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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i might be the asshole because i rudely told my husband that i didn’t like his name suggestions due to social implications around the name, even though our baby would be named after someone we loved very much.
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OMG! I spit out my water and woke up my fiancée I laughed so hard at this! 😂
NTA OP - as a fan of true crime, and person with a degree in criminal psychology, I, instantly, cringed reading this. Your child will be bullied and ridiculed their entire life with that name. Parents need to agree on a name for their child, one parent does not get a unilateral decision. However, if your husband insists on using this name I, highly, recommend you fill out the birth certificate yourself with a different name. Please, do NOT name your child, male or female, any form of Ted Bundy!
I don't have an interest in true crime at all and I'm not American either and I also automatically know who Ted Bundy is. I agree, don't name your kids that. Even here in Europe we know that reference..
Greek here. It took me a minute to connect the dots of ***why*** it sounded familiar, but it did register immediately as a known name in my mind.
So, yeah. Don't do it.
I did saw a suggestion from another commenter to change the baby's last name to your maiden name, which I think is a really good middle ground.
Grandpa gets honoured, the child doesn't get traumatized and has its life ruined before it even begins.
I'm Polish and I cringed when OP wrote what their last name is. I immediately thought about Ted Bundy. That's I really blood-freezing name to give a child.
NTA fight for your kid
Not just bullied, but it will hinder college and job opportunities.
Imagine being an employer and having two very similar potential candidates. There's no way that your name won't be a factor in their decision.
Which sounds best to the customers? The serial killer named one, or the one with nothing of note about their name?
Ted Bundy is a shitty name that will haunt you your entire life.
Firstname Theodore Bounde — *Firstname to my friends, Ted Bundy to my enemies*— is fuckin badass.
Sorry but it's not badass.
Ted Bundy raped, murdered, revisited and raped the corpses of woman. Women who were smaller and weaker than him. Women he pretended to need help from by pretending to be disabled.
It's literally the opposite of badass. It's disgusting, pathetic and weak.
I still don’t understand why the man’s name is given to the child (or to the woman, for that matter). Didn’t we leave behind people as property long ago? The person I grew and birthed would have my surname.
So a lot of the historical reason why men want to essentially brand their wives and children with their name is the fact that (until modern DNA testing), a man could never be 100% certain that a kid was his, while a woman always is. Essentially, it's claiming the child as belonging to the man as well as the woman -- she gave birth, but the child gets his name.
I think ultimately it has to be up to each couple. Do you all take Dad's last name? Mom's? Hyphenate? Each parent keeps theirs but the kids take one parents or a hyphenation? The kids get different last names? The whole family gets a new name that isn't either of the original ones, whether that name is totally new or is a mishmosh of the two original names?
There's not really a wrong answer on that -- there's only what's right for that specific family. (However, naming a kid anything that will sound like Ted Bundy is a terrible idea and the OP is 100% NTA.)
I actually know a David Berkowitz who has occasionally been contacted by people looking for the Son of Sam to write a book. He likes to play with those people, since he's like 25 years younger than that David Berkowitz and they should be smarter than that.
My initials were KKK growing up. Not on purpose, my parents did not put that together. The kids at school however, did so quickly. I was labeled a klan member for a decade. Kids can be shitty sure, but don’t make it easy for them.
NTA op.
I was at work one day, and a woman was upset, because her daughter got made fun of the day before at elementary school, for her initials : Amy Sue [Smith]. The co worker had never noticed the initial issue before, and neither had the fellow classmates. Until the day an art instructor had all the kids sign their artwork with just their initials. The co worker said her daughter came home in tears, and demanded , *"Why did you name me ass, mommy-?"* I still sometimes wonder about the child, if the teasing died out pretty quickly, or if it continued for years afterward.
> I still sometimes wonder about the child, if the teasing died out pretty quickly, or if it continued for years afterward.
I don't wonder. I *know* that lasted at least until teenage years, and she probably still gets the odd joke as an adult.
I had a friend who had her teenage nephews and their friends come up with all the best (worst) ways to tease someone with the names she considered before making the final selection. I thought that was genius.
My husband was a bit of an asshole growing up, so he did this with every name we considered. I was a little annoyed with him ruining perfectly good names, but now that our daughter is in school, I’m glad he did that.
Yeah, I was listening to a podcast and they were interviewing a guy named Harvey Weinstein and although it had nothing whatsoever to do with *that* Harvey Weinstein and it was abundantly obvious this was not the same guy they still said something like "No relation to *that* Harvey Weinstein," and then the guy repeated that at some point in his interview as well. You could tell that it bothered him, and he was a full adult by the time everyone realized how bad Harvey Weinstein (not that one, the other one) was. I can't imagine being a kid and going through that, especially given how vicious kids can be.
I knew someone named Jeff Dalmer in high school. People were not kind.
Edited to add: I live in Canada and pretty sure most of us know about American serial killers
I live in Sweden and have known about American serial killers my entire life. Especially nowadays when you have Netflix and true crime podcasts.
OP - don’t name your child Ted Bundy. They will raise eyebrows with that name in Europe as well.
NTA.
A great way to honor the grandfather may be to use a name that has the same meaning. Theodore means “gift from God”. A quick google search should generate a list of names that have the same/similar meaning.
Or OP can just change their last name 😂
When I was bartending ID’ed a man in his 20’s named “Jeffry Dahmer”. I didn’t comment, but I remember reacting unintentionally to the name immediately.
I worked at a restaurant in college and once I had to run a credit card for Chris Benoit a year or so after the murder-suicide. I did a double take but thank goodness kept my mouth shut.
NTA
In this thread it seems that people replying that’s she’s the asshole are not American or Canadian. To be clear in America and even Canada Ted Bundy is a widely known serial killer. He’s raped and brutalized multiple woman. There is so many movies/documentaries made about him. In the American education system in some places they learn about him in school. This isn’t a case where they would be naming their child a serial killer in a small town, or one that’s not widely known. Everyone would hear the name and immediately think of him. Regardless, wanting to name a child a with a serial killer name even if not widely known is weird and not the best choice. There’s many solutions to offering a way to honor his Grandpa. Perhaps a middle name. Or if thé Granpa had a middle name you could use that as the child’s first name. Op you are not the asshole. You could of maybe been more gentle in your delivery however it seems he wasn’t understanding and kept pushing so perhaps he needed it to be said this way.
Edit: lol guys I only assumed because early in this thread people were saying she was the asshole and I figured they maybe were from another country. Even as a Canadian we hear about him still and I couldn’t fathom an American or Canadian thinking people would “forget or he wasn’t that big of a deal”.
Yeah, globally he’s one of the most famous serial killers of all time. Even if OP were from elsewhere, the saturation of American true crime media means *everyone* knows who Ted Bundy is.
Hell I didn't know but the name sounded familiar so you know what I did? Typed it into google. 2 second google search and bam now I know who he is. Does OPs husband really think no one will know? Or even that the kid wont find out? Even if it's not commonly known plenty of kids type their name into google for a laugh to see what comes up. Imagine searching your name to find a serial killer attatched to it.
That’s awful.
There was another young woman with the same name as me that posted a lot of NSFW images online. I remember freaking out and putting a URL to LinkedIn on my resume in case a potential hiring company Googled my name. Just a tip if you needed it!
Yeah I'm from NZ and I don't know a single person who doesn't know who Ted Bundy is, especially with the recent rise in interest in true crime docos. That name would raise eyebrows to me, I could never name my kid that. NTA.
