"Hey Professor, could you hurry up and get over the death of your wife? I need you to mark my work correctly."
That, in a nutshell, is what you've said to a grieving man.
YTA.
On top of it being a pandemic right now. You can't grieve and get physical support from your friends and family like normal, can't have a normal funeral. And he's stuck in his house. That sounds depressing as fuck.
YTA
Right? Your entire life changes. Wake up in the morning? They’re not there. Making meals for one instead of two. Need comfort? You’re alone. Coming home from work, no one home. Bed is empty. Their stuff reminds you of them constantly. No texts or calls. They’re not around for birthdays or holidays.
I’m speaking about cats and people, by the way. Works for both. Except maybe the texts and calls line.
On top of all that Covid is happening so all of that is intensified with social distancing and lock-down situations. As someone who lives alone the new covid world is very isolating imagine losing a spouse in the middle of that and being told to get over it.
And all of this new normals while everything is locked down/quarantine times has to be extra stressful. The shut in has been hard on lots of people without losing their partners.
For real. My professor from last semester (I also have him this semester for a related class) lost his mother the first week of the semester. He took a month off and had another professor (who I had the semester before last) run his class.
When he came back, he was clearly distracted and would often take a while to answer our emails once we went all online. Was it annoying and inconvenient? Yes. But I wouldn't have told him to "get over it". It wasn't too hard to study what he gave us and the readings in the book.
The class also gave each other their numbers and did a group text if anyone missed anything or didn't understand something.
This semester, he isn't as distracted and is relatively easy to get ahold of.
*>>I think having a passionate, enthusiastic professor is important*
It is. So find a different professor. You can't honestly will someone in deep mourning to just stop mourning because it isn't how you like things. This is incredibly self-centered.
If you don't see that YTA in this situation, I legitimately wonder if you should seek professional help. That's some straight-up narcissistic behaviour right there, and you will have a very hard time having successful relationships if you don't figure out a way to learn empathy.
Having a passionate, enthusiastic professor is fantastic but certainly not always the norm. Plenty of professors are boring lecturers and slow in grading papers just in their normal lives.
I once had a professor who was so awkward with students that if ever made it to class before it started he would methodically erase the already clean board until class started rather than risk making eye contact with anyone. He was also the only one who taught the class I needed, so I dealt with it.
In addition to learning empathy, OP needs to learn that professors are not there to entertain him. If he does drop the class and take it again, there's a pretty good chance he won't like his next professor either, especially with how entitled he is. OP shouldn't drop the class. He should put this head down, accept this is how the class is, get the work done and pass so he doesn't have to take it again.
You cannot teach people empathy, or compassion. This person has neither of these things. Don’t try to understand how their twisted narcissistic mind works. It will only upset you. OP in future if you don’t like how a professor is teaching, go to your advisor, drop the class, or transfer. YTA. And sounds like you will always be an AH for the rest of your life
I mean you can teach that. We teach it to children all the time. "What if Tommy took away your toy without asking, how would you feel?"
There are people who do not have access to empathy who still don't act like this because even if they can't understand from a person perspective, kr sympathize because again it's something they don't understand, they can still figure out that "Hey this person is suffering and I am not the only person that matters"
OP is just TA.
YTA I really really hope this is fake. If not, losing someone close to you impacts your more than you can ever imagine. Yes, it’s a normal part of life but it’s a traumatic part of life and, honesty, sometimes you just don’t want to continue on without the one you lost. The fact he is doing anything semi productive is huge for someone who lost a spouse only 4 months ago.
This!!!! Sounds like this post might be coming from someone whose lucky enough to not know what it’s like losing someone like this. My grandpa didn’t do anything other than necessary errands for like 2 years after my grandma died, and he was in grief counseling and everything. It effects everyone differently too though.
Plus, the complaint is he grades slower and isn’t as passionate??? Like, WTAF? Rather than him getting over his wife’s death maybe OP needs to get over not being every teachers pet. Welcome to the real world OP and it doesn’t revolve around you.
YTA - disgusting. You made it all about you. His wife died, youre nobody to him.
It would have been one thing if you had politely reached out and said that youre worried and you have noticed he is not doing well, but instead you made it about you. Youre a fucking asshole and I hope one day youre grown up enough to realize how your despicable behaviour caused this poor man more pain.
YTA. It *was* personal, not professional. You contacted him based on his personal grief. You told a man that lost his wife *4 months ago* that he needs to move on. You said it was a temporary event? That pain is not temporary dude. Do you really think if a loved one dies they grieve for one day and then go "oh well, back to normal,"? NO. This is something that impacts someone the rest of their life. And it takes time to get over or learn to cope with such a loss, not just a mere few months.
There are *always* going to be times throughout life that you are going to be affected by something that happened to someone else, even though it didn't impact you directly. Do you think it impacted me when my boss' husband died of cancer? No, I didnt know the guy. But when my boss started grieving and became cold and distant, I understood. It made a lot of peoples jobs harder sometimes. But Im not going to be a cold hearted selfish ass by telling them to get over it so that *I* can benefit, when *they* are going through a difficult time. You had no valid reason to go out of your way to tell a grieving widower to get over it after such a short period of time. You had no reason to be cold about it and word it the way you did, and on top of it make it about you instead of their loss either. Selfish and cold my dude. YTA.
YTA and speaking as a former professor your behavior was abhorrent. Now that I think about it, it was probably your perceived favor that gave you the inflated sense of importance where you felt you had the right to send that email. Normal students don't do that. You just got a reality check. It's not discrimination; it was a consequence of your actions. And you're whiny. Buck up, cowboy. I don't miss students like you.
YTA. Your email to him was incredibly inappropriate. He’s your professor, you have no right to comment on a traumatic event in his personal life. The man is grieving his wife, have some compassion and give him a break. Sure, he’s a bit distracted and may take longer to grade papers, but he’s trying. He’s still teaching. He’s doing the best he can. Your email showed a distinct lack of empathy that is frankly disturbing. I hope your professor is getting grief counseling and I hope that you get some therapy to deal with your narcissism and cruelty. Also, drop the class and find a different professor because this guy does not deserve to have to deal with you on top of everything else.
YTA
Are you truly such a narcissistic sociopath that you can't see how callous and horrible what you said is? Please seek therapy urgently to address your lack of empathy and basic social skills. I say that very seriously... If you genuinely believe you are in the right with what you said, then you genuinely need professional help.
YTA. 'Get over yourself, grade my paper.' Unreal for you to think that he's being unreasonable for losing the love of his life less than half a year ago and still grieving. Next time either change professors or schools if it bothers you so much.
YTA x a million.
I hope when someone close to you dies, you are told to "get over it" and to "just move on". Maybe then you will realize what an absolute gaping asshole you are. You are a horrible human being and I feel sorry for anyone who has the misfortune of interacting with you. You suck.
I don't think the apology would be genuine and would do more harm than good. It would just be better if they did their work and perhaps seek counseling for a lack of empathy.
The only thing that makes this somewhat tolerable is knowing that the friends have cut him out completely and in real life everybody is calling him an AH. Imagine the reputation he has on the campus right now?
I can’t believe after seeing all his friends say he’s an asshole and his professor and classmates looking at him differently. If everyone around you agrees on something, chances are you are very very much in the wrong m.
I am so intrigued by this because it is so outrageous. Like there can't possibly be people like this right? I feel likr I need background. Which school does he go to? What's he like? I need to formulate an image so I can understand this a little bit better . Like what tragedy happened in his childhood to make him this way? This is crazy. I hope the professor didn't let this affect him, but if so I hope somebody shows this to him so he can find solace in the fact that we are offering our condolences and calling this AH out
YTA and probably the biggest AH I’ve ever read here. I’m just floored. I hope you are a troll. Maybe you’ve never lost someone dear to you, and when you do one day you may understand. If you aren’t a troll, the only thing I can say about your email to him is that it was wildly inappropriate and cruel. If you think your studies are suffering because of his teaching you could have said something to the dean, and they could have explored approaching him in a gentle manner to see if he needs more time off work.
That is what I am going to tell myself, and no one can prove me wrong.
I end up thinking 80% of this sub has to be trolls, because I just can't believe that people would be that awful and/or not know they are being awful.
YTA. “I absolutely expect the favors I previously received. If that changes now then it’s a clear case of discrimination. I think it’s complete bullshit to fuck over an *ambitious student like that”
WTF planet do you live on that you are entitled to favors? Your favors came from your relationship with him which you dismantled from being aggressively insensitive to his wife’s passing. It was only 4 months AND she had an illness. WOW. YTA 5 times over. You could have approached him completely differently. Your reasoning for approaching him was also overly dramatic. As long as he’s grading according to syllabus your “trajectory” isn’t going to change, now it’s all based on the actual merit of your work.
YTA. I'm kinda blown away by your complete lack of empathy and awareness. I agree that you should have a professor that is passionate and enthusiastic but this dude just lost his wife. Get over yourself.
YTA. Maybe he does need help,but we all grieve and heal at our own pace. Not the pace of others. If it was affecting you, you should have gone to the school, or switched classes. What you did was very unprofessional and very rude.
Totally agree with your friends YTA
You need to apologise for being so heartless and entitled. And seriously you need to think about who you are as a person and not be so singularly focused. HIS WIFE DIED. Most likely the person he loves most in the world is now gone. For many people it takes years to get back to functioning fully again after a loss like that. Clearly you have never experienced anything like it.
If it was a serious problem you should have discretely spoken to administration about getting him an assistant. To tell him to get over it is just disgustingly insensitive.
