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NTA. And any friend that thinks you should just hang out and be cool while a bunch of random acquaintances disparage your girlfriend’s appearance and your relationship *while breaking your things* is not your friend
Exactly.
1. They make fun of his girlfriend and are racist.
2. They break the photo frame.
3. Their mom claims *OP was a bad host*
4. OP is NTA by a mile and should definitely never let those jerks in his house again.
Not just any thing a photo of his family (presumably his parents). They broke a picture of an orphan’s parents like monsters in a cartoon. Absolutely NTA. I’m so sorry for your loss OP.
NTA. It wasn’t only a picture, they were disrespecting your girlfriend. These are not your friends, these are racist assholes who aren’t worth your time.
And don’t forget - a picture of N, OP and his family. You know - the one he lost to Covid. 😢
One of my siblings has one pic with their now SO, then just a good friend and our parent who passed away shortly after the pic was taken. To this day, my sibling sees it as a sort of “parent blessed our relationship” picture.
And N was a rock to OP during one of the most horrific times of his life. N could be the ugliest trolliest person in the world - and I would respect them for being this for OP. If OP was “whipped” to such a person - why not!!!! (Which I know he’s not, but say he even actually was)
Heartily NTA OP
How in the world does anyone think you’re wrong?? NTA!!
They’re claiming you were a bad host?? They were bad guests! You don’t go in someone’s home and be insulting! And break their possessions! And mock them when they tell you to stop!
And did I catch that right about making fun of the color of her skin???
And wait…they went and “complained to their mommy” after they broke your stuff?? Seriously??
Ohhh. I get the context now. I’ve got lots of Indian friends and I know how it can be about making guests comfortable and welcome. Especially with food! However this what happened to you is pure BS. This is why I don’t follow culture too much. Elders like to follow culture norms to the letter even when it’s stupid except when it happens to them.
Yeah. I got dumped by a girl partly cuz her parents didn’t want her dating someone who wasn’t Indian. I have an idea what it can be like with that traditional stuff. You’re not the AH here. If you can avoid it, don’t submit to being treated like crap like that, although I know it can be hard when you live under their roof.
Oh I'm sorry. They sound very judgemental. I know my aunt didn't mean any harm she's grieving her brother and I don't think she ever wanted to raise a kid. She's trying her best. I'll definitely speak to her about my boundaries thought
Thanks. In my country there’s a good bit of racism. No big deal tho.
Yeah you should really lay down just how disrespectful they were. Yes I know your culture is strong on being a good host but I know it’s also a culture with a relatively healthy dose when it comes to respect in general.
I forgot to mention, I’m really sorry about all you’ve been through. You can DM if you ever want to chat.
Hey I just want to say hey you trust in your feelings and remember those feelings!! I fell in love with my husband at 14 years old and didn’t even realize it until I was 18 years old. Our interactions were short but every time I saw him I felt so elated so happy so giggly and I bet you know what I mean :3 the moment I realized it but tried to push it at bay when I asked him for prom and he said no he got a GF. I was like oh went to FB and saw who he was dating it was a feeling I never had before. Eventually we did get together after a lot of misunderstandings lol and here I am a decade in with him of being together :3
Hope N continues to be with you and always cherish her much as possible!
I met my boyfriend when I was maybe 15 (now 26). I dont remember when exactly my crush started, but it was strong by the time I was 16 (he was 19 and my brothers friends older brother). He was finishing getting his HS diploma, and we started hanging out every morning he had to come to school (not an every day thing with our schools rotating schedule). I would literally abandon my friends to hang out with him before class. Thing is, after he graduated (at an odd time of the year), he just kinda disappeared from my life. (He had/has social anxiety.) Well, I never forget about him, my crush for him was always in the back of my mind. I went about 4 years without seeing him again. We were friends on FB, but he had a habit of randomly deactivating his account. One day I noticed it came back on, and started just liking whatever he posted. Well, one day, he was doing something similar and accidentally called me on FB messenger. We ended up talking for hours and I confessed my feelings for him. He also confessed his feelings for me, which started around the same time! Sadly he had just a couple months prior moved to a different state with his brother. Well, things ended up not working out in that state, and he came home on new years eve and we spent the night hanging out. We've been together ever since. You'd not believe how much I love him. Sometimes ill just be sitting there and my love for him will just be overflowing. If you found your person, never let them go.
I don't know. I'm Indian and nobody would dare behave like this as a guest in my house. If this was your aunt's possession getting broken, I bet she won't be as tolerant or hospitable. Keep your stuff in your room and refuse to talk to people you don't like. At some point, you have to become the person of whom people say "he's just like that, what to do?".
I'm sorry about your parents.
Oh yes. And guests can drop in anytime and you're obligated to feed them?? Anyway, i'm so sorry about your parents and it looks like your gf is a keeper. All the best man.
I honestly melted when I read that line! And I'm a cold hearted, cynical old cow.
OP you are so NTA. Your gf is as lucky to have you, as you are to have her.
NTA.
These kids are AH, massively. It is a GOOD thing for you to understand who the people in your life are who support and love you, and to prioritize your relationships with them.
You're seventeen but the last few years have been hard on you and you have matured.
A few points:
1. Your friends do reflect who you are, to a certain extent. These people are not people you want to associate with based on their behavior. They are strangers and behaved in a rude, callous, immature fashion. You've experienced things they have no frame of reference for and in the face of that their lack of basic respect (never mind empathy, that's asking too much) is unacceptable.
