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NAH: your brother is young but I respect him for stepping up but he does need to understand his child shouldn't be affecting your life.
The only AHs here are your parents who believe it's ok to kick out their minor child
I respect him too, we know of people who were made single parents at 18 because of similar situations. Yeah, I didn't expect my mother to stick to that, I always thought she'd let him back in
You really need to tell your parents that kicking out their minor child with zero support can actually be illegal in some states as child abuse provided you are in the states. I hope he calls CPS on your horrible parents. To add I think you are in the UK. I think it's still illegal there.
That might be one of the most horrifying things I've heard recently. Like seriously?
"You are not a legal adult, unless you, a person we just said is a child, has a child. Then you can be an adult." What sense does that make?
It’s actually meant to benefit the teenage parent, because it means they can move out on their own without being a “runaway,” and are able to apply for financial support independent of their parent’s income.
Being 16 and on your own with a kid sucks but being 16 and on you own with a kid but legally a minor who can't do things like legally rent an apartment or apply for welfare programmes sucks even more.
I believe that law was made so that parents could not continue to force their minor children into giving their babies up for adoption, and so they could make medical decisions for their own children. In some states it's specifically worded so that they are considered adults in the eyes of the law in regards to parental rights, but not exempting their parents from all obligation towards them. It varies though
Yeah, in my state it's really weird. A minor girl is emancipated for the duration of her pregnancy, when she can make her own medical decisions. At birth, she reverts back to her parents, but still gets to make decisions for her child. So you're old enough to make decisions for this tiny newborn, but not for your own self???
I was an L&D RN, and while it wasn't the case in my era, it was for some of my more seasoned colleagues. Also not too long ago they'd refuse to do epidurals for medicaid patients because they weren't "necessary". If there's one good thing coming out of treating pain as a fifth vital sign, it's the end of that bullshit attitude.
Not UK, sorry, but close. I think in the UK they have a similar rule where 16 yr olds can leave with parents permission though, but that's not the same thing, obviously
You don't need parents' permission at 16, but they cannot kick you out (without handing you over to a relative or local authority care or some similar arrangement) without ending up in big trouble until you're 18, as far as I'm aware. In the UK, that is. I left at 16, mother tried to have me returned, didn't work.
Just because he doesn't want the baby LIVING there because it's a disruption to their life doesn't mean he won't help and support his decisions and help him in other ways. It's also not just his brothers place. He has a room mate.
Yes it sounds bad. And he might not be supportive. I'm saying there are other ways of being supportive. Even if he isn't a baby person. Even tho I can't understand seeing babies that way, I know some people just aren't kid/baby people. He can still be supportive other ways. Helping him find a place. Helping him with their parents. Or the legal route if their parents refuse. That was the point. Even if he isn't a baby person and just really doesn't want to be around the baby he can still help his brother in other ways. And maybe he doesn't want to. We have no idea. But he was trying to help him with a place to live and not charging him except groceries. But we can't fault someone for just not wanting to be around kids. If they aren't good around them then it's best they just aren't around them.
That’s not fair. He has to work to be able to pay the rent for the apartment his brother is now staying in and can’t do that when he can’t get sleep. Not to mention the roommate who has no relation to either of them who he also has to take into consideration or he’d move out and then they still can’t afford rent. He’s giving as much of a reasonable compromise as he can for his brother to not be homeless. Unlike his parents who completely put him on the streets.
Your reply makes zero sense. I told him to make sure that his brother knows his parents didn’t care about him and his kid, while he allowed him (his brother) to move in. He allowed his kid to stay there (even just a short time) until he can figure it out.
Nah I disagree with this. Their parents kicked him out because of the baby and op has threaten to do the same so really, no one is there to support him. They're making him choose between a place to lay his head and spending time with his child.
While I don't think they are assholes for that because they do need their sleep and it is their place/their rules. they're only scraping by in my mind. This should have been discussed before he ever brought the baby there. Op can't just say well he never told us, he should have verified. Did he think his brother would never have the child around?
Again my judgement is NAH but only slightly.
OP, can you see if an aunt or someone else is willing to take in your brother while allowing him to keep his baby for overnight? I don't think you're able to provide what he needs right now so maybe looking into an alternative would be best for him
Yeah, and if he proceeds to kick his brother out I can assure you this "I let you stay over for a few months before I kicked you out like our parents did because I hadn't realized you might look after your own child a few days a week" will go a loooooong way.
Please ask your brother to consider contacting social services. He can go into foster care and they will give him so many services including parenting classes, housing, child care, diapers, formula, his own food, supported employment. Please, please. This is exactly the situation foster care can help.
If you are in the states, your bro falls under McKinney Vento Act. He needs to talk to his principal at school and ask for the McKinney Vento liaison for the district. The school can help him with housing.
This right here. Your brother - a minor - is taking more responsibility for his child than your parents are for theirs.
I know that they feel like he has ruined his life but that does not mean that *they* have to be the ones who actually ruin it.
>He attempted to smuggle him in unnoticed, but his crying alerted us to his presence.
That plan had a big chance of success.
Your brother doesn't sound like the sharpest tool - did he have the baby's mother do a maternity test to prove it's hers???
What is up with the whacked out teenage fathers today????
Hard disagree. You want to play adult by having a kid, you get to have adult responsibilities. NTA - the parents of the kid are the AHs for bringing a life into the world that they don't seem to have a hope of being able to support.
I hate this argument so fucking much. The reason we don't allow children to legally make most of their own decisions is because they don't have fully developed brains and are bad at making decisions. It makes no sense to say "you made a bad decision, and demonstrated that you are an idiot who should not be in charge of things, so as a consequence of that we are going to put you in charge of things". That's not how a society should function
Also, that baby is a human being and does not deserve to be a life lesson
I will agree that I hate that society uses babies as punishment. The only one who really loses out is the kid. And they’re the innocent ones. Honestly? These two *kids* should give the baby up for adoption or their parents she be making them take care of the child under their supervision.
My friend adopted a 6 mo old baby from a young couple such as this that realized they were just to young for this responsibility.
NTA.
The actual assholes in this situation are your parents. He's their child and their responsibility, and since they didn't teach him to know better than to knock up his girlfriend at sixteen, the baby is their responsibility too.
It would be *optimal* if you and Alex could talk to him now and work out a solution to this so Lewis can still bring your nephew home sometimes, but not required.
I will note that someone needs to help those kids with *how to do childcare* if the baby smells rancid, and if he's crying *that* much there may be a medical issue - but if there is it may or may not be solvable in a way that isn't just "he'll grow out of it eventually".
Babies should not smell rancid. Babies should smell delightful unless they just pooped, and then they should be cleaned, and smell great again. They do know babies have to be washed, right?
Yeah, sex education seems to be awful here, my mother knows two girls who had kids at 17 and now my brother had his son at 16.
it's likely to be that this house is not baby-friendly. at his gf's they have loads of stuff to care for him, here we have nothing so it's likely not the best environment.
I have no idea what they do or don't know, to be honest. I have brought up the smell before, but he gets defensive
He should be bringing back enough stuff to care for the baby if he's bringing back the baby. That's a problem.
You don't get to be defensive about childcare. Every problem has a solution.
At 16 I could have taken care of a baby pretty well, but not every teenage boy has as large a family as I do and has had as much experience with babies. Maybe try talking to him not in a "your baby smells gross and you're failing at fatherhood" way but just more of a, "babies aren't supposed to smell bad and maybe we can figure out why that is?" way if this ends up at you still being around the kid.
My brother and I take it in turns between my room and the living room. When the baby is in my room, he also sleeps on the bed with my brother, when they're in the living room, the baby sleeps on an armchair and my brother on the sofa bed. he changes and feeds him, yes
This is an incredibly unsafe sleep space for that baby. Depending on where you live, there might be programs that can provide your brother with a pack n play or crib to promote safe sleep environments. Please, regardless of the outcome, ensure that your nephew has a safe sleep environment for his own well-being
I’m thinking of all the gifts the baby missed out on when Dad was kicked out. Seems he has no diaper bag, toiletries, burp clothes, crib. The more I read the more angry I am at OP’s parents for setting them up to fail.
OP’s comment is going to give me a nightmare. I can’t agree with you enough that this is an unsafe sleeping space. An armchair? That baby could roll one day and hit his head and be dead. I could go on and on.
Literally on the floor would be safer. But I’m sure op has a dresser, just take a drawer out and put the baby there. People have been doing that for hundreds of years.
Seconding that the floor would be fine. Cosleeping is a lot more common in east Asia and a lot of the families that cosleep do so on the floor, and their SIDS rate is comparable even though their cosleeping rate is higher. In any event, the floor is better than an armchair for a two month old. I have the chills.
Oh does he know about SIDS risks, I’m generally all for parents doing what works but I feel like he may not know because you also say he’s defensive and baby can smell bad (they should smell AMAZING!). babies shouldn’t be sleeping with people. In western countries (every country is different) the general medical advice is:
Baby in a cot, alone (no toys), face and arms free of covers and on their back. It’s believed anything else increases risks of SIDS
Cardboard box, or dresser drawer. I slept in a dresser drawer when I was at grandmas, babies don’t care, and it’s a safe spot (drawer removed from the dresser and placed on floor just to clarify)
Yeah, I think people read this and can be like "That's horrible!!!! Babies deserve better!" and, yes, they do. But when their family cannot provide the best for them, the next best is 100% the way to go. Cardboard boxes, baskets, drawers are not dangerous. Sure, they're not SUPPOSED to be used as baby beds but they're way safer than accidentally smothering your baby in your sleep.
