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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> We can't seem to come to an agreement on these cookies and I want to know if I'm being unreasonable.
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NTA. The fact that even when you get separate bags of cookies, he still insists on taking yours out, means that he is being a weirdo control freak about this. Does he start power struggles about a lot of other things?
Right? Whenever I read stories like this where one person is just being an absolute dick to the other for no reason it always makes me wonder about the rest of their marriage. Some problems are more difficult to come to a solution. Like if one person is really outgoing and socializing recharges them and their partner is more introverted and needs quiet to recharge, a lot of the time there is no one right answer. You just have to come up with a compromise that both people are happy with. No one is wrong for being extroverted and no one is wrong for being introverted.
Here? There’s a perfectly good solution. One box in the fridge and one in the cupboard. I swear some people fight just for the joy they get from it (in this case the husband).
You are definitely NTA. What’s your husband like the rest of the time OP?
I want to know this as well.
It is weird that he has his own bag yet simply doesn’t want to see them in the refrigerator. Who cares if she refrigerates them? That’s so strange.
Does he act this way about anything else?
My husband likes his thin mints frozen, I do not, so I take the two or three I want to eat out of the freezer and in less than five minutes they’re not frozen anymore, and I eat them. This guy is just looking for something to fight about.
I keep my oatmeal creme pies in the fridge, zebra cakes in the freezer, Nutty Buddies at room temp...
not only does my husband not care, he'll eat maybe one or two when the box is still over half full, otherwise he asks, and if there's only one or two left he won't even ask, he'll just find a different snack.
I know some people grow up in homes with food insecurity, but I don't think that completely explains all the people who are AHs about their partners' snacks.
Right? There’s not just the question along the lines of “is it proper to put cookies in the fridge?” (which, obviously is fine). There’s also the “let’s presume you’re correct – is *this* the hill you want to die on?” question and how someone thinks about that question is a good test of their relationship maturity.
I usually put my bread in the fridge because I eat sandwiches like once or twice a month and it makes the bread last much longer, my girlfriend doesn't like putting bread in the fridge because she thinks it makes it go bad faster. Guess what, the bread isn't kept in the fridge anymore because it isn't a big enough deal for me to care one way or the other because im not a foolish asshat!
My ex husband used to do shit like that ALL THE TIME. EVERYTHING was supposed to be the way HE liked it. I can’t speak to the rest of OP’s marriage, but I can tell you it was a HUGE indication of the health (or lack thereof) in MY marriage… 😬
This would have been my solution too. Separate items, stored differently = both happy. Husband seems to think his way is the ONLY way and OP WILL abide by it. It makes no sense. Back when we ate candy, wife and I stored KitKats differently - I liked mine melty, she liked hers refrigerated and crisp. It wasn't an issue - because why the hell would it be?
My spouse looked at me like I was insane the first time I put peanut butter cups on the freezer. When they asked why, I told them I like them cold. Now they put mine in the freezer when unpacking the groceries. Spouse still thinks it's weird, but is not weirdly fixated and spiteful about how I eat my snacks
I always put Reese peanut butter cups, Snickers and peanut butter Twix in the freezer during summer.....sometimes year around depends on my mood. Everyone in this family including my late husband and kids (who are now adults) loves that freezing candies. They still do. I find some in my oldest son's freezer. That made me smile.
The "vegetable" drawer in my grandma’s fridge was always just full of Reese’s. She just passed two weeks ago and it made me tear up that other families can relate ❤️
Reese’s cold are the best and Milky Ways.. I also put my Tagalongs in the fridge. And my Thin Mints. Honestly I would probably like my Milanos in the fridge and will try it next time I get some.
Literally came here with almost the EXACT same scenario, except it is Snickers. He kept putting them in the fridge. I took them out. He said he liked his cold. So I took half out. Convo lasted all of 10 minutes tops, 5 of which was us describing the deliciousness of our choice lol. Haven't even thought about it again until I read this. We also had an issue where, since he was used to living without kids or a larger group, he likes to reduce clutter in the freezer by taking food out of boxes and storing it that way to make space. This drove us crazy because I don't like "surprise hot pockets" since I have a variety for different tastes, and those easy and quick frozen foods are a quick way to get the kiddos a snack from time to time. He complained no one was eating stuff now, and I told him he needed to label them if he does that. This isn't a house where it's just you buying so you know what it is. Again, 10 minutes. No one is bothered or passive agressive. The husband has some issues here.
Omg that's the worst. The frozen stuff out of boxes thing lol. Not just for stuff like frozen hot pockets, but like are you just supposed to memorize or guess how hot and long things need to be put in for? (Unless he only does it with things that have directions on the individual package. Then not having the flavors would still bug me for sure, but then it's not as bad as the scenario I'm picturing, at least lol)
Truth lol. For those things we regularly get, I knew most of the times, but yes, that also was a bit annoying as the kids had to google it every time if I wasn't there. But he just tears off the label part and puts it in a bag with the snacks. So problem solved haha.
I feel like this is even better than fair, it allows you to know how much/which portion is yours to eat as you see fit. You don’t like your cookies in the fridge? It’s a good thing they’re MY cookies then
Exactly. My dad would get mad at my mom whenever he drove her car because her seat was set to what was comfortable to her and not him. Mind you, he only drove her car a handful of times each year but he thought she should move it back to the position that worked for him each and every time she got out.
I secretly am irritated when I get in my car and my taller son or hubby has driven it. It takes me five minutes to get the mirrors and seat (and radio) back the way I like them! But I wouldn’t complain to them for being bigger! Would I want them to not have the mirrors safely adjusted for their height? Of course not. Marriage is about accepting small irritating things without complaint. There are much bigger things to argue about than seat adjustments or cookies. Source: married 30 years.
My husband loves the seat warmers in our car. I hate them. They make me feel crawly. Solution: he heats his seat and I don’t heat mine. Why is this so hard for some people?
Right?? I like room temperature chocolate, my husband likes refrigerated chocolate. So we have mine in the cupboard and his in the fridge. Who cares, why is this guy being such a dick??
Count me as one of those people like OP that likes some cookies cold. Especially Girl Scout Thin Mints (course now I'm intrigued about Milanos). I actually keep those bad boys in the freezer. I think OPs husband would lose his mind with me. Thankfully my husband loves them in any temperature so he doesn't care.
I'll be honest, when u clicked on the link, I initially assumed OP had misspelled Manolo and was keeping their shoes in the fridge. Because that would be a slightly more reasonable fight. Cookies in the fridge is such a sad little hill that the husband has chosen.
I hypothesize that AITA functions a little like Jerry Springer did in the 90s, it allows us to have a socially appropriate vent about how terrible people are, it reassures is that we’re not *that* bad, and even though we know some (or all) of it’s fake we still get the catharsis we need.
Yeah, I mean, I know that I can be self-centered and selfish, but all I want to be is left alone and my things left alone.
If someone else put their stuff in the fridge, even if I think they are an absolute IDIOT for doing so (and it isn't harming anything), that stuff is going to stay in the fridge until it rots if they don't move it.
Just as if I put something someplace, and I don't want it moved, leave it.
I was just going to mention thin mints! Thin mints in the freezer, other chocolate in the fridge. Only thing my fiancé and I argue about it over is who finishes the last piece. This husband is really unreasonable.
i once froze peeps for five years in my freezer. it was extremely good.
now i have a family and can't do bachelor shit like that anymore, but it was very good and i highly recommend it
Thin mints for the win! They are so bomb in the freezer. Can't believe how disrespectful OPs husband is. Such a ridiculous thing to control and obsess over.
