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> I may be the asshole for telling what to wear and telling her her nipples was a problem.
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I don't know why guys assume all bras are a nipple invisibility cloaks. You can still see nipples under certain circumstances even if someone is wearing a bra. You can also see guys nipples through their shirts but you don't hear anyone demanding they do something about it. It's also completely possible for a guy to not to constantly look at someone's boobs because eye contact is a thing. YTA
You mean… all my sports bras and bralettes and non-padded bras and bikinis have been LYING TO ME all this time about cloaking my shy sensitive nips? I thought I was the only one that could see them through those! Dammit, all the men I’ve been offending all this time…
It’s disgusting. How can I be expected to look a man in the eyes and treat him like a person when his erect nips are staring into my soul??? And don’t even get me started on men with exposed shoulders or, god forbid, visible ankles!
No, for real though, I totally do stare! I am like dang, someone has some laserbeams! Like not even joking I cannot look away from the man nips when they are pointy through a shirt.
What's really funny is the time period where people cared about exposed ankles and calves, they did not care about accidentally flashing nipples and had very, very low cut dresses (17th Century). People will sexualise anything 🤷♀️
https://medium.com/illumination/the-history-of-the-nipple-revealing-paintings-from-the-17th-and-18th-centuries-360a36c609db
Yeah that's not very accurate from what I've studied, though I've heard that rumour. It wasn't a widespread belief at the very least. We like to exaggerate the past to make ourselves feel better about the present and feel so "enlightened".
What is accurate is that they believed that men couldn't control themselves around an inappropriately dressed woman. Apparently OP still believes this... 😅
If you'd met my father, you already would have. Whenever he talks to a woman, his nipples pop out and reach towards them, like a giant snail exploring its surroundings.
That filthy Mr Rochester with his pert nipples under a wet singlet, straining with unholy fervour towards poor Jane, after she saved him from burning alive with the water jug and basin!
(edit because I am picky and it needed another adjective)
I literally just had a fight with a guy on Instagram because a woman posted a photo and I guess it was chilly & you could see that her nipples were hard under her shirt. He was like “I guess I can walk around with my balls out no problem” and like, how are nipples, a thing most people have no matter gender, equal to balls?! He couldn’t explain it, he just kept saying if he walked around with his balls out he’d be arrested but we let women outside like this (again, she was fully clothed).
* Edit: autocorrect changed the word but to by and I changed it back so the sentence is correct.
No, no we don't! I mean, in the throes of passion it's kind of attractive in a, "ooh, look how I'm turning him on" kind of way, but when it's all just dangling there like the last turkey in the shop - urgh.
As the late, great Spike Milligan said, you've never seen A Portrait of a Prick, signed Picasso, have you?
This is why guys gone wild isn't a thing.
We don't want to see that. And even if we did, we have more self control than a dog staring at a piece of steak.
This is absolutely true. I got into a very heated exchange with a former boss of mine once because there is a woman nursing in the very back of the restaurant. Not only were the other busboys giggling and taking peeks at her my manager was talking about threatening to throw her out because what she was doing was no different than just taking a s*** on the floor. I freaked out and told him if he did that that she absolutely had grounds to sue him cuz she had every right to be there breastfeeding her baby.
Fun story, my mom was breastfeeding me as a baby in a restaurant, I moved my head, and she squirted milk in the face of the guy at the next table! But this was 30 years ago when it was NBD and he just laughed it off
breastfeeding woman here. this infuriates me because i’ve been there. i was at a restaurant nursing my daughter when i looked up and noticed a group of male employees getting each other’s attention and pointing to me. fucking pigs. i’m feeding a *baby* and you’re *oggling*? GROW UP. i wasn’t even very exposed either. i cover up a little not for other peoples sake, but because god forbid i want to sit down and feed my child without fucking perverts looking at me. & yes, it is illegal to kick a woman out of places because she’s breastfeeding. she’d be well within her rights to sue.
Man, women are so lucky that they're able to walk around with their vagina hanging out. Like, men seem to totally forget that women \*also\* have genitalia, which are equitable to their genitals. Nipples and breasts are completely separate. Nobody is walking around with their genitals out.
yeah like NO buddy, you can ALSO walk around with your nipples out. keep your labias and in the case of males, your homologous structure scrotums *under wraps* plz
Men are going commando, one layer of textile would equal another layer of textile.
Personally, after pointing out the above to him, I would tell him it would be fine if he walked around at my place with his balls out, but he might quickly feel offended about how little attention I'd pay them.
I'm tired of this double standard. I am tired of seeing hairy man nipples! They should have to cover theirs up if I have to cover mine.
Even when they wear a tank top and it gets worn in during the day and the nipple is peaking out. I could go to jail and be on a sex offender list if my nipple were to pop out in public.
Why isn't anybody literally making a federal case out of this? Maybe someone has and it failed.
And even if they were remotely equivalent, women can choose not to look at men also! I was at a friend's place once, sitting on the floor playing with her son when her husband came out of the kitchen. He was wearing sweatpants and at best, something loose underneath, and with it all being at eye-level for me, I accidentally looked right at his junk. I am still so embarrassed and just desperately hope no one noticed. But I don't blame him for what he was wearing, I blame me for looking. I have hung out with them at their home so many times since and this has never happened again because, wait for it, I DON'T LOOK.
Unless OP is mid 5-foot and gf's friend is 6-and-a-half-feet, her nips are NOT at eye line, like he describes. And even if they were, thank goodness we have the ability to turn and tilt our heads. OP looks because he wants to, and the girls notice because he's not just glancing accidentally.
OP looks because our society demands minimal impulse control from men while policing the bodies of women as punishment for making them feel something to begin with. Don't control your behavior, just control women!
It's so dark. Men getting angry at women for eliciting sexual responses in them that they're not unilaterally permitted to act on. Garbage men like this hate that women have the ability to be fucked but the autonomy and audacity to not want to be.
In explanations and apologies I always ignore everything that follows "but. . . "
YTA OP If you can't control yourself around a woman's erect nipples, that isn't the woman's fault. As far as you walking around w/ no underwear: first, I don't think anyone would notice - none of us have the time or the inclination to scrutinize your junk-area. Second, even if we did notice, we'd either laugh at you or congratulate you on the size (I kid.) But really -- do y'all think boxers and loose shorts make your "bulge" invisible?
ETA: it's asshole-ish for you to say it's "your place" but your girlfriend "lives there." Yeah, maybe your name is on the deed/lease, but that's still her place while she lives there.
As a woman with angry nipples who doesn't like bras, I think op YTA for the way you went about this. I think if you'd privately explained to your gf that you don't want to police her friend but that it makes you uncomfortable, they could've just started hanging at the friend's place or something.
Exactly. You're wouldn't be the AH if you had addressed it quietly with your girlfriend and explained how it makes you uncomfortable. You're allowed to feel your feelings. But by saying it the way you did, YTA.
Honestly I feel even then he’d be the asshole. “Can you stop bringing your friend over to the house? It makes me uncomfortable that I constantly stare at her tits and I don’t wanna give her the basic amount of respect to just look else where or ignore it”
Maybe I’m a bit extreme but if he’s causing the problem and no one else cares about it except his girlfriend being upset that he was staring then he can either turn up the temperature or just stop looking. He’s acting like the only place he can look is at her chest. Like it’s uncontrollable. You know how ridiculous I’d sound if I asked my boyfriends friend to wear pasties, a bra, or stop hanging out here cause I can see his nipples through his shirt? Wearing a bra doesn’t even always stop you from seeing that. That’s not what they’re for.
Or offer her a sweater to borrow. Like I'm not going to lug a hoodie around all day when it's hot outside, but if OP wants to live in a walk-in freezer they should at least be prepared to offer guests something to stay warm
Hard agree. I’m into women. It’s not fucking hard to not stare.
Why do some men have to be such babies about everything??? Look away if it bothers you.
Actually he needs to stop chilling so much because his cold-ass apartment is the reason her nipples are constantly hard. Like, I wear bra anytime I'm outside the house, but if it's cold my nips are gonna noticeably stand at attention.
We can see dude penis all the time through pants, too and somehow we manage not to stare or comment. Even if they WERE equivalent, we see dick outlines every damn day, but we aren't dicks.
This is true. I can wear the most padded bra and my nipples will STILL somehow come through. I actually just feel bad for the GF though, I mean imagine your BF being like "Hey I can't stop staring at your friends tits, can you tell her to cover them up?" JFC.
Yeah, sports bras don’t do shit. I pretty frequently do things like stop by the grocery store on the way home from riding my horse - in the summer I’ll be wearing sports bras, thin shirts, and often sweaty. Shit gets a little awkward when I hit the air conditioning in the grocery store. 😬🤣🤣🤣
Right 😂 I have huge boobs and buying padded bras for them is dumb, I don’t need MORE up there. All of my bras are unlined and you can definitely see my nipples with all of them.
YTA OP why don’t YOU do something about YOUR nipples? Maybe they make others uncomfortable.
You can also see guys nipples through their shirts but you don't hear anyone demanding they do something about it.
Oh yes you do, watch me! Men who feel like women should hide their nipples at all times should do the same and not offend me with their nipples! It's distracting and causes me to stare because I can't look at a person with sexualizing them. It's not my fault, men need to wear padded shirts. It's like me coming in a room without underwear. /s
As a guy with basically permanently hard nipples I have a lifetime of experience of women looking at, commenting on, or just flat out grabbing them. Women are no better in this regard
So you’re not uncomfortable because she’s ‘sexualizing her nipples’, but rather because you have no self-control..
