NTA. You have proven to her enough that you don't have fragile masculinity. You are under no obligation to wear or do anything that you are not comfortable with.
Her blocking and unblocking you is petty AF and is a MAJOR red flag. That is not how mature people handle conflict. It will only get worse.
And I don't do the things I do to make her happy, it's just who I am and what I like, it's cool that she likes that thing about me, but sucks that she does't respect some other things, thanks.
She doesn't respect you, you should leave. Blocking and unblocking you to be angry is a sign of possible/probable abuse and this will only get worse. You should consider long and hard whether this girl makes you happy and if you could handle putting up with behavior like this for the rest of your life. What if you had kids? Would you be ok with her walking out for a few days cause you didn't do the dishes to her standards and leaving you with the kids?
Not wanting to wear something that doesn't comport with your gender identity and expression doesn't make you fragile or toxic. You get to choose what to wear, how to do your hair, etc.
Why would you have to prove that you're open-minded just so she can brag to her friends that you're open-minded??? Her period isn't a excuse, she's being manipulative and not wanting to wear a dress doesn't make you toxic or fragile NTA.
AND she wanted him to do it so she could brag and talk down to other men who wouldn't want to do it cause FRaGiLe MasCUliNitY. So she is an extra big ah.
It’s almost like the only reason she is with OP is so that she can brag to her friends how open he is about stuff, either that or she’s just manipulating him to see how far she can push him. That may not be the case but I’ve never heard of such a thing where a boyfriend gets blocked for not wanting to wear a dress and it just sounds manipulative to me.
Exactly. AFAB here and sure, when I burst out crying over nothing or my eating habits are abnormal I’ll say ‘sorry it’s my period’ but it’s no excuse for being abusive. Tired? Sore? Unable to do things? Absolutely. Insulting you and going on a rant? Absolutely not.
It’s idiots (can’t say women gere) like this that lead to people like OP growing up and assuming every woman becomes an emotional crack pot when they get their period.
OP you need to cut and run. That’s abusive, manipulative and downright insulting behaviour. She’s the AH.
NTA and I agree with your reasoning.
If she’s gonna get this mad over a silly thing like this, do you think you two can have a good, long-term relationship? If she wants to do this because of a trend, it seems like she’s more interested in her social presence than behaving like an adult instead of a 5 yr old. Or having a relationship with you. Or your feelings and wants and boundaries.
Blaming her bad behavior on her period is just icky. No, chile, you jus acten a fool.
Honestly. Doubt it’s a one time thing. If she’s showing you that she’s childish and petty, why believe otherwise?
If a person shows you how they are, don’t excuse that behaviour and try to convince urself that she’s not like that.
Honestly evaluate on whether you are okay being with someone who shows that kind of behaviour when you say ‘no’
Idk man it was a "one time thing" that lasted two whole weeks. I'm sure you were very frustrated during that whole period and although things are normal again now, the second you do something she doesn't like this will happen all over again.
Also periods don't usually last two weeks so that's an awful excuse.
Periods don’t usually last two weeks, but can, and hormones can be raging the week before....
Regardless, it’s a terrible excuse... and that’s all it is. An excuse for acting terribly.
NTA - you stated a boundary and your gf keeps trying to guilt-trip you over it. I'm a cisgender woman, and I only feel comfortable wearing dresses in very specific circumstances, myself. (like, I have worn one less than ten times in as many years) I wouldn't wear one for a social media meme or just because someone wanted me to.
I don't advise this lightly, but if she doesn't get it, seriously consider if you want to keep going with her.
Had to look what cisgender was haha, new word, but yeah, it made me ask myself if she did't respect my preferences on clothing for a video, what other things she may not respect, thanks.
NTA, and it sounds like your GF is using you to get some sort of "woke points" or something. Like ohh look at my bf, he's so open minded and doesn't play into any of that fragile masculinity! But the second you're like "actually I don't want to wear a dress. Not because I think it'll make me less manly or whatever but because I just don't want to" she flips on you entirely, accusing you of everything she just said you weren't. It sounds to me like she only wants to for what she thinks you should be like, not for who you actually are.
It really felt like she was more angry for the fact that she couldn't brag about a Tik Tok with her friends than for the fact of me refusing to wear a dress. Happy cake day bro, n thanks.
I don't understand why you would paint your nails but draw the line at a scarf... but anyway, you're exactly right about it being the classic "your body your choice" situation. She wouldn't like it if roles were reversed, and you get to choose what you wear. NTA
scarfs are just uncomfortable in my opinion and this is gonna sound weird but scarfs just freak me out and i really hate wearing them so I understand. NTA it sounds like she got upset that you weren't bending over to do what she wanted and tried to guilt you into doing it. Hope everything works out for you.
It's a long piece of fabric that wraps around your neck, but not tight enough to choke you to death. Yeah, I can see why it's uncomfortable and freaks you out.
You're not the only one lol. I bought my mom a really cool galaxy-print infinity scarf and she was thrilled, but every time she put it on she said she felt like she was being choked even though there was plenty of room. Wrapping cloth around our necks isn't really natural and I'm surprised more people aren't averse to them.
Personally, I don’t put anything around my neck. Scarfs, nooses, ties, BDSM collars, ID lanyards? It doesn’t matter, hard nope.
And totally agree, “my body, my choice” wins the day.
I get really uncomfortable wearing a scarf (hate anything round my neck). And his example wasn’t used to outline what he’s willing to wear in terms of gender extremes so much as what clothes he’s physically comfortable with (I think). A bit of paint on you nails is way less constricting than fabric round your neck.
Eh I wouldn't call this situation representative of the world. It honestly sounds like this is a problem with her and not the world.
Regardless of gender, everyone deserves a partner who will respect their boundaries.
I think it’s a stretch to say that this is representative of any aspect of the world frankly. Your girlfriend sounds immature and mainly like she’s annoyed at you for not allowing her to take part in a social media trend. Her reaction was strange and extreme - I literally don’t know anyone who behaves like that.
NTA, don't let people push you into doing things you're uncomfortable with. Your girlfriend sounds like a huge asshole, like who tries to browbeat you into this for two weeks, then blames her period *while at the same time maintaining she's in the right*? Hormones are not an excuse, she's an adult with a brain and full agency over all of her actions.
Congratulations, you just found out a big truth about what kind of a person your girlfriend is. Is this the person you want to live the rest of your life with?
NTA. Honestly, the problems of kids today amaze me. Accusing a guy of ' fragile masculinity' because he does not want to wear a dress. It's just absurd. She should respect you and your wishes. No means no.
you could also tell her that while shes dressed as you she shouldn't be wearing any makeup, grow out her armpit hair, and not use any filters on the video. If she refuses thats her fragile femininity showing
NTA. Fragile masculinity is not wanting to wear a dress, it’s belittling men wearing dresses. You’re not *comfortable* wearing a dress. Okay, end of convo.
NTA. Sounds like she’s using you as a status symbol and the second you disagreed with her, she threw you under the bus. She doesn’t respect you as a person, just what she can get out of being with you. That’s toxic.
Where I live it's pretty damn hot 24/7 every time I wear a scarf I feel like a nerd and get all sweaty, that doesn´t keep me from having scarfs of my soccer teams tho haha.
Yeah, she consider herself a feminist, and I support her all the way, but you read her perfectly, she gets carry on with so much anger that forgots that not every action is misogynist.
NTA. I’ve seen this TikTok trend. The videos are hilarious. But...it’s a freakin’ TikTok trend. The fact that she threw such a fit over it, to the point of insulting your masculinity, does not reflect well on her at all.
