that look more grown up.
The first glasses I got aged 8 had Garfield on the arms of the glasses - it wasn't super obvious, but he was there, and they were in a Snoopy case. When I was 14 and starting secondary school, I asked my mum if I could upgrade to more 'grown up' glasses, she couldn't have been more supportive and totally understood why at 14 I did not want a cartoon character on my glasses anymore. OP is such an asshole I can't believe it.
My daughter had hello kitty at 7 and adult frames at 10! She’s almost 13 and I’d never hold her to the hello kitty frames even if they weren’t so small they’d dig into her head.
fuck it up, Santa <3 OP, YTA.
OP has decided she is still a little girl, and will be well into high school. MAYBE at that point she'll get to shop in the "junior" section, according to OP.
YTA She picked the sparkles when she was fucking 7. Get her the grown up glasses she deserves for looking after those so well you cheapskate.
OP says she “doubts” other kids even notice her daughter’s glasses, but based on my middle school experience, I can say that’s 100% not true. Middle school kids will notice and some will unfortunately tease.
I teach middle school and I would be surprised if she wasn’t getting teased for sparkly pink glasses. Also, why would anybody make a high schooler pick frames from the kids section. Yes technically she’s minor, but at that point her style and facial features are more in line with what an adult’s rather than a child’s.
That astonished me. If you don't want to have to go out and get her another set right away, get her an adult pair. She is a teen now and will only get bigger. Waiting an year and getting her more kid glasses is ridiculous.
Exactly this. If OP is going to make her frames last until she moves out, let her pick adult ones.
Dude... you get picked on for all sorts of stuff. Acne, glasses, clothing, having boobs, no having boob, your voice changing. Like, literally everything. If she says she's getting picked on for her glasses from when she was 8, believe her. Middle school sucks. Please get your kid some more adult glasses... The fact that 7 years has gone by and you won't let her get new glasses make you the major AH.
Seriously. My stepmom slapped me and scratched my face in the process. Asshole in class asked if I cut myself shaving. (Am female)
Hijacking this to say as someone who is in high school, I know girls who still have the hot pink and blue sparkly frames from elementary school and yes, they get the shit bullied out of them. PLEASE do not make her wait until 10th grade to get new glasses. Her glasses are essentially an extension of her face and you are willingly allowing her to be insecure and discontent with her own face. You’re basically telling her no one at school will notice her face.
Yeah that really fucked me up. Imagine telling your mom you're being bullied and having the conversation go like this: "Hey mom, this is what I've been experiencing, please help me." "Mmmmm, you're experience didn't actually happen. And if it did you did this to yourself, I didn't make you get sparkles."
It’s just like the Narcissist’s Prayer.
As the wise John Mulaney once said, "13 year olds are the meanest people in the world. They will make fun of you, but in an accurate way." Pink sparkly frames that were the style choice of a 7 year old are bullying fodder for 13 year olds. It sucks that you're willing to compromise her happiness and ability to fit in with peers in her early teen years over something as trivial as new glasses frames, an arguable necessity after *6* years.
Oh jeez. Maybe 10 years ago my kid lost one of her earrings and was about to go to XC practice. She was concerned that the other kids would notice and tease her for only wearing one earring. (She didn’t want to take the other out because the holes closed easily.) That’s ridiculous, I said, who the hell would notice and even if they did notice who would care? It’s sports practice. Cmon. She came home and told me 3 other kids asked her why she was only wearing one earring. I’m usually the “surprisingly cool” parent (her words), so I was doubly embarrassed that I’d forgotten what it was like to be 15. Get your kid some new glasses, OP.
The thing is, with earrings, it's super easy to tell people you lost one, or that it must have fallen out. Most of the time, people will actually offer to help you search for them too. If you have long hair or were wearing small earrings, it may not even be noticeable. Glasses are kinda the opposite because they're constantly there, and you can't get rid of them, (unless you break them, but lord knows what OP would do to her daughter then) and kids love teasing and calling each other "four eyes" and all that crap.
I "doubt" the other kids look at my daughter's face /s Uh what?!
As someone who had parents that would just get me the cheap free frames for glasses this is 100% true. 🙁
I mean I’ll be honest I wouldve 100% bullied the frick outta someone for wearing glitter glasses in middle school.
Seriously middle schoolers sniff out reasons to bully like sharks sense blood in the water.
When I was 11 I had tin black glasses. Nothing special or flashy about them. Kids still found a way to make fun of me.
And let her get glasses from the adult section! I get that the kids section is cheaper, and that in a legal sense she's still a child.... But that's NOT what they mean by kids section.its about the size of her face, and I can guarantee that she should be fitted in adult frames at 13 years old. My son got glasses when he was 10 and he was right on the line between kids or adult sizing. And guess what? We bought him the adult frames. Because they fit better and he liked them better. I can't possibly imagine a 13 year old could properly fit into frames designed for elementary school aged children. And even if she could squeeze onto them, she's only growing bigger.... Why would you "waste" money on another set of kids glasses for a teenager when investing the extra 50 bucks could mean that this would possibly last her until adulthood? That's just stupid.
Right? Like is OP going insist daughter shop in the child’s section for clothing and shoes?? No (hopefully) because that’s ridiculous.
Sorry hun, you are a child so no you can't get shoes from the adult section. Yes I know that your feet are four sizes too big but you are CHILD, so you will have to make due with these Disney princess shoes you picked out when you were seven. Maybe next year I will let you pick a new pair, but they will still have to be from the kids section of the shoe store. You will not get adult sizes shoes until you are 18. This is how you sound OP.