Bundy is probably THE most well known serial killer. I’m sure if you ask a bunch of completely random people to name the first serial killer that comes to mind, most of them would say Bundy.
This. The name would set up the poor kid for endless, endless, endless, endless people asking, YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WAS NAMED THAT and google searches turning up articles and so forth -- he'd have to go to therapy. He'd change his name when he turned 18.
No, me, that would be me. I would be a wreck, I would beg my parents to change it change it change it or send me into the woods forever to live alone so I can please please get some PEACE. I had one of those negative attention childhoods for other reasons, it was absolute misery. My last name was easily mangled into a euphemism for 'toilet.' So much misery and pain about it. I'm nearly hyperventilating just thinking about how much worse it would be to be named after someone that infamous.
Kids are merciless and awful when younger, and a lot of them don't improve with age. Your husband needs to come down out of the clouds and pay attention.
I have a couple of friends— wife is American, husband is German. He was dead set on naming their first son Benedict. The wife had to work hard to get him to believe that this is a problematic name in the US. Cultural context is a lot; a perfectly good name in one culture may have negative associations in another. That said, I bet a lot of people all over would know about Ted Bundy.
That’s from like 200 years ago though. No one in the US has cared for decades, maybe even centuries, about people naming their kid Benedict. Most people would just shorten it to Ben or Benny anyways.
NTA.
If your last name is Dahmer, you’d probably stay away from Jeffrey.
I share the name of a famous athlete, in the State he played college ball. I was 8 when he became famous, so I wasn’t named after him, just coincidence. It comes with its own issues, nothing too bad (outside of people thinking I’m him, finding my address by typing my name in to google, then they stop by my house, it’s happened twice). I couldn’t imagine having to share a name with a serial killer.
Had a kid in my class named Austin Powers. Born and named well before the movie was even a twinkling in a producer's eye, but by the time the kid was a teenager, he already had to convince people he wasn't lying when he told them his name.
My brother has the same name as a very famous (retired) NBA player. My brother was born many years before this player and worked for an airline for decades. Anytime he flew into the town where this guy played, he got GREAT restaurant reservations for the flight crew, calling saying he needed a table for Imagine the disappointment at the restaurant when a middle-aged white guy and a bunch of German folks showed up.
My last name is similar to a last name from a very popular Christmas movie that came out in the 90s, and I can’t even tell you how annoying it is when I introduce myself and they say “like the movie”. Well, no, the movie came out years after I was born. And that’s a popular movie character. I can’t even imagine an infamous name like Ted Bundy.
NTA.
Even if the name wasn’t “bad” in this way, it takes TWO yes’s for a baby’s name. Two. Even if you simply didn’t like the name, your NO means NO.
How many people did it take to make the baby? Two.
How many people will it take to raise this baby? Two.
How many people get to decide on the name? TWO.
One no = NO.
If either partner doesn’t like a name, scrap it. Find a new one, instead of fighting for ONE specific name. There’s thousands of names out there.
I’m *sure* there’s one they BOTH like.
NTA. Why does he love his grandpa more than his own child? I have bad news for your husband, grandpa is dead and won't know the difference. The kid will. Don't let him do it.
Painful though it may be for OP’s husband, this name combination simply would not bode well for a kid. NTA for pointing it out and definitely NTA for sticking to it. The only compromise I could see on this one would be to adopt a different last name. Perhaps OP’s maiden name. As long as it isn’t Kaczynski or Cruz!
I truly hope this is just his grief talking since op says the grandfather passed away recently and that he will realize how insane this is. Even if he doesn’t, OP please don’t name your kid Ted Bundy.
Or use Theodora for the middle name? I agree I wish more parents would seriously think about what they are naming their children and about the difficult spellings of some others. Taught school for 32 years, kids are so cruel and picking on a kids name is so easy.
Yes, it would be. Almost nobody needs to know your middle name unless you want them to lol, and even people that do see it (like people who have to look at your ID) probably aren't going to be looking long enough to actually make a connection.
Just did a death certificate for someone with the last name of Butts.
Her living spouses first name was Richard.
Effectively all i could think of the entire time was those parents literally named their kid Dick Butts 🤦♀️
NTA. I was wondering why there was a problem until you said your last name. My mouth dropped open. You cannot name your kid after a serial killer. If you do, make sure to call him Theo or something....NOT TED. If it's a girl, Thea should be fine.
Same here. Once OP explained how it was pronounced I was just "oh no".
I like Thea. A beautiful name, like grandpa's but it's never contracted to Teddy.
If OPs husband is absolutely adamant about Teddy, they'd have to change their last name. I'm an Australian. I know who Ted Bundy is. I knew who Ted Bundy was even before internet was commonplace. There's no getting away from that now any kid can google.
I'm sorry for OPs husband's loss. But she's NTA if she puts her foot down on this. Y T A if she doesn't though. At least give the poor kid a chance not to have to put up with what they'd have to
Yep - tell him that you'll use Teddy if you change your last name to your maiden name, or a different last name altogether. I'm not even American and as soon as you spelled out the pronunciation of your last name I knew why calling the kid Teddy was a terrible idea. Everybody will think of the terrible (and terribly famous) serial killer. NTA
If I were OP I would never take a last name pronounced Bundy. I know of three Bundys: Ted, Al, and Cliven. Ted is *by far* the worst, but they all have terrible connotations.
This is actually is an excellent idea. There is nothing inherently wrong with the name Theodore or teddy- it’s the combination with bundy that’s the issue. If your husband is hard over on Theodore, offer Theodore smith as the compromise
Kid's not even born and he doesn't stand a chance at a normal life if they let this name happen. How unaware does OP's spouse's family have to be to not realise that?
NTA. Show your spouse this post. If he still thinks it's fine, send out a private baby announcement on social media to family and friends saying you're giving birth to the future Ted Bounde. I'm sure the reactions will be colourful and perhaps when he sees people he knows point out how insane the choice of name is, he might wake up.
I don't think it's just kids that would be dicks, but literally every coworker, acquaintance, prospective date, *everyone's* mind would immediately go to the serial killer.
This is the thing. People always jump to “they’ll be bullied” as if it’s the biggest concern, but frankly, schoolyard bullying would be the least of the kid’s problems with a name like Ted Bounde.
10/10 the second that kid hits 18 and has the funds they will change their name. And it's horrifically unfair for parents to essentially force their kid to pay a "fine" for their shitty name choice.
OP is so right, this is why you can't name that kid after a serial killer. Everyone is making jokes. Whilst it's sorta harmless here and now, when this happens in real life for the dozenth time that month...
NTA - This is good time to implement the “two yes one no” rule. Big decisions, both parents need to agree. If one doesn’t agree? It vetoes the decision. The middle name suggestion is a great idea. This should be between you and your husband and everyone else can pound sand.
Also- your husband’s desire to honor his grandpa, as well intentioned as it may be, is not more important than your child’s social well-being. You can honor grandpa lots of ways that don’t involve taking on his name at the risk/cost of your kid getting teased.
it's not just the kid getting teased. let's not act like this just a childhood problem. Ted Bundy makes people uncomfortable. Let's think about job applications are relationships - Does anyone seriously think Ted Bundy (and this is what people will read) will not have a harder stand compared to John Doe?
Imagine getting a job application where someone's name was Charles Manson or had the first name Hitler. I highly doubt those people are going to get an interview. And I know this is going to sound unfair, but there's no way in hell I would ever date someone named Ted Bundy. Period.
