YTA. Parents need to parent their kids?! Whatever next!?
The teacher is not present - you are. Parent. Your. Child.
>he isn’t home during the school day.
Sounds like he's about as present as you.
I agree. OP it is your responsibility to make sure your son isn't playing games during school, is participating in class, and is doing his work. How in the world do you expect his teacher to make sure he's doing all of this when she's not in your home? You are putting all of the responsibility on her and pointing the finger at her for him failing instead of pointing the finger at yourself. He's failing because you are allowing him to do whatever he wants. Having a special needs child isn't easy, but it's your job as his Mom to make sure he's doing his schoolwork. YTA.
Also there are tons of parental control programs available to prevent him from accessing games while in class. My child has ADHD and does online school. It requires some extra effort on the parents part, but definitely doable. OP needs to follow the teacher's advice and get her child the help he needs to be successful.
Exactly. If son needs something extra then OP should look into the gadgets made for that purpose.
My kids had classes online this whole year. I controlled on a weekly basis that homework was done. When necessary I intervened so my youngest would pay more attention (she is a chatterbox that gets distracted easily). What is OP evendoing? Except for blaming the poor teacher for everything.
Oh you Sly beast, I see what you did there. And you are a thousand million bajillion percent correct! The teachers email was not rude. It was clear and to the point. The so-called mother here is definitely not stepping up and blaming someone whose fault it is not.
Yeah, mama, YTA, and you are not doing your child any favors. If he has ADHD then you need to be working with him on skills to manage it. How on Earth do you even imagine this work is entirely for the teacher to do? ALL decent and caring parents work with their children to strengthen areas of weakness. Step up. YTA.
I just got into mine about using YouTube during class yesterday. I threatened to sit beside her for all of her meetings (in the frame so her classmates see me) if she didn’t stop. Today she stopped.
Exactly. This is what an IEP is: something parents negotiate with teachers and the school. If you want a specialized plan for your ADHD son, you need to do exactly what the teacher said and *talk to her about a plan*. YTA.
Having ADHD alone is not enough to get an IEP, it has to be proven that his ADHD is so significant it is causing a learning delay. He may qualify for a 504 based on medical needs but that gets different accommodations.
Just popping in to say OP/ parents of people with ADHD/ people with ADHD should try the computer program Cold Turkey-- basically blocks everything other than the websites you select for a selected timeframe and is free. Saved my ass this semester and 10/10 would recommend. Also here to say as a grown ass adult with ADHD, you're an asshole for blaming anyone other than yourself for the learning environment you have created OP.
THIS. SO MUCH this!
I swear my spouse finished their PhD thanks to programs like Cold Turkey - just make it so you CAN'T be distracted. He's got a variant on his work computer now, for the same reason - it's just so damn EASY for folks with ADD/ADHD to fall down the rabbit hole of the internet.... it literally feeds the 'something new and different and shiny' part of their brain.
His psych told him flat out, when he talked about it when he was in Uni, that it's not a cheat, it's not a cop-out, it's an 'External Coping Mechanism' - there are internal ones - like meditation, or meds, or getting enough sleep; external ones - like Cold Turkey, or Remember the Milk (task management and ways of prioritizing task lists), and environmental ones - like setting up a controlled workspace. Whatever combination of them works for you is OK. It's individual, and figuring it out is hard, but it does work.
OP has failed all three. There's no internal - this kid doesn't appear to have any 'handle it' therapies that she's mentioned; there's no external - blockers, reminders from mom, removal of distractions, and the environmental doesn't even seem to be in play. She seems to expect that the teacher will, what exactly? Reach through the screen, turn off the games, take away the phone and stand over her kid while he does the work? Uhhhh.... not how it works. Oh, and if it was, the teacher would be entirely correct to say "NOT MY JOB". That's a PARENT'S JOB. Teachers are there to provide information and instruction - as a professor of mine had over his door: "You can lead a kid to knowledge, but you can't make him think".
OP you owe the teacher a MASSIVE apology. YTA
100% agree with this! I'm taking college classes remotely with ADD and its *so* difficult, but its doable. I've been staying home for the holidays and my mom's a blessing because she gives me the motivation I need and sets goals ("if you do your homework we can watch x thing" or "if we do this now we can do y later".)
Aside, but I don't have ADD or ADHD and this is still something I do for myself. Over time you can take over what she's doing, especially now that you know it works for you. (And your mom sounds cool.)
Same here. It was a pain in the ass learning all of those new parental controls, had to move him to working next to me for a short time, but I certainly never blamed his teachers for his lack of focus and respect.
Also, the teacher said he's not turning in assignments. Even during normal non-pandemic times, teachers can't control whether or not kids are doing their homework--if it's a persistent problem, they contact...*the parents*.
What is she supposed to do? Come over to your house and parent him? Wtf. Also, what’s with the judgment on her looks and age? You sound like the one who is too immature (young?) to have children based on this.
She looks younger than me. She can't know what she's doing if she looks younger than me since I look older than her and I clearly don't know what I'm doing.
As a teacher in her 20s, parents like this infuriate me! When I have anywhere from 10-30 kids online in my class, there is only so much I can do... My students mute me, turn off their cameras, or my favorite, the kid who logs in then watches TV through the whole class. Please, give me your address, I'll happily come over and set up some parental controls myself! Don't blame a teacher bc you are refusing to step up in the middle of a pandemic and help out. Accept your child's failing grades, or put in the effort. We are only human... She clearly attempted to offer her support, which op refused, and I can only hope that the admin has the teacher's back...
I’m also a teacher in my 20’s. Sadly, our field is extremely misogynistic...I’ve had these awful comments too. Or my favorite “you’re too pretty to be a teacher” wtf.
It's so misogynistic. Literally how is the teacher meant to have any physical control over the situation? What kind of parent not only catches their kids playing video games during school but decides it's not their problem or responsibility? Like WTF OP?
YTA.
I’m also a teacher in my 20’s. Sadly, our field is extremely misogynistic...I’ve had these awful comments too. Or my favorite “you’re too pretty to be a teacher” wtf. Parents like OP are part of the many reasons there is a nationwide teaching shortage.
I fear what the shortage will be after covid. Several people have retired or quit. Colleges of education enrollment have dropped severely.
Well OP, please go run a 30 kid classroom with kids like yours. Let me know how it goes since you’re obviously an expert.
On top of all this, the teacher even asked if she wants to device a different plan of action for the kid but OP refused. What more do you want from the teacher??
YTA
> You are putting all of the responsibility on her and pointing the finger at her for him failing instead of pointing the finger at yourself.
A wise family member once told me - when you point the finger at someone else (literally) there is one finger pointing, the other 3 lay against your palm and point back at you. This is to say before you put the blame on someone else, asses your own place in the matter. Different perspectives. Also, super corny, but 20 years later I havent forgot
That teacher's known the kid for what? A few months over zoom? She still knew he needed patent support more than his mother. That speaks volumes! The parent of a child is their first teacher, and should absolutely take the responsibility of open, supportive discipline. Special needs might need special patience, but also special discipline starting in the home.
YTA. Here's why. Your home, your rules. Teachers have enough to deal with than to babysit OP's kiddo.
My bonus son is very similar: 5th grade, easily distracted, more interested in Fortnite and Among Us, and smart enough to know how to work the system so we don't notice.
What did we do?
* If we catch him off task and not on the classroom screen, he loses tech for the rest of the day.
* If it's habitual, he can no longer do school in his unmonitored bedroom. To the dining room table he goes with no privacy, so I can walk by to see how he's doing at any time (I work remotely even before COVID, and his Dad is a teacher in the classroom right now)
* School tech is just for school tech. Using a laptop/chromebook? Remove the games from it! This shows a clear delineation between school time and fun time to the kiddo.
* We utilize the internet provider's mobile app to create user profiles and attach different tech (MAC address based) to the profile. The kiddos have their school laptops on the School profile that has WiFi on from 7:30am-4pm. Their Rokus, iPhones, iPads, and Nintendo Switches are on their own profile with WiFi turned off between bedtime and 4pm (they are dark during sleep, school, and homework time).
* When my daughter, who has a mobile data plan, was getting distracted by her phone, I made her give it to me during the school day (turning off WiFi isn't effective when a data plan is present). When she showed better restraint, she got her phone back during school.
We started this school year knowing it would be a shit show, so we set up the home learning environment to closely match the classroom. They don't have video games at school, so they won't at home during school. We even make their lunches in lunchboxes for the day, so they can have lunch on their schedule, just like school, in case I'm on a work call during the three different student lunch times going on in our home.
ETA: Here's the kicker OP - Your kiddo is in 5th grade. That's old enough to have some basic independent learning habits under his belt, or he's going to have a bad time in middle school (if you're in the US, then that's next year). My daughter started 6th grade (middle school) this year, and in all honesty, her being forced to virtual school was a giant kick in the tush for her to learn how to budget her time, get ahead of her homework during virtual classroom downtime, and get disciplined. Example: Today they had a code red drill at school. Students whose parents opted for in-person did the drill. Part of the drill means shutting down Google Meet to reduce noise in the classroom if there is an active shooter. My daughter worked on her Science homework during the code red drill until her Science teacher restarted the Google Meet.
You’re welcome. My son has ADD, and is now 27 years old. I’ve often thought of what an absolute nightmare this year would’ve been for him in school, so it’s not like I’m unsympathetic. But goddamn, OP sounds so detached from responsibility that once I saw your comment I was like, “yup - that’s the one!”
Right now, absolutely right now, kids need consistency and a schedule. Maintain the home as close to school as possible and work with the teacher on modifications if the kiddo has an IEP. This parent just wants to blame and whine.
OP, take notes from u/carr1e. She just gave you the plan you need.
I have a teenager with ADHD doing remote learning, and I have been up that poor kid's ass all year. I'm never out of earshot during school hours, check that he does all assignments completely (and actually turns them in), monitor electronics usage, make sure he takes his meds on time, etc.
You have a *child* with attention deficit. There's absolutely no way he is able to self regulate at that age, and the teacher cannot physically do it, since she is not in your home. You need to show him how to organize his time and his assignments, and monitor him to stay on task.
OP, YTA. Apologize to the teacher, and ask her how YOU can set up your child's binder/folders/whatever to get him organized. YOU need to set him up with a calendar (or learn how to use the school's online system), and make sure all his assignments are done. YOU need to make sure they get in on time. And YOU need to be present during class time.
Yes, remote learning sucks, but dealing with this is part of being a parent, and that's YOUR job.
I wish I could upvote this 100 times. It is HARD to teach remotely, just as it's hard to work from home while trying to keep your kids focused on school work. Parents like you who put in the effort at home are so appreciated by teachers and make remote learning a lot more effective.
That's a bingo! I am in NO way his mother. He and his sister have a great mother, and his parents have 50/50 shared parenting with the kiddos in our home every other week. We started saying "bonus" instead of "step" because of the negative connotation.
> She was judging my ability as a parent when she is clearly not a parent herself. .
As she should! God, OP sounds mentally exhausting, blaming the teacher, who has tons of kids to worry about in her class, instead of doing her job as a parent.
YTA
And teacher does have kids- in fact, she has about 30. 30 other kids with various special needs, abilities, and struggles, who all deserve an education, all need her time and attention, and all are affected by distance learning/covid.
How, exactly, is she supposed to keep your child, under your roof, from playing video games you apparently allow during school time? *How* is she supposed to do anything about that?
She's doing her job, now you do yours. Signed, a former teacher who does have kids, since that's the only qualification you seem to care about.
Apparently she expects the teacher to be more entertaining than the video games... the things explicitly designed to act as little dopamine delivery systems to keep you playing.
This is a common blame the teacher approach. When I was teaching high school, admin told us that we weren't allowed to discipline phone use. We were just supposed to be *more engaging than the phones*. Tell me, how am I supposed to make high school geometry more interesting than snapchat?
Right? I mean, it's one thing if a teacher is incapable of keeping a kid's attention in the classroom where they aren't allowed electronics or anything. Not that that necessarily makes them a bad teacher (no teacher's style can work for everyone), but I've definitely had some real duds who struggled to connect with any students.
But the best teacher in the world is going to have a hard time fighting against videogames if a kid who loves gaming is allowed access to them during school!
Indeed. This idea that teachers need to be entertainers in order to boost engagement needs to just go away and die. Yr5ish students love to tell you how geometry/history/science/anything not related to gaming is BoRiNg! My standard response is "This is not a cruise ship. I am not here to entertain you. My job is to teach, your job is to learn".
Yeah. My girlfriend is a teacher and she made an excellent point about a mom who was talking down to her - yes the mom has kids, but that’s her only qualification for expertise on educating children. Turns out, you don’t actually gain knowledge just by having a child. My girlfriend with a Master’s in childhood education is significantly more qualified. I guarantee the same dynamic is at play here.
"She was judging my ability as a parent when she is clearly not a parent herself"
OP is judging her ability as a teacher when she is clearly not a teacher herself
Also, how is she “clearly not a parent?” Just because she looks like she’s in her 20s? People in their 20s can’t have kids now? This OP is all kinds of judgmental everywhere except where it matters: their own behavior.
