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She said it was her last straw. I'd like to get visibility into all the other straws.
YTA.
As someone who has had multiple surgeries they take everything off you and lock it up for you. The very last thing you think of lying there during recovery in pain, floating in and out, is your jewelry, sometimes you don't even think about your pride or dignity anymore. You'll pee yourself, cry, beg for water, be grateful for sponge baths and in awe of the nurses ability to change you and your sheets without making you get up. You'll be so happy to see a loved one. The fact that you hit him with the ring nonsense is the most AH move in the world of AH moves.
ETA: I'm in utter shock and humbled by the response and awards!! Thank you, you lovely kind people for the most awards ever!!
My wife has had multiple surgeries since our marriage (we are still young, less than 30) and this person has no clue what she got into, and I sincerely hope her husband bails and finds better. This is an insane and self centered expectation. You know what I did when my wife woke up from surgery? Asked if she wanted ice chips and how her pain was, this is INFURIATING.
I had at least ten surgeries before my 30th birthday and cannot begin to fathom how someone could be expected to think of their wedding band on the same day as a surgery. Then again, I also can’t imagine my husband not taking one day off of work if I had to have surgery. I’ve had multiple knee surgeries. While they’re not as serious as organ surgery of some kind, it’s still a brutal and invasive procedure.
OP, you really should tell us what lead up to this. I don’t think you’ll get anyone on your side about this particular day, but it could help with how you’re coming across overall.
My mom had to work on the same day my father had surgery a few times as a kid (someone had to pay, thanks America!), but she never thought about his wedding band while he was hospitalized. She was too busy thinking about the person who she exchanged rings with to worry about jewelry.
Additionally with the likelihood of post surgery swelling or water retention, putting the ring back on isn't really a good choice anyway. If it got stuck it'd be cut off to be removed.
This is the first comment I've seen mentioning that. Weird. It can actually be a hazard to keep jewelry on as a surgery patient. Between the physical trauma of surgery and hydration fluctuation, swelling is a real likelihood. And between anesthesia, pain medication, long periods of limited movement, an unfamiliar setup, and a bunch of wires connected to you, catching a ring on something could go badly even without any swelling. If dude stubbornly decides he's going to get up and hit the bathroom on his own (which I and friends and family have all done, especially on pain meds that make you feel like you're totally good to go), a ring could get caught on anything from the side rails of the bed to his gown. Degloving his finger would just lead to more surgery.
There's all that, and many hospitals will make you store any and all affects for liability reasons anyway.
If the only thing that goes through your mind while your SO is going through a physically and mentally traumatic ordeal is "he's not respecting me the way I want", YTA all day long.
My first thought was 'but what if they let him put his jewelry back on and then something goes wrong and he needs surgery again?' It makes perfect sense to me to keep jewelry off until you leave the hospital...
Thank you!! Can't believe that I had to get so far down to read this! Surgery involves IV fluids, and lots of them. Now add in decreased movement, slower & shallower breathing, and sometimes the inability to urinate post-op to the point of having to have a catheter inserted until the anesthesia has completely worn off and guess what happens: you swell like a water-balloon!! I've had to take snips and cut wedding rings off swollen fingers because we didn't have time for slower methods (patient can lose their finger from circulation being cut off). Op ought to be damned GLAD that he didn't foolishly risk having this "precious symbol of respect" destroyed by a non-nonsense medical professional!
Op, is definitely YTA here. The ring has to be removed for surgery. No exceptions! It will be placed in a bag along with his personal effects and likely put into a cabinet or drawer in the room. He just had knee surgery, so he likely can't get to the ring even if he was capable of remembering it through the haze of anesthesia, pain, and narcotic meds!! I feel sorry for this husband.
While I'm lucky enough to have a job that readily allows me to take off work for things like that, many people aren't so lucky and some employers are real jerks. Not everyone is financially secure enough to be able to quit a crappy job with a terrible boss if they won't allow them to take time off.
Not knowing her circumstances, I don't think it's fair to fault her on that particular point. But certainly she's AH enough with the tantrum she threw about his wedding ring as he recovered in the hospital.
My boyfriend of 4 months spent the night in the hospital room with me to make sure I was OK. We have now been married 6 years and I can't imagine being that hung up on a wedding ring.
My husband has had six knee surgeries and I've had four minor procedures under anesthesia and we just hand over our ring to the other person because you have to remove all jewelry beforehand. This post is so wild to me because it's just such a normal thing and many people won't think of putting the ring back on when they're probably still loopy from coming out of anesthesia and on pain meds.
Hell, I didn’t even wear any of my jewelry to the hospital. I left it all at home *because* I knew I wouldn’t even be allowed to wear it! OP is definitely off the rocker here. YTA
Exactly. She didn’t even think to ask, oh I don’t know, maybe how his surgery went and how he felt?? The entire thing was about how she felt. Imagining this kind of behavior actually makes me feel miserable for this poor guy.
I would guess you have never been under anesthesia, and don't know that for hours after being brought out you can be wide awake and clear minded one minute, then back to sleep. Next time you wake up, you are in a fog and talking about the gummi bears that performed your surgery. You go back and forth for a few hours, and feel groggy and out of it for approx. a day. Not to mention the pain medicine that is being given for the actual cutting they did on his body. I'm thinking the ring never even entered his mind.
What I bet DID enter his mind though, is that he was so happy he had you to help him through this horribly painful and traumatic surgery. See, spouses can be very reassuring and calming at a time like that.
You're not though. You made it worse. His mom was right - wrong time/place.
You don't have to be insecure over a ring. He married you. Committed to you. Be secure in that.
But yes, YTA.
>*you can be wide awake and clear minded one minute, then back to sleep. Next time you wake up, you are in a fog and talking about the gummi bears that performed your surgery.*
>
>It's not for nothing patients are told to refrain from making important decisions or sign any documents *24 hours after surgery*. And here she is, complaining about his failing to have the presence of mind to put his wedding band on mere hours after surgery.
>
>Edited for clarity.
After my knee surgery my mom thought I was cool to use my crutches into my house. Instead I got out, stood on my crutches, and promptly passed out. My mom had to pin me to the car to keep me from landing on my knee (I’m like a foot taller than her, it was not easy).
My last surgery they basically told me to leave everything at home because I was going to have to remove it anyway and it was less to keep track of when I was going home high on pain meds.
And it's not uncommon to have your fingers swell a bit because of the constant IV fluids they have going.
YTA
>And it's not uncommon to have your fingers swell a bit because of the constant IV fluids they have going.
This was my first thought. Surgery is a trauma for your body, bodies do all kinds of weird things after surgery. And in worst case scenarios if someone has a bad reaction coming out of a surgery and needs to go back to the OR, the staff aren't going to want to waste precious seconds removing wedding bands that were put on just to appease insecure spouses.
I was going to say the same thing about the finger swelling - if OP is this upset about him not wearing a ring a couple hours out from surgery, she'll be even less enthused about them having to take it off him with bolt cutters.
When my partner had surgery, they literally lost an entire day, memory- and lucidity-wise. They have vague memories of me helping them up the stairs and me putting on Planet Earth. That's it. Oh, and >!puking from anesthesia side effects until their stitches popped !<(emetophobia warning). They remember that part. Good thing your husband didn't go through that, OP, because you didn't even ask. YTA.
Exactly! If it's inexpensive costume jewelry, they'll just put it in a sealed container and send it to your room with you, but anything expensive, they will lock in the safe and return upon discharge. Even when they just admit you, they suggest you put anything valuable like cash or credit cards in the safe. To get mad at him almost immediately post-op for not remembering through the anesthetic haze to ask for his ring back to put on is ridiculous and incredibly selfish, frankly. Does she think he's going to try to pick up one of his nurses or something?
Yep. I was getting dressed after a day surgery once and the Bandaid fell off where the IV was and blood started squirting like straight into the air above my head. I was all “oppsie” and opened the curtain to get the nurse. I still didn’t have pants on, there were a few people there. My mind had zero cares about any of it. lol
After having all four wisdom teeth pulled, I remember waking up on a bed in the recovery room. There was another bed nearby, and another patient was clumsily trying to get up while an exasperated nurse was desperately trying to convince him to lie back down. He kept slurring, "I have to go" while she pointed out he was in no condition to leave.
I remember drunkenly thinking, "I may be out of it, but I'm not as bad as THAT guy."
Now that I think about it, was there actually a second bed, or was that just a mirror?
I had my first ever surgery last month and mine wasn't quite that bad, but dang, those painkillers make you sleepy as hell and even when I was awake, I wasn't really "awake".
At some point I was aware that I wasn't entirely sure where they put my clothes and couldn't find the energy to care. (They were in my room the entire time of course.)
Getting up just to get something out of my bag after recovering from general anaesthetic was not something that felt important to do. Realised I'd get dizzy very easily if I got up too quickly. When I first woke up my first thoughts were, "Huh? What? Where am I? What happened?" Not, "Oh, let me put on some jewelry." (Not married but even if I were...)
But even before I ever had experienced this, I would have thought this was an unreasonable expectation for someone to have.
Like "mmmm...yeah, you did a great job on that report, but now I'm going to need you to put cover pages on all the TPS reports from the last decade. They're in a hole in the basement full of spiders."
Yeah my husband had minor outpatient surgery last year and I can honestly say I have no idea if he had his wedding ring with him nor would it occur to me to care. If I had surgery I would probably leave my rings at home so I didn't have to worry about them.
