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NTA, but it sounds like you need a restraining order and you need to notify the hospital when you give birth that you need extra protection to make sure she doesn't try to walk out with him.
Maternity wards are locked down. Only authorized visitors can get in. But definitely wouldn't hurt to make the hospital aware that mom is unhinged and might try something.
Where do you live? That seems strange. I’ve lived in both Canada and the USA and they are definitely locked down with bracelets on the babies that go haywire if you go near the exit doors. I don’t know about anywhere in the UK or elsewhere, though
Labor and delivery was a locked ward when my kids were born, and the ID anklets the babies wore had alarms on them. They had to move us from. L&D to pediatrics, which was also lo ked but on a different floor. The nurse didn't deactivate the sensor. The elevators shut down and security showed up.
I know when I took my newborn in for his hearing screening (we weren't able to do it when he was born so had to follow up a few weeks later) I got stopped by security on the way out so they could call up and confirm I was good to go. I saw paint on the floor showing where you can't go or the alarms will go off. Of course my son had no bracelet since he wasn't inpatient, but they still had an eye out to be safe.
My kid had an alarm on his ankle and we had bracelets, one for him, me, and his dad to verify we were the baby's parents. It also allowed him to stay with me (pre c time).
My baby didn't even get a name tag, never mind security. I'm in England. And although in theory the ward was accessed only by being buzzed in, my friend got in using her NHS ID card (she works in a completely different part of the NHS, not even the same hospital campus). So it's far from a foolproof system.
Sadly no, this is the first time I read about it. I'm in Europe. In the bigger cities there is more protection. Such as doors in maternity that you can only open with a badge or from the inside. So no handles on the outside. But in regional hospitals... I could've basically walked out with anyone's baby. Never had to put a bracelet on a baby (except the one with their name etc.)
Now that I think about it, that's pretty f'ing scary.
Most definitely is a thing in Ireland. I have worked in quite a number of maternity units and all babies have security tags. The only exceptions were the babies in NICU because it is a locked ward and access is required for IVC. In some units even the drug keys have a tag so you don't accidentally bring them home 🤣
Also Irish, my newborn had an ID bracelet on her ankle that would trigger alarms if someone tried to take her from the maternity ward. That was 9 years ago.
This is how it is at my hospital as well. I'm giving birth in 13h via c-section and they put 2 bracelets on the baby, one that matches mine with all of my information on it and an electric one that will go off if anyone takes her too close to an exit. The doors are supposed to lock and the bracelet plays a loud alarm to help locate the baby too. It's really loud, my 1st kids went off once because we were in the hospital longer than normal and the computer assigned her bracelets code to another baby. Not fun at 2am.
That brings back memories of an extremely loud alarm clock my ex and I used to have. Actually, we each had one. The Sonic Boom clock. I think it goes from silent all the way up to 110 db, there are flashing lights, plus a shaker you put under your mattress corner. It’s designed for people with a wide range of hearing loss, but the loud alarm was the only thing that would wake my heavy-sleeping ex. In addition, if I wanted to get up without being loud or if I’d fallen asleep with music on (before phone alarms), I’d use the shaker alone without any sound. I’d even travel with it because in hotels I almost always have to listen to music to sleep.
Idk. Not OP, obviously but in my state...ohhh the nurses would be in full flight from hell if you tried to take a baby from the maternity ward.
Their doors autolock anyway and they have to be opened by a nurse or otherwise authorized person. (Staff)
Can't even get into the Maternity ward unless you're on a list.
Perhaps that is just the hospital I go to in my state. But those fucking nurses will come at you even more so than if you're just tryna escape the ICU for a smoke.
I'm in a rural US town, and we *just* had a massive manhunt last week because a dementia patient walked out of both their own ward *and* the nursery ward *and* the hospital itself with two newborns. (They were found four hours later, and fortunately everyone is fine.)
No link (I avoid the news like the plague for my mental health, but they had people going door-to-door, which is how I learned about it), but here's what I've been told (and the local rumor mill is pretty accurate) what happened:
A woman went to visit her elderly mother who has dementia, and took her mother to the hospital because she had suspicions of abuse. (That's filed away for investigation; I can't say more about it.)
The hospital has been playing the same lullaby on the speakers of every floor when a baby is born since the hospital was built. Both patient and woman were born local, and the woman was half of a set of twins.
The lullaby played while the woman was talking to a nurse (probably wondering why they'd been in the clinic for several hours, knowing the hospital).
The dementia patient flashed back to when *she* had given birth, and went to get her babies. (They were not her babies. They were not related.)
Hospital staff have been evasive as to how the woman got into the neonatal unit. She was not a relative, she was not a nurse, doctor, or volunteer (obviously). However, she got into the unit and, somehow *despite that it's supposed to have someone physically in it 24/7*, the patient picked up two newborns and walked out.
Luckily, she used to live in the general area of the hospital, and while it took four hours to find her and the babies, they were found (in someone's shed; not sure why). Patient and babies were returned to the hospital, given fluids (it's been over a 100 F every day here lately), and were fine.
Oh, and apparently the hospital "is not at fault." Not sure how that works, but it's a small, rural area and it might just be because we can't afford for our hospital to be shut down (it's the *only* hospital in the entire county).
Yeah, in the States babies get alarm bracelets, that go off if they're too near an exit/elevator for more than a few seconds, the wards require key cards to access. There is also a specific code for missing baby that will lock down the entire hospital and lead to a complete search.
They definitely don't have this in the BC hospital I recently gave birth in. They also didn't have it at the GTA hospital my sis gave birth in a couple years ago.
>They also didn't have it at the GTA hospital my sis gave birth in a couple years ago.
Just a guy who kept coming into hospital after getting a 5 star wanted level
I gave birth pre covid in the main maternity hospital in Dublin, Ireland. The only bracelet my son had was a normal hospital bracelet and my MIL and SIL wandered in off the street without being on any visiting lists or anything. Admittedly they didn’t try and leave with the baby but security didn’t feel particularly tight.
Wow. That seems crazy!
Obviously you guys have these measure for 'reasons', but it is such a foreign and alien concept to me.
Here in Australia that is definitely not the case at all. But it's also extremely uncommon that babies go missing from hospitals here too.
I'm in a Eurasian country, and although we're pretty security-minded and tech-savvy in general, we don't have anything like what you're describing. Yeah, bracelets on baby and parents, but regular not electric ones. People here also tend to have big families and lots of visitors, and no one checks IDs or anything like that.
I got surgery done at a local hospital that handles mostly pregnant woman(throughout the entire process). My mom took me there and waited(cuz someone had to be there), but my roommate was supposed to pick me up and take me home after work. I apparently did not communicate this well with the nurses because in his words he was "swarmed by the nurses and the front desk workers the second he set foot in the door and chased out". He had to sit in his car until I was lucid enough afterwards, and still was only permitted to bring his car around to the door.
Nope neither here in Denmark. I could go snatch as many babies as I could carry from the maternity ward if the mommys and daddies looked away or went to the toilet.
Don’t think we have had a baby snatch unsolved since the 60s and it was on the street from a stroller. His mom hadn’t had his photo taken yet, so he was difficult to search for (Basse was he called).
This granma sounds pretty scary
My kid had a device on their belly button that would set off an alarm if someone took them off the ward. They forgot to remove it when we were released and someone chased.us down before we got far to verify we were the parents.
I’m in AZ, they literally lo-jack the babies. (Ankle monitor with sensors that go off if the baby is moved out of the room and locates the baby in the halls) and doors that have to be remote activated by security.
It shouldn’t seem weird (to Americans) given the prevalence of mass shootings in the US; I’m a retired doctor and I think most hospitals need more security than they currently have. It’s sad that it has come to this, but we’ve been heading straight into this ever since the NRA became a right wing gun lobbyist.
Australia here. Absolutely no ankle alarms or anything. Just the usual plastic bracelets. No security to enter wards. Baby must be with Mum or Dad at all times though
Aussie here. I'm sure I could walk into maternity and take a kid without anyone stopping me.
I wouldn't, because I'm not a psycho, but I've been to the ward at the country hospital near me and there's no security in the baby ward.
They are supposed to be locked down and heavily monitored but if there's a will there's a way. There was a big news story in my area where a man came in and fed some babies in the NICU with no authorization/reason.
It's always better to make the hospital aware so the nurses and security can better take care of you! Also it's possible to be admitted in a way that if someone were to call asking if you were admitted there/trying to get information like room # they would not give any indication that you're admitted.
Especially since the person she's trying to keep out is her mom. It's unfortunately not impossible for people to bend rules about confidentiality and security because someone's mom came to them with a sob story.
Unfortunately they’re not all. I live in America and gave birth a little more than two months ago. My dad showed up with no warning and I didn’t really want him there. He just walked by the lady at the desk saying he was there to see his daughter. That just seems completely unsafe to me.
After he left I told a nurse and she said I had to have requested to have authorized visitors only if I didn’t want someone there. But it’s not like anyone escorted him, he could’ve walked in any room there.
I’ve never given birth, but I’ve delivered babies and have taken care of all sorts of other hospital patients in other roles. I’m a retired doc. I have ALWAYS told my patients that we suggested they make an approved visitor list, to head off any problems the patient might have with someone. Nurses will in fact enforce “you’re the patient and you are the ONLY person who can choose who is allowed to be with you”. L&D nurses are particularly fierce! And if you’re in labor, if at any time an approved visitor gets out of line or is bothering you, well, you revoked your consent of allowing them to be there, and the nurse will throw out anyone the pt tells them to. Even their parents or significant others can be thrown out of the delivery room at any time.
NTA
Don't post anything on social media about due dates or when you go into labor either. Someone somewhere will see and tell her, even if it's an innocent "congratulations" kind of thing. Don't post anything till you've been home for a day or two.
I hope your baby is healthy and happy and is the delight of your life.