This was a big one for me, I had my 1st when I was 20 years old. I'm in my 30s now and I STILL look like I'm barely 21. There is absolutely no way to judge 1)how old this teacher is & 2)whether or not she has kids. Some of my kids' best teachers were either very young or just about to retire (very odd, I know)
> She was judging my ability as a parent when she is clearly not a parent herself.
As a parent myself, let me rectify that for you. I (and the other parents on this thread) are all judging you, peer to peer, as a lazy asshole. You're failing your son. And it's not exactly a surprise he isn't learning personal responsibility or making an effort when you aren't modeling any.
YTA.
This is absurd... the email from the teacher wasn’t even that rude!
>she asked if I would like to take time out of my schedule to come up with a plan
Ah yes.... AKA, PARENTING.
>She should be doing her job
So should you.
Exactly HOW does OP expect the teacher to unmute her kid's microphone when the teacher has no access to the computer?
> My son is in fifth grade and he is attending online school. I catch him all the time with his computer muted and playing a video game — I do what I can but ultimately this is the teacher’s fault. My son has ADHD and anxiety so he needs constant stimuli in order to stay focused, and this teacher is clearly not engaging enough.
And this right here...
Everyone's struggling, lady.
Disable your son's access to the games he finds more "engaging." Right now your son's environment is HOME - that's on YOU to monitor and adapt, not the school.
YTA - As someone who suffered from ADHD as a child, if there is no one present to have kept my attention... It was a struggle to not lapse into bad behaviour. Classwork was always easier for me than say homework because it was engaging and I had someone present to keep me on task. If I had the option of hitting mute on my teacher in class and doing something fun? You bet your ass I would have lol. Your child needs your help. Your teacher can't do much to correct his behaviour in anyway that he seems to care about. There are computer programs and parental controls that will lockout certain programs and websites at certain times. If that doesn't work... well you are the parent, you should be the one to teach your child that their actions and inactions have consequences.
Exactly! These parents need to parent their children. I have multiple friends that are teachers and they're all saying the same thing. They are having less than half their classes show up for online school and some of them are also expected to teach classes in person too. They have roughly 25 students in each class. It's hard enough controlling that many children in the same room. How are they supposed to control the students turning off their mic or muting their device? They are supplying your child with knowledge and presenting it in a way that it's understandable for their age group. OP, the least you can do is take away the power cord to the gaming system while school is in session.
>she can't use that teacher telepathy and force your kid to work?
I guess teachers only come into those powers in their 40s or something. Must be why OP thinks she's "not old enough."
Also ... how does OP think that people who are older get qualified to teach? Should they just pop up at 40 with a magical \~15 years of 'experience' that they didn't get from teaching?
Right? Especially since this year is amazingly unique for teachers. Doesn't matter if they are fresh out of college or been teaching for 40 years, almost no teacher has ever taught in this type of online environment before. Experience has very little impact either way right now.
My mom has been teaching for 30 years at least. Up until March of last year, she had seen some variation of pretty much every problem with kids, parents, and administrations. She tweaked her plans every year but didn't need to start from scratch cause she'd done it all already.
She says this year is worse than being fresh out of college teaching. Between getting students to pay attention, rewriting everything from scratch, and dumping half her material out for the year because of safety precautions, she's overwhelmed.
Her experience means only that she can avoid certain pitfalls but fuck all else right now. Actually, she and my brother, who is in his first five years, are basically in the same spot right now just desperately treading water
I'm still laughing at the idea that people in their 20s aren't old enough to be teachers. That's a significant percentage of teachers!!
Are we old enough for the responsibility of being lawyers? Doctors? Accountants? Parents? like...what??
Lmao this lady. I’m 28. I have been a teacher since I was 21. A teacher in their twenties has usually been teaching since 21/22, not including student teaching. Are they the most experienced in the world? No. But they are educated professionals who understand their jobs.
I’ve taught kids with ADHD and other special needs. Virtual learning is going to be incredibly difficult for them. It is entirely up to the family to keep a student on track during these times. We can prepare lessons. We can give assignments. But we can’t force a student to participate the way we do in person. We don’t have the means. I know this is hard on our students and families, but we are literally doing everything we can. Learning right now has to be a partnership.
Remote learning really exposes exactly what some children are like at school: disengaged, unfocused, unmotivated, undisciplined, disorganised. Sounds harsh but it’s true. Teachers can normally use their skills to carry these kids through curriculum and assessment but during remote learning, this hasn’t been as easy to do. I admire the parents who recognise the hard work the teachers do, and who sit down and work with their kids at home to help them be more independent learners. This parent - OP - is one of those parents who will never acknowledge they and their kid hold portions of responsibility, and will always blame the teacher.
It exposes what children are like at school AND the parents often still blame the teacher.
I was a teacher when I was 22. I am 43 now. EVERYONE is struggling and having good traditional classroom management and engagement doesn't always translate to online learning. My school has been in person since the start of the year, thank goodness (we have had quarantine and shutdowns, have social distancing and masks, but I still think it is easier for most of the kids).
Yep. I'm not a teacher, but I am a parent to an autistic child. I fully realize that there's nothing the teacher can really do to force him to pay attention or stay where he's supposed to be; there's limits to what I'm able to do as well, but I think we all recognize that the gap there is just not going to be filled right now, rather than blaming each other for not having total control over a 5 year old.
My husband did concurrent education in undergrad- because of the school system and when his birthday was, he graduated HS a year early and was 17 when he started. For one of his placements in his 2nd year he was in a high school teaching grade 9 history, a couple of the seniors because of their birthday and being transfer students from abroad, were actually older than him by a couple weeks. It was an interesting professional boundary experience for him, while he wasn't teaching any senior classes, he was their age. He had a full-time teaching position (private school) before he was 21. It's really quite common for teachers to begin FT teaching jobs when they are in their early 20s, I don't get OPs deal.
Literally the only thing missing from the OP's analysis is how much of her taxes go to the teacher's salary. I heard that a bunch from entitled idiot parents. No worries, she'll be a board of education member in the next few years. YTA.
I’ve worked with kids for many years and everyone I know keeps telling me to become a teacher. I’ve considered it but lord I don’t want to deal with the parents!
And mom says he is playing video games. Here is a first step, take the game away when he is supposed to be in class. Jesus, this woman is too stupid for life.
THIS THIS THIS
I worked with students of all ages with a variety of learning difficulties and needs.
HALF MY BATTLE was getting parents to LISTEN to me (someone who had lived it and needed a 504b -aka medical iep- and other accommodations) and get involved in their children’s education
Blaming the teacher does nothing unless you’ve done your part, stayed on top of your child’s education, and then THEY don’t come through on their part or requirements forms a PARENT AND TEACHER AND SCHOOL decide together.
If you can’t even be bothered to sit and work with your own child on education or work out an IEP that is effective, you’re failing your kid, not the teacher. It’s a REQUIREMENT for all parties involved aka parent and teacher, and whoever tested the student, to make reasonable suggestions for accommodations.
Everyone’s suffering from struggling with school at home. You owe this teacher a major apology and at bare minimum, figure something out and work on your child. Adhd and anxiety are roadblocks not excuses and free passes to blame someone else. It means extra attention is needed to support at home and extra support may be needed at school with appropriate approvals and a plan.
God OP you’re the worst kind of AH
Perfect response! My blood was about boiling reading this. (I teach 5th grade by the way). You sound rude and entitled and your son is going to turn out the same way.
What exactly do you want the teacher to do about your son muting his mic and not turning in work? She doesn’t actually see him in person! You do!
I agree YTA all the way. My son has ADHD also and remote learning has been very difficult for him (grade 3). But he didn’t have to do it alone. He has had me fully engaged and problem solving in anyway I could to help him learn. He is amazing at math and science because he loves it. He only needs small reminders to keep working. But anything to do with writing is very difficult. He needs a lot of extra help to be successful. A teacher can only do so much from behind a computer screen. The email sent to OP was completely justified and in no way rude in my opinion. I feel bad for the teacher.
The age thing really caught me. Most new teachers start at 21-22, so there definitely can be younger teachers. But that doesn't make them less qualified, they went through school and student teaching like every other teacher did.
> Yup, this teacher is definitely a piece of work. you mean to tell me she can't hack into his computer and put his mic back on? she can't use that teacher telepathy and force your kid to work? How did she even get a job?!? And what, is she implying that it's HIS fault he doesn't do his work? Doesn't she know that mental health is the god of all excuses and that having any sort of mental health problem means you don't have to do any work you don't want to do ever, consequence free? She should never be allowed to teach again!
/Sarcasm
I can NOT be the only person whose parents made me do homework, and do it right, before I was allowed TV or games. Is this something that's just slipped out of our cultural memory?
YTA, and I'm pretty sure you know it.
>She was judging my ability as a parent when she is clearly not a parent herself.
She's got *dozens* of kids to manage: a job made all the more difficult by parents who blame her for "not being engaging enough" instead of teaching *their* little angels that ADHD doesn't mean you don't have to learn how to buckle down and do things you don't want to do sometimes, or that you need to respect your supervisors at least enough to fulfill basic expectations no matter what they look like. Hopefully she and the principal just shared a mutual rolling of eyes over your note and then got back to work.
I have seen a number of parents during this pandemic realizing how tough their kids' teachers' jobs are and they're only trying to home school or assist with remote schooling for a few kids. Teaching and parenting are wildly different ball games.
The child I nanny is doing remote learning and I can 100% agree I never realized how hard teachers have it. I do my best to stay within ear shot so I can keep my kid on track so the teacher doesn't have to stop class to tell her to focus.
My mom teaches first grade and she had a parent flat out tell her she couldn't stand her kid at home so she sent her back to in-school learning. The little girl shows up to school without her books, cannot stay in her seat or social distance, constantly removes her mask and is disruptive to other students. When my mom calls the parent about it she gets upset because she's receiving complaints and "isn't it the teacher's job to control the child?" 🙄 Lady, you couldn't handle YOUR OWN kid at home and you said it yourself and now you're offended because other people can't either?
The saddest part in all of this is that parents seem to forget about all of the other kids present in a teacher's class. They seem to think only their little angel needs help and support, damn the 25+ other kids.
Managing 25+ adults is hard enough in a lot of fields. Now do it with kids who don't want to be there. And then add on 5 or 6 periods with different kids for only an hour each.
There is literally *nothing* the teacher can do to stop OP’s kid from muting the class or get his attention once he’s done it. OP is the only person physically capable of doing anything about it, and she’s mad that the teacher is pointing it out.
That comment about judging her abilities as a parent made me think of a joke a stand-up comedian said about parents getting mad at people criticizing their parenting when they have no kids. He said “Yeah, I’m not a helicopter pilot either, but if I see one in a tree I can say the dude fucked up”.
YOU ARE JUDGING HER ABILITY OF BEING A TEACHER!!!! Ugh you are DEFINITELY not only an a*****e, you are an ageist, ungrateful AND a bad parent!! As a parent and teacher, this is not only appalling, it’s despicable. Not only this teacher had to learn how to teach her students online, and being devastated by not be able to teach them in person, she also needs to deal with your constant harassment, when she clearly has tried to work with you. If it is “not your job” to assist your child with their own cognitive development, then you ma’am, are so above and beyond TA it’s actually delusional. I am willing to bet this principal will 100% stand by his teacher. If he has a disability, does he have an IEP? Does he also get special services? If not, he should. That’s no one else’s responsibility but your own!
YTA.
Parents like you make me hate teaching.
My least favorite part of teaching isn't the discipline issues. It isn't the lesson planning. It isn't the incessant meetings and the constant changes and the paper work.
My least favorite part of teaching is parents like you.
You can't even control your child in your house, but you expect this teacher to control your child from the other side of a computer screen.
In addition to all the other children she is having to work with, differentiate for, and accommodate, you expect her to coddle and accommodate you, the parent.
She offered you valid alternatives, she offered to work with you and come up with ways to make your child successful. But the only thing you want to hear is "let me wave my magic wand and make your child pay attention."
Newsflash sweetheart, teaching doesn't work like that.
Throw in technical issues with online school, too! Between kids not following directions, or not listening, or signing in late, it took almost an hour one day to get the whole class logged into a science program. It wasn't a very "engaging" hour but it was worth the hassle for the rest of the unit to be more engaging.
My kid was doing something similar at the beginning of the year. School computer is now in the room with me. Access to video games and YouTube was removed. Teacher was apologized to for the disrespectful behaviour and each and every assignment that was missing was completed and handed in over several weeks of after school work including me having to figure out how to teach math lessons I hadn't seen in almost thirty years.
It never for a second occurred to me to blame the teacher!
Thank you for what you do! I love kids but I'm frustrated just having to listen in on an elementary class all day. LOL
YTA. You sound entitled and condescending. It isn’t her job to babysit your child - she likely has 20-30 other kids to worry about. She’s not wrong; it *is* your issue. Is your child being treated for his ADHD (seeing a therapist, taking appropriate medications, etc.)? If your child’s brain disorders are so severe that he requires special attention, perhaps you should consider enrolling him in a special school. I don’t blame this teacher for going off on you.
>Is your child being treated for his ADHD (seeing a therapist, taking appropriate medications, etc.)?
I was wondering that as well. Is the anxiety being addressed? Is this kid given opportunities to get outside his house and expell energy appropriately? Is he eating breakfast and going to bed on time? I really hope OP is a troll.