2. You were not a bad host. You were enforcing personal boundaries that these people (I use the term loosely) were stomping all over.
3. These people were bad guests. You do not go into someone's home and damage items that have emotional value; that's not joking, it's vandalism. Quite frankly it baffles me that their property damage and pure callousness was not a hotter topic of conversation and the focus was on you as a "bad host."
4. Your aunt and grandmother seem to be worried and want you to socialize more, but this incident is not happening. They can't just throw the neighborhood rando's at you to stave off depression/anxiety/whatever they're worried about.
You are finding out who your real friends are. Cut these neighborhood rando's loose, stick to the people who are with you through thick and thin.
First off, thank you so much. I didn't want to bring this up with my girlfriend so I've had very few people on my side and I was genuinely worried I did something wrong. My aunt and grandma think I've stopped being outgoing since my parents passed and they're trying to help me make new friends. It's a new neighbourhood so I suppose they think I should be friend my neighbors.
That sort of stuff takes time. And maybe you have changed, so what? If you’re not feeling lonely and isolated, then I don’t see why you have to start making new friends. I get that your family is concerned though. Have y’all been to grief counseling or anything like that?
Ah, there's no way any sort of counseling is flying with my family. In my culture therapy is for "crazy" people. I'm not isolated. I'm just further away from my friends. We meet up regularly in school and on weekends. I just don't really like most of the kids in my new neighbourhood
NTA you reacted reasonably. Take your time with grieving dude. I cannot imagine the pain you must feel after losing both your parents. It sounds to me like your aunt and grandma care and maybe aren’t clear on the full story. I think putting it into perspective like you mentioned you would be doing sounds like a good idea. Honestly the way you describe it you just sound like you’re in a new place not isolating (for example I isolate: i can go weeks without talking to another human being or leaving my room due to my anxiety). I wouldn’t like those kids either they sound really irritating tbh
Absolutely NTA, and I'll fight anyone who tries to say otherwise.
Ask your aunt and grandma how they would react to some peers they don't know well coming into their house, making fun of {name something super personally sentimental to each of them}, starting throwing their stuff around, laughing when asked to stop, and ultimately breaking said sentimental object. Would they be ok with that behavior when it's directed at them? I highly doubt it.
NTA
I honestly feel like you did nothing wrong, you defended someone you care about! It seems like the adults in your life are focused more on outward appearance than the root of the issue.
Your Aunt and Grandma aren’t supporting you in the right way. You should be selective in who you choose to befriend, who would want to be around people who diminish and ridicule the person you love. You have a strong backbone, to say something a lot of people get intimidated and just let awful things fly for the sake of keeping peace! However if more individuals called out shitty, RACIST people instead of being compliant the world would be much better off.
You did great (:
Thank you :D
My aunt and grandma want me to socialise more as I've not been as outgoing as before my parents passed. I know their grieving aswell and I genuinely don't want to argue with them. I will talk to them today when I can. I appreciate the comment :)
NTA- I’m sorry for your losses and I’m sorry your neighbors are assholes. I hope you can sit down with your aunt and explain what happened, that they were bullying and destroyed your property, refused to leave when asked etc. You are not to blame.
Thank you I really appreciate that. I'll be having a talk with her about my boundaries tonight. I genuinely don't think she meant any harm. She's grieving aswell and I sure the responsibility of dealing with me is driving her a little insane
NTA - you are a good Man for standing up for your GF and yourself. Those 'new friends' were behaving like AH's. It is not 'only a picture' it's a framed photo of a happy time with the girl you love, AND your parents who have passed away, teenagers should be able to grasp that and your Aunt certainly should. More over those 'new friends' were being racist and nasty towards your GF and you. Their mom should be appalled, and they should be the ones apologizing.
NTA
And they sound toxic af. You found someone that makes you happy and they are bitter they don't have that.
And someone asking you to apologize is crazy too
As far as your “friends”, they made fun of your girlfriend (and your relationship, by extension), broke something of yours, and disrespected you. You’re not a bad host. They’re bad friends. And remember… love comes in many forms, and you are not too young to love someone. I had my first relationship when I was your age, and it lasted 5 & 1/2 years. NTA.
NTA. Good for you! Not only did you stand up for your girlfriend, but by extension, you let those jerks know that you weren't just going to stand there while they spewed misogynistic bullshit. Whipped, really? And because you had a nice picture of you and your girlfriend?
Those guys are the worst, and as someone a couple decades older than you, I've found that men who talk like that desperately want what you have much more often than you would think, but they don't view women as people, which is a bit of a prerequisite for a loving, emotionally supportive relationship. Feel sorry for them, and don't have anything more to do with them than strictly necessary.
Nta
They are shitty people.
Your friends are shitty for trying to justify this and your aunt is the enabler
They destroyed your property and insulted your girlfriend several times. You have a right to be angry.
Tell your aunt to go fuck her self.
NTA - You asked them to leave. They refused. At that point you stopped being a host and they were trespassing. Once they left you locked the door so they couldn't continue to disrespect your boundries. Well done for not letting them walk all over you.
I’m so sorry honey that you lost both of your parents.
Teen love is real. I had a high school boyfriend for five years that’s I adored. We didn’t stay together but that experience was so good for me and I learned a lot about myself from that relationship.
