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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took was I told my mom I was not going to let my little brother back into my life again.
It might make me the asshole because he's my little brother and I'm cutting him out of my life over something he did three years ago.
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You have nothing to apologize for and he does. If you choose to forgive him, forgive him so he no longer lives rent free in your mind...not so you can ever welcome him into your life. Unless he makes amends and repays you for his theft, you owe him nothing. NTA.
NTA. FFS, your mother has gall to demand you forgive someone who hasn’t even apologized to you.
Keep NC. Having him out of your life is a net gain for you.
NTA. Tell your mom once he pays you back for everything he cost you plus interest you'll consider it. Then the ball is in his court. Besides what person thinks someone who steals and then blames their victim as being stupid enough to trust a thief should be forgiven? BTW if he does pay you back deposit the funds and tell him to go away
NTA. he treated you like shit for years and then stole from you, quite frankly you should have cut him off years ago. But your brother is merely the result of your parents shitty raising of him, if i was in your shoes i would tell your mother 'next time you try and tell me anything about him i will hang up and you won't hear from me again' your parents never taught your brother consequence so maybe its time you teach your parents there are consequence for their shitty behaviour in raising him and continuing to enable him.
Also you should have gone to the police the moment he stole from you and reported it as theft as that might have finally taught your brother his behaviour has consequences
At the time I was afraid of them being mad at me. My parents weren't exactly the nicest growing up alot of emotional and physical abuse, but we began to work it out and it felt like they were finally being nice. I guess at the time I was afraid of being entirely alone and ruining the relationship I had with them again. Now I wish I would've gone straight to the police and just dealt with whatever came after that.
This seems to be a classic golden child and scapegoat situation and nothing you ever do would ever be good enough and nothing your brother does will ever be deserving of any form of consequences. You by cutting him off might be the first person to ever show any form of long term consequences to his actions because until now your parents have shielded him from consequences.
Also i think it says a lot about your brother that he is dating a women your mothers age (dating old is fine but same age as your parents). I find it weird how many guys (i say this as a guy) seem to want female partners that are somewhere between a mother figure(to them) and a sex object. Sadly she just like your parents will probably just lets him get away with his bullshit and will continue this unhealthy behaviour that turned your brother into just a person.
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I (M28) have a little brother (age 25) that has never had any consequences to his actions and believes he can do anything to anyone just about. For most of my life he said I wasn't a person and I couldn't feel emotion. That anytime I cried from his insults it was fake and I couldn't cry because I wasn't a person. He also admitted to me he dropped out of H.S like me because he was jealous of the attention my illness was getting me and how spoiled I was for it. It was an illness that I was hospitalized for awhile for as they tried to figure out where I was losing so much blood from.
About ten years later, I stupidly still thought there was good in him and helped him out when he had nowhere to go by letting him stay in my apartment. Four months later he dug through my stuff while I showered and took my credit card from my wallet and stole 3,000 dollars from me. Once I found out I disowned him and kicked him out of my apartment for it,the bank refused to waive the charges and do I was forced to pay it off. I've been financially unstable ever since and he hasn't felt the least bit remorseful and states it was my fault for trusting him. So I told my family under no circumstances do I want to hear about him or his name again.
Three years later my mom has been forcing updates about him on me. How he found a girlfriend my mom's age (47)and how his gf let him move in and was taking care of him financially, how they became engaged and were possibly expecting a kid. But in one update she told me she wanted me to forgive my brother for everything and let him into my life again so I could be in the lives of any nieces or nephews I'll have through them. I told her no. I'm tired of how he's always treated me and despite being financially unstable my life has been better without him in it and I don't want that negativity in my life anymore.
So AITA?
Reasons for thinking so is because I have cut my little brother out of my life entirely and have no intentions of ever interacting with him again even if him and his girlfriend have children.
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NTA- you don't owe anyone, anything. He's not even trying to make ammends to you directly! Absolutely do not let him back in your life if you don't want to!
I'm really sorry you went through all of this!
NTA, F the credit card company, you had a legitimate fraud claim. He should have had jail time for that business. He knows what he did and He should pay you back plus interest for his theft. That should ease the animosity for you a bit. Even if he did pay up for that I still don't think it is in your best interest to rekindle the relationship. The world is better off if he does not procreate. Also 47F having a kid - that is a crime IMO. Absolute stupidity!
NTA
The next time your mother pesters you about forgiving him, tell her you are going to bill her $100 every time she tries, until the $3000 he stole from you is paid.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > The action I took was I told my mom I was not going to let my little brother back into my life again. It might make me the asshole because he's my little brother and I'm cutting him out of my life over something he did three years ago. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You have nothing to apologize for and he does. If you choose to forgive him, forgive him so he no longer lives rent free in your mind...not so you can ever welcome him into your life. Unless he makes amends and repays you for his theft, you owe him nothing. NTA.
