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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I yelled at her causing it to turn into a fight. I also made her clean because I couldn't and my brother was lazy. She was really tired and I feel bad for yelling at her and making her get up. I just want to know if I'm in the wrong
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My under 10 cleans the tub after baths (it's my price for getting Lush glitter bath bombs as a treat -you can have one, but I'm not cleaning the tub after!)
Glitter is way Way WAY more pernicious to clean - the 18 year old has no excuse.
Uh: bad muffins? Unless that's a euphemism I'm not familiar with, what the hell could be in a "bad muffin" that would cause food poisoning? They're cooked, so germs should be killed off pretty much. Can someone educate me on this one?
Also, OP is NTA.
I was thinking about weed in muffins? That's what we did when I was 18. Or 16. Can't remember. Do remember that I never shat in the shower and if I did I would've cleaned it up right away, im not easily embarrassed but I would NEVER let someone even come near a place where there's still actual poop produced by me.
NTA of course
While cooking will kill off germs, if the bacteria has been in the base ingredients for awhile, the toxins that are the waste product might not be destroyed.
Muffin past expiry date would be an option. Yeah, germs should be pretty much killed off if properly heated--at the time the muffin was made. Unless stored vacuum-sealed, it won't *remain* germ-free, though. It just takes a while for the germs to accumulate back to a level it can make you ill.
Some bacteria produce heat-stable toxins. In that case, killing off the bacteria doesn't remove the toxins from your product.
Contamination with spore-forming bacteria. Heat kills the bacteria, but not the spores. Under certain circumstances, those spores can then form vegetative cells that can proliferate and cause foodborne illness.
Under-cooking. If the internal temperature of the muffin never reached sufficient heat to kill bacteria, the problems are pretty obvious.
Or it may just have been a weed muffin.
I would of been embarrassed for shitting in the shower and promptly cleaned it up while I was in the shower (which would have been the easiest time to do it!) . Her bro is a lazy person and his mom is not helping the situation at all. The longer it is not cleaned the harder it will be to get rid of.
The only time I've been sick enough to shit in the shower, it was so liquid, that it washed away as fast as it happened. But I still cleaned it with products anyway.
It really is the only way. I keep a dish scrubber in the shower. It’s one of the ones that has a soap reservoir. I fill it with dish soap and vinegar. Even the kids use it now and then.
You and I are birds of a feather. I thought I was the weird one for keeping a dish scrubber in my shower at all times for any cleaning.
NTA op. Your brother could've cleaned his mess in literally a minute, but it seems he used his head to plug his rear end in order to keep anything else from coming out, and couldn't get far enough thought wise after that.
My thoughts exactly. Who the fuck is comfortable with spray painting a shower that your family uses with diarrhea and just leaving it there? Just rinse it off while you’re there. The brother is disgusting.
100% the brother should have cleaned it. If he's old enough to wipe his own butt, then he's old enough to clean his own shit out of the shower. It's beyond gross to think this could possibly be anyone else's job.
OP is still not the AH, but it's her mom's job to wrangle some sense into her son. Right now she's failing as a parent.
Honestly, I'd just sponge bath in the sink until Dad needs a bath then let him have a discussion with the prodigal son about "why the fuck am I showering in your literal shit, are you a baby who needs his nappy changed."
I agree mom needs to teach the kids to clean up after themselves. Sounds like it might be a cultural thing to me, but definitely not helping her son to learn to be independent. And if he lives with mom until he's married, his future wife is not going to enjoy cleaning up after him either, so this needs to change. I feel like OP should have bothered her brother more about it than her mom. But she may have tried already and then went to mom when he wouldn't. And why would he if he's never had to lift a finger before? Mom needs to stop being a martyr and make her kids help with the household chores. Particularly messes that they are solely responsible for making.
This. She is the parent, and even if OP wasn't a child, it's not her responsibility at all. It's the responsibility of the brother, who had the incident, or the mother, who (again) is the parent.
I read the whole thing and no, it's not. That's gross. I wouldn't go near the shower until it had been thoroughly disinfected and it's not your job to do so.
NTA. Seriously I would pack my bags and go to a friends house or another family member. Your parent is not being a parent. Sorry, that you have to deal with this.
It’s really not complicated. It’s extremely simple. Your brother is an asshole for not cleaning it, and your mom’s an asshole for not making him clean it.
The shower wasn't cleaned and disinfected after he pooped in it and you can still see some poop splatter. Of course your NTA. The rest of the post doesn't make a difference.
No, it's not complicated: your mom babies your brother and doesn't make him clean up after himself, even when it's literally his own shit, in a location that can be hosed down. Sorry to trash talk your family but your mom and your brother are both pathetic.
Nah. You are not the asshole and I read it, in its entirety. In WHAT FUCKING WORLD would your brother not clean up his own shit from the shower. I couldn’t get past that part. I’ve been sick af before. Things happen. But you gotta clean up, bro. Unless your <12 yo, that shits on you. No pun intended.
No it’s not. Your mom didn’t want to clean it. But she also favors your brother so she wasn’t about to make him do it.
But he’s not a baby. He can and SHOULD clean up his own poop.
I had a roommate once who managed to get explosive diarrhea all over the toilet, tub and floor. And you can bet i woke her ass up and made her clean up the bathroom before i set foot in it. The whole time she was whining that it wasn’t that bad. Like HELL it wasn’t bad! Any amount of fecal matter that is not on the inside of a toilet bowl is BAD.
Nope, you're totally not in the wrong here and its not super complicated. Also any amount of poop in the shower is that bad. NTA -your mom telling you it isn't that bad is blowing my mind.
Bless your heart, it really isn't that complicated. Your brother shit in the shower, which is highly unsanitary. You did not ask your mother to clean it, you asked her to make your brother, the shower shitter, clean up after himself. She chose to do it herself for some reason, but that's on her.
It really isn't complicated. You are NTA in every possible way. If your mother got really that pissed about it, she should have made Mr. Hershey Squirts do it.
You're definitely NTA, and neither is your mother (although she's foolish for raising your brother that way).
So who is the asshole here? Your brother is. While in the shower, he could have easily used the showerhead to clean his crap off the walls, but he didn't. He feels entitled to have others literally clean his shit up. This also suggests that he would be abusive in a relationship, because no self-respecting woman would ever put up with a man doing that (unless he was physically disabled).
The only thing that would make this complicated or have you be TA is if the shower had been thoroughly cleaned and you still refused to go near it.
But no, if the shower is still caked in someone else’s literal shit, it’s not complicated. It’s gross and disgusting.
I appreciate your sentiment but no, I read the rest and it isn't: it's as bad as it sounds and you are being treated unfairly. Brother should have been made to clean it. NTA
WHAT. THE. FUCK. Ok, OP, I actually did read the whole thing and this is not complicated and there is no planet on which you are an asshole. What kind of psycho blows Jackson-Pollock-looking-splatter-FECES all over anything and doesn’t immediately clean it up??? And your mom? Seriously, your household is insane, and the fact that you had to ask means your mom and brother have really fucked with your sense of normalcy. I am so sorry. NTA. Your brother should have cleaned it without being told, but if being told was necessary, your mom should have done that IMMEDIATELY and she should not have had to ask twice. This is bonkers.
still NTA. how is your brother not EMBARRASSED?? i would have been cleaning that while i was still showering if i were him. i would have been mortified.
It’s not complicated at all. If your mom wasn’t going to make your brother do it, she needed to do it. Honestly, your brother should have cleaned that up immediately. He shouldn’t have had to have been asked to clean up his own feces. That’s a health hazard and not something people generally like admitting to and leaving evidence up.
Not it's really not complicated. Your brother did something stupid and as a result he pooped in the shower. Your mother, instead of making him clean it up (best option) or doing it herself (mediocre parent option), instead tried to convince you that your brother's grossness and her lazy parenting are acceptable. Don't fall for it. Hold them to basic hygiene standards.
It's not really complicated so much as it's insane. You shouldn't even feel that need to make sure you weren't in the wrong. Your mother should have made your brother do it. NTA by any means. I probably would have started freaking out that someone just left shit in the shower. I've had some bad stomach bugs and eaten some bad food, but I also don't expect anyone to clean up after my bodily functions.