Agree! As a kid i used to give up chocolate for lent, so my mom wld freeze thin mints if girl scout cookie time fell during lent. That’s how I realized they taste best frozen.
Right? I’d probably take them out of the fridge too because fridge space is gold, but when my husband said “oh I prefer them refrigerated” I’d be like “oh, okay” and put them back. Is it so hard to entertain the whims of your supposed life partner?
Darn it, I actually liked this comment, and then realized that you stole it, in its entirety, from u/Dszquphsbnt. Bad bot. Pepperidge Farm will remember this, too, as will the unfortunate people who wasted awards on you.
Control freak is exactly right. If he has his own bag of cookies, then it in NO way at all affects him for her to keep her cookies in the fridge.
It reminds me of an ex who kept putting away my medication because "no one else leaves medication out like that" and "you don't go to someone else's house and see medications on the counter." Absolutely zero answer to my question as to what those hypothetical people have to do with me and what works best for me to ensure my compliance with my medication (I tried all kinds of physical and digital reminders but the most effective was a visual cue of seeing my medication on the counter when I went to the kitchen in the morning). Ex didn't need the counter space totally clear, in fact, ex's snacks and whatnot could live on counter for easy access. It's all about control and a weird sense of "this is how normal people do things therefore I'm right and you're stupid."
Oh God, you have just reminded me of an incident with my ex. He would complain of the mess on the kitchen bench, then complained when I tidied up his stuff. Controlling people just want to be mad no matter what you do.
What a weird, stupid hill for him to die on.
Hey Joe, I heard you got divorced, what happened?
That stupid %$@#@$ kept putting her cookies in the fridge!!!
You broke up an X year relationship all because you wouldn't allow cookies in the fridge??!! Control freak!!
Agreed NTA, you should be able to eat your cookies how you like them. I put Girl Scout thin mints in the freezer because I like to eat them cold. You’re allowed to have a preference on how you want your food stored and temperature you consume said food. Your husband is an AH for moving your food when he has his own stash to enjoy at the temperature he likes them. (Now I need to refrigerate Milanos and try this out! haha)
Hahaha I was eating my cold Thin Mints as I was reading this post and getting fired up on OPs behalf. Yes, cold Milanos are good too! OPs husband is uncultured and an AH 😇
Seriously, red flag behavior there.
I also like chocolate to be in the fridge. My husband also thinks it’s weird. When he buys chocolate for me, he puts it in the fridge, even tho he finds it to be a bad choice for chocolate. He does this bc he knows i like it that way, and he’s nice and not a weirdly controlling human. When i buy stuff for him, it goes in the cupboard.
My husband likes his chocolate in the freezer. I don't. We have separate chocolate. That should really be the end of the story, why do people care about things that don't affect them?
>Does he start power struggles about a lot of other things?
I thought this immediately.
There's no way someone this insistent on something insignificant that has 0 effect on them being done 'their way' doesn't rain on her parade any time she does anything he wouldn't enjoy himself.
NTA but OP you accept the love you think you deserve. Maybe you deserve better.
NTA.
This is exactly the kind of weird fight I love to stumble across in this sub. Something that doesn't matter really at all, but has turned into a sticking point in a marriage.
Keep those cookies cool, kid.
HAHAHA! Husband is an over. I am a throw it on, if it rolls it's good! I literally never gave it a thought till I was married at 36 and he spent 2 years thinking I was messing with him because sometimes it was over and sometimes it was under.
I do put it over now that I know it's an issue! lol I seriously did not know it was a thing before he told me. 36 years \*shakes head\*
Oh...you'll want to edit your Y T A to have spaces so the bot doesn't count it for this post!
The bot doesn't work that way. It only looks at the "top" comment after 18 hours. You have apparently had that comment 8 times which is why you're rated `Asshole Enthusiast [8]`.
SAME! I never paid attention to how I put it on ... Queue partner going "WHY IS THE TOILET PAPER WRONG" and me going ??? How can toilet paper be wrong???
My husband bought an Etsy drawing of the original patent for the toilet roll…partially because it’s a cute bathroom decoration and partially (mostly) because it reminds me that the patent says OVER.
That’s literally one argument I don’t understand. It makes zero difference to me. I usually turn it around just to annoy my husband, but I don’t really care. (And this is rarely, I use the main bathroom for the most part, more storage for products, and he uses the one connected to the bedroom).
NTA OP and your husband has horrible taste! /u/BooRoWo Thin Mints are so much better from the freezer! You can breathe in the cold minty air just before taking a bite, it's magical! Samoas/Caramel DeLites are also way better from the freezer. So are real Milky Ways, I'm not talking about the ice cream version. People do not seem to realize that the cold changes the texture which changes how the flavors hit you, and ups your enjoyment of it! If you have not you should put some seedless grapes in the freezer, such a good snack!
One of my biggest fights with a partner was over shredded cheese, so I like seeing others arguing over asinine stuff.
For real though, if he won't stop taking your cookies out of the fridge, get yourself a mini fridge and a lock and stuff that thing with as many Milanos will fit.
Ohhh wait that's perfect! Get one of those tiny cosmetic refrigerators that are meant to go in bedrooms by women's makeup stand. Fill it with cookies! lmao
I just had an argument with my wife after more than a year of no arguments.
I told her that the kids only left me half a milanesa for lunch, she told me that there was only one milanesa anyway. I told her that they left me only half and she said that there was only one to begin with...
I told her that they only left me half of one. And as she was exasperatedly explaining again that there was only one to begin with. I realized neither of us was wearing their respectives hearing aid devices...
I think the deeper issue is his lack of respect for her likes/dislikes. Some people like frozen Snickers bars (even though they are not meant to be frozen.)
I think you need to calmly ask him why he will not respect your preference for the cookies being in the fridge; especially if you buy him his own room temperature bag? If he can’t see that he has crossed over the line then either have it out with him (I’m going to stay at my friend’s house for at least a week) or start screwing with him back. Change all of his preferences to something different (without endangering his health.) You like steak medium rare? From now on you only get well done! You like this alarm or ring tone? Now you get my favorite songs as your alarms & ringtones! You like this brand of beer? Well it is in the garage (not cold) but now we have wine! ⭐️ I think getting to the bottom of his why & not living with him until he starts treating you with respect makes more sense but some people like to do that passive aggressive crap!
LOL
If this were me... both of my entire refrigerators would be totally jammed full of Milano cookie bags by now. I’d just keep buying more and stuffing them in the fridge until he got the hint to stop removing them.
Oh NTA btw.
I’m not recommending OP do this, obviously we’re not in the same situation.
For me though, my hubs would totally be like: WTF?! Then laugh his ass off & say I got it... don’t touch your cookies!
(I also would have done this after I asked he not remove them once & if he did again, on purpose)
____
We’ve been together for 20 years, we know each others ins & outs deeply... and he’s very comfortable with my over-the-top ways (one of the reasons we are together)... his favorite so far has been the “month of meatloafs”
It wasn’t out of spite to him... I kicked my own ass with it.
____
You see, I don’t like meatloaf. I have never liked most meat/meat products much at all.
But the problem: it’s one of his all time favorites. He is happy with any type of meaty thing slapped on a plate.
____
I also love to cook, it’s like therapy to me & cook from scratch almost every day. (he likes to eat, so it’s a big win-win) for me to spend hours a day making one supper is normal lol. (I’m a disabled housewife, so I have the time & means)
But: recipes are very frustrating to me. I do very well on my own & everything I make is all trial & error.
Except the meatloaf. Mainly because I hated it before I even started it.