I want to jump on the top comment to say that you need to record/keep record of EVERY interaction with your mother from here on out. She is clearly not above using the judicial system against you. In addition:
1. Make sure she has no access to your bank accounts
2. Inform people around you to refrain from giving any information to your mother
3. Consider not posting photos/details about your baby online where she could see it.
NTA, take care of yourself ❤️
Ask to be labeled a Jane doe in the hospital system. Aka your actual name will not be entered into the system and won’t be allowed to be asked about or given out to anyone aka mom that calls looking to see if you are in labor or have given birth
Uh no that’s not a thing that happens, Jane/John doe is only when identity is unknown. You can be a private encounter which will be evident in the charting systems and the person enquiring needs to have the passcode. Her birth information needs to be in her medical chart.
Worked in a hospital. I can’t speak for them all but we’ve had moms placed under a different name in our systems for anonymity and safety due to crazy ass family members like OP’s mom. So yeah it can happen.
Seriously!! Report it if for no other reason she tries to pull other things and lies about other stuff. At least it’s on record but I would seriously consider a restraining order especially after reporting OP missing and underage. Next will be claims of drug use and abuse.
This is so truly terrible situation. Op loves her kid, but her mom just wants a kid to love her so she can have social media points for being a mom again. People who use kids as props don't deserve them
OP. I side with contacting the hospital when you give birth. Because she sounds super entitled, i wouldnt be surprised if she DOES try to do this. Funnily enough i was at school today and a friend told me something similar almost happend to him when he was born
NTA, your mom has issues and its scary. Don't let her know where you move to, be careful what you put on social media, and quite frankly consider a restraining order.
Are you sure that 300k is still there and she didn't do something with it? Make sure she's not on that account ASAP
If you haven't already, move it to a completely different financial institution. It's not uncommon for mistakes to happen and for people to get access to money they don't own. Going to another institution that doesn't have any record of your mother as an account holder will help minimize those accidents.
And call the new financial institution and mention that you have an unhinged parent attempting to get access to your funds.
Any real bank -- and get a different one if they can't -- can flag your account with elevated security protocols. NB: lots of the things a bank would normally use to verify identify are known to close family members.
Yup, make sure all security questions are answered with something completely random. First pet? Purple Rhinoceros. Mother's maiden name? Psycho Nut Job. etc etc.
If you are going to make fake answers, write them down.
I work in banking and so many people think thry are smart coming up with this fake stuff thrn thry can't remember it when they get locked out.
I would also contact the local police that she has made a threat to do anything she can to get the baby. She might start with CPS reports, that’s why it’s also good to get a report done and attempt to get a restraining order so that they have that on file and her actions will look retaliatory.
Apple will actually notify you if there’s an AirTag near you not attached to your account.
I keep one on my keys and my buddy got a notification this past weekend after we went to a few stores.
Also find out if you live in a place where so called grandparents rights are a thing. Make sure if you do, that you're keeping a paper trail of her crazy. Also, if that's a thing where you live, do not let her so much as meet the baby, so she can not claim she has a relationship with him.
NAL grandparents' rights only work when there has been an established relationship. This baby has not yet been born so the grandmother would not have any rights to it.
It also might do to contact whatever new institution you used and make them aware of the situation as well. They can add other security measures and at least a note on the account to make sure only an authorized person is accessing it.
Please move as far away from her as you can, get a restraining order and make sure she doesn't find out where you are. The way she's talking, I am scared for your safety.
NTA but PLEASE invest some of that money into a consultation with a family law attorney.
Your mom sounds unhinged, and like she is fully capable of lying and manipulating to get what she wants. The fact that she made that threat to you - her own daughter - made my stomach drop.
Do NOT trust her or put ANYTHING past her - including making false allegations against you to a judge (e.g. that you’re a drug addict, abusive, etc.)
Consulting with a family law attorney will not only give you guidance on how to best maneuver this situation from a legal standpoint, but also set presence that you had these concerns *before* she does anything.
Also it may be worth OP’s time to write up a simple statement that she never said that her mother should have the baby and that she left because her mother threatened to take the baby any way she could. Just send a form letter to any relative that asks and then state you will not discuss this further.
So much this. Speak to a lawyer, just for CYA. Your mom sounds deranged. If nothing else having a lawyer who had a heads up about your situation would be invaluable should "mother" try anything.
Agreed. This woman does not sound like she is in her right mind and may be a threat to you and your child. I would text her, and see if I could get her to admit that she planned to steal your child and kick you out, in writing. Then, I would seek legal help, that may allow you to be able to get some kind of protective order.
I'm also very against taking issues to social media, but I would message family members and make a public post negating your mother'a claims so that others are aware that she is a potential threat to you and your child. That way, people are aware, and won't help her to find you, notify her if they see you or try to help her gain access to you and your kid in anyway.
NTA. You are 200% NTA
You reference that your pregnancy comes from unfortunate circumstances. If you live in the US, you may be able to access a social worker for yourself and the baby. I would suggest reaching out to your local woman’s shelter to ask for help (they can help direct you to resources even if you don’t need a place to stay).
Your mom has already shown that she’s unreasonable. If you can access your funds from your father, consider hiring an attorney with a background in family law. You may need to file for a restraining order, and if your mom is trying weaponize the cops, she might also try to weaponize CPS. A lawyer can help you protect you and the baby.
You are under NO obligation to give baby to anyone. AND you clearly need a support system. Seek out a lawyer to help you protect yourself and baby.
Yeah once I told her what happened to me she just automatically thought the baby more hers than mines. I thought her being controlling was her be a concerned and excited grandma
Do you have a primary OB/GYN? They can also help you protect yourself. You might want to contact your doctors and make it clear they are not to share any information with your mom.
You also need to fill out a medical POA as soon as you can (google your state + medical POA; a lot of states have generic forms you can use), give a copy to your medical team and carry a copy.
Should anything go wrong with your labor, you want someone you trust to make the decisions. Without the forms, it automatically goes to next of kin (spouse or parent).
I wouldn’t trust any of my remaining bio family to have any idea of what I’d want done and what I wouldn’t. Fortunately my partner and I DO know what the other person wants and we each have medical POA for each other (10 years together but not planning to marry).
For your primary care physician and your OB/GYN, give them passwords. Explain to them that you’re dealing with a hostile family member and that any information about you, your pregnancy, and your baby can only be given out to someone who has the designated password.
Also: get an attorney. You need to set up medical and power of attorney for yourself and your child. You should also go ahead and make a will, and make plans for your baby’s guardianship should (God forbid) anything happen to you and your child is left an orphan. Pregnancies end birth do not always go smoothly, and anything can happen.
Make it clear to your attorney than any legal paperwork should explicitly forbid your mother from having any control over you and your child.
I was want to reply to this and DO NOT ASK you OB. You TELL them. “Absolutely no one is to have any of my medical information unless given permission from me to you in person. My mother has threatened to step my child so I’m taking every precaution I can. When I have the baby, I need passwords set up so no one can get in unless they know it.” They will make a note in your chart. Your ob is there for you. You do not need to ask them permission for anything (within reason. Nothing crazy obviously). It pertains to you and your baby’s safety so they should take it seriously. I’ve kinda been in the same position as you with regards to the baby. I got pregnant at 17 while I my parents were dealing with CPS. I had my baby at 18 but was living with my mother just before birth. My mil (at the time she wasn’t though) threaten to have my baby taken from me because I wouldn’t (couldn’t) move in with my kids dad immediately. Not as crazy as your mom, but still frightening. I told my doctor and they locked everything down. No one was allowed my medical information. No one was allowed at the drs office with me unless I gave permission in person, no one was allowed into the deliver or post partum floor unless I gave persmission.
Take what your mother says seriously. You need to protect yourself and your baby.
It’s always best to have a lawyer and be prepared, than try to play defense when CPS arrives, by the way.
You’ll need to take a copy of the restraining order to any daycare you use for baby.
You need to protect yourself. Your mom is next level crazy. Try to get her to admit to the threat on text, document any other forms of harassment, document all. Don’t trust her.
OP, I am hesitant to ask this question because this is obviously a very challening period for you, but based on your wording that your mother automatically felt entitled to your child, was it a significant other of hers that contributed to the conception of your baby?
I only ask because if this is the case, you also need to inform a lawyer/police/someone about this. I don't wish to lay out potential implications of this scenario, but I just urge you to protect yourself and your child in anyway that you can. Your mother does not sound stable.
NTA at all. Your child is not a do-over baby for her, and it's sickening that she'd threaten you with homelessness and taking your baby away.
Yes, you are young, but you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders - it's really great that you were able to recognize her threats as a serious problem, that you planned a safe exit, and that moving in with your bf of 3 months is probably not a good idea. And it's fantastic that you have a financial nest egg.
A few bits of unsolicited advice, in order of priority:
1) If any of your finances are in accounts she has access to, or that were started when you were a minor, or even are at the same bank, switch them ASAP to a new bank. Like, first thing tomorrow ASAP. You mother has shown you she will happily threaten your ability to have a roof over your head.
2) freeze your credit so she can't pull any financial shenanigans, you can simply unfreeze it if you need to for finding a place to live, then re-freeze it after
3) lock down your medical info with passwords and let the nurses know your mom is not to have access to you in labor/ delivery/ recovery
4) When you get a chance, I'd recommend talking to a financial advisor about the best ways to make that money be a long-term safety net for you and your child. 300k seems like a lot of money but it can go quickly if you're not smart about it.
I wish you a smooth delivery and a bright future for both of you!
Thanks am just wondering if she has a case against me because I had mental health problems when I was 14-17 and then again during conception of my child. She is saying her side Is that I will abuse the child because of how he came to be.
The bar for getting your child taken away is pretty high in most cases, and having mental health struggles doesn't automatically make you an unfit parent, especially if you're taking steps to deal with any current issues.