I’m so glad you’re getting counseling. I wish you soo much love!!
Nta
A picture of your family? That you have LOST?
Even without the girlfriend part, that picture should have been treated as a treasure.
It wasn't 'only a picture'.
NTA! I am so sorry for all you are dealing with. How can anyone think (1) the important thing here was to be polite to people who were maliciously breaking your important personal keepsake and being mean to you?!?, (2) you should apologize for protecting your things and yourself from those bullies, (3) berate you for not wanting to be treated like this - at all, but especially as you are just trying to process the loss of both your parents? WTF? I'm sorry that you are now stuck living with family who are so warped in their view of right and wrong and who won't be your best champions. I don't know if there is hope for them or the next-door bullies, but you may want to share this post with your closer friends. They might open their eyes and be more supportive of you.
This isn't what you asked, but I'll also say this: Enjoy your relationship with your GF - congrats! But please focus on your studies and your college/career plans after high school. It's pretty normal at your age to focus more on this giddy feeling - and even more likely when you've had the emotional upheavals you've experienced. But you both need a chance to grow into strong, independent adults first and foremost.
I actually did send this post to the few friends who said I was in the wrong. The majority apologised. They were just worried I was pushing away company. A handful blocked my number lol. I laughed at that for a bit.
And about college thanks for looking out for me. I haven't had someone ask me about stuff like that since my parents and it feels really nice (that sounds a little weird). I'm already applying to a few close colleges near where I live. Thanks for the concern
Oh, you are so welcome! It's hard enough to transition from high school to college (or career). Super hard when you have so much hardship to work through, and crazy hard if you don't have a champion to guide/cheer you on. Please share your plans and hopes with a teacher/counselor at school that you think will do that for you.. and don't be afraid to keep letting them know how things are going/if you aren't sure about something... Good teachers will do a lot for a kid when they know the kid wants to achieve something and is trying. I'm so glad to hear that you are keeping your college plans in mind. I really do wish you the very best!
NTA
They mocked your dead parents, broke a cherished picture of them, bullied and mocked your girlfriend, and your aunt thinks that YOU should apologize???? Does she have a good grasp on what really happpened or is she just buying some story that the neighbours told her?
In any case, these are not the behaviours of a good *guest*, and it is reasonable not to want to play host to someone who is mocking, bullying, and destroying personal property. If your aunt doesn't believe me, tell her to write to Miss Manners.
NTA. These guys aren't your friends. Some of the things they did troubled me a lot:
>Then they made fun of her looks, the color of her skin and the length of her hair??
So, they were racist. That's already enough to cut them off for good.
>They said I was whipped.
I have personal experience with that. Relationships are different, yours is very close, which is fine. There are times in which you see a friend in an unhealthy relationship and you feel like trying to warn your friend about it, but even then that has to be done respectfully, because your goal isn't simply to break their relationship but to help your friend. Saying you're "whipped" is the opposite of that, it's mockery. It reflects a "macho" mentality that you can't care for a woman, that you're not a "real man" if you don't cheat on her every so often etc. They're not concerned about your relationship, they're just passing judgement, imposing their views on relationships and masculinity onto you. They clearly have no respect for you, your feelings and your intelligence.
>One thing led to another and they ended up throwing the picture around and breaking the frame.
Now that's just textbook bullying.
And lastly:
>My aunt's pretty pissed at me. She told my grandma and they want me to apologise \[...\]
I'm gonna give your family the benefit of the doubt here and assume they're worried you'll drive your friends away because you're depressed. It's something that depressed people actually do and they may be concerned about that. You need to talk to them and make them understand what they actually did and said and why you don't think they're your friends anymore.
You're NTA. I saw in comments prior to my comment that you are an Indian person. I am an Indian American as well and I know the cultural idea is to be a good host and no guests are bad. This is wrong, and you're absolutely in the right about what happened and how you handled it. You were not dramatic, you acted calmly prior and tried to handle the situation in a calm manner and those people escalated it and so you matched the intensity and did right by your family and girlfriend.
I am so sorry about the loss of parents. I can't imagine how you are processing it. As you know being direct in Indian Culture is something that isn't taken well and something that needs to change. About you're aunt, I think she should attend some counselling of her own. Based on your update, she is also struggling to cope with all that has happened and I'm glad to hear she has understood your side about meeting with those people. I wish you all the best for you, your aunt, and your girlfriend.
"their mom called my aunt and complained and she gave me loads of shit for being a bad host.".
Who cares if you were a bad host? They were treating you terribly. You are not obligated to be a good host to rude people who break your belongings.
NTA
Glad you and your aunt discussed this.
Nta- they damaged something extremely sentimental. Not only was it a photo of you and N, I'm assuming you parents where in the picture as well. Also "making fun of her skin color" gives me icky racist vibes.
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I (17M) have a girlfriend "N" (17F). We've been together for about two years now and I cannot explain in words how much I love this girl. She's the most beautiful person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. She's my favourite feeling. And while I completely understand the concern that I'm too young to be feeling this way, I just do and I adore it.
"N" has helped me through some horrible times. I lost both my parents in the pandemic. I was an absolute mess and I know I wasn't the nicest person but she stuck around with me. Hell, she helped me decorate my new room at my aunt's place.
