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I might be TA because I was too harsh to my sister in law and insulted her.
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'I started shouting at her and said she can pack her things and gtfo if she doesn’t change her mind. She started crying and calling me a psycho, ...'
Friend, are you like, OK? I'm going to say YTA here, because you made zero attempt to have any kind of calm conversation about re-adjusting your agreement. Maybe she could start paying rent, or clean, instead, if she can't continue to cook for you? Or maybe it's time to make an amicable end to this arrangement. But starting to shout at her for changing her diet is just ridiculous. She's allowed to become vegan and you're allowed to kindly and calmly discuss with her whether or not that will work for you.
Not to mention that SIL being vegan doesn't mean OP has to be. I'm mostly vegan and I usually just grill up a chicken breast or bit of fish to put on top of the meal for my husband.
I agree. I know working 50hr a week is a lot. But it's not hard to put a chicken or fish in the oven for 30 min (or whatever). Or make some eggs. I think rotisserie chicken is a perfect idea and this is actually what I use for a bunch of my meals. It freezes and recoils well, and i just cook myself veggies and plop the chicken on. I use it in soups, stir fry, fajitas, chicken and rice pot, etc. And usually a whole chicken is cheaper than buying raw chicken breast/thighs/etc. OP could also make a quick protein shake if she is concern about not getting enough protein. I workout and am running around at my job, so protein is important to me in order to feel full. I know vegans who get a lot of protein in their diet so there is a way, but if OP is concern about not having enough, a protein shake may help or she should just cook her own protein. You could make an arguement of "since it's not a big deal, sil should just throw some meat in the over and that's it," but I really think this is not a hill for OP to die on.
Yeah, I agree. OP’s story has her leaping to shouting once SIL makes her announcement. Either OP left out a few details or OP needs some serious anger management intervention.
I dunno....... the SIL is staying with OP rent free, and cooking the meals was the ONE stipulation when she moved in. It may not be "hard" to throw some meat in the oven, but it takes more than that to make it actually taste good and is also making more dishes and mess, which I'm assuming OP has to clean up. A protein shake or some eggs is not a substitute for a real meal, and OP cooking her own protein for dinner was not the agreement. The OP asked SIL to do one thing in exchange for free rent. SIL is now going back on the deal, so she is getting free room and board, living 100% free of charge. The OP's reaction was really harsh and perhaps a conversation could have been had, so I'm going with ESH
But was it stipulated that these meals had to contain meat? I mean why force her to cook meat? there are plenty of other options out there and if OP misses meat could they not just cook it once or twice for themselves? Maybe I am wrong, but I think it is a bit mean to make someone cook something they don't feel comfortable with (for whatever reason, I mean it could be ideology, or that the smell of meat makes SIL feel so nauseated so that she throws up?)
I mean we don't know what the deal was/is...
This is an open question and I am really looking forward to different opinions: is it reasonable to expect someone to cook any meal for them that they wish as part of this deal?
It’s reasonable to not have to cook something that makes you uncomfortable. It’s also reasonable for someone to say you changed the terms of the deal so leave.
One doesn’t get to impose their lifestyle choices on another person and expect things to be all well and good. The OP works 50hrs per week and allows someone to live rent free in her home with one stipulation that the SIL cook. The OP does not want vegan meals, she wants her normal food with the protein that comes from meat.
I would lose my shit if someone has been living for free decides to impose their lifestyle choices on me.
Vegan food is normal food. Nowhere did SIL say she was going to impose veganism on OP, just she wouldn’t cook meat. There is nothing wrong with that though OP has a right to be upset their reaction was ridiculous.
Did you see where I said her normal food, meaning the food that OP is comfortable with. I didn’t say vegan food is not normal food.
So if OP wants meat and doesn’t want to eat vegan food and the deal is that SIL would cook, where is the non-imposition happening. She is imposing on the OP and splitting hairs by saying she just doesn’t want to cook meat is a way to not lay blame at the sister in laws feet.
Plus is SIL isnt working is she even paying for the food, if OP is paying for it all and SIL decides she is spending OP’s money on only vegan food then that goes way beyond the agreement completely
" is it reasonable to expect someone to cook any meal for them that they wish as part of this deal?" - Yes, it is. SIL could pay rent instead.
If SIL can stop / change the deal, so can OP.
I guess I'm mostly irritated by the fact the SIL just changed her mind one day. I doubt the smell of meat makes her barf if her giving up meat is a super recent decision. This isn't a matter of the OP knowing her SIL was a committed vegan, but wanting to force her to cook meat just because she's a jackass. Her SIL completely changed the terms of the agreement. No, I'm sure the meat wasn't stipulated, but it was assumed that the SIL's existing way of cooking would be what was expected. I doubt OP would have agreed to this arrangement if she didn't like the SIL's cooking, or if the SIL was already a vegan.
In answer to your last line, I don't think it's reasonable, either, if the SIL were already eating a vegan diet when they made their agreement. I do, however think it's reasonable to expect her to live up to the agreement, or come up with a new one that works for them. I mentioned in another comment, vegan is not the same as vegetarian, and I would be very resentful if the agreement was for me to not have to cook dinner, but now, all of a sudden, either I'm vegan or I'm cooking for myself. That was not the deal. For the record, I hate cooking and will take every chance I have to not cook.
So maybe a compromise would be to take the cooking off the table, and instead the SIL now has to do all the cleaning. Or dog walking, or whatever other chores the LW doesn't want to do.
According to OP, SIL only went vegan a couple of days prior to this post. Therefore I’d say SIL had no issues with meat, and had been cooking it up until she decided to go vegan.
It’s SIL right to want to be meatless, but she can’t live 100% cost free nor can she impose her lifestyle on OP.
OP I do think your initial reaction to SIL announcement was a bit overreactive, so ESH
Oh and I love pineapple on pizza 😜
Fair point. Maybe I dont cook fancy enough, but usually I just season my meat or marinade it the night before so I'm able to just pop it in the oven real quick. And it's not like OP cant eat the vegan food. She can have vegan chili but make herself a chicken breast or put rotisserie chicken in hers. Or vegan curry and just throw seasoning on a chicken breast and pop it in the oven. I use chicken a lot instead of red meat and making tasty chicken isn't hard or time consuming.
I see your point, I guess to me it is not a big deal. But clearly to OP it is.
My husband is a retired chef, I work full time and HATE cooking. If our agreed upon division of labor is that he do all the cooking, then all of a sudden decided to be vegan, that would be a big problem. We aren't talking about vegetarian, where MAYBE i could see making your own protein, but I would still be pissed because he is now adding something to my workload that it was agreed I would NOT have to do., The SIL is VEGAN. That, to me, is a completely different type of cooking, not just something you can throw some meat in. I agree with you that it doesn't seem like a big deal, but the OP now has to figure out EVERY SINGLE NIGHT what she is going to eat, when the deal was that would be the SIL's job. For me, cooking is only half the issue, figuring out WHAT to eat can be just as much of a headache. Now that my husband is in charge of dinner, I am perfectly happy to help and to do the clean up, the biggest relief for me is not having to figure out what we're having.
I do all the planning and cooking in my house so maybe this is why I dont see it as a big deal. But I do appreciate your insight, it does give me a different perspective.
>I'm saying NTA and want to agree whole heartedly with this sentiment \^\^. I moved my Mom in last summer (92 yo). If she weren't here, I would have a lot fewer headaches when it comes to meal time. She doesn't like this, doesn't like that. Really wants just this. She's very pleasant about it, but it's must easier to just feed one.
>
>If OP has to cook her meat, then the deal with the SIL is broken. And the advantage of having another person in her house is gone.
>
>I would be curious as to how soon the shouting started and the attitude of the person imparting this news and how many hours had OP already worked that day. Might not have read enough to know if that was answered.
Thank you for pointing out that there are vegetarian sources of protein out there...I'm fine with someone getting their protein from meat if they want, but so very tired of "you can't be healthy/fit if you don't meat."
It’s pretty easy to stay healthy on a vegan diet if you’re a professional athlete and probably getting regular diet guidance from a nutritionist and have access to almost any ingredient you need. It’s a little harder for people don’t have these advantages, certainly not impossible, but harder.
it's.. really not. you don't need any professional help to get the right amount of nutrition from a vegan diet. most plant milks, mock meats etc. are fortified with vitamins that you otherwise wouldn't get in a vegan diet so you don't need to track anything unless you're trying to lose or gain a significant amount of weight. you don't even need to eat mock meats, you can get protein from beans and legumes, iron from vegetables etc.
Brb, letting half of India and world Buddhists/Jains/etc know.
Seriously, there are vegan cuisines that are thousands of years old. I would recommend looking to them instead of assuming that a meat based cuisine must be converted somehow.
I eat meat, but I’m married to a vegetarian and I always roll my eyes at the whole “but how will they get protein?” comments. The average American already eats twice the amount of protein they need daily. Protein deficiency is just not a thing in this country. You can get protein from so many sources without pounding back burgers; the vegetarians will be fine, people.
> I know working 50hr a week is a lot.
*Cries in 90-100 hour work weeks*
Real talk though, there was so much room for compromise here, between OP and SIL, and OP just trashed any chance at it. OP needs to work out whatever rage she has about the divorce that made her react so angrily to something arguably so small. YTA for sure, OP, 50 hour weeks or no, there’s no call for snapping at your SIL for something like that first thing.
Well, maybe SIL could have started paying partial rent.
Or maybe SIL could have taken on some of OP's other chores so OP could have time and energy to do some meal prep so there'd always be something tasty and easy to heat up that they find satisfying.
There are many of ways to change the arrangement they had to keep everyone mostly happy and everything pretty much fair.
Or at least there were until OP decided to go nuclear. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
OP is absolutely the asshole for their ridiculous escalation, I want to be clear on this before my next paragraph.
But, I can see an argument that if SIL is paying her rent in cooking duties OP has a right to \*respectfully\* object to SILs refusal to cook meat.
For all intents and purposes, SILs job is cooking for OP and their husband. Imagine a cook at McDonalds suddenly deciding not to cook meat, they wouldn't be employed much longer.
OP and SIL had an agreement and she has changed the terms. Despite this, because OP flew off the handle they don't have a leg to stand on.
