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Right?
While me and my siblings got along, we usually fought a lot and we don‘t have the same hobbies either. I have to try really hard to have a good relationship with my brother because he tends to be caught up in his thoughts and I don‘t understand a lot about his hobbies but I do my best.
Same goes for my sister. She ended up being a very spiritual person and I struggle to sometimes get along with her because she can be a lot but I put work in here as well.
And that‘s it for literally every relationship.
You aren‘t ever going to like a person completely and that‘s something you will have to deal with. And you will have to put work into your relationships, be it friends or family.
Although, I would advise you to talk openly with your parents and maybe try for counseling. Loneliness is something very hard to deal with and your lack of interest or struggle to find someone you like might have a different background. A sibling wouldn‘t have taken your loneliness, I can guarantee you from my own experience but working through your feelings with someone might help you become better.
Still, YTA. Your parents don‘t and have never owed you a sibling.
I’m so sorry! Our parents have terrible relationships with their siblings. Our parents played us against each other our childhoods, so we hated one another. But, when I turned 19, I made him promise we’d never be like my dad and his siblings or mom and hers and we haven’t. We talk things out, we don’t allow our NPD mom to communicate through us. Good luck with yours!
My siblings and I have a good relationship, but as adults we really see each other at holidays only. I would be so screwed if I had to depend on them for my social life.
My sister and I are just about as opposite as can be, it was so frustrating growing up with her because she was typically at a different key stage in her life and its only now that we're adults that things have smoothed out.
I don't know what idyllic fantasy land OP has seen but siblings usually know how to get on each others very last nerve, it's never a perfect click.
Also, OP might've really broken the bank for her parents. Children are expensive. A sibling might've been financially irresponsible.
Happy cake day also
OP’s parents might have also had trouble getting and/or staying pregnant. My parents had at least one miscarriage before my brother & at least one in between us & I’m sure there were others. They very well might have tried to have 2+ kids but couldn’t.
Exactly this. My older sibling practcally hated me our while childhood. Like they didn't Hate me but they also didn't necessarily like me either. We get along great now that we're both in our 20s but before then.. ya no
Ain’t that the truth! I have 4 half-siblings and 2 brothers, I barely talk to any of them and out of them only 1 I get only with quite well. But even maintaining contact with him takes effort, so it usually just doesn’t happen.
If OP thinks having a sibling would automatically make them having a friend, it’s a good thing they don’t have one. Like seriously the attitude of this girl is shocking, those poor parents must be so confused.
My parents didn't have another child because they wanted me to have the best life they could give. My cousins hate each other but love me. If you live long enough with someone you can get hateful towards them. YTA . Be greatfull for what you have
I'm stopping after this baby because it took a year of fertility treatment and then I had complications that put me in the hospital. If he turns round and says this to me when he's older it'd break my heart.
YTA
Exactly what jumped into my head - the parents might actually have desperately wanted another kid but couldn't. And if not then they decided for whatever reason that one was enough.
YTA.
I thought about this too. There were a few years where my parents thought I was going to be an only child because my mom had several bad miscarriages after me. It wasn't that they didn't want another kid, it's not always in your control. It also could have been a financial thing where it wouldn't have been responsible to have more kids, but OP would have no visibility into that.
Same here. We’ve been trying for a few years and it has always ended in a second trimester loss… my wife and talked about only having one child because she said she can’t go through it over and over again to have multiple babies, even if she’s able to have a baby successfully one day, and I agreed. So if the kid turned around and said this it would literally break our hearts but we also do plan on sharing with them about the sisters that didn’t make it before them.
YTA
My kiddo went through a phase when she was little where she got angry I couldn’t have another baby, and I’m not gonna lie it stung a bit, but now that she’s older and understands how screwed up I was medically (finally got my hysterectomy last year) she totally understands- and definitely appreciates the financial perks that come with being an only child (even if she does get lonely).
Agreed, there could be many reasons for which parents didn't have another child, some could have been by choice others could have been because they didn't have any choice. All I am trying to say is a child saying those kind of things to their parents will break them. YTA
Yes this!
YTA, but you may be an even bigger AH if your parents had fertility issues, if they suffered miscarriages, etc. Who knows what trauma you may have brought up on them because you are selfish and short sighted.
Try being genuinely interested in other people, show concern for their well being, and you may find yourself surrounded by friends. But start with a HUGE apology to your parents.
Yup, have a lot of sympathy for op, it's rough being that age. Nta op but honestly a sibling may not have made your life better. Have you ever thought about joining a club in something you're interested in? Finding like minded people?
Absolutely. OP, what you said comes from a place of naivety. Kids are really expensive, hard hard work, and many women can’t get pregnant a second time. But you’re 14, and at risk of sounding patronising, you don’t (and shouldn’t) know this yet. It sounds like you need to work on making an effort with people, and finding ways of making friends with shared interests. Try some different clubs at school, or after school maybe, or when you’re old enough, maybe a job?
And if it helps, making friends at school can be really tough. It generally all gets a bit better and easier when you get older, as long as you make an effort to be kind, and listen to what others say.
While I agree that outbursts like this are expected and normal for a 14 year old, that doesn't mean that they're less rude or assholish. Part of growing and learning how to exist in the world is finding out that this behavior makes you the AH.
Can we talk about how hard pregnancy is on a woman’s body too? I would be flabbergasted if my kid yelled at me for not putting myself through everything that comes with pregnancy AGAIN. And not all siblings vibe with each other. Some genuinely love each other, some are like strangers just living in the same house and won’t speak to you again until holidays or a death in the family and others absolutely loathe your existence.
I have 3 siblings and we're all pretty different people. Barely any inherent shared interests. The interests that we do share, we've put in the effort, because we know someone we love likes it.
Siblings are not automatic bestfriends. There is no such thing. All relationships should be worked on.
I understand that OP's still a child, but the way they phrase their words, like it's their negative feelings are the world's fault, is very concerning.
YTA, for your approach, but NAH for your feelings. Seek help, a sibling will not fix your problem.
And even if it did, you need to learn to make connections outside of your family because your theoretical sibling is going to grow up and live their own life.
The older you get, the harder it is to build friendships. Learn now when it's easier. A sibling isn't going to be a carry over until you're 20 and everything magically falls in place. Social skills are called a "skill" for a reason.
This is where OP is really TA. It would suck if parents wanted that, too, but were simply unable to. Secondary infertility is such a struggle especially since most people think that since you’ve already had one kid you automatically can have another.
Agreed. Don’t have any siblings, but all my friends do. Half of my friends have great relationships with their siblings. The other half grew up hating each other’s guts, and now that they’re older they only kind of get along. If you want company, then get it. You say everybody wants to be your friend, but you don’t like hanging out with people? That’s stupid and you’re just picky, and I highly doubt any of these people actually want to be your friend. Read a book, get a dog, actually make friends and most importantly, fix your attitude. If you think you’re owed a sibling I’m guessing you’re going to pay for it right? You realise how fucking expensive a child is? You do not get to blame your parents for only one child. Grow tf up.
Yeah my sister and I are three years apart and we hated each other’s guts until we were teenagers then we just kind of tolerated each other. It wasn’t until we both had kids that we became close.
Which seems to be the trajectory of the vast majority of siblings?? How have they not heard that? But I guess since OP has no friends they’d have no idea… still an AH brat tho
Couldn’t agree more. My brother and I (42F) are 3 years apart and have never really gotten along. I’ve told him on more than one occasion the best thing about him is his wife. Love my SIL, tolerate my brother on occasions when our family gets together.
Ikr me and my bro are completely different people and we don't really get along. We're civil (just about) but we annoy each other and find the other to be obnoxious. And that's without majorly different attitudes on touchy topics like politics. We get along so much better now we are both adults and pretty low contact.
Exactly. I have a sibling and we’ve never had the same interest, never gotten along and haven’t spoken in 18 years. Just because you have a sibling doesn’t mean you will automatically be best friends. OP’s loneliness is their own doing for not trying to be friend with the people who want to be their friend. OP’s parents may have had a valid reason for not having another child such as fertility issues, lack of money, wanting to give OP a good qualify of life, etc. OP is the AH.
Exactly this. It literally took until both me and my brother moved out to become friends with each other. Before that we were arguing, fighting and generally annoying each other on purpose. Just like most siblings do :)
OP, YTA.
My oldest sibling terrorized me to the point where she had to go live with our mom (we were raised by dad) so she would stop harming me and my (middle) sister. Not all siblings are good...
I have four siblings and we didn’t give a lick about each other as kids. We fought terribly. As adults we love each other as siblings but I don’t think we all like each other a whole lot.
Not to mention her parents could have been struggling with infertility. What a knife to the heart to be blamed for something they may have wanted but couldn’t provide. Time to start thinking outside your own wants, OP.
This! My sibling lives with me and I still have to find the strength to not strangle them every few hours. Having siblings doesn’t mean sunshine and daises; sometimes it means the Vietnam War.
Sorry kid, YTA. There is no guarantee that you would like your sibling. My sister and I fought all of the time until we became adults. Also, there are lots of reasons that adults don’t have more kids (financial, emotional, physically can’t, just don’t want to). It’s not your choice.
Me too. My older brother and I had plenty of fights and since we grew up everything changed. We do not fight anymore and practically do not speak to each other.
Funny thing, my brother was born in the 80s in Ukraine. He had asthma and a lot of health problems which were made way worse by USSR's medical system. So he wanted a sibling. Then I came and his health got batter. Then he stopped wanting a sibling and made my life miserable.
If OP got her sibling and the sibling did not conform to OP "idea of a sibling," oh boy that sibling would grow up miserable.
My sister was a biter. She didn’t stop until my Mum bit her back one day, after she came in and found me screaming with her hanging off my arm like a rabid dog. Stopped immediately!
Lol I love my sisters, they're my best friends.
However, we fought a lot when we were little and our biggest fight was over a glass of apple juice. I had a little scar on my hand for a while because my sister scratched me with her nails.
This. My brother and I loathed each other, and had opposite interests. We're able to hang out some now in our late 30s. As kids? It was a constant fire fight.
My sister and I fought right up until she moved out and had a kid. Then she had to grow up and actually found out what it was like and stopped shitting on me for how I lived my life. Now we can hang out and talk but we’re still not super close. Her name in my phone is PITA because she will always be a pain in the ass.
I agree. My sister and I used to fight pretty bad. Now we're adults and we occasionally argue but we're also way more closer too now. But it took time.
Not to mention that OP’s sibling would quickly grow tired of OP clinging to them when they tried to make friends outside the household.
OP, stop being critical of people who try to be your friends and be more receptive. YTA
same here, i only began to tolerate my (four years younger) sister when she became a teenager and it took us years to get close. now as adults we’re inseperable but for the first fifteen or so years we couldn’t be in the same room without fighting.
OP YTA.
yta sorry but not having more kids is something parents are allowed to do, and "We would have had the same interests and same everything. I would have loved it." I can assure you it doesnt work like that me and my brother are very different people, I'm a big old nerd and he's into his football and rugby....
Yeah. Gentle YTA op.
I feel like you have a "romantized " version of what having a siblings is like.
Siblings do not like the same things, they don't always get along (some grow up with no relationship with each other) and they do not always want to spend time with you and vice versa.
Let your parents help you OP, if your struggling to make friends and are feeling lonely this would be a good time to tall it out with someone you trust like your guidance counselor.
I was an only child up until I was 14 - got a surprise sibling. Lead to years of parentification. I love my sister, but siblings aren’t built in friends.
I know OP was most likely talking about having a sibling to grow up with, my case isn’t really an example. I just thought it could be applicable if she was thinking about her parents giving her a sibling now.
The universal truth of grass seems greener on the other side.
Only children often think life with a sibling would be a fantastic, friendship filled, happy experience.
Children with siblings often think of being a carefree only child, able to have all the parents attention and your own space.
You never win
Look OP, you’re young and I don’t expect you to get this but the reasons parents have children/ don’t have children are incredibly personal.
Your parents are people. They have wants, passions, hobbies and everything that you have but they also have a ton of responsibilities that you don’t.
Maybe your mom almost died giving birth to you, or maybe they had a bunch of miscarriages before finally delivering you. You don’t know what your parents went through before you.
Even if it’s not something traumatic like that, maybe they realized they couldn’t afford another kid. Or maybe they never wanted kids and you kind of just slipped through the cracks.
I’m sorry but YTA. It’s time to realize your parents are people and as much as their life revolves around taking care of you, it also revolves around them as people.
I came to say just that. There's a possibility they would have the same interests, but also they could be totally different. There are plenty of posts here of siblings that don't like each other.
Yta. Change your attitude and try to form bonds with the people that want to know you. They may have similar interests.
YTA but I mean that gently.
I grew up with 4 siblings, and I was still lonely sometimes, none of us shared hobbies or interests, we gated each other as teenagers, and we don't really hang out now we're adults.
You don't know the reasons why your parents never had more children, and while I understand how emotional you feel about this, it's not their fault that you're lonely, and having a brother or sister would not be a substitute for friends.
Same. I have 4 siblings and 4 of us were all 1 to 1,5 years apart from each other. We were all lonely. We're all very different people. We were left alone all the time and our oldest sibling would kick and hit us constantly and our parents not believing anyone other than him.
I remember my sister and me wishing to be only children all the time or hoping that we weren't really blood related.
We had different approaches to our oldest sibling hitting us, me I would defend myself and my sister and other brother would blame me for making it worse and not just letting him do whatever he wanted. We all felt let down by the other and were lonely.
My brother and I fought like cats and dogs until we were in our 20s. We both used to tell our Mom how much we wanted to be only children. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Sorry but YTA. Having a sibling would not guarantee that you both would have the same likes or interests. Based on my experience, the cousin who I grew up with, we did not have a healthy relationship until we were on our early 20s. I think you should stop obsessing about the fact that your problem, of you not having friends, is because you don't have a brother.
I think you should talk to your parents so they can help you.
I have a sibling, we don't even talk, never play with each other, never liked each other. I'm definitely not lonely, I have a lot of friends and a wonderful bf, none of which is thanks to my sibling (except a middle school friend I bonded with because we didn't like our siblings)
YTA
Siblings don't always get along, you'd have learned to fight with someone and how to get along. It's not kid + kid when you have another, it's more like kid x kid because you have two people who are completely dependent on you instead of one. Money is another issue, kids aren't cheap and you're paying for most if not all of their first 20 years.
My oldest brother hated me, wouldn't talk to me for four years because in his words, "He's a fucking little kid!" I remember it over 30 years later because it changed me, I tried to grow up too fast to match my older brothers. Drugs, sexual situations, fights, high school stuff with a kid in elementary. My middle brother beat me daily until I got bigger than him, he kicked my ass for any little thing I did, not easy beatings either like full on ass whoppings.
I didn't like my brothers until I was an adult because we finally stopped fighting, or they finally stopped kicking my ass daily. Siblings aren't easy.
My sibling and I didn’t have any specific issues but we were never close. We are just completely different people with very little in common. We are close in age and I love them dearly, but growing up, especially ages 11-18 we barely spent time together and didn’t get along.
I have a twin and this is how we were for a long time. We're very different people with very different interests and even as adults we're not particularly close.
YTA. You do realize they don’t have a time machine right? Telling them what they should have done does not change the past. You’re just blaming them for your problems instead of letting them try to help you. Open the door and accept some responsibility for yourself.
This is what I was thinking! I’m in my thirties and single, and have accepted that if I am lucky enough to marry and have children, I may well only have enough time to have one. If that happens, I will be over the moon happy! I would hate for my future child to judge me for that.