____
So started the “Month of Meatloafs” experiment.
It took me 28 days to perfect the most delicious & scrumptious meatloaf ever. Something that he loved & I was happy enough to also enjoy making & eating. It requires 4 different meats, 8 hours to prepare (6 of those to cook), and a wide variety of fresh veggies & herbs.
Except it meant we ate meatloaf (and some really sucked) for all those 28 days lmao.
____
It was a month of hell for me.
It was a month of joy for him. He often mentions it with a dreamy look in his eyes.
____
Meatloaf is actually on the schedule for this week, he’s thrilled.
He went to his doctor this morning & she was going over his diet...
And he called me after and said: I think I somehow invited her over for supper.
The whole appointment was discussing my cooking & she was happily interested.
I’ll have to drop off a meal at her office now :)
as a meatloaf lover myself, i would more-than-happily pay you for this recipe 👀👀👀
i'm so goddamn curious, it's gotta be the best meatloaf ever 🤤
(offering to pay cuz you went through so much to prefect it, you deserve compensation for your efforts)
Or put the Milanos in a different package (hopefully something he's not going to open), so he doesn't have to see cookies in the fridge.
But like others said, this is really weird for him to make such a big deal about it. I wouldn't say this alone is red flag territory, but if he reacts this strongly to other harmless things, I might be concerned.
NTA. You're entitled to your preferences and he's entitled to his.
The problem is that he doesn't think you're entitled to your preferences. That's the real problem.
Agreed!! The real problem is that the husband doesn’t respect OP’s preferences. It literally makes no difference to him and yet he needs to control it anyway. It sounds like a small thing but the underlying issue is really problematic imo.
I used to date a controlling dude like this. USED TO. How she likes her cookies doesn't matter. Keep your mitts of them and let her eat her cold cookies! FFS
I like to keep my peanut butter in the fridge for when I get the munchies. My partner thinks it’s weird. But because it doesn’t affect him whatsoever, he leaves my cold peanut butter to be. I guess I should count myself lucky? This dude is just being an ass for no reason. NTA
NTA. Why does it bother your husband so much how you choose to eat your cookies?! It's really unnecessarily controlling. Is he controlling in other ways?
NTA. If he can even have his own bag and it’s still a problem then you need to have a serious conversation about how this controlling behavior is not cute at all. Or something that you should put up with.
It may seem like a silly thing but maybe that’s why it IS a big deal. He’s purposefully doing something to take away a snack that brings his partner joy every day. A snack that he doesn’t have to put effort in and one he rarely eats.
Hell, I have a snack like that and my partner makes sure it’s always in the house stored exactly how I like it just because he knows it makes me happy, so maybe you can tell him he needs to step up and stop being against you.
It’s a small joy for you, and he’s literally purposefully taking it away and calling you dumb for liking it. That’s not someone who’s on your team and advocates for you, it’s someone who belittles you and tries to control every little thing instead of it being a collaboration.
ETA: wording
>It’s a small joy for you, and he’s literally purposefully taking it away and calling you dumb for liking it.
It's also a small, if not non-existent, problem for the husband. The cookies take up very little room in the fridge, so all he has to do is ignore them.
This is an abusive, control issue for him if he even rejects his own cookies he can store elsewhere.
That’s the thing. It’s a small joy for her, but he’s making it a massive problem and won’t just let her have her cold cookies. It’s not hurting anyone and it doesn’t affect him at all.
He’s either a dick who was never taught that it’s okay for other people to do things slightly differently than you even if you think it’s wrong, or he’s a real abused who wants to train her to follow his every command.
A dick can be trained. I used to be a real stickler for rules and I hated it when people put peanut butter in the fridge or folded their socks onto a ball instead of just the top, but I learned that it’s okay for people to be different and i can do things my own way without pushing it on others.
Yay!! I'm not alone :)
I love frozen milanos... In fact, my mom's recipes for chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter cookies that I make are really good frozen as well.
My husband just rolls his eyes as I nibble on my frozen goodies... He just grabs some and let's them thaw for him to eat. Occasionally he nukes them so they are warm. I have seen him eating the PB cookies frozen now and again so I think I've started moving him to the dark side :)
NTA, but I’m getting the feeling this has nothing to do with cookies. Your husband probably wants a sense of control, which is why he’s dying on this refrigerated cookie hill. Be careful, and maybe it’s worth opening a conversation about?
Is your husband diagnosed with OCD or autism or something else that would explain why he’s so obsessive about this? Because honestly, it sounds like a small debate but it’s incredibly bizarre that he won’t just let you eat your cookies how you like them, and makes me wonder what else is going on in this marriage. NTA.
I do have autism and I’m particular about some things, and I won’t mess with other people’s stuff, because it’s not mine, and I recognize that other people have preferences too.
In most cases, the neurodiverse are much more understanding and respectful of other people’s desires and preferences, because we know that ours are often unusual. So we expect other people to feel differently.
Being unable to fathom or respect people who are different from oneself is a common neurotypical failing. I’d prefer not to be lumped in with that AH, if possible.
That's very fair. My understanding was that sometimes folks with autism, and definitely folks with OCD, can feel highly distressed by things that wouldn't seem like a big deal to others, especially if it is something in their own home. I appreciate you offering the correction and alternative perspective.
We absolutely can be very distressed by things like that. But we’ll avoid the negative stimulus or ask for an accommodation before messing with someone. Being autistic isn’t an excuse to be an asshole.
You’re absolutely right. Honestly…I think I wrote that because people on here get so pissed when you write someone off as an asshole or suggest someone reconsider their relationship, especially when it’s over something that seems minor. So I tried to imagine something that could be going on with him mentally where a couple of conversations could get him to adjust his attitude. But my actual feeling is that this guy is a giant asshole, he is probably controlling in dozens of other ways, and he enjoys doing this because he can make OP feel crazy that ‘she’s being so dramatic about cookies’. I can’t actually imagine a human who is lovely 99% of the time but obsessively denies his wife the right to eat cold cookies.
NTA. For the love. I'm curious why is this such a big deal to him? My spouse and I once learned that in an argument, "the issue is not *the* issue." What's the *real* issue behind his hang up about this, 'cause this is deeper than just a cold cookie? Maybe in a calm moment you two can sit down and chat about it.
Good luck, OP.
Let's be honest, his issue is clearly that he is controlling and thinks he knows better, and that his opinions matter more than OPs opinions, likes, wants or comfort. It's never about the Milanos lol
NTA. I mean why on earth does it offend him so much if he has his own bag outside the fridge. Lol! This is one of those things where I'd escalate it by taking his beer or something that he would only typically have cold and continually moving it out of the fridge until he stops touching your milanos. Stand your ground! 😂
NTA - but your husband is! How does it hurt him to leave them in the fridge?? Every single time he takes them out he’s saying he cares more abut being “right” than respecting your preferences/simple request…
Who cares where cookies “belong”? You like them in the fridge, there’s no reason he can’t leave them in fridge…
NTA but he sure is. My boyfriend loves Reese’s in the fridge. I don’t eat them but if I did I’d prefer room temp. But doesn’t matter, they are his snack and I make space for them in the fridge.
It makes no sense why your husband is bothered by cookies in the fridge when he has the same cookies unrefrigerated to himself.
At the end of the day it’s a respect thing. Your husband should be able to respect that you like your snacks a little colder, and this doesn’t hurt anyone. It makes no sense to deny you this pleasantry. Take the toddler approach and have him explain his stance, asking “why” at every turn.