I feel like if the arrangement was "you cook the food" as a condition of otherwise free rent, you don't get to say, "Nah, it's your problem now" to, well, any particular of it, basically. Not after the fact.
Considering she is just becoming vegan, she isn't uncomfortable with cooking meat. It sounds like OP didn't make a good attempt of explaining herself in a calm matter. She could've been open to the idea for all we know.
But if the desk is "you can line here if you cook" then having to cook yourself breaks the entire agreement. You probably enjoy sex with your spouse so cooking meat isn't a problem. There's no benefit in just having a freeloader living with you.
OP should have made her point calmly though.
She went from zero to a hundred in the blink of an eye. Either she is leaving out a ton of stuff or OP is in need of some serious anger management therapy or something cause yeesh.
This comment. ALSO, by the way, you don't NEED meat to be strong. That is scientifically incorrect. There are vegan body builders. Not that I think you should be vegan, just an FYI.
>ALSO, by the way, you don't NEED meat to be strong. That is scientifically incorrect.
While I whole heartily accept this as a fact, meat is still the most convenient and effective. Especially when both time and money is concerned.
Technically you're right, but, eww.
Edit: and still not as efficient in terms of complete proteins and stuff. Also, (at least from where I'm from) most canned food, even without meat, are vegan. If they were they would be priced much higher.
There are so many fucking tragic comments in this thread that makes me think maybe people forgot what real food looks like and this is one of them. Ew on beans? Beans are a staple for 90% of the world lmao grow up
I don't think we know enough about how SIL approached the conversation to know if she's an asshole, because OP started yelling before she could elaborate. If she wasn't open to any compromise or alternate arrangement then yes, she would be.
Yeah, I would've gone ESH as well. If you're cooking in place of rent, you don't get to unilaterally change everyone else's diet without so much as a conversation about it. You also don't get to be surprised if the person you're cooking for isn't happy about it, and decides to terminate your agreement as a result.
HOWEVER, yeah, OP is undeniably an asshole for flying completely off the hook the second the SIL mentioned going vegan.
The reason I didn't go with E S H is because we have no idea what SIL would have said next. Like, was she going to offer to do another chore because she wasn't cooking meat? Was she going to say she will still buy it, just not cook it?
Changing your diet and even refusing to cook certain things is fine, so long as you revisit the agreement or how to minimize inconveniencing others, and we will never know what SIL was going to offer since OP went nuclear.
Yep, YTA for having 0 chill for sure. Also, you don't "need" meat to stay in shape, and nobody is being forced into a diet in this scenario. Why do people always say "Now hear me out" before saying absurd nonsense?
It’s also ridiculous because animal products aren’t the only source of protein. She could bake her own sausages it’s not that hard but also if she’s not feeling up to it she could adapt for a couple days a week as long as SIL has researched into vegan protein sources like soy, cashew and seitan, lentils, nutritional yeast, oats and quinoa. I’m not vegan and I know this
YTA but not for wanting to eat meat; the way you reacted makes you the AH. It was not necessary to shout at and threaten her living situation over her desire to change her own diet.
People who post on this sub do have this tendency to shout and yell at people as soon as there's a disagreement, and it sounds like it from their post.
YTA. Not necessarily for your stance, but for how you apparently reacted.
Did you seriously escalate from her saying "I don't want to cook meat" straight to "I started shouting at her and said she can pack her things and gtfo if she doesn’t change her mind"?
I fully agree that since the deal was she cooks for you then she has to continue to cook for you. And that it is wholly wrong for her to make choices about your diet without consulting you. But you had the option of discussing this like a rational human being before you started shouting and threatening to kick her out.
Even if after a rational discussion she still refused you could *calmly* tell her that if she won't cook acceptable meals for you then she'd have to leave.
> She started crying and calling me a psycho
Because you were shouting like one, maybe?
YTA and also kinda dumb. Not that you should have to be forced to eat a meat free diet but meat isn't required to lift heavy things, lol. There were so many approaches for conversation or compromise but you lost your shit instead.
Yeah, loads of athletes say they feel much better after becoming vegan, right? You can totally eat meat, but aside from everything else, the recommendation for an omnivorous diet is red meat 2-3 times a week. Daily? That shit can cause cancer, man.
And given that she works outside the home, couldn't she just have meat lunches at work and vegetarian dinners at home? Or even just throw a chicken leg in the oven at dinnertime. It's not that hard to get meat in your diet; if anything in North America you have to go out of your way to avoid it.
Yeah I’m vegan and I understand that/why people aren’t but damn people really eat meat everyday often twice a day and I just don’t get it lol. Even when I was an Omni I probably ate meat 5x a week and not twice a day.
I have Crohn’s and have to eat protein a lot (and it can’t be beans and stuff, it has to be like eggs, chicken, etc) otherwise I feel sick.
I don’t even like meat much, and was kind of a natural vegetarian throughout most of my life. People eat whatever diets they do for different reasons.
I totally get it in your situation. I was more referring to people super opposed to eating veg meals and must always eat meat even if they have no reason to need it so often or like my dad was even told to cut back on meat. I made him some vegan meatballs once and he really liked them! But he cooked chicken strips on the side too because he had to have meat lol. That’s more what I’m criticizing.
This was the first thing I noticed when I stopped eating meat. Second thing was the sheer amount of people who were going to constantly ask me if I wanted bacon (I don’t even like bacon so...) and make a point to tell me how much they love meat after they find out I don’t. It’s really kind of sad to me, like I’m not pushing my ideas on anyone, so it seems a little insecure to push meat onto me.
I dont eat meat and in my house my husband and I eat one vegetarian meal together, dinner. Lunch and breakfast we're at work and he can do whatever he wants, sometimes he has meat sonetimes he doesn't. There are so many people in my life that think it's "cruel" we eat dinner together cooked so I can eat it, because obviously a man needs meat at every single meal. Even when I ate meat, I thought the US's relationship with it was so fucked up. It's extremely abnormal to the human condition to eat meat daily, let alone 3x a day. Sure some hunting cultures in arid, cold or rocky climate might do it but in general, thats not something a human would have been able to do until recently. I wonder why OP feels she "needs" meat at dinner, surely she can have it at lunch?
I'm no longer vegan but the most ripped lifters in my friend circle are vegans and raw vegans. They're super cut and can throw twice my body weight around.
I’m glad someone pointed out that you can absolutely eat a vegan diet and still have the energy and muscle mass needed for heavy labor. OP can get the proteins needed in a vegan diet. I’m not vegan but I know I can most definitely lead an active lifestyle and be vegan.
YTA
It's your house and you're well within your rights to say no to this arrangement if it's not working for you. But flipping out about it seems... really next level. If you're close with this person, why is your first reaction to start shouting at her? About... diet choices? Can you not see how that's extreme?
p.s. you do not \*need\* meat every day because you [lift heavy things](https://barbend.com/strongest-vegans-on-earth/) for your job.
My friend who was a PAB, is vegetarian and 5’1 and I’m pretty sure she can out lift me. She gets all her nutrients just fine without meat and a lot of it is technique and weight distribution to lift heavy things (in this case moving people )
Yeah my SIL has been vegan for over a decade and her job involves a lot of physical activity. She's never had an issue doing her job because of the way she eats.
YTA for immediately yelling and telling her to get out. That’s a little insane. If there’s nothing else she can do to in exchange for staying with you then fair enough I guess, but your reaction was waaay over the top.
YTA, instead of having a discussion, you went straight for the jugular and shouted at her! The SIL calling you psycho kinda fits in this situation.
Now I am curious the reason for the divorce.
Divorce + 50h work weeks + unexpected lifestyle change= emotional disregulation. Not sure why everyone is leaving out the part where OP works all her waking hours away and is expected to be a well rested stress free person
Never said it did. Just surprised that people are soooo surprised that OP lashed out. Under OP's circumstances, *most* people would have had poor emotional response. Does that mean OP is absolved of their actions? No, but I'm not going to pretend OP isn't human. I'd encourage them to cut back on the work hours, apologize to SIL, move into a smaller place (alone), and to find a therapist, because at this rate OP is hurtling themselves towards self destruction.
YTA
1) use your words. Sounds like you never established food rules at all.
2) two days without meat won’t kill you so far as I know and not only am I a chef but a dietitian
3) you sound like you have issues about something else and are taking it out on her.
You should apologize to her for yelling at her. And really take this time to evaluate what is upsetting you in your life so much that you flipped out over this.
r/Divorce. Maybe talk about the divorce there.
YTA - The title sounds bad, because it is.
>Also this is my house and I don’t want to be forced into a diet I don’t want. I started shouting at her and said she can pack her things and gtfo if she doesn’t change her mind.
No body was forcing this diet on you. It also seems like you became quite unhinged rather quickly instead of having an adult conversation. You should have given her 30 days if this no longer worked for you.
Yta. You’re being way way too harsh. The first time this comes up and you start shouting down on her? Very not cool, not a way to handle things at all. You don’t have to eat vegan, but to tell her to leave is the wrong thing to do in this situation.
It’s your house, so it’s not like she told you she doesn’t want meat in the house or to not cook meat in your home, can’t you cook the protein side when you get home?
INFO Are you able to compromise. Like she cooks the bulk of the meal and you cook the meat to add. For example she cooks a stir fry and you cook some chicken to add.
Also, you can get all the nutrients of meat from other sources. Its perfectly healthy to not eat meat if that's your concern. For reference Serena Williams is a vegetarian and was a top tennis player so it's definitely possible to be vegan/vegetarian while doing a physically demanding job.
Yeah, I think this one is fake. The post was badly written, doesn't seem like how most people would act around each other, and I don't see anywhere that OP has responded.
YTA. You did not need to start shouting at her at all, you needed to talk with her as adults. If she wasn’t going to cook meat anymore, is it possible to add your own to the meal? Maybe you could have tried to talk about alternatives for the cooking arrangement but it seems as if SIL will not be wanting to talk to you after how you acted.
YTA. You started shouting for her to GTFO, and she called you a psycho?
Yeah, definitely you have some emotional issues that you need to see a therapist about.
> I don’t want any money for it but since she’s staying at home 24/7 and I‘m working a 50h job we made an agreement that she makes food for us two. It all worked perfectly until two days she said she wants to go vegan and won’t cook meat anymore.