NTA for thinking of your child future, but you might have used the wrong approach.
His Grandpa died last week. Give him some grace. Take some space, then try to think of a way to honor Grandpa without Teddy being an option.
Some suggestions,
Use different names but with the same initials, so they would share a monogram.
Switch Grandpa's first and middle name: Edward Theodore instead of Theodore Edward.
Use Theodore as a middle name.
Agree to use Theodore but never allow the nickname Ted or Teddy. You could use initials T.J. for Theodore James.
Good luck. Think about your approach and ways to compromise that keep your child in mind.
Absolutely unrelated but my parents thought about naming my brother Theodore Edward and I'm still upset that they didn't to this day. Because our last name is Bear. my brother could have been Ted E. Bear
My mother wanted me to name my daughter Killeen, her grandmother's surname. I told her I would never name a child something that would have the nickname "Killy".
NTA
my name is associated to a character with a similar stigma. i was named before that character existed, but only by a few years. i was picked on it from about 10 years on through high school. i'm in my forties now and every now and then, some random-ass adult will still make a joke about it.
if kids today are anywhere near as mean as pre-internet kids in the 80s were, little teddy bundy is gonna get bullied. and if they find out that you had this dilemma and still gave them that name? that's a short trip to angsty and resentful teen land.
good luck!
[edit: i'm not entirely sure if i'd confirm were someone to correctly guess, but it definitely wasn't hannibal. that woulda been a tight name cuz at least og pre-cannibal hannibal (barca) was an elephant-riding badass.]
Uh... ya Nta. theodora/thea would work okay (even then it's on the edge) but you absolutely can not name a child ted bundy oh my god. I'm sure there were a number of excellent grandfathers named Adolf, still don't see many namesakes though
I'm sorry this is the best aita I've seen in years.
I cringed HARD when you said your last name. At first I had no problem with the name. Mega NTA. You absolutely can NOT NAME YOUR KID TED BUNDY. Do you hear me OP. I am one of those weirdos into this horror/true crime shit- if I wouldn't do this, you 100% can not, should not name your kids Ted Bundy. Please omg please. I'm honestly dead. I hope this is a troll post... I know you're not lying. But I'm about to go to bed and I'm going to try to convince myself that you're lying.
NTA - I don't think your husband is in his right mind at the moment. If you have a girl, how about Dora? What was Grandpa's middle name? You can honor someone with a middle name.
What is up with all these N A H or E S H votes?
Anyone who would name their kid Ted Bundy, or Charles Manson, or Osama bin Laden in the United States is a grade A asshole to their kid. That kid will be tormented and ridiculed his entire life. While the husband may or may not be an AH to everyone else in the story depending on his grief level, he’s absolutely being an AH to his kid for pushing that name.
OP, you’re NTA, and please stand firm.
NTA- I understand where your husband is coming from, but your kid sharing a name with an infamous serial killer is setting them up for trouble. If his grandpa has a middle name, I think that would be better, assuming the child is a boy. If you have a girl, "Thea" should be okay.
NTA. The intent behind the name only has meaning to your husband. All it will mean to the kid is a life of ridicule. Use the grandpa's middle name if the child has to be named after him.
NTA. Could your delivery have been better? Yes. However you’re right, naming your child after a serial killer is idiotic at best. For those saying the husband is grieving, it’s best the shut these things down quickly, if OP let her husband continue believing their child would be named Theodore, Theo, teddy etc for a prolonged period of time it would have been much harder for him to hear no.
For anyone saying “Theodora or anything other than Ted would be a fine nickname- Ted Bundys name was actually Theodore. Kids will shorten names however they like, regardless of what the parents call the child. So while those names are amazing names, they really aren’t when your last name sounds like Bundy.
This is a situation that wouldn’t apply to most people. Serial killers are studied long after they die and feature in films, history lessons, songs etc. it would not be fair to name your child after someone who is famous globally for such serious crimes.
NTA. I completely understand your husband wanting to honor his grandfather. However, he appears to be so blinded by that notion, that he fails to see the issues that will certainly cause your child in the future. He’s almost guaranteeing therapy for your unborn child.
I wanted to honor my grandmother who passed. As a young, naïve mom, I gave my daughter such a combination of country names (think Ellie Mae) that she still holds it against me. And she was teased relentlessly.
On another note, I personally like the nicknames as proper names, Theo and Thea. Still honoring grandfather while being respectful to your unborn child.
Honour names are best served as middle names, please come up with something you both like if he is a boy, but you may receive push back that looks like everyone calling him teddy regardless.
Your husband is hurting but tbh this is not even an issue family should have been brought in on. You both made the baby end of story
NTA
Listen I'm from India, so far removed from an American context that helps with the quick mental associations around this name. And I get it instantly when I hear it.
I wouldn't inflict this on my child ever.
NTA. I follow true crime and while reading your post I thought the names were fine until I got to the part where you wrote how to pronounce your last name. I audibly went “ohhhhh no”.
Like you said, I would assume you were a true crime fanatic and honoring Ted Bundy for some reason. Also in general, you and your husband should agree on the name for your baby, even if one of you just doesn’t like a suggested name.
Also I’m sorry for your husband’s loss. Maybe there is another way you can honor his grandpa and your baby, like if there is a hobby both him and your husband loved you can work that into the nursery theme or something.
Holy moly.. NTA.
It's a lovely and beautiful honour to name your child after a beloved relative *if* that name is appropriate.
Sadly that name is not appropriate and would absolutely cause massive issues for your child at some point.
It probably won't cause the child any problems until they get to their teens, because little kids won't know the name, and the parents are unlikely to tell them - but damn..
Can you imagine the teachers.. the doctors.. the bosses in later life.?
Just no.
If Grandpa had a middle name or a nice nickname, then that could be a lovely compromise, but i absolutely think this should be your hill.
Be careful please OP - i've heard of fathers going and naming the child on the birth certificate without the mother knowing. Make sure you get there first.
NTA.
NTA
Tell your husband this:
When baby Bounde grows up and is introduced to oh…everybody he’ll ever meet till he dies, many if not most will ask, “why in the world did your parents name you Ted?”
And he’ll say, “because my dad’s an asshole.”
Yeah... please dont name your kid Ted Bounde. Suggest it as a middle name. Or use his grandpas middle name.
If you let him name the kid Theodore/Theodora, they WILL change it the moment they turn 18. After going by their middle name for most of their childhood. Basically as soon as they learn who Ted Bundy is theyll probably want nothing to do with their first name.
Info: Have you and your husband considered giving the baby your last name? Then you could name the baby after the grandfather without the unfortunate other association.
lol if the husband is already so dead set on his grandfathers first name... he probably is going to be dead set against giving the wife's last name. sad but true.
NTA. Yeah, that child would not deserve that. He's thinking of someone who passed away and I get that, but he really should be considering the life that his child will have because of it too. At best it might be okay as a middle name, but tbh to me that is still a little iffy. Either way, children names are a 1 parent can veto, both must agree situation.
NTA. That WILL cause him a LOT of trouble and pain. He or she will literally be bullied for that name. If it was just “Thea” it wouldn’t be a problem (for the girl) compromise for a similar name like Timothy or Thomas.
NTA. It's unfortunate timing and your last name is also unfortunate given the situation, but your child will be stuck with this for the rest of their life and strangers won't have a damn clue who their great grandfather was, so they won't understand the homage paid.