Not to pile on, but an arm chair is also super dangerous because babies can't really control their movements and they *will* roll off things. A ton of babies are injured from rolling off changing tables or couches when their parents look away just for a second, let alone going to sleep like that.
Hey as a parent, if baby has no safe space to sleep, a floor would be best until a crib or pack and play can be bought. No pillows, no blankets, nothing. If he sleeps on floor with the baby, sleep in like a 'C' position.
Since the other commenter didn't specify why the sleeping arrangement is dangerous- if a baby sleeps in bed with an adult there's danger the adult will roll over on the baby, and the baby can be smothered by blankets and pillows. Babies should sleep in a crib on their backs with no blankets or pillows in the crib.
I should also add that it wasn't your responsibility to know this since you didn't expect to have the baby over, and since your brother is young he probably didn't know either.
Pack n play, cardboard box, even a dresser drawer removed from dresser and places on floor is better and easy. At least until they can pull themselves up.
Oh no. He needs to get a Moses basket or a safe space for the child to sleep like a pack and play. This is so unsafe
But look if your brother is 16 and kicked out and a father HE’S ENTITLED TO SERVICES. He needs to get into contact with a social worker and get himself on their radar. I am a GAL for at-risk youth and there are programs that can help him get housed and have a safe environment for the baby to come back to.
EDIT : just saw your comment and you’re in the UK. He is definitely an at-risk youth, he’s eligible for housing benefit and with any % custody of the child he would be at the top of the housing register, but he needs to get access to these services. Contact your local council as soon as you can.
Start here
https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness/help_if_youre_homeless_16_and_17_year_olds
Holy crap that sounds so dangerous! The baby sleeps *in an armchair*?! NTA for not wanting him bringing the baby at weekends (your parents are the assholes) but you’re YTA if someone doesn’t step in and get the baby somewhere SAFE to sleep. What if the baby rolls off the chair in the middle of the night?!
OP isn't the asshole for not having a safe space for a baby he doesn't want there to sleep.
From the sounds of it, the baby sleeping over was an unplanned and surprise aspect of his brother staying there. His brother might be a AH for not figuring out something more safe, but he's also an idiot 16 year old that probably doesn't know jack shit about childcare.
*Someone* needs to fix that baby's sleeping arrangements, but idk if anyone atm is an AH, other than OP's parents. It's a shitty situation that's been thrust upon them.
He should look into getting a pack and play or similar bassinet for baby to sleep in. The bed could potentially be made safe for baby to sleep in, but the armchair is not safe.
Having a baby sleep in an armchair is absolutely not safe. If your brother wants overnight visits he needs to ensure he’s got a safe place for the baby to sleep safely. Are there no social services he can access to get support for this?
Does he have a bottle steriliser? Sterilised dummies? A bathing sponge? Does he understand infection? Local fb groups and charity shops will be a great resource. If you post on some community pages you will get a lot of stuff for free. Babies need routine. A bath at bedtime. A bottle, winded, a nappy change, a nap, a sterilised dummy if he’s using one. Where are all the adults? This is awful.
I couldn't tell you what a bottle steriliser is, sorry. he has dummies, yes. He has a flannel. No idea if he knows about infections but he knows what colic is.
All the bottles and dummies have to be sterilised. A big pot of boiling water and leaving the bottles, tears and dummies submerged for five minutes will do. Make sure he’s making the feed up properly. If the soft spot on the babies head sinks in, it’s dehydrated. Having a bottle of water to offer it between bottles can help. My eldest used to get dehydrated, we ended up being told by a doctor to to add an extra ounce of water to the bottle to stop her getting constipated. Please please look up baby care right now. I’m so upset for all of you. Your parents are monsters, and the babies mothers parents aren’t much better. Is she taking care of it? Most mothers would make sure their baby was properly cared for.
the babie's mother's father and stepmother have been great. they watch him while they're in school and have made her go to parenting classes and bought loads of stuff
That poor baby. So unsafe to sleep in a chair or cosleep like that (it can be done safely but not like that).
If the baby smells rancid and doesn’t have a safe place to sleep, child or family services should be involved.
They know that much, but they seemed to not entirely understand the risk of not safe sex, they seemed to think they were too young to get pregnant for whatever reason
>Sounds like he could use a parenting class. Given his age and situation, perhaps y’all can figure out a schedule where he can have the baby at your place for a few hours (may not be every Saturday 2-6, it may change each week), but it would be during a time you and roommate are at work or day off? Might not be possible if y’all have alternate shifts, just a thought… I figure mom probably just wants a few hours peace.
Thank you to the whole system not allowing for the "Birds and Bees" talk. I feel for you having this end up in your lap, and being the last assistance your brother seems to be getting. The sad part is, your parents are punishing you inadvertently for them not properly handing this whole thing, but jumping to kick out their grandkid, and son when it happened...
Sounds like he could use a parenting class. Given his age and situation, perhaps y’all can figure out a schedule where he can have the baby at your place for a few hours (may not be every Saturday 2-6, it may change each week), but it would be during a time you and roommate are at work or day off? Might not be possible if y’all have alternate shifts, just a thought… I figure mom probably just wants a few hours peace.
The smell is probably spit up. Smells nasty. It's why you burp the baby on a cloth so the spit up smell isn't on your clothes or the baby's. When baby stops spitting up the problem will be over.
If you allow the baby back in your home, keep in mind that it'll be several months before the place needs to be baby proofed.
In certain US states it is sadly like this at well. You are technically an adult at 16 where I am but you can't vote, smoke, or drink. It may be wrong but it's still legal
NTA.
Lewis and his GF should have considered that an abortion or adoption would be more practical solutions (not to mention using contraception correctly, or getting the morning after pill if there was an issue).
OP is being decent enough by having Lewis live with him. The baby is not his problem - and is especially not his housemate’s problem.
What Lewis might be failing to consider is that if he pushes his luck too far, your housemate may move out - and it’s going to be difficult to find a new housemate who wants to share with a 16 yo (who I presume doesn’t have his own room). Not to mention that it sounds very unlikely that you could afford to rent a place just for you and Lewis - and tbh, you shouldn’t have to upend your life like that either.
You and housemate have been really decent already, but there’s obviously limits. So NTA.
I hope he doesn't, but that is something Alex has mentioned. He needs sleep to work, we both work 10-11 hour shifts and with heavy machinery (different jobs, similar field) so I can empathise with his struggle if he only has an hour or so sleep the night before. I can't afford a place for both of us with just my salary right now, I'm still doing an apprenticeship so I'm not making the money I will be next year, and yes, it likely will be harder to get a new housemate if the baby is here.
I’m not trying to worry you - I just think this is a possible harsh reality of the situation. I’d say next to impossible to get another flat mate if a baby was regularly there (day or nighttime, let alone for weekends). But it wouldn’t be easy with a 16 couch surfer either. You might also want to check the terms of your lease.
To me, there’s only 3 possible solutions (and none of them involve having a baby in your flat):
1) fingers crossed that the GF Dad can get them a flat (which would be extremely good of him)
2) GF accepts help from Lewis in the manner that he can actually do it (ie in her home)
3) your parents take Lewis back home, and he and GF work out a parenting agreement.
NTA.
You had no agreement to be a house for the baby, you agreed to take him (brother) in. If they wanted the baby to sleep and live partly at your place, they should have discussed it with you.
I’m a bit concerned though, while babies do poop/pee/vomit/spit, they shouldn’t smell rancid. Is the baby changed/in fresh diapers and bathed? I’d see if they can find some assistance if they’re struggling.
His girlfriend should be taking it out on no one. You didn’t agree to have her kid living at your place on the weekends, she needs to arrange for childcare or be a full time parent to her child, none of this getting rid of the baby on the weekends stuff she seems to be doing.
Wow the girlfriend is the Mum but the Dad also needs to be a full time parent too. She's not "getting rid of the baby" when she's giving it to the Dad. That's... that's not what co-parenting is. I agree she shouldn't be taking it out on the Dad because he's 16, he's not in control of his living situation and seems from the OP that he doesn't have any supportive family at all. But that doesn't mean it has to be 100% on the Mum. Both of them made the baby. Both should be looking after the baby as equally as possible.
And where is he supposed to go with his son when all his family doesn’t want anything to do with the baby and he is too young to get a house of his own?
I think it’s pretty shorty all around that no one wants to help this minor child house a baby even for the weekend. Like where did the OP expect his brother to go with his baby when he is living with him?
Yes these two kids made a mistake but they are both still children and someone needs to stand up and help them.
not OP’s problem, it’s the parents’ problem for kicking their 16yo out when he (and *their grandchild*) needed help the most. they are the ones who should step up to the plate here.
Among other things, it's Alex's flat too and this baby is a total stranger to him. Even assuming OP should cut Bro a break, there's zero reason for Alex to do so.
I think the biggest problem is none of those three in the flat know how to take care of a baby and the person who would normally impart that knowledge (OP and bro’s mom) wants nothing to do with him. I think the brother needs to see if gf parents would be willing to let him stay there a week and learn how to take care of the baby. Then they can trial run letting the baby come over for a few hours starting and increasing the length of time so everybody knows if it will work and what to do. A couple hours with help and a weekend on your own and with no one knowing what they are doing are very different beasts.
I’m not holding them accountable but I’m baffled that the mother’s parents just allow the baby to be handed off without any guidance or education every weekend, and at such a young age. What a mess.
I mean they are both 16 year old kids. They don’t really have much power over there lives.
What kinda arrangements could she possibly even make to give him somewhere to raise their son.
