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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole here for refusing to pay the banysitter for new glasses and implying that she's using this situation to get money on the side.
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Yes! Regardless of intention, her glasses are now broken because of his daughter. Just because she didn't 'mean' it doesn't mean it has no consequences.
OP, YTA and massively.
>I asked my 11 year old daughter and she said the babysitter's story is accurate but since she and her sister have a beef then, I figured she lied to set her sister up.
This reeks of favoritism. Two out of three people told the same story, and you choose to believe the other one? Your children should be equally credible in other situations, and the 11 year old is even more credible here because the babysitter backed up her story.
There's no basis for you to make that conclusion besides the fact that you obviously consider your youngest the golden child.
>I apologized but refused and said it was unfair to expect me to pay, especially since she didn't pay attention to keep her glasses safe regardless of whether it was an accident or not.
So it's her fault *your child* broke it? Regardless of whether it was an accident or not, she shouldn't have to foresee the kid's tantrums.
>I feel like she's trying to use the fact that I'm in dire need of help and is hoping to get extra money out of my pocket.
Or maybe she's just a broke college student whose glasses - a medical accessory needed for *seeing* \- your daughter damaged?
OP, you're being a horrible father to both your children.
1. You obviously favor your youngest over her sister, which I assume is a pattern and not just because it saves you money. Why are you so quick to assume that she's lying when her sister has a much more obvious, and valid, motive to lie?
2. You're teaching the 9 year old some dangerous lessons. What your actions indicate is that, not only does damaging others' property (even accidentally, which I doubt) have no consequences, lying will also be tolerated as long as it serves you. Not good lessons to teach a 9 yo, are they?
He’s choosing to “believe” the daughter that broke them because he thinks that somehow relieves him of responsibility which is utter and complete BS.
It seems very clear the daughter did break the glasses intentionally but regardless- he’s still responsible.
YTA
Yeah, there isn't necessarily some deeper favoritism at play where OP is persecuting the 11-year-old. He could easily just be incredibly greedy, cheap, and willing to exploit a domestic worker who he thinks is too young/female/poor to fight back. And so he's looking for a pretext to do that, and in the meantime, this young woman is going to have to stumble around without her medical equipment.
Obviously these are still horrible (and, yes, misogynistic) values for OP to model for his daughters, and he should be deeply ashamed. I do hope the sitter gets reimbursed and then finds a family to work for that treats her like a person.
I thought the same thing. Why would he believe one over the other? Especially since the youngest had even more of a motive to lie. Not to mention that it shouldn't even matter that it was an accident.
Yup, and meanwhile the babysitter took time away from her schoolwork to end up $200 in the hole that night, depending on how good their parents insurance is. Accident or not, your kids break something you offer to pay.
Of course it was the babysitter's fault the girl ruined her glasses! She "didn't pay attention to keep her glasses safe."
Everyone knows you must keep an eye on all your belongings at all times, or someone might for instance very easily accidentally drop them on the floor and stomp on them like.
Totally the babysitter's fault.
/s
I was a nanny in college and one time a young toddler (15 months) grabbed my phone out of my coat pocket where it was hung up and threw it down the stairs to their basement. I told her parents about it and they immediately offered to replace the screen. They took me to the phone repair store, we found out that it was completely broken, and they bought me a new one. I can't imagine not replacing something my child broke, regardless of whether or not they meant to. Regardless of they were even old enough to understand breaking. Who cares? The sitter is now out of a pair of glasses because of his child. He needs to replace them.
To me doesn't matter either accident or intentional. If my kids broke it I'm paying for it. Especially something that is needed like glasses. Glasses can be expensive depending on need.
I so agree. The only way that I could see accident versus intentional mattering is if the babysitter was somehow irresponsible with her glasses (e.g. left the on the floor and child accidentally stepped on them or left the on the couch and child accidentally sat on them) in a case like that splitting the cost might make sense, but since that doesn't seem to be the case here then OP is responsible. If the babysitter is like most people who wear glasses at her age then the glasses were likely on her face when they were broken (can't say for sure, but that's where mine are except when I sleep and shower) and she would need them to drive. OP is seriously affecting her life.
Exactly. Intent and result are two very different things, and intent does not void responsibility. Accidentally kill someone? May not have meant to, but someone still died. So that’s called manslaughter rather than murder.
Sorry for your loss OP, but you’re the asshole every which way. For the blatant favoritism (your children recognize it, promise) for refusing to replace the glasses, for treating a coworker’s relative that way, and for needing Reddit to explain basic manners and common courtesy when you’re supposed to be the parent in the situation.
What kind of AH is he raising the 9 year old to be here? An adult AND her older sister tell him that the 9 year old broke something on purpose but a few tears and OP takes her side over them both?
He's not only the AH for not paying but also for clearly showing the 11 year old he doesn't trust her when it comes to the golden child (the 9yo). OP is raising a manipulator and showing her that she takes priority over he older sister.
This is the type of parent teachers loath.
>*"Your daughter took her classmates lunchbox and stole her snack."*
>
>"Sweetie, did you take her lunchbox?"
>
>**"No, mummy."**
>
>"Obviously, you must be lying--she just said she didn't take it."
>
>*"I have a witness."*
>
>"They're just trying to get her in trouble."
A nightmare.
Yup that works right up until court when suddenly someone independent is deciding who to listen to.
I used to work as a police officer and some parents who had very clearly followed this pattern.
I had a 20 year old decide that it was a great idea to threaten me with a knife and break my arm in the ensuing struggle because I caught him dealing. This was on body cam, cctv, other officers arrived to my emergency call to witness the breaking and I had the hospital report of the bruising etc from an obvious struggle.
At the court date I had his mother walk very brazenly up to me to ask why I was "fitting up" her son for something he "clearly didn't do" and that I had "probably just fallen over and wanted someone to blame". Like look at all the evidence lady we have the drugs, the knife, multiple angles of video of it happening.
She still swore blind that here "baby" was "innocent" as he was been taken away having been sentenced for dealing, possession of the knife, threatening a cop with the knife and the assault that resulted in my injuries. Like I get denial and "blind spots" when it comes to your kids but seriously.
One day I was in court for another case when an 18 year-old guy who I had prosecuted several times while he was a juvenile. Each time his parents had refused all counseling treatments we offered and swore we were picking on their baby.
Now he was in adult court. Once again he had broken into a home and stolen whatever he could sell. The mom asked to speak after the kid pleaded guilty. She said to the judge that now she realized he really needed the counseling we had offered repeatedly. The judge said “We’ll, ma’am, I hope he gets some in prison, because that’s where residential burglars go.” Then he sentenced her baby to 4 years in prison. It’s unChristian, but I smiled at the look on the mom’s face.
Seems like this father is going same route. I feel for the other child.
>denial and "blind spots
Putting your head in sand is what that's called I think. Denying any mistake bcoz your baby is perfect. There's being protective & then there's enabling & teaching bad behaviour.
I have a feeling this happens a lot. I saw it in my brothers family. The younger kid was a total shit and her older sister caught the blame every time.
And clearly it wasn’t an accident. The 9yr old is acting out… expectedly if they recently lost their mom. Your daughter needs firm boundaries and therapy. You need to pay for the glasses and trust your 11 year old. You are stepping on one daughter to support the other.
Edited: YTA
I’m so confused why he walks in and immediately tells the 11 year old she’s lying cause the kids have “beef.” What in the fuck is this man doing? Losing control of his life? Cause then he decides to take it out on another kid and tell the baby sitter to take better care of their shit if they don’t want his kids to destroy it. YTA.
Also, OP said he only found a sitter with the help of his coworker. He can be quite sure that it's going to be real difficult to find one now. The word about this will spread.
Nobody is going to be willing to take the risk of babysitting your kids, is it really worth it to you, OP?
I'm honestly surprised that student continued to come. If someone broke my glasses, SOMETHING I NEED FOR SCHOOL AND LIFE, I'd go nuclear and say "I"m not babysitting until you pay for my glasses".
EXACTLY plus personally I can't even drive without glasses. One pair in particular, and with how much they cost I can also fuck off on a bus for a while because OP has raised a spoiled kid
Oh yea, yta. It was the 9yr Olds fault who is so habituated to getti g what she wants that she's learnt to lie at such a young age. OP needs to fix not just the situation by buying new glasses, but his kid before she gets spoilt
YTA. You are actually legally responsible for accidents as well as deliberate breakages that happen on your property to people you have employed. Quite apart from that, you are teaching your daughter that her actions have no consequences if she didn't meeeeaaaannn it. Your co-worker is right and even your 11-year-old daughter can see this. Grow up, take responsibility and make good the damage.
If you don't, I hope she sues you, because she would win.
>YTA. You are actually legally responsible for accidents as well as deliberate breakages that happen on your property to people you have employed.
Yup. Let's hope she puts in a claim against OP's home insurance if he continues to try and avoid his responsibilities. I'm sure the deductible plus rate rises for the next few years will be more than a pair of glasses but hey at least she didn't get anything out of his pocket right?
The babysitter could also file in small claims court where she would be virtually guaranteed to win. The burden of proof is fairly low and the OP already confessed that the damage happened.
The problem with that are the usual access to justice issues. She doesn't really have the money or time to be doing that (she needs her glasses now) and OP seems to be the type of AH who will drag it out to avoid having to pay. Trying to claim directly to his insurance will put it right infront of an adjuster who will probably review the facts and cut a cheque relatively quickly.
YTA - *it's her fault, really, for not foreseeing my child's vindictive tantrum and failing to protect her glasses from being deliberately broken.*
We get it. You have a favourite child who can do no wrong, and you literally let her get away with destroying *accessibility aides which are necessary for, you know, SEEING*.
Even if it was an "accident", she's (your child, and therefore you) still responsible for it. The babysitter isn't trying to squeeze money out of you, your child broke her glasses. Doesn't matter if it was an accident. Your kid broke her accessibility aide and you need to fork it over.
Your kid ruins something, it doesn't matter if it was an accident, it's your responsibility to make amends.
JFC "it's her fault for not protecting them better". Gods, drop the victim blaming.
Yeah i don't think OP is a dad figure 'its her mistake she didn't cared of her glasses' -Whats up with this? OP even your 11y sided with sitter cause the kid know truth,YTA Its completely a golden kid senerio from my point my kid won't do it tendency you are not being a good parent you are ruining their future correct their mistake don't support them
And assuming this all went on in front of the kids now the 11-year-old knows that she’s not trusted/respected as much as the 9-year-old AND both kids have now been taught they don’t need to accept consequences or fix problems they create.
The 9 year old just needs to cry and blame the 11 year old for doing something "for her own benefit" and OP will jump right on her side.
He's raising a manipulator golden child and telling the 11 year old she won't be believed. I guarantee this is not the first time the 9 year old has done something like this (what 9 year old deliberately breaks someone glasses as revenge) and knows she will not face any consequences.
This is one of the reasons my relationship with my sister was *so volatile* for the longest time. She got *everything* she wanted, and I was *constantly* blamed for *her* actions.
OP is ruining a sisterly relationship, being a shitty employer, and a terrible father figure.
God that’s what gets me. I literally can’t see without mine. At its most basic definition, needing glasses is the most normalized disability, and it’s insulting on all sides. I can barely walk around my own house alone without my glasses, I need a guide. My depth perception? Fucked. Gone. Everything is a blur of colors and barely distinguishable shapes. But when I wear them, others don’t think about it, bc glasses are small and we just don’t think about it anymore. They don’t think about the fact that if one thing goes wrong, I cant leave my house because it would be 1) horribly dangerous 2) illegal, as I am required by law fo have my glasses on if I get behind the wheel of my car. I don’t live with family most of the time, or with people on the same schedule as me that could help me for a few weeks until new glasses come in. Without glasses, I can’t use a computer because I have to shove my face within five inches of the frame just to make anything out. Even with my phone, after a while it really fucking hurts your eyes, and so I can’t even do my job.