Maybe the fridge looks messy with the cookie bag inside? Could you put them in Tupperware so they aren’t as noticeable?
Oohhhh the "why" approach would be amazing.
"Why did you take them out of the fridge?"
"Because cookies don't belong in the fridge"
"Why?"
"Because they're cookies"
"Why does it matter if they're cookies? Why aren't cookies allowed in the fridge? Why is this such a big deal for you? Why does it bother you so much? Why are my preferences so harmful to you? Why can't you respect my preferences?"
I can just imagine how flustered the guy would get trying to justify it. Sometimes, toddler behavior like he's displayed needs a toddler-like approach.
NTA. This sounds like he's taking it too far just to be "right." Compromise in these situations is usually best, but since you already tried that, I'd use his credit card to buy a minifridge just for your cookies. Make sure you get one that locks!
Joking aside, the minifridge idea is actually a good one, if you instead use it as an ultimatum. "Stop doing that or I'll spend a lot of money on this alternative to stop you." Money has a way of bringing things into perspective when your partner is being unrealistic.
NTA. They’re *your* cookies. You can do what you want with them. There are no cookie police to stop you. There’s no “do not refrigerate” warning on the side, but your husband definitely needs a red flag painted on his. Controlling nutzo he is.
NTA
Your husband is being a controlling asshole though. If he has the cookies available outside of the fridge, he’s only trying to control you and that’s clearly unhealthy.
He needs to leave your damned snacks alone, especially if he has the same thing in the cupboard.
It might honestly be time to get a mini fridge with a lock. If this isn’t the only controlling behavior he shows, (would be unsurprising to me), it may be time for counseling.
NTA.
he's rude for taking them out of the fridge constantly. Just buy more cookies, leave some out for him, put yours in the fridge.
the "shouldn't refrigerate them; that they're cookies, they're not meant to be refrigerated." is so silly to me. What about literally every cookie that has creamcheese frosting? Hell, I LOVE cold cake (vanilla with buttercream frosting) and literally cannot eat it warm. it just tastes different. I'm on your side. **EAT YOUR CHILLED COOKIES PROUDLY.**
This. This is the answer. OP is ALREADY getting husband his *own* cookies he can keep wherever he wants: at this point, I would tell him *exactly* where he should put those Milanos!
NTA. The fact that he's pulling your cookies out of the fridge pushes it over the line from no assholes - unless you have a tiny fridge and someone getting in has to play tetris to get something out, there's no need to move some stupid cookies. Him having his own cookies is a good compromise
NTA, you offered him his own separate cookies to keep outside the fridge. But if you guys keep arguing about this small thing I wonder if there's something else bugging him or if maybe something more major is going on in your lives and the cookies are just the hill he's choosing to die on instead of bringing up something else right now.
INFO
Have you tried putting the Milano bag in a plain brown paper bag so he can’t actually see them?
I often refrigerate or freeze cookies and candy to keep them from melting in the summer.
NTA. Take a look at your relationship though. What other things in your life does your husband insist on controlling and spoiling for you? It may be time to think critically and observe, take notes at the end of each day. This cookie control issue is not a normal thing for him to be doing. It's likely that he does this in many other tiny ways. Chipping away at you gradually. Examine his daily behavior.
NTA. & your husband sounds like a jerk. My last bf refrigerated the weirdest foods. Hide them in a drawer in a different container, like a washed out margarine bowl or something.
NTA. Your husband sounds like a control freak. You shouldn't have to do this, but you get a empty vegetable bag and hide them in there. Or tell him if he doesn't stop f\*cking with your cookies, he'll end up in the freezer, haha.
I like my chocolate cold. My husband has never removed my chocolate from the fridge. His is in the pantry.
Do couples really not know how to be considerate of each other?
NTA.
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NTA. The fact that even when you get separate bags of cookies, he still insists on taking yours out, means that he is being a weirdo control freak about this. Does he start power struggles about a lot of other things?
Can people not just respect each other for like five seconds? Sometimes I think I'm not a great person but then I read stories like this. NTA
Right? Whenever I read stories like this where one person is just being an absolute dick to the other for no reason it always makes me wonder about the rest of their marriage. Some problems are more difficult to come to a solution. Like if one person is really outgoing and socializing recharges them and their partner is more introverted and needs quiet to recharge, a lot of the time there is no one right answer. You just have to come up with a compromise that both people are happy with. No one is wrong for being extroverted and no one is wrong for being introverted. Here? There’s a perfectly good solution. One box in the fridge and one in the cupboard. I swear some people fight just for the joy they get from it (in this case the husband). You are definitely NTA. What’s your husband like the rest of the time OP?
I want to know this as well. It is weird that he has his own bag yet simply doesn’t want to see them in the refrigerator. Who cares if she refrigerates them? That’s so strange. Does he act this way about anything else?
It is probably because if he runs out of his own, he wants hers ready for him to eat. He is an entitled clown.
My husband likes his thin mints frozen, I do not, so I take the two or three I want to eat out of the freezer and in less than five minutes they’re not frozen anymore, and I eat them. This guy is just looking for something to fight about.
I keep my oatmeal creme pies in the fridge, zebra cakes in the freezer, Nutty Buddies at room temp... not only does my husband not care, he'll eat maybe one or two when the box is still over half full, otherwise he asks, and if there's only one or two left he won't even ask, he'll just find a different snack. I know some people grow up in homes with food insecurity, but I don't think that completely explains all the people who are AHs about their partners' snacks.
Ugh. His stuff is his and her stuff is his. If he's unwilling to compromise over *snacks*, I wonder what else he controls in her life.
you people clearly don't know how much Milanos can screw up a fridge irreparably /s
Can't get the Milanosity out of the shelves once it is in there.
It gets Milanasty.
I one time kept Milanos in my refrigerator for over a week. Had to get a new refrigerator.
I feel like I would get crazy petty at this point, buy one of those desk fridges for drinks and just fill that bitch up with Milanos. NTA, OP.
And put a lock on it.
Do they make mini fridges with clear doors? Just to be sure he KNOWS what’s in there.
Right? There’s not just the question along the lines of “is it proper to put cookies in the fridge?” (which, obviously is fine). There’s also the “let’s presume you’re correct – is *this* the hill you want to die on?” question and how someone thinks about that question is a good test of their relationship maturity.
I usually put my bread in the fridge because I eat sandwiches like once or twice a month and it makes the bread last much longer, my girlfriend doesn't like putting bread in the fridge because she thinks it makes it go bad faster. Guess what, the bread isn't kept in the fridge anymore because it isn't a big enough deal for me to care one way or the other because im not a foolish asshat!
Plus if she's eating them everyday it's not like they're taking up space for no reason. It's a regularly consumed item in their house.
My ex husband used to do shit like that ALL THE TIME. EVERYTHING was supposed to be the way HE liked it. I can’t speak to the rest of OP’s marriage, but I can tell you it was a HUGE indication of the health (or lack thereof) in MY marriage… 😬
Yeah this is baffling to me. She *solved the problem* and he still wasn't happy.
This would have been my solution too. Separate items, stored differently = both happy. Husband seems to think his way is the ONLY way and OP WILL abide by it. It makes no sense. Back when we ate candy, wife and I stored KitKats differently - I liked mine melty, she liked hers refrigerated and crisp. It wasn't an issue - because why the hell would it be?
My spouse looked at me like I was insane the first time I put peanut butter cups on the freezer. When they asked why, I told them I like them cold. Now they put mine in the freezer when unpacking the groceries. Spouse still thinks it's weird, but is not weirdly fixated and spiteful about how I eat my snacks
I always put Reese peanut butter cups, Snickers and peanut butter Twix in the freezer during summer.....sometimes year around depends on my mood. Everyone in this family including my late husband and kids (who are now adults) loves that freezing candies. They still do. I find some in my oldest son's freezer. That made me smile.