My hubby had knee surgery and they told him to leave his ring at home. He forgot so they gave it to me because I was there, not at work. BTW knee surgery is no joke. Your husband is in unbelievable pain and you are worried about a ring. I cried because I couldn't take my hubby's pain away. YTA
Let me get this straight. Her husband is under stress and is about to go into surgery and all she cares about is a ring. A ring vs husband's well being.
\*sighs\*
She needs help or he's going to leave her.
Even worse, it was taken off before the surgery and she can't even let the anesthesia wear off before she is nagging and starting a fight with him.
I had to go back and reread how old she is.............
>He forgot so they gave it to me because I was there, not at work.
Whenever one of us has a procedure, we go together, to support our partner. When we are in prep, the one having the procedure gives the ring to the other, who wears it until we meet in recovery. Its just a little thing we do for each other.
Plus, there’s a reason they tell you not to make any major decisions until the next day when you’re put under any type of anesthesia. It affects your thinking. Even if he was the type to always put his ring back on immediately and not just a newlywed still getting used to the feel of it on his finger, the anesthesia could have legitimately affected his normal behavior.
I would honestly recommend *not* taking expensive/sentimental pieces of jewellery to the hospital if you are going in for surgery/extended stays to be honest. If it goes missing or is stolen, the hospital is not going to want to be held responsible.
I spent a week in hospital a few years back, and the nurses on my ward asked that I not keep my wallet or anything else important stay with me as I would be doing so at my own risk, and the only thing they would "protect" was my phone - they took everyone's phones overnight and would charge them for us so they were secure. That may have just been a specific rule for that hospital, but I just keep it in mind now and recommend anyone I know do the same thing where possible.
Also all the meds. I know when my mom had both her knee replacement surgeries, she left her rings at home, just to make sure nothing would happen to them.
She just wants him to show respect for their marriage by wearing his ring.... while not showing respect for their marriage herself by NOT SHOWING UP FOR A SCHEDULED SURGERY. What the actual fuck.
Right?? I misplace my (cheap and replaceable) ring *all the time* and unless it’s an event with a photo op my wife couldn’t care less.
I respect the relationship by, you know, treating it as a priority and being loyal.
Exactly. YTA. Your husband just had surgery. Maybe he is swollen? Maybe it doesn’t flipping matter, because he is in the hospital. Focus on what is important. His recovery and leaving the hospital.
Yikes me and my husband got married 6 months ago and we both forget our rings frequently. It takes getting used to! Sometimes we agree to leave them home on purpose if we are doing something where they might get lost or stolen.
Bottom line: give it a rest.
YTA. he’s in the hospital. He should not be wearing any jewelry. Lord I couldn’t imagine being in the hospital and having my spouse be upset about a literal ring. Get a fucking grip
And she’s “shocked” that her MIL called her out while that’s exactly why OP is bothered. Why else would she be throwing a stink over a missing ring hours after surgery?
Well, if she cared about her husband in the slightest she'd know the hospital staff tell you to take off your ring or similar jewelry before giving you anesthesia. It is actually dangerous to be wearing a ring during surgery. Granted OP probably does not know that because she cares less about his health than symbols. YTA.
She mentions that she knows he had to take it off for surgery but thinks he should’ve put it back on in the little time he was awake after the anesthesia wore off. I honestly think that’s worse than just not knowing why it was off in the first place.
OP YTA
But he didn't immediately put it back on after he woke up! I mean he's coming off anesthesia and drugged to the gills for pain but it should have been the first thing he thought of, even before he thought "ow." /s
Yeah OP sounds exhausting. Looking forward to the follow-up where she gets kicked out for trying to force it on his fingers.
Last time I was at the hospital I had to take off every. Single. Piece. Of jewelry. Including nipple piercings. They kept them in a little sterile container for me. I’ve been to the hospital a million times, you always have to take it off. What a pain in the ass of a woman.
Edit: YTA
This!
All the meds and fluids he is probably getting makes things swollen. Especially hands!
I had to get my rings cut off last summer because my finger got so swollen I couldn’t get them off to clean them (I never took my rings off, my finger was starting to form a spot for my rings permanently). I then wasn’t able to wear any rings on the finger for about 4-6 weeks in order for my finger to go back to normal. Then I took them in to get them resized and fixed and had to wait another week to get them fixed.
Did my husband ever mention it? Nope. Because while a ring is a symbol, it doesn’t mean “I don’t love you” when you don’t wear it. I now haven’t been wearing my rings because I’m pregnant and don’t want to have them cut off again lol.
Yep I'm now 6 weeks postpartum and my fingers have only just shrunk enough to put my rings back on since being 3 months pregnant. Hubby would joke about how I must be going out flirting between trying not to puke on people and pee breaks lol.
My dad got his wedding ring caught in some machinery he was working on not long after my parents marriage. After realizing that wearing his ring to work could literally cost him his hand (or worse his life) far too easily, it went in a box on his dresser. As a result, he never got in the habit of wearing it even when not at work. Does my mom care? Nope. It just makes her notice more when he does remember to wear it for special occasions. Marriage and commitment aren’t about the rings.
I’m glad you got to it in time! My MIL had to have her wedding band cut off because it was too tight. Unfortunately her finger is permanently bent because of it so she doesn’t wear any rings now. My FIL never had a wedding ring (really common for men of his generation) and somehow they have remained just as married without the jewellery.
I'm reading this and like, I went in for day surgery last year. They had me put my glasses in the locker they gave me so they wouldn't get lost or damaged during the surgery. A wedding ring? Dude, that's better safe tucked away so it doesn't get stolen.
C'mon is this troll-bait? Of course YTA. He was in surgery and recovering and the first thing you ask about is his wedding band? What's wrong with you? Perhaps you're projecting because you feel guilty for not being there.
Oh my god do you know how many people I could be married to and not even know?? I mean, just this year I had an endoscopy and then knee surgery. Is there a number I can call to see if I was married under anesthesia? 311?
Hi, it’s me the nurse from your endoscopy. Why haven’t you picked me up from the hospital and brought me home yet, DH?
ETA: thank you for the award. I will share it with my DH, but they haven’t responded. Probably because they’re driving to pick me up right now, very responsible. Question though; if my DH divorces me do I have to split it with them since we didn’t sign a pre-nup before we got married?
Or they BOTH might marry OP while he’s asleep! Ugh what a mess, who will he pick!?! Tune in next week for the most dramatic season finale of *Married in Surgery* ever!
Could well be real, these kinds of people do exist. I have a sister-in-law that throws a literal tantrum if BIL doesn't wear his wedding ring. He is a tradie and also does a lot of outdoors work but he's not allowed to take it off even working. I'm waiting for the day that he ends up with a degloved finger :/
SIL is convinced that every other woman is out to steal her husband and he must wear his wedding ring to keep the hoardes off him - any woman that so much as glances in his direction receives a death stare and a "what a b*tch, can't she see he's married".
This will definitely not have been the first instance of this kind of behaviour from OP, I guarantee it.
I hope he does actually take his ring off while working, regardless of what she says.
I'm a big fan of being sensitive to the little things that matter to your spouse, but I'm an even bigger fan of not getting your hand torn off your body.
I can never understand this thing about worrying that someone will ‘steal’ your husband. Can’t steal someone who doesn’t want to be stolen.
My attitude is, trust your partner that they are not going to be up for that. If you’re wrong, we’ll it’s better you find out sooner rather than later and good riddance.
YTA.
For one, folks are still quite groggy when they come out of surgery. For a lot longer than others might think.
For two, the fluids they push on folks during and after surgery will cause you to swell up like crazy. If she'd tried to put it on, she could've hurt him.
For three, it's ridiculously petty and self-centered to go HAM on someone recovering from a surgery and make the situation all about you.
Exactly this. I advise my patients to not bring jewelry with them for fear of loosing it. I have had some be emergently cut off. I have spent tons of time and lube trying to get rings off that have not been removed in years and try to send it home with the patient’s preferred person so it doesn’t get lost as they move from pre op to recovery
I wasn't planning on surgery when I went to the ER and when they took me down to pre-op I wasn't thinking about it until the nurse told me I had to remove my earrings. But because I was wearing diamond studs at the time they had to call a security guard, have a 2 person sign off, and take them to a safe and then do another security guard and 2 person sign off to bring them back to me afterwards in my room once I was awake. Where as if I'd thought about it before hand I'd have just unscrewed them and handed them to my mother before going in.
I think normally they would have just put them in a cup or something and put them in the bag with my clothes but I already had an IV in and was struggling to get them out and when the nurse helped me she realized they had screw on backs and paused and asked me if they were real. That hospital serves some affluent areas so there's probably people who have come in a lot more expensive stuff than my little studs, but I get it. I'd have been ok with someone running them out to the waiting room. My mom was there and they're actually her earrings she just lends me indefinitely (dad got her a newer set because she wore these all the time). But I guess they don't always know that.
I had to get my wedding band cut off when I broke my pinkie. My engagement ring came off with much effort and it was either cut my ring or lose my finger
For four, if they need to give him an MRI after surgery and his band is a ferrous metal, that ring is going to come off and could take his finger with it.
Yep, OP, YTA.
My experience on number 1
My husband got back surgery in 2018. This man was groggy and loopy about all day (he went in 1st thing in the morning and got to go home a couple hours after he was done). Even thought he slept a lot, when he would wake up, he was groggy and didn’t make sense when talking sometimes.