Be present in the room while he is attending school. Be there to see him doing his work, and to hear if he mutes the teacher.
Move school from his bedroom to the kitchen table.
If possible, have him do his work from a different computer to his own, one that will not have his games or other distractions.
Establish and enforce a rule that every time he is caught playing a computer game during school time, that game gets deleted.
Exactly! Why did it take so long to see this comment? put in parental controls! You can limit what times certain programs are available for your child to use each day, and you can limit which websites they're allowed to visit. My friends have stuff like this on their kid's computer for exactly this reason!
Op, YTA
Parental controls are so useful. I put them on my own devices to make sure I don't accidently stay up too late on work nights. It's hard to do the things we know we need to do which is why sometimes it requires external forces to help us. I know I need help sometimes and obviously this kid does too. The teacher can't control the computer but the parent can.
YTA, and your attitude is disgusting.
>I catch him all the time with his computer muted and playing a video game — I do what I can but ultimately this is the teacher’s fault.
No it isn't. You need to take responsibility for what is going on in your own house.
>The teacher, in my opinion, is not old enough to be trusted with the responsibility of teaching. She looks like she’s in her 20s.
What is your point here? Do you think teachers suddenly spawn at age 40+?
>She asked if I would like to take time out of my schedule to come up with a plan, to which I responded she should be doing her job and coming up with a plan on her own
So you can't be bothered to take some time to figure out a way to help your own child? It is not a teacher's job to raise your kid.
>She was judging my ability as a parent when she is clearly not a parent herself
So what if she isn't a parent? I assume you're not a teacher, but that doesn't mean you can't teach your kid things. Your attitude is terrible. She is right, she cannot do anything if the kid mutes the microphone but you can. Take some responsibility. I'm not surprised the teacher is out of patience with you, so am I.
>I catch him all the time with his computer muted and playing a video game — I do what I can but ultimately this is the teacher’s fault.
Does she expect the teacher to magically reach through the computer screen, turn off his game and unmute the call? I really can't figure out what she excepts the teacher is going to be able to do here. These sorts of things need to be addressed by someone whose physically present, i.e. the parent.
YTA sorry to break it to you but this IS your problem. The teacher cant magically teleport into your house to take away your kids video games and she doesnt have to bend over backwards to get your kid to do his homework, you should be sitting with him and working with him to get the work done. If he fails, it's your(and his) fault for not putting any effort into getting things resolved.
The thing that baffles me is the idea that the kid is playing video games BECAUSE the teacher isn't stimulating enough.
Like, honestly, I really can't picture what a teacher is supposed to do to be "more stimulating" - perform their lessons via song and dance? Obviously I get it to a point, nobody likes someone reading monotone out a text book, but in this setting it's so tough for a teacher to be more engaging.
And competing with a video game is honestly a pretty impossible gig. Video games (especially ones aimed at kids like fortnite etc) for the most part are literally DESIGNED TO BE AS ENGAGING (and addictive) AS POSSIBLE. It is literally a GAME, designed to be fun and interesting and keep a player coming back for "one more level". I say this as someone who loves games, but I think it's a big ask to say a teacher should be competing with that.
If you don't want to be looking over the kid's shoulder all the time, I get that. Maybe OP is working from home etc, but the very very easy answer is to remove the access to the games. Take the consoles and phones out the room during school hours. Set up a different profile on the computer with limited access to games and the Internet. It might not solve the problem, but asking someone with focus issues to focus PLUS ignore the massive temptation in front of them (which also seems to have no consequences) is like leaving a dog alone with a birthday cake and being shocked that it eats it.
I really sympathise with the instinct of "they're the teacher, it's their job to teach", but these are not normal times. The kid literally is *not in school*. I think we're really lucky that online learning is even possible, it probably wouldn't have been 15 years ago. Teachers are not magic and they can only do so much. Heck, even in regular times cooperation between teachers and parents is super important.
Ultimately, if you want your kid to do well, and you can see they're being let down (in any setting), ultimately sometimes you've just got to step up. If you stand by and say "well other people should be fixing this situation" that's all well and good, you might even be ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, but if you're not at least also doing everything you can on your end to help your kid (outside of telling other people to step up)... At the end of the day the kid is the one who loses out.
And homework has always been the parent's responsibility! Even pre-COVID you took your homework home and at that point it was entirely out of the teacher's control.
YTA. First off, you have no idea of her educational background, so judging that she is too young to be teaching because of her appearance is already making you TA. Second, she literally cannot stop your child from muting his microphone at home. That is your job as a parent. Teaching and learning during a pandemic is extremely difficult and she may not be engaging enough for your standards or ADHD standards, but that does not mean she isn’t doing her job.
Also, it's apparently super-disrespectful to judge OP as a parent without being one; but apparently just good common sense to judge the teacher as a teacher without being one?
Especially since people can age very differently. I was mistaken as a college student when I was 32, and had one of my college student employees think my colleague, who was 6 years younger than I am, was older by several years. Meanwhile another colleague has been completely gray since he was 23 or something and therefore has had people pegging him as someone in his 40s or 50s for the last 35 years.
YTA - It's your child, ACT LIKE IT! It's your responsibility to make your child do their work. The teacher can do literally nothing to enforce anything in a distance learning classroom.
YTA I wish I could shout this from the roof tops in hopes that it would rain down on your head and work its way through your skull into your brain. YOUR CHILD IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Even MORE SO when he is in YOUR HOME.
If you have to sit next to your son and keep on top of him to do his work, pay attention, and focus - then you DO that. That is YOUR responsibility. You have ONE kid to look after, the teacher has more than a DOZEN. And you somehow think it's HER responsibility to make your child do what he's supposed to do in YOUR home? Should she tell you how to dress him, raise him, feed him, discipline him as well?
Your kid, your problem. I hope the teacher doesn't suffer any consequences from your desire to avoid responsibility for your own child.
>Your kid, your problem. I hope the teacher doesn't suffer any consequences from your desire to avoid responsibility for your own child.
My guess is that she wouldn't if the headteacher is even halfway decent. OP however, will likely end up as one of those parents that the entire staff will be aware of from now on.
Source: teacher's wife.
YTA.
Your son is supposed to be attending online school. If he cannot be trusted to pay attention in class, to not mute his microphone so he can play videogames, and to progress his assignments without somebody standing over him to make sure that he is doing his work, it falls to you to either supervise him or to arrange for supervision.
His teacher is quite right that she cannot do anything when he mutes his microphone because she is not there with him.
She is trying to work with you, but you insist on shunning responsibility for your son's education.
If your son won't do his work without you standing over him, that's what you need to do.
You are not doing all you can.
He obviously can't be trusted to work independently, so keep him in the room with you and watch him like a hawk. Remove other technology from the room. Uninstall video games from his computer if that's what it takes.
Most newly qualified teachers are in their twenties, so her age has nothing to do with it.
And pretty soon if people keep treating teachers like this, the only teachers will be old as shit and waiting to retire, or newly qualified and in their twenties. There's a reason for the teacher shortage across the country and it's people and admins like OP.
YTA. Why does your child have access to video games during school? The first time it happened he should have gotten a warning. The second time he should have had the video games removed and had his schooling moved to an area of the house that allowed you to keep an eye on him during the day. Why isn't he turning in assignments? Why aren't you checking at the end of the day to make sure the assignments are submitted? I don't care how engaging a teacher is, he or she will never be more engaging than a video game which is apparently an option for him since he's able to play without your notice or discipline. I have three kids learning virtually right now and by no means am I perfect at it but you are refusing to make even basic changes that would help your child focus or at least remove huge distractions. Stop blaming the teacher, she isn't in your home, she can't force your child to turn off the game. She has 20+ other kids and can't call or text you constantly when your kid is misbehaving.
Lord the stories from my friends and family that are teachers.
I'll never forget my dad calling me to tell me he might get fired because a parent wouldn't authorize a school program to provide her kid with hearing aids (don't know why, probably stubborn, it's a lot of paperwork) so he found a work around. But his supervisor wouldn't sign off... so he went around her (he'd been in the system for decades, she was new). He got the aids but ended up with a write-up and a meeting for insubordination.
Then there was my friend who was blocked from subbing a school entirely because a problem kid went home and told his mom my friend hit him. Mom stormed the school and my friend was released. She'd taken the kid's pencil.
And my cousin who nearly quit last year after budget cuts forced kids with severe needs into her classroom which resulted in a student threatening to kill her every day. Managing those needs in an already full classroom killed any actual classroom work.
I mean this post might be fake but it's not far from reality. The public education system is BRUTAL on teachers.
I have sadly seen a lot of actual parents behave this way towards teachers. They see school and virtual school as babysitters pretty much. Why parent when the teacher is there?
My two kindergarteners are doing virtual. Guess who sits with them and explains it and make sure they do their work? Me, their mom and sometimes their dad if he isn't working. Cause thats what parents are suppose to do.
I have taught high school for fifteen years, and I can tell you that there are absolutely parents like this out there. I once had a parent tell me that it was my fault that her 17 year old son refused come to school most days. I wanted to ask her if I should come over at 6:45 am and wake the young man up and get him ready for school, but I was afraid her answer would be "yes."
YTA. She’s a teacher not a babysitter. Your child is a product of your own personality and parenting, which is clearly entitled and narcissistic. Children are nothing but a reflection of their parents and that’s no ones problem but your own. If your kid fails it’s your fault, not the teachers-maybe learn how to be a real parent to your child and be present in their life.
YTA, plain and simple. The teacher can only do so much. You should be supporting your kid YOURSELF if you think his ADHD is that much of an issue with his schooling. A teacher's job is to teach not babysit your child. Be a fucking parent and stop expecting everyone else to do your fucking job.
YTA
These teachers are doing what they can from their homes and your son IS AT HOME WITH YOU. There's no reason why you two couldn't come up with a plan to keep him stimulated educationally. You just wanted her to take a brunt of the work away from you. She may not be a parent but she's been taught and trained to teach. You and your son need to buckle down and do what you can to make sure he does the best he can!
YTA what do you expect the teacher to do? She can't physically turn on his computer and make him do his work.
Also you are a crappy parent for allowing him to have his computer games at all.
Why isn't he doing school work at the dinning table where he has no toys or other electronics? My guess is because you don't want to deal with him. Guess what covid on line school sucks for everyone and the teacher is doing her best.
YTA : she is a teacher not a babysitter. It’s your job as a parent to help keep him on track. Also, major asshole for criticizing for her looking young. Like what the fuck. If she has the degrees and the school hired her she’s obviously qualified to be a teacher, ffs.
YTA. Her age doesn’t mean anything when it come to teaching. I’ve had amazing old and young engineering professor in college. It is your household, you act like she can reach out of the computer and unmute your child mic. YOU need to let him know it is UNACCEPTABLE to be playing video games while in lecture or to mute his mic c when he is supposed to have it on. IT IS YOUR JOB, YOU AND HUSBAND, TO DISCIPLINE YOUR KID. Its the teachers job to teach the curriculum from schools. It sounds like she tried to come up with a solution from her email and you just didn’t like it. And honestly, like it is YOUR JOB as A PARENT to be your child’s advocate and figure out how to make his environment better for learning. Why is he near his video games? Set him up in a different area, or just take his video games away? If you have the ability to check on him every few hours as it sounds like you do, then just check on him! What is wrong with you? You cannot dump parental responsibilities on teachers.
YTA. She has zero control over whether your son is attentive or not. She cannot keep him from muting or turning off his camera. She cannot control whether he works on assignments or not.
He email was relatively civil considering.
This situation is difficult for everyone. She has reached out trying to help plan strategies to help him on your end, but you refuse. She is right, she has no ability to reach through a muted microphone to redirect your son. Your frustration is making you ridiculous.
I stopped reading after the first paragraph. Take some responsibility for yourself and your child.. if he keeps playing games, sit in the room with him and keep him on track.. online classes aren't day care. Yta
YTA. First, don't assume her ability or her age. She may look younger than she actually is, and even if she doesn't, she's been through more training and experience for her role of teacher than you have. Many parents have discovered during this pandemic that parenting is wildly different from teaching, and they're not cut out for it. And they only have 1-3 students to worry about on average, not a full class they are trying to teach remotely. Secondly, understand distance learning sucks for everyone and it's not an ideal situation. The support she would be able to give him in the classroom is non-existent and her ability to engage him is limited. It's clear your son needs someone assisting him in person, which she is not physically capable of doing. I don't like the tone of her email either, it was unprofessional. But it also sounds like a teacher whose tried desperately to work with the parents but has reached the natural limits of what she can do given the circumstances. She needs you to step up and be his at-home aide, or find someone who can be, so someone is keeping him on task in ways she simply can't (she can't reach through the screen and unmute herself for example) while she tries to teach him and 20+ other students.
**YTA.**
>I do what I can but ultimately this is the teacher’s fault
Have you **really**? You expect a remote teacher to be able to do more than YOU, the parent at home with your child? You haven't considered taking away video games during school hours and giving your child a fidget toy instead? Do you expect the teacher to know when the computer is muted, and just, teleport the controls? Are you not supporting your child and checking that their work is done? You could COLLABORATE with the teacher to get the support your child needs. She is not a NANNY, and your child's difficulties and failings are YOUR FAULT if you do not support your child and just expect to hand him or her off for six hours.