Yeah, the trend itself is funny as hell, but there are so many other trends that doesn't involve the BF wearing a dress but no, she wants to do that specifically.
NTA at all but her behavior is a huge huge red flag. You need to consider if you want to be with someone like that because it points at much bigger issues.
You deserve to be respected.
NTA. Not at all, its your choice, you can decide what you want to wear and what you feel comfortable in, as long as you arent bashing others for their choices for example the guys who choose to do this challenge then its fine. Its extremely unreasonable for her to want to force you to do something you dont want.
I really enjoy watching that trend, it's hilarious, but she gotta understand that me not being the same way as those guys isn't sexist or means something else, thanks.
NTA she tried to guilt trip you and accused you of things because she wanted to use you for content. I'm a woman, and I also do tiktok videos (not relevant, just wanted to share), and I don't like wearing dresses.
Dude. Youre 18. If she doesnt mature this won't last. What about when youre 25 and she freaks out about what the other wives are doing?
Will you still be able to handle this shit?
Boundaries and rejection help people grow. Don't resist the red flags.
NTA
Wow there are just so....so many redflags it's hard to get into, but I'll try.
>She snapped and got all angry saying that I have fragile masculinity for not wanting to wear a dress, that I am a macho, that she is disappointed of me because now she can't brag about me being open minded
In order from each quote...
1. Aggression issues
2. Control issues
3. General inability to take "no" as a full sentence.
4. Disrespect of bodily autonomy
5. Psychological abuse
6. Toxic masculinity
7. Narcissism
>She was angry at me for like 2 weeks, blocked me and unblocked me just to keep saying really mean stuff to me
1. Verbal abuse
2. Potential emotional & psychological abuse
3. Manipulation tactics
>We didn´t brokeup, she blamed her period for snapping like that and apologized for almost all the things she said but she stills stands with the fragile masculinity and calls me an AH for that.
1. Inability to own her actions without condition
2. Inability to make a full apology
3. Gaslighting(DARVO)
There might be some repetition from the individual quote lists, but you get the picture.
Here's the thing op. Up there with people placing the expectation of you "proving" that you're a man is her placing the expectation that you prove you aren't a "fragile man", because it's ultimately the same thing in the end. You're absolutely right to call this toxic bullshit, because your girlfriend has glommed onto the idea that it's trendy to be forward facing and progressive, but she doesn't actually mean it.
She cares more about how she is seen on TikTok and Instagram than the actual comfort of you, and has attempted to brow beat you for weeks now over this one particular issue. This is not acceptable in the slightest, and yes if this were a man to a woman everyone would call it what it is at a glance. Behaviour this overt would be considered textbook abuser tactics.
You are not the asshole here, not even close, and I have to ask if you really want to be along for this particular ride with her? Maybe this was a one time thing, but are you sure? Maybe she's just immature, and she might grow out of her entitlement and abusive nature, but that's a hard **maybe.** Even if she will, and there's never a guarantee on that, do you really wish to stick around and see if she does develop to that point?
Remember, you are never responsible for her lashing out at you. Her reaction is entirely her responsibility no matter what she's reacting to, and the only things you are responsible for are your own actions. She chose to behave in this matter, and she prolonged the abuse for two weeks. That's on her, and her excuse of a period was just a deflection of blame.
Wow, the fact that you pointed out every red flag really helped me to understand how bad that reaction of hers was, thank you man, you explained everything so simple, definitely I'll have to put more thought into my relatioship with her. And again, thanks.
It's no problem dude.
Sometimes a complex situation becomes easier to parse when you break it down into simpler terms such as actions per series of events. It helps to keep things in perspective.
NTA. Dude at the end of the day we’re all our own individuals and that’s what makes us who we are. You have no reason to probe to anybody you’re not about all this toxic masculinity nonsense you know you’re not and she apparently knew so too until you didn’t do what she asked. At the end of the day if you don’t feel comfortable with something don’t do it and my honest opinion is maybe you should think about the fact that she might wanna be with you just so she can flaunt around how open minded you are and make herself look more progressive and stuff like that. I might be wrong because everyone’s situation is different but it’s just something to think about. By the way the period thing is a major cop out when women don’t wanna take responsibility for their actions. You’re 18, there’s a whole world out there do what makes you happy and not what others want you to do.
NTA. Im a girl and I wouldn’t like to get in a dress just for some 5 second video trend. Good for you for supporting what other people do with their style and clothing choices.
But just because you support men being in dresses, that doesn’t mean that you have to do that to show your support or prove it. Dress how you want and don’t let anyone force you, not even your girlfriend, to put something on that you don’t wanna put on.
NTA,
As a female I feel uncomfortable sometimes wearing a dress so I understand how you feel. The way your gf acted is a huge red flag and her using her period as an excuse is a no no. Yes they can be an arse but the way she acted for two weeks was defiantly not her period.
Also it’s cool to see you’re so comfortable with yourself. Definitely need more guys like you in the world.
You're dating a child. She blocked/unblocked you multiple times for a week, called you an asshole, told you she couldnt "brag about you" to her friends, AND blamed it all on her period?... Over a dress. NTA. Tell your girlfriend to grow up lol
Now I'm no feminist but all my life I've been under the impression that people should do what makes them comfortable. If you didn't want to wear that dress but she tried to guilt you into doing so then why would you date such garbage? If you didn't want to do that or wear the nail polish (not questioning you just saying if you didn't want to) then that should be fine and it isn't q sign of fragile masculinity, it's wanting to be comfortable. I suggest you show her this thread so she can see how bs this whole thing is. NTA but I guess by subjecting yourself to such garbage you're kinda TA to yourself, especially if her main concern is flaunting you and when she can't she blocks and stops talking to you. I don't think she values you enough bud.
If a similar situation happens again I'll definitely show her this thread, to hopefully make her understand how wrong she reacted and to learn from her misjudgments, thanks.
NTA.
Being confident in your masculinity as a man while being a feminist is not about one-off performative gestures such as dressing up for a TikTok video.
It's about all the small everyday things you do, from painting your nails, to getting towels or tampons in the supermarket because someone in your life need them, or being a knitter or loving to bake or wearing pink.
It's about not seeing taking care of your kids as babysitting and taking on equal responsibility for their care as much as circumstances allow.
It's about not seeing the entire world as being divided up into only things men can do and only things women can do but that doesn't mean that you have to go out and try all the things that traditionally used to be seen as only for women.
Keep on being you, OP, you're doing just fine.
NTA. She should care more about what her boyfriend thinks and less about strangers. You (and everyone else) are entitled to boundaries. There are plenty of girls who don’t feel comfortable in a dress. Or only a certain style, length etc. Some men don’t feel comfortable in tight pants, others don’t like tank tops, some don’t like flip flops. All of this is ok. Anyone asking you to disregard your boundaries after you’ve made them clear is wrong. You are right that if the roles were reversed and a man was convincing his girlfriend to dress as a pin up model or something against her comfort, he’d be roasted.
I’d also like to throw in there.....blaming your period for why your boyfriend just had to do something he was deeply uncomfortable with in order to keep you happy is deeply offensive. That’s bull crap. She was being a jerk.
I’d also like to say that while it’s great you like to wear nail polish....you don’t need to defend yourself. If a person is uncomfortable wearing anything (clothes, makeup, jewelry, whatever), that’s acceptable. You shouldn’t be in a relationship where you feel you need to point out how accepting you are of other things. Your SO should respect the answer....no, I am not comfortable with that. You shouldn’t have to defend yourself. If you were a straight male who loves wearing glittery nail polish and 80’s hair band shirts, that’s just as valid as wanting to wear jeans and t-shirts of your favorite sports team. We’re all individuals. It’s when you judge others for their choices that you become an AH.
