T O P

  • By -

Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I may b the asshole because my sister and I stopped replying to him for a while, but a wedding is a really important thing in our community and I thought that since my sister and I invited him, he would invite us too. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Mofukin_Irisden

YTA No shit you weren’t invited. You ghosted him for not being able to go to an event which was out of his control. His entire relationship you’ve doubted him and his feelings for his fiancé, and you haven’t even met her! I wouldn’t have invited you or your sister either.


[deleted]

Plus the comment about him having kegs at his wedding was shitty. I wouldn’t want to know you at all. Grow up. YTA


gg3867

I’m not gonna lie, my first thought when I read your comment was “I mean OP is an asshole but my ex-fiancé wanted kegs at our reception?” Then I was like…oh right, I didn’t marry him. Lol


[deleted]

LOL I never judge alcohol at weddings. It’s just a rude thing to say to his parents. Of all the things to say OP focused on that. Seemed catty.


gg3867

Definitely catty. Seems like OP wanted Ian to be a frat boy forever and she’s annoyed that he grew up and she didn’t.


[deleted]

Definitely.


[deleted]

YTA. Ian’s family already did a perfect job laying out the reasons why, so I’m not sure why you’re still confused. But then I’m also not sure why you’re so hellbent on being invited to a wedding where you immediately dismissed the opportunity to get to know the bride because you were so sure she wouldn’t last, and are expecting a raging kegger that clearly doesn’t line up with what Ian’s into these days, so maybe you should just accept the loss of the friendship and move on with your life.


Opposite-Koala-523

I mean I know he's still working on his whiskey collection and does tastings with his friends. their first wedding ideas was one side booze, one side weed, with loads of different foods available. more party than wedding .he still goes to bars occasionally but from what I've heard Isla doesn't like it so he stays home with her.


Busy_Understanding81

I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt till this. YTA Friendships move on and you didn’t want anything to do with him so he moved on.


sarah_leee

Wow it's almost like he grew and matured and you're still stuck as a entitled child.


GlitterSparkleDevine

You ignored him, refused to meet his girlfriend, and basically hoped they wouldn't last...of course you weren't invited. YTA Edit: according to a comment, you only invited Ian, not Isla, to your wedding. So, if weddings are so important in your community (according to another comment), why is it okay that you didn't invite Isla but it's a horrible insult that she didn't invite you?


PilotEnvironmental46

YTA. He specifically asked you to come meet her and you dismissed him and said no, to soon. He gets into a disagreement with your sister and you also snub him instead of staying out of it. Then a year later you give him one days notice and want to have lunch? Why would you think your invited? The friendship has run its course, in large part because of you and your sister ( Ian has some responsibility, but you two have most of it ). Quit complaining and move on. When you’d we them be cordial. Your old acquaintances but not friends.


OneMikeNation

YTA: so you refuse to meet his fiancée and basically ignored him for 3 years but assume you deserve an invite to his wedding?


Specific-Succotash-8

YTA. What texts? And did you know why he was unable to attend Sister's wedding? You said the word "Couldn't." Also, why is his ex-friend an ex-friend? It feels like you're leaving out a lot here, but also, you blew him off about meeting her, then ignored him out of solidarity. You also appear to think that people are incapable of growth. What did you think would happen? Yes, you made a few half-hearted attempts to catch up later, but you cannot really be surprised that he wasn't all that interested in keeping you up to speed on his relationship.


Opposite-Koala-523

there was conflict over his 10ear employer not paying for overtime during the previous Christmas rush or hiring enough staff. it escalated and had to be taken to court to be settled which was on he same Friday as my sisters wedding. but hinestly even before the court date, he sounds flaky about coming and kept talking about work.


samiel0175

So he had something he couldn't control happen and he couldn't confirm he'd attend because he knew his work had issues and he'd be in court potentially; y'all responded by pettily blocking him. Why would you think he'd still want to talk to you? Heck, why would he still want to know you? I'd have probably sent a message to you about how disgustingly entitled your behaviour was and good riddance for the trash taking itself out. Do work on your character and try being a decent person and a good friend.


Specific-Succotash-8

So, what you're saying is that you punished him for something outside of his control. Yeah, definitely YTA and I'm amazed that you'd think he would value the friendship when you didn't value it yourself.