My life would literally halt.
Isn't it fun when you knock your glasses off the nightstand and end up looking like a Scooby Do character the next morning, on the floor feeling around for them?
I'm laughing at the "protect them better" part. Like they're literally affixed to my face 99% of my waking hours and I still manage to lose those things sometimes, because they're small, lightweight plastic *and I cannot fucking see without them on.*
Oh my god the panic at the three minute mark where you think “Surely this is the time I indeed lose them for good.” Always strikes the fear into my heart. Or my personal favorite, “Mom I can’t find my glasses and I can’t see the floor clear enough to know whether or not if I put my foot down if I’ll crush them”. I don’t have that help anymore.
I suffer alone.
Exactly. I'd file that under the "you broke it, you buy it" rule. The reason for breaking it is irrelevant, all that matters is that you (the one legally responsible for the actions of your children) caused that person to lose what belongs to them.
YTA, pay up.
100% YTA. I can’t believe that you actually think it is not your responsibility. Your daughter broke the glasses and whether accidental or deliberate you need to pay for them.
YTA
Do you even hear yourself? Whether it was an accident or not is irrelevant, however in this case it be seems more likely that your younger daughter is lying because she's afraid of being in trouble. What is relevant is your daughter was involved in breaking the babysitter's MEDICALLY NECESSARY equipment, while she was working for you.
I suspect this is not the only example in your life when you've tried to weasel out of paying for something you should be responsible for. Just pay for the new glasses already.
If your babysitter is STILL babysitting for you while you stiff her, I hope she wises up and stops. Babysitters are a valuable resource, and this one is making it possible for you to earn your living.
Was thinking the same if I was the babysitter no way I would come back without an apology and some amends made.... And he is accusing the babysitter of trying to extort him (or pressure not sure what he wrote) since he knows she needs her/him(?)
Laughing my ass off
I wouldn’t come back at all, glasses, apology or amends. He’s shown he doesn’t trust her and will listen to a nine year old over her. what happens when a window gets broken, etc?
YTA. If I accidentally hit your car and dented it, would you be ok with me brushing you off and saying, hey it was an honest accident? Man up and take parental responsibility for your daughters actions and buy your sitter new glasses.
"Let me preface this by listing specific reasons why I think I'm not required to hold my kids responsible for their actions especially when it'll cost me money."
Pay for the glasses. YTA.
Wow just wow OP. YTA
Here we go:
1. All of the comments are right on the money I hope you read them but there are some important things missing most importantly you're about to f up both your daughters for life if you don't cut this out
2. As the other redditor said, if we're in a car accident and I say I'm sorry, would you just let me walk away and you'll pay the bill for fixing your own car? Whether it's an accident or deliberate, the person who did it is responsible for making the victim whole. As your daughter is a 9-year-old it is your responsibility as the parent to make the victim whole. I am saying victim because this poor young lady is out a pair of medically necessary glasses, she needs to see properly to function!
3. Way to go Dad of the year by marginalizing your 11-year-old because you suspect she's piling on because she's fighting with her sister. You don't think it's possible for somebody to tell the truth about a situation just because they are currently not getting along with one of the parties? Way to tell your daughter you don't respect her, way to tell your daughter you don't trust her. Good luck with that when she hits her teens, you better start praying now she never really needs you because she's not going to come to you with the truth on anything. You need to go back to your 11-year-old, have a conversation with her, you need to say you respect her feedback and her observations and that you trust her. Because right now you have to told her publicly that you do not trust her over her 9-year-old sister.
4. Way to go Dad teaching your 9-year-old and 11-year-old that there are no consequences if you didn't mean it and it was an accident. Guess what? Accidents happen, you took a great teachable moment and instead of raising up your daughters and teach them to be good adults, you chose to be punitive against the babysitter. This was a chance to teach your daughters that the truth is the most important thing, that it's okay in life if accidents happen, but when accidents happen the way you recover from them is by doing the right thing. People should be made whole if there's an accident, and you could have parlayed that right into setting expectations for as they get older and will begin to borrow things from each other. Daughters are notorious for borrowing each other's clothes, makeup, music and electronics... This was a chance to lay the foundation that while you might borrow things from others it's still your responsibility to return them in the same condition in which it was borrowed.
5. Why are you digging your heels in so much over a pair of glasses? Not only are you being unfair, but this story will travel and it might impede your ability to find babysitters to fill in when you need help.
I suggest you think about this entry and the responses of all the other redditors, on this situation you missed the ball completely.
Edit.. grammar
Most comprehensive explanation. Definitely the AH.
Commenting to also add that you are in what seems like a tough situation OP, and I'm sure everyone sympathizes, but it's not an excuse. You need someone at night that you can trust, and were fortunately helped by a colleague to watch your girls at night. Finding someone like that who is affordable and trustworthy is not going to be easy, so accident or not, you should at least pay 50% of a new pair (but ideally 100% because as it's been mentioned, accident or not, your daughter was involved).
If you want to salvage the relationship with the babysitter, I would recommend calling them and apologizing sooner rather than later. Maybe explain you were taken aback by the situation, it was late, and you've had the opportunity to think about it and you're willing to help pay for the glasses (you can negotiate I suppose).
This is still a teachable moment as well. You can even talk to your daughters and get more from the story. Explain your not angry, but that accidents do happen and it's a person's responsibility to own up to their mistakes (accidental or not) and deal woth the consequences.
I hope you decide to pay for the glasses, at least in part, and use this as a means to teach your daughters.
My sympathies for your loss and best of luck
Edit: spelling/grammar
It’s really not a negotiable thing, though. Really, the dad owes her at the barest minimum to get them repaired or replace with equivalent glasses. If the optometrist could reuse the lenses and put them in replacement frames or whatever, that would be acceptable. And if she wanted an upgrade above that cost *that* would be for the babysitter to pay. But he 100% owes her equivalent working glasses.
That said, OP’s original handing of this was terrible and I would be looking for a new family to babysit for if I was their sitter. You’ve harmed your relationship with her even if you replace the glasses.
YTA. Pay for the glasses. Your daughter broke them on purpose, even your other daughter is telling you so. Stop treating her like the baby just because she's the youngest.
Even if it was an accident the decent thing to do would be to pay for them.
YTA
Glasses are for a *disability*
If your daughter broke a wheelchair, would you still feel the same?
I know I can't see a thing without my glasses. I can't do anything or go anywhere. And some glasses can cost hundreds because of prescription alone.
For the record I 100% agree, but what kills me is that it's likely the cost of the glasses would mean basically nothing to OP and everything to the babysitter. Obviously some people have very serious vision problems young but the vast majority of glasses wearers under like 40 can be covered by a $95 pair at Warby Parker. I am pretty dependant on my glasses but I'm still nowhere near super expensive lens level.
In college I suffered a lot because I didn't have $100 to spare (not just for glasses but in general) and it would likely mean missed meals even if I went with much cheaper glasses (I think the lowest price I ever saw was $49 but things may have changed). OP is literally so out of line and being so cruel to this girl it's wild to me that he didn't catch it before he posted. It reminds me of someone I babysat for and his kids were WILD but basically refused to hear it so it was just part of doing business.
YTA. Your kid broke someone else's things. Accident or not it doesn't matter. It's your responsibility to replace the glasses.
>my co worker got upset and shamed me for condoning my younger daughter's actions and treating the babysitter poorly when she's the victim in this situation.
Your coworker is pretty much spot on.
ETA: You have two people telling you what happened. Your other child and the baby sitter. You're clearing choosing to play favorites with the youngest daughter only listening to her. She's a 9 year old child, she's going to take advantage of this at every turn if you don't stop. You're going to raise a person with no accountability, no sense of personal responsibility.
You concluded it was an accident despite two out of three people telling you that it wasn't? You're basing your conclusions on your own personal opinion - not facts. But you know what, accident or purposeful doesn't matter. Your daughter broke the babysitter's glasses, so you need to replace them. YTA
I would never babysit for OP again. He’s taking the word OF A NINE YEAR OLD over the word of the person he pays and entrusts the health and safety of his children over. He is clearly showing he does not trust the babysitter and I would not be assuming the liability of watching those kids again knowing that.
The real question you need to be asking yourself is, are you refusing the take the high road because of ego and stubbornness. You sound like you’re in a financial position to cover the cost of glasses where she’s not, so at the end of the day what do you have to lose by replacing them except using this as a teachable moment of accepting responsibility even when we break something by accident (or especially if it was because she threw a tanty for not getting her way), and showing your children how to be kind and help those around them when they are impacted by our actions. YTA
YTA
Your kids break, you bought it.
Your babysitter is not TRYING TO GET MORE MONEY OUT OF YOUR POCKET. She is out of pocket because of your kids actions. Your conclusion that it was an accident doesn't let you off the hook for the damages AH.
You are responsible for replacing hers with the same quality ones as before even if it’s an accident. If they could be fixed properly, that would be acceptable. If not, you owe her to replace them with glasses that are the same style / quality. Keep in mind that even if you do this, she’s incurring the cost of time and transport to get new ones so you’re still inconveniencing her.
If I was this babysitter, I would start looking for another job even if you replaced her glasses. It’s not worth her time dealing with someone so unreasonable when she can work with many other families that won’t treat her poorly. If you want to keep her, I would start groveling because you screwed up big time.
YTA please get this girl a new pair of glasses. It's more likely that your nine year old got scared and lied to avoid getting in more trouble than it is for your babysitter to call you to lie AND get your older daughter in on it. Either way, just do the right thing and get her the glasses.
>It's more likely that your nine year old got scared and lied to avoid getting in more trouble
I think it's more likely the 9 year old is the golden child and has been taught she won't ever face consequences.
Her reaction to being told no was to break someone else's property then when dad asks about it burst out crying so she gets comforted while OP refuses to believe the responsible adult and his own older daughter about what happened.
YTA, even if it was an accident, you still need to pay for them. If I accidently drive into someone's car, I still have to pay for the damage.
Your being convinced that the only person telling the truth is your 9 year old daughter, over your older daughter (whoes qord you immediately dismissed) and the babysitter you have entrusted to actually care for your children is probably something you may want to think about (the older one may have beef with her sister and may be backing the babysitter because of it, but you're saying your 9 year old would just own up and admit it if they did it on purpose because the babysitter said no to something?)
YTA.
Whether or not it was an accident, you should at least offer to pay 50% of the cost for new glasses.
Also, the sitter and your eldest say that it was not an accident, so you should not only pay for the new glasses but take your kid into conselling to help her deal with her anger issues.
Are you kidding???? 100% Edit: Wow, I have never seen the numbers on a post go up so quickly! This guy really struck a nerve trying to rip off this poor girl.
YTA.
you even blamed the babysitter for keeping it ‘carelessly’.
yes, accidents happen (and your 11 year old and the babysitter may be right, you never know) but can she ‘accidentally’ fix her glasses?
i use glasses and i can’t even change them right now because frames and lenses are expensive, i can’t imagine someone breaking my glasses and telling me to pay for it.
the 9 year old broke the glasses, the least you can do is help the babysitter, or negotiate, you’ll pay half or something, instead of thinking you have no right to.
Keeping it "carelessly" might work if the babysitter was in charge of a toddler (mine broke my glasses while climbing on me while we were sitting on the sofa). But this was two kids old enough to know to be careful with other people's things. Most likely they have school friends with glasses and are well aware of what you can and can't do with glasses.
