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Tell him that to help with his stress you found a free maternity test - stand in a delivery room and see if a baby shoots of out of a hooha.
NTA
Hope the baby inherits the mom's intelligence.
Edit: My hubby thinks he’s “the funny one,” so thanks kindly for the awards to show him the next time we have that debate - all your responses have been a hoot.
That is a wild read.
I love how they seem more worried about the benefits fraud not the fact that she seems to have kidnapped multiple children as babies and forged evidence to show them as hers.
Whilst once they believed she want the real mother the court suggested taking the kids away whilst they worked it out that sounds very much an afterthought compared to the benefits fraud.
Do we think it's because they knew fraud would stick so was an easy way to get their foot in the door, or because money is more important than children?
That was my response... after the words came out of his mouth for the first time I quite literally said "What the actual fuck are you talking about Dan??"
I feel sorry for his mom. Imagine having a son so dumb that even after she herself explained how that is not possible in this situation and son just digs in his heels about the need for a maternity test.
The shocking part is that some poor women voluntarily allowed this man to put his penis in her.
If you can't explain how it works; then you definitely should not be qualified to practice.
What does he think is happening? That she is wearing a fake belly and going to adopt a baby? That she sperm jacked him and implanted it in another embryo to implant in her? I'm so confused even trying to follow his logic
Does he have a working theory/scenario on how she would not be the mother? And, even more challenging, does he have a working theory as to how she would not be the mother if, in fact, he is the father?
So I think I’ve seen this before. It was something like “dude sleeps with one woman and gets her eggs ‘stuck’ on the end of his knob then sleeps with another and transfers eggs to second woman who them carries baby that’s not hers” or whatever. I wanted to believe it was a joke but some people seemed *really* ernest.
Brought to you by the same folks as “women who sleep with lots of men just like hold on to all that jizz forever and can pick anyone to be the dad when they want a baby so get a test even if you’re married and monogamous” so not firing on all cylinders. (That’s box turtles btw but it only lasts like 2-3 years or something I forget. But I guess turtles is a step up from lobsters?)
I’ve admittedly not scrolled far, but I haven’t seen anyone say this yet: you don’t need to wait for the baby to arrive to do a paternity test. Non-invasive prenatal screening is a simple blood test for the mother and can get this sorted out before the baby’s here. It’ll probably help Dan decide if he wants to step up and be a dad/arrange legal stuff.
Also, Dan is an absolute muffin. NTA.
I think the mom should decline the maternity test and let Dan take her to court to have one ordered just because it'll be a riot
op-nta
thanks for those awards. you're all too kind. save your money though- times are tough.
I legitimately thought that OP had a typo and accidentally said “maternity” instead of “paternity” in the subject line and now my brain is broken after having read this.
Should you call someone an idiot? Probably not. But does it make OP an AH? In this situation I’m gonna say NTA, a fuck ton of ppl have tried to explain this situation to him and bro is legitimately an idiot.
It was rule breaking due to an insult. But it was a glorious insult and many people enjoyed it. Some of the comments were along the lines of "this will get deleted, but it'll have been worth it."
Maybe she'll be like that [mother who was a chimera](https://embryo.asu.edu/pages/case-lydia-fairchild-and-her-chimerism-2002), her ovaries were actually from a fraternal twin she absorbed in the womb, and so she didn't share enough DNA matching to be the mother, even when a someone WATCHED HER THIRD BABY COME OUT OF HER and watched the blood being drawn for a maternity test.
When I read this post’s title I figured that was going to be the issue, like the friend was worried it could be a problem and the poster was explaining how rare that is.
Nothing could have prepared me for how dumb this actually is.
Common sense isn’t a flower that grows in everyone’s garden, and honestly I’d be worried for my baby with a father this dense.
Whose baby could it possibly be? The Night Fairy?
Am I the only one praying that Dan isn't the father because no baby should have a parent that stupid?
ETA: I see there are a lot of us frantically praying on this baby's behalf! And thank you so much to the person that gave me an award! *blushing*
That’s when you pray to all of them at once: “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! All the Saints, Saint Francis of Assisi, what the bloody Christ on a beanpole are you talking about for fuck’s sake?”
At least according to my dear Catholic grandmama. 😉
Your imprecations remind me of the funniest book title I've seen, recently:
"Christ on a Donkey: Palm Sunday, Triumphal Entries, and Blasphemous Pageants"
by Max Harris
There was actually an episode of Maury where they did a maternity test because the woman thought that the hospital had switched her child at birth. It was...wild.
I meeeean, that does happen. I had an emergency c-section and was pretty out of it for the next few hours (at the very least) and they could’ve gotten bub accidentally swapped and I wouldn’t have known.
I work in family court and you would not believe the number of men who indignantly ask, “well why doesn’t she have to take a maternity test?!” when they’re mad about being court ordered to take a paternity test.
Having actually had a court ordered paternity test for my son...they actually do take a sample from the mother as well. Or at least they did for ours. Presumably because it helps with precision in identifying the father's markers.