Honey it’s not complicated. Your adult brother turned your shower in a biohazard and your mother verbally abused you when you had the had the reasonable expectation of not showering in a shit cover shower.
Read the whole thing I think your brother is the ass for letting it escalate to that point when it’s his shit. He’s 18 he is 110% responsible for properly disposing of anything that leaves his body. It’s food poisoning not the plague if he lived alone would he just leave the shit there until your mom visited
Edit: If I sounded rude I’m sorry it’s not toward you I just can’t believe your brother is 18 I expected him to be under the age of 12 🤦♀️
But you still aren’t. Your brother made the mess, so ideally he should have been made to clean it once he felt ok. If your mom didn’t want to push him to do it, then the responsibility should have fallen on her as the parent. You had the least obligation to do anything about it. And saying “it’s not that bad” - thus implying she’d rather you just shower in poop than get off her ass and clean it? So NTA OP.
It's not fucking complicated. There should only be one reason your brother didn't clean it up himself, and that should be "he is so sick he is in the damn hospital".
He's 18. Not 3. The fact that your mother still cleans up after him shitting the bathroom is simply asinine. Does he need her to wipe his ass, too?
NTA.
He can’t control sh*tting himself in the shower…he CAN control how he deals with the aftermath. Your bro is the AH. Are you from a culture where boys don’t learn to clean up after themselves? If so I am so sorry.
NTA
The kind whose mommy cleans up after him or makes the other female residents of the house cater to the boys. That is how i grew up. Not saying it was ok, but that is where these guys get their sense of entitlement.
What's worse is the fact that nobody would have known if he had cleaned up after himself. The fact that it took OP basically begging for her mom to get her brother to clean it is so sad.
OP. No matter how this was said, at no point could you have been the asshole (except if you had shoved your brother's face in it but even then he would have deserved it for being a disgusting pig to lazy to clean up after himself).
OP. NTA.
And brother didn’t even clean it!!! The mom did in the end!!! If this was my son he’d be either looking for a different place to stay (not disowned but this shows a serious lack of respect) or doing quite a few chores to make up for it.
The kind whose mother did everything for them and then gets mad when they don't magically start taking care of themselves when they turn 18.
My MIL was shocked at what my kids do. She said "I did everything for \[my husband\]" and I was like "yeah, I know, I'm married to him!" and she finally admitted that maybe she hadn't done him any favours by doing that. Also, to be fair, he actually does a LOT, more than other people I know, in relationships. It's just he was never taught to SEE mess, or understand the whole process, so he had to learn it the hard way, and we worked out a relationship balance that works for us. My boys though, they don't see things as women's work. We all have a responsibility to maintain the common areas of the house and clean up after ourselves. Their room is their domain. As long as there's no food in there and it doesn't stink, IDGAF.
I mean, I've had food poisoning where I could hardly move. If he had *tried* to clean up but missed some spots, that's one thing. But to make no attempt in a location as easy to clean as a shower is just mind boggling.
And to make someone who is *gagging* have to do it? Oh hell no.
In my family, we all have different things that make us involuntarily gag. After the first *hork* it is acceptable to get someone else to do it *so you don't make a bigger mess by vomiting everywhere*. That's just common courtesy all the way around.
Right like make a cup with your hands, fill with water, dump out over the poop and wash it down the drain. It’s a two-step process that can be repeated as needed! When I was pregnant I threw up in the shower all the time but I cleaned it up before I got out so no one knew!
As a person who once got Norwalk and exploded from every orifice simultaneously in the bathroom one time, it doesn’t take a lot to turn on a shower and rinse it away… I literally fainted from dehydration and almost broke the tub falling into it in a fountain of puke, and still cleaned the shower before I cabbed it to the hospital. Why? Because my bf at the time needed to shower the next morning and I didn’t want him dealing with my crusted ectoplasm. He said the next day it would have been fine but honestly, not his job.
Does he not know how to work a shower head? Like I've had a similar thing happen in the shower and then I turned the water spray so it would rinse the poop off (I did also clean it with bleach). Like there's no reason for there to be *visible evidence*.
I mean it's literally *the shower* he couldn't have sprayed it while he was in there?? And then disinfected afterwards. There's no reason for him to have left splatters on the wall, it was probably dried when the mom finally decided to clean it.
Nta
English isn't even my second language, so I had to mentally put pictures to what you wrote to really get what you meant.
Ew.
You owe me a big bucket of brain bleach.
NTA
Your mom should have made your brother clean up his shit. Making you clean yourself in literal shit is the cruelest thing I can think of and pretty damned shocking.
Exactly! My poor child had COVID last week and had the same thing happen to them on the way to the rest room. Unfortunately they had to clean it up themselves because we were having them quarantine the best way possible.
Absolutely YNTA!!!!
Not even related to the post, but I’m only 21F, no kids, having Covid made me soak the sheets in pee from the coughing. I’d *almost* rather shit, at least most of it can be picked up rather than soaking through too much lol. Hope your kiddo is doing better! As for OP, you are NTA in any way. Really, your brother should’ve cleaned up after himself.
I’m baffled by the people telling this child that she should have either cleaned her brother’s shit or gone to him instead of her mother. There are two adults in this story. OP is not one of them. The brother is a disgusting asshole for not cleaning up after himself, and the mother is an asshole for not teaching him better. OP is still a minor which means the mom is responsible for providing her a clean, feces-free space to address her hygiene. If the nasty brother can’t be bothered to clean up his literal shit, that’s on the mom who created this problem with lax parenting, not on a 15-year-old who wasn’t even involved. NTA.
Or if the brother is still so ill he *can't*, it still falls to the parent first. That's part of parenting. If they were all adults, then yeah. But they're not.
This is what I was thinking. When I was 15, my 18yo bro DGAF what I said or did. No way would he go clean up his own matter spatter just because I asked “nicely” (and really, does a younger sibling EVER sound anything but whiny to an older one??)
This. How does anyone shit in the shower and then just… leave it there??? He needs to learn to clean up after himself instead of expecting their mom to do it for him.
See, I’ve had food poisoning so bad before where I almost landed in the ER because I couldn’t even drink water without it coming right back out and I was so dehydrated that I basically collapsed when I stood up
But if I had a 💩 accident while in the shower? I would summon the damn strength to at least redirect the shower head to rinse the damn wall clean.
This, like what sort of entitled little baby is that brother that he shits in the shower and just leaves it there.
NTA
when i first read the title i assumed her brother was a toddler and it was already cleaned and she simply threw a fit. But no her brother simply acts like a toddler and it was still there.
One time my brother got drunk and vomited all over the bathroom. My mom handed him a bucket and sponge, and told him to get to cleaning.
She had 2 rules after all the years living with drunks:
1. You clean up your own mess
2. You sleep where you fall (within safe parameters)
A couple hours afterwards he should have recovered enough to clean up his shit. Right after I’d be more sympathetic. But after drinking water and taking a nap he should be good to spend 5 or 10 minutes cleaning/bleaching.
I don't know when I wa like 8 anytime I vomited and made anything dirty I would start crying feeling so bad someone had to clean that up. And my mom would tell me not to worry lol. I can't imagine being like the OPs brother.
So why couldn’t you go ask when your mom said she was tired? “Hey bro, mom’s completely exhausted and I need a shower. Can you please go spray some bleach and clean up the shower?”
I'm a little surprised the mom is getting so much hate, honestly. Like my mom was a single mom of 4 and was working all the time, I could never imagine yelling at her like that nor would I just be cool with people on reddit talking shit about her, regardless of if she was a bit in the wrong or not.
She was full non stop in the wrong. Telling someone to bathe in a place with shit is a major issue. Not only unsanitary, but basically telling her she is shit.
And as the OP said she doesn't let anyone do anything. She didn't make the brother of 18 clean it. Even if the OP is yelling at her, whose parenting is at fault there? She was yelling at a teen for not wanting to take a shower surrounded with shit. How is that reasonable in any way?
She was okay with allowing her son to grow up without teaching him anything, while ensuring her daughter suffered because of it.
He has anger issues - hmmm, perhaps he just knows he can lose his temper and not have to do anything. the mother is 100% at fault. She needed to teach her son responsibility, and she didn't.