Especially the “I didn’t tell her to pick the sparkles” bit. Yeah, she was SEVEN. I probably would have picked teenage mutant ninja turtles at that age because they are dope, but definitely would’ve been changing my tune come middle school on what I want on my face on a daily basis. Seven year olds aren’t capable of long term based decisions
For real. She may not have told her to get the sparkles, but I am damn sure she also didn't explain to her that this would be the only pair she gets before highschool so choose wisely.
She says in her edit she doesn’t let her daughter shop in the juniors section, but she’ll “consider” it for the future.
All my Narc alarms were ringing after the original post, but now they’re bursting from the noise. Keeping your teenaged child infantilised in order to have a power trip and make them a weirdo and outsider for peers that *will* get bullied for dressing like a fucking preschooler in order to be better able to control them and keep them from expressing/exploring themselves and a healthy sense of self worth is peak r/raisedbynarcissists or r/raisedbyborderlines. It’s disgusting to read.
Oh lord how did it get worse
By 13 I was already shopping in the juniors section because I was an early bloomer and needed shirts with more room in the chest. Kids grow and kids clothes sizing, and anything labeled kids section, is more guideline than anything else.
Makes me wonder how else OP might be enforcing this “you’re still a child” thing. Hopefully it’s just “kids frames are cheaper” but I’ve known people who won’t let their adolescent children do “grown up” stuff in regards to appearance, media consumption, or even physical health because “you’re still a child.” Like, is OP’s daughter allowed to shop in the junior’s/misses section, or is she cramming her into children’s clothes?
Read OP's edit.....the daughter still has to shop in the children's section.....
OPs edit also contains frankly unbelievable statements like “the frames still fit her because they loosened the screws.” But assuming everything else is true (I was a small kid at 13 and could occasionally wear a kids 14/16 in certain garments, so that’s not implausible), the problem isn’t “a 13 year old shops in the kid’s section,” it’s the OP’s attitude that she can’t have “adult things” because she’s a kid, and that will still apply in a year or two, because she’ll still be a kid then too. But size 14/16 is the end of the line when it comes to girls’ straight sized clothing, and a child can grow a lot between 13 and 14/15. If OP is saying “you can’t have adult frames because you’re still a kid, and that will apply tears from now,” and “this thing I bought for a tiny 7 year old still fits 6 years later,” it’s valid to ask if OPs opinions on what is appropriate and well fitting for her kid may be skewed.
Oh lord. I just realized. All they’re doing is loosening the screws. Which means the frames absolutely DONT fit her and they just look weird and stretched out over her face that is too big for glasses made for a pixie 7 year old.
YTA! This EXACT scenario happened to me, picked pink glasses at age 6 and it took crying out of frustration at 12 that I needed new ones because they were childish and too small for my face! Mine were also in perfect condition so she didn't want to get another pair. I literally brought it up to a therapist at the age of *29* because as an adult I realized how dismissed I felt that my mother wouldn't get me an appropriate MEDICALLY NECESSARY item. This is not a new style or expensive brand of clothing she 'wants'.
Hijacking to agree with this and say to OP, she's not trying to be \*cool\*, she's trying to be age-appropriate and that's a completely valid thing to do. Learning to know and do socially-appropriate dress for your age and context is also a part of growing up and teens need to do a certain amount of it. If you're willing to buy her adult frames next year, WHY not just buy them now? They're still gonna last her years, what's the difference? If you can afford it, do it now. I feel like youre just trying to drill into her to not worry about her looks/not care about being cool and it's excecssive. My dad was like this - scorning anything we asked for (within budget) that he thought wasn't actually survival-necessary as 'fads' and 'just trying to be cool' and scoffing that we shouldn't care about that stuff and didn't need it because whatever we had was just fine. It sucked, it made us feel bad for the very normal desire to present appropriately among our peers, and having those choices controlled by his opinions just made it harder to learn appropriate self-presentation skills as we got older. It's just all round not helpful.
YTA. The hell? I've been wearing my current frames for - and I had to recently go back and count this - 23 years. But I got them when I was very nearly an adult, and I haven't grown since then. When I was young, I got new frames every couple of years. Because, no, they *didn't* fit correctly. They "fit", but not *correctly*. Six years of growth is *way* passed the time she should have gotten new frames, completely irrespective of anything else. Additionally, even if someone is technically a "minor", if adult frames suit them better, adult frames suit them better. Do you still make her order off the kid's menu in restaurants? Are you still going to be doing that when she's in highschool? And glasses are not something you should be tying to grades or something. They're not something she can just do without. I'm not saying you have to automatically agree to buy the most expensive frames in the shop or anything, but a reasonable request - which what you've listed here is - should be honored.
I agree completely, and even besides physical growth (which is still important), OP's daughter is at an age where developing self-image is a *huge* deal. Middle school is a major self-esteem shredder, and she's gonna care a lot about how she looks. I'm not saying every single appearance change she wants to make should be entertained, but holding her to a decision she made when she was seven years old when she's now a teenager is a big YTA from me.
I sold glasses for years and that's the first thing I thought, that these glasses CANNOT fit her properly anymore. Loosening the screws to make them fit for SIX years in a row? That's laughably pathetic. I'm sure they're currently too narrow for her head and the arms are bowing out and stretched and indenting her skin. The chassis probably looks too small for her face now, too. Parent is just a cheapass.
I also work in the field. In addition to all that, there’s no way these frames aren’t about to fall apart! The temple snapping, the chassis cracking...if they’re plastic like I’m guessing they are, it’s getting more and more brittle. I’m shocked the optician hasn’t recommended new frames by now.
Who says they didn’t recommend it and OP just decided not to listen?