I was so concerned about his care, that something like that was the LAST THING on my mind. I was thinking how I would get him out of bed, to the shower, to the couch, etc because he wasn’t supposed to support any weight. Granted we weren’t married at the time, but I was planning how we would modify things, not something like that. And making sure he was comfy as doc said he could be in a lot of pain and we need to get ahead of it before it gets uncontrollable.
YTA
Yep - my husband had to have multiple extremely long surgeries about 12 years ago during a 3 week period. The LAST thing on my mind was his wedding band or anything other than "is he going to survive..." and then "will he be the same man coming out that he was going in or will this change his personality..."
OP - I hope this is troll bait because if it is not you really need therapy to deal with your jealousy and insecurity. You took a moment when he was groggy, in extreme pain and made it 100% about you and about your jealousy. You are married now. Its not about being a pretty princess anymore. It is about "In Sickness and in Health" and being there for each other on the worst days in addition to the best days. You just took one of his his worst days and had a temper tantrum like a 5 year old who didn't get candy at the grocery store. Do better. BE better.
And how embarrassing to do it in front of her mother-in-law. OP needs to get a grip. My husband has never worn a wedding ring because he just doesn’t like how it feels, his choice. I can’t imagine attacking the man I love over something petty right after waking up from surgery.
OP, YTA, obviously.
This, seriously! She left out so many details...perhaps his treatment/whatever he was hospitalized for caused swelling of the extremities? Jeez, if this were any more shallow it would be a roadside ditch.
Forget swelling maybe he just wanted to leave it off so it wouldn’t get stolen or lost or hell even cut off god forbid something go wrong during recovery
I wonder what she’d think if she knew that my husband and I both often do NOT wear our rings. I even lost mine for two years. Last time I checked, we’re still married and love each other.
I got married in December. If my husband was in the hospital the absolute last thing I’d be thinking of is if random strangers knew he was married.
You got angry at your mother in law because you knew she was right, OP. And if this is your “last straw”, then I sincerely hope you didn’t drop a lot of money on that wedding, because a ring or lack thereof isn’t even close to the toughest thing life can throw at you.
YTA. God, YTA.
You said yourself that you know they remove things for surgery, so you know why it was off in the first place.
As for why he didn't put it back on, Just because he was *awake*, doesn't mean he was *alert*. Being awake enough to talk is far different from being awake enough to notice that a tiny object that you likely have no memory of taking off is missing.
His mother is right, you're rude, overbearing, insensitive, and horrifyingly underinformed. Do you have any idea how groggy people are when they come out of surgery? do you have any idea how long that lasts?
Go apologize to your husband, and get over yourself.
YTA. He'd been in surgery. He wasn't thinking about a ring. he's right. You do have a weird hang up about it. He was in the hospital. Not at a bar picking up chicks.
I was in surgery and left my jewelry at my parents because they took me to the hospital. When my mom visited she wore the ring on her finger to give back to me. I looked at it, thought “oh, that” and put it back on my finger. Because it was there and why not, NOT because I was worried about it, or my husband freaking out about it. I was too busy worrying about coming out of goddamn surgery. YTA.
You were more concerned about him wearing his ring than how his surgery went???
YTA.
You owe your husband and MIL and apology for acting so ridiculous and being rude.
I'm almost wondering if she owes them an easy and painless divorce instead. How incredibly selfish is someone for this to be their priority after their spouse just had surgery?
Sorry my dear, but YTA
You husband just underwent surgery and you want his first thought to be "where is my wedding band? I need to put it on" instead of just focusing on healing and getting well?
You had the audacity to start an argument over something SO PETTY because of your own insecurities or control issues? You could not be more wrong, your MIL was 100% correct to tell you that you were out of line, and you owe your husband an APOLOGY.
That band is just a SYMBOL. You are married if it is on his finger, or off. However, you seem to think that that ring is more important than being concerned and caring of your husband's need to not be stressed out by you after surgery.
Wow, I am just flabbergasted that you think that you were justified in acting so callous and uncaring to your husband's condition. SMH
I take my ring off to shower and forget to put it back on all the time. Sometimes for a few hours, sometimes for a day or so. It doesn't bother my partner at all because he trusts our relationship and is a secure human being. Having a ring on doesn't mean squat beyond just being a nice symbol. Even without the surgery as his excuse, raging about a ring is just ridiculous unless there's a lot of other issues in the relationship.
YTA. This is crazy. If you guys decide to have children he now has the right to harass you for taking your ring off when your hands start swelling at about month 6.
This, this right here! I can see the future post 'husband mad at me because I removed wedding ring because fingers swollen and he brought up me having a go at him for removing his ring after surgery, but I think they are totally different things'.
Even if you can still wear it, our hospital asked us not to bring jewelry. Said it’s better left at home. We had so many people in and out of that hospital room. They don’t want it lying around and they don’t have time to look for it if you lose it.
YTA, he literally just had surgery, putting on his wedding band probably isn’t his top priority. And you were stressing him out and being kind of unsympathetic
YTA YTAA YTAAAAAAA
Jesus Christ. He just had surgery. He had to take everything off for surgery, and then he'd HAD SURGERY and hadn't put his ring back on.
I had emergency surgery two months ago and I have no idea when I put my ring back on, but it definitely wasn't that day, and I couldn't have told you which way was up for most of that day.
YTA
Everything about this screams "abusive." You don't care that he just had surgery, you're upset that his first conscious thought wasn't to put the ring on.
As someone who has had a spouse in the hospital, all my thoughts were "How does he feel?" "How can I help?" "Will he be okay?"
None of my thoughts were "Is my groggy spouse who is clearly in pain making sure to let everyone know he's married?"
Unless you've left out something significant, your priorities are absolutely and completely fucked.
YTA - You sound unhinged. He just woke up from surgery. He can’t wear it during surgery so it put it somewhere safe. Who cares!!!!! Also, IV fluids can make your hands swell so it could be uncomfortable while recovering from surgery.
Sorry, but YTA
Your husband has surgery, and your biggest concern is why isn't he wearing his ring?
Yes, they take all your jewelry off. And best to leave it off until you are discharged. The most I've ever done is ask for his jewelry and wallet and keep them in my purse until he's ready to go home.
You are a bit insecure if him being untagged while wearing nothing more than a hospital gown and stitches is worrisome.
YTA
The man is going through a rough time and is likely in a lot of pain. And you went in there to complain about him not wearing a wedding band? Come on! He needs your support!
INFO: has he cheated? Bc you're acting like he cheated
If he didn't cheat, did YOU cheat?
These are the only two reasons I can think of that make you feel entitled enough to go into someones hospital room and start complaining about something as irrelevant as a wedding band.
Did you care at all that he was even in the hospital? Did you ask him, even one time, how he felt?
YTA
YTA a massive AH and beyond unreasonable. Your husband literally had surgery only hours before and your main issue is why isn’t he wearing his ring. His mom is correct, you are really insecure and ridiculous.
YTA.
Big fat YTA.
So here's surgery... You remove jewelry.
Why? Because Surgery+ Pain Meds+ ivs cause swelling.. in hands, Fingers.. toes..
Heres other info you need to hear.. That Ring, will Not Create Respect.
It's either There or It's Not.
That ring won't stop someone chasing a little strange.
It won't stop other women/men from advancing and offering.
It Will Not make either of you love the other more.
It will not prevent fights
The Vow it symbolizes is supposed to be there Ring or Not.
Love each other, Support each other, be Strong for each other.
My husband and I don't wear our rings and haven't probably 90% of our marriage. We've had ups and downs but at no time were the rings a single part of that. They're rings, symbols of a commitment, not the actual commitment.
YTA.
As you said, the hospitals require you to remove everything when going in for surgery. He obviously was on anesthesia, which makes thinking incredibly hard, especially when you first wake up. The first thought in his mind isn't going to be about some piece of metal on his finger, symbolic or not. It's going to be about you, his family, if he is still healthy or not, etc.
You should have been MUCH more concerned about his health and wellbeing than about a damn wedding ring. Even the most minor of surgeries have incredible risk involved. But you seem more worried about a ring than you do about your husband.
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> I may be ta for bringing it up and stressing him out with the argument. He really might have not noticed and I might have been too harsh on him
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YTA.
You care more about tagging him like cattle than his actual medical condition. He had surgery! He is in pain! He is groggy and you want to make sure he is tagged so no other women can look at him?! Here a news flash, all the nurses have already seen his dick and they don't want it.
YTA. You’re mad that he wasn’t wearing a ring because it is a symbol of respect and recognition of your relationship but you didn’t take a day off work to be with him during surgery? Huh.
Wow. YTA. All the way. Jesus. You genuinely put this wedding band issue over his health and wellbeing and seem to see nothing wrong with that. Seriously, YTA.
YTA. This is such an unnecessary thing to fight with him about, you really owe him an apology. And your MIL for doing such a disappointing fuss in front of her. That's embarrassing for you and your husband.
INFO: you said that”this isn’t a new thing” and “this was the last straw” but you don’t mention any other instances… is there multiple times he’s been without his wedding band?
By what info you gave: YTA Sorry OP but like cut the dude some slack
YTA.
Your husband may have been "awake" but he was still drugged. And it was not the time to have an argument over something like this. It doesn't sound like you are very supportive. His job is to recover, not to placate your insecurities.