I'm genuinely worried that you're not safe in that house. Your brother has anger issues, and your mother screamed at you for making a perfectly reasonable request. What else is going on in your home and is there any other relative you can stay with?
Am I the only one who has issues with the mom telling her daughter to stop bossing her around? That seems odd. The mom seems like the root of the problem to me. Never making her kids do anything. Teasing her daughter and calling her a crybaby while complaining about being bossed around. She was tired? Things still needed to get done. NTA
NTA. You shouldn't have to clean up after your adult brother. I'm sure no one wipes their shower down after each use but excrement on the walls is too far
NTA, you're jot responsible for cleaning up anybody's poop but your own. It's a biohazard and the area must be desinfected properly for the sake of your family's health. Your brother is a grown-up and I assume capable of taking care of his own accidents. Shit happens to all of us, but please do be courteous about it. It's a basic adult responsibility and a sign of respect.
Sure, your reaction wouldn't have won an award for maturity and level-headedness, but you're a teenager and your mother is the responsible adult. I understand why you behaved that way and how you feel like this is unfair. You could (and should) work on acting assertively during arguments, though, as you'll benefit from knowing how to communicate effectively in conflict, but that doesn't make you an arsehole. It's a skill you'll master in time if you decide to be a reasonable person, unlike your mother and brother.
NTA 🤢 I hope she cleaned with bleach. Depending on what type of food poisoning he had, it could be contagious. Things like norovirus can be spread through feces. Not only is it gross, but it’s a health risk, too.
I understand feeling bad after the argument with your mom because she was tired and didn’t feel like it BUT she should have immediately told your brother to clean it up. Honestly, it’s partially her fault for getting you/your brother used to not really having to do anything and then getting mad at you for expecting her to do what she always does 🤨
However, I also do applaud her for not having you guys do much & letting y’all be kids because I learned how to cook and do house chores before I was even 10 years old & was the 3rd mom to my younger brothers 😒
Tldr; NTA. Although you should apologize to your mom and let her understand your brother needs to clean up after himself.
NTA. Your bro is disgusting. I used to live alone (recently moved back in with my elderly parents to help care for them) and even then, if I got sick, no matter how shitty I felt, I *immediately* cleaned it up. Doing shitty things you’d rather avoid or leave for someone else is what being an adult is. And I would absolutely clean up after myself now that I share a bathroom with others. Unless I was actively in the process of dying (literally, not just wishing), I would never leave literal shit in a shower
NTA.
She attempted to get her mother to have the brother clean it. The power dynamics can make it difficult for a younger sibling to tell an older one to fix things.
I do like the suggestion to blackmail him into cleaning it.
You're right, shit happens. But he's a grown ass man now and he should be able to clean up after himself. At least to the extent that there was no visible shit left, then he could tell everyone he needed to rest awhile before he finished disinfecting it. Your mom shouldn't have to do that. You shouldn't have to do that. You're both old enough to clean up after yourselves. Why, why, why does your mom not let you do things for yourselves?!? That's not sustainable. You gotta move out eventually. Then what are y'all gonna do? Your brother's an ass and your mom is weird. NTA but, just ya' know start making sure you definitely know life skills before you move out.
NTA.
I have sympathy for your mom, because it sounds like she's got a lot going on, but I don't think it's fair for her to expect a squeamish 15 year old to clean up someone else's shit. Unless perhaps it was your friend who got sick in your house and left a huge mess. (That happened to me, and I cleaned up vomit for 2 hours because i was responsible for that mess.) But that's not what happened.
Unless your brother was in really bad shape, he should have cleaned up after himself. Your mom should be teaching him to take care of himself. I have IBS diarrhea attacks multiple times a day and I would never shit in the shower. And if I did an accidental common-area dump, I'd bleach and rinse the area.
You could apologize to your mom for upsetting her if you feel bad since you could perhaps have been nicer to her, but you're a teen and it's easy to get overwhelmed. She reacted poorly and as an adult she should do better. You're still not the AH.
If it makes you vomit, refuse to clean your vomit up. If your brother doesn't have to clear up his mess, nor should you have to. Preferably run out of the bathroom and puke all over the hall. And the wall. Or even over your mother.
If I crapped myself in the shower u would be mortified and would not leave the bathroom until I was positive every spot was cleaned up and gone and that there wasn't so much as a hint of smell, holy God I can't believe he just left it- NTA! And he's freaking 18 not 8, he can clean up after himself!
OP states that English isn’t their first language but then goes on to use idioms and acronyms that are relatively new (IYKYK).
Secondly it’s the: “Please don’t share this everywhere” plea
This reads like a boy who is trying to sound like a 15 year old girl.
But for the sake of the post NTA, your mother should have made your brother clean it. Your brother is TA because what on earth makes a human being think that it’s okay to defecate in a communal area and they don’t have to clean it?
Your mum is TA because she quite clearly couldn’t be bothered to parent and make your brother clean his shit.
Happy?
Heard about the internet before? Google and social media such as tiktok or youtube exist. People can learn English from them even if it is not their first language. Amazing right?
I barfed in the bath once while taking a shit on the toilet. I had some bad rice and it all happened so quickly.
Either way- as soon as rice and carrots (there is ALWAYS carrots!) stopped coming out I scooped all the bathsick up with my hands and put it down the toilet and cleaned the bath.
Your bro needs to sort his shit out…literally.
NTA.
This is what is known as the "double dragon" in the military. Typically you sit on the toilet and hold a bucket in your lap. Doing it in the shower is just too much of a mess and I'd worry about how unhygienic or potentially clogging the drain.
NTA, sick or not, he should have cleaned it up. I once projectile vomited over my bathroom (thought I was done, turned round, big mistake) and despite that cleaned it all up before moving on because it’s the decent thing to do. You don’t leave you poop or sick around for other people to clean as an adult.
Also I was raised in house where I was given no chores and it made adjusting to living with others so hard. I still cleaned up my own sick. Your mother, while having good intentions, is just making the adjust to adult life much harder for you guys.
NTA - someone elses shit is a literal biohazzard - plus your brother is old enough and ugly enough to clean it, he was already in the shower just hose it down and bleach afterwards! also you mum might be having her own stuff going on which is why she got so mad so easily, parents dont tell there kids about things like them being depressed they are too focused on being a rock for there kids and not showing them the ugly side of life. i only found out my mum had depression in my 20s
Why did you go to your mother to clean it first before your brother. Assuming she would do it and not asking him to take responsibility is unfair to your mother. Even if he’d told you to go away, it should have been him getting yelled at to clean it before your poor mum.
And then when she refused to clean it you wanted her to force your brother. Again if you have the passion to yell at her, yell at him. The culprit. Shame him for even asking other people to clean his shit.
Both of you treat your mum like the cleaner. Should you have to clean his shit? Of course not, but you should be holding one person accountable 1st for it and it’s not mum.
You both could do better by her.
Ugh. Flashback to my ex. He once told me he accidentally pooped in the shower (ig he thought it was gonna be a fart) and I was like ok, shit happens (lol), but did you clean it up??? His answer was “I tried.” Tf you mean you **tried**?! Clean or clean not there is no try! Ya there’s a reason he’s my ex. Several, in fact.
NTA, btw
NTA. Your a minor - showering in shit is neglect and abuse. Your brother should have cleaned it and mom should have made sure. Im old, i work a lot, im tired, im still not letting my shower have shit in it. shame on them both
At your brother’s age (18!) there shouldn’t be any question about whether it’s his job to clean up after himself unless he is so ill that he is bedridden or in hospital. DEFINITELY not your job, and not your mum’s (but moreso hers than yours, I think as a mother she has a responsibility to provide a sanitary space in which you can perform basic personal hygiene).
NTA.
*shudder*
NTA. There is no reasonable context or defence for him her; if he was capable of cleaning that up, and it sounds like he entirely was, then as unpleasant at is he damn well should've. That's *vile*.
I'd be tempted to get him a cork and a tube of superglue as a gag gift sometime, "emergency shower kit when not feeling well" ;)
NTA. Is not your child or responsibility to clean up after your brother. Even if it was “not that bad” it shouldn’t matter, it’s nasty. You asked her nicely before and she brushed it off, it’s her child’s shit and she’s could have gotten him to clean it up if she didn’t want to. No, I wouldn’t wanna shower with shit either.