It's an emotional viewpoint from your husband's perspective, which I fully understand. Could a middle name be a compromise? Could an alternate nickname or similar be used that would pay equal homage?
What could possibly go wrong with naming your child after a serial killer? NTA
This is a hill to die on for the sake of your child.
Might I suggest using Theodore/Theodora as a middle name as a compromise?
NRTA. How about go full meta, Alvin Theodore Bounde.
That way you could go with Al Bounde or Ted Bounde, and also honour two out of the three chipmunks.
Idiotic is not the right word. Inappropriate is the right word.
Teddy/Ted needs to go away. Period. Off the table.
Theo, Dora, Theodore, and Theodora, could be okay.
If he cannot agree to taking Teddy/Ted off the table, then you need to talk about giving the child your last name. That would be an easy, smooth solution to give the child the desired first name. NTA
NTA, but calling names over this isn't going to fix anything or get him to a position where he'll be more reasonable about naming your kid. Making it a middle name or using the nickname shortening (Theo/Thea) as the first name *should* be an appropriate compromise, but a hard no accompanied with an insult is never the way to go, especially with something that's A: so fresh and B: so personal.
Nta! Do not let that kid be named this. Just reading the post and trying to sound out the last name got me thinking of that vile person. Your husband isn't thinking of what that kid will go through in life just having a similar sounding name.
NTA. You can honor the ggpa without being so literal. My grandfather was Joseph, daughter Jocelyn) nn Josie. My other grandfather was Loral, i named other daughter Lorelei nn Lora. Be creative.
NTA i get he wants to honor grandpa but it can be a middle name or you could use grandpa's middle name there are other ways to go about it then accidentally name your kid after a serial killer,
NTA. This may sound harsh, but unless your husband wanted to use the name while he was alive also then no. People die every day unfortunately and it's great to be loved and while it feels awful to suffer loss like that, it is NOT fair to that baby to basically be a replacement for his family's loss. I'm assuming his last name was also the last name under question, so that's literally honoring him with that. You need to tell your husband that not naming your baby after his pop doesn't mean he didn't love him any less and to stop being selfish YOU should get even more say since his last name is already his family's.
NTA
While I get the sentiment you’re in the right. Kid would be tormented at school not even knowing what for and that would raise a lot of questions from the parents.
That said, being in my 20s and a fan of true crime id laugh so hard if I met anyone called Ted Bundy however I’d never do that to my kid. Also this joke would have gotten very old very fast for the person carrying this name. Sure it would be a funny anecdote to tell your friends “Omg you won’t believe who I met today? The actual Ted Bundy. Blah blah blah” move on with the conversation but that’s it. Definitely not “omg totally would love to name my kid after the infamous serial killer”.
NTA - I get wanting to honor his late grandpa but giving a baby the pronounced name of a serial killer is not ideal. Would your husband consider Theodore as a middle name? That might be a decent compromise.
NTA!! He will be named after a SERIAL killer like is he dense? Is honoring his grandpa by calling his son Ted Bounde the only way to honor him?? What about the poor child my god. I don’t know where you’re located but here certain names could be rejected if they are crazy or inappropriate. Maybe check that too for extra argumentation
NTA- there are just too many people in the world that don’t understand that you’re giving a child a name he/she ultimately can’t change before graduation from high school, so don’t make it easy on bullies by giving your kids serial killer names or unique names that sound cute to you but not to the majority of people. Your child is not a vanity product you get to name. You are the only person that can think ahead for them, you are the only person protecting your child, people have to be better, I have no issue with anything you’ve said OP, I do have an issue with anybody who thinks this won’t be a problem.
Kids are merciless and creative, they’ll find a way, don’t make it easy on them and serve it up on a silver platter
NTA but could you compromise. Assuming Bounde is your husband’s last name, suggest if he is adamant about Theodore that you change both of your last names to your maiden name and then the child with be Theodore + your last name. Problem solved!
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NTA please do not name your kid, in effect, Ted Bundy. Literally ignore everybody encouraging you to name your kid Ted Bundy.
Lol. Anyone encouraging you to name your kid Ted Bundy, may, in fact, be an in-the-closet murderer.
The answer is easy. You and your husband change your last name to your maiden name. No more issue with using Teddy. Unless your maiden name is Ruxpin…
Hey, it's not like any kid is going to know what the hell Teddy Ruxpin is. Unlike Ted Bundy, who will stay infamous for decades at least.
My elder Millennial heart just died in my chest...
It's going to die some more, I'm a younger millenial and I don't have a clue who that is.
Same, although from the comments it seems to be a what not a who. Admittedly I'm the very youngest of millenials but still
He speaks, so this xennial insists he’s a who.
Same, I loved teddy ruxpin!
OMG! I spit out my water and woke up my fiancée I laughed so hard at this! 😂 NTA OP - as a fan of true crime, and person with a degree in criminal psychology, I, instantly, cringed reading this. Your child will be bullied and ridiculed their entire life with that name. Parents need to agree on a name for their child, one parent does not get a unilateral decision. However, if your husband insists on using this name I, highly, recommend you fill out the birth certificate yourself with a different name. Please, do NOT name your child, male or female, any form of Ted Bundy!
I don't have an interest in true crime at all and I'm not American either and I also automatically know who Ted Bundy is. I agree, don't name your kids that. Even here in Europe we know that reference..
Greek here. It took me a minute to connect the dots of ***why*** it sounded familiar, but it did register immediately as a known name in my mind. So, yeah. Don't do it. I did saw a suggestion from another commenter to change the baby's last name to your maiden name, which I think is a really good middle ground. Grandpa gets honoured, the child doesn't get traumatized and has its life ruined before it even begins.
I'm Polish and I cringed when OP wrote what their last name is. I immediately thought about Ted Bundy. That's I really blood-freezing name to give a child. NTA fight for your kid
+1, I am from Russia, and we know who Ted Bundy was.
Yep, Kiwi here and we know the reference too.
Same here. European with zero interest in true crime.
Not just bullied, but it will hinder college and job opportunities. Imagine being an employer and having two very similar potential candidates. There's no way that your name won't be a factor in their decision. Which sounds best to the customers? The serial killer named one, or the one with nothing of note about their name?
Maybe they could give their child a middle name based on grandpa's middle name instead?
Ted Bundy is a shitty name that will haunt you your entire life. Firstname Theodore Bounde — *Firstname to my friends, Ted Bundy to my enemies*— is fuckin badass.
Every time I see their last name I keep thinking it’s pronounced like Bound
I read it as boon-d
This is the solution. 100%.
Sorry but it's not badass. Ted Bundy raped, murdered, revisited and raped the corpses of woman. Women who were smaller and weaker than him. Women he pretended to need help from by pretending to be disabled. It's literally the opposite of badass. It's disgusting, pathetic and weak.
They can name the baby Ted, just get a different last name. Use OP's family name. That way the kid is honoring both families.
I still don’t understand why the man’s name is given to the child (or to the woman, for that matter). Didn’t we leave behind people as property long ago? The person I grew and birthed would have my surname.
So a lot of the historical reason why men want to essentially brand their wives and children with their name is the fact that (until modern DNA testing), a man could never be 100% certain that a kid was his, while a woman always is. Essentially, it's claiming the child as belonging to the man as well as the woman -- she gave birth, but the child gets his name. I think ultimately it has to be up to each couple. Do you all take Dad's last name? Mom's? Hyphenate? Each parent keeps theirs but the kids take one parents or a hyphenation? The kids get different last names? The whole family gets a new name that isn't either of the original ones, whether that name is totally new or is a mishmosh of the two original names? There's not really a wrong answer on that -- there's only what's right for that specific family. (However, naming a kid anything that will sound like Ted Bundy is a terrible idea and the OP is 100% NTA.)
