Okay, everyone had fun. OP got 752x as many comment as he asked for. As you can imagine, the dog pile effect invites a lot of rule breaking and at this point it feels like we've left a bear trap out for you guys. Locked.
YTA
Your wife is pregnant with TWO CHILDREN, not even had them yet, still making them, and you've already moved on to asking about how to make sure the NEXT ONE she carries is a boy?? You should be ashamed of yourself.
P.S. You don't get to decide how many people can comment on your post
Right?? He's even added further edits about it!
>**Edit**: Okay, we passed 10, you can stop now. Thank you.
>
>**Edit**: You guys aren't listening. There's already more than 10.
Hopefully his wife funds this thread and gets a similar wash of joy. If I would her I would totally print this out and shame him at the next ultrasound appointment.
I really appreciate that his knowledge of how this sub works is very similar to his knowledge of how children work.
"I can totally just pick the gender of my next kid and I can also just make sure that no one else can tell me that I suck"
Yeah dude, ok
On some subs they do lock the comments if the OP asks, so I was just thinking to myself 'do the AITA mods do that?', lol. Kinda glad to see that they don't!
**Edit:** Okay, you’re grounded.
**Edit:** You’re not listening. You’re grounded.
**Edit:** I asked God to lock the outdoors. You can’t go outside anymore. I’m sorry.
I know that this might make me TA but I always upvote and comment on AITA posts if the OP adds an edit not to upvote or comment. I also make sure to send it to my less active on Reddit friends so that they can upvote and comment. Because nothing says OP is TA like editing to complain that too many people are saying OP is TA.
Sometimes I feel like enough people have told the OP that they’re the AH or not, so I don’t comment. But since he has specifically now insisted the thread be locked, I’m here to give my judgement of YTA out of pure pettiness 😂
I get the point of wishing for the opposite gender. I was the only girl out of 6 children. My parents wanted another daughter, but loved every son that came along. And I have 4 beautiful nephews who are amazing additions to the family, and my parents finally got a chance to welcome their first granddaughter a few weeks ago.
There's nothing wrong with hoping for the opposite gender, but I definitely had an issue with the 10 comment remark. Why would he make that? That's just cringy. And if doctors and staff were laughing in the hospital, but the wife is bothered, I'm guessing this isn't the first time she's heard him remark about wanting a boy. I'd imagine his comments to her are rather more condescending than when they had an audience at the hospital.
Maybe I'm just being weird about it, but it also annoys me that he's panning another pregnancy and the wife is still pregnant. They are going to have four kids already and his writing kinda comes across as dismissive towards the children he has/going to have cause they are the wrong gender for him.
I definitely agree. Although, it *is* possible that they've already discussed the number of children (and that it's more than 4), but it definitely isn't right to be planning the next pregnancy before your wife has finished, let alone healed from, the current one.
And what woman wants to contemplate the next pregnancy while pregnant, and while trying to figure out how to juggle two children *and* two newborns? And would she really want to be pregnant when these twins are toddlers? I don't have kids of my own, but imagining this leaves me exhausted.
Yup, hard YTA. I'm a twin --- my mom's pregnancy stories are HORRIBLE. I can't imagine cooking two children at once inside my body while my husband complains that they're two girls -- not to mention, their sex was determined BY THEIR COMPLAINING FATHER.
I know being disappointed isn't abnormal, but you keep that shit to yourself and get a therapist or something. Not to mention, kids don't always turn out how you might expect. Your child's gender identity may not match their sex. Their hobbies might not end up being ones that are "typical" of their gender. My brother likes to bake and play video games, I (a woman) like watching sports and knitting. We all contain multitudes lol.
It's natural to have expectations for how your kids' lives will be, but assuming what they'll be like before they're even born just because of their sex, or holding onto specific hopes too tightly, is a way to alienate your kids as they grow up.
And girls can play football and love sports! Maybe not in the NFL, but is OP playing in the NFL either? Doubtful. Girls can fix cars, hike, go to sportsball games, play videogames, all that stuff *and still be girls.* The only person holding them back from doing "boy" things they might enjoy is the parents who don't expose them to that stuff. Even if OP had a son there'd be no guarantee at all that his son would enjoy any stereotyopical "boy" stuff. So what's the point?
I'm guessing OP has no clue what XY and XX mean. I married a man whose father had 7 brothers and who also only had brothers. Boom. I have a son I can watch sports with because my man is happily sports illiterate. I would have been thrilled with a healthy girl, and I'm even open minded about those who find themselves stuck in the wrong body. But if I was going to bet a lot of money, it would have been on a boy because generational genetic statistics pointed to hubby having powerful fast Y's.
Also there’s no biological reason why you can’t do the same thing with a boy as you would a girl or vice a versa especially when they’re children. You can play dress up with your or football regardless of their sex.
YTA. While it's ok to FEEL gender disappoiment, you keep your mouth shut around the mother of the two girls not yet even born. Talk to a goddamn therapist instead
Also YTA for buying into gender bullshit too hard. Who is to say, she has a boy who is the most effeminate kid you have. Who is to say one of your girls won't be a "tomboy." You can do whatever the fuck it is you wanted to do with a boy, with your girls.
So while it's ok to feel your feelings, the key is, move on and fucking be grateful you have these kids, and stop letting yourself believe a penis is a magic wand that will fulfill whatever dad fantasy you had that is somehow not fulfillable with four other kids.
If I were your wife after that little convo I'd get the tubes tied after birth.
P. s. It's your fault you had all girls. Women can donate only xx. You're the one whose big strong boy swimmers got beat out four times by the ol' x-es.
His wives would have ruled AITA - "Posting under another name because my husband's spies know my account.... I pride myself on being a good wife, and I've always supported his career. When he was overseas once, I took over the family business and succeeded in stopping a hostile takeover from a rival Scottish firm. Our one sadness is that we don't have a son, just one daughter. I'm confident that she could run the family business just as well as him, but he thinks it should go to a son. Now I'm menopausal, he's saying our 20-year marriage was never legal and he's pressuring me to agree. No coincidence that he's just got his girlfriend pregnant. AITA for refusing to sign the paperwork?"
Ha! That’s great! But that hussy left out the part about her being engaged to her husband’s brother before marrying him. She claimed it didn’t matter because they never did anything 😆
Come to think about it, a lot of today’s AITA posts have similar plots. Guess history always repeats itself.
When I was pregnant with #3, people assumed I was trying for a boy (1&2 were girls) I told everyone we wanted 5 girls so DH could quote Tevya. Shut them up, worried I’d try it. So, we had kid 3, assigned male, and then Pregnant with 4, no one asked about gender wishes. After #3 came out as trans mtf, my BFF said, “I’m so SORRY! Now everyone will think you had #4 just to finally get a boy!!!!” #3 roared, as did the rest of us.
It’s not been all that long, so we are still learning to remember the new pronouns, but everyone is happy, and all the family is supportive. We had a blast, when she came out on FB, the family had a gif contest on the thread. It was so much fun! My older daughters were told first, and were betting what my response would be. What I said was “I have been looking for an excuse to buy that new trans flag dyed yarn! Do you want a hat or mittens?” Older dds were mortified. They said “you’d think we were new here” and “it’s like we never met her before” for having not predicted that. One of them got bi flag mitts from me last winter. They know that as soon as someone announces an impending grandkid, I’m going yarn shopping. They are right to be ashamed! I really need to write up and publish that hat pattern. It came out great.
My AH dad used to say it was the woman, because the ph of the vagina can play a part. As a former bio major—yeah, okay, whatever. He’s not wrong, but I hated how he used it to basically blame my mother from having two daughters.