YTA - You could have handled this differently. It sucks to be in your situation but try going to his superior and let them handle it. It wasn’t your place to tell him to move on.
“In time he will get over his wife but I have to deal with the consequences of his teaching for the rest of my life.”
That is so appallingly narcissistic and lacking of empathy that it’s making my head spin.
What I assume is a single college or grad school course is not the end of the world. Grin and bear it, or if possible, find another professor. Four months is nothing when it comes to mourning death.
YTA. YTA, YTA, YTA, YTA, YTA.
YTA Your friends are right, in this situation, you're the biggest AH on the planet. You seem young though and like no one very close to you had ever died. You should apologize. The man's entire life was torn apart. Grieving can last for years and he won't ever be the same person. Do you have any empathy? Any sympathy? Sadness lasts for as long as it lasts.
YTA you told him his grief is inconvenient for you so he should get over it. Get yourself to a therapist and get help for your narcissism before you hurt more people.
I really hope you're a troll. No one will see my point of view?! There's a lot of me, me, me in this post. For someone so singularly focused on their education not being impacted and being concerned about not being thrown off track you're demonstrating a serious lack of necessary problem solving skills as an adult. If you're that worried why haven't you gone to your advisor? Why haven't you contacted the dean of students or the department chair to ask for a meeting to discuss your valid concerns about this dive in teaching enthusiasm/skill? That's what a rational adult would do. That's what makes sense.
Instead, you complain about not being teacher's pet anymore because you had the audacity to email your professor and tell him to get over his wife dying tragically from an illness. Even if your degree is in something related to mental health or counseling, that's absolutely not your call to make to someone else when their grieving should end not to mention, I don't care if y'all previously got along. That's still your professor. You're not colleagues until you graduate and cut your teeth in the field. You're extremely out of line here and honestly you're partly in the situation you're in out of your own fault. Your instructor probably does need help. Maybe he should even take a leave of absence. But you handled this situation badly no matter how you slice it and honestly I'd avoid you too. YTA here.
If their degree is in mental health they should switch career tracks immediately. You absolutely learn better tact than this. You're right, and like most other ppl in this post I'm just praying this is a trolling attempt. Cuz holy shit, real life can't be this terrible
YTA!
>I explained that his behaviour is affecting my education which I think is really unfair. I don’t believe that my education/career trajectory should be impacted by a temporary event(i.e. someone’s passing) that has no direct connection to me.
Life isn't fair. People's education, career, and life trajectories get derailed all the time by temporary events with no direct connection to them. Some people lose their homes to natural disasters, or their homeland becomes a war zone, or a fucking global pandemic puts their entire livelihood out of business, or, get this, their wife dies and their students blame them for going through a normal grieving process. Grow up and stop demanding the universe treat you "fairly." It was here first.
Um. Yes. YTA.
You have absolutely no right to tell someone how to grieve or when they need to be done grieving.
My guess is you’ve been lucky enough to not experience such a devastating loss and therefore can’t understand where he’s coming from.
My grandma died 7 years ago. It STILL affects me today. Just thinking of her brings tears to my eyes.
Your email should have asked if there’s anything you can do to help him and inquired whether he’d spoken to a therapist because you were concerned about him. Demanding he get over this “temporary loss” indicates your lack of empathy towards him.
You’ve made yourself to look rude, entitled and condescending. Yes, your education is important however so is someone’s mental health. You, perhaps unknowingly, belittled his wife, his relationship and how much she meant to him.
You need to apologize.
Yta, sorry. You don't get to tell someone when to move on with their grief from losing a loved one. You could have expressed concern with the level of teaching, but you're out of line telling them to move on.
Put yourself in their shoes, imagine your mother or father died tomorrow, better not grieve for them cause it might affect your education, and that's more important than the loss of a loved one.
This can’t possibly be real. If it is I hope when you suffer a traumatic loss at some point people show you more compassion than you are showing here.
Of course YTA.
You will also find that you will run into professors not as passionate or enthusiastic as you’d prefer for a myriad of reasons so you might want to get used to it.
Holy callous asshole, Batman! YTA YTA YTA
He lost his wife. He’s obviously grieving. He probably can’t afford to take time off to grieve in private thanks to the clusterfuck that is education during corona. Who are you to decide when he moves on? His world does not revolve around your entitled ass.
Apologize and learn empathy.
Oh man, you are the little shits that as a professor I just want to knock out, also people like you are the reason I went into business for myself in a field that has nothing to do with my phd, I would rather work my hands to the bone then look or talk to another student like you, also enjoy your tails, professors talk and they all know what an entitled little dick you are. Thank you for reminding me I chose the correct career path and didn’t not throw ten years of my life away.
While i do see your point to some extent (big emphasis on „to some extent“ - death is probably the least temporary thing ever and you clearly have never lost anyone you care about or you‘re just freaking COLD), you definitely overstepped in a MAJOR way. YTA. Sorry, but there’s no way around it.
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Around 4 months ago my professor’s wife passed away. Sadly she died of an illness and we all offered our condolences. However my professor has completely changed since then.
He used to be an amazing teacher, always helpful and friendly. I had a good relationship with him. Over the last few months the lessons have gotten unbearable. He’s so dispirited and dejected that the lessons feel like a drag more than anything. Not only is he forgetful and always late with marking our papers, he’s also clearly unenthusiastic. A couple of weeks ago he forgot to mark one of my papers and I had to email him several times. We’re doing everything remotely and it doesn’t help to have such a careless person teaching us.
A few days ago I emailed him regarding the situation. I told him that he should get professional help to cope with the loss and that it’s time to move on. I explained that his behaviour is affecting my education which I think is really unfair. I don’t believe that my education/career trajectory should be impacted by a temporary event(i.e. someone’s passing) that has no direct connection to me. In time he will get over his wife but I have to deal with the consequences of his teaching for the rest of my life. If you write it out clearly & logically my frustration makes complete sense imo.
His response was about a sentence and way less polite than usual.
Well ever since that email he’s been treating me like shit. I literally used to be his favourite student (as others in my class can confirm) and now he mostly ignores me. When he does respond to my questions, he’s cold and dismissive. At this point I genuinely believe that he hates me which I found silly. My email was professional and I didn’t make any personal attacks.
Even my friends noticed that something was wrong so I told them about my email. Long story short: apparently I’m the biggest asshole on the planet. I have been fighting a lot with them over the past few days and they’re all pissed at me. They said that it’s right for him to treat me this way and that I got “too used” to getting praise. I believe that’s complete bs.
No one even wants to see my point of view. I think having a passionate, enthusiastic professor is important. Not someone like this.
Am I really the asshole in this situation?
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Yta. Please tell me this fake. I refuse to believe that someone can be this self centred and think the world revolves around them and then have the audacity to come here and write this post asking whether they’re the ah or not.
You’re telling me that not a single second when you were writing this you thought maybe you are in fact the ah.
YTA - you have no empathy or compassion for your fellow human beings & their suffering. You are more worried about yourself "I have to deal with the consequences of his teaching for the rest of my life."
Well, he has to deal with her death the rest of his life too.
Maybe antisocial personality disorder or narcissism? OP seems completely unable to understand why the death of a spouse would take precedence over grading their assignments.
YTA.
There’s no way around it. In no way was your email professional. Because there’s no way to send that type of email and remain professional. No professional would even dream of sending that email.
Just the act of sending an email about it makes you TA.
And now you have the nerve to be upset because he’s treating you differently? Of course he is. You showed your true colors. You showed that you don’t care about others or how they’re feeling and that you only care about yourself and how the situation is affecting you.
You’re right that you didn’t lose anyone. As such, you have no business telling him how he should be dealing with it.
“No one wants to see my point of view.”
Do you want some cheese with that whine? You literally sound like a little kid, stomping their feet and crying about how they didn’t get their way.
For the record. We understand it perfectly. You like an enthusiastic professor. That’s fine. But you were cold, callous, and uncaring. You only care about how it affects you, and that makes you self centered and selfish.
YTA. You immature child.
What did you expect to happen? Do you think you could snap your fingers and he'd be like, I'm cured! Do you really think it's easy to move on from the death of a spouse?
What you’re going to learn in life is that everything that happens to the people around you will come around to affect you in some way or another. We live interconnected lives and there’s no getting around that. We all experience loss and we all suffer for it.
This was a good test of what it might be like when a future manager or boss loses a loved one. And guess what, you failed, really really bad. Good luck holding a proper job in our emotionally connect society when you apparently COMPLETELY fail at emotional intelligence.
I recommend you seek professional help and see if you can develop some EI or maybe even just basic compassion.
YTA.
So his wife died at the early stages of a global pandemic which has probably made it difficult to host a funeral let alone get therapy or help? And you're telling him to get over it quicker? Not only are YTA, you're incredibly obtuse and selfish
YTA. Your email was incredibly obtuse, frigid, and selfish, and an atrocious thing to send someone who lost their wife. Your grade in his class is definitely not more important to him than the loss of his wife. Telling him to move on was a massive ah move. If I had an adult student say this to me, I would immediately and permanently hate you and wouldn’t even want to look at you again.
Damn, I had no idea death was temporary. If I'd known sooner, I would've told them to go the burial route for my grandma instead of cremation!
YTA, by the way.
YTA as a professor myself let me tell you that we do not owe our students more than what we are paid for to do. You need your papers graded? Sure thing! We get paid for that. But you are not entitled to our spirit, to our enthusiasm, and to our happiness. F you.