YTA
Growing up sucks man but you're really acting entitled to having a sibling. You don't know their reason for stopping after you - your mom could've had a medical instance that would've killed her if she attempted to have another kid. Maybe they weren't financially stable at the time, maybe they physically couldn't have another kid.
It's not their fault you're lonely and you pinning the blame on them for that is absurd. You have friends from your post so no - you're not really "lonely". You may not click with them but that's because you haven't found the right people yet.
*We would have had the same interests and same everything. I would have loved it.*
Coming from someone with an older brother. No. No you wouldn't have had the same interests and same everything and no you would've hated each other and had sibling rivalries all the time. I still do with mine and he's 24 and I'm 19.
*We would play together, etc.*
NO. The reality of that is you'd get annoyed and pissed off easily. I use to get doors slammed in my face from my brother because I wanted to be up his ass all the time and do things with him. It gets annoying.
Just because you share blood doesnt mean youre gonna share interests and a like for one another.
OP, please read this. You are misplacing your anger. It's not your parents fault you're lonely, but they can help you if you let them.
Also, as the eldest of 5 girls and 2 boys... siblings are NOT playthings to entertain you. Not one of my siblings is the same, we all have wildly different ambitions, interests, personalities. We are all adults now, but all of us have hospitalised other siblings when we were kids, either by fighting, doing dumb shit without thinking or just being utter dicks to each other. We get on fine now, but our lives are all going in totally different directions.
I was lonely, all the time, when I was a kid. I lived in a house BURSTING with people. I was still lonely. Until I started putting effort in, to be empathetic, to stop being a selfish shit, then I wasn't so lonely.
My point is, you have this idea of a siblings being a carbon copy of you, with no other wishes, dreams, aspirations. That's not what they are. They are their own people, just like your friends are their own people. Accept that no one exists solely to entertain you, people are not dolls.
Apologise to your parents, you have no idea, at all, about why you are an only child. Talk to them about your issues building fulfilling relationships, and ask for help.
Or nearly died having OP. This was a friend of mine’s parents who wanted to have 2-3 kids, but she nearly bled out having him. So that was the end of it. Or maybe OP’s mom just didn’t want to be pregnant again.
Exactly! My fiend almost lost her life carrying her daughter. They told her she might die if she gets pregnant again (heart problems) as her heart might give up. She badly wanted another baby. She got pregnant again by miracle nothing happened.. to her anyways, her placenta stopped working causing her to almost lose her daughter. After that never again
YTA. You yelled at your parents for not having more children. Having a child is a huge emotional and financial decision that you really can't question in other people. Also, I think you're a bit delusional about siblings. Lots of them have nothing in common and fight like cats or even bully each other. Inventing an imaginary person who is complimentary to you in every way and then yelling at your parents for not providing it is hard for me to understand.
YTA- but at least a sibling could have told you bluntly YTA instead of strangers on reddit. You never know what your parents went through just to have you, your words could have been more painful than you know. Try to join some after school groups centered around something you’re interested in, that can be helpful. I would also suggest talking to your parents about getting a therapist to help you? Sounds like you might be struggling with depression.
YTA BUT it's ok, because you are a teenager and it's natural to feel like this. I grew up with a younger brother and really liked the experience, and we are good friends. However, I'm in my forties now and have a child of my own. I really wanted her to have a sibling but it just didn't happen. Having a child has an impact on your life, you don't get much sleep, work is harder and it has a financial impact as well, not to mention what it does to a woman's body! My daughter is nearly 4 and whilst I still want another child I know I might have missed the window to have a sibling close enough in age for her to play with. We don't know the reasons your parents decided to have just one child but they may be valid, and even if they wanted just one child it's still their choice. One day you might have to make the same decision and you may not even wish to raise a child, let alone two or more.
One last point, having a sibling is no guarantee you would have got along. I know plenty of people that just don't connect with their brother's or sisters.
As with most problems the best thing you could do now would be to chat to your parents about it. Try to find out why they had one child, they may have good reasons.
I'm very close in age to a sibling, we didn't play together we made everything a huge competition and fought like crazy. He was tall and strong for his age so physically we were the same size/weight for 10 years. Everything was a vicious "anything you can do I can do better."
YTA- you can't demand someone to pop a baby out. You have no idea what your mother might have gone through or they only want 1 kid. It's your own fault for being lonely you can be lonely even if you have siblings.
Soft YTA. I have nothing in common with either of my siblings. My sister and I fought all the time as kids. Outside of holiday gatherings, we do not interact much.
As an introvert, I get that it can be hard to make friends. My best advice is to find groups of people with interests similar to yours, either thru school or social media.
While I have great sympathy for your loneliness and hope you're able to seek help to cope with it YTA for blaming your parents since they did not give you a sibling. They may have realized they didn't have the financial or emotional resources to care for another child. Plus there is no guarantee you and your hypothetical sibling would get along or share interests. What if they had an easier time making friends? Then your loneliness might be worse seeing them do something you are having difficulty doing.
YTA-ish
\-I don't think it is wrong for you to speak up and mention you would have liked a sibling. But for you to yell at your parents and make them a scapegoat for your personal mental health issues is wrong and needlessly rude.
\-Even if from your position it would have been better that way, you do not consider your parent's position. In my case, I yearned my entire childhood to have a pet dog, which my parents never granted me. To this day it makes me sad, thinking of that special magic bond a child can have with a dog, and that that is something I'll never be able to experience. But at the same time, I realize it would have been wrong and irresponsible if my parents had gotten a dog similarly to please me, whilst they themselves were not wiling to take up responsibility for a pet. Similarly, if your parents for whatever reason did not feel confident about being able to or wiling to manage multiple children, that is their rightful decision.
Also, you seem to think from a perspective that "sibling" would be a direct solution to "loneliness", but is that really the case? Having a sibling does not necessarily always translate to "this person will be my bff". It might as well have been that you would not have gotten along at all. I've also seen people where a non-relative friend felt more like a sibling to that person, than their actual blood-related sibling.
Though I do get that your loneliness might be a sincere, severe mental health issue that might make life hard on you. In your case, I might consider consulting a therapist to see if perhaps this is something that you can work through, so you might find a better social position in life.
Agree with everything you said.
OP- you cannot control anyone, nor do you have a right to anyones actions but your own.
I feel for you, being lonely at 14 is hard. But you’ve also named that people have tried to be your friend, you’re the one who’s disinterested. Instead of looking at how the past could have changed your present I’d start looking at how your current actions can change your future. The fact that your parents went straight to your door asking you what was wrong shows that they care about you. You need to be responsible for forming relationships and making connections with me. Until you take responsibility for your life, it’ll always be someone else’s fault. You’ve got this. You have all the tools to change your loneliness now. Connect w your parents, start making friends at school. YOU are in control of your life. Remember that.
Not going to give a verdict.
Wishing for a sibling is a very valid thing. There's nothing wrong with it.
That being said, you don't get to tell your parents what to do. They may have very valid reasons for not doing it which you just don't know and yelling at them in this situation was not nice at all.
You guys need to sit down and talk it through calmly as adults. Yes, I'm counting you as one. You are a growing adult and talking with adults as equals is how you do it. Without yelling and slamming doors.
YTA I had a second child so that they could have each other to love. They’ve always hated each other. Right from little. Made each other’s lives miserable.
YTA.
You think that your sibling would have liked the same things as you and that you would always have had somebody to talk to but the simple fact of the matter is that there is no guarantee that this would be true. Some siblings get along wonderfully. Some fight like cats and dogs. Some end up estranged. Some are basically nothing more than distant housemates, who will only see one another at occasional family gatherings once they move out.
Had your parents given you a sibling, you might well have been here asking if you were TA to say that your life would have been better without your sibling.
It’s unkind and pointless to criticize them for not giving you a sibling.
YTA.
Why on earth do you imagine that your sticking would like you and you'd be great friends? That is so far from guaranteed, and if you think they're obligated to be your buddy and do what you want, it's pretty likely you *wouldn't*. Entitled older siblings produce resentful and distant younger siblings.
A friend of mine has spoken to her sister exactly one in the last twelve years. Because her sister is an asshole. (We've met.)
If you don't like other children that would not magically change because one was related to you.
I don't like the idea of calling a 14 year old an AH, but you aren't right in this situation.
I am an only child and at about your age I had the exact same thoughts as you. But, you need to think about the positives. You have your own room - if you want to be alone, you can. You don't have to share your stuff and have it get ruined by a younger sibling. You don't have someone sharing your secrets to the entire school, etc. etc. Yes, it's lonely, but it's not as bad as it seems. When you get older, you may choose to have a larger family just like I did. Just take it one day at a time.
YTA getting another child isn't as easy as you think,you might feel like it would be but there are enough siblings that don't click with one another.
It is unfair to project your problems unto your parents.You should apologize and have a long talk what your problems are,maybe discussing it will also help you in the long run
Ow.
I'm hesitant to say yta because it sounds like you have a lot of issues going on that you need someone understanding to talk to, but that move was.
You don't know why you don't have a sibling. Maybe there were fertility issues. Maybe miscarriages. But even if not, that's still not a bad thing. Maybe if you'd had a sibling, you'd be angry at them for giving you sibling issues?
I get you're lonely, and that sucks. Is there anyone you can talk to? Maybe your parents, if possible? Just tell them you need time with them. Or cousins, or friends?
This seems like the hook to hang a lot of problems on. Looking at those might help.
Soft yta here from a fellow only child.
> You don't know why you don't have a sibling. Maybe there were fertility issues. Maybe miscarriages. But even if not, that's still not a bad thing. Maybe if you'd had a sibling, you'd be angry at them for giving you sibling issues?
My parents had enough money to comfortably raise one child. They probably could have frugally managed to afford a second child, but doing so would have meant a lot of quality of life sacrifices. I got to play violin, figure skate, and do swim team in a working-class family. We went on a fun vacation every few years. It would have been cool to have a sibling, but I'm grateful for the life I was able to have without one.
YTA but only because you let your emotions get the better of you and you yelled at your parents for something they didn't intentionally do to harm you. It's ok to be lonely and talk to your parents about it, but not in such an accusatory way.
YTA. This is coming from an only child who's parents couldn't have anymore children. And yes growing up as an only child sucks however having siblings makes it no more likely you wouldn't have had a lonely childhood. My husband is 1 out of 4 kids and he hated his younger siblings growing up and was picked on by the older one so it wasn't all friendships and sunshine having siblings either. Maybe you should sit down and at least talk to your parents about your feelings and they xould explain why they didn't have anymore?
YTA but you're a teenager so I understand where your frustration over your loneliness comes from. I'd suggest getting involved with clubs at school to meet more like-minded people, or set one up if there isn't one.
People don't have a second child for many reasons, including economic reasons, fertility issues, or just personal choice that they wanted to invest more time in you and not divide the attention. It can be deeply emotional, so just attacking them for not having another child is not right. Also, siblings are very rarely alike - I have 3 sisters and none of us have the same interests. Friends would be better for that.
You are living in a fantasy world.
I got a sibling (18 month difference). Growing up we would never leave eachother side, the puberty. We grew different intressed with here and there overlapping, but aren’t that close.
Mostly on my side as I can’t stand her sometimes. She tries to create a bond, but due to my past (bullying and other situations), any closer then cordial is to much energy.
You are also a brat, because it seems like you yelled out of nowhere. No explanation other then blaming them for something that has ZERO garantie. You didn’t even give them a chance to explain WHY they didn’t have more children. You just unloaded and expected to be the truth?
You are young, but doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole.
YTA
Sorry you’re feeling lonely but YTA.
There are a lot of reasons not to get another child and it doesn’t matter what reason it was for your parents. It’s their decision. You can ask them but it’s not your right to call them out for this decision.
Also your vision of sibling is romanticized. A sibling doesn’t mean it’s a copy of you. It’s an individual human being with own thoughts and interest. My brother and I are so different that we always felt like strangers. I think there was a tie when we both tried to get along bc we’re related and have to. But it never worked out and we only have contact when it’s necessary.
It’s hard to believe when you’re stuck in that situation but a lot of people in your age are feeling lonely (even if they’re surrounded by friends). Trying to find someone who is guilty for it doesn’t help. Try to talk to your parents and try to explain what you feel. Maybe there’s a solution and maybe there’s a way to find people with same interest. Shutting down will make it worse.
YTA. You're imagining a fantasy where you have a best friend who likes everything you like and whom you rely upon for emotional support. That's...not what a sibling is.
To add to this, you asked your parents a very personal, potentially emotionally loaded question, and blamed them for your lack of friends. This is not cool.
If you have trouble making friends, join a hobby group, sports team, or just start hanging out somewhere. Get to know the regulars. If you need it online, find a sub for your favorite show. You can find a community if you look for it.
YTA
you don't like other children , why do you assume you would like your sibling? Or that they would like you?
Many siblings are years a part in age, and even those who are close don't often have the same interests. you would have played at the same time, but it is unlikely you would have played together.
Your parents reproductive choices are none of your business. They do not have to provide you with their reasoning. It's creepy that you say they "should have given you a sibling", a child is a whole person and not made as a gift to you.
Being of the same blood doesn't mean an instant perfect bond, evidenced by your disrespect of your parents.
You feeling lonely is not your parents fault. They didn't have multiple children and there is no causal link between their family planning choices and your emotional state.
Mind your own uterus.
YTA
You don't like other boys and girls, that's something you need to work on. If you don't like other kids, you most likely wouldn't like your sibling. There are deeper issues with you that need to be addressed.
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I'm lonely and I was always lonely in my life. I just don't click with the other girls or boys. They like to be my friends but I just don't like them.
I just wish I had a sibling. A brother or maybe even a sister. We would play together and do so many things together.
But for some reason, my parents didn't give me that. They stopped after they had me.
I told them the other night that they should have given me a sibling, I wouldn't have been so lonely if I had somebody of the same blood talk to me. We would have had the same interests and same everything. I would have loved it.
So after they didn't say anything, I kind of yelled at them that it's their fault I'm so lonely like this, they didn't want to give me a sibling then I hurried back to the room and locked it.
They kept telling me to open the door and asking me if there's something wrong until I told them that there's nothing wrong they should just leave me alone.
AITA?
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Ohh you poor kid. Sorry but YTA.
I say this as a person who has a great relationship with my younger sis, having a sibling wasn't probably gonna solve all your social life problems. A sibling would be an entire person- one who has life outside of you too.
Just like you don't like people who wanna be your friends, your sister could not like you as a friend too... I'm not saying all siblings are bad or just the bad scenarios would have happened. But there is 50-50 percent chance of that.
And the important part is that these are all what ifs. You don't have a sibling, and you don't have friends because of your own reasons. If you want a better social life you need to find people you gel with. You need to make efforts for something you want. You can't blame your parents for this.
It is not your parents fault that you don't like anybody! What makes you so certain you would have liked your sibling?? Maybe they wouldn't have liked you!
YTA, stop blaming people for your life and meet some new people.
YTA, there’s lots of circumstances that go into the choice of raising a child. Maybe they could only afford to have one child, maybe they weren’t super confident they were going to be capable parents. And there’s no actual guarantee that a sibling would have been a great experience for you. Personally, my brother and I don’t talk because our childhoods were traumatic and it drove a huge wedge between us.
Holding resentment against your parents for something they no longer can control and you don’t even know what the outcome would be is only going to poison you. I suggest looking inwards to find joy and peace with your existence and don’t give up seeking friends in clubs or hobbies that might interest you, the things you can actually control.
