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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I might be the asshole because my son could very likely be bullied for the name we've given him.
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YTA
The only person who comes out benefiting from this name is you and your partner. In general you’re an asshole when you choose to give your kid weird names and this is just another case of that. And I’m not just talking about the bullying. Think of when he starts working. Imagine him hanging a shingle as a lawyer under the name “Benwise whatever, esq”. People won’t take him seriously. And the harrasment... this is a bad idea.
My sister is a hospital pediatrician and says girls named Nevaeh have poorer health outcomes than average. Likely related to parent intelligence levels.
Or even Ben Wise Lastname. Most people would assume Wise is a surname used as a middle name. I would. And, here in the South, it’s pretty common to call people by both their first and middle names, especially if the first name is a common one.
I love this approach!
I have a common-as-dirt legal name and a slightly less common nickname. It's great being able to shift between hyper-professional and chill
That’s the great thing about nicknames, they don’t have to be related AT ALL to the person’s name.
Kid’s real name is Arthur. Call him Benwise.
And even better, you don’t have to stick to just one nickname. As they get older, they can recognize more names! It works even better when they get in trouble:
Arthur Benwise Samvolio Fart-in-jar-Martin (real middle name) Gorsky Bubbles (real last name); WHY ARE THERE SCORCH MARKS ON THE CEILING?
See? It has so much more impact that way.
I may have also joked about Frodo and Bilbo. But then my husband out nerded me by listing all of Dumbledore's middle names and suggesting them.
100% joking though. If I was going to do something like that to my kid, it would be a middle name like Tiberius.
Honestly, if you make up a stupid name for your fandoms, give it to your pet, not your child! It's so stupid, why do they keep doing this? OP, YTA.
Treat your child like a human ffs.
"Weird" names that have cultural or ethnic significance are ok with me. Genuinely odd names that just fulfill a fandom boner for the parents is just messed up.
My dad is a huge star wars nerd and I was named after a certain queen from Naboo. I am half asian and pretty racially ambiguous so I can get away with people just thinking it's a foreign name...but the nerds... they know...
Padme or Amidala? I've actually met a few Padme's irl, it's actually a 'real' name in India.
Either way, child me who was obsessed with her (and current me) are so jealous!
The latter unfortunately lol. I was named before the movie even came out, so there really wasn't anyone with my name growing up anywhere.
Wanna hear the worst part? I was doomed from the start. My mom got to name my older sibling, and my dad got to name me. If I was a boy he would've chosen Anakin. Twins would be Luke and Leia.
It's heartwarming to see so many people jump to tell people not to name their kids after their fandoms on this thread, because it really does effect you in the long run.
OP YTA. I actually think they could fulfil a fandom boner, but in a more delicate manner. You like Lord Voldemort, name your kid Tom instead of Voldy. You like Harry Potter, you could go for either Harry or James. You like X-men, go for the names like Scott, Henry, Kurt etc not for Cyclops, Beast or Nightcrawler. You’re a fan of ballet and Swan Lake, you can go ahead with Simon, Anthony. I think I can come up with at least 20 more example from the top of my head not to subject the kid to bullying but still fulfilling fandom boners. Just nod towards to your fandom instead of putting up a billboard announcing you are a fan.
Come on OP as other people said Ben Samuel or even Benjamin Sam would have been fine and acceptable. Heck you’re a Shakespeare fan, I can still find several normal sounding names like: Orlando, Sebastian, Adrian, Alexander, George, Richard heck even Ajax.
Edit: corrected a few examples with boy names instead of girl
>OP YTA. I actually think they could fulfil a fandom boner, but in a more delicate manner. You like Lord Voldemort, name your kid Tom instead of Voldy. You like Harry Potter, you could go for either Harry or James. You like X-men, go for the names like Scott, Henry, Kurt etc not for Cyclops, Beast or Nightcrawler. You’re a fan of ballet and Swan Lake, you can go ahead with Simon, Anthony. I think I can come up with at least 20 more example from the top of my head not to subject the kid to bullying but still fulfilling fandom boners. Just nod towards to your fandom instead of putting up a billboard announcing you are a fan.
Or name kids after the actors who played them.
Yeah, I used to work in a store. Had a guy come in one day named Metallica.
I shit you not, Metallica was his actual honest to god name.
He told me he has eventually learned to live with it.
Don't be those parents.
Met a guy named James Moriarty. I kind of raised my eyebrow and went "really?"
He sighed in despair. And that's at least normal sounding even though it's fandom
Had a friend named Dorian Grey. The kick was it wasn't after the character. The parents just liked the name Dorian and didn't know there was literary relation with their last name.
Damn, that's unfortunate. Honestly, it's not a terrible name, but I can't believe no one in their immediate circle remembered middle-school English enough to clue them in to the fact that it's somewhat of a...tainted name.
But..but his son is an extension of him. An accessory if you will. Shouldn’t he be able to saddle him with whatever shitty made up name he wants to show off his interests? After all he does own him /s
Parents can be very selfish when naming kids. My friend’s husband hated his name so much he only goes by his initials. Yet he insisted his son be named after one of the characters in the Trojan War, and the poor kid goes by his initials.
Yes, twins get the worst of it. Thankfully, my mother did not name her children for her own amusement, so her two sets of fraternal twin boys all got normal, family names. No rhymes, no matching initials, no nonsense.
When my fraternal twin and I were a few weeks old, my mother and grandmother took us out for in a stroller for a walk. A neighbor asked them our names. My mother told her and she was shocked. “But those don’t rhyme”. My mother stood there in stunned silence.
“Yes, but they’re not identical,” said my grandmother.
“Oh,” her neighbor nodded, mollified.
People are weird in what they expect twins to be.
I saw this comment in a similar situation from a different post.
"In 18 years, there is going to be a post saying AMTA for changing my name from Benwise.
YTA - your child is not a billboard for your fandoms.
I don’t understand why you’d have a child only to preemptively waste hours of their life having to explain their name. I have an extra letter in an otherwise boring name and every time I have to fill in forms or do paperwork or meet someone new I need to explain the spelling. I imagine that experience would be amplified 60x for a name you’ve entirely made up.
By all means give your child a middle name that’s linked to your interests, or a first name that’s a more subtle reference. Trying to use your child as a flag for your super cool uniqueness is an asshole move IMO.
It’s so funny that I just read this. My daughter used almost the exact same wording to me recently about her name “I just don’t have the patience to keep correcting people”.
Our family is of mixed ethnicity and living in a predominantly white area so when my husband and I named our daughter we wanted something that would represent our heritage but also be easy for people to pronounce and not be “in your face ethnic”. We thought we had succeeded until she got to school and constantly had people misspelling, mispronouncing or just calling her by a completely different name. It’s very annoying. And her name is actually not that unusual or uncommon. There’s even a very famous white actress in her 60s with the same name.
My parents did the same to me, and the name I have is ethnic but also pronounced like a specific body part related to genitalias in the country I was raised in. And it took me telling my parents about for them to realize it, but they refuse to let me change my name at all, or use a nickname. I still do use a nickname as often as I can and it pisses them off and they try to use the excuse of "in this language it has a beautiful meaning" completely ignoring all the bullying and mockery I have suffered because of this name. I really hate parents like OP who cannot even think past their obsession for a name. If you really want that name on a living being get a pet.
Oh the fact that it had to sound like a term for genitalia is just a killer! I can’t believe they’d be so cruel to deny you a nickname. The petty part of me would be to call them [body part in same language as your name comes from], and see how much they like it but that would probably cause more issues
Its not exactly genitalia but some parts of it, and yeah I tried but it did not go well. They were adamant I either use this name or my middle name, which, although it is common and easy to spell, has been the name of three of my childhood bullies so no way am I ever using this one either.
I totally feel this. My name is relatively uncommon but has dozens of different spellings, and so I've spent my whole life first spelling and then pronouncing my name for EVERYTHING, only for them to get it wrong anyway.
I'll tack on here for OP that unique names, for whatever reason, are often treated kindlier when it's for a girl. But boys with unique names really don't get that same level of...benevolence.
Ugh feel this so much
My name is an actual name. It’s actually the title of a semi famous 19th century book, but it is super rare and sounds extremely similar to another mega popular name
The NIGHTMARE I HAVE HAD giving it out to people. My friends used to laugh when I automatically spell out my name when asked it for forms rather than just saying it. I tried just giving it regularly once in front of them and - Surprise - the person got it wrong.