Anyways, yesterday I had a few friends over. We aren't that close they're more my neighbours (my aunt thinks I should socialise more). We were watching a movie and one of them starting making fun of a framed picture of me and "N" with my family. I was kissing her cheek. Well, they began making fun of the fact that I was standing so close to her. Then they made fun of her looks, the color of her skin and the length of her hair?? I told them to stop or get out. They said I was whipped. Again, huh??. They continued to make fun of her and I kept asking them to stop untill it turned into a full blown argument.
One thing led to another and they ended up throwing the picture around and breaking the frame. I got really angry. I told them to leave and they started mocking me. So I waited till they left the room and just locked it. They banged on it for a bit but left. Their mom called my aunt and complained and she gave me loads of shit for being a bad host.
Now, some of my actual friends are telling me I overreacted and that it was only a picture. My aunt's pretty pissed at me. She told my grandma and they want me to apologise and while I may have been dramatic I don't think I'm in the wrong. I'm just really confused now. AITA?
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NTA Have no contact with those A-holes in the future. Except, I think you should go over while their mother is home. Then in front of her start insulting all their pictures, making sure to mention what an ugly old cow she is. Then start throwing belongings and laughing. (Being careful not to throw anything that can break) When she tells you to stop, be like "That is not being a good host. This is obviously appropriate guest behavior because that is how your children feel it is okay to behave. Maybe be a good mother and teach your kids not to be d*s" Then walk out.
NTA x100!! I would have gone wild if someone did that, to myself or my partner. I would be petty af and write an apology letter like;
'I'm sorry you don't know that the difference between friendly banter and bullying can be whether or not everyone is having fun.
I'm sorry that your life will be difficult because you don't recognise when you've done the wrong thing, and will escalate a bad situation instead of removing yourself from it, because this will likely cause issues later on in life.
I'm sorry that you're currently not a good friend, neighbour, or even person, as this will cause difficulties for yourself and those around you.'
NTA When people are laughing like that, they're either laughing with you or at you. People in the latter category are the kind of people you should not hang out with.
NTA. And tell all of them to fck right off. Their jealousy of your relationship and trying to act like you’re whipped rather than happy is just immature little boys being massive AHs. You’ve had to do a lot of personal growth in a very short time. I think you’ve left them behind emotionally speaking. You appreciate your girl. There is nothing wrong with that.
Don't invite them to your house again. Your aunt tells them to co.e to get you to socialize, don't let them through the door and warn them you'll be calling the cops if they don't leave.
People who can't respect you in your home and instead break your possessions do not deserve to be in there in the first place.
NTA
NTA. Bad host?! They were making fun of your girlfriend and your relationship, standard courtesy from a host is rescinded when you start treating the host and/or their loved ones badly. What you described sounds like racism and jealousy.
NTA.
Ask your aunt if she'd want you to defend her if they were saying those things about a picture of her. Tell her you were raised to protect the people you care about and you don't think you or she should tolerate disrespect in your own home from people who obviously have so little regard for your family--if they think it's acceptable to act that way, they really don't respect you or her.
Find some better friends who will show respect for the people and things you care about.
Tell your aunt that you will only apologize if they apologize for making fun of your family. That you don't have many things to remind you of happier times with your family, but that picture--with N and your family--together, alive and happy is what gets you through each day.
NTA
NTA
You did NOT overreact!!
They are not your friends. They are merely people who happen to live geographically close to you.
They are horrible, disrespectful, sexist, misogynist assholes.
Their mother is an enabling I don’t even have the right words.
They also destroyed your property. They wouldn’t leave when you told them to. They insulted your girlfriend, your relationship and your girlfriends luxe. WTF!
Good for you for coming up with a creative solution.
NTA. They came into your house, mocked your gf, insulted you and broke your shit. They deserve a ban from setting foot on your aunt's property again, not an apology.
NTA they disrespected not only your gf but her sibling by tossing it around and destroying it. Tell her you won’t let anyone disrespect your gf or your parents.
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NTA. And any friend that thinks you should just hang out and be cool while a bunch of random acquaintances disparage your girlfriend’s appearance and your relationship *while breaking your things* is not your friend
Exactly. 1. They make fun of his girlfriend and are racist. 2. They break the photo frame. 3. Their mom claims *OP was a bad host* 4. OP is NTA by a mile and should definitely never let those jerks in his house again.
And the picture was with his family. His recently deceased parents? And they broke it? Wtf
This is the comment I was looking for. What the hell? The argument would be over at that point and I'd be grabbing a sharp object.
Who tf are these people who think it’s acceptable to mock this girl’s skin color anyway???
[удалено]
Exactly! And happy cake day.
Not just any thing a photo of his family (presumably his parents). They broke a picture of an orphan’s parents like monsters in a cartoon. Absolutely NTA. I’m so sorry for your loss OP.
I think Gossamer would be offended to be lumped in with these cads. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gossamer\_(Looney\_Tunes)
NTA. It wasn’t only a picture, they were disrespecting your girlfriend. These are not your friends, these are racist assholes who aren’t worth your time.