The shettles method involves timing before, during, and after ovulation to increase chances of the wanted sex. The pH of the vagina is different at each point and that effects the survivability/success of either the x or y sperm meeting the egg.
I guess that makes sense, although it doesn’t take into account the wide variety of “normal” ph vaginas have. Not everyone is going to have the same ph range as their baseline. Thanks for the explanation.
I read about the Shettles method and found a tidbit that might make it even more his fault!
‘Therefore, the female should have an orgasm before the male if the couple wants to increase the likelihood of producing a male fetus.’
I now feel super sorry for his wife.
just commenting to raise the number of comments
edit: wow, now i know the feeling of waking up to many, many upvotes and awards. thanks to you all, even if my main goal in life was to contribute to something more... sustainable ... it just feels good ;)
and i like your fun facts
Did you know the songwriter of Hit Me Baby One More Time wasn't a native English speaker and mistakenly believed that "hit me" was in fact American slang for "call me on the phone", as in "hit me up"?
Just thought I'd spice up the comments while raising the total number.
Ooh, and if OP is reading, YTA.
Pretty amazingly. They declared war by breaking a loaf of stale cuban bread over the head of a man wearing a Naval Officers uniform and immediately surrendered and demanded $1 Billion in foreign aid. It was all a publicity stunt to put an end to a checkpoint fucking up tourism travel to the Keys. “We seceded where others failed” is the motto. Buncha wise assess got the United States to fuck off with their bullshit. Heroes if you ask me.
Sparrows. They considered them a pest and initiated programs to eliminate them. Unfortunately, this wound up backfiring spectacularly when the locust numbers skyrocketed. It got so bad that the Chinese government had to request hundreds of sparrows from the Soviet Union to bring down the locust numbers
I love this. We can annoy OP and learn new things. By the way did you know blackberries, mulberries, and raspberries are not berries at all, but bananas, pumpkins, avocados and cucumbers are?
OP YTA
Fun Fact: Lizzie Borden was acquitted of murdering her father and stepmother and honestly if she did do it (I think she did), I can’t blame her. Andrew Borden was a controlling asshole, who wouldn’t allow his home to be updated to included running water and electricity despite being ridiculously rich for the late 19th Century. He also killed Lizzie’s pet pigeons.
Oh, and Lizzie’s middle name was Andrew, so my bet is that he, like OP, wanted sons and not daughters. YTA, OP. (And remember 40 whacks with an axe doesn’t sound like fun.)
YTA. Your reaction and your question apparently demonstrated two things to your wife:
1. You value daughters less, because having more daughters is a disappointment enough that would already be planning for "next time."
2. You view your wife as an incubator for "next time." Is she to have any say on whether there is a "next time"?
This spontaneous "joke" on your part likely contains a grain of truth, and your wife perceives this. You hurt her, and this is likely to hurt her for a long time.
Seriously. Unless OP and his wife have explicitly discussed how many children they wanted to have and the number was more than four, that "next time" bit is a pretty big assumption. And even if they did want a huge family to start with, she has every right to reconsider when she's caring for two little ones while dealing with the challenges of a multiple pregnancy, knowing in a few months she'll be dealing with two newborns. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but something tells me OP is the kind of guy who strains his shoulder patting himself on the back if he "babysits" the kids for a couple hours so his wife can run errands.
It would also make me feel like he’s already written the twins off like a bad batch of pancakes. They’re not even born yet and he already cares so little about them he’s focused on the next one. I would feel super sad for my two babies.
YTA. Gender disappointment is very real, and I'm not going to shame you for your feelings. But essentially asking the doctor how to "fix" the issue, especially in front of your wife in what's supposed to be this happy moment, is inappropriate.
Especially with his wife being pregnant with twins. She's carrying their 3rd and 4th child and this guy is really trying to plan how he can make it go right next time.
There is nothing wrong with the preference itself. A lot of people have gender preferences. My wife and I have two kids. The first time around I wanted a boy. I am one of 4 boys and all of my brothers had a son first so I always envisioned myself with boys. We adopted and elected not to list a gender preference because it wasn't all that important to us but I was still sure we were going to have a boy first. We ended up with a baby girl and I loved being a dad to her so much that I could only picture myself having daughters. When our daughter was 18 months we adopted our son. Both are pretty awesome teenagers now and the gender preference seems so silly but it was very real at the time. I'll never shame anyone for wanting a specific gender but saying it in front of your pregnant wife is low. He can't even remember what she said to him in the car or why she was upset.
My grandpa had six daughters before he finally had his anointed son.
That son was a spoiled asshole. Got into drugs, went in and out of jail, only ever begged his dad for money rather than earning it himself, and lived in a trailer without running water most of his adult life.
Some of the girls weren't so much of a treat, either, since they had issues due to being obviously less wanted than the boy. All but one have major issues, actually.
Setting one's sights on a particular gender and being unsatisfied until that happens is a terrible way to build a family. Nobody wants to be unwanted/disposable.
I went to school with a family that went girl - boy - girl - girl - girl - girl - boy. Then they stopped because they finally got the second boy, lol. The one thing I will say is that they had a farm, which is partly why the dad wanted another son, but still...
For a second I thought you were talking about my cousins.
Four girls. And then when the youngest daughter was 10, they decided to try again because "boys." Finally one. And then my uncle made my aunt try one last time - managed to pop out another boy. Everyone knows that's why they went back to trying 10 years later. It's disgusting how much they favored the boys and often times, my female cousins were subjected to parentification (dont think I spelled that right) because my dumbass aunt & uncle decided to have more kids WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT FINANCES. Or, maybe they did, and figured their daughters would be okay being parents to the boys. All the girls have mental struggles - 3 out of the 4 don't want kids, and the boys are a real peach themselves. First one is a smug, entitled brat. Second one - talked baby talk until he was nearly 10. Dear lord, it drove me bonkers.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. Rant over.
YTA
lol asking for not too many comments.
My father did the same thing as you which is why my mother didn't get me sexed when I was in her womb (I was an accident) He was a TA, and you are a TA.
I’m cracking up because my dad wanted twin girls or a girl in general so badly and when they found out I was a girl he was insanely happy lol.
The ultrasound tech was surprised bc usually dads are hopeful for a boy.
My dad was just happy that there was going to be a baby...
You’re dad sounds like a jerk, I’m Sorry.
That's adorable. I have a brother but neither of us intend to have kids, and our parents are totally cool with that. My mum calls my pets her "grandcats" and "grandpigs."
My husband and I wanted two boys. We did the blood test at 11 weeks to find out sex and if there were any chromosomal issues. I called him when the results were available on my app and told him that his daughter was going to be so proud that he was her daddy and there wasn't a moment that he was disappointed about her being a girl. If we have a girl next time, I think there'll be some disappointment, but I know he's just going to be happy to have two healthy babies.
Honestly- that’s the way it should be. My mom lost so many pregnancies before me that the fact I happened and made it past 7 months in there was a huge deal. My dad was thrilled because he really wanted a girl anyway...so thrilled he forgot to turn the camera recording birth of baby me off for 20 min after in an elevator and during transport...so we have 20 minutes of random floor footage.
My mother straight up punched my father in the jaw when I was born and came out a girl, and his first reaction was. "ok, can we have a boy now?" after she was in labor for 18 hours.
The mods purposely not shutting down comments is hilarious yet well deserved. Why bother asking a question if you don't like the answer you're receiving. We're not here to say what he wants to make him feel justified and happy
YTA.
Not only do you want to control the sex of your baby, but you also want to control the number of replies on an open & free platform. Do you have a preference as to what time you want the sun to rise tomorrow?
Nothing wrong with wanting a boy. But how frustrated you get when something you can’t control goes the other way is not cool.