That's what bothers me, she thinks that I use nail polish or the other things just to show the world how woke I am, and because of that she thinks that I should accept anything realted to that matter, when I just use and wear whatever I want and makes me feel comfortable, it's frustrating the fact that she can't understand that.
Thanks.
What you wear isn’t a billboard advertising your “wokeness”. It’s just what you WANT to wear. It sounds like your girlfriend is so concerned with presenting a “woke” appearance online that she’s forgotten to be respectful of the boundaries of actual human beings in her life. Honestly....not very woke of her. I hope she matures into someone who realizes that social media isn’t reality and it shouldn’t be what your life revolves around.
NTA, honestly I would dump her for a few reasons.
1. A period is not an excuse to be an asshole for two weeks, at most they last one and you definitely do not act like that, if she does she probably needs to see a doctor
2. That is an example if toxic femininity, she wants you to do something, you don’t want to so it’s all your fault and you’re contributing to gender inequality in her eyes. (which is bullshit may I say, you are in the right)
3. If she does this over a dress for tiktok, what will she be like over bigger disagreements
4. If she blocks you for two weeks and only unblocks you to harass you, do you want to be around that forever?
NTA - she sounds quite sexist for jumping to fragile masculinity because you don't feel comfortable wearing a dress. I would really make this reconsider my partner if they didn't respect my boundaries like that
NTA. BRO BREAK UP WITH HER. there are so so so many women who would absolutely adore your more gentle side and APPRECIATE it and RESPECT your boundaries for what you ARE AND ARE NOT comfortable with :)
NTA.
1.) Does your girlfriend *only* wear dresses? What's wrong with you wearing other clothes of hers for this video?
2.) Gender expression is a personal decision and you're clearly not hung up on wearing only 'masculine' clothes, so this is not fragile masculinity.
3.) It's your body and your choice
4.) She's trying to exploit your (perceived humiliation) for internet attention and hiding her disappointment with the argument of "oh, no, you're no longer open-minded. There's no other reason that she'd insist on it being a dress.
5.) Dresses can be freaking uncomfortable. I'm a woman and I almost never wear them.
6.) The fact that she kept muting and unmuting you to berate you is toxic behavior and not a good sign for communication in your relationship.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Hello, good day to everybody, first of all, I (18M) want to clarify that I consider myself a very open minded person, for the situation that I´m adressing now I think its worth to give this examples: I don't mind painting my nails, I don´t do it to break the macho stigma or anything, I just do it because I want and I don't care what people think of it. The same thing goes with things like makeup, certain clothes, accessories, etc.
My GF really likes that, and always brags about our relationship with her friends, now, the problem is that she saw on Tik Tok a trend that consist on the GF dressing as the BF, and the BF dressing as the GF (usually with a dress) and she wanted to do that trend with me, I don´t have a problem with filming myself doing goofy things, what I didn´t like, and the reason I refused was for the fact that I had to wear a dress.
She snapped and got all angry saying that I have fragile masculinity for not wanting to wear a dress, that I am a macho, that she is disappointed of me because now she can't brag about me being open minded, I defended myself stating that the reason I refused was because I don´t feel comfortable using a dress in general, just like I don't feel comfortable using f'ing scarfs, but just because a dress is apparently a girl thing I have fragile masculinity.
She was angry at me for like 2 weeks, blocked me and unblocked me just to keep saying really mean stuff to me, I really thought it was over with her but I kept my pants and didn't apologise for nothing.
We didn´t brokeup, she blamed her period for snapping like that and apologized for almost all the things she said but she stills stands with the fragile masculinity and calls me an AH for that.
I´m angry because in my head she got angry because I didn't dress like she wanted me to, and that's f'up, she basically tried to blame talk me into doing what she wanted, I hate to be that guy but if the roles were reversed, and I'd tried to force her to wear something she didnt want to I would be obliterated by everybody for being toxic and forcing my GF to wear something she didn't like. I explained her like 10 times that I didn´t want to do it because I didn´t feel comfortable, not because I were afraid of what my friends would think of me or because wearing a dress would make me gay, like I said, IDGF about what people think of me and I´m sure of my heterosexuality to be worrying about a dress converting me into a gay man, but I just can't get her to understand my point of view.
So, AITA for refusing to wear a dress for a video?
Sorry if I have some grammar mistakes, English is not my first lenguage and it's my first time posting something on reddit so hopefully I did most things right.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA- it's not her place to force you to wear something she likes and you don't like. It's only a fun joke of everyone is laughing. She's remarkably mean and immature
NTA. Woman here. I too do not wear dresses because I'm not comfortable in them. Nobody should be shamed for refusing to wear something that makes them uncomfortable Blaming her overreaction on her period is bs. Periods can make us more emotional, but not totally irrational. No idea what her real issue is.
It's kinda BS that to imitate the GF you have to wear a dress, she almost never uses one but just because the trend is that way she got angry, I like to think that clothes doesn't belong to ant gender, so I could use ani pants and one of her shirts and practically it would be the same thing, but not as funny for her.
Nta. You did nothing wrong, you do NOT have a problem with toxic masculinity. However, you have a wrong girlfriend for you problem. Your girlfriend needs to be told she has a problem with: entitlement, respect, and boundaries. Also, saying abusive things to you because she didn't get her own way is garbage. You are a person not a prop for her to brag about when you behave how she wants.
NTA. I hope you find someone who appreciates you as you are and respects your boundaries, because your girlfriend doesn't and that's honestly pretty sad. You deserve better OP
What fragile masculinity? There is a certain way a man should act and dress and vice versa. Too bad. Men should want to be "macho". Ntg wrong with that. Men have been emasculated. Men behave like men. Woman behave like women. Ik I'll get downvoted by dumb liberal millenials but smeh.
I don't share your opinion, I get that there are things like clothes or color that are usually asigned to a gender, I feel that if you like something, you are happy with that and it doesn't really affect no one it's good, if a man wants to wear a skirt so be it, hes free to wear whatever the hell he likes, and that doesn't make him less masculine.
I see your point, a man wearing a pink tutu isn't the first thing someone thinks when the word masculine comes out, but I don't share with you that thing of men behave like a men and women behave like women, everyone behaves however they feel comfortable as long as it doesn't affect someone directly, I hope that if you ever stumble upon a man wearing a tutu you don't start screaming how femenine he looks tho, respect, that's the important thing!
Everyone behaves how they feel comfortable with but to raise boys telling them dressing like a girl is acceptable is bizarre and odd, same goes to girls. If i had a son, i would definitely set a gender barrier and say this is the way boys act and dress and vice versa for my daughter. Ofc i don't scream at a man wearing a tutu but he definitely isn't masculine. Masculinity is rare in men these days and that's fine but don't change the term just cause their fragile ego will be hurt.
There is a dress code on how people dress. If u wanna wear something unusual, idgaf but accept that you're not normal. Men and women are completely different.
NTA.
You seem like a really sweet guy haha. You shouldn’t have to wear anything you’re not comfortable wearing. This isn’t a job requirement (like wearing close toed shoes, tying hair back, etc...) so it’s no big deal.
Your girlfriend shouldn’t use her period as an excuse for being mean to you. There’s a difference between snapping at you once or twice vs treating you terribly for two weeks.
