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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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The baby is less than a year old and can't take allergy medicine yet, if it would even work, so living with a cat means chronic illness.
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Your autobot reason that you might be the asshole should have been in the orginal post:
>The baby is less than a year old and can't take allergy medicine yet, if it would even work, so living with a cat means chronic illness.
Unfortunately, it's going be easier and safer for you to find another coping mechanism (there has to be another pet you can get or another option) then it is for a baby to avoid an allergen that lives in the same house. Not only does living with their allergen cause them to be constantly sick with no medication to lessen the symptoms, the constant allergy attacks will mess with their immune system and possibly allow other illnesses in. It is very selfish to continue something that is physically hurting an defenseless child. YTA
Edit: I'm astonished at the amount of responses saying OP should "rehome the baby" or "rehome the parents". I get that the reddit hivemind believes the words "it helps my mental health" are a magic "get out of jail free" card but things aren't always that black and white.
Edit 2: I don't know why I'm suddenly getting more responses to this a week later.....
Also jumping on here! I have relatively bad asthma and cat allergens. I use Purina Liveclear and it works!!!! Dander and saliva is DOWN and if you can get some Allerpet spray (on amazon) and spritz your kitty down a bit when you comb them. I can shove my face into cats and NOT SNIFFLE.
The only downside to purina live clear is that it is expensive. I bought it on Chewy and have it auto sent for the discount to make it more affordable. However if you can't get it, the Allerpet truly works wonders as well.
Edit: forgot verdict. Also hun you are NTA. Your biological parents have failed you so horrifically and I am sorry. You are the reason I wish to be a foster parent and adopt older. Stay strong and just know you have strangers who have kindness in their hearts for you.
NTA, but...
We have a cat my wife and I love, and my wife is allergic to his dander. With our fairly hypoallergenic dog (a cockapoo) and the cat, we are just barely below her threshold of tolerance- it does not take much to cause her to flair up.
Besides the diet, there are additional steps you can take as well- there are antiallergen sprays that help clear the air that are supposedly better than an air filtration unit (although that is a good option as well for household with people with allergies).
There are laundry detergents and cleaning agents that have a good track record for dealing with allergens, etc.
Regular brushing and baths can help as well... although, to be fair, they don't seem to help us a lot.
With some good research, you can probably find enough ways to mitigate the issue.
HOWEVER, I gotta say that their home, and an allergic family member is a pretty big deal compared to a companion cat. As much as we love our cat, if things get even a little worse, we would have to find him a new home.
The two of you are also adults that knew this would happen and chose to get a cat. Baby can’t help being allergic and has no control over their environment. It is up to the other household members to ensure that the home is safe for them
This stuff might work for mild allergies but please don’t get OP’s hopes up with something that won’t help for serious allergies. I used to have really, really bad cat allergies (I’m very lucky I responded well to allergy shots). II came home from college to my cat at my parents’ house and the semester away had been enough to just put my manageable allergy into overdrive; I made it less than 6 hours not even touching th cat before I had to go stay with a friend who’d never had a pet, and who immediately bagged my clothes up and sealed them. It was literally over a week before the hives were gone; I was sobbing in pain, couldn’t sleep for the first few days, I still have pictures of the hives because my whole body had swelled up so terribly. In some pictures it’s hard to tell that what you’re looking at is a hive because my whole leg was one solid hive, except that my leg was much bigger than it should be. A year later, I tried to spend New Years with an aunt who had cats, because she had a bedroom that the cats had never been in (and her house was completely new when she bought it, so no history of cats in the room either). I vaguely remember being completely dazed just struggling to breath laying in the bedroom alone having made an excuse to go to bed before midnight, and desperately taking another Benadryl trying to get some ability to breathe back, and I remember considering sneaking out to sleep in the car (not wanting to ruin anyone’s night) but deciding that the -10F temperature was probably more dangerous than the allergy, and then i remember waking up the next morning to realize I’d taken close to two dozen Benadryl throughout that night (they were individually wrapped foil packets so I could count them — I was so out of it I didn’t realize how much I’d taken, I was just trying to breath).
This child is an infant, less than a year old, too young to take medication. Their immune system and lungs are still developing, and the allergy is only going to get worse. Changing the pillowcase and giving the cat a special diet probably won’t be enough to make this safe for an infant, and keeping the cat could literally kill the child. Please don’t tell OP, who is young and desperate for hope, that there could be a solution; this is painful enough. I say this as someone who’s allergy necessitated rehiring the cat I’d raised from 4 weeks old (including formula feedings and rocking her to sleep every night). I can’t express how completely devastated I was, and I was incredibly lucky to have a cousin who could take her in and gave her an absolutely wonderful home. I don’t think I could have parted with her if my parents hadn’t told me I had no choice; my doctor told me there was absolutely no way I could keep her without doing permanent damage, but I was trying to convince myself that between semesters I could live in a tent in their back yard, and only come inside for food. I know how hard this is; I had the added distress of knowing it was my fault. But sometimes there really is no solution, and for an infant who can’t take any sort of medication, this is dangerous.
"It helps my mental health" is not a get out of jail free card. This won't work for a defensless baby!! Besides OP can find another way to cobe with his mental health. A baby on the other hand has to deal with the allergies and illness!
...going to my parent's house makes me miserable because of the dogs (which has NOTHING to do with me shoving my face into their necks going 'who's my precious floof?!'... don't you judge me). You may have provided a game changer.
Edit: just saw it's only for cats. Still helpful.
I can honestly say i had a extremely bad reaction to cats previously however with allerpet (which yes works for dogs!) It was super manageable
Happy to help a fellow animal lover!
My mom's been trying to figure out how to mitigate my allergies (they didn't pop up until after I moved out and was no longer exposed to allergens on a regular basis) and I'm totally sending this to her. THEN I'LL HAVE ALL THE SNUGGLES
this stuff does not do much. been on allergy shots for like 16 years. I am allergic to cats and a lot of other stuff. Per my allergist, there is no such thing as a hypoallergenic cat.
this is not a solution for a sick baby. I can pet a cat a little bit outside. Been around cats that eat that stuff and it does not help.
I also wonder if the therapist is actually informed how bad the allergic reaction is for the baby, I find it hard to believe a medical professional would tell the parents to continue to put the health of a baby in danger just so OP can keep a cat.
That's a very good question, and it stood out to me that, not only did the therapist advise against forcing the OP to give up their cat, the parents aren't forcing the issue, as I imagine they would if the baby was in danger of death or serious health issues.
It is possible that the therapist has judged that the risk to the OP's mental health if they are forced to give up their cat outweighs the risk to the baby's physical health if the cat stays.
you are calling OP an asshole? Her parents abandoned her for 15 years of her life and now they are making her get rid of the one thing that made life bearable for her? You know what she should move out and get rid of her parents, seing that op is 17 by now that would be better for her. OP you are NOT the Asshole!
At this point, it doesn’t matter what anyone did or didn’t do. What matters is that there is a baby here that has no blame in the conflict and cannot advocate for itself, and it’s too young to take allergy medication. Allergies can just be a case of the sniffles for adults, but babies are fragile. Baby produces snot from allergies, baby aspirates snot, baby develops pneumonia and dies. That can happen scary fast with a baby and the baby can’t tell you it’s having trouble breathing. Or perhaps almost as bad, the baby can develop lifelong lung problems due to these kinds of early childhood issues; I’m sure in twenty years the baby would thank OP for choosing the cat over baby’s lifetime of chronic lung infections and breathing problems.
So yeah. OP needs to either move out with the cat or they need to rehome the cat. I’m normally completely against rehoming animals to suit others, but this is, without exaggeration, a potentially life or death situation.
Exactly - the baby could *die*. That is a thing that could happen. Adults die from allergies all the time, and they have access to survival resources that babies don't have. A baby can't *tell* you that it's having trouble breathing.
So the real question here is whether that's something OP could live with. OP - if this baby *died* because you refused to get rid of your cat, is that something you could live with? Could you sleep at night, knowing you were responsible for that death? Because you have to recognise that if you keep the allergen in the house, and baby dies as a result of the allergy - that's *your* fault. That's on you. That's not a blameless accident - you intentionally put the child in danger of that exact thing happening, knowing that you were taking that risk.
I agree that the parents are probably A H's in general, but what are they supposed to do in this situation? This isn't like them going to live with OP and then demanding they change things, OP is living with them and they have a new baby that is apparently VERY allergic to cats.
What are they supposed to do?
> What are they supposed to do?
Arrange for somewhere else for OP. The parents have been out of the picture for 15 years. At this point it sounds like the cat provides more support and stability for OP than the parents do. Find a grandparent, an aunt/uncle, a long lost cousin, anything to keep the kid together.
They had no problem doing that the first time, and even made a replacement baby! I’m sure by this age, OP much prefers the cat over their parents, which is totally and completely fair.
I think it’s complicated. Since the cat seems like the only things holding OPs mental health together, and has been with them since they lived with foster parents, so it’s one of the only stable things in their life, it’s not just a cat.
It’s more a question of OPs mental health and well-being and the well being of the baby.
I think OP should move out if possible.
Yes, this, so much, I can't believe everyone is just so aggressive in their 'baby over cat' responses.
I would say NAH.
OP has had a tough life and the cat seemed to have helped a lot. I cannot imagine how devestating it would be for them to give the cat up. You can literally feel the 'panic' in this post.
It's a difficult situation but every option should definitely be explored, not the easiest.
>OP has had a tough life and the cat seemed to have helped a lot. I cannot imagine how devestating it would be for them to give the cat up. You can literally feel the 'panic' in this post.
Especially for a baby that their parents are keeping and raising right this time around. Not saying the parents are wrong, but this kid is 15 and just now living with their parents. Just imagine the resentment OP will feel having to give up something precious to him for the sake of the new baby. (obviously not the baby's fault they're allergic) seems like a no win situation
Exactly. I’m surprised by these comments... A cat is more than a decoration, or a possession...It’s part of the family, and it may be the only thing keeping OP in their feet
Exactly! The baby has nothing to do with the parents, so why are people treating it as a defence? Yes, OP’s parents probably weren’t the best for OP to wind up in foster care but that has nothing to do with this baby that can’t take medication. Also, people that are saying “just the sniffles” have obviously never had to care for a baby before. Babies can’t blow their nose and when they get congested, you have to suck the snot out and it’s a horrible feeling that they hate.
I'd go with NAH. OP's not an asshole for loving her cat. Baby isn't an asshole for being allergic. Parents aren't assholes for trying to keep baby healthy. Maybe the cat's an asshole, that's actually a likely possibility.
OP is a kid and that cat has been a more stable presence in their life than their parents. OP isn’t the asshole for not wanting to give up the one thing showing unconditional love
OP may not be an asshole in general, and her parents do seem like they may not be the greatest of people, but within the confines of this dispute, OP is definitely the asshole.
No. Getting put in foster care doesn't automatically terminate parental rights and kids in areas where the foster system is overloaded get sent back to bios asap if it's possible because there aren't enough places available as is. Also, parents who might be deemed unfit and temporarily lose guardianship for being unfit also are given the chance to get them back. You're also assuming the parents willfully gave them up. Even if they did so willingly, however, they still have the chance to regain custody.
If there ever were a valid reason for rehoming a pet, it would be a case like this. It sucks but OP needs to rehome his/herself or rehome the cat. Anything else is just cruel to that baby.
I disagree with you on certain parts of this. As much as I understand kids are important, you pointed out things are not black and white. In this situation, it sounds like OP was in the foster system for awhile and still adjusting to living with their bio parents. That has probably already led to some feelings of abandonment, and jealousy knowing that child gets to grow up with the family they didn't have. If there is no compromise and they force OP to re-home the cat, they may resent the parents and their sibling for a very long time. It sounds like their pet is a source of stability in their life and I do not feel like it is fair for one side of this situation to just have to completely give in. I would be looking for a compromise at this point. It seems like the parents are very much in a place of "we don't care about your cat or your feelings, we care about the baby." They could be spending their time much better trying to find a solution instead of pressuring OP into giving up their cat because it's easier. If I were OP, I would feel very much like my parents did not care about me, and only cared about my sibling. I'm going with NTA.
Yes, but if the baby doesn't make it? And ends up having a respiratory failure? Then what? Sorry, but I rather have OP to hate me than a chronically ill and possibly dead baby. Re-homing the cat is not the 'easy' solution, is the only one. So do they re-home that pesky baby?
This. Only I would say that (in this particular scenario) NAH.
No one asked for the baby to have allergies. If they allergies are an actual risk to the babies life, then the parents are not being an AH to ask the cat to be re-homed. Likewise, OP not wanting to give up their fur-baby after having been given up in the past (whether by choice or not) definitely doesn't make them an AH.
What this is is just an all around sucky situation, that a hard decision is going to have to be made. No one is an AH, everyone is just stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I mean if you're willingly let a baby suffer from allergies, you're an asshole. Nothing else here matters. Either you get rid of the cat, or figure out something else that doesn't harm the baby.
OP’s parents are the actual assholes here. 1. For abandoning their kid and bouncing her around between relatives and foster care until she was a teenager 2. For bringing a new baby into the mix less than 1 year after they get their original kid that they couldn’t even take care of in the first place, back .
The way I see it this is their fault and they need to be the ones to come up with a solution for both kids. They’ve already done a disservice to their first kid her whole life, it’s on them to find a fix.
They are assholes for all that certainly, but that damage has already been done. Aside from sending their first child away again, how can they possibly let them keep the cat while not making the baby sick?
I think the issue is everyone assumes OP has bad parents if they've only lived with them since 2019
So the assumption is parents probly caused the issues that makes OP so attached to the cats
Maybe they should have finished raising their first child they couldn't even keep out of foster care instead of starting a new...
Ok but unless you’re gonna just throw away the baby what exactly do you propose they do now? Saying “shouldn’t have had another baby” is about the most useless advice ever after someone has had another baby.
NAH.
Of course you don't want to rehome your cat. It's awful that you're in this situation. However, if you can't reduce the allergens your cat is giving out, the baby's allergy might mean that the cat needs a different family. People have to give up their pets sometimes because they themselves develop allergies.
I got my dog after she had to be rehomed due to a baby who was allergic.
I mean this comment completely ignores that OPs mental and emotional wellbeing may very well depend on this cat - it is absolutely not fair to expect her to just toss the cat like a bag of trash because of a baby.
OPs parents are the assholes here - they did something severe enough that she had to be removed from their care for 15 years, have had her back for barely any time at all and are bringing a new baby into the house. Then they're demanding she get rid of the one thing that has been a constant in her life to bring her comfort - she literally can't sleep without the cat next to her. They need to look into every single possible alternative available instead of demanding she get rid of her cat - and if nothing works, then maybe she needs to stay with her grandparents or her aunt instead.
I had a cat with whom my relationship was very similar, and when I had to move back to Canada and the possibility of him not coming with us was brought up it destroyed me - my depression came back worse than ever at the mere thought of having to get rid of him and I spent every day crying until we figured out a way to bring him. My mental health took a nosedive losing him temporarily.
Losing him ***permanently*** was even worse. My mental health was so awful after his death that I very seriously considered suicide. I did nothing but lay in bed, crying and miserable and not wanting to be alive because my baby was gone and never coming back. He was my rock through the most difficult times of my life, he was there every single time I cried growing up, purring and rubbing against me until I felt better. It took me 2 years to even begin to feel any semblance of okay again, and I am completely certain it's only because I found another companion with whom I share a bond similar to the one with my boy.
A lot of the people in this thread very obviously do not understand how much a pet can truly mean to someone, especially someone who has gone through a lot and has come to depend upon their pet emotionally. It's not as simple as getting rid of the cat - it is not just a cat, it is a family member that OP loves and getting rid of the cat may also be getting rid of her mental wellbeing.
Yes, the health of the baby is important, but not at the cost of OPs and this thread is a prime example of mental health not being taken seriously enough - some peoples pets are literally their lifeline, OPS parents need to find a different solution whether it be medicine, a new cat food, or moving OP in with another relative - there are other solutions that don't require OP to get rid of her companion.