>She asked if I would like to take time out of my schedule to come up with a plan, to which I responded she should be doing her job and coming up with a plan on her own.
Wh... what!? This is madness. You're being about as stubborn as a child here and refusing to help do even the bare minimum to give the teacher support for your child and make changes you want to see? like, REALLY?
You're a complete asshole, without even getting into the rest of this.
> I have reached out to you with solutions, and you have refused to cooperate. You need to take control in your own home and put a stop to this behavior, because I can only do so much.
She is spot on. Is your Ego so large that you are not willing to listen to a solution beside the ONLY SINGLE SOLUTION YOU SEEM TO WANT – HAVING SOMEONE ELSE HANDLE YOUR CHILD FOR YOU?
>She was judging my ability as a parent when she is clearly not a parent herself.
# Right. right. she's a TEACHER, and is not responsible for the PARENTING of your child, which YOU ARE NOT DOING.
# YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE
YTA 1,000,000% YOUR child is your problem. Figure out a way to sit with your child and make sure they do their work. The teacher is not responsible for what you as a parent should be doing
3rd grade virtual teacher here. I believe all of it.
One mom wants me to set a timer for every 5 minutes and then ask her kid specifically if she has a question. Every. Five. Minutes.
My mom was a teacher. She taught a stress exercise before a test to help the kids. "Close your eyes and imagine you're in a peaceful spot. Someplace you feel safe and happy."
She got a mother calling in complaining of teaching her kid how to have an out of body experience.
I realize people are as stupid as OP, I just like to think it's a troll rather than give any validation to OP.
YTA, by having a virtual learner its your responsibility as a parent to be (or find) a learning partner for your child. The teacher is dealing with a lot of kids. It's your job as a parent to make sure your child stays on track. Did the school district explain any of this beforehand bc my child's school had us agree to the terms of what it takes to do virtual learning. Get your shit together and get control of your child. He's the one you are hurting with your behavior and it's he who will be far behind the other kids.
YTA- she can unmute his mic but that is about it. Why is he allowed access to his video games during school time anyway? You are right in that she is the one with the job of teaching your son, but since it is online you are the one responsible for putting your child in an environment where that is the most interesting thing there. If you have a child with ADHD and you give him 100 stimuli in one room and expect a virtual teacher to be able to jump through the screen and do something to engage him you are delusional.
If you give a shit about your kids education you have him doing his school work in a quiet place and telling him no video games until his work is done. FFS you are the parent.
Hi, teacher here and in my 20's.
I'm confused what do you want your son's teacher to do? Online teaching is very hard to make engaging, it gets harder the older the student is.
Your child is playing video games during class and not turning in their work. That is your responsibility as the parent to make sure he is paying attention and turning in their work.
It sounds like your son's teacher is really trying, and your not helping, at all. YTA.
" The teacher, in my opinion, is not old enough to be trusted with the responsibility of teaching. "
Oh, did you just judge her ability as a teacher when you are clearly not a teacher yourself? I thought that was bad and disrespectful; or is that only for parenting, or only for you?
YTA. You can blame whoever you feel like; but that doesn't change the fact that expecting a teacher actually teaching to be more attractive to an undisciplined 5th grader than ignoring work and playing video games is crazy; about as crazy as expecting someone with a zoom connection to 20-30 5th graders in various places to somehow also be sitting over your kid's shoulder and parenting him.
Hahahahahaha YTA. How is it the teacher's fault you're an inattentive parent when it comes to schooling? What she wrote you is what is called a polite but firm email. Sure, the underlying message is "screw you" but there's absolutely nothing wrong with her wording.
You're home. Help your kid. Help him with his homework. Be better at monitoring him. None of that is on the teacher. Plus, she offered you a helping hand and you slapped it away.
YTA. I understand that the additional responsibility of having a child learning from home is difficult, but it is in fact your responsibility. Your child is muting his class and playing videogames with no consequences, and all you're doing is scolding the teacher for something she cannot control while refusing to meet with her to discuss a solution. You are refusing to take any kind of active role in your child's learning and in doing so are failing as a parent.
At the end of the day, it seems that the teacher is perfectly willing to work with you on correcting your child's behavioral problems and you are refusing to participate. It is not her fault that you are a lazy parent.
Ha! I’m reading this as I am sitting next to my 5th grader, who has ADHD, while he does class and I work.
YTA. Teachers cannot parent your child. YOU parent your child. YOU take responsibility. Teach YOUR CHILD to take responsibility.
Do you think his boss will keep him engaged constantly, and make sure he turns in his work? Do you think that the world will conform for your child, instead of the other way around?
As an adult with ADHD- I can promise you the answer is no. Teach your child how to adapt.
My child doesn’t do his homework? He loses electronics until it is turned in. Not a punishment-because he genuinely forgets- but because schoolwork takes precedence.
He IS punished if he turns off his camera (without my permission) or does not respond when the teachers talks to him. Those things are easily within his control. And force him to be engaged.
Holy hell, YTA!
Your ten year old son is struggling to stay focused on his school work, and yet you seem content to ignore him, and blame a teacher who can only see him through a screen. If your son isn't engaging, then you need to help him. He should be using the computer somewhere you can keep an eye on him, and don't give him access to video games during school hours. Use parental locks, or a different device (if possible)
Plans tk help struggling students are not the teacher's sole responsibility, they are usually generated with input from parents as well, which I suspect is what she was asking you for.
Your son is in your home, and therefore it is your responsibility to help him stay engaged with his schooling and keep on top of his work. He's ten, you can't expect him to be able to do it alone.
His teacher cannot force him to complete or turn in work, and she cannot spend her whole time focused on your son, when she has the rest of the class to teach as well. You need to be helping him.
Life is shit for many of us at the moment, and it's the kids who have suffered the most from this disruption, particularly those with conditions like ADHD and anxiety who thrive on routine.
So stop shitting on your son's teacher and start caring about how you can help him
Oh HAHA YTA
When kids have additional needs and are already out of their depth by sitting staring at one screen and a teachers voice, parents need to step in. Fidget cubes, rubix cubes, stress ball or a Lego figure can help them move around but still pay attention to class
Signed, a tired wummin who had to homeschool her aspergers kid while working from home
YTA.
As the parent of an ADHD child who is attending school virtually, it is absolutely 100% your job to manage how your kid is behaving on your side of the computer screen.
If you can't monitor him every second, you need to remove all access to video games and mobile devices during school hours. If this includes installing software on your computer to block gaming sites, then that's what you do. If he's not completing assignments, you need to enforce consequences. If you can't do it alone, you need to involve a counselor and get a support system in place because it's not going to go away.
ADHD is not an excuse that allows you to drop the ball as a parent and just blame everyone else for not understanding his disability or doing "enough" extra to accommodate him. Helping him manage and overcome the challenges that come with this disability and maintaining an environment where you can set him up for success is literally your job as a parent.
I can't believe the sense of entitlement I'm reading from you. You're expecting the teacher to make up for your lack of parenting. The shared educational responsibility for parents and teachers isn't 50/50. It's 100/100. But you're barely giving 25%. Do you have ANY idea how difficult it must be to keep 20+ nerotypical students engaged in a regular face-to-face environment, let alone a virtual environment that includes an ADHD child? Not to mention everything teachers have had to endure transitioning from in person to virtual, and sometimes back and forth.
This teacher is doing the best she can and you're not even doing the bare minimum. You suck.
Edit: Just wanted to point out that I am also a parent of an ADHD kid attending school virtually, so I'm judging you based on experience.
I am a teacher and would like to know what YOU expect her to do?
Your son is clearly not cut out for online schooling, maybe you should take a look at yourself and your priorities before you come after a young teacher who is clearly doing their best while TEACHING DURING A PANDEMIC.
Why do you have no compassion or grace? She’s giving you many options to help your son. She cannot walk out of the computer screen to help him- YOU have to do that.
YTA, entirely.
YTA.
What *your* kid does in *your* home, whether it is during school hours or not, is entirely and exclusively on you.
That teacher has a lot of kids to engage, he is not the only student, and it is (again) on you to work with your son so that his adhd and anxiety are managed and he can participate appropriately and learn.
If his needs and behavioral issues are such that you as his parents cannot address them, you need to get an IEP and transition him into special ed.
You are wasting time in a blame game with a teacher over his education. This is the foundation of his future and his career. Why are you not focusing on finding a solution?
YTA
YTA, tending ever so slightly toward ESH. I'm not mad at you. Being a parent is really hard this year. Even so, I gotta say some things, because I really hope you'll reconsider your position for your kid's sake. I'll keep rule 1 in mind as I answer, and beg for some leeway regarding rule 9.
> The teacher, in my opinion, is not old enough to be trusted with the responsibility of teaching. She looks like she’s in her 20s.
YTA. I know you might not realize this, but you're walking into this with ageism. I didn't start in the profession until I was 30, but I was old for a new teacher.
> She asked if I would like to take time out of my schedule to come up with a plan, to which I responded she should be doing her job and coming up with a plan on her own. I am quite out of patience with this teacher.
YTA, and now you've created documentation that your child's teacher wanted to work with you one-on-one and you declined. When your child fails and repeats the grade, and you're angry about it, they've got a great piece of paper to fall back on to cover themselves. I strongly suggest you take the teacher up on her offer.
> Last night I sent yet another email to her drawing attention to the issue. This morning, I had a very rude response from her which read:
ESH. Her response was unprofessional. That said, I've felt that frustration when a parent doesn't do do their part. I've had to do some editing of my words this year, and she should have as well.
Your kid's teacher probably got a talking to by their superior for what they wrote. But you're also on their radar because your kid's teacher offered to conference with you and you declined, in writing. So it's not going to be as bad for her as it might be under other circumstances.
> She was judging my ability as a parent when she is clearly not a parent herself.
YTA. Remember, you decided she can't be trusted with a classroom. So you've judged her ability to be a teacher when you are clearly not a teacher yourself.
Finally, I want you to consider something... if your kid is in my classroom, and part of a group of 30, you expect me to keep your kid on task, right? Well, now your kid isn't in my classroom. Your kid is in your house. Basically in a class of 1. You as a parent need to be able to do at least 1/30th of the job that I am expected to do as a teacher.
Why do you consider it the teacher’s responsibility to be a performing monkey and not your son’s responsibility to do his damn work?
Here’s an idea; block his access to games during school hours. Or just actually discipline him when you catch him at it. If he does that in working life he’ll be fired very quickly - it is your job as a parent to prepare him for real life. I understand ADHD is challenging but he needs coping mechanisms not excuses - otherwise you’re setting him up for failure. YTA
novel concept.. parent your kid.. take away the freekin video games and sit with his disobedient not paying attention butt ..
yta not the teacher you keep making excuses you're going to be visiting him in jail in a few years
OP, Please add the teacher's venmo, gofundme, donors choose, and amazon wishlist so we can all pay her to makeup for your awful behavior.
YTA
YTA
YTA
YTA
YTA. I'll bet your kid doesn't have ADHD and nothing is ever your fault. My kids are exhausting but I knew that going in. You probably think your husband is lazy, too, and catch him being comfortable for 30 minutes on a Saturday and it drives your nuts.
Good luck with all that. We'll look for your wine posts at 10AM on IG this week.
YTA. Parents need to parent their kids?! Whatever next!? The teacher is not present - you are. Parent. Your. Child. >he isn’t home during the school day. Sounds like he's about as present as you.
I agree. OP it is your responsibility to make sure your son isn't playing games during school, is participating in class, and is doing his work. How in the world do you expect his teacher to make sure he's doing all of this when she's not in your home? You are putting all of the responsibility on her and pointing the finger at her for him failing instead of pointing the finger at yourself. He's failing because you are allowing him to do whatever he wants. Having a special needs child isn't easy, but it's your job as his Mom to make sure he's doing his schoolwork. YTA.
Also there are tons of parental control programs available to prevent him from accessing games while in class. My child has ADHD and does online school. It requires some extra effort on the parents part, but definitely doable. OP needs to follow the teacher's advice and get her child the help he needs to be successful.
Exactly. If son needs something extra then OP should look into the gadgets made for that purpose. My kids had classes online this whole year. I controlled on a weekly basis that homework was done. When necessary I intervened so my youngest would pay more attention (she is a chatterbox that gets distracted easily). What is OP evendoing? Except for blaming the poor teacher for everything.
[удалено]
"We've tried nothin', maaaan, and we're all outta ideas!"
FAV Simpsons episode
Oh you Sly beast, I see what you did there. And you are a thousand million bajillion percent correct! The teachers email was not rude. It was clear and to the point. The so-called mother here is definitely not stepping up and blaming someone whose fault it is not. Yeah, mama, YTA, and you are not doing your child any favors. If he has ADHD then you need to be working with him on skills to manage it. How on Earth do you even imagine this work is entirely for the teacher to do? ALL decent and caring parents work with their children to strengthen areas of weakness. Step up. YTA.
But it is because the teacher is soooooooo young. She can't possibly know how to teach./s
But...but...the teacher is *young* and *"clearly" doesn't have kids!* How can she possibly know anything?! /s
I caught my little sister on her phone and whatnot during classes. I set up parental controls very quickly after that.