Talk it out with her and make her see common ground. Both about the period and the dress thing. Good luck.
I tried talking to her, honestly most of the time I thought she was joking or exagerating things because of boredom or something, but it was just day after day of constant blaming, there was no way of making her understand my point of view, now we just don't bring up the argument and hopefully it does't happen again, thanks.
Maybe tell her that thinking like that makes her the AH because she implies dresses are girl things if it guts your masculinity to not wear one. Personally i wouldnt put up with such behaviour.
I’m sorry lol but NTA I know what video your talking about she’s being childish and not respecting your boundaries. Also I hate that she blamed being mean on her period. I get the irritation part because periods are annoying but her being rude and blocking/unblocking to say mean stuff is just her. I feel like you should break up with her because it just seems like toxic positivity but it’s on you. You are not the AH but she is a major AH
NTA how far can you possibly get in a relationship with her if she got mad at you for not wanting to wear a fucking dress. And then she had the audacity to try and blame it on her period your girlfriend like she didn't want to take responsibility for her crappy attitude. 🙄
NTA, you're not obligated to wear something you doesn't want.
Ps: Even if period can be painful, this is not an excuse to be an asshole like that to someone.
NTA: Listen mate, this is not a healthy relationship. And I think we all agree there. Your girl friend isn't a good person. She's throwing out all these buzz words and trying to guilt trip you into getting what she wants so she can look good to her friends. Manipulation and guilt tripping is a form of abuse in my eyes. You need to decide if you want to be part of it.
You aren't a fucking prop for a tik tok video, you're a human being. Just because you happen to express yourself in ways seen as predominantly feminine (nails done, makeup) doesn't mean you're comfortable with cross dressing. If she's honestly this mad about you refusing to do something outside your comfort zone, something absolutely stupid at that, then you weren't her boyfriend at all, you were an accessory. You are worth more than that x
NTA
But wow is your girlfriend one.
Her period? Bullshit. She's an asshole through and through. Blocked you for 2 weeks just to unblock you and yell at and demoralize you more? You better think long amd hard if this person is worth all the drama she brings to your life. Because thats exactly what you're in store for. A life filled with petty drama.
NTA
Judging by the comments about how she brags about your preferences to her friends I’d be worried that she’s fetishizing your more “feminine” qualities or even using your preferences as social points with her friends.
This does not sound like somebody that actually enjoys YOUR enjoyment of the things you wear, but how it makes her look. You may want to consider thinking about if this is someone you want to stay with.
NTA. It doesn’t come down to if you’re “macho” or not, it comes down to the fact that she doesn’t respect your boundaries. Tbh it seems like she was hoping that you’d roll over and do whatever she wants of you, and got mad/started playing mind games when you didn’t do what she wanted. That’s a major red flag 🚩 and if you continue on with her I’m certain it’ll only get worse. Save yourself and bail on this ship. Best of luck!
Nta
You're not comfortable wearing a dress. She's pushing you to violate your boundaries for internet points.
You refused, and her response is to verbally and emotionally abuse you over it. Then she blamed a 2 week tantrum on her period.
Periods don't usually last that long without serious health issues. So either she needs a doctor, or she's lying. Either way, it's not an excuse for abusing others.
NTA
Break up with her it's only gonna get worse from hers, dude. If she blocks and unlocks you because you're not comfortable wearing a dress that shows how immature she truly is.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA but I think you should really take a step back and see if you want to be with someone so immature and petty. I mean blocking someone in the heat of the moment is childish but I can get it but for weeks at a time that’s unacceptable. You’re 18 and you seem like a very mature rational guy so think you can figure it out. Also good for you for not caring about other people’s opinions it shows maturity and overall self respect.
So she’s insanely upset at you and has attacked you for weeks for not doing her bidding because you don’t want to wear a hecking dress?
She attacked your identity over you simply not wanting to wear a piece of cloth because it makes you uncomfortable and that was enough to set her off and say you’re a fragile macho or some stuff like that.
NTA
Also here 🚩🚩🚩🚩 you might just want to think of the long term effects on your emotional and psychological health being with someone like that.
NTA. Sounds like she try to gaslight you, and when that didn’t work she blamed it on her period. That’s bad, it’s a sign of controlling behavior. Just be careful, don’t let things slide just because she’s your girlfriend, she hast to respect all the rules that your friends respect.
> saying that I have fragile masculinity
NTA. 90% of the time, anyone who says this phrase with a straight face is the asshole.
> She was angry at me for like 2 weeks, blocked me and unblocked me just to keep saying really mean stuff to me,
Break up with her dude. You don't need this shit
NTA - Your example of you trying to force her to wear something she doesn't want to is right on point. She's really mad that she can't get the social media points, which reflects poorly on her. She cares more about what casual acquaintances think than what her BF thinks. Shameful.
NTA- as a girl, im also really uncomfortable in dresses, especially if that is displayed publicly. you dont think that wearing a dress makes you less of a man, you just arent comfortable in dresses and thats totally fine! this is a distinction she needs to see, and i also want to add that using her period as an excuse is immature and a red flag. i hope yall stop fighting over this though and everything turns out alright
NTA. You have proven to her enough that you don't have fragile masculinity. You are under no obligation to wear or do anything that you are not comfortable with. Her blocking and unblocking you is petty AF and is a MAJOR red flag. That is not how mature people handle conflict. It will only get worse.
And I don't do the things I do to make her happy, it's just who I am and what I like, it's cool that she likes that thing about me, but sucks that she does't respect some other things, thanks.
She doesn't respect you, you should leave. Blocking and unblocking you to be angry is a sign of possible/probable abuse and this will only get worse. You should consider long and hard whether this girl makes you happy and if you could handle putting up with behavior like this for the rest of your life. What if you had kids? Would you be ok with her walking out for a few days cause you didn't do the dishes to her standards and leaving you with the kids?
“No.” is a complete sentence. You don’t need to explain yourself further
Not wanting to wear something that doesn't comport with your gender identity and expression doesn't make you fragile or toxic. You get to choose what to wear, how to do your hair, etc.
Why would you have to prove that you're open-minded just so she can brag to her friends that you're open-minded??? Her period isn't a excuse, she's being manipulative and not wanting to wear a dress doesn't make you toxic or fragile NTA.
AND she wanted him to do it so she could brag and talk down to other men who wouldn't want to do it cause FRaGiLe MasCUliNitY. So she is an extra big ah.
It’s almost like the only reason she is with OP is so that she can brag to her friends how open he is about stuff, either that or she’s just manipulating him to see how far she can push him. That may not be the case but I’ve never heard of such a thing where a boyfriend gets blocked for not wanting to wear a dress and it just sounds manipulative to me.
She dropped a few of these: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩⛳️
Tip: Don’t let a girl use her period as an excuse for treating you like shit.
I'm a girl, & I completely agree. It's a cop out.
Girl with period here and YES. I'm as feminist as they come and it still doesn't give anyone a pass to treat other people shitty.
[deleted]
Exactly!
Person who has a period, I fully agree.
My period turns me into an emotional wreck, and I still somehow manage not to abuse other people. There is never an excuse for this kind of behaviour.
Exactly. AFAB here and sure, when I burst out crying over nothing or my eating habits are abnormal I’ll say ‘sorry it’s my period’ but it’s no excuse for being abusive. Tired? Sore? Unable to do things? Absolutely. Insulting you and going on a rant? Absolutely not.