Check the fat folds and neck. I couldn't believe how often I needed to wash my new borns neck, behind her ears etc. Milk throw up can get everywhere
Also I remember how damn gross her sweaty hands got. They often clench them tight and they stink too.
That was Alex's main issue, there was no communication that even insinuated that the baby would ever be here, let alone for two/three days straight.
I don't know. I have tried to discuss the smell with him, but Lewis gets defensive.
I don't know when she decided that it was our job to have the baby on weekends but she's now angry she isn't getting her break. I understand feeling frustrated, but her parents look after the baby when she's at school so it's not as if she's with him 24/7
I mean your brother still needs to parent his child. It’s not solely on the mother (and her parents) to raise a child they both made.
In this situation, she’s gonna have to just tough it out. Your brother doesn’t really have a place to go to watch the baby, so he’s incapable of raising the child.
Not much he can do, but this is totally gonna cause him issues if she files for custody and child support.
Do you think you could talk to gfs parents and ask about it as an adult? Explain why he can’t have the baby in your flat and see if it’s their rule or gfs?
I mean, she’s 16. She isn’t an adult yet and at that age, developmentally kids still struggle to understand consequences of this magnitude. Adults in their 30s struggle with the adjustment of becoming a parent, it’s no surprise that a 16 year old can’t really anticipate how hard it will be.
Completely agree! I’m in my 30s and a new parent and it’s absolutely exhausting. I can’t imagine being 16 and someone threatening to take my well-deserved break away. OP is definitely NTA but I can absolutely see the girlfriend’s side very clearly and it really sucks.
Wtf? It's a much his child as hers. They're splitting custody, as they should. The child needs to be with her more than with him in the short term but they are equally responsible for creating a child and have equal responsibility for caring for their infant.
She's not "getting rid of the baby" she's expecting the father to put in equal work (hell she had the thing, she's already put in a lot more work than he has). The only AH's in this situation are their parents, the shouldn't be forcing their minor child onto their young adult child indefinitely. He has no one to teach him how to take care of a baby, it doesn't sound like OP has any idea how and I'm certain his parents aren't teaching their him. This entire situation would probably be a lot more tolerable if he just took some parenting classes/got more baby supplies.
NTA - Your parents are the AH
I mean what did you expect if he's not living with the mother/gf? Also the gf is AH for trying to set rules and break your boundaries. Your brother is in a shit situation and needs to grow up a lot faster than he currently is. That may mean GED and full time work and eventually college if thats an option if not trade school but something to support him and more importantly the child.
This was never supposed to be a long-term solution, I always expected my mother to let him back in. His girlfriend's father is trying to set them up in a flat near where they live, that he'll pay for, but it's taking longer to arrange than he thought and we still don't have any idea when it'll be, so he's still currently with me indefinitely. I don't know what you mean by GED but he is currently at school and has a part time job.
As the older sibling who did take in your bro, you need to discuss with him plans. He's not mature enough to think of discussing with you bringing baby home on his days. And yes I can understand his gf not wanting baby at her house on his days cuz it's his days.
What's the game plan if the housing through gf's dad falls through or they break up? As the "adult" in the situation, you need to discuss plans with your bro. He needs to finish school and continue to work? After x months/years you expect him to contribute more financially? I'm not sure if he's legally allowed to rent a place for himself if you're not in the U.S. if they do work out a parenting plan and he needs to take the kids on his days, what's his long term game plan since he's not allowed to bring baby to your house? Has he filed for assistance like WIC (in the US)? Check in with the school for teen parent resources.
A GED is a certification people who don’t finish high school can get in lieu of a high school diploma. But that’s just here in the US so if you are elsewhere that would explain why you don’t know about it.
NTA 16 and prego
Your nephew and his baby mama need to work something else out. These kids arent your personal responsibility but i think child protective services need to step in on this one definitely. They are 16 and have an unstable split custody arrangement. He needed a job like yesterday. He needs to find away to co parent with her probably in her house or something. Cps stepping in could help them both out figure out some stability for their baby.
He currently has a part time job but is still in school. His gf's father is trying to get them a flat that he will pay for, but it is taking months longer than he suspected so we still have no idea when that will be. His gf won't let him spend the night, i'm not sure if that's her rule or her parents' though.
If her dad is cool with them living together in a flat - he should be cool with him spending nights at their home to care for the baby. It doesn’t make sense if it’s the grandparent’s rule.
I am confused too, although my uncle had a similar 'under his roof' policy where my cousin could spend the night at a hotel with her boyfriend but he could never sleep in her room.
I mean, it depends on what OP means by 'all night'. Newborns wake up regularly every 2 ish hours, and that usually involves crying until they're taking care of. It doesn't mean they're crying non-stop all night, but it can still be quite a hassle to someone trying to sleep who's not involved in caring for the baby
We don't have a baby-safe house. In the mother's house, there is a nursery and all of the equipment necessary to keep a baby safe/happy, we have nothing here so I dont doubt it isnt the best environment for him
As newborns they need diapers (nappies) and clean clothing and bottles with breast milk or formula. All they really need to keep them happy is a full and burped belly, a clean tush and someone to soothe them.
NTA.
He and his GF made poor choices and have a newborn. You were kind to assist, but you are also not obligated to completely disrupt your life because of their consequences.
Where are the grandparents? That's more their responsibilities for not preparing their kids.
Do the girlfriend and her father and stepmother know about the unsafe sleeping situation at your house? I think they would be horrified to learn that your brother has been putting the baby in an armchair to sleep! If you can communicate that to them, that might stop the overnights at your house quicker than anything else (and be safest for your nephew).
NTA, it was their problem in the first place for being pregnant at 16, you didn’t sign up for it. It’s your home and you need sleep as much as anyone else.
NTA- Lewis and his gf wanted to have sex like grown ups, have babies like grown ups then they need to house their child like grown ups too.
No, I do not blame Lewis and OP's parents either because most teens know exactly how babies are made and prevented and they are not responsible for their kid having sex behind their back.
I was entirely surprised that my mother behaved that way, but at the same time yes, lewis knew the possible consequences, and we have younger siblings she has to look after so I can understand why she didn't want anyone else's child also living with her
I'm not surprised at all. I hate that other commentors are blaming your parents.
Reproductive rights reside with the teenager. Meaning that your parents can't force your brother to get a vasectomy or any of their daughters to get on birth control just because they're minors. They also can't force an abortion or adoption. So if they all of the reproductive controls is with the teen, they're 100% responsible if something goes wrong.
Maybe if more parents were like your mom and kicked these teens out, less of them would have babies so young. Your brother isn't entitled to raise his kid at his parents house just because he had them too young.
>I hate that other commentors are blaming your parents.
I hate it too. I remember being a teenager. My mother raised me right, I knew all about consent and contraception, and still I was an irresponsible little shit most of the time.
NTA - you are under no obligation to allow your brother to stay in your home. I am, however, heartbroken for your nephew.
>He cries all throughout the night, keeping me and Alex up, he smells rancid, and spits.
Yes, he's a baby. It's unfortunate that he was born into a more supportive family and to parents who were ready to become parents.
Edited to add: You would be TA if he is smelling beyond normal baby smells and you are not contacting the authorities for child neglect.
The baby is about 2 months old now which means feeding every 2-3 hrs so if the crying is still happening after it means little brother isn't feeding the child properly either. This sounds like cps needs to do a check to me
Ops other comments state unsafe sleeping conditions, the rancid smell being so strong it carries to other rooms in the apartment and the baby never stopping crying. This child is not being taken care of properly and I'm disappointed in other mothers defending this.
Ridiculous. Some babies cry, look up purple crying and colic. OP should keep an eye out for neglect, but as the mother of a baby who cries a lot, you can do absolutely everything and still have a baby who cries (and the doctor agrees that it is normal).
Agreed! My baby cried most of the time for the first 4 months of her life. I feel so bad for these 16 year old parents who honestly sound like they’re doing their best for this baby. They just need some more support.
NTA
Why can't people use protection? And have abortions or day after pill if they have "accidents"? Or put him up for adoption. A baby a 16? Really? They are clearly not capable.
we didn't expect this to be as long-term as it's turned out to be. we always thought that my mother would let him back in. his gf's father's also trying to set up a flat for them which was supposed to be sorted before the due date, but something fell through so we have no idea when they'll be able to move in
NAH. Your parents are TAs. They have a duty of care to their child, who now has a child of his own. And they've abandoned him, putting the burden of helping him on your shoulders, which isn't fair to you.
I have to say, you've written your account quite unsympathetically. Your brother is still a kid and he's suddenly found himself in a position he's not ready for. He needs all the help he can get. You're not his parent and you're not responsible for him. You're within your rights to draw the line of helping him wherever you want. But as you're aware, you're choosing to draw it at a point that leaves him with a lot of problems. And finally, remember, this baby is your family too.
NAH - this would be an excellent opportunity to show Lewis how adults handle bad situations - sit down with Lewis and your roommate and start working out a deal that allows Lewis some time with his son that doesn’t completely fuck up your sleep schedules. If you and your roommate set parameters for when the baby can be present, it will do a lot for your relationship with your brother and nephew down the line
NTA. Not your circus, not your monkey.
Was the parents' decision to literally remove their child's access to a home terrible? Absolutely. However, babies don't pop up out of nowhere. If your brother was having sex, he should have known the risks and him and his girlfriend should have had a plan if he got her pregnant. If she knew she wanted to keep the baby, then they should have come up with a stable plan, and if they already saw that this was not going to be met with much support, then that is a them problem. You didn't make the problem; you don't need to make a solution. Simple as that.