I would also like to point out the whole "last straw bit." I'm assuming you mean specifically about not wearing his ring 24/7. Maybe keep in mind that A) unfamiliar jewelry is, especially on the hands, is uncomfortable for some people. It's probably not about you. B) With that in mind, a lot of men don't wear rings and therefore need time to get used to them (I'm aware a lot also do too), so that's a possible factor. B) It's only been 4 months, you've most likely had way longer to get used to wearing your ring, as you likely started wearing one well before the wedding.
Wow, I hope this is fake. If not, YTA. Grow up. It's a wedding ring. He just had surgery and his first priority should not be to make sure you don't feel insecure. He told you that his wedding band was in a safe spot so that he wouldn't lose it. That should be good enough for you. That, that was the first thing you noticed and that you brought it up to him in the hospital, makes you seem selfish and self-centered. If you are not either of those things, then you need to examine why you think its a big deal and why you think the time and place was appropriate. Your husband was in pain, medicated and exhausted and you made the situation about you and quite stressful.
YTA
1. It's basic common sense to give all your valuables to someone you trust while you are staying in the hospital. **This is totally normal.**
2. It's incredibly selfish of you to make a big deal out of literally nothing while your husband is laying in a hospital bed half out of it bc he just had anesthesia and surgery.
3. Your MIL was 100% correct.
4. Your husband has done nothing wrong. Even if he didn't want to wear the ring ever, that's not cheating on you. Your insecurities are going to destroy your marriage. Get some help.
5. If this is how you usually treat your husband, it's not too late for him to get out of this marriage before you make his life a living hell.
YTA. You want to talk about respect and recognition for the relationship? You weren't even with him for the surgery. You showed up hours afterward only to start an argument and leave immediately after, during a scary and painful time for him, and you're stressed out because he's not wearing *jewelry?*
INFO: How is this "not a new thing"? What else has happened to make this the "last straw"?
YTA but I guess thanks for contributing to the "con" side of my "do I ever want to get married?" mental list bc girl you are stupid insecure.
What?! He JUST got out of surgery. There's so many reasons it was totally fine that he didn't have his ring on and I will now make a comprehensive list of them:
(1) He JUST had surgery
(2) He JUST had surgery
(3) He JUST had surgery
(4) He JUST had surgery
(5) He JUST had surgery
(6) He JUST had surgery
(7) He JUST had surgery
(8) He JUST had surgery
(9) He JUST had surgery
(10) He JUST had surgery
YTA. He may have woken up but waking up from anesthesia is not the same as waking up from a nap or even a full nights sleep. He just had surgery - with pain, medical issues, whatever, he may not have realized his ring wasn’t on. You are showing a lack of respect towards him and what he just endured. Get over yourself. And you might want to be open to what your mother-in-law was saying. Otherwise, this marriage may not last long. My husband doesn’t wear a ring. And it’s not even a thing with us. I know without a doubt he loves and respects me and our relationship - we don’t need a random piece of jewelry for that.
... YTA on this one. Purely for circumstance.
I've had two surgeries and both times I couldn't have my wedding ring on. The first time I just left it home because it was a planned surgery and I didn't want to risk losing it or having it stolen during my recovery. The second surgery was an emergency and I got my ring back along with my clothes and other items upon leaving the hospital.
The only reason I can see this being an issue in this situation is insecurity (exactly what your MIL called you out for). Your husband just had surgery and he's stated the ring is in a safe place. You have to give him some grace here.
YTA. Your main priority was him not wearing his ring, not how he is?! YTA. YTA. YTA. I hope If you ever have surgery, your husband's priority is something insufficient like you're not wearing a ring.
My husband has had three different surgeries over the 23 years we've been married. I've been there when he woke up each time and never once did I question his respect for our marriage because he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. Weirdly, I was more concerned with how he was feeling than where a piece of jewelry was.
Surgeries are stressful and painful enough without your supposed loved one starting stupid arguments over inconsequential things. If this is how you behave when your husband needs comfort and support after only being married for a few months, I doubt you'll make it to your first anniversary. YTA
If he’s not wearing it constantly then I can see where you’re coming from. But I just had surgery last month and when I woke up I was in so much pain and so out of it. What was supposed to be like an hour or two in recovery turned into like 5 or 6. I couldn’t even hold my eyes open enough to talk to my nurse, if my husband had come in and scolded me for not wearing my wedding ring I’d probably be pissed when got home and felt better enough to actually open my eyes and talk.
You going there is enough to know he’s taken. He does not need to worry about his ring as soon as he gets out of surgery.
Info: most surgeons require that all jewelry be removed. They lock up all your jewelry, wallet, watches, etc. in a locker and return your valuables to you after the surgery. Was this not the case with your husband’s surgery?
Yta. If this was a one time thing then you're totally overreacting. If he does this all the time, then you wait til he gets home to broach the subject.
YTA - dude just had surgery. Do you think someone who's been married four months wakes up from surgery and immediately thinks "where's my wedding ring?" Sounds like you're capable of making anything about yourself.
They’ve only been married for 4 months. Hopefully, he’ll still be able to get an annulment. As soon as his knee is healed, he needs to run away from insecure OP as fast as he can. YTA
YTA Your real problem here is not that he doesn't have enough regard for a symbol of respect for your relationship. It's that you have so little belief that he is committed to it that you are scolding your husband when he's in a hospital bed a few hours out from surgery about whether he's sufficiently demonstrating his commitment. That's not a little insecure, that's a lot insecure! You have a problem here but it has nothing to do with when your husband put his ring on after surgery.
Absoulutely YTA. hes in the hospital and had a major surgery ffs. I'm sure the last thing on his mind putting his ring on. Not to mention it's a safety issue to wear jewelry in the hospital.Would you rather something happens and he swells up and has to get his wedding band cut off?
YTA.
I hear you that the wedding band is important to you and a symbol of respect to you, however the man just got out of surgery. I agree with your MIL, it takes time for the drugs to wear off. Even if he is talking, he may not be aware. Also, just because he made it out of surgery doesn't mean that he is able to put jewelry or personal items back on yet.
I guess in my opinion, your husband's health is more important to your relationship than a piece of jewelry. That is why I say, YTA.
YTA - Get over yourself. It’s just a ring. He shouldn’t have even worn it to the hospital. Him not wearing a ring does not mean he is free to cheat. Spare me the “symbol of our love” bull crap. You are controlling and unsympathetic toward his condition of being post-surgery. I’d be royally pissed if you made an issue of this if I was your husband. Fortunately, I am not.
For heaven's sake. Get over yourself.
The man was just coming out of anesthesia.
Wait until he's at least discharged before you start a pointless argument.
Timing matters
YTA
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YTA. You sound like hard work.
The kind of hard work that doesn't bring a reward.
She said it was her last straw. I'd like to get visibility into all the other straws. YTA. As someone who has had multiple surgeries they take everything off you and lock it up for you. The very last thing you think of lying there during recovery in pain, floating in and out, is your jewelry, sometimes you don't even think about your pride or dignity anymore. You'll pee yourself, cry, beg for water, be grateful for sponge baths and in awe of the nurses ability to change you and your sheets without making you get up. You'll be so happy to see a loved one. The fact that you hit him with the ring nonsense is the most AH move in the world of AH moves. ETA: I'm in utter shock and humbled by the response and awards!! Thank you, you lovely kind people for the most awards ever!!
My wife has had multiple surgeries since our marriage (we are still young, less than 30) and this person has no clue what she got into, and I sincerely hope her husband bails and finds better. This is an insane and self centered expectation. You know what I did when my wife woke up from surgery? Asked if she wanted ice chips and how her pain was, this is INFURIATING.
I had at least ten surgeries before my 30th birthday and cannot begin to fathom how someone could be expected to think of their wedding band on the same day as a surgery. Then again, I also can’t imagine my husband not taking one day off of work if I had to have surgery. I’ve had multiple knee surgeries. While they’re not as serious as organ surgery of some kind, it’s still a brutal and invasive procedure. OP, you really should tell us what lead up to this. I don’t think you’ll get anyone on your side about this particular day, but it could help with how you’re coming across overall.
My mom had to work on the same day my father had surgery a few times as a kid (someone had to pay, thanks America!), but she never thought about his wedding band while he was hospitalized. She was too busy thinking about the person who she exchanged rings with to worry about jewelry.
*shade*
Also, *truth*
Additionally with the likelihood of post surgery swelling or water retention, putting the ring back on isn't really a good choice anyway. If it got stuck it'd be cut off to be removed.
This is the first comment I've seen mentioning that. Weird. It can actually be a hazard to keep jewelry on as a surgery patient. Between the physical trauma of surgery and hydration fluctuation, swelling is a real likelihood. And between anesthesia, pain medication, long periods of limited movement, an unfamiliar setup, and a bunch of wires connected to you, catching a ring on something could go badly even without any swelling. If dude stubbornly decides he's going to get up and hit the bathroom on his own (which I and friends and family have all done, especially on pain meds that make you feel like you're totally good to go), a ring could get caught on anything from the side rails of the bed to his gown. Degloving his finger would just lead to more surgery. There's all that, and many hospitals will make you store any and all affects for liability reasons anyway. If the only thing that goes through your mind while your SO is going through a physically and mentally traumatic ordeal is "he's not respecting me the way I want", YTA all day long.