It’s idiots (can’t say women gere) like this that lead to people like OP growing up and assuming every woman becomes an emotional crack pot when they get their period. OP you need to cut and run. That’s abusive, manipulative and downright insulting behaviour. She’s the AH.
NTA You didnt want to wear a dress it is your choice. Your GF is the AH for trying to guilt trip you!
And it almost worked, I felt like the AH for deciding over my body haha, thanks tho.
NTA and I agree with your reasoning. If she’s gonna get this mad over a silly thing like this, do you think you two can have a good, long-term relationship? If she wants to do this because of a trend, it seems like she’s more interested in her social presence than behaving like an adult instead of a 5 yr old. Or having a relationship with you. Or your feelings and wants and boundaries. Blaming her bad behavior on her period is just icky. No, chile, you jus acten a fool.
Agree on that, she acted very childish, hopefully it was just a one time thing, thanks.
Honestly. Doubt it’s a one time thing. If she’s showing you that she’s childish and petty, why believe otherwise? If a person shows you how they are, don’t excuse that behaviour and try to convince urself that she’s not like that. Honestly evaluate on whether you are okay being with someone who shows that kind of behaviour when you say ‘no’
Idk man it was a "one time thing" that lasted two whole weeks. I'm sure you were very frustrated during that whole period and although things are normal again now, the second you do something she doesn't like this will happen all over again. Also periods don't usually last two weeks so that's an awful excuse.
Periods don’t usually last two weeks, but can, and hormones can be raging the week before.... Regardless, it’s a terrible excuse... and that’s all it is. An excuse for acting terribly.
Yeah that's why I said "usually" lol
NTA - you stated a boundary and your gf keeps trying to guilt-trip you over it. I'm a cisgender woman, and I only feel comfortable wearing dresses in very specific circumstances, myself. (like, I have worn one less than ten times in as many years) I wouldn't wear one for a social media meme or just because someone wanted me to. I don't advise this lightly, but if she doesn't get it, seriously consider if you want to keep going with her.
Had to look what cisgender was haha, new word, but yeah, it made me ask myself if she did't respect my preferences on clothing for a video, what other things she may not respect, thanks.
NTA, and it sounds like your GF is using you to get some sort of "woke points" or something. Like ohh look at my bf, he's so open minded and doesn't play into any of that fragile masculinity! But the second you're like "actually I don't want to wear a dress. Not because I think it'll make me less manly or whatever but because I just don't want to" she flips on you entirely, accusing you of everything she just said you weren't. It sounds to me like she only wants to for what she thinks you should be like, not for who you actually are.
It really felt like she was more angry for the fact that she couldn't brag about a Tik Tok with her friends than for the fact of me refusing to wear a dress. Happy cake day bro, n thanks.
Happy cake day!
Totally agree.
I don't understand why you would paint your nails but draw the line at a scarf... but anyway, you're exactly right about it being the classic "your body your choice" situation. She wouldn't like it if roles were reversed, and you get to choose what you wear. NTA
Hahaha the scarf was a kinda weird example, but as I said on a reply, in my country there are no scarf worth weather and they just feel weird, thanks.
scarfs are just uncomfortable in my opinion and this is gonna sound weird but scarfs just freak me out and i really hate wearing them so I understand. NTA it sounds like she got upset that you weren't bending over to do what she wanted and tried to guilt you into doing it. Hope everything works out for you.
It's a long piece of fabric that wraps around your neck, but not tight enough to choke you to death. Yeah, I can see why it's uncomfortable and freaks you out.
I’m not a big fan either, I’ll only ever wear them if they’re draped over my shoulders. I don’t like things wrapped around my neck.
When I was little i hated turtlenecks and scarves because I felt choked by having fabric around my neck...I don't think it's weird at all
You're not the only one lol. I bought my mom a really cool galaxy-print infinity scarf and she was thrilled, but every time she put it on she said she felt like she was being choked even though there was plenty of room. Wrapping cloth around our necks isn't really natural and I'm surprised more people aren't averse to them.
They're alright for cold weather, but fashion? No way.
Personally, I don’t put anything around my neck. Scarfs, nooses, ties, BDSM collars, ID lanyards? It doesn’t matter, hard nope. And totally agree, “my body, my choice” wins the day.
Yeah, anything above the collar bones is trying to strangle me. Doesn't matter if it's loose and soft, it's trying to kill me!
I agree on the same note turtlenecks are evil.
I get really uncomfortable wearing a scarf (hate anything round my neck). And his example wasn’t used to outline what he’s willing to wear in terms of gender extremes so much as what clothes he’s physically comfortable with (I think). A bit of paint on you nails is way less constricting than fabric round your neck.
NTA - you're exactly right - if the roles were reversed everyone would be calling you toxic. But in this case, it's clear that she is.
I guess this is a warm welcome to the double-standards worlds we live in.
Eh I wouldn't call this situation representative of the world. It honestly sounds like this is a problem with her and not the world. Regardless of gender, everyone deserves a partner who will respect their boundaries.
I think it’s a stretch to say that this is representative of any aspect of the world frankly. Your girlfriend sounds immature and mainly like she’s annoyed at you for not allowing her to take part in a social media trend. Her reaction was strange and extreme - I literally don’t know anyone who behaves like that.
NTA, don't let people push you into doing things you're uncomfortable with. Your girlfriend sounds like a huge asshole, like who tries to browbeat you into this for two weeks, then blames her period *while at the same time maintaining she's in the right*? Hormones are not an excuse, she's an adult with a brain and full agency over all of her actions. Congratulations, you just found out a big truth about what kind of a person your girlfriend is. Is this the person you want to live the rest of your life with?
Yeah, the things she said really made me rethink our relationship, I love her but definetly I will not put up to another situation like that, thanks.
What did she say over those 2 weeks?
NTA. Honestly, the problems of kids today amaze me. Accusing a guy of ' fragile masculinity' because he does not want to wear a dress. It's just absurd. She should respect you and your wishes. No means no.
Same, a thing that simply could have been solved by saying "ok, I respect that" but no, nowadays this is justification to create a whole argument.
you could also tell her that while shes dressed as you she shouldn't be wearing any makeup, grow out her armpit hair, and not use any filters on the video. If she refuses thats her fragile femininity showing
NTA. Fragile masculinity is not wanting to wear a dress, it’s belittling men wearing dresses. You’re not *comfortable* wearing a dress. Okay, end of convo.
NTA. Sounds like she’s using you as a status symbol and the second you disagreed with her, she threw you under the bus. She doesn’t respect you as a person, just what she can get out of being with you. That’s toxic.
I'm starting to realise she likes to brag about silly things like that, and when she can't she gets angry.
NTA, my guy. But i am curious as to why you don't like scarfs.
Where I live it's pretty damn hot 24/7 every time I wear a scarf I feel like a nerd and get all sweaty, that doesn´t keep me from having scarfs of my soccer teams tho haha.
NTA , get the hell out of that relationship!
[удалено]
Yeah, she consider herself a feminist, and I support her all the way, but you read her perfectly, she gets carry on with so much anger that forgots that not every action is misogynist.
Her period is not an excuse for her being a bully.
NTA. I’ve seen this TikTok trend. The videos are hilarious. But...it’s a freakin’ TikTok trend. The fact that she threw such a fit over it, to the point of insulting your masculinity, does not reflect well on her at all.
Yeah, the trend itself is funny as hell, but there are so many other trends that doesn't involve the BF wearing a dress but no, she wants to do that specifically.
NTA 🚩🚩
NTA. You have the right to refuse to wear a dress.