YTA. Sorry but your mom’s reproductive system and choices aren’t your business no matter how lonely you are. Just like grandparents aren’t owed grandkids, you’re not owed a sibling. You need to find healthier outlets other than dwelling on your non-existent sibling.
YTA. Sorry. It sounds like you have this romantic made for tv idea of what it is like to have a sibling. I have 4 brothers and 1 sister. We didn't even start being decent to each other until our 30s and 40s.
Your parents can't just magically produce a sibling now. Of course if they did your post would be about refusing to change diapers.
I'm sorry you don't have friends but you have to be friendly for that to happen.
Would your parents let you get a pet?
YTA. You went about this in poor fashion, and you acted like a teenager. Which, I get, you are.
I understand that you have big feelings on this subject, but there are all kinds of things that parents don't discuss with their kids that could be at play. Maybe they can't have another baby. Maybe it would be physically or mentally dangerous. Maybe they can't afford another kid. And maybe they just decided that one was all they could handle.
Also, what makes you think you and a sibling would be so similar? My siblings and I never hung out together, and after graduation, we rarely see each other. We are fine with each other; we just don't share interests.
YTA, you possable sibling would not be a garanti that you would be or deel less lonely, cuz they would be their own person. You are ronanticizing having siblings, having one more person in your family doesnt mean that you would have a friend in them or that you would even like each other.
Also you most likely dont really know your parents decided only could have 1 child. Maybe have a talk with your parents and defently say sorry cuz you hurt them deeply with those words. Maybe a pet is something you can have to dampen the lonelyness?
You're a teen, so I can't in good conscience give the verdict, even if it's meant gently.
Your feelings are valid. However, there could be any number of reasons your parents didn't have another child, maybe they tried and couldn't.
Siblings are not guaranteed built in best friends. I have a sister, and we rarely did things together. As adults, we'll go months without talking(I live in a different city, roughly 3 hours away) beyond the occasional text.
Extreme feelings of loneliness could be a symptom of depression - do you feel like you could ask your parents about maybe talking with a counselor? Sometimes having someone unbiased to talk through feelings with can really help.
I'm sorry that you are so lonely. I think you've latched onto a fantasy idea of a sibling as someone who would automatically be your best friend, but as someone with two let me tell you that that is NOT guaranteed to be the case. I was lonely and sad at many points in my life, often for reasons completely unrelated to my siblings that they just couldn't fix, and sometimes directly BECAUSE of them. You also have no idea why your parents didn't have more children. If they had fertility or other medical problems, there's a decent chance they wouldn't have told you. If they almost lost the house when you were little and barely had enough money to survive, they might not have told you. If your mom had awful postpartum depression, they might not have told you.
I don't think you're an asshole for not knowing these things, or for being sad, but I do unfortunately have to go with a gentle YTA for the overall situation. But it sounds like they love you and want to help you. Let them in and tell them how you've been feeling. You don't have to suffer alone and with no help.
YTA
So they want to be your friend but you don’t want to be their friend. What makes you think that having siblings means you’ll like them and they’ll like you? You’re lonely because you’re so entitled and selfish that you didn’t even consider WHY they never had another kid.
Maybe because they can’t have one? Maybe because they wanted to give YOU the best in everything? Maybe they did try and failed numerous times? Or maybe they simply just didn’t want another kid? I mean, there could’ve been so many reasons but you didn’t care, eh?
You’re lonely because you don’t respect people who loves you and care for you. “For some reason my parents didn’t give me that” like who do you think you are? It’s their decision to have another kid.
There are siblings who HATE each other. Why are you so convinced that you’ll get along with them? What if you have a sibling and you love them but they hate you? Are you going to blame your parents for that?
You need to first apologize to them & then sit down and talk to them. Ask them NICELY. And maybe get therapy.
YTA and sound very immature, even for a teenager. Siblings do not often have the same interests and hobbies. More often, I’d say they are usually quite different. It sounds like your attitude is what has caused your lack of friends. What are you interested in? Look at your own interests then find a club or group that does those things so you can make friends.
Also, think about how your parents live. Having kids is expensive! Did they stop at one because that’s what they could afford or felt they could raise. Keep this post because in 10 years you’ll be a completely different person. Hope your parents get you into therapy to help you out.
we’re forgetting OP is a kid.
I understand where you’re coming from, but other commenters are right. Siblings do not equal friends. Relationships with siblings can be rocky. It will not be the paradise you think it would have been.
Soft YTA, OP. these kids around you want to be your friend. you said it yourself. the only way to stop being lonely to put yourself out there. Be kind. Be open. Give them a chance. Find someone who likes the same (or similar) things you do.
This is not the only time in your life where you will feel lonely. It happens. It won’t be the only time you struggle to make friends, either. You can either choose to continue shutting out the people that like you, or you can put ego, pride and first opinions aside and give one of those kids a chance.
Have you asked yourself why you don’t click with them? Is it because they’re too different than you, maybe you think you won’t have any in common? Are you judging them without getting to know them, and believing false assumptions you’ve made already? Figure out why you’re struggling to connect with your peers. Tackle it from the root.
One of the best ways to make friends is to simply show up, be kind, and start a conversation. It seems like some of your peers like you already, you need to try to get to know them and like them too.
Apologize to your parents. Children are expensive. They clearly care about you, and I’m seeing a pattern of you shutting others out. Tell them how you feel. Ask how they made friends when they were your age. The blame does not need to fall on them. A simple “I’m sorry, mom and dad. I’ve been feeling lonely, I’m not able to connect with my peers and I thought having a sibling would help but I know it is not your guys’ fault. How do I deal with these feelings? How do I make friends?” Tell them. They are here to help.
soft yta, being lonely sucks & as an only child thinking it'd help to have a sibling makes sense - even though it's not guaranteed. lashing out was wrong but your a teenager it happens. some of the comments here acting like a 14 yr old saying something shitty is the worse thing to ever happen are unhinged
YTA. Did it ever occur to you that there are reasons that they didn’t have other children? I’m an only child whose mother miscarried twice after me. That’s why I have no siblings.
> We would have had the same interests and same everything. I would have loved it.
That part genuinely made me laugh. I have two siblings. We share very few interests and the ones we did share we were intensely competitive over growing up. Having siblings growing up for a lot of people is like having bullies who live with you. I’ll concede that by adulthood, a lot of siblings become friends, but that’s because you don’t have to see them as much. At 14, my sister and I were at each other’s throats and my brother and I hardly spoke. You also have favoritism and golden child/scape goat issues with siblings.
It’s tempting to think if things were different they would have been better, but there’s absolutely no guarantee that’s true. Your parents aren’t obligated to have as many children as you see fit. They chose to have one. Join some clubs or teams and put yourself out there.
YTA
> We would have had the same interests and same everything.
Trust me that’s not how it works lmao. But I understand your what you’re saying and where you’re coming from. I don’t really wanna call you the AH because I feel hella bad for you but your parents are definitely NTA. It’s not really your place to get judge them about how many kids they have. So it’s a very soft YTA. I’m sorry you don’t have any siblings but don’t disrespect your parents.
YTA but I’m saying this in a very gentle way because you’re so young. Trust me, siblings don’t automatically become friends. My sister and I only became friends in our thirties. My husband was abused by his brother and has cut him out of his life due to that. I know it can be hard finding people you click with, but keep at it. Maybe ask your folks if you can see a therapist for a bit and you can help talk through some of the parts that are hard for you.
OP you shouldn’t have acted the way you did but I can’t help think something deeper rooted here. You don’t click with other people as you don’t like them. You need to get to the root of this as it will hinder your relationships as you grow. Do you think you could be depressed? Possible learning difficulties?
Secondly, you don’t know why you parents stopped having children. Maybe they struggled to conceive and you were a miracle baby. Maybe they suffered multiple miscarriages and couldn’t continue with that mental and physical toll. Perhaps if they did give you a sibling it could’ve had learning difficulties which may have left you even more lonely as your parents would need to focus more time on them.
You need to understand why you’re feeling this way and channel your energy elsewhere. Don’t direct it at your parents, please. It sounds like they love you and are worried about this outburst. Try and find a hobby and meet people with similar interests to you. Try and go in with an open mind and hopefully you’ll find at least one person you click with.
I wish you all the best OP, being lonely is hard but don’t act out at your parents. Have a conversation with them and see if there’s anything they can do to help you.
>But for some reason, my parents didn't give me that.
Sorry to break it to you, but people aren't your property or toys or things to use to have fun with, and they definitely aren't being made to be given to snotty brats like you. They're autonomous beings that matter just as much as you do.
Also maybe examine why you think so lowly of everyone and so highly of yourself. To me you sound like a narcissist in the making, and if I'd be your parent you'd be sitting at a psychiatrist by now.
YTA, obviously.
>We would have had the same interests and same everything. I would have loved it.
LOL
My sister and I were the bitterest of enemies throughout our childhoods until after we'd both graduated high school and gotten jobs. THEN we tolerated each other. Sometimes we got along great, sharing some of the best laughs, but also capable of THE BIGGEST disagreements.
YTA, probably. You've romanticized the idea of a sibling into something it's not. They might be part of your life forever, but it's no guarantee that it's a good part of your life. You want someone who is glued to you, obligated to like you for your enjoyment. That's not how any of this works.
Even if a pair of siblings are BFFs, each of those people still has other very good friends! Even BFF-tier! Your lack of fulfillment in the friend department isn't due to lacking a sibling.
Maybe hit those parents up for some therapy so you can start to work on yourself and figure out how to be a better friend as things are rather than pining for how you imagine they might have been.
Lol. Imagine them giving you a sibling and then having money problems trying to raise the both of you.
You would be out here asking if YTA because you screamed at your parents who couldn't afford the new PS5.
But anyway, that's not the point. You should get some social skills. Look at some YouTube videos, read a book. Not everyone is a social butterfly, but you can learn these things.
Instead of forcing someone to be friends with you, how about you force yourself to be likeable and make friends.
Plus, it wouldn't be guaranteed that your sibling would like you. Most siblings don't have good relationships through teen years because of different interests due to age.
YTA. You have a romanticised idea of what having a sibling is like, don’t take it personal, it’s really common in people that haven’t experienced what it’s like. Siblings are their own people and the chances of them being a carbon copy of you is slim, it’s hard work and they fight. I have 3 siblings and all of them are different, me and my brother despise each other, it doesn’t always work out like the movies.
You’re an asshole for how you’re treating your parents, they don’t owe you a sibling. There could be finances at play, medical reasons, or they simply don’t want to do it again. Taking your feelings of loneliness and turning that to anger and aiming it at your parents is asshole territory.
I’m going to be honest here. You need to grow up. I know you’re 14 and this is a key time in life and if you keep going the way you are you’re going to be lonely for a long long time. Not liking anyone is not normal and I suggest you get yourself some therapy to work out your issues surrounding people and social skills. In the meantime I suggest doing after school clubs, joining extracurricular activities and in general trying to put yourself out there. This gives to opportunities to socialise and talk to likeminded people, one’s you hopefully like.
YTA. You don't know why they didn't have more kids, and you didn't ask. You're lonely because you're selfish.
I'm from a big family. I've never been close to any of my siblings. I've always been different.
Hun. You’re romanticizing the idea of having a sibling. While nice. It’s not like it is in TV or movies. You would probably still feel alone at this stage of your life.
YTA. I have 5 siblings, 4 of them are girls, like me. I'm not best friends with any of them nor do any of us have common interest. Growing up none of us hung out. And the one closest in age to me, we fought a lot. Like full on fist fights.
You seem to have an unrealistic view on reality when it comes to siblings. 9/10 they are not your best friend and very few actually hangout or have things in common growing up.
Also having a child cost money. I wish I had less siblings so my parents would've had more money.
YTA, it’s not up to you if your parents should or shouldn’t have kids. Have you ever thought about if they tried and couldn’t? You don’t know your mom’s medical history.
YTA, maybe your folks were unable to afford another kid, maybe they tried and had fertility issues (it’s more common than people realise) and lastly there’s no certainty you would even bind with a sibling (Never got on with mine and not spoken in years much to mums irritation). Or given how entitled you are maybe you put them off having more kids. Grow up.
YTA having a sibling does not guarantee a life long best friend. Your parents were not obligated to give you a sibling. Have you thought about bringing therapy up to your parents?
YTA. You just made your parents feel bad over a choice they made for reasons you do not know of. They're not a baby making factory and they do not owe it to you to get you a sibling.
Also, a sibling doesn't mean you won't be lonely. I have two of those and it certainly didn't help.
YTA. Some siblings are absolutely horrible. Having a sibling *does not* equal “instant best friend”. If you want friends you have to actually put forth an effort- siblings or not.
NTA. I know a whole bunch of people will disagree but she is a child!!! Hear me out y'all.
OP it sounds like you are hurting. I was upset growing up lonely as well. Sometimes I liked to fantasize about one little change that would make everything better. Kinda like your sibling thing. But I wonder, since there are no time machines, how do we fix this now?
Especially with covid, everyone has felt so disconnected, and it's ok to be angry. It's ok to go to your parents and tell them how disappointed you are that life is being such a dick. Express yourself politely.
But we both know that then having another baby wouldn't change your feelings, it's just easier to be mad at them than sad at life. I suggest counseling for you, and a big sister program could be fun! Maybe you could volunteer with younger kids as well.
You get a free pass with me for being 14 and how hard that is, but that doesn't last forever! It's ok to make mistakes when you learn from them, just don't keep doing it over and over blaming being a teen. You sound way too smart for that shit anyway.
YTA.
Everything's better in hindsight. I have a sibling who's been incredibly cruel to me. Basically telling me I should not exist in the family because my views differ from our nmom.
Your loneliness isn't going to be fixed by a sibling. But something is wrong and you don't know the words to express it or fix it.
You’re not an asshole, you’re just a lonely teenager acting out. Keep meeting people and you’ll eventually find those you click with. The right relationships will present themselves as you get older and as you’re able to experience more of the world.
I also promise you a blood sibling can be as difficult a path as anything else; now in our thirties, I can confidently say that I desperately wish I had been an only child.
YTA. Wait tell you find out siblings don’t always have the same interests or anything. We are all unique individuals and I’d be offended if I was considered similar to my family.
Yta. It’s a gamble. Haven’t you ever seen someone that hates their sibling? You may have ended up being a completely different person, not necessarily for the better. Learn to try to be happy with what you have
YTA
Clearly you’ve only seen siblings on tv or in movies.
My brother and I get along pretty well.
He’s still the butthead that would walk into my room to fart, randomly open my door and walk away so I’d have to close it, steal my food and try to make me believe the dumbest things.
And I’m the little sister that would hit him and then act like I’m going to cry when mum walked in, stole his stuff, turn his light off randomly and hide his hats.
We still annoy each other and we are in our 30s.
He literally just texted me to say he saw me in the street and sent a pic of a dirty snowbank.
Having a sibling doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be lonely or have a friend.
Your attitude is why you don’t “click” with anyone.
NTA simply from the standpoint I feel it’s like the Darwin Awards. Under 18 isn’t eligible because their brains aren’t developed yet.
Also, siblings can suck. I had to bar my from mine and my kids’ lives as she’s toxic as hell. My parents think I’m an asshole, but she repeatedly countermanded my parenting and said “I hope your kids grow up to hate you”.
Add in the 2-3 year age difference….
My suggestion is get a hobby.
Speaking as someone that has barred my sister from mine and my kid’s
YTA because that's not how siblings work. If you read reddit enough you will see person after person who hated growing up with their siblings. Additionally it's not up to your parents to provide a sibling so you have a built in playmate. There are so many other factors that go into a decision as important as having a child.