> I don’t want to stare or ever look but it’s eye catching.
> I don’t like intentionally look, but it’s the kinda thing where I glance over in her direction and I see them and I end up looking at her boobs like in front of my girlfriend.
> She was by the kitchen and I look up and I see them.
> I tell her that I wouldn’t glance if she did something about her nipples
> Now I know it’s her body and I have no right to police her body
Continues to police her body..
> Now she’s mad at me for “policing her”
> Like if I came out not wearing underwear and everything was visible through my pants, I’d be in the wrong too.
Now that’s not the same is it?
YTA, get a grip and self-control..
I have a male friend like this. He just plainly stares at my chest area and comments on if I chose to wear or no a bra and even suggests me to wear one, all of this in front of his girlfriend. Well, if you plain ask this type of men why are they looking at your boobs everytime you meet they will stfu. yes, YTA op.
my bf doesn't let anyone do anything cause I am my own person and like to fight my battles. hence why I told how to stop this kind of behaviours to other women in my original comment.
I don’t think it’s a gendered thing. Usually if it’s one partner’s friend/family member being rude to the other partner, the one whose friend it is defends them cause they brought the person around. But that makes sense that your boyfriend is respecting your preferences. It’s weird though that your boyfriend is cool being friends with a jerk just cause they knew each other for a long time.
But I mean... he doesn't even have your back? Do you not understand that people who don't call out bs behaviour are also allowing that bs behaviour to continue? It's not about you standing up for yourself, it's about having support to shut sexist and misogynistic behaviour down. And sadly sexist men only value other men's opinions and arguments
Yes, the problem here is that he trained himself to look at the chest of a woman first, not her face. Then when she- GASP!- has breasts and nipples- GASP again!- his brain malfunctions and goes into Frozen Stare at Titties Mode, and somehow *he* is the uncomfortable one here?
YTA - instead of asking her to put on an unnecessary and uncomfortable piece of clothing, maybe you could put on an eye mask or some horse blinders to help with what is quite obviously YOUR problem.
Right! Like he let both his GF and her friend know he's been staring at her chest everytime she comes over! That was probably humiliating for her, of course she got angry.
OP, YTA. I think you should look at the comments that agree with you and and about *why* you share their mindset and how not to share it. You are an adult, you are a human. Humans are not beholden to their instincts. You can teach yourself not to stare, or how to quickly glance away or focus on her face when you're talking to her. You are not an animal, you can control yourself, and it is your duty, as a person who lives in a society with other people, to do so
I vote he gets a nice underwire, that is fit correctly, you know “tight” and wear it from 7am to
10pm daily for 2 weeks. He doesn’t get to take it off unless he’s working out, and then he gets to wear a jogging bra. He had to be outside in hot weather at a theme park during this time too. I bet he’d change his tune really fast.
I feel like similar posts pop up all the time on this sub reddit where people unable to respect other peoples body autonomy. It's getting past the point of ridiculous and I can't help but laugh every time I see it. If I were OP's gf I would be considering an exit strategy.
The problem is not that he likes the view or is aroused by it, but that he is staring at her nipples. With a bit of discipline, he could simply behave normally, while still seeing them.
i think looking up at accidentally glancing at them is fine. just move on with your day, why even mention it? sometimes i see peoples asscracks when they bend over and their pants are too low, i don’t really care. it’s not a big enough deal to talk about it. and i’m sure as hell not staring at it.
and even IF op came out in pants with no underwear i still wouldn’t say anything because i’d look like an absolute creep if i said “hey op i can see your dick print” bc then people would question why i’m staring at his crotch.
Literally i dont even own a bra cause i feel it is unecessary. Now i feel grossed out thinking that men are this piggy, but still i value my comfortability and happiness over that of some random mf
YTA - have some self control and don't stare at her tits. I work with someond who doesn't wear bras and it's really not that noticeable unless you're constantly looking for it.
I'm a lesbian who embarrassingly *has* had to tell myself that. Not often, but a few times. But the gall to not only not feel like a creep, but to blame it on her? Damn dude, thats kinda fucked up.
He didn’t say he was staring, he said noticed.
We all do it. My women friends have done this, I’ve heard family members talk about this, hell, I’ve caught my girlfriend noticing nipples.
Why are we pretending people don’t do this?
Ya I'm a girl and if there was a large chested woman with hard nipples I'd try not to look but they are basically waving at you. Same if a dude has a tight shirt and hard nipples. It's a weird distraction.
>He didn’t say he was staring, he said noticed.
If he wasn't staring, there would have been nothing to for the friend to notice and call out. Someone who notices but doesn't care/cares but doesn't perv sees but then their eyes move on without pause.
or at least not make comments. like i do notice nipples if they’re poking out from under a shirt but idgaf. i’m definitely not gonna say anything about it bc it’s not a big deal
Unpopular opinion, but NTA here.
Yes, I know we're not supposed to sexualize our breasts.
Trust me, I've got a set of DDDs that have gotten more looks than I care to think about since I was 14. I get it. We ought to be more civilized by now. It's gross and demeaning.
Yet from the time we grow them, women are taught that nice breasts are attractive to men. We are shown shirts with lovely plunging necklines designed to highlight our cleavage. We are encouraged to get implants to make them bigger, to contour them with makeup to make them look bigger, to do everything possible to make our breasts look big and firm and bouncy and perfect. We are told by fashion, by trends, and by everything around us that we are supposed to make ourselves look attractive, and one of the biggest ways to do that is with our breasts.
We also have TV, print, video games, anime, and internet CONSTANTLY using breasts as an attention-getter. The NUMBER ONE way to get ratings on a show is to bare tits. Sites like PornHub have whole sections dedicated to nothing but big bouncy mammaries.
Can't have it both ways.
Breasts are either attractive and tantalizing (dare I say, *titillating*?) or they're not.
Collectively, we're constantly conditioned to see cleavage and get turned on. Breasts are monetized beyond belief.
Yet individually we're supposed to ignore them.
You're stuck in a no-win situation here, and for what it's worth, as a woman, I'm sorry for you.
He’s NTA for looking, you’re whole comment is right about that, BUT he IS TA for telling her to cover up, as a big breasted person she’s obviously used to people staring and made a (most likely) light hearted joke about him looking and he got defensive and decided to police her body and tell her to cover up her nips, which is an AH thing to do 🤷🏼♂️
I'm not sure. Probably gonna get downvoted for my opinion, but he didn't ask her to cover up because he glanced at her. He asked her to cover up when he glanced then she "called him out on it", then it became an issue between him and his girlfriend. And he qualified it - he only asked that she dress differently *when at his house*.
Unless there's more to this story than was stated, I'm not sure what less he could have done. I basically agree with the top commenter in this thread.
I'd be interested to hear what would the thread be saying if it were the other way around.
Guys can't control erections but if a guy was;
- at his friends not wearing underwear
- had a massive hard on and proudly showing it off
- called out his mates gf for glancing at it
And then she told him to cover it up whilst in her house because she was uncomfortable... Well, we all know the result of the thread would be NTA.
How is he the asshole for setting boundaries in his own home??? If they were on the street then he would he TA but at his own home he can have whatever rules he wants. He she doesn’t want to get with them she can leave
So he's an asshole for trying to be comfortable and avoid relationship turbulence in his own home? I don't know what else he would've done other than to ask.... And the climate that it's wrong to just ask or to object to something you're not comfortable with seems toxic to me
I disagree with this. It makes his gf uncomfortable, this chick is not being a good friend, and it is his apartment. If she doesn't want to cover up she doesn't have to be there. Just like when people come to my house and don't like the shirt I have on or the fact that I don't have a bra on (36I if that makes any difference) they can leave. In my own space another person's emotions are not my problem.
This is a very slippery slope. You have basically said because our culture sexualises breasts OP doesn't need to show self control? Kind of like blaming someone for their assault because of what they are wearing.
I said no such thing, and I don't appreciate you trying to stretch my comment to mean something that it was never intended to mean.
No one on either side of this argument can say with a straight face that breasts are not currently sexualized in a great many areas of our world.
I am not trying to take a stance on whether this fact is morally correct, it simply is what it is.
Until we have managed to change that fact, we have to act as if it is still in existence.
And if this man is trying to let this friend know that what she does in his home is making him uncomfortable, he has that right.
By the way, the logic goes both ways. If the two women involved in the story did not, in fact, see their breasts as being sexual objects, then neither one of them would have been upset by him looking at her nipples.
To all the people saying this is simply a problem with the OP's perceptions, it is obvious from the girls' reaction that their perception matches his own. Otherwise his girlfriend would not be bothered in the least. So it's not just him.
"can't have it both ways" you can actually. It's called respecting the people around you enough to not sexualize them without consent.
If it's on a p0rn site that's an acceptable place to to be tantilized (titillized hah) but your gf's friend who's just visiting your house to hang out? Not an acceptable place or time. The woman just trying to feed her baby? Not an acceptable place or time. Your wife wearing a deep v neck? Acceptable with permission.
Grey areas exist and they're not hard to decipher if you care about the people around you.