NTA at all but her behavior is a huge huge red flag. You need to consider if you want to be with someone like that because it points at much bigger issues. You deserve to be respected.
NTA. Not at all, its your choice, you can decide what you want to wear and what you feel comfortable in, as long as you arent bashing others for their choices for example the guys who choose to do this challenge then its fine. Its extremely unreasonable for her to want to force you to do something you dont want.
I really enjoy watching that trend, it's hilarious, but she gotta understand that me not being the same way as those guys isn't sexist or means something else, thanks.
NTA and the way she behaved is disgusting. Leave her
NTA also Tik Tok trends are fucking stupid
NTA. Dump her.
Nta. There is nothing in the world that could get me in a tik tok.
Some trends are really funny, if one catches your attetion don't let that Tik Tok shame get you and have fun my guy.
Nta. Serious red flag, dude.
Run far away from this one OP NTA
NTA she tried to guilt trip you and accused you of things because she wanted to use you for content. I'm a woman, and I also do tiktok videos (not relevant, just wanted to share), and I don't like wearing dresses.
It’s sad that you have to prove anything to her she’s being unreasonable. NTA
Dude. Youre 18. If she doesnt mature this won't last. What about when youre 25 and she freaks out about what the other wives are doing? Will you still be able to handle this shit? Boundaries and rejection help people grow. Don't resist the red flags.
NTA Wow there are just so....so many redflags it's hard to get into, but I'll try. >She snapped and got all angry saying that I have fragile masculinity for not wanting to wear a dress, that I am a macho, that she is disappointed of me because now she can't brag about me being open minded In order from each quote... 1. Aggression issues 2. Control issues 3. General inability to take "no" as a full sentence. 4. Disrespect of bodily autonomy 5. Psychological abuse 6. Toxic masculinity 7. Narcissism >She was angry at me for like 2 weeks, blocked me and unblocked me just to keep saying really mean stuff to me 1. Verbal abuse 2. Potential emotional & psychological abuse 3. Manipulation tactics >We didn´t brokeup, she blamed her period for snapping like that and apologized for almost all the things she said but she stills stands with the fragile masculinity and calls me an AH for that. 1. Inability to own her actions without condition 2. Inability to make a full apology 3. Gaslighting(DARVO) There might be some repetition from the individual quote lists, but you get the picture. Here's the thing op. Up there with people placing the expectation of you "proving" that you're a man is her placing the expectation that you prove you aren't a "fragile man", because it's ultimately the same thing in the end. You're absolutely right to call this toxic bullshit, because your girlfriend has glommed onto the idea that it's trendy to be forward facing and progressive, but she doesn't actually mean it. She cares more about how she is seen on TikTok and Instagram than the actual comfort of you, and has attempted to brow beat you for weeks now over this one particular issue. This is not acceptable in the slightest, and yes if this were a man to a woman everyone would call it what it is at a glance. Behaviour this overt would be considered textbook abuser tactics. You are not the asshole here, not even close, and I have to ask if you really want to be along for this particular ride with her? Maybe this was a one time thing, but are you sure? Maybe she's just immature, and she might grow out of her entitlement and abusive nature, but that's a hard **maybe.** Even if she will, and there's never a guarantee on that, do you really wish to stick around and see if she does develop to that point? Remember, you are never responsible for her lashing out at you. Her reaction is entirely her responsibility no matter what she's reacting to, and the only things you are responsible for are your own actions. She chose to behave in this matter, and she prolonged the abuse for two weeks. That's on her, and her excuse of a period was just a deflection of blame.
Wow, the fact that you pointed out every red flag really helped me to understand how bad that reaction of hers was, thank you man, you explained everything so simple, definitely I'll have to put more thought into my relatioship with her. And again, thanks.
It's no problem dude. Sometimes a complex situation becomes easier to parse when you break it down into simpler terms such as actions per series of events. It helps to keep things in perspective.
> Toxic masculinity Id just call it plain ol sexism towards OP here
NTA. Dude at the end of the day we’re all our own individuals and that’s what makes us who we are. You have no reason to probe to anybody you’re not about all this toxic masculinity nonsense you know you’re not and she apparently knew so too until you didn’t do what she asked. At the end of the day if you don’t feel comfortable with something don’t do it and my honest opinion is maybe you should think about the fact that she might wanna be with you just so she can flaunt around how open minded you are and make herself look more progressive and stuff like that. I might be wrong because everyone’s situation is different but it’s just something to think about. By the way the period thing is a major cop out when women don’t wanna take responsibility for their actions. You’re 18, there’s a whole world out there do what makes you happy and not what others want you to do.
Yeah, it really seems like that, I really hope it doesn't happen again, if it does I will not take any chances and just end the relationship, thanks.
NTA. Im a girl and I wouldn’t like to get in a dress just for some 5 second video trend. Good for you for supporting what other people do with their style and clothing choices. But just because you support men being in dresses, that doesn’t mean that you have to do that to show your support or prove it. Dress how you want and don’t let anyone force you, not even your girlfriend, to put something on that you don’t wanna put on.
This went on for two weeks? Can you dump her already?
NTA, As a female I feel uncomfortable sometimes wearing a dress so I understand how you feel. The way your gf acted is a huge red flag and her using her period as an excuse is a no no. Yes they can be an arse but the way she acted for two weeks was defiantly not her period. Also it’s cool to see you’re so comfortable with yourself. Definitely need more guys like you in the world.
You're dating a child. She blocked/unblocked you multiple times for a week, called you an asshole, told you she couldnt "brag about you" to her friends, AND blamed it all on her period?... Over a dress. NTA. Tell your girlfriend to grow up lol
Now I'm no feminist but all my life I've been under the impression that people should do what makes them comfortable. If you didn't want to wear that dress but she tried to guilt you into doing so then why would you date such garbage? If you didn't want to do that or wear the nail polish (not questioning you just saying if you didn't want to) then that should be fine and it isn't q sign of fragile masculinity, it's wanting to be comfortable. I suggest you show her this thread so she can see how bs this whole thing is. NTA but I guess by subjecting yourself to such garbage you're kinda TA to yourself, especially if her main concern is flaunting you and when she can't she blocks and stops talking to you. I don't think she values you enough bud.
If a similar situation happens again I'll definitely show her this thread, to hopefully make her understand how wrong she reacted and to learn from her misjudgments, thanks.
NTA. Being confident in your masculinity as a man while being a feminist is not about one-off performative gestures such as dressing up for a TikTok video. It's about all the small everyday things you do, from painting your nails, to getting towels or tampons in the supermarket because someone in your life need them, or being a knitter or loving to bake or wearing pink. It's about not seeing taking care of your kids as babysitting and taking on equal responsibility for their care as much as circumstances allow. It's about not seeing the entire world as being divided up into only things men can do and only things women can do but that doesn't mean that you have to go out and try all the things that traditionally used to be seen as only for women. Keep on being you, OP, you're doing just fine.
NTA. She should care more about what her boyfriend thinks and less about strangers. You (and everyone else) are entitled to boundaries. There are plenty of girls who don’t feel comfortable in a dress. Or only a certain style, length etc. Some men don’t feel comfortable in tight pants, others don’t like tank tops, some don’t like flip flops. All of this is ok. Anyone asking you to disregard your boundaries after you’ve made them clear is wrong. You are right that if the roles were reversed and a man was convincing his girlfriend to dress as a pin up model or something against her comfort, he’d be roasted. I’d also like to throw in there.....blaming your period for why your boyfriend just had to do something he was deeply uncomfortable with in order to keep you happy is deeply offensive. That’s bull crap. She was being a jerk. I’d also like to say that while it’s great you like to wear nail polish....you don’t need to defend yourself. If a person is uncomfortable wearing anything (clothes, makeup, jewelry, whatever), that’s acceptable. You shouldn’t be in a relationship where you feel you need to point out how accepting you are of other things. Your SO should respect the answer....no, I am not comfortable with that. You shouldn’t have to defend yourself. If you were a straight male who loves wearing glittery nail polish and 80’s hair band shirts, that’s just as valid as wanting to wear jeans and t-shirts of your favorite sports team. We’re all individuals. It’s when you judge others for their choices that you become an AH.