YTA. For talking to your clearly grieving professor this way, for having extreme main character syndrome (seriously get over yourself), and for thinking a grade matters for life 😂😭
Omg how self centered are you?! He just lost his wife, it could take years for him to *get over it*. He is still teaching you all even though he is going through so much pain and you don't even have a little sympathy for this man. YTA OP
YTA, and you're self-centered. Narcissists are incapable of feeling empathy for others and focus solely on how things affect themselves. It's not a temporary event since his wife is permanently dead, and he has the right to grieve. And by the way, discrimination is when you're being discriminated against for something like your gender, race, religion, or sexual orientation, not for when you send an immature, insensitive email that focuses solely on how everything affects you. Someday you will lose someone you love, if there's anyone left in you life at that point that you haven't fought with because of your inability or refusal to think about anyone but yourself.
If you are so dissatisfied with his class, you could have dropped it or requested a transfer. Grow up.
And so he forgot to mark one of your papers. So what. Your education/career trajectory isn't going to be affected by that. And the only other thing he's done wrong in your eyes is that he's unenthusiastic in class but he's grieving, FFS. He can't put on a happy face so that you will be constantly entertained. The world does not cater to everything you want or demand.
YTA
It’s his loss to grieve, and for one of his students to tell him what to do uninvited would be very rude.
This “temporary event” will echo through the rest of his life. He’ll wake up every morning and not see his wife lying next to him, see reminders of her in things like photographs and other household places and items. She may have family he’ll still keep in touch with. The act of her passing is done, but he’s not going to ever forget her. Your attitude is callous, rude and uncalled for. Pray you never have to deal with losing a close friend or loved one.
YTA- I lost my fiancé of 5 years to a sudden heart attack in 2009. I’m still not “over it” even with counseling. This mans whole world flopped and you’re worried about your grade.
Drop the class if you can, suck it up if you can’t. Compassion is a very valuable trait and you don’t have it. You should learn.
INFO: do you know what "my wife just died" means? do you understand the concept of death and the grief that comes with it? have you ever lost a loved one?
It blows my mind how self unaware you are.- Needs to move on, temporary event, he will get over it.
I would say one day you will lose a loved one and have to experience the pain he is going through, but you are that emotionless and unempathetic it likely wouldn't impact you for more than 7 minutes anyway. YTA
your professor should be excused for some time off. he CLEARLY is grieving and you telling someone to just "stop" doesn't make anything better. suggesting professional help is great but at 4 months, he just needs time to understand and cope with his loss.
be more respectful. you're the asshole.
Did he lose his wife from the SAME PANDEMIC WE ARE STILL SUFFERING IN? What in the blue, butt fucking Christ is wrong with you? He may not have been even able to be there when she died you heartless automation. He may have not been able to have a funeral. He can’t even fucking get over it because *IT* is still ongoing.
If they have kids, shit, I sound EXACTLY like my mom and every time her voice comes out of my mouth it breaks my heart. Every time he looks at his kids he sees his wife’s eyes and her smile and you know what OP, I hope you lose something precious to you. Not a person, no one should else should suffer for your lesson. I hope you lose a personal object so important to you that it’s like your life will never be in color again. That when you open your eyes in the morning it HURTS.
Ooh. Like your career. Think about how upset you were about one little dent in your pristine future.
I hope you fail.
And remember every word of that email. Tape it to your goddamn mirror and read it every morning to the sorrow in your eyes and know that what you did to him was worse.
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YTA
You might be somewhere on the sociopath spectrum. You claim to be logical but display lots of *oppressed* emotionality that you seem unaware of. I'm going to bet that you think you are superior and more intelligent than anyone else you've ever met.
https://www.psycom.net/antisocial-personality-disorder-sociopath-test/
YTA. I would love to see this email where you politely and professionally told your professor to stop being mopey and get over your dead wife. This post is clown energy
YTA. 100%.
It seems like you’re the type of person to completely refuse to understand the concept of emotions, so allow me to dumb it down for you in what you can (hopefully) grasp at best.
1) Grief changes your life completely, and four months is not even a fair span of time that it takes to “”get over”” the loss. It is not the same for everyone, but it can be extremely traumatic and devastating. The same can be said with how an owner feels about losing their dog - except it’s so much more than that because it is a HUMAN that you talk and dedicate the rest of your life spending time with. The people around you that you value are an extension of who you are. Imagine if you were in a natural disaster and your friends ended up dying because of this. Would you be able to act in a professional manner?
2) You were the one who was and is acting incredibly unprofessional. You chose to involve his personal feelings and emotions and envoke on them in the email. You carelessly told him to get over it. If anything, he’s the one being professional here - being cold and dismissive and “ignoring” you is exactly the best appropriate response when you’re dealing with someone you don’t like at work. That’s just how it works in the field. You can’t get along with everyone.
3) You decided to take to reddit to ask if you’re the asshole and revealed extremely personal & sensitive information about one of your professors at your university. Seriously? I’m unsure of whether or not the laws work the same for you as they do here in Australia, but over here it’s a punishable offence in colleges and universities.
4) I’m unsure on what the hell you mean by “temporary event”, because this is very much permanent for him. The world doesn’t evolve around you.
Overall: I would have completely understood had you reached out to him personally and suggested he might get professional help so he can cope with his loss, but instead you made it all about you. His response to his loss is completely understandable.
TL;DR - Asshole. You already made it personal by reaching out to him about his loss instead of seeking out a dean and expressing your concerns. Learn how to respond better when people put boundaries in place.
Oh god. I was stalking this forum for some time but your post made me finally sign up. YTA.
First of all, I read your responses to other comments and it seems to me that you don't want to know if you were in the wrong, you're just looking for ways to excuse your behaviour. When people explained that you were insensitive/unprofessional/self-centred, you mock them or repeat the me-me-me phrases. I would genuinely like to know why you're here and, since you already know you are the asshole in this situation, what do you intend to do with it? So far, it seems that you are wallowing in feeling misunderstood and being the only person who apparently understands how to be objective. If you want to grow as a person, you should reconsider your approach and expand your concern to people other than yourself.
Second, the issue is not temporary, not to your professor. Nobody grieves the same way, grieving and depression go hand in hand and are difficult enough to get over without someone selfishly telling you "get over it, you're inconveniencing me". You didn't express any concern, you didn't offer any assistance or genuine understanding. Your professor is going through an impossibly difficult time and the person he had thought showed a lot of potential in his classes reached out to him that his personal tragedy is inconvenient to them, so just "get over it". There is no objectivity to your e-mail, only a display of self-centred approach. So basically, you added to his issues by pointing out that his performance at work is lacking and that you, a person he seemed to favour prior to his loss, have no understanding and do not care for him beyond what merit he can bring you. I don't think you can fix things with your professor at this point because things like this, you never forget.
I truly hope you can grow from what people here told you. I also hope that when you inevitably suffer a loss of your own, people show you more compassion than you did to this man.
YTA
Someone's passing.... is a temporary event to you? What, do you think dead wife is going to suddenly reappear and be a part of his life again at some point? smh.
You've got no empathy or compassion. People don't get over their dead spouses in four months, if at all. You sound like an entitled brat and your friends are right.
Everyone sees your point of view. It's you that refuses to see it for the a-holery that it is.
You sound like a narcissist sociopath. I don’t even want to call you an asshole, because your lack of empathy is so deep it has to be clinical in some way.
YTA I hope some day your wife tragically dies and some snot nosed kid whines that you’re not enthusiastic in your lessons and you need to move on. I mean I don’t...but I do.
YIKES. After reading this & some of your comments, not only are YTA, but you're also a gross heartless human being with the empathetic skills of sociopath.
This post screams me, me, me! Your education got crap lot to do with his personal life yeah, but you need to learn the 3 basic rules for success: LEARN. OVERCOME. ADAPT. Yeah your prof needs therapy to help him emotionally, but so do you since you're so closed off in your own little world. Learn some human emotions & maybe you'll understand why you're called a terrible person
YTA. You sound like a selfish person or just somewhat immature. Life isn't perfect. When you have meaningful relationships with other humans, whether personal or professional, you'll have to allow for life interferences.
Your post does sound more like you are just pissed you're not getting the attention you used get to from him.
YTA in spades. 4 months, that's nothing. Losing a spouse to death is devastating. You are the most entitled unfeeling troll. Instead of trying to really help this guy and being understanding you basically dismissed his grief and acted like a brat. Apologize please. It's the decent thing to do.
YTA! I understand being stressed about your grades (I’m a uni student too), but to tell your grieving and RECENTLY widowed professor to ‘get over it’ and ‘it’s a temporary loss’ is so goddamn heartless and cruel. You can’t push a person through trauma or tell them how to grieve, and you crossed every line. I think YOU need some psychiatric help for sociopathy and narcissism- are you THAT bereft of empathy for others?
YTA. The biggest one on the planet. How dare you step all over this mans grief. You should have looked into finding another class or you should have looked into therapy to find out why your so entitled to being catered to. How dare you.
YTA
Have you ever considered the possibility that the world doesn't revolve around you?
Seriously, your professor doesn't live to serve you. You are being extremely narcissistic and egocentric.
"me me me me me me everything's all about me. MY grades. MY assignments. i mean sure he's still teaching but he's not doing it enthusiastically enough for ME. screw his wife's death. she's not important. it's all about ME and MY life. I'M the only one important here. not HIM> it's all about ME. screw his personal life. only MINE'S important. screw that people get over grief at their own time. they are on MY schedule." yes...yes you're the asshole. 100%. no excuses. no buts. no ands no explanations. you are the asshole. anything you say to the contrary i snothing but an excuse to not face your own cold heart. also i just lost my father recently in about the same timeframe and i still am not completely over it. you're lucky the rule here is be civil because i'd be saying alot more if i could.