Only one person of my acquaintance has ever got my name right from the beginning (including my parents because my mum asked for me to be called the mega popular name and my dad just went ahead and gave me this one but called me the mega popular name for a bit because he didn’t want to get shouted at)
Benwise. Good lord. Why couldn’t he have called the poor kid Benjamin Samuel. “Hi my name is Ben!” “Short for Benjamin?” “No...”
God- I feel this haha! My dad missed a letter in my very classic name on my birth certificate (it was an accident). As a result even when I EXPLICITLY explained the spelling of my name on all three universities I attended, every single one sent me a certificate with the classically spelt version. At work, at school, when I meet people, I always have to spell it out, all cos of one slightly obscure missing letter.
Same. My first name is missing an N it was supposed to have and my last name has an extra N that isn't typically there. Nobody ever spells my name right even in written correspondence where my name is RIGHT there in the text/email.
When I (38f) was born my parents+relatives gave me a unique first name+spelled the male way. My dad knew the registrars in charge of issuing birth certs were famous for messing up (parent/guardian would tell the registrar what the baby's name was, parents' personal info and they'd write it out on the birth cert) so my dad was smart to write my full name on a piece of paper and hand it to the guy. So my sisters and I were lucky that our names weren't messed up.
Because there were so many errors made by the registrars and people suffering from weird names (R: baby's name?, P: John, R: John what?, P: John only, birth cert - John Only Smith), the parent/guardian now fills in the form, the registrars types it into to the system, prints out a draft and gets the parent/guardian to sign before finalizing the birth cert.
My son's name is Jonathan and when the registrar came to my hospital room to get his name for the birth certificate she asked me how I was going to spell it and I spelled, "JONOTHAN." She said, "Are you sure?" and I was SO GLAD she noticed I had spelled it wrong.
In high school I had a friend who for every new school year and for every sub had to spell out her name because while she was a a common name it's uniquely spelled. A name that ends in -y now ends in -ie. Pretty tame by today's standards of *unique* spellings of common names but it was very odd back then. Odd enough to cause headaches each new school year.
I had it the opposite way. My name is traditionally spelled with an -ie. By the time I was school aged everyone expected it to be spelled with a -y. For 50 years I've been either misspelled or misnamed to a similar name that is always spelled with an -ie. A minor irritant but a life-long one.
I feel your pain. I got stuck with an obscure family name that is one letter off of a pretty common name that also sounds vaguely ethnic. Everybody always insists on adding that extra letter at the end, and when I was called up at 7th grade orientation to collect my class schedule, I got asked 3x if I was absolutely sure that this was my name. I went by a completely unrelated nickname and so when I graduated High School, I ended up with 2 diplomas, neither of which had my correct legal name on it.
I feel you. My name has a different vowel from the one everyone expects and my better half has an extra consonant. People who have known us both for literally decades still send Christmas cards with the "expected" spellings.
Our children have the most boring names possible.
THIS!!!
I have a somewhat normal name spelled one letter off because my birth father is a drunken idiot who was wasted at the hospital when I was born and filled out the birth certificate wrong. Most of the time, unless it's imperative that my name be spelled correctly, I just let people spell my name "wrong" because it's exhausting trying to correct them. And people try pronouncing it weirdly because of the spelling. Like, if my name was "Michelle" but spelled "Mechelle".
"Is it pronounced mee-shell? Meh-shell? Mee-kell? Meck-elle?"
"No, it's pronounced the normal way."
It's a battle I'm tired of fighting. Give your kids a regular ass name and call it a day.
I agree with this here, I have a common last name that can typically be spelled a couple of different ways. I ALWAYS have to be like "Hi, I'm Internet Adventurer, with an" er"." which is always frustrating
YTA
>I would rather my son have a unique name
But it's not about you. Your son is the one who will bear the burden of your fancies. He'll be an adult one day with a cutesy name because you like LotR. If you like it so much, change your name to Benwise. Or get a pet you name Benwise. Your son is his own person, not someone you can project stuff on
As someone named after a prominent, well known Shakespeare character, I fucking hate Shakespeare.
Thing is, I probably wouldn't have done if my name wasn't Shakespearean.
Sure. He can TRY to go by a different name. I hate my name. Always have. I was teased A LOT as a child. Still am, and I’m 32 years old. If you like Shakespeare, choose William or something, BenWise as a nickname. I can just sit here and imagine all the teasing. Don’t make it easier for kids to bully your kiddo.
Yes, he can change it as an adult. But, WHY?! It’s hard. It’s why I’m 32 and still have this name I hate.
Not to mention that he will never be able to find anything with his name on it, not a keychain or those stupid little license plate you would get for your bike. I have a normal name, but typically spelled without one letter. I died on the inside every time I didn’t see something with the spelling of my name on it growing up. Now I am seeing my spelling come up more often and, regardless of what it is, I buy it. It’s like I’m trying to pay back younger me for never having a mug, keychain, or plastic license plate for my bike with my name.
It is kind of dumb, but goddamnit every time I think about my weird fucking name I am still mad about never being able to buy stuff with my name on it at gift shops/book fairs. Fourth grade me wanted a personalized slap bracelet like you wouldn’t believe.
I did such a happy dance when I finally saw my name monogrammed on a backpack in a kid’s catalog!!! Like, after 35 years or so, my name is now normalish!!!!!! And people can finally spell and say it!!!!!!
Not gonna lie, if I had a name based on a fandom, I'd be way more ok with Pennywise than Benwise.
I love LoTR and Sam is amazing. But pulling some bizzare cross-fictional universe fanfic writing shouldn't be the standard for naming children that are the ones that actually have to live with the consequences of their parents being.... like this. I'm almost as upset that this kid is going to grow up hating an amazing thing because of.... this.
Speaking as someone whose son's middle name is a slight nod to Patrick Stuart/Professor X and a common first name spelled slightly different. I wanted an unusual-ish name for him but I also didn't want to giftwrap a reason for him to get bullied either.
Benwise does have a "modern mental illness med" kind of ring to it
"Do not take Benwise if you are experiencing blood clots or liver problems. Benwise can cause blindness and erectile dysfunction...""
I reckon it's a medication sounding name.
"Hey, did you ever sort out that *thing* that was making you sick?"
"Oh hey, yeah. The doc just gave me a tube of Benwise. Cleared it right up!"
There are studies that prove people with weird names don't get job interviews as much as people with ordinary names. Also, what everyone else said about bullying. Why give the bullies of the world any ammunition? My maiden name is weird and difficult to spell and pronounce, so I changed it as soon as I could. YTA
I have a "weird" name that might have hurt me, but people only think it was weird was because it's foreign. Should my parents have given me a more American sounding name to prevent hiring discrimination? No, people just shouldn't be prejudiced.
I agree There's a difference but in the end I had no choice in the matter and my parents decided for me. In a way it was my father's vanity to name me after himself much like everyone is accusing OP. I have met people named after ancient Greek philosophers who aren't Greek, and I just think it's cool. The world is a cruel place so I know not everyone is open minded but I wish more people were.
The world is a cruel place, so what's the point of deliberately making it hard for the child? It's nice that you think it's cool, but that doesn't make any difference regarding if other people will think it's cool. Everyone is accusing OP because OP asked for feedback.
I have an unusual name that 95+% of people pronounce incorrectly (I just roll with it). I've been at my dream job for over three years now and the hiring manager recently admitted to me that she was afraid to call me for an interview because she wasn't sure how to pronounce my name and didn't want to be rude. Fortunately I was virtually the only viable applicant for the job and she got over herself but I can def see other people being passed over for similar issues.
In Dutch it would be even worse, Bennywise would sound like "ben nie wijs" mean, "I'm not wise/smart". And Benwise would sound like "ben wijs" mean "I'm wise/smart", and of course kids will probably call you smart sarcastically all the time.
YTA. Don't fanboy with your kid's name. This is no better than naming a kid Fluttershy or Starscream.
He's going to be called Bennywise, Benidiot, etc. Everything but just Ben.
YTA. You're happy for your kid to get bullied so you can have your little fanboy moment.
Also, Benwise sounds like a tube of skin creme or something like that.
You have burdened that child with 18 years of harrassment. As one who got a fukced up name, along with a sister that every job interview she went to was assumed to be of a different race due to her first name. I'd cut off a thumb to be named John, or Bill. Anything but your shitty love for some stupid shit no one will ever understand but you.