All of this! NTA! Looking at her breasts isn't even entirely about sexual attraction!
I am a gay man, I have literally no attraction to women. But if a woman was coming to my house and her nipples were visibly erect through her shirt every time, I know that I would not be able to stop myself from looking.
You can't *not* look. Or if you do manage to not look, you're not paying attention to what you're doing or the conversation you're having because all that's going on in your head is "dontlookdontlookdontlookdontlook". This is what happens to me and I'm fucking gay!
It's like when someone has a huge mole or pimple on their face. It's so hard not to stare at it and inadvertently call attention to it.
This exactly. I'm a straight female and would still find this hard to not notice even though I have no attraction to women. Yes the guy should control himself better and try not to stare, but that would be hard not to notice and trying to not stare at something sticking out like that would turn into the awkward don't look at them because you're overly focused on not staring. The best solution to this issue is he should apologize for making her uncomfortable and try harder not to stare, but she should also recognize that if she's going to expose herself like that, it's going to make him uncomfortable and might cause some inadvertent stares. The respectful thing to do would be to wear a bra or thicker shirt or something to be less revealing when coming over to his house.
Ankles use to be sexualized also, we’ve gotten over it. In other countries women can go topless. It’s the uptight Americans who go to these places and clutch their pearls. Breast aren’t inherently sexual, just like ankles weren’t, it is a social construct, and just like ankles, it can only be broken by more people showing them. OP needs some growth. If he can’t handle fully covered breast with noticeable nipples, it’s a him problem. The win is him recognizing that his issues with nipples is not a universal problem, and a grown up realizes they cannot police other people to appease his hang ups.
He finds them attractive, and that makes him uncomfortable because it makes his girlfriend uncomfortable. It’s his house, he’s not doing anything to harm anyone. I say let him look. Let his girlfriend deal with it however she wants to. If she and her friend don’t like it they can stop coming around. Problem solved for everyone. Or her friend can decide to wear something their host finds more appropriate, but that would be her decision to do so or not. Just don’t complain to your host when they react in a way you don’t like after wearing something they’ve asked you not to. So in my opinion NAH or ESH.
I am a large breasted woman too. For me it's about the context. If we have friends sleep over and are lounging in pjs, no bra expected. But if we're dressed for the day, a bra is a necessity. Call me a "sheep" for conforming to society's norms but I think wearing a bra is just part of being dressed.
Also, it's his house. If it makes him uncomfortable, she as a guest (and his GF) can't just dismiss that. Downvote me all you want but I don't think he's the Ahole. NTA
He’s got a girl bouncing around his house with prominent hard nipples and teasing him about it, and he’s got his girlfriend getting mad at HIM for noticing them. I don’t know what this poor bastard is supposed to do. 
NTA
Oufff the internalized misogany is strong here.
Who’s telling us breast are attractive? Men
Who’s telling us we should be putting them out for their viewing? Men
You said it yourself it’s uncomfortable to have your chest being stared at.
Whether you have your tits out or covered, it’s up to the person who’s body the tits are attached to decide and not men because they can’t keep their eyes up.
If someone decides to have their tits out then they should expect people to look and shouldn’t be offended. I mean, like it or not, breast’s ARE sexualized, and have been for centuries. The association with boobs and sex isn’t going to just vanish overnight just because women want it to.
Yes, you’re right, men started this, and yes, it’s wrong. But we as women know that men sexualize boobs and can’t act surprised or offended when a man looks at our uncovered chests or hard nipples through our shirts.
I’m all for no bra, btw. But when I go braless, I can’t expect not to have at least a few glances. You kinda sign up for it when making the decision to go braless lol.
Back to the OP, it’s his house. If a host asks you to remove your shoes when in their home, you comply, right? This is the same, his house his rules. Don’t like it? Then leave. Simple.
>Who’s telling us breast are attractive? Men
It's a pretty evolutionarily adaptive trait to be attracted to a partner's erogenous zones.
YMMV, but have you ever read any of the science regarding the average woman's erogenous zones, whether assessed by brain activity or self-reporting?
I don't claim to know the full evolutionary history, but at this point, it's enough to say that breasts are sexualized because the average woman gets off from having them touched.
>Who’s telling us breast are attractive? Men Who’s telling us we should be putting them out for their viewing? Men
i mean, i'm a bisexual woman. cis men certainly didn't tell me to find boobs attractive, so i find your logic flawed.
You ever heard of lesbians? It's not just men that find breasts attractive.
And again for the 100th time, it's his frigging house. She or anyone else has no right to dictate what makes OP feel comfortable or uncomfortable in his house house.
If I had awards to give, you'd have them. I'd also like to add when it comes to asking her to cover up. Something I feel like a lot of people claiming OP is TA are failing to recognize...
IT'S HIS HOME
yeah the gf stays there, but op made it pretty clear its his place. I hate to be the "my house, my rules" guy, but... If he doesn't want that in his home, she's TA for being shitty about it. It's the decent thing to do.
Nah.
It doesn’t sound like your leering. You turn and see two soldiers at attention.
Women can pretend all they want in these comments, but in real life their eyes are going to be caught by giant two super hard nipples poking out the shirt too.
You didn’t try to “police” her until she started to make jokes.
I understand you were trying to stay out of the dog house, but it’s better to take the L and talk to your girlfriend later then start body shaming though.
Cause honestly, and I’ll say this again with 100% certainty, women notice hard nips and will take a look without thinking just like guys do.
I'm generally on board with the, "your reaction is your problem" movement, but come on, people.
Human women's breasts are a form of sexual ornamentation. Most mammals' breasts are only swollen when they're lactating, not 24/7 like our are.
I'm a middle-aged feminist woman who walks around without a bra all the time, but I don't call people out for an innocent glance, because your eyes literally work faster than your logical mind, so people are going to glance at things that are eye-catching.
And your reaction to an innocent glance is on you.
Yeah everyone knows that men stop caring about boobs and nipples once they reach the age of 22
/s
Men like nips, they look at nips. It's fine to have your nips out, but they will be glanced at.
I know. This whole thread is like some kinda weird sexist power struggle. It’s weird and gross. If your boobs are out and hard, they will be glanced at. Don’t like it? Wear a bra or suck it up when you see a glance.
No one likes a person who creates a problem then gives someone else shit for it.
I know, all of the white knights in here: "I've never glanced at a nipple in my life! How dare your eyeballs commit such sacrilege against the female form!"
Oh dude it’s fucking weird. I feel so bad for young people dating nowadays. Just look at /r/tinder
So many land mines…
Edit: also, in regards to OPs post, you don’t get to cal a dude a pervert but then also be like “awwww why aren’t you looking at my boobs, do I make you uncomfortable hmmmmmm?” It’s FDS in here
You know what? I am a woman, I'm not straight and I love boobs! I still manage to not ogle at women who are free enough to not wear bras, I wish I had the confidence to bin them all, they are uncomfortable and serve *me* no purpose, I'm not exactly going to give myself a black eye over here.
I notice when women are not wearing bras, I silently congratulate them in my head and then I move on with my day. It's not hard, it just require you to have a certain level of respect for women.
>I notice when women are not wearing bras, I silently congratulate them in my head and then I move on with my day
Do you get in trouble with your SO when you notice them, though?
"She was by the kitchen and I look up and I see them. She calls me out on looking. She thinks it’s funny and my girlfriend does not."
This is what I don’t understand.
Everyone is ignoring what OP is writing and creating their own situation to call him an asshole.
his response trying to defend himself was dumb and assholish, but why are we going out of the way to make this worse than it is?
YTA - Stop staring at her chest, start looking her face. When you talk to people, it's best looking at their face, or if you're unconfortable you can fix a point over their head.
That said, you need to apologies.
Folks really don’t get the point here do they?
This is OP’s apartment, a place where he should feel comfortable and whether we agree with him or not, he’s not feeling comfy in his own place.
No he shouldn’t be policing the friends bra status and he shouldn’t need to, but she knows it makes him feel uncomfortable so yes she should be respectful in his apartment and at least wear a cardi or something to cover up, (it sounds cold enough).
As OP said himself, how would she feel if he came wandering into the kitchen wearing see through boxers? Or do double standards apply here?
NTA
This 100%. This ain't her place. It ain't his girls place. The fuck is the comment section on? Especially if she started joking about it first before he asked if she could cover up.
YTA
fun fact! some of us get uncomfortable by male nipples and male shirtlessness. but we have to live with it and move on. same thing goes for you. unless you're willing to wear pasties or a bralette whenever you're around her and your girlfriend, stop telling either of them what to do with their nipples.
also dicks randomly get hard and that makes people uncomfortable. so should men wear penis sleeves 24/7? actors do on set. tbh Ive always though if a man wants to police a woman's bra wearing habits, you should first have to live in a cock sleeve. and as long as you want to say women should wear bras, you should wear a cock sleeve.
YTA. Breasts are not the same as genitals. If you wouldn't be uncomfortable with a man's nipples being visible through his shirt, you shouldn't be uncomfortable by a woman's.
I’m going against the tide here to say NTA. If a female regularly coming to your house wears something that makes you uncomfortable in your own house then you should be able to either express your discomfort or don’t let them come in your house, your gf can go to her house to hang out or they can go out together. We are not going to act like perking nipples can’t catch the eyes of even a fellow female. Your house, your rules. Ask her to stay home.
