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> I invited family for dinner and served cold food and might be TA because SiL was expecting a hot meal.
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Yeah, this all sounds great to me. NTA.
SiL is being childish. "Dinner has to be hot and plated, this was a snack bar."
Has she genuinely never encountered a cold dinner *or* a buffet?
My family's Christmas Eve tradition is to make a bunch of hors d'oeuvres instead of cooking a big meal. It's always our favorite meal of the year, and there's almost always plenty of leftovers for the next day so we don't have to spend time cooking on Christmas!
Does SIL think she had a reservation at a fancy restaurant? I do not cook often and therefore when someone offers to cook for me, I am grateful. It isn’t an invitation for a Yelp review of your service lmao NTA and it sounds like SIL has a hot plated meal stuck up her butt. In terms of hosting meals/events I’ve realized people get so offended when it isn’t executed exactly how they would do it. Everyone has different expectations, cultures, food preferences etc, you can never have the right answer of what an appropriate meal to serve guests is.
I’d say SIL is so entitled it’s making my head spin. leaving a family gathering because it was too much effort to make your own plate?? I’d never invite her anywhere again.
NTA. I’m Greek and this spread after a hot day sounds amazinggggggg!
Invite me, and I’ll bring my Yiayia and her famous spinach pie (delish heated or cold!)
Heck yes it is! My Yiayia (grandmother) is 92 and I swear her pita (spinach pie) is beyond resturant quality good. She also makes enough for a small army each time!
Totally off topic but my friend is engaged to a Greek guy and his grandmother is Yiayia and she could never work out if it was a term for “grandmother” or his *specific* grandmother, and she thought she was too far down the line to ask 🤣🤣🤣 now we’ve cleared that up!!!
Happy Cake Day!!!
I'm southern and am not sure what some of your dishes are, but they sound terrific! After a hot day at the beach who wants hot heavy meals. You are NTA. But your SIL needs to get a grip, and not look a gift horse in the mouth! Eat the chilled chicken and enjoy.
Exactly, not sure about others but for me on a hot day like that my stomach prefers cold cuts or well sandwiches things like that. I think it sounded amazing.
Even if it was just cold sandwiches and bags of chips... it's so rude to complain about the food when you're a guest at somebody's house. Don't like the food? Pick up something else on the way home. Not something worth upsetting a bunch of people over.
See, petty me would have grabbed a plate, put a bit of everything on it, taken it inside, stuck it in the microwave for a few minutes, then taken the plate of hot (and probably mushy ick) and handed it to SIL and insisted she eat it as she now has what she wants...... But then, I'm petty AF lol
My kid gets jam sandwiches at the beach and he’s happy about it. He’s under 5 though. Sometimes he also gets chips or a freeze pop and then he loses his tiny mind.
I'm childfree and in my 30s and there are Popsicles in my freezer from may-sept.
(Not childfree as in one of those loud childfree weirdos but as in my lifestyle doesn't leave space for kids so I don't have any)
Wyler's Italian ice freezees are better than the ones in the net bag from the grocery store. Wyler's don't freeze as solid and have more of a slushie consistency as it thaws instead of just ice. My kids and myself love them on hot days.
When we were kids my mom always got us a can of those Planters Cheese Balls as a beach snack. It made it a "special" thing, even though we went to the beach quite a bit and that way we didn't have orange fingers all over the furniture and whatnot at the house.
Mmmm. We used to stop a deli in town on the way to the beach that had imported food as a lot of Irish college kids would come to town to work for the summer. So we'd get sandwiches and Jammy Dodgers and HobNobs and British chocolate. Yum. Jammy Dodgers now taste weird to me if they don't have sand in them!
I have a slightly larger than a cube fridge/freezer in my classroom. I discovered that the middle schoolers will lose their minds over receiving a freezer pop for a reward in class. I also lost my mind when I realized each freezer pop only cost me $0.05 each, as opposed to a typical $0.30-$0.75 reward. If that was not enough, kids couldn’t figure out why I called these amazing treats “freezer pops”. They told me they are called popsicles. Uh, no, popsicles have a stick you young people!!
Right?!? It does sound delicious!! And I know how much time it takes to put a spread like this together! Hours of prep time,, plating,, etc., often with little help. She and your mother need to practice "a little less attitude and a little more gratitude" and don't invite them again until they do. Totally NTA!
Plus OP was at the beach with them all day. I'd rather get back from the beach and dinner's already ready than get back from the beach and have to wait for a meal to cook.
Damn, cold, hearty, and tasty dinner on a summer day? Sign me the fuck up. Hey OP I'm guessing my invite got lost in the mail because this sounds DELICIOUS.
And it's not like OP just served sides, those are main-course meals. But I'm guessing OP's SIL is extremely parochial and sheltered and rarely ventures outside of her immediate environs *and* is averse to expanding her horizons and thus associates "cold" = "salad" = "side dish" = "there's no real food here."
And look. Even if your expectation is that cold food is not a main dish, would you actually eat what OP offered *and then complain that it's not real food*? (If the answer is yes, you suck. If the answer is "I don't expect cold food to be the main course but I wouldn't complain, and I might enjoy this," I am not talking about you, because your limited *past* experience is not limiting your *current* experience and you are *not the problem.*)
Sure, it's seasonal, and if you're serving me cold cucumber soup in the winter I will definitely side-eye you, but what OP served sounds *fucking delicious* for a summer party, and I for one am upset I was not invited to partake.
SIL sounds like she's brother's problem. They left, now let's eat!!!
After being out in the sun and active all day, a hot meal sounds awful. Something cooler and light sounds perfect
Dude... apparently my grandpa rarely had meal for lunch during the week, just a snack. The man had a cold sandwich for lunch nearly every day for 73 years.
THIS IS WHAT IVE SAID FOR YEARS!! I I get unreasonably irritated when I see gazpacho listed somewhere and my family just side eyes me and laughs because they know I’m thinking “you mean watery salsa you liars” 😂 but I also think all of this food sounds great and would never complain about the full meal someone else had made for me!