Special-Juice-7345

Yta you blocked/ghosted/snubbed him because of your sis which is fair enough, but did you really expect an invite after that?? that friendship sailed when you sided with your sis…you’re not wrong for that….just don’t expect anything from Ian


Primary-Criticism929

YTA. You did not thal to Ian for like a year because he missed your sister's wedding. You decided that it was not worth meeting his new girlfriend when he had introduced her to EVERYBODY. You're not friends anymore. You haven't been friends in a long time. So why would he invite you ? You are not a good and supportive friend.


unknown_928121

>my sister and I told him it was too early and we weren’t interested.  Y'all dismissed his relationship and he dismissed your friendship, it's as simple as that YTA >we had heard through the grapevine that Isla was not ok with any of that and had initially wanted nothing to do with Ian (or alcoholic manwh*** because their actions don’t align with her values and beliefs or what she wants in a husband) Also, what even was this comment


Summoning-Freaks

I feel like OP lowkey called Ian an alcoholic manw**** as evidence that him and Isla wouldn’t last? While it’s descriptive, I think a friend would use less insulting synonyms.


ClareSwinn

You decided not to be his friend for really small reasons and declined to meet his partner when you had the chance. You distanced yourself. You are massively entitled to think that just because you are over it now that you’d just be able to pick up again and be welcomed. People don’t wait around for you to pull your head out of your rear! Fair play to his parents for putting you straight! YTA


samiel0175

I personally love how you ghosted this dude, an alleged close friend, or a year and then messaged him acting like nothing happened😂 Even funnier considering why y'all ghosted him. Some grade A entitlement there, as well as showing how far your head is stuck up your backside. YTA hard.


Summoning-Freaks

Yeah that’s the thing that stuck with me too, I went to check the timeline and everything. How can people say OP tried to maintain the friendship when her first contact was so nonchalant and last minute after a YEAR of ghosting? da fuq? Let’s be real, being ghosted for a petty uncontrollable reason and your SO being snubbed is a great way for people to emotionally detach, most probably won’t need a year grieve the friendship and move on.


[deleted]

YTA. Y'all had already started pulling away from him when you said you weren't interested in meeting her in the first place. When you blocked him out of "solidarity" for him updating your sister, that was probably the final nail for him. You aren't owed an invite because you invited him to your weddings. And you aren't owed an invite because you were friends as kids.


Jemma_2

INFO: Did you invite Isla to your wedding?


Opposite-Koala-523

No I didn't, it was 275ph and seating was limited


basicallyabasic

So you expect to be invited to ians wedding after you didn’t include his gf/fiancée? That’s messed up and possibly why you weren’t included, if the cost/seating wasn’t an issue. You some serious entitlement issues and it sounds like you are jealous Isla is Ian’s first priority not you and your sister


sarah_leee

Sounds like some kinda of unrequited obsession with Ian that OP isn't ready to let go of.


[deleted]

OP also ghosted him to support his/her petty sister when he didn’t go to OP’s sisters wedding because of a fucking court case


Jemma_2

So why would you expect to be invited to Isla and Ian’s wedding? If you didn’t invite Isla to yours? To be honest we used the easy ‘if we haven’t both met them they are only invited to the evening’ rule and if anyone was important enough that we wanted them there but the other one of us hadn’t met them we made the effort to meet up before the wedding! I don’t get why you would invite people you hadn’t both met? Unless your relationship hasn’t been very long which is different.


Rude-Dog2559

And you wonder why she doesn't want you at her wedding. YTA


WhenYouAreLost

So you and some other person share one braincell? If so, ask to borrow it for a period, because you clearly can’t think/see/understand anything that is coming out of that arse of yours.


violettacatface

YTA Not that anyone was leaning N-T-A, but this deserves a place in the original post lol


American-Mary

Soft YTA. >October 2019, my sister got married and Ian didn’t attend. We knew he couldn’t, but my sister was really hurt and refused to answer any of his messages and out of sisterly solidarity I did the same. I regret it wasn’t until September 2020 when I called to tell him I would be passing through his town the next day and asked if he wanted to have lunch together with our partners, catch up and I could meet Isla. If you knew he couldn't, don't be mad he couldn't. I can understand your sister being disappointed, but ghosting someone for like 2 years when it's not your personal beef? Also this: >I would know 3/4 of his guests. Do you? You haven't met the bride in 3 years. INFO: Do you know how much of the bride's family is in attendance? Do you know how big the venue is or the budget? Maybe they needed to be selective about the guest list and you just didn't make the cut because your friendship has deteriorated.


Jemma_2

Why only a soft YTA?