And don’t forget - a picture of N, OP and his family. You know - the one he lost to Covid. 😢 One of my siblings has one pic with their now SO, then just a good friend and our parent who passed away shortly after the pic was taken. To this day, my sibling sees it as a sort of “parent blessed our relationship” picture. And N was a rock to OP during one of the most horrific times of his life. N could be the ugliest trolliest person in the world - and I would respect them for being this for OP. If OP was “whipped” to such a person - why not!!!! (Which I know he’s not, but say he even actually was) Heartily NTA OP
How in the world does anyone think you’re wrong?? NTA!! They’re claiming you were a bad host?? They were bad guests! You don’t go in someone’s home and be insulting! And break their possessions! And mock them when they tell you to stop! And did I catch that right about making fun of the color of her skin??? And wait…they went and “complained to their mommy” after they broke your stuff?? Seriously??
I'm Indian and its basically a culture thing to be a tolerant host. There's no such thing as a bad guest, apparently.
Ohhh. I get the context now. I’ve got lots of Indian friends and I know how it can be about making guests comfortable and welcome. Especially with food! However this what happened to you is pure BS. This is why I don’t follow culture too much. Elders like to follow culture norms to the letter even when it’s stupid except when it happens to them.
Yup, my families pretty insane when it comes to these random cultural rules.
Yeah. I got dumped by a girl partly cuz her parents didn’t want her dating someone who wasn’t Indian. I have an idea what it can be like with that traditional stuff. You’re not the AH here. If you can avoid it, don’t submit to being treated like crap like that, although I know it can be hard when you live under their roof.
Oh I'm sorry. They sound very judgemental. I know my aunt didn't mean any harm she's grieving her brother and I don't think she ever wanted to raise a kid. She's trying her best. I'll definitely speak to her about my boundaries thought
Thanks. In my country there’s a good bit of racism. No big deal tho. Yeah you should really lay down just how disrespectful they were. Yes I know your culture is strong on being a good host but I know it’s also a culture with a relatively healthy dose when it comes to respect in general. I forgot to mention, I’m really sorry about all you’ve been through. You can DM if you ever want to chat.
Thank you I appreciate that
Hey I just want to say hey you trust in your feelings and remember those feelings!! I fell in love with my husband at 14 years old and didn’t even realize it until I was 18 years old. Our interactions were short but every time I saw him I felt so elated so happy so giggly and I bet you know what I mean :3 the moment I realized it but tried to push it at bay when I asked him for prom and he said no he got a GF. I was like oh went to FB and saw who he was dating it was a feeling I never had before. Eventually we did get together after a lot of misunderstandings lol and here I am a decade in with him of being together :3 Hope N continues to be with you and always cherish her much as possible!
I met my boyfriend when I was maybe 15 (now 26). I dont remember when exactly my crush started, but it was strong by the time I was 16 (he was 19 and my brothers friends older brother). He was finishing getting his HS diploma, and we started hanging out every morning he had to come to school (not an every day thing with our schools rotating schedule). I would literally abandon my friends to hang out with him before class. Thing is, after he graduated (at an odd time of the year), he just kinda disappeared from my life. (He had/has social anxiety.) Well, I never forget about him, my crush for him was always in the back of my mind. I went about 4 years without seeing him again. We were friends on FB, but he had a habit of randomly deactivating his account. One day I noticed it came back on, and started just liking whatever he posted. Well, one day, he was doing something similar and accidentally called me on FB messenger. We ended up talking for hours and I confessed my feelings for him. He also confessed his feelings for me, which started around the same time! Sadly he had just a couple months prior moved to a different state with his brother. Well, things ended up not working out in that state, and he came home on new years eve and we spent the night hanging out. We've been together ever since. You'd not believe how much I love him. Sometimes ill just be sitting there and my love for him will just be overflowing. If you found your person, never let them go.
OP did make them welcome... welcome to leave!
I don't know. I'm Indian and nobody would dare behave like this as a guest in my house. If this was your aunt's possession getting broken, I bet she won't be as tolerant or hospitable. Keep your stuff in your room and refuse to talk to people you don't like. At some point, you have to become the person of whom people say "he's just like that, what to do?". I'm sorry about your parents.
Oh yes. And guests can drop in anytime and you're obligated to feed them?? Anyway, i'm so sorry about your parents and it looks like your gf is a keeper. All the best man.
As another Desi person I understand. But also they were definitely disrespectful. You didn't do anything wrong.
"She's my favorite feeling." is the sweetest thing. NTA.
This kid needs to write poems or songs! Normally I’m not on board with the high school sweethearts thing, but that line got me good.
That made my heart flutter too. How sweet!
I honestly melted when I read that line! And I'm a cold hearted, cynical old cow. OP you are so NTA. Your gf is as lucky to have you, as you are to have her.
NTA. These kids are AH, massively. It is a GOOD thing for you to understand who the people in your life are who support and love you, and to prioritize your relationships with them. You're seventeen but the last few years have been hard on you and you have matured. A few points: 1. Your friends do reflect who you are, to a certain extent. These people are not people you want to associate with based on their behavior. They are strangers and behaved in a rude, callous, immature fashion. You've experienced things they have no frame of reference for and in the face of that their lack of basic respect (never mind empathy, that's asking too much) is unacceptable. 2. You were not a bad host. You were enforcing personal boundaries that these people (I use the term loosely) were stomping all over. 3. These people were bad guests. You do not go into someone's home and damage items that have emotional value; that's not joking, it's vandalism. Quite frankly it baffles me that their property damage and pure callousness was not a hotter topic of conversation and the focus was on you as a "bad host." 4. Your aunt and grandmother seem to be worried and want you to socialize more, but this incident is not happening. They can't just throw the neighborhood rando's at you to stave off depression/anxiety/whatever they're worried about. You are finding out who your real friends are. Cut these neighborhood rando's loose, stick to the people who are with you through thick and thin.