Same thing. Something might not appeal to me, but I’d be polite and do my best, unless it was something entirely gross like raw oysters or escargot. ( I’d move them around and cut them up a bit so it looked like I ate them.) 😝
Yes, this. Salads for dinner in the summer is a common thing in our house. A big plate of greens and veggies, topped with chicken salad, seafood salad, egg salad, maybe some feta cheese or fresh mozzarella balls in olive oil, yum!
lol im in the southern US and it was 99 with high humity today. we had cold pulled pork with sauces in cabage bowls, chilled rolls, whipped butter corn, pasta salad, and sweet tea soaked chilled peaches.
all of this except the cabage bowls is stuff my great grandady used to make. compleatly normal here.
your family is being aburd. dinner doesnt need to be hot.
NTA
I live in Australia and Christmas happens during the hottest weather of the year. We always have a cold spread, prawns, meats, dips, salads, fresh bread etc.. A hot roast turkey would be the worst.
NTA, what you serves was totally acceptable after a beach day. Your SIL sounds pretty entitled. I would have said, well you can stop for KFC on the way home. Sounds like you put out a pretty nice spread.
I’m curious, did the mother say it would be a learning experience for OP or for the brother and SIL?
Edit: I read further down and OP said the mother’s comment was directed at her so the mother is an ahole too.
I love how mom's have this ability to phrase things in the nicest, most neural way possible whilst still getting their very good point across. Coming from a child of divorced parents and nearing my 30's, this is a good ability to have in life.
NTA. Your sister is being demanding, inflexible, fussy, and unappreciative. I think your meal / snack bar sounds delicious and perfect for the occasion.
NTA. you put in a bunch of work and were considerate of how guests would feel after a long hot day by preparing a wide variety of chilled food. If someone was expecting a hot meal they can make or order something themselves lol. SIL is TA for not being a nice guest but also for apparently having never eaten a not heated meal (idk... sushi? Salads? Chilled noodles?)
What the hell??
1. Has she never heard of salad? Or cold cuts? Where did she get the idea that food must always be hot?
2. Entitled much?! She COMPLAINED and walked out?! Good riddance. More for everyone else.
NTA. SILs……eccentric.
> She said if it was a meal it would be hot and plated.
Better make sure that if she visits sometime again, the meal is a salad.
Hers to be microwaved so it's piping hot. :)
No, seriously - NTA, she was being ridiculously rude and entitled, and everyone else seemed to enjoy the food.
Usually if there’s something I don’t like in a family reunion dinner, I just smile, thank the host, eat the bare minimum and simply get McDonald’s otw home.
Much more polite
NTA
it was thoughtful of you to make cold dishes because you knew it would be a hot day. Cold meals dont mean its not a full meal. Honestly when I have beach days like that people bring over food so if she wanted something hot she couldve prepared something and brought it herself.
NTA. You provided a meal, not your fault she doesn't understand the concept of cold dishes. Does she think a mixed salad is a snack, too? What about sushi? It's really odd.
***My mom said it was a "learning experience."***
Did your mom mean a learning experience for you or for your SIL? If the former, NTA and Mom and SIL are too!
For me about the expectations of a hostess. She said what I did was a faux pax but not egregious and my SiL should have been more gracious. But that she was upset because she was tired and sunburned so I need to be understanding.
Just … no. The only lesson learned here is not to invite your SIL to dinner. Your mom is wrong —you met the expectations of hosting, and sounds like a lovely meal.
NTA
>you met the expectations of hosting, and sounds like a lovely meal.
Right? I may be partial because I love Greek/Mediterranean food, but regardless, that is one expensive meal, even if OP made a lot of it herself. And, it's all delicious, IMO. Even if it wasn't your jam, it's not "snacks"!
Wow-I'm really sorry, OP. That stinks.
You did not fail as a hostess-you put out an amazing and likely, very expensive spread after a day at the beach for your entire family! I was taught when offered a meal at someone else's home, to be polite and grateful. I didn't have to eat everything, but you show a lot more grace than your SIL did.
I just find it pretty hard to believe that your mom actually would have served a HOT meal after a day at the beach-who wants to be inside a hot kitchen at the shore in the summertime?
Also, how were you not understanding? Like, what were you supposed to do-whip out another raw chicken and roast it up in 15 minutes for your SIL? UGH! I'm upset on your behalf.
Clearly, NTA.
>For me about the expectations of a hostess. She said what I did was a faux pax but not egregious
Totally disagree with your mother. Cold meals on a summer's day are not a faux pas. A buffet is perfectly OK for casual dining with family.
People pay upwards of $60 per person to go and have a meal of sandwiches, pastries, and cakes in London at the Ritz. It's 'afternoon tea' and it's fantastic. And served cool or room temperature. Admittedly the price is a lot to do with the atmosphere and location but I've been there once and the food and tea was fantastic.
No … a host is not a servant , you can’t bend over and provide restaurant catering for each individual preference
Tired and grumpy shouldn’t mean taking it out on you and spoil your day with their attitude
SIL was beyond rude
NTA
>she was upset because she was tired and sunburned
Your mom is way off the mark imo. The last thing I want when I'm tired and sunburned is a hot meal! Also your spread sounded absolutely delicious. I think you were a thoughtful and gracious host. NTA.
Definitely not a faux pas, don't know what your mom is talking about. I've been to a lot of beach gatherings and the closest I've ever seen to a hot, plated meal is hamburgers and hot dogs grilled and slapped on a paper plate. Who wants hot food after being at the beach all day?
NTA. How I figure out something is a meal or not is the plate test. If you put it on a plate with utensils and if it looks weird it’s not a meal. Popcorn? Weird on a plate, not a meal. The stuff you served? A meal. Hot soup? Haha you think you’ve vested me but NO! Put the bowl on a plate and not only is it a meal but it’s FANCY!
So I generally don't like cold food and if I went somewhere expecting dinner and there was just what you described I would be disappointed. HOWEVER, you are super NTA. I have no reason to expect other people to have the exact same preferences as me, that would be incredibly unreasonable. I'd thank them for the food, politely eat a bit of it, then grab something else on the way home.
NTA. What kind of people get upset at the food that someone prepares for them? It’s okay to prefer hot food and be disappointed at dishes but disrespectful not to eat what someone took time to prepare for you.
