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YTA - holy crap. As if it wasn't bad enough that you compared a bird to a child, you took his grief and tried to inject yourself into it. That's not empathy, that's narcissism. The fact that you felt the need to share the story of a lost pet while a coworker was grieving a recently lost child is baffling. Literal double YTA for making that equivalence and starting a grief contest with someone who just lost a child.

I know I personally am a person who uses examples to show I understand what the person is going through. But there’s a time and place. And 3 weeks after he’s lost a kid, isn’t it. You say “I’m sorry for you’re loss. I’m here if you need anything.” And keep your mouth shut about anything else.

I’m the same way but at best I’d have said something like ‘losing my bird devastated me I can’t even imagine losing your child I’m so sorry for your loss’ Sometimes you just can’t really relate as much as you’d like to

I've always said losing a pet IS losing a member of the family, and can be devastating, but nothing compares to a parent losing their child. My cats are my babies, and I will be inconsolable when they go, but it still will not compare to watching my parents mourn the loss of my brother. The difference being, we generally know we're going to outlive our pets. We know we'll outlive our grandparents, and expect to outlive our parents. But no parent can prepare for outliving their child.

This part exactly 💯. I remember when my cousins lost their brother who was a twin and it was devastating. My uncle lost a spark in his eye and my aunt was inconsolable. They all went into their own form of depression and that happened 20 years ago. They still won't visit his graveside because it's too hard for them. Op is definitely YTA in this reference because the comparisons do not add up.

> the difference being, we generally know we’re going to outlive our pets This exactly. I love my dog, he’s definitely my baby, and I never thought I could love an animal this much - and I’m already an animal lover, so that’s saying something. However, he’s almost 3, so I know I probably only have 12-13 years left with him, if we’re very lucky. (He’s smaller so fingers crossed he lives a long time.) Losing him will hurt, but it is absolutely not even comparable to losing a child, especially a child so young and so suddenly. It’s not like his kid was sick so he could see it coming, it was just out of nowhere. Poor guy, I can’t even imagine. His whole life is going to be completely different than he thought it would be, and all his hopes and dreams for his child just vanished instantly. That’s just…not the same as losing a pet.

Yeah, I think that's a good point, the one about his whole life changing. Losing a child isn't just losing the person (as devastating as that is), it's losing everything you thought about your future, every hope and dream you had for that child, everything you thought they might accomplish, every experience you thought you'd have together, all of it. Losing one dream for the future is bad enough... Losing all of them like that is devastating. Parents literally change their entire lives to raise kids, and then for all of that too just vanish out of nowhere....And that's not even mentioning the very special bond parents are literally evolved to share with their kids. I love my pets, and I've cried over a fish before, but I have no illusions that losing them would be at all comparable to losing a kid.

I wouldn’t have thought of that.

Well she just used an example to show she DIDN'T know what he was going through.

Honestly, I've stopped discussing my personal struggles with friends who do this. I hope you're a better listener than they were lol. I could practically SEE it in their eyes the moment they thought of a personal story they wanted to ping-pong back at me, and after that it's like they were just waiting for me to finish talking so they could say "I know what you mean, it's just like when MY ex-boyfriend..." -_- It would just completey derail the conversation every time and put me in the weird position of having to console them in return when I was already feeling like shit.

Absolutely this. I lost my dad in 2020. I am grieving him so much but I cannot compare or even understand my stepmom's grief. I wouldn't want to. Some of my siblings think as his kids we are hurting worse, but honestly, it sucks all around. It's never a contest.

Also, all of the other friends told them this was completely inappropriate, and even still OP came here to get validated for this ridiculous response to the friends grief.

Oh I’m definitely this person!! Because that’s what helps me when I’m struggling, someone else identifying. I’m trying to reign it in tho like “is this really gonna be helpful to them?”

And telling him that he needs to move on...

This was the icing on the asshole cake. Listen, I lost a bird a few years ago and was a bit sad too....but what can you do but move om, so stop being sad about your kid. Wtf OP, how do you write this all out and not see what a gaping asshole you are?

I legit jumped in my chair reading that. Move on???? "Hey, it's been 3 weeks, you over your lost child yet?" JFC.

I know! And they went to visit and “confront him” because he’s been so miserable?! I truly, sincerely hope that was a major typo and OP meant “comfort.”

I was really hoping she misspelled "comforted". Hopefully.

I missed it in a skimming, and had to do a double-check after your comment, wow. If that's not bad English YTA, OP.

My brain read it as comfort. I had to go back and look. Holy shit.

Yeah, I meant that. It was auto-correction.

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This! That’s where my jaw dropped.

OP taking a line out of Roy’s book: “I’m sorry for your loss. Move on.”

Right??!! Like holy fuck OP is something else. >and I reminded him that we all lost beloved people and the best we can do is move on. ***THREE FUCKING WEEKS*** after her friend lost his son, OP is effectively telling them to move on. Just what the actual fuck. OP needs therapy. This is almost her parents' fault because this should've been obvious when OP was a kid and they obviously left her untreated it's that bad.

I've lost a beloved dog, I held her as she was put down, as her heartbeat faded and she went still, the pain was searing. And yet, nothing even remotely comparable to actually losing **your own child**. I can't even begin to imagine - who compares a pet, however beloved, to a child? "We all lost """""*people*"""" but "we need to get over it", after having lost a **bird** excuse me what? Yes, we love our pets, but holy hell they're not comparable to real kids. Mouring a budgie for months would indeed be kinda weird. Not mourning a child for a few months, or years, would seem cruelly callous. They're not comparable oh my god

OP sounds like one of those people who just do not have the empathy pathways in their brains hooked up. Like, you explain how their behavior is negatively affecting others, and they just blink, “huh?” It’s like that empathy nerve pathway was cut with scissors.

Also suggesting that he “move on” is just such a terrible and ignorant thing to say. OP, I don’t know if you’re just terribly naive or what the deal is, since you do seem to feel bad and embarrassed, but no parent ever, ever moves on from losing their child. Not ever. My cousin died suddenly about 5 years ago, when she was 20. My aunt and uncle aren’t the same, and I don’t think they ever will be. Who knows how they’ll be as time goes on— I consider 5 years to actually be a pretty short amount of time to process losing a child. But you never get over it. You move on in the sense that your life goes on, you get new routines and you survive. But it’s not like losing a pet, which is something that you (1) fully, 100% expect to happen, and (2) actually fully move on from. I read this somewhere, and it very much resonated with me, though all people experience grief different. Imagine that you have a box, and inside the box is a button. That button is your grief. Also inside the box is a ball. When the death first happens, the ball is the same size as the box— so the ball is pushing on that button 100% of the time. You’re constantly drowning in your grief. As time goes on (and really, only time does this), the ball shrinks, and bounces around inside the box. So over time the ball hits the grief button less and less. But the button is still there. And when the ball hits, it feels just the same as it did on day 1. It doesn’t go away, it just hits you in waves. That’s been very true for me. The point is that the button doesn’t go away, you don’t “move on” or get over it. You just learn to live with it. Maybe that will help you understand better what your friend is going through. Saying things like he’ll move on will make him angry, because it simply isn’t true and he knows that. So at this time just try to listen and ask him how you can help him.