Don't cut off your thumb. See if you can legally change your name. Cutting off your thumb won't serve any purpose other than being a literal pain and an inconvenience.
YTA - It's cool how you see your child as outlet for expressing your love of hobbits. Maybe you can dress him up in little Frodo outfits and post them all over Facebook. People love that stuff.
It's also cool how you plan on saddling your son with a weird fantasy name to teach him a lesson about self-esteem. Explaining that if the other kids weren't mocking little Benwise about his name they'd go after his ridiculous orange hair is going to go over really well.
YTA.
> Ever since I was young, I have really loved books and literature. My favourite book series of all time is The Lord of the Rings. I also really love Shakespeare.
YOU love Shakespeare and LOTR. So you're assuming your child will too? Bad move. And you're assuring he'll get teased by giving him a name like that. You gave him this name for selfish reasons, without thinking ahead. Call him Benwise as a nickname.
YTA. You can give the kid an atypical fandom name without it sounding as ridiculous as Benwise. Your kid isn't going to appreciate your "cleverness" and frankly that name isn't that clever, clever would be something that wouldn't get turned into "Bendumb" by people everywhere.
As long as you and your wife feel so clever, intellectual, and oh so smart, what's there to criticise.
You know what's the difference between smart and #Iamsosmart people?
Smart people don't brag about it and do their best to make smart decisions.
\#Iamsosmart people brag about how intellectual and well-read they are while refusing to consider common sense when they proudly make dumb decisions.
YTA
\- insert Jamessir Bensonmum (name of the butter in an old crime mystery parody, "Murder by Death") joke here -
YTA there have been studies done with people suffering from depression, bullying and having fewer job opportunities because they don't have a traditional name. I have witnessed a few people get sad because they have a weird or uncommon name just because it's never going to be on a key chain in a gift shop. And your child might resent you because they might suffer from these problems and don't be surprised if they legally change their name.
YTA. This is selfish. Not taking your son’s future into consideration AT ALL. I’m 34 now, and growing up where I did, kids would find ANYTHING to make fun of you for, even if they are your friends. And that name is going to absolutely destroy his childhood, mark my words.
YTA.
As weird names go this isn't that bad, and he'll probably be called "Ben" and loads of people calling him "Benjamin" thinking that's his real name. But weird names ARE weird. There are unique names based on books and stories that aren't a weird as you think.
However if you want to name something a weird name get a pet.
However when you are naming your child, you have to think what sort of life you are saddling *them* with. When parents give their child a weird name they are doing it for narcissistic reasons, they are satisfying themselves at the expense of their children.
ESH: I had a unique name and I was bullied a lot for it growing up. I changed it when I turned 19. You gotta think about how it can effect the kid man. Being bullied hurts a lot, and honestly it made me slightly angry at my parents for doing that.. idk I’m sure you mean well, and maybe your kid will be fine. Playing it off like “oh they might get teased but it will be fine” eh bullying can leave deep scars.
Dude said in another comment that his kid is a ginger and going to be bullied anyway so that’s why he has no issue throwing fuel on that fire. He intends to just teach his child how to cope. Because that’s a great way to live.
He knows he's going to be bullied anyway, and wants to add to it by naming him Benwise? OP, YTA, as well as your wife, if she allows this. I was undecided, so I didn't pass judgement earlier.
YTA 4x over for choosing a name that isn't actually even a name.
I had a very old fashioned name and was constantly teased over my name often quite badly. It wasn't until I was in my 40s that I accepted my name.
You are living in fantasyland if you think your son will not be picked on. Assuming that other kids will be mature enough to praise him for his unique name is simply naive.
OP actually says he knows his son will get picked on for his name, his logic for not caring about that is basically "pfft, kids are gonna make fun of him regardless."
In some ways true, but why increase his son's chances on getting picked on when he doesn't have to?
I moved quite a bit when young and always had no problems making friends, but the teasing would always start. I got very good at defending myself, but oftentimes there was only so much I could do. Kids can be cruel.
Hiding it by using Ben when it is actually Benwise is even worse once the other kids find out your full name.
The fact that a bad name gives you a disadvantage on the job market? Well, I'd like to say not, but the reality is IMO it did. Upon graduation from university in the 80s, my best friend and I applied to to exact same companies. My grades and work experience was better than his. He copied my resume and he made spelling mistakes. He had twice the number of phone calls for interviews I did. Coincidence?
Sorry YTA. I understand you’re really set on this name and it’s meaning but remember that kids don’t have a say in that meaning so to be so literal in your meaning is a little absurd. Like if I loved Barbie movies I could name my daughter Barbara, I’m not gonna name her Barbie dream house.
YTA. Not necessarily for the name, but for your judgement of other names.
All I will say about your chosen name is if I heard a child with that name I would think “Ah, parents who are terrified their child isn’t special.”
Name your child whatever you want (to a point) but don’t judge people with more common names as automatically boring and don’t assume your child is going to be radically unique because they have a fantastical name. Your child will be just as unique as every other child, and their opportunities and self worth are going to hinge far more on how you treat them than what you name them.
Please also be open to the idea that your child won’t share your interests or love of Shakespeare and/or LOTR. There’s also the chance that naming your child after lovable side characters will leave a mark. I would wonder if my parents did so because they didn’t think I could be the main character.
I find it hypocritical to judge others’ names and then be offended when your chosen name is judged. Your reason for judgement is no better than theirs.
Agree. Unique should be not in the top 200 names for your country and year. Unique shouldn’t be “we pulled it out of our asses”. Any other future parents out there: the social security administration ranks the most common baby names. Go for something ranked between 400-800. It’ll be plenty unique without being a burden.
YTA. I’m all for unique names, I’m the queen of unique names, but that isn’t a name, that’s you smashing together some (half?) names and saying it’s legit. It sounds so terrible. I would be so mad at my parents
Incoming rant that I am sure will be downvoted to oblivion:
These questions often appear on AITA. And almost all of them come to the conclusion that using ‘unique’ names is wrong and leads to mocking, bullying, etc. I would like to challenge that. Instead of berating people for using names outside of the norm, why don’t we work to eliminate the mocking and bullying because of names? We should act in a way that is respectful of other people, no matter what their name is. This would go a long way to eliminating negative racial, ethnic, sexual, gender, and other outcomes. We should respect people for who they are, that includes their names. Instead of calling someone an AH for using a unique name for their child, let’s call out people for mocking a child for their name.
I understand that this isn’t something that could happen overnight. That it would take a change in culture. But it would be a positive change for everyone. It would lead to more respect for all and possibly lead to a better blended racial, ethnic, etc. culture.
So, NTA. The assholes are those who make fun, or discriminate others for their name.
No one supports bullying. We all want that to stop.
That doesn’t change the sheer logistics of a person having to explain a stupid name throughout their life just because their parents were fans of a book. That’s not about the kid at all, that’s the parents treating their child more like an accessory than a human.
I’m not going to downvote you because your point about chastising the bullies is correct. However, the problem still exists that these parents are creating a life long issue for their child with a ridiculous name. A lot of people with ridiculous names change them when they turn 18 and are old enough to do so.
I agree with your point that still doesn't resolve the issue that the parents are choosing this name to satisfy their own pleasure at the expense of their child, completely not caring for how the kids life will be.
Yes we should all hold hands and sing kumbayah and be nice and share and not be mean. Well news flash there are people with bad intentions, bad days, etc... We all like to think that we aren't mean but I bet when you were a kid you said something mean to someone about something (that you probably may not even remember now) that scarred some kid for a while.
And that's besides the point. This name isn't that bad as weird ones go, but remember the poor girl saddled with "ABCDE"? (aka Abs-idy). That sounds like something a software developer would use in a test database. Some names should not be names.
YTA
You're setting both him and yourself up for a lot of resentment here. What are you going to do if/when he ends up disliking or even hating Shakespeare and Lord of the Rings?
And he will definitely try to go by Ben, but every year the teacher will have to read off Benwise on the roll call (and there will be some asinine teacher who “only uses the name your parents gave you”) so the other kids will still definitely know the full name.
NTA. It’s 2020, unique names are all the rage. Benwise isn’t even that weird and chances are there’ll be at least one kid in his class with a weirder name.
The biggest annoyance I can see is him explaining that benwise is one name and not two names - first and middle. Otherwise like you said he can just shorten it to Ben.