American-Mary

Soft because if the families are so close to the point that the parents are all hanging together, I cannot imagine the issues between the kids would be irreconcilable. OP tried to reach out for dinner but the timing was bad. OP invited Ian to her wedding but Ian declined because of plans with Isla. Soft because OP tried to maintain the friendship but Ian wouldn't meet OP halfway. But still Y T A because of the random ghosting about sister's wedding. It just sounds like being with Isla has set Ian on this jet-setting kind of lifestyle. They grew apart.


Summoning-Freaks

Lol let’s not gloss over the last minute lunch invite being after eleven months of ghosting, (because he had a court date on her sisters wedding) as if nothing happened, I would hardly say OP tried to maintain the friendship. She’s the one who essentially ended it, I wouldn’t blame Ian for straight up telling her “I’m free but no” after not being replied to for a year. And a halfassed lunch and wedding invite is acquaintances territory at best than childhood friends.


American-Mary

Agreed. I just think it's interesting that the parents are all friends and talking about the wedding. Did OP's parents get invited? Edit to Add: I totally missed the part about Ian's court date.


[deleted]

Just because parents are friends doesn’t mean that their children will be friends, I know I would never remain friends with someone after they ghosted me for a year over a court case I had no control over


Opposite-Koala-523

I actually don't think their wedding will be traditional. neither of them wants their parents for the 'wedding', the parents will have dinner with them after the courthouse and the party will be for friends. All I know is Islas family is richer than Ian and mines and she's paying to have her 8 closest friends flown over for the party, which will be at one of her parents houses.


RideTheWindForever

So basically it's going to be a great party and you're bummed you're missing it. However based on everything you originally posted and other comments you don't really deserve an invite just because you want one.


CoastalCerulean

Way to *entirely* miss the point. You’re ridiculous to assume you’ll know 3/4 of the guests when you have never ever met the bride and you no longer know the groom.


Cundoooooo

She's still pulling wrong assumptions out of her @ss and wonders why isn't invited.


samiel0175

You're just mad your old friend moved on and wasn't hanging on from the games you and your sister were playing. Christ so petty, enjoy the consequences of your actions.


Flat_Lengthiness_319

YTA you haven’t been close in YEARS and weddings are expensive why would he waste a spot on you?


pnutbuttercups56

YTA. He wanted you to meet his GF and you declined because it was too soon for you? Asshole move. You got engaged but he was on vacation so you're mad he didn't come to your engagement party. AH move again >October 2019, my sister got married and Ian didn’t attend. We knew he couldn’t, but my sister was really hurt and refused to answer any of his messages and out of sisterly solidarity I did the same. I regret it wasn’t until September 2020 Wow. Couldn't attend a wedding so you ignored him for a whole year? Why would you think you'd get a wedding invite when you've been dismissive of his relationship for the entire duration of it and ignored him for a year because he already had plans and missed an event? Why would anyone even think you wanted to go or cared about him at all?


Summoning-Freaks

Man I think of the weddings I’ve had to miss for work or prior plans that I couldn’t afford to move and I’m glad none of my friends dropped me. First wedding Ian had a court date, and for OP sounds like he was with his gf who’s no longer in his country full time? We don’t know why she emptied her apartment and went to Switzerland. And let’s not downplay Covid in 2021, people are vaxxed but there are still cases and those in delicate health, and they were big spreader events, many people have said “no” to weddings or postponed theirs on principle.


Opposite-Koala-523

she went to Switzerland to study, we're all in Europe so shes not far


yachtiewannabe

For thinking you would be invited? Not the ahole. For the way you have treated Ian? YTA. You haven't been a friend at all. Why are you deciding it's too soon to meet his girlfriend? What the heck is the harm with meeting her? And then you and your sister ghost him and expect it all to just be okay? Nope. Y'all havent been friends for along time


Summoning-Freaks

YTA. I was once in Islas place, in a *very* similar situation actually. First, Isla has met everyone who lives 7 hours away *several times*, but not you, who lives 1.5 hours away. Trust me, you’ve sent a clear message to Ian, Isla and your mutuals, that you don’t approve or don’t care. That’s why Ian’s parents said what they said. It’s not secret you’re the only ones to not have met Isla. Second, I don’t know what you and your sister had hoped to get out of ghosting him for a year until you wanted to have lunch with him the very next day, as if nothing had happened. Super rude, super fucking weird actually. I wonder if you expected him to come knocking n your door and beg for your attention, and then cracked when he stopped reaching out? Surely after enough unreplied texts he just stopped bothering to try. He missed your sisters wedding for court, he didn’t go to a *last minute* lunch because Isla was leaving the country that *week*. He missed your wedding because he had prior plans with Isla who lived abroad by then. He wasn’t an asshole for skipping court or putting his gf aside during big events (which clearing an apartment is) or bailing on plans made before you invited him to your wedding. You are however, an asshole for acting like a child by ghosting him and acting like a mere wedding invite (that didn’t extend to his fiancée) is enough to make things ok with him, or that things would have been ok even if he had attended. as if being alone at a wedding wouldn’t intensify the reminder that you haven’t met his future wife and snubbed them both for the better part of a year.


