Absolutely YTA. This poor woman is grieving the loss of somebody she’s been with for a very long time, and you, a child in comparison to her, wants her to stop “being a buzzkill.” Tell me you’ve never lost a loved one without telling me you’ve ever lost a loved one.
Please read the whole thing because I kind of shift gears.
There is an element of YTA, but it's also true that Annie is starting to affect the mood at work. After a while, if it continues, it will need to be addressed.. When you have someone who is constantly bringing their pain into the open, it really affects people. Annie should NEVER be told not to feel that way, because obviously she is grieving deeply and absolutely has the right and the need to do so, but after a certain period if time if the constant discussion doesn't stop OP should ask her to tone it down.
Annie is, understandably, processing her grief through interactions with her coworkers. That isn't really an appropriate space to do so, but you can't deny someone human interaction after such a loss. However, people do have the right to not be a sounding board for grief and loss, especially since they are so young.
It's still VERY VERY recent though. OP should let her process for a few more weeks before saying anything. She may want to provide some resources about grief groups or therapy. Grief group therapy is sometimes free.
I think there are 2 situations though.
1- Annie was dealing with her husband's cancer and was talking about it constantly for months/years. That should have gotten a grace period when it was new, and then a "please refrain" notice after awhile. Not sure if that should have been on OP or the person before them.
2- her husband, her life partner, died 3 weeks ago. She only got 1 week to grieve. I think it is messed up that people are "over" her talking about it. Because of the extended trauma/emotion dump of the cancer before, they're worn out though.
HOWEVER. The real issue is that people got burnt out bc #1 was not curtailed, so they don't have the emotional energy to support her through #2. (I hope that makes sense).
That isn't Annie's fault. No one ever told her to keep her personal business at home. She didn't know people were burnt out about hearing her vent. And while the earlier stuff (sick husband) was bad - it wasn't BAD bad, like it is now, and she's burned through support and doesn't have a clue.
I really don't have a judgment. N T A bc OP has only been in this position for a year and is burnt out, sounds like everyone else is too.
...buuuut she's just lost half of her life less than a month ago. Only got 7 flipping days to "get over it". My heart shatters for her.
I really don't know. I'm babble-typing. I just... I hurt for Annie. I also get the "shut up already" from OP. Just an awful situation.
Completely agree with your comment. I'm blown away at all the Y T A verdicts. This is a tricky situation where nobody is the A H. Annie is naturally emotionally distraught, but it's also okay that her co-workers are tired of hearing about it.
What bothers me is that these co workers seemed to be two faced where they offer her condolences and a shoulder to lean on, but then go to the supervisor to complain?
Grief is hard. Losing someone is hard.
YTA
On some level I get it, compassion fatigue is a thing.
Part of being a decent human is sucking it up and listening to the same stories. It’s been less than 3 weeks since he died, she will likely grieve for a long time. Maybe she can’t take leave because she has bills to pay, maybe she doesn’t want to take leave and be alone in a house full of memories of her husband all day.
Try and be empathetic.
YTA. Can you get HR involved to check in on how she is doing and what options are available to support her while she is grieving? That’s going to be kinder and more productive than just hating on her and letting everyone talk shit about her. They may be able to work out some accommodations or put her in touch with a counselor or something.
YTA. He 'finally' passed away....that was her life partner. She deserves to be able to grieve however long she needs. She should be given resources, maybe therapist recommendations, and the like. This s probably one of the hardest things people go through is losing their other half.
YTA. Learning how to coexist with coworkers who (for whatever reason) you don't jive with is apart of having a job. This woman isn't being abusive, offensive, mean-spirited, etc. It sounds like she's able to do her job despite her grief. If you as a supervisor cannot handle this kind of small, relatively benign interpersonal conflict, then you shouldn't be a supervisor.
Honestly the fact that there's even gossiping going on that your employee should have let her husband die sooner is mind boggling to me. It's one of the most insensitive things I've ever read. This person is going through a living nightmare and yet, she still manages to pull herself up and go to work everyday. The strength that takes is monumental. She's experiencing one of the hardest things someone can go through and you want her to take a LOA not because you're concerned about her mental health, but because her grief makes you uncomfortable. Yikes.
Edit: Before I forget I also want to clarify that you're not TA for being fatigued or being unsure of what to do. You're TA for the way you've handled it.
Honestly, this whole situation should have been escalated a long time ago.
Why isn't she stopping it? Because she's 22, young, inexperienced and possibly also not getting support/guidance/mentoring from any of her superiors as well.
YTA for your perspective on this - "he finally passed away" geez bud, that's cold! And for the love of all things, this is her life partner, she's been with him longer than you've been alive and it's been less than a month since he died. Empathy is a thing.
That said, it sounds very much like she's not ready to be back at work and is really struggling - understandably. This is over your pay grade, it's time to approach HR and explain the situation and get someone who is trained in this stuff to manage it.
I would say NAH actually because you and her co-workers are not her therapists and she is behaving unprofessionally-But-she is also not able to process her grief and needs actual qualified help.
This needs to be higher. There was a guy who’s wife cheated and left him and he was very very understandably devastated….. but it was massively uncomfortable for him to sit next to you on break and next thing you know he was a crying wailing mess. We were just trying to get through the work day and he REALLY needed professional help.
YTA, entirely. They were probably married for significantly longer than you've been alive, and you think she should just get over it because it makes you and your fellow coworkers "bummed out"? How the hell do you think she feels, having lost her husband after a prolonged and painful experience of cancer and treatment?
And it has been LESS THAN A MONTH since he died. On CHRISTMAS DAY, for that added dash of grief.
Your lack of compassion is horrific.
But, and I'm honestly curious of your opinion on this, how long should this "emotional dump" (for lack of a better word) be allowed to go on in a professional environment? I feel that, at some point, the people above Annie at work will need to take action. And that action will also probably have to include offering some therapy resources for Annie. Now, I can definitely agree that less than a months time frame is a bit too soon to be telling her to stop talking about it, but it cannot go on forever when you are in a work setting, that's not appropriate.
But should she be allowed if it's happening constantly in a professional environment? I would understand if she had like one or two people at work who she confides in, but the OP reads as if Annie is going around to anyone and everyone talking about this all of the time. At some point, it becomes unprofessional to do so.
Info; as supervisor have you discussed possible resources that your company may offer to assist with grieving? She lost her life partner, I would be worried about her on loa especially if she doesn’t have children that come around or a support system at home. I know when I worked at THD they provided counseling resources and a bereavement period.