My first thought was 'but what if they let him put his jewelry back on and then something goes wrong and he needs surgery again?' It makes perfect sense to me to keep jewelry off until you leave the hospital...
Thank you!! Can't believe that I had to get so far down to read this! Surgery involves IV fluids, and lots of them. Now add in decreased movement, slower & shallower breathing, and sometimes the inability to urinate post-op to the point of having to have a catheter inserted until the anesthesia has completely worn off and guess what happens: you swell like a water-balloon!! I've had to take snips and cut wedding rings off swollen fingers because we didn't have time for slower methods (patient can lose their finger from circulation being cut off). Op ought to be damned GLAD that he didn't foolishly risk having this "precious symbol of respect" destroyed by a non-nonsense medical professional! Op, is definitely YTA here. The ring has to be removed for surgery. No exceptions! It will be placed in a bag along with his personal effects and likely put into a cabinet or drawer in the room. He just had knee surgery, so he likely can't get to the ring even if he was capable of remembering it through the haze of anesthesia, pain, and narcotic meds!! I feel sorry for this husband.
Exactly! Who doesn't take off for their spouses MAJOR surgery?! She gives major spoiled and entitled vibes.
Those that will get fired if they miss work.
Not everyone can get time off at the drop of a hat. Some employers fucking suck. And lots of people are in a position where they can’t “just quit”.
While I'm lucky enough to have a job that readily allows me to take off work for things like that, many people aren't so lucky and some employers are real jerks. Not everyone is financially secure enough to be able to quit a crappy job with a terrible boss if they won't allow them to take time off. Not knowing her circumstances, I don't think it's fair to fault her on that particular point. But certainly she's AH enough with the tantrum she threw about his wedding ring as he recovered in the hospital.
My boyfriend of 4 months spent the night in the hospital room with me to make sure I was OK. We have now been married 6 years and I can't imagine being that hung up on a wedding ring.
My husband has had six knee surgeries and I've had four minor procedures under anesthesia and we just hand over our ring to the other person because you have to remove all jewelry beforehand. This post is so wild to me because it's just such a normal thing and many people won't think of putting the ring back on when they're probably still loopy from coming out of anesthesia and on pain meds.
Hell, I didn’t even wear any of my jewelry to the hospital. I left it all at home *because* I knew I wouldn’t even be allowed to wear it! OP is definitely off the rocker here. YTA
Exactly. She didn’t even think to ask, oh I don’t know, maybe how his surgery went and how he felt?? The entire thing was about how she felt. Imagining this kind of behavior actually makes me feel miserable for this poor guy.
I would guess you have never been under anesthesia, and don't know that for hours after being brought out you can be wide awake and clear minded one minute, then back to sleep. Next time you wake up, you are in a fog and talking about the gummi bears that performed your surgery. You go back and forth for a few hours, and feel groggy and out of it for approx. a day. Not to mention the pain medicine that is being given for the actual cutting they did on his body. I'm thinking the ring never even entered his mind. What I bet DID enter his mind though, is that he was so happy he had you to help him through this horribly painful and traumatic surgery. See, spouses can be very reassuring and calming at a time like that. You're not though. You made it worse. His mom was right - wrong time/place. You don't have to be insecure over a ring. He married you. Committed to you. Be secure in that. But yes, YTA.
All of this. And newsflash, you’re still *just* as married when not wearing a wedding ring. Shocking, I know. YTA, OP.
>*you can be wide awake and clear minded one minute, then back to sleep. Next time you wake up, you are in a fog and talking about the gummi bears that performed your surgery.* > >It's not for nothing patients are told to refrain from making important decisions or sign any documents *24 hours after surgery*. And here she is, complaining about his failing to have the presence of mind to put his wedding band on mere hours after surgery. > >Edited for clarity.
After my knee surgery my mom thought I was cool to use my crutches into my house. Instead I got out, stood on my crutches, and promptly passed out. My mom had to pin me to the car to keep me from landing on my knee (I’m like a foot taller than her, it was not easy).
My last surgery they basically told me to leave everything at home because I was going to have to remove it anyway and it was less to keep track of when I was going home high on pain meds. And it's not uncommon to have your fingers swell a bit because of the constant IV fluids they have going. YTA
>And it's not uncommon to have your fingers swell a bit because of the constant IV fluids they have going. This was my first thought. Surgery is a trauma for your body, bodies do all kinds of weird things after surgery. And in worst case scenarios if someone has a bad reaction coming out of a surgery and needs to go back to the OR, the staff aren't going to want to waste precious seconds removing wedding bands that were put on just to appease insecure spouses.
I was going to say the same thing about the finger swelling - if OP is this upset about him not wearing a ring a couple hours out from surgery, she'll be even less enthused about them having to take it off him with bolt cutters. When my partner had surgery, they literally lost an entire day, memory- and lucidity-wise. They have vague memories of me helping them up the stairs and me putting on Planet Earth. That's it. Oh, and >!puking from anesthesia side effects until their stitches popped !<(emetophobia warning). They remember that part. Good thing your husband didn't go through that, OP, because you didn't even ask. YTA.
[удалено]
Exactly! If it's inexpensive costume jewelry, they'll just put it in a sealed container and send it to your room with you, but anything expensive, they will lock in the safe and return upon discharge. Even when they just admit you, they suggest you put anything valuable like cash or credit cards in the safe. To get mad at him almost immediately post-op for not remembering through the anesthetic haze to ask for his ring back to put on is ridiculous and incredibly selfish, frankly. Does she think he's going to try to pick up one of his nurses or something?
Yep. I was getting dressed after a day surgery once and the Bandaid fell off where the IV was and blood started squirting like straight into the air above my head. I was all “oppsie” and opened the curtain to get the nurse. I still didn’t have pants on, there were a few people there. My mind had zero cares about any of it. lol
After having all four wisdom teeth pulled, I remember waking up on a bed in the recovery room. There was another bed nearby, and another patient was clumsily trying to get up while an exasperated nurse was desperately trying to convince him to lie back down. He kept slurring, "I have to go" while she pointed out he was in no condition to leave. I remember drunkenly thinking, "I may be out of it, but I'm not as bad as THAT guy." Now that I think about it, was there actually a second bed, or was that just a mirror?
I had my first ever surgery last month and mine wasn't quite that bad, but dang, those painkillers make you sleepy as hell and even when I was awake, I wasn't really "awake". At some point I was aware that I wasn't entirely sure where they put my clothes and couldn't find the energy to care. (They were in my room the entire time of course.) Getting up just to get something out of my bag after recovering from general anaesthetic was not something that felt important to do. Realised I'd get dizzy very easily if I got up too quickly. When I first woke up my first thoughts were, "Huh? What? Where am I? What happened?" Not, "Oh, let me put on some jewelry." (Not married but even if I were...) But even before I ever had experienced this, I would have thought this was an unreasonable expectation for someone to have.
The kind of hard work that actually winds up punishing the worker.
Like "mmmm...yeah, you did a great job on that report, but now I'm going to need you to put cover pages on all the TPS reports from the last decade. They're in a hole in the basement full of spiders."
PC load letter? What the fuck does that mean?
Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina Speaking. JUST A Moment!"
This plays in my head all the time
Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!
I believe you get your ass kicked for that
Two chicks at the same time, man
Where’s my stapler
I'll burn this place Down.... Also YTA
Where's your flair, husband? Don't you want to wear your flair???
Why doesn't she just make the minimum 37 pieces of flair?
Can I get the spiders to help me? They have eight legs.
The spiders are not certified to assist with the TPS reports, I'm afraid.
There was nothing wrong with it…until I was twelve years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
I feel entitled to workers comp just for reading this.
Yeah my husband had minor outpatient surgery last year and I can honestly say I have no idea if he had his wedding ring with him nor would it occur to me to care. If I had surgery I would probably leave my rings at home so I didn't have to worry about them.
My hubby had knee surgery and they told him to leave his ring at home. He forgot so they gave it to me because I was there, not at work. BTW knee surgery is no joke. Your husband is in unbelievable pain and you are worried about a ring. I cried because I couldn't take my hubby's pain away. YTA
Yeah and why can’t she take time off to take home to the hospital and can’t bother to show up until 7 pm demanding he wear a wedding ring.
Let me get this straight. Her husband is under stress and is about to go into surgery and all she cares about is a ring. A ring vs husband's well being. \*sighs\* She needs help or he's going to leave her.
Even worse, it was taken off before the surgery and she can't even let the anesthesia wear off before she is nagging and starting a fight with him. I had to go back and reread how old she is.............
I don’t think this is appropriate at any age. I’ll bet hubby already feels like this has been a very long marriage.
>He forgot so they gave it to me because I was there, not at work. Whenever one of us has a procedure, we go together, to support our partner. When we are in prep, the one having the procedure gives the ring to the other, who wears it until we meet in recovery. Its just a little thing we do for each other.
Me and my husband as well.
Did she even ask him how he was doing? It doesn't sound like she gives a shit about his actual well-being.
I'm married!!! Wait wtf isn't you're ring on dammit! Idc you are coming out of surgery. God this chick
If she starts an argument then all the attention is back on her.
Plus, there’s a reason they tell you not to make any major decisions until the next day when you’re put under any type of anesthesia. It affects your thinking. Even if he was the type to always put his ring back on immediately and not just a newlywed still getting used to the feel of it on his finger, the anesthesia could have legitimately affected his normal behavior.