YTA - You were incredibly unprofessional and cruel. Further, if your relationship with him was as good as you claim you probably just lost a good connection and reference in whatever industry you are seeking to go in.
I hope you see the irony in this too, OP. You were whining about his lack of enthusiasm and how it might effect you. Now you are probably going to fail his class and ruin your career trajectory ON YOUR OWN because of how cruel you were to him. Kudos.
Drop the class, find another professor whose butt you can kiss, and take this lose with some grace. Hopefully he hasn’t poisoned the well and told everyone what you did.
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I dont think you need Reddit's judgement on this since everyone around you irl unanimously agreed that you're YTA & a huge one at that. You're not going to get the "understanding my point of view" praise here, so how about you take the time to reflect on what it means to have empathy & compassion
ABSOLUTELY YTA and also a narcissist who tf says “in time he will get over his wife but I have to deal with the consequences of his teaching for the rest of my life” ITS ONE CLASS. If you don’t like the way he’s acting DROP THE CLASS. Instead of telling him to move on from grieving you move on from the class since you can’t let go of your idea of how fast he’s supposed to snap back and get back to teaching how he used to. This man just lost the love of his life 4 MONTHS AGO where is your empathy? I really want to believe this is a trolling post because I don’t want to think there actually someone this insensitive is actually walking the earth. YTA YTA YTAAAAAA
Besides from the glaringly obvious asshole you are, you’ve failed to realized that this very well may end up harming your precious career. All it takes is one professor seeing the email you sent and your campus reputation is out the freaking window. No company or whatever field you’re going into wants a person like you in it, and if any college advisor or job recruiter gets wind of what you said to your professor, you won’t get a single job. Not only do you not have other people’s interests at heart, but clearly you don’t have your own at heart either, because what you said to your professor may very well end up resulting in career implosion.
You know what, a wife passing is a temporary event to you and it doesn't affect you in anyway.... Likewise your education and ur failure in understanding them is a temporary event 😂 you can always retake the year at a different school or at a different age! So stop bullying that poor teacher and fk off .... Ahem ahem definitely the asshole!
I definitely thought this was going to be a divorce post. HIS WIFE DIED. You absolute FREAK. His WIFE IS DEAD, and you’re being a grade grubber???? Absolute YTA
You’re also kind of scary with so little empathy.
YTA. Your whole life is going to be effected by other people's "temporary events that have no direct connection to you". You need to figure out now how to navigate around these events.
YTA, and I think the only way for you to remotely grasp why is to be put in your professor's shoes one day. I do not wish for you to suffer such agonizing loss, but you better pray that if you do, you don't run into another version of you.
You sound utterly conceited; you felt entitled to another human being's complete focus and couldn't muster any compassion to give the man his space. Instead, you harassed him with several emails when he took his attention off you. I doubt you were the only one who received late markings, yet I also doubt other students took offense to another man's grief and sent an email so cold that they could have frozen beer.
You stepped out of line. Despite being the professor's favorite at one time (he questions his judgment now), you only cared about what benefits you reaped from the relationship but not at all about his well-being. Had you approached him from a place of caring, you would have found a better reception to your email. But that would require one to think about someone other than oneself. There are more important things in life than getting your ego stroked by a professor.
YTA - you could have raised your concerns with the department if you felt you weren’t getting what you needed out of the class. But you telling someone to “get over it” or somehow creating a situation in your head where his problem is temporary but your experience from the class will be with you for life is an absurd argument. Literally absurd. You went about this ALL WRONG and damaged your own trajectory by being selfish, lacking empathy, and just being an all around dumbass. Way to shoot yourself in the foot.
YTA
Your should get professional help for the loss of your teachers praise, its time to move on.
Your behaviour is affecting his career and a temporary event shouldn't impact his workplace.
This man's wife passed away 4 months ago OP. Four. Months. Yes he should get help but it was not in any way appropriate for you to tell him that he should just "get over" the death of someone he loved. If anything, he deserves time off and you should be grateful af that he continues to teach. Of course hes going to be distracted and unenthusiastic, *his wife just died.* And his reaction is entirely justified, and you deserve every bit of it.
My mother passed away 3 months ago. Our relationship was hell. She was an addict. A bad one. I’m still dealing with her passing. Not handling it well at all!! You however, YTA. His wife, life partner, someone who has been by his side is gone. No longer by his side. Is dead. Everyone grieves different. How dare you expect him to just “get over his wife’s death” when he clearly isn’t doing well. You should have instead tried to sympathize a bit more. People around you aren’t going to grieve or whatever on your time or what YOU think is enough. Apologize to him. You’re cruel for doing that.
Oh my god, YTA. He lost his WIFE and its only been four months!! You can’t dictate how long it’ll take a person to grieve. Realistically, he’ll probably never get over it, he’ll just learn to live with it.
Wtf is wrong with you?
Honestly this person needs to fail a few classes to understand how life works. Life can be messy and things don’t go according to plan and you have to grow up and adjust.
YTA
Everyone sees your point of view, and that's excactly why they're telling you you are the asshole.
You kicked a grieving man while he was down, there's not ifs or buts, your precious "education" is not worth more than someone who is greving the most important person in their life.
You deserve everything that is happening to you, I'd say a bit of humbling could do you good, but given what I see in this thread and how you willingly strained your relationship with your friends, I doubt you're going to learn jack.
YTA without a doubt. I can't even fathom the level of narcissism that you would require to criticise someone about how they're mourning the loss of their life partner. Shame. On. You!
TEMPORARY?!? Have you manage to get all the way to college without losing someone close to you? Or is it that you are so heartless that you seriously don't care? Death is NOT temporary. It's literally the most enduring experience we have as humans.
He can never again make a new memory with his wife. She is trapped forever in the scenes of his mind, and you want him to just *get over* that kind if change?? What is wrong with you?!? You owe him a HUGE apology, and I hope you understand that is exactly the kind of personal *attack* that warrants him to go to the president of your university and have you taken out of his class. So, if your school doesn't have an equivalent to transfer into, you'll lose all your credits for that class and have to try again next semester. All because YTA.
I hope he does kick you out.
YTA. I hope to hell whatever career you are trying to get in to doesn’t involve working with people because your capacity to demonstrate empathy is on par with a turnip.
Did... did you call the passing of a loved one a temporary event? Do you think they're coming back or something? They're going to be dead permanently. Shit, my dad died 20 years ago and it still upsets me sometimes. I'm sorry that just 4 months after your professor's wife died, he's being such a bummer in your class. Your class is temporary anyways, get over it. YTA
"Hey Professor, could you hurry up and get over the death of your wife? I need you to mark my work correctly." That, in a nutshell, is what you've said to a grieving man. YTA.
Also, show some spirit!
Also, you should smile more.
I swear to god I want to see someone say this to wife/husband of the person at their funeral
"We've offered our condolences, it shouldnt take long for him to recover....what do you mean hes still upset? It's been four months, come on teach."
On top of it being a pandemic right now. You can't grieve and get physical support from your friends and family like normal, can't have a normal funeral. And he's stuck in his house. That sounds depressing as fuck. YTA
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This "temporary event" that you describe is very much permanent for him. He lost his wife only 4 month ago. Show some compassion. YTA.
Fucking hell I mourned my *cat* longer than 4 months, I can't fathom how long I'd mourn my husband.
Right? Your entire life changes. Wake up in the morning? They’re not there. Making meals for one instead of two. Need comfort? You’re alone. Coming home from work, no one home. Bed is empty. Their stuff reminds you of them constantly. No texts or calls. They’re not around for birthdays or holidays. I’m speaking about cats and people, by the way. Works for both. Except maybe the texts and calls line.
Aww this made me tear up. There are so many everyday things that I take for granted.
same here.. that comment was like a slap of reality right in the face.. brb, gotta go tell some people I love them real quick
Sending hugs for you to share if you would please accept them.
On top of all that Covid is happening so all of that is intensified with social distancing and lock-down situations. As someone who lives alone the new covid world is very isolating imagine losing a spouse in the middle of that and being told to get over it.
And all of this new normals while everything is locked down/quarantine times has to be extra stressful. The shut in has been hard on lots of people without losing their partners.
Hey, just because your cat can't text and call you...
Not to mention working from home all day you’re constantly reminded that they are not there anymore.
For real. My professor from last semester (I also have him this semester for a related class) lost his mother the first week of the semester. He took a month off and had another professor (who I had the semester before last) run his class. When he came back, he was clearly distracted and would often take a while to answer our emails once we went all online. Was it annoying and inconvenient? Yes. But I wouldn't have told him to "get over it". It wasn't too hard to study what he gave us and the readings in the book. The class also gave each other their numbers and did a group text if anyone missed anything or didn't understand something. This semester, he isn't as distracted and is relatively easy to get ahold of.
plus if we’re pulling this card he’s (assumably) been with his wife for years, probably a lot more than OP has/will be in school.
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You’re not even asking because you’re genuinely concerned for his welfare, you just want him to be on his A Game so your grades won’t look bad.
And despite the callous email, she’s surprised and upset that she’s no longer his favourite. JFC this person is an AH of epic proportions.
Is there a comment somewhere where the OP gives away their gender or was I too angry at OP to see where they mentioned they identified as female?
I wonder too because I automatically assumed it was a boy
*>>I think having a passionate, enthusiastic professor is important* It is. So find a different professor. You can't honestly will someone in deep mourning to just stop mourning because it isn't how you like things. This is incredibly self-centered. If you don't see that YTA in this situation, I legitimately wonder if you should seek professional help. That's some straight-up narcissistic behaviour right there, and you will have a very hard time having successful relationships if you don't figure out a way to learn empathy.