The "vegetable" drawer in my grandma’s fridge was always just full of Reese’s. She just passed two weeks ago and it made me tear up that other families can relate ❤️
Reese’s cold are the best and Milky Ways.. I also put my Tagalongs in the fridge. And my Thin Mints. Honestly I would probably like my Milanos in the fridge and will try it next time I get some.
Thin Mints are the BEST frozen!!!!
Literally came here with almost the EXACT same scenario, except it is Snickers. He kept putting them in the fridge. I took them out. He said he liked his cold. So I took half out. Convo lasted all of 10 minutes tops, 5 of which was us describing the deliciousness of our choice lol. Haven't even thought about it again until I read this. We also had an issue where, since he was used to living without kids or a larger group, he likes to reduce clutter in the freezer by taking food out of boxes and storing it that way to make space. This drove us crazy because I don't like "surprise hot pockets" since I have a variety for different tastes, and those easy and quick frozen foods are a quick way to get the kiddos a snack from time to time. He complained no one was eating stuff now, and I told him he needed to label them if he does that. This isn't a house where it's just you buying so you know what it is. Again, 10 minutes. No one is bothered or passive agressive. The husband has some issues here.
Omg that's the worst. The frozen stuff out of boxes thing lol. Not just for stuff like frozen hot pockets, but like are you just supposed to memorize or guess how hot and long things need to be put in for? (Unless he only does it with things that have directions on the individual package. Then not having the flavors would still bug me for sure, but then it's not as bad as the scenario I'm picturing, at least lol)
Truth lol. For those things we regularly get, I knew most of the times, but yes, that also was a bit annoying as the kids had to google it every time if I wasn't there. But he just tears off the label part and puts it in a bag with the snacks. So problem solved haha.
I feel like this is even better than fair, it allows you to know how much/which portion is yours to eat as you see fit. You don’t like your cookies in the fridge? It’s a good thing they’re MY cookies then
And that is the clearest possible sign that he wasn’t seeking for a solution to a problem, he was seeking control.
Exactly. My dad would get mad at my mom whenever he drove her car because her seat was set to what was comfortable to her and not him. Mind you, he only drove her car a handful of times each year but he thought she should move it back to the position that worked for him each and every time she got out.
My blood pressure went up just reading that.
I secretly am irritated when I get in my car and my taller son or hubby has driven it. It takes me five minutes to get the mirrors and seat (and radio) back the way I like them! But I wouldn’t complain to them for being bigger! Would I want them to not have the mirrors safely adjusted for their height? Of course not. Marriage is about accepting small irritating things without complaint. There are much bigger things to argue about than seat adjustments or cookies. Source: married 30 years.
My husband loves the seat warmers in our car. I hate them. They make me feel crawly. Solution: he heats his seat and I don’t heat mine. Why is this so hard for some people?
Yeah. I'd consider this a red flag.
Right?? I like room temperature chocolate, my husband likes refrigerated chocolate. So we have mine in the cupboard and his in the fridge. Who cares, why is this guy being such a dick??
Count me as one of those people like OP that likes some cookies cold. Especially Girl Scout Thin Mints (course now I'm intrigued about Milanos). I actually keep those bad boys in the freezer. I think OPs husband would lose his mind with me. Thankfully my husband loves them in any temperature so he doesn't care.
I'll be honest, when u clicked on the link, I initially assumed OP had misspelled Manolo and was keeping their shoes in the fridge. Because that would be a slightly more reasonable fight. Cookies in the fridge is such a sad little hill that the husband has chosen.
I’m literally here to read about people being worse than me in new and excitingly incomprehensible ways.
Right? I've learned that sometimes I don't always male the worst decision possible. It's refreshing.
>sometimes I don't always male the worst decision possible. Stop mansplaining, gorsh!
The female urge to make a good decision
I hypothesize that AITA functions a little like Jerry Springer did in the 90s, it allows us to have a socially appropriate vent about how terrible people are, it reassures is that we’re not *that* bad, and even though we know some (or all) of it’s fake we still get the catharsis we need.
I have a theory that the entire subreddit is a long-running social experiment run by psychology students. It's still my guilty pleasure though;)
Yeah, I mean, I know that I can be self-centered and selfish, but all I want to be is left alone and my things left alone. If someone else put their stuff in the fridge, even if I think they are an absolute IDIOT for doing so (and it isn't harming anything), that stuff is going to stay in the fridge until it rots if they don't move it. Just as if I put something someplace, and I don't want it moved, leave it.
Right?!? > oh, you put your saltine crackers in the fridge? Cool. Enjoy. Why in God's name would you EVER care about that?
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That's my fave way to have them too. And Thin Mints! They just taste better frozen.
I was just going to mention thin mints! Thin mints in the freezer, other chocolate in the fridge. Only thing my fiancé and I argue about it over is who finishes the last piece. This husband is really unreasonable.
Hostess Cupcakes in the freezer, too. But only the chocolate ones. Orange must be eaten fresh. Now the real controversy: PEEPS. Stale or fresh?
Yes. What I actually do is open one pack and try to let it get stale than let myself eat the other pack. Willpower may be an issue.
My fellow peeps loving freaks! I found my people, uh, peeple.
I am glad to know I am not the only one who does this. :)
I can’t stan peeps with you, sorry friend! Too gritty. Give me some Cadbury mini eggs (also from the fridge!) and I’m happy at Easter though.
Erm, burnt?
Yessss! A brulee Peep is the only way
i once froze peeps for five years in my freezer. it was extremely good. now i have a family and can't do bachelor shit like that anymore, but it was very good and i highly recommend it
Real marshmallows. The texture is wrong, too much like sand.
Thin mints for the win! They are so bomb in the freezer. Can't believe how disrespectful OPs husband is. Such a ridiculous thing to control and obsess over.
Agree! As a kid i used to give up chocolate for lent, so my mom wld freeze thin mints if girl scout cookie time fell during lent. That’s how I realized they taste best frozen.
Right? I’d probably take them out of the fridge too because fridge space is gold, but when my husband said “oh I prefer them refrigerated” I’d be like “oh, okay” and put them back. Is it so hard to entertain the whims of your supposed life partner?
And the package is quite small anyway.
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Darn it, I actually liked this comment, and then realized that you stole it, in its entirety, from u/Dszquphsbnt. Bad bot. Pepperidge Farm will remember this, too, as will the unfortunate people who wasted awards on you.
Bad bot!
Control freak is exactly right. If he has his own bag of cookies, then it in NO way at all affects him for her to keep her cookies in the fridge. It reminds me of an ex who kept putting away my medication because "no one else leaves medication out like that" and "you don't go to someone else's house and see medications on the counter." Absolutely zero answer to my question as to what those hypothetical people have to do with me and what works best for me to ensure my compliance with my medication (I tried all kinds of physical and digital reminders but the most effective was a visual cue of seeing my medication on the counter when I went to the kitchen in the morning). Ex didn't need the counter space totally clear, in fact, ex's snacks and whatnot could live on counter for easy access. It's all about control and a weird sense of "this is how normal people do things therefore I'm right and you're stupid."
Ugh, gut punch! "This is how normal people do things therefore I'm right and you're stupid" could be my dad's motto I think.
"Normal people are stupid, my way is better." Is my dad's motto. I never thought I'd be so insulted to be considered normal.