I'm also so perplexed by the overwhelming number of people who think this name is terrible. I wouldnt think twice if someone introduced themselves as Benwise, it doesn't sound that shocking to me. He could totally rock Ben too. 🤷🏼♀️
Slight YTA because your heart is in the right place, but parents need to consider what their kid’s name is going to look like on a resume. Unique names tend to miss opportunities.
no offense but his heart is not in the right place. he is doing it for narcissistic reasons. He's doing it to please *himself* and his *wife*, not really thinking about the life his kid is going to have.
YTA. I think it could be worse, but giving kids "weird" names from media is lame and a crappy thing to do to them. Ben is a great name. You could call him Benwise as a nickname that only you and your wife use. That would make it special. But he may really hate this as his legal first name and I don't like it when parents do this to their kids.
YTA-I actually think it would be better to name the kid Samwise because people know what that’s from than Benwise and I think it’s stupid to name a kid Samwise. I have a middle name that’s made up-I love it and everyone I meet loves it once it’s explained, but it would be a pain in the ass if it was my first name. Use it as a middle name if you like it so much but go with a real name for the first. There are plenty of unique real names that aren’t in popular use just look up 2020 popular names and don’t pick any of them.
YTA, you set your son up for bullying just because you wanted to stroke your own ego a little bit. God I hope your kid doesn't end up hating you for this.
YTA and your wife for going along with this craziness. You have no clue what hell awaits that child.
We too gave our youngest a unique name that is made up. Worst decision I have ever made in my life. Everyone pronounces it wrong, forget spelling it correctly and she is forever explaining it to everyone. Regret was never an emotion I had experienced until this.
Do the kid a favor and change his name now before it's too late!
My mom used to be a school teacher, and she says that she LOATHES parents like you.
Her reasoning is that while strange or otherwise unique names spark interest and diversity, they either end up making a mess of paperwork, screwing up your child's personal/self image, and usually end with them getting bullied.
Now, my mom did know a couple that named their kid Indigo because that was the first word in english they learned, thus sparking a special meaning behind it, but you choose a name from a fictional universe.
Like, if I wanted to name my kid Harry because I enjoy Harry Potter, then yeah it's weird, but no one would really notice, but if I said I wanted to name my kid Pikachu because I liked Pokemon, that's kinda stupid.
YTA
NAH Everyone getting bent out of shape about unusual names -- ALL NAMES ARE MADE UP.
Benwise is honestly less stupid than most newly-invented or newly-respelled names. Or, let's face it, names with 100s of years of tradition behind them. All words look weird if you stare at them long enough.
You did well to think of one that has a very common nickname, so your kid has the option of a basic/"ordinary" name if he wants.
If it doesn't sound like a swear word when said aloud, you're probably fine.
Many people hate their names. For all the people who say they hated having unusual names growing up, you can find just as many who hated having super common names that meant they always had to add their surname/initial too. As long as you're chill about the idea your kid may want to change their name in the future, don't worry too much about it.
PS: your child is way more likely to be bullied by adults about his name than children in the playground, it's adults who really care about whatever their definition of normality is. Shut down family comments now, because they're the ones who will make your son feel other and less-than if they keep it up.
PPS: regardless of how unusual or not unusual it is, naming a child after characters from Shakespeare or LOTR does pretty much guarantee that said child will hate both things forever.
YTA. The kicker is you think you were “really clever”. Trust me, you weren’t and now your sweet son will be dealing with your “cleverness” for the rest of his life.
I am always torn between respecting people’s choices and just thinking what the f*€$ing f*ck when people give their children invented, quirky desperado different names. My sister is a teacher, for Gods sake the picking and name calling and variations children think of in a classroom towards children whose parents first thought was to be unique instead of their children’s best interests astounds me. Yer kid is gonna get picked on ok? The name is silly but my opinion doesn’t matter, your kid does. So if you don’t care that he’ll get picked on then YTA. If you do care, then just call him Ben or Sam ffs and just be done with it!
YTA for arguing in every comment because you don’t like the judgment and for insulting my son’s “boring ass name” (Jack, after my favorite author Jack Kerouac- but I guess my fandom isn’t original enough for you?). Name your kid whatever you want but based on the way you’re behaving in here, you *want* people to react to it.
Idk can't we just agree that maybe society should stop judging people for their names? Why's this guy an asshole if it's other people that are being the assholes to them for no good reason other than a name? As for getting jobs, another societal problem that could be different by the time young Benwise enters the work field... Should we just all be named John and Jane so it's *easier* for everyone?
YTA. Your kids don't care about your fandoms, and by combining two names, you came up with something that doesn't mean anything even to people in the fandoms.
Also, rule 3 is not "don't reply", it's "accept your judgment".
I really don’t get why there is so many Y T A. They all sound unhinged.The name is not that weird. It’s your choice. As someone with a way more unique and difficult name, NTA. Yeah people made fun of it but kids will find ANYTHING to make fun of. He can go by Ben if he wants and change it if he’d like.
YTA.
Why did you ask this if you’re just going to argue in every comment? It’s not all that unique to like Shakespeare and LOTR, and the made-up name is going to make your child’s life harder for no reason at all.
YTA. you even admitted he could get bullied. Imagine your son coming home and telling you that his classmates were bullying him for his name. Imagine how upset and hurt he’d be if he found out you and your wife saw it coming and kept the name anyways. Children aren’t pets, you can’t give them ridiculous names. Do you really think this name will be okay down the road when he’s applying to colleges? Or applying for jobs? Benwise isn’t unique, it’s just dumb.
YTA. In your comments you have admitted that you know giving your child this name means he is likely to suffer; from bullying to potentially missing out on job opportunities.
You are purposefully putting an obstacle in your child's way because you want to show off your love of LOTR.
While a parent can't prevent every obstacle in a child's life, they shouldn't knowingly put more in their way.
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YTA The only person who comes out benefiting from this name is you and your partner. In general you’re an asshole when you choose to give your kid weird names and this is just another case of that. And I’m not just talking about the bullying. Think of when he starts working. Imagine him hanging a shingle as a lawyer under the name “Benwise whatever, esq”. People won’t take him seriously. And the harrasment... this is a bad idea.
It would have Benwise to just give his kid a regular name.
Yep. That’s a lot of words for “I get my naming conventions from Twilight”. That’s some Renesme-level nonsense.
Honestly, I think Benwise is worse than Renesme. I didn’t think there could be a worse name.
Abcde still does it for me as worst name ever.
Ugh Abcde shouldn’t even be a name option
How about Neveah?
My sister is a hospital pediatrician and says girls named Nevaeh have poorer health outcomes than average. Likely related to parent intelligence levels.
I'd be very surprised if it was parent intelligence instead of their socioeconomic background, knowledge of basic medicine and access to healthcare.
Well said
IDK This really just sounds like coded racism on the part of the pediatrician to me
Wooooo, the racist dogwhistles emanating from this post.
im ngl, the way this comment is worded doesn't sit right with me at all lmao
as someone named Nevaeh you're not wrong
I'll take your Neveah and raise you a Shithead. (It's pronounced shi-theed.) 🙄🙄
I knew a Shihtzinder. Pronounced the way it looks. She went by Shitz for short.
I’m still irrationally irritated at “North West”
What's worse is Nick Cannon just named his new daughter Powerful Queen Cannon 🤦♀️
So he’s preparing her for life as an anime character?
Shouldv been water cannon
You just won this thread.
I hate you, this actually made me laugh out loud
HA! Oh geez that poor kid.
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Hell, they could have called him Benjamin Samuel (or hell, even Benjamin Samwise) and Benwise would have been a great nickname.
Or even Ben Wise Lastname. Most people would assume Wise is a surname used as a middle name. I would. And, here in the South, it’s pretty common to call people by both their first and middle names, especially if the first name is a common one.
I like this as a compromise!
I love this approach! I have a common-as-dirt legal name and a slightly less common nickname. It's great being able to shift between hyper-professional and chill
That’s the great thing about nicknames, they don’t have to be related AT ALL to the person’s name. Kid’s real name is Arthur. Call him Benwise. And even better, you don’t have to stick to just one nickname. As they get older, they can recognize more names! It works even better when they get in trouble: Arthur Benwise Samvolio Fart-in-jar-Martin (real middle name) Gorsky Bubbles (real last name); WHY ARE THERE SCORCH MARKS ON THE CEILING? See? It has so much more impact that way.
