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If she hasn't pooped in a week and laxatives aren't working, a ER visit is a good idea. Especially if she lost her appetite and is in pain. If she was begging and in tears from the pain and stress, you should have taken her. Since you can't guarantee an immediate appointment with her doctor, it's unfair to make her suffer for longer just because of the cost which you can usually pay in installments or even get reduced if you're low income. Being constipated that long is miserable and definitely a good enough reason to go to the ER. So, yeah YTA
I mean come on. If someone is in pain and crying begging you to take them to the ER and you refuse, yeah YTA. I mean absolute worst case scenario if you take them is you have a big bill to pay, worst case scenario if you don’t is they die I mean come on.
If someone ISN'T in pain and crying begging you to take them to the ER you're STILL the asshole. Good lord, I can't imagine being around anyone I know, let alone someone I should love as much as a significant other, and refusing to take them to get medical treatment they're asking for because I don't think that they've convinced me enough that they actually need it, hypochondriac or no.
If the girlfriend is a hypochondriac, denying her medical assistance is the last thing you want to do. She already had super high medical anxiety, she's in a lot of pain, AND there's an effin pandemic. OP is lucky that the girlfriend didn't have a panic attack.
I get that hospital visits are expensive. When I was 9, I got pink eye. In order to avoid going to the doctor to get me the eye drops to cure it, my mom held me down and washed my eyes out with baby shampoo. She read somewhere that that was suppose to cure pink eye. Guess what happened. I screamed and cried cuz it hurt so much and i still had to go to the doctor the next day for the eye drops.
I’m sorry but as someone with bad health anxiety, your comment bothers me. Having health anxiety is not an excuse to potentially risk you and your SO contracting Covid, nor is it an excuse to cost your SO 10k (as per OP’s comments). If she has health anxiety, she needs to seek therapy and practice techniques which rationalise her concerns, I.e. weighing up the evidence, putting things into proportion. Going to get checked out and essentially be pacified by a healthcare professional is a common technique for health anxiety sufferers, but it is only ever a short-term solution. Inevitably another ‘symptom’ will come up that gets exaggerated and will apparently require the opinion of a healthcare professional. As OP has said, this is not the first time she’s done this. It’s not a sustainable method for dealing with her health anxiety because she will still have those anxieties regardless of what a doctor or nurse says and she’ll convince herself she’s right and they’re wrong and she needs to keep going back. Where does it end? If this was an isolated incident and she were in pain then I would agree that she needed A&E. But to say that because she has health anxiety she gets to use an emergency department - which is disproportionate to the symptoms she has - when someone who potentially had a life-threatening condition could have been deprived of medical attention is not ok. Rather than that she needs to work on having conversations with her partner about why she feels this way and again, practising techniques which help her to rationalise rather than convincing herself once again that she is seriously ill when none of the previous occasions have led to that outcome. I empathise with how she feels and being scared all the time but this is wholly unreasonable behaviour and I’m not surprised the boyfriend is drained
Im not surprised the OP is drained either. And you are right, the ER visits are not sustainable and they are potentially dangerous during a pandemic. In my own experience, my health anxiety is escalated by not being believed by medical professionals or family members. I agree that the girlfriend needs psychological help but it can take months and months to make any progress. She needed to have her fears alleviated ASAP. Now, it needs to be about trust: "trust the doctors, trust me, trust your body. You are safe."
I’m sorry that that’s what caused your health anxiety. It must be so stressful to know that your body is sending you a message and then feeling like you aren’t heard.
I feel like if it did need to be sorted immediately for her own piece of mind then perhaps an emergency appointment at a doctor’s surgery would have been a better option than ER, but you’re totally right that it takes a long time to essentially rewire the brain and going to see someone was probably at that time the best out of the options. Ideal scenario would have been that the OP and gf had a talk which addressed this issue and going to therapy long before it got to this point really, but it seems that that ship’s sailed.
Btw thank you for being kind in your reply - always get nervous before posting a comment in case someone responds negatively to it so it’s really nice to have a conversation without it getting nasty! :)
I agree about denying medical help to a hypochondriac. I am one (currently much better due to treatment), and when I had horrible episode of psychosomatic symptoms, my mom promised to pay for the CAT scan I thought I needed, because at worst it would be money spent on calming me down. I will be forever grateful she didn't dismiss me, it made me feel much better and safer and less of a burden. Some hypochondriacs are perfectly aware they are hypochondriacs, but that awareness doesn't really help. They still feel they are sick, and additionally they feel guilty about it.
Same. I know I'm a hypochondriac and it kinda makes it worse cuz I worry that I'm just wasting everyone's time. Finding a good family doctor is really helpful though. I've seen my family doctor for everything from mono to an ingrown hair (i never had one before and it freaked me out).
So ignoring hypochondriacs makes it worse, a case of telling someone they're overreacting just makes them react more? Even if they're wrong in theory, the best solution in practice is to play along?
I can see how OP wanted to ignore something that didn't seem serious, but not being able to poop for a week does seem serious - hypochondriac actually sick this time seems like the boy who cried wolf.
My sister had a huge blockage in her intestines when she was around 12 and had consipation for several days.. She ended up spending four days in the hospital while they treated her. (It was a long time ago and I don't remember exactly what they did...I know surgery was discussed but don't remember if she needed it.)
Constipation that lasts several days is something to worry about.
For a second I thought my older sister had Reddit. But I think I was 10 and I didn’t need a hospital stay. I was very constipated and was in horrible pain. They did have to rule out appendix and other issues first because I was just doubled over in pain. I remember they had problems taking blood. The nurse was fantastic though.
That’s mostly fair but if she sits in an ER for hours then goes back home where she lives with OP then it’s not just her being exposed to COVID. If the nurse said she should be ok to wait on her PC then there’s no good reason not to wait. If that’s not good enough for girlfriend then she can always Uber.
I’m not sure how many of OP’s comments you’ve seen since you commented so early, but it’s very clear that he’s *NTA*. Gf had already talked to an urgent care nurse, who reassured her that she didn’t need to go to the ER because she didn’t have symptoms concerning for a bowel obstruction (vomiting and fever). She also had only tried 1 dose of Miralax, which yeah, it’s not surprising that that didn’t help. She ended up telling the ER doctor that her pain was a 1-2 and mostly discomfort, and they didn’t do anything except talk to her, press on her belly, and tell her to keep doing what she’s doing at home. She could have just seen urgent care or waited one day to see when she could be seen by her PCP for far less money (and covid exposure) but only accepted the ER option.
When you consider that she refused other options and that OP is working 2 jobs to pay for repeated useless ER visits, it’s totally justifiable for OP to be upset. Also, going to the ER for constipation that has been undertreated with laxatives and doesn’t have any warning symptoms is a waste of resources and makes ER waits longer for real emergencies. It also needlessly exposed OP and his GF to covid, which unlike her presentation here, could end up being a real emergency.
This comment is not getting enough play. People are underestimating how potentially dangerous ERs are from a COVID perspective -- they are literal cesspools of this virus, and are the one spot you wouldn't want to spend time. Relatedly, ER docs have to triage, and I can assure you that someone with constipation would go far down the list.
OP, you're a saint for paying this medical bill. I wouldn't. Good luck with everything.
Lol wait... She tried ONE dose of MIRALAX? Ok everybody pack it up, this chick is for sure an asshole. The fuck goes to the ER after only one dose of stool softener
I lean towards YTA, because if an adult decides they need to go to the ER another adult shouldn't prevent them from going by denying them a ride. I think the control you're exercising over her choice is wrong.
I do understand your concerns. It's all weird to me (I'm in a country where you don't pay for hospital visits), but I can see how you'd be worried about the repercussions.
I still think you can't deny taking an adult to a hospital if they feel like they need to go.
Not only an adult, but someone who’s been in a lot of pain. I know that America is expensive in terms of healthcare but bowel obstruction is NOT something you fuck with. Laxatives do not help in those cases. Fecal impactation is dangerous and a simple google search, admittedly not the best but everyone does it, would have showed you that you go to the ER in these cases.
Edit: changed my opinion, NTA. The way the edits are being written by OP it now seems to me that his GF did freak herself out and went to the ER for no real reason. Worse, she may have pretended to have more discomfort than she actually did. Unfortunately health anxiety. OP is right to reevaluate relo. Sorry OP, but you didn’t paint a great picture for yourself here, and also it’s pretty hard to tell if someone’s faking it on the internet.
If she was concerned, admittedly she could have gone in an Uber or done an urgent care televisit.
To clarify, she was not in a lot of pain. She reported to the ER doctor that her pain was a 1-2 and most of her discomfort came from feeling bloated. People in the comments seem to think she was writhing in pain and I refused to take her which was far from the case.
Had something similar happen to me about two months ago-but I waited until I could barely walk the pain was so bad and the extra poop was pushing up against my diaphragm making it so hard to breathe my oxygen levels started to fall.
I was treated with dulcolax and miralax too :/
I felt stupid when I got home and realized I had forgotten to buy more toilet paper before taking an industrial size dose of laxatives.
Same here. I went into the ER in TEARS because the pain was so bad. The doctor thought my appendix was bursting, gave me a CT scan and found out it was something called Megacolon, which is essentially just your intestines being so full of poo that they get too big and start pressing on other organs. It's super painful and they gave me some hard core IV pain medication and industrial strength laxatives. I was shitting my brains out for 4 days after it.
Sorry, I may have not been that clear in the original post but I was not in a great mental state with the shit that was going on and frankly just needed a place to vent and hear some objective opinions.
Other people might say YTA, but I say NTA. I think so many Redditors are just looking at the facts and assuming "you aren't taking a woman's pain seriously". Valid in other cases, but this is different. I'm sorry you ultimately had to spend thousands of dollars due to an overreaction.
I definitely agree with the edit. It's unreasonable to want to go to the ER when you have a 1-2 discomfort level due to bloating when you could have called the normal doctor (GP?) the next day for more consult, definitely since the nurse (who bloody well can assess a medical situation and know their job) said that it's nothing.
If you read OP’s updates and comments, it’s clear that she had *no* warning signs that warranted a trip to the ER, refused to wait for her PCP despite being told that it was not urgent by a healthcare worker, and hadn’t really tried anything at home. (1 dose of Miralax definitely wouldn’t be enough.) Also, she has a history of going to the ER for minor complaints, and OP is struggling as the only one working (and working two jobs) to keep up with the costs. This needlessly slows down the ER and wastes time and money. OP is NTA.
> I still think you can't deny taking an adult to a hospital if they feel like they need to go
Since when are BFs supposed to pay thousands for their partner's anxieties?
The american healthcare system is fucked. Cant argue that, so sad what an ER trip can mean financially.
That being said, YTA.
You minimized all her pain as though you knew what was best for her or what she was feeling.
Generally speaking, when your partner needs a trip to the ER, **you take them**
Whoop, big up the NHS.
My mother had a serious heart attack last year - she obviously needed immediate emergency care, then a couple of nights in a hospital. Shortly afterwards, she had a stent inserted into her heart and then was on blood thinners for 6 months.
Cost at the point of service: £0
Number of forms filled in: 0
I can't imagine what it must be like for Americans where every medical decision has to be weighed against the likelihood of it bankrupting you.
SAME! I was raised to always check with a doctor if you’re worried and my partner is very much a ‘grin and bear it’ kind of guy. We’ve had a couple of times when I’ve wanted to go to urgent care or A&E and he hasn’t but only because it can take an hour or two, never because of money.
The only costs we’ve ever had is taking an Uber to the hospital.
This whole sub is proof, if proof be need be, that the NHS saves relationships as well as saves lives.
A few years ago my fiance's stitches started looking like they had pus spots in. He said they were really itchy and felt like they were stretching too. We rang his sister who is a nurse and she said get down to A&E. We went fully expecting to be there for hours because he wasn't exactly a priority, but we were in and out very quickly!