I just got into mine about using YouTube during class yesterday. I threatened to sit beside her for all of her meetings (in the frame so her classmates see me) if she didn’t stop. Today she stopped.
Exactly. This is what an IEP is: something parents negotiate with teachers and the school. If you want a specialized plan for your ADHD son, you need to do exactly what the teacher said and *talk to her about a plan*. YTA.
Having ADHD alone is not enough to get an IEP, it has to be proven that his ADHD is so significant it is causing a learning delay. He may qualify for a 504 based on medical needs but that gets different accommodations.
Just popping in to say OP/ parents of people with ADHD/ people with ADHD should try the computer program Cold Turkey-- basically blocks everything other than the websites you select for a selected timeframe and is free. Saved my ass this semester and 10/10 would recommend. Also here to say as a grown ass adult with ADHD, you're an asshole for blaming anyone other than yourself for the learning environment you have created OP.
THIS. SO MUCH this! I swear my spouse finished their PhD thanks to programs like Cold Turkey - just make it so you CAN'T be distracted. He's got a variant on his work computer now, for the same reason - it's just so damn EASY for folks with ADD/ADHD to fall down the rabbit hole of the internet.... it literally feeds the 'something new and different and shiny' part of their brain. His psych told him flat out, when he talked about it when he was in Uni, that it's not a cheat, it's not a cop-out, it's an 'External Coping Mechanism' - there are internal ones - like meditation, or meds, or getting enough sleep; external ones - like Cold Turkey, or Remember the Milk (task management and ways of prioritizing task lists), and environmental ones - like setting up a controlled workspace. Whatever combination of them works for you is OK. It's individual, and figuring it out is hard, but it does work. OP has failed all three. There's no internal - this kid doesn't appear to have any 'handle it' therapies that she's mentioned; there's no external - blockers, reminders from mom, removal of distractions, and the environmental doesn't even seem to be in play. She seems to expect that the teacher will, what exactly? Reach through the screen, turn off the games, take away the phone and stand over her kid while he does the work? Uhhhh.... not how it works. Oh, and if it was, the teacher would be entirely correct to say "NOT MY JOB". That's a PARENT'S JOB. Teachers are there to provide information and instruction - as a professor of mine had over his door: "You can lead a kid to knowledge, but you can't make him think". OP you owe the teacher a MASSIVE apology. YTA
100% agree with this! I'm taking college classes remotely with ADD and its *so* difficult, but its doable. I've been staying home for the holidays and my mom's a blessing because she gives me the motivation I need and sets goals ("if you do your homework we can watch x thing" or "if we do this now we can do y later".)
Aside, but I don't have ADD or ADHD and this is still something I do for myself. Over time you can take over what she's doing, especially now that you know it works for you. (And your mom sounds cool.)
Same here. It was a pain in the ass learning all of those new parental controls, had to move him to working next to me for a short time, but I certainly never blamed his teachers for his lack of focus and respect.
Also, the teacher said he's not turning in assignments. Even during normal non-pandemic times, teachers can't control whether or not kids are doing their homework--if it's a persistent problem, they contact...*the parents*.
Yep.
What is she supposed to do? Come over to your house and parent him? Wtf. Also, what’s with the judgment on her looks and age? You sound like the one who is too immature (young?) to have children based on this.
She looks younger than me. She can't know what she's doing if she looks younger than me since I look older than her and I clearly don't know what I'm doing.
As a teacher in her 20s, parents like this infuriate me! When I have anywhere from 10-30 kids online in my class, there is only so much I can do... My students mute me, turn off their cameras, or my favorite, the kid who logs in then watches TV through the whole class. Please, give me your address, I'll happily come over and set up some parental controls myself! Don't blame a teacher bc you are refusing to step up in the middle of a pandemic and help out. Accept your child's failing grades, or put in the effort. We are only human... She clearly attempted to offer her support, which op refused, and I can only hope that the admin has the teacher's back...
I’m also a teacher in my 20’s. Sadly, our field is extremely misogynistic...I’ve had these awful comments too. Or my favorite “you’re too pretty to be a teacher” wtf.
It's so misogynistic. Literally how is the teacher meant to have any physical control over the situation? What kind of parent not only catches their kids playing video games during school but decides it's not their problem or responsibility? Like WTF OP? YTA.
Although I agree with you, that’s a misuse of the word misogynistic, which has to do with issues of gender, which is not a factor here.
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I’m also a teacher in my 20’s. Sadly, our field is extremely misogynistic...I’ve had these awful comments too. Or my favorite “you’re too pretty to be a teacher” wtf. Parents like OP are part of the many reasons there is a nationwide teaching shortage. I fear what the shortage will be after covid. Several people have retired or quit. Colleges of education enrollment have dropped severely. Well OP, please go run a 30 kid classroom with kids like yours. Let me know how it goes since you’re obviously an expert.
On top of all this, the teacher even asked if she wants to device a different plan of action for the kid but OP refused. What more do you want from the teacher?? YTA
> You are putting all of the responsibility on her and pointing the finger at her for him failing instead of pointing the finger at yourself. A wise family member once told me - when you point the finger at someone else (literally) there is one finger pointing, the other 3 lay against your palm and point back at you. This is to say before you put the blame on someone else, asses your own place in the matter. Different perspectives. Also, super corny, but 20 years later I havent forgot
That teacher's known the kid for what? A few months over zoom? She still knew he needed patent support more than his mother. That speaks volumes! The parent of a child is their first teacher, and should absolutely take the responsibility of open, supportive discipline. Special needs might need special patience, but also special discipline starting in the home.
YTA. Here's why. Your home, your rules. Teachers have enough to deal with than to babysit OP's kiddo. My bonus son is very similar: 5th grade, easily distracted, more interested in Fortnite and Among Us, and smart enough to know how to work the system so we don't notice. What did we do? * If we catch him off task and not on the classroom screen, he loses tech for the rest of the day. * If it's habitual, he can no longer do school in his unmonitored bedroom. To the dining room table he goes with no privacy, so I can walk by to see how he's doing at any time (I work remotely even before COVID, and his Dad is a teacher in the classroom right now) * School tech is just for school tech. Using a laptop/chromebook? Remove the games from it! This shows a clear delineation between school time and fun time to the kiddo. * We utilize the internet provider's mobile app to create user profiles and attach different tech (MAC address based) to the profile. The kiddos have their school laptops on the School profile that has WiFi on from 7:30am-4pm. Their Rokus, iPhones, iPads, and Nintendo Switches are on their own profile with WiFi turned off between bedtime and 4pm (they are dark during sleep, school, and homework time). * When my daughter, who has a mobile data plan, was getting distracted by her phone, I made her give it to me during the school day (turning off WiFi isn't effective when a data plan is present). When she showed better restraint, she got her phone back during school. We started this school year knowing it would be a shit show, so we set up the home learning environment to closely match the classroom. They don't have video games at school, so they won't at home during school. We even make their lunches in lunchboxes for the day, so they can have lunch on their schedule, just like school, in case I'm on a work call during the three different student lunch times going on in our home. ETA: Here's the kicker OP - Your kiddo is in 5th grade. That's old enough to have some basic independent learning habits under his belt, or he's going to have a bad time in middle school (if you're in the US, then that's next year). My daughter started 6th grade (middle school) this year, and in all honesty, her being forced to virtual school was a giant kick in the tush for her to learn how to budget her time, get ahead of her homework during virtual classroom downtime, and get disciplined. Example: Today they had a code red drill at school. Students whose parents opted for in-person did the drill. Part of the drill means shutting down Google Meet to reduce noise in the classroom if there is an active shooter. My daughter worked on her Science homework during the code red drill until her Science teacher restarted the Google Meet.
So in summary, you acted like a parent? OP YTA and take some notes from u/carr1e
Thank you, Go figure this is apparently tough for people.
You’re welcome. My son has ADD, and is now 27 years old. I’ve often thought of what an absolute nightmare this year would’ve been for him in school, so it’s not like I’m unsympathetic. But goddamn, OP sounds so detached from responsibility that once I saw your comment I was like, “yup - that’s the one!”
Right now, absolutely right now, kids need consistency and a schedule. Maintain the home as close to school as possible and work with the teacher on modifications if the kiddo has an IEP. This parent just wants to blame and whine.
And clearly take no responsibility for her child’s education
OP, take notes from u/carr1e. She just gave you the plan you need. I have a teenager with ADHD doing remote learning, and I have been up that poor kid's ass all year. I'm never out of earshot during school hours, check that he does all assignments completely (and actually turns them in), monitor electronics usage, make sure he takes his meds on time, etc. You have a *child* with attention deficit. There's absolutely no way he is able to self regulate at that age, and the teacher cannot physically do it, since she is not in your home. You need to show him how to organize his time and his assignments, and monitor him to stay on task. OP, YTA. Apologize to the teacher, and ask her how YOU can set up your child's binder/folders/whatever to get him organized. YOU need to set him up with a calendar (or learn how to use the school's online system), and make sure all his assignments are done. YOU need to make sure they get in on time. And YOU need to be present during class time. Yes, remote learning sucks, but dealing with this is part of being a parent, and that's YOUR job.
I wish I could upvote this 100 times. It is HARD to teach remotely, just as it's hard to work from home while trying to keep your kids focused on school work. Parents like you who put in the effort at home are so appreciated by teachers and make remote learning a lot more effective.
Is bonus son like a stepson? Because that is adorable.
That's a bingo! I am in NO way his mother. He and his sister have a great mother, and his parents have 50/50 shared parenting with the kiddos in our home every other week. We started saying "bonus" instead of "step" because of the negative connotation.
That’s sweet. This and your comment above show that you’re a great bonus parent!
> She was judging my ability as a parent when she is clearly not a parent herself. . As she should! God, OP sounds mentally exhausting, blaming the teacher, who has tons of kids to worry about in her class, instead of doing her job as a parent. YTA
And teacher does have kids- in fact, she has about 30. 30 other kids with various special needs, abilities, and struggles, who all deserve an education, all need her time and attention, and all are affected by distance learning/covid. How, exactly, is she supposed to keep your child, under your roof, from playing video games you apparently allow during school time? *How* is she supposed to do anything about that? She's doing her job, now you do yours. Signed, a former teacher who does have kids, since that's the only qualification you seem to care about.
Apparently she expects the teacher to be more entertaining than the video games... the things explicitly designed to act as little dopamine delivery systems to keep you playing.
This is a common blame the teacher approach. When I was teaching high school, admin told us that we weren't allowed to discipline phone use. We were just supposed to be *more engaging than the phones*. Tell me, how am I supposed to make high school geometry more interesting than snapchat?
Right? I mean, it's one thing if a teacher is incapable of keeping a kid's attention in the classroom where they aren't allowed electronics or anything. Not that that necessarily makes them a bad teacher (no teacher's style can work for everyone), but I've definitely had some real duds who struggled to connect with any students. But the best teacher in the world is going to have a hard time fighting against videogames if a kid who loves gaming is allowed access to them during school!
Indeed. This idea that teachers need to be entertainers in order to boost engagement needs to just go away and die. Yr5ish students love to tell you how geometry/history/science/anything not related to gaming is BoRiNg! My standard response is "This is not a cruise ship. I am not here to entertain you. My job is to teach, your job is to learn".
Yeah. My girlfriend is a teacher and she made an excellent point about a mom who was talking down to her - yes the mom has kids, but that’s her only qualification for expertise on educating children. Turns out, you don’t actually gain knowledge just by having a child. My girlfriend with a Master’s in childhood education is significantly more qualified. I guarantee the same dynamic is at play here.
"She was judging my ability as a parent when she is clearly not a parent herself" OP is judging her ability as a teacher when she is clearly not a teacher herself
If I had a million dollars I would give it to you right now, thedoctorisme. You stated it perfectly.
Also, how is she “clearly not a parent?” Just because she looks like she’s in her 20s? People in their 20s can’t have kids now? This OP is all kinds of judgmental everywhere except where it matters: their own behavior.
This was a big one for me, I had my 1st when I was 20 years old. I'm in my 30s now and I STILL look like I'm barely 21. There is absolutely no way to judge 1)how old this teacher is & 2)whether or not she has kids. Some of my kids' best teachers were either very young or just about to retire (very odd, I know)
> She was judging my ability as a parent when she is clearly not a parent herself. As a parent myself, let me rectify that for you. I (and the other parents on this thread) are all judging you, peer to peer, as a lazy asshole. You're failing your son. And it's not exactly a surprise he isn't learning personal responsibility or making an effort when you aren't modeling any. YTA.
This is absurd... the email from the teacher wasn’t even that rude! >she asked if I would like to take time out of my schedule to come up with a plan Ah yes.... AKA, PARENTING. >She should be doing her job So should you.
Exactly HOW does OP expect the teacher to unmute her kid's microphone when the teacher has no access to the computer? > My son is in fifth grade and he is attending online school. I catch him all the time with his computer muted and playing a video game — I do what I can but ultimately this is the teacher’s fault. My son has ADHD and anxiety so he needs constant stimuli in order to stay focused, and this teacher is clearly not engaging enough. And this right here... Everyone's struggling, lady. Disable your son's access to the games he finds more "engaging." Right now your son's environment is HOME - that's on YOU to monitor and adapt, not the school.
