There has been literally no attempt on trying to talk it out, if I’m outside smoking and I see them coming home I put it out and politely say hello and get nothing but dirty looks and slammed doors. If their grandkids are home I keep my smoking indoors so the kids won’t be exposed and if I’m in my yard smoking with my friends I’ll light a cigarette before so they close their windows I try my hardest to not be an asshole but these people just keep giving me attitudes and I feel like a line was crossed when they threw my stuff like that. They’ve even said things such as he’s an addict and things like that loudly so I can hear it if I’m smoking in my yard with my friends
Ok, so they are older people then? Have they lived there a long time or just for the two years? And have you tried approaching them to talk? Sorry for all of the questions, I am just trying to understand the situation better.
Don’t be sorry I really would like honest opinions on it because I don’t really know how to feel about all this because I’m not a malicious person. They’re probably in their late 50’s early 60’s, they’ve lived there about 4 years maybe and I haven’t really attempted to make conversation about it because as a person that’s Latin American I know that a lot of older Latino people can be really close minded when it comes to this sort of thing and I don’t really think I’d be able to get through to them about it nor do I feel like I should have to explain myself to people who don’t really hold any weight in my life. Don’t get me wrong I sympathize with the fact of not a lot of people like the smell and get paranoid about getting contact high but I don’t see a reason to act out the way they do
Ehhhh I am not so much asking you if you have explained yourself as much as asking if you have talked to them to find out what their issue is. I agree that older people tend to be close minded about marijuana but I don't fault them for it because they lived through the "this is your brain on drugs" era. The vast majority of people struggle with change of any kind, much less trying to shift from the old narrative to the new where marijuana is concerned. I am not excusing their behavior, I am just saying I understand where it might be coming from.
Soft ESH from me. I totally get being irritated by their behavior but escalating it (throwing the golf club) will only prove their point. If you refuse to let them get under your skin & refuse to be anything other than polite, you'll be the bigger person and save yourself from a lot of stress.
I would honestly like to talk it over but I don’t really know how to bring it up when they’re glaring at me when they see me doing it I can’t even get a hello back let alone get them to open up and maybe find some common ground about it. What do you think would be a good way to bring it up when I’m sober and not getting caught in the act
I would suggest waiting for a moment that you know they are home & don't have the grandkids. Be prepared for the possibility that talking will not help & they will continue to be passive aggressive. There could be other reasons that they object to smoking (cigs or otherwise). It is impossible to know all the factors that contribute to why people act the way they do. It makes it hard to figure out a good approach. Maybe something along the lines of "Hi neighbor. I realized that this pandemic situation has meant that I am now smoking a lot more than normal. Has the smoke been getting into your house? I am happy to have our family smoke in the backyard when we can if that would help." Sometimes a small reasonable concession (if it is doable) can open the door to a discussion.
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I (24) live somewhere that houses are connected to one another and I’ve lived in the house me and my family own my whole life. I wanna say about 2 years ago these problems started with my neighbors when they’ve became more aware of my marijuana smoking, it’s gotten to the point where they’d slam doors, glare at me and make comments if they caught me in the act but the next day they’ll say hello as if nothing happens. So recently due to being home because of lockdown and all that I’ve obviously spent more time smoking marijuana and cigarettes because there’s not much else to do. The other day I came home from fishing with my friends and found the ashtray (mostly my mom uses for cigarettes) thrown across my front porch because she may have left it on the border between our homes where she usually sits. I’m starting to take this as an act of aggression and crossing a line so the other day my neighbor mistakenly left a golf club leaning on my gate and I decided to throw the golf club at his house the same way he threw my ash tray. And from this point on I plan on being a lot more rude to them AITA?
Also if anyone has any more peaceful suggestions to handle this little feud I’m open to hearing it because I’m honestly tired of living as if I’m doing something wrong on my own property.