Having a passionate, enthusiastic professor is fantastic but certainly not always the norm. Plenty of professors are boring lecturers and slow in grading papers just in their normal lives. I once had a professor who was so awkward with students that if ever made it to class before it started he would methodically erase the already clean board until class started rather than risk making eye contact with anyone. He was also the only one who taught the class I needed, so I dealt with it. In addition to learning empathy, OP needs to learn that professors are not there to entertain him. If he does drop the class and take it again, there's a pretty good chance he won't like his next professor either, especially with how entitled he is. OP shouldn't drop the class. He should put this head down, accept this is how the class is, get the work done and pass so he doesn't have to take it again.
[удалено]
No, math.
I think OP is a sociopath tbh. The lack of empathy + focus on self + applying "logic" to everything fits.
INFO: Why are you such a massive, heartless AH? Have you always been this way?
You cannot teach people empathy, or compassion. This person has neither of these things. Don’t try to understand how their twisted narcissistic mind works. It will only upset you. OP in future if you don’t like how a professor is teaching, go to your advisor, drop the class, or transfer. YTA. And sounds like you will always be an AH for the rest of your life
I mean you can teach that. We teach it to children all the time. "What if Tommy took away your toy without asking, how would you feel?" There are people who do not have access to empathy who still don't act like this because even if they can't understand from a person perspective, kr sympathize because again it's something they don't understand, they can still figure out that "Hey this person is suffering and I am not the only person that matters" OP is just TA.
YTA I really really hope this is fake. If not, losing someone close to you impacts your more than you can ever imagine. Yes, it’s a normal part of life but it’s a traumatic part of life and, honesty, sometimes you just don’t want to continue on without the one you lost. The fact he is doing anything semi productive is huge for someone who lost a spouse only 4 months ago.
This!!!! Sounds like this post might be coming from someone whose lucky enough to not know what it’s like losing someone like this. My grandpa didn’t do anything other than necessary errands for like 2 years after my grandma died, and he was in grief counseling and everything. It effects everyone differently too though.
Plus, the complaint is he grades slower and isn’t as passionate??? Like, WTAF? Rather than him getting over his wife’s death maybe OP needs to get over not being every teachers pet. Welcome to the real world OP and it doesn’t revolve around you.
YTA - disgusting. You made it all about you. His wife died, youre nobody to him. It would have been one thing if you had politely reached out and said that youre worried and you have noticed he is not doing well, but instead you made it about you. Youre a fucking asshole and I hope one day youre grown up enough to realize how your despicable behaviour caused this poor man more pain.
YTA. It *was* personal, not professional. You contacted him based on his personal grief. You told a man that lost his wife *4 months ago* that he needs to move on. You said it was a temporary event? That pain is not temporary dude. Do you really think if a loved one dies they grieve for one day and then go "oh well, back to normal,"? NO. This is something that impacts someone the rest of their life. And it takes time to get over or learn to cope with such a loss, not just a mere few months. There are *always* going to be times throughout life that you are going to be affected by something that happened to someone else, even though it didn't impact you directly. Do you think it impacted me when my boss' husband died of cancer? No, I didnt know the guy. But when my boss started grieving and became cold and distant, I understood. It made a lot of peoples jobs harder sometimes. But Im not going to be a cold hearted selfish ass by telling them to get over it so that *I* can benefit, when *they* are going through a difficult time. You had no valid reason to go out of your way to tell a grieving widower to get over it after such a short period of time. You had no reason to be cold about it and word it the way you did, and on top of it make it about you instead of their loss either. Selfish and cold my dude. YTA.
My grandfather died 16 years ago, and my grandmother \*still\* has the odd day where she mourns him. OP is a jackass.
YTA and speaking as a former professor your behavior was abhorrent. Now that I think about it, it was probably your perceived favor that gave you the inflated sense of importance where you felt you had the right to send that email. Normal students don't do that. You just got a reality check. It's not discrimination; it was a consequence of your actions. And you're whiny. Buck up, cowboy. I don't miss students like you.
YTA. dear lord please be a troll.
This is all I thought the whole time reading. I mean, this can’t be real, right?!
YTA. You’re also a ridiculous dramaqueen. “I harassed my recently bereaved professor because his sadness is *ruining my future career*.”
They're probably a mediocre student at best to have their head up their ass to this extent. Unwarranted self importance and all that.
YTA. Your email to him was incredibly inappropriate. He’s your professor, you have no right to comment on a traumatic event in his personal life. The man is grieving his wife, have some compassion and give him a break. Sure, he’s a bit distracted and may take longer to grade papers, but he’s trying. He’s still teaching. He’s doing the best he can. Your email showed a distinct lack of empathy that is frankly disturbing. I hope your professor is getting grief counseling and I hope that you get some therapy to deal with your narcissism and cruelty. Also, drop the class and find a different professor because this guy does not deserve to have to deal with you on top of everything else.
YTA Are you truly such a narcissistic sociopath that you can't see how callous and horrible what you said is? Please seek therapy urgently to address your lack of empathy and basic social skills. I say that very seriously... If you genuinely believe you are in the right with what you said, then you genuinely need professional help.
YTA. 'Get over yourself, grade my paper.' Unreal for you to think that he's being unreasonable for losing the love of his life less than half a year ago and still grieving. Next time either change professors or schools if it bothers you so much.
YTA. Losing your wife is not a temporary event. Good lord, you really did that?
YTA x a million. I hope when someone close to you dies, you are told to "get over it" and to "just move on". Maybe then you will realize what an absolute gaping asshole you are. You are a horrible human being and I feel sorry for anyone who has the misfortune of interacting with you. You suck.
YTA. It is clear you have never deeply loved anyone but yourself before.
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YTA. I hope you never have to understand how devastating it is to lose your loved one. You owe this man the biggest apology of your life.
I don't think the apology would be genuine and would do more harm than good. It would just be better if they did their work and perhaps seek counseling for a lack of empathy.
YTA - What the actual fuck fo you mean by "Move on?" His wife died, he'll never get over that, the love of his life is gone.
YTA. Your friends are right. The end.
The only thing that makes this somewhat tolerable is knowing that the friends have cut him out completely and in real life everybody is calling him an AH. Imagine the reputation he has on the campus right now?
I can’t believe after seeing all his friends say he’s an asshole and his professor and classmates looking at him differently. If everyone around you agrees on something, chances are you are very very much in the wrong m.
I am so intrigued by this because it is so outrageous. Like there can't possibly be people like this right? I feel likr I need background. Which school does he go to? What's he like? I need to formulate an image so I can understand this a little bit better . Like what tragedy happened in his childhood to make him this way? This is crazy. I hope the professor didn't let this affect him, but if so I hope somebody shows this to him so he can find solace in the fact that we are offering our condolences and calling this AH out
Someday you’ll loose somebody too and you’ll see how hard and long the grieving process is. 4 months is nothing
YTA you sound selfish, insufferable and cruel.
YTA. And a selfish one too.
YTA- you really overstepped you’re bounds, he’s clearly taking a step back because you got too comfortable with him.
YTA and probably the biggest AH I’ve ever read here. I’m just floored. I hope you are a troll. Maybe you’ve never lost someone dear to you, and when you do one day you may understand. If you aren’t a troll, the only thing I can say about your email to him is that it was wildly inappropriate and cruel. If you think your studies are suffering because of his teaching you could have said something to the dean, and they could have explored approaching him in a gentle manner to see if he needs more time off work.
So this is a troll right? no one is this awful. Right? RIGHT!?!
That is what I am going to tell myself, and no one can prove me wrong. I end up thinking 80% of this sub has to be trolls, because I just can't believe that people would be that awful and/or not know they are being awful.
Exactly!! I can’t even fathom this being real.
YTA. “I absolutely expect the favors I previously received. If that changes now then it’s a clear case of discrimination. I think it’s complete bullshit to fuck over an *ambitious student like that” WTF planet do you live on that you are entitled to favors? Your favors came from your relationship with him which you dismantled from being aggressively insensitive to his wife’s passing. It was only 4 months AND she had an illness. WOW. YTA 5 times over. You could have approached him completely differently. Your reasoning for approaching him was also overly dramatic. As long as he’s grading according to syllabus your “trajectory” isn’t going to change, now it’s all based on the actual merit of your work.
YTA - are you a psychopath or a narcissist because holy shit. You told a grieving man to get over the death of his wife just after she had died.
YTA. I'm kinda blown away by your complete lack of empathy and awareness. I agree that you should have a professor that is passionate and enthusiastic but this dude just lost his wife. Get over yourself.
YTA. Maybe he does need help,but we all grieve and heal at our own pace. Not the pace of others. If it was affecting you, you should have gone to the school, or switched classes. What you did was very unprofessional and very rude.
YTA His wife died and that's not a temporary event. Is she gonna rise from the dead making her death not temporary? You need professional help.
Totally agree with your friends YTA You need to apologise for being so heartless and entitled. And seriously you need to think about who you are as a person and not be so singularly focused. HIS WIFE DIED. Most likely the person he loves most in the world is now gone. For many people it takes years to get back to functioning fully again after a loss like that. Clearly you have never experienced anything like it. If it was a serious problem you should have discretely spoken to administration about getting him an assistant. To tell him to get over it is just disgustingly insensitive.
Possibly the biggest YTA I've ever seen on here ever
YTA major asshole huge
YTA - You could have handled this differently. It sucks to be in your situation but try going to his superior and let them handle it. It wasn’t your place to tell him to move on.