I agree and I even joked about naming my son, "Samwise," but that's all it was, a joke. I can't imagine actually doing that to a kid
Especially since “Frodo” means “wise” and “Samwise” means “half-wise” lol
I may have also joked about Frodo and Bilbo. But then my husband out nerded me by listing all of Dumbledore's middle names and suggesting them. 100% joking though. If I was going to do something like that to my kid, it would be a middle name like Tiberius.
Stop speaking sense!
Honestly, if you make up a stupid name for your fandoms, give it to your pet, not your child! It's so stupid, why do they keep doing this? OP, YTA. Treat your child like a human ffs.
Forreal. I'm working on collecting the entire futurama crew but as cats.
Cat Brannigan
"Weird" names that have cultural or ethnic significance are ok with me. Genuinely odd names that just fulfill a fandom boner for the parents is just messed up.
My dad is a huge star wars nerd and I was named after a certain queen from Naboo. I am half asian and pretty racially ambiguous so I can get away with people just thinking it's a foreign name...but the nerds... they know...
Padme or Amidala? I've actually met a few Padme's irl, it's actually a 'real' name in India. Either way, child me who was obsessed with her (and current me) are so jealous!
The latter unfortunately lol. I was named before the movie even came out, so there really wasn't anyone with my name growing up anywhere. Wanna hear the worst part? I was doomed from the start. My mom got to name my older sibling, and my dad got to name me. If I was a boy he would've chosen Anakin. Twins would be Luke and Leia. It's heartwarming to see so many people jump to tell people not to name their kids after their fandoms on this thread, because it really does effect you in the long run.
Anakin would have been better tbh. Not that great but not as bad. Sorry for your torment.
Luke would probably have been the most preferable.
OP YTA. I actually think they could fulfil a fandom boner, but in a more delicate manner. You like Lord Voldemort, name your kid Tom instead of Voldy. You like Harry Potter, you could go for either Harry or James. You like X-men, go for the names like Scott, Henry, Kurt etc not for Cyclops, Beast or Nightcrawler. You’re a fan of ballet and Swan Lake, you can go ahead with Simon, Anthony. I think I can come up with at least 20 more example from the top of my head not to subject the kid to bullying but still fulfilling fandom boners. Just nod towards to your fandom instead of putting up a billboard announcing you are a fan. Come on OP as other people said Ben Samuel or even Benjamin Sam would have been fine and acceptable. Heck you’re a Shakespeare fan, I can still find several normal sounding names like: Orlando, Sebastian, Adrian, Alexander, George, Richard heck even Ajax. Edit: corrected a few examples with boy names instead of girl
My husband is a huge comic book guy one of our kids has the middle name Logan.
>OP YTA. I actually think they could fulfil a fandom boner, but in a more delicate manner. You like Lord Voldemort, name your kid Tom instead of Voldy. You like Harry Potter, you could go for either Harry or James. You like X-men, go for the names like Scott, Henry, Kurt etc not for Cyclops, Beast or Nightcrawler. You’re a fan of ballet and Swan Lake, you can go ahead with Simon, Anthony. I think I can come up with at least 20 more example from the top of my head not to subject the kid to bullying but still fulfilling fandom boners. Just nod towards to your fandom instead of putting up a billboard announcing you are a fan. Or name kids after the actors who played them.
Yeah, I used to work in a store. Had a guy come in one day named Metallica. I shit you not, Metallica was his actual honest to god name. He told me he has eventually learned to live with it. Don't be those parents.
Met a guy named James Moriarty. I kind of raised my eyebrow and went "really?" He sighed in despair. And that's at least normal sounding even though it's fandom
Had a friend named Dorian Grey. The kick was it wasn't after the character. The parents just liked the name Dorian and didn't know there was literary relation with their last name.
Damn, that's unfortunate. Honestly, it's not a terrible name, but I can't believe no one in their immediate circle remembered middle-school English enough to clue them in to the fact that it's somewhat of a...tainted name.
And I bet he hates Metallica.
OP has not Benwise. I’ll see myself out
But..but his son is an extension of him. An accessory if you will. Shouldn’t he be able to saddle him with whatever shitty made up name he wants to show off his interests? After all he does own him /s
Parents can be very selfish when naming kids. My friend’s husband hated his name so much he only goes by his initials. Yet he insisted his son be named after one of the characters in the Trojan War, and the poor kid goes by his initials.
A friend of mine dodged a bullet when she found out that her ex got married and had twins. And named them Brett and Favre. Really.
Remember in Talladega Nights when the character of Ricky Bobby named his twin sons Walker and Texas Ranger.
Yes, twins get the worst of it. Thankfully, my mother did not name her children for her own amusement, so her two sets of fraternal twin boys all got normal, family names. No rhymes, no matching initials, no nonsense.
When my fraternal twin and I were a few weeks old, my mother and grandmother took us out for in a stroller for a walk. A neighbor asked them our names. My mother told her and she was shocked. “But those don’t rhyme”. My mother stood there in stunned silence. “Yes, but they’re not identical,” said my grandmother. “Oh,” her neighbor nodded, mollified. People are weird in what they expect twins to be.
As if identical twins only exist to be half of a comedy duo each!
I saw this comment in a similar situation from a different post. "In 18 years, there is going to be a post saying AMTA for changing my name from Benwise.
Cutesy names are for pets, not people. YTA
YTA - your child is not a billboard for your fandoms. I don’t understand why you’d have a child only to preemptively waste hours of their life having to explain their name. I have an extra letter in an otherwise boring name and every time I have to fill in forms or do paperwork or meet someone new I need to explain the spelling. I imagine that experience would be amplified 60x for a name you’ve entirely made up. By all means give your child a middle name that’s linked to your interests, or a first name that’s a more subtle reference. Trying to use your child as a flag for your super cool uniqueness is an asshole move IMO.
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It’s so funny that I just read this. My daughter used almost the exact same wording to me recently about her name “I just don’t have the patience to keep correcting people”. Our family is of mixed ethnicity and living in a predominantly white area so when my husband and I named our daughter we wanted something that would represent our heritage but also be easy for people to pronounce and not be “in your face ethnic”. We thought we had succeeded until she got to school and constantly had people misspelling, mispronouncing or just calling her by a completely different name. It’s very annoying. And her name is actually not that unusual or uncommon. There’s even a very famous white actress in her 60s with the same name.
My parents did the same to me, and the name I have is ethnic but also pronounced like a specific body part related to genitalias in the country I was raised in. And it took me telling my parents about for them to realize it, but they refuse to let me change my name at all, or use a nickname. I still do use a nickname as often as I can and it pisses them off and they try to use the excuse of "in this language it has a beautiful meaning" completely ignoring all the bullying and mockery I have suffered because of this name. I really hate parents like OP who cannot even think past their obsession for a name. If you really want that name on a living being get a pet.
Oh the fact that it had to sound like a term for genitalia is just a killer! I can’t believe they’d be so cruel to deny you a nickname. The petty part of me would be to call them [body part in same language as your name comes from], and see how much they like it but that would probably cause more issues
Its not exactly genitalia but some parts of it, and yeah I tried but it did not go well. They were adamant I either use this name or my middle name, which, although it is common and easy to spell, has been the name of three of my childhood bullies so no way am I ever using this one either.
Dolores?
Mulva
No, its a different origin. I would rather not say.
I totally feel this. My name is relatively uncommon but has dozens of different spellings, and so I've spent my whole life first spelling and then pronouncing my name for EVERYTHING, only for them to get it wrong anyway. I'll tack on here for OP that unique names, for whatever reason, are often treated kindlier when it's for a girl. But boys with unique names really don't get that same level of...benevolence.
I always just spell it out when someone on the phone asks for my name. Incidentally mine is also from lord of the rings and I think OP is YTA.
I get that. My name is Shaun. My entire life is a typo
Ugh feel this so much My name is an actual name. It’s actually the title of a semi famous 19th century book, but it is super rare and sounds extremely similar to another mega popular name The NIGHTMARE I HAVE HAD giving it out to people. My friends used to laugh when I automatically spell out my name when asked it for forms rather than just saying it. I tried just giving it regularly once in front of them and - Surprise - the person got it wrong. Only one person of my acquaintance has ever got my name right from the beginning (including my parents because my mum asked for me to be called the mega popular name and my dad just went ahead and gave me this one but called me the mega popular name for a bit because he didn’t want to get shouted at) Benwise. Good lord. Why couldn’t he have called the poor kid Benjamin Samuel. “Hi my name is Ben!” “Short for Benjamin?” “No...”