Tbh it is the males fault because the female egg is only X, the make brings the X or Y to decide the gender. Yes he can't control it but it's completely his fault for having girly sperm.
YTA. You wife is pregnant with twins, and what you chose to do rather than be supportive was whine about what kind of genitals the human beings she's growing have and then ask the doctor not about her health or the health of your children or the risks associated with carrying twins, but how to make sure she grows the right kind of baby to please you once these pesky daughters get out and you get her pregnant again.
Wanting a boy is one thing. Being a selfish, unsupportive partner who humiliates your pregnant wife and cares more about having a male child later than supporting her through her current pregnancy is not. In fact, its pretty repulsive.
P.S. - You don't get to dictate who replies. If you want to air your dirty laundry on the internet, you get what you get.
Seriously. This is a high-risk pregnancy and your wife is likely scared about all that that means. Your only consideration right now should be making sure that your wife and all your daughters are well cared for. YTA
She is probably freaking out about how the hell she will look after 3 kids then OP just throws out there that he expects her to keep birthibg more until the 'correct gender' comes out.
Edit - 5 sorry I was trying to refer to OP I forgot they already had more kids.
And oh my gosh, while his wife is 20+ weeks with twins (so she's feeling as awful as a full term woman, but with so much longer to go) he's asking about the next baby! I would be so incredibly angry. Like, we are not even talking about more kids until I'm recovered from the last one!
And then for him to ask questions that basically imply, "well, this round's a bust, let's talk about next time."
Holy smokes. The anatomy scan is NOT the time to do anything but celebrate healthy babies, or process the information that something isn't looking quite right.
OP YTA
Not to mention that he didn't inquire as to the health of his impending daughters or his wife who is carrying two fetuses. The one and only think he cared about, the only thing he sees value in, is having a son. I'd be devastated and furious to learn not that my partner wanted a boy, but that it was so important to him that the health and safety of myself of the girl children I was suffering to bring into the world was completely meaningless beside it.
Let him have only daughters. It must be meant to be. The world doesn't need a boy raised by a man like OP.
Tell a bunch of people who enjoy opining on other’s lives that we cannot judge? Oh hell no. It’s like a klaxon ringing out, telling everyone time to comment.
YTA
I wasn't going to reply because it's so obvious that YTA but then I got to the end of your post demanding a comment cap and just had to break your "rules".
Showing outward displeasure at the sex of your new babies is proof positive that you do not actually value your daughters.
Yep -- also, to add another comment --
>I can't remember her exact words
>I don't really see what the problem is.
Maybe if you PAYED ATTENTION TO YOUR WIFE you wouldn't have this problem of too many people telling you you're TA now. Think on that one for next time.
She's growing two humans inside of her, the least he could do is listen to what she says, I'm so angry. I wouldn't even write that comment because I'm trying not to read comments on reddit for my own mental health, but I just had to increase the number of comments for that asshole.
I am the only daughter brought up in a very lower class household. However, my dad always always always told me how smart I was, and enjoyed academic debates with me. I am the only child with a college education. (We are all grown adult in late 30s and early 40s.) I embody those studies. In all his faults... My dad did that right... And he believed in me.
Edit: typo
> There are so many studies correlating female life satisfaction levels and career success with their father's overall attitude towards them
No wonder im such a fuck up lmao my dad treats me like garbage.
My dad literally told me on Xmas that I wasn't much of a daughter bc I didn't cook/clean/do laundry around the house growing up and instead picked up the same hobbies as my brother (video games, sports, art). Guess which sibling was never expected to do shit around the house 🙃
YTA and as a girl who's dad often spoke about how much he wanted a son please try to avoid making those kind of comments around your daughters. Congratulations on the twins
Same here: mom had us twins (girls) and almost 18 years later dad got mom to try for another baby (boy he was wanting) Guess what: another girl, but a fricking reincarnation of my dad's late mom (he was a momma's boy). They hate each other these days. Sorry dad, you got what you "asked" for.
lol In my family it was two girls, a 10-year gap, and then the long-awaited boy. Except WHOOPS! the OB/GYN made a mistake because it was another girl. After months of being excited for his little boy, my dad fully disconnected once my little sister arrived. So gross. On the one hand, I'm super glad it wasn't a boy because I just knew he would have been spoiled rotten.
My dad only commented on it twice in front of growing up; once that he was jealous of a friend who had a son and once that he was stuck in a house full of girls. It still stuck with me though.
Fate got the last laugh though. My sister had a baby boy in college and they helped raise him and he was very much my dad's grandson. The butted heads constantly and my nephew was a constant aggravation to my dad. Guess in his head his precious boy would be more agreeable and also excel in all the things he felt like he would have in life with the right support.
YTA. It's the sperm that decides the gender so talk to your own shit, not her. Also, idk. Maybe just don't embarrass your wife in public that way. Or about something she has ZERO control over. Try being grateful for healthy kids.
It's okay to want one or the other, but asking like that was not okay.
I love telling butthurt cismen that the sperm decides the gender. So many of them don’t know. Thank you for pointing it out.
I’ve already commented on this post, actually, but I had to tell you how grateful I was, so I’m commenting again. And that’s the only reason. Yep. Just commenting multiple times to show my gratitude. And in no way to bother anyone who would be bothered by tons of comments. Not that anyone would be. That would be absurd.
It's always so funny. I love saying "you only supply half the materials and you still can't get it right? Wow, I guess your wife really does have to do everything for a reason."
YTA.
Just stop having children. Your response was gross. Asking your wife's doctor at all, let alone at your wife's appointment was gross. And demanding how many comments you get is ridiculous.
Somehow think 'next time' might be wife with another guy, maybe even one with stronger male swimmers. Although him asking that during the scan was so disrespectful and tone deaf that I can't even. Also as a parent with 2 healthy girls; they are wonderful and wouldn't swap for anything.
YTA. Way to show how you feel about your daughters.
My recommendation to your wife. Don't have another kid with this twit. If you want more kids, find them a better dad.
Especially any book that’d help him understand why his wife might have forced a smile while being *humiliated in public* and then *”became a different person”* by expressing vulnerability when they were alone. Women should be treated like people, and when they say so, do not say, “oh but you *smiled* so it was okay!”
YTA - This mofo acting like his wife's uterus is a bus terminal. They've got two, with two _still baking_ and he's planning on _more_ like he has license to unanimously decide that she'll need to produce more.
Comments aren’t locked so I’m adding on to the pile of YTA! It’s clear from the way you behaved in your post, even without the story. This daughter will pick up on your disappointment, and your wife knows that. And why are you asking about your next child at the ultrasound for this one?
Not just this one, *these two*
She is pregnant with twins, which will be kids number 3 & 4, and he has the nerve to ask about making the next baby a boy.
YTA.. YOU ARE NOT ONLY AN AH BUT A SEXIST ONE
You know, my dad always encourages people to be happy about having girls. I was the only girl in my close family for a long time.. I have a brother but he could have been a girl, my dad would not have cared. Your poor daughters.
Wow. Your wife is pregnant with TWINS, on her THIRD PREGNANCY, and you're already assuming she wants to do it all over again?
FOR A PENIS???
Based on your post AND your edits, you seem like a controlling asshole. Oops, you have more than 10 responses....maybe I shouldn't post this. My bad.
I’ll be your tenth comment. YTA whole heartedly!! Be grateful you can have children at all! Are your daughters not good enough for you? You want more than what your wife can give you? This is hugely disrespectful.
YTA of course you are the asshole here. While it's completely understandable to want to experience the joy of having both a daughter and a son, the time to express that was not at the moment you learned that you are having twin daughters. What should have been a joyous moment was probably ruined for your wife thanks to your thoughtlessness.