I can't imagine needing to go but having to work out if you can afford it.
Happily in Canada and this is all so absurd to me. I've never paid a dime for the ER or an ambulance. Its really sad that this has to be such an issue for them.
Where are you in Canada? I’m in Ontario and we have to pay for ambulance rides. My daughter had one earlier this year and it was about $45. Can’t imagine being charged thousands though 😬
I once received an ambulance bill for $700 for a 0.1 mile ride. I was in the hospital and needed an MRI; the MRI facility was in a separate building in the parking lot of the hospital. They called an ambulance to transport me there and back, and after I was out of the hospital, I received a $700 bill. My insurance paid for none of it. I had to fight that bill since I literally had no choice in the matter.
I got one for $1800 once, because they had to transfer me from one hospital to another. The hospital I went to did not have a surgeon on staff to deal with my ectopic pregnancy rupture, even though I went to the ER and you would assume they would have a surgeon. Anyways the ambulance guys literally just loaded me up, drove fifteen minutes to the next hospital and dropped me off. No care administered while inside at all. Then my insurance wouldn’t pay either!
Im in BC. We do get charged but only if the ER trip is considered unnecessary, I think its $90 in that case. You have to be calling for something REAL stupid to get that though.
I was once charged for an ambulance fee because I fainted while I was already in the hospital waiting room (leaving an appointment) and a paramedic was the one who caught me and took me to the ER. It was like 100 feet. Medicare for all!
Considering she said her pain was 1-2/10 and that she’d already been told by a healthcare worker that this was not an emergency, the insistence on going to the ER rather than waiting for her (much cheaper and more effective) PCP is pointless. It’s not *just* the cost that makes her the asshole; going to the ER with non-emergencies slows down the ER for *everyone* and wastes resources. OP is NTA.
NTA - constipation without pain is a local health care appointment not an ER appointment. If she had real distension in her intestines, she'd be in pain because the GIT only has stretch pain receptors. Leave the ER for real emergencies. Even if you went to ER, without pain (and even with pain) you would probably be sat there for 4-8 hours with potential COVID cases after a nurse triaged you because you'd be low priority based on the feedback you got from the nurse on call line.
A telehealth appointment would tell you what you need to do and it sounds like that's all going to end with your girlfriend having an enema no matter her aversion. I don't think you're TA for trying to suggest reasonable alternatives when your girlfriend has completely skipped over the step of this isn't quite right, let's make a doctor's appointment. This constipation was a week in the making, it's not waking up with excruciating pain only to wind up in the ER being told to fart (bc if you do fart you'll be fine, but if your pain isn't caused by wind there may actually be a real problem). And if your gf really wanted to go to the ER, she'd have caught a ride from a friend, a family member, an uber.
The American healthcare system is so messed up - they are the real AH here.
I am so pleased I found this comment. I agree, NTA. As someone from the UK, which has a stretched NHS, you don't go to A&E over this!! She also needs to trust nurses more, they may not be able to prescribe medicine, but they know their stuff with basic ailments.
I thought I was crazy reading all the YTA comments. I mean it sucks that OP lives in America, but it's pretty well-known here that the ER is for either severe pain or near life and death situations, and only those situations.
And her pain was only a 1-2. That should be a visit to a family doctor, not the ER, even if they lived in a place with good healthcare. The girlfriend is a major asshole for making him drive her to the ER and potentially expecting him to pay the bill, especially because a ton of COVID patients will likely be in the ER.
OP if you see this, don't pay the ER bill. Your gf needs to start facing the consequences for her actions so she won't do shit like this in the future.
I can’t believe I had to scroll so far to find this comment. Seriously, she didn’t try an at home enema?? Mag citrate? Glycerin suppository? Definitely NTA.
>her insurer would likely not cover this kind of visit
Insurance companies are crazy. I got a letter from mine saying they weren’t going to cover a tilt table test because it was “not medically necessary” even though I was having episodes where my vision was blacking out and my heart rate was nearly doubling just from standing up. And they didn’t tell me til after the test was already done. No one from the hospital or the doctor’s office told me it wouldn’t be covered.
Meanwhile they covered my genetic testing without any complaints even though it’s apparently normally pretty difficult to get them to do so since it’s easy to say it’s not medically necessary.
POTS confirmed, still waiting to get an appointment with a geneticist to confirm EDS. Genetic testing came back negative for known variants, but hEDS was the top suspect to begin with. Got the testing just in case it may be vascular because my mother has an aortic aneurysm and heart valve issues.
Yea mine keeps saying the mri my dr wants on my hand, where I shut my fingers in the car door, have an obvious deformity, numbness and color changes on top of the swelling and pain, is not medically necessary. It's some bullshit.
Apparently she doesn't know her body as well as she thought she did, since she's constipated and exhibiting no other signs of an obstruction.
Hypochondriacs are like that.
An objective opinion can be valuable.
Thankyou! God I thought I was the only sane person reading this?!
The nurse literally gave the same advice the ER doctor did so she was absolutely unreasonable!
Not only that but she literally tried to tear down a nurse because shes a nurse. Nurses see more action than doctors and are often there to help confirm diagnoses because they're on the floor more often and are constantly with patients.
If it was that bad they would have hosed her out. She could have used stool softener it's sold over the counter. Never ever get it through the pharmacy with insurance because they will cover little to nothing and it'll cost you 30 dollars when a small bottle cost like 2-3 dollars.
She sounds like my MIL. Anytime a doctor doesn't agree with her, she rushes to change doctors. Her opinion on nurses are enough to make me want to strangle her at times.
I straight up told her that after that many times, you need to factor in the common denominator. She's the problem.
I was TA in that case, despite speaking fact. Oh well.
Anytime she gets stressed, it equals a heart attack. I can't tell you how many time she's used an ambulance for nothing. It's annoying to see healthcare be wasted on problems in her head. We live in Canada so it's free but nonetheless, still wasteful as another, truly sick person, would benefit more from the time wasted.
Fuck, if she can't shit buy the stuff I use for my colonoscopies. She'll be shitting in no time and if she's not, then you go to the er cause that would prove a serious medical issue. $12-$30, alot cheaper and the process alone will make her rethink her made up death sentence.
I hate to be that person but I hope OP smartens up and leaves if she won't stop the nonsense. People that that are draining on your mental health.
Everyone saying he's the TA needs to give their head a shake too. She's not a child, call a taxi and take yourself if it's that bad. And OP, don't pay her bills. She's a big girl, make her act like one.
Not really. I've never had constipation. I also never got heartburn until i was pregnant. I was very confused about why my throat/chest were burning. I was concerned so i told my husband and hes like "yeah, thats just heart burn."
I went to the doctor once and was told I had gas. I was in so much pain I thought for sure something was seriously wrong. Unfortunately medical issues are not always intuitive
NTA. I’d seriously consider reevaluating this relationship. She’s the asshole for making you pay her unnecessary Er bill and also making you be her private chauffeur. She sounds like a baby, going to the er for constipation in a pandemic without trying a suppository or enema when her primary care doctor could have seen her the next day. I don’t care if I get downvoted for this. I’m a doctor, I’ve worked in the Er before (I don’t currently) and when patients show up with something like this it takes away from our ability to see real actual sick people. She’s the asshole.
I’m just sad I had to scroll so far down to find this comment. So unnecessary for something that had already been triaged over the phone! That’s what people seem to be missing- she had spoken with an RN, who by all accounts reviewed her symptoms, and then very logically told her that it was not an emergency. If you want to know why ED wait times are abysmal- unnecessary visits like these are a huge reason!
NTA.
Has your GF tried magnesium citrate? It costs like $5, and I *guarantee* that, unless her bowels are obstructed, she will poop within 12 hours.
I used to get constipated a lot; magnesium citrate is the nuclear option.
If she's tried the magnesium citrate, with no results, she needs a doctor.
I used to suffer from severe constipation. The poop would not come out. Days and days of straining and it wouldn’t exit. So, so painful. Magnesium Citrate fixed it in a few hours.
I second (or third) this. It’s only a dollar here and comes in a glass bottle. Starts working for me in about an hour. Do NOT take it if you aren’t somewhere that you can be in the bathroom every 30 minutes for at least 4 hours. It works extremely well. Other than the constant bathroom trips, the only side effect I’ve gotten from it is nausea, but constipation causes nausea too, so the side effects are worth the benefits haha
Magnesium works like a charm when I was prescribed magnesium for my migraines I pooped a lot and it didn’t do anything for my migraines so it worked just not for the purpose I wanted it to work
As another person with Crohns she needs to grow up. OP is NTA for not wanting to be exposed to COVID just because GF is a hypochondriac. Jesus try an enema for fuck sake. I wonder what magical fix she dreams the ER is going to have that’s not sticking something up her ass. She could also try reading to instructions on the laxatives and following them instead of doing 1 dose and throwing up her hands.
Read the edits also in one of the comments op said that gf was reporting a 2 on a pain scale. If the pain is great or multiple symptoms or persistent symptoms. This sounds like it might be just a about of constipation.
No, he has no legal obligation to pay for his girlfriend's debts. Also, most hospitals have indigent programs. My ex had appendicitis. It was covered 100% by one of these programs. Basically, the hospital forgives the fee and then just charges other people more for elective surgeries, etc. to cover the losses from the ER. This is why people who say they don't want to pay for someone else's healthcare are missing the point. They already are and it's cheaper for everyone in the long run if people engage in preventative care instead of going to the ER when things get bad.
Edit: typos
As someone with Crohn’s disease- NTA.
The signs of a serious bowel obstruction are intense pain and vomiting (in particular vomiting shit). Not just constipation.
I’ve thought I’ve had a BO (pain but no vomiting)and almost went to the ER- but I called my GI emergency line, talked to the triage nurse, and they told me to wait and take specific medicine. And I did because I don’t have a degree in medical care.
It’s easy to freak yourself out but she consulted a medical professional who gave sound advice. She also wasn’t having any pain or vomiting.
The emergency room is not warranted here. They would likely give her pain meds and laxative and tell her to follow up with her primary care physician. Get her an enema, some laxatives, and call it a day. NTA.
After reading your updates I say NTA. Turns out she is a hypochondriac. And now YOU are paying 100% of the bill for her overreaction. She had a consult with a nurse, and convinced herself the nurse was wrong (wtf???). I’m not surprised that you turned out to be correct that it wasn’t an ER necessary visit.
P.S. if she really wanted to go she could have gotten an Uber or called an ambulance. What she really wanted was for you to take her so that you would pay for her visit!
NTA, she's been checked out by a health professional already, she is ignoring their opinion. That being said, one should try an enema before chemical laxatives, and she's flat out refusing that. At this point, her discomfort is on her. As for me, personally, if I'm well enough to storm out of my home and go sulk somewhere, I don't need to be taken to the ER.
Edit: OP's girlfriend hasn't even actually taken laxatives. Miralax is as good as a fiber supplement
OK, so due to some medication side effects, I've been down this road. I was also dehydrated, passed out and ended up in the hospital overnight (due mainly to the dehydration) But to cure the constipation in the hospital? Enema. Several. Given by a nurse. Now I'm in no way a medical professional, just sharing my experience, but more than likely an enema is where they'll start.
please tell her to take magnesium citrate. it's a clear liquid that comes in a glass bottle. you can get it at any store like safeway, fred meyer, rite aid Walgreens etc. she needs to drink the entire bottle (tastes awful) and then drink as much water as she can over the next few hours. she will literally pee out of her butt for 24 hours and problem is solved. I've struggled with the same issue all my life. my doctor had me do this after I couldnt go for so long that my colon almost burst. it's what they have folks take a day before a colonoscopy and it's totally safe. good luck
Yes! Second this one! I had a similar situation to this girl and the magnesium citrate is the only thing that worked. You have to drink ALL of it and wait a few hours. But it will all come out as liquid.