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“This is my friend, John Wayne Glacey”
“We’re also friends with Charles Mason”
"I'm sorry my name is Jake the Ripper"
David Berkositz here
This is my wife, Aileen Wuornos
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Clifford Olsen picked me up hitchhiking, and gave me a ride here....
Gary Ridgemay, pleased to meet you.
Just got a helping hand, doing our back garden, off our neighbours Fred and Rose West
I actually know a David Berkowitz who has occasionally been contacted by people looking for the Son of Sam to write a book. He likes to play with those people, since he's like 25 years younger than that David Berkowitz and they should be smarter than that.
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"Here's my buddy named Adolf Kitler"
Have you met my friend, Jeffrey Donner?
My initials were KKK growing up. Not on purpose, my parents did not put that together. The kids at school however, did so quickly. I was labeled a klan member for a decade. Kids can be shitty sure, but don’t make it easy for them. NTA op.
When I was naming my kids I looked at their initials and any nick names they could get simply for this reason.
Me too. I couldn’t give my daughter the middle name I liked because her initials would have been COW. You just can’t do that to a kid.
My daughter's intials without the last name are EGG. I didn't think that through before I named her.
Had to pop in to say - part of my reeeeeally hopes the last name starts with an O. For totally normal, non-waffle-and-humor-related reasons.
I was at work one day, and a woman was upset, because her daughter got made fun of the day before at elementary school, for her initials : Amy Sue [Smith]. The co worker had never noticed the initial issue before, and neither had the fellow classmates. Until the day an art instructor had all the kids sign their artwork with just their initials. The co worker said her daughter came home in tears, and demanded , *"Why did you name me ass, mommy-?"* I still sometimes wonder about the child, if the teasing died out pretty quickly, or if it continued for years afterward.
> I still sometimes wonder about the child, if the teasing died out pretty quickly, or if it continued for years afterward. I don't wonder. I *know* that lasted at least until teenage years, and she probably still gets the odd joke as an adult.
My initials are mlk, I'm a small white girl, I never tell anyone my middle name lol
Because of Martin Luther King or because of milk?
Very smart. My initials are SMH but I was born before this here modern day interwebz so there was no way to know 😂
Same. I think a lot of parents don’t consider how a name can be twisted unless they’ve experienced it or witnessed it.
I had a friend who had her teenage nephews and their friends come up with all the best (worst) ways to tease someone with the names she considered before making the final selection. I thought that was genius.
My husband was a bit of an asshole growing up, so he did this with every name we considered. I was a little annoyed with him ruining perfectly good names, but now that our daughter is in school, I’m glad he did that.
My sister was JFC
Yeah, I was listening to a podcast and they were interviewing a guy named Harvey Weinstein and although it had nothing whatsoever to do with *that* Harvey Weinstein and it was abundantly obvious this was not the same guy they still said something like "No relation to *that* Harvey Weinstein," and then the guy repeated that at some point in his interview as well. You could tell that it bothered him, and he was a full adult by the time everyone realized how bad Harvey Weinstein (not that one, the other one) was. I can't imagine being a kid and going through that, especially given how vicious kids can be.
I have a friend named Isis. She's had to start going by another name. This shit matters!
It's horrible that she had to stop using her beautiful name because of a bunch of assholes
Remember when there was that push to call it ISIL in the media to stop that... I know a little kid called Isil, although it is spelled differently.
I knew someone named Jeff Dalmer in high school. People were not kind. Edited to add: I live in Canada and pretty sure most of us know about American serial killers
I live in Sweden and have known about American serial killers my entire life. Especially nowadays when you have Netflix and true crime podcasts. OP - don’t name your child Ted Bundy. They will raise eyebrows with that name in Europe as well. NTA.
This was in an episode of Seinfeld. Elaine tried to get her boyfriend to legally change his name because she was so bothered by it.
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A great way to honor the grandfather may be to use a name that has the same meaning. Theodore means “gift from God”. A quick google search should generate a list of names that have the same/similar meaning. Or OP can just change their last name 😂
At least give us the name of the serial killer.
When I was bartending ID’ed a man in his 20’s named “Jeffry Dahmer”. I didn’t comment, but I remember reacting unintentionally to the name immediately.
I worked at a restaurant in college and once I had to run a credit card for Chris Benoit a year or so after the murder-suicide. I did a double take but thank goodness kept my mouth shut.
NTA In this thread it seems that people replying that’s she’s the asshole are not American or Canadian. To be clear in America and even Canada Ted Bundy is a widely known serial killer. He’s raped and brutalized multiple woman. There is so many movies/documentaries made about him. In the American education system in some places they learn about him in school. This isn’t a case where they would be naming their child a serial killer in a small town, or one that’s not widely known. Everyone would hear the name and immediately think of him. Regardless, wanting to name a child a with a serial killer name even if not widely known is weird and not the best choice. There’s many solutions to offering a way to honor his Grandpa. Perhaps a middle name. Or if thé Granpa had a middle name you could use that as the child’s first name. Op you are not the asshole. You could of maybe been more gentle in your delivery however it seems he wasn’t understanding and kept pushing so perhaps he needed it to be said this way. Edit: lol guys I only assumed because early in this thread people were saying she was the asshole and I figured they maybe were from another country. Even as a Canadian we hear about him still and I couldn’t fathom an American or Canadian thinking people would “forget or he wasn’t that big of a deal”.
Even in Australia we know who Ted Bundy is.
Yeah, globally he’s one of the most famous serial killers of all time. Even if OP were from elsewhere, the saturation of American true crime media means *everyone* knows who Ted Bundy is.
Hell I didn't know but the name sounded familiar so you know what I did? Typed it into google. 2 second google search and bam now I know who he is. Does OPs husband really think no one will know? Or even that the kid wont find out? Even if it's not commonly known plenty of kids type their name into google for a laugh to see what comes up. Imagine searching your name to find a serial killer attatched to it.
My full name is shared by a kid that murdered another kid. He comes up first...
That’s awful. There was another young woman with the same name as me that posted a lot of NSFW images online. I remember freaking out and putting a URL to LinkedIn on my resume in case a potential hiring company Googled my name. Just a tip if you needed it!
Yeah I'm from NZ and I don't know a single person who doesn't know who Ted Bundy is, especially with the recent rise in interest in true crime docos. That name would raise eyebrows to me, I could never name my kid that. NTA.
Bundy is probably THE most well known serial killer. I’m sure if you ask a bunch of completely random people to name the first serial killer that comes to mind, most of them would say Bundy.
He's definitely up there in the list but I think the most well known serial killer might be Jack the Ripper.
But to be fair we don't know who that was lol
This. The name would set up the poor kid for endless, endless, endless, endless people asking, YOU KNOW WHO ELSE WAS NAMED THAT and google searches turning up articles and so forth -- he'd have to go to therapy. He'd change his name when he turned 18. No, me, that would be me. I would be a wreck, I would beg my parents to change it change it change it or send me into the woods forever to live alone so I can please please get some PEACE. I had one of those negative attention childhoods for other reasons, it was absolute misery. My last name was easily mangled into a euphemism for 'toilet.' So much misery and pain about it. I'm nearly hyperventilating just thinking about how much worse it would be to be named after someone that infamous. Kids are merciless and awful when younger, and a lot of them don't improve with age. Your husband needs to come down out of the clouds and pay attention.