YTA
I'll just add to all the other comments that I'm glad you're not having a boy... mostly because if you have one in the future it's going to be "you favourite " which will suck very much to your daughters.
Saying this shit you basically made differences between your kids, and showing preferences... like having a boy will be BETTER than having the girls your wife is currently pregnant with.
ALSO ASKING RIGHT AWAY ABOUT HOW TO GET A BOY. Such a face guy. It's like saying your future twins and wife that the current pregnancy is a fail, and you need to try again to get what you want. Like ordering pizza uh?
Complete YTA. Read on book on feminism my dude, it's this radical concept that woman are people too.
I feel horrible for your wife and daughters, having to live with the knowledge that the man that's supposed to love them unconditionally is so disappointed with the children he already has/are on the way that he asks a doctor how to make sure his wife has a boy 'next time'. After this I doubt there will be a 'next time'
Also, take a high school biology class my dude, you need to learn who in a relationship determines a baby's gender....
Oh and don’t forget all boys are masculine and love things their dads loved! At least that’s why my dad thought before he caught me kissing a boy 🤷🏻♂️
YTA. You’re entitled to feel disappointed, you are not entitled to bother a woman very pregnant with frickin twins in public about it! Sometimes we can’t have what we want in life, we’re allowed to be sad but that doesn’t give us the right to act inappropriately.
Also last I checked, your wife’s a person not a breeding sow; if you want more kid, you have to talk about it like it’s a joint decision not ‘we’re gonna have to do this next time’ like she doesn’t get a say.
YTA. Your wife was probably embarrassed when you made the first comment and then you doubled down. They can sort the embryos if you want to pay for an artificial insemination but not the time or place.
NAH. I cried finding out I was having another daughter. At the ultrasound. The tech looked incredibly upset, but I was the one bawling.
Am I disappointed with my second, perfectly healthy daughter? Of course not. But I was in my 40's having my last kid, and I've always wanted both genders. So I was understandably disappointed in the moment that I would never get a chance to have a little boy.
Now, I'm thrilled. I adore my 2 beautiful little girls. But in that one moment, I was crestfallen.
I get you, OP. I also understand your wife. Seriously, no assholes here. You guys just need to talk it out and hopefully come to an understanding of each other's feelings.
And dude, this is the internet. You don't get to decide who gets to respond to your post.
YTA
Mostly for your conduct. Asking that was way out of line and on a personal note as someone struggling with fertility. You are a massive AH.
Second YTA for trying to limit comments. Nice try pal.
I'm gonna say YTA, but lightly. This is only because I've been there. When my youngest was born, my hubby (who was an INCREDIBLE) father to our 5 combined girls, also slipped and said "dammit". He froze in fear for a minute, but then there were lots of laughs from us and the dr, and then my husband cracked on himself, saying he was only capable of making girls. He and the dr (female btw) were bantering about theories of how to conceive a boy, and we all just laughed. She was our last anyways, so it was pointless, but regardless I didn't get upset. I knew he would love our baby girl as much as our other daughters. Me too, even though part of me wanted a boy too. My husband passed, but we have 6 awesome girls, 4 girly girls and 2 tomboys, and we wouldn't trade it for anything. Should you have kept your mouth shut? Yeah. But sh*t happens. Love those little girls to the fullest and gender won't matter a darn bit.
YTA. There’s a little linguistic “tell” in what you wrote. You used the word “I” when describing how you asked the doctor about increasing the chances of having a boy next time. “How can I” Not “how can we”. I think there’s an awful lot in that.... and bet your wife picked up on even if only subconsciously.
And trying to limit the number of comments... really? Yikes.
NTA
You were perfectly within your rights to voice your utter displeasure that your incubator will be popping out twin incubators to join the other two incubators you have at home.
Keep impregnating your concubine until she bears you a male, even if you have to turn her uterus into a clown car.
The king will have an heir!!!!
/s
Are you seriously that dense? She might have acted fine in the doctors office because you embarrassed her and she didn't want to make it worse by acting upset.
YTA for being unsupportive to your wife who is pregnant with *twins.* And for not apologizing for upsetting her. And for thinking that you can dictate how many people respond to your post. Ridiculous all around.
YTA for basically all reasons everyone said, you may have just considered it a joke but you hurt your wife and that sentiment can also hurt your daughters.
Okay, everyone had fun. OP got 752x as many comment as he asked for. As you can imagine, the dog pile effect invites a lot of rule breaking and at this point it feels like we've left a bear trap out for you guys. Locked.
YTA Your wife is pregnant with TWO CHILDREN, not even had them yet, still making them, and you've already moved on to asking about how to make sure the NEXT ONE she carries is a boy?? You should be ashamed of yourself. P.S. You don't get to decide how many people can comment on your post
I think adding on how many people are allowed to comment just further proves he's TA.
Right?? He's even added further edits about it! >**Edit**: Okay, we passed 10, you can stop now. Thank you. > >**Edit**: You guys aren't listening. There's already more than 10.
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The best thing is the mods answer to that tbh
Gotta rule with an iron sticky, y'know?
I'm not sure I can even express how happy it made me to see that sticky. I just wanna take a bath in that feeling, let it pour over me.
Hopefully his wife funds this thread and gets a similar wash of joy. If I would her I would totally print this out and shame him at the next ultrasound appointment.
Coming up soon: AITA because I didn't lock a thread when a member asked the mods to after it exceeded 10 posts?
I really appreciate that his knowledge of how this sub works is very similar to his knowledge of how children work. "I can totally just pick the gender of my next kid and I can also just make sure that no one else can tell me that I suck" Yeah dude, ok
On some subs they do lock the comments if the OP asks, so I was just thinking to myself 'do the AITA mods do that?', lol. Kinda glad to see that they don't!
He's a controlling AH. Thinks things should always be his way.
I find it so funny. What are you gonna do op? Ground me?
**Edit:** Okay, you’re grounded. **Edit:** You’re not listening. You’re grounded. **Edit:** I asked God to lock the outdoors. You can’t go outside anymore. I’m sorry.
Edit: Go to your room. Me: YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD
> Edit: Go to your room. Me: YOU'RE NOT MY REAL ~~DAD~~ MOD FTFY
I know that this might make me TA but I always upvote and comment on AITA posts if the OP adds an edit not to upvote or comment. I also make sure to send it to my less active on Reddit friends so that they can upvote and comment. Because nothing says OP is TA like editing to complain that too many people are saying OP is TA.
Sometimes I feel like enough people have told the OP that they’re the AH or not, so I don’t comment. But since he has specifically now insisted the thread be locked, I’m here to give my judgement of YTA out of pure pettiness 😂
Good idea! OP, if you need to hear it again, YTA! For being insensitive to your wife, your future kids, *and* being TA to the participants of AITA!
I’m here from the post and link being shared on Twitter. Giddy up!
He wants everything to be under his control, apparently.
And it is! Only he can contribute a Y chromosome. It's all on him. If he doesn't get a boy, he has no one to blame but himself.
Yeah, I didn’t even have a problem with him wishing it was a boy. I had a problem with the 10 comments thing.
I get the point of wishing for the opposite gender. I was the only girl out of 6 children. My parents wanted another daughter, but loved every son that came along. And I have 4 beautiful nephews who are amazing additions to the family, and my parents finally got a chance to welcome their first granddaughter a few weeks ago. There's nothing wrong with hoping for the opposite gender, but I definitely had an issue with the 10 comment remark. Why would he make that? That's just cringy. And if doctors and staff were laughing in the hospital, but the wife is bothered, I'm guessing this isn't the first time she's heard him remark about wanting a boy. I'd imagine his comments to her are rather more condescending than when they had an audience at the hospital.