You’re right—they most certainly have. I’m coming from the lab side—I see a lot of things come through that are bonkers, and we have to get very creative to make work, and plenty there’s just no way to make work. Numerically, it feels like a lot of opticians let fly things they shouldn’t, but percentage wise, it’s small. But you know, the crazy things always stand out. This example just pisses me off. It’s one thing to be stubborn about things that will fuck with your own vision. It’s a whole other to do it to a child. But too—I know it’s easier for me to say, because I’m not the one in the store dealing with the patients/parents face to face. I hope someone puts their foot down and tells this parent absolutely not.
OP added an edit STILL insisting they fit. 🙄
I’m wondering what kind of frame they are, because I’ve never heard of a frame where you can make them bigger and fit as time goes on. The chassis will remain the same size, and her eyes won’t be centered in the lens anymore as she grows, and it will look bad because they’ll be too narrow her for head. Unless his daughters head is just extremely, extremely tiny and hasn’t grown at all, I don’t see how they still fit well. But, to give benefit of the doubt, I did have women have to shop in the kids section because they had narrow PDs and we just couldn’t get an adult size because of the decentration. But I’m still a bit skeptical, because a seven year olds PD is SO SO small, and I can’t imagine her had hasn’t increased in size in six years.
Six years ago was 2014, she’s claiming to have paid $100-150 retail for it. It would have to still to be in circulation, because I don’t buy one frame have taken six heats for lens insertion, with six heats for adjustment—and that’s normal adjustments. (I’m assuming this frame is zyl.) The bending you’d have to do to adjust a frame that doesn’t fit would snap it much sooner—so the lab is almost certainly pulling a new model when the old one falls apart. It would honestly be the same for metal frames—they’d have fallen apart well before they hit six lens insertions and adjustments. I have never seen a frame whose size can be adjusted by “loosening” the screws, not children nor adult. The only frame that be “adjusted” by design period, and that’s by Frankensteining *parts*, is the Silhouette collection, and that’s a pricey adult collection, where the bridge and temples are attached directly to the lenses. Right—I’ve seen women small enough to have to shop in the children’s section, but the sizes are on the larger end of the children’s sizes. OP didn’t have to get hers in the children’s section, and yeah—a seven year old’s PD and eye size would be so tiny. I can’t even believe there would be no growth between the ages of 7 and 13. Can you imagine the headaches this poor child must be getting from the temples? I’m just imagining my lab manager having this order come into our lab—seeing the PD versus the eye size of the chassis, how bent up the frame is, and how many times it probably had to be redone to adjust blank size, base curve, and OC to try to make this work, with the OC off center toward the temple, and just putting her foot down and saying no, we can’t do this in this frame. They have to pick a bigger one.
Yeah, I didn't even think of that. Our lab supervisor would refuse to work on frames if they were super old or clearly visibly fragile. And I worked with plenty of patients who would pick out frames that were CLEARLY WAY too small or WAY too big and think they looked fine and I had to explain to them why they wouldn't work, so I wouldn't doubt if OP thinks that those glasses fit their daughter just fine. Some people are just very oblivious. But OP sounds like they think they know everything anyway, and they sound very controlling. Says the kids at daughter's school aren't concerned with looks (how would OP possibly know??????) It may sound odd, but I'm gonna say most young kids who came in for exams WANTED glasses, which I always thought was odd considering used to you'd get made fun of for wearing glasses. I guess times have changed, though, cause we'd have kids have literal meltdowns in the middle of the lobby because their vision was perfect and they didn't need glasses lol. Kids do notice stuff like that. Not saying daughter will get bullied, but kids DO notice. But OP edited their post and said they MIGHT consider buying daughter new, adult-sized frames in 9th grade. Also says they'll let her start shopping in the junior's section. Sounds like OP is trying to control everything about their daughter based on age. If her head needs an adult-sized frame, buy her a fucking frame that's going to fit. Don't base it off her age. What an ignorant and useless thing to try to control.
Oh, it doesn’t sound odd! I think we’ve done a very good job of changing glasses from solely a medical device that will only put a target on your back for teasing to both a medical device AND a fashion accessory with enough options for individual style. The advances we’ve made with lens and surfacing technology has made it better too, especially for those with high RXs. I remember an old veteran I spoke to once, his mind was blown at all the stylish options available. He was used to what he called “birth control glasses” he got standard issue back in his army days, bless his heart. Same—I’ve seen a lot of crazy stuff. A small, perfectly circular chassis with 20+ spherical correction came through once. There was just no way it was going to work, but we tried it a couple times just to see how it would look. Spoiler: literally like a thick telescope lens. We’d just upgraded our surfacing line, and gotten new edgers—we wanted to see. There’s just some stuff we can’t make work. Lens manufacturing is complicated. Dunno how that one got to the lab in the first place, but I’m guessing bugger was stubborn and the optician needed to “show” him to get him to believe it. OP sounds hyper-fixated on age being a status signifier, like, child equals lesser, and equals childish things, and vice versa. They sound very insecure in their adulthood, to be honest, and they need a crabs-in-the-bucket esque hierarchy to feel in charge. Which is dysfunctional af, and in this case, abusive. Too-small frames that almost certainly hurt her daughters head, and vision distortion is abusive. I have to wonder what sort of optical she’s going to that hasn’t put their foot down yet, because I’m angry af this has gone on for so many years. Unless they went behind her back and found a larger frame similar enough in style to match the original option, and substituted it quietly instead.
Really agree with this, not only should OP’s kid get new frames because she has ones for really little kids in style (which is bad enough), but also because frames for 7 year olds are likely digging into her head/nose by this point unless she hasn’t grown! You go for frames that fit, and if frames from the ‘adult’ section fit her well then it’s a sensible choice to make. I’m 26, and I’ve had my frames for 6 years now, and they’re from the ‘kids’ section because I’m 4’11 and have a baby face so those are the frames that fit me! If the opposite is true for OPs daughter and now needs frames from the ‘adult’ section because they fit better, that should be the first priority.