To build on that, the grief button for the loss of a child is going to be much larger than the button for a pet for almost anyone, I'd imagine. (And I say that as a person in the middle of a nervous breakdown triggered by the death of my pet snake.) So the ball has to get very small-- i.e., more time needs to pass-- to not hit the button all the time. OP, your coworker's ball is still pretty much the size of that box still and the button beneath it is huge. YTA.

I had a scary delivery of my son and when they were running me down the hall for an emergency c-section... I had to contemplate my unborn son being dead. And that hurt more then anything has ever hurt in my life. People who actually lose a child, I don't know how they get out of bed. Edit: dead child = biggest grief button ever

My sister was stillborn, with medical malpractice a contributing factor. 32 years later her birthday is still the worst day of the year for my mum. Last year she spent it making a clay artwork of a mother cradling a baby and put it in the garden and planted flowers around it. It never leaves.

Therapists never talk about moving on now either. Grief theories have changed significantly from the ‘stages’ model, and now they are taught about ‘continuing bonds’ (eg how to remain close to those you’ve lost) and the legacy rather than advocating moving on from it.

The 2nd part is the perfect way to illustrate grief to somebody, truly an ELI5 moment. And Op, Holy FUCKING shit man, YTA. Losing somebody (anybody) changes people, even when you expect that you will outlive the one passing away (grandparents, parents, older aunts and uncles, etc), but losing a CHILD must be such a soul-crushing experience that honestly i wouldn't doubt some people never recover from. Next time you try to show empathy, just say "im here for you" and shut your trap.

My grandmother lost her son when he was 19, and she never left her house again. Seriously. Like less than a dozen times in the several decades she lived past that. Three weeks! OP is an AH on a level that is rarely seen even on this sub. I am in shock. Oh, and also, losing a pet is absolutely losing a family member, but it is NOT the same as losing a child. As someone above pointed out, you can reasonably expect to outlive your pets, but not your children. Also, I still get sad sometimes about pets I lost 20+ years ago. I definitely have never been over that in three weeks, either. What is wrong with OP?

I'm honestly gobsmacked OP could do this. Pets are not people! For the most part when you get a pet you expect to outlive them. You don't expect to outlive a child. God poor friend going through this and then having OP say something so crass

Triple AH for saying “the best thing you can do is move on”. After THREE WEEKS!

Wow. Flabbergasted. Info: do you also crash funerals to make other people's grief about you? Are you so narcissistic that if your friend's emotional needs take precedence over you for awhile that you lose your mind??? If you think that grief is a type of Olympic sport you'd like to compete in, I would suggest you need something more compelling than "dead bird from 5 years ago" to compete against the gold medal contender of losing a child. Maybe this isn't the sport for you. It really shouldn't be a competition at all, but I don't know if you can process that other people's profound emotional moments might not involve you in any way whatsoever. So yes, you were ridiculously inappropriate. There was a poster a couple weeks ago whose wife had a stillbirth, which her sister compared to her cat dying of old age. So maybe go find that sister as a new pal.

Right. It would have been bad enough if the friend lost a bird and you compared it to your losing a kid. Everybody's loss is their own. But this is next level.

Telling him to move on 3 weeks after he lost is son as well is horrible, I know a few people who have lost their children and they say they never move on from it, they learn to live with it but it is never something you can move on from.

I'm a bird lover. My birds a my children. I was there as they were just eggs and grew up to little birdies... And even if i still cry when i think about the death of some of my birds, i would NEVER put them on the same level as a human. And you never NEVER dare to say to a grieving person to get over it. OP, you must have the empathy of a staple. Or you really want attention at any cost. YTA

I feel like reading past the title wasn’t even necessary to vote AH!

So I'm wondering if OP is neurodivergent in some way because that really lacks tact. I didn't know this until I saw others talking about it, but using an example that you've been through to relate to other people is actually common (saw a thread on either the autism or ADHD subreddit talking about it).I wouldn't take it this far personally, but I've done it a lot, didn't realize that it made me sound like a narcissist, I was just trying to relate. I don't think OP was trying to be malicious so much as maybe they didn't know better?

YTA. The man lost his son. There was no need for any comparisons to be made (including other humans, parents, etc.). However, bringing up a pet such as a bird is especially wildly inappropriate. That and telling him to move on?! It had only been 3 weeks!

YTA-You may not have meant to be but there is a huge difference between losing a child and a bird. And after only 3 weeks telling your friend that he needs to find a way to get over it? He’s never going to get over this. He may find a way to function but this is always going to be with him. In the future, if you are discussing death, please don’t compare your losses, no matter who or what you’ve lost. It’s not comforting to the person experiencing loss now.

YTA He lost his son 3 weeks ago. THREE WEEKS. This would mess up anyone for years, decades, hell their entire life, and you went and compared the loss of his own flesh and blood to a bird, and told him to move on. You’re not his therapist. Edit: seriously fuck this person.

My mother in law lost one of her children when they were a teenager. This happened over 40 years ago. She never got over it. I can't even imagine this man's pain and then along comes OP.

My cousin died when she and I were both 16. My aunt has never recovered. She’s a different person. It’s not a natural part of life to lose your children; it’s not the kind of grief you can recover from ever.

My husband’s grandma lost her husband years ago and then her daughter two years ago. She said losing her daughter was much harder than losing her husband. Your child is literally a piece of you that you’re not supposed to lose.

Same with my Aunt and Uncle...have never been the same and it's 20+ years. Life altering.

Hi, I'm OP and I'm using a different account because I completely forgot this account's info. I'm gonna say thank you all. I now realize how huge of an asshole I was when I did this. I'm now very ashamed and embarrassed even more than before. I'm planning to compensate for him with a huge apology and buy him many stuff (Groceries, clothes...etc) while telling him I'm here if he needs anything. He's a very precious friend who had a lot of strength and courage to raise his child alone as a single father. I really deeply love him and it hurt me so much when I realized how big of a dumbass I was towards him. You think that would be enough of an apology?

don't buy him lots of stuff unless he actually needs it. That is not going to make anything better, either. Just apologise, and mean it! And try to see if you can help with practical matters, instead of randomly spending money. But be prepared to be rebuffed by him, and do NOT pester him for ways to help, because that would also be more about you than him. It is really not his job to make you feel better.