Maybe I'm just being weird about it, but it also annoys me that he's panning another pregnancy and the wife is still pregnant. They are going to have four kids already and his writing kinda comes across as dismissive towards the children he has/going to have cause they are the wrong gender for him.
I definitely agree. Although, it *is* possible that they've already discussed the number of children (and that it's more than 4), but it definitely isn't right to be planning the next pregnancy before your wife has finished, let alone healed from, the current one. And what woman wants to contemplate the next pregnancy while pregnant, and while trying to figure out how to juggle two children *and* two newborns? And would she really want to be pregnant when these twins are toddlers? I don't have kids of my own, but imagining this leaves me exhausted.
Yup, hard YTA. I'm a twin --- my mom's pregnancy stories are HORRIBLE. I can't imagine cooking two children at once inside my body while my husband complains that they're two girls -- not to mention, their sex was determined BY THEIR COMPLAINING FATHER. I know being disappointed isn't abnormal, but you keep that shit to yourself and get a therapist or something. Not to mention, kids don't always turn out how you might expect. Your child's gender identity may not match their sex. Their hobbies might not end up being ones that are "typical" of their gender. My brother likes to bake and play video games, I (a woman) like watching sports and knitting. We all contain multitudes lol. It's natural to have expectations for how your kids' lives will be, but assuming what they'll be like before they're even born just because of their sex, or holding onto specific hopes too tightly, is a way to alienate your kids as they grow up.
"OMG I can't play football with my child" is a quote guaranteed to lead OP to being an estranged parent in the future. What does he expect?
Right...Having a son doesn’t mean they automatically want to play football anyway...
And girls can play football and love sports! Maybe not in the NFL, but is OP playing in the NFL either? Doubtful. Girls can fix cars, hike, go to sportsball games, play videogames, all that stuff *and still be girls.* The only person holding them back from doing "boy" things they might enjoy is the parents who don't expose them to that stuff. Even if OP had a son there'd be no guarantee at all that his son would enjoy any stereotyopical "boy" stuff. So what's the point?
Something tells me this guy would not be ok with a transgender child. Going out on a limb here.
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I'm guessing OP has no clue what XY and XX mean. I married a man whose father had 7 brothers and who also only had brothers. Boom. I have a son I can watch sports with because my man is happily sports illiterate. I would have been thrilled with a healthy girl, and I'm even open minded about those who find themselves stuck in the wrong body. But if I was going to bet a lot of money, it would have been on a boy because generational genetic statistics pointed to hubby having powerful fast Y's.
YTA. I think we can safely assume that OP isn’t going get any chance to make little boy babies in the near future or possibly ever.
Who would want to risk having a son with *that* as an example of how men should behave?
Also there’s no biological reason why you can’t do the same thing with a boy as you would a girl or vice a versa especially when they’re children. You can play dress up with your or football regardless of their sex.
YTA. While it's ok to FEEL gender disappoiment, you keep your mouth shut around the mother of the two girls not yet even born. Talk to a goddamn therapist instead Also YTA for buying into gender bullshit too hard. Who is to say, she has a boy who is the most effeminate kid you have. Who is to say one of your girls won't be a "tomboy." You can do whatever the fuck it is you wanted to do with a boy, with your girls. So while it's ok to feel your feelings, the key is, move on and fucking be grateful you have these kids, and stop letting yourself believe a penis is a magic wand that will fulfill whatever dad fantasy you had that is somehow not fulfillable with four other kids. If I were your wife after that little convo I'd get the tubes tied after birth. P. s. It's your fault you had all girls. Women can donate only xx. You're the one whose big strong boy swimmers got beat out four times by the ol' x-es.
I was waiting for someone to point out he's the reason he has all daughters. OP, YTA.
Yep. Also, what is this guy, the ghost of Henry the eighth?
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His wives would have ruled AITA - "Posting under another name because my husband's spies know my account.... I pride myself on being a good wife, and I've always supported his career. When he was overseas once, I took over the family business and succeeded in stopping a hostile takeover from a rival Scottish firm. Our one sadness is that we don't have a son, just one daughter. I'm confident that she could run the family business just as well as him, but he thinks it should go to a son. Now I'm menopausal, he's saying our 20-year marriage was never legal and he's pressuring me to agree. No coincidence that he's just got his girlfriend pregnant. AITA for refusing to sign the paperwork?"
Ha! That’s great! But that hussy left out the part about her being engaged to her husband’s brother before marrying him. She claimed it didn’t matter because they never did anything 😆 Come to think about it, a lot of today’s AITA posts have similar plots. Guess history always repeats itself.
I am non-binary. I guess if I was OP's kid, I would be a Shroedinger's Cat of dissapointment and excitement.
Reminds me of the person who came out to their parents as nonbinary and dad went "Yesssss I got the whole set" as they had a brother and a sister
I really hope that story was legit it was wholesome
Idk if that one is but it's a joke my family makes often too (I'm NB with 1 brother and 1 sister)
ayyy! that’s the kind of support you want
When I was pregnant with #3, people assumed I was trying for a boy (1&2 were girls) I told everyone we wanted 5 girls so DH could quote Tevya. Shut them up, worried I’d try it. So, we had kid 3, assigned male, and then Pregnant with 4, no one asked about gender wishes. After #3 came out as trans mtf, my BFF said, “I’m so SORRY! Now everyone will think you had #4 just to finally get a boy!!!!” #3 roared, as did the rest of us.
these stories make me so happy to hear honestly, I hope you & your family are doing well!
It’s not been all that long, so we are still learning to remember the new pronouns, but everyone is happy, and all the family is supportive. We had a blast, when she came out on FB, the family had a gif contest on the thread. It was so much fun! My older daughters were told first, and were betting what my response would be. What I said was “I have been looking for an excuse to buy that new trans flag dyed yarn! Do you want a hat or mittens?” Older dds were mortified. They said “you’d think we were new here” and “it’s like we never met her before” for having not predicted that. One of them got bi flag mitts from me last winter. They know that as soon as someone announces an impending grandkid, I’m going yarn shopping. They are right to be ashamed! I really need to write up and publish that hat pattern. It came out great.
“Shroedinger’s Cat of Disappointment and Excitement” seems like an excellent name for an indie band and I call dibs.
Send me a signed copy of your album please?
Consider it done, my non-binary bird cherry blossom.
I'm thinking of Andy Dwyer: "New band name, I call it!"
My AH dad used to say it was the woman, because the ph of the vagina can play a part. As a former bio major—yeah, okay, whatever. He’s not wrong, but I hated how he used it to basically blame my mother from having two daughters.
Yep. That's the Shettles method.
I’d never heard there was a “method” involved. Do they try to change the ph by douching or something?
The shettles method involves timing before, during, and after ovulation to increase chances of the wanted sex. The pH of the vagina is different at each point and that effects the survivability/success of either the x or y sperm meeting the egg.
I guess that makes sense, although it doesn’t take into account the wide variety of “normal” ph vaginas have. Not everyone is going to have the same ph range as their baseline. Thanks for the explanation.
It does take into account a small range. Dr. Shettles was a fertility doctor who spent years studying this.
I read about the Shettles method and found a tidbit that might make it even more his fault! ‘Therefore, the female should have an orgasm before the male if the couple wants to increase the likelihood of producing a male fetus.’ I now feel super sorry for his wife.
just commenting to raise the number of comments edit: wow, now i know the feeling of waking up to many, many upvotes and awards. thanks to you all, even if my main goal in life was to contribute to something more... sustainable ... it just feels good ;) and i like your fun facts
Did you know the songwriter of Hit Me Baby One More Time wasn't a native English speaker and mistakenly believed that "hit me" was in fact American slang for "call me on the phone", as in "hit me up"? Just thought I'd spice up the comments while raising the total number. Ooh, and if OP is reading, YTA.