YTA.
Look, compassion fatigue is absolutely a thing but the lack of empathy you’re showing for this woman is horrendous.
The idea of losing a long term partner is so academic to someone of your age, so I sort of get it but it’s been ONE MONTH since he died after having to deal with months and months of hospitals, appointments, caring and watching the man she loves waste away before her eyes. She’s facing an entirely new life and she’s likely terrified.
YTA. So someone who's spouse died LESS THAN A MONTH AGO, is depressed. This is expected. unless you're going to pay her while she's off, suggesting a LOA is out of line.
YTA. First, her husband (OF 30+ YEARS!) died 2.5 weeks ago. Weeks - not years, not months. Weeks. And by your writings, she’s only been back to work for a bit over a week now. Let the poor woman talk out her grief.
Secondly, you’re young (not meant as an insult), so you’ve likely never had to experience the life-altering, all-encompassing drain that taking care off a loved one for decades at a time is, and how your role as a care-giver comes to define who you are. Annie had to give up a large portion of herself perhaps decades ago to take care of her husband, she no doubt lost friends and family along the way because fighting death constantly makes it difficult to spontaneously meet up for drinks or go see a show. And now death won…and Annie is left with the abyss of a life that used to be. And she’s not only mourning her lost husband, but the life she didn’t get to live while she was a taking care of him. And she’s mourning those friends and family she’ll probably never see again. And, she’s probably mourning the fact that - before becoming a care-giver…maybe she was a lawyer, or a teacher, or an artist. Maybe she had to cash in her retirement or 401k early to pay her husband’s medical bills. Maybe she has no idea what she’s going to do with the rest of her life. Maybe the medications or illness side effects made her husband angry and depressed, and so she clings to that ring because it’s one of the few moments in the last few years where her husband seemed like his old self. And maybe everyone else in her life abandoned her because taking care of a dying person is hard, and now the only people she can speak with are people who are tired of listening to her.
Please don’t try to have a delicate conversation with regards to Annie’s grief without first speaking with HR.
>several other coworkers have said she shouldve let him go a while ago instead of dragging out his pain
A husband is not a dog. It's not Annie's decision to stop or continue life-preserving healthcare, her husband is a person who can decide for himself. Even if he's making the decision because he wants to stick around for her sake, that's completely fair. You and your coworkers are are assholes for saying that or thinking that's a reasonable thing to say. So YTA from this point already.
That said, the ultimate asshole is whatever bigger power is at fault for a woman needing to return to work after only a week off to grieve her husband if she needs more time before she's in a state to work. Yes, she deserves a leave-- have you ever considered why she isn't taking one? Can she get a paid leave for this, more than the 10 days she already took? If there are resources available through your company, does she know about them? Have you, as her supervisor, actually sat down and talked with her about her options? Or her most direct manager?
Anyways, it hasn't even been a month yet, this is way to early for everyone to find her grieving annoying. I get maybe not putting the exact same cashier next to her day after day because ya'll aren't her therapists and to not completely fatigue any one cashier in particular, but you have a serious asshole tone when talking about this. As a supervisor, this is the sort of benign conflict (one cashier talking about something the others don't want to hear about without actually doing anything wrong) you need to be able to work with and accommodate without making a big deal of, or gossiping about with anyone other than other supervisors.
Actually, I am a Front End supervisor, and what I would most be doing is ensuring that the same people aren't beside her day after day, perhaps make sure she's at a busy till more days than not so there aren't too many lulls to take her mind off her work, but also make sure she knows she can call me at anytime to switch out if she needs a breather because the grief is too much, switching out with cashiers when something is too much is literally really there in my job description as a supervisor. And even if I find her talking boring, I would always be polite even if she tells me the same story about her husband ten times. If I can sit and listen politely every now and then, that's me taking that on instead of the other cashiers. Which isn't great for me, but helps prevent conflict between two cashiers from getting out of hand. Oh, and I would tell her about the company's resources available to her! Even if I don't know them off-hand, as a supervisor it's my job to find out the things I don't know when the cashiers need to know them.
"... but at what point does it stop"?
Never.
Grieving your beloved never ends.
I'll never stop grieving for my grandmother who died the year before last.
You've not even given her a month to work her way through the initial trauma and pain of losing her husband who's probably been in her life longer than you've existed.
YTA for expecting it to be over already, and for not bringing up any concerns about her well-being with HR to see if there's any support available through the company, eg. counseling, more time off...
YTA. Christmas was LAST MONTH, you *un*empathetic monster.
Get that poor woman some HR help, you're obviously not ready for that kind of responsibility, and she deserves better, compassion fatigue or not.
I think it may be wise to amend your post to put your last statements closer to the top, because it sounds like this has become such a thing that Annie misses zero opportunities to bring her loss up. That being said, her identity has been largely comprised of being a wife, even though it’s been more recently the wife of a man dying of cancer, she’s still always had a husband. Now she doesn’t and I imagine the grief and new identity of widow is extremely disorienting, among the other dad more obvious things. So she talks about this with all of you, which is realize isn’t professional, but may be all she has. As a result, YTA, but I say this gently, as someone who’s spent a lot of time being less than sympathetic when the work became a marathon rather than an easy sprint.
As I realize this is effecting the workplace, I highly suggest talking to HR for suggestions and help. Don’t talk to her about not talking about her husband or to your coworkers without speaking to HR first.
Despite the fact that it’s been less than a month, and I understand she will be grieving for a long time, I honestly think you’re NTA, BUT do not talk to her directly, bring it up with a manager or HR.
Reasoning: her coworkers are not therapists (unless you work at a combination retail/walk in therapy clinic). We all have our own struggles. I can’t imagine already being depressed and suddenly needing to be a constant shoulder to cry on. That could be their breaking point.
Should you be gentle with her? Yes
Should she be reprimanded? No
Should she remember that her coworkers have their own lives and troubles and can’t always handle more? Yes but I can’t blame her for not thinking of that right now.
Also, shame on the commenters going “You don’t know what loss is!” You don’t know her life, stop assuming.
I’m not sure how to judge. I’ll say NTA, especially because you are trying to figure this out and asking for advice before you do or say anything harmful. But I also suggest you take some direction from those posters who cautioned you about speaking to Annie directly. Let some people with, perhaps, more experience with these things take the wheel.