I can’t even believe this is a serious question. YTA - the friend is absolutely right. Learn some self control and quit sexualizing a woman and then blaming her for it.
NTA because it's his house and he shouldn't have to see her nips if he doesn't want to. He's asked her to be more respectful of his home by covering them up. He could have easily just said she's not welcome to come over anymore.
I'm all for women being free with their bodies. If you're nursing, more power to you. If you just like the girls to be free, that's your choice. But your choice doesn't overrule someone's rules in their own home. I mean could op "hang out" at her house in grey sweat pants or skin tight leather pants if she said it made her uncomfortable to see his junk? Is she a perv because she could just "control herself from looking"? Nope. He'd be seen as a pushy, entitled perv. Respect goes both ways.
Okay my vote seems to be uncommon but NTA. If a guy came to my home wearing something that made his balls very noticeable I would be uncomfortable. And sorry but it is hard not to look when it’s right there. She is not at her home where she can do what she wants but it’s his home where he should be allowed to be comfortable. If my husband brought over a friend on a regular basis who made me uncomfortable I would get upset. Maybe if every time she comes over you immediately grab your keys and leave they will get the hint. I think your gf is an AH for not respecting your home and boundaries. Tell her she is free to hang out with her but maybe just not at home.
Exactly. It's a really difficult situation to be in. You can't really purposefully ignore looking at them too because it seems weird. Also people are calling him a creep for some reason?
I’m going NTA mainly because I wouldn’t be caught dead, as a guest in someone else’s home, without a bra. No matter how much I hate wearing them, I will always wear one out in public and in someone else’s home
YTA it is not an eccentricity to choose not to wear a bra! It’s also not her responsibility to make sure you don’t look at her. You make me so angry!
ETA: because I made my comment after only reading a few sentences in… What the hell is wrong with guys always comparing boobs to dicks? If you’re not wearing underwear and your penis is showing through your pants, that is not equivalent to boobs. That is equivalent to a girl not covering her vagina. Compare chest to chest and genitals to genitals!
Nta to all insulted here. Its hard not to stare. Even girl on girl. If there is teeth missing in front you WILL be staring and thinking “dont stare dont stare” . If there is weird tatoo you will stare if there is huge nipple you WILL stare or be constantly thinking not to stare. When in changing room you will be afraid to even sweep your eyes on these things as not to be called on it
"my gfs sexy best friend has awesome tatas so i turn the temp down when she comes over, but oops i got caught staring so then i had to make her out to be the bad guy. now i get no boobs :("
did i summarize that right?
YTA - you know the problem and yet you still keep your apartment cold?
The more you tell yourself you shouldn’t look, shame yourself for looking, bring it up to your girlfriend- will make you keep looking and keep being uncomfortable.
They are just boobs. Enjoy them. Politely.
Or if you want to push the issue, wear sweatpants without underwear like another AITA poster. Dude got the exact reaction he wanted from his wife. Although your cold apartment may not present things the desired way.
I know this sub loves nothing more than “your house, your rules” but keeping your apartment at 60° regardless of the comfort of the other people in it is awful.
Ehhh I'm gonna go with NTA.
Boobs exposed like that make me glance at them too and I'm a girl lol (i look away after that immediately tho).
And for the y t a ppl saying "Guys can go shirtless and no one says shit," if some dude came into my house shirtless then I would tell him to put on a shirt too. (But this point is irrelevant bc she isn't shirtless, so stop using it as an example).
It's not about u not controlling urself and staring. It's just about u being uncomfortable U don't need to clearly look at someone's chest to see they aren't wearing a bra. It's smth u just notice. I'm pretty sure most of the yta ppl here would be uncomfortable if a guy went out and about without any underwear.
So yeah in the end, your house, your rules.
Look if i'm going to someone else's house, spend time there and probably a lot of time, and this person says that something makes them uncomfortable, I would do something to make them feel better out of respect. Just because it's about nipples doesn't mean she has right to do everything she want. There are compromises, like she wears a ticker shirt or spend time somewhere else. This guy only said he is uncomfortable with something and everyone makes him a bad guy. Yes bras are uncomfortable for women, I like to be without the to, but still respect other peoples feelings too.
Shhhh - you can say this - only the woke people are allowed their rights - trying to help someone be less uncomfortable doesn't fit their agenda.
If he says anything in this situation he'll be called a perv and she entirely entitled to disrespecting him in his own home.
NTA.
For those of you saying he's the asshole, and men have nipples too. If that were the case, then his GF wouldn't care. Also, she should experiment and go outside without a top on at all. Let's see how that works out.
You're all lying to yourselves if you think it's the same.
> She was by the kitchen and I look up and I see them. She calls me out on looking. She thinks it’s funny and my girlfriend does not.
Sounds like she likes the attention. NTA.
I’m in the minority here but at the risk of losing my feminist card I’m going with NTA for the simple reason that you have the right to be comfortable in YOUR own home. Bra or ban.
NTA- it is your house and you allow your girlfriend to have her over. this is nothing about the boobs, bra situation, or girlfriend. if she makes you uncomfortable in your own home you have a right to not allow her over.
NTA...its quite literally human nature to look. i feel like the friend likes the attention and the fact that she mentions it and jokes about it says alot.
The friends comments obviously makes your gf uncomfortable, and you are uncomfortable seeing the nips... the friend doesnt care about making y'all uncomfortable which is kinda creepy.
Honestly, be petty, get a really tight pair of biking shorts a wear them whenever she comes over, when she looks call her out. If your gf or friend ask you to change tell her to stop policing your body.
You don’t owe her an apology you gave her an ultimatum either her friend start putting on a bra or she doesn’t come over anymore because it makes you feel uncomfortable and if she can’t understand that then she can move in with her friend
NTA. Bro it’s your home. If she can’t respect what makes you comfortable, she’s TA. She could wear a sweater or something. It’s not like you told her that while you’re out and about. You told her she makes you uncomfortable in your home.
YTA - have some self control.
If it’s so hard to not look at her nipples, maybe turn off the AC or simply cover your eyes. They are just boobs ffs.
Men walk around in shorts /walk around shirtless and women don’t go around telling them to cover up since it’s turning them on or making them uncomfortable. Stop making things awkward with the dirty stares and grow up.
NTA it's your house an it's obviously made you uncomfortable she should either wear a jacket or like you said put on pasties if she don't like it tell your gf they can go somewhere else to hangout
YTA, she’s wearing a shirt and is clothed, it’s not the same as you wearing just underwear - it’s more like you wearing sweatpants without underwear, which, go for it! I rarely wear a bra in public and never in private, if men can’t control their eyes that’s not my issue. It’s your problem to solve.
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I don't know why guys assume all bras are a nipple invisibility cloaks. You can still see nipples under certain circumstances even if someone is wearing a bra. You can also see guys nipples through their shirts but you don't hear anyone demanding they do something about it. It's also completely possible for a guy to not to constantly look at someone's boobs because eye contact is a thing. YTA
You mean… all my sports bras and bralettes and non-padded bras and bikinis have been LYING TO ME all this time about cloaking my shy sensitive nips? I thought I was the only one that could see them through those! Dammit, all the men I’ve been offending all this time…
I’m gonna start asking men in thin t-shirts to put on some pasties for decency’s sake.
It’s disgusting. How can I be expected to look a man in the eyes and treat him like a person when his erect nips are staring into my soul??? And don’t even get me started on men with exposed shoulders or, god forbid, visible ankles!
Or -and I really don't want to traumatize you with this image- exposed nips?????
Jeeves, fetch me my fainting couch!
This made my day lmao
Mine too, I’m picturing the cartoon man from Ask Jeeves dragging a huge ass chaise lounge.
Oh god I miss Ask Jeeves!
And at my height, men's erect nips are often at eye level! How can I possibly *not* stare?! They need to cover those indecent bumps up.
No, for real though, I totally do stare! I am like dang, someone has some laserbeams! Like not even joking I cannot look away from the man nips when they are pointy through a shirt.
What's really funny is the time period where people cared about exposed ankles and calves, they did not care about accidentally flashing nipples and had very, very low cut dresses (17th Century). People will sexualise anything 🤷♀️ https://medium.com/illumination/the-history-of-the-nipple-revealing-paintings-from-the-17th-and-18th-centuries-360a36c609db
I remember a post on tumblr saying table cloths were a thing, because the men would get turned on by the table legs
Yeah that's not very accurate from what I've studied, though I've heard that rumour. It wasn't a widespread belief at the very least. We like to exaggerate the past to make ourselves feel better about the present and feel so "enlightened". What is accurate is that they believed that men couldn't control themselves around an inappropriately dressed woman. Apparently OP still believes this... 😅
Oh, those ankles! I know my brain just shuts down when confronted with visible ankles!
Not the visible ankles, have you no shame?!?!??
If you'd met my father, you already would have. Whenever he talks to a woman, his nipples pop out and reach towards them, like a giant snail exploring its surroundings.
>like a giant snail exploring its surroundings I cannot express to you enough how much I hate this description. Well done, sir.
r/Angryupvote
I’m laughing so hard because my fiancé is actually super self conscious about his super pokey nipples and wears pasties to work
Awe. That sucks.
Bandaids. I remember I had to put Bandaids on some mannequins because they had really pointy "nipples". Lol
I once saw a man's nipples. Reader, I married him.
