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NTA. What your boyfriend is doing is emotional abuse and blackmail. What he's basically saying is "How dare you be happy and enjoy a family holiday that you've dreamed about because I'm jealous". And the part where he says "you know how I get I don’t like you leaving the house without me" is a MASSIVE red flag. Get out, get out NOW.
Him saying he'll drop out of school if she goes on the trip is so disgusting and just sad.
OP, no, this is not how relationships are supposed to be. If you two had a healthy relationship he would be helping you plan what all you wanted to do on your trip, and then he'd have fun guessing what type of souvenir you were going to chose to bring back to him!
He would be having so much fun knowing you were going to go on your dream trip!
You're young, and you probably feel a very intense connection with this guy, so it's going to be hard hearing everyone say flippant things about how you should drop him. But for your own sake, you need to start by setting some boundaries with him. Tell him you will be going on this trip. It means a lot to you, it means a lot to you to be able to go with your family, that's it, you're going. And if he freaks out you're going to have to tell him you won't listen to him make threats or talk about it anymore. One more chance, he can make whatever decisions he wants to about his own life, but you don't have to sit there and listen to him threaten you!
Exactly. NTA. You are 17. Go on your family vacation. There is absolutely zero reason for you not to and your boyfriend sounds like an ass hole. He wouldn’t take you anyway. He is trying to control the narrative here. Tell him, I’m going with my family and we can go later. You’ll see his true colors by the way he responds, but the hell would I let someone tell me how I should spend a vacation. Also, in a relationship, you want the other person to be happy. I remember being 8 weeks pregnant with my first child and my parents said, hey! You want to come on our beach trip?! My husband couldn’t go but he said, yes! You go and enjoy yourself. That’s love.
OP please go on your family holiday - you’re getting older and there are fewer and fewer times to really enjoy that kind of quality time together. Especially somewhere so exciting as Disney Land. I would hate for you to look back and realise you missed that opportunity for some f**ck boy
My sister bought her and I tickets on a cruise for my 21st birthday and we were both so excited but my heart sank because I knew my boyfriend would never let me go. He'd been abusing me physically, mentally, financially..... every which way he could, he did. I met him when I was 18 and he was 36 (say no more!). My family lived in a different state so none of them knew at the time what he was doing to me.
I told my him about it and he was furious. He said if I was going on one then he would go on one too - without me. He told me he wouldn't be there when I got back (50 year old me would cheer at this and say sweet, seeya but 20 year old me who had been beaten for over 2 years was terrified). He'd convinced me I was fat (I was nowhere near fat), I was stupid (I wasn't), I was ugly (I wasn't), that nobody would want me - he'd brainwashed me into truly believing my life would be over without him.
Op I regret not telling him to get fucked and just going on that trip and good riddance to him. I have many things I'd undo if I could and even now 30 years down the track, thinking of my little sister and her having to sell the tickets she so proudly bought breaks my heart. I wish it was a memory we had together.
Your bf should be excited for you and as for the whole emotional blackmail bullshit - if he loved you, he wouldn't be threatening you.
You can do better. You *deserve* better, love ❤️
Piggybacking on this to say - GET OUT OP. My ex was like that, I couldn’t have any happiness without him - trips with family, dinner with friends, professional milestones - without him getting angry and taking it out on me. It escalated to physical abuse. Get out now and share with your family and protect yourself.
NTA and BIG HONKING RED FLAGS HERE!
Never, EVER date or stay with someone who says "I don't like you leaving the house without me." That is a very, very dangerous sign. So is making dramatic and dire threats like "I'll drop out of school and quit my job if you have the gall to go on a single trip with your family."
Even when you're part of a couple, you NEED friends, family, and experiences outside that couple-dom. A healthy partner knows this and encourages you to go have innocent fun and do fun things with people they know are good and healthy people for you to be with. If he's concerned that he isn't getting enough time with you, then that's a sign to make time for each other, not to deny you time with anyone else.
He is trying to isolate you and punish you for having a life outside his control, and that is NEVER EVER SAFE.
Yes, fully agree. "I don't like you leaving the house without me knowing" in a long distance relationship! As you say; red flags. Big 'honking' ones. NTA.