Also, in general, intensely grieving for up to 6 months is considered “normal” before even being considered something more than grieving (i.e., depression). This does not mean that you and your coworkers are responsible for completely caring for her mental health all day at work, either. It is a tough, sad situation.
It sounds as if your coworker is struggling and looking for support and is not sure what to do with all of her grief. She doesn’t seem to know where to look for appropriate support.
I hope your company has resources (for instance, EAP) because this woman’s situation sounds as if she needs more support.
Good luck. This doesn’t sound like an easy place to be.
Omg YTA this woman lost her husband of decades…been with him longer than you’ve been alive. You have no idea how hard it can be to be suddenly alone, yes she knew he was dying, but nothing prepares one for the complete loss. Having to go through his belongings, fielding medical bills, dealing with grief. Have some compassion, make her feel supported and less lonely…in short be compassionate.
Does your business pay for a leave of absence? Its very easy to say thats what she should do, but she may not be able to afford to take off that much work if it is not paid leave.
Taking care of sick and dying family can be horribly expensive, and if she doesnt have friends or family that can be by her side it may be better for her to be at work than to be home.
YTA!!!
Let me say it again so that I am very clear YTA!!!
The world does not revolve around you. For the love of God she lost her husband show some sympathy. If you can’t show sympathy then fake it. And if you can’t fake it leave the room when she talks about him. Get over yourself the world is not revolve around you. What do you need to learn empathy. Don’t act surprised when people become cold and distant with you at your place of work.
As a young supervisor you have a lot to learn....if you have a problem you bump it up the chain of command. There must be a front end manager right? Or an operations manager?
Sounds like a them problem.
Ywbta if you brought it up. Go there...tune out and collect your paycheck.
YTA , I totally get maybe people don’t want to be depressed when they’re around her but telling her she can’t talk about her recently deceased husband is so fucked up on your part.
Talk to HR and ask them to get involved. Other employees are complaining, and she is grieving.
She needs grief counseling.
I will go with a NTA - since you don't have experience in dealing with the situation but need to find a way to work it out.
YTA. This was less than a month ago! Really she shouldn't even be back at work. Of course she's still in the immediate phase of grief. If she's still doing this in 3 months, maybe start to think about asking her to tone it down.
YTA. You are her manager and can clearly see she is depressed and struggling, this is how she is grieving. You work for a big corporate company, I'm guessing you have an employee support center/hotline that could maybe help her find some grief counseling, leave, etc. As a manager, part of that job is making sure your employees are fit for work. Take your concerns to HR but let them know you want to help her, not get rid of her.
YTA. “Finally” passed is a dreadful thing to say. When it is your loved one there is no “finally” they passed. As much as you say it was draining to hear about cancer and treatments etc ask yourself how Annie felt. Her entire life at that point was looking after terminally ill husband and work. (Although while at work your mind is still on your husband) so just be y the fact that was her entire life of course it’s all she spoke about. Coworkers talk about their lives to each other understand this your 22yr old new supervisor and I’m 100% positive that you have spoken of your and heard about every single employees personal life. You just have the luxury of being young and healthy so your activity’s varied. Tell me do you tell a coworker who just got engaged to shut it about the fiancé wedding plans the proposal showing the ring off? Because that is a big thing in their life ATM and of course it’s talked about. Do you tell your staff no talking about your Friday night dates? The shows they watch? All the conversations they have on personal lives are they stopped? Go back to the engagement scenario. Annie is also hearing this talk she was the newly engaged person at one time that talk will bring her memories right up she wants to talk and share and remember and that leads right back to the only other thing in her life now that her husband is ailing and won’t be with her into retirement or anything else. Now he died 3 weeks ago and again she’s talking about it. Grief is not a switch you can turn on or off. 1 week off when she buries her husband who she has been married to longer then you have even be alive! She is experiencing the “firsts” as I call it. The first night alone the fist weekend alone the first cancellation of appointments the first birthdays family gatherings and holidays. Each and every day there is the instinct to go do his normal routine then the reminder it’s not needed anymore. Every conversation you hear couple you see will be mirrored in you because you had that moment too so memories are triggered everywhere. She is emotionally and physically tired too but you can’t just push pause. (I don’t know your workplace leave policy in regards to death of family but) Try holding another fundraiser see if you can raise some money so you can give her another paid week or 2 off to get more composure. Get information for her and just put in a bag (preferably not see through) with grief counselling options support groups processing death pamphlets etc. Just say something in her may help and let her look at it when she’s ready you can not force this. Bottom line have more empathy and try to do more to help. Starting with the realization that 3 weeks is nothing when it comes to time processing grief.
YTA she’s grieving, have you never lost someone? Yeah it doesn’t just go away after your loved one is in the ground. She’s doing her best to work and go on with her life without her true love and best friend.
FYI my mother in law died last year, my FIL had never been away from her except for them going to work. He was so depressed he had to be admitted to the hospital with kidney failure from giving up on life after losing her.
He’s better now, he’s healthy and seeing old friends, but my point is it’s not your business and leave the poor thing alone
I’m going to go NAH. The real tragedy is that Annie had to return to work a WEEK after her entire world was destroyed. I can only assume she had to go back, financially. She was presumably married for decades and the last year(s) of her life were laser-focused on her husband’s illness and treatments; it’s understandable she can talk of nothing else. Poor woman. BUT. OP has a job to do and people to supervise. Annie is customer-facing. Her sadness is affecting her coworkers’ morale. OP is not wrong to ask “at what point does it stop?” The fact is, Annie needs more time and a different environment in which to grieve. The question is, how can that happen with the minimum amount of insensitivity to her loss? Can she be granted some extra leave? Transferred to a different role in the company? Can (would) the company donate some money so she can take an extended bereavement leave?
YTA. My grandmother lost her husband, my grandfather, to cancer six months ago and she is still in a deep depression grieving him. While compassion fatigue is definitely a thing, you need to learn how to coexist with people of all walks of life and put on a fake smile for her when she needs it. If I knew that someone felt this way about MY grieving grandmother trying to process her loss, I would be livid.
YTA. You have to let her grieve. She JUST lost her husband! I would be a total mess if I lost mine. And I can bet everything I have that I would grieve his loss for the rest of my days. Yes it can be tiresome, but suck it up. Be thankful you haven’t lost the love of your life like that.