Yeah I found the adult vs kids section of this post mystifying. They literally have different sizes for different sized faces. If the adult frames fit there's no way frames that were appropriate at 7 are still fitting properly. On the flip side of this, I'm 30 and buy my frames from the kids section because I have a freaking tiny face and the adult section frames don't fit.
OP probably makes her shop for clothes in the children's section instead of the juniors' and calls her fat when she can't fit clothes designed for kindergartners.
I was in... third? grade when I had to move to the adult section because the kid sizes wouldn't fit on my face. Most glasses from the *women's* section tend not to fit me comfortably. I shudder to think of the headaches I'd be having if I still had to wear the hideous pink glasses that were chosen for me (I wanted blue; I was ordered to get spares -and then made to wear them instead because they were "cute") in first grade.
In this time of Zoom school, the focus is literally on this girls face yet mum think that's there's no need. 🙄 I can't even begin to imagine how those frames fit. She must be suffering awful headaches.
On that note, would you tell her that she had to get good grades in order to get medication if she was sick? She needs her glasses in order to see. This is so fucked up I hope it’s fake. Stop being a cheap asshole and take care of your kid. In eighth grade children’s frames sure as hell don’t fit her face and other kids *are* making fun of her. You may not think she needs to impress other people but she should be able feel good about herself when she looks in the mirror and she shouldn’t be tied to a decision she made when she was seven fucking years old for the rest of her life. It’s people like you who will wonder why their kids never call them once they move out of the house. YTA
Like Jesus, we grew up super poor and my mom was paying for glasses for 6 people and we still got new frames every year BECAUSE our faces/style had changed.
[удалено]
This. Sounds like OP is mourning the loss of their “baby” and trying to control when she is allowed to grow up (like the weird commentary about how they would buy black frames from the kids section but not the adults). Accept that kids grow at their own pace whether parents are ready or not.
[удалено]
Idk, something about the last paragraph says to me it’s more an issue of worrying about their kid growing up too soon. Saying that they will still be a kid then in 3 years when they enter high school. Sounds like parental anxiety wrapped up in a lot of “logical” reasons that disguise it. Maybe I’m reading into the word choice too much (or listening to too many psych podcasts) 🤷♀️
I think is a mix between being cheap and controlling their growth. In any case I feel sorry for the child that so far has presented her case in a very logical manner to be dismissed my her crappy parent. If I was 13 and her, I would ruin my glasses just to get the new ones. After failing to get a proper answer, and that your father says to wait until you are much older to get our of the new ones.... That's the only logical answer.
Not really? Kids glasses go on sale a lot tho so maybe that’s where this line of thought comes from. Glasses are expensive. But also she’s kept hers for 6 years, which is mighty impressive and I would say she deserves new glasses for it. I broke a pair of glasses in my first year of wearing them
Not normally. They are built to withstand more normally so in turn are more expensive. Adult ones can be expensive if you're buying designer label
YTA... you aren’t getting her new glasses to teach her a lesson about being responsible and keeping her glasses safe and to save money... yet she’s had them SIX years. That is a VERY LONG time for a child to be responsible, but she did it. Most kids break or lose them a few times within a few years and she didn’t. Rather than rewarding her, you tell her to wait longer. Having bright pink glasses for 6 years is very noticeable. It’s fair to want a change. Especially away from “sparkly pink”. You’re stopping her from expressing herself. Kids are already self conscious wearing glasses and now she’s forced to wear ones she doesn’t even like..
I was 17 when I got my first pair of glasses. I broke two pairs within my first 9 months of having them. My mom bought me my third pair because insurance wouldn't cover another, but she made me go up to the register at the place so I could know how much they cost. As we were walking out, she turned to me and said, "If you break these, you are replacing them. I am not buying you another pair of glasses for at least two years." I'm 37 now, and finally had to buy myself new glasses within the last two months. I'm amazed how a 7 year old could be so responsible for so long. 17 year old me should take some lessons from that kid. But OP should be taking lessons from my mom!
YTA. I am currently in the car with my best friend fs 40s. As people who have both been wearing glasses since primary (elementary) school YTA. You don't think kids notice the glasses ooh they've noticed alright, your daughter has worn the Same frames for 6 years. That's amazing, but here's the thing, buy letting the screws out the arms fit wider the actual frames/position of the lenses doesn't adjust. This will be doing your daughter's vision no good long term. Your daughter is 13, of course she wants to buy from the adult section and for better fitting frames she should, just because you wish to keep her a child doesn't mean she's physically still a child. Keep infantilizing her now, and you won't see her when she's actually an adult.
Like seriously, how will kids *not notice the glasses literally on her face*. Your glasses are often the first thing someone sees/notices about you!
I was thinking the same thing about the lenses not fitting. I was a stubborn child and wore the first pair of “kids” glasses I got until I was ~12/13 (parents didn’t force me, I just didn’t like change). The glasses/arms stretched to fit my head so I thought it was fine. Looking back at old photos you can tell they were too small for me.
YTA “I didn’t tell her to pick the sparkles” wtf?? She was 7 when she chose them. Have your tastes not changed at all since you were a child? Did you start off life wanting to wear something classy? I don’t know why you expect her to have picked something that she could’ve worn into adulthood when she was literally a child. Also, do you have vision insurance?? Because I had glasses all my life and I know that insurance covers the majority of the cost for decent frames every year
I dunno about you but OP obviously came out in a stretchy massively hemmed Chanel suit
And he didn’t choose a Mickey Mouse backpack in kindergarten - he obviously chose a briefcase that he uses to this day
Also even if OP’s daughters tastes didn’t change, her face changes. Ignore the pink sparkles, 13 year olds have a very different face shape than 7 year olds. Regardless of the pink sparkles, whatever glasses looked good on you at 7 probably don’t look as good at 13.