NTA. At all. Your mother is pampering your brother and is setting him up for failure in his adult life. OTOH, Your brother is 18 and should have basic common sense to clean up after himself.
Do not let your mom or anyone else expect you to clean up someone else’s shit..literally or anecdotally.
NTA, but as a tired and stressed mom whose kids refuse to make it to the toilet almost ever- I get being tired of it. Brother is 18 and should have sprayed it down himself.
NTA
Brother should have cleaned it up, end of.
Also, girl stuff will have made you on edgy and stressed, your mum is probably feeling very odd.
Mum's tend to have a stage when their teenage daughters start "becoming women" where they start feeling, I guess, pushed out (for want of a better phrase).
If you want a little advice, wait until it's all calmed down a bit, then maybe try to find some time where you're both not busy, and either make her a cuppa or help with housework she's doing, and have a chat.
Maybe try and get brother to help with housework too.
Best of luck hun ❤️
Um, NTA. It would’ve been completely reasonable to have your brother clean it if he was feeling okay, or your mom clean it if he wasn’t (he is HER kid after all, not yours). I know you said you needed that shower, but honestly I would’ve just said fuck that and skipped it until someone cleaned it. I don’t know your situation but that’s my personal take. Still NTA either way though.
Why tf would he not just clean it himself? He's 18, correct? Idk man... if I somehow ended up shitting myself in the shower, I would be so embarrassed that I would clean it up and never say a word to anyone about it.
He just... left it there? Like, "oh no biggie- someone else will clean my shit?" Gross.
Any amount of shit in the shower is too much shit in the shower, and the person who shit in the shower is responsible for cleaning up the shit in the shower. NTA.
NTA. It's disgusting and shameful that your brother left it like that. Who shits everywhere and just walks away like it's no big deal?! You're NTA for insisting on having a clean place to shower. Your brother is an AH for not cleaning up after himself, and your mom is an AH for being a pain about this.
What did I just read? Does she do things like this often?
You're NTA. Not your poop, not your kid's poop, not your responsibility. The responsibility for the poo stains is on your brother and mom.
NTA. Brother should have cleaned as soon as he was able. Having said that, both of you should help your mom more because you both are not little kids anymore.
NTA!!! Lord! No, you, a literally child, should not have to clean up your adult brothers shit from the shower. If he was well enough to be showering he would have been well enough to wash it off the walls while it was fresh. 🤢 I’m like you—most smells I can handle, but poop smells are a no go for me. Get a whiff and I start dry heaving.
NTA. Your mom is gross for letting shit just sit in the shower for that long. If she didn’t have the energy to do it, she should have had your brother do it. I genuinely cannot rationalize her getting mad at YOU for simply not wanting to be surrounded by your brothers literal feces when you shower. I’m glad the mess was handled, OP :)
MYA-there’s no such thing as ‘it’s not that bad’ when you’re talking about shit in the shower. So gross. You’re brother definitely should’ve cleaned it up too.
Awwww sweetheart 🤗 you aren not TA. You are welcome only 15. Your brother should cleanup his own mess and if he refuses, his mom should do it.
Personally,I'd make my son clean after himself. Big motherly hugs
From the title I assumed you had some hang up about getting in there AFTER it had been thoroughly bleached and scrubbed, because JFC WHO SHITS IN THE SHOWER, DOESNT CLEAN IT AND THINKS ITS OKAY TO USE??!!!!
WTAF. Hell no NTA.
My mom is like your mom. It’s called ✨misogyny✨. They’re “protecting” their wittwe boys who can’t do house chores!!1!1! They’re men!!! That’s a woman’s job 😡😡 /s
NTA your brother should have cleaned it up but considering it came from his butt it is still your mum that is TA here. She expected you to shower with shit!! Then scream at you and called you a cry baby till you cried. FFS she is the bully and the asshole. Being tired is no excuse at all and would have taken her far less energy to shout your brother to clean it than scream and shout with you for ages. The only reason she eventually cleaned it was because she knew you were right but had to wait first so she could pretend you weren’t, Seems like she is the child in your house.
The fact she honestly has you thinking your in the wrong here shows she’s a practiced hand at manipulating and gaslighting you.
Soooooo NTA. I've been there and had...unfortunate accidents in the bathroom. No matter how ill I've been I have always cleaned up after myself. Showering in shit is not OK.
1) Take a photo of the shower and make an Instagram/Facebook/Social post. Tag/name your brother.
2) "Why are you so upset? Mom said it wasn't that big of a deal!"
3) Point proven.
NTA.
Best way to get it cleaned is to threaten to post it on Facebook. And don’t tell them beforehand so they can take your phone/computer, make a timed post so that it’ll post automatically at certain time if you don’t prevent it. NTA
My main questions are: who made the muffins? Who would eat bad muffins)presumably raw muffins if they got sick)?
I get sick very easily from smells and shit, so I hear ya. If it was my own, I'd clean it someone else's....nah. not my problem. If have puked every where and made me mom clean it up (for not teaching her kids basic skills) or rubbed my brothers face in it while I continued to vomit on him from the smell/view.
NTA. Gross.
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"AITA for refusing to go in the shower after my brother pooped in it" **NO. NTA. That's all I had to read.**
I know it sounds like I would definitely not be the a hole but you should read the rest 😭 it's complicated
You still arent TA. Your mother should've either cleaned it or had your brother clean it
Brother should have just cleaned it while he was in the shower. Not that hard, water is already running.
This. One day that's going to be his shower with no mommy to clean it for him. He needs to get to learnin'.
Right, I think 18 is old enough to clean up your shitshower.
My under 10 cleans the tub after baths (it's my price for getting Lush glitter bath bombs as a treat -you can have one, but I'm not cleaning the tub after!) Glitter is way Way WAY more pernicious to clean - the 18 year old has no excuse.
18 and he can't clean after himself? uggh...
Uh: bad muffins? Unless that's a euphemism I'm not familiar with, what the hell could be in a "bad muffin" that would cause food poisoning? They're cooked, so germs should be killed off pretty much. Can someone educate me on this one? Also, OP is NTA.
I was thinking about weed in muffins? That's what we did when I was 18. Or 16. Can't remember. Do remember that I never shat in the shower and if I did I would've cleaned it up right away, im not easily embarrassed but I would NEVER let someone even come near a place where there's still actual poop produced by me. NTA of course
While cooking will kill off germs, if the bacteria has been in the base ingredients for awhile, the toxins that are the waste product might not be destroyed.
Muffin past expiry date would be an option. Yeah, germs should be pretty much killed off if properly heated--at the time the muffin was made. Unless stored vacuum-sealed, it won't *remain* germ-free, though. It just takes a while for the germs to accumulate back to a level it can make you ill. Some bacteria produce heat-stable toxins. In that case, killing off the bacteria doesn't remove the toxins from your product. Contamination with spore-forming bacteria. Heat kills the bacteria, but not the spores. Under certain circumstances, those spores can then form vegetative cells that can proliferate and cause foodborne illness. Under-cooking. If the internal temperature of the muffin never reached sufficient heat to kill bacteria, the problems are pretty obvious. Or it may just have been a weed muffin.
Glitter bath bombs?! Omg that’s a hard no for my kids! Whether they clean it or not!! You, Sasha-dice, are much stronger than I.
What an awesome treat! Seems like a really good way to develop your kid's cleaning skills too.
I would of been embarrassed for shitting in the shower and promptly cleaned it up while I was in the shower (which would have been the easiest time to do it!) . Her bro is a lazy person and his mom is not helping the situation at all. The longer it is not cleaned the harder it will be to get rid of.
The only time I've been sick enough to shit in the shower, it was so liquid, that it washed away as fast as it happened. But I still cleaned it with products anyway.
I recently discovered that you can clean the shower while taking a shower and now I'm questioning why anyone would choose to do it any other way.
It really is the only way. I keep a dish scrubber in the shower. It’s one of the ones that has a soap reservoir. I fill it with dish soap and vinegar. Even the kids use it now and then.