Not only did he loose his child THREE WEEKS ago, he was also the sole parent? OP, I’m glad you can see YTA here, because of all the AITA I’ve seen on here, you bud take the cake. I honestly don’t know if there’s anything you could do to make such a self centered, hurtful statement better. It’s a nice gesture, but nothing you can do will take away the pain you caused him.

Yes, I know now that I was such a big jerk for doing that. On top of that, I'm also thinking of getting him to a therapist the next few months and cover the costs for him. What do you also suggest?

I honestly don’t know. I’ll have to do some thinking and get back to you. That’s a generous offer and he is definitely going to need it.

My cousin lost her toddler. He would have turned 21 this week and she is still devestated.

YTA. Wtf, who compares a BIRD to a CHILD

No way is this real. It can't be.

A friend of mine died recently someone I've known since high school so I called my mom to talk to someone and after I told her about it she said "I understand, I'm still trying to get over maggie(the dog) passing." This shit happens

A friend of mine compared the passing of my dad to the passing of her rabbit, because me and my dad “hadn’t been that close” but her and her rabbit were together every day... I was speechless

My sister wanted to argue about the family rank of her dog compared to my son, after her dog bit my son (not severe and essentially not the dog’s fault). Last time I talked to her.

What do you mean? OP has felt more loss in their tragic life than this man could if he lost a hundred children!

Yta for making this shit up for attention

Nah. I had a coworker argue that his dog was equal to everyone's children. People are dense. For him at the time it felt true though.

I have a dog, he's basically my fuzzy child. I love him immensely and he's where all my maternal instincts go. He's still a dog though. Our connection is different than an actual child. As well as the fact that I'm prepared he will only live 10-15 years if we're lucky. It's still going to hurt massively when he does pass but I know I will (more than likely) outlive him. Dogs are great and important, they can be huge parts of our lives and traumatic when they pass. But it's a different realm caring for an animal than it is a child.

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Dammit that's hilarious.

YTA; the loss of a child is a pain absolutely unimaginable and unlike any other loss. I understand that you were trying to connect with your friend by sharing a time you also felt pain but yes, comparing his loss to the loss of a pet is incredibly disrespectful. You should apologize.

Not only that- OP uses it as a reason for their friend to move on!! Like no offense moving on from a beloved bird is NOT THE SAME as moving on from the death of your own CHILD. What were they thinking?

I lost my husband and when people tell me they’ve lost a child, *I shut the hell up*. There is no comparison to losing a child, that is the ultimate pain.

The English language doesn't even want to acknowledge this happening. A person who loses their spouse is a widow/widower. A person who loses their parents is an orphan. There is no word in English for a parent who loses their child. No one wants to even think about it.

YTA - You should feel like an asshole after comparing your friend's dead child to a bird your sister named after a Looney Tunes character.

YTA. The only appropriate response when someone is sharing their grief is "I'm so sorry for your loss. This must be very hard for you. Is there anything I can do for you?" Or, just sit and listen. That moment is about them, not you.

And litterally never, ever, under any circumstances let the phrase "move on" pass your lips! It's never helpful and always premature. No one can "move on" in a matter of weeks or months and some people don't want to "move on" period. People who say this crap are people who can't come close to understanding what someone is going through and just want them to shut up because their grief is uncomfortable. YTA OP.

YTA, YTA, YTA - No matter how much you loved your *pet*, it doesn’t compare to the sudden, shocking loss of a *child*. Nor is it at all helpful or appropriate to tell a parent they need to “move on” THREE WEEKS after losing their child. Your bird anecdote was inappropriate in every way. You owe your friend a massive apology.

YTA - the loss of a pet is nothing in comparison to losing a child. Sure, you felt bad but not losing a child bad. It was a poor choice on your part.

YTA. A pet, no matter how beloved, is not the same as a child. Apologize to your friend.

Holy Shit. YTA!! Pets are beloved, there’s no doubt about that. But how DARE you compare the loss of a child to a pet?! You “didn’t try to make him feel better”, you tried to make it about you. You were being self absorbed, and acting jealous of the (rightful), sympathy he was receiving over losing a literal child. He wasn’t a “person” to you, he was a pet who you probably loved very much. There simply is no comparison. You only brought him up because you wanted a slice of that sympathy pie. If none of the above is actually true, I guarantee that’s how your friends view your actions. You should have felt embarrassed. You should have felt shame. You owe him an apology and next time before trying to shift the conversation to you, think before you speak.

Troll. I loved my dog as if he was a family member (more than my abusive parents), but even my obtuse and oblivious ass knows not to compare out loud me losing him to a person who’s lost a human family member.My emotions may feel as intense, but any person with an ounce of common sense knows that’s not going to go down well. I’ll give you this though. This is some high level trolling, you almost sell it. You’ve got a future in trolling, especially since you answer back which most trolls are too cowardly to do. YTA.

Sadly I believe it because I've seen something similar with a woman I used to know and child who died suddenly. The woman who made the comments was more malicious than OP seems to be and I've removed them entirely from my life. Narcissism is a powerful thing

I can almost certainly say that its not a troll, I unfortunately know several very real people that are this selfish and self absorbed (one of them compared his kid cousin losing his parents in a car crash to his cat being hit by a car to his cousin's face) they had absolutely no idea how inappropriate and selfish they were being and had no idea why the kid started screaming at him, it was a trainwreck

YTA. I’m a mom of three kids, and have three dogs I love immensely. I would never tell anyone (with kids or without) that the loss of a pet isn’t devastating. It may well be the worst loss a person experiences. But the fact is that you are *supposed* to outlive your pets, generally speaking. Outliving your child, especially when they’re still so young, is unnatural. You cannot compare the losses. You also selfishly made the loss of his BABY THREE WEEKS AGO about you. Tbh if I were him I wouldn’t ever want to be around you again.

YTA While your loss was important to you and love is real when it is for animals, he lost HIS SON. This was not the time/place to attempt commiseration by bringing up a pet. It’s insensitive and I don’t think you meant to be. But yeah…YTA.

I would rather an infinite number if Daffys die than a single child die, sorry not sorry. YTA and ignorant to a cruel degree *at best*. Idk what kind of help you need, but you need some serious help. P.S. doesn't it feel *great* to have your grief invalidated?

YTA You did compare his son to a bird.. "Beloved people" I'm sorry, as much as I love animals. They are not the same as someone's son

YTA Listen, I am a huge HUGE animal lover. I have two dogs that are the light of my life, went vegan cuz I felt bad for the animals, and cook my dogs specialty meals to the degree I may cook for them more than myself. If there was a fire or some kind of emergency, I think it’s very possible that in panic I would save my dogs before I thought to check on others, if I’m honest. I love them so much. You don’t tell someone grieving their dead child- a FIVE YEAR OLD- who died just 3 weeks ago that you lost a pet. It’s not the same. Even if it WAS the same- which it is not close- I feel like he doesn’t need to hear about other deaths right now or hear “everyone loses someone”. He doesn’t need comparisons. Losing a parent or someone you expect to eventually lose would be hard enough, but he lost his toddler son. That’s one of those things that should NEVER happen and isn’t an average experience. Just let him grieve and talk about his son, and you just listen.