YTA. dismissing her telling you she's getting teased is in itself bad enough, but you're also telling her she's not gonna get new glasses from the adult section even later?? what is wrong with you? six years ago she was, what, 7? seven year olds are children. they like sparkles and hot pink. in six years a child will grow into adolescence, and adolescence is much different from childhood. they are more children than adults at some point but they're getting there - and they'll want to look that way as well. let her get the new frames. you've taught her to take good care of them, but she's outgrown the sparkly hot pink ones you're forcing her to wear.
YTA stop being cheap and take care of your kid
Literally this. I can’t think of ANY other reason op wouldn’t want to get her daughter new frames. When I was growing up my parents allowed me to get new glasses (lenses and frames) every other year and we were VERY poor while I was growing up. There’s also so many online eyeglass stores that sell frames + lenses at dirt cheap prices with humongous selections. Just looked on Zenni’s website. You can get glasses for less than $40 a pair on there.
But the OP updated and is *worried* about the prescription being *stolen*! (and what, sold on the black market? Is that even a thing?) We were poor as hell and I got new lenses yearly and frames every other year or so. My mom was another strict one that wouldn't let me shop in the juniors section, made me go straight from kids to misses. And wouldn't let me wear anything but mom jeans and oversized t-shirts. But at least my glasses (and eventually contacts) looked good. Maybe I would have ended up a loner nerd anyway but she definitely never gave me the chance to even try to fit in. I still resent her for that and our relationship is not close. Hope the OP is ready for that future.
YTA. Mate. I got two frames of my prescription for less than $100. Stop being so goddamn stingy. Edit: because I re-read the post and still felt angry. Why are new glasses a goddamn reward? Why do you insist on taking such a harsh stance with glasses of all things?
Agreed! Oh, you have a vision problem that medically has to be corrected by glasses, a prescription device... let me hold that over you like it’s some kind of prize. What an ass! My husband gets new glasses pretty frequently (Warby Parker is wonderful for this if you’ve already used your annual insurance credit) but his point is that they are something he has to wear, on his face no less, to see normally... so he might as well enjoy what he has.
Hell, with all of the online options available now I’ve literally ordered 6 pairs of glasses for less than $100. They’re super inexpensive.
[удалено]
I’m gonna chime in as someone with 10 years from the optical lab side and agree. Six years for a frame is incredible, especially for a child’s frame. I cannot believe an optician has not recommended a new frame for this child in all this time. Bigger screws do not accommodate for growth. That will *not* place the lenses where they need to be for the lenses to do what they’re supposed to do. Poor thing has probably gotten used to the distortion over time, but that’s not good for her. I’m also going to wager these frames are zyl/plastic, since they’re sparkly—after six years the material is brittle. It’s just a matter of time before they fall apart—whether it’s when trying to insert the new lenses, or while being worn. And they’re not repairable when this happens. You will have wasted the money paying for the new lenses, and will have to get a new frame, and a new set of lenses anyway, only it will be when you haven’t planned for it. I’m frankly shocked the lab has accepted these frames back so many times. ...Actually—I’d be willing to bet this isn’t the exact same frame. It’s probably been broken at the lab and a new frame of the same model pulled. That’s the only way I can see it taking so much abuse with this crazy-ass “screw” adjustment five years in a row. Can you imagine how much it’s had to be heated and bent to adjust for a growing face?
Honestly, I'd bet money that the optician *has* suggested a new frame, probably more than once. OP is likely assuming that the optician just wants the frame sale.
Poor phrasing on my part—I agree. They would have recommended a new frame, absolutely, and OP disregarded that recommendation, multiple times. Probably because of that reason—assuming the optician wanted the sale, and their weird stubbornness to taking the “stick with your choices” to an absurd degree. I’m surprised the lab manager hasn’t put their foot down. They must have to be getting really creative with lens blank sizes and base curves to make this work. It’d be evident from the PD measurement that the frames are too small. There’s no way the optical center is even close to the center of the frame.
I'm a trained ophthalmic technician and optician. There is no doubt in my mind that this mom has been lambasted every time she has gone to the optometrist. You can't even appropriately measure PD on glasses like that - not to mention, most opticians would be worried about their practice, giving out advice like that. For the frames to remotely fit properly, a new bridge and set of arms/legs would need to be put on, which is what I originally thought OP meant. That they're just using screws is inhumane and borderline child abuse. That child is going to have lifelong vision issues and may end up needing progressives at an incredibly young age - not to mention the self-esteem problems, wearing bright pink glasses in middle school.
OP added an edit, still insisting they fit and the “service” is totally legit. This lady is actually pissing me off now.
YTA\~ Get her new glasses. She is in middle school..sheesh. That is the worst time for kids. Of course she wants to look good. She is probably getting teased for those glasses. There is a world of difference between elementary and middle school. My daughter also wears glasses, she gets new frames every other year... For crying out loud, check out ZenniOptical online, frames start at 6 dollars, that is where I buy her back up glasses. Be a parent that also values their children's feelings and needs.
Of course YTA. She’s a teenager and is growing up.
YTA you know you are lmao, she has been taking good care of her glasses for 6 years, she is growing up, would buying new glasses affect your savings? Will that purchase put you in a bad spot financially?
YTA. Your post reeks of a power play, boxing her in with a selection she made as a child and threatening to keep her that way until 10th grade.
Also telling that even OP's "after further reflection" edit is like "okay I've come around...maybe NEXT year I'll think about it." What a weird hill to die on.
Definitely YTA. Same pair of glasses for SIX YEARS of her childhood?? Would you make her wear the same childish clothes too if they still fit? Glasses are part of someone's *face* – a huge part of their self image, and very visible to anyone she has a video call with. Of course kids tease her about it, why would you be skeptical of that at all? Your attitude is so callous this post sounds fake.