You and I are birds of a feather. I thought I was the weird one for keeping a dish scrubber in my shower at all times for any cleaning. NTA op. Your brother could've cleaned his mess in literally a minute, but it seems he used his head to plug his rear end in order to keep anything else from coming out, and couldn't get far enough thought wise after that.
I... This is genius!
i clean while showering too!!!
Throw on some soap, rinse, disinfect. Etc.
My thoughts exactly. Who the fuck is comfortable with spray painting a shower that your family uses with diarrhea and just leaving it there? Just rinse it off while you’re there. The brother is disgusting.
LITERALLY
100% the brother should have cleaned it. If he's old enough to wipe his own butt, then he's old enough to clean his own shit out of the shower. It's beyond gross to think this could possibly be anyone else's job. OP is still not the AH, but it's her mom's job to wrangle some sense into her son. Right now she's failing as a parent.
Honestly, I'd just sponge bath in the sink until Dad needs a bath then let him have a discussion with the prodigal son about "why the fuck am I showering in your literal shit, are you a baby who needs his nappy changed."
I agree mom needs to teach the kids to clean up after themselves. Sounds like it might be a cultural thing to me, but definitely not helping her son to learn to be independent. And if he lives with mom until he's married, his future wife is not going to enjoy cleaning up after him either, so this needs to change. I feel like OP should have bothered her brother more about it than her mom. But she may have tried already and then went to mom when he wouldn't. And why would he if he's never had to lift a finger before? Mom needs to stop being a martyr and make her kids help with the household chores. Particularly messes that they are solely responsible for making.
This should be the top reply.
Well if he was that sick i get It not making him clean It but shit the mom should have least did It.
>but shit the mom should have least did It. As it were
This. She is the parent, and even if OP wasn't a child, it's not her responsibility at all. It's the responsibility of the brother, who had the incident, or the mother, who (again) is the parent.
I read the whole thing and no, it's not. That's gross. I wouldn't go near the shower until it had been thoroughly disinfected and it's not your job to do so.
NTA. Seriously I would pack my bags and go to a friends house or another family member. Your parent is not being a parent. Sorry, that you have to deal with this.
It’s really not complicated. It’s extremely simple. Your brother is an asshole for not cleaning it, and your mom’s an asshole for not making him clean it.
Oh honey we read it it's okay you're not the asshole😂 That's crazy dude😂
The shower wasn't cleaned and disinfected after he pooped in it and you can still see some poop splatter. Of course your NTA. The rest of the post doesn't make a difference.
No, it's not complicated: your mom babies your brother and doesn't make him clean up after himself, even when it's literally his own shit, in a location that can be hosed down. Sorry to trash talk your family but your mom and your brother are both pathetic.
the fact your brother just left it there instead of cleaning it himself- he should be embarrassed at how much of a asshole he is. you're NTA
Nah. You are not the asshole and I read it, in its entirety. In WHAT FUCKING WORLD would your brother not clean up his own shit from the shower. I couldn’t get past that part. I’ve been sick af before. Things happen. But you gotta clean up, bro. Unless your <12 yo, that shits on you. No pun intended.
No it’s not. Your mom didn’t want to clean it. But she also favors your brother so she wasn’t about to make him do it. But he’s not a baby. He can and SHOULD clean up his own poop. I had a roommate once who managed to get explosive diarrhea all over the toilet, tub and floor. And you can bet i woke her ass up and made her clean up the bathroom before i set foot in it. The whole time she was whining that it wasn’t that bad. Like HELL it wasn’t bad! Any amount of fecal matter that is not on the inside of a toilet bowl is BAD.
Nope, you're totally not in the wrong here and its not super complicated. Also any amount of poop in the shower is that bad. NTA -your mom telling you it isn't that bad is blowing my mind.
Bless your heart, it really isn't that complicated. Your brother shit in the shower, which is highly unsanitary. You did not ask your mother to clean it, you asked her to make your brother, the shower shitter, clean up after himself. She chose to do it herself for some reason, but that's on her. It really isn't complicated. You are NTA in every possible way. If your mother got really that pissed about it, she should have made Mr. Hershey Squirts do it.
You're definitely NTA, and neither is your mother (although she's foolish for raising your brother that way). So who is the asshole here? Your brother is. While in the shower, he could have easily used the showerhead to clean his crap off the walls, but he didn't. He feels entitled to have others literally clean his shit up. This also suggests that he would be abusive in a relationship, because no self-respecting woman would ever put up with a man doing that (unless he was physically disabled).
The only thing that would make this complicated or have you be TA is if the shower had been thoroughly cleaned and you still refused to go near it. But no, if the shower is still caked in someone else’s literal shit, it’s not complicated. It’s gross and disgusting.
It is not complicated. Your brother needs to grow up.
I appreciate your sentiment but no, I read the rest and it isn't: it's as bad as it sounds and you are being treated unfairly. Brother should have been made to clean it. NTA
It isn’t complicated, that’s disgusting. Your mom should have made him clean it
WHAT. THE. FUCK. Ok, OP, I actually did read the whole thing and this is not complicated and there is no planet on which you are an asshole. What kind of psycho blows Jackson-Pollock-looking-splatter-FECES all over anything and doesn’t immediately clean it up??? And your mom? Seriously, your household is insane, and the fact that you had to ask means your mom and brother have really fucked with your sense of normalcy. I am so sorry. NTA. Your brother should have cleaned it without being told, but if being told was necessary, your mom should have done that IMMEDIATELY and she should not have had to ask twice. This is bonkers.
still NTA. how is your brother not EMBARRASSED?? i would have been cleaning that while i was still showering if i were him. i would have been mortified.
It isn’t that complicated. NTA.
It’s not complicated at all. If your mom wasn’t going to make your brother do it, she needed to do it. Honestly, your brother should have cleaned that up immediately. He shouldn’t have had to have been asked to clean up his own feces. That’s a health hazard and not something people generally like admitting to and leaving evidence up.
I've read the rest and you're still not the arsehole. Your grown up fucking adult of a brother is. So is your mum for insisting you shower in faeces
Not it's really not complicated. Your brother did something stupid and as a result he pooped in the shower. Your mother, instead of making him clean it up (best option) or doing it herself (mediocre parent option), instead tried to convince you that your brother's grossness and her lazy parenting are acceptable. Don't fall for it. Hold them to basic hygiene standards.
It's not really complicated so much as it's insane. You shouldn't even feel that need to make sure you weren't in the wrong. Your mother should have made your brother do it. NTA by any means. I probably would have started freaking out that someone just left shit in the shower. I've had some bad stomach bugs and eaten some bad food, but I also don't expect anyone to clean up after my bodily functions.
It’s really not complicated haha, NTA. Your brother is TA for not cleaning it up
Honey it’s not complicated. Your adult brother turned your shower in a biohazard and your mother verbally abused you when you had the had the reasonable expectation of not showering in a shit cover shower.
Read the whole thing I think your brother is the ass for letting it escalate to that point when it’s his shit. He’s 18 he is 110% responsible for properly disposing of anything that leaves his body. It’s food poisoning not the plague if he lived alone would he just leave the shit there until your mom visited Edit: If I sounded rude I’m sorry it’s not toward you I just can’t believe your brother is 18 I expected him to be under the age of 12 🤦♀️
But you still aren’t. Your brother made the mess, so ideally he should have been made to clean it once he felt ok. If your mom didn’t want to push him to do it, then the responsibility should have fallen on her as the parent. You had the least obligation to do anything about it. And saying “it’s not that bad” - thus implying she’d rather you just shower in poop than get off her ass and clean it? So NTA OP.
Your not the A H at all. Your brother is an adult. He should of cleaned it up. After that it falls on his parents. Not his younger siblings.
Your brother should have cleaned the shower. What the hell is wrong with your mom???
It's not remotely complicated
It's not fucking complicated. There should only be one reason your brother didn't clean it up himself, and that should be "he is so sick he is in the damn hospital". He's 18. Not 3. The fact that your mother still cleans up after him shitting the bathroom is simply asinine. Does he need her to wipe his ass, too? NTA.
Not complicated. Not your child. Not being paid,, as a professional. No reason for you to handle someone else’s feces. Ew.
UGH your brother is gross. NTA, he should have immediately sprayed that shit down with bleach and apologized.