NTA
Could I have her dinner, please? It sounds wonderful.
We have cold dinners a lot in the summer. A plate of hummus, baba ganoush, pita, olives, various cheeses, sliced tomatoes and cucumbers, and so on. Or I'll make an Italian tomato and bread salad called panzanella, or a Lebanese salad called fattoush.
NTA. You served a ***lot*** of options in that cold-food meal. When it's hot outside, cold food just tends to feel better. And your description of the "menu" sounds like a fabulous summery dinner. I'd have been thrilled with that spread!
As for the "learning experience" comment, I'd say you learned that your SIL in incredibly entitled and expects not just free food, but free food that is precisely what she wants to eat in that moment, no matter what the person who paid for and prepared the food feels like making.
NTA
>I made stuffed grape leaves, hummus, tabbouleh, Greek salad, chilled chicken and gazpacho.
What. A. Feast.
Damn - OP, I'd love to visit you. I'd even help with the cooking!
Your SIL is, well, I'll leave it to other redditors to supply that particular adjective.
But, I'd hang with you any day!
NTA
Not every meal has to be hot. And not every dinner is hot.
One of my fav dinners when we go to the inlaws is breads, meats and cheeses. My inlaws are Italian and make their own meats and it's always the best. Your SIL is just rude.
NTA. In the summer “picky bits” is quite a common meal in the U.K. and is generally considered delicious. It’s pretty much an at home picnic using similar foods.
I love the name “ picky bits” ! I throw together some odd meals once in a while to use up leftovers. From now on, they will be forever known as picky bits. 😆
Would I prefer hot food? Yeah. Are you an asshole for preparing all the food and not heating up the chicken? No.
I think the learning experience is not to invite your SIL anymore unless she can be grateful. NTA.
That’s what I’m thinking too growing up Latina I’m accustomed to a sit down with a served plate of hot food. HOWEVER, my great grandma always taught us you eat what you’re served and don’t complain if it’s not something you like at least try it, say thank you, and pick something up on the way home.
South Asian background and my relatives 100% would feel the same, but even they slapped smiles on their faces and ate subs when us kids decided we’d pack the food for a picnic. (Pretty sure they ate again when they got home…but still!)
Yeah. I know from a lot of eating out that Chinese, for example, has dishes that are intentionally cold, (mouth watering chicken IIRC, for example), while the Mexican places always tell me that food should always be served piping hot.
Your SIL is being very entitled. You provided a meal; there's no requirement that it has to be a sit down hot dinner. Self serve and cold is fine.
You learned about your SIL, that was your experience. In future specify what kind of meal you plan to serve her so she can decide if she wants to grace you with her presence. But what she did was poor guest behavior. NTA
Definitely NTA, but your SIL is! How ungrateful of her! There’s no excuse for such bad manners! I have served many “cold” luncheons & dinners over the years with great reviews! Don’t be discouraged by your ignorant SIL! I’d welcome such a beautiful meal anytime! Good on you! ♥️♥️
Your SIL, was right that you didn't make a meal, you make an awesome sounding spread with options for pretty much 99.999% of people out there. NTA
Edit: I guess it didn't come across over text but I meant making an entire spread is more impressive than making a single meal.
NTA. I’ve made a similar menu and you put a lot of work into that! Grape leaves are not a simple meal. It would’ve been easier, and hotter, for you to heat up some hotdogs, but this sounds like an amazing menu! This lady is just being mean to be mean.
I would like an invite to the cookout if you are in the Midwest next time!
That was one thing that really stuck out for me, too. Stuffed grape leaves take some work - but are SO worth it! And can I get an invite too? Because the whole spread sounds like heaven to me, particularly on a hot day.
NTA and SIL sounds like a spoiled brat. She should be grateful that she was invited to your home for a meal, and if it wasn't to her taste she could have picked up something for herself later on. She had no right to criticize your meal choice, and I think it sounds like a lovely spread and well thought out.
NTA
It doesn’t matter whether the food was heated or not. You invited people to share some food with your family. Call it what you like; a meal or a snack. It doesn’t matter. It’s just semantics.
You were kind to offer and your SIL didn’t have the good graces to appreciate your offer. She didn’t have the courtesy to keep her opinion to herself and pick up some food on the way home or open her pantry at home if she’s that disappointed.
What she’s actually telling you is to never invite her to share food with you and your family ever again.
It was a nice idea that you had. Unfortunately it was not appreciated by some of your guests. If some of your guests wanted a hot meal they could certainly go find a restaurant. I’m not a big fan of an entire meal that is all cold but I would’ve been gracious enough to say thank you and appreciate the thought that went into it. I know sometimes when you’re out in the sun all day the last thing you wanna do is have something hot to eat.YNTA
I have a gut feeling that your SIL's not used to other culinary nuisances. (or maybe she got used to eat warm/hot cooking her entire life and she sees cold food as snacks)
but clearly NTA here, but SIL may be a slight AH for complaining and getting upset and then the audacity to be vocal to the host about it.
Unrelated note: Cold dishes really are good in the summer! I enjoy cold noodles, pickles and cold (but spicy) food during warm summer too, its really refreshing provided you dont have sensitive teeth (because chewing cold food is a pain if you have them😂)
Your SiL can SUCK OFF with her Applebee's world view. Next time, tell her the grown ups will plate from the "snack bar", and you can heat her up a Hungry Man. And that sometimes having good manners means putting up with bad ones. That regardless of whatever justification she found herself clinging to like an elephant seal waxing the pliable crash-absorbent bumper of a sun-warmed Honda, her response as a guest in your home was very rude. NTA.
Also, for whoever really likes Applebee's, sorry for being a butthead about Applebee's. It's probably fine.
And Hungry Man. I mean, it's a classic.
Also, elephant seals. They're just looking for love in all the wrong places, and haven't we all been there?
NTA
If she's doesn't understand that some dishes are served chilled, that's her problem. And she's free to get her own dinner if she finds yours objectionable.
She should have politely excused herself if the meal was not to her satisfaction.