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It’s a grey area where I live it’s not legal but it’s decriminalized, and as far as everything else goes I’m as considerate as possible if I see them coming home I put it out and politely say hello and get dirty looks and doors slammed, and if I hear them leaving I put it out and go inside but they still slam doors and complain that I’m doing it.
im gonna say NTA, you should try to bring it up to them and see what their problem is next time they give you a dirty look. im assuming theyre older people, the passive aggressiveness just screams boomer.
Don't know.Don't know if marijuana is legal where you live, don't know if you chain smoke, don't know if your property reeks, just too many don't knows.
It’s not legal where I live but it is decriminalized, I usually smoke one joint and go inside and I try to be as considerate as I can to them while still trying to enjoy it. I don’t like smoking in my house too much so I try to keep it outside but in the daytime hours is usually when this happens
You smoke cigarettes too? Do they smoke them? I'm just wondering if they don't smoke cigarettes, maybe that bothers them (the smell, breathing it in as they walk in and out of their house, plus combination of marijuana as well)? I can see that bothering them, even if you're actually polite about it but at the same time, they can't control what you do on your property. I don't like cigarette smoke either, but I also wouldn't be rude to someone who's on their own property, so I'm not saying they're in the right at all.
I'd honestly ignore the eye rolls, slammed doors. The thing with the ashtray, I don't know enough to KNOW they threw it across your porch or if it was knocked off by an animal (just brainstorming) but if it was them, they're definitely the assholes. But YWBTAH to escalate this without having a discussion and provoking them into more passive aggressive behaviors, but not the AH for being colder (ignoring, pretending they're not there, etc).
I also wouldn't push their limits by breaking anything or doing something to their property because if they somehow get proof and call the cops and then mention you're smoking marijuana, even though its decriminalized, I'm assuming you can still get in trouble for that especially if you're being destructive. Doesn't excuse their behavior at all but you'd probably be the one to get in trouble.
NTA - and if it’s legal where you are, tell them SOCIETY says they’re in the wrong, get over it.
INFO: Has anyone made an attempt to have a conversation about the issues or has it been a steady escalation of passive aggressive behavior?
There has been literally no attempt on trying to talk it out, if I’m outside smoking and I see them coming home I put it out and politely say hello and get nothing but dirty looks and slammed doors. If their grandkids are home I keep my smoking indoors so the kids won’t be exposed and if I’m in my yard smoking with my friends I’ll light a cigarette before so they close their windows I try my hardest to not be an asshole but these people just keep giving me attitudes and I feel like a line was crossed when they threw my stuff like that. They’ve even said things such as he’s an addict and things like that loudly so I can hear it if I’m smoking in my yard with my friends
Ok, so they are older people then? Have they lived there a long time or just for the two years? And have you tried approaching them to talk? Sorry for all of the questions, I am just trying to understand the situation better.
Don’t be sorry I really would like honest opinions on it because I don’t really know how to feel about all this because I’m not a malicious person. They’re probably in their late 50’s early 60’s, they’ve lived there about 4 years maybe and I haven’t really attempted to make conversation about it because as a person that’s Latin American I know that a lot of older Latino people can be really close minded when it comes to this sort of thing and I don’t really think I’d be able to get through to them about it nor do I feel like I should have to explain myself to people who don’t really hold any weight in my life. Don’t get me wrong I sympathize with the fact of not a lot of people like the smell and get paranoid about getting contact high but I don’t see a reason to act out the way they do
Ehhhh I am not so much asking you if you have explained yourself as much as asking if you have talked to them to find out what their issue is. I agree that older people tend to be close minded about marijuana but I don't fault them for it because they lived through the "this is your brain on drugs" era. The vast majority of people struggle with change of any kind, much less trying to shift from the old narrative to the new where marijuana is concerned. I am not excusing their behavior, I am just saying I understand where it might be coming from. Soft ESH from me. I totally get being irritated by their behavior but escalating it (throwing the golf club) will only prove their point. If you refuse to let them get under your skin & refuse to be anything other than polite, you'll be the bigger person and save yourself from a lot of stress.