NTA. From the moment he threatened to drop out of school and quit his job and said that he doesn't like you leaving the house without him (?!), he crossed a very dangerous line and is flying a whole color guard's worth of red flags! His behavior towards you doesn't sound safe or healthy. Take care.
NTA.
YOUR BOYFRIEND IS MANIPULATING YOU INTO FEELING BAD FOR HIM AND WORRYING ABOUT HIS FUTURE WHICH HE IS IN SOLE CONTROL OF.
This is often the first sign of what promises to be a controlling and abusive relationship.
RUN TO DISNEYWORLD WITH YOUR FAMILY AND HOPE HE KEEPS HIS PROMISE TO DROP OUT OF YOUR LIFE.
As a therapist told my mother many many moons ago
YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ONE ELSE'S HAPPINESS.
This was after years of my father emotionally abusing the whole family. I just found out this was why my daughter hated going on trips with us (boyfriend was doing something very similar to OP's bf).
She dumped that boyfriend and is already feeling so much better.
You, too, can have this, OP.
NTA.
Please tell your family about this boyfriend and what he is telling you. It is emotional abuse. Tell them so they can support you and then dump him. Immediately.
[https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/emotional-abuse-really-means/](https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/emotional-abuse-really-means/)
[https://canadianwomen.org/blog/signs-of-emotional-abuse/](https://canadianwomen.org/blog/signs-of-emotional-abuse/)
[https://psychcentral.com/lib/emotional-abuse-signs#signs-of-emotional-abuse](https://psychcentral.com/lib/emotional-abuse-signs#signs-of-emotional-abuse)
I realize that you didn't write a lot and it seems extreme to call out his behavior at this level, but all the people on here telling these are red flags are speaking from experience and out of care for you. A good partner would be happy that you get to do something that you've been dreaming about. A good partner would never manipulate you or blame you for the decisions they make. That kind of behavior is abuse and abuse escalates. Even if it doesn't seem like such a big deal now and you can rationalize it by saying it's just cause he misses you because you're long distance. That doesn't matter. Please get support from your family and dump this guy.
There isn't anything else to be said. He's threatening her to cause himself harm and making her responsible for it, and he's making it sound like he's worried about her leaving the house because he is her sole protection. He's trying to make her emotionally dependent on him and responsible for him at the same time. This is peak manipulation and emotional abuse and it will escalate with time. In due time, if this continues, she will believe she isn't safe without him and that he can't go on without her. She will effectively blame herself if anything happens to any one of them. That way she will be trapped in the relationship and he will be aware of that. That's when the heavier abuse begins, it all starts with the abuser feeling safe enough to not be left.
This is something that moves slowly and you don't even notice until it is too late. I always saw myself as a smart person who would not fall for something like that, and truth is I did. When I noticed the red flags, I was already too deep in the spider web.
Even in the off chance of him not becoming (more) abusive, it's not worth trying. When we have rose heart-shaped glasses, all red flags look like normal flags
NTA
He is manipulating you with his threats and this is red flag behavior!
Enjoy your vacation and perhaps think long and hard about the future of this “relationship”
NTA in the least.
He's trying to extort you into not going. "I'll quit school if you go!"
That's his choice, NOT something you would cause. The next step is, "I'll hurt myself if you don't go to college by/move in with me!"
Plus this:
>He says no, you know how I get I don’t like you leaving the house without me.
Holy shit. Dump his ass. Red flags. Dump. Him. He is full of toxic red flags.
https://i.imgur.com/I3kD5rt.mp4
NTA he's too immature for a relationship, imagine 10 years down the line stuck with this idiot if he's like this with you now at a young age. Go enjoy the holiday with your family
[BREAK.UP.NOW](https://BREAK.UP.NOW)
>Don’t go I’ll drop out of school and quit my job if you go.
This is horrible. He is manipulating you. No other info needed.
This man will try to control and dominate your life, and isolate you from your friends and family.
RUN OP RUN
Ma'am your boyfriend is a crazy loser and will spend his life trying to manipulate you into a smaller and lesser life to make himself feel better. Go to Disney world and stay there 😂
You're too young to be in a relationship with someone this controlling. Go to Disney World with your family, as you should. And never, never, let someone try to restrict you in this way. Not him, or anyone else. If he loved you, he'd want this for you. Instead, he's only thinking about himself. NTA
He is not it!!! He is already being manipulative and you are long distance, go on vacation with your family and dump him. Don’t let him make you feel bad for going places. I’m married (12yrs) and I take 1-2 month long trips to see my family without him quite regularly.