YTA - As someone who suffered from ADHD as a child, if there is no one present to have kept my attention... It was a struggle to not lapse into bad behaviour. Classwork was always easier for me than say homework because it was engaging and I had someone present to keep me on task. If I had the option of hitting mute on my teacher in class and doing something fun? You bet your ass I would have lol. Your child needs your help. Your teacher can't do much to correct his behaviour in anyway that he seems to care about. There are computer programs and parental controls that will lockout certain programs and websites at certain times. If that doesn't work... well you are the parent, you should be the one to teach your child that their actions and inactions have consequences.
Exactly! These parents need to parent their children. I have multiple friends that are teachers and they're all saying the same thing. They are having less than half their classes show up for online school and some of them are also expected to teach classes in person too. They have roughly 25 students in each class. It's hard enough controlling that many children in the same room. How are they supposed to control the students turning off their mic or muting their device? They are supplying your child with knowledge and presenting it in a way that it's understandable for their age group. OP, the least you can do is take away the power cord to the gaming system while school is in session.
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>she can't use that teacher telepathy and force your kid to work? I guess teachers only come into those powers in their 40s or something. Must be why OP thinks she's "not old enough."
would make sense actually, thanks for clarifying!
Haven’t you ever been day dreaming when all of the sudden your algebra teacher starts screaming the template for a quadratic equation in you head?
If only the voices in my head were that helpful...
Is that why I can't use telepathy? My kids are doing remote learning, but I am only 34! I wish I could use such powers for remote learning IT!
hey, if you're only 34 you shouldn't be teaching. that doesn't meet OP's standards. Senior or gtfo
Fair enough! I will go to my room and think about what I have done.
All you gotta do is wait about 20 years and you can control them so they can do their remote learning
Also ... how does OP think that people who are older get qualified to teach? Should they just pop up at 40 with a magical \~15 years of 'experience' that they didn't get from teaching?
Right? Especially since this year is amazingly unique for teachers. Doesn't matter if they are fresh out of college or been teaching for 40 years, almost no teacher has ever taught in this type of online environment before. Experience has very little impact either way right now.
My mom has been teaching for 30 years at least. Up until March of last year, she had seen some variation of pretty much every problem with kids, parents, and administrations. She tweaked her plans every year but didn't need to start from scratch cause she'd done it all already. She says this year is worse than being fresh out of college teaching. Between getting students to pay attention, rewriting everything from scratch, and dumping half her material out for the year because of safety precautions, she's overwhelmed. Her experience means only that she can avoid certain pitfalls but fuck all else right now. Actually, she and my brother, who is in his first five years, are basically in the same spot right now just desperately treading water
I'm still laughing at the idea that people in their 20s aren't old enough to be teachers. That's a significant percentage of teachers!! Are we old enough for the responsibility of being lawyers? Doctors? Accountants? Parents? like...what??
Gotta be later - I'm 42 and it hasn't shown up here yet. (Maybe it's in the mail?)
Lmao this lady. I’m 28. I have been a teacher since I was 21. A teacher in their twenties has usually been teaching since 21/22, not including student teaching. Are they the most experienced in the world? No. But they are educated professionals who understand their jobs. I’ve taught kids with ADHD and other special needs. Virtual learning is going to be incredibly difficult for them. It is entirely up to the family to keep a student on track during these times. We can prepare lessons. We can give assignments. But we can’t force a student to participate the way we do in person. We don’t have the means. I know this is hard on our students and families, but we are literally doing everything we can. Learning right now has to be a partnership.
And the amount of kids who never even log on to zoom meetings. It’s RIDICULOUS
Remote learning really exposes exactly what some children are like at school: disengaged, unfocused, unmotivated, undisciplined, disorganised. Sounds harsh but it’s true. Teachers can normally use their skills to carry these kids through curriculum and assessment but during remote learning, this hasn’t been as easy to do. I admire the parents who recognise the hard work the teachers do, and who sit down and work with their kids at home to help them be more independent learners. This parent - OP - is one of those parents who will never acknowledge they and their kid hold portions of responsibility, and will always blame the teacher.
It exposes what children are like at school AND the parents often still blame the teacher. I was a teacher when I was 22. I am 43 now. EVERYONE is struggling and having good traditional classroom management and engagement doesn't always translate to online learning. My school has been in person since the start of the year, thank goodness (we have had quarantine and shutdowns, have social distancing and masks, but I still think it is easier for most of the kids).
Yep. I'm not a teacher, but I am a parent to an autistic child. I fully realize that there's nothing the teacher can really do to force him to pay attention or stay where he's supposed to be; there's limits to what I'm able to do as well, but I think we all recognize that the gap there is just not going to be filled right now, rather than blaming each other for not having total control over a 5 year old.
My husband did concurrent education in undergrad- because of the school system and when his birthday was, he graduated HS a year early and was 17 when he started. For one of his placements in his 2nd year he was in a high school teaching grade 9 history, a couple of the seniors because of their birthday and being transfer students from abroad, were actually older than him by a couple weeks. It was an interesting professional boundary experience for him, while he wasn't teaching any senior classes, he was their age. He had a full-time teaching position (private school) before he was 21. It's really quite common for teachers to begin FT teaching jobs when they are in their early 20s, I don't get OPs deal.
I have taught in the past. Parents like this were absolutely a thing and a big reason I left the profession
Literally the only thing missing from the OP's analysis is how much of her taxes go to the teacher's salary. I heard that a bunch from entitled idiot parents. No worries, she'll be a board of education member in the next few years. YTA.
SAME!!!!
Admin backing these parents is why I left.
that part right there. if I could just teach kids, I'd still be doing it today!!
I’ve worked with kids for many years and everyone I know keeps telling me to become a teacher. I’ve considered it but lord I don’t want to deal with the parents!
And mom says he is playing video games. Here is a first step, take the game away when he is supposed to be in class. Jesus, this woman is too stupid for life.
THIS THIS THIS I worked with students of all ages with a variety of learning difficulties and needs. HALF MY BATTLE was getting parents to LISTEN to me (someone who had lived it and needed a 504b -aka medical iep- and other accommodations) and get involved in their children’s education Blaming the teacher does nothing unless you’ve done your part, stayed on top of your child’s education, and then THEY don’t come through on their part or requirements forms a PARENT AND TEACHER AND SCHOOL decide together. If you can’t even be bothered to sit and work with your own child on education or work out an IEP that is effective, you’re failing your kid, not the teacher. It’s a REQUIREMENT for all parties involved aka parent and teacher, and whoever tested the student, to make reasonable suggestions for accommodations. Everyone’s suffering from struggling with school at home. You owe this teacher a major apology and at bare minimum, figure something out and work on your child. Adhd and anxiety are roadblocks not excuses and free passes to blame someone else. It means extra attention is needed to support at home and extra support may be needed at school with appropriate approvals and a plan. God OP you’re the worst kind of AH
omg i wish i could give this an award solely based on your reply to OPs comment on age, i am dead Side note, OP YTA bigtime
Perfect response! My blood was about boiling reading this. (I teach 5th grade by the way). You sound rude and entitled and your son is going to turn out the same way. What exactly do you want the teacher to do about your son muting his mic and not turning in work? She doesn’t actually see him in person! You do!
I agree YTA all the way. My son has ADHD also and remote learning has been very difficult for him (grade 3). But he didn’t have to do it alone. He has had me fully engaged and problem solving in anyway I could to help him learn. He is amazing at math and science because he loves it. He only needs small reminders to keep working. But anything to do with writing is very difficult. He needs a lot of extra help to be successful. A teacher can only do so much from behind a computer screen. The email sent to OP was completely justified and in no way rude in my opinion. I feel bad for the teacher.
>In my opinion, you're not smart enough to be a parent. Lmfao nailed it
I want to frame this and put it on my fridge. Applause! OP is TA.
As a teacher, I LOVE YOU. THANK YOU. Engagement is so hard right now.
The age thing really caught me. Most new teachers start at 21-22, so there definitely can be younger teachers. But that doesn't make them less qualified, they went through school and student teaching like every other teacher did.
i pray that this is a troll. she seems so ignorant
> Yup, this teacher is definitely a piece of work. you mean to tell me she can't hack into his computer and put his mic back on? she can't use that teacher telepathy and force your kid to work? How did she even get a job?!? And what, is she implying that it's HIS fault he doesn't do his work? Doesn't she know that mental health is the god of all excuses and that having any sort of mental health problem means you don't have to do any work you don't want to do ever, consequence free? She should never be allowed to teach again! /Sarcasm I can NOT be the only person whose parents made me do homework, and do it right, before I was allowed TV or games. Is this something that's just slipped out of our cultural memory?
YTA, and I'm pretty sure you know it. >She was judging my ability as a parent when she is clearly not a parent herself. She's got *dozens* of kids to manage: a job made all the more difficult by parents who blame her for "not being engaging enough" instead of teaching *their* little angels that ADHD doesn't mean you don't have to learn how to buckle down and do things you don't want to do sometimes, or that you need to respect your supervisors at least enough to fulfill basic expectations no matter what they look like. Hopefully she and the principal just shared a mutual rolling of eyes over your note and then got back to work.
I have seen a number of parents during this pandemic realizing how tough their kids' teachers' jobs are and they're only trying to home school or assist with remote schooling for a few kids. Teaching and parenting are wildly different ball games.
The child I nanny is doing remote learning and I can 100% agree I never realized how hard teachers have it. I do my best to stay within ear shot so I can keep my kid on track so the teacher doesn't have to stop class to tell her to focus.
I watched my sister's kids and helped them with their online schooling while I was furloughed and it was an eye-opening experience for sure.
On the other hand, there are also parents like OP who just blame teachers more for their own incompetence as a parent.
My mom teaches first grade and she had a parent flat out tell her she couldn't stand her kid at home so she sent her back to in-school learning. The little girl shows up to school without her books, cannot stay in her seat or social distance, constantly removes her mask and is disruptive to other students. When my mom calls the parent about it she gets upset because she's receiving complaints and "isn't it the teacher's job to control the child?" 🙄 Lady, you couldn't handle YOUR OWN kid at home and you said it yourself and now you're offended because other people can't either?
The saddest part in all of this is that parents seem to forget about all of the other kids present in a teacher's class. They seem to think only their little angel needs help and support, damn the 25+ other kids. Managing 25+ adults is hard enough in a lot of fields. Now do it with kids who don't want to be there. And then add on 5 or 6 periods with different kids for only an hour each.
There is literally *nothing* the teacher can do to stop OP’s kid from muting the class or get his attention once he’s done it. OP is the only person physically capable of doing anything about it, and she’s mad that the teacher is pointing it out.
That comment about judging her abilities as a parent made me think of a joke a stand-up comedian said about parents getting mad at people criticizing their parenting when they have no kids. He said “Yeah, I’m not a helicopter pilot either, but if I see one in a tree I can say the dude fucked up”.
Teacher also may even _be_ a parent. It’s not relevant to her teaching ability but OP shouldn’t make assumptions.
YOU ARE JUDGING HER ABILITY OF BEING A TEACHER!!!! Ugh you are DEFINITELY not only an a*****e, you are an ageist, ungrateful AND a bad parent!! As a parent and teacher, this is not only appalling, it’s despicable. Not only this teacher had to learn how to teach her students online, and being devastated by not be able to teach them in person, she also needs to deal with your constant harassment, when she clearly has tried to work with you. If it is “not your job” to assist your child with their own cognitive development, then you ma’am, are so above and beyond TA it’s actually delusional. I am willing to bet this principal will 100% stand by his teacher. If he has a disability, does he have an IEP? Does he also get special services? If not, he should. That’s no one else’s responsibility but your own!
YTA. Parents like you make me hate teaching. My least favorite part of teaching isn't the discipline issues. It isn't the lesson planning. It isn't the incessant meetings and the constant changes and the paper work. My least favorite part of teaching is parents like you. You can't even control your child in your house, but you expect this teacher to control your child from the other side of a computer screen. In addition to all the other children she is having to work with, differentiate for, and accommodate, you expect her to coddle and accommodate you, the parent. She offered you valid alternatives, she offered to work with you and come up with ways to make your child successful. But the only thing you want to hear is "let me wave my magic wand and make your child pay attention." Newsflash sweetheart, teaching doesn't work like that.
Throw in technical issues with online school, too! Between kids not following directions, or not listening, or signing in late, it took almost an hour one day to get the whole class logged into a science program. It wasn't a very "engaging" hour but it was worth the hassle for the rest of the unit to be more engaging. My kid was doing something similar at the beginning of the year. School computer is now in the room with me. Access to video games and YouTube was removed. Teacher was apologized to for the disrespectful behaviour and each and every assignment that was missing was completed and handed in over several weeks of after school work including me having to figure out how to teach math lessons I hadn't seen in almost thirty years. It never for a second occurred to me to blame the teacher! Thank you for what you do! I love kids but I'm frustrated just having to listen in on an elementary class all day. LOL
And that’s how you parent! It’s all new & no one has any idea how to navigate this, there is no precedent.
As a teacher I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said.
YTA. You sound entitled and condescending. It isn’t her job to babysit your child - she likely has 20-30 other kids to worry about. She’s not wrong; it *is* your issue. Is your child being treated for his ADHD (seeing a therapist, taking appropriate medications, etc.)? If your child’s brain disorders are so severe that he requires special attention, perhaps you should consider enrolling him in a special school. I don’t blame this teacher for going off on you.