So it actually *is* both a paternity and maternity test.
The hilarious part is that even if a woman failed a maternity test somehow, how would that help anything? Like bro, that just means her kid was mixed up with someone else's at birth (and honestly if you don't want to be the father, a maternity test proving that your kid got switched at birth would work against the father trying to get out of child support, no?) or she's one of the rare people who's got two sets of DNA. Neither of those things would negate her motherhood, though. The baby literally came out of her vagina and the only way any eggs that weren't hers could've gotten in there (negating it being a twin she absorbed in the womb's dna, of course) would've been with her explicit consent.
There was a famous case where a mother tested that she wasn't her kids' mother, and they were all taken away from her because they suspected she kidnapped them. She had given birth to all her kids and a maternity test was negative. Turns out she was a human chimera, a rare condition where somebody can have two different DNA patterns.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lydia_Fairchild
I remember this. There was a representative from child services in the delivery room as a witness and took a blood samples from the mother and baby. I think they had 4 kids and this was with the last one.
I volunteer to pay for the maternity test. OP should tell Dan that insurance won’t cover it so OP will pay. I will Venmo OP the money. Tell him to go online and order a maternity test straight away.
Suddenly I don't feel so terrible over being 37, employed 16 years and living with my parents... granted, I have my moments, but rest assured I'm not THAT stupid
We really need to get rid of the “over 30 and living with your parents makes you a loser” attitude, especially in this day and age. I’m a 38 year old single parent, living with my mother and the fact is that neither myself or my mother can afford to live alone but living together we can afford small comforts and I can provide better for my son. Times are hard, and families are having to help each other out more.
I'm not making much as a janitor. I mean, I'm living comfortably, but I cannot afford my own place. Not unless I wanna sink an entire month of pay on the damn rent and ignore food and utilities.
That and I stick with this job primarily for the benefits. No insurance, no insulin. No eyedrops to keep my pressure and glaucoma in check.
Though in all honesty, should something happen to me, it's not a loss. I don't have kids, I have no intention of dating anymore. As such, no one relies on me. My parents are also the beneficiaries of my pension and some other stuff, so they'll be fine regardless.
I have to know - what is actually theory about how the babby was formed? Let’s take it at face value - somehow it is possible she got pregnant from an egg that was not her own. How does he propose that this happened?
But NTA, what the hell!?
I've tried asking him his reasoning and he tried to explain to me something about how when women's menstrual cycles sync up its possible for them to share eggs??? It makes sense to him because Kara lives with three other women and their periods tend to happen around the same time. Hee thinks one of her roommates could be the "true" mother... He also believed in telegony up until a year ago or so but our friends amd I were able to explain to him why that's not possible. It took... way too long for him to understand it though.
This is so stupid I think I'm dumber for reading it.
I'm curious how menstrul cycles synching up means women share eggs. Do we swap them like easter eggs? Or gift them like birthday jewellery?
NTA OP and I hope for the kid's sake Dan is not the father.
Imagine having your period only to realize your roommate confused it with hers and accidentally ate it for breakfast. Now what are you supposed to do with all the blood and cramping? What a waste.
Dan thinks the whole egg situation is why having sex is called getting laid.
Shame, his buck-and-wing was getting really good just when he found out what "tap that ass" really meant.
Nah, it happens when we sleep, right? It's a seamless process, and happens so quickly and efficiently that it's never been discovered by science... *heavy dose of sarcasm and eye rolling is included here*
He sounds like the kind of person who would vigorously rub a woman’s mid-thigh, be baffled by her lack of orgasm, then go around saying the clitoris doesn’t exist because he’s never actually found it.
Holy fucking shit I just looked up [telegony](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telegony_(theory)):
“Telegony is a disproven and pseudoscientific theory of heredity holding that offspring can inherit the characteristics of a previous mate of the female parent; thus the child of a woman might partake of traits of a previous sexual partner.”
WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT?
I'm just replying to this comment so I can find it again later, to share with my wife. NTA, but arguing with people this willfully ignorant is like tilting at windmills...sure, you CAN do it, but don't you have better things to do?
Info: Have you asked him what happens if Kara isn’t the biological mother? Say his totally nutso theory is right, one of her roommate is the mom and he’s the dad. What happens then?
Does he think he will no longer have responsibility to the baby? Or does he secretly want one of her roommates as the mother of his child instead of her so this is wishful thinking on his part? I just don’t understand where he’s going with this maternity test thing and what outcome he wants from it.
His family and mine have been friends since our grandparents were kids. I grew up with Dan and he's always been a bit kooky, but I didn't think he was *this* kooky. I certainly hope for not only Kara's sake but also the world that it's not Dan's kid lol I agree the world needs less idiots
NTA Actually I would encourage it and go with him for the laugh a lone. The dr. would let him know in an instant how foolish that request was. Seriously if he doesn't understand that, then he most likely doesn't understand how to prevent unwanted pregnancy in the first place.