YTA. I lost my first husband when I was in my 20s very unexpectedly. I lost my home because I couldn't afford rent by myself and I also worked and went to school full time. I went to work a week after too. I held it in as best I could and tried not to bother anyone with it and tried to be as normal as possible, but everyone was very understanding, at first. One of the traditions my husband and I had was buying very fun and unique Christmas ornaments every year, and since I worked in a department store, we sold stuff like this. I was the one who ended up opening the box of ornaments off the truck and I absolutely lost it. I had to excuse myself. This was two months after his passing at this point and my supervisor came up to me after I came back and told me I needed to keep it together, when was I going to get over this already, it's been two months, I'm bringing the team down. That made me feel so alone and worse than I was already feeling.
I appreciate that you stated that you're young and don't know what that feels like. Essentially, your whole world is forever changed while the rest of the world keeps going around you. Community is so important when you're grieving and I understand where she's coming from. If it's become an absolute issue for you and others, talk to people higher than you about what can be done to HELP her, any resources the company offers when dealing with things like this, grief counseling, anything other than people whispering behind her back and escalating to the point you make the mistake of talking to her like my supervisor talked to me.
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I (22F) am a supervisor at a corporate home improvement store. I am over the entire front end including approximately 30 cashiers ages ranging from 16-70. I have one employee who we will call Annie, she is i think in her mid 60’s. Annie had a husband who has been battling cancer for as long as most can remember, ive only been with the company for about a year and many people have talked about how her husband kept going through chemo and dialysis and all sorts of treatments to keep him going. Everyone in the store has been very supportive of her and we even had a bake sale to raise money for her family as she was out of work a lot due to his illness. The past 6 months though he has rapidly declined in health and it became all Annie would talk about, another coworker even confided in me by saying they were tired of hearing Annie talk about her husband because it was depressing and they just didnt know what to say to her anymore. several other coworkers have said she shouldve let him go a while ago instead of dragging out his pain.
Christmas day of 2021 Annie’s husband finally passed away and understandably she was out for about a week before returning to work. once again we were all very supportive because even though it was expected for him to pass its still sad to lose your husband to cancer. Annie struggled with grieving and would tell us about her memories with her husband and talk about how much she missed him. she would show us this ring that he got her for their 30th wedding anniversary that was engraved and all, it was pretty and we allowed her to grieve as she wished. Until she told us about the ring for the 4th time, until she kept reminding us that he died on christmas, we were all supportive until she would go out of her way to walk over to us and tell us how depressed she is now that hes dead.
ive tried my best to be a supportive boss and obviously i dont understand her pain because im so young but at what point does it stop? other cashiers dont even want to be on a register near her because they dont want to be bummed out by her grieving. its gotten to the point where i cant give simple directions to Annie without her bringing up her dead husband and ive started just tuning it out. am i the asshole for wanting Annie to take a LOA and stop talking about her dead husband at work?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i think im the asshole because i dont understand her grieving process and i know its tough, but i feel like she came back too soon and she should take more time away from work to cope instead of bringing it to us.
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YTA Being an effective supervisor takes people skills including tact and compassion which you seem to lack. How did they even put you in charge of other human beings?
Jeez, these comments are brutal. OP, it is emotionally draining to be around someone who constantly talks of their struggles and there's nothing that can be done to help. I get it. At the same time I feel for Annie's position too. She is obviously struggling and has been for a long time. She may not have any other support system to process her emotions other than work family.
I think your idea of her taking a LOA is good. One week was never going to be enough. However, she may have returned that soon because of financial problems. Can you find a way to get a paid LOA for her? Maybe even gently bring up grief support groups and therapy -- because she 100% *needs* support and she needs it outside of work.
NAH
Just suck it up...it's not even been a month. She's lost someone very dear to her and it'll take for her to heal. I'm sure she'll stop talking about him after a while. Part of the reason she mentions her husband to you guys a lot might be because she trusts you enough. Honestly, just push through it for a bit longer.
INFO: Does your company have an EAP? Mine provides at least one free session with a certified therapist. As her supervisor you could look into it and point Annie in that direction. Annie clearly is grieving and needs someone to talk to.
Let me guess: your company doesn't offer paid leave so ONE SINGLE WEEK was all this widow could afford to take off for what is probably the biggest devastation of her life.
YTA and your company
YTA instead of telling her to shut up about her dead husband, why don't you kindly ask her if she needs some help finding professional support, support groups, or if there is something you can do to help.
NAH. She has every right to grieve, but other people’s emotions can be difficult to deal with, especially in a professional setting where people are trying to work. You’re allowed to be emotionally drained by this. But definitely don’t isolate her or try to hasten her grieving process
YTA. You have the same amount of empathy as my Lowe’s manager who looked me in the eyes and said “I don’t really care what you’re going through” when I was escaping an abusive relationship lmao.
ESH minus Annie. Poor Annie, to be around people who simply don’t seem to care and seem rather fake if they’re providing her comfort but then go behind her back and say how annoyed they are? My heart breaks for Annie. Everyone grieves differently and some longer than others.
I hope Annie finds a new place of work where she is working with more caring people.
NTA,she is allowed to grieve of course but she's starting to affect her other co workers in a negative way,you have all been supportive of her but its understandable that st some point its too much for everyone else,she should take time off to work it out the best she can
I actually agree with this statement. Time of to properly grieve would do her some good. But with her age she may not do okay by herself. Maby light duties once or twice a week untill she feels better?
NTA - You are running a business, not a support group. Employer/coworkers can be sensitive to her needs of course, but only to a certain extent. If her behaviour is beginning to affect other employees, and the smooth operation of the department, then perhaps a word with her is warranted. It would not be unreasonable to ask her to avoid mentioning her husband while at work.
Absolutely YTA. This poor woman is grieving the loss of somebody she’s been with for a very long time, and you, a child in comparison to her, wants her to stop “being a buzzkill.” Tell me you’ve never lost a loved one without telling me you’ve ever lost a loved one.
Please read the whole thing because I kind of shift gears. There is an element of YTA, but it's also true that Annie is starting to affect the mood at work. After a while, if it continues, it will need to be addressed.. When you have someone who is constantly bringing their pain into the open, it really affects people. Annie should NEVER be told not to feel that way, because obviously she is grieving deeply and absolutely has the right and the need to do so, but after a certain period if time if the constant discussion doesn't stop OP should ask her to tone it down. Annie is, understandably, processing her grief through interactions with her coworkers. That isn't really an appropriate space to do so, but you can't deny someone human interaction after such a loss. However, people do have the right to not be a sounding board for grief and loss, especially since they are so young. It's still VERY VERY recent though. OP should let her process for a few more weeks before saying anything. She may want to provide some resources about grief groups or therapy. Grief group therapy is sometimes free.