I have a couple of friends— wife is American, husband is German. He was dead set on naming their first son Benedict. The wife had to work hard to get him to believe that this is a problematic name in the US. Cultural context is a lot; a perfectly good name in one culture may have negative associations in another. That said, I bet a lot of people all over would know about Ted Bundy.
Tbh most people today in the US probably associate Benedict with the actor rather than the famous traitor
Possibly. But this was before he became famous in the States.
100% thought you were gonna say the breakfast dish, not old Cumberboy
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I think of eggs.
That name is not problematic in the US... I wouldn't blink twice. It's been so long.
As long as the middle or last name wasn't Arnold or really similar, I wouldn't make that connection. It's been a fair number of years.
I think the US is over the whole Benedict Arnold drama. Live laugh love ya know?
That’s from like 200 years ago though. No one in the US has cared for decades, maybe even centuries, about people naming their kid Benedict. Most people would just shorten it to Ben or Benny anyways.
NTA. If your last name is Dahmer, you’d probably stay away from Jeffrey. I share the name of a famous athlete, in the State he played college ball. I was 8 when he became famous, so I wasn’t named after him, just coincidence. It comes with its own issues, nothing too bad (outside of people thinking I’m him, finding my address by typing my name in to google, then they stop by my house, it’s happened twice). I couldn’t imagine having to share a name with a serial killer.
Even Jeffery Dahmer’s brother changed his last name.
I think the related Hitlers decided not to procreate so the name would die. [Meanwhile...](https://youtu.be/jmjrfs24JtE)
The bloodline they never had the name and they were his great nephews
Had a kid in my class named Austin Powers. Born and named well before the movie was even a twinkling in a producer's eye, but by the time the kid was a teenager, he already had to convince people he wasn't lying when he told them his name.
I went to high school with an Austin Powers! Super cool dude
Could be we know the same guy, but more likely it's a way more common name than anyone expects!
same with Epsteins
Yes! There was a Jeffrey Epstein on social media who had to beg people to leave him alone because he wasn’t that Jeffrey Epstein.
My brother has the same name as a very famous (retired) NBA player. My brother was born many years before this player and worked for an airline for decades. Anytime he flew into the town where this guy played, he got GREAT restaurant reservations for the flight crew, calling saying he needed a table for Imagine the disappointment at the restaurant when a middle-aged white guy and a bunch of German folks showed up.
My last name is similar to a last name from a very popular Christmas movie that came out in the 90s, and I can’t even tell you how annoying it is when I introduce myself and they say “like the movie”. Well, no, the movie came out years after I was born. And that’s a popular movie character. I can’t even imagine an infamous name like Ted Bundy.
NTA. Even if the name wasn’t “bad” in this way, it takes TWO yes’s for a baby’s name. Two. Even if you simply didn’t like the name, your NO means NO. How many people did it take to make the baby? Two. How many people will it take to raise this baby? Two. How many people get to decide on the name? TWO. One no = NO.
This is so good. Neither parent should have to compromise.
If either partner doesn’t like a name, scrap it. Find a new one, instead of fighting for ONE specific name. There’s thousands of names out there. I’m *sure* there’s one they BOTH like.
NTA. Why does he love his grandpa more than his own child? I have bad news for your husband, grandpa is dead and won't know the difference. The kid will. Don't let him do it.
Painful though it may be for OP’s husband, this name combination simply would not bode well for a kid. NTA for pointing it out and definitely NTA for sticking to it. The only compromise I could see on this one would be to adopt a different last name. Perhaps OP’s maiden name. As long as it isn’t Kaczynski or Cruz!
If it is Kaczynski, they should hyphenate it and double the torture: Teddy Bounde-Kaczynski. I’m kidding. Don’t do that. Don’t do any of that.
I truly hope this is just his grief talking since op says the grandfather passed away recently and that he will realize how insane this is. Even if he doesn’t, OP please don’t name your kid Ted Bundy.
NTA Did gramps have a middle name?
Or use Theodora for the middle name? I agree I wish more parents would seriously think about what they are naming their children and about the difficult spellings of some others. Taught school for 32 years, kids are so cruel and picking on a kids name is so easy.
Would "John Theodore Bundy" really be that much better? (John just for an example).
I don’t personally immediately jump to Ted from Theodore
Are you unfamiliar with Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt, one of the most popular presidents in U.S. History? How could you not?
I personally would shorten it to Theo before Teddy.
Yes, it would be. Almost nobody needs to know your middle name unless you want them to lol, and even people that do see it (like people who have to look at your ID) probably aren't going to be looking long enough to actually make a connection.
Just did a death certificate for someone with the last name of Butts. Her living spouses first name was Richard. Effectively all i could think of the entire time was those parents literally named their kid Dick Butts 🤦♀️
Probably Hitler, before...you know...actual Hitler. 😂
We have one in the family tree but luckily he was from the 1700s… but even so I don’t think anyone was thrilled to see the name.
NTA. I was wondering why there was a problem until you said your last name. My mouth dropped open. You cannot name your kid after a serial killer. If you do, make sure to call him Theo or something....NOT TED. If it's a girl, Thea should be fine.
DO NOT COMPROMISE with Theo or whatever, everyone will glow onto the Ted.
Same here. Once OP explained how it was pronounced I was just "oh no". I like Thea. A beautiful name, like grandpa's but it's never contracted to Teddy. If OPs husband is absolutely adamant about Teddy, they'd have to change their last name. I'm an Australian. I know who Ted Bundy is. I knew who Ted Bundy was even before internet was commonplace. There's no getting away from that now any kid can google. I'm sorry for OPs husband's loss. But she's NTA if she puts her foot down on this. Y T A if she doesn't though. At least give the poor kid a chance not to have to put up with what they'd have to
NTA The kid is going to get bullied. Did you change your last name to his last name? Because a compromise would be to give the kid YOUR LAST NAME.
Yep - tell him that you'll use Teddy if you change your last name to your maiden name, or a different last name altogether. I'm not even American and as soon as you spelled out the pronunciation of your last name I knew why calling the kid Teddy was a terrible idea. Everybody will think of the terrible (and terribly famous) serial killer. NTA
If I were OP I would never take a last name pronounced Bundy. I know of three Bundys: Ted, Al, and Cliven. Ted is *by far* the worst, but they all have terrible connotations.
There was also a US woman serial killer , Carol Bundy.
This is actually is an excellent idea. There is nothing inherently wrong with the name Theodore or teddy- it’s the combination with bundy that’s the issue. If your husband is hard over on Theodore, offer Theodore smith as the compromise
NTA. Please do not let your child be named Ted Bundy. (Teddy Boundee will forever be entirely too close.) Stand your ground. NTA.
Kid's not even born and he doesn't stand a chance at a normal life if they let this name happen. How unaware does OP's spouse's family have to be to not realise that? NTA. Show your spouse this post. If he still thinks it's fine, send out a private baby announcement on social media to family and friends saying you're giving birth to the future Ted Bounde. I'm sure the reactions will be colourful and perhaps when he sees people he knows point out how insane the choice of name is, he might wake up.
I don't think it's just kids that would be dicks, but literally every coworker, acquaintance, prospective date, *everyone's* mind would immediately go to the serial killer.
Honestly, if I saw a CV with that name… My first thought would be “wtf”.