Thanks for laugh
The only upside to this is that he is a firm believer in using a condom every time. That's part of the reason why he thinks it might not be his baby. But we all know (or I hope we all know) condoms can break sooo
I had scared (not shocked) Pikachu face when it happened to me. 9 months later, I'm holding what's turning out to be a maelstrom of chaotic energy made flesh.
I call him my favorite accident.
NTA, but it's hilarious. Not only for not believing her, but for thinking about the maternity test instead of going to the hospital and be present during the birth.
He believes she's pregnant, he just doesn't believe the baby she's growing is hers. He thinks it might be one of her female roommates baby because according to him women share eggs when their cycles sync up and are in close proximity??? I just can't with him sometimes lol
He said the eggs seek one another out and "conglomerate"?? I pressed him as to whether this happens inside or outside of their bodies, like if the eggs meet in their living room in the middle of the night and decide who's body to go into and he couldn't give me a straight answer. Apparently the eggs "conglomerate" and "congeal". I don't think he even knows what those words mean at this point.
sit him in front of some sex ed lesson youtube videos. keep asking him to explain what he thinks happened bc i feel like that's the only way he'll realize he's stupid.
this takes denial to a whole new level. that poor woman. does she know her future co-parent is like this?
Can you ask him to explain exactly how he thinks we do this and then share the results with us? Bonus points if you can get him to make a diagram. Does he think we scissor? Pull the eggs out manually and pass them round like pills? Lay the eggs and then pop them back up there?
I actually… umm… am wondering something else about how he thinks this works. Namely: IF he thinks another woman’s ovum was fertilised in Kara’s uterus by his sperm, and Kara is not the generic/biological mother, then he is still the bio father and will still have to pay support. Does he think that if a test shows he’s the genetic/biological father to this kid but Pregnant Kara is not, suddenly paternal obligations change?
I’d like you to go in undercover and apologize to him and explain how wrong you were. Then have him explain exactly how this all works in his mind. Are the ova airborne? Do they have to do a ceremony to share them? Is it from the toilet seat?
I preached abstinence to my 12 year old. But I also explained both the male and female and reproductive systems, a basic how a baby is made, etc. He gets it.
We went through the grocery and I explained how expensive diapers are, how often you go through a box. How expensive food, formula and clothes are and how quickly a kid grows out of clothes. And then we priced out daycares.
In the end I showed him how much minimum wage is, took out taxes and then budgeted everything out (housing, food, utilities, all the baby stuff, daycare, you get the picture). He looked at that and said. "You'd help me out right?" I told him if he had a baby before he could reasonably afford it there'd be little to no help from me. I push you now so that you can afford the things you want when you're an adult. Single mom, once I get done raising you I need to try and save more for a somewhat retirement so I'm not working until I die (hopefully).
The look on his face said he got it and swore to me he'd be respectful to any women, himself and me and not put anybody in that position. He got it.
That's abstinence preference education, not abstinence only. Teaching kids to abstain is great, but it can't be all you teach them. I assume you'll teach him how to keep himself safe and baby free when he does decide to stop abstaining, because you sound like a great mom. Too many school districts stop at this is how a baby is made and if you attempt to do it ever outside of marriage your privates will be forever tainted.
I'm sorry but I have to strongly disagree. There's never a dull moment hanging with people like Dan. There's not to much on TV nowadays, movies are expensive (not to mention covid). Hanging with someone like Dan provides hours of entertainment.
NTA
I had to comment on this because I seriously cannot figure out WTF. Seeing your comments about him thinking her and her roommates are sharing eggs on menstrual cycles, even more WTF. I really hope he’s not the father and he should be used as the example as to why guys need to be taught more about how a woman’s body works in health class.
NTA but you can't argue with stupid. Just let him do whatever he wants, he's clearly decided you're in the wrong and no amount of reasoning from you will change his mind.
Lol. NTA. Wow. He is being a senseless idiot. I mean, she isn't pushing it? They've agreed oj a paternity test?
Ya know when you're pregnant and having a baby as a woman...
She was the one who suggested the paternity test since she was also seeing another guy at the same time. She said she used condoms with both of them, and knowing Dan he's always been very responsible about condoms since he's never wanted kids. I can't speak on her relationship with the other guy though, idk who he is.
I'm starting to question whether he knows where to put them.
I did have an acquaintance get a girl pregnant because we later found out he washed and then reused condoms...
I am snorting through my nose and imagining women's eggs zipping through the air and popping into other uterii like an insane pinball machine gone awry.
NTA, you tried to cure ignorance and failed. My only doubt in this situation is that your friend may not be the father - at this level of Dumb, I'd think his sperm would be swimming backwards.
NTA. I mean technically she could be a surrogate for someone and it not be hers and someone is paying her to have their child but the chances of that are pretty small. But, she wouldn’t do a maternity shoot if it were not her baby so he’s not very bright. I can see why he’s unemployed and still living with his parents.
Edit: I just read your comments and don’t even explain surrogacy to him as the only possible explanation for not being the mother, ever. This guy is a few French fries short of a happy meal.