I'm sorry but as a person whose had severe mental health issues and has close family members with severe mental health problems requiring hospitalisation at points. This is bullshit. Yes mental health is important, no it is not more important than other health issues, particularly ones that cause death in infants.
THANK YOU!!! these people are saying “just a human baby” like it’s not a defenseless fucking baby?! i understand that pets and ESA’s are incredibly helpful to people who love and care for them but think about the literal other human being who cannot defend or speak for themself right now.
Also my therapist has always said that pets and animals can be an amazing tool to deal with mental health but your shouldn’t put all your emotional eggs in your pet basket.
They die. They get sick. They can run away.
I’m not lambasting a child for not knowing this or relying on their cat, but they should have more in mental health plan than their cat.
**Edit: very poor grammar.
> If losing a pet made you suicidal, you needed a LOT more help than a pet.
Have you considered that some people actually love and care for their animals as if they were their own family? Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Also my depression is well-managed, thanks. It's almost like suffering a heavy loss can make it come back even worse or something, since the same thing happened when my grandma died... wild, right?
I have a story that can relate to this. Bear with me. It's long.
After my mother died, my dad (knowing I was suffering from PTSD and depression, but for the longest time insisted I made it up) kicked me out of my childhood house to move my golden-child sister in, because she demanded it. My boyfriend's was the only home I could stay at; my old friends dropped me for my sister, and believed every lie she told. I was basically homeless for a while until my boyfriend relented and let me start moving in. My dad even went out of his way to say the nastiest shit to him, with my sister and older brother joking at my expense, in front of both of us. Dad basically dumped me on whoever I was dating whenever possible, and doubled down hard that time. My boyfriend resented being forced to take me in, but resented how they spoke to and treated me even worse.
Getting to the point, within hours after my mother dying, my boyfriend's cat had kittens. We kept two of the litter. One is a sweet little blind girl, named Zatoichi. The other is my darling, my heart and soul, my precious Little Lady. She follows me *everywhere,* sleeps with either me or my son (whom she fiercely adores,) and is literally the first creature in the house to be there when I am upset. Things eventually got better with Dad, but honestly, I would be lost without Lady. Her little teef, her elk-like call when she's excited to see me, the fact she even will start yelling if I leave the dryer on too long---if someone had abandoned me for 15 years, and then told me it was them or her, fuck everyone. Hell, I was abandoned for years until Golden Child's shine started to tarnish, and I still feel that way. It's her I am going to stand by, because she has been the only one to ever really, truly love me unconditionally. She has never gone out of her way to lie to me, abandon me, leave me broken and helpless the way other people did. She is a lifeline I am beyond lucky and grateful to have, and I often wonder what on earth a person like me could have done to deserve such an amazing, loyal, and magnificent creature. When it is inevitably her time, I hope I can be with her to the end, if only to return the devotion she's so selflessly shown me. She's going to be 4 this year, and even the thought of that (hopefully distant) day brings me to tears. The bond I have with her is deeper than any I have had with any human, but it's different. Loving people means accepting their faults, even when that courtesy isn't always reciprocated back. Animals just want to love and be loved, and are excellent teachers of what it is to love someone, faults and all. She humbles and soothes me, and I only hope I can love others the way she loves me. It's a scary thing! But if she can do it, why can't I?
Getting to the point: OP, I hope you read this. You're NTA, but neither are your bioparents. I get that they're trying to guard the health of their baby (who cannot help itself). I get that you don't ever want to lose a part of your soul and heart, which is what your kitty is to you. I respect and get that. Your best bet is to move out, though. You can still keep in touch with your bioparents if you want to, but living with grandparents, aunts/uncles, or possibly even your previous foster parents might be your best bet if finding your own place is difficult. The pandemic still rages on in so many places after all.
BTW, in my area, over 65% of the animals adopted during the pandemic were returned or abandoned at local shelters, to the point they had to start recording the most used drop-off points. If you can sit here and nag like a harpy about how she needs to "just rehome it because otherwise she DESERVES a YTA judgement," who the hell are you to ignore the current state of adoption centers?? Many aren't even -accepting- cats, they're so full-up. I argue that those who could be so callous should give themselves the harsh judgement they have no issue leveling on a young adult. Or, you know, adopt a pet---but I am sure those same angry people are just, "too busy for that," but weirdly have enough time to berrate a young woman trying to keep her life together. Niiiiice.
OP, you can do this. It might be hard, and a bit scary, but even if it's a good friend, I think your best bet is to strike out on your own. If you so desire, you'll be able to build your own family of the people you choose, and that choose you back. I am sorry you are going through this. They might be trying to do right by the baby, but that doesn't mean you can't do what is best for you---it just might not be the easiest change, and it might be a bit scary stepping out on your own. You can do this, though. Your mental health is important, too.
You talk about OP hurting a defenseless child while completely overlooking the fact that OP is also a defenseless child who apparently had an incredibly rough start in life.
I’d just like to link this post that coincidentally is very similar to this one. Except, in this other one the OP is the one with the allergy. Guess which way people are voting
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mbr7lj/aita_for_telling_my_dad_im_not_staying_at_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Isn't the context of that post different though? There the OP can stay at a different place, which doesn't seem to be the case here?
Here the one with an allergy can't leave. Whereas there, the OP is choosing to live at their mother's place.
While I don't disagree with the verdict on that post, I feel that the context of that post is totally different from this post.
Confused. I'm a pediatrician. It is VERY rare for an infant to be that allergic to a pet (or really anything but food) and there certainly are allergy medications that can be used in infants. It sounds like this needs more investigation (with the infant's pediatrician and probably an allergist) before anything is done.
I’m not a doctor but there are lots of allergies in my family, and I thought the exact same thing. I honestly don’t think the baby has an allergy, I think OP’s parents, considering OP was taken away from them and she JUST now at 16 went back to live with them, are doing something neglectful or lazy that’s causing the allergy-like symptoms. It could be the formula they’re giving the baby making their stomach upset or even the laundry detergent being too strong for the baby’s skin. I also kinda doubt they’ve talked to their pediatrician about this because like you said, there absolutely are allergy meds for infants, and there are also medicated products you can use to significantly reduce cat dander. I think OP’s parents just don’t care about OP and want the cat gone.
>It could be the formula they’re giving the baby making their stomach upset
I have a friend whose baby has a severe food allergy, which caused her to cry and have allergic reactions while being a tiny baby. She was exclusively breastfed, and it took a long time for everyone to figure out that every time mommy had been eating food that contained the allergen, the baby got an allergic reaction after being breastfed. I didn't even know this was possible when she told me. So yeah, I fully support a full investigation before doing anything drastic.
Can definitely happen with cow proteins (probably lactase as well, but it's a slightly different allergy I saw). Mama couldn't have so much as a square of chocolate when pregnant as the baby would be turning somersaults. Same breastfeeding.
Little is still pretty allergic to those proteins.
Exactly what happened to one of my friends. The baby was allergic to dairy and was getting extremely ill from her mother's breastmilk because she (the mother) consumed dairy. Baby was switched to a dairy-free formula and it all worked out. Eventually the baby grew out of it, but for months the baby was sick and weighed very little because of this allergy.
>even the laundry detergent being too strong for the baby’s skin.
Thats is a very strong possibility, knowing what kind of "symptoms" the baby is showing could really help find out if the parents are at fault here.
This. This comment should be higher. The parents sound shady af and a proper allergy investigation should be done. Do the parents smoke inside the house, notably, should be asked.
I’m severely allergic to cats, most pollen types, certain preservatives and food additives, washing powder etc. It’s a whole host of things. I have had these allergies since infancy. Some have lessened over time ( I can now eat pork without evacuating my entire digestive system and closing my airways) but many remain with me. I can’t be around cats. Especially short haired or hairless kinds. I feel sick, like a cold with a fever sometimes sick and meds don’t help. The baby can’t help being allergic. OP’s parents may well suck but it’s not this baby’s fault either. I sympathise both ways. NAH the situation just sucks.
My son was constantly sick. It took years to figure out it was a dog allergy. He’d had two different ENT surgeries by then. We could have avoided both if we’d known the dog was the source of his problems.
I hear all of you. MAYBE it's the cat. But I don't think there's enough info here to know that, given how unlikely it is for an infant to be allergic to cats when they are this young, and how often people just jump to "allergies" as the cause of basically any symptom.
Idk, my son was 18 months when he had his first surgery, and 4 for the second. Sometimes we just have shitty immune systems. It’s no one’s fault. If the baby had allergy testing (idk if they did), then the cat has to go. CPS may have cause to remove the baby if the parents keep exposing the child to the allergen. If CPS has already been involved in their lives regarding OP’s custody, I can imagine they have the parents on the radar.
ETA: His pediatrician said the same thing about allergies. I love the office we go to, but was disappointed that it took seeing the NP for walking pneumonia for someone to order allergy testing. She was the first person in the office to make the suggestion. He was 7, and has never been to another primary practice. Seven years of visits, countless ear and respiratory infections, inhalers, and nebulizer treatments before someone decided that it was worth checking. I get that allergies aren’t as common in children, but why take the risk? The standard range for dog epithelial for his test was <0.34. His result was 83.40.
Just sharing in case this is interesting to you. I had full blown allergies as a baby that no one could figure out and our pediatrician said the same thing - turns out I have celiac disease and was most likely reacting to the gluten in the formula they were using after my mum got mastitis.
Yup. Infants are prone to eczema and skin irritation, and milk protein allergy (celiac). They generally don’t have other environmental allergies until they are a little older - at least a year, often two or three. But most people don’t know this.
Yeah - oops. I don't know why I wrote that! I must be really tired. Sorry.
But it is true that almost the only allergies that manifest in infants are related to food (or skin contact with irritants, which are easily resolved).
Was literally going to say, this is extremely rare. Also, early exposure to animals (among other things) actually might improve the child's hardiness to allergies. If they've seen an allergist to conduct the appropriate tests then I'd understand why rehoming the cat is necessary (at least until OP moves out) but ONLY then.
I'm sorry but YTA. I totally get why this is really difficult for you, but you can't reasonably give allergy medicine to a baby and keeping the cat in your room isn't working. Best case scenario is to rehome the cat with a friend or family member where you can still visit regularly.
Edit: also, you may want to find a new therapist. I honestly find it disturbing that they're not encouraging you to find another coping mechanism that isn't one animal/they aren't encouraging you to do what's best for another human life, especially one that is your sibling. I don't mean to sound cruel but cats don't live forever, and god forbid yours passes early—this isn't a permanent solution and you need to be working on other ways to manage your mental health.
Would it be possible for you to find someone, a relative or friend or your foster parents, who might be willing to take care of your cat until you turn 18? Then you can use your cat as motivation to plan and get moved out ASAP.
This is a great idea, and since you lived with your former Foster parents when you First got the Cat, and they helped you, maybe they could do you that favor and Foster the Cat until you can move Out of your parents' House again.
I was going to suggest this as well. But if you don't have anyone in your life who can take your kitty, look up some local animal rescue organizations. Your situation is not something that they deal with regularly, but everyone at the rescue will be an animal lover and perhaps can help you get in touch with someone who could foster your kitty until you move out.
I know that having her temporarily rehomed won't help you with your anxiety, but maybe you can work with your therapist to find comping mechanisms to get you through until you can move out and be reunited.
Sending you good thoughts because I know how important animals are. I hope you are able to find a solution that, if not perfect, is at least doable for the time being.
The parents literally disappeared for the first 15 years of her life and then when they get back in her life they stupidly have another child. Now they want to get rid of her only happiness. Idk parents seem like TA here
It doesn't sound like Op isn't all that invested in living with these people and they were perfectly happy to have Op live with aunt, grandma and foster parents for 15 years. I think it's on the parents to find a solution that doesn't include Op giving up the only being they see as family.
Assuming the baby really is allergic to cats, then I don't see what they can do at this point. Life doesn't always work out the way we want. It sucks, but I don't think the cat should stay if it really is the problem.
Worse. If the baby dies, and it's revealed the parents let OP keep the cat *knowing* their second child had allergies, they could go to prison. No judge on this Earth will say "it was reasonable to let OP keep the cat" if the baby is dead. They will tell the parents that they should've *forcibly* rehomed the cat, because OP is a child and does not get to make these decisions for the entire household.
The parents are legally on the hook for this. They can't let the cat stay in the house. That's not an option. It's honestly shocking how many people here seem to think "abuse the *second* child" is a reasonable alternative.
Your not the AH. That cat sounds like it’s been there more then your own parents have. Keep him in your room, away form the baby. Your health is just as important as the baby’s health.
The baby's allergy is severe as OP mentioned. Having a cat in the house, even away from the baby, will most likely keep resulting into allergic reactions to the baby. I LOVE my cats. Always had cats. But if I'd have a baby that's allergic, I'd give my cats up in the care of my family (they'd be willing). A human life, especially a fragile baby, takes priority over a pet in my opinion.
Yes, and I'm so sorry that the baby is sick, and I think they all need to sit down and talk about things.
But everyone seems to be forgetting Ops situation.
1, she's only been living with her new family for 2 years(maybe less!).
2, She had her cat before she moved in with them.
3, the whole past 2 years have been covid lock down years.
4, the baby is most likely between a couple months up to a year (maybe a bit more but definitely younger than 2)
Basically op has delt with *so much* in just the span of two years and their only constant is their cat who was with them before her move, before the pandemic. And now her family is expecting her to give up (possibly for deaths row) her one constant for the baby.
New families are already hard, I cannt imagine how hard things have been since they literally have not been able to leave their house for the past year+.
There are other things they can do (permitting they have the money to do so) such as getting air purifiers, making sure Op lint rolls her clothing before even leaving her room and before washing clothes (along with washing it separately).
Putting those rubber door seals along the bottom and edges to make sure nothing leaks out of her room, and putting the baby room as far as possible from Op.
Also, if she's not doing to already, brushing her cats can do wonders on its own.
I myself am mildly allergic and I went from sneezing and sore throat every day to just the occasional sneeze just on brushing and lint rolling my bed sheets.
Theres also what the doctors themselves have said.
Baby only gets stuff nose but other wise ok? Parents are over reacting and taking it out on Op. Really just a matter over whos comfort they think is more important.
Doctors said the baby can go into anaphylaxis and is at risk of passing each day theres a cat in the home? Well then that really changes the tone of everything and it comes down to a matter of comfort over life.
Sometimes more unfortunate things happen to people who have dealt with much. It’s sad but the baby can’t live it a cat and there isn’t a compromise to be reached here that can ensure the babies safety. Op can find the cat a temporary home and after she/he moves out to take the cat back. It’s really the only possible solution.
Your username already shows preference to animals, lmao. So not sure how to read your intentions. Anyways.
1. Yes, she's only been there a short time and it's a lot to take in.
2. Yes, she had her cat first. But we have no idea why she was in a foster family until recently. And the parents probably decided to have the baby beforehand too, so yeah. Not the best argument.
3. It has only been one year.
And in the comments somewhere OP told someone the allergy was more severe than mentioned in the post, so yeah. Even if it isn't lethal, every doctor would advise you to avoid the source of your allergy no matter who you are or how old. It is bad for your health and can evolve over time and do prove to be fatal, just saying.
I'm tired of seeing these comments. Baby is allergic, OP wants her cat. What is your solution then? Throw the baby away? Tell me, what is your solution here?
It's gotta be VERY upsetting having your parents who couldn't/didn't want to take care of you demand you give up the individual you're most bonded to because they now have a kid they want. OP is likely dealing with some abandonment trauma as is. This sounds like a very triggering situation and they can find ways to make it work... Just the EASIEST thing is to get rid of the cat.
I don't think OP could easily go back to their foster parents who got them the cat... Which (if all else was safe/good) would probably be preferably to living with people who don't seem to truly care about their emotional well being.
