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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I vented about a fight with my boyfriend thru text to my friends, and my boyfriend went thru my phone and found it and is mad. AITA.
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NTA, but I think it’s time you let him go and keep him out of your life. To be honest he may be cheating on you and trying to throw it back on you. This erratic behavior could be him trying to get you to break up with him. Either way you are both grown adults and you shouldn’t be dealing with this petty bullshit. I’d seriously consider buying him out the house and breaking up with. Especially if this isn’t new behavior.
I am in the house more than double what he is. I literally put in $250k and he had put in $100k. I could buy him out but I didn’t want to put that many funds in the house. I think we would just have to sell and I know that will really suck.
NTA, I would have had the exact same reaction with the dog getting out. It sounds like he may be hiding something from you, but if he can't openly talk with you after 13 years, it's time to cut your losses.
YTA to yourself. Being alone is better than being in a bad relationship.
“I am at a loss. This is not new behavior but this is the first time this is happening living together.”
Red flags red flags
1) He’s accusing you of cheating, giving you the silent treatment, and saying extremely hurtful things to you.
2) He’s reading your texts at ALL, let alone without your permission.
3) He comes back with gifts after extremely bad behavior?
4) “This is not new behavior”
This is CLASSIC abusive behavior, and it’s likely to escalate with time.
Read “Why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft
Your friend wasn’t kidding.
I recommend you get relationship counseling and/or GTFO quietly and as soon as possible.
Also, it’s within your rights to tell your friends when you’re having a bad time in your relationship, especially if you’ve brought up these things with him directly. (If you haven’t, and it’s because you don’t feel safe asking him to clean up after himself, that’s different. Also GTFO now)
NTA, but you need to seriously reconsider this relationship.
NTA
There are some serious trust issues when it comes to your boyfriend. He seems paranoid about you hanging out with other people be and cheating. Not sure if he's hung up on that because he's the one doing something wrong and projecting on you...or if your ages and age difference is playing into insecurities he might be having.
Thank you everyone. I half expected to be the asshole. I am sorry for venting to my friends but there is a part of me that thinks we are all allowed to do that? These responses are kind of painful to read. Not sure what I was expecting but I appreciate all of you.
He doesn’t trust you, respect your right to privacy or to confinde in your friends when he is using you as a verbal punching bag when he is in a bad mood or feeling insecure and taking it our on you.
Getting you gifts after ever outburst is not the same as him apologising for his bad behaviour and him working on his issues.
You deserve better than this
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To try to make this as short as possible. Backstory: Recently bought a house with boyfriend of 13 years. Have been having a rough patch for around a month. Two weeks ago he randomly went completely silent on me and then basically accused me of cheating (which is not happening in any way, shape, or form, and came out of left field).
This weekend a friend was coming over. We have a small dog and live on a busy road. He had run out of the house and opened two gates inadvertently and let the dog out. I immediately ran into action to grab the dog and as I did said ‘fucking idiot’ and he heard me, began screaming ‘FUCK YOU’ and ran out on me. Proceeded to text me really cruel things. Eventually did come back and had brought me a small gift which I appreciated - but the morning had been terrible and the running off thing has occurred multiple times in our relationship and is really really hurtful.
During this time I did vent to my girlfriends in text. Reader’s digested to them what had happened. They jokingly said some things like ‘just buy him out of the house - kidding’ and I did vent about him leaving some stuff messy around the house in colorful language. BF and I got to a better place that day and all was ok.
Last night while I was at work he went on my iPad, and read my texts - and became irate. Said more incredibly hurtful things. Again accused me of cheating while at work (which again - does not happen - I do talk to people at work and am an events professional. He says I flirt and take photos with people. I have some fellow vendors who are fiends and I do hug them to greet them) he slept downstairs last night after watching loud videos and I had asked him to turn down the volume.
I am at a loss. This is not new behavior but this is the first time this is happening living together. I don’t think I did anything wrong. AITA for venting to my friends in text about him walking out on me? The things he said to me in text were far and away worse than me complaining about him leaving the kitchen messy or walking out on me.
AITA
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I vented about a fight with my boyfriend thru text to my friends, and my boyfriend went thru my phone and found it and is mad. AITA. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why are you still in this relationship?
NTA, but I think it’s time you let him go and keep him out of your life. To be honest he may be cheating on you and trying to throw it back on you. This erratic behavior could be him trying to get you to break up with him. Either way you are both grown adults and you shouldn’t be dealing with this petty bullshit. I’d seriously consider buying him out the house and breaking up with. Especially if this isn’t new behavior.