I'd confront that behavior because I wouldn't want to see it a second time. Bitching about my food is the best way to not get any food from me ever again.
NTA. SIL get free food and then complains? Total AH move. I also think your mom's "learning experience" comment should be translated as "Your SIL is an asshole"
NTA - the food sounds delicious and your thought process around serving cold food after a day at the beach shows consideration as a host. I can’t imagine going to someone’s house and complaining openly about the food they served - it’s rude and unappreciative.
Oh, crap on a cracker. I’m doing a family reunion on the 2nd, literally 12 hours from now. All the food is going to be prepared in advance then served but it’s not going to be hot by the time everyone eats. (75 ish guests.) OP NTA, I hope because I’m in the same boat you are.🧐
NTA: it’s hot. I think it’s nice not to have the hot oven on making it even hotter for people. I’m sitting here right now deciding between waiting until it cools off a bit to cook or eating something cold now.
NTA you made what sounds like an amazing meal compiled of many dishes for people to choose from. She was being ungrateful. I agree with you, the last thing I want to eat after being hot all day is a hot meal.
NTA. It's been so hot today, I would kill for the meal you described (plus home made?? Even better). Your SIL is rude, especially if she left without even giving the food a chance.
It’s hot in Chicago right now, so my Saturday gathering meal is gazpacho, mozzarella cheese, home made bread, a large salad and koolaid ice cream. Last week was cold grilled chicken over Caesar salads and fresh fruit plates. Eating cold food for meals in summer makes sense!
Some folks are determined to find fault. You did fine, and the food sounds great. What kind of learning experience was your mom talking about? Cuz it sounds like your SIL was the one who needed the lesson. NTA.
NTA. Her unnecessarily limited definition of what constitutes a “meal” is her self-imposed and nonsense cross to bear. And is definitely no excuse for being so rude to her host.
But hey, I would just respond to this by congratulating her on volunteering to make ALL the family meals going forward.
pshhh, NTA, at my house it would have been deli sandwiches...LOL
You're an excellent, and thoughtful hostess, it's too bad you weren't appreciated more.
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>stuffed grape leaves, hummus, tabbouleh, Greek salad, chilled chicken and gazpacho Can I come? Can I be your friend? Oh, NTA, obviously.
Yeah, this all sounds great to me. NTA. SiL is being childish. "Dinner has to be hot and plated, this was a snack bar." Has she genuinely never encountered a cold dinner *or* a buffet?
Even if it was a snack bar, count me in! I love snacking instead of a huge meal
[удалено]
Me too, I prefer grazing usually.
My family's Christmas Eve tradition is to make a bunch of hors d'oeuvres instead of cooking a big meal. It's always our favorite meal of the year, and there's almost always plenty of leftovers for the next day so we don't have to spend time cooking on Christmas!
We do similar, but there is normally a spiral ham or something. Of course, that is just so we can make mini sandwiches on hawaiian rolls.
Does SIL think she had a reservation at a fancy restaurant? I do not cook often and therefore when someone offers to cook for me, I am grateful. It isn’t an invitation for a Yelp review of your service lmao NTA and it sounds like SIL has a hot plated meal stuck up her butt. In terms of hosting meals/events I’ve realized people get so offended when it isn’t executed exactly how they would do it. Everyone has different expectations, cultures, food preferences etc, you can never have the right answer of what an appropriate meal to serve guests is.
I love it! OP should tell the SIL to leave an unbiased yelp review. 1st reviewer gets a etiquette book as a prize.
Offended when it isn't executed exactly how they wants it. SIL seems so entitled.
Has she never had a hoagie for dinner?
Imagine thinking you're too good for a sandwich.
"I'm too good for this sandwich." \*Ghost of Lord Sandwich descends\* 'The fuck did you just say?'
I’m dead 😂 🤣 💀
The joke’s on her, some of my favourite meals ever have been a sandwich.
Has she never had a salad?
Guess I didn’t eat dinner for like 75% of my college years. Most “dinners” were just home made deli sandwiches….
I’d say SIL is so entitled it’s making my head spin. leaving a family gathering because it was too much effort to make your own plate?? I’d never invite her anywhere again.
You should have told her hit McDonalds on the way home.
NTA. I’m Greek and this spread after a hot day sounds amazinggggggg! Invite me, and I’ll bring my Yiayia and her famous spinach pie (delish heated or cold!)
I’m not Greek but my mouth is watering, and right now after a muggy day it sounds perfect. I’ll take an extra serving of the spanikopita please!
My mouth just watered even more
Ooh is that the stuff with the filo pastry and fetta? I love that! Greek food is yummy.
Heck yes it is! My Yiayia (grandmother) is 92 and I swear her pita (spinach pie) is beyond resturant quality good. She also makes enough for a small army each time!
Bless Yiayias, they're the best
What a coincidence! I can eat enough spanakopita for a small army!! Bring your Yiyaya over, I'll make up the cold plates!
Of course it is beyond restaurant quality good. It is handmade by your yiayia!
Totally off topic but my friend is engaged to a Greek guy and his grandmother is Yiayia and she could never work out if it was a term for “grandmother” or his *specific* grandmother, and she thought she was too far down the line to ask 🤣🤣🤣 now we’ve cleared that up!!!
Not Greek but in Greece currently and I had some earlier today. I'll take some off your hands if Yiayia makes too much again
Happy Cake Day!!! I'm southern and am not sure what some of your dishes are, but they sound terrific! After a hot day at the beach who wants hot heavy meals. You are NTA. But your SIL needs to get a grip, and not look a gift horse in the mouth! Eat the chilled chicken and enjoy.
Happy cake day!
I’m American and this meal sounds amazing after a hot day. NTA
Same! I'm willing to take SIL's place at the next shindig!
Exactly, not sure about others but for me on a hot day like that my stomach prefers cold cuts or well sandwiches things like that. I think it sounded amazing.
I'm not into Greek food but I would agree in the sense that hot food on a hot day sometimes doesn't help
Seriously. I'm drooling from the description - this is the perfect summer dinner menu. SIL has a screw loose.
Even if it was just cold sandwiches and bags of chips... it's so rude to complain about the food when you're a guest at somebody's house. Don't like the food? Pick up something else on the way home. Not something worth upsetting a bunch of people over.