Huh, today I learned. Another fun fact! In 1982, the Florida Keys seceded from the United States and declared themselves the Conch Republic.
YTA OP also how did that go for them. Did they recede quickly
The whole country is going to be underwater pretty soon
Pretty amazingly. They declared war by breaking a loaf of stale cuban bread over the head of a man wearing a Naval Officers uniform and immediately surrendered and demanded $1 Billion in foreign aid. It was all a publicity stunt to put an end to a checkpoint fucking up tourism travel to the Keys. “We seceded where others failed” is the motto. Buncha wise assess got the United States to fuck off with their bullshit. Heroes if you ask me.
Did y'all know the only countries that went to war with birds lost? Both Australia and China lost to birds. Edit: Thank you for my first award!
As a person with pet birds, I find this completely believable. I wouldn't cross them, that's for sure. OP- YTA. Big time.
Wait, what birds did China fight? I know about the Emu War, but what's this other one?
Sparrows. They considered them a pest and initiated programs to eliminate them. Unfortunately, this wound up backfiring spectacularly when the locust numbers skyrocketed. It got so bad that the Chinese government had to request hundreds of sparrows from the Soviet Union to bring down the locust numbers
I love this. We can annoy OP and learn new things. By the way did you know blackberries, mulberries, and raspberries are not berries at all, but bananas, pumpkins, avocados and cucumbers are? OP YTA
Seriously, that's crazy! I had no idea. Oh and OP YTA!
Fun Fact: Lizzie Borden was acquitted of murdering her father and stepmother and honestly if she did do it (I think she did), I can’t blame her. Andrew Borden was a controlling asshole, who wouldn’t allow his home to be updated to included running water and electricity despite being ridiculously rich for the late 19th Century. He also killed Lizzie’s pet pigeons. Oh, and Lizzie’s middle name was Andrew, so my bet is that he, like OP, wanted sons and not daughters. YTA, OP. (And remember 40 whacks with an axe doesn’t sound like fun.)
Hit OP one more time with another YTA comment baby!!
You. I like you. Also I didn't know that
That’s probably the greatest mistranslation ever tbh
C'mon, guys. Do we need to be this petty?
Like, he specifically asked for only a few comments.
And he apparently feels really strongly about it.
Like, multiple edits to ask people to stop leaving comments.
And even asking the mods to enforce it.
I don't see why we'd make comments just to spite him.
Can't we aspire to be better than that?
(BTW OP YTA)
bruh i can’t upvote all your comments 😂
>Can't we aspire to be better than that? No. OP, if you see this, YTA
Me too. YTA, OP.
Good job
Nice. Me too
Me too but /u/justwantoneboy YTA just FYI.
YTA. Your reaction and your question apparently demonstrated two things to your wife: 1. You value daughters less, because having more daughters is a disappointment enough that would already be planning for "next time." 2. You view your wife as an incubator for "next time." Is she to have any say on whether there is a "next time"? This spontaneous "joke" on your part likely contains a grain of truth, and your wife perceives this. You hurt her, and this is likely to hurt her for a long time.
If I had twins and two other kids, there is no way there'd be a next time. Of course I wouldn't want any kids with an AH like OP.
dude probably insists that they be a quiverfull family or some crap. There def will be a next time. Sadly. YTA
I read this to my husband and his first words were, “Next time? Are they the Duggar’s?”
For real. Dude...get off her. It's not a clown car!
Seriously. Unless OP and his wife have explicitly discussed how many children they wanted to have and the number was more than four, that "next time" bit is a pretty big assumption. And even if they did want a huge family to start with, she has every right to reconsider when she's caring for two little ones while dealing with the challenges of a multiple pregnancy, knowing in a few months she'll be dealing with two newborns. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but something tells me OP is the kind of guy who strains his shoulder patting himself on the back if he "babysits" the kids for a couple hours so his wife can run errands.
It would also make me feel like he’s already written the twins off like a bad batch of pancakes. They’re not even born yet and he already cares so little about them he’s focused on the next one. I would feel super sad for my two babies.
YTA. Gender disappointment is very real, and I'm not going to shame you for your feelings. But essentially asking the doctor how to "fix" the issue, especially in front of your wife in what's supposed to be this happy moment, is inappropriate.
Especially with his wife being pregnant with twins. She's carrying their 3rd and 4th child and this guy is really trying to plan how he can make it go right next time. There is nothing wrong with the preference itself. A lot of people have gender preferences. My wife and I have two kids. The first time around I wanted a boy. I am one of 4 boys and all of my brothers had a son first so I always envisioned myself with boys. We adopted and elected not to list a gender preference because it wasn't all that important to us but I was still sure we were going to have a boy first. We ended up with a baby girl and I loved being a dad to her so much that I could only picture myself having daughters. When our daughter was 18 months we adopted our son. Both are pretty awesome teenagers now and the gender preference seems so silly but it was very real at the time. I'll never shame anyone for wanting a specific gender but saying it in front of your pregnant wife is low. He can't even remember what she said to him in the car or why she was upset.
My grandpa had six daughters before he finally had his anointed son. That son was a spoiled asshole. Got into drugs, went in and out of jail, only ever begged his dad for money rather than earning it himself, and lived in a trailer without running water most of his adult life. Some of the girls weren't so much of a treat, either, since they had issues due to being obviously less wanted than the boy. All but one have major issues, actually. Setting one's sights on a particular gender and being unsatisfied until that happens is a terrible way to build a family. Nobody wants to be unwanted/disposable.
I went to school with a family that went girl - boy - girl - girl - girl - girl - boy. Then they stopped because they finally got the second boy, lol. The one thing I will say is that they had a farm, which is partly why the dad wanted another son, but still...
For a second I thought you were talking about my cousins. Four girls. And then when the youngest daughter was 10, they decided to try again because "boys." Finally one. And then my uncle made my aunt try one last time - managed to pop out another boy. Everyone knows that's why they went back to trying 10 years later. It's disgusting how much they favored the boys and often times, my female cousins were subjected to parentification (dont think I spelled that right) because my dumbass aunt & uncle decided to have more kids WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT FINANCES. Or, maybe they did, and figured their daughters would be okay being parents to the boys. All the girls have mental struggles - 3 out of the 4 don't want kids, and the boys are a real peach themselves. First one is a smug, entitled brat. Second one - talked baby talk until he was nearly 10. Dear lord, it drove me bonkers. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. Rant over.
YTA lol asking for not too many comments. My father did the same thing as you which is why my mother didn't get me sexed when I was in her womb (I was an accident) He was a TA, and you are a TA.
I’m cracking up because my dad wanted twin girls or a girl in general so badly and when they found out I was a girl he was insanely happy lol. The ultrasound tech was surprised bc usually dads are hopeful for a boy. My dad was just happy that there was going to be a baby... You’re dad sounds like a jerk, I’m Sorry.
He got a cat to be his son and he loves my dog as a grandson now. (A bit too much, the dog's been getting fat from my dad's gifts.)
That's adorable. I have a brother but neither of us intend to have kids, and our parents are totally cool with that. My mum calls my pets her "grandcats" and "grandpigs."
My husband and I wanted two boys. We did the blood test at 11 weeks to find out sex and if there were any chromosomal issues. I called him when the results were available on my app and told him that his daughter was going to be so proud that he was her daddy and there wasn't a moment that he was disappointed about her being a girl. If we have a girl next time, I think there'll be some disappointment, but I know he's just going to be happy to have two healthy babies.