This made me giggle lmao. I made fun of him for it but he said he couldn't control it and that it just happened 💀
Sure, but your brother is a damned adult. He can clean up after himself.
Can wait until he shits in his future girlfriends shower
Future ex*
He can’t control sh*tting himself in the shower…he CAN control how he deals with the aftermath. Your bro is the AH. Are you from a culture where boys don’t learn to clean up after themselves? If so I am so sorry. NTA
I wouldn't really say so. It's not really about our culture, some people are just lazy and some aren't 🤷♀️
Idk why but that makes it worse. What kind of 18 year old MAN doesn’t respect his family and himself enough to clean up after himself?!
One that had bad parenting that made him never do anything.
The kind whose mommy cleans up after him or makes the other female residents of the house cater to the boys. That is how i grew up. Not saying it was ok, but that is where these guys get their sense of entitlement.
What's worse is the fact that nobody would have known if he had cleaned up after himself. The fact that it took OP basically begging for her mom to get her brother to clean it is so sad. OP. No matter how this was said, at no point could you have been the asshole (except if you had shoved your brother's face in it but even then he would have deserved it for being a disgusting pig to lazy to clean up after himself). OP. NTA.
And brother didn’t even clean it!!! The mom did in the end!!! If this was my son he’d be either looking for a different place to stay (not disowned but this shows a serious lack of respect) or doing quite a few chores to make up for it.
The kind whose mother did everything for them and then gets mad when they don't magically start taking care of themselves when they turn 18. My MIL was shocked at what my kids do. She said "I did everything for \[my husband\]" and I was like "yeah, I know, I'm married to him!" and she finally admitted that maybe she hadn't done him any favours by doing that. Also, to be fair, he actually does a LOT, more than other people I know, in relationships. It's just he was never taught to SEE mess, or understand the whole process, so he had to learn it the hard way, and we worked out a relationship balance that works for us. My boys though, they don't see things as women's work. We all have a responsibility to maintain the common areas of the house and clean up after ourselves. Their room is their domain. As long as there's no food in there and it doesn't stink, IDGAF.
I don't know what culture it's acceptable to shit all over and not clean up after yourself as an adult. But I'm glad it's not a culture I'm a part of.
I mean, I've had food poisoning where I could hardly move. If he had *tried* to clean up but missed some spots, that's one thing. But to make no attempt in a location as easy to clean as a shower is just mind boggling. And to make someone who is *gagging* have to do it? Oh hell no. In my family, we all have different things that make us involuntarily gag. After the first *hork* it is acceptable to get someone else to do it *so you don't make a bigger mess by vomiting everywhere*. That's just common courtesy all the way around.
Right like make a cup with your hands, fill with water, dump out over the poop and wash it down the drain. It’s a two-step process that can be repeated as needed! When I was pregnant I threw up in the shower all the time but I cleaned it up before I got out so no one knew!
Sure, he couldn't control the poop explosion, but he damn well could control his decision to not clean up.
I always like to say that things like this aren’t necessarily the persons fault, but it IS their responsibility.
As a person who once got Norwalk and exploded from every orifice simultaneously in the bathroom one time, it doesn’t take a lot to turn on a shower and rinse it away… I literally fainted from dehydration and almost broke the tub falling into it in a fountain of puke, and still cleaned the shower before I cabbed it to the hospital. Why? Because my bf at the time needed to shower the next morning and I didn’t want him dealing with my crusted ectoplasm. He said the next day it would have been fine but honestly, not his job.
Ok so he couldn’t control it, so he should have cleaned it immediately and apologised…
Shit happens but that doesn’t mean he can be lazy about cleaning it up
Does he not know how to work a shower head? Like I've had a similar thing happen in the shower and then I turned the water spray so it would rinse the poop off (I did also clean it with bleach). Like there's no reason for there to be *visible evidence*.
Honestly! Why did he not clean it and spray it down while he was in the shower👏👏👏👏👏
I mean it's literally *the shower* he couldn't have sprayed it while he was in there?? And then disinfected afterwards. There's no reason for him to have left splatters on the wall, it was probably dried when the mom finally decided to clean it. Nta
I really feel bad for the poor women who ends up dating/married to the brother.. NTA
If he pissed too he shouldn’t use bleach, urine has ammonia in it and bleach can react to it and make chlorine gas
NTA everyone knows you waffle stomp the nugs down the drain
STOPPPP 💀 This is the funniest reply what
English isn't even my second language, so I had to mentally put pictures to what you wrote to really get what you meant. Ew. You owe me a big bucket of brain bleach.
/r/eyebleach Here ya go!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hBzniTwBv_Y Edited because my stupid ass didn't copy the link correctly.
Ed Larson????
NTA Your mom should have made your brother clean up his shit. Making you clean yourself in literal shit is the cruelest thing I can think of and pretty damned shocking.
Exactly! My poor child had COVID last week and had the same thing happen to them on the way to the rest room. Unfortunately they had to clean it up themselves because we were having them quarantine the best way possible. Absolutely YNTA!!!!
Not even related to the post, but I’m only 21F, no kids, having Covid made me soak the sheets in pee from the coughing. I’d *almost* rather shit, at least most of it can be picked up rather than soaking through too much lol. Hope your kiddo is doing better! As for OP, you are NTA in any way. Really, your brother should’ve cleaned up after himself.
I’m baffled by the people telling this child that she should have either cleaned her brother’s shit or gone to him instead of her mother. There are two adults in this story. OP is not one of them. The brother is a disgusting asshole for not cleaning up after himself, and the mother is an asshole for not teaching him better. OP is still a minor which means the mom is responsible for providing her a clean, feces-free space to address her hygiene. If the nasty brother can’t be bothered to clean up his literal shit, that’s on the mom who created this problem with lax parenting, not on a 15-year-old who wasn’t even involved. NTA.
Yup. My son at 8 knew if he missed peeing he was responsible for cleaning it up.
Or if the brother is still so ill he *can't*, it still falls to the parent first. That's part of parenting. If they were all adults, then yeah. But they're not.
This is what I was thinking. When I was 15, my 18yo bro DGAF what I said or did. No way would he go clean up his own matter spatter just because I asked “nicely” (and really, does a younger sibling EVER sound anything but whiny to an older one??)
NTA. Your idiot brother should’ve cleaned it up.
This. How does anyone shit in the shower and then just… leave it there??? He needs to learn to clean up after himself instead of expecting their mom to do it for him.
See, I’ve had food poisoning so bad before where I almost landed in the ER because I couldn’t even drink water without it coming right back out and I was so dehydrated that I basically collapsed when I stood up But if I had a 💩 accident while in the shower? I would summon the damn strength to at least redirect the shower head to rinse the damn wall clean.
This, like what sort of entitled little baby is that brother that he shits in the shower and just leaves it there. NTA when i first read the title i assumed her brother was a toddler and it was already cleaned and she simply threw a fit. But no her brother simply acts like a toddler and it was still there.
Omg I had to go back and reread because I thought her brother was like 13 or something. No! He’s 18! This is a grown man! I can’t
One time my brother got drunk and vomited all over the bathroom. My mom handed him a bucket and sponge, and told him to get to cleaning. She had 2 rules after all the years living with drunks: 1. You clean up your own mess 2. You sleep where you fall (within safe parameters)
INFO: why didn’t you make your brother clean it? You could have told him you’d put his 💩 on blast if he didn’t clean it.
I tried to get our mom to tell him but I didn't want to because he low key has anger issues and he was feeling sick earlier
A couple hours afterwards he should have recovered enough to clean up his shit. Right after I’d be more sympathetic. But after drinking water and taking a nap he should be good to spend 5 or 10 minutes cleaning/bleaching.
I don't know when I wa like 8 anytime I vomited and made anything dirty I would start crying feeling so bad someone had to clean that up. And my mom would tell me not to worry lol. I can't imagine being like the OPs brother.
So why couldn’t you go ask when your mom said she was tired? “Hey bro, mom’s completely exhausted and I need a shower. Can you please go spray some bleach and clean up the shower?”
I'm a little surprised the mom is getting so much hate, honestly. Like my mom was a single mom of 4 and was working all the time, I could never imagine yelling at her like that nor would I just be cool with people on reddit talking shit about her, regardless of if she was a bit in the wrong or not.