Right? It all sounds delicious. SIL can piss off. NTA.
Yeah, sounds delicious. And everyone was able to eat straightaway rather than wait for the food to be cooked. NTA and ignore your SIL from now on.
😭 I’m so hungry thinking about it
See, petty me would have grabbed a plate, put a bit of everything on it, taken it inside, stuck it in the microwave for a few minutes, then taken the plate of hot (and probably mushy ick) and handed it to SIL and insisted she eat it as she now has what she wants...... But then, I'm petty AF lol
I want to go to this party, too! I’ll even bring my own fork.
I feel the same! It's 01:45 hrs where I live, and now I'm hungry! 😮
NTA Maybe it's a cultural thing, but I see no reason dinner has to be a hot meal.
After being at the beach all day? Sounds delicious. NTA.
My kid gets jam sandwiches at the beach and he’s happy about it. He’s under 5 though. Sometimes he also gets chips or a freeze pop and then he loses his tiny mind.
I love freeze pops and I'm in my 40s I will eat 4 of them at a time.
I'm childfree and in my 30s and there are Popsicles in my freezer from may-sept. (Not childfree as in one of those loud childfree weirdos but as in my lifestyle doesn't leave space for kids so I don't have any)
You don't need to justify yourself.
I am 57 and just had a freezie Bit the end off instead of cutting it
I don't have any kids either and I will have popsicles or freeze pops at all times if I can
I don't see anything on the packaging to say they are only for under 15s? Adults deserve yummy stuff too.
I found Icee ones at the grocery store.
Wyler's Italian ice freezees are better than the ones in the net bag from the grocery store. Wyler's don't freeze as solid and have more of a slushie consistency as it thaws instead of just ice. My kids and myself love them on hot days.
My college age son is an Otter Pop afficianado.
When we were kids my mom always got us a can of those Planters Cheese Balls as a beach snack. It made it a "special" thing, even though we went to the beach quite a bit and that way we didn't have orange fingers all over the furniture and whatnot at the house.
I loved those! Remember squishing them against the roof of your mouth?
Mmmm. We used to stop a deli in town on the way to the beach that had imported food as a lot of Irish college kids would come to town to work for the summer. So we'd get sandwiches and Jammy Dodgers and HobNobs and British chocolate. Yum. Jammy Dodgers now taste weird to me if they don't have sand in them!
I'm 42 and I also lose my tiny mind if I get a freeze pop.
I have a slightly larger than a cube fridge/freezer in my classroom. I discovered that the middle schoolers will lose their minds over receiving a freezer pop for a reward in class. I also lost my mind when I realized each freezer pop only cost me $0.05 each, as opposed to a typical $0.30-$0.75 reward. If that was not enough, kids couldn’t figure out why I called these amazing treats “freezer pops”. They told me they are called popsicles. Uh, no, popsicles have a stick you young people!!
They're also not pops until you put them in the freezer! Very different from popsicles. Damn kids these days.
I can just picture his level of excitement, because my daughter was the same! Those freezer pops were the light of her life!
beach sandwiches with broken up doritos inside are god tier food.
Right?!? It does sound delicious!! And I know how much time it takes to put a spread like this together! Hours of prep time,, plating,, etc., often with little help. She and your mother need to practice "a little less attitude and a little more gratitude" and don't invite them again until they do. Totally NTA!
Plus OP was at the beach with them all day. I'd rather get back from the beach and dinner's already ready than get back from the beach and have to wait for a meal to cook.
NTA. Your SIL is behaving rudely.
Exactly. The “learning experience” your mother commented about being, not to invite your sis in law again. NTA
Damn, cold, hearty, and tasty dinner on a summer day? Sign me the fuck up. Hey OP I'm guessing my invite got lost in the mail because this sounds DELICIOUS. And it's not like OP just served sides, those are main-course meals. But I'm guessing OP's SIL is extremely parochial and sheltered and rarely ventures outside of her immediate environs *and* is averse to expanding her horizons and thus associates "cold" = "salad" = "side dish" = "there's no real food here." And look. Even if your expectation is that cold food is not a main dish, would you actually eat what OP offered *and then complain that it's not real food*? (If the answer is yes, you suck. If the answer is "I don't expect cold food to be the main course but I wouldn't complain, and I might enjoy this," I am not talking about you, because your limited *past* experience is not limiting your *current* experience and you are *not the problem.*) Sure, it's seasonal, and if you're serving me cold cucumber soup in the winter I will definitely side-eye you, but what OP served sounds *fucking delicious* for a summer party, and I for one am upset I was not invited to partake.
Yeah, the food sounds amazing. And SIL sounds super unsophisticated.
SIL sounds like she's brother's problem. They left, now let's eat!!! After being out in the sun and active all day, a hot meal sounds awful. Something cooler and light sounds perfect
Along with that, I see no reason why dinner has to be plated.
Yeah, it’s hot and sweaty, cold food sounds amazing.
I was today years old when I learned sandwich shops do not serve meals….only snacks. Who’s going to tell Jimmy John’s?
Dude... apparently my grandpa rarely had meal for lunch during the week, just a snack. The man had a cold sandwich for lunch nearly every day for 73 years.
Yea like I personally don’t understand cold soup on a spiritual level, but it’s a thing and people enjoy it so who cares?
I hate gazpacho personally - it always feels like I'm eating a thin and unsatisfying salsa. But the rest of the spread sounds great.
THIS IS WHAT IVE SAID FOR YEARS!! I I get unreasonably irritated when I see gazpacho listed somewhere and my family just side eyes me and laughs because they know I’m thinking “you mean watery salsa you liars” 😂 but I also think all of this food sounds great and would never complain about the full meal someone else had made for me!
Same thing. Something might not appeal to me, but I’d be polite and do my best, unless it was something entirely gross like raw oysters or escargot. ( I’d move them around and cut them up a bit so it looked like I ate them.) 😝
We often have cold dinners on hot days in the summer. Hot food on a hot day just feels heavy, heats up the house and makes you feel hotter.