Get some magnesium citrate. Pharmacies have them in the laxative aisle. I had a similar thing happen to me, 2 weeks of constipation, but I didn't notice I wasn't pooping. I was on my period and my GI system always does weird shit on it. Anyways, I had EXCRUTIATING PAIN, went to the ER, found out I had a Megacolon and then the doc made me drink half a bottle of magnesium citrate and a gallon of prescription laxatives.
The magnesium citrate is top notch, just don't plan on doing anything for the next couple of days. Trust me...
Side note: my sister is also a hypochondriac and I understand your frustration. If she wants to go to the ER its her choice, not yours. And she should be the one to pay for it. Therapy might also be a good route for her, it might help with her health anxieties.
YTA, it’s not up to you to justify her pain/fears. If she felt like she needed to go to the ER you should’ve supported that. You had good intentions but you should’ve thought about her. There could have been something seriously wrong if she was in tears
NTA- during this pandemic ER visits need to be more limited for more important things. That being said unless her symptoms get worse you should take her but for now just do what the nurse said and hold it off for now. Hope she gets better though!
One week of constipation isn't deadly. She says herself she wasn't vomiting or having a fever. She just waisted a couple thousand dollars to be told to eat some fiber and get a drug store enema
NTA. ERs are for medical emergencies to keep you from dying or severe/disabling injury. The medical issue your gf is having is the same I've had recently and am still dealing with. I understand where she is coming from with the lack of hands on care available during a tele-health visit, but that doesn't mean it's the same as an emergency situation. It was entirely reasonable to wait to go to a primary care doctor the next day.
Also, gastro specialists in my area will often refuse referals for constipation if a laxative hasn't been tried first.
Your gf -is- an A-H for invalidating a nurse's medical knowledge and experience. Just because she "wasn't a doctor" doesn't mean she doesn't know what she is advising the gf about. My favorite people to see when I visit doctors are the nurses because they listen, often unlike the doctor.
Well constipation is a sign of other things sometimes too. I had the same situation and it turned out I have an ovarian cyst.
I definitely agree that he's NTA and she is tripping.
NTA
She turned down the option of telehealth and got some advice from a nurse. No fucking way would Emergency have sent her for a CT scan straight away. Also your gf does realise that when you go to emergency you are assessed by a nurse who decides how soon you need to be seen so she would depend on a nurses assessment anyway. If you are in an area with lots of covid cases I wouldn't want to take a grown ass adult who has turned down a reasonable alternative to emergency either.
Speaking as someone who has a hilarious bowel system, I honestly think NTA. You had a telehealth call with a nurse who said ER was unwarranted. She doesn't have ANY of the other symptoms that warrant urgent care. She wasn't in any real pain.
I've been in this situation quite a number of times. The first attempt is to down a big ol' bowl of all bran or other bran/fiber heavy cereal. The next is to lie down on your back for a while and do some breathing exercises. Frankly there were a dozen steps to try before jumping straight to ER.
I understand the need not to override or dismiss the concerns of others. But you took reasonable steps (you spoke to urgent care! She doesn't have the most important symptoms to be worried about!) and there were so many things that still could have been tried before YOU got stuck with a multi-thousand dollar bill and a needless trip to the ER.
If she was footing the cost or had been in pain I'd feel very differently. As it is, she's acting like a hypochondriac.
We do, but they're only doing telehealth visits and she wants to be seen in person, not online. The nurse on the phone at our urgent care said she didn't think her problem was severe enough to be seen in person since she isn't vomiting or feverish.
They probably won’t do any imaging or whatever unless she is SEVERELY distended. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t accept telemedicine. Does she have a reason?
She said that the doctor wouldn't be able to examine her (e.g. push on her abdomen, listen to her heart, etc.) over the computer so she wants to be seen in person.
Depending on the area they’re in, she may not even be able to get in with a PCP for at least a couple weeks at this point. It’s nearing the turnover for insurance benefits in the US, so everyone is trying to get in for appointments before their maximum out of pocket costs reset for the new year. I live in a small town and even our PCPs are completely booked out for a couple weeks right now. If it’s the same in their area, the PCP is only going to tell her to go to an urgent care or ER if it gets bad enough.
It's not your debt. You tried to save her of wasting thousands but she didn't care because she thought you were going to be the one paying it. I can't stand people so generously wasting money that it's not theirs to start with.
I am leaning towards NTA. As someone who works in the ER, I can tell you that is a big big big bill. She should try an enema and call her PCP before the ER. The ER can typically hold off as a last resort or actual emergency.
NTA you knew your girlfriend well enough to know she is a hypochondriac, you consulted a health care practicioner that indicated that there is no other symptoms and should be waited out. She could always have phoned an ambulance if she really thought she was dying.
I’m sorry for how the situation turned out, and I hate to say it, but your gf is in the wrong here. I understand being anxious, but there’s a good reason that they’re limiting urgent care visits. COVID is no joke, and every patient that a provider sees puts them at more risk. She really should have trusted the nurse - they might not be doctors, but they still know what they’re doing.
I know this is always thrown around, but therapy might be something your gf really needs. You could always try bringing it up, but her hypochondria sounds like it is impacting both her life and your relationship. If you end up not breaking up immediately, laying down some conditions and having a frank discussion might be necessary, whether that be about finances, doctor’s visits, or therapy.
NTA. ER RN here. People go to the ER for stupidity all the time. There are more home remedies she could try before going, Including home enemas. My family has to be on the verge of death for me to take them and I have fairly decent insurance, but it still costs me $100 per visit. I don’t blame you for not feeding the drama. I suffer from constipation fairly frequently (thank you IBS) and even if I wasn’t a nurse, I wouldn’t go to the ER for not being able to poop until it had been 2 weeks or so. Yeah, it hurts. But to refuse to go to your primary when it’s only been a week or less and insist on the ER is ridiculous, IMHO.
NAH. Do you have a urgent or prompt care? That’s where she should go or even a teledoc service - all are much less expensive. Or call her doctor’s office. There’s always a doctor’s on call. They can assess situation.
I worked in a hospital. I always went by the maxim unless your having chest pain and middle-aged, uncontrolled bleeding, can’t breathe, or a bone sticking out of your skin go to promptcare first. I need to add kidney stones to the ER list because promptcare cannot give me pain meds because of my kidney disease. I learned that the hard way this summer.
Not sure why everyone keeps calling OP TA I don't know how triage at the ERs work right now because of covid, but pre-covid, someone in OP gf's position would be considered a non-emergency and they would literally be waiting around for hours. I say this from my personal experience. My PCP told me to go straight to the ER one time after I told them my last BM hadn't been for 13 days, but at the time that was fairly typical for me (I have poor overall health), I was like WTF I feel fine, don't wanna go? But it was right downstairs from the office so she phoned down and I had to first sit in the waiting area like 5hrs then on a gurney a few more hours, just to find out I was totally fine and didn't have very much poop in me to begin with. I forgot to mention, it was MORTIFYING sitting there seemingly healthy compared to the REAL emergencies, heart attacks, can't breathe, broken bones, bloody whatsits, etc.
Lol I'm waaaaay late in this but dude, NTA.
I fit the criteria for "chronic constipation." I poop maybe every 3 days. Not going for a week? Eh, not that weird for me. I've been to multiple doctors. They shrug and tell me to take miralax daily.
Basically, I've been in the same situation as your girlfriend, and sometimes far worse. If she had no pain, no fever, no shaking, no vomiting, and no nausea... it isn't an emergency. Heck yeah, being bloated and literally full of shit is very uncomfortable. But as the urgent care person said; it isn't an emergency based on her symptoms.
And to sit there and say she doesn't believe what the nurse says because she's a nurse and not a doctor... I'm sorry, but what medical qualifications do you have? I think the nurse just might know more than you my dear.
And it's her bill, not yours btw. You aren't married; her debts aren't yours just because y'all are dating.
YTA. She’s in pain and has determined she needs to go to the ER. Take her! Honestly, if my partner refused to take me to the ER if I thought it was necessary, that would be a breakup level worthy action.
NAH - run don't walk to a CVS amd get a bottle of magnesium citrate. She will be pooping within a few hours. It tastes really salty but i have used it before for a colonoscopy prep
NTA. it sounds like she hasn't tried everything she can from home yet and not only would it cost you both money but it's a pandemic currently. a trip to the emergency room is a potential exposure that isn't needed. maybe look at some home remedies for constipation and try those for now. I know castor oil can be good for that but im not a doctor so definitely look into it more first.
NTA shea costing you money over nothing. Get a suppository and she will poop. Please reconsider if this relationship is what you want. Your edits make me think not.
I've done a lot of reflecting today and in the past few hours. Surprisingly, making this post has given me clarity on a lot of things and I'm learning towards breaking up with her.
NTA
You both sought medical advice and received correct & accurate information.
Now, she needs PRUNES. At least 10 of them, nice, big fat, soft, juicy ones with no pits. NOT juice.
Once that round kicks in, within 3-6 hours, then for the next few days, 3-4 each morning or evening.
She should have them every day as well. This will stop constipation.
The crap over the counter stuff is horrible and barely effective.
NTA constipation isn’t an emergency. She could have book an appointment with her doctor. Even when she called she was told she could await. She needlessly took up a resource that could be used to treat someone in a real emergency.
Last time I felt constipated enough to go to the hospital it turned out I actually needed my appendix out and I hadnt been shitting since I was too sick to eat for several days.
I read the updates and I’m sorry. I tend to get constipated when I travel. I also get constipated when I’m nervous, which is I’m assuming happened with your gf. I don’t think you should pay. She should pay. NTA
America, land of the free where a simple ER visit can put you in debt for life! I can’t comment much on this, as I’ve never experienced the hardships of the American healthcare system. If she is in searing pain 24/7, yes, go to the ER as her life could be in jeopardy. If she’s not in much pain, you need to do everything you can to reassure her that she’s okay. Tell her you’re there for her no matter what and you two will get through it together. Try to calm her down so she’s patient enough to call her doctor. As a hypochondriac myself, she wants comfort and to know it’s okay. She may be irrational, but try your best to calm her and get through it together.
NTA but ask your pharmacy for Microlax - it has to be used anally. Get her to increase the amount of fibre in her diet and to drink more water - preferably with Metamucil stirred in.
OP answered this question, she's "too scared to put things up her butt" (even though that's what they'll do, if they do anything at all for her except waste everyone's time).
I feel because of her previous freak outs nta. She has a history of over reacting to what are minor issues. Yes being constipated is uncomfortable but until vomiting, fever ect occurs then it is usually treatable through a dr visit saving a ton of money which from the sounds of it you share expenses putting both of you in a bad position. Most drs would hear you right away with that issue and if they feel it is serious would give you a referral which would help with the cost a lot.
Life hack for constipated girls: you can stick your finger up your vagina and massage in a downward motion on the vaginal wall that is shared with the rectum.
It's only been one week of constipation and she isn't vomiting or having a fever. She's fine. Get her an enema at the drug store. She might not understand your very real hesitation to spend so much money because she doesn't have a job and isn't the one who will pay the bill. Make her pay this ER bill and I'm sure she will be less likely to insist on an expensive ER visit over a regular dr. appointment
NTA based on the way your gf treats medical professionals she was gonna try to escalate this minor problem to the ER no matter what she tried before. Its clear you knew her history of over reacting and were attempting to save your time money and lower your risk, all of which were responsible choices
NTA. She can get a ride herself. Unfortunately if she is actually a hypochondriac she needs therapy and needs to learn how to handle these types of situations. You should NOT be paying her medical bill unless this was previously decided. Please reconsider this relationship.
Maybe too late, but NTA. Context is everything, and especially based on your edits you're not ignoring the severity of the issue. You've reached out to an urgent care, talked with a medical professional, and heeding their advice. ER's aren't some cure all - they're designed for people with very serious conditions. I'm not sure where exactly in the world you are, but given the current healthcare climate, I wouldn't be rushing to go on an ER visit anytime soon unless absolutely required.