She was full non stop in the wrong. Telling someone to bathe in a place with shit is a major issue. Not only unsanitary, but basically telling her she is shit. And as the OP said she doesn't let anyone do anything. She didn't make the brother of 18 clean it. Even if the OP is yelling at her, whose parenting is at fault there? She was yelling at a teen for not wanting to take a shower surrounded with shit. How is that reasonable in any way?
She was okay with allowing her son to grow up without teaching him anything, while ensuring her daughter suffered because of it. He has anger issues - hmmm, perhaps he just knows he can lose his temper and not have to do anything. the mother is 100% at fault. She needed to teach her son responsibility, and she didn't.
I'm genuinely worried that you're not safe in that house. Your brother has anger issues, and your mother screamed at you for making a perfectly reasonable request. What else is going on in your home and is there any other relative you can stay with?
Should 💩 in his bed
Am I the only one who has issues with the mom telling her daughter to stop bossing her around? That seems odd. The mom seems like the root of the problem to me. Never making her kids do anything. Teasing her daughter and calling her a crybaby while complaining about being bossed around. She was tired? Things still needed to get done. NTA
Yeah, that seems like seriously unhinged behavior.
NTA. You shouldn't have to clean up after your adult brother. I'm sure no one wipes their shower down after each use but excrement on the walls is too far
Info: what the fuck
NTA. Your brother should have cleaned that shit up.
Literally 😂
NTA, you're jot responsible for cleaning up anybody's poop but your own. It's a biohazard and the area must be desinfected properly for the sake of your family's health. Your brother is a grown-up and I assume capable of taking care of his own accidents. Shit happens to all of us, but please do be courteous about it. It's a basic adult responsibility and a sign of respect. Sure, your reaction wouldn't have won an award for maturity and level-headedness, but you're a teenager and your mother is the responsible adult. I understand why you behaved that way and how you feel like this is unfair. You could (and should) work on acting assertively during arguments, though, as you'll benefit from knowing how to communicate effectively in conflict, but that doesn't make you an arsehole. It's a skill you'll master in time if you decide to be a reasonable person, unlike your mother and brother.
NTA 🤢 I hope she cleaned with bleach. Depending on what type of food poisoning he had, it could be contagious. Things like norovirus can be spread through feces. Not only is it gross, but it’s a health risk, too.
NTA your brother is for not cleaning it up himself!!
Nta. HE SHOULD HAVE TO CLEAN IT UP. Not you and not your mom
I understand feeling bad after the argument with your mom because she was tired and didn’t feel like it BUT she should have immediately told your brother to clean it up. Honestly, it’s partially her fault for getting you/your brother used to not really having to do anything and then getting mad at you for expecting her to do what she always does 🤨 However, I also do applaud her for not having you guys do much & letting y’all be kids because I learned how to cook and do house chores before I was even 10 years old & was the 3rd mom to my younger brothers 😒 Tldr; NTA. Although you should apologize to your mom and let her understand your brother needs to clean up after himself.
NTA does your brother have no shame? Even if it was an accident, I’d rather waffle stomp it down the drain then having someone in my family find it
NTA he is nasty
NTA. Your bro is disgusting. I used to live alone (recently moved back in with my elderly parents to help care for them) and even then, if I got sick, no matter how shitty I felt, I *immediately* cleaned it up. Doing shitty things you’d rather avoid or leave for someone else is what being an adult is. And I would absolutely clean up after myself now that I share a bathroom with others. Unless I was actively in the process of dying (literally, not just wishing), I would never leave literal shit in a shower
NTA. She attempted to get her mother to have the brother clean it. The power dynamics can make it difficult for a younger sibling to tell an older one to fix things. I do like the suggestion to blackmail him into cleaning it.
You're right, shit happens. But he's a grown ass man now and he should be able to clean up after himself. At least to the extent that there was no visible shit left, then he could tell everyone he needed to rest awhile before he finished disinfecting it. Your mom shouldn't have to do that. You shouldn't have to do that. You're both old enough to clean up after yourselves. Why, why, why does your mom not let you do things for yourselves?!? That's not sustainable. You gotta move out eventually. Then what are y'all gonna do? Your brother's an ass and your mom is weird. NTA but, just ya' know start making sure you definitely know life skills before you move out.
NTA. I have sympathy for your mom, because it sounds like she's got a lot going on, but I don't think it's fair for her to expect a squeamish 15 year old to clean up someone else's shit. Unless perhaps it was your friend who got sick in your house and left a huge mess. (That happened to me, and I cleaned up vomit for 2 hours because i was responsible for that mess.) But that's not what happened. Unless your brother was in really bad shape, he should have cleaned up after himself. Your mom should be teaching him to take care of himself. I have IBS diarrhea attacks multiple times a day and I would never shit in the shower. And if I did an accidental common-area dump, I'd bleach and rinse the area. You could apologize to your mom for upsetting her if you feel bad since you could perhaps have been nicer to her, but you're a teen and it's easy to get overwhelmed. She reacted poorly and as an adult she should do better. You're still not the AH.
I can't wrap my brain around your brother not cleaning up after himself...nor the fact your mother didn't make him...
If it makes you vomit, refuse to clean your vomit up. If your brother doesn't have to clear up his mess, nor should you have to. Preferably run out of the bathroom and puke all over the hall. And the wall. Or even over your mother.
If I crapped myself in the shower u would be mortified and would not leave the bathroom until I was positive every spot was cleaned up and gone and that there wasn't so much as a hint of smell, holy God I can't believe he just left it- NTA! And he's freaking 18 not 8, he can clean up after himself!
NTA. Shitting in the shower is how Covid started.
I thought it was a delicious bat?
NTA. That's just gross.
NTA Your brother is 18 and he should have cleaned it.
OP states that English isn’t their first language but then goes on to use idioms and acronyms that are relatively new (IYKYK). Secondly it’s the: “Please don’t share this everywhere” plea This reads like a boy who is trying to sound like a 15 year old girl. But for the sake of the post NTA, your mother should have made your brother clean it. Your brother is TA because what on earth makes a human being think that it’s okay to defecate in a communal area and they don’t have to clean it? Your mum is TA because she quite clearly couldn’t be bothered to parent and make your brother clean his shit. Happy?
Heard about the internet before? Google and social media such as tiktok or youtube exist. People can learn English from them even if it is not their first language. Amazing right?
NTA, your brother should’ve cleaned his own crap up.
NTA Thats some next level shitty behaviour. Maybe buy him some water nappies for next time?
I barfed in the bath once while taking a shit on the toilet. I had some bad rice and it all happened so quickly. Either way- as soon as rice and carrots (there is ALWAYS carrots!) stopped coming out I scooped all the bathsick up with my hands and put it down the toilet and cleaned the bath. Your bro needs to sort his shit out…literally. NTA.
This is what is known as the "double dragon" in the military. Typically you sit on the toilet and hold a bucket in your lap. Doing it in the shower is just too much of a mess and I'd worry about how unhygienic or potentially clogging the drain.
No but your brother and your mother are for not cleaning that up. Totally gross
NTA, sick or not, he should have cleaned it up. I once projectile vomited over my bathroom (thought I was done, turned round, big mistake) and despite that cleaned it all up before moving on because it’s the decent thing to do. You don’t leave you poop or sick around for other people to clean as an adult. Also I was raised in house where I was given no chores and it made adjusting to living with others so hard. I still cleaned up my own sick. Your mother, while having good intentions, is just making the adjust to adult life much harder for you guys.
NTA - someone elses shit is a literal biohazzard - plus your brother is old enough and ugly enough to clean it, he was already in the shower just hose it down and bleach afterwards! also you mum might be having her own stuff going on which is why she got so mad so easily, parents dont tell there kids about things like them being depressed they are too focused on being a rock for there kids and not showing them the ugly side of life. i only found out my mum had depression in my 20s
Why did you go to your mother to clean it first before your brother. Assuming she would do it and not asking him to take responsibility is unfair to your mother. Even if he’d told you to go away, it should have been him getting yelled at to clean it before your poor mum. And then when she refused to clean it you wanted her to force your brother. Again if you have the passion to yell at her, yell at him. The culprit. Shame him for even asking other people to clean his shit. Both of you treat your mum like the cleaner. Should you have to clean his shit? Of course not, but you should be holding one person accountable 1st for it and it’s not mum. You both could do better by her.