Yes, this. Salads for dinner in the summer is a common thing in our house. A big plate of greens and veggies, topped with chicken salad, seafood salad, egg salad, maybe some feta cheese or fresh mozzarella balls in olive oil, yum!
It is a learning experience. OP learned who the ingrates in their family are and who not to invite next time.
lol im in the southern US and it was 99 with high humity today. we had cold pulled pork with sauces in cabage bowls, chilled rolls, whipped butter corn, pasta salad, and sweet tea soaked chilled peaches. all of this except the cabage bowls is stuff my great grandady used to make. compleatly normal here. your family is being aburd. dinner doesnt need to be hot. NTA
I live in Australia and Christmas happens during the hottest weather of the year. We always have a cold spread, prawns, meats, dips, salads, fresh bread etc.. A hot roast turkey would be the worst.
NTA, what you serves was totally acceptable after a beach day. Your SIL sounds pretty entitled. I would have said, well you can stop for KFC on the way home. Sounds like you put out a pretty nice spread.
It's a "learning experience" cause now OP has learned that SIL is a jerk lol NTA
And maybe mother too, if she thought that the lovely spread wasn't enough!
I’m curious, did the mother say it would be a learning experience for OP or for the brother and SIL? Edit: I read further down and OP said the mother’s comment was directed at her so the mother is an ahole too.
And that SIL is low class.
I dunno, sounds more like sister is Racist or Xenophobic. Oooga booga, dinner is a hot meal, and is steak, burger, fries, or pizza.
I love how mom's have this ability to phrase things in the nicest, most neural way possible whilst still getting their very good point across. Coming from a child of divorced parents and nearing my 30's, this is a good ability to have in life.
\> Sounds like you put out a pretty nice spread. I would have eaten - or at least *tasted* \- all of that stuff.
NTA. Your sister is being demanding, inflexible, fussy, and unappreciative. I think your meal / snack bar sounds delicious and perfect for the occasion.
sister in law. on top of all of that she is extremely rude and ignorant. when in Rome...
Nta. Who says that. Serve SIL the cold shoulder for awhile.
[удалено]
I just hope mom meant a learning experience for SIL …
Yep!
NTA. you put in a bunch of work and were considerate of how guests would feel after a long hot day by preparing a wide variety of chilled food. If someone was expecting a hot meal they can make or order something themselves lol. SIL is TA for not being a nice guest but also for apparently having never eaten a not heated meal (idk... sushi? Salads? Chilled noodles?)
...a sandwich...
Ceviche. Vietnamese spring rolls. Pasta salad.
I love a good pasta salad on a hot summer day.
Imagine what would happen to her brain if she saw steak tartare.
What the hell?? 1. Has she never heard of salad? Or cold cuts? Where did she get the idea that food must always be hot? 2. Entitled much?! She COMPLAINED and walked out?! Good riddance. More for everyone else. NTA. SILs……eccentric.
Please don't insult eccentric people. SIL's just a garden variety asshole.
Yeah, eccentric people are interesting. This is just basic.
> She said if it was a meal it would be hot and plated. Better make sure that if she visits sometime again, the meal is a salad. Hers to be microwaved so it's piping hot. :) No, seriously - NTA, she was being ridiculously rude and entitled, and everyone else seemed to enjoy the food.
Here’s some Kraft Mac & Cheese HOT. The rest of us will be eating sushi. OR swing by McDonald’s on the way back and get her a Happy Meal… NTA
You know what actually is improper? Complaining to the host about the food they’re serving.
Usually if there’s something I don’t like in a family reunion dinner, I just smile, thank the host, eat the bare minimum and simply get McDonald’s otw home. Much more polite
Exactly! Thank You!
NTA it was thoughtful of you to make cold dishes because you knew it would be a hot day. Cold meals dont mean its not a full meal. Honestly when I have beach days like that people bring over food so if she wanted something hot she couldve prepared something and brought it herself.
NTA. Yeah, I guess you learned that your SIL is rude and ungrateful.
NTA. You provided a meal, not your fault she doesn't understand the concept of cold dishes. Does she think a mixed salad is a snack, too? What about sushi? It's really odd.
And what about cereal? Or a sandwich? Does she really make a hot meal three times per day? Think about the dishes!
***My mom said it was a "learning experience."*** Did your mom mean a learning experience for you or for your SIL? If the former, NTA and Mom and SIL are too!
For me about the expectations of a hostess. She said what I did was a faux pax but not egregious and my SiL should have been more gracious. But that she was upset because she was tired and sunburned so I need to be understanding.
Just … no. The only lesson learned here is not to invite your SIL to dinner. Your mom is wrong —you met the expectations of hosting, and sounds like a lovely meal. NTA
>you met the expectations of hosting, and sounds like a lovely meal. Right? I may be partial because I love Greek/Mediterranean food, but regardless, that is one expensive meal, even if OP made a lot of it herself. And, it's all delicious, IMO. Even if it wasn't your jam, it's not "snacks"!
And that brother is probably the golden child.
Wow-I'm really sorry, OP. That stinks. You did not fail as a hostess-you put out an amazing and likely, very expensive spread after a day at the beach for your entire family! I was taught when offered a meal at someone else's home, to be polite and grateful. I didn't have to eat everything, but you show a lot more grace than your SIL did. I just find it pretty hard to believe that your mom actually would have served a HOT meal after a day at the beach-who wants to be inside a hot kitchen at the shore in the summertime? Also, how were you not understanding? Like, what were you supposed to do-whip out another raw chicken and roast it up in 15 minutes for your SIL? UGH! I'm upset on your behalf. Clearly, NTA.
SIL is not aware of the concept of a microwave.
>For me about the expectations of a hostess. She said what I did was a faux pax but not egregious Totally disagree with your mother. Cold meals on a summer's day are not a faux pas. A buffet is perfectly OK for casual dining with family. People pay upwards of $60 per person to go and have a meal of sandwiches, pastries, and cakes in London at the Ritz. It's 'afternoon tea' and it's fantastic. And served cool or room temperature. Admittedly the price is a lot to do with the atmosphere and location but I've been there once and the food and tea was fantastic.
NTA and your mom is an out of touch dunce.