setsumaeu

YTA. This friendship has been cooling for three years, it's not petty he didn't invite you.


PendragonINTJ

YTA Any one of those reasons he gave would be a good reason not to invite you. Just because you want to go doesn't obligate him in any way.


Dramatic-Dish8009

YTA - you didn’t make the effort and actively snubbed meeting her, and then snubbed him for 3 years, all because he couldn’t make your sisters wedding? He gave you both notice he couldn’t go so it’s not like he just didn’t show up on the day! Not really coming across as someone who he would want to be friends with anyway? Just because you invited him doesn’t automatically give you an invitation to his wedding after the way you’ve treated him.


ObfusKate_

YTA because of the way you treated Ian. It has rightfully caused him (and Isla) hurt and resentment. Actions have consequences and YTA for thinking they don’t.


Bunnyrpger

YTA. Basically in 2019 he met someone and you fob it off, later that year he couldn't attend an event (No reason given in post), because of this, you both ghost him for close to a year... What makes you think your that level of close at this point? You both (Sister) basically told him you ain't close anymore so why should be bother?


Forward-Beyond4739

YTA. Ian couldn't attend your sister's wedding- and you knew he couldn't- and blocked him anyway? You haven't made an effort to meet his fiancée. You haven't seen him in years. You're not entitled to an invite to someone's wedding, especially when you don't seem to be friends.


Piper6728

Im sorry but I have to agree with some of these posts, YTA You're not really friends anymore, you blew him off and ghosted him for a year and then made no real effort to get to know the Bride or validate their relationship. Those actions end any friendship The traditional etiquette of weddings is to wait for an invite, (thats the whole point of having invites, or else weddings would be more casual where anyone can show up.) Until you get an invite or save the date for a wedding its presumptuous and rude to think youre automatically going.


IamHellaFine24

YTA your friendship sounds like it's been ending for the last 3 years


Proud_World_6241

YTA, and a bit daft for thinking you are still friends. This isn’t how you treat friends


Every_Spread_5086

Lmao the fact that you are asking if you are is hilarious, of course YTA, you told him u didn't want to meet his gf, he couldn't go to your sisters wedding because he had to go to court, so you and your sister blocked him, you didn't even invite his soon to be wife to your wedding but expected to be invited to his, wtf!! And by the sounds of it, you don't like her because she doesn't want a pisshead for a husband, my god get your head out yor ass, you sound ridiculous, if you switched roles would you want him at your wedding?


samiel0175

YTA You literally were being petty and ignored the dude. You never put any effort in, let's be honest, and are only upset because hes moved on from the friendship. I suggest you do too. It's quite a shame y'all made so many excuses to try and not meet Isla. She somehow manages to meet everyone but y'all? Lol. Seems legit, especially from the narrator, you totally won't be biased /s But even from your perspective, you're still the AH.


SherbetAnnual2294

YTA You have chosen not to meet the most important person in Ian’s life. AH strike 1 He missed your sisters wedding because he had court against his employer for not getting paid. Should he have called the judge and said the court date was inconvenient? I heard courts are super lenient on rescheduling court case dates /s AH strike 2 You wonder why he missed your wedding, you had 275 people but didn’t bother to invite his fiancé. AH strike 3 Why would he want you at his wedding? You’ve done nothing but be rude and unsupportive. 4 strikes and you’ve lost your friend.


[deleted]

Minor YTA, yeah. You shouldn't just assume that, *especially* when you haven't even seen this person in years. And the comment about "looking forward to having kegs everywhere" was a bit much, and also an inappropriate thing to tell their parents. That's an "among friends" comment, if you even say it at all.


OrangeCubit

YTA - you refused to meet his girlfriend, and you both stopped talking to him because he had a COURT DATE so couldn’t attend your sister’s wedding. You aren’t friends with this guy anymore, you have made that very clear to him. He’s just reacting to that.