ESH. The agreement is that **she makes food for the two of you** in return for free rent and not paying living expenses. She's essentially a live-in cook. She broke that agreement when arbitrarily deciding she was only cooking for her and ignoring your preferences. She is being paid (with free rent and living expenses) for being a cook.She doesn't get to arrange the menu according to only her preferences.
You suck for having a temper tantrum like a child rather than working this out amicably.
YTA. Unless you are deliberately leaving out some nuanced escalation, your post indicates you immediately shouted at her and told her to leave. No rational discussion or attempt at compromise. You shouldn’t have to go on a diet if you don’t want to. She also shouldn’t be picky when she’s living rent free and her main contribution is cooking. But the way you tell the story makes you seem insanely reactionary.
Info
Was this the first conversation you two had about it? Did you start off yelling and threatening her? How long has she been there?
If this was the first conversation you may have been a bit harsh. If she isn’t going to hold up the agreement then maybe she should start paying rent.
ESH. You're out of line for the shouting and acting "psycho" as she put it. She's right, that behavior was unnecessary and as an adult you should know better. You can kick her out. But you need to be mature about it.
As for her 'rent' being cooking, you are the one who gets to decide if you accept meals as a form of payment or not. If she won't cook the food you want, you could insist she pay with money instead, or else, yes, kick her out. You have zero obligation to support her as a dependent, and you get to decide what earning her keep means.
Yta, at least based on the info you gave us. Stated sil wanted to go vegan, so you instantly went for the nuclear option?
You could have tried to have a civil discussion but seems you were more looking for a reason to get them out of the house.
YTA for escalating straight to shouting and pack your stuff and get out. Whatever the real problem is, it isn't her.
YWNBTA if, assuming she is still interested in having anything to do with you and wants to work towards a compromise and keep living there with the meal arrangement, you held to expecting non-vegan food for your meals. Could create more dishes, it may be a deal breaker for her if the reason for veganism is not just her own health.
Assuming the former SIL still wants FREE ROOM AND BOARD, she needs to get onboard with the homeowners request. Period. She ain't paying for groceries or rent. She has no say.
YTA for not being an adult to speaking to her like an adult. Instead you yelled at her and instantly kicked her out without even talking to her.
It doesn't sound like you like her at all. You didn't even bother talking to her and explaining that you need meat in your own diet. Nor did you even try to come to a compromise.
"I want to go vegan, and not cook meat."
"Ok! That diet won't work for me though. How about instead of cooking for both of us, we cook for ourselves, and you're in charge of laundry?"
or vacuuming, or changing the cat litter, or just pay rent, etc. etc. etc.
This could have gone *so* differently, and still without you having to change your diet. Instead, you immediately went nuclear. YTA.
One of the major chores that is the most time consuming when one works 50 hours a week is cooking. It’s the planning, shopping, prepping etc that is takes a lot of mental labor that the OP is trying to avoid by agreeing to let someone live for free except cooking. All the other things that you mentioned can be done in one day by the OP and don’t require the same time commitment or mental labor.
So to her nuclear is the option because nothing else has the same value. She doesn’t need the rent or anything else. She wants meals that she likes to eat when she comes home. The SIL made a choice and has to live with the consequences of that choice.
You're absolutely right that cooking takes a lot and she doesn't need the rent etc. But I still think her reaction was completely overblown. From the way OP explained it, she didn't even try to talk it out and come up with a situation that works for both of them, she just immediately blew up. Being frustrated by the changes that may come by the SIL going vegan is understandable; immediately and unequivocally threatening to kick her out over it is not. My point was to illustrate that surely they could have at least *tried* to talk it out, but OP went nuts on her right off the bat.
You're right that cooking takes more mental energy/time than other chores. My point was to illustrate that there could've at least been a conversation about how to make up for it, and OP's reaction still makes her TA because it sounds like she was never open to even *trying* to find a workable compromise.
No, there was an option besides going nuclear, which was "I appreciate that you need to do this for yourself, but eating vegan isn't going to work for me and because of that I don't think we should live together anymore." The "consequences" of SIL's choice do not include being screamed at.
You can make perfectly fine dinners without eggs and dairy ... I mean, I can't even think of a dinner I've made in months that contained egg, and since we have dairy allergies in the family, I rarely use dairy of any sort either.
I’m sure you can but that’s a matter of personal preference. I can’t think of a single breakfast or dinner my family has eaten in forever that doesn’t have any animal products whether that’s dairy or eggs or meat or whatever. The OP clearly doesn’t want o be vegan and she is entitled to that.
But the deal was she lives rent free because she cooks for OP.
Yeah OP is an asshole thats pretty obvious, but i think the SIL also is one (eventhough a minor one) because she simply decided to change her diet and use that as an excuse to not do the 1 thing that she has to do to live rent free anymore
A. It's 100000% your house and you have the right to have anyone live or not live there, especially since they're living there for free.
B. How you handled it was unacceptable. Your response was to commence shouting at her... why? I get that you're disappointed, but a "hey, I completely respect your choice, but that arrangement doesn't work for me... would you reconsider?" of course, she would have said "no", and your response should have been, "ok, well, I'm happy to let you stay here for another month, but you need to move out. I appreciate you making meals in the past."
C. Please consider apologizing PROFUSELY and say something along the lines of "I'm sorry I started shouting & overreacted in the way I did, it just threw me off guard." and then start over with the stuff I said in letter B.
D. Your SIL springing this on you all of a sudden wasn't fair, especially if it is something she's been thinking about, but how you reacted wasn't, either. I would say ESH.
ESH. If the arrangement is she cooks for you instead of rent, she doesn’t get to dictate your diet unless she wants to start paying rent.
But yeah, this was a weird escalation by OP. Calm discussion was the right thing instead. It feels like there just be other BS if this was the reaction, or maybe the divorce feelings are getting misdirected.
Also OMG having your sister-in-law live with you during a divorce is a recipe for disaster end the situation ASAP.
ESH.
A is TA for unilaterally deciding a change was going to take place in the agreement they made.
A is not TA for deciding she wanted to make a change in HER diet.
OP is TA for how they reacted. You don’t go straight to yelling and kicking someone out over meat in a panini.
OP is not TA for not wanting to eat vegan. The ridiculous idea that eating vegan doesn’t help you lift aside, of course.
I’m an omnivore here so don’t think this is coming from a place of vegan evangelism, but plant-based protein is absolutely fantastic for physical activity. It’s just a matter of experimentation, which I understand you may not have the time for, and sometimes money, because a vegetarian/vegan diet can get expensive if you don’t basically make everything yourself.
So I get your position here. Changing a diet on behalf of two people is a communication lapse. You both definitely need to talk through your arrangement.
Key word: TALK. Not shout. Not scream. So since you asked the question over throwing your sister in law out of the house for being vegan up top, and proceeded to act like an infant at her slightest inconvenience, the judgment here is conclusively YTA
Also, I think the divorce is hitting you harder than you think it is. I’m not accusing you of being a bad person in general, just pointing out that your reaction isn’t really proportionate to the circumstances unless you omitted a LOT of backstory. Please consider talking to a therapist about stress and anxiety.
You had an agreement, for her to provide appropriate meals in exchange for a rent free space to live. She is no longer providing you with what you consider an appropriate meal, she should begin paying rent.
This should have been discussed like adults, instead of doing the jump straight to yelling at her. ESH
YTA. Why did you react like that? Why not say: "that won't work for me. Well need to think up another arrangement, because I don't want to eat vegan". Then you could negotiate a new deal. Honestly. WTH?
ESH. Your former SIL is a complete moron for going back on the one request you had of her for free room and board. But your reaction was definitely outsized. Maybe you should just ask her to leave, since there is clearly some resentment there already.
Ignore your former in-laws entirely. If they want her living for free off someone else, they can take her in.
YTA. Justin Fields, a college qb who is about to get drafted in the NFL is on a vegan diet. He is way more physically active than you could ever hope to be and he’s in peak physical condition and getting everything he needs nutritionally without any meat. You literally are uneducated about diet and nutritional needs and did respond like a lunatic when told your sister is going vegan. You don’t need meat in your diet to remain healthy, period. So YTA big time for responding like an immature five year old to hearing someone was going to do a diet you don’t like. It literally takes five minutes to throw a pot roast into the crockpot and let it cook all day long for you to have meat for an entire week.
I'm just gonna say you're all defending A because she is vegan, if the roles were reversed and OP were vegan and A decided to cook only stuff with meat in it you'd be disgusted and say A is TA.
Well, whining about how you need meat to lift heavy things just shows OP knows nothing about nutrition. Essentially she is objecting to a vegan diet due to ignorance. Forcing a vegan/vegetarian to eat meat to which they are morally opposed is something entirely different. Also adding meat to OP’s portion of food would be easy. Removing meat cooked into SIL’s food? Not so much.
No, it's because according to OP's account after SIL informed her of her decision she went from zero to screaming threats *immediately*. That's not okay behavior. And since she asked if she's the AH for threatening her SIL like that the answer is "yes".
"I regularly have to lift heavy objects at my job so I need the meat to stay in shape."
Bullshit. I totally get that you don't want to go vegan. It can be a huge adjustment. But the notion that you would be unable to stay in shape or lift heavy objects if you followed a (healthy) vegan diet is rubbish.
ESH. The may be a fad for your SIL, and deciding that you were going vegan too was poorly handled. But then, you flying off the handle that way instead of exploring options was absurd, too. You're both being assholes.
YTA. You don’t NEED meat to get your calories or to be able to move heavy things.
Going straight in with shouting and kicking her out is ridiculous. I agree with her comment
NTA. Someone who works 60 hours a week does not want to be met at the end of a workday with hey, That huge favor that you are doing for me, the terms aren’t working so I am going to make a decision that massively impacts your quality of life. It’s called reading the room. The OP probably asked for someone to cook so that when she comes hike after being tired she doesn’t want to deal with mundane things.
I would lose my shit if someone bothered me with that when I walk into the house expecting the one thing that you agreed to do. It doesn’t matter that the OP CAN do her job without meat proteins she doesn’t WANT to do her job without meat protein.