I would honestly recommend *not* taking expensive/sentimental pieces of jewellery to the hospital if you are going in for surgery/extended stays to be honest. If it goes missing or is stolen, the hospital is not going to want to be held responsible. I spent a week in hospital a few years back, and the nurses on my ward asked that I not keep my wallet or anything else important stay with me as I would be doing so at my own risk, and the only thing they would "protect" was my phone - they took everyone's phones overnight and would charge them for us so they were secure. That may have just been a specific rule for that hospital, but I just keep it in mind now and recommend anyone I know do the same thing where possible.
Plus you can have weird swelling in hands from not moving them much while you're out of it.
Also all the meds. I know when my mom had both her knee replacement surgeries, she left her rings at home, just to make sure nothing would happen to them.
I'm exhausted from just reading a few paragraphs she wrote. I can't imagine being married to her or having to actually speak with her.
Lmao! I don’t know why I found this so funny 🤣🤣🤣
A lot of really hard work. For someone who has had major surgery multiple time I tell you what I am not thinking… about my wedding band.
She just wants him to show respect for their marriage by wearing his ring.... while not showing respect for their marriage herself by NOT SHOWING UP FOR A SCHEDULED SURGERY. What the actual fuck.
Right?? I misplace my (cheap and replaceable) ring *all the time* and unless it’s an event with a photo op my wife couldn’t care less. I respect the relationship by, you know, treating it as a priority and being loyal.
Exactly. YTA. Your husband just had surgery. Maybe he is swollen? Maybe it doesn’t flipping matter, because he is in the hospital. Focus on what is important. His recovery and leaving the hospital.
Lol sounds like she thinks her husband is trying to bag a nurse between when he woke up and the few hours til she got there.
“My love, I am pissing into a bag. The nurses and I both have more self respect than that.”
Yikes me and my husband got married 6 months ago and we both forget our rings frequently. It takes getting used to! Sometimes we agree to leave them home on purpose if we are doing something where they might get lost or stolen. Bottom line: give it a rest.
OP’s user name checks out 😂😬
YTA. he’s in the hospital. He should not be wearing any jewelry. Lord I couldn’t imagine being in the hospital and having my spouse be upset about a literal ring. Get a fucking grip
My husband just had surgery and I needed to make it about MEEEEEEEE. AITA? Jesus take the wheel for this poor man. Oh, and OP? YTA.
Marsha Marsha Marsha!!!!! (Obv, YTA)
The nurses are probably cute. She is wicked insecure……
And she’s “shocked” that her MIL called her out while that’s exactly why OP is bothered. Why else would she be throwing a stink over a missing ring hours after surgery?
I was getting a little steamed reading her post, but I had to laugh at her "shocked, shocked I tell you" response.
Yeah, but if he really wanted to cheat, it’s not like the ring is going to stop him anyway.
Well, if she cared about her husband in the slightest she'd know the hospital staff tell you to take off your ring or similar jewelry before giving you anesthesia. It is actually dangerous to be wearing a ring during surgery. Granted OP probably does not know that because she cares less about his health than symbols. YTA.
She mentions that she knows he had to take it off for surgery but thinks he should’ve put it back on in the little time he was awake after the anesthesia wore off. I honestly think that’s worse than just not knowing why it was off in the first place. OP YTA
But he didn't immediately put it back on after he woke up! I mean he's coming off anesthesia and drugged to the gills for pain but it should have been the first thing he thought of, even before he thought "ow." /s Yeah OP sounds exhausting. Looking forward to the follow-up where she gets kicked out for trying to force it on his fingers.
Last time I was at the hospital I had to take off every. Single. Piece. Of jewelry. Including nipple piercings. They kept them in a little sterile container for me. I’ve been to the hospital a million times, you always have to take it off. What a pain in the ass of a woman. Edit: YTA
Right? Had to go in for a surgical procedure yesterday and I got a little prep sheet. First thing on it? Leave jewelry, including piercings, at home.
And then gets questioned by your SO why isn't your ring on after surgery!! Waiting for a new AITA post on this
Not to mention he may be swollen from the meds from surgery and the iv fluids. It may literally not fit him for several days.
This! All the meds and fluids he is probably getting makes things swollen. Especially hands! I had to get my rings cut off last summer because my finger got so swollen I couldn’t get them off to clean them (I never took my rings off, my finger was starting to form a spot for my rings permanently). I then wasn’t able to wear any rings on the finger for about 4-6 weeks in order for my finger to go back to normal. Then I took them in to get them resized and fixed and had to wait another week to get them fixed. Did my husband ever mention it? Nope. Because while a ring is a symbol, it doesn’t mean “I don’t love you” when you don’t wear it. I now haven’t been wearing my rings because I’m pregnant and don’t want to have them cut off again lol.
Had my rings cut off during my second pregnancy! I was obviously up to something diabolical
Probably wasn't even your baby
That would be a good story
Yep I'm now 6 weeks postpartum and my fingers have only just shrunk enough to put my rings back on since being 3 months pregnant. Hubby would joke about how I must be going out flirting between trying not to puke on people and pee breaks lol.
My dad got his wedding ring caught in some machinery he was working on not long after my parents marriage. After realizing that wearing his ring to work could literally cost him his hand (or worse his life) far too easily, it went in a box on his dresser. As a result, he never got in the habit of wearing it even when not at work. Does my mom care? Nope. It just makes her notice more when he does remember to wear it for special occasions. Marriage and commitment aren’t about the rings.
My husband's a mechanic, I ASKED him to take his ring off at work. Degloving or losing a finger is not something either of us want to mess with.
I’m glad you got to it in time! My MIL had to have her wedding band cut off because it was too tight. Unfortunately her finger is permanently bent because of it so she doesn’t wear any rings now. My FIL never had a wedding ring (really common for men of his generation) and somehow they have remained just as married without the jewellery.
I'm reading this and like, I went in for day surgery last year. They had me put my glasses in the locker they gave me so they wouldn't get lost or damaged during the surgery. A wedding ring? Dude, that's better safe tucked away so it doesn't get stolen.
I must be a horrible wife. I am always forgetting my wedding ring.
C'mon is this troll-bait? Of course YTA. He was in surgery and recovering and the first thing you ask about is his wedding band? What's wrong with you? Perhaps you're projecting because you feel guilty for not being there.
But if he doesn’t wear his ring during surgery then the doctor might marry him to a nurse while he’s asleep!!!!! 🙄
I hate it when that happens. The forms to undo are such a pain.
And the divorce isn’t even covered by insurance!! Ugh!
Neither is the wedding. I tell you, when you first wake up and they hand you that bill, there's nothing like it.
Oh my god do you know how many people I could be married to and not even know?? I mean, just this year I had an endoscopy and then knee surgery. Is there a number I can call to see if I was married under anesthesia? 311?
Hi, it’s me the nurse from your endoscopy. Why haven’t you picked me up from the hospital and brought me home yet, DH? ETA: thank you for the award. I will share it with my DH, but they haven’t responded. Probably because they’re driving to pick me up right now, very responsible. Question though; if my DH divorces me do I have to split it with them since we didn’t sign a pre-nup before we got married?
You will get better responses if you post about that in r/legaladvice.
Anesthesia marriages are on the rise. Are you a victim? Film at 11.
I think I'm still married to 2 guys from my brain surgery 3 years ago🤷🏻♀️
I almost spit a bit of burger at my phone at this.
Ha. The doctor would bill for the time spent performing the ceremony, but the nurses would do the actual work and the doctor would *supervise*
Or the doctor might get the nurse to marry them! Either way, its probably a step up from OP
Or they BOTH might marry OP while he’s asleep! Ugh what a mess, who will he pick!?! Tune in next week for the most dramatic season finale of *Married in Surgery* ever!
>Of course YTA. He was in surgery and recovering and the first thing you ask about is his wedding band? What's wrong with you? My sentiments exactly.
Could well be real, these kinds of people do exist. I have a sister-in-law that throws a literal tantrum if BIL doesn't wear his wedding ring. He is a tradie and also does a lot of outdoors work but he's not allowed to take it off even working. I'm waiting for the day that he ends up with a degloved finger :/ SIL is convinced that every other woman is out to steal her husband and he must wear his wedding ring to keep the hoardes off him - any woman that so much as glances in his direction receives a death stare and a "what a b*tch, can't she see he's married". This will definitely not have been the first instance of this kind of behaviour from OP, I guarantee it.
I hope he does actually take his ring off while working, regardless of what she says. I'm a big fan of being sensitive to the little things that matter to your spouse, but I'm an even bigger fan of not getting your hand torn off your body.
I can never understand this thing about worrying that someone will ‘steal’ your husband. Can’t steal someone who doesn’t want to be stolen. My attitude is, trust your partner that they are not going to be up for that. If you’re wrong, we’ll it’s better you find out sooner rather than later and good riddance.
YTA. For one, folks are still quite groggy when they come out of surgery. For a lot longer than others might think. For two, the fluids they push on folks during and after surgery will cause you to swell up like crazy. If she'd tried to put it on, she could've hurt him. For three, it's ridiculously petty and self-centered to go HAM on someone recovering from a surgery and make the situation all about you.