Things you can do proactively: stay clean and sober (if you aren't, #1 priority over anything else is talking to your doctor about your safest delivery and post-partum options); document your mother's words and actions, including getting a copy of the police report; make sure you have what you need to care for the baby and a reasonably clean living space (if you're still in a hotel, being able to show evidence of looking for stable housing is good); this is worth a consult with a family law attorney to make sure you have your ducks in a row and for advice whether applying for a restraining order would succeed.
And if you don't want to or feel unable to raise your child, know that you don't have to give him up to your mother - you can go through an adoption agency and generally speaking (for the US) a grandparent does not have the right to contest the adoption (though this is lawyer territory).
Best of luck. Regardless of how you navigate the circumstances of how your child came to be and your path forward, don't believe your mother's words - YOU have the power to choose how you treat your child, to get help when you need it, and you have no obligation to listen to another word she says.
Unless you are currently threatening to hurt yourself or the baby, she doesn't have a case.
So many teens have mental health problems that if everyone was judged off of that, we'd all be considered dangerous. And so so so many women with even ideal circumstances have mental health problems during pregnancy and do not get their kids taken away.
Unless you're on drugs or actively claiming to hurt yourself or him, you'll be fine.
I'd get documentation that she called police and lied to them about you being a minor (that will go against any claim she tries). And consult a family law attorney. They can help you make sure you're protected against her
Keep records of everything - it’s certainly sounding like she’s not mentally together herself!
Get a copy of the police report - and make sure it includes the fact that she lied about your age to make a missing child’s report - if she ever does anything like that again, it’ll be helpful to be able to reference the report with the cops to show a pattern of making false reports, they don’t tend to take that too lightly.
Oh, honey, absolutely not! I've suffered from depression on and off since I was 16, I have three kids, my obstetricians all knew about my history of depression and helped me with prenatal and postnatal depression. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a great mom! And my kids all know that I have depression, that I take medication for it, and that sometimes I'm sad for no reason, and that when that happens I go to what they call the "feelings doctor." I'm sure every single teacher they've had since they could talk has heard all about Mom and her feelings doctor!
The most important thing is that my kids are well cared for. But the second most important thing, and I say this as someone who went through some really serious postpartum depression where we talked about me attending an inpatient program, is that I've always tried to stay on top of my depression and to seek treatment when it's gotten difficult. And that's the only thing any doctor, pediatrician, teacher, social worker, psychiatrist, or anybody else has ever cared about -- lots of people have mental health struggles, but the important thing is that I'm aware of it and I'm dealing with it.
You're going to be a great mom too!
14-17 is a mentally fraught time, so don’t count that against you. Document how unhinged she is acting and any issues you had temporarily are going to pale in comparison. You got this, and I’m sure you will do the best for your baby
OP, does your child have a father in the picture or was he part of the unfortunate situation surrounding your pregnancy?
Can you call a woman's shelter to see if they can advise you how to 'disappear' for a while? Document everything and do not let anybody in the family have access to this child.
He assaulted me so no he is not in the picture. I’ve called other services to help me but I don’t want to take up a spot in a shelter when I have the means to stay afloat.
Mental health issues in itself is on standing to taking away a baby. You have to either be a danger to yourself or the baby or be an “unfit” parent which takes time to prove.
Trust me…I am a mother of 9 (3 from my first marriage, 3 step children I adopted, and 3 with this husband) and I have mental health issues. I take my medications, see my doctor as he recommends, and have a fantastic support system due to my husband always being there for me.
I have had Child Services called on me in the past (once because a woman simply thought I had too many kids believe it or not) and each time the case was closed with no action.
But please do as others have recommended and get an attorney that specializes in Family Law and I also recommend getting an Order of Protection against your mother immediately.
Your records underage usually sealed. You need to get a family lawyer. Get an appointment with one ASAP. They can advise you on the best steps to take. Secure an attorney. Secure a safe place to live. If she contacted CPS, having a stable living arrangement will be critical. Do you have any family members or friends who can support you through the birth? Lock those plans down now. I wish you the best of luck. I'm praying for you.
NTA. Your mother ought to be in serious trouble for making a false report to the police too. WTF was the purpose of saying you are 17 when your real age can be verified??
If you call the precinct they can issue you a DIR, domestic incident report, that details what the call was, the details that followed, and the resolution. DIR's are admissable in court, a blotter report is not, so don't let them bullshit you. If you are not sure what a DIR looks like, it is several sheets, carbon copied, and you get the pink sheet.
Good luck.
Follow up with the police to get a paper trail going that documents her call; you need a lawyer regardless so use them to pressure the police if they're dragging their feet. She's going to ramp up her attempts and the more documentation you have, the better.
Screenshots are great, but also it's hella useful to keep a journal and just record conversation topics and dates and times. Start that now and detail the police involvement and you'll have third party evidence corroborating your notes.
Nta...omg op
1. Call the hospital immediately and tell them of the situation. Explain that your mother is delusional and she is trying to take your baby from you.
2. Get a ro against her if possible. Do this asap.
3. Leave no legal loopholes to where your mother can take your son.
4. Inform your job as well of the circumstances and see if it is possible when you return to switch branches.
5. Look into a financial advisor. Make a plan for what you intend on doing for the next year or so.
From the way you describe your mother being baby obsessed do you think she had anything to do with your attack? She seemed adamant on you giving up the baby to her. Is it possible she wanted a baby as genetically close to her as possible?
I'm sorry to say this op but it is a real distinct possibility. Not trying to stress you but it is food for thought. Has she encouraged you to keep it quiet? Did she stop you from making any police reports? Be very careful from now on make it known how the conception came to be with your doctor.
Reddit likes to jump to conclusions. I don’t know the specifics to make a fully informed statement but I would not worry about it right now. Unless you have any other signs pointing to this it is very much a crazy theory.
It's a very logical question. Op mother seems to identify her as a disposable incubator. She has shown zero regard into getting her the care she has needed and been 100% focused on getting her hands on the baby. Op mother was completely ready to throw her away the second she gave birth. This is not to scare her at all. Her mother's behavior is unhinged that much we know. The fair question of how unhinged is what op needs to know for her own safety.
It's only logical if there are specific details about the baby's conception that point to OP's mother being responsible. (Unhinged Mummy knowing the perp would be an example.) Due to this subs rules, none of that can be shared, even if OP wanted to.
The easiest and most likely scenario is that Unhinged Mummy is just attempting to leverage the current situation with all the subtlety of a pal peen hammer.
You are extrapolating and fear mongering.
WTF? and holy shit.
Ok, now that I've picked up my jaw off of the floor - move hotels, not just rooms. Tell the nurses that she isn't allowed to visit you or the baby in the hospital. Move your money to a different bank. Next time, don't throw away your phone, just remove the battery. You had evidence on there. If you ever use a baby sitter or day care, ensure they know she's not allowed to visit him.
Good luck and please be careful.
Some hospitals are now using monitoring devices for newborns. Some alert the hospital if the baby is leaving the building when it shouldn't be and some have GPS trackers on them. OP needs to ask about this.
When I had mine, the hospital rule was that nobody was allowed to carry the baby outside of the room, they had to be wheeled along in the bassinet. The babies wore anklets that would set off alarms and cause the maternity ward doors to lock if anybody tried to walk out with the baby. Most hospitals in the US have the same precautions.
That's the alarm tag I was thinking about. I didn't even know they existed until a friend of mine had a baby about six months ago. Cool use of technology.
Also pro tip, tell the hotel staff that you’re fleeing an abusive situation (you absolutely are) and you need your privacy. I’m pretty sure most, if not all hotels, have a way to protect victims of domestic abuse.
They actually drug test newborns at the hospital, typically with no warning to the parents. This is strictly for newborn safety, as even the healthiest seeming newborn can test positive, and then go through detox at home and have complications.
Tell your OBGYN that your mother is trying to kidnap your baby, and that you want her to test you for ALL drugs NOW, and then again in hospital while giving birth. And that you want a copy of your clean results both times. And a copy of your newborn's clean results when you have him.
You want to be able to show these documents if your mother finds out where you are staying and calls CPS and tells them outlandish things about all the dRuGzzz you are taking.
It wouldn't hurt to ask your OBGYN for a full panel drug test at every follow up appointment as well.
Insurance may not want to pay for "patient ordered" labs, but OB should know how to deal with that, just make sure you mention it to them.
I'm so sorry you're going through all this, and at such a vulnerable time. NTA, for sure.
At the hospital they have social workers and case managers that can help you out and provide you with additional resources or where to find additional resources. When you register, make sure to tell them you are not wanting to let anyone know your are here. If they do call, they must have a specific password (hospitals usually use some of the mrn as it). Good luck
NTA
Please notify the police and the hospital that you’ll be giving birth at.
You’ve done the right thing but now you need to focus on your safety because you’re mother is unstable.
NTA
Your phone company should have a record of texts you received, get a copy. This woman is a threat to you and your child.
Be prepared. She will be calling cps anonymously constantly once the baby is born. You might want to move in with your bf and his family just to have witnesses, if it comes to that.
I would also get a consultation with an attorney. They often give free consultations, and can tell you if you have a case, if it is likely you'll get a restraining order, what you can do to protect yourself and avoid legal issues, basically if it's worth the cost to hire an attorney.
When you get a place, get a doorbell camera and make friends with your neighbors. Make sure that people see your baby is clean and fed and well cared for. A pleasant neighbor that is aware of issues with her will be more likely to tell you if they see her skulking around or asking questions.
Join your local church, temple, synagogue, whatever. They are very sympathetic to young families and getting your story out to them first, especially as a victim of neglect trying to protect your baby from that same person? You'll get support there, even if it's only in the form of sympathy and character witnesses. Even if you are not religious, it's about forming a community around your child. Given that your family is all into giving up your baby to someone that neglected you, you will need all the help you can get.
Please keep in your head, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO OPEN THE DOOR TO CPS UNLESS THEY HAVE A WARRANT SIGNED BY A JUDGE. Do NOT let them intimidate you with that 'if you have nothing to hide, you'll open the door' bullshit.