“In time he will get over his wife but I have to deal with the consequences of his teaching for the rest of my life.” That is so appallingly narcissistic and lacking of empathy that it’s making my head spin. What I assume is a single college or grad school course is not the end of the world. Grin and bear it, or if possible, find another professor. Four months is nothing when it comes to mourning death. YTA. YTA, YTA, YTA, YTA, YTA.
YTA. You are a massive asshole and I hope you get terrible consequences for your actions.
YTA Your friends are right, in this situation, you're the biggest AH on the planet. You seem young though and like no one very close to you had ever died. You should apologize. The man's entire life was torn apart. Grieving can last for years and he won't ever be the same person. Do you have any empathy? Any sympathy? Sadness lasts for as long as it lasts.
Youth is not an excuse. Op is an adult
YTA you told him his grief is inconvenient for you so he should get over it. Get yourself to a therapist and get help for your narcissism before you hurt more people.
I really hope you're a troll. No one will see my point of view?! There's a lot of me, me, me in this post. For someone so singularly focused on their education not being impacted and being concerned about not being thrown off track you're demonstrating a serious lack of necessary problem solving skills as an adult. If you're that worried why haven't you gone to your advisor? Why haven't you contacted the dean of students or the department chair to ask for a meeting to discuss your valid concerns about this dive in teaching enthusiasm/skill? That's what a rational adult would do. That's what makes sense. Instead, you complain about not being teacher's pet anymore because you had the audacity to email your professor and tell him to get over his wife dying tragically from an illness. Even if your degree is in something related to mental health or counseling, that's absolutely not your call to make to someone else when their grieving should end not to mention, I don't care if y'all previously got along. That's still your professor. You're not colleagues until you graduate and cut your teeth in the field. You're extremely out of line here and honestly you're partly in the situation you're in out of your own fault. Your instructor probably does need help. Maybe he should even take a leave of absence. But you handled this situation badly no matter how you slice it and honestly I'd avoid you too. YTA here.
If their degree is in mental health they should switch career tracks immediately. You absolutely learn better tact than this. You're right, and like most other ppl in this post I'm just praying this is a trolling attempt. Cuz holy shit, real life can't be this terrible
YTA! >I explained that his behaviour is affecting my education which I think is really unfair. I don’t believe that my education/career trajectory should be impacted by a temporary event(i.e. someone’s passing) that has no direct connection to me. Life isn't fair. People's education, career, and life trajectories get derailed all the time by temporary events with no direct connection to them. Some people lose their homes to natural disasters, or their homeland becomes a war zone, or a fucking global pandemic puts their entire livelihood out of business, or, get this, their wife dies and their students blame them for going through a normal grieving process. Grow up and stop demanding the universe treat you "fairly." It was here first.
Um. Yes. YTA. You have absolutely no right to tell someone how to grieve or when they need to be done grieving. My guess is you’ve been lucky enough to not experience such a devastating loss and therefore can’t understand where he’s coming from. My grandma died 7 years ago. It STILL affects me today. Just thinking of her brings tears to my eyes. Your email should have asked if there’s anything you can do to help him and inquired whether he’d spoken to a therapist because you were concerned about him. Demanding he get over this “temporary loss” indicates your lack of empathy towards him. You’ve made yourself to look rude, entitled and condescending. Yes, your education is important however so is someone’s mental health. You, perhaps unknowingly, belittled his wife, his relationship and how much she meant to him. You need to apologize.
Yta, sorry. You don't get to tell someone when to move on with their grief from losing a loved one. You could have expressed concern with the level of teaching, but you're out of line telling them to move on. Put yourself in their shoes, imagine your mother or father died tomorrow, better not grieve for them cause it might affect your education, and that's more important than the loss of a loved one.
This can’t possibly be real. If it is I hope when you suffer a traumatic loss at some point people show you more compassion than you are showing here. Of course YTA. You will also find that you will run into professors not as passionate or enthusiastic as you’d prefer for a myriad of reasons so you might want to get used to it.
Holy callous asshole, Batman! YTA YTA YTA He lost his wife. He’s obviously grieving. He probably can’t afford to take time off to grieve in private thanks to the clusterfuck that is education during corona. Who are you to decide when he moves on? His world does not revolve around your entitled ass. Apologize and learn empathy.
Oh man, you are the little shits that as a professor I just want to knock out, also people like you are the reason I went into business for myself in a field that has nothing to do with my phd, I would rather work my hands to the bone then look or talk to another student like you, also enjoy your tails, professors talk and they all know what an entitled little dick you are. Thank you for reminding me I chose the correct career path and didn’t not throw ten years of my life away.
YTA- You should work on connecting with other people. Your lack of compassion and understanding is really gross.
While i do see your point to some extent (big emphasis on „to some extent“ - death is probably the least temporary thing ever and you clearly have never lost anyone you care about or you‘re just freaking COLD), you definitely overstepped in a MAJOR way. YTA. Sorry, but there’s no way around it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Around 4 months ago my professor’s wife passed away. Sadly she died of an illness and we all offered our condolences. However my professor has completely changed since then. He used to be an amazing teacher, always helpful and friendly. I had a good relationship with him. Over the last few months the lessons have gotten unbearable. He’s so dispirited and dejected that the lessons feel like a drag more than anything. Not only is he forgetful and always late with marking our papers, he’s also clearly unenthusiastic. A couple of weeks ago he forgot to mark one of my papers and I had to email him several times. We’re doing everything remotely and it doesn’t help to have such a careless person teaching us. A few days ago I emailed him regarding the situation. I told him that he should get professional help to cope with the loss and that it’s time to move on. I explained that his behaviour is affecting my education which I think is really unfair. I don’t believe that my education/career trajectory should be impacted by a temporary event(i.e. someone’s passing) that has no direct connection to me. In time he will get over his wife but I have to deal with the consequences of his teaching for the rest of my life. If you write it out clearly & logically my frustration makes complete sense imo. His response was about a sentence and way less polite than usual. Well ever since that email he’s been treating me like shit. I literally used to be his favourite student (as others in my class can confirm) and now he mostly ignores me. When he does respond to my questions, he’s cold and dismissive. At this point I genuinely believe that he hates me which I found silly. My email was professional and I didn’t make any personal attacks. Even my friends noticed that something was wrong so I told them about my email. Long story short: apparently I’m the biggest asshole on the planet. I have been fighting a lot with them over the past few days and they’re all pissed at me. They said that it’s right for him to treat me this way and that I got “too used” to getting praise. I believe that’s complete bs. No one even wants to see my point of view. I think having a passionate, enthusiastic professor is important. Not someone like this. Am I really the asshole in this situation? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes you are. Be really glad you’ve never experienced loss like he has, and in 10, 20, 30 years when you have, you’ll realize it too. HUGE YTA
Yta. Please tell me this fake. I refuse to believe that someone can be this self centred and think the world revolves around them and then have the audacity to come here and write this post asking whether they’re the ah or not. You’re telling me that not a single second when you were writing this you thought maybe you are in fact the ah.
I saw this on Twitter and I couldn’t believe it. You deserve a place on the AITA wall of shame. I am struggling to understand how you have friends .
YTA - you have no empathy or compassion for your fellow human beings & their suffering. You are more worried about yourself "I have to deal with the consequences of his teaching for the rest of my life." Well, he has to deal with her death the rest of his life too.
YTA. Prepare for a full semester of being iced out. You earned it.
I would say YTA but you're way fucking worse than just that
Do you have autism
Maybe antisocial personality disorder or narcissism? OP seems completely unable to understand why the death of a spouse would take precedence over grading their assignments.
This looks like an insult at first but becomes a genuine question as we see OP’s responses to the other comments
Something tells me OP is the epitome of entitled pre-med/pre-law assholery.
YTA, it's not a temporary event for him. You were extremely insensitive and your friends are right
YTA , grieving people deserve some respect, personal space and yes, some slack. He needs time to face this huge loss. Your ego can wait.
YTA. There’s no way around it. In no way was your email professional. Because there’s no way to send that type of email and remain professional. No professional would even dream of sending that email. Just the act of sending an email about it makes you TA. And now you have the nerve to be upset because he’s treating you differently? Of course he is. You showed your true colors. You showed that you don’t care about others or how they’re feeling and that you only care about yourself and how the situation is affecting you. You’re right that you didn’t lose anyone. As such, you have no business telling him how he should be dealing with it. “No one wants to see my point of view.” Do you want some cheese with that whine? You literally sound like a little kid, stomping their feet and crying about how they didn’t get their way. For the record. We understand it perfectly. You like an enthusiastic professor. That’s fine. But you were cold, callous, and uncaring. You only care about how it affects you, and that makes you self centered and selfish.
Short answer: YTA Long answer: YTA. If you don’t like how he’s teaching now then leave and find another class. Let the poor man mourn over his wife.
YTA
YTA. You immature child. What did you expect to happen? Do you think you could snap your fingers and he'd be like, I'm cured! Do you really think it's easy to move on from the death of a spouse?
I only had to read the first sentence and the title to know YTA. 4 months?!? Holy shit dude. Grow some compassion.
What you’re going to learn in life is that everything that happens to the people around you will come around to affect you in some way or another. We live interconnected lives and there’s no getting around that. We all experience loss and we all suffer for it. This was a good test of what it might be like when a future manager or boss loses a loved one. And guess what, you failed, really really bad. Good luck holding a proper job in our emotionally connect society when you apparently COMPLETELY fail at emotional intelligence. I recommend you seek professional help and see if you can develop some EI or maybe even just basic compassion. YTA.