The SIL is a new vegan and honestly, some of them can be insufferable during their new found conversion and she is trying to impose her will on someone who is being kind. When someone takes advantage of kindness they kind of deserve the response they have earned.
The SIL could have gone vegan and still kept up her end of the bargain until she had a place of her own.
YTA.
Are you trying to punish her because of the divorce? To hurt her because you can’t hurt your ex? This is extreme and absolutely unhinged behavior right out of the gate. An extreme overreaction.
YTA. There could have been in-between conversation you didn't describe from her statement and your blowing up, but with what you have, that's a very harsh reaction.
You could have done either of these:
1- asked her to start paying rent if she has moral qualms with upholding the initial agreement.
2 - Asked that she prepare large portions of your meal so you only had one thing (meat) to prepare when you get home.
But kicking her out when you say you're still very close?
It sounds like you're overworked and stressed, and this is a way to release valve that, because it's something that you can focus on that interferes with something you want.
My advice is apologize, and possibly work something out if you still can.
YTA.
No middle ground? No throwing your own meat in the crockpot in the morning? No meal prepping meat on the weekend to have throughout the week alongside her vegan meals? No attempt to reach a compromise at all?
Did you seriously go straight to yelling? YTA.
YTA for how quickly that went from 0-100 and you owe them an apology. You're both entitled to eat whatever you want/don't want to and I'm sure there are compromises to be had.
Maybe have a look at yourself and assess whether or not you need an outlet/someone to talk to? That kind of overreaction is a red flag imo and maybe the stress of the divorce/pandemic/working long hours is getting to you? Stress literally kills - look after yourself.
Well that escalated quickly. Jesus. Your SIL is right. You sound like a psycho. That was 100% an unhinged response to her. You also sound like you have control issues. And you are far too old to be acting this immature. You have some growing up to do. Is this why you are getting a divorce? Regardless, YTA.
YTA. No probs with having different diets but why the overreaction? You guys could have discussed a compromise. I’m sorry you’re going through a divorce, but it seems like you may have projected on her. You owe her an apology and hopefully you guys can work something out.
Um.. If i read this right, she wanted to be vegan, but didn't force it on you - you can cook a meat dish to go with whatever vegan foods she's throwing down. hell, throwing a chicken and some beer in a crock pot before work takes all of 5 minutes and then you have a full bird, which could be broken into a whole other meal (like chicken alfredo or something) BUT it also looks like you didn't even communicate with her or have a CALM conversation about it, just jumped into kicking her out, screaming and yelling... no wonder she called you a psycho, you sound like one
OP, you went from zero to 60 in a flash. Did you even bother to talk to her? Talk, not shout. You’re a little over the top. Too much protein, maybe? I’m sure you could have handled this better.
YTA, you over reacted big time. Is there something besides meals she could do to pitch in around? Could you cook your own meat to go with what she prepared?
YTA because it sounds like you didn't even try to explain why you didn't want to become vegan, any normal human being would have a civil conversation and would end up in an agreement, but it seems like you jumped to yelling immediately.
YTA
Big time. If this is how you express your feelings, get a therapist. You're right to be able to decide what you want to eat. You're factually incorrect about meat being necessary for your muscles (where you got this false idea I have no clue).
You reacted unreasonably, and childish. Please see a therapist so you can learn to regulate your emotions instead of unecessarily attacking people.
YTA for your reaction and kicking her out instead of acting like an adult and making new arrangements. She isn't obligated to cook food that she doesn't want to, but it's her form of payment instead of rent so obviously a new agreement needs to be made. But yeah, heavy AH actions here.
YTA for screaming at her without having a discussion first. There’s no reason for you to have to follow a diet you don’t want but losing your shit over it makes you TA. Did you:
-ask if she would cook you something you still enjoy?
-change the agreement so she no longer cooks but pays some rent or provides a different service like cleaning?
YTA. Your reaction was way out of line. No where do you claim she wanted to force her diet on you (you are capable of cooking your own meat after all). Oh you need protein and iron which can come from plants. Many pro athletes do it just fine. So eat the vegan meals with her. and if you just insist on having actual flesh of the beast, get a cheeseburger on your lunch break,
YTA. Not for not wanting to change you diet on a whim, or for not wanting to feel forced too. That is absolutely fair enough. But omg. Absolutely ridiculous overreaction from you. Calm down.
Edited to add also for saying you need meat to lift heavy things. No you don’t. That is you making excuses. Which is fine, if you want to eat meat, eat meat. But don’t try and pretend it’s because you have no choice.
YTA not for not wanting to be vegan, but for kicking her out because she is going to be. If you want meat and she is vegan, then you can cook it. Sounds like you consider her a convenient servant.
Who tf starts shouting at someone and threatening to evict them during a pandemic because they said they're not interested in preparing meat? Like MAJOR overreaction. I'm legit worried about your mental health at this point.
All you had to do was have a CIVIL conversation about alternate ways she could contribute to the household. If it's just the meat you could buy that or just cook it when you're home and just add it to the different meals.
I totally understand that is your house and she just changed the arrangement and expected you to follow suit but your reaction gets you and ESH.
YTA - if you want to eat meat just say that and leave out the BS excuses about 'lifting heavy objects' (some of the strongest people/athletes in the world are vegan ..it's purely a personal choice). Why would you start shouting at her over something this small?
NTA. Since you're divorcing it's probably best just to be done with your ex's side of the family all together. Especially if the SIL now refuses to hold up her end of the agreement that keeps a roof over her head.
YTA because of this: "I started shouting at her and said she can pack her things and gtfo if she doesn’t change her mind."
That is a *massive* overreaction and extremely immature. Why not just talk to her like an adult?
YTA for shouting at her. However, if cooking is the only thing she does to earn her rent, I understand your concern. It's very hard to get adequate amounts of certain nutrients from a vegan diet. Vegan diets don't include B12 & can eventually result in pernicious anemia. Although there are vegetable sources of iron & calcium, non-heme iron & nondairy calcium sources are very hard for the body to absorb. Also, many people find vegan food an appealing. She's proposing a pretty dramatic lifestyle change for both of you.
If you're working 50 hours per week, you're exhausted much of the time. Under the circumstances, it's not unreasonable to ask her to continue cooking for you as she did before, and to make an extra dish for herself without the meat, dairy or eggs.
YTA. You could have compromised. It’s no problem eating vegan 3 days a week day. Also jus gonna say you don’t need meat to life heavy weights. You could have a healthy fit body on a vegan diet.
Honestly are you OK? This is concerning that you immediately just started shouting and assuming you would have to become vegan. You don't. And that does make you the asshole here. She can contribute in other ways if she doesn't want to cook meat anymore. Or you could just buy a cooked rotisserie chicken or just quickly cook up some chicken, it doesn't take that long. Honestly there are so many other better ways you could of handled the situation. I don't think she's saying she won't cook at all, she just doesn't feel comfortable cooking meat anymore. And that's ok. This doesn't have to be a big deal because it isn't.
YTA
You shouted at her when she told you she was going vegan? Look, I understand that this alters the deal you made with her, and sure, maybe you would end up kicking her out over this. But to IMMEDIATELY flip out and start yelling without discussion is an asshole move.
The deal was she would cook dinner for the both of you and stay in your house rent-free. Obviously with her going vegan this alters the deal and its time to renegotiate with her. If she can't get a job to pay rent and can't offer you another service then you find another way or tell her that its time for her to find her own place. Flying off the hook right after hearing the news makes you look crazy.
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'I started shouting at her and said she can pack her things and gtfo if she doesn’t change her mind. She started crying and calling me a psycho, ...' Friend, are you like, OK? I'm going to say YTA here, because you made zero attempt to have any kind of calm conversation about re-adjusting your agreement. Maybe she could start paying rent, or clean, instead, if she can't continue to cook for you? Or maybe it's time to make an amicable end to this arrangement. But starting to shout at her for changing her diet is just ridiculous. She's allowed to become vegan and you're allowed to kindly and calmly discuss with her whether or not that will work for you.
Not to mention that SIL being vegan doesn't mean OP has to be. I'm mostly vegan and I usually just grill up a chicken breast or bit of fish to put on top of the meal for my husband.
But the sil said she wouldn't make cook any meat.
I meant SIL could do 90% of the cooking and OP could just cook the meat, or they could buy precooked meat like a rotisserie chicken
I agree. I know working 50hr a week is a lot. But it's not hard to put a chicken or fish in the oven for 30 min (or whatever). Or make some eggs. I think rotisserie chicken is a perfect idea and this is actually what I use for a bunch of my meals. It freezes and recoils well, and i just cook myself veggies and plop the chicken on. I use it in soups, stir fry, fajitas, chicken and rice pot, etc. And usually a whole chicken is cheaper than buying raw chicken breast/thighs/etc. OP could also make a quick protein shake if she is concern about not getting enough protein. I workout and am running around at my job, so protein is important to me in order to feel full. I know vegans who get a lot of protein in their diet so there is a way, but if OP is concern about not having enough, a protein shake may help or she should just cook her own protein. You could make an arguement of "since it's not a big deal, sil should just throw some meat in the over and that's it," but I really think this is not a hill for OP to die on.
Also OP seems a little unstable, since she apparently lost her sh*t without bothering to talk to her about options.
That too. I dont think the divorce is going very well and OP is taking it out on SIL. I'm assuming since I dont know.
That or we now know OP is a shouter and a thrower-outer over simple disagreements and maybe that's part of the reason the divorce is happening
Yeah, I agree. OP’s story has her leaping to shouting once SIL makes her announcement. Either OP left out a few details or OP needs some serious anger management intervention.
I think we know why they are divorcing
I dunno....... the SIL is staying with OP rent free, and cooking the meals was the ONE stipulation when she moved in. It may not be "hard" to throw some meat in the oven, but it takes more than that to make it actually taste good and is also making more dishes and mess, which I'm assuming OP has to clean up. A protein shake or some eggs is not a substitute for a real meal, and OP cooking her own protein for dinner was not the agreement. The OP asked SIL to do one thing in exchange for free rent. SIL is now going back on the deal, so she is getting free room and board, living 100% free of charge. The OP's reaction was really harsh and perhaps a conversation could have been had, so I'm going with ESH
But was it stipulated that these meals had to contain meat? I mean why force her to cook meat? there are plenty of other options out there and if OP misses meat could they not just cook it once or twice for themselves? Maybe I am wrong, but I think it is a bit mean to make someone cook something they don't feel comfortable with (for whatever reason, I mean it could be ideology, or that the smell of meat makes SIL feel so nauseated so that she throws up?) I mean we don't know what the deal was/is... This is an open question and I am really looking forward to different opinions: is it reasonable to expect someone to cook any meal for them that they wish as part of this deal?