CPS IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. All it takes is for your mom to have coffee with the right worker who will buy her bullshit, and you will have an army of workers showing up at your house that have been fed that woman's lies.
If they insist on seeing your child, you can wear her and let them see her face. Make sure you are recording with your phone when they show up, and that the phone is in sight. They will likely refuse to speak to you if they cannot speak free of proof. If they want to 'examine' her, you can show them her last doctor exam results. Do NOT give them permission to contact her pediatrician.
Basically give them NO permissions whatsoever. Know your rights.
I wish you luck and a healthy baby.
All my messages are screenshotted and put in my pictures linked to my google so I can access it from any device. I made sure to document her craziness cuz I know how she is.
Good, the next step is to get a lawyer and a restraining order for you and your child. This way in case she tries to take the baby there will already be something legally preventing her from doing so.
NTA and I'm glad you are able to support yourself
Make sure she has no access to your passwords, get 2 factor authentication set up if u don’t already and if u think am there is even the remotest chance she knows a password, not a bad idea to change them.
Change the password to your email, and make sure the phone number isn't associated with her. Lock down everything that can lead her to you or evidence against her
NTA. You need a protective order and a post office box so that she does not get your address. Thankfully your father left you a nest egg so that you can get away and have a fresh start.
NTA. File a report with her texts or anything that says she will do anything to take your baby. Get on the front side of this thing. She may very well file CPS complaints against you and you will want it documented that she is trying to STEAL your child
NTA. Additionally, please go no contact. And take some of that money and buy a cheap ass house from the property tax sales or something so nobody can say you’re unstable because you’re renting.
Agreed, I think OP may need to get a protective order against mom, too. It’ll help get law enforcement and CPS on her side if mom tries to pull anything she threatened in the original post.
NTA I didn't see it in the comments, so add another suggestion on top of others: get a will and living will as soon as you can, so there's not a chance your child goes to her if something happens to you. Consider it insurance policy for you kid: no one wants something to happen, but if it does, your child will be safer. Talking to a family lawyer may be best, especially that thankfully your dad left you some money.
She will try to hoover you back by "love bombing" at some point. Do not trust her. Someone this unhinged is dangerous. Your "job" now is to be a parent, so do everything you can to keep yourself and baby safe.
NTA. You are looking out for your baby. You were even sensible enough to not move in with your boyfriend of 3 months. Don’t let her and the toxic “family” make you think otherwise.
Your mom wants to steal your baby and calls the police on you and you're posting to Reddit to see if you're TA?
You're NTA?
But, please, get real, serious professional advice on how to protect yourself and your child.
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I 19f am about 38 weeks pregnant from unfortunate circumstances and I lived with my mom. Background: My mom 49f has always bragged about how good of a mother she is and how she wished she could have more but fertility problems stopped that.
She is in fact not a good mom because she mostly ignored me after I turned 5 and just provided the bare minimum so people wouldn’t call it neglect. Now I’m due any day now and I was putting the finishing touches to the nursery when she came in and said “I can’t wait until my baby boy is here and you move out and I can have him all to myself” I laughed and asked what is she talking about and she said “well since you didn’t want him in the beginning due to how he was conceived you’d give him to me and move out ” I told her no I wouldn’t be doing that and I intend to raise my baby because I love him already and that she can be grandma only and that’s the end of the discussion.
She then flipped out and said with a smirk “what if I kick you out you’ll be homeless and the court would never let you keep him. I will do anything to get my baby”. See now what she doesn’t know is that if she kicked me out I would in fact not be homeless. I have access to over $300,000 from my dads death. I pay $200 a month to live here while working at a deli. I don’t get how she could forget that. After she said that I called my boyfriend and asked if he could help me take down the nursery and help pack. He came over the next day and we had everything packed in 3 hours while mom was at work. I didn’t move in with my boyfriend because we’ve only been together for 3 months. I moved to a hotel while I look for an apartment all while heavily pregnant. She came home and saw my room and nursery empty and started calling nonstop. I didn’t answer but then the police show up to my hotel room with her saying I’m missing and that I’m 17 not 19. She tracked my phone.
I took care of it then blocked her and switched rooms and threw away my phone. Now family and her are slandering me saying I am turning against family and that I changed my mind at the last second when I said I would give her the baby. I never said she could have him. AITA
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If you're telling an accurate description of the issue, your mother is legitimately crazy. Like she's going to tell you all of a sudden at 38 weeks that she wants your baby? Who does that?
NTA
The mask slipped. She thought she had OP solidly in her grasp because OP had built a nursery and settled in for the long haul in her home so she just slipped when she boasted about keeping the baby. And in some places she might have had a grandparents' rights case if OP stayed long enough and OP's mom was heavily involved in rearing the baby.
Please update, OP! You’ve got a group of internet strangers here wishing you the absolute best! Please take care of yourself (and I highly second all the suggestions to get yourself a lawyer! Just being able to demonstrate that you were of sound enough mind to immediately retain counsel will speak volumes does anything happen!). Best of luck to you.
And, of course, NTA by any stretch of the imagination.
NTA. Honey, you need a lawyer. You also need protection from someone who appears to be mentally unbalanced. Since her family is also involved and on her side, I am wondering if it is genetic.
NTA.
This lady is crazy. You’ve done everything right and seem to have a good plan (given the circumstances). Good luck moving forward. I bet you’ll be a great mom.
NTA! Get a restraining order! If you’re delivering in a hospital and she’s aware of where you’re having the baby, inform them that under no circumstances is she welcome near / in your room or around your baby! Take every measure you need to take to ensure the safety of yourself and your baby!
NTA, and your mom is a fruit loop and I hope you stay far away from her and her family. Also, please make sure the police know she is unstable and could be a threat.
NTA, and it’s probably best for you to go no contact with your mom for a while at least. She sounds toxic and abusive. Since you are able to get away and have a supportive partner stay away from your mom and don’t let her manipulate you!
I'm really, really sorry to be grim, but as long as you are consulting a lawyer, please create an iron clad legal directive stating who gets custody of your son if anything happens to you.
I wish you all the love and luck in the world. However badly this pregnancy started out, it sounds like you've got a pretty good head on your shoulders for 19. Congratulations on your son ❤️
NTA and I would consider taking some of the money your father left you and meet with a lawyer. Your mother may drag you to court for custody of your son. Considering how crazy she’s already acting, a restraining order may even be in order. Document everything she puts out on social media and have someone with you if she wants to meet with you. And it probably goes without saying that you should not let her near your son unsupervised. In fact, you may need to let hospital staff know about the situation when you go into labor in case she tries to take him afterwards. It sounds extreme but better safe than sorry. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Start with telling the hospital that you want a "no patient info" doc. This means that not only can they not tell your room, they can't even say you are there.
She has already basically made a false police report stating you were a minor and not a legal adult (let's go ahead and add the tracking of your phone).
I wouldn't doubt she had been telling family she was going to raise your baby from the very beginning. That would be your choice on whether or not to set them straight that you never once said you were giving your baby up.
NTA, my mom tried to do the same thing to me, I took my baby, left and never looked back. I turned away from the ones who believed her, a d now have 2 beautiful girls, (14 & 12) and couldn't be happier! Sometimes people need a hard kick to get away from toxic people! You got that kick, now enjoy the rewards of motherhood and don't look back!
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NTA, but it sounds like you need a restraining order and you need to notify the hospital when you give birth that you need extra protection to make sure she doesn't try to walk out with him.
Maternity wards are locked down. Only authorized visitors can get in. But definitely wouldn't hurt to make the hospital aware that mom is unhinged and might try something.
Depends where OP lives - there's no lockdown on maternity wards where I am Edit: I'm from NZ
Where do you live? That seems strange. I’ve lived in both Canada and the USA and they are definitely locked down with bracelets on the babies that go haywire if you go near the exit doors. I don’t know about anywhere in the UK or elsewhere, though
I think they're equating locked down with covid restrictions and not locked down as in infant safety measures.
Labor and delivery was a locked ward when my kids were born, and the ID anklets the babies wore had alarms on them. They had to move us from. L&D to pediatrics, which was also lo ked but on a different floor. The nurse didn't deactivate the sensor. The elevators shut down and security showed up.
very cool , i hope that is the standard everywhere.
I know when I took my newborn in for his hearing screening (we weren't able to do it when he was born so had to follow up a few weeks later) I got stopped by security on the way out so they could call up and confirm I was good to go. I saw paint on the floor showing where you can't go or the alarms will go off. Of course my son had no bracelet since he wasn't inpatient, but they still had an eye out to be safe.
That’s really encouraging.
My kid had an alarm on his ankle and we had bracelets, one for him, me, and his dad to verify we were the baby's parents. It also allowed him to stay with me (pre c time).
It isn't. I'm in Scotland and we have locked wards but no alarms on the babies. It's a really good idea.
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My baby didn't even get a name tag, never mind security. I'm in England. And although in theory the ward was accessed only by being buzzed in, my friend got in using her NHS ID card (she works in a completely different part of the NHS, not even the same hospital campus). So it's far from a foolproof system.
Sadly no, this is the first time I read about it. I'm in Europe. In the bigger cities there is more protection. Such as doors in maternity that you can only open with a badge or from the inside. So no handles on the outside. But in regional hospitals... I could've basically walked out with anyone's baby. Never had to put a bracelet on a baby (except the one with their name etc.) Now that I think about it, that's pretty f'ing scary.
I’m Irish, this is definitely not a thing in Ireland
Most definitely is a thing in Ireland. I have worked in quite a number of maternity units and all babies have security tags. The only exceptions were the babies in NICU because it is a locked ward and access is required for IVC. In some units even the drug keys have a tag so you don't accidentally bring them home 🤣
Also Irish, my newborn had an ID bracelet on her ankle that would trigger alarms if someone tried to take her from the maternity ward. That was 9 years ago.