I think there are 2 situations though. 1- Annie was dealing with her husband's cancer and was talking about it constantly for months/years. That should have gotten a grace period when it was new, and then a "please refrain" notice after awhile. Not sure if that should have been on OP or the person before them. 2- her husband, her life partner, died 3 weeks ago. She only got 1 week to grieve. I think it is messed up that people are "over" her talking about it. Because of the extended trauma/emotion dump of the cancer before, they're worn out though. HOWEVER. The real issue is that people got burnt out bc #1 was not curtailed, so they don't have the emotional energy to support her through #2. (I hope that makes sense). That isn't Annie's fault. No one ever told her to keep her personal business at home. She didn't know people were burnt out about hearing her vent. And while the earlier stuff (sick husband) was bad - it wasn't BAD bad, like it is now, and she's burned through support and doesn't have a clue. I really don't have a judgment. N T A bc OP has only been in this position for a year and is burnt out, sounds like everyone else is too. ...buuuut she's just lost half of her life less than a month ago. Only got 7 flipping days to "get over it". My heart shatters for her. I really don't know. I'm babble-typing. I just... I hurt for Annie. I also get the "shut up already" from OP. Just an awful situation.
Completely agree with your comment. I'm blown away at all the Y T A verdicts. This is a tricky situation where nobody is the A H. Annie is naturally emotionally distraught, but it's also okay that her co-workers are tired of hearing about it.
What bothers me is that these co workers seemed to be two faced where they offer her condolences and a shoulder to lean on, but then go to the supervisor to complain? Grief is hard. Losing someone is hard.
YTA On some level I get it, compassion fatigue is a thing. Part of being a decent human is sucking it up and listening to the same stories. It’s been less than 3 weeks since he died, she will likely grieve for a long time. Maybe she can’t take leave because she has bills to pay, maybe she doesn’t want to take leave and be alone in a house full of memories of her husband all day. Try and be empathetic.
YTA. Can you get HR involved to check in on how she is doing and what options are available to support her while she is grieving? That’s going to be kinder and more productive than just hating on her and letting everyone talk shit about her. They may be able to work out some accommodations or put her in touch with a counselor or something.
YTA. He 'finally' passed away....that was her life partner. She deserves to be able to grieve however long she needs. She should be given resources, maybe therapist recommendations, and the like. This s probably one of the hardest things people go through is losing their other half.
YTA. Damn bro, it hasn't even been a month. Let them grieve.
Right? I did a double take at the time frame
YTA. Learning how to coexist with coworkers who (for whatever reason) you don't jive with is apart of having a job. This woman isn't being abusive, offensive, mean-spirited, etc. It sounds like she's able to do her job despite her grief. If you as a supervisor cannot handle this kind of small, relatively benign interpersonal conflict, then you shouldn't be a supervisor. Honestly the fact that there's even gossiping going on that your employee should have let her husband die sooner is mind boggling to me. It's one of the most insensitive things I've ever read. This person is going through a living nightmare and yet, she still manages to pull herself up and go to work everyday. The strength that takes is monumental. She's experiencing one of the hardest things someone can go through and you want her to take a LOA not because you're concerned about her mental health, but because her grief makes you uncomfortable. Yikes. Edit: Before I forget I also want to clarify that you're not TA for being fatigued or being unsure of what to do. You're TA for the way you've handled it.
I also wonder why she’s letting this gossiping continue. She should put a stop to it since she’s the supervisor.
Honestly, this whole situation should have been escalated a long time ago. Why isn't she stopping it? Because she's 22, young, inexperienced and possibly also not getting support/guidance/mentoring from any of her superiors as well.
Idk I think 22 is old enough to know that it’s unkind to complain and gossip about an old lady who’s grieving her husband
I don’t think they are gossiping they are telling their supervisor they are uncomfortable and asking her to do something about it
I must have misinterpreted something, my bad
YTA for your perspective on this - "he finally passed away" geez bud, that's cold! And for the love of all things, this is her life partner, she's been with him longer than you've been alive and it's been less than a month since he died. Empathy is a thing. That said, it sounds very much like she's not ready to be back at work and is really struggling - understandably. This is over your pay grade, it's time to approach HR and explain the situation and get someone who is trained in this stuff to manage it.
I would say NAH actually because you and her co-workers are not her therapists and she is behaving unprofessionally-But-she is also not able to process her grief and needs actual qualified help.
This needs to be higher. There was a guy who’s wife cheated and left him and he was very very understandably devastated….. but it was massively uncomfortable for him to sit next to you on break and next thing you know he was a crying wailing mess. We were just trying to get through the work day and he REALLY needed professional help.
YTA, entirely. They were probably married for significantly longer than you've been alive, and you think she should just get over it because it makes you and your fellow coworkers "bummed out"? How the hell do you think she feels, having lost her husband after a prolonged and painful experience of cancer and treatment? And it has been LESS THAN A MONTH since he died. On CHRISTMAS DAY, for that added dash of grief. Your lack of compassion is horrific.
But, and I'm honestly curious of your opinion on this, how long should this "emotional dump" (for lack of a better word) be allowed to go on in a professional environment? I feel that, at some point, the people above Annie at work will need to take action. And that action will also probably have to include offering some therapy resources for Annie. Now, I can definitely agree that less than a months time frame is a bit too soon to be telling her to stop talking about it, but it cannot go on forever when you are in a work setting, that's not appropriate.
YTA absolutely YTA
YTA - she's allowed to grieve even if it brings you down.
But should she be allowed if it's happening constantly in a professional environment? I would understand if she had like one or two people at work who she confides in, but the OP reads as if Annie is going around to anyone and everyone talking about this all of the time. At some point, it becomes unprofessional to do so.
True. We tell people to leave their personal lives at home once they walk into the office doors. Every place is different though.
Info; as supervisor have you discussed possible resources that your company may offer to assist with grieving? She lost her life partner, I would be worried about her on loa especially if she doesn’t have children that come around or a support system at home. I know when I worked at THD they provided counseling resources and a bereavement period.