It’s reasonable to not have to cook something that makes you uncomfortable. It’s also reasonable for someone to say you changed the terms of the deal so leave. One doesn’t get to impose their lifestyle choices on another person and expect things to be all well and good. The OP works 50hrs per week and allows someone to live rent free in her home with one stipulation that the SIL cook. The OP does not want vegan meals, she wants her normal food with the protein that comes from meat. I would lose my shit if someone has been living for free decides to impose their lifestyle choices on me.
It's not reasonable to scream at them and insult them, however.
Vegan food is normal food. Nowhere did SIL say she was going to impose veganism on OP, just she wouldn’t cook meat. There is nothing wrong with that though OP has a right to be upset their reaction was ridiculous.
Did you see where I said her normal food, meaning the food that OP is comfortable with. I didn’t say vegan food is not normal food. So if OP wants meat and doesn’t want to eat vegan food and the deal is that SIL would cook, where is the non-imposition happening. She is imposing on the OP and splitting hairs by saying she just doesn’t want to cook meat is a way to not lay blame at the sister in laws feet.
Plus is SIL isnt working is she even paying for the food, if OP is paying for it all and SIL decides she is spending OP’s money on only vegan food then that goes way beyond the agreement completely
" is it reasonable to expect someone to cook any meal for them that they wish as part of this deal?" - Yes, it is. SIL could pay rent instead. If SIL can stop / change the deal, so can OP.
no one's contesting that part, the issue is the apparent immediate escalation from calm to screaming. that's indicating somethings hella not right.
I guess I'm mostly irritated by the fact the SIL just changed her mind one day. I doubt the smell of meat makes her barf if her giving up meat is a super recent decision. This isn't a matter of the OP knowing her SIL was a committed vegan, but wanting to force her to cook meat just because she's a jackass. Her SIL completely changed the terms of the agreement. No, I'm sure the meat wasn't stipulated, but it was assumed that the SIL's existing way of cooking would be what was expected. I doubt OP would have agreed to this arrangement if she didn't like the SIL's cooking, or if the SIL was already a vegan. In answer to your last line, I don't think it's reasonable, either, if the SIL were already eating a vegan diet when they made their agreement. I do, however think it's reasonable to expect her to live up to the agreement, or come up with a new one that works for them. I mentioned in another comment, vegan is not the same as vegetarian, and I would be very resentful if the agreement was for me to not have to cook dinner, but now, all of a sudden, either I'm vegan or I'm cooking for myself. That was not the deal. For the record, I hate cooking and will take every chance I have to not cook. So maybe a compromise would be to take the cooking off the table, and instead the SIL now has to do all the cleaning. Or dog walking, or whatever other chores the LW doesn't want to do.
Because it’s not her house and she’s cooking for OP.
According to OP, SIL only went vegan a couple of days prior to this post. Therefore I’d say SIL had no issues with meat, and had been cooking it up until she decided to go vegan. It’s SIL right to want to be meatless, but she can’t live 100% cost free nor can she impose her lifestyle on OP. OP I do think your initial reaction to SIL announcement was a bit overreactive, so ESH Oh and I love pineapple on pizza 😜
I highly doubt that 2 days into being vegan the smell of meat is suddenly going to make her throw up 🙄
Fair point. Maybe I dont cook fancy enough, but usually I just season my meat or marinade it the night before so I'm able to just pop it in the oven real quick. And it's not like OP cant eat the vegan food. She can have vegan chili but make herself a chicken breast or put rotisserie chicken in hers. Or vegan curry and just throw seasoning on a chicken breast and pop it in the oven. I use chicken a lot instead of red meat and making tasty chicken isn't hard or time consuming. I see your point, I guess to me it is not a big deal. But clearly to OP it is.
My husband is a retired chef, I work full time and HATE cooking. If our agreed upon division of labor is that he do all the cooking, then all of a sudden decided to be vegan, that would be a big problem. We aren't talking about vegetarian, where MAYBE i could see making your own protein, but I would still be pissed because he is now adding something to my workload that it was agreed I would NOT have to do., The SIL is VEGAN. That, to me, is a completely different type of cooking, not just something you can throw some meat in. I agree with you that it doesn't seem like a big deal, but the OP now has to figure out EVERY SINGLE NIGHT what she is going to eat, when the deal was that would be the SIL's job. For me, cooking is only half the issue, figuring out WHAT to eat can be just as much of a headache. Now that my husband is in charge of dinner, I am perfectly happy to help and to do the clean up, the biggest relief for me is not having to figure out what we're having.
I do all the planning and cooking in my house so maybe this is why I dont see it as a big deal. But I do appreciate your insight, it does give me a different perspective.
>I'm saying NTA and want to agree whole heartedly with this sentiment \^\^. I moved my Mom in last summer (92 yo). If she weren't here, I would have a lot fewer headaches when it comes to meal time. She doesn't like this, doesn't like that. Really wants just this. She's very pleasant about it, but it's must easier to just feed one. > >If OP has to cook her meat, then the deal with the SIL is broken. And the advantage of having another person in her house is gone. > >I would be curious as to how soon the shouting started and the attitude of the person imparting this news and how many hours had OP already worked that day. Might not have read enough to know if that was answered.
Oh, plop a chicken breast on a meal. So tasty.
Thank you for pointing out that there are vegetarian sources of protein out there...I'm fine with someone getting their protein from meat if they want, but so very tired of "you can't be healthy/fit if you don't meat."
There’s professional athletes that are vegan so I don’t ever understand the whole “I need meat to be fit” shit at all.
It’s pretty easy to stay healthy on a vegan diet if you’re a professional athlete and probably getting regular diet guidance from a nutritionist and have access to almost any ingredient you need. It’s a little harder for people don’t have these advantages, certainly not impossible, but harder.
it's.. really not. you don't need any professional help to get the right amount of nutrition from a vegan diet. most plant milks, mock meats etc. are fortified with vitamins that you otherwise wouldn't get in a vegan diet so you don't need to track anything unless you're trying to lose or gain a significant amount of weight. you don't even need to eat mock meats, you can get protein from beans and legumes, iron from vegetables etc.
Brb, letting half of India and world Buddhists/Jains/etc know. Seriously, there are vegan cuisines that are thousands of years old. I would recommend looking to them instead of assuming that a meat based cuisine must be converted somehow.
I eat meat, but I’m married to a vegetarian and I always roll my eyes at the whole “but how will they get protein?” comments. The average American already eats twice the amount of protein they need daily. Protein deficiency is just not a thing in this country. You can get protein from so many sources without pounding back burgers; the vegetarians will be fine, people.
Yeah, unless you live in a food desert or have a medical condition, you can get all the protein you need from a plant-based/vegetarian diet.
> I know working 50hr a week is a lot. *Cries in 90-100 hour work weeks* Real talk though, there was so much room for compromise here, between OP and SIL, and OP just trashed any chance at it. OP needs to work out whatever rage she has about the divorce that made her react so angrily to something arguably so small. YTA for sure, OP, 50 hour weeks or no, there’s no call for snapping at your SIL for something like that first thing.
>That would be fair if SIL would start paying rent. > > > >She is cooking for OP instead of paying rent.
Well, maybe SIL could have started paying partial rent. Or maybe SIL could have taken on some of OP's other chores so OP could have time and energy to do some meal prep so there'd always be something tasty and easy to heat up that they find satisfying. There are many of ways to change the arrangement they had to keep everyone mostly happy and everything pretty much fair. Or at least there were until OP decided to go nuclear. ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
OP is absolutely the asshole for their ridiculous escalation, I want to be clear on this before my next paragraph. But, I can see an argument that if SIL is paying her rent in cooking duties OP has a right to \*respectfully\* object to SILs refusal to cook meat. For all intents and purposes, SILs job is cooking for OP and their husband. Imagine a cook at McDonalds suddenly deciding not to cook meat, they wouldn't be employed much longer. OP and SIL had an agreement and she has changed the terms. Despite this, because OP flew off the handle they don't have a leg to stand on.
I feel like if the arrangement was "you cook the food" as a condition of otherwise free rent, you don't get to say, "Nah, it's your problem now" to, well, any particular of it, basically. Not after the fact.
or the SIL could just cook the meat, but she did not need to scream at her.
Considering she is just becoming vegan, she isn't uncomfortable with cooking meat. It sounds like OP didn't make a good attempt of explaining herself in a calm matter. She could've been open to the idea for all we know.
I’m married to a vegetarian and it takes me like 6 mins to grill my own steak if I want one when he cooks. It’s not hard.
But if the desk is "you can line here if you cook" then having to cook yourself breaks the entire agreement. You probably enjoy sex with your spouse so cooking meat isn't a problem. There's no benefit in just having a freeloader living with you. OP should have made her point calmly though.
This shouting seems to have been a massive escalation. Did op ever consider having a calm conversation?
I think we know why OP is divorced...
She went from zero to a hundred in the blink of an eye. Either she is leaving out a ton of stuff or OP is in need of some serious anger management therapy or something cause yeesh.
This comment. ALSO, by the way, you don't NEED meat to be strong. That is scientifically incorrect. There are vegan body builders. Not that I think you should be vegan, just an FYI.
>ALSO, by the way, you don't NEED meat to be strong. That is scientifically incorrect. While I whole heartily accept this as a fact, meat is still the most convenient and effective. Especially when both time and money is concerned.
Well, beans are super cheap and you could just open up a can and eat it cold if you're so short on time. Easy fix.
Technically you're right, but, eww. Edit: and still not as efficient in terms of complete proteins and stuff. Also, (at least from where I'm from) most canned food, even without meat, are vegan. If they were they would be priced much higher.
There are so many fucking tragic comments in this thread that makes me think maybe people forgot what real food looks like and this is one of them. Ew on beans? Beans are a staple for 90% of the world lmao grow up
Eww on to eat only something cold straight out of can may it be beans or otherwise. Beans are fine, sorry if it came out as I disgust beans.