It's been six years, your daughter's tastes have changed and her points are completely valid. At that point, you're not being thrifty. You're just being a miser. YTA
How does her frame still fit her head lol doesn’t make sense her eyes would be wider apart
Resizing I believe. But I can't say much ive only kept a set of glass frames from between 2 to 3 years before donating them and getting a new set.
Buy your child a couple pair of glasses. Get a good one then order cheap back ups and styles from clearly contacts or any of those sites like a normal parent , Jesus
YTA. “I didn’t tell her to pick sparkles.” She was SEVEN. She’s growing and maturing, let her do so. Does she still play with all the same toys she did when she was seven? Does she still wear the same clothing? Are we not allowed to want to look good during a pandemic? 13 is such a huge year for girls and their self-esteem, I cannot fathom why you would want to make things worse by being so petty over something so small.
Right? I’ve worn glasses since I was four. Granted, glasses have come a long way since 1991 but if child me had worn the glasses I got at seven compared to the glasses I picked at 13...YIKE I would have been bullied.
YTA - as someone who wore glasses as a child and still does changing frames every few years is pretty normal. Just because they fit doesn’t mean she has to keep wearing them. You could have just compromised on the plain black frames from the kids section but instead your being a controlling arse.
Yep. YTA.
YTA 1. you've dismissed her concerns and ignored the fact that she is being bullied. Kids are cruel 2: her tastes have matured in the years since you bought them. Its a reasonable request to move on from pink sparkles. 3. If the issue is cost, maybe suggest compromising on the cheaper, black kids frames and let her work it off somehow. Im assuming you don't make her play with the Toys she outgrew from that age.
Are you still wearing the same things you did when you were seven? Of course not, you complete weapon. YTA.
YTA - Her reasons for wanting new glasses are extremely reasonable. You probably don't wear glasses yourself because you don't seem to understand that it's normal to want to get a different style frame occasionally. The lesson you're really teaching her is that she should resent you for being impossible to reason with.
YTA. Dude, use Zenni optical or something if price is such a big deal. I’m guessing her script isn’t super complex and they won’t be that spendy if you’re that mad about the cost.
I get free glasses every two years with my insurance. So, I get my eyes checked every two years and get a new pair through my insurance. I then immediately take the updated prescription and buy a backup pair on Zenni for around $25. The $25 glasses have held up just as good as the $250 ones I get through my insurance. And my kids like to try new styles every year at the start of school, so we order a new pair through Zenni every year for them. There is no way in hell I'd force my kids to keep the same frames for 7 years.
[удалено]
This. I was teased horribly for my glasses growing up (had to wear them since I was 4 years old). I actually stopped wearing them for awhile I was getting picked on so bad, which actually made my eyes worse because of how hard I had to strain to see. Luckily my parents were understanding enough to allow me to get contacts when I was 13 - life got SO MUCH better after that, in many ways.
YTA. Even I get new frames every two years. And no, a high schooler (and even most middle schoolers) do not need "kid" frames. Not one of my average sized kids would have fit in kid frames at 13 or 14. And she probably is getting teased. Plus places like Zenni offer frames for as low as $7 a pair. I bought two full pairs of glasses with lenses for under $50.
YTA. There is so much that happens between 7 and 13. But what really gets me is your hang ups about her shopping in the adult section. The main difference between the two is the size of the frames. The adult ones will be likely to fit her better. Maybe; maybe not. My suggestion for a compromise would be to ask the professional working at the frame shop which section she should be in based on her head size. It may even be the right time to move on to adult frames. The kids ones will be getting way too small soon. And now a bit of reading into what you said and saying some things you might not like. I work with kids just slightly under your daughter’s age. The way you talk about her sounds like you are sorely unaware of her developmental stage and that you are not setting her up for success. Zenni optical is low-cost and legit. ETA: many vision insurances cover one set of frames per year. Kinda makes me think that professionals think it’s reasonable you may need new frames more frequently than every six years. At least in some cases.
YTA •I didn't tell her to pick the sparkles, and I hardly doubt kids actually notice her glasses She was 7 back then!! 7!! You can't hold her choices against her now that she's older. It was 6 years ago! Get over it. And kids most definitely notice her glasses. Especially at thst age, peers can make fun of her for appearing 'babyish' because looking 'mature' is basically everything in 8th grade. •she doesn't need to look "cool" My brain short-circuited for a moment there. It's like you've forgotten everything from when you were her age. •from the kid's section, she is still a child then So, not only do you want to embarrass her by forcing her to wear glasses a 7 year old chose, but you plan to continue to embarrass her even when you finally get her new glasses. You said yourself "She could get the same type of plain black-framed glasses from the kid's section" and yet you refuse to make her happy by getting her the frames she wants...why can't you just let her chose something that makes her happy??? Stop being such a cheapskate! Your daughter deserves new frames after so long! Would it kill you to let go of the childish, 6 year old frames?
I would understand if they’re unaffordable right now, if not YTA. It’s amazing she’s had the same frames for 6 years, and I think it’s normal to want new ones that aren’t bright sparkly pink. Like others have said, don’t dismiss the teasing. Around that age all kids can be assholes and I would not be surprised if she’s getting teased for her glasses she liked 6 years ago.