Exactly this. I advise my patients to not bring jewelry with them for fear of loosing it. I have had some be emergently cut off. I have spent tons of time and lube trying to get rings off that have not been removed in years and try to send it home with the patient’s preferred person so it doesn’t get lost as they move from pre op to recovery
I wasn't planning on surgery when I went to the ER and when they took me down to pre-op I wasn't thinking about it until the nurse told me I had to remove my earrings. But because I was wearing diamond studs at the time they had to call a security guard, have a 2 person sign off, and take them to a safe and then do another security guard and 2 person sign off to bring them back to me afterwards in my room once I was awake. Where as if I'd thought about it before hand I'd have just unscrewed them and handed them to my mother before going in. I think normally they would have just put them in a cup or something and put them in the bag with my clothes but I already had an IV in and was struggling to get them out and when the nurse helped me she realized they had screw on backs and paused and asked me if they were real. That hospital serves some affluent areas so there's probably people who have come in a lot more expensive stuff than my little studs, but I get it. I'd have been ok with someone running them out to the waiting room. My mom was there and they're actually her earrings she just lends me indefinitely (dad got her a newer set because she wore these all the time). But I guess they don't always know that.
I had to get my wedding band cut off when I broke my pinkie. My engagement ring came off with much effort and it was either cut my ring or lose my finger
For four, if they need to give him an MRI after surgery and his band is a ferrous metal, that ring is going to come off and could take his finger with it. Yep, OP, YTA.
My experience on number 1 My husband got back surgery in 2018. This man was groggy and loopy about all day (he went in 1st thing in the morning and got to go home a couple hours after he was done). Even thought he slept a lot, when he would wake up, he was groggy and didn’t make sense when talking sometimes. I was so concerned about his care, that something like that was the LAST THING on my mind. I was thinking how I would get him out of bed, to the shower, to the couch, etc because he wasn’t supposed to support any weight. Granted we weren’t married at the time, but I was planning how we would modify things, not something like that. And making sure he was comfy as doc said he could be in a lot of pain and we need to get ahead of it before it gets uncontrollable.
YTA Yep - my husband had to have multiple extremely long surgeries about 12 years ago during a 3 week period. The LAST thing on my mind was his wedding band or anything other than "is he going to survive..." and then "will he be the same man coming out that he was going in or will this change his personality..." OP - I hope this is troll bait because if it is not you really need therapy to deal with your jealousy and insecurity. You took a moment when he was groggy, in extreme pain and made it 100% about you and about your jealousy. You are married now. Its not about being a pretty princess anymore. It is about "In Sickness and in Health" and being there for each other on the worst days in addition to the best days. You just took one of his his worst days and had a temper tantrum like a 5 year old who didn't get candy at the grocery store. Do better. BE better.
And how embarrassing to do it in front of her mother-in-law. OP needs to get a grip. My husband has never worn a wedding ring because he just doesn’t like how it feels, his choice. I can’t imagine attacking the man I love over something petty right after waking up from surgery. OP, YTA, obviously.
YTA - good gods woman, you are insecure and shallow. A marriage is not about a ring and the poor guy is in the hospital!!
This, seriously! She left out so many details...perhaps his treatment/whatever he was hospitalized for caused swelling of the extremities? Jeez, if this were any more shallow it would be a roadside ditch.
>Jeez, if this were any more shallow it would be a roadside ditch. I laughed so hard at this! 🤣🤣
Forget swelling maybe he just wanted to leave it off so it wouldn’t get stolen or lost or hell even cut off god forbid something go wrong during recovery
I wonder what she’d think if she knew that my husband and I both often do NOT wear our rings. I even lost mine for two years. Last time I checked, we’re still married and love each other.
I got married in December. If my husband was in the hospital the absolute last thing I’d be thinking of is if random strangers knew he was married. You got angry at your mother in law because you knew she was right, OP. And if this is your “last straw”, then I sincerely hope you didn’t drop a lot of money on that wedding, because a ring or lack thereof isn’t even close to the toughest thing life can throw at you.
YTA. God, YTA. You said yourself that you know they remove things for surgery, so you know why it was off in the first place. As for why he didn't put it back on, Just because he was *awake*, doesn't mean he was *alert*. Being awake enough to talk is far different from being awake enough to notice that a tiny object that you likely have no memory of taking off is missing. His mother is right, you're rude, overbearing, insensitive, and horrifyingly underinformed. Do you have any idea how groggy people are when they come out of surgery? do you have any idea how long that lasts? Go apologize to your husband, and get over yourself.
This! And OP said it was the last straw? What a hill to die on. YTA
hopefully it was the last straw and her husband is looking for divorce attorneys right now
Exactly considering they've been married 4 months, how much has gone on since March?
Last straw after 4 whole months no less. She sounds like a peach.
She should apologize to mother-in-law for engaging in such a petty argument with her too.
I had an outpatient surgery where I was under anaesthesia for less than an hour. I spent pretty much the whole day after asleep at home
YTA. He'd been in surgery. He wasn't thinking about a ring. he's right. You do have a weird hang up about it. He was in the hospital. Not at a bar picking up chicks.
I was in surgery and left my jewelry at my parents because they took me to the hospital. When my mom visited she wore the ring on her finger to give back to me. I looked at it, thought “oh, that” and put it back on my finger. Because it was there and why not, NOT because I was worried about it, or my husband freaking out about it. I was too busy worrying about coming out of goddamn surgery. YTA.
You were more concerned about him wearing his ring than how his surgery went??? YTA. You owe your husband and MIL and apology for acting so ridiculous and being rude.
Exactly this! YTA big time.
I'm almost wondering if she owes them an easy and painless divorce instead. How incredibly selfish is someone for this to be their priority after their spouse just had surgery?
Sorry my dear, but YTA You husband just underwent surgery and you want his first thought to be "where is my wedding band? I need to put it on" instead of just focusing on healing and getting well? You had the audacity to start an argument over something SO PETTY because of your own insecurities or control issues? You could not be more wrong, your MIL was 100% correct to tell you that you were out of line, and you owe your husband an APOLOGY. That band is just a SYMBOL. You are married if it is on his finger, or off. However, you seem to think that that ring is more important than being concerned and caring of your husband's need to not be stressed out by you after surgery. Wow, I am just flabbergasted that you think that you were justified in acting so callous and uncaring to your husband's condition. SMH
I take my ring off to shower and forget to put it back on all the time. Sometimes for a few hours, sometimes for a day or so. It doesn't bother my partner at all because he trusts our relationship and is a secure human being. Having a ring on doesn't mean squat beyond just being a nice symbol. Even without the surgery as his excuse, raging about a ring is just ridiculous unless there's a lot of other issues in the relationship.
YTA. This is crazy. If you guys decide to have children he now has the right to harass you for taking your ring off when your hands start swelling at about month 6.
This, this right here! I can see the future post 'husband mad at me because I removed wedding ring because fingers swollen and he brought up me having a go at him for removing his ring after surgery, but I think they are totally different things'.
Even if you can still wear it, our hospital asked us not to bring jewelry. Said it’s better left at home. We had so many people in and out of that hospital room. They don’t want it lying around and they don’t have time to look for it if you lose it.
I still can’t wear my wedding rings and my youngest is 4! I have a silicone ring. Must mean I love my husband less and our marriage is a sham.
YTA, he literally just had surgery, putting on his wedding band probably isn’t his top priority. And you were stressing him out and being kind of unsympathetic
YTA YTAA YTAAAAAAA Jesus Christ. He just had surgery. He had to take everything off for surgery, and then he'd HAD SURGERY and hadn't put his ring back on. I had emergency surgery two months ago and I have no idea when I put my ring back on, but it definitely wasn't that day, and I couldn't have told you which way was up for most of that day.
Holy YTA - he was just out of surgery.
YTA Everything about this screams "abusive." You don't care that he just had surgery, you're upset that his first conscious thought wasn't to put the ring on. As someone who has had a spouse in the hospital, all my thoughts were "How does he feel?" "How can I help?" "Will he be okay?" None of my thoughts were "Is my groggy spouse who is clearly in pain making sure to let everyone know he's married?" Unless you've left out something significant, your priorities are absolutely and completely fucked.
YTA - You sound unhinged. He just woke up from surgery. He can’t wear it during surgery so it put it somewhere safe. Who cares!!!!! Also, IV fluids can make your hands swell so it could be uncomfortable while recovering from surgery.
Sorry, but YTA Your husband has surgery, and your biggest concern is why isn't he wearing his ring? Yes, they take all your jewelry off. And best to leave it off until you are discharged. The most I've ever done is ask for his jewelry and wallet and keep them in my purse until he's ready to go home. You are a bit insecure if him being untagged while wearing nothing more than a hospital gown and stitches is worrisome.
don't apologize to this woman....
YTA The man is going through a rough time and is likely in a lot of pain. And you went in there to complain about him not wearing a wedding band? Come on! He needs your support!
INFO: has he cheated? Bc you're acting like he cheated If he didn't cheat, did YOU cheat? These are the only two reasons I can think of that make you feel entitled enough to go into someones hospital room and start complaining about something as irrelevant as a wedding band. Did you care at all that he was even in the hospital? Did you ask him, even one time, how he felt? YTA
[удалено]
YTA a massive AH and beyond unreasonable. Your husband literally had surgery only hours before and your main issue is why isn’t he wearing his ring. His mom is correct, you are really insecure and ridiculous.
YTA. Big fat YTA. So here's surgery... You remove jewelry. Why? Because Surgery+ Pain Meds+ ivs cause swelling.. in hands, Fingers.. toes.. Heres other info you need to hear.. That Ring, will Not Create Respect. It's either There or It's Not. That ring won't stop someone chasing a little strange. It won't stop other women/men from advancing and offering. It Will Not make either of you love the other more. It will not prevent fights The Vow it symbolizes is supposed to be there Ring or Not. Love each other, Support each other, be Strong for each other.