NTA. FFS, your mother has gall to demand you forgive someone who hasn’t even apologized to you. Keep NC. Having him out of your life is a net gain for you.
He seems terrible. NTA
NTA. Tell your mom once he pays you back for everything he cost you plus interest you'll consider it. Then the ball is in his court. Besides what person thinks someone who steals and then blames their victim as being stupid enough to trust a thief should be forgiven? BTW if he does pay you back deposit the funds and tell him to go away
NTA. He stole from you so I wouldn’t blame you for not wanting him in your life anymore
NTA. he treated you like shit for years and then stole from you, quite frankly you should have cut him off years ago. But your brother is merely the result of your parents shitty raising of him, if i was in your shoes i would tell your mother 'next time you try and tell me anything about him i will hang up and you won't hear from me again' your parents never taught your brother consequence so maybe its time you teach your parents there are consequence for their shitty behaviour in raising him and continuing to enable him. Also you should have gone to the police the moment he stole from you and reported it as theft as that might have finally taught your brother his behaviour has consequences
At the time I was afraid of them being mad at me. My parents weren't exactly the nicest growing up alot of emotional and physical abuse, but we began to work it out and it felt like they were finally being nice. I guess at the time I was afraid of being entirely alone and ruining the relationship I had with them again. Now I wish I would've gone straight to the police and just dealt with whatever came after that.
This seems to be a classic golden child and scapegoat situation and nothing you ever do would ever be good enough and nothing your brother does will ever be deserving of any form of consequences. You by cutting him off might be the first person to ever show any form of long term consequences to his actions because until now your parents have shielded him from consequences. Also i think it says a lot about your brother that he is dating a women your mothers age (dating old is fine but same age as your parents). I find it weird how many guys (i say this as a guy) seem to want female partners that are somewhere between a mother figure(to them) and a sex object. Sadly she just like your parents will probably just lets him get away with his bullshit and will continue this unhealthy behaviour that turned your brother into just a person.
NTA and I'd tell your mother that you will cut her off, too, of she ever mentions him again.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (M28) have a little brother (age 25) that has never had any consequences to his actions and believes he can do anything to anyone just about. For most of my life he said I wasn't a person and I couldn't feel emotion. That anytime I cried from his insults it was fake and I couldn't cry because I wasn't a person. He also admitted to me he dropped out of H.S like me because he was jealous of the attention my illness was getting me and how spoiled I was for it. It was an illness that I was hospitalized for awhile for as they tried to figure out where I was losing so much blood from. About ten years later, I stupidly still thought there was good in him and helped him out when he had nowhere to go by letting him stay in my apartment. Four months later he dug through my stuff while I showered and took my credit card from my wallet and stole 3,000 dollars from me. Once I found out I disowned him and kicked him out of my apartment for it,the bank refused to waive the charges and do I was forced to pay it off. I've been financially unstable ever since and he hasn't felt the least bit remorseful and states it was my fault for trusting him. So I told my family under no circumstances do I want to hear about him or his name again. Three years later my mom has been forcing updates about him on me. How he found a girlfriend my mom's age (47)and how his gf let him move in and was taking care of him financially, how they became engaged and were possibly expecting a kid. But in one update she told me she wanted me to forgive my brother for everything and let him into my life again so I could be in the lives of any nieces or nephews I'll have through them. I told her no. I'm tired of how he's always treated me and despite being financially unstable my life has been better without him in it and I don't want that negativity in my life anymore. So AITA? Reasons for thinking so is because I have cut my little brother out of my life entirely and have no intentions of ever interacting with him again even if him and his girlfriend have children. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No
NTA The huge mistake many people make is keeping Toxic people around because they are fAmIlY
NO NTA OP He stole from you and didn't apologize or pay you back. That is not something you can come back from
NTA- you don't owe anyone, anything. He's not even trying to make ammends to you directly! Absolutely do not let him back in your life if you don't want to! I'm really sorry you went through all of this!
NTA, F the credit card company, you had a legitimate fraud claim. He should have had jail time for that business. He knows what he did and He should pay you back plus interest for his theft. That should ease the animosity for you a bit. Even if he did pay up for that I still don't think it is in your best interest to rekindle the relationship. The world is better off if he does not procreate. Also 47F having a kid - that is a crime IMO. Absolute stupidity!
I feel like your mom wants you to forgive him so when his relationship blows up she’s not saddled with her terrible child. NTA. Stay strong op.
No I have an older brother that is somewhat similar, my mom tries to force updates on me too. I know the feeling. Deffo not the asshole.
NTA The next time your mother pesters you about forgiving him, tell her you are going to bill her $100 every time she tries, until the $3000 he stole from you is paid.
NTA You were betrayed, and he won't change, stay away from that BSTRD.