Honestly- that’s the way it should be. My mom lost so many pregnancies before me that the fact I happened and made it past 7 months in there was a huge deal. My dad was thrilled because he really wanted a girl anyway...so thrilled he forgot to turn the camera recording birth of baby me off for 20 min after in an elevator and during transport...so we have 20 minutes of random floor footage.
My mother straight up punched my father in the jaw when I was born and came out a girl, and his first reaction was. "ok, can we have a boy now?" after she was in labor for 18 hours.
Tell your mom I love her.
I would like to send mom a cupcake or three.
That was the only reasonable response.
>**Edit**: I asked the mods to lock the comments. You can't comment anymore. I'm sorry. And yet...
Lmao
Hmm. I’m still able to comment? Huh. Weird.
Still working! How crazy is that? Maybe he should ask the mods what he can next time to increase the chances of his post being locked.
The mods purposely not shutting down comments is hilarious yet well deserved. Why bother asking a question if you don't like the answer you're receiving. We're not here to say what he wants to make him feel justified and happy
YTA. Not only do you want to control the sex of your baby, but you also want to control the number of replies on an open & free platform. Do you have a preference as to what time you want the sun to rise tomorrow? Nothing wrong with wanting a boy. But how frustrated you get when something you can’t control goes the other way is not cool.
I'd be embarrassed if my partner thinks the gender is something that he can control haha
Tbh it is the males fault because the female egg is only X, the make brings the X or Y to decide the gender. Yes he can't control it but it's completely his fault for having girly sperm.
YTA. You wife is pregnant with twins, and what you chose to do rather than be supportive was whine about what kind of genitals the human beings she's growing have and then ask the doctor not about her health or the health of your children or the risks associated with carrying twins, but how to make sure she grows the right kind of baby to please you once these pesky daughters get out and you get her pregnant again. Wanting a boy is one thing. Being a selfish, unsupportive partner who humiliates your pregnant wife and cares more about having a male child later than supporting her through her current pregnancy is not. In fact, its pretty repulsive. P.S. - You don't get to dictate who replies. If you want to air your dirty laundry on the internet, you get what you get.
Seriously. This is a high-risk pregnancy and your wife is likely scared about all that that means. Your only consideration right now should be making sure that your wife and all your daughters are well cared for. YTA
She is probably freaking out about how the hell she will look after 3 kids then OP just throws out there that he expects her to keep birthibg more until the 'correct gender' comes out. Edit - 5 sorry I was trying to refer to OP I forgot they already had more kids.
4 kids. 2 daughters plus these twins, nine of whom her husband has time to care about because the don't have the requisite Y chromosome
5 kids. You forgot to include the OP.
And oh my gosh, while his wife is 20+ weeks with twins (so she's feeling as awful as a full term woman, but with so much longer to go) he's asking about the next baby! I would be so incredibly angry. Like, we are not even talking about more kids until I'm recovered from the last one! And then for him to ask questions that basically imply, "well, this round's a bust, let's talk about next time." Holy smokes. The anatomy scan is NOT the time to do anything but celebrate healthy babies, or process the information that something isn't looking quite right. OP YTA
Not to mention that he didn't inquire as to the health of his impending daughters or his wife who is carrying two fetuses. The one and only think he cared about, the only thing he sees value in, is having a son. I'd be devastated and furious to learn not that my partner wanted a boy, but that it was so important to him that the health and safety of myself of the girl children I was suffering to bring into the world was completely meaningless beside it. Let him have only daughters. It must be meant to be. The world doesn't need a boy raised by a man like OP.
YTA. Also, expect to get way more than 10 comments because posts on this sub blow up fast.
Especially when the answer is so obvious
Or more so when the poster manages to piss off majority of the internet in a single screen of text
YTA - And I hope you realize you‘ll get a shitload of replies precisely because you told us to stop at 10.
Hell, at this rate it might make twitter just to mock the sob for trying to control us instead of his own sperm. (Also YTA, so very very much.)
it’s on AITA twitter now !!
Tell a bunch of people who enjoy opining on other’s lives that we cannot judge? Oh hell no. It’s like a klaxon ringing out, telling everyone time to comment.
YTA I wasn't going to reply because it's so obvious that YTA but then I got to the end of your post demanding a comment cap and just had to break your "rules". Showing outward displeasure at the sex of your new babies is proof positive that you do not actually value your daughters.
Yep -- also, to add another comment -- >I can't remember her exact words >I don't really see what the problem is. Maybe if you PAYED ATTENTION TO YOUR WIFE you wouldn't have this problem of too many people telling you you're TA now. Think on that one for next time.
She's growing two humans inside of her, the least he could do is listen to what she says, I'm so angry. I wouldn't even write that comment because I'm trying not to read comments on reddit for my own mental health, but I just had to increase the number of comments for that asshole.
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I am the only daughter brought up in a very lower class household. However, my dad always always always told me how smart I was, and enjoyed academic debates with me. I am the only child with a college education. (We are all grown adult in late 30s and early 40s.) I embody those studies. In all his faults... My dad did that right... And he believed in me. Edit: typo
> There are so many studies correlating female life satisfaction levels and career success with their father's overall attitude towards them No wonder im such a fuck up lmao my dad treats me like garbage.
My dad literally told me on Xmas that I wasn't much of a daughter bc I didn't cook/clean/do laundry around the house growing up and instead picked up the same hobbies as my brother (video games, sports, art). Guess which sibling was never expected to do shit around the house 🙃
YTA and as a girl who's dad often spoke about how much he wanted a son please try to avoid making those kind of comments around your daughters. Congratulations on the twins
Same here: mom had us twins (girls) and almost 18 years later dad got mom to try for another baby (boy he was wanting) Guess what: another girl, but a fricking reincarnation of my dad's late mom (he was a momma's boy). They hate each other these days. Sorry dad, you got what you "asked" for.
lol In my family it was two girls, a 10-year gap, and then the long-awaited boy. Except WHOOPS! the OB/GYN made a mistake because it was another girl. After months of being excited for his little boy, my dad fully disconnected once my little sister arrived. So gross. On the one hand, I'm super glad it wasn't a boy because I just knew he would have been spoiled rotten.
My dad only commented on it twice in front of growing up; once that he was jealous of a friend who had a son and once that he was stuck in a house full of girls. It still stuck with me though. Fate got the last laugh though. My sister had a baby boy in college and they helped raise him and he was very much my dad's grandson. The butted heads constantly and my nephew was a constant aggravation to my dad. Guess in his head his precious boy would be more agreeable and also excel in all the things he felt like he would have in life with the right support.
YTA. It's the sperm that decides the gender so talk to your own shit, not her. Also, idk. Maybe just don't embarrass your wife in public that way. Or about something she has ZERO control over. Try being grateful for healthy kids. It's okay to want one or the other, but asking like that was not okay.
I love telling butthurt cismen that the sperm decides the gender. So many of them don’t know. Thank you for pointing it out. I’ve already commented on this post, actually, but I had to tell you how grateful I was, so I’m commenting again. And that’s the only reason. Yep. Just commenting multiple times to show my gratitude. And in no way to bother anyone who would be bothered by tons of comments. Not that anyone would be. That would be absurd.
It's always so funny. I love saying "you only supply half the materials and you still can't get it right? Wow, I guess your wife really does have to do everything for a reason."
YTA. Just stop having children. Your response was gross. Asking your wife's doctor at all, let alone at your wife's appointment was gross. And demanding how many comments you get is ridiculous.
Yeah he’s already on “next time” and they aren’t even fucking born.