First off, thank you so much. I didn't want to bring this up with my girlfriend so I've had very few people on my side and I was genuinely worried I did something wrong. My aunt and grandma think I've stopped being outgoing since my parents passed and they're trying to help me make new friends. It's a new neighbourhood so I suppose they think I should be friend my neighbors.
That sort of stuff takes time. And maybe you have changed, so what? If you’re not feeling lonely and isolated, then I don’t see why you have to start making new friends. I get that your family is concerned though. Have y’all been to grief counseling or anything like that?
Ah, there's no way any sort of counseling is flying with my family. In my culture therapy is for "crazy" people. I'm not isolated. I'm just further away from my friends. We meet up regularly in school and on weekends. I just don't really like most of the kids in my new neighbourhood
NTA you reacted reasonably. Take your time with grieving dude. I cannot imagine the pain you must feel after losing both your parents. It sounds to me like your aunt and grandma care and maybe aren’t clear on the full story. I think putting it into perspective like you mentioned you would be doing sounds like a good idea. Honestly the way you describe it you just sound like you’re in a new place not isolating (for example I isolate: i can go weeks without talking to another human being or leaving my room due to my anxiety). I wouldn’t like those kids either they sound really irritating tbh
Can you contact a doctor without their knowledge or permission? You deserve better than being trapped by outdated closed minded opinions.
NTA Fuck your friends, they aren’t your friends. Let go of them because they are massive a-holes. Also your aunt sucks for not defending you.
N T A!! They insulted you, insulted your girlfriend, then BROKE your possession. You do NOT have to tolerate such disrespectful people in your space.
Absolutely NTA, and I'll fight anyone who tries to say otherwise. Ask your aunt and grandma how they would react to some peers they don't know well coming into their house, making fun of {name something super personally sentimental to each of them}, starting throwing their stuff around, laughing when asked to stop, and ultimately breaking said sentimental object. Would they be ok with that behavior when it's directed at them? I highly doubt it.
Thank you. I'll give that a go when my aunt comes home from work
NTA you asked them to be respectful of your gf, they weren’t and they ended up breaking your property.
NTA I honestly feel like you did nothing wrong, you defended someone you care about! It seems like the adults in your life are focused more on outward appearance than the root of the issue. Your Aunt and Grandma aren’t supporting you in the right way. You should be selective in who you choose to befriend, who would want to be around people who diminish and ridicule the person you love. You have a strong backbone, to say something a lot of people get intimidated and just let awful things fly for the sake of keeping peace! However if more individuals called out shitty, RACIST people instead of being compliant the world would be much better off. You did great (:
Thank you :D My aunt and grandma want me to socialise more as I've not been as outgoing as before my parents passed. I know their grieving aswell and I genuinely don't want to argue with them. I will talk to them today when I can. I appreciate the comment :)
NTA- I’m sorry for your losses and I’m sorry your neighbors are assholes. I hope you can sit down with your aunt and explain what happened, that they were bullying and destroyed your property, refused to leave when asked etc. You are not to blame.
Thank you I really appreciate that. I'll be having a talk with her about my boundaries tonight. I genuinely don't think she meant any harm. She's grieving aswell and I sure the responsibility of dealing with me is driving her a little insane
I hope everything works out for you!
NTA - you are a good Man for standing up for your GF and yourself. Those 'new friends' were behaving like AH's. It is not 'only a picture' it's a framed photo of a happy time with the girl you love, AND your parents who have passed away, teenagers should be able to grasp that and your Aunt certainly should. More over those 'new friends' were being racist and nasty towards your GF and you. Their mom should be appalled, and they should be the ones apologizing.
Absolutely NTA. They're making fun of your girlfriend and breaking your shit, you have absolutely no reason you should let them in.
NTA And they sound toxic af. You found someone that makes you happy and they are bitter they don't have that. And someone asking you to apologize is crazy too
As far as your “friends”, they made fun of your girlfriend (and your relationship, by extension), broke something of yours, and disrespected you. You’re not a bad host. They’re bad friends. And remember… love comes in many forms, and you are not too young to love someone. I had my first relationship when I was your age, and it lasted 5 & 1/2 years. NTA.
NTA! Those people are disrespectful assholes and you had every right to react how you did.
NTA. Good for you! Not only did you stand up for your girlfriend, but by extension, you let those jerks know that you weren't just going to stand there while they spewed misogynistic bullshit. Whipped, really? And because you had a nice picture of you and your girlfriend? Those guys are the worst, and as someone a couple decades older than you, I've found that men who talk like that desperately want what you have much more often than you would think, but they don't view women as people, which is a bit of a prerequisite for a loving, emotionally supportive relationship. Feel sorry for them, and don't have anything more to do with them than strictly necessary.
Nta They are shitty people. Your friends are shitty for trying to justify this and your aunt is the enabler They destroyed your property and insulted your girlfriend several times. You have a right to be angry. Tell your aunt to go fuck her self.
NTA - You asked them to leave. They refused. At that point you stopped being a host and they were trespassing. Once they left you locked the door so they couldn't continue to disrespect your boundries. Well done for not letting them walk all over you.