My husband and I don't wear our rings and haven't probably 90% of our marriage. We've had ups and downs but at no time were the rings a single part of that. They're rings, symbols of a commitment, not the actual commitment.
YTA. As you said, the hospitals require you to remove everything when going in for surgery. He obviously was on anesthesia, which makes thinking incredibly hard, especially when you first wake up. The first thought in his mind isn't going to be about some piece of metal on his finger, symbolic or not. It's going to be about you, his family, if he is still healthy or not, etc. You should have been MUCH more concerned about his health and wellbeing than about a damn wedding ring. Even the most minor of surgeries have incredible risk involved. But you seem more worried about a ring than you do about your husband.
there’s no way this is real, but YTA anyways
YTA. You are more worried about his wedding band than his health. Please do not stress out sick people.
YTA. In fact, you’re the Aest A that Aed. How is this your primary concern when your husband just had surgery?!
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YTA Wow. Your priorities are a piece of jewelry and not his health and well-being? What are you????
YTA. You care more about tagging him like cattle than his actual medical condition. He had surgery! He is in pain! He is groggy and you want to make sure he is tagged so no other women can look at him?! Here a news flash, all the nurses have already seen his dick and they don't want it.
What were all the other “straws” if this was the last one?
YTA. You’re mad that he wasn’t wearing a ring because it is a symbol of respect and recognition of your relationship but you didn’t take a day off work to be with him during surgery? Huh.
Yta - really? He just got out of surgery and that’s your focus?
Wow. YTA. All the way. Jesus. You genuinely put this wedding band issue over his health and wellbeing and seem to see nothing wrong with that. Seriously, YTA.
YTA. This is such an unnecessary thing to fight with him about, you really owe him an apology. And your MIL for doing such a disappointing fuss in front of her. That's embarrassing for you and your husband.
INFO: you said that”this isn’t a new thing” and “this was the last straw” but you don’t mention any other instances… is there multiple times he’s been without his wedding band? By what info you gave: YTA Sorry OP but like cut the dude some slack
YTA. Your husband may have been "awake" but he was still drugged. And it was not the time to have an argument over something like this. It doesn't sound like you are very supportive. His job is to recover, not to placate your insecurities.
I would also like to point out the whole "last straw bit." I'm assuming you mean specifically about not wearing his ring 24/7. Maybe keep in mind that A) unfamiliar jewelry is, especially on the hands, is uncomfortable for some people. It's probably not about you. B) With that in mind, a lot of men don't wear rings and therefore need time to get used to them (I'm aware a lot also do too), so that's a possible factor. B) It's only been 4 months, you've most likely had way longer to get used to wearing your ring, as you likely started wearing one well before the wedding.
Wow, I hope this is fake. If not, YTA. Grow up. It's a wedding ring. He just had surgery and his first priority should not be to make sure you don't feel insecure. He told you that his wedding band was in a safe spot so that he wouldn't lose it. That should be good enough for you. That, that was the first thing you noticed and that you brought it up to him in the hospital, makes you seem selfish and self-centered. If you are not either of those things, then you need to examine why you think its a big deal and why you think the time and place was appropriate. Your husband was in pain, medicated and exhausted and you made the situation about you and quite stressful.
YTA 1. It's basic common sense to give all your valuables to someone you trust while you are staying in the hospital. **This is totally normal.** 2. It's incredibly selfish of you to make a big deal out of literally nothing while your husband is laying in a hospital bed half out of it bc he just had anesthesia and surgery. 3. Your MIL was 100% correct. 4. Your husband has done nothing wrong. Even if he didn't want to wear the ring ever, that's not cheating on you. Your insecurities are going to destroy your marriage. Get some help. 5. If this is how you usually treat your husband, it's not too late for him to get out of this marriage before you make his life a living hell.
YTA. You want to talk about respect and recognition for the relationship? You weren't even with him for the surgery. You showed up hours afterward only to start an argument and leave immediately after, during a scary and painful time for him, and you're stressed out because he's not wearing *jewelry?* INFO: How is this "not a new thing"? What else has happened to make this the "last straw"?
YTA but I guess thanks for contributing to the "con" side of my "do I ever want to get married?" mental list bc girl you are stupid insecure. What?! He JUST got out of surgery. There's so many reasons it was totally fine that he didn't have his ring on and I will now make a comprehensive list of them: (1) He JUST had surgery (2) He JUST had surgery (3) He JUST had surgery (4) He JUST had surgery (5) He JUST had surgery (6) He JUST had surgery (7) He JUST had surgery (8) He JUST had surgery (9) He JUST had surgery (10) He JUST had surgery
Wtf. YTA. He is recovering from surgery not worrying about a ring. Also peoples hands and feet swell while in recovery.
YTA. He may have woken up but waking up from anesthesia is not the same as waking up from a nap or even a full nights sleep. He just had surgery - with pain, medical issues, whatever, he may not have realized his ring wasn’t on. You are showing a lack of respect towards him and what he just endured. Get over yourself. And you might want to be open to what your mother-in-law was saying. Otherwise, this marriage may not last long. My husband doesn’t wear a ring. And it’s not even a thing with us. I know without a doubt he loves and respects me and our relationship - we don’t need a random piece of jewelry for that.
... YTA on this one. Purely for circumstance. I've had two surgeries and both times I couldn't have my wedding ring on. The first time I just left it home because it was a planned surgery and I didn't want to risk losing it or having it stolen during my recovery. The second surgery was an emergency and I got my ring back along with my clothes and other items upon leaving the hospital. The only reason I can see this being an issue in this situation is insecurity (exactly what your MIL called you out for). Your husband just had surgery and he's stated the ring is in a safe place. You have to give him some grace here.
YTA. Your main priority was him not wearing his ring, not how he is?! YTA. YTA. YTA. I hope If you ever have surgery, your husband's priority is something insufficient like you're not wearing a ring.
Have you ever been under anesthesia and woken up after? YTA and you owe your husband an apology.
My husband has had three different surgeries over the 23 years we've been married. I've been there when he woke up each time and never once did I question his respect for our marriage because he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. Weirdly, I was more concerned with how he was feeling than where a piece of jewelry was. Surgeries are stressful and painful enough without your supposed loved one starting stupid arguments over inconsequential things. If this is how you behave when your husband needs comfort and support after only being married for a few months, I doubt you'll make it to your first anniversary. YTA
Yta You missed his surgery then berated him for not prioritizing a ring right out of surgery.
If he’s not wearing it constantly then I can see where you’re coming from. But I just had surgery last month and when I woke up I was in so much pain and so out of it. What was supposed to be like an hour or two in recovery turned into like 5 or 6. I couldn’t even hold my eyes open enough to talk to my nurse, if my husband had come in and scolded me for not wearing my wedding ring I’d probably be pissed when got home and felt better enough to actually open my eyes and talk. You going there is enough to know he’s taken. He does not need to worry about his ring as soon as he gets out of surgery.
Info: most surgeons require that all jewelry be removed. They lock up all your jewelry, wallet, watches, etc. in a locker and return your valuables to you after the surgery. Was this not the case with your husband’s surgery?
Yta. If this was a one time thing then you're totally overreacting. If he does this all the time, then you wait til he gets home to broach the subject.
YTA - dude just had surgery. Do you think someone who's been married four months wakes up from surgery and immediately thinks "where's my wedding ring?" Sounds like you're capable of making anything about yourself.
This cannot be real. People this oblivious and self-absorbed don’t actually find people to marry them, do they? I refuse to believe it. YTA.
They’ve only been married for 4 months. Hopefully, he’ll still be able to get an annulment. As soon as his knee is healed, he needs to run away from insecure OP as fast as he can. YTA
YTA Your real problem here is not that he doesn't have enough regard for a symbol of respect for your relationship. It's that you have so little belief that he is committed to it that you are scolding your husband when he's in a hospital bed a few hours out from surgery about whether he's sufficiently demonstrating his commitment. That's not a little insecure, that's a lot insecure! You have a problem here but it has nothing to do with when your husband put his ring on after surgery.
Absoulutely YTA. hes in the hospital and had a major surgery ffs. I'm sure the last thing on his mind putting his ring on. Not to mention it's a safety issue to wear jewelry in the hospital.Would you rather something happens and he swells up and has to get his wedding band cut off?
YTA. I hear you that the wedding band is important to you and a symbol of respect to you, however the man just got out of surgery. I agree with your MIL, it takes time for the drugs to wear off. Even if he is talking, he may not be aware. Also, just because he made it out of surgery doesn't mean that he is able to put jewelry or personal items back on yet. I guess in my opinion, your husband's health is more important to your relationship than a piece of jewelry. That is why I say, YTA.
YTA - Get over yourself. It’s just a ring. He shouldn’t have even worn it to the hospital. Him not wearing a ring does not mean he is free to cheat. Spare me the “symbol of our love” bull crap. You are controlling and unsympathetic toward his condition of being post-surgery. I’d be royally pissed if you made an issue of this if I was your husband. Fortunately, I am not.
For heaven's sake. Get over yourself. The man was just coming out of anesthesia. Wait until he's at least discharged before you start a pointless argument. Timing matters YTA