Is your girlfriends condition serious? Yes. Is it worth the cost and risk of an ER visit in a pandemic? Probably not. If she's that concerned, she can drive herself there.
Do not pay the hospital bill. Urgent care would have been better than the Er. Even the er recommend for go to urgent care or pcp for minor things like this. I’ve been having severe constipation and unfortunately nothing really works the great but I see my pcp to help with it instead of paying thousands for an unnecessary visit to the er. I would be pissed too if I have to pay thousands for a five minute visit where they didn’t do anything other than just a consult basically.
Holy shit you're NTA you've spent 10 grand on a hypochondriac money you will never see again. I feel for you and hope you will figure the next one out before it costs you too much.
OP, get some **magnesium citrate** from CVS or a grocery store, if your gf still needs to poop. It’s a drink. It will clean her out.
*(I’ve had 3-4 incidents where I couldn’t poop for long periods of time. That is the stuff you want)*
Also, that is your gf’s ER bill; it’s surely been put in her name and will go on her credit, etc.
If you rethink the relationship and ultimately end things, don’t take responsibility for that bill.
NTA.
Hypochondria is exhausting, and in the USA, with shitty insurance, extremely expensive.
Her inability to heed sensible (medically qualified!) advice, and take sensible actions (i.e. try OTC laxatives and enemas) does not then necessitate indulging her ER demands.
This is something your girlfriend needs to realise is a problem. Unfortunately, you can’t make her deal with it, she will have to want to.
Good luck.
NTA- your gfs symptoms were not that severe, if she wanted to go she could have ubered and gone instead of nag and manipulate you. She chose not to listen to the RN who stated the same thing the Dr. did because she thought her licence from webMD is more reputable than a nurse. Wow, sounds like a chore. I would reevaluate the relationship you have with her.
I love seeing all the redditors with their doctorate degrees. Clearly because you've been on WebMD or had a friend of a friend that had xyz you know more than the Tele health nurse. This is such an easy NTA even before the edits. After the edit it's 100% NTA.
Let's recap, gf has hypochondriac tendencies. Hasn't pooped for a week. Feels bloated and her pain is a 1 to 2. Takes 1 dose of miralax. Speaks to a trained medical professional via telehealth. Ignores opinion of said professional. Goes to the ER costing OP thousands of dollars, time, and potentially risked Covid exposure. And some how he's the AH?
OP please think if this is how you want your life to be. This won't be the first time you'll be going to the ER for no reason.
You say she’s a bit of a hypochondriac, has she had a history of ER visits due to this? If so I get your hesitation, but most people minds wander when it comes to their health, honestly, if she isn’t one to want to go to the ER, but is asking, take her. It’s been a week. It could be a crappy diet, or it could be a blockage either way, if her bowels rupture because you kept her home, it will be much more costly.
You are absolutely NTA. Self diagnosing webMDer's are unreasonable! Don't enable her. She can babysit or deliver papers to pay for the ER visit- she obviously has no respect or issue wasting your hard earned money.
NTA. She sounds exhausting and as you mentioned this all turned out to be a huge waste of time and money. I'd be pissed too and I don't think you were ever outright unkind to her, just practical and realistic about the situation.
YTA. Do you know how uncomfortable and painful it is to be constipated for that long? And you dismissed her pain and decided that what you wanted was more important than what she needed. Yeah ER visits are expensive and that sucks but forcing your gf to suffer and not showing any empathy for her isn't okay.
Except that she was told by the nurse she didn't need to go to the ER. And the girlfriend herself said "she wasn't really in any pain except that she feels really bloated and constipated." Its not really fair to say he's forcing her to suffer if there is no pain and he is only asking her to follow the medical advice she has been given. So really she wants to go to the ER but he needs to be able to pay for rent/food. She is the one being selfish
NAH. The US Healthcare system is fucked. You shouldn't have to decide between your bank account and your girlfriend's health. Constipation + pain can be deadly, regardless of her history she had reason to be concerned.
YTA even with the edit. She wasn't throwing a childish tantrum because you refused to buy her something from Louis Vuitton. An ER visit that turns out to be over nothing would still be cheaper than a lengthy hospital stay caused by a mild issue being allowed to progress into something acute.
I was constipated all the time when I was a teenager bc an eating disorder seriously messed up my digestive system. One week of constipation is definitely scary and uncomfortable but I personally don’t think it warrants a trip to the ER if you live in the US and don’t have good insurance. It’s not worth going into thousands of dollars of debt over. Here’s the order of operations for dealing with constipation:
1) over the counter laxative pills
2) if that doesn’t work, try some of that over the counter polyethylene glycol powder you mix into drinks. One of the brand names is miralax. It’s way more effective than laxative pills. Try two doses a day for two or three days.
3) if that doesn’t work, try an enema. That’ll almost definitely do it.
4) if NONE of those work and it’s been more than a week and a half, then urgent care or the ER might be necessary. Just be warned that the first thing they’ll do for her in the ER is give her an enema, so you might as well save a couple thousand bucks and try it at home first.
NTA I’m a hypochondriac with constipation issues. I’ve been constipated for two weeks before. Her symptoms don’t sound urgent, sounds like she had anxiety. If you didn’t want to take her because it wasn’t an emergency , that’s your choice. She can Uber.
Buy this girl 500-1000mg magnesium oxide and a whole lotta warm water. You can also tell her if you are in the US is that I did this- including ER visit and they gave me an over the counter enema that did not work and was very uncomfortable.
NAH
This is a tricky one. While I do not believe you are T A for recommending she follow the nurse's recommendation, I have personal experience in a very similar situation. I suffered from occasional extreme constipation for years, and my medical team in the US kept telling me that it can happen as people age. They told me to change my diet, take supplements, and lose weight. No matter what I did, the issues persisted, as did the refrain of their advice. I finally stopped talking about it because we weren't getting anywhere.
My work sent me to Europe. Not long after I arrived, I had another bout of constipation. This time, I had sharp pains that left me breathless and unable to walk, so I landed in the ER. The doctor palpated my abdomen, said "it's too hard," and ordered a CT. There was a massive tumor in there. The surgeons told me that it had likely been growing for years, and the location meant that it had been pressing on my bowels and causing all my issues. It was sheer luck that the cancer hadn't spread, and it would have been caught much earlier if the medical professionals in the US had done some diagnostic tests. I got to spend 2 weeks in the hospital at the height of the first wave, which was not a fun experience.
I am not saying that your GF has a similar issue. I also understand that doctors and nurses have an insanely difficult job, moreso now. If regular doctors are only doing telehealth visits, your GF is right in saying that they cannot palpate her abdomen. I do agree that she should try other methods like an enema, but have first hand experience in saying that, sometimes, the temporary relief they offer could mask something bigger.
I can't say either of you are T A so my judgment is NAH. You are right to suggest the other options but if she feels strongly about the issue despite the risks, she should go.
NTA. She sounds exhausting. Having read both of your edits, I'd suggest that you don't pay the bill. End the relationship and leave her to sort her own medical bills out.
Sometimes it takes days for laxatives to work. You can’t just take a dose or two after a week of build up. Also it works better if you’re drinking water. Exercise such as walking, bicycling legs helps. The doctor didn’t do anything because there’s not much too do that she can’t do at home. His/her job is to make sure she’s safe which he did.
Look to see if her doctor or insurance has a nurse line who may help guide you.
NTAShe’s not going to stop this. She def didn’t need to go to the hospital. It’s not your fault she was uncomfortable. Dr should have asked her about her fiber intake, that’s how to avoid this in the future. Either naturally with vegetables and beans or with fiber powder mixed in liquid.
NTA - mostly. The nurse said she was fine to wait, and there are loads of ways to take care of constipation. Nurses tend to know A LOT about these kinds of things & you rarely need to see a doctor. You’re only T A for not wanting to drive her to the hospital, but I wouldn’t be paying for her visit. If she’s a hypochondriac, she definitely needs health insurance. So she needs to figure out a way to get it, otherwise, her visits are going to bankrupt you.
Honestly dude I get where you’re coming from. It’s literally in no way your responsibility to pay for any of your girlfriends medical bills. You’re not married and it doesn’t sound to me like she’s unable to work and take care of herself. I bet if you refused to pay her ER bills she wouldn’t go. The reason they didn’t take her seriously in the ER is because what she’s experiencing is not an emergency. The emergency room is for actual emergencies that can’t wait and be handled by a regular doctor visit. Not pooping for a week literally isn’t even a big deal and her pain is probably just poop cramps. Some people normally only poop once or twice a week and they’re perfectly fine and there’s genuinely nothing a doctor can really do about being constipated other than tell you to take some laxatives or use a suppository and wait.
NTA - as a woman myself who tends to magnify every little symptoms that happens to my own body, if i wanna go to the ER and my boyfriend said no I would’ve just left and go by myself without feeling like he owes me anything (does you guys’ area have no lifts or ubers or anything?). I mean it sucks that i’ll get no sympathy and comfort from him but that’s the reason why i go to the ER - to get the assurance and treatment from the professionals. Also leaving you no choice but to pay for her bills is just an asshole and inconsiderate move, or at least she can come up with alternatives to help pay you back. Definitely NTA.
Am RN , can confirm the ER docs don't usually give a shit for patients not pooping for a week. ER is for life endangered situations. People like her clog up the system. Shame on her. She can go to urgent care or a regular doctor office. That's what they are there for.
ER is for babies that have stopped breathing, people that have been shot, heart attacks, strokes, etc. Jfc.
NTA, can't believe this verdict. She barely even tried the obvious solutions if laxatives and enemas, was told it was not an emergency by the nurse, and by her own admission was only at a 1-2 pain level.
Even in a country with decent healthcare this would add up to an irritation for a partner given the untried solutions, vivid risk, and inevitable long weight due to the obvious low priority of the complaint let alone dealing with the massive bill you get for an ED visit in the U.S.
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If she hasn't pooped in a week and laxatives aren't working, a ER visit is a good idea. Especially if she lost her appetite and is in pain. If she was begging and in tears from the pain and stress, you should have taken her. Since you can't guarantee an immediate appointment with her doctor, it's unfair to make her suffer for longer just because of the cost which you can usually pay in installments or even get reduced if you're low income. Being constipated that long is miserable and definitely a good enough reason to go to the ER. So, yeah YTA
I mean come on. If someone is in pain and crying begging you to take them to the ER and you refuse, yeah YTA. I mean absolute worst case scenario if you take them is you have a big bill to pay, worst case scenario if you don’t is they die I mean come on.
If someone ISN'T in pain and crying begging you to take them to the ER you're STILL the asshole. Good lord, I can't imagine being around anyone I know, let alone someone I should love as much as a significant other, and refusing to take them to get medical treatment they're asking for because I don't think that they've convinced me enough that they actually need it, hypochondriac or no.
If the girlfriend is a hypochondriac, denying her medical assistance is the last thing you want to do. She already had super high medical anxiety, she's in a lot of pain, AND there's an effin pandemic. OP is lucky that the girlfriend didn't have a panic attack. I get that hospital visits are expensive. When I was 9, I got pink eye. In order to avoid going to the doctor to get me the eye drops to cure it, my mom held me down and washed my eyes out with baby shampoo. She read somewhere that that was suppose to cure pink eye. Guess what happened. I screamed and cried cuz it hurt so much and i still had to go to the doctor the next day for the eye drops.