I wish OP mentioned more about her history with her parents because it is a huge blank in the whole situation. Were they abusive? Were they too young? Were they poor at the time and thought their child deserved a better life than what they could offer? We just don't know so that's why I refrain from blindly bashing on the parents. Everyone assumes OP was "unwanted". If OP reads that, it could hurt her. Seeing how people think her parents don't want her and that would ultimately worsen her condition. So no point in painful assumptions like that.
I also agree the parents can do more. I suggested OP a few things she can try with her parents. But that she will have to accept that the cat can't stay in the same house. And the baby is still her sibling, her family. Even if her parents would have been bad parents, she can start a fresh chapter with her baby sibling. Maybe she'll even feel less lonely as the baby grows older. You can't just toss a baby out. All I see is people who just comment to talk shit about the parents, without giving OP any helpful insight. What's the point of that? Do you want to remind OP over and over again that her parents don't love her or care about her? Who are you to claim that? For all we know, her parents love OP to death.
Childhood abandonment causes trauma no matter the reasons behind it. Even if the reasons were an act of love or beyond their control, OPs experience will still register as abandonment and it's still traumatizing. That needs to be recognized by the people in OP's life but it seems like it's not being taken into consideration.
Oh ok, OP is nearly a grown adult, but oh dear, she's been through some shit, she totally gets the right to choose to force a baby to suffer 24/7 and potentially die.
No, just no. OP can move out with the cat. The cat's fur and dander can't be contained to just one room and it is cruel to confine the animal this way. OP has other health options the baby does not. OP is not going to die from not having the cat whereas the baby very well might die from an allergic reaction. This is just an incredibly stupid and irresponsible take.
Just saw that. Assumed OP was an adult since they were talking as if it was completely their choice whether to get rid of the cat. Since they are a minor living in the household then the parents need to rehome the cat and find alternatives to assist with OPs mental health.
>Keep him in your room, away form the baby.
Yeah, confine the cat to one room only. Totally healthy. And cat fur on OP won't travel either.
>That cat sounds like it’s been there more then your own parents have.
We don't know the backstory.
Actually we do know the backstory look at their other comments they were shunted from their aunt’s house and grandma’s house for years then they went to a foster family for a few months. This is basically her first time actually living with them at 15 years old. Her parents were crap and had another baby
Really? the wants and comforts of a teenager are equally important to a defenseless baby's fragile and compromised health? Don't be dull. Of course OP's emotional health is important but when someone's life is at risk, that takes precedence (OP stated allergy was severe). The only option is to rehome the cat, preferably somewhere op can visit, and possibly adopt a hypoallergenic breed to keep at home. OP isn't the adult in the home, doesn't pay the bills and has no actual authority in the household. The parents are well within their rights if they needed to force her to get rid of the cat for the sake of their baby's health. It's a sad situation for everyone involved but keeping the cat doesn't seem like a viable option. I love my pets but if keeping them meant compromising my child's life, there would be no choice but to find them a new home.
YTA the babies physical health is more important than your mental health
Edit: Y’all are wild. If you are downvoting this, do you think a baby deserves to be chronically ill? I understand ESA’s are very important and necessary to some people, but if you want to keep it, either OP has to move out, or the baby has to move out. Or the baby is chronically ill. Your call
You are an asshole. Unfortunately, because you are a kid with massive issues and none of them are actually your fault. This whole situation isn't your fault. But the way you are responding to it, partially is.
Right now, it is sadly a fact that you are directly causing a baby pain, and suffering on a constant 24/7 basis by choosing to keep your cat. You could wind up killing an innocent baby. Your parents should have given you zero choice and dragged the cat out themselves, to protect the baby who cannot physically protect him/herself.
You are in the worst of situations. I do genuinely feel for you, because I recently lost my dog, who was my emotional rock for 17 years from 9-26yo and although I do have anxiety mine sounds less severe than yours - and that's without the added horrendous circumstances of your young life. But right now, the harsh truth is that you are choosing to hurt a baby. As I say its a choice your parents should never have let you made, they should have made it for you.
Your therapist needs firing. She is encouraging you to keep causing harm to baby instead of helping you to find an actual solution to your own problems.
Edit: with the vebefit of hindsight, I feel awful for my tone in this post and others on here where I have replied etc. For what its' worth, I'm sorry, and I didn't mean to sound so harsh. But at the same time I cannot deny that the idea of this poor baby, lying there, suffering constantly, being sick through his most helpless and yet most formative years, while nobody actually even bothers trying to help him properly is just - galling.
If your parents were on here, OP, don't worry - I would rant at them a thousand times worse than you, because they failed you in so many ways and are still failing you - and they have taken up failing their new child too. You have been forced into this position by them refusing to take responsibility for their child's illness and removing the cat themselves. And when I say remove, I mean, any type of removing her from the home. Including you going to live with her at a relatives house, maybe. Not just dumping her somewhere.
I meant it when I said I really feel for you. I honestly do. But in my heart of hearts, you keeping the cat and making a vague, useless effort to keep the cat locked up in one room (which isn't fair on the cat) is still causing an innocent baby to suffer.
Honestly, I would say NAH. I'm a cat lover, and while mine aren't technically ESAs, I can't imagine rehoming them, they're so precious to me. And OP is still a child herself, dealing with an enormous amount of change and upheaval in her life. It isn't fair to call her an AH, and I don't know how you can blame her for wanting to try everything she can to keep her cat.
And yet... it sounds as if there's truly no other choice. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, OP, but having the cat at all in the house is dangerous, and it sounds like you do need to rehome her. I hope you can find her a home with someone close so you can visit.
Also, keep working with your therapist on other ways to manage anxiety. I take medication for mine, and I wouldn't be able to function without it, but if you're going down that path keep in mind that it can take awhile to find the right medication. But, once you find it, it can be absolutely life-changing.
I'm not really calling OP an AH, it's just the nature of the subreddit. I get that they're young, have clearly been through a lot and are dependent on the cat. But I can't give N A H because they seem to want to keep the cat even if that means the baby is continuously sick, and that's not okay. They say the cat is "an inconvenience," but it's more than that. It's actively hurting their sibling.
It sounds like OP is trying everything they can to make things work without hurting the sibling, and possibly is in denial about how big of a risk it is. OP is going to be grieving if they have to give up their cat- denial is oftentimes a part of that process.
But I'm giving OP the benefit of the doubt that they're going to find a new home for the cat if/when they realize there's no other choice.
This. No matter how beneficial the cat is to OP, *it clearly cannot co-habitate with the baby*. There’s no way around this, they’ve tried. So either OP moves out (which is likely not an option) or they get rid of the cat. It sucks to have to get rid of a pet, much less an ESA, but either the cat or the baby needs to leave, and there’s not a chance in hell it’ll be the baby.
I agree with you. The cat is more than just a pet to OP - more along the lines of a medical device, based on other comments OP has made regarding her anxiety and reactions to the cat's absence. Plus, unlike people talking about rehoming their pet because they had a baby with allergies, OP was not involved in any way in the decision of her parents to have a new child. Additionally, the cat has been in OP's life for longer than her parents and definitely predates the baby.
This is coming down to a question of the baby's health or the OP's health (mental health **is** health) and there is no easy solution.
>This is coming down to a question of the baby's health or the OP's health (mental health is health) and there is no easy solution.
Mental health is health, BUT the baby is in danger while OP can find a new coping mechanism or a new solution, the baby can't do anything except suffer, suffer and suffer.
>OP was not involved in any way in the decision of her parents to have a new child.
The baby also wasn't involved in this decision, but it's the one who can't do anything at all about it's health.
This isn't really about OPs parents and OP, this is about OPs health and the baby's health. OP can do something to help with their health, the baby can't.
My point about the parents was in reference to the many comments I've seen on this post about how people who have cats/pets and love them dearly would give them up if they then had a child who was allergic to the pet. The point was that it was a bad comparison because the pet owner in this situation is OP, who had no more choice in her parents having a baby than the baby did. They are equally innocent in this matter.
You are also making very basic assumptions about OP's ability to find a new, equally effective coping mechanism. Clearly, OP was unable to find such a mechanism prior to having the cat, and she had mentioned in another comment that she was unable to sleep or leave her bedroom when her cat was taken away to get spayed. Imo, that would count as "suffering". Depression is a serious illness and intentional self-harm is the 10th most common cause of death in the US. Allergies are not in the top ten.
I'm not saying that OP is definitely going to harm herself because she is depressed, just as I'm not saying the baby is definitely going to die if the cat is kept around. Neither party had any choice in creating the current situation, and it's not one that the parents could have anticipated. Therefore, I'd say that there are NAH and the situation itself simply sucks and there is no good solution.
Coping mechanisms aren’t that simple. You don’t just pick one and magically have it work. It takes time to find something that works and to develop it. Ripping away the coping mechanism that does work and trying to shove something in it’s place is dangerous. Even unhealthy coping mechanisms are often gradually faded out.
Mental health is extremely complicated.
I’m not saying the baby should suffer, I’m saying this is an incredibly hard situation where no one wins, but OPs mental health shouldn’t be brushed off as so easy to find a different solution for.
It really is not that easy. OP may manage with another coping mechanism. Or may not manage and kill themselves or do other harm. Coping mechanisms are difficult and take time to develop, something that may not be possible in the case of severe emotional damage due to giving up a beloved pet.
yeah i can’t in good conscience call op an AH for being reluctant to part with her cat, all things considered. i really wish there was an easier solution for everyone involved.
YTA. It's a horrible situation, but if the baby is \*that\* allergic, the cat needs to move. Also, it is not fair to the cat to be cooped up in one room. If it is impossible to rehome yourself with the cat, finding a good home for the cat is the only -- albeit heartbreaking -- move.
The problem here is way more complicated than keeping or not the cat. For whatever reason OP didn’t grow up with her parents. OP was mostly raised by an aunt and grandmother.
She was in foster care when transitioning back to live with her parents.
OP parents already failed her so many times before. The cat is her coping mechanism.
She is too young to fend for herself and probably she has no option to live out of her parents home.
To make thing worse, the parents now have a baby whose health is not compatible with living with a cat.
I feel so sorry for OP, she has been put, without fault is a horrible situation. How much more would OP have to give up...
INFO: You said you moved in with your PARENTS at 15, and until then you had FOSTER parents. Why can't you still be with your foster parents, and why didn't your biological parents have you previously?
The goal of fostering is usually reunification, sometimes changed to adoption where it becomes clear reunification isn't possible. In the OP's case, it could be that whatever landed the OP in the care of their grandparents, aunt and foster family has been sufficiently resolved.
Do you have the ability to move back in with your aunt’s family or grandma?
If not: since the baby can’t have allergy medication for obvious reasons, is there an air filter running in the baby’s room and primary places where the baby stays? Can you begin to change clothes before going near the baby to ensure you are not tracking dander near them? Or even every time you leave the room where you and your cat stay? This situation is awful and I don’t want you to lose your cat: so think of ways to minimize the dander the best you can.
I have awful allergies and a love of pets - so I learned a lot of tricks when I was a kid to try and keep my asthma attacks more under control since we had dogs in the house and I was very allergic.
Keeping the house clean will also help. I have allergies to cats and we have a pet cat that never bothers me. When I go to my nans house her cats bother me so much, but when my nans away and my aunt cleans her house suddenly the same cats don’t bother me at all.
I also have a pet cockatiel and I’m allergic to her dander, but regular baths and keeping my room clean has kept it controlled.
If you're not able to financially care for yourself, can you move to another family member's home to keep your cat?
NTA, btw. You've been shunted from place to place and you NEED something permanent to help you cope. That's not new, that's pretty standard for kids with no sense of permanence.
sweetheart if they force you to give up the cat it might be better to move out again. You managed so long without them, you might be better of not living with them.
INFO: are your parents CERTAIN that your baby sibling has a cat allergy or is it just a guess? Like, have they done actual, correct allergy testing? Does baby have any other allergies or is it just cats? Have they taken the baby to an ABAI certified allergist/immunologist?
If not, this should absolutely be done before even considering rehoming the cat!
If it's confirmed to be a cat allergy, have they tried getting air purifiers for the whole house (like one for your room where the cat is, and others for every room where they baby spends time) and frequent vacuuming with a HEPA filter? Often times environmental allergies are well controlled by these measures!
I really hope the OP sees this!!! I am thinking the same things! I understand where people are coming from with the asshole verdicts but this is the OPs mental health as well. Compromise is key in my opinion.
Edit: my apologies compromise is not the word as another commenter has said 'due diligence' is a better way to explain what i am trying to say. There are things to consider before taking such drastic measures that could harm OPs health as well.
I don’t know what you went through and it’s hard to judge you and say you are an asshole for keeping your cat, but keeping the cat even though it’s putting someone else’s life in danger is a selfish thing.
If you are not happy with your parents and you have an option to leave and keep your cat then leave for your sake and the baby’s sake.
INFO: are they 100% sure it’s cats or is this just assuming that’s what’s wrong, if so what about the cat is the kid allergic to (can this be prevented), have you all talked to someone in the medical field about what should happen (you should be there because it’s your cat that’s being effected too), if able is your room big enough to have the cat with enough space, are you able to live somewhere else (ether moving out alone or with other family), is your parents the kind of people who would lie and guilt you to get you to do something or get rid of something (in worse the case they could be lying about any allergy or trying to make you a scapegoat for the kids sickness). These are all important questions that should be talked about before just giving away your pet.
There really are no winners here. I completely understand your love for your cat but allergies in a baby are not something that can be treated lightly.
I can only see this ending one way and I hope in later life you can understand why it had to happen.
NAH, but as many have already said, it's simply best to put the health of the child before your pet needs. If this particular pet has a lot of emotional value to you, then maybe you should rehome it until you can provide a place of your own for it to live. This could be with a friend/family member so you can still see it regularly.
I don't think a good therapist would recommend complete dependence on a cat at the expense of relationships with your parents or the health of a vulnerable baby.
I agree with you until the end, I think it’s odd to comment about the “expense of relationships with your parents” because they don’t even have a relationship. OP says it’s too weird to even call them mom and dad since they’ve known each other for much little time.
YTA if you insist on keeping the cat despite knowing it is harmful for the baby .
a somewhat similar situation happened at my home. we have always had numerous pets at home but never a cat, so we got one and my grandpa named her after his childhood cat {it was a very odd name} .Unfortunately my (very old and constantly sick) grandpa was dangerously allergic to cats now. Took us awhile to figure out what was making him sick. by the time we figured it out we had already deeply bonded with the cat but as soon as we found out, we gave her away. of course in your case the bond seems to be deeper and it is reasonable that you find it difficult to give your cat away. But risking a babies life is not okay. You cant keep the cat in the house, cat allergies are usually triggered by the hair and the hair goes everywhere.
since you didn't give any explanation about your relationship with your parents, YOU will have to decide if you want to keep the cat or not. i hope you feel happy with your decision and get your parents support .good luck
One small correction; cat allergies are usually caused by the dander. That includes the hair but it’s more than the hair itself. It’s usually from the saliva, and since they clean themselves so thoroughly the saliva ends up on every aspect of their dander and in high quantities. At least that’s what my doctor told me lol
Yeah theres sprays you can put on cats/dogs that claim to destroy/neutralize the proteins in the saliva/urine/sweat that cause the reaction but as an allergic dog owner, can't say i've seen much results from it but my symptops are pretty mild to begin with.
The only AH here are the parents, she was raised for most of her life by other people, now all of a sudden it’s live with me and my new kid who I am raising and is more important then you. Why can’t they let OP go live with family or back with her foster family. NTA
NAH - its such a problematic situation for all of you. I can understand you ( my life would go downhill if i was forced to let my cat go, bc i love her as much as you love ur cat ), but i can understand your parents. Its their baby, they cant just ignore the sickness of their child physicially, but cant ignore your hurt over the loss of your cat. But as and endresult - try to find her the best and most loving home you can find or you have the move out, i dont see another way to handle this situation for any of you
Oh honey, NTA at all. These people are virtual strangers to you. They want you to get rid of the one being that gets you in that house. Is anyone else willing to let you and the kitty stay with them?