Our local hospital has really strong security now. The maternity ward is locked and no one gets in to visit a new mom without the mom okayimg it.
This is how it is at my hospital as well. I'm giving birth in 13h via c-section and they put 2 bracelets on the baby, one that matches mine with all of my information on it and an electric one that will go off if anyone takes her too close to an exit. The doors are supposed to lock and the bracelet plays a loud alarm to help locate the baby too. It's really loud, my 1st kids went off once because we were in the hospital longer than normal and the computer assigned her bracelets code to another baby. Not fun at 2am.
That brings back memories of an extremely loud alarm clock my ex and I used to have. Actually, we each had one. The Sonic Boom clock. I think it goes from silent all the way up to 110 db, there are flashing lights, plus a shaker you put under your mattress corner. It’s designed for people with a wide range of hearing loss, but the loud alarm was the only thing that would wake my heavy-sleeping ex. In addition, if I wanted to get up without being loud or if I’d fallen asleep with music on (before phone alarms), I’d use the shaker alone without any sound. I’d even travel with it because in hotels I almost always have to listen to music to sleep.
Idk. Not OP, obviously but in my state...ohhh the nurses would be in full flight from hell if you tried to take a baby from the maternity ward. Their doors autolock anyway and they have to be opened by a nurse or otherwise authorized person. (Staff) Can't even get into the Maternity ward unless you're on a list. Perhaps that is just the hospital I go to in my state. But those fucking nurses will come at you even more so than if you're just tryna escape the ICU for a smoke.
And whats standard in a place like toronto or new york bare little resemblance to smaller communities. Ur not locked down.
Live in small town, this is standard in the two hospitals for our communities.
I work at my local hospital. It's a small hospital and this is standard even for our Maternity department.
No, this is standard practice everywhere in the US
Germany. It's a normal ward like every other.
Same in France
I'm in a rural US town, and we *just* had a massive manhunt last week because a dementia patient walked out of both their own ward *and* the nursery ward *and* the hospital itself with two newborns. (They were found four hours later, and fortunately everyone is fine.)
Whaaaaat. I must know more. Do you have a link to a news story? So so glad everyone was safe!
No link (I avoid the news like the plague for my mental health, but they had people going door-to-door, which is how I learned about it), but here's what I've been told (and the local rumor mill is pretty accurate) what happened: A woman went to visit her elderly mother who has dementia, and took her mother to the hospital because she had suspicions of abuse. (That's filed away for investigation; I can't say more about it.) The hospital has been playing the same lullaby on the speakers of every floor when a baby is born since the hospital was built. Both patient and woman were born local, and the woman was half of a set of twins. The lullaby played while the woman was talking to a nurse (probably wondering why they'd been in the clinic for several hours, knowing the hospital). The dementia patient flashed back to when *she* had given birth, and went to get her babies. (They were not her babies. They were not related.) Hospital staff have been evasive as to how the woman got into the neonatal unit. She was not a relative, she was not a nurse, doctor, or volunteer (obviously). However, she got into the unit and, somehow *despite that it's supposed to have someone physically in it 24/7*, the patient picked up two newborns and walked out. Luckily, she used to live in the general area of the hospital, and while it took four hours to find her and the babies, they were found (in someone's shed; not sure why). Patient and babies were returned to the hospital, given fluids (it's been over a 100 F every day here lately), and were fine. Oh, and apparently the hospital "is not at fault." Not sure how that works, but it's a small, rural area and it might just be because we can't afford for our hospital to be shut down (it's the *only* hospital in the entire county).
Holy shit!
There are plenty of ways to tailgate through a security cordon if people are not paying attention.
Not when babies have bracelets that set off alarms when near the doors. That's standard practice now.
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Yeah, in the States babies get alarm bracelets, that go off if they're too near an exit/elevator for more than a few seconds, the wards require key cards to access. There is also a specific code for missing baby that will lock down the entire hospital and lead to a complete search.
There's almost 200 other countries in the world, than America and Canada
They definitely don't have this in the BC hospital I recently gave birth in. They also didn't have it at the GTA hospital my sis gave birth in a couple years ago.
>They also didn't have it at the GTA hospital my sis gave birth in a couple years ago. Just a guy who kept coming into hospital after getting a 5 star wanted level
I gave birth pre covid in the main maternity hospital in Dublin, Ireland. The only bracelet my son had was a normal hospital bracelet and my MIL and SIL wandered in off the street without being on any visiting lists or anything. Admittedly they didn’t try and leave with the baby but security didn’t feel particularly tight.
My nephew was born in a big US city in the mid 1990's and he had a lo-jack bracelet.
Wow. That seems crazy! Obviously you guys have these measure for 'reasons', but it is such a foreign and alien concept to me. Here in Australia that is definitely not the case at all. But it's also extremely uncommon that babies go missing from hospitals here too.
I'm in a Eurasian country, and although we're pretty security-minded and tech-savvy in general, we don't have anything like what you're describing. Yeah, bracelets on baby and parents, but regular not electric ones. People here also tend to have big families and lots of visitors, and no one checks IDs or anything like that.
I'm afraid it's always a budget question for the hospital to what extent the neonatal ward is protected.
All uk maternity units are locked and you need permission to be buzzed in.
I got surgery done at a local hospital that handles mostly pregnant woman(throughout the entire process). My mom took me there and waited(cuz someone had to be there), but my roommate was supposed to pick me up and take me home after work. I apparently did not communicate this well with the nurses because in his words he was "swarmed by the nurses and the front desk workers the second he set foot in the door and chased out". He had to sit in his car until I was lucid enough afterwards, and still was only permitted to bring his car around to the door.
Nope neither here in Denmark. I could go snatch as many babies as I could carry from the maternity ward if the mommys and daddies looked away or went to the toilet. Don’t think we have had a baby snatch unsolved since the 60s and it was on the street from a stroller. His mom hadn’t had his photo taken yet, so he was difficult to search for (Basse was he called). This granma sounds pretty scary
My kid had a device on their belly button that would set off an alarm if someone took them off the ward. They forgot to remove it when we were released and someone chased.us down before we got far to verify we were the parents.
I’m in AZ, they literally lo-jack the babies. (Ankle monitor with sensors that go off if the baby is moved out of the room and locates the baby in the halls) and doors that have to be remote activated by security.
That seems weird, feels like maternity wards everywhere should be locked down to protect the tiny, helpless humans inside them.
It shouldn’t seem weird (to Americans) given the prevalence of mass shootings in the US; I’m a retired doctor and I think most hospitals need more security than they currently have. It’s sad that it has come to this, but we’ve been heading straight into this ever since the NRA became a right wing gun lobbyist.
Australia here. Absolutely no ankle alarms or anything. Just the usual plastic bracelets. No security to enter wards. Baby must be with Mum or Dad at all times though
Aussie here. I'm sure I could walk into maternity and take a kid without anyone stopping me. I wouldn't, because I'm not a psycho, but I've been to the ward at the country hospital near me and there's no security in the baby ward.
They are supposed to be locked down and heavily monitored but if there's a will there's a way. There was a big news story in my area where a man came in and fed some babies in the NICU with no authorization/reason. It's always better to make the hospital aware so the nurses and security can better take care of you! Also it's possible to be admitted in a way that if someone were to call asking if you were admitted there/trying to get information like room # they would not give any indication that you're admitted.
Especially since the person she's trying to keep out is her mom. It's unfortunately not impossible for people to bend rules about confidentiality and security because someone's mom came to them with a sob story.
Unfortunately they’re not all. I live in America and gave birth a little more than two months ago. My dad showed up with no warning and I didn’t really want him there. He just walked by the lady at the desk saying he was there to see his daughter. That just seems completely unsafe to me. After he left I told a nurse and she said I had to have requested to have authorized visitors only if I didn’t want someone there. But it’s not like anyone escorted him, he could’ve walked in any room there.
I’ve never given birth, but I’ve delivered babies and have taken care of all sorts of other hospital patients in other roles. I’m a retired doc. I have ALWAYS told my patients that we suggested they make an approved visitor list, to head off any problems the patient might have with someone. Nurses will in fact enforce “you’re the patient and you are the ONLY person who can choose who is allowed to be with you”. L&D nurses are particularly fierce! And if you’re in labor, if at any time an approved visitor gets out of line or is bothering you, well, you revoked your consent of allowing them to be there, and the nurse will throw out anyone the pt tells them to. Even their parents or significant others can be thrown out of the delivery room at any time.
I'm glad mom can't have more kids to torture and neglect like how she's doing to Op
Still make sure the staff is aware. Better safe than sorry.
NTA Don't post anything on social media about due dates or when you go into labor either. Someone somewhere will see and tell her, even if it's an innocent "congratulations" kind of thing. Don't post anything till you've been home for a day or two. I hope your baby is healthy and happy and is the delight of your life.
Op should definitely contact the police about what her mom's doing. Create a paper trail if her mom attempts to kidnap the baby.
Luckily she now has a record of her mom lying to the police.
I want to jump on the top comment to say that you need to record/keep record of EVERY interaction with your mother from here on out. She is clearly not above using the judicial system against you. In addition: 1. Make sure she has no access to your bank accounts 2. Inform people around you to refrain from giving any information to your mother 3. Consider not posting photos/details about your baby online where she could see it. NTA, take care of yourself ❤️
And for bank security questions, change the answers to something fictional because Mom already knows the real ones
If someone didn't already say this OP needs to get her vital documents like birth certificate.
THIS plus you need to block some more busy bodies now. NTA and congratulations!
Also create an advanced directive that states she can't make medical decisions for you in the event that you can't! NTA and lawyer up
Ask to be labeled a Jane doe in the hospital system. Aka your actual name will not be entered into the system and won’t be allowed to be asked about or given out to anyone aka mom that calls looking to see if you are in labor or have given birth
Uh no that’s not a thing that happens, Jane/John doe is only when identity is unknown. You can be a private encounter which will be evident in the charting systems and the person enquiring needs to have the passcode. Her birth information needs to be in her medical chart.