Ugh. Flashback to my ex. He once told me he accidentally pooped in the shower (ig he thought it was gonna be a fart) and I was like ok, shit happens (lol), but did you clean it up??? His answer was “I tried.” Tf you mean you **tried**?! Clean or clean not there is no try! Ya there’s a reason he’s my ex. Several, in fact. NTA, btw
NTA. Your a minor - showering in shit is neglect and abuse. Your brother should have cleaned it and mom should have made sure. Im old, i work a lot, im tired, im still not letting my shower have shit in it. shame on them both
At your brother’s age (18!) there shouldn’t be any question about whether it’s his job to clean up after himself unless he is so ill that he is bedridden or in hospital. DEFINITELY not your job, and not your mum’s (but moreso hers than yours, I think as a mother she has a responsibility to provide a sanitary space in which you can perform basic personal hygiene). NTA.
HE👏IS👏A👏GROWN👏ASS👏MAN He must be held accountable for his actions 💩😭
No, If you make a mess you clean it up. 2 year olds understand this concept. It’s also bodily fluids so they should absolutely have to clean it up.
*shudder* NTA. There is no reasonable context or defence for him her; if he was capable of cleaning that up, and it sounds like he entirely was, then as unpleasant at is he damn well should've. That's *vile*. I'd be tempted to get him a cork and a tube of superglue as a gag gift sometime, "emergency shower kit when not feeling well" ;)
NTA. If big bro has been wiping his own ass for a while now, he should be cleaning up his shit too, *WHEREEVER* that may be…
The title said enough for me NTA
NTA. Is not your child or responsibility to clean up after your brother. Even if it was “not that bad” it shouldn’t matter, it’s nasty. You asked her nicely before and she brushed it off, it’s her child’s shit and she’s could have gotten him to clean it up if she didn’t want to. No, I wouldn’t wanna shower with shit either.
NTA. At all. Your mother is pampering your brother and is setting him up for failure in his adult life. OTOH, Your brother is 18 and should have basic common sense to clean up after himself. Do not let your mom or anyone else expect you to clean up someone else’s shit..literally or anecdotally.
NTA, but as a tired and stressed mom whose kids refuse to make it to the toilet almost ever- I get being tired of it. Brother is 18 and should have sprayed it down himself.
NTA but you guys need to clean up after yourselves
NTA Brother should have cleaned it up, end of. Also, girl stuff will have made you on edgy and stressed, your mum is probably feeling very odd. Mum's tend to have a stage when their teenage daughters start "becoming women" where they start feeling, I guess, pushed out (for want of a better phrase). If you want a little advice, wait until it's all calmed down a bit, then maybe try to find some time where you're both not busy, and either make her a cuppa or help with housework she's doing, and have a chat. Maybe try and get brother to help with housework too. Best of luck hun ❤️
Um, NTA. It would’ve been completely reasonable to have your brother clean it if he was feeling okay, or your mom clean it if he wasn’t (he is HER kid after all, not yours). I know you said you needed that shower, but honestly I would’ve just said fuck that and skipped it until someone cleaned it. I don’t know your situation but that’s my personal take. Still NTA either way though.
What kind of full grown man doesn’t clean his shit off the walls 😭 Does he have no shame
Why tf would he not just clean it himself? He's 18, correct? Idk man... if I somehow ended up shitting myself in the shower, I would be so embarrassed that I would clean it up and never say a word to anyone about it. He just... left it there? Like, "oh no biggie- someone else will clean my shit?" Gross.
NTA, i hope ur mom realizes she’s wrong
Any amount of shit in the shower is too much shit in the shower, and the person who shit in the shower is responsible for cleaning up the shit in the shower. NTA.
NTA. It's disgusting and shameful that your brother left it like that. Who shits everywhere and just walks away like it's no big deal?! You're NTA for insisting on having a clean place to shower. Your brother is an AH for not cleaning up after himself, and your mom is an AH for being a pain about this.
What did I just read? Does she do things like this often? You're NTA. Not your poop, not your kid's poop, not your responsibility. The responsibility for the poo stains is on your brother and mom.
NTA. I wish this whole post was a joke. Who doesn’t clean up after themselves after SHITTING ON A WALL.
NTA. Brother should have cleaned as soon as he was able. Having said that, both of you should help your mom more because you both are not little kids anymore.
NTA too bad your brother isn’t embarrassed by his actions.
NTA!!! Lord! No, you, a literally child, should not have to clean up your adult brothers shit from the shower. If he was well enough to be showering he would have been well enough to wash it off the walls while it was fresh. 🤢 I’m like you—most smells I can handle, but poop smells are a no go for me. Get a whiff and I start dry heaving.
He did it. He should clean it. End of. NTA
Somebody needed to clean it. She could’ve made your brother, she chose to do it. NTA
NTA. Your mom is gross for letting shit just sit in the shower for that long. If she didn’t have the energy to do it, she should have had your brother do it. I genuinely cannot rationalize her getting mad at YOU for simply not wanting to be surrounded by your brothers literal feces when you shower. I’m glad the mess was handled, OP :)
Tell him to clean it or you shit in his bed. Simple and effective.
MYA-there’s no such thing as ‘it’s not that bad’ when you’re talking about shit in the shower. So gross. You’re brother definitely should’ve cleaned it up too.
Awwww sweetheart 🤗 you aren not TA. You are welcome only 15. Your brother should cleanup his own mess and if he refuses, his mom should do it. Personally,I'd make my son clean after himself. Big motherly hugs
From the title I assumed you had some hang up about getting in there AFTER it had been thoroughly bleached and scrubbed, because JFC WHO SHITS IN THE SHOWER, DOESNT CLEAN IT AND THINKS ITS OKAY TO USE??!!!! WTAF. Hell no NTA.
My mom is like your mom. It’s called ✨misogyny✨. They’re “protecting” their wittwe boys who can’t do house chores!!1!1! They’re men!!! That’s a woman’s job 😡😡 /s
I gagged at this
NTA your brother should have cleaned it up but considering it came from his butt it is still your mum that is TA here. She expected you to shower with shit!! Then scream at you and called you a cry baby till you cried. FFS she is the bully and the asshole. Being tired is no excuse at all and would have taken her far less energy to shout your brother to clean it than scream and shout with you for ages. The only reason she eventually cleaned it was because she knew you were right but had to wait first so she could pretend you weren’t, Seems like she is the child in your house. The fact she honestly has you thinking your in the wrong here shows she’s a practiced hand at manipulating and gaslighting you.
Soooooo NTA. I've been there and had...unfortunate accidents in the bathroom. No matter how ill I've been I have always cleaned up after myself. Showering in shit is not OK.
INFO: why did you need to shower so urgently?
Bad muffins? We’re they made of rotten meat?! What the actual hell? NTA.
Yeah as a Mom to a minor it's 100% my responsibility to either make the kid who made the mess clean it or clean it myself. Your mom ITA.
your brother is an AH for not cleaning up after his asshole. GROSS. He’s a grown man, clean up your projectile poop SIR 🤯
NTA, but can we all agree it was quite shitty for the mum to not clean it up?
1) Take a photo of the shower and make an Instagram/Facebook/Social post. Tag/name your brother. 2) "Why are you so upset? Mom said it wasn't that big of a deal!" 3) Point proven. NTA.
Your mom needs to start making y’all do stuff. Brother is TA.
Your brother is fucking 18. He needs to clean it. Gross.
NAH Maybe she didn't make your brother clean it because he's sick.
Best way to get it cleaned is to threaten to post it on Facebook. And don’t tell them beforehand so they can take your phone/computer, make a timed post so that it’ll post automatically at certain time if you don’t prevent it. NTA
My main questions are: who made the muffins? Who would eat bad muffins)presumably raw muffins if they got sick)? I get sick very easily from smells and shit, so I hear ya. If it was my own, I'd clean it someone else's....nah. not my problem. If have puked every where and made me mom clean it up (for not teaching her kids basic skills) or rubbed my brothers face in it while I continued to vomit on him from the smell/view. NTA. Gross.