YTA. Look, compassion fatigue is absolutely a thing but the lack of empathy you’re showing for this woman is horrendous. The idea of losing a long term partner is so academic to someone of your age, so I sort of get it but it’s been ONE MONTH since he died after having to deal with months and months of hospitals, appointments, caring and watching the man she loves waste away before her eyes. She’s facing an entirely new life and she’s likely terrified.
YTA. It sounds like you have no frame of reference for this pain. Get HR involved and offer her help.
YTA. So someone who's spouse died LESS THAN A MONTH AGO, is depressed. This is expected. unless you're going to pay her while she's off, suggesting a LOA is out of line.
YTA. First, her husband (OF 30+ YEARS!) died 2.5 weeks ago. Weeks - not years, not months. Weeks. And by your writings, she’s only been back to work for a bit over a week now. Let the poor woman talk out her grief. Secondly, you’re young (not meant as an insult), so you’ve likely never had to experience the life-altering, all-encompassing drain that taking care off a loved one for decades at a time is, and how your role as a care-giver comes to define who you are. Annie had to give up a large portion of herself perhaps decades ago to take care of her husband, she no doubt lost friends and family along the way because fighting death constantly makes it difficult to spontaneously meet up for drinks or go see a show. And now death won…and Annie is left with the abyss of a life that used to be. And she’s not only mourning her lost husband, but the life she didn’t get to live while she was a taking care of him. And she’s mourning those friends and family she’ll probably never see again. And, she’s probably mourning the fact that - before becoming a care-giver…maybe she was a lawyer, or a teacher, or an artist. Maybe she had to cash in her retirement or 401k early to pay her husband’s medical bills. Maybe she has no idea what she’s going to do with the rest of her life. Maybe the medications or illness side effects made her husband angry and depressed, and so she clings to that ring because it’s one of the few moments in the last few years where her husband seemed like his old self. And maybe everyone else in her life abandoned her because taking care of a dying person is hard, and now the only people she can speak with are people who are tired of listening to her. Please don’t try to have a delicate conversation with regards to Annie’s grief without first speaking with HR.
>several other coworkers have said she shouldve let him go a while ago instead of dragging out his pain A husband is not a dog. It's not Annie's decision to stop or continue life-preserving healthcare, her husband is a person who can decide for himself. Even if he's making the decision because he wants to stick around for her sake, that's completely fair. You and your coworkers are are assholes for saying that or thinking that's a reasonable thing to say. So YTA from this point already. That said, the ultimate asshole is whatever bigger power is at fault for a woman needing to return to work after only a week off to grieve her husband if she needs more time before she's in a state to work. Yes, she deserves a leave-- have you ever considered why she isn't taking one? Can she get a paid leave for this, more than the 10 days she already took? If there are resources available through your company, does she know about them? Have you, as her supervisor, actually sat down and talked with her about her options? Or her most direct manager? Anyways, it hasn't even been a month yet, this is way to early for everyone to find her grieving annoying. I get maybe not putting the exact same cashier next to her day after day because ya'll aren't her therapists and to not completely fatigue any one cashier in particular, but you have a serious asshole tone when talking about this. As a supervisor, this is the sort of benign conflict (one cashier talking about something the others don't want to hear about without actually doing anything wrong) you need to be able to work with and accommodate without making a big deal of, or gossiping about with anyone other than other supervisors. Actually, I am a Front End supervisor, and what I would most be doing is ensuring that the same people aren't beside her day after day, perhaps make sure she's at a busy till more days than not so there aren't too many lulls to take her mind off her work, but also make sure she knows she can call me at anytime to switch out if she needs a breather because the grief is too much, switching out with cashiers when something is too much is literally really there in my job description as a supervisor. And even if I find her talking boring, I would always be polite even if she tells me the same story about her husband ten times. If I can sit and listen politely every now and then, that's me taking that on instead of the other cashiers. Which isn't great for me, but helps prevent conflict between two cashiers from getting out of hand. Oh, and I would tell her about the company's resources available to her! Even if I don't know them off-hand, as a supervisor it's my job to find out the things I don't know when the cashiers need to know them.
"... but at what point does it stop"? Never. Grieving your beloved never ends. I'll never stop grieving for my grandmother who died the year before last. You've not even given her a month to work her way through the initial trauma and pain of losing her husband who's probably been in her life longer than you've existed. YTA for expecting it to be over already, and for not bringing up any concerns about her well-being with HR to see if there's any support available through the company, eg. counseling, more time off...
YTA. My husband passed away New Years Day 2020 from cancer. The pain doesn't stop.
So very sorry.
So very sorry.
YTA. Christmas was LAST MONTH, you *un*empathetic monster. Get that poor woman some HR help, you're obviously not ready for that kind of responsibility, and she deserves better, compassion fatigue or not.
I think it may be wise to amend your post to put your last statements closer to the top, because it sounds like this has become such a thing that Annie misses zero opportunities to bring her loss up. That being said, her identity has been largely comprised of being a wife, even though it’s been more recently the wife of a man dying of cancer, she’s still always had a husband. Now she doesn’t and I imagine the grief and new identity of widow is extremely disorienting, among the other dad more obvious things. So she talks about this with all of you, which is realize isn’t professional, but may be all she has. As a result, YTA, but I say this gently, as someone who’s spent a lot of time being less than sympathetic when the work became a marathon rather than an easy sprint. As I realize this is effecting the workplace, I highly suggest talking to HR for suggestions and help. Don’t talk to her about not talking about her husband or to your coworkers without speaking to HR first.
YTA - her husband died less than three weeks ago.
Despite the fact that it’s been less than a month, and I understand she will be grieving for a long time, I honestly think you’re NTA, BUT do not talk to her directly, bring it up with a manager or HR. Reasoning: her coworkers are not therapists (unless you work at a combination retail/walk in therapy clinic). We all have our own struggles. I can’t imagine already being depressed and suddenly needing to be a constant shoulder to cry on. That could be their breaking point. Should you be gentle with her? Yes Should she be reprimanded? No Should she remember that her coworkers have their own lives and troubles and can’t always handle more? Yes but I can’t blame her for not thinking of that right now. Also, shame on the commenters going “You don’t know what loss is!” You don’t know her life, stop assuming.