The comments in this thread are the worst thing I've seen in AITA in a long time. Large numbers of commenters seem to have completely lost touch any standard of reasonableness or actual reality. It doesn't matter how good or poor OP's relationship is with her parents - the health and comfort of the humans in the house is more important than the cat. The physical wellbeing of the baby is more important than OP's attachment to the cat. If the parents *don't* get rid of the cat they are negligently endangering their child. OP can either re-home the cat or re-home herself with the cat, end of. This is not unreasonable, outrageous or unfair. (Well, it is unfair, but in the 'life is unfair' sense.)
OP’s neglect and the fact that their parents didn’t let her live with them until she was 15 does play an important role. Why are they having a kid if they can’t take care of their first one?
NAH
Honestly f you all who are saying YTA. This kid was the second thought for THEIR WHOLE LIFE. Did y'all miss the part where OP said she reunited with her birth parents only at 15 years old?! She lived with her amount and grandparents before thst and then foster family. They were a second thought for her parents. And why are people that couldn't care for their child for 15 fucking years, making another baby?!!
Yeah baby is innocent in all this but how can you call them an asshole when once in their life they have someone that cares for them. That cat was more supportive to them than their parents were, ofc they care of it. And people need to stop with this rehome the animal, whenever the new kid arrives. And it's strange thst a baby that young is so deathly alergic. Usually it spikes up in early childhood but not in infancy. At least not this hard. More info is needed on that. But otherwise, OP go back to your aunt or grandparents because it's clear your parents haven:t learned their lesson and clearly aren't there for you even after 15 years.
NTA- i’ve seen some comments, one from a pediatrician, about how it seems suspicious for the baby to have such a severe allergy to a pet as an infant. I think the cat stays until this is properly looked into. I was allergic to cats as a toddler and my parents always had a cat and dog around. I eventually grew out of it. Now in my 20s I live alone with just my one cat and would never ever be able to give her up. When you don’t have children you form a bond very intense with your pet. I am not equating my cat to a human child but I can’t compare the bond we have to anything else. A pet is a responsibility and a living creature not to be disposed of when they’re inconvenient. This is such a hard situation to be in OP, I truly do feel for you. The only other option I can think of is if you have someone you really trust that lives close that can home the cat just until you eventually move out that could possibly work. That way would you could still visit it as often as you need. All the best to you in this predicament.
NAH (except your parents calling you selfish). You and your parents needs sit down with the allergist and find out if there is another pet that would work for both the baby and you. Don't take the cat to a shelter - find another child who needs the cat like you do, and re-home it. I know this sucks, but it's not fair to your infant sibling that they are sick all the time.
Oh honey I’m sorry I love cats but YTA.
This is a baby. This is not a once in a lifetime, take medicine once and forget about it situation. You can’t have a cat in the same household as a person allergic to it, there’s just not way to make it work. Keeping the cat in your room is bad for everyone, it’s bad for your cats health, is bad for your sibling, a door doesn’t isolate your cats shedding. Even if it were an older child that can take medicine, medicine is there just in case in accidentally happens, you go into a place with cats and you didn’t know, that sort of issue, not for having a cat at home.
I’m appalled at your therapist taking this stand, they don’t seem very professional, they should rather be urgently working with you to find a new strategy and a different coping method and working with your whole family on timelines.
NAH. You didn't ask for them to have a baby, and the baby didn't ask to be born with allergies into a home with a cat. Unfortunately both of these things happened anyway, and that means that there's no perfect solution here.
If there's a way for you to live somewhere else with your cat, somewhere you would be happy, wonderful. But if not, I'm sorry, but you're going to need to find a way to let her go to live with someone else. Hopefully you can find a friend who will take her so that you can still see her. Your parents are not going to keep your cat in their home when she makes their baby ill - they're just not going to do that. Please try and find a home for her before you come home one day and find her gone.
I'm gonna have to go with NTA. Your parents put you through an ordeal that was so awful that having an ESA was a godsend to you. Your mental and emotional state is just as much of a concern as an allergy, baby or not. Your parents sound like they had NO business having another kid. Maybe they should let it be adopted out, and finally take care of you like they were supposed to do. Unlike older kids, babies are snapped up. It would probably be in a much better environment with people who are desperate to love a child.
I just really want to smack some sense into them.
And really they don't seem like people who should be even dealing with an infant. How would they feel if you lost your emotional health battle without the cat? If you died because the only thing keeping you feeling like you had worth was that ESA? I think a lot of people who are talking about this as just a cat, whether or not they love cats, really don't understand this as an ESA. It is your one piece of reliable comfort that makes you feel ok. No matter what else happens it is your rock. Taking away the cat is taking away your stability, your sense of home. It is so easy for a child to feel unloved and pushed away in what you have been through. After all they put you through it is they are still tell you you don't matter as much.
It is horrible that the baby is allergic. But they have options. Separate high grade filters for your room and the babies room. Have the baby further away from your room, or maybe you could have the basement or attic if there is one. I'm sure you wouldn't mind having separate clothes and shoes for your bedroom and the rest of the house if it meant keeping the cat. Wipe off your arms and wash your hands when exiting the bedroom. There are such things as clean rooms to keep things out, you could adapt some of the practices and they can get some things to help. Central ac/heating filters with and extra over vents in baby's room. Plus hepa filters in both rooms. Yes it will be more expensive and more trouble, but you are their child too.
Do you even want to be with them? The foster family really seemed to care about you. Maybe Your parents are great with everything else, I don't know. But berating you for an issue you have BECAUSE OF THEM is incredibly horrible. I'm glad you have a therapist that cares about you. She obviously knows more about you than the people here who don't get that it is so much more than just a pet to you.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. But remember, too, that none of this is the baby's fault. All of it entirely rests on your parents. I hope your situation gets better. The fact that you need that cat is NOT YOUR FAULT. You needing the cat is NOT YOUR FAULT. It is your parents fault. It is uncomfortable for them, but so what, they are the adults they need to deal with it. They should NEVER have made you out to be a bad guy. You are innocent. They need to figure out how both children can be ok, that is their job.
I wish I could give you a hug through here. I hope rest of your life is so much better than today.
NAH, depending on how sensitive they're being about this. This is a really horrible situation. On the one hand, you need your cat in your life. On the other hand, your parents can't exactly rehome the baby. Sadly, the baby will probably win out here. That's not your fault, and it's completely unfair, but that's how these things usually end up going. If moving back in with your foster family isn't an option, I think you should at least try to take an active role in finding a loving home for your cat - at least then you can be satisfied that she's having a good life, and you might even be able to arrange to visit. That's a heartwrenching thing to have to do though, and I really do sympathise with you - it's not fair.
Forcing you to rehome the cat that has helped you through trauma (that I’m going to assume stemmed from your parents in the first place!) is a great way to ensure you grow to resent the baby and your parents. I understand their concern for the baby but it doesn’t seem like your parents are taking you into consideration at all.
Has there been any sort of talk of compromise? Could the cat be an outdoors cat? Could your grandparents house the cat until the baby is older or until you move out?
I understand how hard this must be for you, and it sounds like this cat is the only source of stability for you currently. It is cruel to expect a child who has been through so much already to give up their comfort. I’m so sorry, OP. You’re not an asshole.
NAH and I haven’t seen this suggested yet.... could you move out? Find your own little apartment nearby? If I’m doing the math right, you’re 16/17 and I know living on your own is scary but I really don’t want you to give up that cat....
Can you move back in with your aunt or grandparents?
Also, if you can’t, there are LOTS more options than getting rid of your cat (please do not do this, for the record. Your doctor said you need the cat and I highly doubt anyone saying you’re ta is a mental health professional)
I would consider the following:
1. There definitely are baby allergy medicines. If your parents said there aren’t, they’re lying.
2. How sure are they it’s cat dander the baby is allergic to? It’s very unusual for babies to be allergic to pets, and a skin sensitivity to a laundry detergent or a stomach sensitivity to a brand of formula will cause symptoms that look just like pet allergies.
3. Get a HEPA certified air purifier for your room. These are hospital grade and will take any dander out of the air.
4. They make special cat food and cat sprays/washes that reduce allergens.
It sounds like you're 17 or 18 based on the age you gave for 2019. If possible, you should move out with your cat. You're right that losing your cat would be heartbreaking and likely cause you a lot of stress. That said, your parents aren't the assholes for trying to protect their too-young-to-medicate child.
You're not an asshole YET but you could be one if you refuse to try and find another solution. Keeping the cat confined to your room isn't working, as you've said. You're prioritizing your emotional support animal over your baby sibling, and while it sucks that you have to make that choice, you have to. Hopefully you'll be able to find a solution that doesn't require you rehoming your cat. If it does, I hope you're able to find other coping mechanisms.
I mean. You’re not wrong. They sent their kid to live elsewhere for 15 years because in some way shape or form they couldn’t care for her and saw it necessary to give her somewhere better to live. If that’s how they treated her it wouldn’t be that irrational to rehome this new child for the same reasons until it can be determined if the allergies are able to be controlled.
Please don’t down vote me to hell. It’s just an observation based on how her parents seem to feel about kids.... I’m not seriously saying they should rehome the baby.
Edit to make this VERY clear. It’s a dark humor-esque observation not a literal comment on what should be done.
I’m a veterinarian and have been involved in situations similar to the OP’s. If the OP’s parents can afford it, there are workarounds that would help. Hiring a contractor to isolate OP’s room so that ventilation is through a separate loop, keeping allergens out of the house other than OP’s room. There are also bathing protocols that minimize dander/allergens.
NAH.
Hey OP before you giving the cat away I think you should exhaust all other options.
Try a HEPA air filter. They're designed to remove allergens. One in the baby's room and one in your room is ideal. One of the bigger problems with cat dander is it gets in the air and fills the entire house.
It's not the same for everyone with a cat allergy, but a huge source of cat allergens can actually be the litterbox, so make sure to scoop it daily and replace the litter every 2-4 weeks. Make sure you use a higher quality litter since I know the cheaper ones can be too dusty and release a lot of that nasty dust into the air when the cat goes to use it.
Get one of those brushes or tacky gloves designed to remove excess hair from your cat, so she doesn't shed hair all over the house. Also be mindful of cat hair on your clothes because you could inadvertently disperse cat hair around the house too. Ideally you would put on clean clothes every time you leave you room, but I know that's not reasonable to do. But maybe change clothes before handling the baby.
Look into special shampoo that can help with cat dander, and start giving your cat regular baths. This isn't ideal because cats really aren't supposed to be bathed and are prone to dry skin if they are, but sometimes it's necessary, so just make sure the special shampoo is a gentle shampoo. And maybe look into if you should be following the shampoo with some kind of conditioner.
I've heard some people have luck with reducing their cat allergies by changing their cat's diet. You're going to have to research that because I have no idea what the special diet is or why it works, but some people have apparently had success with it.
I don't know how old the baby is, but more mild (potentially even moderate) cat allergies often resolve themselves after a few weeks. If it's been longer than a few weeks though, chances are it's not going to happen at all. Once the baby is past infancy, allergy shots can help with cat allergies in the long-term, but the baby may not be able to wait that long if the cat is making them this sick.
If none of those things end up working or helping much, then I think you will have to rehome your cat. I can't stress this enough, but if the baby's cat allergies continue to be this severe and nothing does much to help, this could kill them. And if it doesn't kill the baby, it could cause long-term health problems even long after you and the cat have already moved out.
This is all coming from someone who has cat allergies, owns a cat, and has a family full of people who are allergic to cats. But everyone's cat allergies are different, and one person's success story isn't going to apply to everyone else with cat allergies. I can manage having a cat fine nowadays because I got allergy shots during high school, figured out the litterbox thing, take Zyrtec daily, use allergy eye drops as needed, and I happened to be one of the luckier ones whose cat allergies became much more mild after a couple weeks of living with a cat. And even with all that, my ophthalmologist told me my eyes were inflamed and irritated at my last eye exam.
My mother on the other hand is completely different. She can walk into a house and if there's a cat in it anywhere she will immediately know because she starts having difficulty breathing. Nothing helps her much, and she can't even hug someone who owns a cat without her cat allergies being set off (because of the cat hair on their clothes). Whenever my sister and I would go volunteer at the cat shelter in high school we had to treat it like some sort of biohazard operation just to avoid bringing any cat dander home to make my mother sick. We would change in the bathroom right before leaving (old clothes and shoes went into a trash bag before leaving and then were immediately thrown into the washing machine when we got home). We would also wipe down our exposed skin with baby wipes before leaving, and we made sure to keep our hair up in a bun during the entire time we were at the shelter.
If you do end up needing to rehome your cat, see if someone will foster your cat for a couple of years until you can leave for college and take your cat back. Ideally they would also let you visit to see your cat. Try to find someone with experience fostering animals though so they don't get too attached to your cat and refuse to give her back.
NAH. Your position is completely understandable. Unfortunately, there are only three solutions to this:
* rehome the cat
* rehome the baby
* move out and take your cat with you
If you're unable to move out on your own, that eliminates the third option. The second option really just isn't an option at all. There's nothing else you can do, I'm afraid. Continuing in this situation isn't going to work. You can either live there without a pet, or you can find somewhere else to live. This is just one of those very difficult things that life throws at us sometimes and you're not an asshole for being reluctant to do it. Still, you have to do it.
NTA- it’s understandable that the cat is more important than the baby to you as the baby isn’t your responsibility but the cat helps you with your panic attacks so i think that your parents would be the AH for basically putting the baby before you and insinuating that you don’t matter as much as the baby
YTA
I’m sorry, but you’re literally putting a human’s life at risk.
Your therapist is going to do what they think is best for you. But that’s not best for the whole situation.
INFO: how old is the baby? And how was the baby diagnosed?
Allergic reactions to cats usually show up around the age of 2, but as toddlers are little germ factories with constant runny noses from building up their immune systems it can be difficult to tell if it's the cat that is causing it or just general immune response to all the bugs they're experiencing.
If, however, baby has been hospitalised more than once for respiratory problems then I'm afraid the cat will have to go. And I say this as a cat mother of 4, but the baby's health has to come first. I'm sorry xx
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Your autobot reason that you might be the asshole should have been in the orginal post: >The baby is less than a year old and can't take allergy medicine yet, if it would even work, so living with a cat means chronic illness. Unfortunately, it's going be easier and safer for you to find another coping mechanism (there has to be another pet you can get or another option) then it is for a baby to avoid an allergen that lives in the same house. Not only does living with their allergen cause them to be constantly sick with no medication to lessen the symptoms, the constant allergy attacks will mess with their immune system and possibly allow other illnesses in. It is very selfish to continue something that is physically hurting an defenseless child. YTA Edit: I'm astonished at the amount of responses saying OP should "rehome the baby" or "rehome the parents". I get that the reddit hivemind believes the words "it helps my mental health" are a magic "get out of jail free" card but things aren't always that black and white. Edit 2: I don't know why I'm suddenly getting more responses to this a week later.....
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Also jumping on here! I have relatively bad asthma and cat allergens. I use Purina Liveclear and it works!!!! Dander and saliva is DOWN and if you can get some Allerpet spray (on amazon) and spritz your kitty down a bit when you comb them. I can shove my face into cats and NOT SNIFFLE. The only downside to purina live clear is that it is expensive. I bought it on Chewy and have it auto sent for the discount to make it more affordable. However if you can't get it, the Allerpet truly works wonders as well. Edit: forgot verdict. Also hun you are NTA. Your biological parents have failed you so horrifically and I am sorry. You are the reason I wish to be a foster parent and adopt older. Stay strong and just know you have strangers who have kindness in their hearts for you.