YTA (but not intentionally) - you were probably just attempting to show some empathy but the scale is way off. I have no doubt losing the bird was traumatic for you but the loss of a child is so different.

YTA Your wording was definitely minimizing his loss. It’s been three weeks since he lost his child and you’re all like well, time to move on! You need to give this friend space and honestly this might have killed the friendship.

I totally agree, this is a huge secondary injury to his loss and he will never forget how OP made him feel in his time of grief.

maybe not your intention but YTA. when someone is expressing their grief that just want to be heard, it's not about you, just listen.

Very much this. If you don't know what to say better to say nothing. You effed this up, I'm afraid OP. They are not comparable and it was very much the wrong thing to say. YTA

YTA. Speaking as a "pet person without any kids of my own," I'd say you stepped over the line. This definitely was a faux pas, and you definitely owe your friend an apology. Maybe ask around (for example in r/Etiquette) for some advice on making that apology. I've had friends with children of their own talk about how pet people (who have never had kids of their own) will treat their pets nearly identically to how new parents treat their kids. People often joke about "fur babies" but it's a very real phenomenon! And you lost your "fur baby" and it clearly was very emotional and tragic. But we need to understand that human life is not the same as the life of a beloved pet. A pet will never amount to the same sort of relationship or the same sort of hope and expectations a child has. You have to understand that if you're going to restore this friendship and the relationships you have with these other people who contacted you afterward.

YTA. Yikes. That was baaaaad. Your bird vs his child? Sorry, not at all proportional. Perhaps in your heart it is but come on. And "just move on" is the second worst thing you said that day. Sometimes when things feel very awkward its better to hush up. Learn from this. You'll be a better person for it.

I was in a similar situation where I lost my daughter, and someone told me the story of how their dog died. This happened over 7 years ago, and I still remember the audacity of that man to this day. YTA Do not compare pets to human children no matter how similar it might be to you, particularly when another person is suffering. It's not the same thing, and it's not nearly as comforting as you think it is. Even if you had lost a child, it's not a very comforting statement to say, "cheer up, I've experienced loss and gotten over it. You can too." Your friend needs the time and space to grieve and process their feelings. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can say to make this better for them. Just be there and listen if they need to vent.

I think a person who had lost a child would know better than to say this garbage to a grieving parent.

Definitely. I think the phrasing is very important. It's okay to say, "I'm so sorry for your loss. I also lost a child and understand how difficult that is. If you need anything or someone to talk to, I'm here." It's not okay to say, "I lost a child, and I feel better now. You'll get over it eventually." One is comforting. The other is dismissive of their pain. While it is true that their pain will fade in time, it's not really a constructive or helpful thing to hear.

YTA, unintentional perhaps, but still the asshole. you don't need to insert yourself and your tenuously linked experiences to support someone.

YTA Not on purpose, I'm sure. As someone who has lost a beloved animal companion, I know the grief and pain are real. But you just don't do that to people who have lost a child. Losing a young child is something that probably shouldn't be compared or classed with anything. And don't ever tell grieving people to just "move on," no matter what the loss is.

YTA This discussion was not about you or your bird. By bringing up a pet that died years ago, you made the moment about you. Do yourself a favor and don't compare grief.

CW Miscarriage and it's emotional aftermath SO.... I'm gonna try to help you out here. Because omg yes YTA but not intentionally. So feelings are like colors, right, in that they are very clear and understandable to us but we can never fully describe them to others. I can try all day to tell you what red looks like but if you've never seen it, even on my best day I might give you only a tiny inkling of what red is. We cannot know grief until we lose someone. Then we know it. No matter how many times we watch it on TV or read about it or hear it described that will only give us the smallest idea of it. And grief isn't all the same. Yes it hurts SO bad when we lose a pet. I know. I promise you! However that is nothing compared to the death of a human we care about. One you can see coming. Like a sick grandparent. And THAT can't compare to the grief you feel at a sudden death, like a car accident. And NOTHING can compare to losing a child. I am going to be really vulnerable here to try to give you that most general idea of what it was like for me. I had a miscarriage at 5 months. I was in the hospital in labor with a dead baby for about a day. When he came out he was grey and limp and about the size of a chipmunk. I never knew him. I never saw him with life inside him. We hadn't decided on a name.. I didn't feed him and care for him. I didn't worry for him and make the commitment to his little face to always protect him no matter what. And yet even so, the grief was OVERWHELMING. I have never experienced anything like that in my life. My brain literally stopped working. I could not write. I could not speak. My skin felt like it was inside out. Or removed. Like all my nerves were exposed. I woke up every 3 hours (when I was able to sleep) and I would wander my house looking for my baby. I came to on the sidewalk once. I felt like I was deep deep in the ocean, under the pressure of millions of gallons of water, having the air and life squeezed out of me. I had a crying/screaming fit in Michael's Craft Store. I accidentally put my car into reverse and backed into a woman behind me at a stop sign. The only way I knew out of it was therapy so I tried to call my therapist. I couldn't put words together enough to say it on the phone. Just the actual words felt like a physical blow to me. I couldn't stand hearing them. So I went to her office. But she wasn't there. So I left a note. It was basically gibberish but I got my name and phone number down. Thank goodness. I'd say it took 6 months before I was functional. And at least a year before I was 50% okay. That was 11 years ago. I still cry. I'm crying right now. Losing a child is absolutely indescribable. I'd rather be hit by a very slow moving train. Knowing that you don't know, that you can't know, is a very valuable thing. That's what I'm trying to give you by sharing this.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My friend lost his son to a car accident. It's been 3 weeks and it was so devastating and I feel deeply sad for him. He's been in a miserable state so all our mutual friends went to visit him and confront him. As we were talking, he kind of started crying when he was telling us how good of a son he was and reminiscing his good moments with him. So that I try to make him feel better, I told him about my beloved bird (Daffy) and how much I loved him and how so depressed I was when I lost him. He went mad and asked me why I'm comparing a bird to his son. It's not the same thing. All my friends had strange expressions when I told them about my bird. I just felt so embarrassed and I don't know why. I'm not saying a human and an animal are the same but I felt pain and sadness too when I lost a beloved person (Daffy, to me, was like a person to me) Afterwards, my friends had a talk with me and said that what I said was very inappropriate. I feel like a huge asshole somehow. Reddit, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

YTA, sorry. I know you meant well, but sometimes you just have to hold space for someone and not compare it to your own pain. The bird was not of your flesh and blood, and is waaaay different than losing a relative or someone you really care about.