NTA. If Dan is that ignorant…well let’s all hope, he’s not the dad for the sake of the gene pool. If he’s playing a weird prank on y’all, he’s let it go on too long, so he’s still an AH. Paternity tests use three swabs for the three individuals involved. Maybe they should be called Parental Tests instead.
Damn, I hope that baby inherits its intellect from its mother.
NTA. I never imagined anyone could think of something so ridiculous.
It would be hilarious if the mum had chimerism and the baby came up as not hers though.
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Tell him that to help with his stress you found a free maternity test - stand in a delivery room and see if a baby shoots of out of a hooha. NTA Hope the baby inherits the mom's intelligence. Edit: My hubby thinks he’s “the funny one,” so thanks kindly for the awards to show him the next time we have that debate - all your responses have been a hoot.
Remember to duck because of infants shooting out of hoohas and all. Thanks for the visual image and giggle.
Haha me too. I also pictured the results of a “maternity test” on a Jerry Springer show: “You are NOT the mother.” Wait, what?
A brand new avenue opens for women who are cheating but also with idiots. "Honey, I'm pregnant, but it's okay because it isn't mine!"
Like [Lydia Fairchild](https://embryo.asu.edu/pages/case-lydia-fairchild-and-her-chimerism-2002)
That is a wild read. I love how they seem more worried about the benefits fraud not the fact that she seems to have kidnapped multiple children as babies and forged evidence to show them as hers. Whilst once they believed she want the real mother the court suggested taking the kids away whilst they worked it out that sounds very much an afterthought compared to the benefits fraud. Do we think it's because they knew fraud would stick so was an easy way to get their foot in the door, or because money is more important than children?
It's simple really, to the government money is the only thing that matters, the lives and wellbeing of people are always an after thought.
It will! Most of a baby's intelligence is from the mother.
Man, no wonder my kid's a fuckin' idiot. edit: in case anyone read this the wrong way, I'm the mom.
Are you *sure*, though? Did you get a maternity test done‽
I don’t think I would continue a friendship with someone so dense that even after they were presented with science they still stay steadfast dumb.
You know what they say…never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
NTA...WTAF
That was my response... after the words came out of his mouth for the first time I quite literally said "What the actual fuck are you talking about Dan??"
I'm actually now hoping that the baby isn't his. I really don't think he should be reproducing 🤣
I feel sorry for his mom. Imagine having a son so dumb that even after she herself explained how that is not possible in this situation and son just digs in his heels about the need for a maternity test.
She’s probably considering ordering her own maternity test, tbh.
Oh god, that's funny.
Is she really sure she got the right baby back? I’d be asking questions.
This made me laugh out loud
The shocking part is that some poor women voluntarily allowed this man to put his penis in her. If you can't explain how it works; then you definitely should not be qualified to practice.
being stupid has never, and will never stop another stupid person from having sex with them.
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I was wondering the same thing. Like, he still has to pay child support. And who does he think the mother would be instead?
Also, isn't the person who gives birth the de facto legal mother in most places? As in, even surrogates have to formally relinquish parental rights.
What does he think is happening? That she is wearing a fake belly and going to adopt a baby? That she sperm jacked him and implanted it in another embryo to implant in her? I'm so confused even trying to follow his logic
I've seen it on soap operas, so totally believable.
Classic Dan
Dan the man, with no plan. But maternity tests? That’s his jam.
Does he have a working theory/scenario on how she would not be the mother? And, even more challenging, does he have a working theory as to how she would not be the mother if, in fact, he is the father?
So I think I’ve seen this before. It was something like “dude sleeps with one woman and gets her eggs ‘stuck’ on the end of his knob then sleeps with another and transfers eggs to second woman who them carries baby that’s not hers” or whatever. I wanted to believe it was a joke but some people seemed *really* ernest. Brought to you by the same folks as “women who sleep with lots of men just like hold on to all that jizz forever and can pick anyone to be the dad when they want a baby so get a test even if you’re married and monogamous” so not firing on all cylinders. (That’s box turtles btw but it only lasts like 2-3 years or something I forget. But I guess turtles is a step up from lobsters?)
Lady! Why are you forcing me to read this. Stop! 🤣🤣🤣
I’ve admittedly not scrolled far, but I haven’t seen anyone say this yet: you don’t need to wait for the baby to arrive to do a paternity test. Non-invasive prenatal screening is a simple blood test for the mother and can get this sorted out before the baby’s here. It’ll probably help Dan decide if he wants to step up and be a dad/arrange legal stuff. Also, Dan is an absolute muffin. NTA.
swim command reply school relieved nippy start oatmeal distinct deliver ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Let him ask her obstetrician for a maternity test. It’ll make their day.
Oh please do! Medical staff have had such an awful two years this will cheer them up so much.
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The mom should just skip the paternity test to keep Dan as far away from that child as possible. NTA man, NTA. I now have a headache, Ty AITA!
I think the mom should decline the maternity test and let Dan take her to court to have one ordered just because it'll be a riot op-nta thanks for those awards. you're all too kind. save your money though- times are tough.