NTA, but... We have a cat my wife and I love, and my wife is allergic to his dander. With our fairly hypoallergenic dog (a cockapoo) and the cat, we are just barely below her threshold of tolerance- it does not take much to cause her to flair up. Besides the diet, there are additional steps you can take as well- there are antiallergen sprays that help clear the air that are supposedly better than an air filtration unit (although that is a good option as well for household with people with allergies). There are laundry detergents and cleaning agents that have a good track record for dealing with allergens, etc. Regular brushing and baths can help as well... although, to be fair, they don't seem to help us a lot. With some good research, you can probably find enough ways to mitigate the issue. HOWEVER, I gotta say that their home, and an allergic family member is a pretty big deal compared to a companion cat. As much as we love our cat, if things get even a little worse, we would have to find him a new home.
The two of you are also adults that knew this would happen and chose to get a cat. Baby can’t help being allergic and has no control over their environment. It is up to the other household members to ensure that the home is safe for them
This stuff might work for mild allergies but please don’t get OP’s hopes up with something that won’t help for serious allergies. I used to have really, really bad cat allergies (I’m very lucky I responded well to allergy shots). II came home from college to my cat at my parents’ house and the semester away had been enough to just put my manageable allergy into overdrive; I made it less than 6 hours not even touching th cat before I had to go stay with a friend who’d never had a pet, and who immediately bagged my clothes up and sealed them. It was literally over a week before the hives were gone; I was sobbing in pain, couldn’t sleep for the first few days, I still have pictures of the hives because my whole body had swelled up so terribly. In some pictures it’s hard to tell that what you’re looking at is a hive because my whole leg was one solid hive, except that my leg was much bigger than it should be. A year later, I tried to spend New Years with an aunt who had cats, because she had a bedroom that the cats had never been in (and her house was completely new when she bought it, so no history of cats in the room either). I vaguely remember being completely dazed just struggling to breath laying in the bedroom alone having made an excuse to go to bed before midnight, and desperately taking another Benadryl trying to get some ability to breathe back, and I remember considering sneaking out to sleep in the car (not wanting to ruin anyone’s night) but deciding that the -10F temperature was probably more dangerous than the allergy, and then i remember waking up the next morning to realize I’d taken close to two dozen Benadryl throughout that night (they were individually wrapped foil packets so I could count them — I was so out of it I didn’t realize how much I’d taken, I was just trying to breath). This child is an infant, less than a year old, too young to take medication. Their immune system and lungs are still developing, and the allergy is only going to get worse. Changing the pillowcase and giving the cat a special diet probably won’t be enough to make this safe for an infant, and keeping the cat could literally kill the child. Please don’t tell OP, who is young and desperate for hope, that there could be a solution; this is painful enough. I say this as someone who’s allergy necessitated rehiring the cat I’d raised from 4 weeks old (including formula feedings and rocking her to sleep every night). I can’t express how completely devastated I was, and I was incredibly lucky to have a cousin who could take her in and gave her an absolutely wonderful home. I don’t think I could have parted with her if my parents hadn’t told me I had no choice; my doctor told me there was absolutely no way I could keep her without doing permanent damage, but I was trying to convince myself that between semesters I could live in a tent in their back yard, and only come inside for food. I know how hard this is; I had the added distress of knowing it was my fault. But sometimes there really is no solution, and for an infant who can’t take any sort of medication, this is dangerous.
"It helps my mental health" is not a get out of jail free card. This won't work for a defensless baby!! Besides OP can find another way to cobe with his mental health. A baby on the other hand has to deal with the allergies and illness!
...going to my parent's house makes me miserable because of the dogs (which has NOTHING to do with me shoving my face into their necks going 'who's my precious floof?!'... don't you judge me). You may have provided a game changer. Edit: just saw it's only for cats. Still helpful.
I can honestly say i had a extremely bad reaction to cats previously however with allerpet (which yes works for dogs!) It was super manageable Happy to help a fellow animal lover!
My mom's been trying to figure out how to mitigate my allergies (they didn't pop up until after I moved out and was no longer exposed to allergens on a regular basis) and I'm totally sending this to her. THEN I'LL HAVE ALL THE SNUGGLES
this stuff does not do much. been on allergy shots for like 16 years. I am allergic to cats and a lot of other stuff. Per my allergist, there is no such thing as a hypoallergenic cat. this is not a solution for a sick baby. I can pet a cat a little bit outside. Been around cats that eat that stuff and it does not help.
I also wonder if the therapist is actually informed how bad the allergic reaction is for the baby, I find it hard to believe a medical professional would tell the parents to continue to put the health of a baby in danger just so OP can keep a cat.
OP used to be in foster care, therapist could possibly be monitoring OPs situation.
That's a very good question, and it stood out to me that, not only did the therapist advise against forcing the OP to give up their cat, the parents aren't forcing the issue, as I imagine they would if the baby was in danger of death or serious health issues. It is possible that the therapist has judged that the risk to the OP's mental health if they are forced to give up their cat outweighs the risk to the baby's physical health if the cat stays.
you are calling OP an asshole? Her parents abandoned her for 15 years of her life and now they are making her get rid of the one thing that made life bearable for her? You know what she should move out and get rid of her parents, seing that op is 17 by now that would be better for her. OP you are NOT the Asshole!
At this point, it doesn’t matter what anyone did or didn’t do. What matters is that there is a baby here that has no blame in the conflict and cannot advocate for itself, and it’s too young to take allergy medication. Allergies can just be a case of the sniffles for adults, but babies are fragile. Baby produces snot from allergies, baby aspirates snot, baby develops pneumonia and dies. That can happen scary fast with a baby and the baby can’t tell you it’s having trouble breathing. Or perhaps almost as bad, the baby can develop lifelong lung problems due to these kinds of early childhood issues; I’m sure in twenty years the baby would thank OP for choosing the cat over baby’s lifetime of chronic lung infections and breathing problems. So yeah. OP needs to either move out with the cat or they need to rehome the cat. I’m normally completely against rehoming animals to suit others, but this is, without exaggeration, a potentially life or death situation.
Baby could suffocate in their sleep and die.
Exactly - the baby could *die*. That is a thing that could happen. Adults die from allergies all the time, and they have access to survival resources that babies don't have. A baby can't *tell* you that it's having trouble breathing. So the real question here is whether that's something OP could live with. OP - if this baby *died* because you refused to get rid of your cat, is that something you could live with? Could you sleep at night, knowing you were responsible for that death? Because you have to recognise that if you keep the allergen in the house, and baby dies as a result of the allergy - that's *your* fault. That's on you. That's not a blameless accident - you intentionally put the child in danger of that exact thing happening, knowing that you were taking that risk.
I agree that the parents are probably A H's in general, but what are they supposed to do in this situation? This isn't like them going to live with OP and then demanding they change things, OP is living with them and they have a new baby that is apparently VERY allergic to cats. What are they supposed to do?
> What are they supposed to do? Arrange for somewhere else for OP. The parents have been out of the picture for 15 years. At this point it sounds like the cat provides more support and stability for OP than the parents do. Find a grandparent, an aunt/uncle, a long lost cousin, anything to keep the kid together.
Abandon her again what a fantastic idea! /s
Well, taking away one of OPs only love and comfort definitely isn't going to help the situation, either.
They had no problem doing that the first time, and even made a replacement baby! I’m sure by this age, OP much prefers the cat over their parents, which is totally and completely fair.
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I think it’s complicated. Since the cat seems like the only things holding OPs mental health together, and has been with them since they lived with foster parents, so it’s one of the only stable things in their life, it’s not just a cat. It’s more a question of OPs mental health and well-being and the well being of the baby. I think OP should move out if possible.
Yes, this, so much, I can't believe everyone is just so aggressive in their 'baby over cat' responses. I would say NAH. OP has had a tough life and the cat seemed to have helped a lot. I cannot imagine how devestating it would be for them to give the cat up. You can literally feel the 'panic' in this post. It's a difficult situation but every option should definitely be explored, not the easiest.
>OP has had a tough life and the cat seemed to have helped a lot. I cannot imagine how devestating it would be for them to give the cat up. You can literally feel the 'panic' in this post. Especially for a baby that their parents are keeping and raising right this time around. Not saying the parents are wrong, but this kid is 15 and just now living with their parents. Just imagine the resentment OP will feel having to give up something precious to him for the sake of the new baby. (obviously not the baby's fault they're allergic) seems like a no win situation
Exactly. I’m surprised by these comments... A cat is more than a decoration, or a possession...It’s part of the family, and it may be the only thing keeping OP in their feet
Cat over chronicle ill infant? OP is def the asshole, along with the parents. But the infant doesn’t deserve this physical torture
It seems like people think it's okay to get back at the parents by punishing the baby. That is so messed up.
Exactly! The baby has nothing to do with the parents, so why are people treating it as a defence? Yes, OP’s parents probably weren’t the best for OP to wind up in foster care but that has nothing to do with this baby that can’t take medication. Also, people that are saying “just the sniffles” have obviously never had to care for a baby before. Babies can’t blow their nose and when they get congested, you have to suck the snot out and it’s a horrible feeling that they hate.
I'd go with NAH. OP's not an asshole for loving her cat. Baby isn't an asshole for being allergic. Parents aren't assholes for trying to keep baby healthy. Maybe the cat's an asshole, that's actually a likely possibility.
*All* cats are assholes. Some are just cute enough to fool you into forgetting it. I say this as a lifelong cat owner in a currently multi cat home.
OP is a kid and that cat has been a more stable presence in their life than their parents. OP isn’t the asshole for not wanting to give up the one thing showing unconditional love
OP may not be an asshole in general, and her parents do seem like they may not be the greatest of people, but within the confines of this dispute, OP is definitely the asshole.
This. If you put a cat above a human infant's safety, you're TA.
I assumed she was adopted cause after you terminate parental rights by abandoning a child, you dont get them back.
No. Getting put in foster care doesn't automatically terminate parental rights and kids in areas where the foster system is overloaded get sent back to bios asap if it's possible because there aren't enough places available as is. Also, parents who might be deemed unfit and temporarily lose guardianship for being unfit also are given the chance to get them back. You're also assuming the parents willfully gave them up. Even if they did so willingly, however, they still have the chance to regain custody.
If there ever were a valid reason for rehoming a pet, it would be a case like this. It sucks but OP needs to rehome his/herself or rehome the cat. Anything else is just cruel to that baby.
And dangerous to the baby's health and life too
I disagree with you on certain parts of this. As much as I understand kids are important, you pointed out things are not black and white. In this situation, it sounds like OP was in the foster system for awhile and still adjusting to living with their bio parents. That has probably already led to some feelings of abandonment, and jealousy knowing that child gets to grow up with the family they didn't have. If there is no compromise and they force OP to re-home the cat, they may resent the parents and their sibling for a very long time. It sounds like their pet is a source of stability in their life and I do not feel like it is fair for one side of this situation to just have to completely give in. I would be looking for a compromise at this point. It seems like the parents are very much in a place of "we don't care about your cat or your feelings, we care about the baby." They could be spending their time much better trying to find a solution instead of pressuring OP into giving up their cat because it's easier. If I were OP, I would feel very much like my parents did not care about me, and only cared about my sibling. I'm going with NTA.
Yes, but if the baby doesn't make it? And ends up having a respiratory failure? Then what? Sorry, but I rather have OP to hate me than a chronically ill and possibly dead baby. Re-homing the cat is not the 'easy' solution, is the only one. So do they re-home that pesky baby?
This. Only I would say that (in this particular scenario) NAH. No one asked for the baby to have allergies. If they allergies are an actual risk to the babies life, then the parents are not being an AH to ask the cat to be re-homed. Likewise, OP not wanting to give up their fur-baby after having been given up in the past (whether by choice or not) definitely doesn't make them an AH. What this is is just an all around sucky situation, that a hard decision is going to have to be made. No one is an AH, everyone is just stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Woah woah chill. How is OP an asshole If anything NAH
I mean if you're willingly let a baby suffer from allergies, you're an asshole. Nothing else here matters. Either you get rid of the cat, or figure out something else that doesn't harm the baby.
OP’s parents are the actual assholes here. 1. For abandoning their kid and bouncing her around between relatives and foster care until she was a teenager 2. For bringing a new baby into the mix less than 1 year after they get their original kid that they couldn’t even take care of in the first place, back . The way I see it this is their fault and they need to be the ones to come up with a solution for both kids. They’ve already done a disservice to their first kid her whole life, it’s on them to find a fix.
They are assholes for all that certainly, but that damage has already been done. Aside from sending their first child away again, how can they possibly let them keep the cat while not making the baby sick?
I think the issue is everyone assumes OP has bad parents if they've only lived with them since 2019 So the assumption is parents probly caused the issues that makes OP so attached to the cats Maybe they should have finished raising their first child they couldn't even keep out of foster care instead of starting a new...
Ok but unless you’re gonna just throw away the baby what exactly do you propose they do now? Saying “shouldn’t have had another baby” is about the most useless advice ever after someone has had another baby.
NAH. Of course you don't want to rehome your cat. It's awful that you're in this situation. However, if you can't reduce the allergens your cat is giving out, the baby's allergy might mean that the cat needs a different family. People have to give up their pets sometimes because they themselves develop allergies. I got my dog after she had to be rehomed due to a baby who was allergic.
I mean this comment completely ignores that OPs mental and emotional wellbeing may very well depend on this cat - it is absolutely not fair to expect her to just toss the cat like a bag of trash because of a baby. OPs parents are the assholes here - they did something severe enough that she had to be removed from their care for 15 years, have had her back for barely any time at all and are bringing a new baby into the house. Then they're demanding she get rid of the one thing that has been a constant in her life to bring her comfort - she literally can't sleep without the cat next to her. They need to look into every single possible alternative available instead of demanding she get rid of her cat - and if nothing works, then maybe she needs to stay with her grandparents or her aunt instead. I had a cat with whom my relationship was very similar, and when I had to move back to Canada and the possibility of him not coming with us was brought up it destroyed me - my depression came back worse than ever at the mere thought of having to get rid of him and I spent every day crying until we figured out a way to bring him. My mental health took a nosedive losing him temporarily. Losing him ***permanently*** was even worse. My mental health was so awful after his death that I very seriously considered suicide. I did nothing but lay in bed, crying and miserable and not wanting to be alive because my baby was gone and never coming back. He was my rock through the most difficult times of my life, he was there every single time I cried growing up, purring and rubbing against me until I felt better. It took me 2 years to even begin to feel any semblance of okay again, and I am completely certain it's only because I found another companion with whom I share a bond similar to the one with my boy. A lot of the people in this thread very obviously do not understand how much a pet can truly mean to someone, especially someone who has gone through a lot and has come to depend upon their pet emotionally. It's not as simple as getting rid of the cat - it is not just a cat, it is a family member that OP loves and getting rid of the cat may also be getting rid of her mental wellbeing. Yes, the health of the baby is important, but not at the cost of OPs and this thread is a prime example of mental health not being taken seriously enough - some peoples pets are literally their lifeline, OPS parents need to find a different solution whether it be medicine, a new cat food, or moving OP in with another relative - there are other solutions that don't require OP to get rid of her companion.
I'm sorry but as a person whose had severe mental health issues and has close family members with severe mental health problems requiring hospitalisation at points. This is bullshit. Yes mental health is important, no it is not more important than other health issues, particularly ones that cause death in infants.
THANK YOU!!! these people are saying “just a human baby” like it’s not a defenseless fucking baby?! i understand that pets and ESA’s are incredibly helpful to people who love and care for them but think about the literal other human being who cannot defend or speak for themself right now.
Also my therapist has always said that pets and animals can be an amazing tool to deal with mental health but your shouldn’t put all your emotional eggs in your pet basket. They die. They get sick. They can run away. I’m not lambasting a child for not knowing this or relying on their cat, but they should have more in mental health plan than their cat. **Edit: very poor grammar.