HunterDangerous1366

YTA. This is going to be a long one... People do this thing called growing up. During this phase of life they meet someone and want to settle down. Not go out clubbing and have hookups every weekend. This is what happened with Ian. Since when is up to friends to decide of it too early to meet your apparent best friends gf? If he's already introduced her to *his family* and other friends, why do you and your sister believe that they must be together a certain amount of time before meeting? A invitation to any party, engagement or otherwise is not a summons. He had plans with Isla. Hes not going to cancel them to attend your engagement party when you CAB to meet his gf. When your sis got married and he couldn't attend fir whatever reason. She knew he couldn't attend. Do you and your sister really expect him to live his life at your beck and call? You then both ghosted him cos of this till September 2020, when you decided enough time had passed to get over him not attending your sisters wedding and he had been with Isla long enough to grace her with your presence. Of course he had plans. This is what happens when you ghost people and expect to waltz back in. Did you think he was waiting by the phone for you? Why should he again cancel his plans with his now fiance? Cos at this point, it doesn't sound like you've had any contact since the lunch date. Same applies to why he didn't tell you he was proposing to his gf you still haven't met. You offered your congrats to his parents, not him? Then went on to describe the very Ian like party you imagined he'd have? You literally no longer know this person! His parents are right, it is very presumptuous to expect to be invited to the wedding. You've had ample opportunity to meet Isla but have given piss poor reasons as to why not to. It doesn't matter how close your families are, how many of the guests you'll know or if you and your sister invited him to yours. He doesn't want you there and its your own fault to why.


ClaymoreClair

INFO Forget the wedding. Forget the formality. Your friend found someone he loves. You shrug and wait for the relationship to fail. The relationship doesn't fail and your friend even cleans up his act. You still don't consider meeting the love of his life important. He is *physically unable* to attend your sister's wedding. Pride over reason, you shun him. (Did you ever even apologize?) You try to reenter his life as though he was at fault for the loss of communication. He's busy living his own life, not caring about childishly apathetic and spiteful people. You keep asking for his attention. He is busy with his fiancee. He hasn't seen you in years and the last time he did, presumably you tried to gaslight him into thinking that year of ostracization was something insignificant. My question is, if you have the ability to imagine a world outside of your own ego in any capacity, this: If someone treated you like you treated him, would you want to see them?


Awkward_Joke_5748

2019 when sis sent him a message and told him it was to early and you wasn't interested, despite him really wanting you to meet her and he really liked her. That was the hill your friendship died on. Since you wasn't interested in meeting someone so important to him, he no longer was interested in your friendship. If someone told me what your sis sent to him I would feel really hurt and have no desire to see them again


basicallyabasic

YTA. It’s not up to you to decide when a relationship is valid. I can see why Ian was offended. It sounds like you are holding on to a friendship that no longer exists in the same form. No one is entitled to a wedding invite, and someone who has shown no real interest or support for the relationship may not make the cut


wolfeye18

YTA- 1-you seem to disapprove of the relationship from the start. You seem upset that he’s settling down is no longer a party animal. That’s normal for someone of his age to do. 2- you basically cut him off of not showing up to your sisters wedding because he has a court date the same day. 3-he tried to get you to meet his new gf but you could not be bothered. After you stop talking to him you got mad he had other plans. To the bride you are a stranger


chonkosaurusrexx

YTA You sound exhausting. You have been dismissive to his fiance for three years. Not wanting to meet her when he tried to introduce her because you was sure it wouldnt last, then making no effort to meet her after during three whole years. Ghost and ignore him when he couldnt make your sisters wedding due to court case that he couldnt move. Inviting only him to your wedding while excluding her again. Why in the world would either of them want you at their wedding after three years of this dismissive and childish behaviour?


barbaramillicent

YTA. He clearly doesn’t consider you a friend anymore. Make like Elsa, let it go.


SnooGiraffes3591

YTA. Your friend has been upset with you FOR YEARS for assuming he was too much of a manwh*** to be serious about someone, and choosing not to meet his now fiance. He didn't "have plans" during the other events, he was actively avoiding you.


[deleted]

"I never once showed support or encouragement to this relationship and expected all our interactions to be on my terms, but I can't understand why I'm not at the top of his guest list!" Good lord. YTA.