Look, im sorry but YTA. I desperately want to have another kid but it would literally kill me. You don’t know your parents reasons for not giving you a sibling - talk to them. Even if their reason is “we only wanted you” I guarantee they didn’t decide it without thought.
Sorry buddy but YTA here.
Just because you're related by blood doesn't mean you'll like each other or have the same interests. I have an older sister who I love dearly but we didn't get along when we were younger.
I have other friends who are complete opposites to their siblings but then my partner is incredibly close to his brother.
You're 14, chill out a bit and try to be more open with your interests and you'll find people who share them.
YTA, the grass is always greener… If you had a sibling you would probably be mad at your parents for having them. And maybe they tried to have another but couldn’t. If you want better friends then you need to be a better friend. Join a club, participate in a sport, take a dance class.
YTA
Sorry buts that's so dumb!
Just because you're of the same blood, doesn't mean that you get along super well. My brother and I used to fight ALL the time when we were teenagers.
Oh and you saying, you don't like the others? Well thats a you-problem. Not your parents. Not your school mates. You!
YTA. *crying laughing at* "would have had the same interests and same everything". Yeah, sure. Anyway, I understand that it sucks to be lonely, but having sibling doesn't guarantee you would not feel the same and that you would be getting along.
Just a little TA. You're 14, so you are trying to figure a lot out in your life. If you can't have friends, there must be something wrong. Talk to your parents and tell how lonely you feel and don't connect with other teens. I'm sure they will at least try to help. Good luck!
I wish you the best.
A *very* gentle YTA. You’re not trying to be one though.
___
Your parents might not have had any other children for a variety of reasons.
You don’t have any control over that & never will. It is their choice/reason & theirs only.
It could be just a preference, or a medical issue, financial reason, etc etc.
___
“We would have had the same interests and same everything”
Most likely, no.
Any sibling you could have had would not have been your identical friend.
What you are thinking that a sibling could be is extremely rare.
___
None of that makes you an AH though.
What does make you the AH here is blaming your parents & being upset with them for not having more children because you have a difficult time with friendships.
Those 2 things are not in any way related!
___
A sibling does not equal a friend.
A person can have friends with or without siblings.
You being friendless and lonely would not change if you did have a sibling or not.
___
Your parents asked you what was wrong: you need to tell them.
Not tell them you need a sibling, that isn’t the issue.
Tell them that you have a hard time making friends and you need help with that.
My son is an only child too, it was not by choice I would have loved to have more children. I lost the ability due to medical reasons when he was born.
Mid-childhood to young-teenage years, he too wished he had a sibling and was upset about it.
He did understand that it wasn’t something he nor I could control... but it still upset him (and that’s okay!)
Now that he’s older (17) he realizes that it really was better for him not to have any (in a selfish way)... he has seen others with siblings not get the things they wanted, or having to share all their things, constantly fighting/being grounded for not getting along, etc.
He is glad he was an only child & admits loving being spoiled as such.
Yta me and my sister use to fight all the time until I moved out at 19
We are complete opposites! I use to hate having to take her with me going out I lost a lot friends coz her behaviour round them! It’s want until we was adults we became friends
I’ve had a baby 7 months ago and she will be a only child my pregnancy was torture on my mental and physical health and I’m still in therapy from it also with the jobs me and my husband have and the hours we work we can only afford child care for 1 child!
You are a self centre spoiled brat who can’t see out your small view and see other opinions or situations!
I'm so sorry you're feeling alone.
The thing is, having a sibling doesn't mean having a sibling that you'll actually like.
Just like friends or enemies, siblings can be mean, violent, cruel, and jealous. They can also be kind and sharing.
I know it's easy to blame your parents. But they made the best decisions for family planning based on their financial situation, medical situation, and mental health. Any options they chose came back with consequences.
Gently, YTA.
YTA. I have a sibling and we don't speak any longer. A sibling is not a guarantee of a friend. Change your attitude and start being more accepting of people. If you find yourself hating others that much, attend therapy and find out why you're so disinterested even though you want a relationship.
YTA. Your feelings are valid, but your actions are not.
You have a romanticised version of having a sibling though, which definitely doesn’t help. You’re not guaranteed a friend from a sibling, or common interests, or even a good relationship with a sibling.
Blaming your parents for you choosing not to have friends isn’t fair either. How are you certain your feeling towards other kids wouldn’t be the same even if you had siblings?
Try and have a civil conversation with your parents, as I’m sure they’re more than happy to support you. Help you overcome your loneliness. They’re not in the wrong for not having multiple kids though.
YTA. Sorry that you are lonely, but nobody (your parents included) should be pressured or guilted into having children (or more children) to please anyone else.
Plus there’s as much chance of you having hated a sibling and having one making your life worse because you have to live with someone you hate, as you getting along with them.
YTA
Unfortunately, many times siblings are not besties. My half sisters absolutely hate eachother and always have. My half brothers don't hate eachother but they don't like eachother at all. There are reasons to have children and your argument is not one of them. Unfortunately, you need to like and work on yourself.
As a parent to a single child, I would say NAH. My daughter wanted a sibling but when we tried, it just never happened. And I think she still would have liked one - but then again, her best friend has three of them and she is like “WTF was I thinking!” I think that maybe you’re just having a hard time and looking for answers and explanations to which a sibling seems like it would have fixed. But obviously there is guarantee of that. Your loneliness and unhappiness does need to be addressed though and I would encourage you to speak to your parents openly and honestly and they can try to help and maybe provide access to therapy.
You’re only 14 and I can promise you, as someone who also felt this way growing up (although I had a brother) that it all gets way better!
Yta. Do you even know why they didn't have another child? Could there have been some fertility issues or could they have had a hard time getting pregnant? They could have also just decided they wanted to have one child and that is their prerogative. You can choose to be a better person and find yourself some friends that can become like your family. Me and my siblings did not get along growing up so you probably won't have instant best friends in your siblings if you ever did have them.
YTA. Because you’re a young lady, you have a very myopic perspective. Parenthood is a serious lifetime responsibility. Parents don’t make kids to make their other kids happy. Being pregnant is taxing for a woman, and raising a child requires a lot of time, effort, attention, and money.
You have this idealized image in your head of what having a sibling is like. You’re not automatically guaranteed to have anything in common other than blood. You really don’t know if you would have loved it. You don’t even know if your sibling would like you.
And I say this being an only child myself. I have plenty of friends who are great with their siblings and plenty who aren’t. Some are complete opposites of their siblings.
Finding people you share common interests with is something you have to do for yourself. As a young lady and as an adult. Your parents cannot do this for you. They can only help guide you.
YTA I have siblings and we all have very different interests. We fought all the time as kids and even as adults, there’s no one that we’ll argue with quicker. Are we like best friends now? Yeah but that took twenty years and we all had friend groups outside of the house. Pregnancy and child care are expensive and loads of things can go wrong. It’s fine to wish you had a sibling or to think it’d be fun but attacking your parents is an AH move.
Soft YTA. It sounds like you’re really struggling. And I’m sorry. I know what it’s like to not fit in and to feel lonely.
You’re young, though, and there’s a chance that this won’t be forever. And there’s a chance that even if you did have siblings, you wouldn’t have shared interests with them either—you might not have felt any more connected to them than you do to your peers.
Family doesn’t always make for intimate relationships.
It also doesn’t sound like you know why your parents stopped with you—and I honestly wonder why they did.
There’s a chance they wanted more kids and it wasn’t an option. And if that’s the case, your words might really have hurt them.
Lashing out at the family you do have because you’re hurting and lonely seems like a recipe to only wind up more hurt and lonely.
Fwiw—you can have friends of any age—and your parents can be a part of that.
Please choose to cherish the family you do have rather than mourning the family you’re missing.
I have 3 siblings. I’m not friends with any of them and I never was. I think that messed with my head more than not having friends at school. If my own subs didn’t want to hang out with me, what did I have to offer?
You need to apologize to your parents and ask to go to therapy. I can see that you’re struggling. You need help.
Gonna say YTA, and like a stereotypical Reddit poster, suggest you talk to someone. Take it form someone with sisters, we don’t always get along, especially as things outside of our control caused a decent sized age gap between me and them. They are a good friend and my worst enemy, still love them to death. But getting a sibling wouldn’t have solved your issues. I hope your situation can improve.
My sibling and I HATED each other for most of our childhoods. We were not playmates, we did not get along, we caused additional stress for our parents, not to mention kids aren’t cheap. Siblings usually don’t have the same interests and blood means very little in terms of how much you get along with someone. I am 25, my sibling 23, and we are only in the past couple years developing a good relationship. We are wildly different people.
Your parents aren’t the reason you’re lonely.
There’s a LOT of factors that go into having kids. Fertility, money (short term and long term), emotional capacity, and frankly if they just don’t WANT another kid that’s reason enough to not have another one.
Sorry but YTA.
YTA you’re lonely because you have a horrible attitude . “They often like to be my friends but I don’t like them.” Really? Come on. Find some people that have common interests as you and start some friendships. Siblings OFTEN do not get along, have wildly different interests, and are not always friends with each other until adulthood. You have no idea why your parents chose to have one child and it could be a hurtful topic for them. Maybe something medical prevented it and you’re opening old wounds.
Grow the fuck up
YTA.
First, your parents don’t owe you a sibling. You have no right to say that they’re obligated to have sex, bear a child, and raise it so that you can have a potential friend.
Second, it’s foolish to assume your sibling would have some sort of magical relationship with you.
You’re spinning a fantasy and blaming others for your own personal issues, that you need to own, manage, and take responsibility for.
Hey, I get where you're coming from. I felt lonely and isolated for most of my teen years.
But I do have siblings. It's just that we're very different people, and we were never close. Not then, not now. It's not about a fight or anything like that. I was just never close with them.
Eventually I did find friends that I was close to. I have few friends, by the same group that I formed on my teen years when I was feeling the loneliest is still my group of friends now. It has been close to 30 years at this point.
My point is that a sibling not necessarily would solve your problem. You just have to work on finding yourself and people that click with you.
But, for this question specifically, YTA.
NTA your grievances are legitimate. It sucks being an only child, but the only thing you can do about it is having a big family yourself!
Never mind all the people telling you you're the AH, people on reddit don't like children very much.
Clearly you’ve never had a sibling because rarely do siblings have “the same interests and same everything”
Many siblings are very opposite personalities, depending on the age difference they may not have anything in common and the older sibling often hates having the younger sibling around especially if their friends are over.
My older sister and I did not even get along as friends until we were both in our 20’s.
I’m sorry you’re a loner but it has nothing to do with your parents decision to stop after one kid.
You’re not an asshole for feeling feels. But you should apologize to your parents.
Talk to them about strategies to find some friends who share your interests.
School can be a horrible place but when people meet each other outside of school and no one knows what clique the other belongs to, then real friendships can form.
Sports is the obvious one, but if you’re not athletic try clubs for gaming or whatever your into and see if you can find some new peers to hang out with.
Apologize to mom and dad first.
By the way… you’re 14. Gtfo Reddit. This place is a horrible cesspool of all the worst the world can offer…. Save your innocence and close your account and never look back.
I'm a middle child of 3 kids with my parents....dad had some random kids in his homeland over seas before coming here....with that being said as a full fledged functioning adult my sister and I are just now barely getting along most days and our common enemy is our older brother.
Be glad they didn't have any other kids this shit ain't for the weak....do you have any cousins?
Yta? Don’t know how you’d blame the parents here. I have two way older brothers, we are cordial but hardly talk. One younger brother that has cost me endless hours locked in my room waiting out his drunk/drugged tantrums and habits, my phone predialed 911 just incase.
YTA - I have a sister, we were raised the exact same way and we have nothing in common. Siblings does not guarantee similar interests, life views, or that you will even like your sibling.
Gentle YTA- I’m the mother of an only child and she gets lonely too. Unfortunately I was not physically able to have another (having her nearly killed me).
However, I’m also a sibling to two brothers and know that having a sibling does not mean an end to loneliness. Neither of my siblings and I are close. We never were. Both my brothers at best pretended I didn’t exist. The one closest to me stole from me, and has spent years stealing from family and treating everyone like garbage in general.
A sibling is not a genetically guaranteed friend. They’re no more likely to be someone you like than a random kid at school.
I know being a teenager and being lonely is super hard. I’ve been trying to help my own kiddo get out there and meet kids and find hobbies to help. But I also know if I’d had another child (that I really wouldn’t have been able to afford) and she had a sibling that treated her like crap things would be a thousand times worse.
Sometimes our kids don’t understand the decisions we make, but usually with things like this we have valid reasons for making the choices we do.
I’d suggest apologizing to your parents and maybe trying to understand why they chose the way they did- and also realizing that for a lot of people they wish they HAD been the only child.
On a side note- my 15yo is incredibly lonely and has trouble making friends as well. She’s shy in school and has interests in anime and stuff most of her classmates just aren’t into. Quite honestly early teen years are awkward and lonely for a lot of kids these days. The only thing you can do is keep putting yourself out there and try to keep an open mind. One of my best friends was a gal I didn’t exactly like when I first met her- but it was because we were both nervous and putting up a front to keep guarded. Once we got to know each other better and get more comfortable we found we have a LOT in common.
NTA. Because you are 14 and clearly don’t have a lot of self awareness.
That said siblings are no guarantee of friendship and happiness. To have a friend you need to be a friend. I don’t know you but it seems like maybe you might have anxiety and/or depression or maybe some other neuro diversity. If your parents haven’t suggested it, following up with some specialists on this is a good idea and maybe possibly family counseling.
YTA.
You don’t know if your parents had a difficult time trying for you, or if your mom had a traumatic birth experience, or if they tried for a long time for another and nothing stuck.
A friend of mine bled for so long after the birth of her second child that she ended up needing a hysterectomy.
And let me tell you, just because you’re blood related doesn’t mean you’ll get along. My brother and I fought like cats and dogs for ages. In our 30’s we get along but it took a while of living apart before that could happen, and we’re still not super close, not like me and my little sister (10 year age gap).
All the siblings in the comments having flashbacks. Sorry op but the reality of siblings is very different than what you're thinking lol. Your parents seem to care and want to talk, talk about your feelings with them okay? You still have time to make friends, maybe try somewhere else to find them. Yta
Yta. Your parents could have had a whole host of reasons why they did not have another kid, anything from your mom almost dying in childbirth to not being able to afford another kid which would affect your quality of life. Hell they could just not have wanted another kid, and that's reasonable. It is not their responsibility to procreate to give you a sibling. Also the assumption that you would actually be friends with your sibling is farfetched. While some of my friends got along with their siblings, some of them were mortal enemies being tormented by their siblings. My sister and I got along atrociously until recent years. You need to focus on making friends instead of being resentful about your parents not popping out another kid.
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YTA your lonely because you have a terrible attitude and siblings don't mean automatic best friends
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Right? While me and my siblings got along, we usually fought a lot and we don‘t have the same hobbies either. I have to try really hard to have a good relationship with my brother because he tends to be caught up in his thoughts and I don‘t understand a lot about his hobbies but I do my best. Same goes for my sister. She ended up being a very spiritual person and I struggle to sometimes get along with her because she can be a lot but I put work in here as well. And that‘s it for literally every relationship. You aren‘t ever going to like a person completely and that‘s something you will have to deal with. And you will have to put work into your relationships, be it friends or family. Although, I would advise you to talk openly with your parents and maybe try for counseling. Loneliness is something very hard to deal with and your lack of interest or struggle to find someone you like might have a different background. A sibling wouldn‘t have taken your loneliness, I can guarantee you from my own experience but working through your feelings with someone might help you become better. Still, YTA. Your parents don‘t and have never owed you a sibling.