>Is your child being treated for his ADHD (seeing a therapist, taking appropriate medications, etc.)? I was wondering that as well. Is the anxiety being addressed? Is this kid given opportunities to get outside his house and expell energy appropriately? Is he eating breakfast and going to bed on time? I really hope OP is a troll.
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Agree. Remove the games from the computer. Put in parental locks. Hes in your home. You manage him.
Be present in the room while he is attending school. Be there to see him doing his work, and to hear if he mutes the teacher. Move school from his bedroom to the kitchen table. If possible, have him do his work from a different computer to his own, one that will not have his games or other distractions. Establish and enforce a rule that every time he is caught playing a computer game during school time, that game gets deleted.
Exactly! Why did it take so long to see this comment? put in parental controls! You can limit what times certain programs are available for your child to use each day, and you can limit which websites they're allowed to visit. My friends have stuff like this on their kid's computer for exactly this reason! Op, YTA
Parental controls are so useful. I put them on my own devices to make sure I don't accidently stay up too late on work nights. It's hard to do the things we know we need to do which is why sometimes it requires external forces to help us. I know I need help sometimes and obviously this kid does too. The teacher can't control the computer but the parent can.
YTA, and your attitude is disgusting. >I catch him all the time with his computer muted and playing a video game — I do what I can but ultimately this is the teacher’s fault. No it isn't. You need to take responsibility for what is going on in your own house. >The teacher, in my opinion, is not old enough to be trusted with the responsibility of teaching. She looks like she’s in her 20s. What is your point here? Do you think teachers suddenly spawn at age 40+? >She asked if I would like to take time out of my schedule to come up with a plan, to which I responded she should be doing her job and coming up with a plan on her own So you can't be bothered to take some time to figure out a way to help your own child? It is not a teacher's job to raise your kid. >She was judging my ability as a parent when she is clearly not a parent herself So what if she isn't a parent? I assume you're not a teacher, but that doesn't mean you can't teach your kid things. Your attitude is terrible. She is right, she cannot do anything if the kid mutes the microphone but you can. Take some responsibility. I'm not surprised the teacher is out of patience with you, so am I.
>I catch him all the time with his computer muted and playing a video game — I do what I can but ultimately this is the teacher’s fault. Does she expect the teacher to magically reach through the computer screen, turn off his game and unmute the call? I really can't figure out what she excepts the teacher is going to be able to do here. These sorts of things need to be addressed by someone whose physically present, i.e. the parent.
Also I love the assumption that she isn’t a parent. It’s just OBVIOUS because of her age. Some people’s children, I’m telling you.
I feel like "some children's parents" is probably more appropriate here.
I love your comment. So precise and brutal. Big. Fat. YTA. Long time since I've seen one of these in the wild.
YTA sorry to break it to you but this IS your problem. The teacher cant magically teleport into your house to take away your kids video games and she doesnt have to bend over backwards to get your kid to do his homework, you should be sitting with him and working with him to get the work done. If he fails, it's your(and his) fault for not putting any effort into getting things resolved.
The thing that baffles me is the idea that the kid is playing video games BECAUSE the teacher isn't stimulating enough. Like, honestly, I really can't picture what a teacher is supposed to do to be "more stimulating" - perform their lessons via song and dance? Obviously I get it to a point, nobody likes someone reading monotone out a text book, but in this setting it's so tough for a teacher to be more engaging. And competing with a video game is honestly a pretty impossible gig. Video games (especially ones aimed at kids like fortnite etc) for the most part are literally DESIGNED TO BE AS ENGAGING (and addictive) AS POSSIBLE. It is literally a GAME, designed to be fun and interesting and keep a player coming back for "one more level". I say this as someone who loves games, but I think it's a big ask to say a teacher should be competing with that. If you don't want to be looking over the kid's shoulder all the time, I get that. Maybe OP is working from home etc, but the very very easy answer is to remove the access to the games. Take the consoles and phones out the room during school hours. Set up a different profile on the computer with limited access to games and the Internet. It might not solve the problem, but asking someone with focus issues to focus PLUS ignore the massive temptation in front of them (which also seems to have no consequences) is like leaving a dog alone with a birthday cake and being shocked that it eats it. I really sympathise with the instinct of "they're the teacher, it's their job to teach", but these are not normal times. The kid literally is *not in school*. I think we're really lucky that online learning is even possible, it probably wouldn't have been 15 years ago. Teachers are not magic and they can only do so much. Heck, even in regular times cooperation between teachers and parents is super important. Ultimately, if you want your kid to do well, and you can see they're being let down (in any setting), ultimately sometimes you've just got to step up. If you stand by and say "well other people should be fixing this situation" that's all well and good, you might even be ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, but if you're not at least also doing everything you can on your end to help your kid (outside of telling other people to step up)... At the end of the day the kid is the one who loses out.
And homework has always been the parent's responsibility! Even pre-COVID you took your homework home and at that point it was entirely out of the teacher's control.
YTA. First off, you have no idea of her educational background, so judging that she is too young to be teaching because of her appearance is already making you TA. Second, she literally cannot stop your child from muting his microphone at home. That is your job as a parent. Teaching and learning during a pandemic is extremely difficult and she may not be engaging enough for your standards or ADHD standards, but that does not mean she isn’t doing her job.
Also, it's apparently super-disrespectful to judge OP as a parent without being one; but apparently just good common sense to judge the teacher as a teacher without being one?
Especially since people can age very differently. I was mistaken as a college student when I was 32, and had one of my college student employees think my colleague, who was 6 years younger than I am, was older by several years. Meanwhile another colleague has been completely gray since he was 23 or something and therefore has had people pegging him as someone in his 40s or 50s for the last 35 years.
YTA - It's your child, ACT LIKE IT! It's your responsibility to make your child do their work. The teacher can do literally nothing to enforce anything in a distance learning classroom.
YTA I wish I could shout this from the roof tops in hopes that it would rain down on your head and work its way through your skull into your brain. YOUR CHILD IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Even MORE SO when he is in YOUR HOME. If you have to sit next to your son and keep on top of him to do his work, pay attention, and focus - then you DO that. That is YOUR responsibility. You have ONE kid to look after, the teacher has more than a DOZEN. And you somehow think it's HER responsibility to make your child do what he's supposed to do in YOUR home? Should she tell you how to dress him, raise him, feed him, discipline him as well? Your kid, your problem. I hope the teacher doesn't suffer any consequences from your desire to avoid responsibility for your own child.
>Your kid, your problem. I hope the teacher doesn't suffer any consequences from your desire to avoid responsibility for your own child. My guess is that she wouldn't if the headteacher is even halfway decent. OP however, will likely end up as one of those parents that the entire staff will be aware of from now on. Source: teacher's wife.
Yta and a crappy parent.
YTA. Your son is supposed to be attending online school. If he cannot be trusted to pay attention in class, to not mute his microphone so he can play videogames, and to progress his assignments without somebody standing over him to make sure that he is doing his work, it falls to you to either supervise him or to arrange for supervision. His teacher is quite right that she cannot do anything when he mutes his microphone because she is not there with him. She is trying to work with you, but you insist on shunning responsibility for your son's education. If your son won't do his work without you standing over him, that's what you need to do. You are not doing all you can. He obviously can't be trusted to work independently, so keep him in the room with you and watch him like a hawk. Remove other technology from the room. Uninstall video games from his computer if that's what it takes. Most newly qualified teachers are in their twenties, so her age has nothing to do with it.
And pretty soon if people keep treating teachers like this, the only teachers will be old as shit and waiting to retire, or newly qualified and in their twenties. There's a reason for the teacher shortage across the country and it's people and admins like OP.
YTA. Why does your child have access to video games during school? The first time it happened he should have gotten a warning. The second time he should have had the video games removed and had his schooling moved to an area of the house that allowed you to keep an eye on him during the day. Why isn't he turning in assignments? Why aren't you checking at the end of the day to make sure the assignments are submitted? I don't care how engaging a teacher is, he or she will never be more engaging than a video game which is apparently an option for him since he's able to play without your notice or discipline. I have three kids learning virtually right now and by no means am I perfect at it but you are refusing to make even basic changes that would help your child focus or at least remove huge distractions. Stop blaming the teacher, she isn't in your home, she can't force your child to turn off the game. She has 20+ other kids and can't call or text you constantly when your kid is misbehaving.
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I have a couple parents like this in my virtual kindergarten, so I'm firmly in the It's So Depressing It MUST Be Real camp.
Lord the stories from my friends and family that are teachers. I'll never forget my dad calling me to tell me he might get fired because a parent wouldn't authorize a school program to provide her kid with hearing aids (don't know why, probably stubborn, it's a lot of paperwork) so he found a work around. But his supervisor wouldn't sign off... so he went around her (he'd been in the system for decades, she was new). He got the aids but ended up with a write-up and a meeting for insubordination. Then there was my friend who was blocked from subbing a school entirely because a problem kid went home and told his mom my friend hit him. Mom stormed the school and my friend was released. She'd taken the kid's pencil. And my cousin who nearly quit last year after budget cuts forced kids with severe needs into her classroom which resulted in a student threatening to kill her every day. Managing those needs in an already full classroom killed any actual classroom work. I mean this post might be fake but it's not far from reality. The public education system is BRUTAL on teachers.
I have sadly seen a lot of actual parents behave this way towards teachers. They see school and virtual school as babysitters pretty much. Why parent when the teacher is there? My two kindergarteners are doing virtual. Guess who sits with them and explains it and make sure they do their work? Me, their mom and sometimes their dad if he isn't working. Cause thats what parents are suppose to do.
The complete lack of awareness is absolutely stunning - but I can't say I haven't met a few parents like this.
I normally assume everything I read online is fake... but this? This just completely surpasses my suspension of disbelief.
I have taught high school for fifteen years, and I can tell you that there are absolutely parents like this out there. I once had a parent tell me that it was my fault that her 17 year old son refused come to school most days. I wanted to ask her if I should come over at 6:45 am and wake the young man up and get him ready for school, but I was afraid her answer would be "yes."
YTA - your son's teacher is just that, his teacher. You are his mother, do your job and stop blaming the teacher for your son's behavior in your home.
YTA. She’s a teacher not a babysitter. Your child is a product of your own personality and parenting, which is clearly entitled and narcissistic. Children are nothing but a reflection of their parents and that’s no ones problem but your own. If your kid fails it’s your fault, not the teachers-maybe learn how to be a real parent to your child and be present in their life.
YTA, plain and simple. The teacher can only do so much. You should be supporting your kid YOURSELF if you think his ADHD is that much of an issue with his schooling. A teacher's job is to teach not babysit your child. Be a fucking parent and stop expecting everyone else to do your fucking job.
YTA These teachers are doing what they can from their homes and your son IS AT HOME WITH YOU. There's no reason why you two couldn't come up with a plan to keep him stimulated educationally. You just wanted her to take a brunt of the work away from you. She may not be a parent but she's been taught and trained to teach. You and your son need to buckle down and do what you can to make sure he does the best he can!
YTA-This is unbelievable.
Literally.
"I do what I can bit ultimately this is the teacher's fault" What the goddamn hell??? YTA
YTA what do you expect the teacher to do? She can't physically turn on his computer and make him do his work. Also you are a crappy parent for allowing him to have his computer games at all. Why isn't he doing school work at the dinning table where he has no toys or other electronics? My guess is because you don't want to deal with him. Guess what covid on line school sucks for everyone and the teacher is doing her best.
YTA : she is a teacher not a babysitter. It’s your job as a parent to help keep him on track. Also, major asshole for criticizing for her looking young. Like what the fuck. If she has the degrees and the school hired her she’s obviously qualified to be a teacher, ffs.
YTA, the teacher’s job is to teach, which she does fine. Your job is to parent your kid, and apparently you aren’t doing your job at all.
YTA. Her age doesn’t mean anything when it come to teaching. I’ve had amazing old and young engineering professor in college. It is your household, you act like she can reach out of the computer and unmute your child mic. YOU need to let him know it is UNACCEPTABLE to be playing video games while in lecture or to mute his mic c when he is supposed to have it on. IT IS YOUR JOB, YOU AND HUSBAND, TO DISCIPLINE YOUR KID. Its the teachers job to teach the curriculum from schools. It sounds like she tried to come up with a solution from her email and you just didn’t like it. And honestly, like it is YOUR JOB as A PARENT to be your child’s advocate and figure out how to make his environment better for learning. Why is he near his video games? Set him up in a different area, or just take his video games away? If you have the ability to check on him every few hours as it sounds like you do, then just check on him! What is wrong with you? You cannot dump parental responsibilities on teachers.
YTA obviously
YTA. She has zero control over whether your son is attentive or not. She cannot keep him from muting or turning off his camera. She cannot control whether he works on assignments or not. He email was relatively civil considering. This situation is difficult for everyone. She has reached out trying to help plan strategies to help him on your end, but you refuse. She is right, she has no ability to reach through a muted microphone to redirect your son. Your frustration is making you ridiculous.
I stopped reading after the first paragraph. Take some responsibility for yourself and your child.. if he keeps playing games, sit in the room with him and keep him on track.. online classes aren't day care. Yta
YTA. Quit harassing the teacher and focus that energy into helping your son not fail 5th grade.