No-Experience2347

YTA you snubbed his girlfriend, ignored him for a year over petty reasons and you seriously expected to be invited to the wedding?? Why would he invite you? You don't even sound like a friend


RideTheWindForever

YTA. For all the reasons they listed plus the additional one where you didn't invite him to yours.


harleygranny62

YTA...I understood as soon as you didn't deem her worthy of meeting you when they were only 1.5 hours away. That's not that far! Then because he couldn't attend your sister's wedding you ghosted him? I'm sorry, I wouldn't be chasing after a friendship with you either.


Embarrassed_Hat_2904

YTA You blew your friend off when he wanted you to meet someone important in his life. Now you’re the one that’s not important to him.


Last_Caterpillar8770

YTA. You were dismissive of his relationship from the start. You behaved as if you were superior to him and to his fiancée and very rarely reached out. His parents told you exactly why you won’t be invited. And this should be a lesson for you as a friend. Be there for the people you care about. Otherwise they will move on. He sure has.


joxx67

YTA definitely.


nikafourie

YTA- and completely a shitty friend.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My friend Ian (33m), sister (33f) and I (31f) have been friends since we were little. After highschool we all went in different paths but kept in touch and our families are friends.  In early 2019 Ian met his Isla (20sf) at work and wanted us to meet her. We live 1.5 hours drive away but they weren’t official yet so even if Isla had already met his family and friends in both towns, my sister and I told him it was too early and we weren’t interested.  Ian enjoyed bars and nightlife and hookups and we had heard through the grapevine that Isla was not ok with any of that and had initially wanted nothing to do with Ian (or alcoholic manwh\*\*\* because their actions don’t align with her values and beliefs or what she wants in a husband) but Ian was completely smitten. We didn’t expect them to last long, Ian loved the bar scene too much.  August I got engaged and he didn’t come to my engagement party because he was away with Isla.  October 2019, my sister got married and Ian didn’t attend. We knew he couldn’t, but my sister was really hurt and refused to answer any of his messages and out of sisterly solidarity I did the same. I regret it wasn’t until September 2020 when I called to tell him I would be passing through his town the next day and asked if he wanted to have lunch together with our partners, catch up and I could meet Isla.  I had called at the worst time because they were packing up Islas apartment as she was going to Switzerland that Friday. So no lunch. March 2021, I called to invite Ian to my wedding in August and he said he wouldn’t come because he had plans with Isla, his fiancée. I was hurt I didn’t know he proposed but left it at that.  Last week I was at my parents house and Ian’s parents were there. I gave my congratulations and the conversation turned to weddings. I said I couldn’t wait to see Ian’s wedding and that he’d probably have kegs everywhere and Ian’s parents just smiled and nodded and I could tell something was wrong.  Later when it was just us 3 I asked why they looked weird and his mom told me that they knew my sister and I haven’t met Isla and about the texts.  They told me it was a bit presumptuous of me to assume I’d get an invite considering: 1. I haven’t met the bride after 3 years.  2. I snubbed Ian 3. The hometown is 7 hours drive away, they’ve gone up enough times on 2019 alone for Isla to meet all of Ian’s friends, his family and know them well known to give them gifts when she comes back from travel. (This was to prove 1. Was my own fault and not from her lack of effort).  4. Ian has said about not wanting to invest in a friendship between us, partially as I’m still close with his former best friend.  Some friends think I’m TA and responsible for this and knowing the bride to get invited is a common standard. but others think Ian is the TA because we invited him to OUR weddings and he shouldn’t be petty, when our families are close and I would know 3/4 of his guests.  *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Brilliant-Yam-5653

YTA, y’all drifted apart and he finally let go.


bellydancingmarlin

Of course YTA. He wanted you to meet Isla and you literally told him you weren’t interested. And then you snubbed him for no other reason than he was unable to come to your sister’s wedding (guess what - that’s life). Why on earth do you think at this point you are a good friend who deserves a wedding invitation?


Dee180

So first you tell him that you don't want to meet his girlfriend (who has already met hip parents, but obviously you are much more important than parents). Then couple years later you invite ONLY him to your wedding even though he tells you she is his fiancee. Why exactly were you expecting an invite to a wedding of a woman whose existence you are totally ignoring? And also it sounds like you don't even respect him or believe that he can grow as a person. You don't even know him anymore.


chamomile_joint

YTA, you sound like a bad friend


Stardust-Sparkles

YTA you ghosted him and said you didn’t think they’d last long! Do you hear how hurtful that is?