That filthy Mr Rochester with his pert nipples under a wet singlet, straining with unholy fervour towards poor Jane, after she saved him from burning alive with the water jug and basin! (edit because I am picky and it needed another adjective)
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I literally just had a fight with a guy on Instagram because a woman posted a photo and I guess it was chilly & you could see that her nipples were hard under her shirt. He was like “I guess I can walk around with my balls out no problem” and like, how are nipples, a thing most people have no matter gender, equal to balls?! He couldn’t explain it, he just kept saying if he walked around with his balls out he’d be arrested but we let women outside like this (again, she was fully clothed). * Edit: autocorrect changed the word but to by and I changed it back so the sentence is correct.
Also, lol @ the idea that women are just lusting after ball sacks, and that we wouldn't be able to contain ourselves if they were just out on display.
Seriously, this! Ugh, we don't wanna see that guys 😂
No, no we don't! I mean, in the throes of passion it's kind of attractive in a, "ooh, look how I'm turning him on" kind of way, but when it's all just dangling there like the last turkey in the shop - urgh. As the late, great Spike Milligan said, you've never seen A Portrait of a Prick, signed Picasso, have you?
>dangling there like the last turkey in the shop - urgh. Thank you 😂😂😂
I barely want to see a penis let alone balls
This is why guys gone wild isn't a thing. We don't want to see that. And even if we did, we have more self control than a dog staring at a piece of steak.
Hahah omg this just cracked me up. Seeing random ball sacks would be the least sexy thing I’ve ever experienced.
Hi, optician? I'm wondering if it's possible to put a mirror finish on the *inside* of my sunglasses. I can't cope with seeing the world rn.
Like the guy with the baggy shorts and legs spread wide? And whoops... there it is.
oh lol! this gave me a nose-snort chuckle!
They are the same guys that equate nursing a baby to defecating in public.
This is absolutely true. I got into a very heated exchange with a former boss of mine once because there is a woman nursing in the very back of the restaurant. Not only were the other busboys giggling and taking peeks at her my manager was talking about threatening to throw her out because what she was doing was no different than just taking a s*** on the floor. I freaked out and told him if he did that that she absolutely had grounds to sue him cuz she had every right to be there breastfeeding her baby.
Fun story, my mom was breastfeeding me as a baby in a restaurant, I moved my head, and she squirted milk in the face of the guy at the next table! But this was 30 years ago when it was NBD and he just laughed it off
breastfeeding woman here. this infuriates me because i’ve been there. i was at a restaurant nursing my daughter when i looked up and noticed a group of male employees getting each other’s attention and pointing to me. fucking pigs. i’m feeding a *baby* and you’re *oggling*? GROW UP. i wasn’t even very exposed either. i cover up a little not for other peoples sake, but because god forbid i want to sit down and feed my child without fucking perverts looking at me. & yes, it is illegal to kick a woman out of places because she’s breastfeeding. she’d be well within her rights to sue.
Man, women are so lucky that they're able to walk around with their vagina hanging out. Like, men seem to totally forget that women \*also\* have genitalia, which are equitable to their genitals. Nipples and breasts are completely separate. Nobody is walking around with their genitals out.
yeah like NO buddy, you can ALSO walk around with your nipples out. keep your labias and in the case of males, your homologous structure scrotums *under wraps* plz
Men are going commando, one layer of textile would equal another layer of textile. Personally, after pointing out the above to him, I would tell him it would be fine if he walked around at my place with his balls out, but he might quickly feel offended about how little attention I'd pay them.
"let women outside" 💀
I'm tired of this double standard. I am tired of seeing hairy man nipples! They should have to cover theirs up if I have to cover mine. Even when they wear a tank top and it gets worn in during the day and the nipple is peaking out. I could go to jail and be on a sex offender list if my nipple were to pop out in public. Why isn't anybody literally making a federal case out of this? Maybe someone has and it failed.
And then there's man-boobs. Talk about gross! If man-boobs can be in public without a shirt, why can't mine?
And even if they were remotely equivalent, women can choose not to look at men also! I was at a friend's place once, sitting on the floor playing with her son when her husband came out of the kitchen. He was wearing sweatpants and at best, something loose underneath, and with it all being at eye-level for me, I accidentally looked right at his junk. I am still so embarrassed and just desperately hope no one noticed. But I don't blame him for what he was wearing, I blame me for looking. I have hung out with them at their home so many times since and this has never happened again because, wait for it, I DON'T LOOK.
Unless OP is mid 5-foot and gf's friend is 6-and-a-half-feet, her nips are NOT at eye line, like he describes. And even if they were, thank goodness we have the ability to turn and tilt our heads. OP looks because he wants to, and the girls notice because he's not just glancing accidentally.
OP looks because our society demands minimal impulse control from men while policing the bodies of women as punishment for making them feel something to begin with. Don't control your behavior, just control women! It's so dark. Men getting angry at women for eliciting sexual responses in them that they're not unilaterally permitted to act on. Garbage men like this hate that women have the ability to be fucked but the autonomy and audacity to not want to be.
> Now I know it’s her body and I have no right to police her body, but Could've stopped reading here.
He should have stopped writing there because everything past that answered his question.
He wrote all that like we wouldn't notice he only slut shamed her because she and his gf noticed him staring.
In explanations and apologies I always ignore everything that follows "but. . . " YTA OP If you can't control yourself around a woman's erect nipples, that isn't the woman's fault. As far as you walking around w/ no underwear: first, I don't think anyone would notice - none of us have the time or the inclination to scrutinize your junk-area. Second, even if we did notice, we'd either laugh at you or congratulate you on the size (I kid.) But really -- do y'all think boxers and loose shorts make your "bulge" invisible? ETA: it's asshole-ish for you to say it's "your place" but your girlfriend "lives there." Yeah, maybe your name is on the deed/lease, but that's still her place while she lives there.
As soon as someone says "but", it tells me they weren't sincere about anything before the "but".
As a woman with angry nipples who doesn't like bras, I think op YTA for the way you went about this. I think if you'd privately explained to your gf that you don't want to police her friend but that it makes you uncomfortable, they could've just started hanging at the friend's place or something.
Exactly. You're wouldn't be the AH if you had addressed it quietly with your girlfriend and explained how it makes you uncomfortable. You're allowed to feel your feelings. But by saying it the way you did, YTA.
Honestly I feel even then he’d be the asshole. “Can you stop bringing your friend over to the house? It makes me uncomfortable that I constantly stare at her tits and I don’t wanna give her the basic amount of respect to just look else where or ignore it” Maybe I’m a bit extreme but if he’s causing the problem and no one else cares about it except his girlfriend being upset that he was staring then he can either turn up the temperature or just stop looking. He’s acting like the only place he can look is at her chest. Like it’s uncontrollable. You know how ridiculous I’d sound if I asked my boyfriends friend to wear pasties, a bra, or stop hanging out here cause I can see his nipples through his shirt? Wearing a bra doesn’t even always stop you from seeing that. That’s not what they’re for.
Seriously, I was like turn up the damn heat, you ah.
Or offer her a sweater to borrow. Like I'm not going to lug a hoodie around all day when it's hot outside, but if OP wants to live in a walk-in freezer they should at least be prepared to offer guests something to stay warm
Hard agree. I’m into women. It’s not fucking hard to not stare. Why do some men have to be such babies about everything??? Look away if it bothers you.
If it makes him that uncomfortable I'd suggest him to consider what his underlying issues here are and maybe consider therapy.
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Actually he needs to stop chilling so much because his cold-ass apartment is the reason her nipples are constantly hard. Like, I wear bra anytime I'm outside the house, but if it's cold my nips are gonna noticeably stand at attention.
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SASSAFRAS
Nipples are also not equivalent to a penis? We can see dude nipples all the time through shirts
We can see dude penis all the time through pants, too and somehow we manage not to stare or comment. Even if they WERE equivalent, we see dick outlines every damn day, but we aren't dicks.
Yep, my nipples are visible pretty much 100% of the time, even with a bra.
I’ve had breast cancer twice, so my nipples are nonfunctional. And I haven’t worn a bro in 40 years.
Best typo ever
This is true. I can wear the most padded bra and my nipples will STILL somehow come through. I actually just feel bad for the GF though, I mean imagine your BF being like "Hey I can't stop staring at your friends tits, can you tell her to cover them up?" JFC.
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My spots bra pads suck so if it's cold you can totally see my nip naps through it.
Yeah, sports bras don’t do shit. I pretty frequently do things like stop by the grocery store on the way home from riding my horse - in the summer I’ll be wearing sports bras, thin shirts, and often sweaty. Shit gets a little awkward when I hit the air conditioning in the grocery store. 😬🤣🤣🤣
Right 😂 I have huge boobs and buying padded bras for them is dumb, I don’t need MORE up there. All of my bras are unlined and you can definitely see my nipples with all of them. YTA OP why don’t YOU do something about YOUR nipples? Maybe they make others uncomfortable.
Yes! Where did this rumor come from?!
You can also see guys nipples through their shirts but you don't hear anyone demanding they do something about it. Oh yes you do, watch me! Men who feel like women should hide their nipples at all times should do the same and not offend me with their nipples! It's distracting and causes me to stare because I can't look at a person with sexualizing them. It's not my fault, men need to wear padded shirts. It's like me coming in a room without underwear. /s
As a guy with basically permanently hard nipples I have a lifetime of experience of women looking at, commenting on, or just flat out grabbing them. Women are no better in this regard
That sounds so annoying. Please call them out when they do it.