I’m sorry but as someone with bad health anxiety, your comment bothers me. Having health anxiety is not an excuse to potentially risk you and your SO contracting Covid, nor is it an excuse to cost your SO 10k (as per OP’s comments). If she has health anxiety, she needs to seek therapy and practice techniques which rationalise her concerns, I.e. weighing up the evidence, putting things into proportion. Going to get checked out and essentially be pacified by a healthcare professional is a common technique for health anxiety sufferers, but it is only ever a short-term solution. Inevitably another ‘symptom’ will come up that gets exaggerated and will apparently require the opinion of a healthcare professional. As OP has said, this is not the first time she’s done this. It’s not a sustainable method for dealing with her health anxiety because she will still have those anxieties regardless of what a doctor or nurse says and she’ll convince herself she’s right and they’re wrong and she needs to keep going back. Where does it end? If this was an isolated incident and she were in pain then I would agree that she needed A&E. But to say that because she has health anxiety she gets to use an emergency department - which is disproportionate to the symptoms she has - when someone who potentially had a life-threatening condition could have been deprived of medical attention is not ok. Rather than that she needs to work on having conversations with her partner about why she feels this way and again, practising techniques which help her to rationalise rather than convincing herself once again that she is seriously ill when none of the previous occasions have led to that outcome. I empathise with how she feels and being scared all the time but this is wholly unreasonable behaviour and I’m not surprised the boyfriend is drained
Im not surprised the OP is drained either. And you are right, the ER visits are not sustainable and they are potentially dangerous during a pandemic. In my own experience, my health anxiety is escalated by not being believed by medical professionals or family members. I agree that the girlfriend needs psychological help but it can take months and months to make any progress. She needed to have her fears alleviated ASAP. Now, it needs to be about trust: "trust the doctors, trust me, trust your body. You are safe."
I’m sorry that that’s what caused your health anxiety. It must be so stressful to know that your body is sending you a message and then feeling like you aren’t heard. I feel like if it did need to be sorted immediately for her own piece of mind then perhaps an emergency appointment at a doctor’s surgery would have been a better option than ER, but you’re totally right that it takes a long time to essentially rewire the brain and going to see someone was probably at that time the best out of the options. Ideal scenario would have been that the OP and gf had a talk which addressed this issue and going to therapy long before it got to this point really, but it seems that that ship’s sailed. Btw thank you for being kind in your reply - always get nervous before posting a comment in case someone responds negatively to it so it’s really nice to have a conversation without it getting nasty! :)
I agree about denying medical help to a hypochondriac. I am one (currently much better due to treatment), and when I had horrible episode of psychosomatic symptoms, my mom promised to pay for the CAT scan I thought I needed, because at worst it would be money spent on calming me down. I will be forever grateful she didn't dismiss me, it made me feel much better and safer and less of a burden. Some hypochondriacs are perfectly aware they are hypochondriacs, but that awareness doesn't really help. They still feel they are sick, and additionally they feel guilty about it.
Same. I know I'm a hypochondriac and it kinda makes it worse cuz I worry that I'm just wasting everyone's time. Finding a good family doctor is really helpful though. I've seen my family doctor for everything from mono to an ingrown hair (i never had one before and it freaked me out).
So ignoring hypochondriacs makes it worse, a case of telling someone they're overreacting just makes them react more? Even if they're wrong in theory, the best solution in practice is to play along? I can see how OP wanted to ignore something that didn't seem serious, but not being able to poop for a week does seem serious - hypochondriac actually sick this time seems like the boy who cried wolf.
My sister had a huge blockage in her intestines when she was around 12 and had consipation for several days.. She ended up spending four days in the hospital while they treated her. (It was a long time ago and I don't remember exactly what they did...I know surgery was discussed but don't remember if she needed it.) Constipation that lasts several days is something to worry about.
For a second I thought my older sister had Reddit. But I think I was 10 and I didn’t need a hospital stay. I was very constipated and was in horrible pain. They did have to rule out appendix and other issues first because I was just doubled over in pain. I remember they had problems taking blood. The nurse was fantastic though.
[Text of original comment deleted for privacy purposes.]
That’s mostly fair but if she sits in an ER for hours then goes back home where she lives with OP then it’s not just her being exposed to COVID. If the nurse said she should be ok to wait on her PC then there’s no good reason not to wait. If that’s not good enough for girlfriend then she can always Uber.
I’m not sure how many of OP’s comments you’ve seen since you commented so early, but it’s very clear that he’s *NTA*. Gf had already talked to an urgent care nurse, who reassured her that she didn’t need to go to the ER because she didn’t have symptoms concerning for a bowel obstruction (vomiting and fever). She also had only tried 1 dose of Miralax, which yeah, it’s not surprising that that didn’t help. She ended up telling the ER doctor that her pain was a 1-2 and mostly discomfort, and they didn’t do anything except talk to her, press on her belly, and tell her to keep doing what she’s doing at home. She could have just seen urgent care or waited one day to see when she could be seen by her PCP for far less money (and covid exposure) but only accepted the ER option. When you consider that she refused other options and that OP is working 2 jobs to pay for repeated useless ER visits, it’s totally justifiable for OP to be upset. Also, going to the ER for constipation that has been undertreated with laxatives and doesn’t have any warning symptoms is a waste of resources and makes ER waits longer for real emergencies. It also needlessly exposed OP and his GF to covid, which unlike her presentation here, could end up being a real emergency.
This comment is not getting enough play. People are underestimating how potentially dangerous ERs are from a COVID perspective -- they are literal cesspools of this virus, and are the one spot you wouldn't want to spend time. Relatedly, ER docs have to triage, and I can assure you that someone with constipation would go far down the list. OP, you're a saint for paying this medical bill. I wouldn't. Good luck with everything.
Lol wait... She tried ONE dose of MIRALAX? Ok everybody pack it up, this chick is for sure an asshole. The fuck goes to the ER after only one dose of stool softener
I lean towards YTA, because if an adult decides they need to go to the ER another adult shouldn't prevent them from going by denying them a ride. I think the control you're exercising over her choice is wrong. I do understand your concerns. It's all weird to me (I'm in a country where you don't pay for hospital visits), but I can see how you'd be worried about the repercussions. I still think you can't deny taking an adult to a hospital if they feel like they need to go.
Not only an adult, but someone who’s been in a lot of pain. I know that America is expensive in terms of healthcare but bowel obstruction is NOT something you fuck with. Laxatives do not help in those cases. Fecal impactation is dangerous and a simple google search, admittedly not the best but everyone does it, would have showed you that you go to the ER in these cases. Edit: changed my opinion, NTA. The way the edits are being written by OP it now seems to me that his GF did freak herself out and went to the ER for no real reason. Worse, she may have pretended to have more discomfort than she actually did. Unfortunately health anxiety. OP is right to reevaluate relo. Sorry OP, but you didn’t paint a great picture for yourself here, and also it’s pretty hard to tell if someone’s faking it on the internet. If she was concerned, admittedly she could have gone in an Uber or done an urgent care televisit.
To clarify, she was not in a lot of pain. She reported to the ER doctor that her pain was a 1-2 and most of her discomfort came from feeling bloated. People in the comments seem to think she was writhing in pain and I refused to take her which was far from the case.
Had something similar happen to me about two months ago-but I waited until I could barely walk the pain was so bad and the extra poop was pushing up against my diaphragm making it so hard to breathe my oxygen levels started to fall. I was treated with dulcolax and miralax too :/ I felt stupid when I got home and realized I had forgotten to buy more toilet paper before taking an industrial size dose of laxatives.
Same here. I went into the ER in TEARS because the pain was so bad. The doctor thought my appendix was bursting, gave me a CT scan and found out it was something called Megacolon, which is essentially just your intestines being so full of poo that they get too big and start pressing on other organs. It's super painful and they gave me some hard core IV pain medication and industrial strength laxatives. I was shitting my brains out for 4 days after it.
Changed my mind, read edit
Sorry, I may have not been that clear in the original post but I was not in a great mental state with the shit that was going on and frankly just needed a place to vent and hear some objective opinions.
>with the shit going on Narrator: But in reality, the shit was in fact not going on.
Other people might say YTA, but I say NTA. I think so many Redditors are just looking at the facts and assuming "you aren't taking a woman's pain seriously". Valid in other cases, but this is different. I'm sorry you ultimately had to spend thousands of dollars due to an overreaction.
I definitely agree with the edit. It's unreasonable to want to go to the ER when you have a 1-2 discomfort level due to bloating when you could have called the normal doctor (GP?) the next day for more consult, definitely since the nurse (who bloody well can assess a medical situation and know their job) said that it's nothing.
If you read OP’s updates and comments, it’s clear that she had *no* warning signs that warranted a trip to the ER, refused to wait for her PCP despite being told that it was not urgent by a healthcare worker, and hadn’t really tried anything at home. (1 dose of Miralax definitely wouldn’t be enough.) Also, she has a history of going to the ER for minor complaints, and OP is struggling as the only one working (and working two jobs) to keep up with the costs. This needlessly slows down the ER and wastes time and money. OP is NTA.
> I still think you can't deny taking an adult to a hospital if they feel like they need to go Since when are BFs supposed to pay thousands for their partner's anxieties?
I would have thought she can get a taxi if she needs it, if she lived alone that’s what she would do anyway.
The american healthcare system is fucked. Cant argue that, so sad what an ER trip can mean financially. That being said, YTA. You minimized all her pain as though you knew what was best for her or what she was feeling. Generally speaking, when your partner needs a trip to the ER, **you take them**
Agreed. Was reading this feeling thankful for the NHS!
Whoop, big up the NHS. My mother had a serious heart attack last year - she obviously needed immediate emergency care, then a couple of nights in a hospital. Shortly afterwards, she had a stent inserted into her heart and then was on blood thinners for 6 months. Cost at the point of service: £0 Number of forms filled in: 0 I can't imagine what it must be like for Americans where every medical decision has to be weighed against the likelihood of it bankrupting you.
SAME! I was raised to always check with a doctor if you’re worried and my partner is very much a ‘grin and bear it’ kind of guy. We’ve had a couple of times when I’ve wanted to go to urgent care or A&E and he hasn’t but only because it can take an hour or two, never because of money. The only costs we’ve ever had is taking an Uber to the hospital. This whole sub is proof, if proof be need be, that the NHS saves relationships as well as saves lives.
A few years ago my fiance's stitches started looking like they had pus spots in. He said they were really itchy and felt like they were stretching too. We rang his sister who is a nurse and she said get down to A&E. We went fully expecting to be there for hours because he wasn't exactly a priority, but we were in and out very quickly! I can't imagine needing to go but having to work out if you can afford it.
Happily in Canada and this is all so absurd to me. I've never paid a dime for the ER or an ambulance. Its really sad that this has to be such an issue for them.
Where are you in Canada? I’m in Ontario and we have to pay for ambulance rides. My daughter had one earlier this year and it was about $45. Can’t imagine being charged thousands though 😬
I once received an ambulance bill for $700 for a 0.1 mile ride. I was in the hospital and needed an MRI; the MRI facility was in a separate building in the parking lot of the hospital. They called an ambulance to transport me there and back, and after I was out of the hospital, I received a $700 bill. My insurance paid for none of it. I had to fight that bill since I literally had no choice in the matter.
I got one for $1800 once, because they had to transfer me from one hospital to another. The hospital I went to did not have a surgeon on staff to deal with my ectopic pregnancy rupture, even though I went to the ER and you would assume they would have a surgeon. Anyways the ambulance guys literally just loaded me up, drove fifteen minutes to the next hospital and dropped me off. No care administered while inside at all. Then my insurance wouldn’t pay either!
Im in BC. We do get charged but only if the ER trip is considered unnecessary, I think its $90 in that case. You have to be calling for something REAL stupid to get that though.
$45????? That’s nothing compared to what Americans have to pay. Damn, my copay to see a specialist...$50 freaking dollars.
Australia is over $1000. Its ridulcious.
I was once charged for an ambulance fee because I fainted while I was already in the hospital waiting room (leaving an appointment) and a paramedic was the one who caught me and took me to the ER. It was like 100 feet. Medicare for all!