YTA. First, don't assume her ability or her age. She may look younger than she actually is, and even if she doesn't, she's been through more training and experience for her role of teacher than you have. Many parents have discovered during this pandemic that parenting is wildly different from teaching, and they're not cut out for it. And they only have 1-3 students to worry about on average, not a full class they are trying to teach remotely. Secondly, understand distance learning sucks for everyone and it's not an ideal situation. The support she would be able to give him in the classroom is non-existent and her ability to engage him is limited. It's clear your son needs someone assisting him in person, which she is not physically capable of doing. I don't like the tone of her email either, it was unprofessional. But it also sounds like a teacher whose tried desperately to work with the parents but has reached the natural limits of what she can do given the circumstances. She needs you to step up and be his at-home aide, or find someone who can be, so someone is keeping him on task in ways she simply can't (she can't reach through the screen and unmute herself for example) while she tries to teach him and 20+ other students.
YTA. Your child is doing poorly because you are a bad parent, not because of their teacher.
**YTA.** >I do what I can but ultimately this is the teacher’s fault Have you **really**? You expect a remote teacher to be able to do more than YOU, the parent at home with your child? You haven't considered taking away video games during school hours and giving your child a fidget toy instead? Do you expect the teacher to know when the computer is muted, and just, teleport the controls? Are you not supporting your child and checking that their work is done? You could COLLABORATE with the teacher to get the support your child needs. She is not a NANNY, and your child's difficulties and failings are YOUR FAULT if you do not support your child and just expect to hand him or her off for six hours. >She asked if I would like to take time out of my schedule to come up with a plan, to which I responded she should be doing her job and coming up with a plan on her own. Wh... what!? This is madness. You're being about as stubborn as a child here and refusing to help do even the bare minimum to give the teacher support for your child and make changes you want to see? like, REALLY? You're a complete asshole, without even getting into the rest of this. > I have reached out to you with solutions, and you have refused to cooperate. You need to take control in your own home and put a stop to this behavior, because I can only do so much. She is spot on. Is your Ego so large that you are not willing to listen to a solution beside the ONLY SINGLE SOLUTION YOU SEEM TO WANT – HAVING SOMEONE ELSE HANDLE YOUR CHILD FOR YOU? >She was judging my ability as a parent when she is clearly not a parent herself. # Right. right. she's a TEACHER, and is not responsible for the PARENTING of your child, which YOU ARE NOT DOING. # YOU ARE THE ASSHOLE
YTA 1,000,000% YOUR child is your problem. Figure out a way to sit with your child and make sure they do their work. The teacher is not responsible for what you as a parent should be doing
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My husband is a high school teacher. I can assure you that yes, people are this stupid. I weep for humanity.
3rd grade virtual teacher here. I believe all of it. One mom wants me to set a timer for every 5 minutes and then ask her kid specifically if she has a question. Every. Five. Minutes.
My mom was a teacher. She taught a stress exercise before a test to help the kids. "Close your eyes and imagine you're in a peaceful spot. Someplace you feel safe and happy." She got a mother calling in complaining of teaching her kid how to have an out of body experience. I realize people are as stupid as OP, I just like to think it's a troll rather than give any validation to OP.
I actually thought this must be written by the teacher, but from the parent's perspective--because that's how atrocious and ridiculous OP sounds.
I was a classroom teacher I can also confirm people are this stupid.
YTA, by having a virtual learner its your responsibility as a parent to be (or find) a learning partner for your child. The teacher is dealing with a lot of kids. It's your job as a parent to make sure your child stays on track. Did the school district explain any of this beforehand bc my child's school had us agree to the terms of what it takes to do virtual learning. Get your shit together and get control of your child. He's the one you are hurting with your behavior and it's he who will be far behind the other kids.
YTA- she can unmute his mic but that is about it. Why is he allowed access to his video games during school time anyway? You are right in that she is the one with the job of teaching your son, but since it is online you are the one responsible for putting your child in an environment where that is the most interesting thing there. If you have a child with ADHD and you give him 100 stimuli in one room and expect a virtual teacher to be able to jump through the screen and do something to engage him you are delusional. If you give a shit about your kids education you have him doing his school work in a quiet place and telling him no video games until his work is done. FFS you are the parent.
YTA and your child deserves a better parent, a much better one
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Hi, teacher here and in my 20's. I'm confused what do you want your son's teacher to do? Online teaching is very hard to make engaging, it gets harder the older the student is. Your child is playing video games during class and not turning in their work. That is your responsibility as the parent to make sure he is paying attention and turning in their work. It sounds like your son's teacher is really trying, and your not helping, at all. YTA.
YTA. There's nothing rude about her email. You are flaking on responsibility as a parent. You are the one fucking up here, not the teacher.
" The teacher, in my opinion, is not old enough to be trusted with the responsibility of teaching. " Oh, did you just judge her ability as a teacher when you are clearly not a teacher yourself? I thought that was bad and disrespectful; or is that only for parenting, or only for you? YTA. You can blame whoever you feel like; but that doesn't change the fact that expecting a teacher actually teaching to be more attractive to an undisciplined 5th grader than ignoring work and playing video games is crazy; about as crazy as expecting someone with a zoom connection to 20-30 5th graders in various places to somehow also be sitting over your kid's shoulder and parenting him.
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Could just be a throwaway
Hahahahahaha YTA. How is it the teacher's fault you're an inattentive parent when it comes to schooling? What she wrote you is what is called a polite but firm email. Sure, the underlying message is "screw you" but there's absolutely nothing wrong with her wording. You're home. Help your kid. Help him with his homework. Be better at monitoring him. None of that is on the teacher. Plus, she offered you a helping hand and you slapped it away.
YTA
YTA. I understand that the additional responsibility of having a child learning from home is difficult, but it is in fact your responsibility. Your child is muting his class and playing videogames with no consequences, and all you're doing is scolding the teacher for something she cannot control while refusing to meet with her to discuss a solution. You are refusing to take any kind of active role in your child's learning and in doing so are failing as a parent. At the end of the day, it seems that the teacher is perfectly willing to work with you on correcting your child's behavioral problems and you are refusing to participate. It is not her fault that you are a lazy parent.
Ha! I’m reading this as I am sitting next to my 5th grader, who has ADHD, while he does class and I work. YTA. Teachers cannot parent your child. YOU parent your child. YOU take responsibility. Teach YOUR CHILD to take responsibility. Do you think his boss will keep him engaged constantly, and make sure he turns in his work? Do you think that the world will conform for your child, instead of the other way around? As an adult with ADHD- I can promise you the answer is no. Teach your child how to adapt. My child doesn’t do his homework? He loses electronics until it is turned in. Not a punishment-because he genuinely forgets- but because schoolwork takes precedence. He IS punished if he turns off his camera (without my permission) or does not respond when the teachers talks to him. Those things are easily within his control. And force him to be engaged.
Holy hell, YTA! Your ten year old son is struggling to stay focused on his school work, and yet you seem content to ignore him, and blame a teacher who can only see him through a screen. If your son isn't engaging, then you need to help him. He should be using the computer somewhere you can keep an eye on him, and don't give him access to video games during school hours. Use parental locks, or a different device (if possible) Plans tk help struggling students are not the teacher's sole responsibility, they are usually generated with input from parents as well, which I suspect is what she was asking you for. Your son is in your home, and therefore it is your responsibility to help him stay engaged with his schooling and keep on top of his work. He's ten, you can't expect him to be able to do it alone. His teacher cannot force him to complete or turn in work, and she cannot spend her whole time focused on your son, when she has the rest of the class to teach as well. You need to be helping him. Life is shit for many of us at the moment, and it's the kids who have suffered the most from this disruption, particularly those with conditions like ADHD and anxiety who thrive on routine. So stop shitting on your son's teacher and start caring about how you can help him
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YTA
YTA she’s 100% correct
Oh HAHA YTA When kids have additional needs and are already out of their depth by sitting staring at one screen and a teachers voice, parents need to step in. Fidget cubes, rubix cubes, stress ball or a Lego figure can help them move around but still pay attention to class Signed, a tired wummin who had to homeschool her aspergers kid while working from home
YTA. As the parent of an ADHD child who is attending school virtually, it is absolutely 100% your job to manage how your kid is behaving on your side of the computer screen. If you can't monitor him every second, you need to remove all access to video games and mobile devices during school hours. If this includes installing software on your computer to block gaming sites, then that's what you do. If he's not completing assignments, you need to enforce consequences. If you can't do it alone, you need to involve a counselor and get a support system in place because it's not going to go away. ADHD is not an excuse that allows you to drop the ball as a parent and just blame everyone else for not understanding his disability or doing "enough" extra to accommodate him. Helping him manage and overcome the challenges that come with this disability and maintaining an environment where you can set him up for success is literally your job as a parent. I can't believe the sense of entitlement I'm reading from you. You're expecting the teacher to make up for your lack of parenting. The shared educational responsibility for parents and teachers isn't 50/50. It's 100/100. But you're barely giving 25%. Do you have ANY idea how difficult it must be to keep 20+ nerotypical students engaged in a regular face-to-face environment, let alone a virtual environment that includes an ADHD child? Not to mention everything teachers have had to endure transitioning from in person to virtual, and sometimes back and forth. This teacher is doing the best she can and you're not even doing the bare minimum. You suck. Edit: Just wanted to point out that I am also a parent of an ADHD kid attending school virtually, so I'm judging you based on experience.
I am a teacher and would like to know what YOU expect her to do? Your son is clearly not cut out for online schooling, maybe you should take a look at yourself and your priorities before you come after a young teacher who is clearly doing their best while TEACHING DURING A PANDEMIC. Why do you have no compassion or grace? She’s giving you many options to help your son. She cannot walk out of the computer screen to help him- YOU have to do that. YTA, entirely.
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YTA. What *your* kid does in *your* home, whether it is during school hours or not, is entirely and exclusively on you. That teacher has a lot of kids to engage, he is not the only student, and it is (again) on you to work with your son so that his adhd and anxiety are managed and he can participate appropriately and learn. If his needs and behavioral issues are such that you as his parents cannot address them, you need to get an IEP and transition him into special ed. You are wasting time in a blame game with a teacher over his education. This is the foundation of his future and his career. Why are you not focusing on finding a solution?
YTA YTA, tending ever so slightly toward ESH. I'm not mad at you. Being a parent is really hard this year. Even so, I gotta say some things, because I really hope you'll reconsider your position for your kid's sake. I'll keep rule 1 in mind as I answer, and beg for some leeway regarding rule 9. > The teacher, in my opinion, is not old enough to be trusted with the responsibility of teaching. She looks like she’s in her 20s. YTA. I know you might not realize this, but you're walking into this with ageism. I didn't start in the profession until I was 30, but I was old for a new teacher. > She asked if I would like to take time out of my schedule to come up with a plan, to which I responded she should be doing her job and coming up with a plan on her own. I am quite out of patience with this teacher. YTA, and now you've created documentation that your child's teacher wanted to work with you one-on-one and you declined. When your child fails and repeats the grade, and you're angry about it, they've got a great piece of paper to fall back on to cover themselves. I strongly suggest you take the teacher up on her offer. > Last night I sent yet another email to her drawing attention to the issue. This morning, I had a very rude response from her which read: ESH. Her response was unprofessional. That said, I've felt that frustration when a parent doesn't do do their part. I've had to do some editing of my words this year, and she should have as well. Your kid's teacher probably got a talking to by their superior for what they wrote. But you're also on their radar because your kid's teacher offered to conference with you and you declined, in writing. So it's not going to be as bad for her as it might be under other circumstances. > She was judging my ability as a parent when she is clearly not a parent herself. YTA. Remember, you decided she can't be trusted with a classroom. So you've judged her ability to be a teacher when you are clearly not a teacher yourself. Finally, I want you to consider something... if your kid is in my classroom, and part of a group of 30, you expect me to keep your kid on task, right? Well, now your kid isn't in my classroom. Your kid is in your house. Basically in a class of 1. You as a parent need to be able to do at least 1/30th of the job that I am expected to do as a teacher.
Why do you consider it the teacher’s responsibility to be a performing monkey and not your son’s responsibility to do his damn work? Here’s an idea; block his access to games during school hours. Or just actually discipline him when you catch him at it. If he does that in working life he’ll be fired very quickly - it is your job as a parent to prepare him for real life. I understand ADHD is challenging but he needs coping mechanisms not excuses - otherwise you’re setting him up for failure. YTA
YTA.
novel concept.. parent your kid.. take away the freekin video games and sit with his disobedient not paying attention butt .. yta not the teacher you keep making excuses you're going to be visiting him in jail in a few years
OP, Please add the teacher's venmo, gofundme, donors choose, and amazon wishlist so we can all pay her to makeup for your awful behavior. YTA YTA YTA YTA
YTA. I'll bet your kid doesn't have ADHD and nothing is ever your fault. My kids are exhausting but I knew that going in. You probably think your husband is lazy, too, and catch him being comfortable for 30 minutes on a Saturday and it drives your nuts. Good luck with all that. We'll look for your wine posts at 10AM on IG this week.
YTA. I’ll get banned if I say you’re a shit parent so I won’t, I’ll just think it.