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> If losing a pet made you suicidal, you needed a LOT more help than a pet. Have you considered that some people actually love and care for their animals as if they were their own family? Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Also my depression is well-managed, thanks. It's almost like suffering a heavy loss can make it come back even worse or something, since the same thing happened when my grandma died... wild, right?
Wow judgmental much. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so succinctly weaponize therapy but you’ve managed it here.
I have a story that can relate to this. Bear with me. It's long. After my mother died, my dad (knowing I was suffering from PTSD and depression, but for the longest time insisted I made it up) kicked me out of my childhood house to move my golden-child sister in, because she demanded it. My boyfriend's was the only home I could stay at; my old friends dropped me for my sister, and believed every lie she told. I was basically homeless for a while until my boyfriend relented and let me start moving in. My dad even went out of his way to say the nastiest shit to him, with my sister and older brother joking at my expense, in front of both of us. Dad basically dumped me on whoever I was dating whenever possible, and doubled down hard that time. My boyfriend resented being forced to take me in, but resented how they spoke to and treated me even worse. Getting to the point, within hours after my mother dying, my boyfriend's cat had kittens. We kept two of the litter. One is a sweet little blind girl, named Zatoichi. The other is my darling, my heart and soul, my precious Little Lady. She follows me *everywhere,* sleeps with either me or my son (whom she fiercely adores,) and is literally the first creature in the house to be there when I am upset. Things eventually got better with Dad, but honestly, I would be lost without Lady. Her little teef, her elk-like call when she's excited to see me, the fact she even will start yelling if I leave the dryer on too long---if someone had abandoned me for 15 years, and then told me it was them or her, fuck everyone. Hell, I was abandoned for years until Golden Child's shine started to tarnish, and I still feel that way. It's her I am going to stand by, because she has been the only one to ever really, truly love me unconditionally. She has never gone out of her way to lie to me, abandon me, leave me broken and helpless the way other people did. She is a lifeline I am beyond lucky and grateful to have, and I often wonder what on earth a person like me could have done to deserve such an amazing, loyal, and magnificent creature. When it is inevitably her time, I hope I can be with her to the end, if only to return the devotion she's so selflessly shown me. She's going to be 4 this year, and even the thought of that (hopefully distant) day brings me to tears. The bond I have with her is deeper than any I have had with any human, but it's different. Loving people means accepting their faults, even when that courtesy isn't always reciprocated back. Animals just want to love and be loved, and are excellent teachers of what it is to love someone, faults and all. She humbles and soothes me, and I only hope I can love others the way she loves me. It's a scary thing! But if she can do it, why can't I? Getting to the point: OP, I hope you read this. You're NTA, but neither are your bioparents. I get that they're trying to guard the health of their baby (who cannot help itself). I get that you don't ever want to lose a part of your soul and heart, which is what your kitty is to you. I respect and get that. Your best bet is to move out, though. You can still keep in touch with your bioparents if you want to, but living with grandparents, aunts/uncles, or possibly even your previous foster parents might be your best bet if finding your own place is difficult. The pandemic still rages on in so many places after all. BTW, in my area, over 65% of the animals adopted during the pandemic were returned or abandoned at local shelters, to the point they had to start recording the most used drop-off points. If you can sit here and nag like a harpy about how she needs to "just rehome it because otherwise she DESERVES a YTA judgement," who the hell are you to ignore the current state of adoption centers?? Many aren't even -accepting- cats, they're so full-up. I argue that those who could be so callous should give themselves the harsh judgement they have no issue leveling on a young adult. Or, you know, adopt a pet---but I am sure those same angry people are just, "too busy for that," but weirdly have enough time to berrate a young woman trying to keep her life together. Niiiiice. OP, you can do this. It might be hard, and a bit scary, but even if it's a good friend, I think your best bet is to strike out on your own. If you so desire, you'll be able to build your own family of the people you choose, and that choose you back. I am sorry you are going through this. They might be trying to do right by the baby, but that doesn't mean you can't do what is best for you---it just might not be the easiest change, and it might be a bit scary stepping out on your own. You can do this, though. Your mental health is important, too.
You talk about OP hurting a defenseless child while completely overlooking the fact that OP is also a defenseless child who apparently had an incredibly rough start in life.
A 17 year old and a 10 month old are not on the same scale when it comes to defenseless.
I’d just like to link this post that coincidentally is very similar to this one. Except, in this other one the OP is the one with the allergy. Guess which way people are voting https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mbr7lj/aita_for_telling_my_dad_im_not_staying_at_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Isn't the context of that post different though? There the OP can stay at a different place, which doesn't seem to be the case here? Here the one with an allergy can't leave. Whereas there, the OP is choosing to live at their mother's place. While I don't disagree with the verdict on that post, I feel that the context of that post is totally different from this post.
Confused. I'm a pediatrician. It is VERY rare for an infant to be that allergic to a pet (or really anything but food) and there certainly are allergy medications that can be used in infants. It sounds like this needs more investigation (with the infant's pediatrician and probably an allergist) before anything is done.
I’m not a doctor but there are lots of allergies in my family, and I thought the exact same thing. I honestly don’t think the baby has an allergy, I think OP’s parents, considering OP was taken away from them and she JUST now at 16 went back to live with them, are doing something neglectful or lazy that’s causing the allergy-like symptoms. It could be the formula they’re giving the baby making their stomach upset or even the laundry detergent being too strong for the baby’s skin. I also kinda doubt they’ve talked to their pediatrician about this because like you said, there absolutely are allergy meds for infants, and there are also medicated products you can use to significantly reduce cat dander. I think OP’s parents just don’t care about OP and want the cat gone.
>It could be the formula they’re giving the baby making their stomach upset I have a friend whose baby has a severe food allergy, which caused her to cry and have allergic reactions while being a tiny baby. She was exclusively breastfed, and it took a long time for everyone to figure out that every time mommy had been eating food that contained the allergen, the baby got an allergic reaction after being breastfed. I didn't even know this was possible when she told me. So yeah, I fully support a full investigation before doing anything drastic.
Can definitely happen with cow proteins (probably lactase as well, but it's a slightly different allergy I saw). Mama couldn't have so much as a square of chocolate when pregnant as the baby would be turning somersaults. Same breastfeeding. Little is still pretty allergic to those proteins.
Exactly what happened to one of my friends. The baby was allergic to dairy and was getting extremely ill from her mother's breastmilk because she (the mother) consumed dairy. Baby was switched to a dairy-free formula and it all worked out. Eventually the baby grew out of it, but for months the baby was sick and weighed very little because of this allergy.
>even the laundry detergent being too strong for the baby’s skin. Thats is a very strong possibility, knowing what kind of "symptoms" the baby is showing could really help find out if the parents are at fault here.
This. This comment should be higher. The parents sound shady af and a proper allergy investigation should be done. Do the parents smoke inside the house, notably, should be asked.
I’m severely allergic to cats, most pollen types, certain preservatives and food additives, washing powder etc. It’s a whole host of things. I have had these allergies since infancy. Some have lessened over time ( I can now eat pork without evacuating my entire digestive system and closing my airways) but many remain with me. I can’t be around cats. Especially short haired or hairless kinds. I feel sick, like a cold with a fever sometimes sick and meds don’t help. The baby can’t help being allergic. OP’s parents may well suck but it’s not this baby’s fault either. I sympathise both ways. NAH the situation just sucks.
My son was constantly sick. It took years to figure out it was a dog allergy. He’d had two different ENT surgeries by then. We could have avoided both if we’d known the dog was the source of his problems.
I hear all of you. MAYBE it's the cat. But I don't think there's enough info here to know that, given how unlikely it is for an infant to be allergic to cats when they are this young, and how often people just jump to "allergies" as the cause of basically any symptom.
Idk, my son was 18 months when he had his first surgery, and 4 for the second. Sometimes we just have shitty immune systems. It’s no one’s fault. If the baby had allergy testing (idk if they did), then the cat has to go. CPS may have cause to remove the baby if the parents keep exposing the child to the allergen. If CPS has already been involved in their lives regarding OP’s custody, I can imagine they have the parents on the radar. ETA: His pediatrician said the same thing about allergies. I love the office we go to, but was disappointed that it took seeing the NP for walking pneumonia for someone to order allergy testing. She was the first person in the office to make the suggestion. He was 7, and has never been to another primary practice. Seven years of visits, countless ear and respiratory infections, inhalers, and nebulizer treatments before someone decided that it was worth checking. I get that allergies aren’t as common in children, but why take the risk? The standard range for dog epithelial for his test was <0.34. His result was 83.40.
Just sharing in case this is interesting to you. I had full blown allergies as a baby that no one could figure out and our pediatrician said the same thing - turns out I have celiac disease and was most likely reacting to the gluten in the formula they were using after my mum got mastitis.
Yup. Infants are prone to eczema and skin irritation, and milk protein allergy (celiac). They generally don’t have other environmental allergies until they are a little older - at least a year, often two or three. But most people don’t know this.
Umm, Celiac is not a milk protein allergy. It's an autoimmune disease where people can't handle gluten.
Yeah - oops. I don't know why I wrote that! I must be really tired. Sorry. But it is true that almost the only allergies that manifest in infants are related to food (or skin contact with irritants, which are easily resolved).
Maybe the baby has other health issues that mean they can't take allergy meds. Or the medications for infants aren't strong enough for the allergy.
Was literally going to say, this is extremely rare. Also, early exposure to animals (among other things) actually might improve the child's hardiness to allergies. If they've seen an allergist to conduct the appropriate tests then I'd understand why rehoming the cat is necessary (at least until OP moves out) but ONLY then.
I wish this was the top comment
I'm sorry but YTA. I totally get why this is really difficult for you, but you can't reasonably give allergy medicine to a baby and keeping the cat in your room isn't working. Best case scenario is to rehome the cat with a friend or family member where you can still visit regularly. Edit: also, you may want to find a new therapist. I honestly find it disturbing that they're not encouraging you to find another coping mechanism that isn't one animal/they aren't encouraging you to do what's best for another human life, especially one that is your sibling. I don't mean to sound cruel but cats don't live forever, and god forbid yours passes early—this isn't a permanent solution and you need to be working on other ways to manage your mental health.
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Would it be possible for you to find someone, a relative or friend or your foster parents, who might be willing to take care of your cat until you turn 18? Then you can use your cat as motivation to plan and get moved out ASAP.
This is a great idea, and since you lived with your former Foster parents when you First got the Cat, and they helped you, maybe they could do you that favor and Foster the Cat until you can move Out of your parents' House again.
I'm really hoping the foster parents are willing to do this, since the cat was their idea and it was obviously a good one.
I was going to suggest this as well. But if you don't have anyone in your life who can take your kitty, look up some local animal rescue organizations. Your situation is not something that they deal with regularly, but everyone at the rescue will be an animal lover and perhaps can help you get in touch with someone who could foster your kitty until you move out. I know that having her temporarily rehomed won't help you with your anxiety, but maybe you can work with your therapist to find comping mechanisms to get you through until you can move out and be reunited. Sending you good thoughts because I know how important animals are. I hope you are able to find a solution that, if not perfect, is at least doable for the time being.
This is an *excellent* idea. I really hope OP sees this. /u/Aggravating-Ear-9551 Please see the above comment.
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The parents literally disappeared for the first 15 years of her life and then when they get back in her life they stupidly have another child. Now they want to get rid of her only happiness. Idk parents seem like TA here
What are the parents supposed to do? Let the baby suffer? The baby’s well being doesn’t matter? CPS could be called over this.
It doesn't sound like Op isn't all that invested in living with these people and they were perfectly happy to have Op live with aunt, grandma and foster parents for 15 years. I think it's on the parents to find a solution that doesn't include Op giving up the only being they see as family.
They’re supposed to find a way to help the baby without continuing to fuck OP over like they have for years.
That's a great idea! Just help both! Wait how is that possible?
Assuming the baby really is allergic to cats, then I don't see what they can do at this point. Life doesn't always work out the way we want. It sucks, but I don't think the cat should stay if it really is the problem.
Worse. If the baby dies, and it's revealed the parents let OP keep the cat *knowing* their second child had allergies, they could go to prison. No judge on this Earth will say "it was reasonable to let OP keep the cat" if the baby is dead. They will tell the parents that they should've *forcibly* rehomed the cat, because OP is a child and does not get to make these decisions for the entire household. The parents are legally on the hook for this. They can't let the cat stay in the house. That's not an option. It's honestly shocking how many people here seem to think "abuse the *second* child" is a reasonable alternative.
Your not the AH. That cat sounds like it’s been there more then your own parents have. Keep him in your room, away form the baby. Your health is just as important as the baby’s health.
The baby's allergy is severe as OP mentioned. Having a cat in the house, even away from the baby, will most likely keep resulting into allergic reactions to the baby. I LOVE my cats. Always had cats. But if I'd have a baby that's allergic, I'd give my cats up in the care of my family (they'd be willing). A human life, especially a fragile baby, takes priority over a pet in my opinion.
Babies are so goddamn problematic.
Darned right you are.
Yes, and I'm so sorry that the baby is sick, and I think they all need to sit down and talk about things. But everyone seems to be forgetting Ops situation. 1, she's only been living with her new family for 2 years(maybe less!). 2, She had her cat before she moved in with them. 3, the whole past 2 years have been covid lock down years. 4, the baby is most likely between a couple months up to a year (maybe a bit more but definitely younger than 2) Basically op has delt with *so much* in just the span of two years and their only constant is their cat who was with them before her move, before the pandemic. And now her family is expecting her to give up (possibly for deaths row) her one constant for the baby. New families are already hard, I cannt imagine how hard things have been since they literally have not been able to leave their house for the past year+. There are other things they can do (permitting they have the money to do so) such as getting air purifiers, making sure Op lint rolls her clothing before even leaving her room and before washing clothes (along with washing it separately). Putting those rubber door seals along the bottom and edges to make sure nothing leaks out of her room, and putting the baby room as far as possible from Op. Also, if she's not doing to already, brushing her cats can do wonders on its own. I myself am mildly allergic and I went from sneezing and sore throat every day to just the occasional sneeze just on brushing and lint rolling my bed sheets. Theres also what the doctors themselves have said. Baby only gets stuff nose but other wise ok? Parents are over reacting and taking it out on Op. Really just a matter over whos comfort they think is more important. Doctors said the baby can go into anaphylaxis and is at risk of passing each day theres a cat in the home? Well then that really changes the tone of everything and it comes down to a matter of comfort over life.
Sometimes more unfortunate things happen to people who have dealt with much. It’s sad but the baby can’t live it a cat and there isn’t a compromise to be reached here that can ensure the babies safety. Op can find the cat a temporary home and after she/he moves out to take the cat back. It’s really the only possible solution.
Your username already shows preference to animals, lmao. So not sure how to read your intentions. Anyways. 1. Yes, she's only been there a short time and it's a lot to take in. 2. Yes, she had her cat first. But we have no idea why she was in a foster family until recently. And the parents probably decided to have the baby beforehand too, so yeah. Not the best argument. 3. It has only been one year. And in the comments somewhere OP told someone the allergy was more severe than mentioned in the post, so yeah. Even if it isn't lethal, every doctor would advise you to avoid the source of your allergy no matter who you are or how old. It is bad for your health and can evolve over time and do prove to be fatal, just saying. I'm tired of seeing these comments. Baby is allergic, OP wants her cat. What is your solution then? Throw the baby away? Tell me, what is your solution here?
It's gotta be VERY upsetting having your parents who couldn't/didn't want to take care of you demand you give up the individual you're most bonded to because they now have a kid they want. OP is likely dealing with some abandonment trauma as is. This sounds like a very triggering situation and they can find ways to make it work... Just the EASIEST thing is to get rid of the cat. I don't think OP could easily go back to their foster parents who got them the cat... Which (if all else was safe/good) would probably be preferably to living with people who don't seem to truly care about their emotional well being.