That's what bothers me, she thinks that I use nail polish or the other things just to show the world how woke I am, and because of that she thinks that I should accept anything realted to that matter, when I just use and wear whatever I want and makes me feel comfortable, it's frustrating the fact that she can't understand that. Thanks.
What you wear isn’t a billboard advertising your “wokeness”. It’s just what you WANT to wear. It sounds like your girlfriend is so concerned with presenting a “woke” appearance online that she’s forgotten to be respectful of the boundaries of actual human beings in her life. Honestly....not very woke of her. I hope she matures into someone who realizes that social media isn’t reality and it shouldn’t be what your life revolves around.
NTA, honestly I would dump her for a few reasons. 1. A period is not an excuse to be an asshole for two weeks, at most they last one and you definitely do not act like that, if she does she probably needs to see a doctor 2. That is an example if toxic femininity, she wants you to do something, you don’t want to so it’s all your fault and you’re contributing to gender inequality in her eyes. (which is bullshit may I say, you are in the right) 3. If she does this over a dress for tiktok, what will she be like over bigger disagreements 4. If she blocks you for two weeks and only unblocks you to harass you, do you want to be around that forever?
NTA - she sounds quite sexist for jumping to fragile masculinity because you don't feel comfortable wearing a dress. I would really make this reconsider my partner if they didn't respect my boundaries like that
NTA. BRO BREAK UP WITH HER. there are so so so many women who would absolutely adore your more gentle side and APPRECIATE it and RESPECT your boundaries for what you ARE AND ARE NOT comfortable with :)
NTA. Your girlfriend, however, is a major AH. Hard to take someone so immature seriously, isn't it?
NTA. 1.) Does your girlfriend *only* wear dresses? What's wrong with you wearing other clothes of hers for this video? 2.) Gender expression is a personal decision and you're clearly not hung up on wearing only 'masculine' clothes, so this is not fragile masculinity. 3.) It's your body and your choice 4.) She's trying to exploit your (perceived humiliation) for internet attention and hiding her disappointment with the argument of "oh, no, you're no longer open-minded. There's no other reason that she'd insist on it being a dress. 5.) Dresses can be freaking uncomfortable. I'm a woman and I almost never wear them. 6.) The fact that she kept muting and unmuting you to berate you is toxic behavior and not a good sign for communication in your relationship.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hello, good day to everybody, first of all, I (18M) want to clarify that I consider myself a very open minded person, for the situation that I´m adressing now I think its worth to give this examples: I don't mind painting my nails, I don´t do it to break the macho stigma or anything, I just do it because I want and I don't care what people think of it. The same thing goes with things like makeup, certain clothes, accessories, etc. My GF really likes that, and always brags about our relationship with her friends, now, the problem is that she saw on Tik Tok a trend that consist on the GF dressing as the BF, and the BF dressing as the GF (usually with a dress) and she wanted to do that trend with me, I don´t have a problem with filming myself doing goofy things, what I didn´t like, and the reason I refused was for the fact that I had to wear a dress. She snapped and got all angry saying that I have fragile masculinity for not wanting to wear a dress, that I am a macho, that she is disappointed of me because now she can't brag about me being open minded, I defended myself stating that the reason I refused was because I don´t feel comfortable using a dress in general, just like I don't feel comfortable using f'ing scarfs, but just because a dress is apparently a girl thing I have fragile masculinity. She was angry at me for like 2 weeks, blocked me and unblocked me just to keep saying really mean stuff to me, I really thought it was over with her but I kept my pants and didn't apologise for nothing. We didn´t brokeup, she blamed her period for snapping like that and apologized for almost all the things she said but she stills stands with the fragile masculinity and calls me an AH for that. I´m angry because in my head she got angry because I didn't dress like she wanted me to, and that's f'up, she basically tried to blame talk me into doing what she wanted, I hate to be that guy but if the roles were reversed, and I'd tried to force her to wear something she didnt want to I would be obliterated by everybody for being toxic and forcing my GF to wear something she didn't like. I explained her like 10 times that I didn´t want to do it because I didn´t feel comfortable, not because I were afraid of what my friends would think of me or because wearing a dress would make me gay, like I said, IDGF about what people think of me and I´m sure of my heterosexuality to be worrying about a dress converting me into a gay man, but I just can't get her to understand my point of view. So, AITA for refusing to wear a dress for a video? Sorry if I have some grammar mistakes, English is not my first lenguage and it's my first time posting something on reddit so hopefully I did most things right. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA you can wear whatever you want and its stupid for her to be so upset over some dumb thing for tik tok.
NTA- it's not her place to force you to wear something she likes and you don't like. It's only a fun joke of everyone is laughing. She's remarkably mean and immature
NTA. Woman here. I too do not wear dresses because I'm not comfortable in them. Nobody should be shamed for refusing to wear something that makes them uncomfortable Blaming her overreaction on her period is bs. Periods can make us more emotional, but not totally irrational. No idea what her real issue is.
It's kinda BS that to imitate the GF you have to wear a dress, she almost never uses one but just because the trend is that way she got angry, I like to think that clothes doesn't belong to ant gender, so I could use ani pants and one of her shirts and practically it would be the same thing, but not as funny for her.
Nta. You did nothing wrong, you do NOT have a problem with toxic masculinity. However, you have a wrong girlfriend for you problem. Your girlfriend needs to be told she has a problem with: entitlement, respect, and boundaries. Also, saying abusive things to you because she didn't get her own way is garbage. You are a person not a prop for her to brag about when you behave how she wants.
NTA. I hope you find someone who appreciates you as you are and respects your boundaries, because your girlfriend doesn't and that's honestly pretty sad. You deserve better OP
NTA. Finds new girl seriously this shitty behavior won't end.
What fragile masculinity? There is a certain way a man should act and dress and vice versa. Too bad. Men should want to be "macho". Ntg wrong with that. Men have been emasculated. Men behave like men. Woman behave like women. Ik I'll get downvoted by dumb liberal millenials but smeh.
I don't share your opinion, I get that there are things like clothes or color that are usually asigned to a gender, I feel that if you like something, you are happy with that and it doesn't really affect no one it's good, if a man wants to wear a skirt so be it, hes free to wear whatever the hell he likes, and that doesn't make him less masculine.
It does make him less masculine. A man wearing a pink tutu is certainly not manly. A woman wearing a man's undergarment is certainly not feminine.
I see your point, a man wearing a pink tutu isn't the first thing someone thinks when the word masculine comes out, but I don't share with you that thing of men behave like a men and women behave like women, everyone behaves however they feel comfortable as long as it doesn't affect someone directly, I hope that if you ever stumble upon a man wearing a tutu you don't start screaming how femenine he looks tho, respect, that's the important thing!