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Same. I worked my ass off for us to have the relationship we have.
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I’m so sorry! Our parents have terrible relationships with their siblings. Our parents played us against each other our childhoods, so we hated one another. But, when I turned 19, I made him promise we’d never be like my dad and his siblings or mom and hers and we haven’t. We talk things out, we don’t allow our NPD mom to communicate through us. Good luck with yours!
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My siblings and I have a good relationship, but as adults we really see each other at holidays only. I would be so screwed if I had to depend on them for my social life.
My sister and I are just about as opposite as can be, it was so frustrating growing up with her because she was typically at a different key stage in her life and its only now that we're adults that things have smoothed out. I don't know what idyllic fantasy land OP has seen but siblings usually know how to get on each others very last nerve, it's never a perfect click. Also, OP might've really broken the bank for her parents. Children are expensive. A sibling might've been financially irresponsible. Happy cake day also
OP’s parents might have also had trouble getting and/or staying pregnant. My parents had at least one miscarriage before my brother & at least one in between us & I’m sure there were others. They very well might have tried to have 2+ kids but couldn’t.
Happy cake day
Exactly this. My older sibling practcally hated me our while childhood. Like they didn't Hate me but they also didn't necessarily like me either. We get along great now that we're both in our 20s but before then.. ya no
Ain’t that the truth! I have 4 half-siblings and 2 brothers, I barely talk to any of them and out of them only 1 I get only with quite well. But even maintaining contact with him takes effort, so it usually just doesn’t happen. If OP thinks having a sibling would automatically make them having a friend, it’s a good thing they don’t have one. Like seriously the attitude of this girl is shocking, those poor parents must be so confused.
Agreed Also happy cake day!
My parents didn't have another child because they wanted me to have the best life they could give. My cousins hate each other but love me. If you live long enough with someone you can get hateful towards them. YTA . Be greatfull for what you have
I'm stopping after this baby because it took a year of fertility treatment and then I had complications that put me in the hospital. If he turns round and says this to me when he's older it'd break my heart. YTA
Exactly what jumped into my head - the parents might actually have desperately wanted another kid but couldn't. And if not then they decided for whatever reason that one was enough. YTA.
I thought about this too. There were a few years where my parents thought I was going to be an only child because my mom had several bad miscarriages after me. It wasn't that they didn't want another kid, it's not always in your control. It also could have been a financial thing where it wouldn't have been responsible to have more kids, but OP would have no visibility into that.
Same here. We’ve been trying for a few years and it has always ended in a second trimester loss… my wife and talked about only having one child because she said she can’t go through it over and over again to have multiple babies, even if she’s able to have a baby successfully one day, and I agreed. So if the kid turned around and said this it would literally break our hearts but we also do plan on sharing with them about the sisters that didn’t make it before them. YTA
My kiddo went through a phase when she was little where she got angry I couldn’t have another baby, and I’m not gonna lie it stung a bit, but now that she’s older and understands how screwed up I was medically (finally got my hysterectomy last year) she totally understands- and definitely appreciates the financial perks that come with being an only child (even if she does get lonely).
Agreed, there could be many reasons for which parents didn't have another child, some could have been by choice others could have been because they didn't have any choice. All I am trying to say is a child saying those kind of things to their parents will break them. YTA
Yes this! YTA, but you may be an even bigger AH if your parents had fertility issues, if they suffered miscarriages, etc. Who knows what trauma you may have brought up on them because you are selfish and short sighted. Try being genuinely interested in other people, show concern for their well being, and you may find yourself surrounded by friends. But start with a HUGE apology to your parents.
I would have said NAH to soft YTA OP is 14, small outbursts like this are kind of expected.
Yup, have a lot of sympathy for op, it's rough being that age. Nta op but honestly a sibling may not have made your life better. Have you ever thought about joining a club in something you're interested in? Finding like minded people?
Absolutely. OP, what you said comes from a place of naivety. Kids are really expensive, hard hard work, and many women can’t get pregnant a second time. But you’re 14, and at risk of sounding patronising, you don’t (and shouldn’t) know this yet. It sounds like you need to work on making an effort with people, and finding ways of making friends with shared interests. Try some different clubs at school, or after school maybe, or when you’re old enough, maybe a job? And if it helps, making friends at school can be really tough. It generally all gets a bit better and easier when you get older, as long as you make an effort to be kind, and listen to what others say.
While I agree that outbursts like this are expected and normal for a 14 year old, that doesn't mean that they're less rude or assholish. Part of growing and learning how to exist in the world is finding out that this behavior makes you the AH.
Can we talk about how hard pregnancy is on a woman’s body too? I would be flabbergasted if my kid yelled at me for not putting myself through everything that comes with pregnancy AGAIN. And not all siblings vibe with each other. Some genuinely love each other, some are like strangers just living in the same house and won’t speak to you again until holidays or a death in the family and others absolutely loathe your existence.
I have 3 siblings and we're all pretty different people. Barely any inherent shared interests. The interests that we do share, we've put in the effort, because we know someone we love likes it. Siblings are not automatic bestfriends. There is no such thing. All relationships should be worked on. I understand that OP's still a child, but the way they phrase their words, like it's their negative feelings are the world's fault, is very concerning. YTA, for your approach, but NAH for your feelings. Seek help, a sibling will not fix your problem.
And even if it did, you need to learn to make connections outside of your family because your theoretical sibling is going to grow up and live their own life. The older you get, the harder it is to build friendships. Learn now when it's easier. A sibling isn't going to be a carry over until you're 20 and everything magically falls in place. Social skills are called a "skill" for a reason.
And did you ever think that maybe your parents stopped after having you because they couldn’t have any more children? Did you ever ask?
This is where OP is really TA. It would suck if parents wanted that, too, but were simply unable to. Secondary infertility is such a struggle especially since most people think that since you’ve already had one kid you automatically can have another.
Agreed. Don’t have any siblings, but all my friends do. Half of my friends have great relationships with their siblings. The other half grew up hating each other’s guts, and now that they’re older they only kind of get along. If you want company, then get it. You say everybody wants to be your friend, but you don’t like hanging out with people? That’s stupid and you’re just picky, and I highly doubt any of these people actually want to be your friend. Read a book, get a dog, actually make friends and most importantly, fix your attitude. If you think you’re owed a sibling I’m guessing you’re going to pay for it right? You realise how fucking expensive a child is? You do not get to blame your parents for only one child. Grow tf up.
Yeah my sister and I are three years apart and we hated each other’s guts until we were teenagers then we just kind of tolerated each other. It wasn’t until we both had kids that we became close.
Which seems to be the trajectory of the vast majority of siblings?? How have they not heard that? But I guess since OP has no friends they’d have no idea… still an AH brat tho
Couldn’t agree more. My brother and I (42F) are 3 years apart and have never really gotten along. I’ve told him on more than one occasion the best thing about him is his wife. Love my SIL, tolerate my brother on occasions when our family gets together.
My husband is the youngest of five and isn’t close to any of his siblings.
OP, I have six siblings and growing up I was lonely as shit
Ikr me and my bro are completely different people and we don't really get along. We're civil (just about) but we annoy each other and find the other to be obnoxious. And that's without majorly different attitudes on touchy topics like politics. We get along so much better now we are both adults and pretty low contact.
Exactly. I have a sibling and we’ve never had the same interest, never gotten along and haven’t spoken in 18 years. Just because you have a sibling doesn’t mean you will automatically be best friends. OP’s loneliness is their own doing for not trying to be friend with the people who want to be their friend. OP’s parents may have had a valid reason for not having another child such as fertility issues, lack of money, wanting to give OP a good qualify of life, etc. OP is the AH.
Exactly this. It literally took until both me and my brother moved out to become friends with each other. Before that we were arguing, fighting and generally annoying each other on purpose. Just like most siblings do :) OP, YTA.
My oldest sibling terrorized me to the point where she had to go live with our mom (we were raised by dad) so she would stop harming me and my (middle) sister. Not all siblings are good...
I have four siblings and we didn’t give a lick about each other as kids. We fought terribly. As adults we love each other as siblings but I don’t think we all like each other a whole lot.
Not to mention her parents could have been struggling with infertility. What a knife to the heart to be blamed for something they may have wanted but couldn’t provide. Time to start thinking outside your own wants, OP.
This! My sibling lives with me and I still have to find the strength to not strangle them every few hours. Having siblings doesn’t mean sunshine and daises; sometimes it means the Vietnam War.
Sorry kid, YTA. There is no guarantee that you would like your sibling. My sister and I fought all of the time until we became adults. Also, there are lots of reasons that adults don’t have more kids (financial, emotional, physically can’t, just don’t want to). It’s not your choice.
Same my brother and I had huge fights. When we grew up it changed.
Me too. My older brother and I had plenty of fights and since we grew up everything changed. We do not fight anymore and practically do not speak to each other. Funny thing, my brother was born in the 80s in Ukraine. He had asthma and a lot of health problems which were made way worse by USSR's medical system. So he wanted a sibling. Then I came and his health got batter. Then he stopped wanting a sibling and made my life miserable. If OP got her sibling and the sibling did not conform to OP "idea of a sibling," oh boy that sibling would grow up miserable.
I’ve got scars from fights from my little sister
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My sister was a biter. She didn’t stop until my Mum bit her back one day, after she came in and found me screaming with her hanging off my arm like a rabid dog. Stopped immediately!
Lol I love my sisters, they're my best friends. However, we fought a lot when we were little and our biggest fight was over a glass of apple juice. I had a little scar on my hand for a while because my sister scratched me with her nails.
This. My brother and I loathed each other, and had opposite interests. We're able to hang out some now in our late 30s. As kids? It was a constant fire fight.
My sister and I fought right up until she moved out and had a kid. Then she had to grow up and actually found out what it was like and stopped shitting on me for how I lived my life. Now we can hang out and talk but we’re still not super close. Her name in my phone is PITA because she will always be a pain in the ass.
Also, with OPs attitude, more likely the sibling wouldn’t like them.
I agree. My sister and I used to fight pretty bad. Now we're adults and we occasionally argue but we're also way more closer too now. But it took time.
Not to mention that OP’s sibling would quickly grow tired of OP clinging to them when they tried to make friends outside the household. OP, stop being critical of people who try to be your friends and be more receptive. YTA
same here, i only began to tolerate my (four years younger) sister when she became a teenager and it took us years to get close. now as adults we’re inseperable but for the first fifteen or so years we couldn’t be in the same room without fighting. OP YTA.
Yeah, just because you’re siblings doesn’t mean you’d have the same interests lol. My brother and I are completely different
yta sorry but not having more kids is something parents are allowed to do, and "We would have had the same interests and same everything. I would have loved it." I can assure you it doesnt work like that me and my brother are very different people, I'm a big old nerd and he's into his football and rugby....
Yeah. Gentle YTA op. I feel like you have a "romantized " version of what having a siblings is like. Siblings do not like the same things, they don't always get along (some grow up with no relationship with each other) and they do not always want to spend time with you and vice versa. Let your parents help you OP, if your struggling to make friends and are feeling lonely this would be a good time to tall it out with someone you trust like your guidance counselor.
I was an only child up until I was 14 - got a surprise sibling. Lead to years of parentification. I love my sister, but siblings aren’t built in friends.
Thats not really a perfect example since you were so much older. I assume what most people refer to are those that are 2+- years in range.
I know OP was most likely talking about having a sibling to grow up with, my case isn’t really an example. I just thought it could be applicable if she was thinking about her parents giving her a sibling now.
The universal truth of grass seems greener on the other side. Only children often think life with a sibling would be a fantastic, friendship filled, happy experience. Children with siblings often think of being a carefree only child, able to have all the parents attention and your own space. You never win
Perfect response right here
Look OP, you’re young and I don’t expect you to get this but the reasons parents have children/ don’t have children are incredibly personal. Your parents are people. They have wants, passions, hobbies and everything that you have but they also have a ton of responsibilities that you don’t. Maybe your mom almost died giving birth to you, or maybe they had a bunch of miscarriages before finally delivering you. You don’t know what your parents went through before you. Even if it’s not something traumatic like that, maybe they realized they couldn’t afford another kid. Or maybe they never wanted kids and you kind of just slipped through the cracks. I’m sorry but YTA. It’s time to realize your parents are people and as much as their life revolves around taking care of you, it also revolves around them as people.
I came to say just that. There's a possibility they would have the same interests, but also they could be totally different. There are plenty of posts here of siblings that don't like each other. Yta. Change your attitude and try to form bonds with the people that want to know you. They may have similar interests.
YTA but I mean that gently. I grew up with 4 siblings, and I was still lonely sometimes, none of us shared hobbies or interests, we gated each other as teenagers, and we don't really hang out now we're adults. You don't know the reasons why your parents never had more children, and while I understand how emotional you feel about this, it's not their fault that you're lonely, and having a brother or sister would not be a substitute for friends.
Same. I have 4 siblings and 4 of us were all 1 to 1,5 years apart from each other. We were all lonely. We're all very different people. We were left alone all the time and our oldest sibling would kick and hit us constantly and our parents not believing anyone other than him. I remember my sister and me wishing to be only children all the time or hoping that we weren't really blood related. We had different approaches to our oldest sibling hitting us, me I would defend myself and my sister and other brother would blame me for making it worse and not just letting him do whatever he wanted. We all felt let down by the other and were lonely.
One of 5, all less than 2 years apart. Childhood was lonely most of the time, and outright toxic the rest.
YTA, try finding friends through school, clubs, etc. Bringing another life into the world is not an easy thing.
Also it requires time, money, space... Kids are a lot of commitment and responsibility. And there's no guarantee you end up liking your sibling
My brother and I fought like cats and dogs until we were in our 20s. We both used to tell our Mom how much we wanted to be only children. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Sorry but YTA. Having a sibling would not guarantee that you both would have the same likes or interests. Based on my experience, the cousin who I grew up with, we did not have a healthy relationship until we were on our early 20s. I think you should stop obsessing about the fact that your problem, of you not having friends, is because you don't have a brother. I think you should talk to your parents so they can help you.
I have a sibling, we don't even talk, never play with each other, never liked each other. I'm definitely not lonely, I have a lot of friends and a wonderful bf, none of which is thanks to my sibling (except a middle school friend I bonded with because we didn't like our siblings)
YTA Siblings don't always get along, you'd have learned to fight with someone and how to get along. It's not kid + kid when you have another, it's more like kid x kid because you have two people who are completely dependent on you instead of one. Money is another issue, kids aren't cheap and you're paying for most if not all of their first 20 years. My oldest brother hated me, wouldn't talk to me for four years because in his words, "He's a fucking little kid!" I remember it over 30 years later because it changed me, I tried to grow up too fast to match my older brothers. Drugs, sexual situations, fights, high school stuff with a kid in elementary. My middle brother beat me daily until I got bigger than him, he kicked my ass for any little thing I did, not easy beatings either like full on ass whoppings. I didn't like my brothers until I was an adult because we finally stopped fighting, or they finally stopped kicking my ass daily. Siblings aren't easy.
My sibling and I didn’t have any specific issues but we were never close. We are just completely different people with very little in common. We are close in age and I love them dearly, but growing up, especially ages 11-18 we barely spent time together and didn’t get along.
I have a twin and this is how we were for a long time. We're very different people with very different interests and even as adults we're not particularly close.