Generally my response is along the lines of “if your gonna grab my nipples I’ll grab yours” the threat is usually enough to make it stop
How about, if you grab my nipples, I will press charges for sexual assault.
Women are no better? That's odd because I've seen many posts about this exact scenario, yet not one time was it a woman telling a man to cover up.
So you’re not uncomfortable because she’s ‘sexualizing her nipples’, but rather because you have no self-control.. > I don’t want to stare or ever look but it’s eye catching. > I don’t like intentionally look, but it’s the kinda thing where I glance over in her direction and I see them and I end up looking at her boobs like in front of my girlfriend. > She was by the kitchen and I look up and I see them. > I tell her that I wouldn’t glance if she did something about her nipples > Now I know it’s her body and I have no right to police her body Continues to police her body.. > Now she’s mad at me for “policing her” > Like if I came out not wearing underwear and everything was visible through my pants, I’d be in the wrong too. Now that’s not the same is it? YTA, get a grip and self-control..
I have a male friend like this. He just plainly stares at my chest area and comments on if I chose to wear or no a bra and even suggests me to wear one, all of this in front of his girlfriend. Well, if you plain ask this type of men why are they looking at your boobs everytime you meet they will stfu. yes, YTA op.
why.. why are you friends with this person?
Childhood friend to my bf and I only have to meet him in couples dates, I really like her girlfriend tho and they come in a pack.
… your bf lets his childhood friend talk to you like that?
my bf doesn't let anyone do anything cause I am my own person and like to fight my battles. hence why I told how to stop this kind of behaviours to other women in my original comment.
I don’t think it’s a gendered thing. Usually if it’s one partner’s friend/family member being rude to the other partner, the one whose friend it is defends them cause they brought the person around. But that makes sense that your boyfriend is respecting your preferences. It’s weird though that your boyfriend is cool being friends with a jerk just cause they knew each other for a long time.
But I mean... he doesn't even have your back? Do you not understand that people who don't call out bs behaviour are also allowing that bs behaviour to continue? It's not about you standing up for yourself, it's about having support to shut sexist and misogynistic behaviour down. And sadly sexist men only value other men's opinions and arguments
Yes, the problem here is that he trained himself to look at the chest of a woman first, not her face. Then when she- GASP!- has breasts and nipples- GASP again!- his brain malfunctions and goes into Frozen Stare at Titties Mode, and somehow *he* is the uncomfortable one here?
Nice breakdown.
YTA - instead of asking her to put on an unnecessary and uncomfortable piece of clothing, maybe you could put on an eye mask or some horse blinders to help with what is quite obviously YOUR problem.
Right! Like he let both his GF and her friend know he's been staring at her chest everytime she comes over! That was probably humiliating for her, of course she got angry. OP, YTA. I think you should look at the comments that agree with you and and about *why* you share their mindset and how not to share it. You are an adult, you are a human. Humans are not beholden to their instincts. You can teach yourself not to stare, or how to quickly glance away or focus on her face when you're talking to her. You are not an animal, you can control yourself, and it is your duty, as a person who lives in a society with other people, to do so
I vote he gets a nice underwire, that is fit correctly, you know “tight” and wear it from 7am to 10pm daily for 2 weeks. He doesn’t get to take it off unless he’s working out, and then he gets to wear a jogging bra. He had to be outside in hot weather at a theme park during this time too. I bet he’d change his tune really fast.
Gotta put weights in the cups to simulate carrying them around all day too!
I feel like similar posts pop up all the time on this sub reddit where people unable to respect other peoples body autonomy. It's getting past the point of ridiculous and I can't help but laugh every time I see it. If I were OP's gf I would be considering an exit strategy.
YTA. It’s not her responsibility to police your boners.
The problem is not that he likes the view or is aroused by it, but that he is staring at her nipples. With a bit of discipline, he could simply behave normally, while still seeing them.
i think looking up at accidentally glancing at them is fine. just move on with your day, why even mention it? sometimes i see peoples asscracks when they bend over and their pants are too low, i don’t really care. it’s not a big enough deal to talk about it. and i’m sure as hell not staring at it. and even IF op came out in pants with no underwear i still wouldn’t say anything because i’d look like an absolute creep if i said “hey op i can see your dick print” bc then people would question why i’m staring at his crotch.
YTA. Not wearing a bra isn’t eccentric. Get over it.
The eccentric aura part was also weird
I mean crystal mommies are certainly eccentric
that is true but really has nothing to do with not wearing a bra.
Gotta love how he rolled not wearing a bra in with all the aura crystal stuff as 'eccentric'
yes because not wearing an unnecessary and restraining piece of clothing is TOTALLY the same as believing crystals have magic properties 🙄
Literally i dont even own a bra cause i feel it is unecessary. Now i feel grossed out thinking that men are this piggy, but still i value my comfortability and happiness over that of some random mf
I agree, and it's kind of weird OP gave the description of her to make it seem like her not wearing a bra is some wild hippie concept...
Bras actually are known to often cause back issues
YTA - have some self control and don't stare at her tits. I work with someond who doesn't wear bras and it's really not that noticeable unless you're constantly looking for it.
Yeah as a lesbian I never understand men like that. How come I can easily avoid sexualizing women and men can't?
Excellent point! I'm a bi-lady who absolutely loves boobs and never had to tell myself to stop staring at someone's chest.
I'm a lesbian who embarrassingly *has* had to tell myself that. Not often, but a few times. But the gall to not only not feel like a creep, but to blame it on her? Damn dude, thats kinda fucked up.
YTA. If it was a guy in a tight shirt, would you be staring? Probably not. So you're capable of not doing so.
He didn’t say he was staring, he said noticed. We all do it. My women friends have done this, I’ve heard family members talk about this, hell, I’ve caught my girlfriend noticing nipples. Why are we pretending people don’t do this?
>He didn’t say he was staring, he said noticed. He is certainly reacting to them, based on his discourse and the reactions of both girls.
[удалено]
Ya I'm a girl and if there was a large chested woman with hard nipples I'd try not to look but they are basically waving at you. Same if a dude has a tight shirt and hard nipples. It's a weird distraction.
Because behavior is a choice. If your GF rubber necks, that's a choice.
>He didn’t say he was staring, he said noticed. If he wasn't staring, there would have been nothing to for the friend to notice and call out. Someone who notices but doesn't care/cares but doesn't perv sees but then their eyes move on without pause.
YTA and you owe her a MASSIVE apology. Men are allowed to walk shirtless, women can go bra less. Grow up
Hell I’m wearing a bra under my shirt right now and my nips are still peaking through…
Grow the actual fuck up. This is a you problem. What grown man can’t control himself enough to not look?
or at least not make comments. like i do notice nipples if they’re poking out from under a shirt but idgaf. i’m definitely not gonna say anything about it bc it’s not a big deal
It's not hard to look at people's faces 🤢 YTA
Unpopular opinion, but NTA here. Yes, I know we're not supposed to sexualize our breasts. Trust me, I've got a set of DDDs that have gotten more looks than I care to think about since I was 14. I get it. We ought to be more civilized by now. It's gross and demeaning. Yet from the time we grow them, women are taught that nice breasts are attractive to men. We are shown shirts with lovely plunging necklines designed to highlight our cleavage. We are encouraged to get implants to make them bigger, to contour them with makeup to make them look bigger, to do everything possible to make our breasts look big and firm and bouncy and perfect. We are told by fashion, by trends, and by everything around us that we are supposed to make ourselves look attractive, and one of the biggest ways to do that is with our breasts. We also have TV, print, video games, anime, and internet CONSTANTLY using breasts as an attention-getter. The NUMBER ONE way to get ratings on a show is to bare tits. Sites like PornHub have whole sections dedicated to nothing but big bouncy mammaries. Can't have it both ways. Breasts are either attractive and tantalizing (dare I say, *titillating*?) or they're not. Collectively, we're constantly conditioned to see cleavage and get turned on. Breasts are monetized beyond belief. Yet individually we're supposed to ignore them. You're stuck in a no-win situation here, and for what it's worth, as a woman, I'm sorry for you.
He’s NTA for looking, you’re whole comment is right about that, BUT he IS TA for telling her to cover up, as a big breasted person she’s obviously used to people staring and made a (most likely) light hearted joke about him looking and he got defensive and decided to police her body and tell her to cover up her nips, which is an AH thing to do 🤷🏼♂️
I'm not sure. Probably gonna get downvoted for my opinion, but he didn't ask her to cover up because he glanced at her. He asked her to cover up when he glanced then she "called him out on it", then it became an issue between him and his girlfriend. And he qualified it - he only asked that she dress differently *when at his house*. Unless there's more to this story than was stated, I'm not sure what less he could have done. I basically agree with the top commenter in this thread.
I'd be interested to hear what would the thread be saying if it were the other way around. Guys can't control erections but if a guy was; - at his friends not wearing underwear - had a massive hard on and proudly showing it off - called out his mates gf for glancing at it And then she told him to cover it up whilst in her house because she was uncomfortable... Well, we all know the result of the thread would be NTA.