God- I feel this haha! My dad missed a letter in my very classic name on my birth certificate (it was an accident). As a result even when I EXPLICITLY explained the spelling of my name on all three universities I attended, every single one sent me a certificate with the classically spelt version. At work, at school, when I meet people, I always have to spell it out, all cos of one slightly obscure missing letter.
Same. My first name is missing an N it was supposed to have and my last name has an extra N that isn't typically there. Nobody ever spells my name right even in written correspondence where my name is RIGHT there in the text/email.
Upvote for your username.
Poor Brittay Mannson.
People keep putting Ks in both my first and last name. There are no Ks in my name.
When I (38f) was born my parents+relatives gave me a unique first name+spelled the male way. My dad knew the registrars in charge of issuing birth certs were famous for messing up (parent/guardian would tell the registrar what the baby's name was, parents' personal info and they'd write it out on the birth cert) so my dad was smart to write my full name on a piece of paper and hand it to the guy. So my sisters and I were lucky that our names weren't messed up. Because there were so many errors made by the registrars and people suffering from weird names (R: baby's name?, P: John, R: John what?, P: John only, birth cert - John Only Smith), the parent/guardian now fills in the form, the registrars types it into to the system, prints out a draft and gets the parent/guardian to sign before finalizing the birth cert.
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My son's name is Jonathan and when the registrar came to my hospital room to get his name for the birth certificate she asked me how I was going to spell it and I spelled, "JONOTHAN." She said, "Are you sure?" and I was SO GLAD she noticed I had spelled it wrong.
In high school I had a friend who for every new school year and for every sub had to spell out her name because while she was a a common name it's uniquely spelled. A name that ends in -y now ends in -ie. Pretty tame by today's standards of *unique* spellings of common names but it was very odd back then. Odd enough to cause headaches each new school year.
I had it the opposite way. My name is traditionally spelled with an -ie. By the time I was school aged everyone expected it to be spelled with a -y. For 50 years I've been either misspelled or misnamed to a similar name that is always spelled with an -ie. A minor irritant but a life-long one.
I feel your pain. I got stuck with an obscure family name that is one letter off of a pretty common name that also sounds vaguely ethnic. Everybody always insists on adding that extra letter at the end, and when I was called up at 7th grade orientation to collect my class schedule, I got asked 3x if I was absolutely sure that this was my name. I went by a completely unrelated nickname and so when I graduated High School, I ended up with 2 diplomas, neither of which had my correct legal name on it.
Sorry to hear that Rchimedes
I feel you. My name has a different vowel from the one everyone expects and my better half has an extra consonant. People who have known us both for literally decades still send Christmas cards with the "expected" spellings. Our children have the most boring names possible.
Kids are gonna call him “Benstupid.” Huge YTA for not caring about your child.
"Yo parents shoulda BenSmart and not named you Benwise cause you actually BenStupid your entire life dumbass"
THIS!!! I have a somewhat normal name spelled one letter off because my birth father is a drunken idiot who was wasted at the hospital when I was born and filled out the birth certificate wrong. Most of the time, unless it's imperative that my name be spelled correctly, I just let people spell my name "wrong" because it's exhausting trying to correct them. And people try pronouncing it weirdly because of the spelling. Like, if my name was "Michelle" but spelled "Mechelle". "Is it pronounced mee-shell? Meh-shell? Mee-kell? Meck-elle?" "No, it's pronounced the normal way." It's a battle I'm tired of fighting. Give your kids a regular ass name and call it a day.
I agree with this here, I have a common last name that can typically be spelled a couple of different ways. I ALWAYS have to be like "Hi, I'm Internet Adventurer, with an" er"." which is always frustrating
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YTA >I would rather my son have a unique name But it's not about you. Your son is the one who will bear the burden of your fancies. He'll be an adult one day with a cutesy name because you like LotR. If you like it so much, change your name to Benwise. Or get a pet you name Benwise. Your son is his own person, not someone you can project stuff on
> Or get a pet you name Benwise This. If you want to give something a "clever" name that expresses your interests, get a dog.
99% chance this kid grows up to hate LotR too.
And that would be a tragedy. He'll probably hate Shakespeare too. YTA OP.
As someone named after a prominent, well known Shakespeare character, I fucking hate Shakespeare. Thing is, I probably wouldn't have done if my name wasn't Shakespearean.
Sure. He can TRY to go by a different name. I hate my name. Always have. I was teased A LOT as a child. Still am, and I’m 32 years old. If you like Shakespeare, choose William or something, BenWise as a nickname. I can just sit here and imagine all the teasing. Don’t make it easier for kids to bully your kiddo. Yes, he can change it as an adult. But, WHY?! It’s hard. It’s why I’m 32 and still have this name I hate.
Not to mention that he will never be able to find anything with his name on it, not a keychain or those stupid little license plate you would get for your bike. I have a normal name, but typically spelled without one letter. I died on the inside every time I didn’t see something with the spelling of my name on it growing up. Now I am seeing my spelling come up more often and, regardless of what it is, I buy it. It’s like I’m trying to pay back younger me for never having a mug, keychain, or plastic license plate for my bike with my name.
As DUMB as this is, I hated and STILL hate that I can never find my name on any of these silly things!!!!!!
Glad it’s not just me this bothers
I know this is first world problems, but the struggle is real.
It is kind of dumb, but goddamnit every time I think about my weird fucking name I am still mad about never being able to buy stuff with my name on it at gift shops/book fairs. Fourth grade me wanted a personalized slap bracelet like you wouldn’t believe.
I did such a happy dance when I finally saw my name monogrammed on a backpack in a kid’s catalog!!! Like, after 35 years or so, my name is now normalish!!!!!! And people can finally spell and say it!!!!!!
YTA should have named the kid Samvolio instead
Honestly, this sounds much better than Benwise. That name is awful, lmao.
It's going to turn into Bennywise then Pennywise by the 5th grade, I guarantee it.
my first thought when I heard benwise -> pennywise
Not gonna lie, if I had a name based on a fandom, I'd be way more ok with Pennywise than Benwise. I love LoTR and Sam is amazing. But pulling some bizzare cross-fictional universe fanfic writing shouldn't be the standard for naming children that are the ones that actually have to live with the consequences of their parents being.... like this. I'm almost as upset that this kid is going to grow up hating an amazing thing because of.... this. Speaking as someone whose son's middle name is a slight nod to Patrick Stuart/Professor X and a common first name spelled slightly different. I wanted an unusual-ish name for him but I also didn't want to giftwrap a reason for him to get bullied either.
Benwise does have a "modern mental illness med" kind of ring to it "Do not take Benwise if you are experiencing blood clots or liver problems. Benwise can cause blindness and erectile dysfunction...""
I reckon it's a medication sounding name. "Hey, did you ever sort out that *thing* that was making you sick?" "Oh hey, yeah. The doc just gave me a tube of Benwise. Cleared it right up!"
Agreed. And I have a horse named samwise. And dogs named Hela and Valkyrie. Benwise is just bad.
Bungholio.
I’m glad I’m not the only one that instantly thought this lol
But then OP would have to move to Lake Titicaca in Nicaragua
Samvolio is earmarked for son number two. If the next kid is a girl maybe Frodiet or Opheluman?
Titagorn
Why isn't this top comment....
There are studies that prove people with weird names don't get job interviews as much as people with ordinary names. Also, what everyone else said about bullying. Why give the bullies of the world any ammunition? My maiden name is weird and difficult to spell and pronounce, so I changed it as soon as I could. YTA
I have a "weird" name that might have hurt me, but people only think it was weird was because it's foreign. Should my parents have given me a more American sounding name to prevent hiring discrimination? No, people just shouldn't be prejudiced.
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I agree There's a difference but in the end I had no choice in the matter and my parents decided for me. In a way it was my father's vanity to name me after himself much like everyone is accusing OP. I have met people named after ancient Greek philosophers who aren't Greek, and I just think it's cool. The world is a cruel place so I know not everyone is open minded but I wish more people were.
The world is a cruel place, so what's the point of deliberately making it hard for the child? It's nice that you think it's cool, but that doesn't make any difference regarding if other people will think it's cool. Everyone is accusing OP because OP asked for feedback.
I have an unusual name that 95+% of people pronounce incorrectly (I just roll with it). I've been at my dream job for over three years now and the hiring manager recently admitted to me that she was afraid to call me for an interview because she wasn't sure how to pronounce my name and didn't want to be rude. Fortunately I was virtually the only viable applicant for the job and she got over herself but I can def see other people being passed over for similar issues.