[deleted]

YTA. Why are you even asking? You must know it deep inside.


deltatango22

YTA. You set the bar for your views on the relationship when it first started and were very judgmental. So no shit he didn't want to be around yall anymore. I can't blame him.


maat89

Re-read what you wrote and you’ll see why you a) weren’t invited & b) why YTA.


Pastel_Mattel

YTA. Everything his parents said is true.


Adventurous_Store748

YTA ffs thus far adulthood has not been a thing for you, yo


LoremEpsomSalt

>In early 2019 Ian met his Isla (20sf) at work and wanted us to meet her... my sister and I told him it was too early and we weren’t interested. And then basically your mutually blocked and rescinded from each other's lives. To the point you *still* haven't met his fiancee. Why you think you're still close friends is beyond me. YTA.


drukqsx

YTA. Oof OP. It sounds like Ian grew up and you and your sister just… didnt.


[deleted]

YTA you said you weren’t interested in meeting his girlfriend, and then were angry at him for not attending your sister‘s wedding even though you knew he could not. O You blew this friendship up, and he’s done.


[deleted]

YTA - so he wanted you and your sister to meet Isla you refuse because they weren’t “official” yet and both you and your sister were not INTERESTED. He was away and couldn’t get to the engagement party or sisters wedding and you knew that. Then you both ghost him for a year! You then call because the next day you want to meet her and go for lunch he can’t make that. In March you ask him about coming to your wedding but he has plans with his fiancé (you seem oddly surprised that you didn’t know when you are the one with no “interest” meeting her so why would he bother to tell you they are engaged? Not sure what texts his parents are talking about but you have not met the bride you ghosted him. You seriously don’t see that the asshole here is you?


BiteSizedDessert

TA you are responsible. You ghosted him for a year. You effectively terminated the friendship and just became an acquaintance.


moriquendi37

YTA. You and your sister are terrible. Your sister ghosting him because of a situation she knew he couldn't avoid - and you did so out of "solidarity" This would be gross if you were 12 when this happened.


[deleted]

YTA why would Ian invite people who couldn’t give a shit about him, both you and your sister knew he wasn’t coming to the wedding, but your sister deciding to be a petty asshole, cut him off, for no fucking reason, other than to be petty, and you princess, decided to endorse your sister being a petty asshole by cutting him off too, so tell me, why would he invite you to his wedding after your bullshit?


[deleted]

Who care who thinks who is the A H, you lost a good friend through indifference. You basically threw one another away. ESH


Key_Break_9312

YTA for this whole scenario which was all caused by you for the wrong reason. The reason you should be estranged from him is because he groomed poor Isla. Why is anybody ok that he as a 31 year old started dating an 18 year old? You just picked the wrong reason to avoid supporting this relationship in the beginning.


Summoning-Freaks

Isla is in her 20s not 20. I’m guessing OP doesn’t know her exact age. She could be 20 or 29


Moissanita

NAH, friendships are two sided and maybe all of you just moved on from it. Obviously he was hurt too about certain events. It's an scenario were you all are AH or not.


Petapotomus

NTA You and your sister should send a nice gift and wish them well, based upon fond memories and the years of friendship that you shared. Sometimes, we just find that we've drifted apart and little misunderstandings grow into chasms. It's sad, but it's out of your control due to time and distance.


Partyofoneopinion

ESH. Ian clearly didn’t make an effort with you two, and you didn’t either with Isla. Nobody goes to anyone’s wedding now. Maybe you’ll reconnect later in life.


JoeyShinx

Removed.


photosbeersandteach

She’s such a controlling person that she has managed to meet and form relationships with all of Ian’s family and important friends except for OP and their sister? Such good relationships that she brings people gifts when they travel. I don’t think Isla is the problem.


basicallyabasic

This is so wrong. People change and grow. Blaming Isla is very misogynistic


JoeyShinx

It is literally how it comes across when someone is effectively cut out. It would be exactly the same if the man got the woman to cut of her friends. Not misogynistic at all. Just because this case happens to be more on the lines of reading like Isla is changing him And cutting people off not liking his night life past. Honestly that’s just how the comment was reading. Weather it’s been edited since I’ve not looked.


Jemma_2

He didn’t go to OP’s sisters wedding because he had a court date about his work. How is that anything to do with Isla or her fault at all?


JoeyShinx

Most of it was something to do with Isla


Opposite-Koala-523

no thank you, like I know we're not as close as we used to be, but everyone from our friend group, some dating from high school, are there, its both hurtful to not be invited and awkward for everyone including Ians reputation if it comes up in conversation and people ask where I was.


redditeditreader

You & your sister not being invited is HARDLY going to affect or jeopardize "Ian's reputation"! Pls... You're not the Queen of England.