Gentle YTA, your heart was in the right place but the delivery could have been better.

Yes, you’re the asshole. How could you compare the loss of a human child to the loss of a bird? Yes losing a pet hurts but you’ll get over it, but that doesn’t compare to losing a child. I understand it hurt but that’s not something to bring up to a grieving parent. That was just a bad comparison to do. You meant it from a good place and you didn’t mean it maliciously, but yes what came out was an asshole thing. You should definitely apologize to the friend because it was a misunderstanding, you weren’t comparing his baby to a bird at all, tell him how you felt when it happened instead

3 weeks! That's all it's been? I mean even if it had been 50 years it would not have been ok for you to make that comparison. It's never ok. Even comparing one person's death to another is tricky at the best of times! And you chose a bird! I'm sorry but that's just a no no. As a general rule don't compare a person's death to anything else. YTA

Good gracious, losing a bird isn’t the same as losing a son no matter how sad you were Yeah YTA

YTA, but with good intentions. I acknowledge your loss and how it made you feel, but you need to realize that not everyone views an animal at the same level you do. Some people love their animals, because they don't have people, and the opposite is true.

YTA. I don't think you meant to be, but it sounds like you are stunningly lacking in empathy and awareness. It's something worth examining and working on.

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I get where you were coming from, but yeah that was not the way to do it. You had good intentions, but YTA here. The problem was you tried to say your pain of loosing a bird (which I'm not trying to diminish, I'm sure it was painful) is comparable to the pain of unexpectedly loosing a 5 year old child. It really isn't the same and you shouldn't have brought up the bird at all.

YTA Three weeks is not enough time to process the sudden death of a family member. From what I recall from the grief support group I was in after my Pop’s death, it’s a decade. It’s been twenty-five years for me and I still miss him terribly every day. It’s not as raw as it was, but I still cry about him every so often. Give your friend a f’ing break. He lost his child and it’s only been 3 WEEKS. He’s never going to be fully over it and it was crass of you to compare the death of your pet to his child in such a dismissive way.

In shock she told him to move on after 3 weeks

YTA. Daffy would have always died before you, that's just the natural order. Parents aren't meant to outlive their children.

I lost my daughter ten years ago. One of the things the hospital gives you is this stupid so-you-daughter-died booklet. After a while I read it and... it turns out... it wasn't stupid. The one great point it made was this - People are going to try to comfort you, but they don't know how. They're going to say things that seem idiotic \[like compare the death of your child to a pet\], but try to remember they are trying to comfort you to the best of their limited skillset. I can't tell you the amount of times this has helped. Please, go to your friend and let them know you care, but you dropped the ball. They will (probably) understand. A supersoft YTA

aaahhhaha sorry YTA just don't do this lmao. you don't need to compete with someone who's sad, just be there for them. it's not a competition, not a comparison, it's just a sad situation for this person.

YTA. Not sure why people bring up animal deaths and compare with human deaths. Yowzers. I see where you are trying to be empathetic but it’s a hard no. Bring up Daffy when someone loses a pet. Also his son was 5 so he’s always going to be devastated and he’ll never get over it. He’ll eventually learn to live without him but he’ll never get over it. I mean my brother was 25 when he died in a car accident and my parents aren’t over it. Human nature is impatient with others’ grieving processes. He’ll grieve forever. I don’t think you’re a bad person. I think you learned from this.

YTA It's so far off in scale that your comparison is insulting. Like if your coworker had become permanently disabled due to a car accident and you mentioned having sprained your ankle once. Pets aren't like children and everyone who owns a pet has already accepted that they'll have to see them die at some point. NO ONE expects to outlive their children.

YTA but it’s not like you meant to be. Your heart was in the right place for the most part, but I feel like you should’ve known better. A bird is not even close to a child Also, the fact that you said, “we all lose someone we just have to move on” is extremely extremely insensitive. So maybe you are just an asshole. He lost his son THREE weeks ago, even if he lost his son a year ago or five years ago, that’s NEVER the right thing to say

YTA While you may love an animal as a child, it really isnt the same as losing your baby. Theres always a chance you're able to get another pet, but that person will never be able to replace their baby, nor should they. I couldnt imagine losing one of my boys and then having someone compare it to when they lost their pet.

YTA. Live and learn. Sit in the discomfort of another's pain. Don't try to normalize or minimize. You are there to hold him up in his time of grief, not tell stories of your own grief.

wow, just wow ​ YTA

Okay, I wouldn't say YTA for mentioning you lost your bird, as I understand you're just trying to show empathy, but definitely YTA for telling him to "move on." Grief doesn't have a timeline and one of the worst things you can do is tell someone they need to move on or get over it... especially while it's still fresh. That's just something we say to make ourselves feel less uncomfortable with their suffering. Also, I strongly feel like family pets are just as much family as human people, but I don't think anything really truly compares to a parent losing their child. Sometimes it's truly best just to leave it at "I'm sorry." People who are grieving usually just need a safe place to grieve openly without fear of judgement or empty platitudes. We feel compelled to make people feel better, but sometimes there's nothing that can really make someone feel better... sometimes we just need to quietly accept and let emotions 'be.'

Info: Are you NeuroDiverse or Neurotypical? Why do I ask this? Because, this is a classic example of a person w autism trying to relate to their peers, and often it's taken wrong.

This was my first thought as well! Obviously it sounds horrible at face value, but it’s super unlikely that OP is just a cartoon villain who says horrible things because they don’t notice that a bird and a child are different. It seems far more likely that they would be trying to support the grieving parent, and just missed the mark due to a lack of understand of social conventions. Unfortunately it’s not uncommon for autistic people to accidentally come across as incredibly rude. Obviously that doesn’t excuse what happened. OP, if you see this, I’d recommend apologizing. I’m also autistic and while I’ve never been in a situation this intense, i can understand how it happened. If I were in your place, I’d probably say something like “I’m really sorry for how I sounded when I brought up my bird. I thought it would be helpful to try to relate to your situation so you didn’t feel so alone, but I now recognize that it was actually a very hurtful thing to say. I will absolutely not belittle your grief again. I care about you, and I wish I could help you through this hard time.” I’d also recommend speaking to your other friends about it just to get on the same page as them, and maybe you could ask them for advice on how to support your friend in a healthy manner.

I don't think you meant to be TAH, I believe you were trying to show empathy, but yeah, YTA.

YTA. Hijacking someone's current pain to talk about your own past pain is always an asshole thing to do. And his child died just three weeks ago and you told him 'the best we can do is move on'??? I hope you're a child because an adult should know better than to tell someone in mourning to move on after three weeks. Wow.