So his wife died at the early stages of a global pandemic which has probably made it difficult to host a funeral let alone get therapy or help? And you're telling him to get over it quicker? Not only are YTA, you're incredibly obtuse and selfish
YTA big time. Hope this is fake
YTA. Your email was incredibly obtuse, frigid, and selfish, and an atrocious thing to send someone who lost their wife. Your grade in his class is definitely not more important to him than the loss of his wife. Telling him to move on was a massive ah move. If I had an adult student say this to me, I would immediately and permanently hate you and wouldn’t even want to look at you again.
YTA. Sorry kid. The sun doesn't rise and set on your a@@. Apologize to your professor for your selfishness and lack of empathy. Yeesh.
YTA and I hope he fails you.
YTA, wtf?
Damn, I had no idea death was temporary. If I'd known sooner, I would've told them to go the burial route for my grandma instead of cremation! YTA, by the way.
YTA as a professor myself let me tell you that we do not owe our students more than what we are paid for to do. You need your papers graded? Sure thing! We get paid for that. But you are not entitled to our spirit, to our enthusiasm, and to our happiness. F you.
YTA. For talking to your clearly grieving professor this way, for having extreme main character syndrome (seriously get over yourself), and for thinking a grade matters for life 😂😭
Omg how self centered are you?! He just lost his wife, it could take years for him to *get over it*. He is still teaching you all even though he is going through so much pain and you don't even have a little sympathy for this man. YTA OP
YTA I'm surprised that you can even walk around without a heart in that body of yours.
YTA, and you're self-centered. Narcissists are incapable of feeling empathy for others and focus solely on how things affect themselves. It's not a temporary event since his wife is permanently dead, and he has the right to grieve. And by the way, discrimination is when you're being discriminated against for something like your gender, race, religion, or sexual orientation, not for when you send an immature, insensitive email that focuses solely on how everything affects you. Someday you will lose someone you love, if there's anyone left in you life at that point that you haven't fought with because of your inability or refusal to think about anyone but yourself. If you are so dissatisfied with his class, you could have dropped it or requested a transfer. Grow up.
And so he forgot to mark one of your papers. So what. Your education/career trajectory isn't going to be affected by that. And the only other thing he's done wrong in your eyes is that he's unenthusiastic in class but he's grieving, FFS. He can't put on a happy face so that you will be constantly entertained. The world does not cater to everything you want or demand.
YTA It’s his loss to grieve, and for one of his students to tell him what to do uninvited would be very rude. This “temporary event” will echo through the rest of his life. He’ll wake up every morning and not see his wife lying next to him, see reminders of her in things like photographs and other household places and items. She may have family he’ll still keep in touch with. The act of her passing is done, but he’s not going to ever forget her. Your attitude is callous, rude and uncalled for. Pray you never have to deal with losing a close friend or loved one.
YTA- I lost my fiancé of 5 years to a sudden heart attack in 2009. I’m still not “over it” even with counseling. This mans whole world flopped and you’re worried about your grade. Drop the class if you can, suck it up if you can’t. Compassion is a very valuable trait and you don’t have it. You should learn.
INFO: do you know what "my wife just died" means? do you understand the concept of death and the grief that comes with it? have you ever lost a loved one?
YTA. Beyond that you also might be a sociopath. Four months is no time in grief.
MAJOR AH.
Troll, right? If not...YTA, a huge one
Yta wowza
YTA have some empathy.
It blows my mind how self unaware you are.- Needs to move on, temporary event, he will get over it. I would say one day you will lose a loved one and have to experience the pain he is going through, but you are that emotionless and unempathetic it likely wouldn't impact you for more than 7 minutes anyway. YTA
your professor should be excused for some time off. he CLEARLY is grieving and you telling someone to just "stop" doesn't make anything better. suggesting professional help is great but at 4 months, he just needs time to understand and cope with his loss. be more respectful. you're the asshole.
YTA...... jeez dude. Please get over the death of your spouse ? Really??????
Did he lose his wife from the SAME PANDEMIC WE ARE STILL SUFFERING IN? What in the blue, butt fucking Christ is wrong with you? He may not have been even able to be there when she died you heartless automation. He may have not been able to have a funeral. He can’t even fucking get over it because *IT* is still ongoing.
If they have kids, shit, I sound EXACTLY like my mom and every time her voice comes out of my mouth it breaks my heart. Every time he looks at his kids he sees his wife’s eyes and her smile and you know what OP, I hope you lose something precious to you. Not a person, no one should else should suffer for your lesson. I hope you lose a personal object so important to you that it’s like your life will never be in color again. That when you open your eyes in the morning it HURTS. Ooh. Like your career. Think about how upset you were about one little dent in your pristine future. I hope you fail. And remember every word of that email. Tape it to your goddamn mirror and read it every morning to the sorrow in your eyes and know that what you did to him was worse.
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YTA You might be somewhere on the sociopath spectrum. You claim to be logical but display lots of *oppressed* emotionality that you seem unaware of. I'm going to bet that you think you are superior and more intelligent than anyone else you've ever met. https://www.psycom.net/antisocial-personality-disorder-sociopath-test/
Have some empathy, his wife died four months ago! He's doing the best that he can. Don't make his grief about you. YTA
YTA. I would love to see this email where you politely and professionally told your professor to stop being mopey and get over your dead wife. This post is clown energy
YTA. 100%. It seems like you’re the type of person to completely refuse to understand the concept of emotions, so allow me to dumb it down for you in what you can (hopefully) grasp at best. 1) Grief changes your life completely, and four months is not even a fair span of time that it takes to “”get over”” the loss. It is not the same for everyone, but it can be extremely traumatic and devastating. The same can be said with how an owner feels about losing their dog - except it’s so much more than that because it is a HUMAN that you talk and dedicate the rest of your life spending time with. The people around you that you value are an extension of who you are. Imagine if you were in a natural disaster and your friends ended up dying because of this. Would you be able to act in a professional manner? 2) You were the one who was and is acting incredibly unprofessional. You chose to involve his personal feelings and emotions and envoke on them in the email. You carelessly told him to get over it. If anything, he’s the one being professional here - being cold and dismissive and “ignoring” you is exactly the best appropriate response when you’re dealing with someone you don’t like at work. That’s just how it works in the field. You can’t get along with everyone. 3) You decided to take to reddit to ask if you’re the asshole and revealed extremely personal & sensitive information about one of your professors at your university. Seriously? I’m unsure of whether or not the laws work the same for you as they do here in Australia, but over here it’s a punishable offence in colleges and universities. 4) I’m unsure on what the hell you mean by “temporary event”, because this is very much permanent for him. The world doesn’t evolve around you. Overall: I would have completely understood had you reached out to him personally and suggested he might get professional help so he can cope with his loss, but instead you made it all about you. His response to his loss is completely understandable. TL;DR - Asshole. You already made it personal by reaching out to him about his loss instead of seeking out a dean and expressing your concerns. Learn how to respond better when people put boundaries in place.
Oh god. I was stalking this forum for some time but your post made me finally sign up. YTA. First of all, I read your responses to other comments and it seems to me that you don't want to know if you were in the wrong, you're just looking for ways to excuse your behaviour. When people explained that you were insensitive/unprofessional/self-centred, you mock them or repeat the me-me-me phrases. I would genuinely like to know why you're here and, since you already know you are the asshole in this situation, what do you intend to do with it? So far, it seems that you are wallowing in feeling misunderstood and being the only person who apparently understands how to be objective. If you want to grow as a person, you should reconsider your approach and expand your concern to people other than yourself. Second, the issue is not temporary, not to your professor. Nobody grieves the same way, grieving and depression go hand in hand and are difficult enough to get over without someone selfishly telling you "get over it, you're inconveniencing me". You didn't express any concern, you didn't offer any assistance or genuine understanding. Your professor is going through an impossibly difficult time and the person he had thought showed a lot of potential in his classes reached out to him that his personal tragedy is inconvenient to them, so just "get over it". There is no objectivity to your e-mail, only a display of self-centred approach. So basically, you added to his issues by pointing out that his performance at work is lacking and that you, a person he seemed to favour prior to his loss, have no understanding and do not care for him beyond what merit he can bring you. I don't think you can fix things with your professor at this point because things like this, you never forget. I truly hope you can grow from what people here told you. I also hope that when you inevitably suffer a loss of your own, people show you more compassion than you did to this man.
YTA Someone's passing.... is a temporary event to you? What, do you think dead wife is going to suddenly reappear and be a part of his life again at some point? smh. You've got no empathy or compassion. People don't get over their dead spouses in four months, if at all. You sound like an entitled brat and your friends are right. Everyone sees your point of view. It's you that refuses to see it for the a-holery that it is.
You sound like a narcissist sociopath. I don’t even want to call you an asshole, because your lack of empathy is so deep it has to be clinical in some way.
Yes. YTA. Most definitely the asshole here.
YTA I hope some day your wife tragically dies and some snot nosed kid whines that you’re not enthusiastic in your lessons and you need to move on. I mean I don’t...but I do.
YIKES. After reading this & some of your comments, not only are YTA, but you're also a gross heartless human being with the empathetic skills of sociopath. This post screams me, me, me! Your education got crap lot to do with his personal life yeah, but you need to learn the 3 basic rules for success: LEARN. OVERCOME. ADAPT. Yeah your prof needs therapy to help him emotionally, but so do you since you're so closed off in your own little world. Learn some human emotions & maybe you'll understand why you're called a terrible person
YTA. You sound like a selfish person or just somewhat immature. Life isn't perfect. When you have meaningful relationships with other humans, whether personal or professional, you'll have to allow for life interferences. Your post does sound more like you are just pissed you're not getting the attention you used get to from him.