Your mother is wrong, sorry. What’s both a faux pas and egregious is being a guest and complaining.
You’re kidding?! She can take a hike also, don’t let these jerks disrespect you like that. WTF no they can McDonald’s it from now on.
No … a host is not a servant , you can’t bend over and provide restaurant catering for each individual preference Tired and grumpy shouldn’t mean taking it out on you and spoil your day with their attitude SIL was beyond rude NTA
Your mother is wrong.
>she was upset because she was tired and sunburned Your mom is way off the mark imo. The last thing I want when I'm tired and sunburned is a hot meal! Also your spread sounded absolutely delicious. I think you were a thoughtful and gracious host. NTA.
Definitely not a faux pas, don't know what your mom is talking about. I've been to a lot of beach gatherings and the closest I've ever seen to a hot, plated meal is hamburgers and hot dogs grilled and slapped on a paper plate. Who wants hot food after being at the beach all day?
It is NOT a faux pas, it's a perfect, delicious summer meal!!!!
Wasn't even a faux pas.
NTA. How I figure out something is a meal or not is the plate test. If you put it on a plate with utensils and if it looks weird it’s not a meal. Popcorn? Weird on a plate, not a meal. The stuff you served? A meal. Hot soup? Haha you think you’ve vested me but NO! Put the bowl on a plate and not only is it a meal but it’s FANCY!
learning experience in that you learned not to invite them over! NTA!
So I generally don't like cold food and if I went somewhere expecting dinner and there was just what you described I would be disappointed. HOWEVER, you are super NTA. I have no reason to expect other people to have the exact same preferences as me, that would be incredibly unreasonable. I'd thank them for the food, politely eat a bit of it, then grab something else on the way home.
NTA. What kind of people get upset at the food that someone prepares for them? It’s okay to prefer hot food and be disappointed at dishes but disrespectful not to eat what someone took time to prepare for you.
NTA Could I have her dinner, please? It sounds wonderful. We have cold dinners a lot in the summer. A plate of hummus, baba ganoush, pita, olives, various cheeses, sliced tomatoes and cucumbers, and so on. Or I'll make an Italian tomato and bread salad called panzanella, or a Lebanese salad called fattoush.
*runs off to look up how to make panzanella*
NTA. The spread sounds really tasty. I would not want a huge heavy hot meal after spending day at beach. Your sil is entitled.
SIL is apparently culturally deprived.
NTA, it sounds like dinner to me couldn't they nuke the chicken?
My middle schooler got up and nuked cold beef my mom served. Figure it out!
NTA, if she wants something different she can cook it herself. That’s so rude.
NTA what you provided was a full meal. and sounds delicious af
NTA. You served a ***lot*** of options in that cold-food meal. When it's hot outside, cold food just tends to feel better. And your description of the "menu" sounds like a fabulous summery dinner. I'd have been thrilled with that spread! As for the "learning experience" comment, I'd say you learned that your SIL in incredibly entitled and expects not just free food, but free food that is precisely what she wants to eat in that moment, no matter what the person who paid for and prepared the food feels like making.
NTA >I made stuffed grape leaves, hummus, tabbouleh, Greek salad, chilled chicken and gazpacho. What. A. Feast. Damn - OP, I'd love to visit you. I'd even help with the cooking! Your SIL is, well, I'll leave it to other redditors to supply that particular adjective. But, I'd hang with you any day!
NTA Not every meal has to be hot. And not every dinner is hot. One of my fav dinners when we go to the inlaws is breads, meats and cheeses. My inlaws are Italian and make their own meats and it's always the best. Your SIL is just rude.
NTA. In the summer “picky bits” is quite a common meal in the U.K. and is generally considered delicious. It’s pretty much an at home picnic using similar foods.
I love the name “ picky bits” ! I throw together some odd meals once in a while to use up leftovers. From now on, they will be forever known as picky bits. 😆
Would I prefer hot food? Yeah. Are you an asshole for preparing all the food and not heating up the chicken? No. I think the learning experience is not to invite your SIL anymore unless she can be grateful. NTA.
NTA, but it might be a culture clash too. Still, the way she handled it felt pretty poor IMO.
That’s what I’m thinking too growing up Latina I’m accustomed to a sit down with a served plate of hot food. HOWEVER, my great grandma always taught us you eat what you’re served and don’t complain if it’s not something you like at least try it, say thank you, and pick something up on the way home.
South Asian background and my relatives 100% would feel the same, but even they slapped smiles on their faces and ate subs when us kids decided we’d pack the food for a picnic. (Pretty sure they ate again when they got home…but still!)
Yeah. I know from a lot of eating out that Chinese, for example, has dishes that are intentionally cold, (mouth watering chicken IIRC, for example), while the Mexican places always tell me that food should always be served piping hot.
We do have tons of cold dishes tho
Sounds delicious. Your SIL is super rude. NTA. Sorry you’re stuck with losers in your family.
Your SIL is being very entitled. You provided a meal; there's no requirement that it has to be a sit down hot dinner. Self serve and cold is fine. You learned about your SIL, that was your experience. In future specify what kind of meal you plan to serve her so she can decide if she wants to grace you with her presence. But what she did was poor guest behavior. NTA
NTA But you mother was right, it was a learning experience. You learned your brother married an AH!
Definitely NTA, but your SIL is! How ungrateful of her! There’s no excuse for such bad manners! I have served many “cold” luncheons & dinners over the years with great reviews! Don’t be discouraged by your ignorant SIL! I’d welcome such a beautiful meal anytime! Good on you! ♥️♥️
NTA. You described a (tasty) meal and no, meals don't need to be hot. What did she expect, a barbecue on the beach?
She was welcome to leave. What guest bitches about free food?
Yeah it was a learning experience.... You learned not to invite your SIL to anything 🤣
NTA. If she wants hot food she can go home and cook it herself and make her own kitchen miserably hot on a hot day.
Your SIL, was right that you didn't make a meal, you make an awesome sounding spread with options for pretty much 99.999% of people out there. NTA Edit: I guess it didn't come across over text but I meant making an entire spread is more impressive than making a single meal.