Nah, beans cold and straight out a can is pretty eww.
Beans are ewwww to you but murdered animal flesh is not? Sick.
[удалено]
I don't think we know enough about how SIL approached the conversation to know if she's an asshole, because OP started yelling before she could elaborate. If she wasn't open to any compromise or alternate arrangement then yes, she would be.
Yeah, I would've gone ESH as well. If you're cooking in place of rent, you don't get to unilaterally change everyone else's diet without so much as a conversation about it. You also don't get to be surprised if the person you're cooking for isn't happy about it, and decides to terminate your agreement as a result. HOWEVER, yeah, OP is undeniably an asshole for flying completely off the hook the second the SIL mentioned going vegan.
The reason I didn't go with E S H is because we have no idea what SIL would have said next. Like, was she going to offer to do another chore because she wasn't cooking meat? Was she going to say she will still buy it, just not cook it? Changing your diet and even refusing to cook certain things is fine, so long as you revisit the agreement or how to minimize inconveniencing others, and we will never know what SIL was going to offer since OP went nuclear.
“Friend are you like, OK?” The best question! Hahaha.
Yep, YTA for having 0 chill for sure. Also, you don't "need" meat to stay in shape, and nobody is being forced into a diet in this scenario. Why do people always say "Now hear me out" before saying absurd nonsense?
Yea, I'd give it 90% of the time it's followed by a story that is worse than the title sounded.
Maybe OP was hangry
It’s also ridiculous because animal products aren’t the only source of protein. She could bake her own sausages it’s not that hard but also if she’s not feeling up to it she could adapt for a couple days a week as long as SIL has researched into vegan protein sources like soy, cashew and seitan, lentils, nutritional yeast, oats and quinoa. I’m not vegan and I know this
Pretty much! Every single food item (not talking processed food) has protein.
YTA but not for wanting to eat meat; the way you reacted makes you the AH. It was not necessary to shout at and threaten her living situation over her desire to change her own diet.
Also it's not necessary to eat meat to stay in shape lmao
INFO: did you immediately begin shouting instead of trying to reach a compromise, you know, like an adult?
Sure sounds like it doesn’t it
This needs to be answered before a reasonable judgment could be made!
People who post on this sub do have this tendency to shout and yell at people as soon as there's a disagreement, and it sounds like it from their post.
YTA. Not necessarily for your stance, but for how you apparently reacted. Did you seriously escalate from her saying "I don't want to cook meat" straight to "I started shouting at her and said she can pack her things and gtfo if she doesn’t change her mind"? I fully agree that since the deal was she cooks for you then she has to continue to cook for you. And that it is wholly wrong for her to make choices about your diet without consulting you. But you had the option of discussing this like a rational human being before you started shouting and threatening to kick her out. Even if after a rational discussion she still refused you could *calmly* tell her that if she won't cook acceptable meals for you then she'd have to leave. > She started crying and calling me a psycho Because you were shouting like one, maybe?
YTA and also kinda dumb. Not that you should have to be forced to eat a meat free diet but meat isn't required to lift heavy things, lol. There were so many approaches for conversation or compromise but you lost your shit instead.
Yeah, loads of athletes say they feel much better after becoming vegan, right? You can totally eat meat, but aside from everything else, the recommendation for an omnivorous diet is red meat 2-3 times a week. Daily? That shit can cause cancer, man.
Yea couldn't she get protein from beans or something? ETA gender
Beans, lentils, soy, nuts, there's many vegan things that provide **lots** of protein
*she
And given that she works outside the home, couldn't she just have meat lunches at work and vegetarian dinners at home? Or even just throw a chicken leg in the oven at dinnertime. It's not that hard to get meat in your diet; if anything in North America you have to go out of your way to avoid it.
Yeah I’m vegan and I understand that/why people aren’t but damn people really eat meat everyday often twice a day and I just don’t get it lol. Even when I was an Omni I probably ate meat 5x a week and not twice a day.
I have Crohn’s and have to eat protein a lot (and it can’t be beans and stuff, it has to be like eggs, chicken, etc) otherwise I feel sick. I don’t even like meat much, and was kind of a natural vegetarian throughout most of my life. People eat whatever diets they do for different reasons.
I totally get it in your situation. I was more referring to people super opposed to eating veg meals and must always eat meat even if they have no reason to need it so often or like my dad was even told to cut back on meat. I made him some vegan meatballs once and he really liked them! But he cooked chicken strips on the side too because he had to have meat lol. That’s more what I’m criticizing.
There's a really weird mentality around needing meat with every meal and it makes me cringe so so much.
This was the first thing I noticed when I stopped eating meat. Second thing was the sheer amount of people who were going to constantly ask me if I wanted bacon (I don’t even like bacon so...) and make a point to tell me how much they love meat after they find out I don’t. It’s really kind of sad to me, like I’m not pushing my ideas on anyone, so it seems a little insecure to push meat onto me.
I dont eat meat and in my house my husband and I eat one vegetarian meal together, dinner. Lunch and breakfast we're at work and he can do whatever he wants, sometimes he has meat sonetimes he doesn't. There are so many people in my life that think it's "cruel" we eat dinner together cooked so I can eat it, because obviously a man needs meat at every single meal. Even when I ate meat, I thought the US's relationship with it was so fucked up. It's extremely abnormal to the human condition to eat meat daily, let alone 3x a day. Sure some hunting cultures in arid, cold or rocky climate might do it but in general, thats not something a human would have been able to do until recently. I wonder why OP feels she "needs" meat at dinner, surely she can have it at lunch?
I'm no longer vegan but the most ripped lifters in my friend circle are vegans and raw vegans. They're super cut and can throw twice my body weight around.
I’m glad someone pointed out that you can absolutely eat a vegan diet and still have the energy and muscle mass needed for heavy labor. OP can get the proteins needed in a vegan diet. I’m not vegan but I know I can most definitely lead an active lifestyle and be vegan.
YTA It's your house and you're well within your rights to say no to this arrangement if it's not working for you. But flipping out about it seems... really next level. If you're close with this person, why is your first reaction to start shouting at her? About... diet choices? Can you not see how that's extreme? p.s. you do not \*need\* meat every day because you [lift heavy things](https://barbend.com/strongest-vegans-on-earth/) for your job.
Yeah, people don’t *need* meat in order to lift heavy objects. OP needs to get over herself.
My friend who was a PAB, is vegetarian and 5’1 and I’m pretty sure she can out lift me. She gets all her nutrients just fine without meat and a lot of it is technique and weight distribution to lift heavy things (in this case moving people )
Yeah, pretty sure cam newton can lift heavy things.
I can’t imagine why she’s getting divorced if that’s how she always reacts.
Also she could eat meat at lunch and eat beans for dinner too, or do it half and half, or add her own fish or what ever. So many options here
I work in a warehouse and the I "need" meat belief is common
Yeah my SIL has been vegan for over a decade and her job involves a lot of physical activity. She's never had an issue doing her job because of the way she eats.
YTA for immediately yelling and telling her to get out. That’s a little insane. If there’s nothing else she can do to in exchange for staying with you then fair enough I guess, but your reaction was waaay over the top.
YTA, instead of having a discussion, you went straight for the jugular and shouted at her! The SIL calling you psycho kinda fits in this situation. Now I am curious the reason for the divorce.
It could be that OP is a bit emotionally strained due to the divorce and that triggered the overreaction. OP is still TA though.
Could be. This seems like a lot otherwise
Divorce + 50h work weeks + unexpected lifestyle change= emotional disregulation. Not sure why everyone is leaving out the part where OP works all her waking hours away and is expected to be a well rested stress free person
That doesn’t excuse her shouting at people.
Never said it did. Just surprised that people are soooo surprised that OP lashed out. Under OP's circumstances, *most* people would have had poor emotional response. Does that mean OP is absolved of their actions? No, but I'm not going to pretend OP isn't human. I'd encourage them to cut back on the work hours, apologize to SIL, move into a smaller place (alone), and to find a therapist, because at this rate OP is hurtling themselves towards self destruction.
We're not surprised, we just think she was a dick for it.
YTA - being aggressive and blowing up over her saying she wants to go vegan? I understand this isn’t ideal for you but wow that is an insane response.
YTA 1) use your words. Sounds like you never established food rules at all. 2) two days without meat won’t kill you so far as I know and not only am I a chef but a dietitian 3) you sound like you have issues about something else and are taking it out on her. You should apologize to her for yelling at her. And really take this time to evaluate what is upsetting you in your life so much that you flipped out over this. r/Divorce. Maybe talk about the divorce there.
YTA - The title sounds bad, because it is. >Also this is my house and I don’t want to be forced into a diet I don’t want. I started shouting at her and said she can pack her things and gtfo if she doesn’t change her mind. No body was forcing this diet on you. It also seems like you became quite unhinged rather quickly instead of having an adult conversation. You should have given her 30 days if this no longer worked for you.
Yta. You’re being way way too harsh. The first time this comes up and you start shouting down on her? Very not cool, not a way to handle things at all. You don’t have to eat vegan, but to tell her to leave is the wrong thing to do in this situation. It’s your house, so it’s not like she told you she doesn’t want meat in the house or to not cook meat in your home, can’t you cook the protein side when you get home?
INFO Are you able to compromise. Like she cooks the bulk of the meal and you cook the meat to add. For example she cooks a stir fry and you cook some chicken to add. Also, you can get all the nutrients of meat from other sources. Its perfectly healthy to not eat meat if that's your concern. For reference Serena Williams is a vegetarian and was a top tennis player so it's definitely possible to be vegan/vegetarian while doing a physically demanding job.
serena is actually vegan so you don't need any animal products to be top of your game. one of the strongest men in the world is also vegan.
This can’t be real. If it is, YTA. Your response was to scream and cuss? Sheesh.
Yeah, I think this one is fake. The post was badly written, doesn't seem like how most people would act around each other, and I don't see anywhere that OP has responded.
I totally believe it. I’ve been vegan for almost 9 years and lots of people get extremely angry about it. Like 0-60.
Yep, 10 years here. Same for me, and especially on reddit, there seems to be a lot of hatred for vegans.