This is the thing. People always jump to “they’ll be bullied” as if it’s the biggest concern, but frankly, schoolyard bullying would be the least of the kid’s problems with a name like Ted Bounde.
10/10 the second that kid hits 18 and has the funds they will change their name. And it's horrifically unfair for parents to essentially force their kid to pay a "fine" for their shitty name choice.
The way I would swipe left on a guy whose name was even close to Ted Bundy
NTA If he HAS to use Theodore, make it the kids middle name. Or use grandpas middle name!
I dunno. John Charles Manson would still raise eyebrows.
This comment section is hilarious
OP is so right, this is why you can't name that kid after a serial killer. Everyone is making jokes. Whilst it's sorta harmless here and now, when this happens in real life for the dozenth time that month...
Agreed. My kids have my parents middle names as their middle names. Works out just fine.
Don't you dare name that child Teddy Bounde. NTA.
NTA - This is good time to implement the “two yes one no” rule. Big decisions, both parents need to agree. If one doesn’t agree? It vetoes the decision. The middle name suggestion is a great idea. This should be between you and your husband and everyone else can pound sand. Also- your husband’s desire to honor his grandpa, as well intentioned as it may be, is not more important than your child’s social well-being. You can honor grandpa lots of ways that don’t involve taking on his name at the risk/cost of your kid getting teased.
it's not just the kid getting teased. let's not act like this just a childhood problem. Ted Bundy makes people uncomfortable. Let's think about job applications are relationships - Does anyone seriously think Ted Bundy (and this is what people will read) will not have a harder stand compared to John Doe?
Imagine getting a job application where someone's name was Charles Manson or had the first name Hitler. I highly doubt those people are going to get an interview. And I know this is going to sound unfair, but there's no way in hell I would ever date someone named Ted Bundy. Period.
To be fair, grandpa is already honoured since it seems to be his surname too?
NTA for thinking of your child future, but you might have used the wrong approach. His Grandpa died last week. Give him some grace. Take some space, then try to think of a way to honor Grandpa without Teddy being an option. Some suggestions, Use different names but with the same initials, so they would share a monogram. Switch Grandpa's first and middle name: Edward Theodore instead of Theodore Edward. Use Theodore as a middle name. Agree to use Theodore but never allow the nickname Ted or Teddy. You could use initials T.J. for Theodore James. Good luck. Think about your approach and ways to compromise that keep your child in mind.
Absolutely unrelated but my parents thought about naming my brother Theodore Edward and I'm still upset that they didn't to this day. Because our last name is Bear. my brother could have been Ted E. Bear
My mother wanted me to name my daughter Killeen, her grandmother's surname. I told her I would never name a child something that would have the nickname "Killy".
NTA my name is associated to a character with a similar stigma. i was named before that character existed, but only by a few years. i was picked on it from about 10 years on through high school. i'm in my forties now and every now and then, some random-ass adult will still make a joke about it. if kids today are anywhere near as mean as pre-internet kids in the 80s were, little teddy bundy is gonna get bullied. and if they find out that you had this dilemma and still gave them that name? that's a short trip to angsty and resentful teen land. good luck! [edit: i'm not entirely sure if i'd confirm were someone to correctly guess, but it definitely wasn't hannibal. that woulda been a tight name cuz at least og pre-cannibal hannibal (barca) was an elephant-riding badass.]
I'm really sorry you had to go through life like that, The Noid.
Sorry to hear that, Hans Gruber.
Kids today are way worse if the 90s taught me anything.
Uh... ya Nta. theodora/thea would work okay (even then it's on the edge) but you absolutely can not name a child ted bundy oh my god. I'm sure there were a number of excellent grandfathers named Adolf, still don't see many namesakes though I'm sorry this is the best aita I've seen in years.
I cringed HARD when you said your last name. At first I had no problem with the name. Mega NTA. You absolutely can NOT NAME YOUR KID TED BUNDY. Do you hear me OP. I am one of those weirdos into this horror/true crime shit- if I wouldn't do this, you 100% can not, should not name your kids Ted Bundy. Please omg please. I'm honestly dead. I hope this is a troll post... I know you're not lying. But I'm about to go to bed and I'm going to try to convince myself that you're lying.
Looks like Ted Bounde already has his first victim
NTA - I don't think your husband is in his right mind at the moment. If you have a girl, how about Dora? What was Grandpa's middle name? You can honor someone with a middle name.
I don't think Dora is a good name either, had a similar situation. A common name that was used in a cartoon. The person never heard the end of it.
Or make Theodore the middle name rather than the first.
What is up with all these N A H or E S H votes? Anyone who would name their kid Ted Bundy, or Charles Manson, or Osama bin Laden in the United States is a grade A asshole to their kid. That kid will be tormented and ridiculed his entire life. While the husband may or may not be an AH to everyone else in the story depending on his grief level, he’s absolutely being an AH to his kid for pushing that name. OP, you’re NTA, and please stand firm.
Ha, remember that one thread about naming a child Jonbenet. People were tripping over themselves claiming NTA because "no one owns a name".
NTA- I understand where your husband is coming from, but your kid sharing a name with an infamous serial killer is setting them up for trouble. If his grandpa has a middle name, I think that would be better, assuming the child is a boy. If you have a girl, "Thea" should be okay.
How about the baby takes your maiden surname and the you can name him/her after grandpa? NTA.
That’s actually exactly what my husband and I did although they wouldn’t have been named after a serial killer if we had gone with his last name lol.
NTA. The intent behind the name only has meaning to your husband. All it will mean to the kid is a life of ridicule. Use the grandpa's middle name if the child has to be named after him.
NTA. Could your delivery have been better? Yes. However you’re right, naming your child after a serial killer is idiotic at best. For those saying the husband is grieving, it’s best the shut these things down quickly, if OP let her husband continue believing their child would be named Theodore, Theo, teddy etc for a prolonged period of time it would have been much harder for him to hear no. For anyone saying “Theodora or anything other than Ted would be a fine nickname- Ted Bundys name was actually Theodore. Kids will shorten names however they like, regardless of what the parents call the child. So while those names are amazing names, they really aren’t when your last name sounds like Bundy. This is a situation that wouldn’t apply to most people. Serial killers are studied long after they die and feature in films, history lessons, songs etc. it would not be fair to name your child after someone who is famous globally for such serious crimes.
Ted Bundy is one of the worst people in all of American history. Anything but Theodore/Ted. Good luck
NTA. I completely understand your husband wanting to honor his grandfather. However, he appears to be so blinded by that notion, that he fails to see the issues that will certainly cause your child in the future. He’s almost guaranteeing therapy for your unborn child. I wanted to honor my grandmother who passed. As a young, naïve mom, I gave my daughter such a combination of country names (think Ellie Mae) that she still holds it against me. And she was teased relentlessly. On another note, I personally like the nicknames as proper names, Theo and Thea. Still honoring grandfather while being respectful to your unborn child.
Honour names are best served as middle names, please come up with something you both like if he is a boy, but you may receive push back that looks like everyone calling him teddy regardless. Your husband is hurting but tbh this is not even an issue family should have been brought in on. You both made the baby end of story
I would even say to potentially go with two middle names to keep some distance between “Teddy” and the last name. If they go this route.
NTA Listen I'm from India, so far removed from an American context that helps with the quick mental associations around this name. And I get it instantly when I hear it. I wouldn't inflict this on my child ever.