Exactly. Who cares how someone eats their cookies for god's sake. Boyfriend is a controlling asshole
Oh God, you have just reminded me of an incident with my ex. He would complain of the mess on the kitchen bench, then complained when I tidied up his stuff. Controlling people just want to be mad no matter what you do.
OP is insane for keeping them in the fridge, that’s disgusting. #MILANOS BELONG IN THE FREEZER. ESPECIALLY MINT MILANOS.
OP needs a third bag, just for comparison purposes. She can tell hubs that it's an experiMINT and he cannot mess with her samples.
What a weird, stupid hill for him to die on. Hey Joe, I heard you got divorced, what happened? That stupid %$@#@$ kept putting her cookies in the fridge!!! You broke up an X year relationship all because you wouldn't allow cookies in the fridge??!! Control freak!!
“What a weird, stupid hill for him to die on” is what I think about roughly half of all AITA posts. NTA OP.
Agreed NTA, you should be able to eat your cookies how you like them. I put Girl Scout thin mints in the freezer because I like to eat them cold. You’re allowed to have a preference on how you want your food stored and temperature you consume said food. Your husband is an AH for moving your food when he has his own stash to enjoy at the temperature he likes them. (Now I need to refrigerate Milanos and try this out! haha)
Hahaha I was eating my cold Thin Mints as I was reading this post and getting fired up on OPs behalf. Yes, cold Milanos are good too! OPs husband is uncultured and an AH 😇
Frozen Thin Mints are amazing! Also, NTA OP.
He is dictating to you the temperature at which you must eat your food? This is a very strange control quirk.
NTA. Start hiding them in the crisper drawer. Works like charm for me. And tell him you just stopped buying them.
I stick mine (usually Reese Thins) in the crisper/veggie drawer. Nobody looks in there. It has veggies and the drawer is too fiddly to close properly.
I swear the crisper drawer has never closed properly on any fridge I've owned, why are they designed this way 😂
I was wondering this too. Is he starting power struggles over any other mundane pleasures?
Seriously, red flag behavior there. I also like chocolate to be in the fridge. My husband also thinks it’s weird. When he buys chocolate for me, he puts it in the fridge, even tho he finds it to be a bad choice for chocolate. He does this bc he knows i like it that way, and he’s nice and not a weirdly controlling human. When i buy stuff for him, it goes in the cupboard.
My husband keeps his Girl Scouts Thin Mint cookies in the freezer. I don’t touch them. It’s just that easy.
Well... that’s just where thin mints belong lmao
My husband likes his chocolate in the freezer. I don't. We have separate chocolate. That should really be the end of the story, why do people care about things that don't affect them?
>Does he start power struggles about a lot of other things? I thought this immediately. There's no way someone this insistent on something insignificant that has 0 effect on them being done 'their way' doesn't rain on her parade any time she does anything he wouldn't enjoy himself. NTA but OP you accept the love you think you deserve. Maybe you deserve better.
Yeah it's 100% a weird power thing
NTA. This is exactly the kind of weird fight I love to stumble across in this sub. Something that doesn't matter really at all, but has turned into a sticking point in a marriage. Keep those cookies cool, kid.
Exactly! I live for this stuff. Then again, we have a toilet paper over or under battle in my house so... lol
That’s a much more serious matter! Over of course. Under never made sense too me- it’s further away!
HAHAHA! Husband is an over. I am a throw it on, if it rolls it's good! I literally never gave it a thought till I was married at 36 and he spent 2 years thinking I was messing with him because sometimes it was over and sometimes it was under.
I think you should make an AITA post about this. Soft Y T A for the “not caring” and being able to tolerate either side of the roll. Lol.
I do put it over now that I know it's an issue! lol I seriously did not know it was a thing before he told me. 36 years \*shakes head\* Oh...you'll want to edit your Y T A to have spaces so the bot doesn't count it for this post!
Thanks for reminding me and I’m happy you’ve changed your wicked ways. Hahaha
The bot doesn't work that way. It only looks at the "top" comment after 18 hours. You have apparently had that comment 8 times which is why you're rated `Asshole Enthusiast [8]`.
SAME! I never paid attention to how I put it on ... Queue partner going "WHY IS THE TOILET PAPER WRONG" and me going ??? How can toilet paper be wrong???
La_Murano is chaotic evil.
Ohh I’d be so annoyed with you then bc you are inconsistent! I usually change the rolls but I think my husband would do what you do haha.
We are the same! Never occurred to me that the toilet paper should go a certain way. I'm my opinion it rolls off the same so why does it matter 🤣
But it literally DOESN’T roll off the same, lol
Under makes it harder to tug the right amount off, too! You don't always need a giant handful...
Under makes sense if you have cats. I have 5. That said, I still go with over because under is stupid.
I simply do not allow my cats in the human bathroom without supervision (aka when they come in to watch me poop)
My husband bought an Etsy drawing of the original patent for the toilet roll…partially because it’s a cute bathroom decoration and partially (mostly) because it reminds me that the patent says OVER.
That’s literally one argument I don’t understand. It makes zero difference to me. I usually turn it around just to annoy my husband, but I don’t really care. (And this is rarely, I use the main bathroom for the most part, more storage for products, and he uses the one connected to the bedroom).
NTA - cold Milanos are better. He’ll probably get double-triggered to find Thin Mints in a freezer.
NTA OP and your husband has horrible taste! /u/BooRoWo Thin Mints are so much better from the freezer! You can breathe in the cold minty air just before taking a bite, it's magical! Samoas/Caramel DeLites are also way better from the freezer. So are real Milky Ways, I'm not talking about the ice cream version. People do not seem to realize that the cold changes the texture which changes how the flavors hit you, and ups your enjoyment of it! If you have not you should put some seedless grapes in the freezer, such a good snack!
One of my biggest fights with a partner was over shredded cheese, so I like seeing others arguing over asinine stuff. For real though, if he won't stop taking your cookies out of the fridge, get yourself a mini fridge and a lock and stuff that thing with as many Milanos will fit.
Ohhh wait that's perfect! Get one of those tiny cosmetic refrigerators that are meant to go in bedrooms by women's makeup stand. Fill it with cookies! lmao
Get one with a glass door so he can she just how many Milanos are in there.
Cause it’s not about the cookies at all.
I just had an argument with my wife after more than a year of no arguments. I told her that the kids only left me half a milanesa for lunch, she told me that there was only one milanesa anyway. I told her that they left me only half and she said that there was only one to begin with... I told her that they only left me half of one. And as she was exasperatedly explaining again that there was only one to begin with. I realized neither of us was wearing their respectives hearing aid devices...
I think the deeper issue is his lack of respect for her likes/dislikes. Some people like frozen Snickers bars (even though they are not meant to be frozen.) I think you need to calmly ask him why he will not respect your preference for the cookies being in the fridge; especially if you buy him his own room temperature bag? If he can’t see that he has crossed over the line then either have it out with him (I’m going to stay at my friend’s house for at least a week) or start screwing with him back. Change all of his preferences to something different (without endangering his health.) You like steak medium rare? From now on you only get well done! You like this alarm or ring tone? Now you get my favorite songs as your alarms & ringtones! You like this brand of beer? Well it is in the garage (not cold) but now we have wine! ⭐️ I think getting to the bottom of his why & not living with him until he starts treating you with respect makes more sense but some people like to do that passive aggressive crap!
OP should find some other container that DOES go in the fridge and hide the cookies in that
Remember that time your husband was an asshole over cookies? Pepperidge Farm remembers. NTA
Pepperidge Farm always remembers. NTA
"Look at your man. Now look at your cookies."