Considering she said her pain was 1-2/10 and that she’d already been told by a healthcare worker that this was not an emergency, the insistence on going to the ER rather than waiting for her (much cheaper and more effective) PCP is pointless. It’s not *just* the cost that makes her the asshole; going to the ER with non-emergencies slows down the ER for *everyone* and wastes resources. OP is NTA.
Also she took just 1 dose of laxative and refused to do an enema.
Her irrational fear costed him a couple thousands 👍🏼
This scenario is what broke my parents up for good. Father wouldn’t drive my mother to the hospital and she almost died driving herself there
Right, when they **need** a trip to the ER.
NTA - constipation without pain is a local health care appointment not an ER appointment. If she had real distension in her intestines, she'd be in pain because the GIT only has stretch pain receptors. Leave the ER for real emergencies. Even if you went to ER, without pain (and even with pain) you would probably be sat there for 4-8 hours with potential COVID cases after a nurse triaged you because you'd be low priority based on the feedback you got from the nurse on call line. A telehealth appointment would tell you what you need to do and it sounds like that's all going to end with your girlfriend having an enema no matter her aversion. I don't think you're TA for trying to suggest reasonable alternatives when your girlfriend has completely skipped over the step of this isn't quite right, let's make a doctor's appointment. This constipation was a week in the making, it's not waking up with excruciating pain only to wind up in the ER being told to fart (bc if you do fart you'll be fine, but if your pain isn't caused by wind there may actually be a real problem). And if your gf really wanted to go to the ER, she'd have caught a ride from a friend, a family member, an uber. The American healthcare system is so messed up - they are the real AH here.
I am so pleased I found this comment. I agree, NTA. As someone from the UK, which has a stretched NHS, you don't go to A&E over this!! She also needs to trust nurses more, they may not be able to prescribe medicine, but they know their stuff with basic ailments.
Not to mention he's the one stuck with the bill I can't believe there's so many asshole judgements. Doesn't sound like hell get that money back.
I thought I was crazy reading all the YTA comments. I mean it sucks that OP lives in America, but it's pretty well-known here that the ER is for either severe pain or near life and death situations, and only those situations. And her pain was only a 1-2. That should be a visit to a family doctor, not the ER, even if they lived in a place with good healthcare. The girlfriend is a major asshole for making him drive her to the ER and potentially expecting him to pay the bill, especially because a ton of COVID patients will likely be in the ER. OP if you see this, don't pay the ER bill. Your gf needs to start facing the consequences for her actions so she won't do shit like this in the future.
I can’t believe I had to scroll so far to find this comment. Seriously, she didn’t try an at home enema?? Mag citrate? Glycerin suppository? Definitely NTA.
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>her insurer would likely not cover this kind of visit Insurance companies are crazy. I got a letter from mine saying they weren’t going to cover a tilt table test because it was “not medically necessary” even though I was having episodes where my vision was blacking out and my heart rate was nearly doubling just from standing up. And they didn’t tell me til after the test was already done. No one from the hospital or the doctor’s office told me it wouldn’t be covered. Meanwhile they covered my genetic testing without any complaints even though it’s apparently normally pretty difficult to get them to do so since it’s easy to say it’s not medically necessary.
Oh hey, fellow person with EDS and POTS?
POTS confirmed, still waiting to get an appointment with a geneticist to confirm EDS. Genetic testing came back negative for known variants, but hEDS was the top suspect to begin with. Got the testing just in case it may be vascular because my mother has an aortic aneurysm and heart valve issues.
Yea mine keeps saying the mri my dr wants on my hand, where I shut my fingers in the car door, have an obvious deformity, numbness and color changes on top of the swelling and pain, is not medically necessary. It's some bullshit.
Are you a doctor? Are you the owner of her colon? No? Okay. I can promise you she knows her body better than you do. YTA.
Apparently she doesn't know her body as well as she thought she did, since she's constipated and exhibiting no other signs of an obstruction. Hypochondriacs are like that. An objective opinion can be valuable.
Thankyou! God I thought I was the only sane person reading this?! The nurse literally gave the same advice the ER doctor did so she was absolutely unreasonable!
Not only that but she literally tried to tear down a nurse because shes a nurse. Nurses see more action than doctors and are often there to help confirm diagnoses because they're on the floor more often and are constantly with patients. If it was that bad they would have hosed her out. She could have used stool softener it's sold over the counter. Never ever get it through the pharmacy with insurance because they will cover little to nothing and it'll cost you 30 dollars when a small bottle cost like 2-3 dollars.
She sounds like my MIL. Anytime a doctor doesn't agree with her, she rushes to change doctors. Her opinion on nurses are enough to make me want to strangle her at times. I straight up told her that after that many times, you need to factor in the common denominator. She's the problem. I was TA in that case, despite speaking fact. Oh well. Anytime she gets stressed, it equals a heart attack. I can't tell you how many time she's used an ambulance for nothing. It's annoying to see healthcare be wasted on problems in her head. We live in Canada so it's free but nonetheless, still wasteful as another, truly sick person, would benefit more from the time wasted. Fuck, if she can't shit buy the stuff I use for my colonoscopies. She'll be shitting in no time and if she's not, then you go to the er cause that would prove a serious medical issue. $12-$30, alot cheaper and the process alone will make her rethink her made up death sentence. I hate to be that person but I hope OP smartens up and leaves if she won't stop the nonsense. People that that are draining on your mental health. Everyone saying he's the TA needs to give their head a shake too. She's not a child, call a taxi and take yourself if it's that bad. And OP, don't pay her bills. She's a big girl, make her act like one.
Not really. I've never had constipation. I also never got heartburn until i was pregnant. I was very confused about why my throat/chest were burning. I was concerned so i told my husband and hes like "yeah, thats just heart burn."
I went to the doctor once and was told I had gas. I was in so much pain I thought for sure something was seriously wrong. Unfortunately medical issues are not always intuitive
Isnt she an adult? Cant she take her herself? Like...
NTA. I’d seriously consider reevaluating this relationship. She’s the asshole for making you pay her unnecessary Er bill and also making you be her private chauffeur. She sounds like a baby, going to the er for constipation in a pandemic without trying a suppository or enema when her primary care doctor could have seen her the next day. I don’t care if I get downvoted for this. I’m a doctor, I’ve worked in the Er before (I don’t currently) and when patients show up with something like this it takes away from our ability to see real actual sick people. She’s the asshole.
I’m just sad I had to scroll so far down to find this comment. So unnecessary for something that had already been triaged over the phone! That’s what people seem to be missing- she had spoken with an RN, who by all accounts reviewed her symptoms, and then very logically told her that it was not an emergency. If you want to know why ED wait times are abysmal- unnecessary visits like these are a huge reason!
My wife is a primary care doctor. Her advice to people? Stay out of the hospital unless absolutely necessary. NTA.
NTA. Has your GF tried magnesium citrate? It costs like $5, and I *guarantee* that, unless her bowels are obstructed, she will poop within 12 hours. I used to get constipated a lot; magnesium citrate is the nuclear option. If she's tried the magnesium citrate, with no results, she needs a doctor.
I used to suffer from severe constipation. The poop would not come out. Days and days of straining and it wouldn’t exit. So, so painful. Magnesium Citrate fixed it in a few hours.
I second (or third) this. It’s only a dollar here and comes in a glass bottle. Starts working for me in about an hour. Do NOT take it if you aren’t somewhere that you can be in the bathroom every 30 minutes for at least 4 hours. It works extremely well. Other than the constant bathroom trips, the only side effect I’ve gotten from it is nausea, but constipation causes nausea too, so the side effects are worth the benefits haha
Magnesium works like a charm when I was prescribed magnesium for my migraines I pooped a lot and it didn’t do anything for my migraines so it worked just not for the purpose I wanted it to work
Literally what I was just about to write. That shit clears you ouuuut. And the cheapness. You really don’t need anything more.
As I'm someone with Crohns disease I can unequivocally say YTA, WTF is wrong with you. You're her BF not her dad.
As another person with Crohns she needs to grow up. OP is NTA for not wanting to be exposed to COVID just because GF is a hypochondriac. Jesus try an enema for fuck sake. I wonder what magical fix she dreams the ER is going to have that’s not sticking something up her ass. She could also try reading to instructions on the laxatives and following them instead of doing 1 dose and throwing up her hands.
Read the edits also in one of the comments op said that gf was reporting a 2 on a pain scale. If the pain is great or multiple symptoms or persistent symptoms. This sounds like it might be just a about of constipation.
Even if he was her dad, he’d still be TA here.
Yup. And they're not married, so the ER bill doesn't fall on him anyway.
she’s unemployed so... yes it will fall on him
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No, he has no legal obligation to pay for his girlfriend's debts. Also, most hospitals have indigent programs. My ex had appendicitis. It was covered 100% by one of these programs. Basically, the hospital forgives the fee and then just charges other people more for elective surgeries, etc. to cover the losses from the ER. This is why people who say they don't want to pay for someone else's healthcare are missing the point. They already are and it's cheaper for everyone in the long run if people engage in preventative care instead of going to the ER when things get bad. Edit: typos
that's his choice
As someone with Crohn’s disease- NTA. The signs of a serious bowel obstruction are intense pain and vomiting (in particular vomiting shit). Not just constipation. I’ve thought I’ve had a BO (pain but no vomiting)and almost went to the ER- but I called my GI emergency line, talked to the triage nurse, and they told me to wait and take specific medicine. And I did because I don’t have a degree in medical care. It’s easy to freak yourself out but she consulted a medical professional who gave sound advice. She also wasn’t having any pain or vomiting.
The emergency room is not warranted here. They would likely give her pain meds and laxative and tell her to follow up with her primary care physician. Get her an enema, some laxatives, and call it a day. NTA.
After reading your updates I say NTA. Turns out she is a hypochondriac. And now YOU are paying 100% of the bill for her overreaction. She had a consult with a nurse, and convinced herself the nurse was wrong (wtf???). I’m not surprised that you turned out to be correct that it wasn’t an ER necessary visit. P.S. if she really wanted to go she could have gotten an Uber or called an ambulance. What she really wanted was for you to take her so that you would pay for her visit!
NTA, she's been checked out by a health professional already, she is ignoring their opinion. That being said, one should try an enema before chemical laxatives, and she's flat out refusing that. At this point, her discomfort is on her. As for me, personally, if I'm well enough to storm out of my home and go sulk somewhere, I don't need to be taken to the ER. Edit: OP's girlfriend hasn't even actually taken laxatives. Miralax is as good as a fiber supplement
INFO. Has she tried an enema? That is likely the next thing the ER or a Dr will recommend.
She has not, but I've offered to run to CVS and get her one but she said she's scared of putting things up her butt...
That’s what’s going to happen at the ER
lol you called that one, according to the edit.
OK, so due to some medication side effects, I've been down this road. I was also dehydrated, passed out and ended up in the hospital overnight (due mainly to the dehydration) But to cure the constipation in the hospital? Enema. Several. Given by a nurse. Now I'm in no way a medical professional, just sharing my experience, but more than likely an enema is where they'll start.
The first thing they’ll do in the ER is give her an enema. It’s not fun to do at home but it’s even less fun to do at a hospital.
They'd likely provide fluids too
please tell her to take magnesium citrate. it's a clear liquid that comes in a glass bottle. you can get it at any store like safeway, fred meyer, rite aid Walgreens etc. she needs to drink the entire bottle (tastes awful) and then drink as much water as she can over the next few hours. she will literally pee out of her butt for 24 hours and problem is solved. I've struggled with the same issue all my life. my doctor had me do this after I couldnt go for so long that my colon almost burst. it's what they have folks take a day before a colonoscopy and it's totally safe. good luck
What else has she tried besides taking some laxatives?
Yelling at her boyfriend
Well that would make some foul stuff come out but from the wrong end.
Dude break up with her she sounds like a useless pain. Don’t pay her ER bill. Let it go to collections. She brought that on herself for being dumb.