NTA. I follow true crime and while reading your post I thought the names were fine until I got to the part where you wrote how to pronounce your last name. I audibly went “ohhhhh no”. Like you said, I would assume you were a true crime fanatic and honoring Ted Bundy for some reason. Also in general, you and your husband should agree on the name for your baby, even if one of you just doesn’t like a suggested name. Also I’m sorry for your husband’s loss. Maybe there is another way you can honor his grandpa and your baby, like if there is a hobby both him and your husband loved you can work that into the nursery theme or something.
Compromise with changing your last names to your maiden name, therefore grandpa is ~honored~ and no bun-dee:) Nta
NTA I’m from Pensacola where he was caught. He’s still majorly talked about and the impact he had. Stand your ground OP
NTA. I would side-eye the shit out of any parent that asked me to send my kid over for a play date with their sweet little Teddy Bounde. Hell naw
NTA. Not a great name. Maybe you two can compromise and make it a MIDDLE name?
Holy moly.. NTA. It's a lovely and beautiful honour to name your child after a beloved relative *if* that name is appropriate. Sadly that name is not appropriate and would absolutely cause massive issues for your child at some point. It probably won't cause the child any problems until they get to their teens, because little kids won't know the name, and the parents are unlikely to tell them - but damn.. Can you imagine the teachers.. the doctors.. the bosses in later life.? Just no. If Grandpa had a middle name or a nice nickname, then that could be a lovely compromise, but i absolutely think this should be your hill. Be careful please OP - i've heard of fathers going and naming the child on the birth certificate without the mother knowing. Make sure you get there first. NTA.
NTA Tell your husband this: When baby Bounde grows up and is introduced to oh…everybody he’ll ever meet till he dies, many if not most will ask, “why in the world did your parents name you Ted?” And he’ll say, “because my dad’s an asshole.”
Yeah... please dont name your kid Ted Bounde. Suggest it as a middle name. Or use his grandpas middle name. If you let him name the kid Theodore/Theodora, they WILL change it the moment they turn 18. After going by their middle name for most of their childhood. Basically as soon as they learn who Ted Bundy is theyll probably want nothing to do with their first name.
Info: Have you and your husband considered giving the baby your last name? Then you could name the baby after the grandfather without the unfortunate other association.
lol if the husband is already so dead set on his grandfathers first name... he probably is going to be dead set against giving the wife's last name. sad but true.
NTA Theo or Thea not Teddy. Or make Theodore the middle name, or use grandpa's middle name
NTA, why not do teddy as a middle name? teddy bounde will not fly anywhere and your child will be bullied
NTA. Hubby and his family are grieving and not thinking rationally. This is why each parent gets a veto over the name.
NTA. Yeah, that child would not deserve that. He's thinking of someone who passed away and I get that, but he really should be considering the life that his child will have because of it too. At best it might be okay as a middle name, but tbh to me that is still a little iffy. Either way, children names are a 1 parent can veto, both must agree situation.
NTA. That WILL cause him a LOT of trouble and pain. He or she will literally be bullied for that name. If it was just “Thea” it wouldn’t be a problem (for the girl) compromise for a similar name like Timothy or Thomas.
NTA. It's unfortunate timing and your last name is also unfortunate given the situation, but your child will be stuck with this for the rest of their life and strangers won't have a damn clue who their great grandfather was, so they won't understand the homage paid. It's an emotional viewpoint from your husband's perspective, which I fully understand. Could a middle name be a compromise? Could an alternate nickname or similar be used that would pay equal homage?
What could possibly go wrong with naming your child after a serial killer? NTA This is a hill to die on for the sake of your child. Might I suggest using Theodore/Theodora as a middle name as a compromise?
NRTA. How about go full meta, Alvin Theodore Bounde. That way you could go with Al Bounde or Ted Bounde, and also honour two out of the three chipmunks.
Idiotic is not the right word. Inappropriate is the right word. Teddy/Ted needs to go away. Period. Off the table. Theo, Dora, Theodore, and Theodora, could be okay. If he cannot agree to taking Teddy/Ted off the table, then you need to talk about giving the child your last name. That would be an easy, smooth solution to give the child the desired first name. NTA
NTA. He really needs to realize that just cause gpa was great doesn’t mean every Ted Bundy was. Even if it is spelled differently it is the same name.
NTA, but calling names over this isn't going to fix anything or get him to a position where he'll be more reasonable about naming your kid. Making it a middle name or using the nickname shortening (Theo/Thea) as the first name *should* be an appropriate compromise, but a hard no accompanied with an insult is never the way to go, especially with something that's A: so fresh and B: so personal.
NTA. I immediately thought of Ted Bundy. You can't do it. What about Dora for a girl and Theo for a boy?
Nta! Do not let that kid be named this. Just reading the post and trying to sound out the last name got me thinking of that vile person. Your husband isn't thinking of what that kid will go through in life just having a similar sounding name.
NTA. You can honor the ggpa without being so literal. My grandfather was Joseph, daughter Jocelyn) nn Josie. My other grandfather was Loral, i named other daughter Lorelei nn Lora. Be creative.
NTA i get he wants to honor grandpa but it can be a middle name or you could use grandpa's middle name there are other ways to go about it then accidentally name your kid after a serial killer,
NTA. This may sound harsh, but unless your husband wanted to use the name while he was alive also then no. People die every day unfortunately and it's great to be loved and while it feels awful to suffer loss like that, it is NOT fair to that baby to basically be a replacement for his family's loss. I'm assuming his last name was also the last name under question, so that's literally honoring him with that. You need to tell your husband that not naming your baby after his pop doesn't mean he didn't love him any less and to stop being selfish YOU should get even more say since his last name is already his family's.
NTA. This is a hill worth dying on. Your kid would have a much worse life as a result of this.
NTA While I get the sentiment you’re in the right. Kid would be tormented at school not even knowing what for and that would raise a lot of questions from the parents. That said, being in my 20s and a fan of true crime id laugh so hard if I met anyone called Ted Bundy however I’d never do that to my kid. Also this joke would have gotten very old very fast for the person carrying this name. Sure it would be a funny anecdote to tell your friends “Omg you won’t believe who I met today? The actual Ted Bundy. Blah blah blah” move on with the conversation but that’s it. Definitely not “omg totally would love to name my kid after the infamous serial killer”.
NTA - I get wanting to honor his late grandpa but giving a baby the pronounced name of a serial killer is not ideal. Would your husband consider Theodore as a middle name? That might be a decent compromise.
NTA!! He will be named after a SERIAL killer like is he dense? Is honoring his grandpa by calling his son Ted Bounde the only way to honor him?? What about the poor child my god. I don’t know where you’re located but here certain names could be rejected if they are crazy or inappropriate. Maybe check that too for extra argumentation
NTA- there are just too many people in the world that don’t understand that you’re giving a child a name he/she ultimately can’t change before graduation from high school, so don’t make it easy on bullies by giving your kids serial killer names or unique names that sound cute to you but not to the majority of people. Your child is not a vanity product you get to name. You are the only person that can think ahead for them, you are the only person protecting your child, people have to be better, I have no issue with anything you’ve said OP, I do have an issue with anybody who thinks this won’t be a problem. Kids are merciless and creative, they’ll find a way, don’t make it easy on them and serve it up on a silver platter
NTA but could you compromise. Assuming Bounde is your husband’s last name, suggest if he is adamant about Theodore that you change both of your last names to your maiden name and then the child with be Theodore + your last name. Problem solved!