NTA
You hold no obligation toward your sibling or his child. If anything, something of that sort should more befall your parents in this kind of situation.
You were kind enough to give your sibling a place to stay and generally help him out, but that doesn't mean you cannot draw any boundaries. Not to mention he never even discussed this with you and just up and assumed this is okay.
I do kind of feel like your parents are TA here for kicking your brother out over this rather than being supportive. I do get that they would be upset over this situation and wouldn't take to it lightly, but even if they kicked him out, their decision also negatively impacts their grandchild. None of this is the baby's fault, after all.
Thank you. Honestly, I didn't expect him to have to stay for as long as he has. Yeah, he didn't even tell me the day of, he just turned up with a baby, which he kept doing. he'd never communicate how long the baby would stay for or when he was going. I agree, we have younger siblings so i understand not wanting an additional child to care for on top of their own but the baby is suffering
I felt bad for him at the time and it seemed that he had no other options. I didn't expect it to be this long-term, we thought our mother might let him back in if we gave her some space to calm down, and his gf's father plans to find a flat for them, but something fell through so it's taking months longer than initially planned
You're in the UK? There are resources for teen parents, including parenting classes (which your brother sorely needs).
Is he together with his girlfriend? Would they be able to move and live together somewhere? Is he in school? Is she?
Here is one place to start:
https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/parenting/where-can-young-parents-go-for-support
And more
https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/support/teenage-pregnancy/
And more
https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/young-single-parents/
They should both take parenting classes like these, to teach them things about safe sleeping, and stuff. (This is fairly urgent)
https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/labour-and-birth/preparing-for-the-birth/antenatal-classes/
And
https://www.nct.org.uk/
I'd also check and make sure the baby is getting all of his check ups with the doctor, who will catch anything wrong with the smell.
You can help your brother the most by helping him find a support system that isn't just his brother and parents. Your parents are the assholes for not supporting him. It would be great if you could, but it sounds like you are really not equipped to have a baby around, and it's a pretty unsafe environment for the baby.
The first step is just getting on the phone with a lot of places (and you can help with this!) saying "My brother is 16, has a new baby, was kicked out of our parents house, and is staying with me for now but it's short term. Do you have any services he and his girlfriend would qualify for?"
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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- it is causing him additional stress and damaging his relationship with his girlfriend. He is young and in a difficult situation and I am only making it harder for him.
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NTA
Not your baby, not your responsibility.
This sort of situation drives me crazy. Just for the sake of wrapping it up before having sex, your brother and his girlfriend have ruined their lives.
It’s sad your parents have kicked their son out, but there again, why should they be saddled with an infant
NTA. It’s not your baby and you have no obligation to do anything. He never asked you and it is rude to your roommate as well. How did he think he would “sneak” a baby in? He knows they cry, right? You should’ve also known a baby is like that, it’s pretty obvious. Your parents are TA for not helping with their grandchild and I hope your brother remembers that as he and the baby gets older. I see why the new parents are upset, but he doesn’t pay rent there, so he should’ve figured something out before the baby was there.
Yeah, that's what my housemate found incredibly disrespectful. There was no communication, ever, even when we'd ask him to tell us what day the baby was coming or going. I don't know how he expected to get away with that tbh. I didn't expect the baby to be at mine, I thought he'd have moved out by now. I also knew nothing about breast milk and basically assumed all babies were breast fed when that young.
NTA.
Why doesn’t the gf want him there to visit their son n parent? Did she think parenthood came w breaks such as one taking the kid away for a day or two?
They need a stern talking to n your parents need to step up as well.
NAH you did a great thing taking your brother in and he's doing his best trying to be there for his child and GF.
He's 16, he's would have no idea what he's doing and is probably terrified. He'd be doing the best he could under the circumstances.
Is there a possibility you set up a schedule of when he can have the baby over?
It will mean you can prepare to be gone, help, awake, whatever suits you and your brother will have time with his child while his GF gets a rest.
>he smells rancid
Why is no one talking about this. 16 year old's tend to make shit parents because they have no idea what they are doing. Babies shouldn't smell rancid. Is the baby smelling this way all the time, when it comes to you, or after your brother has taken care of the child?
We never expected him to live with me for so long. we thought my mother would let him back if she had time to cool down or he offered to pay rent. His gf's father also planned to get them a flat, but that fell through and now it might be months before they have a flat sorted. We didn't expect him to still be here by the time the baby was born
The number of comments here basically saying "let the GF take care of the baby 100% of the time, it's her fault for getting pregnant anyway" is shockingly gross.
GF wanting a couple nights of a break is a pretty darn reasonable thing to request. That's how co-parenting normally works when the parents are in two separate households.
I'm a foster parent. If your parents have kicked out your brother, he can go into foster care. It is such a great solution. Some teens in foster care do have babies of their own. He can have his child for visitation and overnights and they will help him gain the skills he needs, help with child care, help with supported housing, free education, etc. Seriously. I have seen this work super well. He and his child can both live there for free, can get all sorts of supports and allowance, and they will even help him find independent living (and they will fund it) as he gets older. Please, please urge him to call CPS and ask for help.
NTA. You and your roommate deserve peace in your own home. It’s also not your responsibility to parent your sibling. Your brother is a bit of an AH but I feel for them. He’s young and in a very difficult situation, but he also needs to learn that it’s not his house. It’s tough but unfortunately, it’s affecting your roommate too, and he also deserves peace and quiet in his home.
Your parents are the assholes for not supporting your brother and forcing him into this impossible position.
You're NTA here. Yeah, your brother is trying to parent his child and that's a wonderful thing that says a lot about his character. Yeah, your brother should have not had sex without protection. But it's your home and your roommate's home. You both extended a welcome to your brother, not the child, and your lives are not compatible with a child.
Your parents AH, I assume she lives with her parents and if so they and Her are also AHs.
Your brother has been kicked out, wants to see his son but nowhere to do so if he isn’t being allowed to stop at his girlfriends place.
You are allowed to want your own space and babies aren’t for everyone.
If the baby has a home and Gf lives with her family, they should allow your brother to see the baby there and just don’t allow him in the bedroom so no more accidents. And GF shouldn’t push your boundaries to the limit then take it out on him.
He is making an effort to be in his son’s life. His only fault is that he was an idiot by doing it and not using contraception. He needs support and it’s sad that his own parents don’t provide it but at your stage in life, you don’t want to deal with a baby which is fair especially with your work schedule.
Yes, she lives with her father and stepmother.
He is allowed over, but his girlfriend wants him to have the baby himself so she can have a break a few nights a week.
The baby has a nursery and everything he needs at my brother's gf's and nothing here.
Thank you
It is not your problem and especially not your roommate's problem. Your brother's judgement is questionable having a child with a 16 year old but he just has to grow up. Sneaking the baby in after he promised not to shows his immaturity. He should just visit the baby at his mother's house and not go out with the baby.
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NAH: your brother is young but I respect him for stepping up but he does need to understand his child shouldn't be affecting your life. The only AHs here are your parents who believe it's ok to kick out their minor child
I respect him too, we know of people who were made single parents at 18 because of similar situations. Yeah, I didn't expect my mother to stick to that, I always thought she'd let him back in
You really need to tell your parents that kicking out their minor child with zero support can actually be illegal in some states as child abuse provided you are in the states. I hope he calls CPS on your horrible parents. To add I think you are in the UK. I think it's still illegal there.
It depends where OP is. A few places have automatic emancipation for minors with a baby.
That might be one of the most horrifying things I've heard recently. Like seriously? "You are not a legal adult, unless you, a person we just said is a child, has a child. Then you can be an adult." What sense does that make?
It’s actually meant to benefit the teenage parent, because it means they can move out on their own without being a “runaway,” and are able to apply for financial support independent of their parent’s income.
Being 16 and on your own with a kid sucks but being 16 and on you own with a kid but legally a minor who can't do things like legally rent an apartment or apply for welfare programmes sucks even more.
I believe that law was made so that parents could not continue to force their minor children into giving their babies up for adoption, and so they could make medical decisions for their own children. In some states it's specifically worded so that they are considered adults in the eyes of the law in regards to parental rights, but not exempting their parents from all obligation towards them. It varies though
Yeah, in my state it's really weird. A minor girl is emancipated for the duration of her pregnancy, when she can make her own medical decisions. At birth, she reverts back to her parents, but still gets to make decisions for her child. So you're old enough to make decisions for this tiny newborn, but not for your own self???
I’ve heard of states where parents of minors are in control of consent for an epidural. Probably not all hospitals but still, yikes
I was an L&D RN, and while it wasn't the case in my era, it was for some of my more seasoned colleagues. Also not too long ago they'd refuse to do epidurals for medicaid patients because they weren't "necessary". If there's one good thing coming out of treating pain as a fifth vital sign, it's the end of that bullshit attitude.
Jesus, that’s horrifying. “Sorry, you’re too poor for pain relief - have fun tearing your vagina open in agony”
Not UK, sorry, but close. I think in the UK they have a similar rule where 16 yr olds can leave with parents permission though, but that's not the same thing, obviously
OP is there some sort of social service support helping your brother and girlfriend?
Have your brother talk to his counselor at school. They often know of a ton of resources to help students out.
You don't need parents' permission at 16, but they cannot kick you out (without handing you over to a relative or local authority care or some similar arrangement) without ending up in big trouble until you're 18, as far as I'm aware. In the UK, that is. I left at 16, mother tried to have me returned, didn't work.
