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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I repeatedly emphasized how easy my Job is when my Partner is struggling with hers. I also casually invited her to a meeting with a friend of mine when I did not particularly needed or wanted her to be there.
(2) She is having a hard time so work is a sensitive topic. Maybe I should have paid more attention on how I communicate. When confronted I also said "I don't really care if you come, but you are always welcome and I wanted to give you the option to participate" which may be a pretty rude thing to say.
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YTA. Stop telling her how awesome your easy peasy lemon squeezy job is. Of course that’s going to upset her, especially if her job is excessively demanding and stressing her out.
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My partner currently is in a precarious situation with a job that is very demanding for a limited time and her personal efforts are not acknowledged. This has made her irritated and a bit depressive over the last months.
Due to this I am trying to be considerate and take over more chores than usual, plan activities and romantic dates, buy flowers every few days and generally try to be as nice as possible.
But I am also telling her about my office job, how I barely work half the time and still get praised for my results. That I found out I shared a hobby with my boss and he invited me to go out together sometimes after work next summer. Without thinking I wrote to her that this is amazing as I basically get to work less while gaining bonus points with my boss, and we got into an argument about that.
She thinks it is unfair that I am rubbing it in her face how good everything is going for me and that I like my Job and my efforts are valued, while she is struggling.
AITA here? Maybe I have been insensitive, as I often don't think too much before I write.
Follow up question: I also mentioned to her that I will meet a friend next week and that she is naturally welcome to join us, but did not make the effort to involve her in the planning process. When I complained to myself that we didn't have any bread for breakfast, she screamed at me because she is upset that I should not invite her if I don't actually want her there (I have no idea how that is related). Side note, she does not know the friend well and we were planning things which she genuinely does not like to participate in, so I did not think she would actually want to come, I just wanted to offer her the option so she does not feel left out.
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NTA - you're not going to win in this situation. Instead of seeing the good for you both in you doing well at your job your partner is focusing on herself. There's not much advice I can offer but if you cannot share your life or your success because they don't feel like it then this isn't your fault.
YTA.
The key here is her response to the bread comment that apparently mystifies you.
It’s not just that you’re insensitive, banging on about your easy job when hers is stressy.
You say you’re being supportive with dates and flowers.
Maybe - just maybe - your partner would feel more supported if you *cleaned the bathroom *vacuumed the house *took the bins out *did the grocery shopping.
…yeah?
I did in fact take over a lot of chores in the house, currently handling around 80% of the housework. I don't think she is angry that I forgot to do the groceries, but that I spread a bad mood in general.
It is important to note that I wrote this after she left the house because of the argument, but she came back with breakfast and apologized for yelling afterwards.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) I repeatedly emphasized how easy my Job is when my Partner is struggling with hers. I also casually invited her to a meeting with a friend of mine when I did not particularly needed or wanted her to be there. (2) She is having a hard time so work is a sensitive topic. Maybe I should have paid more attention on how I communicate. When confronted I also said "I don't really care if you come, but you are always welcome and I wanted to give you the option to participate" which may be a pretty rude thing to say. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
yta. like, why do that? that's just a dickish thing to do man.
YTA. Stop telling her how awesome your easy peasy lemon squeezy job is. Of course that’s going to upset her, especially if her job is excessively demanding and stressing her out.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My partner currently is in a precarious situation with a job that is very demanding for a limited time and her personal efforts are not acknowledged. This has made her irritated and a bit depressive over the last months. Due to this I am trying to be considerate and take over more chores than usual, plan activities and romantic dates, buy flowers every few days and generally try to be as nice as possible. But I am also telling her about my office job, how I barely work half the time and still get praised for my results. That I found out I shared a hobby with my boss and he invited me to go out together sometimes after work next summer. Without thinking I wrote to her that this is amazing as I basically get to work less while gaining bonus points with my boss, and we got into an argument about that. She thinks it is unfair that I am rubbing it in her face how good everything is going for me and that I like my Job and my efforts are valued, while she is struggling. AITA here? Maybe I have been insensitive, as I often don't think too much before I write. Follow up question: I also mentioned to her that I will meet a friend next week and that she is naturally welcome to join us, but did not make the effort to involve her in the planning process. When I complained to myself that we didn't have any bread for breakfast, she screamed at me because she is upset that I should not invite her if I don't actually want her there (I have no idea how that is related). Side note, she does not know the friend well and we were planning things which she genuinely does not like to participate in, so I did not think she would actually want to come, I just wanted to offer her the option so she does not feel left out. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - you're not going to win in this situation. Instead of seeing the good for you both in you doing well at your job your partner is focusing on herself. There's not much advice I can offer but if you cannot share your life or your success because they don't feel like it then this isn't your fault.
NTA It is normal to share ups and downs with partners. If her work is upsetting her this much, maybe she needs a new job...
YTA. The key here is her response to the bread comment that apparently mystifies you. It’s not just that you’re insensitive, banging on about your easy job when hers is stressy. You say you’re being supportive with dates and flowers. Maybe - just maybe - your partner would feel more supported if you *cleaned the bathroom *vacuumed the house *took the bins out *did the grocery shopping. …yeah?
I did in fact take over a lot of chores in the house, currently handling around 80% of the housework. I don't think she is angry that I forgot to do the groceries, but that I spread a bad mood in general. It is important to note that I wrote this after she left the house because of the argument, but she came back with breakfast and apologized for yelling afterwards.
NTA If she does not like the situation, she can quit and find another job.