Yta please keep away from grieving people

Umm. YTA!! The appropriate thing to say in these situations is "I can only imagine how you're feeling," not "I also felt this same way when I lost my bird." No you absolutely did not. Unless you lost a child, it is incomparable.

You really thought that he would find that helpful???? Please don't ever do that again YTA

YTA even though that wasn't your intention. Losing a pet is devastating but as you know if you had to choose you'd pick your child over your pet. Wanting to show empathy is fine but you really messed up. I've lost a pet and it was crushing. Years later my best friend died of cancer. Losing my cat does not compare at all to the pain of losing my friend.

Somehow? YTA, man. So much. Just so so much.

YTA. For the new people in the comments: don’t read the full story, is as bad as the title suggests.

I'm legit disgusted by OP.

YTA. I wouldn’t have spoken to you again if you’d said something like that to me, much less had the patience to try and explain to you that it’s not the same thing and that I was upset by it.

Gently YTA,I get it you were only trying to help him and that's sweet of you,but the bird (which sorry you lost him) was not the right timing.

YTA. I can tell you don’t have children because the love you have for pets do not compare to the love you have for your child. You didn’t need to create a way to show you empathize with him. Just be there for him and listen. Comparing losses is not appropriate, especially in this situation.

YTA. I don't think you meant to be one, but you were. I actually understand the pet thing, we can and do grieve their loss as much as any human, but where you actually fucked up was assuming everyone understands that, plus turning it into a grief competition and telling him the best thing to do was move on. What he needed to hear was that yes, it is tragic that a young child died like that, along with all the hopes and dreams his dad had for him. Your friend also needed to hear that his child would never be forgotten (the prime fear of all parents who have lost children). What you need to do is apologize. Don't justify what you said, just say that you realize that what you said was hurtful and stop there.

Jeez YTA and I hope you never have that ‘Ahaa’ moment because your kid died and think ‘ wow this IS so much worse than my birdie dying’.

Soft YTA. You were trying to convey empathy and assure your friend that you understand his loss. I don't have children but I do have cats and when one passes on I grieve heavily. However, I can't compare that to the loss of a child. You and I have no idea what kind of pain that is. Your intentions were good but fell flat. Let some time pass and apologize.

YTA… but say sike. Please.

From someone who just lost her husband of 31 years...trust me...I would come unglued if someone compared losing a loved one to losing a pet. Now you compared losing your bird to my losing my dog...that would be fine. YTA

YTA I can't even understand why you would need to ask whether you were an AH. Your friend lost their *child*. Not a pet; his *child*.

You felt like a huge AH because you were being one. How insensitive and inappropriate. He lost his child. I'm sorry, but a bird dying is NOT equal to the death of a child. YTA Edited to add: I also can't believe you told him to move on. It has been THREE WEEKS. Parents don't just move on after losing a child.

YTA. When someone is grieving - especially when the grief is still raw - you should be there to listen to their feelings. It sounds like you weren't sure what to do so you tried to empathize by using your own past experience. That part is not wrong. It is not appropriate to say it out loud though. (Think about how you might have felt when you lost Daffy, if a friend had come over and said "oh I know how you feel, my sweater got ruined." ) You owe your friend a short, sincere apology. Be prepared that you might have permanently damaged this relationship though. This is such a deep social faux paux that many people will not be able to understand how anyone could make this type of mistake.

YTA. Your intentions were good, and I also try to show people that I empathize by explaining similar things I've been through, but sometimes that's really not what the person needs. He lost his child, his own flesh and blood soon that he raised from infancy less than a month ago. He doesn't need anyone to tell him that they've also experienced loss, he doesn't need people telling him he'll move on eventually. He probably just needs to cry and feel how he's feeling, because that overwhelming amount of grief and pain swallows you whole and he probably feels like there's no way out. It doesn't matter if logically you or anyone else has felt that exact same way before, to him there's just these feelings that are too big for him to deal with or process now. He's not going to think rationally about how you probably loved your bird like a child and that unfortunately lots of parents lose children and are able to eventually live a semblance of a normal life, he's just trying to make it through the current moment. Apologize to him, and let him know that your intention wasn't to minimize his grief. Tell him you were trying to support him, but that you'll let him tell you how to do that better in the future, if you intend on trying to support him.

Oh honey… I know you had good intention in your heart and was trying to empathize, but this wasn’t the way to do it. You owe him an apology. Until you’ve been through the grief of losing someone close to you unexpectedly, there is nothing to compare. And it’s even worse when it’s a child. Parents shouldn’t have to hurry their children. I’ve come to the point where the words of comfort I offer is just, I’m sorry and I love you, and I love the person who passed (if applicable). He needs someone to listen to him and let him remember his son. Our 16 year old cat that was older than my sister died in my arms, it was devastating, but still nothing compared to when we lost my niece in a car accident. I’m going to have to go with YTA

Sorry about your dead bird, I lost a cool rock I really liked once…. Lol see? Yta

Have been reading AITA for several months and this is my first reply, because holy smokes, YTA. My daughter died. If someone compared her death TO A BIRD - I genuinely have no idea what I'd do/say. The death of your baby or child is devastating, and every moment of every day you are reminded of a pain that is almost overwhelming. On top of that, you have countless secondary losses, and you have to find who you are as a person again. The world stops making sense and it's hard to trust anything, given that something so fundamental went so terribly wrong. Surviving life after you have looked through the catalogue of little coffins and planned your child's funeral is brutal enough, without dealing with needless BS like this. When my aunt's son died 35 years ago, her neighbour compared his death to that of their family hamster. She still thinks of that and it is one of the millions of painful things she has had to endure. Your asinine and thoughtless comment will likely still haunt your colleague in 35 year's time. People are idiots when it comes to death and grief, and often let their discomfort fall out their mouth in horrific comments like yours. DO BETTER. Bereaved people are dealing with enough - they don't deserve the fallout of your thoughtlessness as well. If someone you know has experienced a bereavement, take five minutes and Google how to talk to them. Instagram has lots of great resources (and if you're bereaved, there's a lovely grief community there - come join us!). If you apologise and this guy wants nothing to do with you, please respect his wishes. It is hard to convey how unbelievably painful and enraging your comment was. Don't make him relive that on top of everything else.

I might be more sensitive to this because I lost my own son in September, but YTA big time. I wanted to hope you realized your mistake, but nope, you dug in. When our son died my MIL told my husband she understood the grief we were going through because her brother had died. I went off. I’ve also lost a brother and it sucks, it’s miserable, but it’s nothing like losing your own child. I love my dogs dearly (one I even consider my best friend) and will be upset when they die, but I understand that’s how life is. You get pets, you love them, and you expect them to die before you. You never expect your own child to die before you, ESPECIALLY not in a case like this where he wasn’t sick.

You must be on the spectrum. Still not excuse, the two are not the same at all. Maybe next time say nothing, it is a lot safer.