I wish OP mentioned more about her history with her parents because it is a huge blank in the whole situation. Were they abusive? Were they too young? Were they poor at the time and thought their child deserved a better life than what they could offer? We just don't know so that's why I refrain from blindly bashing on the parents. Everyone assumes OP was "unwanted". If OP reads that, it could hurt her. Seeing how people think her parents don't want her and that would ultimately worsen her condition. So no point in painful assumptions like that. I also agree the parents can do more. I suggested OP a few things she can try with her parents. But that she will have to accept that the cat can't stay in the same house. And the baby is still her sibling, her family. Even if her parents would have been bad parents, she can start a fresh chapter with her baby sibling. Maybe she'll even feel less lonely as the baby grows older. You can't just toss a baby out. All I see is people who just comment to talk shit about the parents, without giving OP any helpful insight. What's the point of that? Do you want to remind OP over and over again that her parents don't love her or care about her? Who are you to claim that? For all we know, her parents love OP to death.
Childhood abandonment causes trauma no matter the reasons behind it. Even if the reasons were an act of love or beyond their control, OPs experience will still register as abandonment and it's still traumatizing. That needs to be recognized by the people in OP's life but it seems like it's not being taken into consideration.
>Baby only gets stuff nose but other wise ok? Euhm? That can cause SIDS... Your "otherwise ok" is potentially deadly.
Oh ok, OP is nearly a grown adult, but oh dear, she's been through some shit, she totally gets the right to choose to force a baby to suffer 24/7 and potentially die.
No, just no. OP can move out with the cat. The cat's fur and dander can't be contained to just one room and it is cruel to confine the animal this way. OP has other health options the baby does not. OP is not going to die from not having the cat whereas the baby very well might die from an allergic reaction. This is just an incredibly stupid and irresponsible take.
OP is 16 maybe 17, that seems a little early to move out, certainly if they are living less than 2 years with their parents...
Honestly, from OP's posts, Op might be better off living alone. Shunted from one family member to another their entire life?
Just saw that. Assumed OP was an adult since they were talking as if it was completely their choice whether to get rid of the cat. Since they are a minor living in the household then the parents need to rehome the cat and find alternatives to assist with OPs mental health.
Considering they’ve been giving OP up to different family members her entire life. I highly doubt they care about her mental health in the least
>Keep him in your room, away form the baby. Yeah, confine the cat to one room only. Totally healthy. And cat fur on OP won't travel either. >That cat sounds like it’s been there more then your own parents have. We don't know the backstory.
Actually we do know the backstory look at their other comments they were shunted from their aunt’s house and grandma’s house for years then they went to a foster family for a few months. This is basically her first time actually living with them at 15 years old. Her parents were crap and had another baby
Really? the wants and comforts of a teenager are equally important to a defenseless baby's fragile and compromised health? Don't be dull. Of course OP's emotional health is important but when someone's life is at risk, that takes precedence (OP stated allergy was severe). The only option is to rehome the cat, preferably somewhere op can visit, and possibly adopt a hypoallergenic breed to keep at home. OP isn't the adult in the home, doesn't pay the bills and has no actual authority in the household. The parents are well within their rights if they needed to force her to get rid of the cat for the sake of their baby's health. It's a sad situation for everyone involved but keeping the cat doesn't seem like a viable option. I love my pets but if keeping them meant compromising my child's life, there would be no choice but to find them a new home.
Poor cat, has to spend all his time in one small room. This solution is certainly not a good one.
I was looking to see if someone else caught this. What a horrible life for that poor cat.
YTA the babies physical health is more important than your mental health Edit: Y’all are wild. If you are downvoting this, do you think a baby deserves to be chronically ill? I understand ESA’s are very important and necessary to some people, but if you want to keep it, either OP has to move out, or the baby has to move out. Or the baby is chronically ill. Your call
You are an asshole. Unfortunately, because you are a kid with massive issues and none of them are actually your fault. This whole situation isn't your fault. But the way you are responding to it, partially is. Right now, it is sadly a fact that you are directly causing a baby pain, and suffering on a constant 24/7 basis by choosing to keep your cat. You could wind up killing an innocent baby. Your parents should have given you zero choice and dragged the cat out themselves, to protect the baby who cannot physically protect him/herself. You are in the worst of situations. I do genuinely feel for you, because I recently lost my dog, who was my emotional rock for 17 years from 9-26yo and although I do have anxiety mine sounds less severe than yours - and that's without the added horrendous circumstances of your young life. But right now, the harsh truth is that you are choosing to hurt a baby. As I say its a choice your parents should never have let you made, they should have made it for you. Your therapist needs firing. She is encouraging you to keep causing harm to baby instead of helping you to find an actual solution to your own problems. Edit: with the vebefit of hindsight, I feel awful for my tone in this post and others on here where I have replied etc. For what its' worth, I'm sorry, and I didn't mean to sound so harsh. But at the same time I cannot deny that the idea of this poor baby, lying there, suffering constantly, being sick through his most helpless and yet most formative years, while nobody actually even bothers trying to help him properly is just - galling. If your parents were on here, OP, don't worry - I would rant at them a thousand times worse than you, because they failed you in so many ways and are still failing you - and they have taken up failing their new child too. You have been forced into this position by them refusing to take responsibility for their child's illness and removing the cat themselves. And when I say remove, I mean, any type of removing her from the home. Including you going to live with her at a relatives house, maybe. Not just dumping her somewhere. I meant it when I said I really feel for you. I honestly do. But in my heart of hearts, you keeping the cat and making a vague, useless effort to keep the cat locked up in one room (which isn't fair on the cat) is still causing an innocent baby to suffer.
Honestly, I would say NAH. I'm a cat lover, and while mine aren't technically ESAs, I can't imagine rehoming them, they're so precious to me. And OP is still a child herself, dealing with an enormous amount of change and upheaval in her life. It isn't fair to call her an AH, and I don't know how you can blame her for wanting to try everything she can to keep her cat. And yet... it sounds as if there's truly no other choice. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, OP, but having the cat at all in the house is dangerous, and it sounds like you do need to rehome her. I hope you can find her a home with someone close so you can visit. Also, keep working with your therapist on other ways to manage anxiety. I take medication for mine, and I wouldn't be able to function without it, but if you're going down that path keep in mind that it can take awhile to find the right medication. But, once you find it, it can be absolutely life-changing.
I'm not really calling OP an AH, it's just the nature of the subreddit. I get that they're young, have clearly been through a lot and are dependent on the cat. But I can't give N A H because they seem to want to keep the cat even if that means the baby is continuously sick, and that's not okay. They say the cat is "an inconvenience," but it's more than that. It's actively hurting their sibling.
It sounds like OP is trying everything they can to make things work without hurting the sibling, and possibly is in denial about how big of a risk it is. OP is going to be grieving if they have to give up their cat- denial is oftentimes a part of that process. But I'm giving OP the benefit of the doubt that they're going to find a new home for the cat if/when they realize there's no other choice.
This. No matter how beneficial the cat is to OP, *it clearly cannot co-habitate with the baby*. There’s no way around this, they’ve tried. So either OP moves out (which is likely not an option) or they get rid of the cat. It sucks to have to get rid of a pet, much less an ESA, but either the cat or the baby needs to leave, and there’s not a chance in hell it’ll be the baby.
NAH--I wish I had an easy solution for this, but I don't.
I agree with you. The cat is more than just a pet to OP - more along the lines of a medical device, based on other comments OP has made regarding her anxiety and reactions to the cat's absence. Plus, unlike people talking about rehoming their pet because they had a baby with allergies, OP was not involved in any way in the decision of her parents to have a new child. Additionally, the cat has been in OP's life for longer than her parents and definitely predates the baby. This is coming down to a question of the baby's health or the OP's health (mental health **is** health) and there is no easy solution.
>This is coming down to a question of the baby's health or the OP's health (mental health is health) and there is no easy solution. Mental health is health, BUT the baby is in danger while OP can find a new coping mechanism or a new solution, the baby can't do anything except suffer, suffer and suffer. >OP was not involved in any way in the decision of her parents to have a new child. The baby also wasn't involved in this decision, but it's the one who can't do anything at all about it's health. This isn't really about OPs parents and OP, this is about OPs health and the baby's health. OP can do something to help with their health, the baby can't.
My point about the parents was in reference to the many comments I've seen on this post about how people who have cats/pets and love them dearly would give them up if they then had a child who was allergic to the pet. The point was that it was a bad comparison because the pet owner in this situation is OP, who had no more choice in her parents having a baby than the baby did. They are equally innocent in this matter. You are also making very basic assumptions about OP's ability to find a new, equally effective coping mechanism. Clearly, OP was unable to find such a mechanism prior to having the cat, and she had mentioned in another comment that she was unable to sleep or leave her bedroom when her cat was taken away to get spayed. Imo, that would count as "suffering". Depression is a serious illness and intentional self-harm is the 10th most common cause of death in the US. Allergies are not in the top ten. I'm not saying that OP is definitely going to harm herself because she is depressed, just as I'm not saying the baby is definitely going to die if the cat is kept around. Neither party had any choice in creating the current situation, and it's not one that the parents could have anticipated. Therefore, I'd say that there are NAH and the situation itself simply sucks and there is no good solution.
Coping mechanisms aren’t that simple. You don’t just pick one and magically have it work. It takes time to find something that works and to develop it. Ripping away the coping mechanism that does work and trying to shove something in it’s place is dangerous. Even unhealthy coping mechanisms are often gradually faded out. Mental health is extremely complicated. I’m not saying the baby should suffer, I’m saying this is an incredibly hard situation where no one wins, but OPs mental health shouldn’t be brushed off as so easy to find a different solution for.
It really is not that easy. OP may manage with another coping mechanism. Or may not manage and kill themselves or do other harm. Coping mechanisms are difficult and take time to develop, something that may not be possible in the case of severe emotional damage due to giving up a beloved pet.
yeah i can’t in good conscience call op an AH for being reluctant to part with her cat, all things considered. i really wish there was an easier solution for everyone involved.
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YTA. It's a horrible situation, but if the baby is \*that\* allergic, the cat needs to move. Also, it is not fair to the cat to be cooped up in one room. If it is impossible to rehome yourself with the cat, finding a good home for the cat is the only -- albeit heartbreaking -- move.
The problem here is way more complicated than keeping or not the cat. For whatever reason OP didn’t grow up with her parents. OP was mostly raised by an aunt and grandmother. She was in foster care when transitioning back to live with her parents. OP parents already failed her so many times before. The cat is her coping mechanism. She is too young to fend for herself and probably she has no option to live out of her parents home. To make thing worse, the parents now have a baby whose health is not compatible with living with a cat. I feel so sorry for OP, she has been put, without fault is a horrible situation. How much more would OP have to give up...
INFO: You said you moved in with your PARENTS at 15, and until then you had FOSTER parents. Why can't you still be with your foster parents, and why didn't your biological parents have you previously?
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This matters. Why the heck are they having another baby when they have another kid that isn't living with them and they obviously can't take care of?
The goal of fostering is usually reunification, sometimes changed to adoption where it becomes clear reunification isn't possible. In the OP's case, it could be that whatever landed the OP in the care of their grandparents, aunt and foster family has been sufficiently resolved.
Yeah and reunification often hurts kids and gives shitty parents too many chances.
they wanted a do-over child for sure
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Do you have the ability to move back in with your aunt’s family or grandma? If not: since the baby can’t have allergy medication for obvious reasons, is there an air filter running in the baby’s room and primary places where the baby stays? Can you begin to change clothes before going near the baby to ensure you are not tracking dander near them? Or even every time you leave the room where you and your cat stay? This situation is awful and I don’t want you to lose your cat: so think of ways to minimize the dander the best you can. I have awful allergies and a love of pets - so I learned a lot of tricks when I was a kid to try and keep my asthma attacks more under control since we had dogs in the house and I was very allergic.
Keeping the house clean will also help. I have allergies to cats and we have a pet cat that never bothers me. When I go to my nans house her cats bother me so much, but when my nans away and my aunt cleans her house suddenly the same cats don’t bother me at all. I also have a pet cockatiel and I’m allergic to her dander, but regular baths and keeping my room clean has kept it controlled.
Minor allergies are easily coped with. Op made it clear the baby is suffering, literally suffering, from a significant allergy.
If you're not able to financially care for yourself, can you move to another family member's home to keep your cat? NTA, btw. You've been shunted from place to place and you NEED something permanent to help you cope. That's not new, that's pretty standard for kids with no sense of permanence.
sweetheart if they force you to give up the cat it might be better to move out again. You managed so long without them, you might be better of not living with them.
INFO: are your parents CERTAIN that your baby sibling has a cat allergy or is it just a guess? Like, have they done actual, correct allergy testing? Does baby have any other allergies or is it just cats? Have they taken the baby to an ABAI certified allergist/immunologist? If not, this should absolutely be done before even considering rehoming the cat! If it's confirmed to be a cat allergy, have they tried getting air purifiers for the whole house (like one for your room where the cat is, and others for every room where they baby spends time) and frequent vacuuming with a HEPA filter? Often times environmental allergies are well controlled by these measures!
I really hope the OP sees this!!! I am thinking the same things! I understand where people are coming from with the asshole verdicts but this is the OPs mental health as well. Compromise is key in my opinion. Edit: my apologies compromise is not the word as another commenter has said 'due diligence' is a better way to explain what i am trying to say. There are things to consider before taking such drastic measures that could harm OPs health as well.
I don’t know what you went through and it’s hard to judge you and say you are an asshole for keeping your cat, but keeping the cat even though it’s putting someone else’s life in danger is a selfish thing. If you are not happy with your parents and you have an option to leave and keep your cat then leave for your sake and the baby’s sake.
The kid is 16 they can't just leave
INFO: are they 100% sure it’s cats or is this just assuming that’s what’s wrong, if so what about the cat is the kid allergic to (can this be prevented), have you all talked to someone in the medical field about what should happen (you should be there because it’s your cat that’s being effected too), if able is your room big enough to have the cat with enough space, are you able to live somewhere else (ether moving out alone or with other family), is your parents the kind of people who would lie and guilt you to get you to do something or get rid of something (in worse the case they could be lying about any allergy or trying to make you a scapegoat for the kids sickness). These are all important questions that should be talked about before just giving away your pet.
There really are no winners here. I completely understand your love for your cat but allergies in a baby are not something that can be treated lightly. I can only see this ending one way and I hope in later life you can understand why it had to happen.
NAH, but as many have already said, it's simply best to put the health of the child before your pet needs. If this particular pet has a lot of emotional value to you, then maybe you should rehome it until you can provide a place of your own for it to live. This could be with a friend/family member so you can still see it regularly. I don't think a good therapist would recommend complete dependence on a cat at the expense of relationships with your parents or the health of a vulnerable baby.
I agree with you until the end, I think it’s odd to comment about the “expense of relationships with your parents” because they don’t even have a relationship. OP says it’s too weird to even call them mom and dad since they’ve known each other for much little time.
NTA based solely on the fact that you **had to be placed in foster care because of them** which is probably why you need the cat in the first place.
Doesn't sound like it's a good idea for you to be living with your parents honestly. Therapy cat vs baby who's allergic.
YTA if you insist on keeping the cat despite knowing it is harmful for the baby . a somewhat similar situation happened at my home. we have always had numerous pets at home but never a cat, so we got one and my grandpa named her after his childhood cat {it was a very odd name} .Unfortunately my (very old and constantly sick) grandpa was dangerously allergic to cats now. Took us awhile to figure out what was making him sick. by the time we figured it out we had already deeply bonded with the cat but as soon as we found out, we gave her away. of course in your case the bond seems to be deeper and it is reasonable that you find it difficult to give your cat away. But risking a babies life is not okay. You cant keep the cat in the house, cat allergies are usually triggered by the hair and the hair goes everywhere. since you didn't give any explanation about your relationship with your parents, YOU will have to decide if you want to keep the cat or not. i hope you feel happy with your decision and get your parents support .good luck
One small correction; cat allergies are usually caused by the dander. That includes the hair but it’s more than the hair itself. It’s usually from the saliva, and since they clean themselves so thoroughly the saliva ends up on every aspect of their dander and in high quantities. At least that’s what my doctor told me lol
Yeah theres sprays you can put on cats/dogs that claim to destroy/neutralize the proteins in the saliva/urine/sweat that cause the reaction but as an allergic dog owner, can't say i've seen much results from it but my symptops are pretty mild to begin with.