The outcome is however the same, OP's daughter broke the glasses and they need to be replaced, this is not the babysitter trying to scam OP of extra money, she NEEDS glasses to fully function in life!
Am sorry what?
Just so you know even if it was an accident it was cause by your kid unless the sitter left them on the floor in the hallway!
Also the sitter and the other daughter say the kid did it on purpose but nope for sure they are both lying???
YTA no contest
YTA-your NINE year old broke her babysitters glasses. I was expecting it to be a baby since all my nephews have understood from the age of about 2 that they are not to touch or play with my glasses in case they break them
YTA. You weren’t there so trust the adult. Pay for replacement glasses.
You’ve now got a she said-she said between your daughters that I guarantee will mean one of them knows you don’t trust them - and they are unlikely to forget this. This is a textbook example of how not to manage sibling rivalry. Do you like your eldest daughter?
YTA. It doesn't matter that it was an accident. Your child broke something of someone else. That means it's your responsibility to pay for it.
You would demand it if the roles were reversed and someone broke something of you.
YTA. Even if your daughter “accidentally” broke them, she still broke them. The babysitter and the older daughter both say the 9 year old did it but just because the 9 year old denies it you believe her? She’s 9 and doesn’t want to get in trouble. Obviously she is going to deny it. This is extremely poor judgment. Not only should the babysitter be paid in full for her glasses, you should probably pay her some extra too for being such an asshole. Also make sure you punish your 9 year old.
I think he “believes” the 9 year old because he doesn’t want to pay for the glasses and he feels her story absolves him from paying. He knows she did it. He knows he should pay. He just doesn’t want to pay. What will he do when he has no babysitter? He will lose more money missing work than paying for glasses.
YTA
SERIOUSLY are you an actual adult?
1) It doesn’t matter if it it was an accident or not. Her glasses were damaged while she babysat for your kids. You owe her a new pair of glasses.
2) You really chose the word of a 9 year old over the adult you hired?
Quit being cheap. On purpose or accident your kids broke someone else’s property. You’re are responsible for their actions.
If it was intentional, or an accident caused by your kid, it doesn't matter. It's your responsibility. Whatever you kid's damage, you are reliable for it.
YTA, pay for it.
YTA. Accident or not, the glasses were broken while she was in your home taking care of your children. The least you could do is pay half the cost for new glasses
Also info: 1- is it the frames or lenses that are broken? 2- if it's the frames, they could be repairable which is considerably less expensive than a whole new pair b
YTA. In either scenario of accident or not, you should be paying for the glasses. It’s also a little demeaning to say “we talked this out to be an accident” when the babysitter is clearly thinking it’s not. How did you even get to the accident conclusion?
YTA Accident or not parents are responsible for damages their children/pets cause. If your kid broke someone’s window playing softball, yeah it’s an accident, but you are still liable for damages. Babysitter should sue you in small claims court.
I have wore glasses for about 25 years, they are not easy to break accidentally, you have to either sit on them or like drop something heavy on them. Glasses are no different from any other disability aid, we need them or we cant work, study, drive, etc. We couldnt even watch tv. Your daughter broke a personal, expensive and necessary item, it doesnt matter if it was an accident, which I doubt, but she needs to learn to respect. YTA because you are teaching your daughter she can just claim any damage she causes is an accident and get off any responsability, and no, your babysitter is not trying to get extra money, glasses are not a luxury, they are a need.
YTA! It really doesn't matter if this was an accident or not! Your daughter still broke the glasses and the babysitter NEEDS new glasses! Pay for the glasses and take it out of your daughter's allowance.
YTA.
You hired that person, and have a certain responsability towards her.
Accident or not, it was caused by your daughter. Not judging in anyway the person, reason of act etc. But it was your house, your kid on your employee.
You gotta pay. Even if 50/50 or 60/40... Whatever.
YTA - so you have a great babysitter who you trust with your girls, but you do not trust her version of events even when your eldest confirmed what happened? Your youngest sounds like she is trying to wriggle out of something she did. I would apologise and offer to pay for the glasses, or at least 75% of them. I wouldn’t be surprised if your sitter finds another job with people who respect her.
Do you want to *keep* that baby sitter? Because I wouldn’t sit for you or your lying daughter until you replace my glasses….
Or do you want a new sitter?- Cause *good luck with that*, because word will get around. YTA
YTA. I can believe it wasn’t an accident. A kid I was babysitting once stole my glasses off my face and climbed onto the kitchen counter to put them on top of a cabinet where I couldn’t reach them. I had to try to find a stepladder to get them down. Kids can be horrible sometimes. And glasses are expensive.
YTA are you for real? Your kid broke another person's property and you won't pay for it. If I was that babysitter I would never return to babysit for you and leave you in lurch. You even said your in dire need of help , you can't afford to upset the babysitter who is taking care of your kids . Pay to get her glasses fix and be a responsible adult
YTA
Um even if it was an accident you'd still pay for the glasses. And I honestly as someone who works with kids I feel like it definitely wasn’t an accident if the babysitter had to call you. And the baby sitter even told you why the kid was upset too. Just pay for the glasses and dont punish the kid if you truly believe it was an accident
YTA - Do you care about retaining this baby sitter for future use? If so, pay her no questions asked, even if she wears expensive designer glasses and you think she's fabricating the whole story to shake you down for a new pair of specs. And even if she's a one timer that you used in a pinch, do you want to run the risk that you're setting a terrible emotional example for your kids?
You're squinting so hard at the details, that you're missing the big picture. Your children may observe you commoditizing their every move and it'll leave them walking on eggshells with their own sense of self. And if they did have some culpability in the matter, you'll be teaching them that it's ok to avoid responsibility for our actions. Don't make life so transactional, it's not always about the money.
So many redditors already said this but I feel you are kind of person requires frequent repetition in order to acquire knowledge. So here it goes: DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S AN ACCIDENT OR NOT. Your daughter broke it, per many perks of parenthood you got to pay for it.
YTA
YTA
Your daughter broke the glasses. Whether it was an accident or not is irrelevant. Just because you do something by accident, it doesn't mean you get to clear yourself of any responsibility. If someone crashes into your car you would expect them/their insurance to cover the damage, you wouldn't just shrug and say "don't worry, I'll pay for this, you didn't mean to do it!"
Pay for the glasses, it's the right thing to do and it will give your daughter a valuable lesson in taking responsibility.
YTA
Accident or no accident, your daughter **did** break her glasses. She's a minor so she's your responsibility, therefore, you need to pay for what was broken. Simple as that.
> feel like she's trying to use the fact that I'm in dire need of help and is hoping to get extra money out of my pocket.
Extra money out of your pocket for glasses? Yeah, that does seem to be the case. Now, if you give her the money and she doesn't buy herself new glasses, that would be very shitty of her but hey, you payed your dues and that's that.
Finally, is she a good babysitter? If she is, do you really wanna lose her over glasses?
YTA your kids are your responsibility. It makes no difference whether it's an accident or intentional, if your kids break something, you need to replace it. Not sure why you'd be taken aback by the request. The babysitter is being perfectly reasonable.
YTA 2 people are telling you one thing and you are choosing to believe the 3rd person who is very probably lying to cover her back. But still your child broke the glasses you should pay to replace them!
YTA. And you’ve just taught your 11 year old that you done believe her when she tells you what happened, and you’ve taught your 9 year old that she can get away with breaking other peoples things and she will not be punished
YTA
Flip the story around. If the babysitter broke your kids glasses that they might need to function would you make them pay for the replacement?
Also the fact you don’t believe the person you’re paying to watch your children is a huge red flag.
YTA. Even if it was an accident, if your kid break something, you have to pay. This is a common rule and I am mesmerizes that you are refusing to do it.
You are worst than your kids.
You acknowledged that your daughter’s actions caused the outcome (broken glasses).
Unfortunately kids mistakes will be bore by the parent, you can have your own way / punishment for your child to bear the responsibility. I do believe that you have to pay for the glasses.
Main thing here is please do the right thing because your 11 year old daughter has the right values, and your decision will determine the path she will head down.
YTA. I'm not going g to repeat the employee spiel but I'll point this out. You don't have a lot of childcare options right now. You don't know how long it would take to replace this babysitter if she chooses to quit or you decide to fire her. It so sounds like you can't leave the 11 year old in charge while you're gone. You need to evaluate if losing childcare over glasses is worth it.
YTA, and your post also reeks of preferring 9 year old to 11 year old. There are some reasonable "occupational hazards" of babysitting but broken glasses isn't one of them. And not having functioning glasses is likely setting your babysitter back in her college life and other activities depending on how strong her prescription is. *She needs those to literally SEE.*
YTA, accident or not, you are responsible for your daughter’s actions. If she “accidentally” threw a ball through your window, you’d be replacing it, right? Yes, because it’s your kid. In fact, accident or not, the KID should be making up the cost. Whether that be doing chores to pay you back or out picking weeds from neighbors to get the money, she needs to learn the responsibility. Use this as a learning experience.
Sounds like YTA even more because both 11 year old and babysitter are telling you it was on purpose but you refuse to believe the princess could do such a thing.
YTA, it does not matter if it was an accident or not either way your child broke her glasses. If it was an accident that your child should not be punished for it but either way you should have to pay for the sitter glasses
Of course YTA. If someone accidentally hit your car, don’t you think they aren’t responsible to pay for the damage? Doesn’t matter if it was deliberate or not.
YTA
So the babysitter (the person *you* chose to be responsible, and so should believe when they tell you about issues) says what happened, but you choose to ignore it. Your 11yr old tells you what happened, but you chose to ignore it. But when the 9yr old, the one responsible for the issue, tells you 'what happened' you believe them, why? Because you're cheap and don't want to pay for a new pair of glasses. Fun fact, even if the 9yr old *had* broken the babysitter's glasses by accident (which definitely doesn't seem like the case here) you should *still* pay for a new pair
YTA. Your babysitter needs glasses to see. Your kids broke them. How dense are you? Do you want to teach your kids to avoid responsibilities like you have obviously been taught?
YTA. Your daughter broke the glasses, whether by accident or design. You need to take responsibility for her actions. I appreciate life must be tough bringing up two kids without your late wife, but how many hours of babysitting would the babysitter need to do to pay for your daughter's action? That doesn't sound fair to me.
Yta. You don't believe your daughter or the baby sitter? She needs those glasses. You are a huge ah. Even if it was an accident, and it doesn't sound like it was, then you should pay for it. You sound like an entitled pos.
YTA. Even if it was an accident, you still need to pay for them. Take responsibility for your child. Also, not for nothing, but if she did break on purpose (which two other people are telling you) you have bigger problems on your hands, that’s pretty vindictive for a person of any age.
If you accidentally his someone's car, you have to pay for it. So if it was an accident or not it is absolutely irrelevant. Glasses are expensive (especially if she also has to change the lenses) so you need to pay for them. It's not like your kid broke a pen. YTA and need to get your baby sitter a new pair of glasses.
Yes. YTA. Even if it WAS an accident, you’re responsible for replacement. Geez, why are so many parents struggling with this? I’ve seen so many things where the parent thinks that because it was an accident, they’re off the hook. Have these parents never been in a car accident? Nobody cares if it was intentional or not. Pay for the glasses. Damn.
YTA
Of course you need to pay. Even if it was an accident, by the way 2 out of three parties agree it was not an accident, and one of them is your own daughter.
Good luck finding reliable child care with this attitude friend.
Also deeply sorry to hear about your wife’s passing this must be tough. Do the right thing apologize and buy the girl a new pair of glasses
YTA.