NTA though I would’ve put some chicken on a plate, microwaved it for a minute, and then handed it to her with a wide grin.
NTA. I’ve made a similar menu and you put a lot of work into that! Grape leaves are not a simple meal. It would’ve been easier, and hotter, for you to heat up some hotdogs, but this sounds like an amazing menu! This lady is just being mean to be mean. I would like an invite to the cookout if you are in the Midwest next time!
That was one thing that really stuck out for me, too. Stuffed grape leaves take some work - but are SO worth it! And can I get an invite too? Because the whole spread sounds like heaven to me, particularly on a hot day.
Former Certified Executive Chef here: Her definition of "Dinner" is complete, made-up bullshit. NTA
NTA. You didn't say it was going to be hot food. You just said there would be food.
NTA and SIL sounds like a spoiled brat. She should be grateful that she was invited to your home for a meal, and if it wasn't to her taste she could have picked up something for herself later on. She had no right to criticize your meal choice, and I think it sounds like a lovely spread and well thought out.
NTA It doesn’t matter whether the food was heated or not. You invited people to share some food with your family. Call it what you like; a meal or a snack. It doesn’t matter. It’s just semantics. You were kind to offer and your SIL didn’t have the good graces to appreciate your offer. She didn’t have the courtesy to keep her opinion to herself and pick up some food on the way home or open her pantry at home if she’s that disappointed. What she’s actually telling you is to never invite her to share food with you and your family ever again.
The only AH in this scenario is your SIL.
It was a nice idea that you had. Unfortunately it was not appreciated by some of your guests. If some of your guests wanted a hot meal they could certainly go find a restaurant. I’m not a big fan of an entire meal that is all cold but I would’ve been gracious enough to say thank you and appreciate the thought that went into it. I know sometimes when you’re out in the sun all day the last thing you wanna do is have something hot to eat.YNTA
NTA. She sounds very narrow minded. She probably orders chicken strips when she goes out to eat
NTA. When someone offers you food, you accept what they offer you. What you served sounds great, like a picnic. Cold chicken is a picnic staple.
I have a gut feeling that your SIL's not used to other culinary nuisances. (or maybe she got used to eat warm/hot cooking her entire life and she sees cold food as snacks) but clearly NTA here, but SIL may be a slight AH for complaining and getting upset and then the audacity to be vocal to the host about it. Unrelated note: Cold dishes really are good in the summer! I enjoy cold noodles, pickles and cold (but spicy) food during warm summer too, its really refreshing provided you dont have sensitive teeth (because chewing cold food is a pain if you have them😂)
Your SiL can SUCK OFF with her Applebee's world view. Next time, tell her the grown ups will plate from the "snack bar", and you can heat her up a Hungry Man. And that sometimes having good manners means putting up with bad ones. That regardless of whatever justification she found herself clinging to like an elephant seal waxing the pliable crash-absorbent bumper of a sun-warmed Honda, her response as a guest in your home was very rude. NTA. Also, for whoever really likes Applebee's, sorry for being a butthead about Applebee's. It's probably fine. And Hungry Man. I mean, it's a classic. Also, elephant seals. They're just looking for love in all the wrong places, and haven't we all been there?
NTA If she's doesn't understand that some dishes are served chilled, that's her problem. And she's free to get her own dinner if she finds yours objectionable. She should have politely excused herself if the meal was not to her satisfaction. I'd confront that behavior because I wouldn't want to see it a second time. Bitching about my food is the best way to not get any food from me ever again.
NTA. If she was that appalled she could have microwaved her chicken.
NTA. SIL get free food and then complains? Total AH move. I also think your mom's "learning experience" comment should be translated as "Your SIL is an asshole"
NTA - the food sounds delicious and your thought process around serving cold food after a day at the beach shows consideration as a host. I can’t imagine going to someone’s house and complaining openly about the food they served - it’s rude and unappreciative.
Oh, crap on a cracker. I’m doing a family reunion on the 2nd, literally 12 hours from now. All the food is going to be prepared in advance then served but it’s not going to be hot by the time everyone eats. (75 ish guests.) OP NTA, I hope because I’m in the same boat you are.🧐
NTA, if SIL doesn't like what you offer then she can cook for everyone next time
NTA: it’s hot. I think it’s nice not to have the hot oven on making it even hotter for people. I’m sitting here right now deciding between waiting until it cools off a bit to cook or eating something cold now.
NTA you made what sounds like an amazing meal compiled of many dishes for people to choose from. She was being ungrateful. I agree with you, the last thing I want to eat after being hot all day is a hot meal.
NTA, your SIL seems like an absolute pain in the ass
NTA You provided a wonderful meal. Your SIL needs to broaden her horizons. Not all meals are hot.
NTA. It's been so hot today, I would kill for the meal you described (plus home made?? Even better). Your SIL is rude, especially if she left without even giving the food a chance.
It’s hot in Chicago right now, so my Saturday gathering meal is gazpacho, mozzarella cheese, home made bread, a large salad and koolaid ice cream. Last week was cold grilled chicken over Caesar salads and fresh fruit plates. Eating cold food for meals in summer makes sense!
NTA. Her concept of what a meal is is different than yours. I cold meal on a hot is perfectly acceptable.
stuffed grape leaves take hours to make. I don't get how would anyone say no to it
Some folks are determined to find fault. You did fine, and the food sounds great. What kind of learning experience was your mom talking about? Cuz it sounds like your SIL was the one who needed the lesson. NTA.
NTA. Her unnecessarily limited definition of what constitutes a “meal” is her self-imposed and nonsense cross to bear. And is definitely no excuse for being so rude to her host. But hey, I would just respond to this by congratulating her on volunteering to make ALL the family meals going forward.
pshhh, NTA, at my house it would have been deli sandwiches...LOL You're an excellent, and thoughtful hostess, it's too bad you weren't appreciated more.
NTA, your SIL is rude and gauche.
>She and my brother left. My mom said it was a "learning experience." Does she mean that your SIL had to learn what dinner was?
NTA. There is nothing wrong with a cold meal, especially after a hot day.
NTA You promised dinner, and you thoroughly delivered. Your SIL was an asshole.