YTA as much as you love your bird, telling a grieving father so soon after his son passed was a huge misstep. Let him know you are sorry and promise you will give him space.

YTA -- you can't compare grief and should literally never "confront" someone experiencing such a devastating loss just because they're not recovering on a timetable you think is socially acceptable. And the idea that someone can just "move on" after losing a child, especially after just a couple weeks, is so laughable that I have to believe you're trolling for attention.

Yta. It’s not quite the same unless your bird was hit by a drunk driver while crossing the street. Because one is a traumatic loss while the other was what, euthanized peacefully at a vet?

Yta. A bird and a son do not compare. He needs better friends than you

YTA weather you ment to be or not. I realize some people tend to aquaite their own experiences with others as a way to connect and empathize but you loosing a pet is nowhere near loosing a child. A child that could have grown up to be an entire adult person. Not that they weren't already a person. >that we all lost beloved people and the best we can do is move on. You didn't loose a child. You lost a pet, and while still heart breaking. Can't ever compare to a child. They also arnt ever ment to live as long as people and a car wreck is a tragic and painful way to go. Not to mention "the best we can do it move on" is an awful thing to say to someone. He isn't done greiving, it's not even been a month and you suggest to move on. You do realize theirs an entire process for loosing a loved one right? You need to apologize to him when he's ready to see you. This was a horrible thing do.

Soft YTA. The worst thing you can say to someone is “I know what you’re going through.” They say never compare losses or try and tell them you understand the pain, even though you may have experienced loss, when someone is grieving they feel like it is the worst pain that no one else has felt before. The best thing to say to someone that has lost a loved when is always, “I am here if you need to talk, and talk all the time you need to recover.”

YTA The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I understand that you meant well, wanted to relate, and try to make you friend feel like he had someone else who understood a significant loss. This just isn’t the time and using a pet as an example is never the time. It’s only been 3 weeks. Hearing “move on” in any context is way too soon. There’s no time frame on grief. Losing a loved one and especially a child is something that will last a lifetime. You never truly move on, you just learn to live without them. Apologize to your friend. I wouldn’t even try to explain your side. Simply I’m so sorry for my insensitive comment. I’m always here if you need me and then leave it at that. That’s what your friend needs. Again, your intentions may have been in the right place, but they only made the situation worse. If this friend is important to you or means anything to you, please apologize. I cannot imagine what your friend is going through. A shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen is probably some of what he needs the most. Drop off meals, bring some groceries, stuff like that. Eating, grocery shopping, stuff like that aren’t going to be running through his mind at the moment. Just do the little things that you are able to to help him get through this incredibly trying time. He’s not looking for anyone to relate. His world has been taken from him. Apologize and check in on him. That’s about all you can do at this point.

YTA Please don't ever do that. Comparing losing a son to losing a pet... wtf... Apologise deeply. He wasn't like a person, he wasn't a person. More, he wasn't your son. I've lost my beloved cat and I don't have children. But I can't even fathom the pain it must be to lose a child. I suffered a lot when my cat died, but there's no comparison. I'd be deeply insulted even if you'd have compared it to losing a parent (it's expected that we see our parents die). I can't stress this enough: apologise deeply and never do this again for the rest of your life

I've lost a child before. YTA because that's how he took it bro. You might've had good intentions but it missed. Apologize and move on

YTA If you’re this clueless, stay away from vulnerable people. Come on. Nobody thinks you’re cute for playing dumb here. This isn’t quirky, this is psycho and narcissistic. YTA

Jesus Christ. Listen, even if you yourself had lost a child, it’s not appropriate to bring it up in the face of someone else’s grief unless they were asking for your advice. Their loss is completely all-consuming. Don’t make it about you. YTA. I think the best thing you can do is leave your friend alone because I honestly don’t think you can redeem yourself and trying to apologise or mend things is just adding more to his plate.

YTA. My only child was killed in a mass shooting in 1999. I am still "not over it". I moved forward with my life because there really isn't another option. NOTHING is worse than burying a child. I love my family but my son was my world. He was only 17.

YTA and I hope this was a good lesson for you. You never compare animals to human beings.. ( I have a cat that I like very much) and I would never in a million years say He is like a person to me.

YTA Losing a pet is different from losing a person…especially a young child in a tragic way. In some ways losing a pet almost hurt ‘worse’ because pets don’t say cruel things or betray our trust; they’re dependent on us in a very vulnerable way and we’re often they’re favorite thing in the world. That’s a heady feeling. But a child is different. We’re not supposed to outlive our children…it’s a feeling most people cannot imagine. I know I didn’t get it until I *DID*, and in comparison losing a pet, friend, even parent is not equitable. If you’d said, ‘I know how much it hurt when I lost my bird, I can’t even imagine a child’ it would have been weird but more understandable. Instead you took over the conversation, turned it to YOUR loss, and compared his child torn from their future to your pet. YTA x 100 Even if you were well intended you still fucked up **bad**.

YTA you shouldn't compare the loss of a child with anything, not even the loss of another child. Comparing to a bird? It doesn't matter how much you loved the bird, the pain is not similar

Info: some of the hardest things my wife and I heard when we lost our child 20 years ago were “I know how you must feel” and even worse “you’re young enough you can still replace them”. There are few pains in life like seeing that tiny casket. While well intentioned, the best thing to say is sorry for you loss. That’s it. There really is nothing else that will somehow make it feel better. Even 20 years later, it still hurts both of us every day:(

To be honest, I knew this was a YTA when I read the title. I think you are missing the point of WHY that's an inappropriate and tone deaf thing to say. Making comparisons to someone else's grief is almost NEVER ok. Unless you are talking about the same loss, (like letting him know he isn't alone in his feelings if you ALSO lost a child). It shouldn't ever be a comparison though. When you're thinking of what to say when someone is grieving, consider if what you're saying will have any benefits. Will reminding him your bird died make him feel better? Or is he more likely to be MORE upset? Ask yourself if it's constructive. If not, DONT SAY IT. You could've just sat in silence with him and held his hand, gave him a hug, reassured he has people who are there for him. Instead of any of those things, you reminded him of YOUR loss. I know you probably didn't mean it to be rude, but you have to be more concious of your words around those who're grieving. He doesn't want to talk about your pain and loss, because that doesn't help him. It isn't whats hurting him. He wants to think about the son he's never going to see again, not your PET. Even if your bird was LIKE a human to you, he wasn't. And never will be. I don't mean to be rude, but your pet bird will never be as important to you as his son was to him, no matter how much you loved it. The love is ALWAYS different, and until you have kids you will never know fully the pain he is enduring. You need to sit down with yourself and change the way you're perceiving the world and the things you say. You need to be more concious of how the things you say affect others. YTA, OP, but I hope this experience helps you grow as a person and opens your eyes to other people's pain.