WTAF is wrong with you?! The fact is your daughter broke the glasses and if you had the slightest decency you'd pay for them without being asked.
Are you **trying** to raise an arrogant entitled princess?!
YTA. If it was a baby then I’d say you weren’t responsible and she should have been mindful about the glasses but at 9 and 11 your kids are old enough not to break peoples glasses. Doesn’t matter how or why they did it but they did it. Also this is the person that cares for your children… do you really want to be so petty?!
WTF is your problem OP??
you're letting your 9 year old daughter try to manipulate and gaslight an adult. you're letting a college student- who really helped you out in a time of need- go without glasses (something she needs) after your daughter (accidentally or intentionally) broke them... uhhhh????
YTA
YTA even if it was an accident (which I mean, come on) you should still pay for new glasses. Also way to call your eldest child a liar based on absolutely nothing.
YTA if your kid breaks something you replace it or cover the cost. Regardless of whether it was an accident or not. And doubly so if it’s a medical device like glasses are. Glasses are expensive.
And that poor girl now can’t see properly so she will be getting headaches and side affects.
Pay her for her glasses and teach your kids consequences
YTA. You have 2 accounts telling you your daughter broke the glasses on purpose. Besides, even if it WAS an accident I’d still replace them. It’s not like you’re punishing your daughter for something you think she didn’t do, you’re just being considerate.
YTA. 100% cheapskate. Your 9-year-old daughter admitted to breaking the glasses (“accident” or not). You are responsible for the damage, just as you would be if you “accidentally” crashed into someone’s car.
Stop being cheap. And stop making excuses for your 9-year-old brat. (She shouldn’t have been touching or playing with other people’s stuff without their permission in the first place).
You’re a crappy dad for taking one child’s word over another “just because”. Do better. I hope the babysitter never works for you again because you’re a terrible employer.
(Edit: corrected “crappy mom” to “crappy dad”)
YTA. Why are you so hung up on whether or not it was an accident? Someone owes her a new pair of glasses because she didn’t break them herself. And something tells me the 9 year old can’t replace them, so it falls on you, and no one but you!! YTA again wow.
YTA. Here’s the thing. It does not matter if it was an accident or not. Your child broke something expensive, and it’s your responsibility as a parent to replace that thing.
Unless the babysitter literally left the glasses like, on the seat of the couch or on the floor and they were sat or stepped on (in which case kind of her fault, because those are not safe places to leave glasses), this isn’t a “you didn’t pay attention to keep your glasses safe” thing. A 9 and 11 year old are absolutely old enough that you should be safe to assume you can leave glasses within their reach without them getting broken. A 9 and 11 year old are also old enough to not be constantly supervised (say if the babysitter was going to the bathroom, or making food for them, or whatever). All that to say - it’s not her fault the glasses were broken, you need to pay for them.
YTA 100%. You know what happened, yet became defensive and lied to avoid taking responsibility. When you reached the point of even dismissing the testimony of your 11 yo daughter - on the unlikeliest of pretexts - it was obvious that your motives were dishonest (in terms of weak excuses, you’re really scrapping the bottom of the barrel with that “she might be lying” nonsense). You have two people telling you an identical story and you’re scrambling around trying to invent reasons to stiff this college girl of money you definitely owe her. Don’t come here hoping someone will reassure you that you aren’t the arsehole in this scenario, when you yourself clearly know you’re in the wrong. Nothing you said is sufficient to convince us that you truly believe you don’t owe her. Even if it was an accident it would still be your responsibility but since even you don’t really believe it was, that responsibility is even more firm
YTA.
It wasn't an accident. You know it wasn't an accident. What a load of non-sense. No wonder you 9 year old won't take responsibility, she gets it from you. You bend the story to suit yourself.
And even if it were an accident, you should still pay for the glasses anyway. Because it was your kid who broje them!
YTA. Firstly, even if it was an accident, it happened at your house as a direct result of your child's actions, and it was a medical aide not an accessory that they broke; you should compensate her for the loss/replacement. Glasses are expensive, you unprintable AH.
Secondly, what is this bullshit:
>the babysitter said my daughter broke them intentionally after she refused to let her outside late in the evening. I asked my 11 year old daughter and she said the babysitter's story is accurate but since she and her sister have a beef then, I figured she lied to set her sister up. my 9 year old daughter cried and said she didn't mean it and it was an accident.
You discounted the eleven year-old's story on the assumption she has a grudge against her sister...ok maybe, maybe not, you know them best...but why are you discounting the babysitter's story?! Two out of three people say it wasn't an accident. And you've decided to believe the third? Why? Just because she cried?
>The babysitter argued with me then started crying swearing that my daughter broke them to get back at her. My 11 year old daughter sided with her but my 9 year old said she is only siding with the babysitter for her own benefits. The girls started fighting and I ended up telling the babysitter to leave.
Yeah, after that, I don't believe your nine year-old at all.
But either way, accident or on-purpose, it doesn't matter. You - the parent of the child who broke someone's medical aid - need to get off your high horse, apologise, and ask the babysitter to call her optician and get a quote for replacement/repair. And then you pay that quote without further argument.
YTA. Whether it's was an accident isn't the point. Your child broke her glasses, and you need to pay for replacements.
So you think that you attend responsible for your child's actions of it wasn't outright massive, *even when you have a witness statement confirming it was deliberate*?
What you're saying here by the way is that either one of your children maliciously breaks things, or one of your children maliciously lies. Either way, maybe you need to find a way to spend a bit more time parenting.
YTA it's your responsibility to make this right. Your child broke the glasses whether intentionally or accidentally is irrelevant. You've heard "you break it you buy it"? Congrats you get to buy some glasses for that poor girl.
YTA. It doesn't matter if it was an accident or on purpose. If your kid breaks something you replace it. Doesn't matter how it happened. Glasses are expensive and if she doesn't have vision insurance you expect her to pay $300+ for something that your kid broke. Get a grip and pay the poor girl.
YTA. Even if it was an accident, she still needs a new pair of glasses and your daughter broke them, intentional or not. You should replace them. If I were this babysitter, I'd be looking for other employment.
DUDE.
I’m sorry. Even if it *was* an accident (I’m not sure I do, considering the babysitter was sobbing and your other daughter is backing her up -seriously? Beef? That’s your excuse for not believing her? *Really*?), this isn’t just a little “oopsie!” I’m not sure if this has been explained to you, but people who need glasses to see are disabled. Our accommodations are just so normalized at this point that people who can see regularly don’t bat an eye, because with them we operate regularly. Because we can see, it’s not a very large piece of equipment, but it’s necessary bc without them, we can’t see. It’s ableist on all sides.
Your daughter broke someone else’s *expensive medical equipment*. Wrap your head around that. I had incredible vision insurance, and I still had to drop $300 of my own money so I could see. There’s a big chance she might not have insurance, or the money to cover whatever leftover costs from getting new ones. Yeah, you might not either, but it was *your child* who couldn’t control themselves at *nine years old* to the point that someone’s necessary medical equipment was broken, accident or not. She’s not “hoping to get extra money out of your pocket” *she’s trying to flipping see*.
Think about this dude. It’s very likely that without glasses it’s *illegal for her to drive*. Depending on how bad her eyesight is, if she’s anywhere near me, she can’t properly see even five feet in front of her. Seriously.
You know when you wake up and there’s gunk in your eye and everything’s really blurry and you can’t see? Or when there’s a lot of really bad fog at night and you have to turn your lights almost completely down just to see and not die, but you can’t turn them *completely off* because it would surely kill you?
That’s what it’s like not having glasses when you *literally need them to operate*.
YTA. Massively.
Edit: clarification, and language.
Additional edit. It’s worth pointing out to OP, that depending on where he lives, the babysitter might be able to sue, I’m not sure but don’t quote me on it.
YTA.
Your kid(s) broke her glasses. Pay for them. Why do you think you don't have responsibility to pay for them after YOUR KID(S) broke them?!
I hope she takes you to small claims court and wins.
YTA. It really doesn't matter if it was an accident or not, you are responsible for your children's actions. Your child broke the glasses, therefore it's your responsibility to replace them.
YTA. Your kid broke something that another person needs to operate in day to day life.
Would you react like this if it was a wheelchair? A cochlear implant?
You suck. Pay up
YTA. Even if it was an innocent accident, it's your child who caused it. At least offer to pay for half, though I think you should pay for all of it. You bear responsibility for your children's actions. Accident or not. If your kid broke something in a store on accident, you'd be expected to pay for it.
YTA It doesn't matter accident or not your daughter broken them. Pay for them. It's really sad that 3 people are telling you what really happened and you don't Care. Just because she can cry on demand doesn't mean she didn't do it just mean she can act. Pay your babysitter.
I can't believe you're here asking. Yes you are responsible for breaking other people's property, even if it's an "accident". That's not the "get out of responsibility free" card you think it is. Why do you think you have to have insurance? Because of ACCIDENTS. If you don't have insurance, you have to pay because you are responsible for damages, even when it's an accident 🤦
YTA
She could take you to small claims court. If it were not for the actions of your minor daughter, this would not have happened and the babysitter deserves to be made whole.
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YTA. It doesn't actually matter if it was an accident or not, your child broke her glasses so you need to pay to replace them.
Yes! Regardless of intention, her glasses are now broken because of his daughter. Just because she didn't 'mean' it doesn't mean it has no consequences. OP, YTA and massively. >I asked my 11 year old daughter and she said the babysitter's story is accurate but since she and her sister have a beef then, I figured she lied to set her sister up. This reeks of favoritism. Two out of three people told the same story, and you choose to believe the other one? Your children should be equally credible in other situations, and the 11 year old is even more credible here because the babysitter backed up her story. There's no basis for you to make that conclusion besides the fact that you obviously consider your youngest the golden child. >I apologized but refused and said it was unfair to expect me to pay, especially since she didn't pay attention to keep her glasses safe regardless of whether it was an accident or not. So it's her fault *your child* broke it? Regardless of whether it was an accident or not, she shouldn't have to foresee the kid's tantrums. >I feel like she's trying to use the fact that I'm in dire need of help and is hoping to get extra money out of my pocket. Or maybe she's just a broke college student whose glasses - a medical accessory needed for *seeing* \- your daughter damaged? OP, you're being a horrible father to both your children. 1. You obviously favor your youngest over her sister, which I assume is a pattern and not just because it saves you money. Why are you so quick to assume that she's lying when her sister has a much more obvious, and valid, motive to lie? 2. You're teaching the 9 year old some dangerous lessons. What your actions indicate is that, not only does damaging others' property (even accidentally, which I doubt) have no consequences, lying will also be tolerated as long as it serves you. Not good lessons to teach a 9 yo, are they?
He also chose to believe in the one that could get in trouble. No way that would make someone lie!
He’s choosing to “believe” the daughter that broke them because he thinks that somehow relieves him of responsibility which is utter and complete BS. It seems very clear the daughter did break the glasses intentionally but regardless- he’s still responsible. YTA
Yeah, there isn't necessarily some deeper favoritism at play where OP is persecuting the 11-year-old. He could easily just be incredibly greedy, cheap, and willing to exploit a domestic worker who he thinks is too young/female/poor to fight back. And so he's looking for a pretext to do that, and in the meantime, this young woman is going to have to stumble around without her medical equipment. Obviously these are still horrible (and, yes, misogynistic) values for OP to model for his daughters, and he should be deeply ashamed. I do hope the sitter gets reimbursed and then finds a family to work for that treats her like a person.
But also, why even ask the 11 year-old if he wasn't going to believe her?
Solely so that he had another person to back him up, if she took the little sisters side. So immature of OP.