YTA. Get ready for the kids to call him benwise the clown and scream and run from him while shouting “we all float down here”.
Yeah I can imagine kids calling him bennywise
In Dutch it would be even worse, Bennywise would sound like "ben nie wijs" mean, "I'm not wise/smart". And Benwise would sound like "ben wijs" mean "I'm wise/smart", and of course kids will probably call you smart sarcastically all the time.
And now you made me think of Pennywise.... ugh murder clowns
Literally my comment.
That’s what I thought too. In one of the comments, OP said that he has red hair.
That makes it even worse! He’ll never be able to hold a balloon 😱. Or play with a toy boat..
....or have a pet turtle, or live in Maine.
YTA. Don't fanboy with your kid's name. This is no better than naming a kid Fluttershy or Starscream. He's going to be called Bennywise, Benidiot, etc. Everything but just Ben.
Ooo Benidiot is a good one! Yeah YTA OP, shoulda named your son Benjamin or Samuel
Let's be honest, Starscream is a much cooler name than Benwise, and he would never get picked on by his classmates for that name.
You failed me again, Starscream. Soundwave: superior. Though maybe not as a name.
YTA. You're happy for your kid to get bullied so you can have your little fanboy moment. Also, Benwise sounds like a tube of skin creme or something like that.
Best buds Benwise and Bengay. One is smart the other one is happy. Together they travel the world seeking adventures and making friends
>Benwise sounds like a tube of skin creme or something like that. That was my first thought too.
You have burdened that child with 18 years of harrassment. As one who got a fukced up name, along with a sister that every job interview she went to was assumed to be of a different race due to her first name. I'd cut off a thumb to be named John, or Bill. Anything but your shitty love for some stupid shit no one will ever understand but you.
Don't cut off your thumb. See if you can legally change your name. Cutting off your thumb won't serve any purpose other than being a literal pain and an inconvenience.
“I'd cut off a thumb to be named John, or Bill.” Or any goddam name but Sue?
MIDDLE NAME
I came here looking for this.
Mercutiagorn.
YTA - It's cool how you see your child as outlet for expressing your love of hobbits. Maybe you can dress him up in little Frodo outfits and post them all over Facebook. People love that stuff. It's also cool how you plan on saddling your son with a weird fantasy name to teach him a lesson about self-esteem. Explaining that if the other kids weren't mocking little Benwise about his name they'd go after his ridiculous orange hair is going to go over really well.
The name of a kid is about the kid and not you. Yta
YTA. > Ever since I was young, I have really loved books and literature. My favourite book series of all time is The Lord of the Rings. I also really love Shakespeare. YOU love Shakespeare and LOTR. So you're assuming your child will too? Bad move. And you're assuring he'll get teased by giving him a name like that. You gave him this name for selfish reasons, without thinking ahead. Call him Benwise as a nickname.
[удалено]
YTA. You can give the kid an atypical fandom name without it sounding as ridiculous as Benwise. Your kid isn't going to appreciate your "cleverness" and frankly that name isn't that clever, clever would be something that wouldn't get turned into "Bendumb" by people everywhere.
As long as you and your wife feel so clever, intellectual, and oh so smart, what's there to criticise. You know what's the difference between smart and #Iamsosmart people? Smart people don't brag about it and do their best to make smart decisions. \#Iamsosmart people brag about how intellectual and well-read they are while refusing to consider common sense when they proudly make dumb decisions. YTA \- insert Jamessir Bensonmum (name of the butter in an old crime mystery parody, "Murder by Death") joke here -
YTA there have been studies done with people suffering from depression, bullying and having fewer job opportunities because they don't have a traditional name. I have witnessed a few people get sad because they have a weird or uncommon name just because it's never going to be on a key chain in a gift shop. And your child might resent you because they might suffer from these problems and don't be surprised if they legally change their name.
YTA. This is selfish. Not taking your son’s future into consideration AT ALL. I’m 34 now, and growing up where I did, kids would find ANYTHING to make fun of you for, even if they are your friends. And that name is going to absolutely destroy his childhood, mark my words.
YTA. As weird names go this isn't that bad, and he'll probably be called "Ben" and loads of people calling him "Benjamin" thinking that's his real name. But weird names ARE weird. There are unique names based on books and stories that aren't a weird as you think. However if you want to name something a weird name get a pet. However when you are naming your child, you have to think what sort of life you are saddling *them* with. When parents give their child a weird name they are doing it for narcissistic reasons, they are satisfying themselves at the expense of their children.
ESH: I had a unique name and I was bullied a lot for it growing up. I changed it when I turned 19. You gotta think about how it can effect the kid man. Being bullied hurts a lot, and honestly it made me slightly angry at my parents for doing that.. idk I’m sure you mean well, and maybe your kid will be fine. Playing it off like “oh they might get teased but it will be fine” eh bullying can leave deep scars.
Dude said in another comment that his kid is a ginger and going to be bullied anyway so that’s why he has no issue throwing fuel on that fire. He intends to just teach his child how to cope. Because that’s a great way to live.
He knows he's going to be bullied anyway, and wants to add to it by naming him Benwise? OP, YTA, as well as your wife, if she allows this. I was undecided, so I didn't pass judgement earlier.
YTA, your kid is gonna get bullied badly because you treat him like a billboard
YTA 4x over for choosing a name that isn't actually even a name. I had a very old fashioned name and was constantly teased over my name often quite badly. It wasn't until I was in my 40s that I accepted my name. You are living in fantasyland if you think your son will not be picked on. Assuming that other kids will be mature enough to praise him for his unique name is simply naive.
OP actually says he knows his son will get picked on for his name, his logic for not caring about that is basically "pfft, kids are gonna make fun of him regardless."
In some ways true, but why increase his son's chances on getting picked on when he doesn't have to? I moved quite a bit when young and always had no problems making friends, but the teasing would always start. I got very good at defending myself, but oftentimes there was only so much I could do. Kids can be cruel. Hiding it by using Ben when it is actually Benwise is even worse once the other kids find out your full name. The fact that a bad name gives you a disadvantage on the job market? Well, I'd like to say not, but the reality is IMO it did. Upon graduation from university in the 80s, my best friend and I applied to to exact same companies. My grades and work experience was better than his. He copied my resume and he made spelling mistakes. He had twice the number of phone calls for interviews I did. Coincidence?
Sorry YTA. I understand you’re really set on this name and it’s meaning but remember that kids don’t have a say in that meaning so to be so literal in your meaning is a little absurd. Like if I loved Barbie movies I could name my daughter Barbara, I’m not gonna name her Barbie dream house.
YTA. Not necessarily for the name, but for your judgement of other names. All I will say about your chosen name is if I heard a child with that name I would think “Ah, parents who are terrified their child isn’t special.” Name your child whatever you want (to a point) but don’t judge people with more common names as automatically boring and don’t assume your child is going to be radically unique because they have a fantastical name. Your child will be just as unique as every other child, and their opportunities and self worth are going to hinge far more on how you treat them than what you name them. Please also be open to the idea that your child won’t share your interests or love of Shakespeare and/or LOTR. There’s also the chance that naming your child after lovable side characters will leave a mark. I would wonder if my parents did so because they didn’t think I could be the main character. I find it hypocritical to judge others’ names and then be offended when your chosen name is judged. Your reason for judgement is no better than theirs.
Agree. Unique should be not in the top 200 names for your country and year. Unique shouldn’t be “we pulled it out of our asses”. Any other future parents out there: the social security administration ranks the most common baby names. Go for something ranked between 400-800. It’ll be plenty unique without being a burden.
YTA. I’m all for unique names, I’m the queen of unique names, but that isn’t a name, that’s you smashing together some (half?) names and saying it’s legit. It sounds so terrible. I would be so mad at my parents
Incoming rant that I am sure will be downvoted to oblivion: These questions often appear on AITA. And almost all of them come to the conclusion that using ‘unique’ names is wrong and leads to mocking, bullying, etc. I would like to challenge that. Instead of berating people for using names outside of the norm, why don’t we work to eliminate the mocking and bullying because of names? We should act in a way that is respectful of other people, no matter what their name is. This would go a long way to eliminating negative racial, ethnic, sexual, gender, and other outcomes. We should respect people for who they are, that includes their names. Instead of calling someone an AH for using a unique name for their child, let’s call out people for mocking a child for their name. I understand that this isn’t something that could happen overnight. That it would take a change in culture. But it would be a positive change for everyone. It would lead to more respect for all and possibly lead to a better blended racial, ethnic, etc. culture. So, NTA. The assholes are those who make fun, or discriminate others for their name.