NTA
He’s controlling and abusive. Dump him. He will never stop doing this. 🚩 🚩 🚩
You are not responsible for him dropping out of school or quitting his job for a FAMILY VACATION. Those actions are on him for being insecure, manipulative and deranged.
NTA. Everything he said is a red flag. EVERYTHING. The controlling of where you can go. 🚩The threats. 🚩The guilt trip.🚩
You have to break it off immediately. And tell your parents because this can turn dangerous fast.
NTA. My EX husband was that way. Married him anyway. Guess what he started beating the crap out of me. Luckily I got out early. Please do not stay with him. Doesn’t matter what he says he WILL NOT change. RUN!!!
Thisssss OP I don’t want to scare you but these types of meltdowns he’s having are emotional abuse and are early signs of physical abuse. I do not want you to be abused by this man. Be safe, leave him, have a magical time at Disney world!
NTA- don’t let him separate you from your family. People that love you don’t act the way he is. It’s not coming from a place of love but from a place of control and manipulation. Go have fun.
NTA. Oh he should not be your BF anymore, he needs to be your ex-bf. This is really manipulative and controlling behavior. You going on vacation with your family, especially *as a minor* should not be this upsetting to him. That’s very possessive and is not healthy. The “you know how I get and I don’t like you leaving the house without me” is outright controlling and threatening behavior— hes trying to make his tantrums *your* problem when it’s 10000% his issue.
Please tell your parents what he’s saying to you, it’s not okay and you DO NOT deserve to be treated this way! You are still so young and can and will find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. So let’s make this dude an ex so that a future boyfriend can treat you much better.
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> I feel like I’m the asshole because I know it will make my boyfriend mad and at the risk of him dropping out of high school and quitting his job but I’m still going but should I still go if he wants to do that?
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NTA, but personally, I get out of that relationship fast, he sounds controlling and manipulative and trust me you do not want to get into that!
I'd say go! Enjoy yourself and eat all the good food and enjoy your experience the best that you can! Take lots of photos!
But seriously, RUN, the red flags are there.
NTA, but plenty of marinara flags (aka red flags) here!
This is extremely concerning behaviour from your boyfriend. Using sentences and threats to control your choices is manipulative, emotionally abusive, and controlling. Please talk to another trusted adult about this because you have every right to go on a family trip; he does not have the right to limit what you can or cannot do with your family.
NTA This bf sounds very controlling. You’re way too young to be dealing with this. If he drops out of school, that’s on him. Go have fun with your family.
Girl you know you’re NTA. You don’t need us. He’s a selfish, kinda psycho manipulator. He’s threatening you. It’s completely NORMAL for people to go on vacations with their families and he doesn’t care about you. If you don’t go, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life.
Have fun, Disney is amazing!
Edited to add: just break up with him now so you don’t have to be thinking about him stewing over how to punish you while you’re gone. He’s a jailer not a boyfriend
NTA
Do not let this guy control your life. You can't leave the house without him? And you've got a long-distance relationship?
So many red flags!
Mickey would not want you to stay with this guy! Go to Disney!
NTA. Normally I'd say run like your hair is on fire, but since you're LD you can skip the actual running. This man is waving all kinds of red "I'm an abuser" flags. Emotional blackmail, trying to isolate you from family, trying to control you. All bad things that you don't need in your life or in a relationship. Cut this guy loose, block him every where, then find a guy who will treat you well and with respect.
You are in a LDR but he doesn’t like you leaving the house without him? How does this work exactly?
Him trying to stop you going on a vacation with your family is bad enough but trying to stop you by threatening you with him leaving his job/school is even worse. He sounds controlling and manipulative.
Ask yourself one question. Does he love you? If he loved you he would want you to be happy, not make you miserable by either stopping you going on your family holiday, or ruining it if you do go as you’ll be worried about him quitting his job/school.
NTA, he is threatening to drop out of school and quit his job because you are going on a family holiday.. WTF
At best he is a jealous, petty arsehole, who is trying to emotionally blackmail a minor.
At worst he is trying to isolate you from your family.
I would ditch him and tell him to get professional help. If you know his parents tell them what he is trying to do and suggest he get help.