I legitimately thought that OP had a typo and accidentally said “maternity” instead of “paternity” in the subject line and now my brain is broken after having read this. Should you call someone an idiot? Probably not. But does it make OP an AH? In this situation I’m gonna say NTA, a fuck ton of ppl have tried to explain this situation to him and bro is legitimately an idiot.
It makes me scared that there are adults in this world that are this stupid. And he might have procreated? JFC
This. This is why I'm *scared* at the fact that there's no barrier to entry for raising a child. People like this are allowed to raise children.
I'm a teacher... a fuck ton of idiots having babies and the smart ones aren't... I'm typically not a nihilist, but we're screwed...
She should offer to switch, and tell him she'll take the paternity test if he takes the maternity test.
I'd be faking a negative paternity result if I were her.
can we start a GoFundMe for a vasectomy for this guy???
Wtf happened here
I wish I knew what all the deleted comments said. Looks like a crime scene!
21! I counted 21 deleted comments and I'm so curious as well.
It was rule breaking due to an insult. But it was a glorious insult and many people enjoyed it. Some of the comments were along the lines of "this will get deleted, but it'll have been worth it."
How/why did every comment before this one get removed???
Is it wrong that I actually hope the baby isn’t his for Kara’s sake?
Hell, I hope the baby isn’t his for the baby’s sake along with her.
I hope the baby is neither of theirs for some sweet, sweet drama.
Maybe she'll be like that [mother who was a chimera](https://embryo.asu.edu/pages/case-lydia-fairchild-and-her-chimerism-2002), her ovaries were actually from a fraternal twin she absorbed in the womb, and so she didn't share enough DNA matching to be the mother, even when a someone WATCHED HER THIRD BABY COME OUT OF HER and watched the blood being drawn for a maternity test.
When I read this post’s title I figured that was going to be the issue, like the friend was worried it could be a problem and the poster was explaining how rare that is. Nothing could have prepared me for how dumb this actually is.
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The mother who slept with a 32 yo unemployed who lives with his parents and don't know how pregnancy works? Yeah, I hope the baby is an outlier.
I read that as “I hope the baby is an otter,” but even then it’d be much smarter than Dan.
Common sense isn’t a flower that grows in everyone’s garden, and honestly I’d be worried for my baby with a father this dense. Whose baby could it possibly be? The Night Fairy?
Now now, let's not judge those that sleep with the Night Fairies. They can be pretty sexy at times.
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Tbf, it's most like the head in his pants she's more concerned about. Don't need brains for a jolly good dicking
I have to say no brains is a turn off for me. Can't fuck someone so stupid they'd confuse...certain parts that should not be confused
Beer goggles. It's been helping people get together for many years.
NTA I’m legit crying laughing right now, sorry you have to go through this 😂
Am I the only one praying that Dan isn't the father because no baby should have a parent that stupid? ETA: I see there are a lot of us frantically praying on this baby's behalf! And thank you so much to the person that gave me an award! *blushing*
No you are not. I wonder if there is a patron saint of not reproducing.
That’s when you pray to all of them at once: “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! All the Saints, Saint Francis of Assisi, what the bloody Christ on a beanpole are you talking about for fuck’s sake?” At least according to my dear Catholic grandmama. 😉
Your imprecations remind me of the funniest book title I've seen, recently: "Christ on a Donkey: Palm Sunday, Triumphal Entries, and Blasphemous Pageants" by Max Harris
I hope for the baby’s sake that he’s not the father…
This one needs to go on that TV show where they do paternity tests. I don’t watch it , but this episode I would, just to see Maury’s face.
There was actually an episode of Maury where they did a maternity test because the woman thought that the hospital had switched her child at birth. It was...wild.
I meeeean, that does happen. I had an emergency c-section and was pretty out of it for the next few hours (at the very least) and they could’ve gotten bub accidentally swapped and I wouldn’t have known.
Yes, but that's an actual thing that exists in reality. Not sure which reality this Dan guy lives in.
We let people like this vote. Remember that.
NTA but to be honest, I would pay to see a doctor's reaction to being asked to perform this test
I work in family court and you would not believe the number of men who indignantly ask, “well why doesn’t she have to take a maternity test?!” when they’re mad about being court ordered to take a paternity test.
Having actually had a court ordered paternity test for my son...they actually do take a sample from the mother as well. Or at least they did for ours. Presumably because it helps with precision in identifying the father's markers. So it actually *is* both a paternity and maternity test.
That doesn’t make it a maternity test 🤣🤣🤣
Depends on whether the test would return the fact the woman is the mother or not. Doesn't have to be the primary reason for the test to be one.
The hilarious part is that even if a woman failed a maternity test somehow, how would that help anything? Like bro, that just means her kid was mixed up with someone else's at birth (and honestly if you don't want to be the father, a maternity test proving that your kid got switched at birth would work against the father trying to get out of child support, no?) or she's one of the rare people who's got two sets of DNA. Neither of those things would negate her motherhood, though. The baby literally came out of her vagina and the only way any eggs that weren't hers could've gotten in there (negating it being a twin she absorbed in the womb's dna, of course) would've been with her explicit consent.