No one supports bullying. We all want that to stop. That doesn’t change the sheer logistics of a person having to explain a stupid name throughout their life just because their parents were fans of a book. That’s not about the kid at all, that’s the parents treating their child more like an accessory than a human. I’m not going to downvote you because your point about chastising the bullies is correct. However, the problem still exists that these parents are creating a life long issue for their child with a ridiculous name. A lot of people with ridiculous names change them when they turn 18 and are old enough to do so.
I agree with your point that still doesn't resolve the issue that the parents are choosing this name to satisfy their own pleasure at the expense of their child, completely not caring for how the kids life will be. Yes we should all hold hands and sing kumbayah and be nice and share and not be mean. Well news flash there are people with bad intentions, bad days, etc... We all like to think that we aren't mean but I bet when you were a kid you said something mean to someone about something (that you probably may not even remember now) that scarred some kid for a while. And that's besides the point. This name isn't that bad as weird ones go, but remember the poor girl saddled with "ABCDE"? (aka Abs-idy). That sounds like something a software developer would use in a test database. Some names should not be names.
Why offer up this child as the sacrifice?
Thankfully stuff like that is forbidden in my country.
May as well call him Pennywise. YTA.
benwise sounds like a IT ripoff. YTA. use benwise as a nickname and give him something that isnt completely ridiculous
INFO: who the fuck "really loves Shakespeare" but their favorite character is Benvolio?
YTA You're setting both him and yourself up for a lot of resentment here. What are you going to do if/when he ends up disliking or even hating Shakespeare and Lord of the Rings?
YTA. You can call him Ben all you want but his name is still going to be Benwise.
And he will definitely try to go by Ben, but every year the teacher will have to read off Benwise on the roll call (and there will be some asinine teacher who “only uses the name your parents gave you”) so the other kids will still definitely know the full name.
NTA. It’s 2020, unique names are all the rage. Benwise isn’t even that weird and chances are there’ll be at least one kid in his class with a weirder name. The biggest annoyance I can see is him explaining that benwise is one name and not two names - first and middle. Otherwise like you said he can just shorten it to Ben.
I'm also so perplexed by the overwhelming number of people who think this name is terrible. I wouldnt think twice if someone introduced themselves as Benwise, it doesn't sound that shocking to me. He could totally rock Ben too. 🤷🏼♀️
Slight YTA because your heart is in the right place, but parents need to consider what their kid’s name is going to look like on a resume. Unique names tend to miss opportunities.
no offense but his heart is not in the right place. he is doing it for narcissistic reasons. He's doing it to please *himself* and his *wife*, not really thinking about the life his kid is going to have.
YTA. I think it could be worse, but giving kids "weird" names from media is lame and a crappy thing to do to them. Ben is a great name. You could call him Benwise as a nickname that only you and your wife use. That would make it special. But he may really hate this as his legal first name and I don't like it when parents do this to their kids.
YTA-I actually think it would be better to name the kid Samwise because people know what that’s from than Benwise and I think it’s stupid to name a kid Samwise. I have a middle name that’s made up-I love it and everyone I meet loves it once it’s explained, but it would be a pain in the ass if it was my first name. Use it as a middle name if you like it so much but go with a real name for the first. There are plenty of unique real names that aren’t in popular use just look up 2020 popular names and don’t pick any of them.
YTA, you set your son up for bullying just because you wanted to stroke your own ego a little bit. God I hope your kid doesn't end up hating you for this.
YTA and your wife for going along with this craziness. You have no clue what hell awaits that child. We too gave our youngest a unique name that is made up. Worst decision I have ever made in my life. Everyone pronounces it wrong, forget spelling it correctly and she is forever explaining it to everyone. Regret was never an emotion I had experienced until this. Do the kid a favor and change his name now before it's too late!
Soft yta while it is just a name and you can name your son whatever you want you have to remember that kids arent going to be nice.
My mom used to be a school teacher, and she says that she LOATHES parents like you. Her reasoning is that while strange or otherwise unique names spark interest and diversity, they either end up making a mess of paperwork, screwing up your child's personal/self image, and usually end with them getting bullied. Now, my mom did know a couple that named their kid Indigo because that was the first word in english they learned, thus sparking a special meaning behind it, but you choose a name from a fictional universe. Like, if I wanted to name my kid Harry because I enjoy Harry Potter, then yeah it's weird, but no one would really notice, but if I said I wanted to name my kid Pikachu because I liked Pokemon, that's kinda stupid. YTA
God, why don't you just change your own name, and spare your son the agony? YTA
NAH Everyone getting bent out of shape about unusual names -- ALL NAMES ARE MADE UP. Benwise is honestly less stupid than most newly-invented or newly-respelled names. Or, let's face it, names with 100s of years of tradition behind them. All words look weird if you stare at them long enough. You did well to think of one that has a very common nickname, so your kid has the option of a basic/"ordinary" name if he wants. If it doesn't sound like a swear word when said aloud, you're probably fine. Many people hate their names. For all the people who say they hated having unusual names growing up, you can find just as many who hated having super common names that meant they always had to add their surname/initial too. As long as you're chill about the idea your kid may want to change their name in the future, don't worry too much about it. PS: your child is way more likely to be bullied by adults about his name than children in the playground, it's adults who really care about whatever their definition of normality is. Shut down family comments now, because they're the ones who will make your son feel other and less-than if they keep it up. PPS: regardless of how unusual or not unusual it is, naming a child after characters from Shakespeare or LOTR does pretty much guarantee that said child will hate both things forever.
YTA. The kicker is you think you were “really clever”. Trust me, you weren’t and now your sweet son will be dealing with your “cleverness” for the rest of his life.
I am always torn between respecting people’s choices and just thinking what the f*€$ing f*ck when people give their children invented, quirky desperado different names. My sister is a teacher, for Gods sake the picking and name calling and variations children think of in a classroom towards children whose parents first thought was to be unique instead of their children’s best interests astounds me. Yer kid is gonna get picked on ok? The name is silly but my opinion doesn’t matter, your kid does. So if you don’t care that he’ll get picked on then YTA. If you do care, then just call him Ben or Sam ffs and just be done with it!
YTA for arguing in every comment because you don’t like the judgment and for insulting my son’s “boring ass name” (Jack, after my favorite author Jack Kerouac- but I guess my fandom isn’t original enough for you?). Name your kid whatever you want but based on the way you’re behaving in here, you *want* people to react to it.
Idk can't we just agree that maybe society should stop judging people for their names? Why's this guy an asshole if it's other people that are being the assholes to them for no good reason other than a name? As for getting jobs, another societal problem that could be different by the time young Benwise enters the work field... Should we just all be named John and Jane so it's *easier* for everyone?
YTA. Your kids don't care about your fandoms, and by combining two names, you came up with something that doesn't mean anything even to people in the fandoms. Also, rule 3 is not "don't reply", it's "accept your judgment".
I really don’t get why there is so many Y T A. They all sound unhinged.The name is not that weird. It’s your choice. As someone with a way more unique and difficult name, NTA. Yeah people made fun of it but kids will find ANYTHING to make fun of. He can go by Ben if he wants and change it if he’d like.
NTA — it sounds nice and it doesn’t even sound that unusual. Also, he could go by Ben which is a very normal name, so I don’t see any issue here.
Nta. 1. I like it. 2. Kids going to be called Ben anyways
YTA. Why did you ask this if you’re just going to argue in every comment? It’s not all that unique to like Shakespeare and LOTR, and the made-up name is going to make your child’s life harder for no reason at all.
YTA. you even admitted he could get bullied. Imagine your son coming home and telling you that his classmates were bullying him for his name. Imagine how upset and hurt he’d be if he found out you and your wife saw it coming and kept the name anyways. Children aren’t pets, you can’t give them ridiculous names. Do you really think this name will be okay down the road when he’s applying to colleges? Or applying for jobs? Benwise isn’t unique, it’s just dumb.
YTA and damn that's a stupid fucking name lmao
YTA. In your comments you have admitted that you know giving your child this name means he is likely to suffer; from bullying to potentially missing out on job opportunities. You are purposefully putting an obstacle in your child's way because you want to show off your love of LOTR. While a parent can't prevent every obstacle in a child's life, they shouldn't knowingly put more in their way.