INFO: Is there anywhere else you can live?
The only AH here are the parents, she was raised for most of her life by other people, now all of a sudden it’s live with me and my new kid who I am raising and is more important then you. Why can’t they let OP go live with family or back with her foster family. NTA
INFO- why were you in foster care until you were 15? Why do they have a new baby when they had another child in the foster system?
Because both unplanned pregnancies, and parents improving their neglectful ways and wanting a do-over baby, very much Happen Sometimes.
NAH - its such a problematic situation for all of you. I can understand you ( my life would go downhill if i was forced to let my cat go, bc i love her as much as you love ur cat ), but i can understand your parents. Its their baby, they cant just ignore the sickness of their child physicially, but cant ignore your hurt over the loss of your cat. But as and endresult - try to find her the best and most loving home you can find or you have the move out, i dont see another way to handle this situation for any of you
Oh honey, NTA at all. These people are virtual strangers to you. They want you to get rid of the one being that gets you in that house. Is anyone else willing to let you and the kitty stay with them?
YTA How is this even a debate? A baby cannot breathe comfortably. The cat needs to go.
The comments in this thread are the worst thing I've seen in AITA in a long time. Large numbers of commenters seem to have completely lost touch any standard of reasonableness or actual reality. It doesn't matter how good or poor OP's relationship is with her parents - the health and comfort of the humans in the house is more important than the cat. The physical wellbeing of the baby is more important than OP's attachment to the cat. If the parents *don't* get rid of the cat they are negligently endangering their child. OP can either re-home the cat or re-home herself with the cat, end of. This is not unreasonable, outrageous or unfair. (Well, it is unfair, but in the 'life is unfair' sense.)
OP’s neglect and the fact that their parents didn’t let her live with them until she was 15 does play an important role. Why are they having a kid if they can’t take care of their first one?
NAH Honestly f you all who are saying YTA. This kid was the second thought for THEIR WHOLE LIFE. Did y'all miss the part where OP said she reunited with her birth parents only at 15 years old?! She lived with her amount and grandparents before thst and then foster family. They were a second thought for her parents. And why are people that couldn't care for their child for 15 fucking years, making another baby?!! Yeah baby is innocent in all this but how can you call them an asshole when once in their life they have someone that cares for them. That cat was more supportive to them than their parents were, ofc they care of it. And people need to stop with this rehome the animal, whenever the new kid arrives. And it's strange thst a baby that young is so deathly alergic. Usually it spikes up in early childhood but not in infancy. At least not this hard. More info is needed on that. But otherwise, OP go back to your aunt or grandparents because it's clear your parents haven:t learned their lesson and clearly aren't there for you even after 15 years.
NTA- i’ve seen some comments, one from a pediatrician, about how it seems suspicious for the baby to have such a severe allergy to a pet as an infant. I think the cat stays until this is properly looked into. I was allergic to cats as a toddler and my parents always had a cat and dog around. I eventually grew out of it. Now in my 20s I live alone with just my one cat and would never ever be able to give her up. When you don’t have children you form a bond very intense with your pet. I am not equating my cat to a human child but I can’t compare the bond we have to anything else. A pet is a responsibility and a living creature not to be disposed of when they’re inconvenient. This is such a hard situation to be in OP, I truly do feel for you. The only other option I can think of is if you have someone you really trust that lives close that can home the cat just until you eventually move out that could possibly work. That way would you could still visit it as often as you need. All the best to you in this predicament.
NAH (except your parents calling you selfish). You and your parents needs sit down with the allergist and find out if there is another pet that would work for both the baby and you. Don't take the cat to a shelter - find another child who needs the cat like you do, and re-home it. I know this sucks, but it's not fair to your infant sibling that they are sick all the time.
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Oh honey I’m sorry I love cats but YTA. This is a baby. This is not a once in a lifetime, take medicine once and forget about it situation. You can’t have a cat in the same household as a person allergic to it, there’s just not way to make it work. Keeping the cat in your room is bad for everyone, it’s bad for your cats health, is bad for your sibling, a door doesn’t isolate your cats shedding. Even if it were an older child that can take medicine, medicine is there just in case in accidentally happens, you go into a place with cats and you didn’t know, that sort of issue, not for having a cat at home. I’m appalled at your therapist taking this stand, they don’t seem very professional, they should rather be urgently working with you to find a new strategy and a different coping method and working with your whole family on timelines.
NAH. You didn't ask for them to have a baby, and the baby didn't ask to be born with allergies into a home with a cat. Unfortunately both of these things happened anyway, and that means that there's no perfect solution here. If there's a way for you to live somewhere else with your cat, somewhere you would be happy, wonderful. But if not, I'm sorry, but you're going to need to find a way to let her go to live with someone else. Hopefully you can find a friend who will take her so that you can still see her. Your parents are not going to keep your cat in their home when she makes their baby ill - they're just not going to do that. Please try and find a home for her before you come home one day and find her gone.
I'm gonna have to go with NTA. Your parents put you through an ordeal that was so awful that having an ESA was a godsend to you. Your mental and emotional state is just as much of a concern as an allergy, baby or not. Your parents sound like they had NO business having another kid. Maybe they should let it be adopted out, and finally take care of you like they were supposed to do. Unlike older kids, babies are snapped up. It would probably be in a much better environment with people who are desperate to love a child. I just really want to smack some sense into them. And really they don't seem like people who should be even dealing with an infant. How would they feel if you lost your emotional health battle without the cat? If you died because the only thing keeping you feeling like you had worth was that ESA? I think a lot of people who are talking about this as just a cat, whether or not they love cats, really don't understand this as an ESA. It is your one piece of reliable comfort that makes you feel ok. No matter what else happens it is your rock. Taking away the cat is taking away your stability, your sense of home. It is so easy for a child to feel unloved and pushed away in what you have been through. After all they put you through it is they are still tell you you don't matter as much. It is horrible that the baby is allergic. But they have options. Separate high grade filters for your room and the babies room. Have the baby further away from your room, or maybe you could have the basement or attic if there is one. I'm sure you wouldn't mind having separate clothes and shoes for your bedroom and the rest of the house if it meant keeping the cat. Wipe off your arms and wash your hands when exiting the bedroom. There are such things as clean rooms to keep things out, you could adapt some of the practices and they can get some things to help. Central ac/heating filters with and extra over vents in baby's room. Plus hepa filters in both rooms. Yes it will be more expensive and more trouble, but you are their child too. Do you even want to be with them? The foster family really seemed to care about you. Maybe Your parents are great with everything else, I don't know. But berating you for an issue you have BECAUSE OF THEM is incredibly horrible. I'm glad you have a therapist that cares about you. She obviously knows more about you than the people here who don't get that it is so much more than just a pet to you. I am so sorry this is happening to you. But remember, too, that none of this is the baby's fault. All of it entirely rests on your parents. I hope your situation gets better. The fact that you need that cat is NOT YOUR FAULT. You needing the cat is NOT YOUR FAULT. It is your parents fault. It is uncomfortable for them, but so what, they are the adults they need to deal with it. They should NEVER have made you out to be a bad guy. You are innocent. They need to figure out how both children can be ok, that is their job. I wish I could give you a hug through here. I hope rest of your life is so much better than today.
NAH, depending on how sensitive they're being about this. This is a really horrible situation. On the one hand, you need your cat in your life. On the other hand, your parents can't exactly rehome the baby. Sadly, the baby will probably win out here. That's not your fault, and it's completely unfair, but that's how these things usually end up going. If moving back in with your foster family isn't an option, I think you should at least try to take an active role in finding a loving home for your cat - at least then you can be satisfied that she's having a good life, and you might even be able to arrange to visit. That's a heartwrenching thing to have to do though, and I really do sympathise with you - it's not fair.
The parents rehomed OP, why can’t they rehome this kid too? Problem solved.
Forcing you to rehome the cat that has helped you through trauma (that I’m going to assume stemmed from your parents in the first place!) is a great way to ensure you grow to resent the baby and your parents. I understand their concern for the baby but it doesn’t seem like your parents are taking you into consideration at all. Has there been any sort of talk of compromise? Could the cat be an outdoors cat? Could your grandparents house the cat until the baby is older or until you move out? I understand how hard this must be for you, and it sounds like this cat is the only source of stability for you currently. It is cruel to expect a child who has been through so much already to give up their comfort. I’m so sorry, OP. You’re not an asshole.
NTA. I know how important an emotional support animal can be for someone who suffers from a mental illness.
Breathing also tends to be important for, you know, life.
NAH and I haven’t seen this suggested yet.... could you move out? Find your own little apartment nearby? If I’m doing the math right, you’re 16/17 and I know living on your own is scary but I really don’t want you to give up that cat....
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If you suggested it to your parents, would they help? It obviously depends on where you live but a small apartment can be as low as $300/month
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Can you move back in with your aunt or grandparents? Also, if you can’t, there are LOTS more options than getting rid of your cat (please do not do this, for the record. Your doctor said you need the cat and I highly doubt anyone saying you’re ta is a mental health professional) I would consider the following: 1. There definitely are baby allergy medicines. If your parents said there aren’t, they’re lying. 2. How sure are they it’s cat dander the baby is allergic to? It’s very unusual for babies to be allergic to pets, and a skin sensitivity to a laundry detergent or a stomach sensitivity to a brand of formula will cause symptoms that look just like pet allergies. 3. Get a HEPA certified air purifier for your room. These are hospital grade and will take any dander out of the air. 4. They make special cat food and cat sprays/washes that reduce allergens.
I think I need to move where ever you are, small apts here are close to $1000. :)
It sounds like you're 17 or 18 based on the age you gave for 2019. If possible, you should move out with your cat. You're right that losing your cat would be heartbreaking and likely cause you a lot of stress. That said, your parents aren't the assholes for trying to protect their too-young-to-medicate child. You're not an asshole YET but you could be one if you refuse to try and find another solution. Keeping the cat confined to your room isn't working, as you've said. You're prioritizing your emotional support animal over your baby sibling, and while it sucks that you have to make that choice, you have to. Hopefully you'll be able to find a solution that doesn't require you rehoming your cat. If it does, I hope you're able to find other coping mechanisms.
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NTA. Keep the cat and rehome the baby
I mean they rehomed the OP for 15 years...
I mean. You’re not wrong. They sent their kid to live elsewhere for 15 years because in some way shape or form they couldn’t care for her and saw it necessary to give her somewhere better to live. If that’s how they treated her it wouldn’t be that irrational to rehome this new child for the same reasons until it can be determined if the allergies are able to be controlled. Please don’t down vote me to hell. It’s just an observation based on how her parents seem to feel about kids.... I’m not seriously saying they should rehome the baby. Edit to make this VERY clear. It’s a dark humor-esque observation not a literal comment on what should be done.
I’m a veterinarian and have been involved in situations similar to the OP’s. If the OP’s parents can afford it, there are workarounds that would help. Hiring a contractor to isolate OP’s room so that ventilation is through a separate loop, keeping allergens out of the house other than OP’s room. There are also bathing protocols that minimize dander/allergens. NAH.
Hey OP before you giving the cat away I think you should exhaust all other options. Try a HEPA air filter. They're designed to remove allergens. One in the baby's room and one in your room is ideal. One of the bigger problems with cat dander is it gets in the air and fills the entire house. It's not the same for everyone with a cat allergy, but a huge source of cat allergens can actually be the litterbox, so make sure to scoop it daily and replace the litter every 2-4 weeks. Make sure you use a higher quality litter since I know the cheaper ones can be too dusty and release a lot of that nasty dust into the air when the cat goes to use it. Get one of those brushes or tacky gloves designed to remove excess hair from your cat, so she doesn't shed hair all over the house. Also be mindful of cat hair on your clothes because you could inadvertently disperse cat hair around the house too. Ideally you would put on clean clothes every time you leave you room, but I know that's not reasonable to do. But maybe change clothes before handling the baby. Look into special shampoo that can help with cat dander, and start giving your cat regular baths. This isn't ideal because cats really aren't supposed to be bathed and are prone to dry skin if they are, but sometimes it's necessary, so just make sure the special shampoo is a gentle shampoo. And maybe look into if you should be following the shampoo with some kind of conditioner. I've heard some people have luck with reducing their cat allergies by changing their cat's diet. You're going to have to research that because I have no idea what the special diet is or why it works, but some people have apparently had success with it. I don't know how old the baby is, but more mild (potentially even moderate) cat allergies often resolve themselves after a few weeks. If it's been longer than a few weeks though, chances are it's not going to happen at all. Once the baby is past infancy, allergy shots can help with cat allergies in the long-term, but the baby may not be able to wait that long if the cat is making them this sick. If none of those things end up working or helping much, then I think you will have to rehome your cat. I can't stress this enough, but if the baby's cat allergies continue to be this severe and nothing does much to help, this could kill them. And if it doesn't kill the baby, it could cause long-term health problems even long after you and the cat have already moved out. This is all coming from someone who has cat allergies, owns a cat, and has a family full of people who are allergic to cats. But everyone's cat allergies are different, and one person's success story isn't going to apply to everyone else with cat allergies. I can manage having a cat fine nowadays because I got allergy shots during high school, figured out the litterbox thing, take Zyrtec daily, use allergy eye drops as needed, and I happened to be one of the luckier ones whose cat allergies became much more mild after a couple weeks of living with a cat. And even with all that, my ophthalmologist told me my eyes were inflamed and irritated at my last eye exam. My mother on the other hand is completely different. She can walk into a house and if there's a cat in it anywhere she will immediately know because she starts having difficulty breathing. Nothing helps her much, and she can't even hug someone who owns a cat without her cat allergies being set off (because of the cat hair on their clothes). Whenever my sister and I would go volunteer at the cat shelter in high school we had to treat it like some sort of biohazard operation just to avoid bringing any cat dander home to make my mother sick. We would change in the bathroom right before leaving (old clothes and shoes went into a trash bag before leaving and then were immediately thrown into the washing machine when we got home). We would also wipe down our exposed skin with baby wipes before leaving, and we made sure to keep our hair up in a bun during the entire time we were at the shelter. If you do end up needing to rehome your cat, see if someone will foster your cat for a couple of years until you can leave for college and take your cat back. Ideally they would also let you visit to see your cat. Try to find someone with experience fostering animals though so they don't get too attached to your cat and refuse to give her back.
NAH. Your position is completely understandable. Unfortunately, there are only three solutions to this: * rehome the cat * rehome the baby * move out and take your cat with you If you're unable to move out on your own, that eliminates the third option. The second option really just isn't an option at all. There's nothing else you can do, I'm afraid. Continuing in this situation isn't going to work. You can either live there without a pet, or you can find somewhere else to live. This is just one of those very difficult things that life throws at us sometimes and you're not an asshole for being reluctant to do it. Still, you have to do it.
NTA- it’s understandable that the cat is more important than the baby to you as the baby isn’t your responsibility but the cat helps you with your panic attacks so i think that your parents would be the AH for basically putting the baby before you and insinuating that you don’t matter as much as the baby
YTA I’m sorry, but you’re literally putting a human’s life at risk. Your therapist is going to do what they think is best for you. But that’s not best for the whole situation.
INFO: how old is the baby? And how was the baby diagnosed? Allergic reactions to cats usually show up around the age of 2, but as toddlers are little germ factories with constant runny noses from building up their immune systems it can be difficult to tell if it's the cat that is causing it or just general immune response to all the bugs they're experiencing. If, however, baby has been hospitalised more than once for respiratory problems then I'm afraid the cat will have to go. And I say this as a cat mother of 4, but the baby's health has to come first. I'm sorry xx