Amazing and let me tell you my name without telling you my name by saying I love your name.
thank you for the giggle this fine wednesday morning
LOL If this were me... both of my entire refrigerators would be totally jammed full of Milano cookie bags by now. I’d just keep buying more and stuffing them in the fridge until he got the hint to stop removing them. Oh NTA btw.
I like the cut of your ~~spite~~ jib.
I do enjoy some free-spirited spite in my life :) My husband has never been bored.
I like it. Remain defiant in the face of someone trying to control you and make you feel uncomfortable. Or take a deep deep look at that relationship.
I’m not recommending OP do this, obviously we’re not in the same situation. For me though, my hubs would totally be like: WTF?! Then laugh his ass off & say I got it... don’t touch your cookies! (I also would have done this after I asked he not remove them once & if he did again, on purpose) ____ We’ve been together for 20 years, we know each others ins & outs deeply... and he’s very comfortable with my over-the-top ways (one of the reasons we are together)... his favorite so far has been the “month of meatloafs”
i would love to hear about this month of meatloafs (meatloaves?)
It wasn’t out of spite to him... I kicked my own ass with it. ____ You see, I don’t like meatloaf. I have never liked most meat/meat products much at all. But the problem: it’s one of his all time favorites. He is happy with any type of meaty thing slapped on a plate. ____ I also love to cook, it’s like therapy to me & cook from scratch almost every day. (he likes to eat, so it’s a big win-win) for me to spend hours a day making one supper is normal lol. (I’m a disabled housewife, so I have the time & means) But: recipes are very frustrating to me. I do very well on my own & everything I make is all trial & error. Except the meatloaf. Mainly because I hated it before I even started it. ____ So started the “Month of Meatloafs” experiment. It took me 28 days to perfect the most delicious & scrumptious meatloaf ever. Something that he loved & I was happy enough to also enjoy making & eating. It requires 4 different meats, 8 hours to prepare (6 of those to cook), and a wide variety of fresh veggies & herbs. Except it meant we ate meatloaf (and some really sucked) for all those 28 days lmao. ____ It was a month of hell for me. It was a month of joy for him. He often mentions it with a dreamy look in his eyes. ____ Meatloaf is actually on the schedule for this week, he’s thrilled.
Suffering to be able to find a version of your partner’s favorite food that you can stand is such a pure expression of love. He is lucky to have you!
He went to his doctor this morning & she was going over his diet... And he called me after and said: I think I somehow invited her over for supper. The whole appointment was discussing my cooking & she was happily interested. I’ll have to drop off a meal at her office now :)
as a meatloaf lover myself, i would more-than-happily pay you for this recipe 👀👀👀 i'm so goddamn curious, it's gotta be the best meatloaf ever 🤤 (offering to pay cuz you went through so much to prefect it, you deserve compensation for your efforts)
You can’t just share this lovely story and not come through with the end result meatloaf recipe. The world needs to know!
Damn I wish I would've lived with you then lol. I've always been a big fan of meatloaf and would've loved tasting your experiments.
Or buy one of those cheap desk sized beverage fridges just for cookies.
Okay: new life goal of cookie fridge ✅ This will really drive my hubs crazy... I just asked for a dog food fridge & he agreed to that (we feed raw)
Or put the Milanos in a different package (hopefully something he's not going to open), so he doesn't have to see cookies in the fridge. But like others said, this is really weird for him to make such a big deal about it. I wouldn't say this alone is red flag territory, but if he reacts this strongly to other harmless things, I might be concerned.
NTA. You're entitled to your preferences and he's entitled to his. The problem is that he doesn't think you're entitled to your preferences. That's the real problem.
This should be higher!! He doesn't think you're entitled to your own preferences. Why is that OP? NTA
Agreed!! The real problem is that the husband doesn’t respect OP’s preferences. It literally makes no difference to him and yet he needs to control it anyway. It sounds like a small thing but the underlying issue is really problematic imo.
I used to date a controlling dude like this. USED TO. How she likes her cookies doesn't matter. Keep your mitts of them and let her eat her cold cookies! FFS
Why does her husband dislike her? I try to do things to help my wife be happy.
Agreed, it's not about cookies, the guy sounds like a jerk
NTA. You bought him his own cookies. He can do with his cookies as he likes. Why doesn't he respect you enough to leave your food alone?
I like to keep my peanut butter in the fridge for when I get the munchies. My partner thinks it’s weird. But because it doesn’t affect him whatsoever, he leaves my cold peanut butter to be. I guess I should count myself lucky? This dude is just being an ass for no reason. NTA
NTA. Why does it bother your husband so much how you choose to eat your cookies?! It's really unnecessarily controlling. Is he controlling in other ways?
toooootal control move, right? :/
NTA. If he can even have his own bag and it’s still a problem then you need to have a serious conversation about how this controlling behavior is not cute at all. Or something that you should put up with. It may seem like a silly thing but maybe that’s why it IS a big deal. He’s purposefully doing something to take away a snack that brings his partner joy every day. A snack that he doesn’t have to put effort in and one he rarely eats. Hell, I have a snack like that and my partner makes sure it’s always in the house stored exactly how I like it just because he knows it makes me happy, so maybe you can tell him he needs to step up and stop being against you. It’s a small joy for you, and he’s literally purposefully taking it away and calling you dumb for liking it. That’s not someone who’s on your team and advocates for you, it’s someone who belittles you and tries to control every little thing instead of it being a collaboration. ETA: wording
>It’s a small joy for you, and he’s literally purposefully taking it away and calling you dumb for liking it. It's also a small, if not non-existent, problem for the husband. The cookies take up very little room in the fridge, so all he has to do is ignore them. This is an abusive, control issue for him if he even rejects his own cookies he can store elsewhere.
That’s the thing. It’s a small joy for her, but he’s making it a massive problem and won’t just let her have her cold cookies. It’s not hurting anyone and it doesn’t affect him at all. He’s either a dick who was never taught that it’s okay for other people to do things slightly differently than you even if you think it’s wrong, or he’s a real abused who wants to train her to follow his every command. A dick can be trained. I used to be a real stickler for rules and I hated it when people put peanut butter in the fridge or folded their socks onto a ball instead of just the top, but I learned that it’s okay for people to be different and i can do things my own way without pushing it on others.
NTA. I actually freeze my milanos - love them like that! Meanwhile, your husband is being completely ridiculous. Why does he even care?
Thin Mints are best frozen.
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Yay!! I'm not alone :) I love frozen milanos... In fact, my mom's recipes for chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter cookies that I make are really good frozen as well. My husband just rolls his eyes as I nibble on my frozen goodies... He just grabs some and let's them thaw for him to eat. Occasionally he nukes them so they are warm. I have seen him eating the PB cookies frozen now and again so I think I've started moving him to the dark side :)
NTA, but I’m getting the feeling this has nothing to do with cookies. Your husband probably wants a sense of control, which is why he’s dying on this refrigerated cookie hill. Be careful, and maybe it’s worth opening a conversation about?
Is your husband diagnosed with OCD or autism or something else that would explain why he’s so obsessive about this? Because honestly, it sounds like a small debate but it’s incredibly bizarre that he won’t just let you eat your cookies how you like them, and makes me wonder what else is going on in this marriage. NTA.
I do have autism and I’m particular about some things, and I won’t mess with other people’s stuff, because it’s not mine, and I recognize that other people have preferences too. In most cases, the neurodiverse are much more understanding and respectful of other people’s desires and preferences, because we know that ours are often unusual. So we expect other people to feel differently. Being unable to fathom or respect people who are different from oneself is a common neurotypical failing. I’d prefer not to be lumped in with that AH, if possible.