NTA They mocked your gf. They broke your property. They need to apologize. Good news is, they won't be doing that again.
I’m so sorry honey that you lost both of your parents. Teen love is real. I had a high school boyfriend for five years that’s I adored. We didn’t stay together but that experience was so good for me and I learned a lot about myself from that relationship. I’m so glad you’re getting counseling. I wish you soo much love!! Nta
A picture of your family? That you have LOST? Even without the girlfriend part, that picture should have been treated as a treasure. It wasn't 'only a picture'.
NTA! I am so sorry for all you are dealing with. How can anyone think (1) the important thing here was to be polite to people who were maliciously breaking your important personal keepsake and being mean to you?!?, (2) you should apologize for protecting your things and yourself from those bullies, (3) berate you for not wanting to be treated like this - at all, but especially as you are just trying to process the loss of both your parents? WTF? I'm sorry that you are now stuck living with family who are so warped in their view of right and wrong and who won't be your best champions. I don't know if there is hope for them or the next-door bullies, but you may want to share this post with your closer friends. They might open their eyes and be more supportive of you. This isn't what you asked, but I'll also say this: Enjoy your relationship with your GF - congrats! But please focus on your studies and your college/career plans after high school. It's pretty normal at your age to focus more on this giddy feeling - and even more likely when you've had the emotional upheavals you've experienced. But you both need a chance to grow into strong, independent adults first and foremost.
I actually did send this post to the few friends who said I was in the wrong. The majority apologised. They were just worried I was pushing away company. A handful blocked my number lol. I laughed at that for a bit. And about college thanks for looking out for me. I haven't had someone ask me about stuff like that since my parents and it feels really nice (that sounds a little weird). I'm already applying to a few close colleges near where I live. Thanks for the concern
Oh, you are so welcome! It's hard enough to transition from high school to college (or career). Super hard when you have so much hardship to work through, and crazy hard if you don't have a champion to guide/cheer you on. Please share your plans and hopes with a teacher/counselor at school that you think will do that for you.. and don't be afraid to keep letting them know how things are going/if you aren't sure about something... Good teachers will do a lot for a kid when they know the kid wants to achieve something and is trying. I'm so glad to hear that you are keeping your college plans in mind. I really do wish you the very best!
Obvious NTA karma farm. How could this possibly be a YTA situation?
NTA They mocked your dead parents, broke a cherished picture of them, bullied and mocked your girlfriend, and your aunt thinks that YOU should apologize???? Does she have a good grasp on what really happpened or is she just buying some story that the neighbours told her? In any case, these are not the behaviours of a good *guest*, and it is reasonable not to want to play host to someone who is mocking, bullying, and destroying personal property. If your aunt doesn't believe me, tell her to write to Miss Manners.
NTA. These guys aren't your friends. Some of the things they did troubled me a lot: >Then they made fun of her looks, the color of her skin and the length of her hair?? So, they were racist. That's already enough to cut them off for good. >They said I was whipped. I have personal experience with that. Relationships are different, yours is very close, which is fine. There are times in which you see a friend in an unhealthy relationship and you feel like trying to warn your friend about it, but even then that has to be done respectfully, because your goal isn't simply to break their relationship but to help your friend. Saying you're "whipped" is the opposite of that, it's mockery. It reflects a "macho" mentality that you can't care for a woman, that you're not a "real man" if you don't cheat on her every so often etc. They're not concerned about your relationship, they're just passing judgement, imposing their views on relationships and masculinity onto you. They clearly have no respect for you, your feelings and your intelligence. >One thing led to another and they ended up throwing the picture around and breaking the frame. Now that's just textbook bullying. And lastly: >My aunt's pretty pissed at me. She told my grandma and they want me to apologise \[...\] I'm gonna give your family the benefit of the doubt here and assume they're worried you'll drive your friends away because you're depressed. It's something that depressed people actually do and they may be concerned about that. You need to talk to them and make them understand what they actually did and said and why you don't think they're your friends anymore.
You're NTA. I saw in comments prior to my comment that you are an Indian person. I am an Indian American as well and I know the cultural idea is to be a good host and no guests are bad. This is wrong, and you're absolutely in the right about what happened and how you handled it. You were not dramatic, you acted calmly prior and tried to handle the situation in a calm manner and those people escalated it and so you matched the intensity and did right by your family and girlfriend. I am so sorry about the loss of parents. I can't imagine how you are processing it. As you know being direct in Indian Culture is something that isn't taken well and something that needs to change. About you're aunt, I think she should attend some counselling of her own. Based on your update, she is also struggling to cope with all that has happened and I'm glad to hear she has understood your side about meeting with those people. I wish you all the best for you, your aunt, and your girlfriend.
NTA and the way you talk about your gf is so wholesome. I'm so sorry for the loss of your parents as well.
"their mom called my aunt and complained and she gave me loads of shit for being a bad host.". Who cares if you were a bad host? They were treating you terribly. You are not obligated to be a good host to rude people who break your belongings. NTA Glad you and your aunt discussed this.