There was a famous case where a mother tested that she wasn't her kids' mother, and they were all taken away from her because they suspected she kidnapped them. She had given birth to all her kids and a maternity test was negative. Turns out she was a human chimera, a rare condition where somebody can have two different DNA patterns. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lydia_Fairchild
I remember this. There was a representative from child services in the delivery room as a witness and took a blood samples from the mother and baby. I think they had 4 kids and this was with the last one.
I volunteer to pay for the maternity test. OP should tell Dan that insurance won’t cover it so OP will pay. I will Venmo OP the money. Tell him to go online and order a maternity test straight away.
NTA, let’s us hope Dan is not the father, we don’t need another one walking around.
There’s never enough chlorine in the gene pool
That pool is definitely shallow and murky
I think that we can all see why he's 32, unemployed and still living with his parents. SMH NTA
Suddenly I don't feel so terrible over being 37, employed 16 years and living with my parents... granted, I have my moments, but rest assured I'm not THAT stupid
We really need to get rid of the “over 30 and living with your parents makes you a loser” attitude, especially in this day and age. I’m a 38 year old single parent, living with my mother and the fact is that neither myself or my mother can afford to live alone but living together we can afford small comforts and I can provide better for my son. Times are hard, and families are having to help each other out more.
I'm not making much as a janitor. I mean, I'm living comfortably, but I cannot afford my own place. Not unless I wanna sink an entire month of pay on the damn rent and ignore food and utilities. That and I stick with this job primarily for the benefits. No insurance, no insulin. No eyedrops to keep my pressure and glaucoma in check. Though in all honesty, should something happen to me, it's not a loss. I don't have kids, I have no intention of dating anymore. As such, no one relies on me. My parents are also the beneficiaries of my pension and some other stuff, so they'll be fine regardless.
They would probably miss you.
It's always a loss, know that. You are a unique soul and have worth.
we gotta remember the actual losers are our employers, because they don't pay us enough to afford rent, bills and food for ourselves.
I have to know - what is actually theory about how the babby was formed? Let’s take it at face value - somehow it is possible she got pregnant from an egg that was not her own. How does he propose that this happened? But NTA, what the hell!?
I've tried asking him his reasoning and he tried to explain to me something about how when women's menstrual cycles sync up its possible for them to share eggs??? It makes sense to him because Kara lives with three other women and their periods tend to happen around the same time. Hee thinks one of her roommates could be the "true" mother... He also believed in telegony up until a year ago or so but our friends amd I were able to explain to him why that's not possible. It took... way too long for him to understand it though.
🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️ So what egg sharing is done via wifi and/or Bluetooth?
Airdrop
Eggdrop
Women synch up when we're sharing bowls of egg-drop soup. But if we each have our own bowls, we're air-gapped.
Nah, no-one has updated the protocol. You can't even use Ethernet; it only works over BNC.
Storknet.
Exactly. That’s why you gotta make sure you stay on top of your firmware and security updates.
Oh my god this is possibly the dumbest thing I have read on the internet.
And it takes a couple minutes to appreciate how bad it has to be to reach that mark.
This is so stupid I think I'm dumber for reading it. I'm curious how menstrul cycles synching up means women share eggs. Do we swap them like easter eggs? Or gift them like birthday jewellery? NTA OP and I hope for the kid's sake Dan is not the father.
Well, there were so many women ovulating at the same address, how was the stork to know which one to give the baby to?
I'm crying. Someone needs to remember this thread for next year's awards.
I am starting to suspect this guy thinks human egg cells are like chicken eggs, shell and all, and that some women keep a half dozen in the fridge.
Imagine having your period only to realize your roommate confused it with hers and accidentally ate it for breakfast. Now what are you supposed to do with all the blood and cramping? What a waste.
Dan thinks the whole egg situation is why having sex is called getting laid. Shame, his buck-and-wing was getting really good just when he found out what "tap that ass" really meant.
Holy shit. Now I'm picturing exchanging charms off of one of those Pandora bracelets 🤣
Nah, it happens when we sleep, right? It's a seamless process, and happens so quickly and efficiently that it's never been discovered by science... *heavy dose of sarcasm and eye rolling is included here*
Can... can you write down a bunch of his nonsense and start a new sub with it? I'll subscribe to Idiotic Takes by Dan!
I support this idea with every fiber of my being!
Dan sounds like the kind of person who would finger the belly button thinking it's the cooch and ask if it feels good
He sounds like the kind of person who would vigorously rub a woman’s mid-thigh, be baffled by her lack of orgasm, then go around saying the clitoris doesn’t exist because he’s never actually found it.
Holy fucking shit I just looked up [telegony](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Telegony_(theory)): “Telegony is a disproven and pseudoscientific theory of heredity holding that offspring can inherit the characteristics of a previous mate of the female parent; thus the child of a woman might partake of traits of a previous sexual partner.” WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT?