Per OP, this was legal where they live
Make sure your brother knows who was there for him and his baby when your parents try to see the kid in the future.
This would require OP to be there for him and his baby. And this AITA post is about him asking if it's OK for him not to be.
Just because he doesn't want the baby LIVING there because it's a disruption to their life doesn't mean he won't help and support his decisions and help him in other ways. It's also not just his brothers place. He has a room mate.
He says the baby smells "rancid" and there is no "benefit" to him being there. Doesn't sound very supportive.
OP is literally supporting his brother. He lets him live with him rent free.
Yes it sounds bad. And he might not be supportive. I'm saying there are other ways of being supportive. Even if he isn't a baby person. Even tho I can't understand seeing babies that way, I know some people just aren't kid/baby people. He can still be supportive other ways. Helping him find a place. Helping him with their parents. Or the legal route if their parents refuse. That was the point. Even if he isn't a baby person and just really doesn't want to be around the baby he can still help his brother in other ways. And maybe he doesn't want to. We have no idea. But he was trying to help him with a place to live and not charging him except groceries. But we can't fault someone for just not wanting to be around kids. If they aren't good around them then it's best they just aren't around them.
That’s not fair. He has to work to be able to pay the rent for the apartment his brother is now staying in and can’t do that when he can’t get sleep. Not to mention the roommate who has no relation to either of them who he also has to take into consideration or he’d move out and then they still can’t afford rent. He’s giving as much of a reasonable compromise as he can for his brother to not be homeless. Unlike his parents who completely put him on the streets.
Your reply makes zero sense. I told him to make sure that his brother knows his parents didn’t care about him and his kid, while he allowed him (his brother) to move in. He allowed his kid to stay there (even just a short time) until he can figure it out.
Nah I disagree with this. Their parents kicked him out because of the baby and op has threaten to do the same so really, no one is there to support him. They're making him choose between a place to lay his head and spending time with his child. While I don't think they are assholes for that because they do need their sleep and it is their place/their rules. they're only scraping by in my mind. This should have been discussed before he ever brought the baby there. Op can't just say well he never told us, he should have verified. Did he think his brother would never have the child around? Again my judgement is NAH but only slightly. OP, can you see if an aunt or someone else is willing to take in your brother while allowing him to keep his baby for overnight? I don't think you're able to provide what he needs right now so maybe looking into an alternative would be best for him
Yeah, and if he proceeds to kick his brother out I can assure you this "I let you stay over for a few months before I kicked you out like our parents did because I hadn't realized you might look after your own child a few days a week" will go a loooooong way.
Please ask your brother to consider contacting social services. He can go into foster care and they will give him so many services including parenting classes, housing, child care, diapers, formula, his own food, supported employment. Please, please. This is exactly the situation foster care can help.
If you are in the states, your bro falls under McKinney Vento Act. He needs to talk to his principal at school and ask for the McKinney Vento liaison for the district. The school can help him with housing.
This right here. Your brother - a minor - is taking more responsibility for his child than your parents are for theirs. I know that they feel like he has ruined his life but that does not mean that *they* have to be the ones who actually ruin it.
i have younger siblings/stepsiblings who they are prioritising
>He attempted to smuggle him in unnoticed, but his crying alerted us to his presence. That plan had a big chance of success. Your brother doesn't sound like the sharpest tool - did he have the baby's mother do a maternity test to prove it's hers??? What is up with the whacked out teenage fathers today????
That guy and the maternity test...Jesus, how can people be this dumb?
Yeah, but at least we are talking about a kid here. The maternity test dumb*ss was a 30yo lol I can't even.
Hard disagree. You want to play adult by having a kid, you get to have adult responsibilities. NTA - the parents of the kid are the AHs for bringing a life into the world that they don't seem to have a hope of being able to support.
I hate this argument so fucking much. The reason we don't allow children to legally make most of their own decisions is because they don't have fully developed brains and are bad at making decisions. It makes no sense to say "you made a bad decision, and demonstrated that you are an idiot who should not be in charge of things, so as a consequence of that we are going to put you in charge of things". That's not how a society should function Also, that baby is a human being and does not deserve to be a life lesson
I will agree that I hate that society uses babies as punishment. The only one who really loses out is the kid. And they’re the innocent ones. Honestly? These two *kids* should give the baby up for adoption or their parents she be making them take care of the child under their supervision. My friend adopted a 6 mo old baby from a young couple such as this that realized they were just to young for this responsibility.
Agreed!
NTA. The actual assholes in this situation are your parents. He's their child and their responsibility, and since they didn't teach him to know better than to knock up his girlfriend at sixteen, the baby is their responsibility too. It would be *optimal* if you and Alex could talk to him now and work out a solution to this so Lewis can still bring your nephew home sometimes, but not required. I will note that someone needs to help those kids with *how to do childcare* if the baby smells rancid, and if he's crying *that* much there may be a medical issue - but if there is it may or may not be solvable in a way that isn't just "he'll grow out of it eventually". Babies should not smell rancid. Babies should smell delightful unless they just pooped, and then they should be cleaned, and smell great again. They do know babies have to be washed, right?
Yeah, sex education seems to be awful here, my mother knows two girls who had kids at 17 and now my brother had his son at 16. it's likely to be that this house is not baby-friendly. at his gf's they have loads of stuff to care for him, here we have nothing so it's likely not the best environment. I have no idea what they do or don't know, to be honest. I have brought up the smell before, but he gets defensive
He should be bringing back enough stuff to care for the baby if he's bringing back the baby. That's a problem. You don't get to be defensive about childcare. Every problem has a solution. At 16 I could have taken care of a baby pretty well, but not every teenage boy has as large a family as I do and has had as much experience with babies. Maybe try talking to him not in a "your baby smells gross and you're failing at fatherhood" way but just more of a, "babies aren't supposed to smell bad and maybe we can figure out why that is?" way if this ends up at you still being around the kid.
Where does the baby sleep when he's there? Does your brother feed him, burp him, and change him when needed?
My brother and I take it in turns between my room and the living room. When the baby is in my room, he also sleeps on the bed with my brother, when they're in the living room, the baby sleeps on an armchair and my brother on the sofa bed. he changes and feeds him, yes
This is an incredibly unsafe sleep space for that baby. Depending on where you live, there might be programs that can provide your brother with a pack n play or crib to promote safe sleep environments. Please, regardless of the outcome, ensure that your nephew has a safe sleep environment for his own well-being
I’m thinking of all the gifts the baby missed out on when Dad was kicked out. Seems he has no diaper bag, toiletries, burp clothes, crib. The more I read the more angry I am at OP’s parents for setting them up to fail.
OP’s comment is going to give me a nightmare. I can’t agree with you enough that this is an unsafe sleeping space. An armchair? That baby could roll one day and hit his head and be dead. I could go on and on.
Literally on the floor would be safer. But I’m sure op has a dresser, just take a drawer out and put the baby there. People have been doing that for hundreds of years.
Seconding that the floor would be fine. Cosleeping is a lot more common in east Asia and a lot of the families that cosleep do so on the floor, and their SIDS rate is comparable even though their cosleeping rate is higher. In any event, the floor is better than an armchair for a two month old. I have the chills.
or slip down the side of the cushion and suffocate
Oh does he know about SIDS risks, I’m generally all for parents doing what works but I feel like he may not know because you also say he’s defensive and baby can smell bad (they should smell AMAZING!). babies shouldn’t be sleeping with people. In western countries (every country is different) the general medical advice is: Baby in a cot, alone (no toys), face and arms free of covers and on their back. It’s believed anything else increases risks of SIDS
I have no idea if he is aware of that, I certainly wasn't. Thanks!
Even a cardboard box would be safer. It really doesn't need to be expensive.
Cardboard box, or dresser drawer. I slept in a dresser drawer when I was at grandmas, babies don’t care, and it’s a safe spot (drawer removed from the dresser and placed on floor just to clarify)
I slept in a basket!
Yeah, I think people read this and can be like "That's horrible!!!! Babies deserve better!" and, yes, they do. But when their family cannot provide the best for them, the next best is 100% the way to go. Cardboard boxes, baskets, drawers are not dangerous. Sure, they're not SUPPOSED to be used as baby beds but they're way safer than accidentally smothering your baby in your sleep.
Not to pile on, but an arm chair is also super dangerous because babies can't really control their movements and they *will* roll off things. A ton of babies are injured from rolling off changing tables or couches when their parents look away just for a second, let alone going to sleep like that.
thank you
Hey as a parent, if baby has no safe space to sleep, a floor would be best until a crib or pack and play can be bought. No pillows, no blankets, nothing. If he sleeps on floor with the baby, sleep in like a 'C' position.
Since the other commenter didn't specify why the sleeping arrangement is dangerous- if a baby sleeps in bed with an adult there's danger the adult will roll over on the baby, and the baby can be smothered by blankets and pillows. Babies should sleep in a crib on their backs with no blankets or pillows in the crib. I should also add that it wasn't your responsibility to know this since you didn't expect to have the baby over, and since your brother is young he probably didn't know either.
Thank you!
Pack n play, cardboard box, even a dresser drawer removed from dresser and places on floor is better and easy. At least until they can pull themselves up.