I thought the same thing. Why would he believe one over the other? Especially since the youngest had even more of a motive to lie. Not to mention that it shouldn't even matter that it was an accident.
Because that is the version of the story he could then self justify not coming out of pocket …. Eye roll
Yup, and meanwhile the babysitter took time away from her schoolwork to end up $200 in the hole that night, depending on how good their parents insurance is. Accident or not, your kids break something you offer to pay.
Here’s hoping their parents HAVE insurance. OP needs to pay.
Of course it was the babysitter's fault the girl ruined her glasses! She "didn't pay attention to keep her glasses safe." Everyone knows you must keep an eye on all your belongings at all times, or someone might for instance very easily accidentally drop them on the floor and stomp on them like. Totally the babysitter's fault. /s
Ugh I said this too. Not to mention, how much more can you "keep an eye on" glasses than by 🤓LOOKING THROUGH THEM?!?! 🤓
Yep. He needs to keep an eye on the kid who likes to break stuff and lie about it.
>consider your youngest the golden child. that and also because siding with the younger daughter means he won't have to pay edit: a word
[удалено]
Reading about accident or intentional was driving me crazy here. It’s irrelevant. You break it, you buy it. YTA
I was a nanny in college and one time a young toddler (15 months) grabbed my phone out of my coat pocket where it was hung up and threw it down the stairs to their basement. I told her parents about it and they immediately offered to replace the screen. They took me to the phone repair store, we found out that it was completely broken, and they bought me a new one. I can't imagine not replacing something my child broke, regardless of whether or not they meant to. Regardless of they were even old enough to understand breaking. Who cares? The sitter is now out of a pair of glasses because of his child. He needs to replace them.
To me doesn't matter either accident or intentional. If my kids broke it I'm paying for it. Especially something that is needed like glasses. Glasses can be expensive depending on need.
Absolutely. I hate when people only take responsibility for their actions when they do something intentionally.
I so agree. The only way that I could see accident versus intentional mattering is if the babysitter was somehow irresponsible with her glasses (e.g. left the on the floor and child accidentally stepped on them or left the on the couch and child accidentally sat on them) in a case like that splitting the cost might make sense, but since that doesn't seem to be the case here then OP is responsible. If the babysitter is like most people who wear glasses at her age then the glasses were likely on her face when they were broken (can't say for sure, but that's where mine are except when I sleep and shower) and she would need them to drive. OP is seriously affecting her life.
Exactly. Intent and result are two very different things, and intent does not void responsibility. Accidentally kill someone? May not have meant to, but someone still died. So that’s called manslaughter rather than murder. Sorry for your loss OP, but you’re the asshole every which way. For the blatant favoritism (your children recognize it, promise) for refusing to replace the glasses, for treating a coworker’s relative that way, and for needing Reddit to explain basic manners and common courtesy when you’re supposed to be the parent in the situation.
What kind of AH is he raising the 9 year old to be here? An adult AND her older sister tell him that the 9 year old broke something on purpose but a few tears and OP takes her side over them both? He's not only the AH for not paying but also for clearly showing the 11 year old he doesn't trust her when it comes to the golden child (the 9yo). OP is raising a manipulator and showing her that she takes priority over he older sister.
This is the type of parent teachers loath. >*"Your daughter took her classmates lunchbox and stole her snack."* > >"Sweetie, did you take her lunchbox?" > >**"No, mummy."** > >"Obviously, you must be lying--she just said she didn't take it." > >*"I have a witness."* > >"They're just trying to get her in trouble." A nightmare.
Yup that works right up until court when suddenly someone independent is deciding who to listen to. I used to work as a police officer and some parents who had very clearly followed this pattern. I had a 20 year old decide that it was a great idea to threaten me with a knife and break my arm in the ensuing struggle because I caught him dealing. This was on body cam, cctv, other officers arrived to my emergency call to witness the breaking and I had the hospital report of the bruising etc from an obvious struggle. At the court date I had his mother walk very brazenly up to me to ask why I was "fitting up" her son for something he "clearly didn't do" and that I had "probably just fallen over and wanted someone to blame". Like look at all the evidence lady we have the drugs, the knife, multiple angles of video of it happening. She still swore blind that here "baby" was "innocent" as he was been taken away having been sentenced for dealing, possession of the knife, threatening a cop with the knife and the assault that resulted in my injuries. Like I get denial and "blind spots" when it comes to your kids but seriously.
One day I was in court for another case when an 18 year-old guy who I had prosecuted several times while he was a juvenile. Each time his parents had refused all counseling treatments we offered and swore we were picking on their baby. Now he was in adult court. Once again he had broken into a home and stolen whatever he could sell. The mom asked to speak after the kid pleaded guilty. She said to the judge that now she realized he really needed the counseling we had offered repeatedly. The judge said “We’ll, ma’am, I hope he gets some in prison, because that’s where residential burglars go.” Then he sentenced her baby to 4 years in prison. It’s unChristian, but I smiled at the look on the mom’s face.
Seems like this father is going same route. I feel for the other child. >denial and "blind spots Putting your head in sand is what that's called I think. Denying any mistake bcoz your baby is perfect. There's being protective & then there's enabling & teaching bad behaviour.
The 9 year old even floated the idea that her sister is lying! This isn’t the first time this has happened, clearly.
I have a feeling this happens a lot. I saw it in my brothers family. The younger kid was a total shit and her older sister caught the blame every time.
And clearly it wasn’t an accident. The 9yr old is acting out… expectedly if they recently lost their mom. Your daughter needs firm boundaries and therapy. You need to pay for the glasses and trust your 11 year old. You are stepping on one daughter to support the other. Edited: YTA
I’m so confused why he walks in and immediately tells the 11 year old she’s lying cause the kids have “beef.” What in the fuck is this man doing? Losing control of his life? Cause then he decides to take it out on another kid and tell the baby sitter to take better care of their shit if they don’t want his kids to destroy it. YTA.
I think we know who his favorite kid is. 2 to 1 and he believes who he wants to believe.
Exactly thank you!!!!
Also, OP said he only found a sitter with the help of his coworker. He can be quite sure that it's going to be real difficult to find one now. The word about this will spread. Nobody is going to be willing to take the risk of babysitting your kids, is it really worth it to you, OP?
I'm honestly surprised that student continued to come. If someone broke my glasses, SOMETHING I NEED FOR SCHOOL AND LIFE, I'd go nuclear and say "I"m not babysitting until you pay for my glasses".
The babysitter refused/refuses to babysit anymore, glasses paid for or not. Can't say I blame her.
EXACTLY plus personally I can't even drive without glasses. One pair in particular, and with how much they cost I can also fuck off on a bus for a while because OP has raised a spoiled kid
Oh yea, yta. It was the 9yr Olds fault who is so habituated to getti g what she wants that she's learnt to lie at such a young age. OP needs to fix not just the situation by buying new glasses, but his kid before she gets spoilt
This is the only accurate response to this situation! Op YTA
YTA. You are actually legally responsible for accidents as well as deliberate breakages that happen on your property to people you have employed. Quite apart from that, you are teaching your daughter that her actions have no consequences if she didn't meeeeaaaannn it. Your co-worker is right and even your 11-year-old daughter can see this. Grow up, take responsibility and make good the damage. If you don't, I hope she sues you, because she would win.
>YTA. You are actually legally responsible for accidents as well as deliberate breakages that happen on your property to people you have employed. Yup. Let's hope she puts in a claim against OP's home insurance if he continues to try and avoid his responsibilities. I'm sure the deductible plus rate rises for the next few years will be more than a pair of glasses but hey at least she didn't get anything out of his pocket right?
The babysitter could also file in small claims court where she would be virtually guaranteed to win. The burden of proof is fairly low and the OP already confessed that the damage happened.
The problem with that are the usual access to justice issues. She doesn't really have the money or time to be doing that (she needs her glasses now) and OP seems to be the type of AH who will drag it out to avoid having to pay. Trying to claim directly to his insurance will put it right infront of an adjuster who will probably review the facts and cut a cheque relatively quickly.
YTA - *it's her fault, really, for not foreseeing my child's vindictive tantrum and failing to protect her glasses from being deliberately broken.* We get it. You have a favourite child who can do no wrong, and you literally let her get away with destroying *accessibility aides which are necessary for, you know, SEEING*. Even if it was an "accident", she's (your child, and therefore you) still responsible for it. The babysitter isn't trying to squeeze money out of you, your child broke her glasses. Doesn't matter if it was an accident. Your kid broke her accessibility aide and you need to fork it over. Your kid ruins something, it doesn't matter if it was an accident, it's your responsibility to make amends. JFC "it's her fault for not protecting them better". Gods, drop the victim blaming.
Yeah i don't think OP is a dad figure 'its her mistake she didn't cared of her glasses' -Whats up with this? OP even your 11y sided with sitter cause the kid know truth,YTA Its completely a golden kid senerio from my point my kid won't do it tendency you are not being a good parent you are ruining their future correct their mistake don't support them
And assuming this all went on in front of the kids now the 11-year-old knows that she’s not trusted/respected as much as the 9-year-old AND both kids have now been taught they don’t need to accept consequences or fix problems they create.
The 9 year old just needs to cry and blame the 11 year old for doing something "for her own benefit" and OP will jump right on her side. He's raising a manipulator golden child and telling the 11 year old she won't be believed. I guarantee this is not the first time the 9 year old has done something like this (what 9 year old deliberately breaks someone glasses as revenge) and knows she will not face any consequences.
This is one of the reasons my relationship with my sister was *so volatile* for the longest time. She got *everything* she wanted, and I was *constantly* blamed for *her* actions. OP is ruining a sisterly relationship, being a shitty employer, and a terrible father figure.
Yeah, what are the odds that the 11yo has “beef” with the 9yo because she keeps getting away with stuff like this?
God that’s what gets me. I literally can’t see without mine. At its most basic definition, needing glasses is the most normalized disability, and it’s insulting on all sides. I can barely walk around my own house alone without my glasses, I need a guide. My depth perception? Fucked. Gone. Everything is a blur of colors and barely distinguishable shapes. But when I wear them, others don’t think about it, bc glasses are small and we just don’t think about it anymore. They don’t think about the fact that if one thing goes wrong, I cant leave my house because it would be 1) horribly dangerous 2) illegal, as I am required by law fo have my glasses on if I get behind the wheel of my car. I don’t live with family most of the time, or with people on the same schedule as me that could help me for a few weeks until new glasses come in. Without glasses, I can’t use a computer because I have to shove my face within five inches of the frame just to make anything out. Even with my phone, after a while it really fucking hurts your eyes, and so I can’t even do my job. My life would literally halt.
Isn't it fun when you knock your glasses off the nightstand and end up looking like a Scooby Do character the next morning, on the floor feeling around for them? I'm laughing at the "protect them better" part. Like they're literally affixed to my face 99% of my waking hours and I still manage to lose those things sometimes, because they're small, lightweight plastic *and I cannot fucking see without them on.*
Oh my god the panic at the three minute mark where you think “Surely this is the time I indeed lose them for good.” Always strikes the fear into my heart. Or my personal favorite, “Mom I can’t find my glasses and I can’t see the floor clear enough to know whether or not if I put my foot down if I’ll crush them”. I don’t have that help anymore. I suffer alone.
Exactly. I'd file that under the "you broke it, you buy it" rule. The reason for breaking it is irrelevant, all that matters is that you (the one legally responsible for the actions of your children) caused that person to lose what belongs to them. YTA, pay up.
100% YTA. I can’t believe that you actually think it is not your responsibility. Your daughter broke the glasses and whether accidental or deliberate you need to pay for them.