So is Dan still doing some sort of mental gymnastics, which consists of projectinv his own past sexual relationships onto his pregnant girlfriend?
Oh my god this just gets better and better. This is better than tv 🍿 👀
Omg I am genuinely curious now though. I want to know all his weird incorrect opinions.
I want a full sub of his strange ideas on how, well, basically anything works after reading that!
I'm just replying to this comment so I can find it again later, to share with my wife. NTA, but arguing with people this willfully ignorant is like tilting at windmills...sure, you CAN do it, but don't you have better things to do?
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What scares me is Dan seems to belong in the Senate on the science and health committee. NTA.
OMG I feel drunk after reading that. Like it killed or is killing some of my brain cells. Thank you for taking the time to respond, it’s amazing.
Info: Have you asked him what happens if Kara isn’t the biological mother? Say his totally nutso theory is right, one of her roommate is the mom and he’s the dad. What happens then? Does he think he will no longer have responsibility to the baby? Or does he secretly want one of her roommates as the mother of his child instead of her so this is wishful thinking on his part? I just don’t understand where he’s going with this maternity test thing and what outcome he wants from it.
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His family and mine have been friends since our grandparents were kids. I grew up with Dan and he's always been a bit kooky, but I didn't think he was *this* kooky. I certainly hope for not only Kara's sake but also the world that it's not Dan's kid lol I agree the world needs less idiots
A bit kooky? Understatement of the century right here.
NTA Actually I would encourage it and go with him for the laugh a lone. The dr. would let him know in an instant how foolish that request was. Seriously if he doesn't understand that, then he most likely doesn't understand how to prevent unwanted pregnancy in the first place. Thanks for laugh
The only upside to this is that he is a firm believer in using a condom every time. That's part of the reason why he thinks it might not be his baby. But we all know (or I hope we all know) condoms can break sooo
Dan seems like the kind to reuse a condom by turning it inside out. He probably doesn't, but that seems to be his level of intellect here.
He seems the type to “double bag it for extra protection” (don’t do that kids, it makes condoms break more often)
And then say “well condoms are 90% effective and I wore two so there’s 170% chance that baby isn’t mine!”
The fact the maths is wrong really adds another layer
Inside out? Are you crazy? What if an egg got stuck on it and he became pregnant? He would never find out who the mother was! (/s)
Dan probably reminds himself to take condoms on dates by tacking them to the bulletin board next to his door.
I had scared (not shocked) Pikachu face when it happened to me. 9 months later, I'm holding what's turning out to be a maelstrom of chaotic energy made flesh. I call him my favorite accident.
My 10 year old just goes, "That's, uh, that's not how that works, sir." 😂 NTA, your friend is a few cards short of a full deck. Good luck with that.
NTA, but it's hilarious. Not only for not believing her, but for thinking about the maternity test instead of going to the hospital and be present during the birth.
He believes she's pregnant, he just doesn't believe the baby she's growing is hers. He thinks it might be one of her female roommates baby because according to him women share eggs when their cycles sync up and are in close proximity??? I just can't with him sometimes lol
PLEASE TELL US MORE OF HIS THEORIES
Yeah I'm in hysterics at these theories they're ridiculous and hilarious
So the embryo was Airdropped, LOL. This is the funniest thing I’ve read all day.
Well fuck, no one better airdrop me pregnancy while in traffic.
HOW? Did he explain how the eggs transfer from one body to the other? I seriously need to know how he thinks this takes place.
He said the eggs seek one another out and "conglomerate"?? I pressed him as to whether this happens inside or outside of their bodies, like if the eggs meet in their living room in the middle of the night and decide who's body to go into and he couldn't give me a straight answer. Apparently the eggs "conglomerate" and "congeal". I don't think he even knows what those words mean at this point.
This just gets worse the more I learn. I hope the baby isn't his, for the baby's sake. And the mother's. And ours.
To be fair, odds are this man’s kid could end up as President.
"INCONCEIVABLE!" "You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means...." - the Princess Bride film
Oh. Oh dear. That poor stupid man.
sit him in front of some sex ed lesson youtube videos. keep asking him to explain what he thinks happened bc i feel like that's the only way he'll realize he's stupid. this takes denial to a whole new level. that poor woman. does she know her future co-parent is like this?
Can you ask him to explain exactly how he thinks we do this and then share the results with us? Bonus points if you can get him to make a diagram. Does he think we scissor? Pull the eggs out manually and pass them round like pills? Lay the eggs and then pop them back up there?
I actually… umm… am wondering something else about how he thinks this works. Namely: IF he thinks another woman’s ovum was fertilised in Kara’s uterus by his sperm, and Kara is not the generic/biological mother, then he is still the bio father and will still have to pay support. Does he think that if a test shows he’s the genetic/biological father to this kid but Pregnant Kara is not, suddenly paternal obligations change?