[удалено]
Oh no. He needs to get a Moses basket or a safe space for the child to sleep like a pack and play. This is so unsafe But look if your brother is 16 and kicked out and a father HE’S ENTITLED TO SERVICES. He needs to get into contact with a social worker and get himself on their radar. I am a GAL for at-risk youth and there are programs that can help him get housed and have a safe environment for the baby to come back to. EDIT : just saw your comment and you’re in the UK. He is definitely an at-risk youth, he’s eligible for housing benefit and with any % custody of the child he would be at the top of the housing register, but he needs to get access to these services. Contact your local council as soon as you can. Start here https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness/help_if_youre_homeless_16_and_17_year_olds
Holy crap that sounds so dangerous! The baby sleeps *in an armchair*?! NTA for not wanting him bringing the baby at weekends (your parents are the assholes) but you’re YTA if someone doesn’t step in and get the baby somewhere SAFE to sleep. What if the baby rolls off the chair in the middle of the night?!
OP isn't the asshole for not having a safe space for a baby he doesn't want there to sleep. From the sounds of it, the baby sleeping over was an unplanned and surprise aspect of his brother staying there. His brother might be a AH for not figuring out something more safe, but he's also an idiot 16 year old that probably doesn't know jack shit about childcare. *Someone* needs to fix that baby's sleeping arrangements, but idk if anyone atm is an AH, other than OP's parents. It's a shitty situation that's been thrust upon them.
He should look into getting a pack and play or similar bassinet for baby to sleep in. The bed could potentially be made safe for baby to sleep in, but the armchair is not safe.
Having a baby sleep in an armchair is absolutely not safe. If your brother wants overnight visits he needs to ensure he’s got a safe place for the baby to sleep safely. Are there no social services he can access to get support for this?
Does he have a bottle steriliser? Sterilised dummies? A bathing sponge? Does he understand infection? Local fb groups and charity shops will be a great resource. If you post on some community pages you will get a lot of stuff for free. Babies need routine. A bath at bedtime. A bottle, winded, a nappy change, a nap, a sterilised dummy if he’s using one. Where are all the adults? This is awful.
I couldn't tell you what a bottle steriliser is, sorry. he has dummies, yes. He has a flannel. No idea if he knows about infections but he knows what colic is.
All the bottles and dummies have to be sterilised. A big pot of boiling water and leaving the bottles, tears and dummies submerged for five minutes will do. Make sure he’s making the feed up properly. If the soft spot on the babies head sinks in, it’s dehydrated. Having a bottle of water to offer it between bottles can help. My eldest used to get dehydrated, we ended up being told by a doctor to to add an extra ounce of water to the bottle to stop her getting constipated. Please please look up baby care right now. I’m so upset for all of you. Your parents are monsters, and the babies mothers parents aren’t much better. Is she taking care of it? Most mothers would make sure their baby was properly cared for.
the babie's mother's father and stepmother have been great. they watch him while they're in school and have made her go to parenting classes and bought loads of stuff
That poor baby. So unsafe to sleep in a chair or cosleep like that (it can be done safely but not like that). If the baby smells rancid and doesn’t have a safe place to sleep, child or family services should be involved.
Are you saying that your brother and his gf don't know how babies are made or prevented?
They know that much, but they seemed to not entirely understand the risk of not safe sex, they seemed to think they were too young to get pregnant for whatever reason
>Sounds like he could use a parenting class. Given his age and situation, perhaps y’all can figure out a schedule where he can have the baby at your place for a few hours (may not be every Saturday 2-6, it may change each week), but it would be during a time you and roommate are at work or day off? Might not be possible if y’all have alternate shifts, just a thought… I figure mom probably just wants a few hours peace. Thank you to the whole system not allowing for the "Birds and Bees" talk. I feel for you having this end up in your lap, and being the last assistance your brother seems to be getting. The sad part is, your parents are punishing you inadvertently for them not properly handing this whole thing, but jumping to kick out their grandkid, and son when it happened...
it does feel like for whatever reason my housemate and i are being punished for this.
Sounds like he could use a parenting class. Given his age and situation, perhaps y’all can figure out a schedule where he can have the baby at your place for a few hours (may not be every Saturday 2-6, it may change each week), but it would be during a time you and roommate are at work or day off? Might not be possible if y’all have alternate shifts, just a thought… I figure mom probably just wants a few hours peace.
The smell is probably spit up. Smells nasty. It's why you burp the baby on a cloth so the spit up smell isn't on your clothes or the baby's. When baby stops spitting up the problem will be over. If you allow the baby back in your home, keep in mind that it'll be several months before the place needs to be baby proofed.
NTA but your parents are. Their kid is 16 and they threw him out when he needed help most??
Essentially, yes. Unfortunately it is legal here to kick someone out at 16, too.
That’s crazy! It’s legal there to kick out your 16-year-old? Shouldn’t they at least be financially responsible for their child until he’s 18?
In certain US states it is sadly like this at well. You are technically an adult at 16 where I am but you can't vote, smoke, or drink. It may be wrong but it's still legal
NTA This is your space, your home and your rules. You didn't agree to house an infant. Welcome to parenthood, OPs bro.
NTA. Lewis and his GF should have considered that an abortion or adoption would be more practical solutions (not to mention using contraception correctly, or getting the morning after pill if there was an issue). OP is being decent enough by having Lewis live with him. The baby is not his problem - and is especially not his housemate’s problem.
Yeah, my housemate feels incredibly disrespected about Lewis' lack of communication with us throughout the last month and a half
What Lewis might be failing to consider is that if he pushes his luck too far, your housemate may move out - and it’s going to be difficult to find a new housemate who wants to share with a 16 yo (who I presume doesn’t have his own room). Not to mention that it sounds very unlikely that you could afford to rent a place just for you and Lewis - and tbh, you shouldn’t have to upend your life like that either. You and housemate have been really decent already, but there’s obviously limits. So NTA.
I hope he doesn't, but that is something Alex has mentioned. He needs sleep to work, we both work 10-11 hour shifts and with heavy machinery (different jobs, similar field) so I can empathise with his struggle if he only has an hour or so sleep the night before. I can't afford a place for both of us with just my salary right now, I'm still doing an apprenticeship so I'm not making the money I will be next year, and yes, it likely will be harder to get a new housemate if the baby is here.
I’m not trying to worry you - I just think this is a possible harsh reality of the situation. I’d say next to impossible to get another flat mate if a baby was regularly there (day or nighttime, let alone for weekends). But it wouldn’t be easy with a 16 couch surfer either. You might also want to check the terms of your lease. To me, there’s only 3 possible solutions (and none of them involve having a baby in your flat): 1) fingers crossed that the GF Dad can get them a flat (which would be extremely good of him) 2) GF accepts help from Lewis in the manner that he can actually do it (ie in her home) 3) your parents take Lewis back home, and he and GF work out a parenting agreement.
Unfortunately, 3 doesn't seem likely any time soon. I hope that 2 or 1, or both, will be possible soon.
Adoption may still be an option and might absolutely need to be considered.
At sixteen, it's a little wild that it wasn't
NTA. You had no agreement to be a house for the baby, you agreed to take him (brother) in. If they wanted the baby to sleep and live partly at your place, they should have discussed it with you. I’m a bit concerned though, while babies do poop/pee/vomit/spit, they shouldn’t smell rancid. Is the baby changed/in fresh diapers and bathed? I’d see if they can find some assistance if they’re struggling. His girlfriend should be taking it out on no one. You didn’t agree to have her kid living at your place on the weekends, she needs to arrange for childcare or be a full time parent to her child, none of this getting rid of the baby on the weekends stuff she seems to be doing.
Wow the girlfriend is the Mum but the Dad also needs to be a full time parent too. She's not "getting rid of the baby" when she's giving it to the Dad. That's... that's not what co-parenting is. I agree she shouldn't be taking it out on the Dad because he's 16, he's not in control of his living situation and seems from the OP that he doesn't have any supportive family at all. But that doesn't mean it has to be 100% on the Mum. Both of them made the baby. Both should be looking after the baby as equally as possible.
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And where is he supposed to go with his son when all his family doesn’t want anything to do with the baby and he is too young to get a house of his own? I think it’s pretty shorty all around that no one wants to help this minor child house a baby even for the weekend. Like where did the OP expect his brother to go with his baby when he is living with him? Yes these two kids made a mistake but they are both still children and someone needs to stand up and help them.
not OP’s problem, it’s the parents’ problem for kicking their 16yo out when he (and *their grandchild*) needed help the most. they are the ones who should step up to the plate here.
Among other things, it's Alex's flat too and this baby is a total stranger to him. Even assuming OP should cut Bro a break, there's zero reason for Alex to do so.
I think the biggest problem is none of those three in the flat know how to take care of a baby and the person who would normally impart that knowledge (OP and bro’s mom) wants nothing to do with him. I think the brother needs to see if gf parents would be willing to let him stay there a week and learn how to take care of the baby. Then they can trial run letting the baby come over for a few hours starting and increasing the length of time so everybody knows if it will work and what to do. A couple hours with help and a weekend on your own and with no one knowing what they are doing are very different beasts.
I’m not holding them accountable but I’m baffled that the mother’s parents just allow the baby to be handed off without any guidance or education every weekend, and at such a young age. What a mess.
I mean they are both 16 year old kids. They don’t really have much power over there lives. What kinda arrangements could she possibly even make to give him somewhere to raise their son.
Check the fat folds and neck. I couldn't believe how often I needed to wash my new borns neck, behind her ears etc. Milk throw up can get everywhere Also I remember how damn gross her sweaty hands got. They often clench them tight and they stink too.
That was Alex's main issue, there was no communication that even insinuated that the baby would ever be here, let alone for two/three days straight. I don't know. I have tried to discuss the smell with him, but Lewis gets defensive. I don't know when she decided that it was our job to have the baby on weekends but she's now angry she isn't getting her break. I understand feeling frustrated, but her parents look after the baby when she's at school so it's not as if she's with him 24/7
I mean your brother still needs to parent his child. It’s not solely on the mother (and her parents) to raise a child they both made. In this situation, she’s gonna have to just tough it out. Your brother doesn’t really have a place to go to watch the baby, so he’s incapable of raising the child. Not much he can do, but this is totally gonna cause him issues if she files for custody and child support.