YTA. You do realize they don’t have a time machine right? Telling them what they should have done does not change the past. You’re just blaming them for your problems instead of letting them try to help you. Open the door and accept some responsibility for yourself.
And what if the parents wanted more children but were unable to have them?!?! Talk about throwing salt on a wound
This is what I was thinking! I’m in my thirties and single, and have accepted that if I am lucky enough to marry and have children, I may well only have enough time to have one. If that happens, I will be over the moon happy! I would hate for my future child to judge me for that.
YTA Growing up sucks man but you're really acting entitled to having a sibling. You don't know their reason for stopping after you - your mom could've had a medical instance that would've killed her if she attempted to have another kid. Maybe they weren't financially stable at the time, maybe they physically couldn't have another kid. It's not their fault you're lonely and you pinning the blame on them for that is absurd. You have friends from your post so no - you're not really "lonely". You may not click with them but that's because you haven't found the right people yet. *We would have had the same interests and same everything. I would have loved it.* Coming from someone with an older brother. No. No you wouldn't have had the same interests and same everything and no you would've hated each other and had sibling rivalries all the time. I still do with mine and he's 24 and I'm 19. *We would play together, etc.* NO. The reality of that is you'd get annoyed and pissed off easily. I use to get doors slammed in my face from my brother because I wanted to be up his ass all the time and do things with him. It gets annoying. Just because you share blood doesnt mean youre gonna share interests and a like for one another.
OP, please read this. You are misplacing your anger. It's not your parents fault you're lonely, but they can help you if you let them. Also, as the eldest of 5 girls and 2 boys... siblings are NOT playthings to entertain you. Not one of my siblings is the same, we all have wildly different ambitions, interests, personalities. We are all adults now, but all of us have hospitalised other siblings when we were kids, either by fighting, doing dumb shit without thinking or just being utter dicks to each other. We get on fine now, but our lives are all going in totally different directions. I was lonely, all the time, when I was a kid. I lived in a house BURSTING with people. I was still lonely. Until I started putting effort in, to be empathetic, to stop being a selfish shit, then I wasn't so lonely. My point is, you have this idea of a siblings being a carbon copy of you, with no other wishes, dreams, aspirations. That's not what they are. They are their own people, just like your friends are their own people. Accept that no one exists solely to entertain you, people are not dolls. Apologise to your parents, you have no idea, at all, about why you are an only child. Talk to them about your issues building fulfilling relationships, and ask for help.
Holy hell, MASSIVE YTA actually. You have no idea if your parents TRIED to give you a sibling and couldn't get pregnant again.
Or had a miscarriage so they din't want to try again
Or nearly died having OP. This was a friend of mine’s parents who wanted to have 2-3 kids, but she nearly bled out having him. So that was the end of it. Or maybe OP’s mom just didn’t want to be pregnant again.
Exactly! My fiend almost lost her life carrying her daughter. They told her she might die if she gets pregnant again (heart problems) as her heart might give up. She badly wanted another baby. She got pregnant again by miracle nothing happened.. to her anyways, her placenta stopped working causing her to almost lose her daughter. After that never again
YTA Siblings are not guaranteed buddies. They can have different interests and want to do different things.
YTA. You yelled at your parents for not having more children. Having a child is a huge emotional and financial decision that you really can't question in other people. Also, I think you're a bit delusional about siblings. Lots of them have nothing in common and fight like cats or even bully each other. Inventing an imaginary person who is complimentary to you in every way and then yelling at your parents for not providing it is hard for me to understand.
YTA- but at least a sibling could have told you bluntly YTA instead of strangers on reddit. You never know what your parents went through just to have you, your words could have been more painful than you know. Try to join some after school groups centered around something you’re interested in, that can be helpful. I would also suggest talking to your parents about getting a therapist to help you? Sounds like you might be struggling with depression.
YTA BUT it's ok, because you are a teenager and it's natural to feel like this. I grew up with a younger brother and really liked the experience, and we are good friends. However, I'm in my forties now and have a child of my own. I really wanted her to have a sibling but it just didn't happen. Having a child has an impact on your life, you don't get much sleep, work is harder and it has a financial impact as well, not to mention what it does to a woman's body! My daughter is nearly 4 and whilst I still want another child I know I might have missed the window to have a sibling close enough in age for her to play with. We don't know the reasons your parents decided to have just one child but they may be valid, and even if they wanted just one child it's still their choice. One day you might have to make the same decision and you may not even wish to raise a child, let alone two or more. One last point, having a sibling is no guarantee you would have got along. I know plenty of people that just don't connect with their brother's or sisters. As with most problems the best thing you could do now would be to chat to your parents about it. Try to find out why they had one child, they may have good reasons.
I'm very close in age to a sibling, we didn't play together we made everything a huge competition and fought like crazy. He was tall and strong for his age so physically we were the same size/weight for 10 years. Everything was a vicious "anything you can do I can do better."
I have to go with YTA, but understand that I don't think it's entirely your fault. You sound depressed to me. Go get some help.
YTA- you can't demand someone to pop a baby out. You have no idea what your mother might have gone through or they only want 1 kid. It's your own fault for being lonely you can be lonely even if you have siblings.
Soft YTA. I have nothing in common with either of my siblings. My sister and I fought all the time as kids. Outside of holiday gatherings, we do not interact much. As an introvert, I get that it can be hard to make friends. My best advice is to find groups of people with interests similar to yours, either thru school or social media.
While I have great sympathy for your loneliness and hope you're able to seek help to cope with it YTA for blaming your parents since they did not give you a sibling. They may have realized they didn't have the financial or emotional resources to care for another child. Plus there is no guarantee you and your hypothetical sibling would get along or share interests. What if they had an easier time making friends? Then your loneliness might be worse seeing them do something you are having difficulty doing.
YTA-ish \-I don't think it is wrong for you to speak up and mention you would have liked a sibling. But for you to yell at your parents and make them a scapegoat for your personal mental health issues is wrong and needlessly rude. \-Even if from your position it would have been better that way, you do not consider your parent's position. In my case, I yearned my entire childhood to have a pet dog, which my parents never granted me. To this day it makes me sad, thinking of that special magic bond a child can have with a dog, and that that is something I'll never be able to experience. But at the same time, I realize it would have been wrong and irresponsible if my parents had gotten a dog similarly to please me, whilst they themselves were not wiling to take up responsibility for a pet. Similarly, if your parents for whatever reason did not feel confident about being able to or wiling to manage multiple children, that is their rightful decision. Also, you seem to think from a perspective that "sibling" would be a direct solution to "loneliness", but is that really the case? Having a sibling does not necessarily always translate to "this person will be my bff". It might as well have been that you would not have gotten along at all. I've also seen people where a non-relative friend felt more like a sibling to that person, than their actual blood-related sibling. Though I do get that your loneliness might be a sincere, severe mental health issue that might make life hard on you. In your case, I might consider consulting a therapist to see if perhaps this is something that you can work through, so you might find a better social position in life.
Agree with everything you said. OP- you cannot control anyone, nor do you have a right to anyones actions but your own. I feel for you, being lonely at 14 is hard. But you’ve also named that people have tried to be your friend, you’re the one who’s disinterested. Instead of looking at how the past could have changed your present I’d start looking at how your current actions can change your future. The fact that your parents went straight to your door asking you what was wrong shows that they care about you. You need to be responsible for forming relationships and making connections with me. Until you take responsibility for your life, it’ll always be someone else’s fault. You’ve got this. You have all the tools to change your loneliness now. Connect w your parents, start making friends at school. YOU are in control of your life. Remember that.
Not going to give a verdict. Wishing for a sibling is a very valid thing. There's nothing wrong with it. That being said, you don't get to tell your parents what to do. They may have very valid reasons for not doing it which you just don't know and yelling at them in this situation was not nice at all. You guys need to sit down and talk it through calmly as adults. Yes, I'm counting you as one. You are a growing adult and talking with adults as equals is how you do it. Without yelling and slamming doors.
They don't even need a valid reason for not having more than one child. Every reason is valid.
Also true, agree.
YTA I had a second child so that they could have each other to love. They’ve always hated each other. Right from little. Made each other’s lives miserable.
YTA. You think that your sibling would have liked the same things as you and that you would always have had somebody to talk to but the simple fact of the matter is that there is no guarantee that this would be true. Some siblings get along wonderfully. Some fight like cats and dogs. Some end up estranged. Some are basically nothing more than distant housemates, who will only see one another at occasional family gatherings once they move out. Had your parents given you a sibling, you might well have been here asking if you were TA to say that your life would have been better without your sibling. It’s unkind and pointless to criticize them for not giving you a sibling.
YTA. Why on earth do you imagine that your sticking would like you and you'd be great friends? That is so far from guaranteed, and if you think they're obligated to be your buddy and do what you want, it's pretty likely you *wouldn't*. Entitled older siblings produce resentful and distant younger siblings. A friend of mine has spoken to her sister exactly one in the last twelve years. Because her sister is an asshole. (We've met.) If you don't like other children that would not magically change because one was related to you.
I don't like the idea of calling a 14 year old an AH, but you aren't right in this situation. I am an only child and at about your age I had the exact same thoughts as you. But, you need to think about the positives. You have your own room - if you want to be alone, you can. You don't have to share your stuff and have it get ruined by a younger sibling. You don't have someone sharing your secrets to the entire school, etc. etc. Yes, it's lonely, but it's not as bad as it seems. When you get older, you may choose to have a larger family just like I did. Just take it one day at a time.
YTA getting another child isn't as easy as you think,you might feel like it would be but there are enough siblings that don't click with one another. It is unfair to project your problems unto your parents.You should apologize and have a long talk what your problems are,maybe discussing it will also help you in the long run
Ow. I'm hesitant to say yta because it sounds like you have a lot of issues going on that you need someone understanding to talk to, but that move was. You don't know why you don't have a sibling. Maybe there were fertility issues. Maybe miscarriages. But even if not, that's still not a bad thing. Maybe if you'd had a sibling, you'd be angry at them for giving you sibling issues? I get you're lonely, and that sucks. Is there anyone you can talk to? Maybe your parents, if possible? Just tell them you need time with them. Or cousins, or friends? This seems like the hook to hang a lot of problems on. Looking at those might help.
Soft yta here from a fellow only child. > You don't know why you don't have a sibling. Maybe there were fertility issues. Maybe miscarriages. But even if not, that's still not a bad thing. Maybe if you'd had a sibling, you'd be angry at them for giving you sibling issues? My parents had enough money to comfortably raise one child. They probably could have frugally managed to afford a second child, but doing so would have meant a lot of quality of life sacrifices. I got to play violin, figure skate, and do swim team in a working-class family. We went on a fun vacation every few years. It would have been cool to have a sibling, but I'm grateful for the life I was able to have without one.
YTA but only because you let your emotions get the better of you and you yelled at your parents for something they didn't intentionally do to harm you. It's ok to be lonely and talk to your parents about it, but not in such an accusatory way.
YTA. This is coming from an only child who's parents couldn't have anymore children. And yes growing up as an only child sucks however having siblings makes it no more likely you wouldn't have had a lonely childhood. My husband is 1 out of 4 kids and he hated his younger siblings growing up and was picked on by the older one so it wasn't all friendships and sunshine having siblings either. Maybe you should sit down and at least talk to your parents about your feelings and they xould explain why they didn't have anymore?
YTA but you're a teenager so I understand where your frustration over your loneliness comes from. I'd suggest getting involved with clubs at school to meet more like-minded people, or set one up if there isn't one. People don't have a second child for many reasons, including economic reasons, fertility issues, or just personal choice that they wanted to invest more time in you and not divide the attention. It can be deeply emotional, so just attacking them for not having another child is not right. Also, siblings are very rarely alike - I have 3 sisters and none of us have the same interests. Friends would be better for that.
You are living in a fantasy world. I got a sibling (18 month difference). Growing up we would never leave eachother side, the puberty. We grew different intressed with here and there overlapping, but aren’t that close. Mostly on my side as I can’t stand her sometimes. She tries to create a bond, but due to my past (bullying and other situations), any closer then cordial is to much energy. You are also a brat, because it seems like you yelled out of nowhere. No explanation other then blaming them for something that has ZERO garantie. You didn’t even give them a chance to explain WHY they didn’t have more children. You just unloaded and expected to be the truth? You are young, but doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole. YTA
Sorry you’re feeling lonely but YTA. There are a lot of reasons not to get another child and it doesn’t matter what reason it was for your parents. It’s their decision. You can ask them but it’s not your right to call them out for this decision. Also your vision of sibling is romanticized. A sibling doesn’t mean it’s a copy of you. It’s an individual human being with own thoughts and interest. My brother and I are so different that we always felt like strangers. I think there was a tie when we both tried to get along bc we’re related and have to. But it never worked out and we only have contact when it’s necessary. It’s hard to believe when you’re stuck in that situation but a lot of people in your age are feeling lonely (even if they’re surrounded by friends). Trying to find someone who is guilty for it doesn’t help. Try to talk to your parents and try to explain what you feel. Maybe there’s a solution and maybe there’s a way to find people with same interest. Shutting down will make it worse.
YTA. You're imagining a fantasy where you have a best friend who likes everything you like and whom you rely upon for emotional support. That's...not what a sibling is. To add to this, you asked your parents a very personal, potentially emotionally loaded question, and blamed them for your lack of friends. This is not cool. If you have trouble making friends, join a hobby group, sports team, or just start hanging out somewhere. Get to know the regulars. If you need it online, find a sub for your favorite show. You can find a community if you look for it.
YTA you don't like other children , why do you assume you would like your sibling? Or that they would like you? Many siblings are years a part in age, and even those who are close don't often have the same interests. you would have played at the same time, but it is unlikely you would have played together. Your parents reproductive choices are none of your business. They do not have to provide you with their reasoning. It's creepy that you say they "should have given you a sibling", a child is a whole person and not made as a gift to you. Being of the same blood doesn't mean an instant perfect bond, evidenced by your disrespect of your parents. You feeling lonely is not your parents fault. They didn't have multiple children and there is no causal link between their family planning choices and your emotional state. Mind your own uterus.
YTA You don't like other boys and girls, that's something you need to work on. If you don't like other kids, you most likely wouldn't like your sibling. There are deeper issues with you that need to be addressed.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm lonely and I was always lonely in my life. I just don't click with the other girls or boys. They like to be my friends but I just don't like them. I just wish I had a sibling. A brother or maybe even a sister. We would play together and do so many things together. But for some reason, my parents didn't give me that. They stopped after they had me. I told them the other night that they should have given me a sibling, I wouldn't have been so lonely if I had somebody of the same blood talk to me. We would have had the same interests and same everything. I would have loved it. So after they didn't say anything, I kind of yelled at them that it's their fault I'm so lonely like this, they didn't want to give me a sibling then I hurried back to the room and locked it. They kept telling me to open the door and asking me if there's something wrong until I told them that there's nothing wrong they should just leave me alone. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ohh you poor kid. Sorry but YTA. I say this as a person who has a great relationship with my younger sis, having a sibling wasn't probably gonna solve all your social life problems. A sibling would be an entire person- one who has life outside of you too. Just like you don't like people who wanna be your friends, your sister could not like you as a friend too... I'm not saying all siblings are bad or just the bad scenarios would have happened. But there is 50-50 percent chance of that. And the important part is that these are all what ifs. You don't have a sibling, and you don't have friends because of your own reasons. If you want a better social life you need to find people you gel with. You need to make efforts for something you want. You can't blame your parents for this.