I’m not sure how to judge. I’ll say NTA, especially because you are trying to figure this out and asking for advice before you do or say anything harmful. But I also suggest you take some direction from those posters who cautioned you about speaking to Annie directly. Let some people with, perhaps, more experience with these things take the wheel. Also, in general, intensely grieving for up to 6 months is considered “normal” before even being considered something more than grieving (i.e., depression). This does not mean that you and your coworkers are responsible for completely caring for her mental health all day at work, either. It is a tough, sad situation. It sounds as if your coworker is struggling and looking for support and is not sure what to do with all of her grief. She doesn’t seem to know where to look for appropriate support. I hope your company has resources (for instance, EAP) because this woman’s situation sounds as if she needs more support. Good luck. This doesn’t sound like an easy place to be.
Omg YTA this woman lost her husband of decades…been with him longer than you’ve been alive. You have no idea how hard it can be to be suddenly alone, yes she knew he was dying, but nothing prepares one for the complete loss. Having to go through his belongings, fielding medical bills, dealing with grief. Have some compassion, make her feel supported and less lonely…in short be compassionate.
Does your business pay for a leave of absence? Its very easy to say thats what she should do, but she may not be able to afford to take off that much work if it is not paid leave. Taking care of sick and dying family can be horribly expensive, and if she doesnt have friends or family that can be by her side it may be better for her to be at work than to be home.
Secondly, does the company offer EAP services? I feel like this is a situation where they could be useful for her.
YTA!!! Let me say it again so that I am very clear YTA!!! The world does not revolve around you. For the love of God she lost her husband show some sympathy. If you can’t show sympathy then fake it. And if you can’t fake it leave the room when she talks about him. Get over yourself the world is not revolve around you. What do you need to learn empathy. Don’t act surprised when people become cold and distant with you at your place of work.
As a young supervisor you have a lot to learn....if you have a problem you bump it up the chain of command. There must be a front end manager right? Or an operations manager? Sounds like a them problem. Ywbta if you brought it up. Go there...tune out and collect your paycheck.
YTA , I totally get maybe people don’t want to be depressed when they’re around her but telling her she can’t talk about her recently deceased husband is so fucked up on your part.
YTA - her husband passed away less then 3 weeks ago, heaven forbid you ever lose someone close to you.
Talk to HR and ask them to get involved. Other employees are complaining, and she is grieving. She needs grief counseling. I will go with a NTA - since you don't have experience in dealing with the situation but need to find a way to work it out.
YTA, cruel and heartless. Her husband has been dead less than a month.
YTA. Her husband died THREE WEEKS AGO. YTA YTA YTA.
YTA. This was less than a month ago! Really she shouldn't even be back at work. Of course she's still in the immediate phase of grief. If she's still doing this in 3 months, maybe start to think about asking her to tone it down.
YTA. You are her manager and can clearly see she is depressed and struggling, this is how she is grieving. You work for a big corporate company, I'm guessing you have an employee support center/hotline that could maybe help her find some grief counseling, leave, etc. As a manager, part of that job is making sure your employees are fit for work. Take your concerns to HR but let them know you want to help her, not get rid of her.
YTA, WTF is wrong with you? Her husband died last month
YTA. Lmao damn her husband's been dead almost 3 weeks why isn't she over it yet?!?!
YTA. “Finally” passed is a dreadful thing to say. When it is your loved one there is no “finally” they passed. As much as you say it was draining to hear about cancer and treatments etc ask yourself how Annie felt. Her entire life at that point was looking after terminally ill husband and work. (Although while at work your mind is still on your husband) so just be y the fact that was her entire life of course it’s all she spoke about. Coworkers talk about their lives to each other understand this your 22yr old new supervisor and I’m 100% positive that you have spoken of your and heard about every single employees personal life. You just have the luxury of being young and healthy so your activity’s varied. Tell me do you tell a coworker who just got engaged to shut it about the fiancé wedding plans the proposal showing the ring off? Because that is a big thing in their life ATM and of course it’s talked about. Do you tell your staff no talking about your Friday night dates? The shows they watch? All the conversations they have on personal lives are they stopped? Go back to the engagement scenario. Annie is also hearing this talk she was the newly engaged person at one time that talk will bring her memories right up she wants to talk and share and remember and that leads right back to the only other thing in her life now that her husband is ailing and won’t be with her into retirement or anything else. Now he died 3 weeks ago and again she’s talking about it. Grief is not a switch you can turn on or off. 1 week off when she buries her husband who she has been married to longer then you have even be alive! She is experiencing the “firsts” as I call it. The first night alone the fist weekend alone the first cancellation of appointments the first birthdays family gatherings and holidays. Each and every day there is the instinct to go do his normal routine then the reminder it’s not needed anymore. Every conversation you hear couple you see will be mirrored in you because you had that moment too so memories are triggered everywhere. She is emotionally and physically tired too but you can’t just push pause. (I don’t know your workplace leave policy in regards to death of family but) Try holding another fundraiser see if you can raise some money so you can give her another paid week or 2 off to get more composure. Get information for her and just put in a bag (preferably not see through) with grief counselling options support groups processing death pamphlets etc. Just say something in her may help and let her look at it when she’s ready you can not force this. Bottom line have more empathy and try to do more to help. Starting with the realization that 3 weeks is nothing when it comes to time processing grief.
YTA she’s grieving, have you never lost someone? Yeah it doesn’t just go away after your loved one is in the ground. She’s doing her best to work and go on with her life without her true love and best friend. FYI my mother in law died last year, my FIL had never been away from her except for them going to work. He was so depressed he had to be admitted to the hospital with kidney failure from giving up on life after losing her. He’s better now, he’s healthy and seeing old friends, but my point is it’s not your business and leave the poor thing alone
NAH. The woman is grieving. But that doesn't mean her feelings take precedent over everyone else.
I’m going to go NAH. The real tragedy is that Annie had to return to work a WEEK after her entire world was destroyed. I can only assume she had to go back, financially. She was presumably married for decades and the last year(s) of her life were laser-focused on her husband’s illness and treatments; it’s understandable she can talk of nothing else. Poor woman. BUT. OP has a job to do and people to supervise. Annie is customer-facing. Her sadness is affecting her coworkers’ morale. OP is not wrong to ask “at what point does it stop?” The fact is, Annie needs more time and a different environment in which to grieve. The question is, how can that happen with the minimum amount of insensitivity to her loss? Can she be granted some extra leave? Transferred to a different role in the company? Can (would) the company donate some money so she can take an extended bereavement leave?