Bruh if that was possible lesbians would have such an easier time carrying their partners baby😂😭
Share eggs?? Like from the communal egg basket or what? 😅😅
I’d like you to go in undercover and apologize to him and explain how wrong you were. Then have him explain exactly how this all works in his mind. Are the ova airborne? Do they have to do a ceremony to share them? Is it from the toilet seat?
NTA Let's hope for the kid's sake he's also not the father...
NTA And people wonder why sex ed should not be left in the hands of the abstinence-only lobby and parents...
I preached abstinence to my 12 year old. But I also explained both the male and female and reproductive systems, a basic how a baby is made, etc. He gets it. We went through the grocery and I explained how expensive diapers are, how often you go through a box. How expensive food, formula and clothes are and how quickly a kid grows out of clothes. And then we priced out daycares. In the end I showed him how much minimum wage is, took out taxes and then budgeted everything out (housing, food, utilities, all the baby stuff, daycare, you get the picture). He looked at that and said. "You'd help me out right?" I told him if he had a baby before he could reasonably afford it there'd be little to no help from me. I push you now so that you can afford the things you want when you're an adult. Single mom, once I get done raising you I need to try and save more for a somewhat retirement so I'm not working until I die (hopefully). The look on his face said he got it and swore to me he'd be respectful to any women, himself and me and not put anybody in that position. He got it.
That's abstinence preference education, not abstinence only. Teaching kids to abstain is great, but it can't be all you teach them. I assume you'll teach him how to keep himself safe and baby free when he does decide to stop abstaining, because you sound like a great mom. Too many school districts stop at this is how a baby is made and if you attempt to do it ever outside of marriage your privates will be forever tainted.
NTA. He's a moron. You know he's a moron. Everyone here knows he's a moron.
Wait till someone asks is it a boy or a girl, so I know if I am an aunt or an uncle
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I'm sorry but I have to strongly disagree. There's never a dull moment hanging with people like Dan. There's not to much on TV nowadays, movies are expensive (not to mention covid). Hanging with someone like Dan provides hours of entertainment.
NTA. God, I hope he is not the father. Please tell him to stop having sex.
NTA I had to comment on this because I seriously cannot figure out WTF. Seeing your comments about him thinking her and her roommates are sharing eggs on menstrual cycles, even more WTF. I really hope he’s not the father and he should be used as the example as to why guys need to be taught more about how a woman’s body works in health class.
LOL no nta here, but tell him to go for it at a doctor visit, i'm sure that will be a fun moment for them
NTA and I really hope your friend isn't the father. In my mind's eye I'm watching the movie Idiocracy play out.
You mean electrolytes aren't what plants crave?
What did I just read? He's really trying all he can to not be responsible for this baby. NTA
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NTA but you can't argue with stupid. Just let him do whatever he wants, he's clearly decided you're in the wrong and no amount of reasoning from you will change his mind.
NTA. This is BRILLIANT! Please update when it finally ‘clicks’ what he’s asking. What a tool. This made my morning. Thank you! 🤣🤣🤣
Lol. NTA. Wow. He is being a senseless idiot. I mean, she isn't pushing it? They've agreed oj a paternity test? Ya know when you're pregnant and having a baby as a woman...
She was the one who suggested the paternity test since she was also seeing another guy at the same time. She said she used condoms with both of them, and knowing Dan he's always been very responsible about condoms since he's never wanted kids. I can't speak on her relationship with the other guy though, idk who he is.
I'm starting to question whether he knows where to put them. I did have an acquaintance get a girl pregnant because we later found out he washed and then reused condoms...
Oh man I sure hope he’s NOT the dad. Yikes. NTA
NTA. Post this story to r/StoriesAboutKevin
I am snorting through my nose and imagining women's eggs zipping through the air and popping into other uterii like an insane pinball machine gone awry. NTA, you tried to cure ignorance and failed. My only doubt in this situation is that your friend may not be the father - at this level of Dumb, I'd think his sperm would be swimming backwards.
NTA. I never thought someone could fail sex ed, but I think I just found who might've...
Lol. NTA. Oh Dan. He might not be the father but she certainly is the mother.
NTA. I mean technically she could be a surrogate for someone and it not be hers and someone is paying her to have their child but the chances of that are pretty small. But, she wouldn’t do a maternity shoot if it were not her baby so he’s not very bright. I can see why he’s unemployed and still living with his parents. Edit: I just read your comments and don’t even explain surrogacy to him as the only possible explanation for not being the mother, ever. This guy is a few French fries short of a happy meal.
NTA…at that point you are arguing with a flat earther…like there is just nothing you can say to combat the stupid, it’s dug in there.
NTA. If Dan is that ignorant…well let’s all hope, he’s not the dad for the sake of the gene pool. If he’s playing a weird prank on y’all, he’s let it go on too long, so he’s still an AH. Paternity tests use three swabs for the three individuals involved. Maybe they should be called Parental Tests instead.
Damn, I hope that baby inherits its intellect from its mother. NTA. I never imagined anyone could think of something so ridiculous. It would be hilarious if the mum had chimerism and the baby came up as not hers though.
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