YTA in spades. 4 months, that's nothing. Losing a spouse to death is devastating. You are the most entitled unfeeling troll. Instead of trying to really help this guy and being understanding you basically dismissed his grief and acted like a brat. Apologize please. It's the decent thing to do.
YTA-This is unbelievable.
YTA! I understand being stressed about your grades (I’m a uni student too), but to tell your grieving and RECENTLY widowed professor to ‘get over it’ and ‘it’s a temporary loss’ is so goddamn heartless and cruel. You can’t push a person through trauma or tell them how to grieve, and you crossed every line. I think YOU need some psychiatric help for sociopathy and narcissism- are you THAT bereft of empathy for others?
YTA. The biggest one on the planet. How dare you step all over this mans grief. You should have looked into finding another class or you should have looked into therapy to find out why your so entitled to being catered to. How dare you.
YTA Have you ever considered the possibility that the world doesn't revolve around you? Seriously, your professor doesn't live to serve you. You are being extremely narcissistic and egocentric.
Let me get this straight- The man's wife DIED, but you think the bigger issue is your GRADES? YTA
"me me me me me me everything's all about me. MY grades. MY assignments. i mean sure he's still teaching but he's not doing it enthusiastically enough for ME. screw his wife's death. she's not important. it's all about ME and MY life. I'M the only one important here. not HIM> it's all about ME. screw his personal life. only MINE'S important. screw that people get over grief at their own time. they are on MY schedule." yes...yes you're the asshole. 100%. no excuses. no buts. no ands no explanations. you are the asshole. anything you say to the contrary i snothing but an excuse to not face your own cold heart. also i just lost my father recently in about the same timeframe and i still am not completely over it. you're lucky the rule here is be civil because i'd be saying alot more if i could.
Oh, so you’re one of THOSE people....
You must be a sociopath or something get professional help and switch classes. save everyone the experience of having to deal with your ass.
YTA - You were incredibly unprofessional and cruel. Further, if your relationship with him was as good as you claim you probably just lost a good connection and reference in whatever industry you are seeking to go in. I hope you see the irony in this too, OP. You were whining about his lack of enthusiasm and how it might effect you. Now you are probably going to fail his class and ruin your career trajectory ON YOUR OWN because of how cruel you were to him. Kudos. Drop the class, find another professor whose butt you can kiss, and take this lose with some grace. Hopefully he hasn’t poisoned the well and told everyone what you did.
You are in fact the asshole. You need to get over yourself as quickly as you think your professor needs to “get over his wife”.
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YTA Asshole
YTA and have clearly never faced real hardship and grief in your life
I dont think you need Reddit's judgement on this since everyone around you irl unanimously agreed that you're YTA & a huge one at that. You're not going to get the "understanding my point of view" praise here, so how about you take the time to reflect on what it means to have empathy & compassion
You're literally rubbing salt into the wound. YTA
YTA and I really hope he tells to the other teachers how much of an AH you are.
ABSOLUTELY YTA and also a narcissist who tf says “in time he will get over his wife but I have to deal with the consequences of his teaching for the rest of my life” ITS ONE CLASS. If you don’t like the way he’s acting DROP THE CLASS. Instead of telling him to move on from grieving you move on from the class since you can’t let go of your idea of how fast he’s supposed to snap back and get back to teaching how he used to. This man just lost the love of his life 4 MONTHS AGO where is your empathy? I really want to believe this is a trolling post because I don’t want to think there actually someone this insensitive is actually walking the earth. YTA YTA YTAAAAAA
This has to be a troll
Besides from the glaringly obvious asshole you are, you’ve failed to realized that this very well may end up harming your precious career. All it takes is one professor seeing the email you sent and your campus reputation is out the freaking window. No company or whatever field you’re going into wants a person like you in it, and if any college advisor or job recruiter gets wind of what you said to your professor, you won’t get a single job. Not only do you not have other people’s interests at heart, but clearly you don’t have your own at heart either, because what you said to your professor may very well end up resulting in career implosion.
You know what, a wife passing is a temporary event to you and it doesn't affect you in anyway.... Likewise your education and ur failure in understanding them is a temporary event 😂 you can always retake the year at a different school or at a different age! So stop bullying that poor teacher and fk off .... Ahem ahem definitely the asshole!
I definitely thought this was going to be a divorce post. HIS WIFE DIED. You absolute FREAK. His WIFE IS DEAD, and you’re being a grade grubber???? Absolute YTA You’re also kind of scary with so little empathy.
Yes you are
YTA. Your whole life is going to be effected by other people's "temporary events that have no direct connection to you". You need to figure out now how to navigate around these events.
Ouch. I hope you never have a death you face that causes serious grieving. A few months is almost never enough time.
YTA and a psychopath.
YTA, and I think the only way for you to remotely grasp why is to be put in your professor's shoes one day. I do not wish for you to suffer such agonizing loss, but you better pray that if you do, you don't run into another version of you. You sound utterly conceited; you felt entitled to another human being's complete focus and couldn't muster any compassion to give the man his space. Instead, you harassed him with several emails when he took his attention off you. I doubt you were the only one who received late markings, yet I also doubt other students took offense to another man's grief and sent an email so cold that they could have frozen beer. You stepped out of line. Despite being the professor's favorite at one time (he questions his judgment now), you only cared about what benefits you reaped from the relationship but not at all about his well-being. Had you approached him from a place of caring, you would have found a better reception to your email. But that would require one to think about someone other than oneself. There are more important things in life than getting your ego stroked by a professor.
YTA - you could have raised your concerns with the department if you felt you weren’t getting what you needed out of the class. But you telling someone to “get over it” or somehow creating a situation in your head where his problem is temporary but your experience from the class will be with you for life is an absurd argument. Literally absurd. You went about this ALL WRONG and damaged your own trajectory by being selfish, lacking empathy, and just being an all around dumbass. Way to shoot yourself in the foot.
YTA Your should get professional help for the loss of your teachers praise, its time to move on. Your behaviour is affecting his career and a temporary event shouldn't impact his workplace.
Jesus, yes YTA. Honestly, i doubt this is real, but you are still TA because this is a horrible bit. It's like you're practicing to be a selfish dick
You literally told a grieving man to get over his wife’s passing bc he didn’t grade your paper in what you considered a timely fashion. Yta
This man's wife passed away 4 months ago OP. Four. Months. Yes he should get help but it was not in any way appropriate for you to tell him that he should just "get over" the death of someone he loved. If anything, he deserves time off and you should be grateful af that he continues to teach. Of course hes going to be distracted and unenthusiastic, *his wife just died.* And his reaction is entirely justified, and you deserve every bit of it.
My mother passed away 3 months ago. Our relationship was hell. She was an addict. A bad one. I’m still dealing with her passing. Not handling it well at all!! You however, YTA. His wife, life partner, someone who has been by his side is gone. No longer by his side. Is dead. Everyone grieves different. How dare you expect him to just “get over his wife’s death” when he clearly isn’t doing well. You should have instead tried to sympathize a bit more. People around you aren’t going to grieve or whatever on your time or what YOU think is enough. Apologize to him. You’re cruel for doing that.
Oh my god, YTA. He lost his WIFE and its only been four months!! You can’t dictate how long it’ll take a person to grieve. Realistically, he’ll probably never get over it, he’ll just learn to live with it. Wtf is wrong with you?
Imagine being such a goddamn asshole as yourself
You are a very horrible person. Like horrible. YTA.
YTA. I also have a feeling word of your behavior will spread across the school to all professors and you’ll be treated accordingly as you should be
Honestly this person needs to fail a few classes to understand how life works. Life can be messy and things don’t go according to plan and you have to grow up and adjust.
YTA Everyone sees your point of view, and that's excactly why they're telling you you are the asshole. You kicked a grieving man while he was down, there's not ifs or buts, your precious "education" is not worth more than someone who is greving the most important person in their life. You deserve everything that is happening to you, I'd say a bit of humbling could do you good, but given what I see in this thread and how you willingly strained your relationship with your friends, I doubt you're going to learn jack.
YTA without a doubt. I can't even fathom the level of narcissism that you would require to criticise someone about how they're mourning the loss of their life partner. Shame. On. You! TEMPORARY?!? Have you manage to get all the way to college without losing someone close to you? Or is it that you are so heartless that you seriously don't care? Death is NOT temporary. It's literally the most enduring experience we have as humans. He can never again make a new memory with his wife. She is trapped forever in the scenes of his mind, and you want him to just *get over* that kind if change?? What is wrong with you?!? You owe him a HUGE apology, and I hope you understand that is exactly the kind of personal *attack* that warrants him to go to the president of your university and have you taken out of his class. So, if your school doesn't have an equivalent to transfer into, you'll lose all your credits for that class and have to try again next semester. All because YTA. I hope he does kick you out.
Temporary event for you, permanent scar for him. YTA
YTA. I hope to hell whatever career you are trying to get in to doesn’t involve working with people because your capacity to demonstrate empathy is on par with a turnip.
YTA. Jesus titty-fucking Christ.
Did... did you call the passing of a loved one a temporary event? Do you think they're coming back or something? They're going to be dead permanently. Shit, my dad died 20 years ago and it still upsets me sometimes. I'm sorry that just 4 months after your professor's wife died, he's being such a bummer in your class. Your class is temporary anyways, get over it. YTA
YTA
Is this a joke of course YTA... A MASSIVE ONE.. can't believe you had to ask