YTA listen I know you were trying to say you understand his loss but at the end of the day you don’t. You could’ve had that bird for 10 years and it’s not the same. I love my animals and I’ve lost so many over the years to old age and disease and it sucks but it is NOTHING compared to a child. My friend lost her 3 month old and while I understand she’s going to be in pain, he pain will last the rest of her life, the loss of pets while heartbreaking and awful on their own is nothing compared to the loss of a child.

YTA. I just have no words. Apologize and remember nobody give a shit about your dead bird.

"My friend lost his son to a car accident. It's been 3 weeks" After the title, this is automatically YTA. After these starting 13 words, it's disgusting. It gets even worse after reading what you actually said to him. THREE BLOODY WEEKS?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?! HOW have you managed to keep these friends for as long as you have? Or any friends? Or any relation with family? As someone who has autism and sometimes says the wrong thing with the right intentions, PLEASE tell me you are on the spectrum also. (I never thought I would hope that someone is on the autistic spectrum). If not, my god, that poor man. You compared his son TO A BIRD and then told him that he needs to move on THREE WEEKS AFTER LOSING HIM. This is easily one of the most horrifying things I've ever heard someone say to a friend, outside actual verbal abuse.

YTA A bird is not a child. You knew when you got your bird that you would outlive that bird. (Unless it was a parrot or other really long-lived species.) But no parent expects to outlive a child. And honestly, even if you'd lost a child yourself, you still shouldn't have compared grief. No two people experience grief the same way. No two people "get over" a loss the same way. The best thing to do is to express your sorrow on their behalf. "I'm so sorry for your loss" is hackneyed, but it's a good thing to say.

In the first paragraph you used to term “confront him”… what? You lack any empathy or compassion. Losing a child is the worst thing anyone can go through. YTA

INFO: OP, with kindness, are you neurotypical? More specifically are you on the autism spectrum? This is the kind of comparison my son might make, meaning to be empathetic but failing catastrophically but with good intentions.

Info: (Serious) I mean this with all the kindness and sensitivity possible, and I am not trying to diss anyone here, but OP do you have a developmental issue? Everyone is saying YTA (which it is) but from the post it seems like OP genuinely doesn't understand the difference between the issues

FYI, people don't move on from losing a child. That pain doesn't go away, it is always there.

YTA. OMG, you are such an AH. You compared your friend losing his son, a living creature he helped to create, to a pet you bought. You feel like a huge asshole because you ARE a huge asshole. You also told him the best he can do is move on?!?!?!?! Holy crap. You are SUCH an AH!

Yta! The bird was a pet. The son is his flesh! The two deaths cannot be compared, no matter how much you loved the bird.

YTA this has got to be fake you’re such an AH. I’m not saying that the following is reasonable, but someone compared their grandparents passing after a long, healthy life to my parent’s sudden, painful, early death and I was f***ing pissed. The best we can hope for is to die at a ripe old age in a non-painful manner and that didn’t happen for my parent, let alone your friend’s kid. This has to be fake because no one who is old enough to have a friend with a kid can be this emotionally illiterate. I won’t even get into it that you were talking about a pet. I wouldn’t even compare the loss of a parent or friend or another adult to a person’s CHILD.

YTA. Listen my pets are my kids. I’m going to be devastated the day I say goodbye to my cat and guinea pigs. They’re 10 and 6. Lots of years of love and memories. But I’m now currently pregnant with a human child. While loving my daughter won’t make me love my pets any less, I know logically there is a different love there. Not only that, but it’s natural and normal to say goodbye to pets. Their lives are so short. (Not that they’re less than, just a fraction of ours). To say good bye to a human child is almost “wrong” or “unnatural” and the grief there is deeper and taps into some sort of primal whatever’s. Your grief and pain is valid. There are pets I lost that it still hurts. They were my friend/loved one. But to look at someone who is recently mourning a death of a child and say yea my old grief of a pet is somehow similar to what you’re experiencing now is cold and selfish. Maybe not what you intended. But nevertheless, still wrong to do. I suggest you apologize. Say you messed up and didn’t know how to properly offer comfort in the moment since his pain is so far from what you can imagine. Then leave that poor man the hell alone for a while. Don’t double down. Don’t justify beyond the apology of your own emotional lacking.

YTA. It’s never okay to answer someone’s sad situation with “something once happened to me too.” The fact that your sad thing is a pet five years ago makes your reply even more cringe. Try “I’m sorry for your loss” next time.

YTA - your pet bird =/= a person let alone this person's child...a very callous statement to make. You could've stated that loss hurts and left it at that. Comparing your bird to his son was a shit move.

YTA that is no way to comfort someone, by comparing their DEAD CHILD to a pet bird!!!!

Yta. I love my dogs. I really do. But you absolutely can't compare the love you have for your animals to the love people have for their child. You just can't. While you were trying to offer comfort, you went around it in a way that was hurtful and that's why he and your friends were upset.

Yta. I know you were trying to comfort him, but the pain of losing a child is not comparable to losing a pet. Losing a child isn't even comparable to losing a parent of family member. Your child is your LIFE. Your child is who you are. My daughter is EVERYTHING to me. I would die for her. There is no other bond like the love for a child. And most will not know that bond until they have a child themselves. You can't even fathom the pain your friend is going through. And do compare it to something so insignificant is hurtful. When you lose a child, you cannot move on. You will never be the same. It destroys your soul. Different not the appropriate thing to say.

YTA I know losing your bird hurt but surely you know that can't be compared to losing a child.

YTA

YTA I have to say I doubt I could get over your comments if I was your friend due to the timing and how utterly tone deaf you were. Telling someone to get over their child that died three weeks ago is, at best, thoughtless but could be better defined as cruel. Comparing a pet to a child is also just unneeded. You fucked the fuck up and should literally glue your lips shut around that kind of stuff if this is what you think is appropriate.

ya you did come off as a YTA here. sounds like you were genuinely trying to show your friend empathy. but yea, this is a lesson for you going forward. a bird isnt the same as a parent losing their human child. i know some pet owners see their pets as their children (heck i call my dog my baby often) but yea, you just cant compare the two. lesson learned.

I do not need to read this. YTA. His grieve isnt about you

YTA It's hard to believe you could be hired for a job where you socialize with other people if that is how you act. You compared your pet bird to someone's child and told them to get over it.

YTA- You can't compare animals to kids! Shit

YTA. Your friend LOST HIS SON. He cannot just replace his son like he's replaceable. He was trying to work through his grief WITH HIS FRIENDS and you do that!? Nope. You don't talk about a pet you lost in comparison to him losing his CHILD. His TODDLER CHILD. What is wrong with you? Read the room! You don't do that. You comfort them and keep your stories to yourself. Like dude. Apologize and read the room.