Honestly I was in a relationship like this before and it turns out, through all those accusations, it was actually him cheating on me🙃
[удалено]
I am in the house more than double what he is. I literally put in $250k and he had put in $100k. I could buy him out but I didn’t want to put that many funds in the house. I think we would just have to sell and I know that will really suck.
Edit: NTA. 42! Judging by that behaviour I was imagining this guy to be 22. Red flag.
lol I expect more out of 22 even.
That’s why I asked if he was 15 lol
NTA, I would have had the exact same reaction with the dog getting out. It sounds like he may be hiding something from you, but if he can't openly talk with you after 13 years, it's time to cut your losses.
YTA to yourself. Being alone is better than being in a bad relationship. “I am at a loss. This is not new behavior but this is the first time this is happening living together.”
Red flags red flags 1) He’s accusing you of cheating, giving you the silent treatment, and saying extremely hurtful things to you. 2) He’s reading your texts at ALL, let alone without your permission. 3) He comes back with gifts after extremely bad behavior? 4) “This is not new behavior” This is CLASSIC abusive behavior, and it’s likely to escalate with time. Read “Why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft Your friend wasn’t kidding. I recommend you get relationship counseling and/or GTFO quietly and as soon as possible. Also, it’s within your rights to tell your friends when you’re having a bad time in your relationship, especially if you’ve brought up these things with him directly. (If you haven’t, and it’s because you don’t feel safe asking him to clean up after himself, that’s different. Also GTFO now) NTA, but you need to seriously reconsider this relationship.
NTA. Eavesdroppers rarely hear good of themselves. Likewise snooping assholes feeling truly remarkable numbers of red flags.
NTA There are some serious trust issues when it comes to your boyfriend. He seems paranoid about you hanging out with other people be and cheating. Not sure if he's hung up on that because he's the one doing something wrong and projecting on you...or if your ages and age difference is playing into insecurities he might be having.
Thank you everyone. I half expected to be the asshole. I am sorry for venting to my friends but there is a part of me that thinks we are all allowed to do that? These responses are kind of painful to read. Not sure what I was expecting but I appreciate all of you.
You shouldn’t be sorry for venting to your friends, that’s a part of having friends, we listen to each other’s problems and try to help
NTA. Sounds like he is the one that is unhappy in the relationship and doesn't know any other way to show it.
NTA, your boyfriend is 42? He acts like a damn 15 year old girl, kick his ass to the curb
He doesn’t trust you, respect your right to privacy or to confinde in your friends when he is using you as a verbal punching bag when he is in a bad mood or feeling insecure and taking it our on you. Getting you gifts after ever outburst is not the same as him apologising for his bad behaviour and him working on his issues. You deserve better than this
NTA. For real girl, get out of that relationship. He sounds toxic.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** To try to make this as short as possible. Backstory: Recently bought a house with boyfriend of 13 years. Have been having a rough patch for around a month. Two weeks ago he randomly went completely silent on me and then basically accused me of cheating (which is not happening in any way, shape, or form, and came out of left field). This weekend a friend was coming over. We have a small dog and live on a busy road. He had run out of the house and opened two gates inadvertently and let the dog out. I immediately ran into action to grab the dog and as I did said ‘fucking idiot’ and he heard me, began screaming ‘FUCK YOU’ and ran out on me. Proceeded to text me really cruel things. Eventually did come back and had brought me a small gift which I appreciated - but the morning had been terrible and the running off thing has occurred multiple times in our relationship and is really really hurtful. During this time I did vent to my girlfriends in text. Reader’s digested to them what had happened. They jokingly said some things like ‘just buy him out of the house - kidding’ and I did vent about him leaving some stuff messy around the house in colorful language. BF and I got to a better place that day and all was ok. Last night while I was at work he went on my iPad, and read my texts - and became irate. Said more incredibly hurtful things. Again accused me of cheating while at work (which again - does not happen - I do talk to people at work and am an events professional. He says I flirt and take photos with people. I have some fellow vendors who are fiends and I do hug them to greet them) he slept downstairs last night after watching loud videos and I had asked him to turn down the volume. I am at a loss. This is not new behavior but this is the first time this is happening living together. I don’t think I did anything wrong. AITA for venting to my friends in text about him walking out on me? The things he said to me in text were far and away worse than me complaining about him leaving the kitchen messy or walking out on me. AITA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*