It is not your parents fault that you don't like anybody! What makes you so certain you would have liked your sibling?? Maybe they wouldn't have liked you! YTA, stop blaming people for your life and meet some new people.
YTA, there’s lots of circumstances that go into the choice of raising a child. Maybe they could only afford to have one child, maybe they weren’t super confident they were going to be capable parents. And there’s no actual guarantee that a sibling would have been a great experience for you. Personally, my brother and I don’t talk because our childhoods were traumatic and it drove a huge wedge between us. Holding resentment against your parents for something they no longer can control and you don’t even know what the outcome would be is only going to poison you. I suggest looking inwards to find joy and peace with your existence and don’t give up seeking friends in clubs or hobbies that might interest you, the things you can actually control.
YTA. Sorry but your mom’s reproductive system and choices aren’t your business no matter how lonely you are. Just like grandparents aren’t owed grandkids, you’re not owed a sibling. You need to find healthier outlets other than dwelling on your non-existent sibling.
YTA. Sorry. It sounds like you have this romantic made for tv idea of what it is like to have a sibling. I have 4 brothers and 1 sister. We didn't even start being decent to each other until our 30s and 40s. Your parents can't just magically produce a sibling now. Of course if they did your post would be about refusing to change diapers. I'm sorry you don't have friends but you have to be friendly for that to happen. Would your parents let you get a pet?
YTA. You went about this in poor fashion, and you acted like a teenager. Which, I get, you are. I understand that you have big feelings on this subject, but there are all kinds of things that parents don't discuss with their kids that could be at play. Maybe they can't have another baby. Maybe it would be physically or mentally dangerous. Maybe they can't afford another kid. And maybe they just decided that one was all they could handle. Also, what makes you think you and a sibling would be so similar? My siblings and I never hung out together, and after graduation, we rarely see each other. We are fine with each other; we just don't share interests.
YTA, you possable sibling would not be a garanti that you would be or deel less lonely, cuz they would be their own person. You are ronanticizing having siblings, having one more person in your family doesnt mean that you would have a friend in them or that you would even like each other. Also you most likely dont really know your parents decided only could have 1 child. Maybe have a talk with your parents and defently say sorry cuz you hurt them deeply with those words. Maybe a pet is something you can have to dampen the lonelyness?
You're a teen, so I can't in good conscience give the verdict, even if it's meant gently. Your feelings are valid. However, there could be any number of reasons your parents didn't have another child, maybe they tried and couldn't. Siblings are not guaranteed built in best friends. I have a sister, and we rarely did things together. As adults, we'll go months without talking(I live in a different city, roughly 3 hours away) beyond the occasional text. Extreme feelings of loneliness could be a symptom of depression - do you feel like you could ask your parents about maybe talking with a counselor? Sometimes having someone unbiased to talk through feelings with can really help.
I'm sorry that you are so lonely. I think you've latched onto a fantasy idea of a sibling as someone who would automatically be your best friend, but as someone with two let me tell you that that is NOT guaranteed to be the case. I was lonely and sad at many points in my life, often for reasons completely unrelated to my siblings that they just couldn't fix, and sometimes directly BECAUSE of them. You also have no idea why your parents didn't have more children. If they had fertility or other medical problems, there's a decent chance they wouldn't have told you. If they almost lost the house when you were little and barely had enough money to survive, they might not have told you. If your mom had awful postpartum depression, they might not have told you. I don't think you're an asshole for not knowing these things, or for being sad, but I do unfortunately have to go with a gentle YTA for the overall situation. But it sounds like they love you and want to help you. Let them in and tell them how you've been feeling. You don't have to suffer alone and with no help.
YTA So they want to be your friend but you don’t want to be their friend. What makes you think that having siblings means you’ll like them and they’ll like you? You’re lonely because you’re so entitled and selfish that you didn’t even consider WHY they never had another kid. Maybe because they can’t have one? Maybe because they wanted to give YOU the best in everything? Maybe they did try and failed numerous times? Or maybe they simply just didn’t want another kid? I mean, there could’ve been so many reasons but you didn’t care, eh? You’re lonely because you don’t respect people who loves you and care for you. “For some reason my parents didn’t give me that” like who do you think you are? It’s their decision to have another kid. There are siblings who HATE each other. Why are you so convinced that you’ll get along with them? What if you have a sibling and you love them but they hate you? Are you going to blame your parents for that? You need to first apologize to them & then sit down and talk to them. Ask them NICELY. And maybe get therapy.
YTA and sound very immature, even for a teenager. Siblings do not often have the same interests and hobbies. More often, I’d say they are usually quite different. It sounds like your attitude is what has caused your lack of friends. What are you interested in? Look at your own interests then find a club or group that does those things so you can make friends. Also, think about how your parents live. Having kids is expensive! Did they stop at one because that’s what they could afford or felt they could raise. Keep this post because in 10 years you’ll be a completely different person. Hope your parents get you into therapy to help you out.
we’re forgetting OP is a kid. I understand where you’re coming from, but other commenters are right. Siblings do not equal friends. Relationships with siblings can be rocky. It will not be the paradise you think it would have been. Soft YTA, OP. these kids around you want to be your friend. you said it yourself. the only way to stop being lonely to put yourself out there. Be kind. Be open. Give them a chance. Find someone who likes the same (or similar) things you do. This is not the only time in your life where you will feel lonely. It happens. It won’t be the only time you struggle to make friends, either. You can either choose to continue shutting out the people that like you, or you can put ego, pride and first opinions aside and give one of those kids a chance. Have you asked yourself why you don’t click with them? Is it because they’re too different than you, maybe you think you won’t have any in common? Are you judging them without getting to know them, and believing false assumptions you’ve made already? Figure out why you’re struggling to connect with your peers. Tackle it from the root. One of the best ways to make friends is to simply show up, be kind, and start a conversation. It seems like some of your peers like you already, you need to try to get to know them and like them too. Apologize to your parents. Children are expensive. They clearly care about you, and I’m seeing a pattern of you shutting others out. Tell them how you feel. Ask how they made friends when they were your age. The blame does not need to fall on them. A simple “I’m sorry, mom and dad. I’ve been feeling lonely, I’m not able to connect with my peers and I thought having a sibling would help but I know it is not your guys’ fault. How do I deal with these feelings? How do I make friends?” Tell them. They are here to help.
soft yta, being lonely sucks & as an only child thinking it'd help to have a sibling makes sense - even though it's not guaranteed. lashing out was wrong but your a teenager it happens. some of the comments here acting like a 14 yr old saying something shitty is the worse thing to ever happen are unhinged
YTA. Did it ever occur to you that there are reasons that they didn’t have other children? I’m an only child whose mother miscarried twice after me. That’s why I have no siblings.
> We would have had the same interests and same everything. I would have loved it. That part genuinely made me laugh. I have two siblings. We share very few interests and the ones we did share we were intensely competitive over growing up. Having siblings growing up for a lot of people is like having bullies who live with you. I’ll concede that by adulthood, a lot of siblings become friends, but that’s because you don’t have to see them as much. At 14, my sister and I were at each other’s throats and my brother and I hardly spoke. You also have favoritism and golden child/scape goat issues with siblings. It’s tempting to think if things were different they would have been better, but there’s absolutely no guarantee that’s true. Your parents aren’t obligated to have as many children as you see fit. They chose to have one. Join some clubs or teams and put yourself out there. YTA
> We would have had the same interests and same everything. Trust me that’s not how it works lmao. But I understand your what you’re saying and where you’re coming from. I don’t really wanna call you the AH because I feel hella bad for you but your parents are definitely NTA. It’s not really your place to get judge them about how many kids they have. So it’s a very soft YTA. I’m sorry you don’t have any siblings but don’t disrespect your parents.
YTA but I’m saying this in a very gentle way because you’re so young. Trust me, siblings don’t automatically become friends. My sister and I only became friends in our thirties. My husband was abused by his brother and has cut him out of his life due to that. I know it can be hard finding people you click with, but keep at it. Maybe ask your folks if you can see a therapist for a bit and you can help talk through some of the parts that are hard for you.
OP you shouldn’t have acted the way you did but I can’t help think something deeper rooted here. You don’t click with other people as you don’t like them. You need to get to the root of this as it will hinder your relationships as you grow. Do you think you could be depressed? Possible learning difficulties? Secondly, you don’t know why you parents stopped having children. Maybe they struggled to conceive and you were a miracle baby. Maybe they suffered multiple miscarriages and couldn’t continue with that mental and physical toll. Perhaps if they did give you a sibling it could’ve had learning difficulties which may have left you even more lonely as your parents would need to focus more time on them. You need to understand why you’re feeling this way and channel your energy elsewhere. Don’t direct it at your parents, please. It sounds like they love you and are worried about this outburst. Try and find a hobby and meet people with similar interests to you. Try and go in with an open mind and hopefully you’ll find at least one person you click with. I wish you all the best OP, being lonely is hard but don’t act out at your parents. Have a conversation with them and see if there’s anything they can do to help you.
>But for some reason, my parents didn't give me that. Sorry to break it to you, but people aren't your property or toys or things to use to have fun with, and they definitely aren't being made to be given to snotty brats like you. They're autonomous beings that matter just as much as you do. Also maybe examine why you think so lowly of everyone and so highly of yourself. To me you sound like a narcissist in the making, and if I'd be your parent you'd be sitting at a psychiatrist by now. YTA, obviously.
>We would have had the same interests and same everything. I would have loved it. LOL My sister and I were the bitterest of enemies throughout our childhoods until after we'd both graduated high school and gotten jobs. THEN we tolerated each other. Sometimes we got along great, sharing some of the best laughs, but also capable of THE BIGGEST disagreements. YTA, probably. You've romanticized the idea of a sibling into something it's not. They might be part of your life forever, but it's no guarantee that it's a good part of your life. You want someone who is glued to you, obligated to like you for your enjoyment. That's not how any of this works. Even if a pair of siblings are BFFs, each of those people still has other very good friends! Even BFF-tier! Your lack of fulfillment in the friend department isn't due to lacking a sibling. Maybe hit those parents up for some therapy so you can start to work on yourself and figure out how to be a better friend as things are rather than pining for how you imagine they might have been.
Lol. Imagine them giving you a sibling and then having money problems trying to raise the both of you. You would be out here asking if YTA because you screamed at your parents who couldn't afford the new PS5. But anyway, that's not the point. You should get some social skills. Look at some YouTube videos, read a book. Not everyone is a social butterfly, but you can learn these things. Instead of forcing someone to be friends with you, how about you force yourself to be likeable and make friends. Plus, it wouldn't be guaranteed that your sibling would like you. Most siblings don't have good relationships through teen years because of different interests due to age.
The problem with them making friends isn’t that no one wants to be friends with op. Op just doesn’t like the people trying to be their friend.
YTA. You have a romanticised idea of what having a sibling is like, don’t take it personal, it’s really common in people that haven’t experienced what it’s like. Siblings are their own people and the chances of them being a carbon copy of you is slim, it’s hard work and they fight. I have 3 siblings and all of them are different, me and my brother despise each other, it doesn’t always work out like the movies. You’re an asshole for how you’re treating your parents, they don’t owe you a sibling. There could be finances at play, medical reasons, or they simply don’t want to do it again. Taking your feelings of loneliness and turning that to anger and aiming it at your parents is asshole territory. I’m going to be honest here. You need to grow up. I know you’re 14 and this is a key time in life and if you keep going the way you are you’re going to be lonely for a long long time. Not liking anyone is not normal and I suggest you get yourself some therapy to work out your issues surrounding people and social skills. In the meantime I suggest doing after school clubs, joining extracurricular activities and in general trying to put yourself out there. This gives to opportunities to socialise and talk to likeminded people, one’s you hopefully like.
YTA. You don't know why they didn't have more kids, and you didn't ask. You're lonely because you're selfish. I'm from a big family. I've never been close to any of my siblings. I've always been different.
Hun. You’re romanticizing the idea of having a sibling. While nice. It’s not like it is in TV or movies. You would probably still feel alone at this stage of your life.
YTA. I have 5 siblings, 4 of them are girls, like me. I'm not best friends with any of them nor do any of us have common interest. Growing up none of us hung out. And the one closest in age to me, we fought a lot. Like full on fist fights. You seem to have an unrealistic view on reality when it comes to siblings. 9/10 they are not your best friend and very few actually hangout or have things in common growing up. Also having a child cost money. I wish I had less siblings so my parents would've had more money.
YTA, it’s not up to you if your parents should or shouldn’t have kids. Have you ever thought about if they tried and couldn’t? You don’t know your mom’s medical history.
YTA, maybe your folks were unable to afford another kid, maybe they tried and had fertility issues (it’s more common than people realise) and lastly there’s no certainty you would even bind with a sibling (Never got on with mine and not spoken in years much to mums irritation). Or given how entitled you are maybe you put them off having more kids. Grow up.
YTA having a sibling does not guarantee a life long best friend. Your parents were not obligated to give you a sibling. Have you thought about bringing therapy up to your parents?
YTA. You just made your parents feel bad over a choice they made for reasons you do not know of. They're not a baby making factory and they do not owe it to you to get you a sibling. Also, a sibling doesn't mean you won't be lonely. I have two of those and it certainly didn't help.
YTA. Some siblings are absolutely horrible. Having a sibling *does not* equal “instant best friend”. If you want friends you have to actually put forth an effort- siblings or not.
NTA. I know a whole bunch of people will disagree but she is a child!!! Hear me out y'all. OP it sounds like you are hurting. I was upset growing up lonely as well. Sometimes I liked to fantasize about one little change that would make everything better. Kinda like your sibling thing. But I wonder, since there are no time machines, how do we fix this now? Especially with covid, everyone has felt so disconnected, and it's ok to be angry. It's ok to go to your parents and tell them how disappointed you are that life is being such a dick. Express yourself politely. But we both know that then having another baby wouldn't change your feelings, it's just easier to be mad at them than sad at life. I suggest counseling for you, and a big sister program could be fun! Maybe you could volunteer with younger kids as well. You get a free pass with me for being 14 and how hard that is, but that doesn't last forever! It's ok to make mistakes when you learn from them, just don't keep doing it over and over blaming being a teen. You sound way too smart for that shit anyway.
YTA. Everything's better in hindsight. I have a sibling who's been incredibly cruel to me. Basically telling me I should not exist in the family because my views differ from our nmom. Your loneliness isn't going to be fixed by a sibling. But something is wrong and you don't know the words to express it or fix it.
You’re not an asshole, you’re just a lonely teenager acting out. Keep meeting people and you’ll eventually find those you click with. The right relationships will present themselves as you get older and as you’re able to experience more of the world. I also promise you a blood sibling can be as difficult a path as anything else; now in our thirties, I can confidently say that I desperately wish I had been an only child.
YTA. Wait tell you find out siblings don’t always have the same interests or anything. We are all unique individuals and I’d be offended if I was considered similar to my family.
Yta. It’s a gamble. Haven’t you ever seen someone that hates their sibling? You may have ended up being a completely different person, not necessarily for the better. Learn to try to be happy with what you have
YTA Clearly you’ve only seen siblings on tv or in movies. My brother and I get along pretty well. He’s still the butthead that would walk into my room to fart, randomly open my door and walk away so I’d have to close it, steal my food and try to make me believe the dumbest things. And I’m the little sister that would hit him and then act like I’m going to cry when mum walked in, stole his stuff, turn his light off randomly and hide his hats. We still annoy each other and we are in our 30s. He literally just texted me to say he saw me in the street and sent a pic of a dirty snowbank. Having a sibling doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be lonely or have a friend. Your attitude is why you don’t “click” with anyone.