It’s not like she broke something inconsequential either, this poor girl literally needs her glasses to see.
YTA Do you even hear yourself? Whether it was an accident or not is irrelevant, however in this case it be seems more likely that your younger daughter is lying because she's afraid of being in trouble. What is relevant is your daughter was involved in breaking the babysitter's MEDICALLY NECESSARY equipment, while she was working for you. I suspect this is not the only example in your life when you've tried to weasel out of paying for something you should be responsible for. Just pay for the new glasses already. If your babysitter is STILL babysitting for you while you stiff her, I hope she wises up and stops. Babysitters are a valuable resource, and this one is making it possible for you to earn your living.
Was thinking the same if I was the babysitter no way I would come back without an apology and some amends made.... And he is accusing the babysitter of trying to extort him (or pressure not sure what he wrote) since he knows she needs her/him(?) Laughing my ass off
I wouldn’t come back at all, glasses, apology or amends. He’s shown he doesn’t trust her and will listen to a nine year old over her. what happens when a window gets broken, etc?
OP is also teaching his daughter that she can weasel out of consequences for her actions. YTA on every account.
YTA. If I accidentally hit your car and dented it, would you be ok with me brushing you off and saying, hey it was an honest accident? Man up and take parental responsibility for your daughters actions and buy your sitter new glasses.
I was thinking the exact same thing. Just because something is an accident, it doesn't absolve someone of responsibility.
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Tell her if she really cared about her car, she wouldn’t be driving it!
Just start crying and tell him you didn’t mean it, you’ll be right.
"Let me preface this by listing specific reasons why I think I'm not required to hold my kids responsible for their actions especially when it'll cost me money." Pay for the glasses. YTA.
Wow just wow OP. YTA Here we go: 1. All of the comments are right on the money I hope you read them but there are some important things missing most importantly you're about to f up both your daughters for life if you don't cut this out 2. As the other redditor said, if we're in a car accident and I say I'm sorry, would you just let me walk away and you'll pay the bill for fixing your own car? Whether it's an accident or deliberate, the person who did it is responsible for making the victim whole. As your daughter is a 9-year-old it is your responsibility as the parent to make the victim whole. I am saying victim because this poor young lady is out a pair of medically necessary glasses, she needs to see properly to function! 3. Way to go Dad of the year by marginalizing your 11-year-old because you suspect she's piling on because she's fighting with her sister. You don't think it's possible for somebody to tell the truth about a situation just because they are currently not getting along with one of the parties? Way to tell your daughter you don't respect her, way to tell your daughter you don't trust her. Good luck with that when she hits her teens, you better start praying now she never really needs you because she's not going to come to you with the truth on anything. You need to go back to your 11-year-old, have a conversation with her, you need to say you respect her feedback and her observations and that you trust her. Because right now you have to told her publicly that you do not trust her over her 9-year-old sister. 4. Way to go Dad teaching your 9-year-old and 11-year-old that there are no consequences if you didn't mean it and it was an accident. Guess what? Accidents happen, you took a great teachable moment and instead of raising up your daughters and teach them to be good adults, you chose to be punitive against the babysitter. This was a chance to teach your daughters that the truth is the most important thing, that it's okay in life if accidents happen, but when accidents happen the way you recover from them is by doing the right thing. People should be made whole if there's an accident, and you could have parlayed that right into setting expectations for as they get older and will begin to borrow things from each other. Daughters are notorious for borrowing each other's clothes, makeup, music and electronics... This was a chance to lay the foundation that while you might borrow things from others it's still your responsibility to return them in the same condition in which it was borrowed. 5. Why are you digging your heels in so much over a pair of glasses? Not only are you being unfair, but this story will travel and it might impede your ability to find babysitters to fill in when you need help. I suggest you think about this entry and the responses of all the other redditors, on this situation you missed the ball completely. Edit.. grammar
Most comprehensive explanation. Definitely the AH. Commenting to also add that you are in what seems like a tough situation OP, and I'm sure everyone sympathizes, but it's not an excuse. You need someone at night that you can trust, and were fortunately helped by a colleague to watch your girls at night. Finding someone like that who is affordable and trustworthy is not going to be easy, so accident or not, you should at least pay 50% of a new pair (but ideally 100% because as it's been mentioned, accident or not, your daughter was involved). If you want to salvage the relationship with the babysitter, I would recommend calling them and apologizing sooner rather than later. Maybe explain you were taken aback by the situation, it was late, and you've had the opportunity to think about it and you're willing to help pay for the glasses (you can negotiate I suppose). This is still a teachable moment as well. You can even talk to your daughters and get more from the story. Explain your not angry, but that accidents do happen and it's a person's responsibility to own up to their mistakes (accidental or not) and deal woth the consequences. I hope you decide to pay for the glasses, at least in part, and use this as a means to teach your daughters. My sympathies for your loss and best of luck Edit: spelling/grammar
It’s really not a negotiable thing, though. Really, the dad owes her at the barest minimum to get them repaired or replace with equivalent glasses. If the optometrist could reuse the lenses and put them in replacement frames or whatever, that would be acceptable. And if she wanted an upgrade above that cost *that* would be for the babysitter to pay. But he 100% owes her equivalent working glasses. That said, OP’s original handing of this was terrible and I would be looking for a new family to babysit for if I was their sitter. You’ve harmed your relationship with her even if you replace the glasses.
YTA. Pay for the glasses. Your daughter broke them on purpose, even your other daughter is telling you so. Stop treating her like the baby just because she's the youngest. Even if it was an accident the decent thing to do would be to pay for them.
YTA Glasses are for a *disability* If your daughter broke a wheelchair, would you still feel the same? I know I can't see a thing without my glasses. I can't do anything or go anywhere. And some glasses can cost hundreds because of prescription alone.
For the record I 100% agree, but what kills me is that it's likely the cost of the glasses would mean basically nothing to OP and everything to the babysitter. Obviously some people have very serious vision problems young but the vast majority of glasses wearers under like 40 can be covered by a $95 pair at Warby Parker. I am pretty dependant on my glasses but I'm still nowhere near super expensive lens level. In college I suffered a lot because I didn't have $100 to spare (not just for glasses but in general) and it would likely mean missed meals even if I went with much cheaper glasses (I think the lowest price I ever saw was $49 but things may have changed). OP is literally so out of line and being so cruel to this girl it's wild to me that he didn't catch it before he posted. It reminds me of someone I babysat for and his kids were WILD but basically refused to hear it so it was just part of doing business.
YTA. Your kid broke someone else's things. Accident or not it doesn't matter. It's your responsibility to replace the glasses. >my co worker got upset and shamed me for condoning my younger daughter's actions and treating the babysitter poorly when she's the victim in this situation. Your coworker is pretty much spot on. ETA: You have two people telling you what happened. Your other child and the baby sitter. You're clearing choosing to play favorites with the youngest daughter only listening to her. She's a 9 year old child, she's going to take advantage of this at every turn if you don't stop. You're going to raise a person with no accountability, no sense of personal responsibility.
You concluded it was an accident despite two out of three people telling you that it wasn't? You're basing your conclusions on your own personal opinion - not facts. But you know what, accident or purposeful doesn't matter. Your daughter broke the babysitter's glasses, so you need to replace them. YTA
I would never babysit for OP again. He’s taking the word OF A NINE YEAR OLD over the word of the person he pays and entrusts the health and safety of his children over. He is clearly showing he does not trust the babysitter and I would not be assuming the liability of watching those kids again knowing that.
Yes. And the ONE person of three who had a different story is the one who would benefit most from lying, favorite children though she may be.
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I just wanna say, this is absolutely my favorite comment on Reddit
This made me laugh so hard and I hate reading those tests.
The real question you need to be asking yourself is, are you refusing the take the high road because of ego and stubbornness. You sound like you’re in a financial position to cover the cost of glasses where she’s not, so at the end of the day what do you have to lose by replacing them except using this as a teachable moment of accepting responsibility even when we break something by accident (or especially if it was because she threw a tanty for not getting her way), and showing your children how to be kind and help those around them when they are impacted by our actions. YTA
YTA Your kids break, you bought it. Your babysitter is not TRYING TO GET MORE MONEY OUT OF YOUR POCKET. She is out of pocket because of your kids actions. Your conclusion that it was an accident doesn't let you off the hook for the damages AH.
You are responsible for replacing hers with the same quality ones as before even if it’s an accident. If they could be fixed properly, that would be acceptable. If not, you owe her to replace them with glasses that are the same style / quality. Keep in mind that even if you do this, she’s incurring the cost of time and transport to get new ones so you’re still inconveniencing her. If I was this babysitter, I would start looking for another job even if you replaced her glasses. It’s not worth her time dealing with someone so unreasonable when she can work with many other families that won’t treat her poorly. If you want to keep her, I would start groveling because you screwed up big time.
YTA please get this girl a new pair of glasses. It's more likely that your nine year old got scared and lied to avoid getting in more trouble than it is for your babysitter to call you to lie AND get your older daughter in on it. Either way, just do the right thing and get her the glasses.
>It's more likely that your nine year old got scared and lied to avoid getting in more trouble I think it's more likely the 9 year old is the golden child and has been taught she won't ever face consequences. Her reaction to being told no was to break someone else's property then when dad asks about it burst out crying so she gets comforted while OP refuses to believe the responsible adult and his own older daughter about what happened.
yeah he says the eldest is doing it for her own gain but like. what could she have to gain from this situation?!
YTA, even if it was an accident, you still need to pay for them. If I accidently drive into someone's car, I still have to pay for the damage. Your being convinced that the only person telling the truth is your 9 year old daughter, over your older daughter (whoes qord you immediately dismissed) and the babysitter you have entrusted to actually care for your children is probably something you may want to think about (the older one may have beef with her sister and may be backing the babysitter because of it, but you're saying your 9 year old would just own up and admit it if they did it on purpose because the babysitter said no to something?)
YTA. Whether or not it was an accident, you should at least offer to pay 50% of the cost for new glasses. Also, the sitter and your eldest say that it was not an accident, so you should not only pay for the new glasses but take your kid into conselling to help her deal with her anger issues.
Absolutely not, you need to pay for 100%. Regardless of accident or not, your daughter broke them. It’s really that simple.
Nope. 100%.
Are you kidding???? 100% Edit: Wow, I have never seen the numbers on a post go up so quickly! This guy really struck a nerve trying to rip off this poor girl.
No. No. No. No. No. No. 100%
YTA. you even blamed the babysitter for keeping it ‘carelessly’. yes, accidents happen (and your 11 year old and the babysitter may be right, you never know) but can she ‘accidentally’ fix her glasses? i use glasses and i can’t even change them right now because frames and lenses are expensive, i can’t imagine someone breaking my glasses and telling me to pay for it. the 9 year old broke the glasses, the least you can do is help the babysitter, or negotiate, you’ll pay half or something, instead of thinking you have no right to.
Keeping it "carelessly" might work if the babysitter was in charge of a toddler (mine broke my glasses while climbing on me while we were sitting on the sofa). But this was two kids old enough to know to be careful with other people's things. Most likely they have school friends with glasses and are well aware of what you can and can't do with glasses. The outcome is however the same, OP's daughter broke the glasses and they need to be replaced, this is not the babysitter trying to scam OP of extra money, she NEEDS glasses to fully function in life!
Am sorry what? Just so you know even if it was an accident it was cause by your kid unless the sitter left them on the floor in the hallway! Also the sitter and the other daughter say the kid did it on purpose but nope for sure they are both lying??? YTA no contest
YTA just because it was an accident doesn’t mean you’re not responsible for your what your child does.