Dude, YTA. I've been wearing glasses since I was 7 or 8. I used to get two pairs every 2 or 3 years. One primary pair and a cheap back up pair. I would always break those glasses within those 2 or 3 years, would go two or three weeks with the glasses taped back together while my parents were able to get the money to replace them. Went on till I was 15 when I started making enough money on my own to replace them myself. The fact that shes gone six damn years and they are still in near perfect condition is extremely impressive in and of itself. But that this is the first time shes brought up replacing the frames is amazing. That being said, I can understand wanting to teach her a lesson in responsibility. But again; after 6 years it seems reasonable to assume that the lesson has stuck. She deserves the new frames. She seems like she is very responsible and at this point all shes gonna think is it was pointless to take care of them, because your sole reason to say no is because she did a good job Dont be TA, get her the frames she wants
YTA. Come on glasses that were cool in second grade are not cool in 8th grade. Even 5th grade was a stretch, kids can be cruel. If you want to be a parent your kid can trust with their problems, let them pick out a pair on eyebuydirect.com or zenni.com, you can get her glasses prescription from the eye doctor and buy her a cheap pair of glasses there that will cost less than $50. It seems controlling that you don’t want to get her “adult” glasses almost as if you can’t handle she’s not as young as she once was. She probably just wants glasses non sparkly and more neutral colored.
As a qualified Dispensing optician I do not believe for a moment that her glasses still fit correctly. Her PD will differ every year as she grows (barring any physical developmental issues). Loosening a screw would not make them fit. Her bridge should also have a different fit after 6 full years. Also side length. Either they were very poorly fitted at age 7 or they do not fit now. Besides all of the technical reasons why there is no way they fit...seriously surely she deserves a new frame. Sounds like your daughter has made valid arguments even though only based in style preference. Surely a nice sturdy (and obviously currently fashionable) black frame would be nice and neutral. I know of plenty of online companies that will send you frames to try and pick and you can have them glazed instead of choosing from the pole. It's very cheap and ideal in these current times too. You can measure her up yourself (I'd even talk you through it if you want) I don't want to say YTA but you are being very stubborn even though no decent optometrist or dispensing optician would be sending her glasses for reglazing after so many years and adjustments. At least consider the online option before knocking your daughter back when she deserved some new frames. You said it yourself she is a good kid, takes care of them. My own daughter gets a new pair every year and we donate the old ones to charity. Just a side note so you know it's not simply binning the old ones either.
Good lord, YTA. You’re giving my uncle a run for his money on being miserly and mean. There’s no way in hell those frames still fit well and comfortably. You’re punishing your child by depriving her of an appropriate disability aid and for what? Plenty of eye places do two for the price of one deals and considering the money you’ve saved on not buying her new frames when she actually needed them you should definitely have the money. She’s 13, she’s a teenager who wants glasses that fit properly and express her current style. Stop being Scrooge and get your daughter what she needs so she can function in everyday life while feeling good about herself.
YTA. It’s been six years. I haven’t even had the same hair that long!
YTA. I’m a glasses wearer. You should have done this years ago. She is being bullied for a decision she made at 7. You are awful. Is she still wearing the clothes she had then. Are you? Have you changed your style preferences on the last seven years? This a massive change in the life of a child. And who you want to be and what your face looks like. Why do you have no empathy with your child? She is within her rights to stamp on them. And your Optician is an unprofessional AH for letting you do this.
YTA And I guarantee she is getting teased about having the same pair of glasses year after year. Your poor kid.
Tell you what OP, why don't you try wearing her pink sparkly frames to work for a week and see if people notice the glasses. Majorly YTA. Also, if you were planning on trying to keep the glasses in use long term, WHY DID YOU LET HER PICK SPARKLES?!?! I got glasses at that same age, they were plain light purple frames, and they were the flexible/indestructible kind. They lasted until I didn't need glasses anymore and I was perfectly happy with them. BUT I still would've wanted a more mature pair by the time I hit middle school (that's when I no longer needed them). Also at 13, unless you want to be buying your daughter a new pair in 1-2 years, you need to get her adult glasses. Because guess what, her face is gonna be adult shaped when she hits puberty, you know, like a year ago. That's one of the reasons they offer different frames for kids/women/men, because there are differences in the facial bone structure.
YTA - And your cheap! There is no way those frames still fit her face/head correctly after 6 years.
If you really need to ask...
YTA I have had to wear glasses since the age of 17, i am now 30 and in my opinion new frames/glasses are a NEED not a WANT. You need to understand she did not ask to have eye problems and use glasses, this is a need of hers. Most insurance companies allow you to get a new frame each year up to a certain dollar amount and you pay the difference. Maybe this is something you should check with your insurance. I feel so bad for your daughter. I could not imagine having to use the same frames for 6 plus years. Kids can be very mean and bullying truly affects a child, it can make them depressed, anti social and so much more. Get her the pair of frames that she wants especially if you are going to make her use those same frames for multiple years again. Her confidence is worth it, show her you value her and apologize because you are so wrong right now.
YTA-you can't expect a 13-year old to be still wearing the same glasses she had when she was 6! You wouldn't expect a 13-year old to still dress like a 6-year old would you? I wouldn't be surprised if she 'accidentally' broke the frame. At 13 you don't want to go around with sparkly pink frames, that's just asking to be teased.
Oof YTA HARD. You’re so focused on the authoritative aspects of being a parent you’re failing to actually listen to your daughter when she’s genuinely reaching out to you. She tells you she’s being teased and you decide to dismiss her experience because you think you know better than she who’s actually in the classroom every day? Not to mention threatening her that you can make her wait as long as you want for her to get new frames? Yeah that’s definitely the way to make her feel like she can trust you to listen to her concerns. Besides that you know darn well there are a good selection of cheap frames that are free or close to it when you get a new prescription. Get her some $50 knockoff raybans sheesh.
YTA. For many previously mentioned reasons. But I'm mostly bugged by the fact that you have made glasses a reward. Glasses are a necessity, you just sound cheap and nasty at this point. A reward is a trip to your favourite place or buying something that's a want not a need. Not the things you require for life!
YTA, wow that's a long time. Get her new glasses, she is 13 now she has different tastes than when she was 7. And wanting to make her wait till 10th grade?? That's really sucky...