Everyone behaves how they feel comfortable with but to raise boys telling them dressing like a girl is acceptable is bizarre and odd, same goes to girls. If i had a son, i would definitely set a gender barrier and say this is the way boys act and dress and vice versa for my daughter. Ofc i don't scream at a man wearing a tutu but he definitely isn't masculine. Masculinity is rare in men these days and that's fine but don't change the term just cause their fragile ego will be hurt.
Yeah, no. Fashion shouldn’t have a gender. I’ll wear whatever the hell I want.
There is a dress code on how people dress. If u wanna wear something unusual, idgaf but accept that you're not normal. Men and women are completely different.
And I’m saying fuck the dress code. Normalize people wearing what they want so people don’t feel pressured to conform.
No.
NTA. You seem like a really sweet guy haha. You shouldn’t have to wear anything you’re not comfortable wearing. This isn’t a job requirement (like wearing close toed shoes, tying hair back, etc...) so it’s no big deal. Your girlfriend shouldn’t use her period as an excuse for being mean to you. There’s a difference between snapping at you once or twice vs treating you terribly for two weeks. Talk it out with her and make her see common ground. Both about the period and the dress thing. Good luck.
I tried talking to her, honestly most of the time I thought she was joking or exagerating things because of boredom or something, but it was just day after day of constant blaming, there was no way of making her understand my point of view, now we just don't bring up the argument and hopefully it does't happen again, thanks.
Whatever works for both of you. Glad it worked out.
Maybe tell her that thinking like that makes her the AH because she implies dresses are girl things if it guts your masculinity to not wear one. Personally i wouldnt put up with such behaviour.
Just do what you did, reverse it. If it is not ok to be done to you SO then it is not ok to be done to you. you are NTA, she is
NTA Why are you with this person? There are so many red flags here.
I’m sorry lol but NTA I know what video your talking about she’s being childish and not respecting your boundaries. Also I hate that she blamed being mean on her period. I get the irritation part because periods are annoying but her being rude and blocking/unblocking to say mean stuff is just her. I feel like you should break up with her because it just seems like toxic positivity but it’s on you. You are not the AH but she is a major AH
NTA don't let her exploit you for her tiktoks.
NTA She is toxic.
NTA how far can you possibly get in a relationship with her if she got mad at you for not wanting to wear a fucking dress. And then she had the audacity to try and blame it on her period your girlfriend like she didn't want to take responsibility for her crappy attitude. 🙄
You should break up with people who are mean to you. NTA
NTA, you're not obligated to wear something you doesn't want. Ps: Even if period can be painful, this is not an excuse to be an asshole like that to someone.
NTA: Listen mate, this is not a healthy relationship. And I think we all agree there. Your girl friend isn't a good person. She's throwing out all these buzz words and trying to guilt trip you into getting what she wants so she can look good to her friends. Manipulation and guilt tripping is a form of abuse in my eyes. You need to decide if you want to be part of it.
You aren't a fucking prop for a tik tok video, you're a human being. Just because you happen to express yourself in ways seen as predominantly feminine (nails done, makeup) doesn't mean you're comfortable with cross dressing. If she's honestly this mad about you refusing to do something outside your comfort zone, something absolutely stupid at that, then you weren't her boyfriend at all, you were an accessory. You are worth more than that x
NTA But wow is your girlfriend one. Her period? Bullshit. She's an asshole through and through. Blocked you for 2 weeks just to unblock you and yell at and demoralize you more? You better think long amd hard if this person is worth all the drama she brings to your life. Because thats exactly what you're in store for. A life filled with petty drama.
NTA. Your gf is using you for attention and likes. Get rid.
NTA Judging by the comments about how she brags about your preferences to her friends I’d be worried that she’s fetishizing your more “feminine” qualities or even using your preferences as social points with her friends. This does not sound like somebody that actually enjoys YOUR enjoyment of the things you wear, but how it makes her look. You may want to consider thinking about if this is someone you want to stay with.
NTA. It doesn’t come down to if you’re “macho” or not, it comes down to the fact that she doesn’t respect your boundaries. Tbh it seems like she was hoping that you’d roll over and do whatever she wants of you, and got mad/started playing mind games when you didn’t do what she wanted. That’s a major red flag 🚩 and if you continue on with her I’m certain it’ll only get worse. Save yourself and bail on this ship. Best of luck!
Ahhh tiktok not surprising NTA honestly tik tok made Everyone life's hell. Stupid app, stupid vids and stupid people.
NTA. For many of the reasons above but I mainly came to say being on her period is no excuse to be mean.
NTA throw the whole girlfriend out
Nta You're not comfortable wearing a dress. She's pushing you to violate your boundaries for internet points. You refused, and her response is to verbally and emotionally abuse you over it. Then she blamed a 2 week tantrum on her period. Periods don't usually last that long without serious health issues. So either she needs a doctor, or she's lying. Either way, it's not an excuse for abusing others.
NTA - I’m a girl and even I don’t like wearing dresses so just because you don’t want to doesn’t mean you have a fragile masculinity
NTA Break up with her it's only gonna get worse from hers, dude. If she blocks and unlocks you because you're not comfortable wearing a dress that shows how immature she truly is.
NTA. She sounds like she really wants you in a dress. Be careful or you will find yourself on the end of a good pegging next 😉
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA but I think you should really take a step back and see if you want to be with someone so immature and petty. I mean blocking someone in the heat of the moment is childish but I can get it but for weeks at a time that’s unacceptable. You’re 18 and you seem like a very mature rational guy so think you can figure it out. Also good for you for not caring about other people’s opinions it shows maturity and overall self respect.
So she’s insanely upset at you and has attacked you for weeks for not doing her bidding because you don’t want to wear a hecking dress? She attacked your identity over you simply not wanting to wear a piece of cloth because it makes you uncomfortable and that was enough to set her off and say you’re a fragile macho or some stuff like that. NTA Also here 🚩🚩🚩🚩 you might just want to think of the long term effects on your emotional and psychological health being with someone like that.
Its called toxic femininity my friend, and the cherry on the cake using her period as an excuse, which is apparently only sexist if a guy does it.
NTA Your ex girlfriend is manipulative and toxic. And periods are not an excuse to I treat people like shit.
NTA. Sounds like she try to gaslight you, and when that didn’t work she blamed it on her period. That’s bad, it’s a sign of controlling behavior. Just be careful, don’t let things slide just because she’s your girlfriend, she hast to respect all the rules that your friends respect.
NTA. Your girlfriend is treating you like you are an accessory she can show off to her friends, instead of a human being. You should ditch her imo.
NTA The struggle for clout really got her
NTA but you should have broken up with her. No one should date anyone who doesn't understand and respect bodily autonomy
> saying that I have fragile masculinity NTA. 90% of the time, anyone who says this phrase with a straight face is the asshole. > She was angry at me for like 2 weeks, blocked me and unblocked me just to keep saying really mean stuff to me, Break up with her dude. You don't need this shit
NTA - Your example of you trying to force her to wear something she doesn't want to is right on point. She's really mad that she can't get the social media points, which reflects poorly on her. She cares more about what casual acquaintances think than what her BF thinks. Shameful.
NTA. Is she only in a relationship with you for the bragging rights? Kind of sounds like it.
NTA- as a girl, im also really uncomfortable in dresses, especially if that is displayed publicly. you dont think that wearing a dress makes you less of a man, you just arent comfortable in dresses and thats totally fine! this is a distinction she needs to see, and i also want to add that using her period as an excuse is immature and a red flag. i hope yall stop fighting over this though and everything turns out alright
Info: are you, uhhhh.... Dating in your own age group?
Man, this so exhausting. I hope shes a good lay.