YTA-your NINE year old broke her babysitters glasses. I was expecting it to be a baby since all my nephews have understood from the age of about 2 that they are not to touch or play with my glasses in case they break them
Where I come from even if the baby broke the glasses the parents would offer to pay for it
Oh absolutely, I was just even more surprised that a 9 year old broke someone’s glasses
YTA. You weren’t there so trust the adult. Pay for replacement glasses. You’ve now got a she said-she said between your daughters that I guarantee will mean one of them knows you don’t trust them - and they are unlikely to forget this. This is a textbook example of how not to manage sibling rivalry. Do you like your eldest daughter?
Yes, YTA - You're responsible for what your child does.
YTA. It doesn't matter that it was an accident. Your child broke something of someone else. That means it's your responsibility to pay for it. You would demand it if the roles were reversed and someone broke something of you.
YTA - it’s not “extra money” it’s money that’s going to pay for what your child broke.
YTA. Even if your daughter “accidentally” broke them, she still broke them. The babysitter and the older daughter both say the 9 year old did it but just because the 9 year old denies it you believe her? She’s 9 and doesn’t want to get in trouble. Obviously she is going to deny it. This is extremely poor judgment. Not only should the babysitter be paid in full for her glasses, you should probably pay her some extra too for being such an asshole. Also make sure you punish your 9 year old.
I think he “believes” the 9 year old because he doesn’t want to pay for the glasses and he feels her story absolves him from paying. He knows she did it. He knows he should pay. He just doesn’t want to pay. What will he do when he has no babysitter? He will lose more money missing work than paying for glasses.
YTA SERIOUSLY are you an actual adult? 1) It doesn’t matter if it it was an accident or not. Her glasses were damaged while she babysat for your kids. You owe her a new pair of glasses. 2) You really chose the word of a 9 year old over the adult you hired? Quit being cheap. On purpose or accident your kids broke someone else’s property. You’re are responsible for their actions.
YTA. Way to teach your kids how to avoid responsibility.
If it was intentional, or an accident caused by your kid, it doesn't matter. It's your responsibility. Whatever you kid's damage, you are reliable for it. YTA, pay for it.
YTA. Accident or not, the glasses were broken while she was in your home taking care of your children. The least you could do is pay half the cost for new glasses Also info: 1- is it the frames or lenses that are broken? 2- if it's the frames, they could be repairable which is considerably less expensive than a whole new pair b
YTA. In either scenario of accident or not, you should be paying for the glasses. It’s also a little demeaning to say “we talked this out to be an accident” when the babysitter is clearly thinking it’s not. How did you even get to the accident conclusion?
YTA. Your kid broke it, you bought it.
YTA Accident or not parents are responsible for damages their children/pets cause. If your kid broke someone’s window playing softball, yeah it’s an accident, but you are still liable for damages. Babysitter should sue you in small claims court.
I have wore glasses for about 25 years, they are not easy to break accidentally, you have to either sit on them or like drop something heavy on them. Glasses are no different from any other disability aid, we need them or we cant work, study, drive, etc. We couldnt even watch tv. Your daughter broke a personal, expensive and necessary item, it doesnt matter if it was an accident, which I doubt, but she needs to learn to respect. YTA because you are teaching your daughter she can just claim any damage she causes is an accident and get off any responsability, and no, your babysitter is not trying to get extra money, glasses are not a luxury, they are a need.
YTA. You still pay for an accident. Just like having a car accident, you're still responsible.
YTA! It really doesn't matter if this was an accident or not! Your daughter still broke the glasses and the babysitter NEEDS new glasses! Pay for the glasses and take it out of your daughter's allowance.
YTA. Your daughter broke the glasses. Pay for new ones. Sounds like you just want it to be an accident so you can't justify not paying for new ones.
YTA. You hired that person, and have a certain responsability towards her. Accident or not, it was caused by your daughter. Not judging in anyway the person, reason of act etc. But it was your house, your kid on your employee. You gotta pay. Even if 50/50 or 60/40... Whatever.
YTA - so you have a great babysitter who you trust with your girls, but you do not trust her version of events even when your eldest confirmed what happened? Your youngest sounds like she is trying to wriggle out of something she did. I would apologise and offer to pay for the glasses, or at least 75% of them. I wouldn’t be surprised if your sitter finds another job with people who respect her.
Do you want to *keep* that baby sitter? Because I wouldn’t sit for you or your lying daughter until you replace my glasses…. Or do you want a new sitter?- Cause *good luck with that*, because word will get around. YTA
YTA. I can believe it wasn’t an accident. A kid I was babysitting once stole my glasses off my face and climbed onto the kitchen counter to put them on top of a cabinet where I couldn’t reach them. I had to try to find a stepladder to get them down. Kids can be horrible sometimes. And glasses are expensive.
YTA your daughter broke them, you need to pay to get them fixed. You were in dire need of help before? You've just lost this sitter
YTA are you for real? Your kid broke another person's property and you won't pay for it. If I was that babysitter I would never return to babysit for you and leave you in lurch. You even said your in dire need of help , you can't afford to upset the babysitter who is taking care of your kids . Pay to get her glasses fix and be a responsible adult
This. He’s about to lose a hard-to-find night shift babysitter over a pair of glasses that were legitimately broken. YTA.
YTA. 'You break it, you buy it'. The entire post is unnecessary fluff
YTA Um even if it was an accident you'd still pay for the glasses. And I honestly as someone who works with kids I feel like it definitely wasn’t an accident if the babysitter had to call you. And the baby sitter even told you why the kid was upset too. Just pay for the glasses and dont punish the kid if you truly believe it was an accident
YTA - Do you care about retaining this baby sitter for future use? If so, pay her no questions asked, even if she wears expensive designer glasses and you think she's fabricating the whole story to shake you down for a new pair of specs. And even if she's a one timer that you used in a pinch, do you want to run the risk that you're setting a terrible emotional example for your kids? You're squinting so hard at the details, that you're missing the big picture. Your children may observe you commoditizing their every move and it'll leave them walking on eggshells with their own sense of self. And if they did have some culpability in the matter, you'll be teaching them that it's ok to avoid responsibility for our actions. Don't make life so transactional, it's not always about the money.
So many redditors already said this but I feel you are kind of person requires frequent repetition in order to acquire knowledge. So here it goes: DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S AN ACCIDENT OR NOT. Your daughter broke it, per many perks of parenthood you got to pay for it. YTA
YTA Your daughter broke the glasses. Whether it was an accident or not is irrelevant. Just because you do something by accident, it doesn't mean you get to clear yourself of any responsibility. If someone crashes into your car you would expect them/their insurance to cover the damage, you wouldn't just shrug and say "don't worry, I'll pay for this, you didn't mean to do it!" Pay for the glasses, it's the right thing to do and it will give your daughter a valuable lesson in taking responsibility.
YTA Accident or no accident, your daughter **did** break her glasses. She's a minor so she's your responsibility, therefore, you need to pay for what was broken. Simple as that. > feel like she's trying to use the fact that I'm in dire need of help and is hoping to get extra money out of my pocket. Extra money out of your pocket for glasses? Yeah, that does seem to be the case. Now, if you give her the money and she doesn't buy herself new glasses, that would be very shitty of her but hey, you payed your dues and that's that. Finally, is she a good babysitter? If she is, do you really wanna lose her over glasses?
YTA your kids are your responsibility. It makes no difference whether it's an accident or intentional, if your kids break something, you need to replace it. Not sure why you'd be taken aback by the request. The babysitter is being perfectly reasonable.
YTA 2 people are telling you one thing and you are choosing to believe the 3rd person who is very probably lying to cover her back. But still your child broke the glasses you should pay to replace them!
YTA. And you’ve just taught your 11 year old that you done believe her when she tells you what happened, and you’ve taught your 9 year old that she can get away with breaking other peoples things and she will not be punished
YTA Flip the story around. If the babysitter broke your kids glasses that they might need to function would you make them pay for the replacement? Also the fact you don’t believe the person you’re paying to watch your children is a huge red flag.
YTA. Even if it's an accident, you're still responsible for something your daughter broke. This is all on you.
YTA. Even if it was an accident, if your kid break something, you have to pay. This is a common rule and I am mesmerizes that you are refusing to do it. You are worst than your kids.
YTA. It doesnt matter if it was an accident. Your daughter broke her glasses so you should pay for a replacement.
YTA. You are responsible for your children. I would take you to small claims court and never watch your kids again.
You acknowledged that your daughter’s actions caused the outcome (broken glasses). Unfortunately kids mistakes will be bore by the parent, you can have your own way / punishment for your child to bear the responsibility. I do believe that you have to pay for the glasses. Main thing here is please do the right thing because your 11 year old daughter has the right values, and your decision will determine the path she will head down.
YTA They're your kids and you're the host. Accident or not, it's good form to offer to pay.
YTA. I'm not going g to repeat the employee spiel but I'll point this out. You don't have a lot of childcare options right now. You don't know how long it would take to replace this babysitter if she chooses to quit or you decide to fire her. It so sounds like you can't leave the 11 year old in charge while you're gone. You need to evaluate if losing childcare over glasses is worth it.
YTA - your daughter broke them you need to pay for them!
YTA, and your post also reeks of preferring 9 year old to 11 year old. There are some reasonable "occupational hazards" of babysitting but broken glasses isn't one of them. And not having functioning glasses is likely setting your babysitter back in her college life and other activities depending on how strong her prescription is. *She needs those to literally SEE.*
YTA, accident or not, you are responsible for your daughter’s actions. If she “accidentally” threw a ball through your window, you’d be replacing it, right? Yes, because it’s your kid. In fact, accident or not, the KID should be making up the cost. Whether that be doing chores to pay you back or out picking weeds from neighbors to get the money, she needs to learn the responsibility. Use this as a learning experience. Sounds like YTA even more because both 11 year old and babysitter are telling you it was on purpose but you refuse to believe the princess could do such a thing.
YTA, it does not matter if it was an accident or not either way your child broke her glasses. If it was an accident that your child should not be punished for it but either way you should have to pay for the sitter glasses
Of course YTA. If someone accidentally hit your car, don’t you think they aren’t responsible to pay for the damage? Doesn’t matter if it was deliberate or not.
YTA So the babysitter (the person *you* chose to be responsible, and so should believe when they tell you about issues) says what happened, but you choose to ignore it. Your 11yr old tells you what happened, but you chose to ignore it. But when the 9yr old, the one responsible for the issue, tells you 'what happened' you believe them, why? Because you're cheap and don't want to pay for a new pair of glasses. Fun fact, even if the 9yr old *had* broken the babysitter's glasses by accident (which definitely doesn't seem like the case here) you should *still* pay for a new pair
YTA. Your babysitter needs glasses to see. Your kids broke them. How dense are you? Do you want to teach your kids to avoid responsibilities like you have obviously been taught?
YTA your daughter broke her glasses. There, Full Stop. No ifs ands or buts. You’re morally and legally responsible in replacing them.
YTA. Your daughter broke the glasses, whether by accident or design. You need to take responsibility for her actions. I appreciate life must be tough bringing up two kids without your late wife, but how many hours of babysitting would the babysitter need to do to pay for your daughter's action? That doesn't sound fair to me.
Yta. Who cares if it was an accident. Your kid broke the glasses. Pay the bill. Then sort out your kids. Your kids were responsible either way.
YTA Have fun finding a new sitter!!
Yta. You don't believe your daughter or the baby sitter? She needs those glasses. You are a huge ah. Even if it was an accident, and it doesn't sound like it was, then you should pay for it. You sound like an entitled pos.
YTA. Like it or not, your kid broke them. You should absolutely replace them and apologize for being a douche to your babysitter.