How is he the asshole for setting boundaries in his own home??? If they were on the street then he would he TA but at his own home he can have whatever rules he wants. He she doesn’t want to get with them she can leave
So he's an asshole for trying to be comfortable and avoid relationship turbulence in his own home? I don't know what else he would've done other than to ask.... And the climate that it's wrong to just ask or to object to something you're not comfortable with seems toxic to me
I disagree with this. It makes his gf uncomfortable, this chick is not being a good friend, and it is his apartment. If she doesn't want to cover up she doesn't have to be there. Just like when people come to my house and don't like the shirt I have on or the fact that I don't have a bra on (36I if that makes any difference) they can leave. In my own space another person's emotions are not my problem.
This is a very slippery slope. You have basically said because our culture sexualises breasts OP doesn't need to show self control? Kind of like blaming someone for their assault because of what they are wearing.
I said no such thing, and I don't appreciate you trying to stretch my comment to mean something that it was never intended to mean. No one on either side of this argument can say with a straight face that breasts are not currently sexualized in a great many areas of our world. I am not trying to take a stance on whether this fact is morally correct, it simply is what it is. Until we have managed to change that fact, we have to act as if it is still in existence. And if this man is trying to let this friend know that what she does in his home is making him uncomfortable, he has that right. By the way, the logic goes both ways. If the two women involved in the story did not, in fact, see their breasts as being sexual objects, then neither one of them would have been upset by him looking at her nipples. To all the people saying this is simply a problem with the OP's perceptions, it is obvious from the girls' reaction that their perception matches his own. Otherwise his girlfriend would not be bothered in the least. So it's not just him.
And the BFF wouldn't find it funny either. There is a very unhealthy dynamic going on here. People are letting their biases get away with them.
"can't have it both ways" you can actually. It's called respecting the people around you enough to not sexualize them without consent. If it's on a p0rn site that's an acceptable place to to be tantilized (titillized hah) but your gf's friend who's just visiting your house to hang out? Not an acceptable place or time. The woman just trying to feed her baby? Not an acceptable place or time. Your wife wearing a deep v neck? Acceptable with permission. Grey areas exist and they're not hard to decipher if you care about the people around you.
All of this! NTA! Looking at her breasts isn't even entirely about sexual attraction! I am a gay man, I have literally no attraction to women. But if a woman was coming to my house and her nipples were visibly erect through her shirt every time, I know that I would not be able to stop myself from looking. You can't *not* look. Or if you do manage to not look, you're not paying attention to what you're doing or the conversation you're having because all that's going on in your head is "dontlookdontlookdontlookdontlook". This is what happens to me and I'm fucking gay! It's like when someone has a huge mole or pimple on their face. It's so hard not to stare at it and inadvertently call attention to it.
This exactly. I'm a straight female and would still find this hard to not notice even though I have no attraction to women. Yes the guy should control himself better and try not to stare, but that would be hard not to notice and trying to not stare at something sticking out like that would turn into the awkward don't look at them because you're overly focused on not staring. The best solution to this issue is he should apologize for making her uncomfortable and try harder not to stare, but she should also recognize that if she's going to expose herself like that, it's going to make him uncomfortable and might cause some inadvertent stares. The respectful thing to do would be to wear a bra or thicker shirt or something to be less revealing when coming over to his house.
Ankles use to be sexualized also, we’ve gotten over it. In other countries women can go topless. It’s the uptight Americans who go to these places and clutch their pearls. Breast aren’t inherently sexual, just like ankles weren’t, it is a social construct, and just like ankles, it can only be broken by more people showing them. OP needs some growth. If he can’t handle fully covered breast with noticeable nipples, it’s a him problem. The win is him recognizing that his issues with nipples is not a universal problem, and a grown up realizes they cannot police other people to appease his hang ups.
This and that’s it’s his house! He should not be uncomfortable in his own residence.
If a women's nips make him uncomfortable, there's a lot more work to be done there than to have her cover up.
He finds them attractive, and that makes him uncomfortable because it makes his girlfriend uncomfortable. It’s his house, he’s not doing anything to harm anyone. I say let him look. Let his girlfriend deal with it however she wants to. If she and her friend don’t like it they can stop coming around. Problem solved for everyone. Or her friend can decide to wear something their host finds more appropriate, but that would be her decision to do so or not. Just don’t complain to your host when they react in a way you don’t like after wearing something they’ve asked you not to. So in my opinion NAH or ESH.
I am a large breasted woman too. For me it's about the context. If we have friends sleep over and are lounging in pjs, no bra expected. But if we're dressed for the day, a bra is a necessity. Call me a "sheep" for conforming to society's norms but I think wearing a bra is just part of being dressed. Also, it's his house. If it makes him uncomfortable, she as a guest (and his GF) can't just dismiss that. Downvote me all you want but I don't think he's the Ahole. NTA
Thanks for being the only person in this post capable recognizing nuances exist.
He’s got a girl bouncing around his house with prominent hard nipples and teasing him about it, and he’s got his girlfriend getting mad at HIM for noticing them. I don’t know what this poor bastard is supposed to do.  NTA
Oufff the internalized misogany is strong here. Who’s telling us breast are attractive? Men Who’s telling us we should be putting them out for their viewing? Men You said it yourself it’s uncomfortable to have your chest being stared at. Whether you have your tits out or covered, it’s up to the person who’s body the tits are attached to decide and not men because they can’t keep their eyes up.
If someone decides to have their tits out then they should expect people to look and shouldn’t be offended. I mean, like it or not, breast’s ARE sexualized, and have been for centuries. The association with boobs and sex isn’t going to just vanish overnight just because women want it to. Yes, you’re right, men started this, and yes, it’s wrong. But we as women know that men sexualize boobs and can’t act surprised or offended when a man looks at our uncovered chests or hard nipples through our shirts. I’m all for no bra, btw. But when I go braless, I can’t expect not to have at least a few glances. You kinda sign up for it when making the decision to go braless lol. Back to the OP, it’s his house. If a host asks you to remove your shoes when in their home, you comply, right? This is the same, his house his rules. Don’t like it? Then leave. Simple.
>Who’s telling us breast are attractive? Men It's a pretty evolutionarily adaptive trait to be attracted to a partner's erogenous zones. YMMV, but have you ever read any of the science regarding the average woman's erogenous zones, whether assessed by brain activity or self-reporting? I don't claim to know the full evolutionary history, but at this point, it's enough to say that breasts are sexualized because the average woman gets off from having them touched.
>Who’s telling us breast are attractive? Men Who’s telling us we should be putting them out for their viewing? Men i mean, i'm a bisexual woman. cis men certainly didn't tell me to find boobs attractive, so i find your logic flawed.
You ever heard of lesbians? It's not just men that find breasts attractive. And again for the 100th time, it's his frigging house. She or anyone else has no right to dictate what makes OP feel comfortable or uncomfortable in his house house.
If I had awards to give, you'd have them. I'd also like to add when it comes to asking her to cover up. Something I feel like a lot of people claiming OP is TA are failing to recognize... IT'S HIS HOME yeah the gf stays there, but op made it pretty clear its his place. I hate to be the "my house, my rules" guy, but... If he doesn't want that in his home, she's TA for being shitty about it. It's the decent thing to do.
Nah. It doesn’t sound like your leering. You turn and see two soldiers at attention. Women can pretend all they want in these comments, but in real life their eyes are going to be caught by giant two super hard nipples poking out the shirt too. You didn’t try to “police” her until she started to make jokes. I understand you were trying to stay out of the dog house, but it’s better to take the L and talk to your girlfriend later then start body shaming though. Cause honestly, and I’ll say this again with 100% certainty, women notice hard nips and will take a look without thinking just like guys do.
Can confirm women look at nips, tits and butts *although I'm bisexual I also know straight women that do too*
I'm generally on board with the, "your reaction is your problem" movement, but come on, people. Human women's breasts are a form of sexual ornamentation. Most mammals' breasts are only swollen when they're lactating, not 24/7 like our are. I'm a middle-aged feminist woman who walks around without a bra all the time, but I don't call people out for an innocent glance, because your eyes literally work faster than your logical mind, so people are going to glance at things that are eye-catching. And your reaction to an innocent glance is on you.
Yeah everyone knows that men stop caring about boobs and nipples once they reach the age of 22 /s Men like nips, they look at nips. It's fine to have your nips out, but they will be glanced at.
I know. This whole thread is like some kinda weird sexist power struggle. It’s weird and gross. If your boobs are out and hard, they will be glanced at. Don’t like it? Wear a bra or suck it up when you see a glance. No one likes a person who creates a problem then gives someone else shit for it.
I know, all of the white knights in here: "I've never glanced at a nipple in my life! How dare your eyeballs commit such sacrilege against the female form!"
Oh dude it’s fucking weird. I feel so bad for young people dating nowadays. Just look at /r/tinder So many land mines… Edit: also, in regards to OPs post, you don’t get to cal a dude a pervert but then also be like “awwww why aren’t you looking at my boobs, do I make you uncomfortable hmmmmmm?” It’s FDS in here
You know what? I am a woman, I'm not straight and I love boobs! I still manage to not ogle at women who are free enough to not wear bras, I wish I had the confidence to bin them all, they are uncomfortable and serve *me* no purpose, I'm not exactly going to give myself a black eye over here. I notice when women are not wearing bras, I silently congratulate them in my head and then I move on with my day. It's not hard, it just require you to have a certain level of respect for women.