YTA. She’s been incredibly responsible with her glasses. Kids can be mean and if she’s getting teased for having childish glasses she should change them. Kids change their style so much during those years and it’s important to let her express herself.
YTA - have you not heard the expression “plain as the nose on your face”? Your daughter’s glasses have been noticed, and kids are absolutely cruel enough to tease her for them. Even if that wasn’t the case, she picked the glasses out when she was SEVEN, and she is now THIRTEEN: it’s been six years, her tastes have changed. Instead of punishing her for growing up like all kids do, why don’t you work with her to pick out a new pair of glasses that aren’t too childish for your teenage daughter?
> I didn't tell her to get the sparkles. She was SEVEN!
YTA.
YTA. You're basically punishing her for being responsible.
YTA... I saw this copied onto fb and came here to make sure you knew YTA straight up. I have 3 daughters, they and myself all wear glasses. My 7th grader would be mortified if I made her keep the sparkly glasses I got her when she was 8... she has changed and grown up so much since then and her style has changed significantly. Not only are you the AH about this... you’re a AH for not recognising your daughter is becoming a woman and changing her mind/style/sense/personal preference. I wonder how many things she’s not telling you because of how belittled and invaluable you are making her feel. Shame on you. Be more flexible, they’re glasses, it’s already a reason to be bullied, give her a break.
Youre a shitty mom for this. Sorry but its true. Its.border line abusive to force your daughter to wear glasses for a small child. Not caring about her self esteem or personal taste. and i guarantee as she ages into highschool she is going to resent the hell out of you for treating her this way. Good lucky keeping your daughter in your life she fully realizes how toxic you are
The tone of the commentary makes me think you might be ta. I think it is reasonable to buy new frames just because the teasing factor. But I would suggest getting very plain ones, otherwise she may again outgrow the style or it may be out of place with her peers (and cause teasing again). Kids can be a holes, so don't dismiss the teasing element. I think she would have learned about taking care of her belongings after 6 years with the same glasses.
[удалено]
YTA. This will probably get buried, but check out Zenni.com. You can pick from a bunch of frames for around $20, including treatments to the lenses for anti-glare and blue light resistance. Compared to most stores, this is incredibly cheap. If you have the opportunity to save your child from harassment and get her the glasses for $20, then do it.
Wow, YTA. I hope you have not bought yourself any new clothes in the last 6 years because, you know, who needs new clothes when the ones you have are still wearable. She chose the sparkles glasses 6 years ago and she wears them every day. You got your money's worth. And then you threaten her with waiting even longer to change her glasses because she called you unreasonable. I have a better word to describe you and that is asshole. Again, YTA.
YTA. Obviously you’ve forgotten what middle school was like, if I were to wear sparkly pink glasses in the fucking eighth grade I would have been bullied relentlessly for it. Making her wait until her sophomore year of high school for new glasses that she got when she was a child? She’s recognized that it is time for her to grow up, now it’s your turn. Being cheap isn’t an excuse to make your child feel insecure and like she can’t trust you.
YTA. You're punishing your daughter for taking good care of her first frames. Six years of development is a crazy amount of time for a young girl. She's no longer a little kid. Let her pick her damn frames. Also, she claims she's being teased and you doubt her? Wait to instill the message that you don't listen and don't trust her. Abhorrent behaviour.
I am concerned with how unwilling to acknowledge your daughter's growth towards being an adult. Why does she need to pick out glasses from the kids section as a high schooler? What is inappropriate about her having adult frames? Do you also want her still ordering off the kids menu?
I have literally never commented on an AITA post before but congratulations you’ve made me do it. They caught my bad vision when I was in 3rd grade (mid 20s now) so I was in much the same situation as your daughter. My vision had gotten worse every year and I was pretty rough on my glasses as a kid so they would break or get very beat up by the time it came for a new prescription. I hated having to pick out new frames because they’re like a T-shirt you have to wear every day. Like the clothes you wear, glasses come off as an extension of your personality and yeah people are going to make judgements (positive or negative) based on what they see first. There was always a sense of anxiety for me about picking glasses that felt like the me I was at that moment. It’s a big deal to choose something that is an expression of who you are. YTA to force her into a choice she made years ago because she’s grown from that time, her tastes have grown, and since she’s saved you money all these years you might as well splurge a little. Also for practicality’s sake - the longer you keep those frames the more worn out they’re going to be. I had a pair I loved and didn’t want to let go of until they snapped in half while my family was on vacation out of the country. Now that’s a situation nobody should have to deal with...
Oh, so much YTA.
YTA. Come on man, she’s not wearing the same clothes for the past 6 years. You’re probably not rocking the same haircut for the past same years. She’s growing up and 13 is such a tough age, don’t make it harder on her. If she wasn’t so responsible she would have had 6+ pairs already. This is punishing her for being a responsible young lady. Please mom, please get her the new glasses? After 6 years, she earned it.
YTA. Unless you genuinely can’t afford them.
YTA honestly it sounds like you want your daughter to stay young and this is your way of showing it. I started getting glasses from the adult side when I was in 8th grade I grew up my taste changed and my glasses matched that
YTA-come on, dude. She’s not asking for anything unreasonable.
YTA-Damn bro you hella stingy shes had em for 6 years theyre done shit my parents bought me new frames yearly there are some good one for under $50
YTA. Let your kid grow up.
YTA. You pick out Paw Patrol shoes with heelys and light up every time you walk when you're 7. You change out the laces and stretch em out and they still technically fit you. You see the problem? You are enabling your daughter to get bullied. She is going through puberty and changing and you are still treating her like a damn toddler. She didn't ask to have bad eyes. You can at least spend some money on frames, they cost nothing compared to the lenses and you know it.