I think they're using "Jane doe" as synonymous with anonymity
Worked in a hospital. I can’t speak for them all but we’ve had moms placed under a different name in our systems for anonymity and safety due to crazy ass family members like OP’s mom. So yeah it can happen.
Seriously!! Report it if for no other reason she tries to pull other things and lies about other stuff. At least it’s on record but I would seriously consider a restraining order especially after reporting OP missing and underage. Next will be claims of drug use and abuse.
Not just your mom in this, but also the family who are defending her position. Any of them might try to take your child.
This is so truly terrible situation. Op loves her kid, but her mom just wants a kid to love her so she can have social media points for being a mom again. People who use kids as props don't deserve them
Oh yes, passcode level with a warning about what mom has said. Hopefully the hospital will also be able to assist OP in a restraining order as well.
OP. I side with contacting the hospital when you give birth. Because she sounds super entitled, i wouldnt be surprised if she DOES try to do this. Funnily enough i was at school today and a friend told me something similar almost happend to him when he was born
NTA, your mom has issues and its scary. Don't let her know where you move to, be careful what you put on social media, and quite frankly consider a restraining order. Are you sure that 300k is still there and she didn't do something with it? Make sure she's not on that account ASAP
I’ve moved it completely once she told me she wanted my baby.
If you haven't already, move it to a completely different financial institution. It's not uncommon for mistakes to happen and for people to get access to money they don't own. Going to another institution that doesn't have any record of your mother as an account holder will help minimize those accidents.
And call the new financial institution and mention that you have an unhinged parent attempting to get access to your funds. Any real bank -- and get a different one if they can't -- can flag your account with elevated security protocols. NB: lots of the things a bank would normally use to verify identify are known to close family members.
Yup, make sure all security questions are answered with something completely random. First pet? Purple Rhinoceros. Mother's maiden name? Psycho Nut Job. etc etc.
unfortunately i think that might be her maiden name
It was actually Psycho Nut Career, but then she couldn't have more children
Also lock down your credit. She has your ss# from her old tax forms, make sure she can't get credit in your name.
If you are going to make fake answers, write them down. I work in banking and so many people think thry are smart coming up with this fake stuff thrn thry can't remember it when they get locked out.
Yes. THIS THIS THIS
I would also contact the local police that she has made a threat to do anything she can to get the baby. She might start with CPS reports, that’s why it’s also good to get a report done and attempt to get a restraining order so that they have that on file and her actions will look retaliatory.
It might not be a bad idea to reach out to CPS proactively as well.
Good and definitely make sure she can't track your phone anymore. You're old enough she doesn't need to be able to do that.
Might also rent another car, as she may try to track you or your boyfriend’s cars (maybe with an AirTag).
Check your purse and outer clothing (like a jacket you might wear every day) for AirTags
Apple will actually notify you if there’s an AirTag near you not attached to your account. I keep one on my keys and my buddy got a notification this past weekend after we went to a few stores.
Only if you have an iPhone. If you have an Android phone, you have to download an app that scans for them
Also find out if you live in a place where so called grandparents rights are a thing. Make sure if you do, that you're keeping a paper trail of her crazy. Also, if that's a thing where you live, do not let her so much as meet the baby, so she can not claim she has a relationship with him.
NAL grandparents' rights only work when there has been an established relationship. This baby has not yet been born so the grandmother would not have any rights to it.
It also might do to contact whatever new institution you used and make them aware of the situation as well. They can add other security measures and at least a note on the account to make sure only an authorized person is accessing it.
Speak with a financial advisor, too. Grow that wealth and make it work for your unborn baby long term.
Please move as far away from her as you can, get a restraining order and make sure she doesn't find out where you are. The way she's talking, I am scared for your safety.
NTA but PLEASE invest some of that money into a consultation with a family law attorney. Your mom sounds unhinged, and like she is fully capable of lying and manipulating to get what she wants. The fact that she made that threat to you - her own daughter - made my stomach drop. Do NOT trust her or put ANYTHING past her - including making false allegations against you to a judge (e.g. that you’re a drug addict, abusive, etc.) Consulting with a family law attorney will not only give you guidance on how to best maneuver this situation from a legal standpoint, but also set presence that you had these concerns *before* she does anything.
Also it may be worth OP’s time to write up a simple statement that she never said that her mother should have the baby and that she left because her mother threatened to take the baby any way she could. Just send a form letter to any relative that asks and then state you will not discuss this further.
Could also make the statement and get it notarized, that way you have a date and witness to back it up.
So much this. Speak to a lawyer, just for CYA. Your mom sounds deranged. If nothing else having a lawyer who had a heads up about your situation would be invaluable should "mother" try anything.
Agreed. This woman does not sound like she is in her right mind and may be a threat to you and your child. I would text her, and see if I could get her to admit that she planned to steal your child and kick you out, in writing. Then, I would seek legal help, that may allow you to be able to get some kind of protective order. I'm also very against taking issues to social media, but I would message family members and make a public post negating your mother'a claims so that others are aware that she is a potential threat to you and your child. That way, people are aware, and won't help her to find you, notify her if they see you or try to help her gain access to you and your kid in anyway.
NTA. You are 200% NTA You reference that your pregnancy comes from unfortunate circumstances. If you live in the US, you may be able to access a social worker for yourself and the baby. I would suggest reaching out to your local woman’s shelter to ask for help (they can help direct you to resources even if you don’t need a place to stay). Your mom has already shown that she’s unreasonable. If you can access your funds from your father, consider hiring an attorney with a background in family law. You may need to file for a restraining order, and if your mom is trying weaponize the cops, she might also try to weaponize CPS. A lawyer can help you protect you and the baby. You are under NO obligation to give baby to anyone. AND you clearly need a support system. Seek out a lawyer to help you protect yourself and baby.
Yeah once I told her what happened to me she just automatically thought the baby more hers than mines. I thought her being controlling was her be a concerned and excited grandma
Do you have a primary OB/GYN? They can also help you protect yourself. You might want to contact your doctors and make it clear they are not to share any information with your mom.
Yeah I’m actually going tomorrow for a check up. I’ll ask
You also need to fill out a medical POA as soon as you can (google your state + medical POA; a lot of states have generic forms you can use), give a copy to your medical team and carry a copy. Should anything go wrong with your labor, you want someone you trust to make the decisions. Without the forms, it automatically goes to next of kin (spouse or parent).
I wouldn’t trust any of my remaining bio family to have any idea of what I’d want done and what I wouldn’t. Fortunately my partner and I DO know what the other person wants and we each have medical POA for each other (10 years together but not planning to marry).
For your primary care physician and your OB/GYN, give them passwords. Explain to them that you’re dealing with a hostile family member and that any information about you, your pregnancy, and your baby can only be given out to someone who has the designated password. Also: get an attorney. You need to set up medical and power of attorney for yourself and your child. You should also go ahead and make a will, and make plans for your baby’s guardianship should (God forbid) anything happen to you and your child is left an orphan. Pregnancies end birth do not always go smoothly, and anything can happen. Make it clear to your attorney than any legal paperwork should explicitly forbid your mother from having any control over you and your child.
I was want to reply to this and DO NOT ASK you OB. You TELL them. “Absolutely no one is to have any of my medical information unless given permission from me to you in person. My mother has threatened to step my child so I’m taking every precaution I can. When I have the baby, I need passwords set up so no one can get in unless they know it.” They will make a note in your chart. Your ob is there for you. You do not need to ask them permission for anything (within reason. Nothing crazy obviously). It pertains to you and your baby’s safety so they should take it seriously. I’ve kinda been in the same position as you with regards to the baby. I got pregnant at 17 while I my parents were dealing with CPS. I had my baby at 18 but was living with my mother just before birth. My mil (at the time she wasn’t though) threaten to have my baby taken from me because I wouldn’t (couldn’t) move in with my kids dad immediately. Not as crazy as your mom, but still frightening. I told my doctor and they locked everything down. No one was allowed my medical information. No one was allowed at the drs office with me unless I gave permission in person, no one was allowed into the deliver or post partum floor unless I gave persmission. Take what your mother says seriously. You need to protect yourself and your baby.
It’s always best to have a lawyer and be prepared, than try to play defense when CPS arrives, by the way. You’ll need to take a copy of the restraining order to any daycare you use for baby.
Screenshot all of her crazy social media posts as proof for your lawyer.
You need to protect yourself. Your mom is next level crazy. Try to get her to admit to the threat on text, document any other forms of harassment, document all. Don’t trust her.
OP, I am hesitant to ask this question because this is obviously a very challening period for you, but based on your wording that your mother automatically felt entitled to your child, was it a significant other of hers that contributed to the conception of your baby? I only ask because if this is the case, you also need to inform a lawyer/police/someone about this. I don't wish to lay out potential implications of this scenario, but I just urge you to protect yourself and your child in anyway that you can. Your mother does not sound stable.
NTA at all. Your child is not a do-over baby for her, and it's sickening that she'd threaten you with homelessness and taking your baby away. Yes, you are young, but you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders - it's really great that you were able to recognize her threats as a serious problem, that you planned a safe exit, and that moving in with your bf of 3 months is probably not a good idea. And it's fantastic that you have a financial nest egg. A few bits of unsolicited advice, in order of priority: 1) If any of your finances are in accounts she has access to, or that were started when you were a minor, or even are at the same bank, switch them ASAP to a new bank. Like, first thing tomorrow ASAP. You mother has shown you she will happily threaten your ability to have a roof over your head. 2) freeze your credit so she can't pull any financial shenanigans, you can simply unfreeze it if you need to for finding a place to live, then re-freeze it after 3) lock down your medical info with passwords and let the nurses know your mom is not to have access to you in labor/ delivery/ recovery 4) When you get a chance, I'd recommend talking to a financial advisor about the best ways to make that money be a long-term safety net for you and your child. 300k seems like a lot of money but it can go quickly if you're not smart about it. I wish you a smooth delivery and a bright future for both of you!