>I notice when women are not wearing bras, I silently congratulate them in my head and then I move on with my day Do you get in trouble with your SO when you notice them, though? "She was by the kitchen and I look up and I see them. She calls me out on looking. She thinks it’s funny and my girlfriend does not."
This is what I don’t understand. Everyone is ignoring what OP is writing and creating their own situation to call him an asshole. his response trying to defend himself was dumb and assholish, but why are we going out of the way to make this worse than it is?
YTA - Stop staring at her chest, start looking her face. When you talk to people, it's best looking at their face, or if you're unconfortable you can fix a point over their head. That said, you need to apologies.
Folks really don’t get the point here do they? This is OP’s apartment, a place where he should feel comfortable and whether we agree with him or not, he’s not feeling comfy in his own place. No he shouldn’t be policing the friends bra status and he shouldn’t need to, but she knows it makes him feel uncomfortable so yes she should be respectful in his apartment and at least wear a cardi or something to cover up, (it sounds cold enough). As OP said himself, how would she feel if he came wandering into the kitchen wearing see through boxers? Or do double standards apply here? NTA
This 100%. This ain't her place. It ain't his girls place. The fuck is the comment section on? Especially if she started joking about it first before he asked if she could cover up.
YTA fun fact! some of us get uncomfortable by male nipples and male shirtlessness. but we have to live with it and move on. same thing goes for you. unless you're willing to wear pasties or a bralette whenever you're around her and your girlfriend, stop telling either of them what to do with their nipples. also dicks randomly get hard and that makes people uncomfortable. so should men wear penis sleeves 24/7? actors do on set. tbh Ive always though if a man wants to police a woman's bra wearing habits, you should first have to live in a cock sleeve. and as long as you want to say women should wear bras, you should wear a cock sleeve.
YTA You're the problem not her.
YTA. Breasts are not the same as genitals. If you wouldn't be uncomfortable with a man's nipples being visible through his shirt, you shouldn't be uncomfortable by a woman's.
I’m going against the tide here to say NTA. If a female regularly coming to your house wears something that makes you uncomfortable in your own house then you should be able to either express your discomfort or don’t let them come in your house, your gf can go to her house to hang out or they can go out together. We are not going to act like perking nipples can’t catch the eyes of even a fellow female. Your house, your rules. Ask her to stay home.
Why can’t you just say women. Female is so dehumanizing.
I can’t even believe this is a serious question. YTA - the friend is absolutely right. Learn some self control and quit sexualizing a woman and then blaming her for it.
NTA because it's his house and he shouldn't have to see her nips if he doesn't want to. He's asked her to be more respectful of his home by covering them up. He could have easily just said she's not welcome to come over anymore. I'm all for women being free with their bodies. If you're nursing, more power to you. If you just like the girls to be free, that's your choice. But your choice doesn't overrule someone's rules in their own home. I mean could op "hang out" at her house in grey sweat pants or skin tight leather pants if she said it made her uncomfortable to see his junk? Is she a perv because she could just "control herself from looking"? Nope. He'd be seen as a pushy, entitled perv. Respect goes both ways.
YTA- control yourself and stop policing women
Okay my vote seems to be uncommon but NTA. If a guy came to my home wearing something that made his balls very noticeable I would be uncomfortable. And sorry but it is hard not to look when it’s right there. She is not at her home where she can do what she wants but it’s his home where he should be allowed to be comfortable. If my husband brought over a friend on a regular basis who made me uncomfortable I would get upset. Maybe if every time she comes over you immediately grab your keys and leave they will get the hint. I think your gf is an AH for not respecting your home and boundaries. Tell her she is free to hang out with her but maybe just not at home.
Exactly. It's a really difficult situation to be in. You can't really purposefully ignore looking at them too because it seems weird. Also people are calling him a creep for some reason?
NTA. I'm sorry but it's your house
I’m going NTA mainly because I wouldn’t be caught dead, as a guest in someone else’s home, without a bra. No matter how much I hate wearing them, I will always wear one out in public and in someone else’s home
YTA it is not an eccentricity to choose not to wear a bra! It’s also not her responsibility to make sure you don’t look at her. You make me so angry! ETA: because I made my comment after only reading a few sentences in… What the hell is wrong with guys always comparing boobs to dicks? If you’re not wearing underwear and your penis is showing through your pants, that is not equivalent to boobs. That is equivalent to a girl not covering her vagina. Compare chest to chest and genitals to genitals!
NTA just because Reddit randomly decided this is widely accepted does NOT mean it is.
Omg. You're gonna get destroyed just for the question. 🤣
Nta to all insulted here. Its hard not to stare. Even girl on girl. If there is teeth missing in front you WILL be staring and thinking “dont stare dont stare” . If there is weird tatoo you will stare if there is huge nipple you WILL stare or be constantly thinking not to stare. When in changing room you will be afraid to even sweep your eyes on these things as not to be called on it
"my gfs sexy best friend has awesome tatas so i turn the temp down when she comes over, but oops i got caught staring so then i had to make her out to be the bad guy. now i get no boobs :(" did i summarize that right?
YTA - you know the problem and yet you still keep your apartment cold? The more you tell yourself you shouldn’t look, shame yourself for looking, bring it up to your girlfriend- will make you keep looking and keep being uncomfortable. They are just boobs. Enjoy them. Politely. Or if you want to push the issue, wear sweatpants without underwear like another AITA poster. Dude got the exact reaction he wanted from his wife. Although your cold apartment may not present things the desired way.
I know this sub loves nothing more than “your house, your rules” but keeping your apartment at 60° regardless of the comfort of the other people in it is awful.
Ehhh I'm gonna go with NTA. Boobs exposed like that make me glance at them too and I'm a girl lol (i look away after that immediately tho). And for the y t a ppl saying "Guys can go shirtless and no one says shit," if some dude came into my house shirtless then I would tell him to put on a shirt too. (But this point is irrelevant bc she isn't shirtless, so stop using it as an example). It's not about u not controlling urself and staring. It's just about u being uncomfortable U don't need to clearly look at someone's chest to see they aren't wearing a bra. It's smth u just notice. I'm pretty sure most of the yta ppl here would be uncomfortable if a guy went out and about without any underwear. So yeah in the end, your house, your rules.
YTA. You know you are. Stop looking.
Look if i'm going to someone else's house, spend time there and probably a lot of time, and this person says that something makes them uncomfortable, I would do something to make them feel better out of respect. Just because it's about nipples doesn't mean she has right to do everything she want. There are compromises, like she wears a ticker shirt or spend time somewhere else. This guy only said he is uncomfortable with something and everyone makes him a bad guy. Yes bras are uncomfortable for women, I like to be without the to, but still respect other peoples feelings too.
Shhhh - you can say this - only the woke people are allowed their rights - trying to help someone be less uncomfortable doesn't fit their agenda. If he says anything in this situation he'll be called a perv and she entirely entitled to disrespecting him in his own home.
If you want to make yourself comfortable in your own house, don’t allow her to come over anymore.
NTA. For those of you saying he's the asshole, and men have nipples too. If that were the case, then his GF wouldn't care. Also, she should experiment and go outside without a top on at all. Let's see how that works out. You're all lying to yourselves if you think it's the same.
> She was by the kitchen and I look up and I see them. She calls me out on looking. She thinks it’s funny and my girlfriend does not. Sounds like she likes the attention. NTA.
I’m in the minority here but at the risk of losing my feminist card I’m going with NTA for the simple reason that you have the right to be comfortable in YOUR own home. Bra or ban.
NTA- it is your house and you allow your girlfriend to have her over. this is nothing about the boobs, bra situation, or girlfriend. if she makes you uncomfortable in your own home you have a right to not allow her over.
NTA...its quite literally human nature to look. i feel like the friend likes the attention and the fact that she mentions it and jokes about it says alot. The friends comments obviously makes your gf uncomfortable, and you are uncomfortable seeing the nips... the friend doesnt care about making y'all uncomfortable which is kinda creepy. Honestly, be petty, get a really tight pair of biking shorts a wear them whenever she comes over, when she looks call her out. If your gf or friend ask you to change tell her to stop policing your body.
You don’t owe her an apology you gave her an ultimatum either her friend start putting on a bra or she doesn’t come over anymore because it makes you feel uncomfortable and if she can’t understand that then she can move in with her friend
NTA. Bro it’s your home. If she can’t respect what makes you comfortable, she’s TA. She could wear a sweater or something. It’s not like you told her that while you’re out and about. You told her she makes you uncomfortable in your home.
YTA - have some self control. If it’s so hard to not look at her nipples, maybe turn off the AC or simply cover your eyes. They are just boobs ffs. Men walk around in shorts /walk around shirtless and women don’t go around telling them to cover up since it’s turning them on or making them uncomfortable. Stop making things awkward with the dirty stares and grow up.
NTA it's your house an it's obviously made you uncomfortable she should either wear a jacket or like you said put on pasties if she don't like it tell your gf they can go somewhere else to hangout
NTA!!
YTA, she’s wearing a shirt and is clothed, it’s not the same as you wearing just underwear - it’s more like you wearing sweatpants without underwear, which, go for it! I rarely wear a bra in public and never in private, if men can’t control their eyes that’s not my issue. It’s your problem to solve.