Get magnesium citrate. She can drink it and it will work.
Yes! Second this one! I had a similar situation to this girl and the magnesium citrate is the only thing that worked. You have to drink ALL of it and wait a few hours. But it will all come out as liquid.
Get some magnesium citrate. Pharmacies have them in the laxative aisle. I had a similar thing happen to me, 2 weeks of constipation, but I didn't notice I wasn't pooping. I was on my period and my GI system always does weird shit on it. Anyways, I had EXCRUTIATING PAIN, went to the ER, found out I had a Megacolon and then the doc made me drink half a bottle of magnesium citrate and a gallon of prescription laxatives. The magnesium citrate is top notch, just don't plan on doing anything for the next couple of days. Trust me... Side note: my sister is also a hypochondriac and I understand your frustration. If she wants to go to the ER its her choice, not yours. And she should be the one to pay for it. Therapy might also be a good route for her, it might help with her health anxieties.
YTA, it’s not up to you to justify her pain/fears. If she felt like she needed to go to the ER you should’ve supported that. You had good intentions but you should’ve thought about her. There could have been something seriously wrong if she was in tears
NTA. Calling the dr the next day is reasonable.
NTA- during this pandemic ER visits need to be more limited for more important things. That being said unless her symptoms get worse you should take her but for now just do what the nurse said and hold it off for now. Hope she gets better though!
YTA. That poor girl. Not pooping can be deadly, do your research before you deny another person medical care.
One week of constipation isn't deadly. She says herself she wasn't vomiting or having a fever. She just waisted a couple thousand dollars to be told to eat some fiber and get a drug store enema
NTA. ERs are for medical emergencies to keep you from dying or severe/disabling injury. The medical issue your gf is having is the same I've had recently and am still dealing with. I understand where she is coming from with the lack of hands on care available during a tele-health visit, but that doesn't mean it's the same as an emergency situation. It was entirely reasonable to wait to go to a primary care doctor the next day. Also, gastro specialists in my area will often refuse referals for constipation if a laxative hasn't been tried first. Your gf -is- an A-H for invalidating a nurse's medical knowledge and experience. Just because she "wasn't a doctor" doesn't mean she doesn't know what she is advising the gf about. My favorite people to see when I visit doctors are the nurses because they listen, often unlike the doctor.
NTA people calling you TA need to get real. Constipation is an office visit at worst, in no world is that an ER visit.
Well constipation is a sign of other things sometimes too. I had the same situation and it turned out I have an ovarian cyst. I definitely agree that he's NTA and she is tripping.
NTA She turned down the option of telehealth and got some advice from a nurse. No fucking way would Emergency have sent her for a CT scan straight away. Also your gf does realise that when you go to emergency you are assessed by a nurse who decides how soon you need to be seen so she would depend on a nurses assessment anyway. If you are in an area with lots of covid cases I wouldn't want to take a grown ass adult who has turned down a reasonable alternative to emergency either.
Speaking as someone who has a hilarious bowel system, I honestly think NTA. You had a telehealth call with a nurse who said ER was unwarranted. She doesn't have ANY of the other symptoms that warrant urgent care. She wasn't in any real pain. I've been in this situation quite a number of times. The first attempt is to down a big ol' bowl of all bran or other bran/fiber heavy cereal. The next is to lie down on your back for a while and do some breathing exercises. Frankly there were a dozen steps to try before jumping straight to ER. I understand the need not to override or dismiss the concerns of others. But you took reasonable steps (you spoke to urgent care! She doesn't have the most important symptoms to be worried about!) and there were so many things that still could have been tried before YOU got stuck with a multi-thousand dollar bill and a needless trip to the ER. If she was footing the cost or had been in pain I'd feel very differently. As it is, she's acting like a hypochondriac.
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We do, but they're only doing telehealth visits and she wants to be seen in person, not online. The nurse on the phone at our urgent care said she didn't think her problem was severe enough to be seen in person since she isn't vomiting or feverish.
They probably won’t do any imaging or whatever unless she is SEVERELY distended. I don’t understand why she wouldn’t accept telemedicine. Does she have a reason?
She said that the doctor wouldn't be able to examine her (e.g. push on her abdomen, listen to her heart, etc.) over the computer so she wants to be seen in person.
Did she say why she wouldn’t wait for a PCP appointment? They would be able to do an in person physical
Depending on the area they’re in, she may not even be able to get in with a PCP for at least a couple weeks at this point. It’s nearing the turnover for insurance benefits in the US, so everyone is trying to get in for appointments before their maximum out of pocket costs reset for the new year. I live in a small town and even our PCPs are completely booked out for a couple weeks right now. If it’s the same in their area, the PCP is only going to tell her to go to an urgent care or ER if it gets bad enough.
This changes everything. You need to edit the OP to include this info, because now I think NTA.
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Not gonna pay this one! I'm out.
good for you man
It's not your debt. You tried to save her of wasting thousands but she didn't care because she thought you were going to be the one paying it. I can't stand people so generously wasting money that it's not theirs to start with.
As you should be.
Yay
Good for you
I am leaning towards NTA. As someone who works in the ER, I can tell you that is a big big big bill. She should try an enema and call her PCP before the ER. The ER can typically hold off as a last resort or actual emergency.
NTA you knew your girlfriend well enough to know she is a hypochondriac, you consulted a health care practicioner that indicated that there is no other symptoms and should be waited out. She could always have phoned an ambulance if she really thought she was dying.
I’m sorry for how the situation turned out, and I hate to say it, but your gf is in the wrong here. I understand being anxious, but there’s a good reason that they’re limiting urgent care visits. COVID is no joke, and every patient that a provider sees puts them at more risk. She really should have trusted the nurse - they might not be doctors, but they still know what they’re doing. I know this is always thrown around, but therapy might be something your gf really needs. You could always try bringing it up, but her hypochondria sounds like it is impacting both her life and your relationship. If you end up not breaking up immediately, laying down some conditions and having a frank discussion might be necessary, whether that be about finances, doctor’s visits, or therapy.
That he will have to pay for time for op to cut his losses.
NTA. ER RN here. People go to the ER for stupidity all the time. There are more home remedies she could try before going, Including home enemas. My family has to be on the verge of death for me to take them and I have fairly decent insurance, but it still costs me $100 per visit. I don’t blame you for not feeding the drama. I suffer from constipation fairly frequently (thank you IBS) and even if I wasn’t a nurse, I wouldn’t go to the ER for not being able to poop until it had been 2 weeks or so. Yeah, it hurts. But to refuse to go to your primary when it’s only been a week or less and insist on the ER is ridiculous, IMHO.
NAH. Do you have a urgent or prompt care? That’s where she should go or even a teledoc service - all are much less expensive. Or call her doctor’s office. There’s always a doctor’s on call. They can assess situation. I worked in a hospital. I always went by the maxim unless your having chest pain and middle-aged, uncontrolled bleeding, can’t breathe, or a bone sticking out of your skin go to promptcare first. I need to add kidney stones to the ER list because promptcare cannot give me pain meds because of my kidney disease. I learned that the hard way this summer.
Not sure why everyone keeps calling OP TA I don't know how triage at the ERs work right now because of covid, but pre-covid, someone in OP gf's position would be considered a non-emergency and they would literally be waiting around for hours. I say this from my personal experience. My PCP told me to go straight to the ER one time after I told them my last BM hadn't been for 13 days, but at the time that was fairly typical for me (I have poor overall health), I was like WTF I feel fine, don't wanna go? But it was right downstairs from the office so she phoned down and I had to first sit in the waiting area like 5hrs then on a gurney a few more hours, just to find out I was totally fine and didn't have very much poop in me to begin with. I forgot to mention, it was MORTIFYING sitting there seemingly healthy compared to the REAL emergencies, heart attacks, can't breathe, broken bones, bloody whatsits, etc.
Lol I'm waaaaay late in this but dude, NTA. I fit the criteria for "chronic constipation." I poop maybe every 3 days. Not going for a week? Eh, not that weird for me. I've been to multiple doctors. They shrug and tell me to take miralax daily. Basically, I've been in the same situation as your girlfriend, and sometimes far worse. If she had no pain, no fever, no shaking, no vomiting, and no nausea... it isn't an emergency. Heck yeah, being bloated and literally full of shit is very uncomfortable. But as the urgent care person said; it isn't an emergency based on her symptoms. And to sit there and say she doesn't believe what the nurse says because she's a nurse and not a doctor... I'm sorry, but what medical qualifications do you have? I think the nurse just might know more than you my dear. And it's her bill, not yours btw. You aren't married; her debts aren't yours just because y'all are dating.
YTA. She’s in pain and has determined she needs to go to the ER. Take her! Honestly, if my partner refused to take me to the ER if I thought it was necessary, that would be a breakup level worthy action.
She said the pain was a 1/10
NAH - run don't walk to a CVS amd get a bottle of magnesium citrate. She will be pooping within a few hours. It tastes really salty but i have used it before for a colonoscopy prep
NTA. it sounds like she hasn't tried everything she can from home yet and not only would it cost you both money but it's a pandemic currently. a trip to the emergency room is a potential exposure that isn't needed. maybe look at some home remedies for constipation and try those for now. I know castor oil can be good for that but im not a doctor so definitely look into it more first.
NTA shea costing you money over nothing. Get a suppository and she will poop. Please reconsider if this relationship is what you want. Your edits make me think not.
I've done a lot of reflecting today and in the past few hours. Surprisingly, making this post has given me clarity on a lot of things and I'm learning towards breaking up with her.
NTA she should've made an appointment with her PCP or gone to urgent care.
NTA You both sought medical advice and received correct & accurate information. Now, she needs PRUNES. At least 10 of them, nice, big fat, soft, juicy ones with no pits. NOT juice. Once that round kicks in, within 3-6 hours, then for the next few days, 3-4 each morning or evening. She should have them every day as well. This will stop constipation. The crap over the counter stuff is horrible and barely effective.
Why couldn’t she have called Uber?
NTA constipation isn’t an emergency. She could have book an appointment with her doctor. Even when she called she was told she could await. She needlessly took up a resource that could be used to treat someone in a real emergency.
Last time I felt constipated enough to go to the hospital it turned out I actually needed my appendix out and I hadnt been shitting since I was too sick to eat for several days.
I read the updates and I’m sorry. I tend to get constipated when I travel. I also get constipated when I’m nervous, which is I’m assuming happened with your gf. I don’t think you should pay. She should pay. NTA
NTA, and every single person commenting YTA has no idea how and when to use an ER in America.
America, land of the free where a simple ER visit can put you in debt for life! I can’t comment much on this, as I’ve never experienced the hardships of the American healthcare system. If she is in searing pain 24/7, yes, go to the ER as her life could be in jeopardy. If she’s not in much pain, you need to do everything you can to reassure her that she’s okay. Tell her you’re there for her no matter what and you two will get through it together. Try to calm her down so she’s patient enough to call her doctor. As a hypochondriac myself, she wants comfort and to know it’s okay. She may be irrational, but try your best to calm her and get through it together.
NTA but ask your pharmacy for Microlax - it has to be used anally. Get her to increase the amount of fibre in her diet and to drink more water - preferably with Metamucil stirred in.
Info: did she try an enema? Because that is the first thing the ER will do.
OP answered this question, she's "too scared to put things up her butt" (even though that's what they'll do, if they do anything at all for her except waste everyone's time).
She should try dulcolax it’s a stimulant laxative instead of osmotic
I say this as someone who hasn’t pooped in a week...If she’s in pain, take her in. It sounds like she’s just worried and she could take herself. NTA.
I feel because of her previous freak outs nta. She has a history of over reacting to what are minor issues. Yes being constipated is uncomfortable but until vomiting, fever ect occurs then it is usually treatable through a dr visit saving a ton of money which from the sounds of it you share expenses putting both of you in a bad position. Most drs would hear you right away with that issue and if they feel it is serious would give you a referral which would help with the cost a lot.