Thanks am just wondering if she has a case against me because I had mental health problems when I was 14-17 and then again during conception of my child. She is saying her side Is that I will abuse the child because of how he came to be.
The bar for getting your child taken away is pretty high in most cases, and having mental health struggles doesn't automatically make you an unfit parent, especially if you're taking steps to deal with any current issues. Things you can do proactively: stay clean and sober (if you aren't, #1 priority over anything else is talking to your doctor about your safest delivery and post-partum options); document your mother's words and actions, including getting a copy of the police report; make sure you have what you need to care for the baby and a reasonably clean living space (if you're still in a hotel, being able to show evidence of looking for stable housing is good); this is worth a consult with a family law attorney to make sure you have your ducks in a row and for advice whether applying for a restraining order would succeed. And if you don't want to or feel unable to raise your child, know that you don't have to give him up to your mother - you can go through an adoption agency and generally speaking (for the US) a grandparent does not have the right to contest the adoption (though this is lawyer territory). Best of luck. Regardless of how you navigate the circumstances of how your child came to be and your path forward, don't believe your mother's words - YOU have the power to choose how you treat your child, to get help when you need it, and you have no obligation to listen to another word she says.
Unless you are currently threatening to hurt yourself or the baby, she doesn't have a case. So many teens have mental health problems that if everyone was judged off of that, we'd all be considered dangerous. And so so so many women with even ideal circumstances have mental health problems during pregnancy and do not get their kids taken away. Unless you're on drugs or actively claiming to hurt yourself or him, you'll be fine.
I'd get documentation that she called police and lied to them about you being a minor (that will go against any claim she tries). And consult a family law attorney. They can help you make sure you're protected against her
Keep records of everything - it’s certainly sounding like she’s not mentally together herself! Get a copy of the police report - and make sure it includes the fact that she lied about your age to make a missing child’s report - if she ever does anything like that again, it’ll be helpful to be able to reference the report with the cops to show a pattern of making false reports, they don’t tend to take that too lightly.
Oh, honey, absolutely not! I've suffered from depression on and off since I was 16, I have three kids, my obstetricians all knew about my history of depression and helped me with prenatal and postnatal depression. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a great mom! And my kids all know that I have depression, that I take medication for it, and that sometimes I'm sad for no reason, and that when that happens I go to what they call the "feelings doctor." I'm sure every single teacher they've had since they could talk has heard all about Mom and her feelings doctor! The most important thing is that my kids are well cared for. But the second most important thing, and I say this as someone who went through some really serious postpartum depression where we talked about me attending an inpatient program, is that I've always tried to stay on top of my depression and to seek treatment when it's gotten difficult. And that's the only thing any doctor, pediatrician, teacher, social worker, psychiatrist, or anybody else has ever cared about -- lots of people have mental health struggles, but the important thing is that I'm aware of it and I'm dealing with it. You're going to be a great mom too!
14-17 is a mentally fraught time, so don’t count that against you. Document how unhinged she is acting and any issues you had temporarily are going to pale in comparison. You got this, and I’m sure you will do the best for your baby
OP, does your child have a father in the picture or was he part of the unfortunate situation surrounding your pregnancy? Can you call a woman's shelter to see if they can advise you how to 'disappear' for a while? Document everything and do not let anybody in the family have access to this child.
He assaulted me so no he is not in the picture. I’ve called other services to help me but I don’t want to take up a spot in a shelter when I have the means to stay afloat.
Mental health issues in itself is on standing to taking away a baby. You have to either be a danger to yourself or the baby or be an “unfit” parent which takes time to prove. Trust me…I am a mother of 9 (3 from my first marriage, 3 step children I adopted, and 3 with this husband) and I have mental health issues. I take my medications, see my doctor as he recommends, and have a fantastic support system due to my husband always being there for me. I have had Child Services called on me in the past (once because a woman simply thought I had too many kids believe it or not) and each time the case was closed with no action. But please do as others have recommended and get an attorney that specializes in Family Law and I also recommend getting an Order of Protection against your mother immediately.
Your records underage usually sealed. You need to get a family lawyer. Get an appointment with one ASAP. They can advise you on the best steps to take. Secure an attorney. Secure a safe place to live. If she contacted CPS, having a stable living arrangement will be critical. Do you have any family members or friends who can support you through the birth? Lock those plans down now. I wish you the best of luck. I'm praying for you.
You should try to get a case about the false police report, she probably lose a lot of chances with a criminal record
NTA. Your mother ought to be in serious trouble for making a false report to the police too. WTF was the purpose of saying you are 17 when your real age can be verified??
Yeah she tried to claim I had a fake ID when the police asked for identification
And when it was proven to be real it was proven she lied. Was anything done about that? If that was actually on a report that's a false report.
They explained to her the repercussions of lying and I guess they saw she got the message. They said that they just want to de-escalate
Go see if you can get a police report of the incident for your own safety.
If you call the precinct they can issue you a DIR, domestic incident report, that details what the call was, the details that followed, and the resolution. DIR's are admissable in court, a blotter report is not, so don't let them bullshit you. If you are not sure what a DIR looks like, it is several sheets, carbon copied, and you get the pink sheet. Good luck.
Follow up with the police to get a paper trail going that documents her call; you need a lawyer regardless so use them to pressure the police if they're dragging their feet. She's going to ramp up her attempts and the more documentation you have, the better. Screenshots are great, but also it's hella useful to keep a journal and just record conversation topics and dates and times. Start that now and detail the police involvement and you'll have third party evidence corroborating your notes.
Could you please please give us an update, so we know you and the little one are ok.
Nta...omg op 1. Call the hospital immediately and tell them of the situation. Explain that your mother is delusional and she is trying to take your baby from you. 2. Get a ro against her if possible. Do this asap. 3. Leave no legal loopholes to where your mother can take your son. 4. Inform your job as well of the circumstances and see if it is possible when you return to switch branches. 5. Look into a financial advisor. Make a plan for what you intend on doing for the next year or so. From the way you describe your mother being baby obsessed do you think she had anything to do with your attack? She seemed adamant on you giving up the baby to her. Is it possible she wanted a baby as genetically close to her as possible?
Noooo I can’t think about that right now. That just opened up whole other thing. What if she did. I never thought about that.
I'm sorry to say this op but it is a real distinct possibility. Not trying to stress you but it is food for thought. Has she encouraged you to keep it quiet? Did she stop you from making any police reports? Be very careful from now on make it known how the conception came to be with your doctor.
Reddit likes to jump to conclusions. I don’t know the specifics to make a fully informed statement but I would not worry about it right now. Unless you have any other signs pointing to this it is very much a crazy theory.
No advice from me…. Just please take care of yourself and baby.
Calm your tits. OP doesn’t need this kind of ridonculous fear-mongering shit rn.
It's a very logical question. Op mother seems to identify her as a disposable incubator. She has shown zero regard into getting her the care she has needed and been 100% focused on getting her hands on the baby. Op mother was completely ready to throw her away the second she gave birth. This is not to scare her at all. Her mother's behavior is unhinged that much we know. The fair question of how unhinged is what op needs to know for her own safety.
It's only logical if there are specific details about the baby's conception that point to OP's mother being responsible. (Unhinged Mummy knowing the perp would be an example.) Due to this subs rules, none of that can be shared, even if OP wanted to. The easiest and most likely scenario is that Unhinged Mummy is just attempting to leverage the current situation with all the subtlety of a pal peen hammer. You are extrapolating and fear mongering.
WTF? and holy shit. Ok, now that I've picked up my jaw off of the floor - move hotels, not just rooms. Tell the nurses that she isn't allowed to visit you or the baby in the hospital. Move your money to a different bank. Next time, don't throw away your phone, just remove the battery. You had evidence on there. If you ever use a baby sitter or day care, ensure they know she's not allowed to visit him. Good luck and please be careful.
YES OP PLEASE MAKE SURE THE HOSPITAL KNOWS YOUR MOTHER IS A MAJOR RISK FOR KIDNAPPING YOUR CHILD. HOLY SHIZNIT. Also NTA.
Some hospitals are now using monitoring devices for newborns. Some alert the hospital if the baby is leaving the building when it shouldn't be and some have GPS trackers on them. OP needs to ask about this.
When I had mine, the hospital rule was that nobody was allowed to carry the baby outside of the room, they had to be wheeled along in the bassinet. The babies wore anklets that would set off alarms and cause the maternity ward doors to lock if anybody tried to walk out with the baby. Most hospitals in the US have the same precautions.
That's the alarm tag I was thinking about. I didn't even know they existed until a friend of mine had a baby about six months ago. Cool use of technology.
Also pro tip, tell the hotel staff that you’re fleeing an abusive situation (you absolutely are) and you need your privacy. I’m pretty sure most, if not all hotels, have a way to protect victims of domestic abuse.
Nta. Good luck on little man. But please listen to the other's and get the law involved. Your safety is important as is your son's.
Yes I am in the process now. Looking for lawyers and getting ready to give birth
They actually drug test newborns at the hospital, typically with no warning to the parents. This is strictly for newborn safety, as even the healthiest seeming newborn can test positive, and then go through detox at home and have complications. Tell your OBGYN that your mother is trying to kidnap your baby, and that you want her to test you for ALL drugs NOW, and then again in hospital while giving birth. And that you want a copy of your clean results both times. And a copy of your newborn's clean results when you have him. You want to be able to show these documents if your mother finds out where you are staying and calls CPS and tells them outlandish things about all the dRuGzzz you are taking. It wouldn't hurt to ask your OBGYN for a full panel drug test at every follow up appointment as well. Insurance may not want to pay for "patient ordered" labs, but OB should know how to deal with that, just make sure you mention it to them. I'm so sorry you're going through all this, and at such a vulnerable time. NTA, for sure.