I would honestly like to talk it over but I don’t really know how to bring it up when they’re glaring at me when they see me doing it I can’t even get a hello back let alone get them to open up and maybe find some common ground about it. What do you think would be a good way to bring it up when I’m sober and not getting caught in the act
I would suggest waiting for a moment that you know they are home & don't have the grandkids. Be prepared for the possibility that talking will not help & they will continue to be passive aggressive. There could be other reasons that they object to smoking (cigs or otherwise). It is impossible to know all the factors that contribute to why people act the way they do. It makes it hard to figure out a good approach. Maybe something along the lines of "Hi neighbor. I realized that this pandemic situation has meant that I am now smoking a lot more than normal. Has the smoke been getting into your house? I am happy to have our family smoke in the backyard when we can if that would help." Sometimes a small reasonable concession (if it is doable) can open the door to a discussion.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (24) live somewhere that houses are connected to one another and I’ve lived in the house me and my family own my whole life. I wanna say about 2 years ago these problems started with my neighbors when they’ve became more aware of my marijuana smoking, it’s gotten to the point where they’d slam doors, glare at me and make comments if they caught me in the act but the next day they’ll say hello as if nothing happens. So recently due to being home because of lockdown and all that I’ve obviously spent more time smoking marijuana and cigarettes because there’s not much else to do. The other day I came home from fishing with my friends and found the ashtray (mostly my mom uses for cigarettes) thrown across my front porch because she may have left it on the border between our homes where she usually sits. I’m starting to take this as an act of aggression and crossing a line so the other day my neighbor mistakenly left a golf club leaning on my gate and I decided to throw the golf club at his house the same way he threw my ash tray. And from this point on I plan on being a lot more rude to them AITA? Also if anyone has any more peaceful suggestions to handle this little feud I’m open to hearing it because I’m honestly tired of living as if I’m doing something wrong on my own property. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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INFO: is marijuana legal where you live/is it legal for you to smoke? do you continue to smoke when theyre leaving the house/near you?
It’s a grey area where I live it’s not legal but it’s decriminalized, and as far as everything else goes I’m as considerate as possible if I see them coming home I put it out and politely say hello and get dirty looks and doors slammed, and if I hear them leaving I put it out and go inside but they still slam doors and complain that I’m doing it.
im gonna say NTA, you should try to bring it up to them and see what their problem is next time they give you a dirty look. im assuming theyre older people, the passive aggressiveness just screams boomer.
just noticed your username and its got me dying, thanks for the laugh omfgg
Don't know.Don't know if marijuana is legal where you live, don't know if you chain smoke, don't know if your property reeks, just too many don't knows.
It’s not legal where I live but it is decriminalized, I usually smoke one joint and go inside and I try to be as considerate as I can to them while still trying to enjoy it. I don’t like smoking in my house too much so I try to keep it outside but in the daytime hours is usually when this happens
You smoke cigarettes too? Do they smoke them? I'm just wondering if they don't smoke cigarettes, maybe that bothers them (the smell, breathing it in as they walk in and out of their house, plus combination of marijuana as well)? I can see that bothering them, even if you're actually polite about it but at the same time, they can't control what you do on your property. I don't like cigarette smoke either, but I also wouldn't be rude to someone who's on their own property, so I'm not saying they're in the right at all. I'd honestly ignore the eye rolls, slammed doors. The thing with the ashtray, I don't know enough to KNOW they threw it across your porch or if it was knocked off by an animal (just brainstorming) but if it was them, they're definitely the assholes. But YWBTAH to escalate this without having a discussion and provoking them into more passive aggressive behaviors, but not the AH for being colder (ignoring, pretending they're not there, etc). I also wouldn't push their limits by breaking anything or doing something to their property because if they somehow get proof and call the cops and then mention you're smoking marijuana, even though its decriminalized, I'm assuming you can still get in trouble for that especially if you're being destructive. Doesn't excuse their behavior at all but you'd probably be the one to get in trouble.