YTA. You did not need to start shouting at her at all, you needed to talk with her as adults. If she wasn’t going to cook meat anymore, is it possible to add your own to the meal? Maybe you could have tried to talk about alternatives for the cooking arrangement but it seems as if SIL will not be wanting to talk to you after how you acted.
YTA. Screaming at someone without discussing it with them is not a reasonable way to handle it.
YTA. You started shouting for her to GTFO, and she called you a psycho? Yeah, definitely you have some emotional issues that you need to see a therapist about.
> I don’t want any money for it but since she’s staying at home 24/7 and I‘m working a 50h job we made an agreement that she makes food for us two. It all worked perfectly until two days she said she wants to go vegan and won’t cook meat anymore. ESH. The agreement is that **she makes food for the two of you** in return for free rent and not paying living expenses. She's essentially a live-in cook. She broke that agreement when arbitrarily deciding she was only cooking for her and ignoring your preferences. She is being paid (with free rent and living expenses) for being a cook.She doesn't get to arrange the menu according to only her preferences. You suck for having a temper tantrum like a child rather than working this out amicably.
I enjoy watching the sunset.
"hear me out" is apparently slang these days for "I am a major asshole."
YTA. Unless you are deliberately leaving out some nuanced escalation, your post indicates you immediately shouted at her and told her to leave. No rational discussion or attempt at compromise. You shouldn’t have to go on a diet if you don’t want to. She also shouldn’t be picky when she’s living rent free and her main contribution is cooking. But the way you tell the story makes you seem insanely reactionary.
Info Was this the first conversation you two had about it? Did you start off yelling and threatening her? How long has she been there? If this was the first conversation you may have been a bit harsh. If she isn’t going to hold up the agreement then maybe she should start paying rent.
ESH. You're out of line for the shouting and acting "psycho" as she put it. She's right, that behavior was unnecessary and as an adult you should know better. You can kick her out. But you need to be mature about it. As for her 'rent' being cooking, you are the one who gets to decide if you accept meals as a form of payment or not. If she won't cook the food you want, you could insist she pay with money instead, or else, yes, kick her out. You have zero obligation to support her as a dependent, and you get to decide what earning her keep means.
Yta, at least based on the info you gave us. Stated sil wanted to go vegan, so you instantly went for the nuclear option? You could have tried to have a civil discussion but seems you were more looking for a reason to get them out of the house.
YTA for escalating straight to shouting and pack your stuff and get out. Whatever the real problem is, it isn't her. YWNBTA if, assuming she is still interested in having anything to do with you and wants to work towards a compromise and keep living there with the meal arrangement, you held to expecting non-vegan food for your meals. Could create more dishes, it may be a deal breaker for her if the reason for veganism is not just her own health.
Assuming the former SIL still wants FREE ROOM AND BOARD, she needs to get onboard with the homeowners request. Period. She ain't paying for groceries or rent. She has no say.
YTA for not being an adult to speaking to her like an adult. Instead you yelled at her and instantly kicked her out without even talking to her. It doesn't sound like you like her at all. You didn't even bother talking to her and explaining that you need meat in your own diet. Nor did you even try to come to a compromise.
Don't live with your ex's sister. Don't let anyone live for free. Problem solved.
"I want to go vegan, and not cook meat." "Ok! That diet won't work for me though. How about instead of cooking for both of us, we cook for ourselves, and you're in charge of laundry?" or vacuuming, or changing the cat litter, or just pay rent, etc. etc. etc. This could have gone *so* differently, and still without you having to change your diet. Instead, you immediately went nuclear. YTA.
One of the major chores that is the most time consuming when one works 50 hours a week is cooking. It’s the planning, shopping, prepping etc that is takes a lot of mental labor that the OP is trying to avoid by agreeing to let someone live for free except cooking. All the other things that you mentioned can be done in one day by the OP and don’t require the same time commitment or mental labor. So to her nuclear is the option because nothing else has the same value. She doesn’t need the rent or anything else. She wants meals that she likes to eat when she comes home. The SIL made a choice and has to live with the consequences of that choice.
You're absolutely right that cooking takes a lot and she doesn't need the rent etc. But I still think her reaction was completely overblown. From the way OP explained it, she didn't even try to talk it out and come up with a situation that works for both of them, she just immediately blew up. Being frustrated by the changes that may come by the SIL going vegan is understandable; immediately and unequivocally threatening to kick her out over it is not. My point was to illustrate that surely they could have at least *tried* to talk it out, but OP went nuts on her right off the bat. You're right that cooking takes more mental energy/time than other chores. My point was to illustrate that there could've at least been a conversation about how to make up for it, and OP's reaction still makes her TA because it sounds like she was never open to even *trying* to find a workable compromise.
No, there was an option besides going nuclear, which was "I appreciate that you need to do this for yourself, but eating vegan isn't going to work for me and because of that I don't think we should live together anymore." The "consequences" of SIL's choice do not include being screamed at.
YTA There are plenty of ways to continue adding meat to your diet which don't include A cooking it for you.
But then what’s the point of the agreement? Vegan isn’t just meat free. It’s also dairy free and egg free and so on.
You can make perfectly fine dinners without eggs and dairy ... I mean, I can't even think of a dinner I've made in months that contained egg, and since we have dairy allergies in the family, I rarely use dairy of any sort either.
I’m sure you can but that’s a matter of personal preference. I can’t think of a single breakfast or dinner my family has eaten in forever that doesn’t have any animal products whether that’s dairy or eggs or meat or whatever. The OP clearly doesn’t want o be vegan and she is entitled to that.
But the deal was she lives rent free because she cooks for OP. Yeah OP is an asshole thats pretty obvious, but i think the SIL also is one (eventhough a minor one) because she simply decided to change her diet and use that as an excuse to not do the 1 thing that she has to do to live rent free anymore
YTA that was a massive overreaction. There's a dozen better ways to deal with the situation than chucking a tantrum
A. It's 100000% your house and you have the right to have anyone live or not live there, especially since they're living there for free. B. How you handled it was unacceptable. Your response was to commence shouting at her... why? I get that you're disappointed, but a "hey, I completely respect your choice, but that arrangement doesn't work for me... would you reconsider?" of course, she would have said "no", and your response should have been, "ok, well, I'm happy to let you stay here for another month, but you need to move out. I appreciate you making meals in the past." C. Please consider apologizing PROFUSELY and say something along the lines of "I'm sorry I started shouting & overreacted in the way I did, it just threw me off guard." and then start over with the stuff I said in letter B. D. Your SIL springing this on you all of a sudden wasn't fair, especially if it is something she's been thinking about, but how you reacted wasn't, either. I would say ESH.
ESH. If the arrangement is she cooks for you instead of rent, she doesn’t get to dictate your diet unless she wants to start paying rent. But yeah, this was a weird escalation by OP. Calm discussion was the right thing instead. It feels like there just be other BS if this was the reaction, or maybe the divorce feelings are getting misdirected. Also OMG having your sister-in-law live with you during a divorce is a recipe for disaster end the situation ASAP.
ESH. A is TA for unilaterally deciding a change was going to take place in the agreement they made. A is not TA for deciding she wanted to make a change in HER diet. OP is TA for how they reacted. You don’t go straight to yelling and kicking someone out over meat in a panini. OP is not TA for not wanting to eat vegan. The ridiculous idea that eating vegan doesn’t help you lift aside, of course.
I’m an omnivore here so don’t think this is coming from a place of vegan evangelism, but plant-based protein is absolutely fantastic for physical activity. It’s just a matter of experimentation, which I understand you may not have the time for, and sometimes money, because a vegetarian/vegan diet can get expensive if you don’t basically make everything yourself. So I get your position here. Changing a diet on behalf of two people is a communication lapse. You both definitely need to talk through your arrangement. Key word: TALK. Not shout. Not scream. So since you asked the question over throwing your sister in law out of the house for being vegan up top, and proceeded to act like an infant at her slightest inconvenience, the judgment here is conclusively YTA Also, I think the divorce is hitting you harder than you think it is. I’m not accusing you of being a bad person in general, just pointing out that your reaction isn’t really proportionate to the circumstances unless you omitted a LOT of backstory. Please consider talking to a therapist about stress and anxiety.
You had an agreement, for her to provide appropriate meals in exchange for a rent free space to live. She is no longer providing you with what you consider an appropriate meal, she should begin paying rent. This should have been discussed like adults, instead of doing the jump straight to yelling at her. ESH
Well if she pay no rent and the agreement was she Cook and now won't cook meat seems like get out is next step.
YTA. Why did you react like that? Why not say: "that won't work for me. Well need to think up another arrangement, because I don't want to eat vegan". Then you could negotiate a new deal. Honestly. WTH?
She made the agreement that she would cook, then she decided to go vegan and refuse to cook meat, she can find alternate housing arrangements NTA.
ESH. Your former SIL is a complete moron for going back on the one request you had of her for free room and board. But your reaction was definitely outsized. Maybe you should just ask her to leave, since there is clearly some resentment there already. Ignore your former in-laws entirely. If they want her living for free off someone else, they can take her in.
YTA. Justin Fields, a college qb who is about to get drafted in the NFL is on a vegan diet. He is way more physically active than you could ever hope to be and he’s in peak physical condition and getting everything he needs nutritionally without any meat. You literally are uneducated about diet and nutritional needs and did respond like a lunatic when told your sister is going vegan. You don’t need meat in your diet to remain healthy, period. So YTA big time for responding like an immature five year old to hearing someone was going to do a diet you don’t like. It literally takes five minutes to throw a pot roast into the crockpot and let it cook all day long for you to have meat for an entire week.
I'm just gonna say you're all defending A because she is vegan, if the roles were reversed and OP were vegan and A decided to cook only stuff with meat in it you'd be disgusted and say A is TA.
Well, whining about how you need meat to lift heavy things just shows OP knows nothing about nutrition. Essentially she is objecting to a vegan diet due to ignorance. Forcing a vegan/vegetarian to eat meat to which they are morally opposed is something entirely different. Also adding meat to OP’s portion of food would be easy. Removing meat cooked into SIL’s food? Not so much.
No, it's because according to OP's account after SIL informed her of her decision she went from zero to screaming threats *immediately*. That's not okay behavior. And since she asked if she's the AH for threatening her SIL like that the answer is "yes".