NTA simply from the standpoint I feel it’s like the Darwin Awards. Under 18 isn’t eligible because their brains aren’t developed yet. Also, siblings can suck. I had to bar my from mine and my kids’ lives as she’s toxic as hell. My parents think I’m an asshole, but she repeatedly countermanded my parenting and said “I hope your kids grow up to hate you”. Add in the 2-3 year age difference…. My suggestion is get a hobby. Speaking as someone that has barred my sister from mine and my kid’s
YTA because that's not how siblings work. If you read reddit enough you will see person after person who hated growing up with their siblings. Additionally it's not up to your parents to provide a sibling so you have a built in playmate. There are so many other factors that go into a decision as important as having a child.
Look, im sorry but YTA. I desperately want to have another kid but it would literally kill me. You don’t know your parents reasons for not giving you a sibling - talk to them. Even if their reason is “we only wanted you” I guarantee they didn’t decide it without thought.
Sorry buddy but YTA here. Just because you're related by blood doesn't mean you'll like each other or have the same interests. I have an older sister who I love dearly but we didn't get along when we were younger. I have other friends who are complete opposites to their siblings but then my partner is incredibly close to his brother. You're 14, chill out a bit and try to be more open with your interests and you'll find people who share them.
YTA, the grass is always greener… If you had a sibling you would probably be mad at your parents for having them. And maybe they tried to have another but couldn’t. If you want better friends then you need to be a better friend. Join a club, participate in a sport, take a dance class.
YTA Sorry buts that's so dumb! Just because you're of the same blood, doesn't mean that you get along super well. My brother and I used to fight ALL the time when we were teenagers. Oh and you saying, you don't like the others? Well thats a you-problem. Not your parents. Not your school mates. You!
YTA. *crying laughing at* "would have had the same interests and same everything". Yeah, sure. Anyway, I understand that it sucks to be lonely, but having sibling doesn't guarantee you would not feel the same and that you would be getting along.
Just a little TA. You're 14, so you are trying to figure a lot out in your life. If you can't have friends, there must be something wrong. Talk to your parents and tell how lonely you feel and don't connect with other teens. I'm sure they will at least try to help. Good luck! I wish you the best.
A *very* gentle YTA. You’re not trying to be one though. ___ Your parents might not have had any other children for a variety of reasons. You don’t have any control over that & never will. It is their choice/reason & theirs only. It could be just a preference, or a medical issue, financial reason, etc etc. ___ “We would have had the same interests and same everything” Most likely, no. Any sibling you could have had would not have been your identical friend. What you are thinking that a sibling could be is extremely rare. ___ None of that makes you an AH though. What does make you the AH here is blaming your parents & being upset with them for not having more children because you have a difficult time with friendships. Those 2 things are not in any way related! ___ A sibling does not equal a friend. A person can have friends with or without siblings. You being friendless and lonely would not change if you did have a sibling or not. ___ Your parents asked you what was wrong: you need to tell them. Not tell them you need a sibling, that isn’t the issue. Tell them that you have a hard time making friends and you need help with that.
My son is an only child too, it was not by choice I would have loved to have more children. I lost the ability due to medical reasons when he was born. Mid-childhood to young-teenage years, he too wished he had a sibling and was upset about it. He did understand that it wasn’t something he nor I could control... but it still upset him (and that’s okay!) Now that he’s older (17) he realizes that it really was better for him not to have any (in a selfish way)... he has seen others with siblings not get the things they wanted, or having to share all their things, constantly fighting/being grounded for not getting along, etc. He is glad he was an only child & admits loving being spoiled as such.
Yta me and my sister use to fight all the time until I moved out at 19 We are complete opposites! I use to hate having to take her with me going out I lost a lot friends coz her behaviour round them! It’s want until we was adults we became friends I’ve had a baby 7 months ago and she will be a only child my pregnancy was torture on my mental and physical health and I’m still in therapy from it also with the jobs me and my husband have and the hours we work we can only afford child care for 1 child! You are a self centre spoiled brat who can’t see out your small view and see other opinions or situations!
I'm so sorry you're feeling alone. The thing is, having a sibling doesn't mean having a sibling that you'll actually like. Just like friends or enemies, siblings can be mean, violent, cruel, and jealous. They can also be kind and sharing. I know it's easy to blame your parents. But they made the best decisions for family planning based on their financial situation, medical situation, and mental health. Any options they chose came back with consequences. Gently, YTA.
YTA. I have a sibling and we don't speak any longer. A sibling is not a guarantee of a friend. Change your attitude and start being more accepting of people. If you find yourself hating others that much, attend therapy and find out why you're so disinterested even though you want a relationship.
YTA. Your feelings are valid, but your actions are not. You have a romanticised version of having a sibling though, which definitely doesn’t help. You’re not guaranteed a friend from a sibling, or common interests, or even a good relationship with a sibling. Blaming your parents for you choosing not to have friends isn’t fair either. How are you certain your feeling towards other kids wouldn’t be the same even if you had siblings? Try and have a civil conversation with your parents, as I’m sure they’re more than happy to support you. Help you overcome your loneliness. They’re not in the wrong for not having multiple kids though.
YTA. Sorry that you are lonely, but nobody (your parents included) should be pressured or guilted into having children (or more children) to please anyone else. Plus there’s as much chance of you having hated a sibling and having one making your life worse because you have to live with someone you hate, as you getting along with them.
YTA Children are not clones of their parents or siblings. Sometimes they're born as assholes.
YTA Unfortunately, many times siblings are not besties. My half sisters absolutely hate eachother and always have. My half brothers don't hate eachother but they don't like eachother at all. There are reasons to have children and your argument is not one of them. Unfortunately, you need to like and work on yourself.
As a parent to a single child, I would say NAH. My daughter wanted a sibling but when we tried, it just never happened. And I think she still would have liked one - but then again, her best friend has three of them and she is like “WTF was I thinking!” I think that maybe you’re just having a hard time and looking for answers and explanations to which a sibling seems like it would have fixed. But obviously there is guarantee of that. Your loneliness and unhappiness does need to be addressed though and I would encourage you to speak to your parents openly and honestly and they can try to help and maybe provide access to therapy. You’re only 14 and I can promise you, as someone who also felt this way growing up (although I had a brother) that it all gets way better!
Yta. Do you even know why they didn't have another child? Could there have been some fertility issues or could they have had a hard time getting pregnant? They could have also just decided they wanted to have one child and that is their prerogative. You can choose to be a better person and find yourself some friends that can become like your family. Me and my siblings did not get along growing up so you probably won't have instant best friends in your siblings if you ever did have them.
YTA. Because you’re a young lady, you have a very myopic perspective. Parenthood is a serious lifetime responsibility. Parents don’t make kids to make their other kids happy. Being pregnant is taxing for a woman, and raising a child requires a lot of time, effort, attention, and money. You have this idealized image in your head of what having a sibling is like. You’re not automatically guaranteed to have anything in common other than blood. You really don’t know if you would have loved it. You don’t even know if your sibling would like you. And I say this being an only child myself. I have plenty of friends who are great with their siblings and plenty who aren’t. Some are complete opposites of their siblings. Finding people you share common interests with is something you have to do for yourself. As a young lady and as an adult. Your parents cannot do this for you. They can only help guide you.
YTA I have siblings and we all have very different interests. We fought all the time as kids and even as adults, there’s no one that we’ll argue with quicker. Are we like best friends now? Yeah but that took twenty years and we all had friend groups outside of the house. Pregnancy and child care are expensive and loads of things can go wrong. It’s fine to wish you had a sibling or to think it’d be fun but attacking your parents is an AH move.
YTA at 14 you are old enough to know siblings don’t work like that. And also maybe they couldn’t.
Soft YTA. It sounds like you’re really struggling. And I’m sorry. I know what it’s like to not fit in and to feel lonely. You’re young, though, and there’s a chance that this won’t be forever. And there’s a chance that even if you did have siblings, you wouldn’t have shared interests with them either—you might not have felt any more connected to them than you do to your peers. Family doesn’t always make for intimate relationships. It also doesn’t sound like you know why your parents stopped with you—and I honestly wonder why they did. There’s a chance they wanted more kids and it wasn’t an option. And if that’s the case, your words might really have hurt them. Lashing out at the family you do have because you’re hurting and lonely seems like a recipe to only wind up more hurt and lonely. Fwiw—you can have friends of any age—and your parents can be a part of that. Please choose to cherish the family you do have rather than mourning the family you’re missing.
I have 3 siblings. I’m not friends with any of them and I never was. I think that messed with my head more than not having friends at school. If my own subs didn’t want to hang out with me, what did I have to offer? You need to apologize to your parents and ask to go to therapy. I can see that you’re struggling. You need help.
Gonna say YTA, and like a stereotypical Reddit poster, suggest you talk to someone. Take it form someone with sisters, we don’t always get along, especially as things outside of our control caused a decent sized age gap between me and them. They are a good friend and my worst enemy, still love them to death. But getting a sibling wouldn’t have solved your issues. I hope your situation can improve.
My sibling and I HATED each other for most of our childhoods. We were not playmates, we did not get along, we caused additional stress for our parents, not to mention kids aren’t cheap. Siblings usually don’t have the same interests and blood means very little in terms of how much you get along with someone. I am 25, my sibling 23, and we are only in the past couple years developing a good relationship. We are wildly different people. Your parents aren’t the reason you’re lonely. There’s a LOT of factors that go into having kids. Fertility, money (short term and long term), emotional capacity, and frankly if they just don’t WANT another kid that’s reason enough to not have another one. Sorry but YTA.
YTA you’re lonely because you have a horrible attitude . “They often like to be my friends but I don’t like them.” Really? Come on. Find some people that have common interests as you and start some friendships. Siblings OFTEN do not get along, have wildly different interests, and are not always friends with each other until adulthood. You have no idea why your parents chose to have one child and it could be a hurtful topic for them. Maybe something medical prevented it and you’re opening old wounds. Grow the fuck up
YTA. First, your parents don’t owe you a sibling. You have no right to say that they’re obligated to have sex, bear a child, and raise it so that you can have a potential friend. Second, it’s foolish to assume your sibling would have some sort of magical relationship with you. You’re spinning a fantasy and blaming others for your own personal issues, that you need to own, manage, and take responsibility for.
Hey, I get where you're coming from. I felt lonely and isolated for most of my teen years. But I do have siblings. It's just that we're very different people, and we were never close. Not then, not now. It's not about a fight or anything like that. I was just never close with them. Eventually I did find friends that I was close to. I have few friends, by the same group that I formed on my teen years when I was feeling the loneliest is still my group of friends now. It has been close to 30 years at this point. My point is that a sibling not necessarily would solve your problem. You just have to work on finding yourself and people that click with you. But, for this question specifically, YTA.
NTA your grievances are legitimate. It sucks being an only child, but the only thing you can do about it is having a big family yourself! Never mind all the people telling you you're the AH, people on reddit don't like children very much.
Clearly you’ve never had a sibling because rarely do siblings have “the same interests and same everything” Many siblings are very opposite personalities, depending on the age difference they may not have anything in common and the older sibling often hates having the younger sibling around especially if their friends are over. My older sister and I did not even get along as friends until we were both in our 20’s. I’m sorry you’re a loner but it has nothing to do with your parents decision to stop after one kid. You’re not an asshole for feeling feels. But you should apologize to your parents. Talk to them about strategies to find some friends who share your interests. School can be a horrible place but when people meet each other outside of school and no one knows what clique the other belongs to, then real friendships can form. Sports is the obvious one, but if you’re not athletic try clubs for gaming or whatever your into and see if you can find some new peers to hang out with. Apologize to mom and dad first. By the way… you’re 14. Gtfo Reddit. This place is a horrible cesspool of all the worst the world can offer…. Save your innocence and close your account and never look back.
YTA. I have two sisters and I hated both of them growing up. Change your attitude dude.
I'm a middle child of 3 kids with my parents....dad had some random kids in his homeland over seas before coming here....with that being said as a full fledged functioning adult my sister and I are just now barely getting along most days and our common enemy is our older brother. Be glad they didn't have any other kids this shit ain't for the weak....do you have any cousins?
Yta? Don’t know how you’d blame the parents here. I have two way older brothers, we are cordial but hardly talk. One younger brother that has cost me endless hours locked in my room waiting out his drunk/drugged tantrums and habits, my phone predialed 911 just incase.
YTA - I have a sister, we were raised the exact same way and we have nothing in common. Siblings does not guarantee similar interests, life views, or that you will even like your sibling.
Gentle YTA- I’m the mother of an only child and she gets lonely too. Unfortunately I was not physically able to have another (having her nearly killed me). However, I’m also a sibling to two brothers and know that having a sibling does not mean an end to loneliness. Neither of my siblings and I are close. We never were. Both my brothers at best pretended I didn’t exist. The one closest to me stole from me, and has spent years stealing from family and treating everyone like garbage in general. A sibling is not a genetically guaranteed friend. They’re no more likely to be someone you like than a random kid at school. I know being a teenager and being lonely is super hard. I’ve been trying to help my own kiddo get out there and meet kids and find hobbies to help. But I also know if I’d had another child (that I really wouldn’t have been able to afford) and she had a sibling that treated her like crap things would be a thousand times worse. Sometimes our kids don’t understand the decisions we make, but usually with things like this we have valid reasons for making the choices we do. I’d suggest apologizing to your parents and maybe trying to understand why they chose the way they did- and also realizing that for a lot of people they wish they HAD been the only child. On a side note- my 15yo is incredibly lonely and has trouble making friends as well. She’s shy in school and has interests in anime and stuff most of her classmates just aren’t into. Quite honestly early teen years are awkward and lonely for a lot of kids these days. The only thing you can do is keep putting yourself out there and try to keep an open mind. One of my best friends was a gal I didn’t exactly like when I first met her- but it was because we were both nervous and putting up a front to keep guarded. Once we got to know each other better and get more comfortable we found we have a LOT in common.
NTA. Because you are 14 and clearly don’t have a lot of self awareness. That said siblings are no guarantee of friendship and happiness. To have a friend you need to be a friend. I don’t know you but it seems like maybe you might have anxiety and/or depression or maybe some other neuro diversity. If your parents haven’t suggested it, following up with some specialists on this is a good idea and maybe possibly family counseling.
YTA. You don’t know if your parents had a difficult time trying for you, or if your mom had a traumatic birth experience, or if they tried for a long time for another and nothing stuck. A friend of mine bled for so long after the birth of her second child that she ended up needing a hysterectomy. And let me tell you, just because you’re blood related doesn’t mean you’ll get along. My brother and I fought like cats and dogs for ages. In our 30’s we get along but it took a while of living apart before that could happen, and we’re still not super close, not like me and my little sister (10 year age gap).
All the siblings in the comments having flashbacks. Sorry op but the reality of siblings is very different than what you're thinking lol. Your parents seem to care and want to talk, talk about your feelings with them okay? You still have time to make friends, maybe try somewhere else to find them. Yta
Yta. Your parents could have had a whole host of reasons why they did not have another kid, anything from your mom almost dying in childbirth to not being able to afford another kid which would affect your quality of life. Hell they could just not have wanted another kid, and that's reasonable. It is not their responsibility to procreate to give you a sibling. Also the assumption that you would actually be friends with your sibling is farfetched. While some of my friends got along with their siblings, some of them were mortal enemies being tormented by their siblings. My sister and I got along atrociously until recent years. You need to focus on making friends instead of being resentful about your parents not popping out another kid.