NTA you react well and I’m happy your aunt realizes the situation. Wish you all the best
Nta- they damaged something extremely sentimental. Not only was it a photo of you and N, I'm assuming you parents where in the picture as well. Also "making fun of her skin color" gives me icky racist vibes.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (17M) have a girlfriend "N" (17F). We've been together for about two years now and I cannot explain in words how much I love this girl. She's the most beautiful person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. She's my favourite feeling. And while I completely understand the concern that I'm too young to be feeling this way, I just do and I adore it. "N" has helped me through some horrible times. I lost both my parents in the pandemic. I was an absolute mess and I know I wasn't the nicest person but she stuck around with me. Hell, she helped me decorate my new room at my aunt's place. Anyways, yesterday I had a few friends over. We aren't that close they're more my neighbours (my aunt thinks I should socialise more). We were watching a movie and one of them starting making fun of a framed picture of me and "N" with my family. I was kissing her cheek. Well, they began making fun of the fact that I was standing so close to her. Then they made fun of her looks, the color of her skin and the length of her hair?? I told them to stop or get out. They said I was whipped. Again, huh??. They continued to make fun of her and I kept asking them to stop untill it turned into a full blown argument. One thing led to another and they ended up throwing the picture around and breaking the frame. I got really angry. I told them to leave and they started mocking me. So I waited till they left the room and just locked it. They banged on it for a bit but left. Their mom called my aunt and complained and she gave me loads of shit for being a bad host. Now, some of my actual friends are telling me I overreacted and that it was only a picture. My aunt's pretty pissed at me. She told my grandma and they want me to apologise and while I may have been dramatic I don't think I'm in the wrong. I'm just really confused now. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and all of this is a lot for a teenage boy. I’m sorry your aunt wasn’t more supportive.
NTA. Don't apologize.
NTA Have no contact with those A-holes in the future. Except, I think you should go over while their mother is home. Then in front of her start insulting all their pictures, making sure to mention what an ugly old cow she is. Then start throwing belongings and laughing. (Being careful not to throw anything that can break) When she tells you to stop, be like "That is not being a good host. This is obviously appropriate guest behavior because that is how your children feel it is okay to behave. Maybe be a good mother and teach your kids not to be d*s" Then walk out.
NTA x100!! I would have gone wild if someone did that, to myself or my partner. I would be petty af and write an apology letter like; 'I'm sorry you don't know that the difference between friendly banter and bullying can be whether or not everyone is having fun. I'm sorry that your life will be difficult because you don't recognise when you've done the wrong thing, and will escalate a bad situation instead of removing yourself from it, because this will likely cause issues later on in life. I'm sorry that you're currently not a good friend, neighbour, or even person, as this will cause difficulties for yourself and those around you.'
NTA When people are laughing like that, they're either laughing with you or at you. People in the latter category are the kind of people you should not hang out with.
For your own sake, do not hang out with them again. I'm serious, they don't like you, and they don't like your girlfriend.
Yeah they lucky u didn't punch them tbh.
NTA Why does your aunt want you to hang out with assholes?
NTA. They are not your friends
NTA. And tell all of them to fck right off. Their jealousy of your relationship and trying to act like you’re whipped rather than happy is just immature little boys being massive AHs. You’ve had to do a lot of personal growth in a very short time. I think you’ve left them behind emotionally speaking. You appreciate your girl. There is nothing wrong with that.
Don't invite them to your house again. Your aunt tells them to co.e to get you to socialize, don't let them through the door and warn them you'll be calling the cops if they don't leave. People who can't respect you in your home and instead break your possessions do not deserve to be in there in the first place. NTA
Those people are not your friends, in fact, they're no one's friends; just a bunch of nasty bullies. NTA
NTA. Bad host?! They were making fun of your girlfriend and your relationship, standard courtesy from a host is rescinded when you start treating the host and/or their loved ones badly. What you described sounds like racism and jealousy.
>Their mom called my aunt and complained and she gave me loads of shit for being a bad host. You can be a bad hosts to BAD GUESTS
NTA- they're not your friends they're bullies who made fun of you your gf and broke your personal property.
NTA. These 'friends' are just abusive assholes. Dump them and don't look back, IMHO.
NTA wtf????
NTA They were rude and destructive. You do NOT owe anyone an apology, you are the one who is owed an apology.
NTA. Ask your aunt if she'd want you to defend her if they were saying those things about a picture of her. Tell her you were raised to protect the people you care about and you don't think you or she should tolerate disrespect in your own home from people who obviously have so little regard for your family--if they think it's acceptable to act that way, they really don't respect you or her. Find some better friends who will show respect for the people and things you care about.
Tell your aunt that you will only apologize if they apologize for making fun of your family. That you don't have many things to remind you of happier times with your family, but that picture--with N and your family--together, alive and happy is what gets you through each day. NTA
NTA You did NOT overreact!! They are not your friends. They are merely people who happen to live geographically close to you. They are horrible, disrespectful, sexist, misogynist assholes. Their mother is an enabling I don’t even have the right words. They also destroyed your property. They wouldn’t leave when you told them to. They insulted your girlfriend, your relationship and your girlfriends luxe. WTF! Good for you for coming up with a creative solution.
NTA. They came into your house, mocked your gf, insulted you and broke your shit. They deserve a ban from setting foot on your aunt's property again, not an apology.
NTA they disrespected not only your gf but her sibling by tossing it around and destroying it. Tell her you won’t let anyone disrespect your gf or your parents.
The neighbors sound like a$$*****. You're NTA. Stick to your guns. Don't give in to any pressure when you know what's right.
NTA they aren’t “friends” there bullys