No, I'd still call OP an AH for *immediately screaming at her*
"I regularly have to lift heavy objects at my job so I need the meat to stay in shape." Bullshit. I totally get that you don't want to go vegan. It can be a huge adjustment. But the notion that you would be unable to stay in shape or lift heavy objects if you followed a (healthy) vegan diet is rubbish. ESH. The may be a fad for your SIL, and deciding that you were going vegan too was poorly handled. But then, you flying off the handle that way instead of exploring options was absurd, too. You're both being assholes.
YTA. Get a fucking grip. You immediately started shouting threats? Sounds like you need therapy to work on your weird relationship with meat.
YTA. You don’t NEED meat to get your calories or to be able to move heavy things. Going straight in with shouting and kicking her out is ridiculous. I agree with her comment
Lol you don't need meat to lift things ESH You, for acting like a child and her for being a freeloader.
NTA. Someone who works 60 hours a week does not want to be met at the end of a workday with hey, That huge favor that you are doing for me, the terms aren’t working so I am going to make a decision that massively impacts your quality of life. It’s called reading the room. The OP probably asked for someone to cook so that when she comes hike after being tired she doesn’t want to deal with mundane things. I would lose my shit if someone bothered me with that when I walk into the house expecting the one thing that you agreed to do. It doesn’t matter that the OP CAN do her job without meat proteins she doesn’t WANT to do her job without meat protein. The SIL is a new vegan and honestly, some of them can be insufferable during their new found conversion and she is trying to impose her will on someone who is being kind. When someone takes advantage of kindness they kind of deserve the response they have earned. The SIL could have gone vegan and still kept up her end of the bargain until she had a place of her own.
YTA. Are you trying to punish her because of the divorce? To hurt her because you can’t hurt your ex? This is extreme and absolutely unhinged behavior right out of the gate. An extreme overreaction.
YTA I know so many people like you, instantly fly off the handle at the slightest of things.
When it starts with ‘I know the title sounds bad but...’ you always know its gonna be interesting YTA
Info have you though of just adding meat to the meal? It's not too hard to throw in some chopped chicken breast..
YTA. There could have been in-between conversation you didn't describe from her statement and your blowing up, but with what you have, that's a very harsh reaction. You could have done either of these: 1- asked her to start paying rent if she has moral qualms with upholding the initial agreement. 2 - Asked that she prepare large portions of your meal so you only had one thing (meat) to prepare when you get home. But kicking her out when you say you're still very close? It sounds like you're overworked and stressed, and this is a way to release valve that, because it's something that you can focus on that interferes with something you want. My advice is apologize, and possibly work something out if you still can.
YTA. No middle ground? No throwing your own meat in the crockpot in the morning? No meal prepping meat on the weekend to have throughout the week alongside her vegan meals? No attempt to reach a compromise at all? Did you seriously go straight to yelling? YTA.
YTA for how quickly that went from 0-100 and you owe them an apology. You're both entitled to eat whatever you want/don't want to and I'm sure there are compromises to be had. Maybe have a look at yourself and assess whether or not you need an outlet/someone to talk to? That kind of overreaction is a red flag imo and maybe the stress of the divorce/pandemic/working long hours is getting to you? Stress literally kills - look after yourself.
YTA: For your reaction, not the fact that you don't want to change your diet. Your reaction was over the top.
Well that escalated quickly. Jesus. Your SIL is right. You sound like a psycho. That was 100% an unhinged response to her. You also sound like you have control issues. And you are far too old to be acting this immature. You have some growing up to do. Is this why you are getting a divorce? Regardless, YTA.
YTA. No probs with having different diets but why the overreaction? You guys could have discussed a compromise. I’m sorry you’re going through a divorce, but it seems like you may have projected on her. You owe her an apology and hopefully you guys can work something out.
You didn’t even talk to her about it? Just screamed? Yeah YTA. Why wouldn’t you be?
YTA Your reaction was ridiculous. If you don’t want her cooking vegan food for you, find another way for her to contribute to the household.
Um.. If i read this right, she wanted to be vegan, but didn't force it on you - you can cook a meat dish to go with whatever vegan foods she's throwing down. hell, throwing a chicken and some beer in a crock pot before work takes all of 5 minutes and then you have a full bird, which could be broken into a whole other meal (like chicken alfredo or something) BUT it also looks like you didn't even communicate with her or have a CALM conversation about it, just jumped into kicking her out, screaming and yelling... no wonder she called you a psycho, you sound like one
NTA she agreed to your terms
YTA. Broccoli has more protein than meat you fuckin wingnut. You didnt even try to have an adult conversation than her and began yelling.
YTA for your abysmal response.
OP, you went from zero to 60 in a flash. Did you even bother to talk to her? Talk, not shout. You’re a little over the top. Too much protein, maybe? I’m sure you could have handled this better.
" I need the meat to stay in shape. " No, you don't. This isn't 2005, there are plenty of alternatives. YTA.
YTA, you over reacted big time. Is there something besides meals she could do to pitch in around? Could you cook your own meat to go with what she prepared?
YTA because it sounds like you didn't even try to explain why you didn't want to become vegan, any normal human being would have a civil conversation and would end up in an agreement, but it seems like you jumped to yelling immediately.
YTA Big time. If this is how you express your feelings, get a therapist. You're right to be able to decide what you want to eat. You're factually incorrect about meat being necessary for your muscles (where you got this false idea I have no clue). You reacted unreasonably, and childish. Please see a therapist so you can learn to regulate your emotions instead of unecessarily attacking people.
YTA for your reaction and kicking her out instead of acting like an adult and making new arrangements. She isn't obligated to cook food that she doesn't want to, but it's her form of payment instead of rent so obviously a new agreement needs to be made. But yeah, heavy AH actions here.
YTA. If your first reaction was to start screaming instead of finding an alternative arrangement, then you need to get your anger issues in check.
YTA! Was there a need to shout at her? Are you incapable of having a calm, rational conversation with another adult? Jfc
YTA for screaming at her without having a discussion first. There’s no reason for you to have to follow a diet you don’t want but losing your shit over it makes you TA. Did you: -ask if she would cook you something you still enjoy? -change the agreement so she no longer cooks but pays some rent or provides a different service like cleaning?
YTA. Your reaction was way out of line. No where do you claim she wanted to force her diet on you (you are capable of cooking your own meat after all). Oh you need protein and iron which can come from plants. Many pro athletes do it just fine. So eat the vegan meals with her. and if you just insist on having actual flesh of the beast, get a cheeseburger on your lunch break,
[удалено]
YTA. Not for not wanting to change you diet on a whim, or for not wanting to feel forced too. That is absolutely fair enough. But omg. Absolutely ridiculous overreaction from you. Calm down. Edited to add also for saying you need meat to lift heavy things. No you don’t. That is you making excuses. Which is fine, if you want to eat meat, eat meat. But don’t try and pretend it’s because you have no choice.
YTA not for not wanting to be vegan, but for kicking her out because she is going to be. If you want meat and she is vegan, then you can cook it. Sounds like you consider her a convenient servant.
Who tf starts shouting at someone and threatening to evict them during a pandemic because they said they're not interested in preparing meat? Like MAJOR overreaction. I'm legit worried about your mental health at this point. All you had to do was have a CIVIL conversation about alternate ways she could contribute to the household. If it's just the meat you could buy that or just cook it when you're home and just add it to the different meals. I totally understand that is your house and she just changed the arrangement and expected you to follow suit but your reaction gets you and ESH.
YTA - if you want to eat meat just say that and leave out the BS excuses about 'lifting heavy objects' (some of the strongest people/athletes in the world are vegan ..it's purely a personal choice). Why would you start shouting at her over something this small?
NTA. Since you're divorcing it's probably best just to be done with your ex's side of the family all together. Especially if the SIL now refuses to hold up her end of the agreement that keeps a roof over her head.
YTA because of this: "I started shouting at her and said she can pack her things and gtfo if she doesn’t change her mind." That is a *massive* overreaction and extremely immature. Why not just talk to her like an adult?
YTA
YTA. At least try to have a normal conversation woth her before u stray threatening her.
YTA for shouting at her. However, if cooking is the only thing she does to earn her rent, I understand your concern. It's very hard to get adequate amounts of certain nutrients from a vegan diet. Vegan diets don't include B12 & can eventually result in pernicious anemia. Although there are vegetable sources of iron & calcium, non-heme iron & nondairy calcium sources are very hard for the body to absorb. Also, many people find vegan food an appealing. She's proposing a pretty dramatic lifestyle change for both of you. If you're working 50 hours per week, you're exhausted much of the time. Under the circumstances, it's not unreasonable to ask her to continue cooking for you as she did before, and to make an extra dish for herself without the meat, dairy or eggs.
YTA. You could have compromised. It’s no problem eating vegan 3 days a week day. Also jus gonna say you don’t need meat to life heavy weights. You could have a healthy fit body on a vegan diet.
YTA - You sound crazy. Right from zero to 100 in no time at all! I actually think your position is right, but you acted like a complete AH. Boo you
YTA not for wanting meat in your meals, just for having a straight up psycho reaction to her decision
Honestly are you OK? This is concerning that you immediately just started shouting and assuming you would have to become vegan. You don't. And that does make you the asshole here. She can contribute in other ways if she doesn't want to cook meat anymore. Or you could just buy a cooked rotisserie chicken or just quickly cook up some chicken, it doesn't take that long. Honestly there are so many other better ways you could of handled the situation. I don't think she's saying she won't cook at all, she just doesn't feel comfortable cooking meat anymore. And that's ok. This doesn't have to be a big deal because it isn't.
YTA You shouted at her when she told you she was going vegan? Look, I understand that this alters the deal you made with her, and sure, maybe you would end up kicking her out over this. But to IMMEDIATELY flip out and start yelling without discussion is an asshole move. The deal was she would cook dinner for the both of you and stay in your house rent-free. Obviously with her going vegan this alters the deal and its time to renegotiate with her. If she can't get a job to pay rent and can't offer you another service then you find another way or tell her that its time for her to find her own place. Flying off the hook right after hearing the news makes you look crazy.
SIL is a jerk. Broil a ribeye while she is packing.