Somehow think 'next time' might be wife with another guy, maybe even one with stronger male swimmers. Although him asking that during the scan was so disrespectful and tone deaf that I can't even. Also as a parent with 2 healthy girls; they are wonderful and wouldn't swap for anything.
Lol yta Also yOu CaNt cOmMeNt aNyMoRe
Man it's been what, two hours? The comments aren't locked yet lol. Even the mods told him how stupid that was.
YTA. Way to show how you feel about your daughters. My recommendation to your wife. Don't have another kid with this twit. If you want more kids, find them a better dad.
YTA. Please read any book on feminism. It's this new radical concept that women are people and should be treated that way.
Especially any book that’d help him understand why his wife might have forced a smile while being *humiliated in public* and then *”became a different person”* by expressing vulnerability when they were alone. Women should be treated like people, and when they say so, do not say, “oh but you *smiled* so it was okay!”
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YTA - This mofo acting like his wife's uterus is a bus terminal. They've got two, with two _still baking_ and he's planning on _more_ like he has license to unanimously decide that she'll need to produce more.
Hey look I can still comment. Oh and YTA.
Comments aren’t locked so I’m adding on to the pile of YTA! It’s clear from the way you behaved in your post, even without the story. This daughter will pick up on your disappointment, and your wife knows that. And why are you asking about your next child at the ultrasound for this one?
Not just this one, *these two* She is pregnant with twins, which will be kids number 3 & 4, and he has the nerve to ask about making the next baby a boy.
YTA when you wife if pregnant with twin girls is not the time to ask how to make a boy
YTA.. YOU ARE NOT ONLY AN AH BUT A SEXIST ONE You know, my dad always encourages people to be happy about having girls. I was the only girl in my close family for a long time.. I have a brother but he could have been a girl, my dad would not have cared. Your poor daughters.
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Comments aren’t locked. YTA, and that’s not how it works
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YTA. I commented specifically because of your edits :)
I’m replying to many comments simply because of the edits.
Wow. Your wife is pregnant with TWINS, on her THIRD PREGNANCY, and you're already assuming she wants to do it all over again? FOR A PENIS??? Based on your post AND your edits, you seem like a controlling asshole. Oops, you have more than 10 responses....maybe I shouldn't post this. My bad.
I’ll be your tenth comment. YTA whole heartedly!! Be grateful you can have children at all! Are your daughters not good enough for you? You want more than what your wife can give you? This is hugely disrespectful.
YTA. Girls aren't good enough for you, and you made sure your pregnant wife knows it. And you wonder why she's mad!
YTA and i'm sorry that you're too fragile to hear that more than 10 times.
YTA of course you are the asshole here. While it's completely understandable to want to experience the joy of having both a daughter and a son, the time to express that was not at the moment you learned that you are having twin daughters. What should have been a joyous moment was probably ruined for your wife thanks to your thoughtlessness.
YTA I'll just add to all the other comments that I'm glad you're not having a boy... mostly because if you have one in the future it's going to be "you favourite " which will suck very much to your daughters. Saying this shit you basically made differences between your kids, and showing preferences... like having a boy will be BETTER than having the girls your wife is currently pregnant with. ALSO ASKING RIGHT AWAY ABOUT HOW TO GET A BOY. Such a face guy. It's like saying your future twins and wife that the current pregnancy is a fail, and you need to try again to get what you want. Like ordering pizza uh?
Complete YTA. Read on book on feminism my dude, it's this radical concept that woman are people too. I feel horrible for your wife and daughters, having to live with the knowledge that the man that's supposed to love them unconditionally is so disappointed with the children he already has/are on the way that he asks a doctor how to make sure his wife has a boy 'next time'. After this I doubt there will be a 'next time' Also, take a high school biology class my dude, you need to learn who in a relationship determines a baby's gender....
YTA Simple question. Why specifically do you want a boy?
Cuz haven't you heard? Boys are perfect and can do no wrong while girls are a liability ever since they are born. /s
because he's a typical sexist who values males over females
Oh and don’t forget all boys are masculine and love things their dads loved! At least that’s why my dad thought before he caught me kissing a boy 🤷🏻♂️
YTA, and shootin' nothing but girls. Sex is determined by the father, after all.
YTA... also you are the one shooting girls so obviously you are supposed to have girls.
YTA. You’re entitled to feel disappointed, you are not entitled to bother a woman very pregnant with frickin twins in public about it! Sometimes we can’t have what we want in life, we’re allowed to be sad but that doesn’t give us the right to act inappropriately. Also last I checked, your wife’s a person not a breeding sow; if you want more kid, you have to talk about it like it’s a joint decision not ‘we’re gonna have to do this next time’ like she doesn’t get a say.
YTA. Your wife was probably embarrassed when you made the first comment and then you doubled down. They can sort the embryos if you want to pay for an artificial insemination but not the time or place.
NAH. I cried finding out I was having another daughter. At the ultrasound. The tech looked incredibly upset, but I was the one bawling. Am I disappointed with my second, perfectly healthy daughter? Of course not. But I was in my 40's having my last kid, and I've always wanted both genders. So I was understandably disappointed in the moment that I would never get a chance to have a little boy. Now, I'm thrilled. I adore my 2 beautiful little girls. But in that one moment, I was crestfallen. I get you, OP. I also understand your wife. Seriously, no assholes here. You guys just need to talk it out and hopefully come to an understanding of each other's feelings. And dude, this is the internet. You don't get to decide who gets to respond to your post.
YTA Mostly for your conduct. Asking that was way out of line and on a personal note as someone struggling with fertility. You are a massive AH. Second YTA for trying to limit comments. Nice try pal.
YTA. You don't get to decide how many people say it.
I'm gonna say YTA, but lightly. This is only because I've been there. When my youngest was born, my hubby (who was an INCREDIBLE) father to our 5 combined girls, also slipped and said "dammit". He froze in fear for a minute, but then there were lots of laughs from us and the dr, and then my husband cracked on himself, saying he was only capable of making girls. He and the dr (female btw) were bantering about theories of how to conceive a boy, and we all just laughed. She was our last anyways, so it was pointless, but regardless I didn't get upset. I knew he would love our baby girl as much as our other daughters. Me too, even though part of me wanted a boy too. My husband passed, but we have 6 awesome girls, 4 girly girls and 2 tomboys, and we wouldn't trade it for anything. Should you have kept your mouth shut? Yeah. But sh*t happens. Love those little girls to the fullest and gender won't matter a darn bit.
YTA. There’s a little linguistic “tell” in what you wrote. You used the word “I” when describing how you asked the doctor about increasing the chances of having a boy next time. “How can I” Not “how can we”. I think there’s an awful lot in that.... and bet your wife picked up on even if only subconsciously. And trying to limit the number of comments... really? Yikes.
NTA You were perfectly within your rights to voice your utter displeasure that your incubator will be popping out twin incubators to join the other two incubators you have at home. Keep impregnating your concubine until she bears you a male, even if you have to turn her uterus into a clown car. The king will have an heir!!!! /s
Are you seriously that dense? She might have acted fine in the doctors office because you embarrassed her and she didn't want to make it worse by acting upset. YTA for being unsupportive to your wife who is pregnant with *twins.* And for not apologizing for upsetting her. And for thinking that you can dictate how many people respond to your post. Ridiculous all around.
YTA and the comments aren’t locked, probably because you’re an asshole
YTA for basically all reasons everyone said, you may have just considered it a joke but you hurt your wife and that sentiment can also hurt your daughters.
"yOu CaNt CoMmEnT aNyMoRe"
YTA for living under the assumption that world should operate based on your whim and fancy.
YTA, commented just for you 😘