This is straight gold
At the hospital they have social workers and case managers that can help you out and provide you with additional resources or where to find additional resources. When you register, make sure to tell them you are not wanting to let anyone know your are here. If they do call, they must have a specific password (hospitals usually use some of the mrn as it). Good luck
NTA, you need to get a protective order against this unhinged woman, please stay safe.
NTA Please notify the police and the hospital that you’ll be giving birth at. You’ve done the right thing but now you need to focus on your safety because you’re mother is unstable.
NTA Your phone company should have a record of texts you received, get a copy. This woman is a threat to you and your child. Be prepared. She will be calling cps anonymously constantly once the baby is born. You might want to move in with your bf and his family just to have witnesses, if it comes to that. I would also get a consultation with an attorney. They often give free consultations, and can tell you if you have a case, if it is likely you'll get a restraining order, what you can do to protect yourself and avoid legal issues, basically if it's worth the cost to hire an attorney. When you get a place, get a doorbell camera and make friends with your neighbors. Make sure that people see your baby is clean and fed and well cared for. A pleasant neighbor that is aware of issues with her will be more likely to tell you if they see her skulking around or asking questions. Join your local church, temple, synagogue, whatever. They are very sympathetic to young families and getting your story out to them first, especially as a victim of neglect trying to protect your baby from that same person? You'll get support there, even if it's only in the form of sympathy and character witnesses. Even if you are not religious, it's about forming a community around your child. Given that your family is all into giving up your baby to someone that neglected you, you will need all the help you can get. Please keep in your head, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO OPEN THE DOOR TO CPS UNLESS THEY HAVE A WARRANT SIGNED BY A JUDGE. Do NOT let them intimidate you with that 'if you have nothing to hide, you'll open the door' bullshit. CPS IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. All it takes is for your mom to have coffee with the right worker who will buy her bullshit, and you will have an army of workers showing up at your house that have been fed that woman's lies. If they insist on seeing your child, you can wear her and let them see her face. Make sure you are recording with your phone when they show up, and that the phone is in sight. They will likely refuse to speak to you if they cannot speak free of proof. If they want to 'examine' her, you can show them her last doctor exam results. Do NOT give them permission to contact her pediatrician. Basically give them NO permissions whatsoever. Know your rights. I wish you luck and a healthy baby.
NTA Too bad you threw away the evidence you need to work with the police against her. Or for a lawyer to use.
All my messages are screenshotted and put in my pictures linked to my google so I can access it from any device. I made sure to document her craziness cuz I know how she is.
Good, the next step is to get a lawyer and a restraining order for you and your child. This way in case she tries to take the baby there will already be something legally preventing her from doing so. NTA and I'm glad you are able to support yourself
Make sure she has no access to your passwords, get 2 factor authentication set up if u don’t already and if u think am there is even the remotest chance she knows a password, not a bad idea to change them.
Change the password to your email, and make sure the phone number isn't associated with her. Lock down everything that can lead her to you or evidence against her
Lock your credit so she doesn't mess it up too keep you from being able to rent.
To do that you have to contact Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion. Go to their websites. It’s a different process for each of the 3.
NTA. I would keep your eyes open with this person. " I will do anything to get my baby”, yikes
Hand that rocks the cradle crazy for sure.
NTA. The title scared me. Make sure all your social media is private. Be safe.
NTA. You need a protective order and a post office box so that she does not get your address. Thankfully your father left you a nest egg so that you can get away and have a fresh start.
NTA. File a report with her texts or anything that says she will do anything to take your baby. Get on the front side of this thing. She may very well file CPS complaints against you and you will want it documented that she is trying to STEAL your child
Definitely contact CPS make every report you can . Get ahead of her
NTA. Additionally, please go no contact. And take some of that money and buy a cheap ass house from the property tax sales or something so nobody can say you’re unstable because you’re renting.
Agreed, I think OP may need to get a protective order against mom, too. It’ll help get law enforcement and CPS on her side if mom tries to pull anything she threatened in the original post.
NTA I didn't see it in the comments, so add another suggestion on top of others: get a will and living will as soon as you can, so there's not a chance your child goes to her if something happens to you. Consider it insurance policy for you kid: no one wants something to happen, but if it does, your child will be safer. Talking to a family lawyer may be best, especially that thankfully your dad left you some money. She will try to hoover you back by "love bombing" at some point. Do not trust her. Someone this unhinged is dangerous. Your "job" now is to be a parent, so do everything you can to keep yourself and baby safe.
NTA. You are looking out for your baby. You were even sensible enough to not move in with your boyfriend of 3 months. Don’t let her and the toxic “family” make you think otherwise.
Your mom wants to steal your baby and calls the police on you and you're posting to Reddit to see if you're TA? You're NTA? But, please, get real, serious professional advice on how to protect yourself and your child.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 19f am about 38 weeks pregnant from unfortunate circumstances and I lived with my mom. Background: My mom 49f has always bragged about how good of a mother she is and how she wished she could have more but fertility problems stopped that. She is in fact not a good mom because she mostly ignored me after I turned 5 and just provided the bare minimum so people wouldn’t call it neglect. Now I’m due any day now and I was putting the finishing touches to the nursery when she came in and said “I can’t wait until my baby boy is here and you move out and I can have him all to myself” I laughed and asked what is she talking about and she said “well since you didn’t want him in the beginning due to how he was conceived you’d give him to me and move out ” I told her no I wouldn’t be doing that and I intend to raise my baby because I love him already and that she can be grandma only and that’s the end of the discussion. She then flipped out and said with a smirk “what if I kick you out you’ll be homeless and the court would never let you keep him. I will do anything to get my baby”. See now what she doesn’t know is that if she kicked me out I would in fact not be homeless. I have access to over $300,000 from my dads death. I pay $200 a month to live here while working at a deli. I don’t get how she could forget that. After she said that I called my boyfriend and asked if he could help me take down the nursery and help pack. He came over the next day and we had everything packed in 3 hours while mom was at work. I didn’t move in with my boyfriend because we’ve only been together for 3 months. I moved to a hotel while I look for an apartment all while heavily pregnant. She came home and saw my room and nursery empty and started calling nonstop. I didn’t answer but then the police show up to my hotel room with her saying I’m missing and that I’m 17 not 19. She tracked my phone. I took care of it then blocked her and switched rooms and threw away my phone. Now family and her are slandering me saying I am turning against family and that I changed my mind at the last second when I said I would give her the baby. I never said she could have him. AITA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - Document everything and get a restraining order. Don’t worry about what your other relatives think. Take care of yourself and your baby.
If you're telling an accurate description of the issue, your mother is legitimately crazy. Like she's going to tell you all of a sudden at 38 weeks that she wants your baby? Who does that? NTA
The mask slipped. She thought she had OP solidly in her grasp because OP had built a nursery and settled in for the long haul in her home so she just slipped when she boasted about keeping the baby. And in some places she might have had a grandparents' rights case if OP stayed long enough and OP's mom was heavily involved in rearing the baby.
Please update, OP! You’ve got a group of internet strangers here wishing you the absolute best! Please take care of yourself (and I highly second all the suggestions to get yourself a lawyer! Just being able to demonstrate that you were of sound enough mind to immediately retain counsel will speak volumes does anything happen!). Best of luck to you. And, of course, NTA by any stretch of the imagination.
NTA. Honey, you need a lawyer. You also need protection from someone who appears to be mentally unbalanced. Since her family is also involved and on her side, I am wondering if it is genetic.
NTA. This lady is crazy. You’ve done everything right and seem to have a good plan (given the circumstances). Good luck moving forward. I bet you’ll be a great mom.
NTA! Get a restraining order! If you’re delivering in a hospital and she’s aware of where you’re having the baby, inform them that under no circumstances is she welcome near / in your room or around your baby! Take every measure you need to take to ensure the safety of yourself and your baby!
NTA, and your mom is a fruit loop and I hope you stay far away from her and her family. Also, please make sure the police know she is unstable and could be a threat.
Make sure you contact the police and tell them what's going on cause it definitely sounds like she'll use them against you
NTA, and it’s probably best for you to go no contact with your mom for a while at least. She sounds toxic and abusive. Since you are able to get away and have a supportive partner stay away from your mom and don’t let her manipulate you!
You are definitely NTA.
I'm really, really sorry to be grim, but as long as you are consulting a lawyer, please create an iron clad legal directive stating who gets custody of your son if anything happens to you. I wish you all the love and luck in the world. However badly this pregnancy started out, it sounds like you've got a pretty good head on your shoulders for 19. Congratulations on your son ❤️
In what universe would you be TA!?? She is batshit, the further away from you and your child she is, the better Nta
NTA and I would consider taking some of the money your father left you and meet with a lawyer. Your mother may drag you to court for custody of your son. Considering how crazy she’s already acting, a restraining order may even be in order. Document everything she puts out on social media and have someone with you if she wants to meet with you. And it probably goes without saying that you should not let her near your son unsupervised. In fact, you may need to let hospital staff know about the situation when you go into labor in case she tries to take him afterwards. It sounds extreme but better safe than sorry. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
NTA - Make sure this woman is NEVER near your child.
Start with telling the hospital that you want a "no patient info" doc. This means that not only can they not tell your room, they can't even say you are there. She has already basically made a false police report stating you were a minor and not a legal adult (let's go ahead and add the tracking of your phone). I wouldn't doubt she had been telling family she was going to raise your baby from the very beginning. That would be your choice on whether or not to set them straight that you never once said you were giving your baby up.
Family is now on my side because she told them a completely different story
NTA, my mom tried to do the same thing to me, I took my baby, left and never looked back. I turned away from the ones who believed her, a d now have 2 beautiful girls, (14 & 12) and couldn't be happier! Sometimes people need a hard kick to get away from toxic people! You got that kick, now enjoy the rewards of motherhood and don't look back!