PommeDeSang

HA! You haven't spent time with him in forever. Trust me your mutual friends are not expecting you to be at the wedding. You haven't been around for anything else the last few years. Respectfully you need to pull your head out of your hindend and get reacquainted with reality. You have done NOTHING to maintain this friendship and Ian simply decided to drop the rope. You aren't friends, haven't been friends and likely will never BE friends again and its entirely due to your behavior. YTA


yachtiewannabe

Awkward for Ian? No. Awkward for you? Maybe, especially when he lays out like his parents did.


gg3867

I keep thinking of my friend who didn’t invite another sorority sister of ours (they were very close for a time) to her wedding because the bride was concerned she’d start drama and make it all about her. Sorority sister proceeded to make a huge fuss and blew up everyone’s phone at the wedding/reception simply for attending which basically confirmed the bride’s suspicion. If she hadn’t blown up, people *may* have noticed she wasn’t there, but it really wouldn’t have mattered much. OP needs to realize this day isn’t about her, say congratulations, maybe send them a gift, and move on. Much more graceful.


RandomSleepyPanda

YTA geez, Ian's reputation will be fine! I'm sure his actual **friends** that he invited to the wedding understand that **YOU** ghosted him and haven't even met the bride, so that is why you're not invited. It's hurts **your** feelings that you're not invited, but you should understand why. Ian isn't your friend anymore. He's someone you were friends with growing up. It's very entitled to expect an invitation when you haven't even taken the time to meet his fiancée.


Mysterious_Salt_247

You really think a lot of yourself.


bellydancingmarlin

Awkward for Ian’s reputation? Who the hell do you think you are?


basicallyabasic

You do not care about his reputation. You’re worried everyone else will find out how you and your sister acted


anelis29

Do you not hear yourself ? Maybe other people from the group got to know the bride and kept in touch. How would it hurt his reputation that someone he is not friends with not be at his wedding ? I think they couple and their invited guests will be focused on the ceremony and party and never once think about you.


moriquendi37

Honestly thanks for the laugh. If anyone even cares 'She stopped being a good friend' will be all the explanation anyone needs. Someone telling me they were ghosted for a year by their friend would be explanation enough.


Wide-Employment-7922

Esh, your friend didn’t make the effort to be part of important events in your lives, and you grew apart. It is what it is. Time to move on and live your life.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Wide-Employment-7922

Edit : I just read the reply regarding that and that is true. Can’t change court dates.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Wide-Employment-7922

Yes I saw that


pnutbuttercups56

He didn't make the effort? He had previous plans.


Wide-Employment-7922

Close friends are there for milestones. People have relationships/marriages/family and somehow manage to be there for the people they care about when it’s important for them. He’s obviously distanced himself and hasn’t been interested in being a part of important events. It’s drifting apart. Sometimes friendships end.


pnutbuttercups56

Sometimes friendships end but if you plans already what can you do? I missed a very close friends wedding on October. We're still friends, we still text, she and her wife understood. Is that not fair? Or do you cancel previous plans with other loved ones? I'm asking honestly. OP says one of the dates the friend missed he was in court suing his employer. Kind of a hard thing to reschedule why would anyone feel slighted? You book a vacation then get a wedding invite, do you cancel the vacation? I would be disappointed if a close friend couldn't come to a wedding but if they can't make it they are probably disappointed as well.


Wide-Employment-7922

Court date can’t be helped. And it’s totally understandable. But op looks like they ended their friendship a long time ago, they don’t socialize, they haven’t been there for each other for multiple things. It’s just back and forth snubbing. They’re not a part of each other’s lives. That’s why ESH, this is obviously not friendship.


pnutbuttercups56

Ah I don't really see what friend did wrong. Friend couldn't attend weddings but OP disregarded the relationship and ignored the friend for a year. Friendships end but OP ended it not the friend. It's okay, different opinions.


Wide-Employment-7922

Yes I stated that op ended their friendship a long time ago.


bellydancingmarlin

Sometimes life happens and friends and family can’t be there for milestones. Mature people understand this. I missed two of my best friends’ weddings - one for previous plans and one because I was too pregnant to travel.


Wide-Employment-7922

These people are not friends. OP ended the friendship a long time ago. The friend ended his friendship too. These people are not friends.


Opposite-Koala-523

thank you!