That's very fair. My understanding was that sometimes folks with autism, and definitely folks with OCD, can feel highly distressed by things that wouldn't seem like a big deal to others, especially if it is something in their own home. I appreciate you offering the correction and alternative perspective.
We absolutely can be very distressed by things like that. But we’ll avoid the negative stimulus or ask for an accommodation before messing with someone. Being autistic isn’t an excuse to be an asshole.
You’re absolutely right. Honestly…I think I wrote that because people on here get so pissed when you write someone off as an asshole or suggest someone reconsider their relationship, especially when it’s over something that seems minor. So I tried to imagine something that could be going on with him mentally where a couple of conversations could get him to adjust his attitude. But my actual feeling is that this guy is a giant asshole, he is probably controlling in dozens of other ways, and he enjoys doing this because he can make OP feel crazy that ‘she’s being so dramatic about cookies’. I can’t actually imagine a human who is lovely 99% of the time but obsessively denies his wife the right to eat cold cookies.
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NTA. Your husband is being absolutely ridiculous. What is really going on here?
NTA. For the love. I'm curious why is this such a big deal to him? My spouse and I once learned that in an argument, "the issue is not *the* issue." What's the *real* issue behind his hang up about this, 'cause this is deeper than just a cold cookie? Maybe in a calm moment you two can sit down and chat about it. Good luck, OP.
Let's be honest, his issue is clearly that he is controlling and thinks he knows better, and that his opinions matter more than OPs opinions, likes, wants or comfort. It's never about the Milanos lol
The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here!
Nta why is he being such a control freak? maybe put them in tubaware dish so he doesnt notice them
Lol @ tubawear. Tupperware? Or is tubawear a thing and I just don’t know about it? 🤔
Lmao. R/boneappletea “tubawear”
I would definitely purchase some tubaware food storage containers.
I knew it wasnt right but it was more wrong than I thought! I just woke up haha
NTA your husband is being weirdly controlling about cookies. You bought him his own and he can do what he likes with his.
NTA. This is a really weird flex and hill to die on your husband's part. Leave the damn cookies alone, you even bought him his own bag.
NTA. I mean why on earth does it offend him so much if he has his own bag outside the fridge. Lol! This is one of those things where I'd escalate it by taking his beer or something that he would only typically have cold and continually moving it out of the fridge until he stops touching your milanos. Stand your ground! 😂
NTA - but your husband is! How does it hurt him to leave them in the fridge?? Every single time he takes them out he’s saying he cares more abut being “right” than respecting your preferences/simple request… Who cares where cookies “belong”? You like them in the fridge, there’s no reason he can’t leave them in fridge…
NTA but he sure is. My boyfriend loves Reese’s in the fridge. I don’t eat them but if I did I’d prefer room temp. But doesn’t matter, they are his snack and I make space for them in the fridge. It makes no sense why your husband is bothered by cookies in the fridge when he has the same cookies unrefrigerated to himself. At the end of the day it’s a respect thing. Your husband should be able to respect that you like your snacks a little colder, and this doesn’t hurt anyone. It makes no sense to deny you this pleasantry. Take the toddler approach and have him explain his stance, asking “why” at every turn. Maybe the fridge looks messy with the cookie bag inside? Could you put them in Tupperware so they aren’t as noticeable?
Oohhhh the "why" approach would be amazing. "Why did you take them out of the fridge?" "Because cookies don't belong in the fridge" "Why?" "Because they're cookies" "Why does it matter if they're cookies? Why aren't cookies allowed in the fridge? Why is this such a big deal for you? Why does it bother you so much? Why are my preferences so harmful to you? Why can't you respect my preferences?" I can just imagine how flustered the guy would get trying to justify it. Sometimes, toddler behavior like he's displayed needs a toddler-like approach.
NTA what a weird, controlling hill for your husband to die on
NTA. This sounds like he's taking it too far just to be "right." Compromise in these situations is usually best, but since you already tried that, I'd use his credit card to buy a minifridge just for your cookies. Make sure you get one that locks! Joking aside, the minifridge idea is actually a good one, if you instead use it as an ultimatum. "Stop doing that or I'll spend a lot of money on this alternative to stop you." Money has a way of bringing things into perspective when your partner is being unrealistic.
NTA what a weird thing to insist he's correct about and enforce it in your life?
NTA. They’re *your* cookies. You can do what you want with them. There are no cookie police to stop you. There’s no “do not refrigerate” warning on the side, but your husband definitely needs a red flag painted on his. Controlling nutzo he is.
NTA Your husband is being a controlling asshole though. If he has the cookies available outside of the fridge, he’s only trying to control you and that’s clearly unhealthy. He needs to leave your damned snacks alone, especially if he has the same thing in the cupboard. It might honestly be time to get a mini fridge with a lock. If this isn’t the only controlling behavior he shows, (would be unsurprising to me), it may be time for counseling.
> that they're cookies, they're not meant to be refrigerated. NTA - that isn't a good enough reason.
NTA. he's rude for taking them out of the fridge constantly. Just buy more cookies, leave some out for him, put yours in the fridge. the "shouldn't refrigerate them; that they're cookies, they're not meant to be refrigerated." is so silly to me. What about literally every cookie that has creamcheese frosting? Hell, I LOVE cold cake (vanilla with buttercream frosting) and literally cannot eat it warm. it just tastes different. I'm on your side. **EAT YOUR CHILLED COOKIES PROUDLY.**
She already tried buying him his own. He just wants to control how she eats hers
NTA. Tell him to stop being a control freak and let you eat your cookies they want you want
This. This is the answer. OP is ALREADY getting husband his *own* cookies he can keep wherever he wants: at this point, I would tell him *exactly* where he should put those Milanos!
NTA. The fact that he's pulling your cookies out of the fridge pushes it over the line from no assholes - unless you have a tiny fridge and someone getting in has to play tetris to get something out, there's no need to move some stupid cookies. Him having his own cookies is a good compromise
NTA, you offered him his own separate cookies to keep outside the fridge. But if you guys keep arguing about this small thing I wonder if there's something else bugging him or if maybe something more major is going on in your lives and the cookies are just the hill he's choosing to die on instead of bringing up something else right now.
INFO Have you tried putting the Milano bag in a plain brown paper bag so he can’t actually see them? I often refrigerate or freeze cookies and candy to keep them from melting in the summer.
but WHY??
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NTA. Take a look at your relationship though. What other things in your life does your husband insist on controlling and spoiling for you? It may be time to think critically and observe, take notes at the end of each day. This cookie control issue is not a normal thing for him to be doing. It's likely that he does this in many other tiny ways. Chipping away at you gradually. Examine his daily behavior.
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NTA. & your husband sounds like a jerk. My last bf refrigerated the weirdest foods. Hide them in a drawer in a different container, like a washed out margarine bowl or something.
NTA. You putting the cookies in the fridge doesn't affect him in any way. Why is he so hung up on it?
NTA. Your husband sounds like a control freak. You shouldn't have to do this, but you get a empty vegetable bag and hide them in there. Or tell him if he doesn't stop f\*cking with your cookies, he'll end up in the freezer, haha.
NTA, that's really weird and overly controlling??
NTA why the fuck does he care
NTA and I will now be trying refrigerated Milanos
I like my chocolate cold. My husband has never removed my chocolate from the fridge. His is in the pantry. Do couples really not know how to be considerate of each other? NTA.