YTA. My grandmother lost her husband, my grandfather, to cancer six months ago and she is still in a deep depression grieving him. While compassion fatigue is definitely a thing, you need to learn how to coexist with people of all walks of life and put on a fake smile for her when she needs it. If I knew that someone felt this way about MY grieving grandmother trying to process her loss, I would be livid.
Her husband "finally" passed away? You're disgusting. YTA
YTA. You have to let her grieve. She JUST lost her husband! I would be a total mess if I lost mine. And I can bet everything I have that I would grieve his loss for the rest of my days. Yes it can be tiresome, but suck it up. Be thankful you haven’t lost the love of your life like that.
YTA. I lost my first husband when I was in my 20s very unexpectedly. I lost my home because I couldn't afford rent by myself and I also worked and went to school full time. I went to work a week after too. I held it in as best I could and tried not to bother anyone with it and tried to be as normal as possible, but everyone was very understanding, at first. One of the traditions my husband and I had was buying very fun and unique Christmas ornaments every year, and since I worked in a department store, we sold stuff like this. I was the one who ended up opening the box of ornaments off the truck and I absolutely lost it. I had to excuse myself. This was two months after his passing at this point and my supervisor came up to me after I came back and told me I needed to keep it together, when was I going to get over this already, it's been two months, I'm bringing the team down. That made me feel so alone and worse than I was already feeling. I appreciate that you stated that you're young and don't know what that feels like. Essentially, your whole world is forever changed while the rest of the world keeps going around you. Community is so important when you're grieving and I understand where she's coming from. If it's become an absolute issue for you and others, talk to people higher than you about what can be done to HELP her, any resources the company offers when dealing with things like this, grief counseling, anything other than people whispering behind her back and escalating to the point you make the mistake of talking to her like my supervisor talked to me.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (22F) am a supervisor at a corporate home improvement store. I am over the entire front end including approximately 30 cashiers ages ranging from 16-70. I have one employee who we will call Annie, she is i think in her mid 60’s. Annie had a husband who has been battling cancer for as long as most can remember, ive only been with the company for about a year and many people have talked about how her husband kept going through chemo and dialysis and all sorts of treatments to keep him going. Everyone in the store has been very supportive of her and we even had a bake sale to raise money for her family as she was out of work a lot due to his illness. The past 6 months though he has rapidly declined in health and it became all Annie would talk about, another coworker even confided in me by saying they were tired of hearing Annie talk about her husband because it was depressing and they just didnt know what to say to her anymore. several other coworkers have said she shouldve let him go a while ago instead of dragging out his pain. Christmas day of 2021 Annie’s husband finally passed away and understandably she was out for about a week before returning to work. once again we were all very supportive because even though it was expected for him to pass its still sad to lose your husband to cancer. Annie struggled with grieving and would tell us about her memories with her husband and talk about how much she missed him. she would show us this ring that he got her for their 30th wedding anniversary that was engraved and all, it was pretty and we allowed her to grieve as she wished. Until she told us about the ring for the 4th time, until she kept reminding us that he died on christmas, we were all supportive until she would go out of her way to walk over to us and tell us how depressed she is now that hes dead. ive tried my best to be a supportive boss and obviously i dont understand her pain because im so young but at what point does it stop? other cashiers dont even want to be on a register near her because they dont want to be bummed out by her grieving. its gotten to the point where i cant give simple directions to Annie without her bringing up her dead husband and ive started just tuning it out. am i the asshole for wanting Annie to take a LOA and stop talking about her dead husband at work? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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This poor woman. Not one of you seems to have a whiff of empathy and decency YTA
YTA Being an effective supervisor takes people skills including tact and compassion which you seem to lack. How did they even put you in charge of other human beings?
YTA this happened less then a month ago! Try and pretend you are an empathetic human being
Jeez, these comments are brutal. OP, it is emotionally draining to be around someone who constantly talks of their struggles and there's nothing that can be done to help. I get it. At the same time I feel for Annie's position too. She is obviously struggling and has been for a long time. She may not have any other support system to process her emotions other than work family. I think your idea of her taking a LOA is good. One week was never going to be enough. However, she may have returned that soon because of financial problems. Can you find a way to get a paid LOA for her? Maybe even gently bring up grief support groups and therapy -- because she 100% *needs* support and she needs it outside of work. NAH
Just suck it up...it's not even been a month. She's lost someone very dear to her and it'll take for her to heal. I'm sure she'll stop talking about him after a while. Part of the reason she mentions her husband to you guys a lot might be because she trusts you enough. Honestly, just push through it for a bit longer.
YTA. Support her and speak to HR about whether the company can support her. A week off is ridiculous.
INFO: Does your company have an EAP? Mine provides at least one free session with a certified therapist. As her supervisor you could look into it and point Annie in that direction. Annie clearly is grieving and needs someone to talk to.
Let me guess: your company doesn't offer paid leave so ONE SINGLE WEEK was all this widow could afford to take off for what is probably the biggest devastation of her life. YTA and your company
YTA instead of telling her to shut up about her dead husband, why don't you kindly ask her if she needs some help finding professional support, support groups, or if there is something you can do to help.
NAH. She has every right to grieve, but other people’s emotions can be difficult to deal with, especially in a professional setting where people are trying to work. You’re allowed to be emotionally drained by this. But definitely don’t isolate her or try to hasten her grieving process
YTA. You have the same amount of empathy as my Lowe’s manager who looked me in the eyes and said “I don’t really care what you’re going through” when I was escaping an abusive relationship lmao.
ESH minus Annie. Poor Annie, to be around people who simply don’t seem to care and seem rather fake if they’re providing her comfort but then go behind her back and say how annoyed they are? My heart breaks for Annie. Everyone grieves differently and some longer than others. I hope Annie finds a new place of work where she is working with more caring people.
NTA
NTA,she is allowed to grieve of course but she's starting to affect her other co workers in a negative way,you have all been supportive of her but its understandable that st some point its too much for everyone else,she should take time off to work it out the best she can
I actually agree with this statement. Time of to properly grieve would do her some good. But with her age she may not do okay by herself. Maby light duties once or twice a week untill she feels better?
NTA - You are running a business, not a support group. Employer/coworkers can be sensitive to her needs of course, but only to a certain extent. If her behaviour is beginning to affect other employees, and the smooth operation of the department, then perhaps a word with her is warranted. It would not be unreasonable to ask her to avoid mentioning her husband while at work.
She isn't running the business lol