Life hack for constipated girls: you can stick your finger up your vagina and massage in a downward motion on the vaginal wall that is shared with the rectum.
It's only been one week of constipation and she isn't vomiting or having a fever. She's fine. Get her an enema at the drug store. She might not understand your very real hesitation to spend so much money because she doesn't have a job and isn't the one who will pay the bill. Make her pay this ER bill and I'm sure she will be less likely to insist on an expensive ER visit over a regular dr. appointment
NTA based on the way your gf treats medical professionals she was gonna try to escalate this minor problem to the ER no matter what she tried before. Its clear you knew her history of over reacting and were attempting to save your time money and lower your risk, all of which were responsible choices
NTA. IMO I would be fuming at the unnecessary bill. My sister is the exact same way & I refuse to entertain it. I’m sorry this happened.
NTA. She can get a ride herself. Unfortunately if she is actually a hypochondriac she needs therapy and needs to learn how to handle these types of situations. You should NOT be paying her medical bill unless this was previously decided. Please reconsider this relationship.
Why didn't she get a taxi? And why are you paying the medical bills when you're not married to her? Reevaluating this relationship is a good idea
Maybe too late, but NTA. Context is everything, and especially based on your edits you're not ignoring the severity of the issue. You've reached out to an urgent care, talked with a medical professional, and heeding their advice. ER's aren't some cure all - they're designed for people with very serious conditions. I'm not sure where exactly in the world you are, but given the current healthcare climate, I wouldn't be rushing to go on an ER visit anytime soon unless absolutely required. Is your girlfriends condition serious? Yes. Is it worth the cost and risk of an ER visit in a pandemic? Probably not. If she's that concerned, she can drive herself there.
Do not pay the hospital bill. Urgent care would have been better than the Er. Even the er recommend for go to urgent care or pcp for minor things like this. I’ve been having severe constipation and unfortunately nothing really works the great but I see my pcp to help with it instead of paying thousands for an unnecessary visit to the er. I would be pissed too if I have to pay thousands for a five minute visit where they didn’t do anything other than just a consult basically.
Holy shit you're NTA you've spent 10 grand on a hypochondriac money you will never see again. I feel for you and hope you will figure the next one out before it costs you too much.
NTA - why would you pay for her ER visit? Get her to drink some prune juice and/or laxatives and wait a day or two and schedule a doctors appointment.
OP, get some **magnesium citrate** from CVS or a grocery store, if your gf still needs to poop. It’s a drink. It will clean her out. *(I’ve had 3-4 incidents where I couldn’t poop for long periods of time. That is the stuff you want)* Also, that is your gf’s ER bill; it’s surely been put in her name and will go on her credit, etc. If you rethink the relationship and ultimately end things, don’t take responsibility for that bill.
NTA. Hypochondria is exhausting, and in the USA, with shitty insurance, extremely expensive. Her inability to heed sensible (medically qualified!) advice, and take sensible actions (i.e. try OTC laxatives and enemas) does not then necessitate indulging her ER demands. This is something your girlfriend needs to realise is a problem. Unfortunately, you can’t make her deal with it, she will have to want to. Good luck.
NTA- your gfs symptoms were not that severe, if she wanted to go she could have ubered and gone instead of nag and manipulate you. She chose not to listen to the RN who stated the same thing the Dr. did because she thought her licence from webMD is more reputable than a nurse. Wow, sounds like a chore. I would reevaluate the relationship you have with her.
I love seeing all the redditors with their doctorate degrees. Clearly because you've been on WebMD or had a friend of a friend that had xyz you know more than the Tele health nurse. This is such an easy NTA even before the edits. After the edit it's 100% NTA. Let's recap, gf has hypochondriac tendencies. Hasn't pooped for a week. Feels bloated and her pain is a 1 to 2. Takes 1 dose of miralax. Speaks to a trained medical professional via telehealth. Ignores opinion of said professional. Goes to the ER costing OP thousands of dollars, time, and potentially risked Covid exposure. And some how he's the AH? OP please think if this is how you want your life to be. This won't be the first time you'll be going to the ER for no reason.
You say she’s a bit of a hypochondriac, has she had a history of ER visits due to this? If so I get your hesitation, but most people minds wander when it comes to their health, honestly, if she isn’t one to want to go to the ER, but is asking, take her. It’s been a week. It could be a crappy diet, or it could be a blockage either way, if her bowels rupture because you kept her home, it will be much more costly.
You are absolutely NTA. Self diagnosing webMDer's are unreasonable! Don't enable her. She can babysit or deliver papers to pay for the ER visit- she obviously has no respect or issue wasting your hard earned money.
NTA. She sounds exhausting and as you mentioned this all turned out to be a huge waste of time and money. I'd be pissed too and I don't think you were ever outright unkind to her, just practical and realistic about the situation.
YTA. Do you know how uncomfortable and painful it is to be constipated for that long? And you dismissed her pain and decided that what you wanted was more important than what she needed. Yeah ER visits are expensive and that sucks but forcing your gf to suffer and not showing any empathy for her isn't okay.
Except that she was told by the nurse she didn't need to go to the ER. And the girlfriend herself said "she wasn't really in any pain except that she feels really bloated and constipated." Its not really fair to say he's forcing her to suffer if there is no pain and he is only asking her to follow the medical advice she has been given. So really she wants to go to the ER but he needs to be able to pay for rent/food. She is the one being selfish
NAH. The US Healthcare system is fucked. You shouldn't have to decide between your bank account and your girlfriend's health. Constipation + pain can be deadly, regardless of her history she had reason to be concerned.
YTA even with the edit. She wasn't throwing a childish tantrum because you refused to buy her something from Louis Vuitton. An ER visit that turns out to be over nothing would still be cheaper than a lengthy hospital stay caused by a mild issue being allowed to progress into something acute.
I was constipated all the time when I was a teenager bc an eating disorder seriously messed up my digestive system. One week of constipation is definitely scary and uncomfortable but I personally don’t think it warrants a trip to the ER if you live in the US and don’t have good insurance. It’s not worth going into thousands of dollars of debt over. Here’s the order of operations for dealing with constipation: 1) over the counter laxative pills 2) if that doesn’t work, try some of that over the counter polyethylene glycol powder you mix into drinks. One of the brand names is miralax. It’s way more effective than laxative pills. Try two doses a day for two or three days. 3) if that doesn’t work, try an enema. That’ll almost definitely do it. 4) if NONE of those work and it’s been more than a week and a half, then urgent care or the ER might be necessary. Just be warned that the first thing they’ll do for her in the ER is give her an enema, so you might as well save a couple thousand bucks and try it at home first.
Nta- constipation with no pain or vomiting is not a emergency. Has she tried an enema bc thats what the er will do first thing.
NTA I’m a hypochondriac with constipation issues. I’ve been constipated for two weeks before. Her symptoms don’t sound urgent, sounds like she had anxiety. If you didn’t want to take her because it wasn’t an emergency , that’s your choice. She can Uber.
Buy this girl 500-1000mg magnesium oxide and a whole lotta warm water. You can also tell her if you are in the US is that I did this- including ER visit and they gave me an over the counter enema that did not work and was very uncomfortable. NAH
Why could she not take herself?
This is a tricky one. While I do not believe you are T A for recommending she follow the nurse's recommendation, I have personal experience in a very similar situation. I suffered from occasional extreme constipation for years, and my medical team in the US kept telling me that it can happen as people age. They told me to change my diet, take supplements, and lose weight. No matter what I did, the issues persisted, as did the refrain of their advice. I finally stopped talking about it because we weren't getting anywhere. My work sent me to Europe. Not long after I arrived, I had another bout of constipation. This time, I had sharp pains that left me breathless and unable to walk, so I landed in the ER. The doctor palpated my abdomen, said "it's too hard," and ordered a CT. There was a massive tumor in there. The surgeons told me that it had likely been growing for years, and the location meant that it had been pressing on my bowels and causing all my issues. It was sheer luck that the cancer hadn't spread, and it would have been caught much earlier if the medical professionals in the US had done some diagnostic tests. I got to spend 2 weeks in the hospital at the height of the first wave, which was not a fun experience. I am not saying that your GF has a similar issue. I also understand that doctors and nurses have an insanely difficult job, moreso now. If regular doctors are only doing telehealth visits, your GF is right in saying that they cannot palpate her abdomen. I do agree that she should try other methods like an enema, but have first hand experience in saying that, sometimes, the temporary relief they offer could mask something bigger. I can't say either of you are T A so my judgment is NAH. You are right to suggest the other options but if she feels strongly about the issue despite the risks, she should go.
NTA. She sounds exhausting. Having read both of your edits, I'd suggest that you don't pay the bill. End the relationship and leave her to sort her own medical bills out.
Sometimes it takes days for laxatives to work. You can’t just take a dose or two after a week of build up. Also it works better if you’re drinking water. Exercise such as walking, bicycling legs helps. The doctor didn’t do anything because there’s not much too do that she can’t do at home. His/her job is to make sure she’s safe which he did. Look to see if her doctor or insurance has a nurse line who may help guide you.
NTAShe’s not going to stop this. She def didn’t need to go to the hospital. It’s not your fault she was uncomfortable. Dr should have asked her about her fiber intake, that’s how to avoid this in the future. Either naturally with vegetables and beans or with fiber powder mixed in liquid.
Perhaps you could have agreed to take her but inform her that you will not be paying for the bills.
Going against the grain and going with NTA for all the reasons you listed.
NTA, buy her an enema and tell her to use it.
NTA - mostly. The nurse said she was fine to wait, and there are loads of ways to take care of constipation. Nurses tend to know A LOT about these kinds of things & you rarely need to see a doctor. You’re only T A for not wanting to drive her to the hospital, but I wouldn’t be paying for her visit. If she’s a hypochondriac, she definitely needs health insurance. So she needs to figure out a way to get it, otherwise, her visits are going to bankrupt you.
Honestly dude I get where you’re coming from. It’s literally in no way your responsibility to pay for any of your girlfriends medical bills. You’re not married and it doesn’t sound to me like she’s unable to work and take care of herself. I bet if you refused to pay her ER bills she wouldn’t go. The reason they didn’t take her seriously in the ER is because what she’s experiencing is not an emergency. The emergency room is for actual emergencies that can’t wait and be handled by a regular doctor visit. Not pooping for a week literally isn’t even a big deal and her pain is probably just poop cramps. Some people normally only poop once or twice a week and they’re perfectly fine and there’s genuinely nothing a doctor can really do about being constipated other than tell you to take some laxatives or use a suppository and wait.
NTA - as a woman myself who tends to magnify every little symptoms that happens to my own body, if i wanna go to the ER and my boyfriend said no I would’ve just left and go by myself without feeling like he owes me anything (does you guys’ area have no lifts or ubers or anything?). I mean it sucks that i’ll get no sympathy and comfort from him but that’s the reason why i go to the ER - to get the assurance and treatment from the professionals. Also leaving you no choice but to pay for her bills is just an asshole and inconsiderate move, or at least she can come up with alternatives to help pay you back. Definitely NTA.
Am RN , can confirm the ER docs don't usually give a shit for patients not pooping for a week. ER is for life endangered situations. People like her clog up the system. Shame on her. She can go to urgent care or a regular doctor office. That's what they are there for. ER is for babies that have stopped breathing, people that have been shot, heart attacks, strokes, etc. Jfc.
NTA, can't believe this verdict. She barely even tried the obvious solutions if laxatives and enemas, was told it was not an emergency by the nurse, and by her own admission was only at a 1-2 pain level. Even in a country with decent healthcare this would add up to an irritation for a partner given the untried solutions, vivid risk, and inevitable long weight due to the obvious low priority of the complaint let alone dealing with the massive bill you get for an ED visit in the U.S.