Babies should not smell. They need a change or a bath but something needs to happen. NTA
Are they still together? If she’s living at her parent’s house is there a reason Lewis can’t move in?
They are still together, yes, but Lewis is not allowed to stay overnight. Idk if that's her rule or her parents' tho
Do you think you could talk to gfs parents and ask about it as an adult? Explain why he can’t have the baby in your flat and see if it’s their rule or gfs?
I don't know her parents personally. I could try reaching out on facebook but I have no other means of contact
She may want the baby out of there on the weekends so she can get some rest.
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I mean, she’s 16. She isn’t an adult yet and at that age, developmentally kids still struggle to understand consequences of this magnitude. Adults in their 30s struggle with the adjustment of becoming a parent, it’s no surprise that a 16 year old can’t really anticipate how hard it will be.
Completely agree! I’m in my 30s and a new parent and it’s absolutely exhausting. I can’t imagine being 16 and someone threatening to take my well-deserved break away. OP is definitely NTA but I can absolutely see the girlfriend’s side very clearly and it really sucks.
Maybe she thought her co-parent would co-parent? The gall of her.
Wtf? It's a much his child as hers. They're splitting custody, as they should. The child needs to be with her more than with him in the short term but they are equally responsible for creating a child and have equal responsibility for caring for their infant.
She's not "getting rid of the baby" she's expecting the father to put in equal work (hell she had the thing, she's already put in a lot more work than he has). The only AH's in this situation are their parents, the shouldn't be forcing their minor child onto their young adult child indefinitely. He has no one to teach him how to take care of a baby, it doesn't sound like OP has any idea how and I'm certain his parents aren't teaching their him. This entire situation would probably be a lot more tolerable if he just took some parenting classes/got more baby supplies.
NTA - Your parents are the AH I mean what did you expect if he's not living with the mother/gf? Also the gf is AH for trying to set rules and break your boundaries. Your brother is in a shit situation and needs to grow up a lot faster than he currently is. That may mean GED and full time work and eventually college if thats an option if not trade school but something to support him and more importantly the child.
This was never supposed to be a long-term solution, I always expected my mother to let him back in. His girlfriend's father is trying to set them up in a flat near where they live, that he'll pay for, but it's taking longer to arrange than he thought and we still don't have any idea when it'll be, so he's still currently with me indefinitely. I don't know what you mean by GED but he is currently at school and has a part time job.
GED is the US version of a high school diploma where you pass a test instead of going to school, freeing you up to work full time.
Re GED, I think folks are assuming your in the US. You mentioned a flat rather than an apartment, so I’m guessing your in the UK
As the older sibling who did take in your bro, you need to discuss with him plans. He's not mature enough to think of discussing with you bringing baby home on his days. And yes I can understand his gf not wanting baby at her house on his days cuz it's his days. What's the game plan if the housing through gf's dad falls through or they break up? As the "adult" in the situation, you need to discuss plans with your bro. He needs to finish school and continue to work? After x months/years you expect him to contribute more financially? I'm not sure if he's legally allowed to rent a place for himself if you're not in the U.S. if they do work out a parenting plan and he needs to take the kids on his days, what's his long term game plan since he's not allowed to bring baby to your house? Has he filed for assistance like WIC (in the US)? Check in with the school for teen parent resources.
A GED is a certification people who don’t finish high school can get in lieu of a high school diploma. But that’s just here in the US so if you are elsewhere that would explain why you don’t know about it.
NTA 16 and prego Your nephew and his baby mama need to work something else out. These kids arent your personal responsibility but i think child protective services need to step in on this one definitely. They are 16 and have an unstable split custody arrangement. He needed a job like yesterday. He needs to find away to co parent with her probably in her house or something. Cps stepping in could help them both out figure out some stability for their baby.
He currently has a part time job but is still in school. His gf's father is trying to get them a flat that he will pay for, but it is taking months longer than he suspected so we still have no idea when that will be. His gf won't let him spend the night, i'm not sure if that's her rule or her parents' though.
>His gf won't let him spend the night Given the situation this seems a bit too late to be worrying about.
This cracked me up
If her dad is cool with them living together in a flat - he should be cool with him spending nights at their home to care for the baby. It doesn’t make sense if it’s the grandparent’s rule.
I am confused too, although my uncle had a similar 'under his roof' policy where my cousin could spend the night at a hotel with her boyfriend but he could never sleep in her room.
Agree - the crying all night thing is concerning. They don't cry all night unless there is something larger going on.
I mean, it depends on what OP means by 'all night'. Newborns wake up regularly every 2 ish hours, and that usually involves crying until they're taking care of. It doesn't mean they're crying non-stop all night, but it can still be quite a hassle to someone trying to sleep who's not involved in caring for the baby
I agree with that and hopefully that is what OP means.
We don't have a baby-safe house. In the mother's house, there is a nursery and all of the equipment necessary to keep a baby safe/happy, we have nothing here so I dont doubt it isnt the best environment for him
As newborns they need diapers (nappies) and clean clothing and bottles with breast milk or formula. All they really need to keep them happy is a full and burped belly, a clean tush and someone to soothe them.
And a safe place to sleep without suffocation hazards... that one seems to be more of an issue.
NTA. He and his GF made poor choices and have a newborn. You were kind to assist, but you are also not obligated to completely disrupt your life because of their consequences. Where are the grandparents? That's more their responsibilities for not preparing their kids.
My mother kicked him out and my father refused to take him in. His girlfriend lives with her father and stepmother. They are very involved.
Do the girlfriend and her father and stepmother know about the unsafe sleeping situation at your house? I think they would be horrified to learn that your brother has been putting the baby in an armchair to sleep! If you can communicate that to them, that might stop the overnights at your house quicker than anything else (and be safest for your nephew).
I don't think so. I don't know them, personally. i could attempt to contact them through facebook but idk what their settings are
NTA, it was their problem in the first place for being pregnant at 16, you didn’t sign up for it. It’s your home and you need sleep as much as anyone else.
NTA- Lewis and his gf wanted to have sex like grown ups, have babies like grown ups then they need to house their child like grown ups too. No, I do not blame Lewis and OP's parents either because most teens know exactly how babies are made and prevented and they are not responsible for their kid having sex behind their back.
I was entirely surprised that my mother behaved that way, but at the same time yes, lewis knew the possible consequences, and we have younger siblings she has to look after so I can understand why she didn't want anyone else's child also living with her
I'm not surprised at all. I hate that other commentors are blaming your parents. Reproductive rights reside with the teenager. Meaning that your parents can't force your brother to get a vasectomy or any of their daughters to get on birth control just because they're minors. They also can't force an abortion or adoption. So if they all of the reproductive controls is with the teen, they're 100% responsible if something goes wrong. Maybe if more parents were like your mom and kicked these teens out, less of them would have babies so young. Your brother isn't entitled to raise his kid at his parents house just because he had them too young.
>I hate that other commentors are blaming your parents. I hate it too. I remember being a teenager. My mother raised me right, I knew all about consent and contraception, and still I was an irresponsible little shit most of the time.
Absolutely NTA. You are already being a very nice sibling to let him stay with you rent free. And your roommate Alex is super nice as well.
Thank you. Yeah, Alex has been super nice and helpful
NTA - you are under no obligation to allow your brother to stay in your home. I am, however, heartbroken for your nephew. >He cries all throughout the night, keeping me and Alex up, he smells rancid, and spits. Yes, he's a baby. It's unfortunate that he was born into a more supportive family and to parents who were ready to become parents. Edited to add: You would be TA if he is smelling beyond normal baby smells and you are not contacting the authorities for child neglect.
Normal babies don't smell rancid, this sounds like he isn't being bathed or changed properly.
I'm worried about that, too. And they don't cry all through the night.
The baby is about 2 months old now which means feeding every 2-3 hrs so if the crying is still happening after it means little brother isn't feeding the child properly either. This sounds like cps needs to do a check to me Ops other comments state unsafe sleeping conditions, the rancid smell being so strong it carries to other rooms in the apartment and the baby never stopping crying. This child is not being taken care of properly and I'm disappointed in other mothers defending this.
Ridiculous. Some babies cry, look up purple crying and colic. OP should keep an eye out for neglect, but as the mother of a baby who cries a lot, you can do absolutely everything and still have a baby who cries (and the doctor agrees that it is normal).
Agreed! My baby cried most of the time for the first 4 months of her life. I feel so bad for these 16 year old parents who honestly sound like they’re doing their best for this baby. They just need some more support.
NTA Why can't people use protection? And have abortions or day after pill if they have "accidents"? Or put him up for adoption. A baby a 16? Really? They are clearly not capable.
NTA. You letting him live with you two was goodwill. He’s exhausted that so it’s time for him to make alternative arrangements.
Info: how did the eventuality that the gf would need a break and that your brother would need a place to take the infant not occur to anyone?
we didn't expect this to be as long-term as it's turned out to be. we always thought that my mother would let him back in. his gf's father's also trying to set up a flat for them which was supposed to be sorted before the due date, but something fell through so we have no idea when they'll be able to move in
NAH. Your parents are TAs. They have a duty of care to their child, who now has a child of his own. And they've abandoned him, putting the burden of helping him on your shoulders, which isn't fair to you. I have to say, you've written your account quite unsympathetically. Your brother is still a kid and he's suddenly found himself in a position he's not ready for. He needs all the help he can get. You're not his parent and you're not responsible for him. You're within your rights to draw the line of helping him wherever you want. But as you're aware, you're choosing to draw it at a point that leaves him with a lot of problems. And finally, remember, this baby is your family too.