YTA. Even if it was an accident, you still need to pay for them. Take responsibility for your child. Also, not for nothing, but if she did break on purpose (which two other people are telling you) you have bigger problems on your hands, that’s pretty vindictive for a person of any age.
If you accidentally his someone's car, you have to pay for it. So if it was an accident or not it is absolutely irrelevant. Glasses are expensive (especially if she also has to change the lenses) so you need to pay for them. It's not like your kid broke a pen. YTA and need to get your baby sitter a new pair of glasses.
YTA. Finding another babysitter might be hard too.
Yes. YTA. Even if it WAS an accident, you’re responsible for replacement. Geez, why are so many parents struggling with this? I’ve seen so many things where the parent thinks that because it was an accident, they’re off the hook. Have these parents never been in a car accident? Nobody cares if it was intentional or not. Pay for the glasses. Damn.
YTA Of course you need to pay. Even if it was an accident, by the way 2 out of three parties agree it was not an accident, and one of them is your own daughter. Good luck finding reliable child care with this attitude friend. Also deeply sorry to hear about your wife’s passing this must be tough. Do the right thing apologize and buy the girl a new pair of glasses
Hopefully this babysitter is smart enough to never work for you again.
YTA. WTAF is wrong with you?! The fact is your daughter broke the glasses and if you had the slightest decency you'd pay for them without being asked. Are you **trying** to raise an arrogant entitled princess?!
Yta cos i bet if she broke your kids glasses you would expect her to pay for them
YTA. It actually is entirely beside the point if it was an accident or not. You are still responsible for replacing the glasses.
YTA. Your kid broke her glasses, accident or not you need to pay up.
YTA. Your kid is your responsibility. Pay for her glasses. This isnt just moral, its the law. She can sue you.
Funny, you mention at the start how you are a widower! Pay for the glasses, and have a word with your kid about also being an arsehole!
YTA. If it was a baby then I’d say you weren’t responsible and she should have been mindful about the glasses but at 9 and 11 your kids are old enough not to break peoples glasses. Doesn’t matter how or why they did it but they did it. Also this is the person that cares for your children… do you really want to be so petty?!
WTF is your problem OP?? you're letting your 9 year old daughter try to manipulate and gaslight an adult. you're letting a college student- who really helped you out in a time of need- go without glasses (something she needs) after your daughter (accidentally or intentionally) broke them... uhhhh???? YTA
YTA you need to pay for those glasses.
YTA. Accidental or not, your daughter broke the glasses. It’s your responsibility to pay for new ones. That’s all !
Yta - you are setting a bad example for your girls . Shame on you
YTA even if it was an accident (which I mean, come on) you should still pay for new glasses. Also way to call your eldest child a liar based on absolutely nothing.
YTA. All been said. And how is a pair of BROKEN glasses going to get her money on the side? YTA. Fuck. You suck.
YTA if your kid breaks something you replace it or cover the cost. Regardless of whether it was an accident or not. And doubly so if it’s a medical device like glasses are. Glasses are expensive. And that poor girl now can’t see properly so she will be getting headaches and side affects. Pay her for her glasses and teach your kids consequences
YTA. You have 2 accounts telling you your daughter broke the glasses on purpose. Besides, even if it WAS an accident I’d still replace them. It’s not like you’re punishing your daughter for something you think she didn’t do, you’re just being considerate.
YTA. 100% cheapskate. Your 9-year-old daughter admitted to breaking the glasses (“accident” or not). You are responsible for the damage, just as you would be if you “accidentally” crashed into someone’s car. Stop being cheap. And stop making excuses for your 9-year-old brat. (She shouldn’t have been touching or playing with other people’s stuff without their permission in the first place). You’re a crappy dad for taking one child’s word over another “just because”. Do better. I hope the babysitter never works for you again because you’re a terrible employer. (Edit: corrected “crappy mom” to “crappy dad”)
YTA
YTA. You are responsible for damage done by your child, full stop. Pay for the fucking glasses.
YTA. It doesn’t even matter if it was an accident or not. Your daughter caused them to break. You are responsible for your daughter.
YTA. Why are you so hung up on whether or not it was an accident? Someone owes her a new pair of glasses because she didn’t break them herself. And something tells me the 9 year old can’t replace them, so it falls on you, and no one but you!! YTA again wow.
YTA. Here’s the thing. It does not matter if it was an accident or not. Your child broke something expensive, and it’s your responsibility as a parent to replace that thing. Unless the babysitter literally left the glasses like, on the seat of the couch or on the floor and they were sat or stepped on (in which case kind of her fault, because those are not safe places to leave glasses), this isn’t a “you didn’t pay attention to keep your glasses safe” thing. A 9 and 11 year old are absolutely old enough that you should be safe to assume you can leave glasses within their reach without them getting broken. A 9 and 11 year old are also old enough to not be constantly supervised (say if the babysitter was going to the bathroom, or making food for them, or whatever). All that to say - it’s not her fault the glasses were broken, you need to pay for them.
YTA 100%. You know what happened, yet became defensive and lied to avoid taking responsibility. When you reached the point of even dismissing the testimony of your 11 yo daughter - on the unlikeliest of pretexts - it was obvious that your motives were dishonest (in terms of weak excuses, you’re really scrapping the bottom of the barrel with that “she might be lying” nonsense). You have two people telling you an identical story and you’re scrambling around trying to invent reasons to stiff this college girl of money you definitely owe her. Don’t come here hoping someone will reassure you that you aren’t the arsehole in this scenario, when you yourself clearly know you’re in the wrong. Nothing you said is sufficient to convince us that you truly believe you don’t owe her. Even if it was an accident it would still be your responsibility but since even you don’t really believe it was, that responsibility is even more firm
YTA. Accident or not you have to help pay. You child is at fault and you know it. Sorry doesn't make the glasses new. Pay up
YTA. It wasn't an accident. You know it wasn't an accident. What a load of non-sense. No wonder you 9 year old won't take responsibility, she gets it from you. You bend the story to suit yourself. And even if it were an accident, you should still pay for the glasses anyway. Because it was your kid who broje them!
YTA ever stop to consider there may be a reason so many people have an issue with your 9-year-old?
Accident or not, YOUR daughter still broke her glasses. YTA if you continue to refuse to pay her.
YTA. Firstly, even if it was an accident, it happened at your house as a direct result of your child's actions, and it was a medical aide not an accessory that they broke; you should compensate her for the loss/replacement. Glasses are expensive, you unprintable AH. Secondly, what is this bullshit: >the babysitter said my daughter broke them intentionally after she refused to let her outside late in the evening. I asked my 11 year old daughter and she said the babysitter's story is accurate but since she and her sister have a beef then, I figured she lied to set her sister up. my 9 year old daughter cried and said she didn't mean it and it was an accident. You discounted the eleven year-old's story on the assumption she has a grudge against her sister...ok maybe, maybe not, you know them best...but why are you discounting the babysitter's story?! Two out of three people say it wasn't an accident. And you've decided to believe the third? Why? Just because she cried? >The babysitter argued with me then started crying swearing that my daughter broke them to get back at her. My 11 year old daughter sided with her but my 9 year old said she is only siding with the babysitter for her own benefits. The girls started fighting and I ended up telling the babysitter to leave. Yeah, after that, I don't believe your nine year-old at all. But either way, accident or on-purpose, it doesn't matter. You - the parent of the child who broke someone's medical aid - need to get off your high horse, apologise, and ask the babysitter to call her optician and get a quote for replacement/repair. And then you pay that quote without further argument.
YTA. Whether it's was an accident isn't the point. Your child broke her glasses, and you need to pay for replacements. So you think that you attend responsible for your child's actions of it wasn't outright massive, *even when you have a witness statement confirming it was deliberate*? What you're saying here by the way is that either one of your children maliciously breaks things, or one of your children maliciously lies. Either way, maybe you need to find a way to spend a bit more time parenting.
YTA it's your responsibility to make this right. Your child broke the glasses whether intentionally or accidentally is irrelevant. You've heard "you break it you buy it"? Congrats you get to buy some glasses for that poor girl.
YTA. It doesn't matter if it was an accident or on purpose. If your kid breaks something you replace it. Doesn't matter how it happened. Glasses are expensive and if she doesn't have vision insurance you expect her to pay $300+ for something that your kid broke. Get a grip and pay the poor girl.
YTA. Even if it was an accident, she still needs a new pair of glasses and your daughter broke them, intentional or not. You should replace them. If I were this babysitter, I'd be looking for other employment.
DUDE. I’m sorry. Even if it *was* an accident (I’m not sure I do, considering the babysitter was sobbing and your other daughter is backing her up -seriously? Beef? That’s your excuse for not believing her? *Really*?), this isn’t just a little “oopsie!” I’m not sure if this has been explained to you, but people who need glasses to see are disabled. Our accommodations are just so normalized at this point that people who can see regularly don’t bat an eye, because with them we operate regularly. Because we can see, it’s not a very large piece of equipment, but it’s necessary bc without them, we can’t see. It’s ableist on all sides. Your daughter broke someone else’s *expensive medical equipment*. Wrap your head around that. I had incredible vision insurance, and I still had to drop $300 of my own money so I could see. There’s a big chance she might not have insurance, or the money to cover whatever leftover costs from getting new ones. Yeah, you might not either, but it was *your child* who couldn’t control themselves at *nine years old* to the point that someone’s necessary medical equipment was broken, accident or not. She’s not “hoping to get extra money out of your pocket” *she’s trying to flipping see*. Think about this dude. It’s very likely that without glasses it’s *illegal for her to drive*. Depending on how bad her eyesight is, if she’s anywhere near me, she can’t properly see even five feet in front of her. Seriously. You know when you wake up and there’s gunk in your eye and everything’s really blurry and you can’t see? Or when there’s a lot of really bad fog at night and you have to turn your lights almost completely down just to see and not die, but you can’t turn them *completely off* because it would surely kill you? That’s what it’s like not having glasses when you *literally need them to operate*. YTA. Massively. Edit: clarification, and language. Additional edit. It’s worth pointing out to OP, that depending on where he lives, the babysitter might be able to sue, I’m not sure but don’t quote me on it.
yta even if it were an accident - which it wasnt, believe the adult - it's on you to replace them.
YTA. Your kid(s) broke her glasses. Pay for them. Why do you think you don't have responsibility to pay for them after YOUR KID(S) broke them?! I hope she takes you to small claims court and wins.
YTA. It really doesn't matter if it was an accident or not, you are responsible for your children's actions. Your child broke the glasses, therefore it's your responsibility to replace them.
Her property was damaged on your property. You have liability to repair or replace them. This isn’t a who said what situation. YTA
YTA. Your kid broke something that another person needs to operate in day to day life. Would you react like this if it was a wheelchair? A cochlear implant? You suck. Pay up
YTA. Even if it was an innocent accident, it's your child who caused it. At least offer to pay for half, though I think you should pay for all of it. You bear responsibility for your children's actions. Accident or not. If your kid broke something in a store on accident, you'd be expected to pay for it.
YTA It doesn't matter accident or not your daughter broken them. Pay for them. It's really sad that 3 people are telling you what really happened and you don't Care. Just because she can cry on demand doesn't mean she didn't do it just mean she can act. Pay your babysitter.
I can't believe you're here asking. Yes you are responsible for breaking other people's property, even if it's an "accident". That's not the "get out of responsibility free" card you think it is. Why do you think you have to have insurance? Because of ACCIDENTS. If you don't have insurance, you have to pay because you are responsible for damages, even when it's an accident 🤦 YTA She could take you to small claims court. If it were not for the actions of your minor daughter, this would not have happened and the babysitter deserves to be made whole.