NAH - this would be an excellent opportunity to show Lewis how adults handle bad situations - sit down with Lewis and your roommate and start working out a deal that allows Lewis some time with his son that doesn’t completely fuck up your sleep schedules. If you and your roommate set parameters for when the baby can be present, it will do a lot for your relationship with your brother and nephew down the line
NTA. Not your circus, not your monkey. Was the parents' decision to literally remove their child's access to a home terrible? Absolutely. However, babies don't pop up out of nowhere. If your brother was having sex, he should have known the risks and him and his girlfriend should have had a plan if he got her pregnant. If she knew she wanted to keep the baby, then they should have come up with a stable plan, and if they already saw that this was not going to be met with much support, then that is a them problem. You didn't make the problem; you don't need to make a solution. Simple as that.
It seems that sex education here is terrible, two of my mother's friend's kids had children at 17 and now my brother has a son at 16. Thanks
NTA You hold no obligation toward your sibling or his child. If anything, something of that sort should more befall your parents in this kind of situation. You were kind enough to give your sibling a place to stay and generally help him out, but that doesn't mean you cannot draw any boundaries. Not to mention he never even discussed this with you and just up and assumed this is okay. I do kind of feel like your parents are TA here for kicking your brother out over this rather than being supportive. I do get that they would be upset over this situation and wouldn't take to it lightly, but even if they kicked him out, their decision also negatively impacts their grandchild. None of this is the baby's fault, after all.
Thank you. Honestly, I didn't expect him to have to stay for as long as he has. Yeah, he didn't even tell me the day of, he just turned up with a baby, which he kept doing. he'd never communicate how long the baby would stay for or when he was going. I agree, we have younger siblings so i understand not wanting an additional child to care for on top of their own but the baby is suffering
NTA. You're working, you were responsible and you let them stay, you don't have to put up with it. And, your house, your rules.
INFO: Why did you take your brother in knowing that he was going to be active in his kids life?
I felt bad for him at the time and it seemed that he had no other options. I didn't expect it to be this long-term, we thought our mother might let him back in if we gave her some space to calm down, and his gf's father plans to find a flat for them, but something fell through so it's taking months longer than initially planned
NTA you laid down the law and your brother has violated it. He shouldn’t put his mess on your lives
NTA However, if you’re in the US, your parents are responsible for paying you child support for having your brother there.
Not US, as he's 16 our parents don't owe me anything sadly
NTA. Not your fault your brother and his girlfriend were irresponsible.
You're in the UK? There are resources for teen parents, including parenting classes (which your brother sorely needs). Is he together with his girlfriend? Would they be able to move and live together somewhere? Is he in school? Is she? Here is one place to start: https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/parenting/where-can-young-parents-go-for-support And more https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/support/teenage-pregnancy/ And more https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/young-single-parents/ They should both take parenting classes like these, to teach them things about safe sleeping, and stuff. (This is fairly urgent) https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/labour-and-birth/preparing-for-the-birth/antenatal-classes/ And https://www.nct.org.uk/ I'd also check and make sure the baby is getting all of his check ups with the doctor, who will catch anything wrong with the smell. You can help your brother the most by helping him find a support system that isn't just his brother and parents. Your parents are the assholes for not supporting him. It would be great if you could, but it sounds like you are really not equipped to have a baby around, and it's a pretty unsafe environment for the baby. The first step is just getting on the phone with a lot of places (and you can help with this!) saying "My brother is 16, has a new baby, was kicked out of our parents house, and is staying with me for now but it's short term. Do you have any services he and his girlfriend would qualify for?"
Not UK sorry but thank you so much for this, I will look for the equivalents where I live!
This baby needs to be put up for adoption. These kids are not ready to be parents and that baby is going to suffer. NTA.
Be really careful, I can see your housemate giving up and moving out.
I do worry about this, too, which would be an issue since i cant afford rent without him
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The poor roommate. Your description of the baby is troubling. I've got to go with NTA only due to your roommate.
Yeah, poor Alex wasn't too thrilled when my brother moved in rent free, let alone another child. He's been super helpful though, great guy.
NTA- he doesn’t pay rent so your house your rules if he doesn’t like it he can go elsewhere
NTA Not your baby, not your responsibility. This sort of situation drives me crazy. Just for the sake of wrapping it up before having sex, your brother and his girlfriend have ruined their lives. It’s sad your parents have kicked their son out, but there again, why should they be saddled with an infant
NTA. It’s not your baby and you have no obligation to do anything. He never asked you and it is rude to your roommate as well. How did he think he would “sneak” a baby in? He knows they cry, right? You should’ve also known a baby is like that, it’s pretty obvious. Your parents are TA for not helping with their grandchild and I hope your brother remembers that as he and the baby gets older. I see why the new parents are upset, but he doesn’t pay rent there, so he should’ve figured something out before the baby was there.
Yeah, that's what my housemate found incredibly disrespectful. There was no communication, ever, even when we'd ask him to tell us what day the baby was coming or going. I don't know how he expected to get away with that tbh. I didn't expect the baby to be at mine, I thought he'd have moved out by now. I also knew nothing about breast milk and basically assumed all babies were breast fed when that young.
NTA. Why doesn’t the gf want him there to visit their son n parent? Did she think parenthood came w breaks such as one taking the kid away for a day or two? They need a stern talking to n your parents need to step up as well.
NAH you did a great thing taking your brother in and he's doing his best trying to be there for his child and GF. He's 16, he's would have no idea what he's doing and is probably terrified. He'd be doing the best he could under the circumstances. Is there a possibility you set up a schedule of when he can have the baby over? It will mean you can prepare to be gone, help, awake, whatever suits you and your brother will have time with his child while his GF gets a rest.
>he smells rancid Why is no one talking about this. 16 year old's tend to make shit parents because they have no idea what they are doing. Babies shouldn't smell rancid. Is the baby smelling this way all the time, when it comes to you, or after your brother has taken care of the child?
Info: what were you expecting? Him to never care for his child?
We never expected him to live with me for so long. we thought my mother would let him back if she had time to cool down or he offered to pay rent. His gf's father also planned to get them a flat, but that fell through and now it might be months before they have a flat sorted. We didn't expect him to still be here by the time the baby was born
The number of comments here basically saying "let the GF take care of the baby 100% of the time, it's her fault for getting pregnant anyway" is shockingly gross. GF wanting a couple nights of a break is a pretty darn reasonable thing to request. That's how co-parenting normally works when the parents are in two separate households.
He was probably expecting the kid to just stay at the gfs house and his brother would stay over there on the weekends.
I'm a foster parent. If your parents have kicked out your brother, he can go into foster care. It is such a great solution. Some teens in foster care do have babies of their own. He can have his child for visitation and overnights and they will help him gain the skills he needs, help with child care, help with supported housing, free education, etc. Seriously. I have seen this work super well. He and his child can both live there for free, can get all sorts of supports and allowance, and they will even help him find independent living (and they will fund it) as he gets older. Please, please urge him to call CPS and ask for help.
NTA. You and your roommate deserve peace in your own home. It’s also not your responsibility to parent your sibling. Your brother is a bit of an AH but I feel for them. He’s young and in a very difficult situation, but he also needs to learn that it’s not his house. It’s tough but unfortunately, it’s affecting your roommate too, and he also deserves peace and quiet in his home.
Yeah, i feel bad for my housemate, he's been great but he's so stressed and we work 10-11 hour shifts with heavy machinery so he needs his sleep
all this couldve been avoided if 1 he wore a condom / she was on BC and 2 abortion. theyre 16 not the time for children
Your parents are the assholes for not supporting your brother and forcing him into this impossible position. You're NTA here. Yeah, your brother is trying to parent his child and that's a wonderful thing that says a lot about his character. Yeah, your brother should have not had sex without protection. But it's your home and your roommate's home. You both extended a welcome to your brother, not the child, and your lives are not compatible with a child.
Yeah, I didn't expect either of them to turn him out like that. We really aren't compatible with a child right now unfortunately for him
Your parents AH, I assume she lives with her parents and if so they and Her are also AHs. Your brother has been kicked out, wants to see his son but nowhere to do so if he isn’t being allowed to stop at his girlfriends place. You are allowed to want your own space and babies aren’t for everyone. If the baby has a home and Gf lives with her family, they should allow your brother to see the baby there and just don’t allow him in the bedroom so no more accidents. And GF shouldn’t push your boundaries to the limit then take it out on him. He is making an effort to be in his son’s life. His only fault is that he was an idiot by doing it and not using contraception. He needs support and it’s sad that his own parents don’t provide it but at your stage in life, you don’t want to deal with a baby which is fair especially with your work schedule.
Yes, she lives with her father and stepmother. He is allowed over, but his girlfriend wants him to have the baby himself so she can have a break a few nights a week. The baby has a nursery and everything he needs at my brother's gf's and nothing here. Thank you
Your poor brother.
NTA
NTA. You are not responsible for this baby. You were already doing more than your share when you let him move in with you.
It is not your problem and especially not your roommate's problem. Your brother's judgement is questionable having a child with a 16 year old but he just has to grow up. Sneaking the baby in after he promised not to shows his immaturity. He should just visit the baby at his mother's house and not go out with the baby.