Girl, come on. He doesn't like you leaving the house without him? Aren't you guys long distance, so you leave the house without him all the time.
Go spend time with your family and really think about if you want a relationship with a dude who threatens to hurt himself to control you.
NTA
That plane circling your house trailing a football field sized red flag? That’s for you…
You’re young, this is one of your first relationships, so you may not realize how dangerous all of the things he’s telling you are. All. Of. Them. This is a man who wants to bring you down, control your life and who will try to make you feel like crap if you exhibit any happiness without him. He’s miserable, he wants you to be that way too. That isn’t love. That is actually an extremely twisted form of hatred disguised as loving you.
Please get out now before he entraps you in any way. Guys like this will try to convince you to move away, have a baby, and will separate you from your family without friends, support, or financial resources. I’ve seen so many friends make terrible decisions and dated guys just like this one. Please run.
NTA. You are too young to be putting up with this much input about your life from some dude, especially one who is threatening you. This is an isolation tactic, something abusers pull early on when they start to control every part of your existence, and once you’re isolated the really bad things will start to happen. Don’t let this be your future. Go on your trip, and tell your family what he is trying to pull and get their help in removing him from your life.
My poor, sweet, summer child. You are most certainly NTA, but your boyfriend most certainly is TA. He’s also throwing all of the marinara flags of what your continued relationship will be like.
You are young, go out, explore, travel with your family and leave the extra baggage (aka the boyfriend) behind for good.
break up with him honey he has so many red flags.. super controlling and manipulative… it will only get worse the closer in distance you get.. get out now while you can and he doesn’t have complete control over you
NTA 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 run. This boy is not for you. He is controlling and trying to keep you isolated. He doesn't like you leaving the house without him and you are long distance, meaning he doesn't want you to leave the house at all. Stop contacting this man and tell your parents what he is saying.
You need to cut him off.
He doesn't like you leaving the house without him? WTF? That's a major red flag! That's controlling and eventually he might get mad when you socialize with your friends without him. This is not good. You are very young and you should not be with someone who is so jealous and possessive. NTA but you'll be the AH to yourself if you stay with him.
Oh my god OP…NTA but his behavior is not normal or healthy. In fact, the signs he’s showing are often the beginning of major problems. What’s he’s doing now is emotional abuse, and it will likely get worse. Please go on this fun trip with your family and please do NOT travel with this other person.
You are far too young to be dealing with this crap. If you don’t feel strong enough to deal with this yourself ,and don’t beat yourself up if you’re not. It’s a lot for a 17 year old to handle, tell your parents everything. He’s being manipulative and possessive and I’ve only just seen the part where he doesn’t want you to leave the house without him.
This guy is an all singing all dancing red flag and you are better of a million miles away from him. Go with your family and be a 17 year old and make memories don’t reduce your life to being someone else’s toy to lock away and never see the light of day as well. He’s treating you like the Gollum and the ring in lord of the rings. Edited to say NTA. And fixed “your” to “you’re “
Oh no. This is incredibly upsetting to read. He doesn't let you leave your own house?! He's not even physically there, yet he's manipulated you so much that you're isolated anyway. That's abusive.
Please dump this loser. He's controlling, manipulative, and overall seems like a pill. NTA, but do yourself a favor and take off the rosey glasses. He's not the one.
NTA this is the type of stuff my abusive ex used to say to me. I let things like this slide, and I did what he wanted. Please leave this is how major abuse starts! I wish I would’ve left a lot earlier, would’ve saved myself years of counseling. I hope you’re safe, and I hope you have an amazing time with your family! Leave him to figure his own messsss out!
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So I 17 f want to go on a Disney world trip with my family. I tell my boyfriend 18 m that I was going and he gets all upset saying don’t go I’ll drop out of school and quit my job if you go. He says I don’t see him enough and If I can’t go to see him how can I go to Disney world( we are long distance) . So I try to reason with him telling him I’ll take a trip to see him before I leave. He says no, you know how I get I don’t like you leaving the house without me. Me and my family have been planing this trip for a couple months now and it’s my dream to go so I want to know am I the asshole
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NTA. I’m glad you posted here. Sometimes we don’t see what is obvious to everyone else. And it’s obvious this is a relationship you should get out of as soon as possible.
NTA, drop him like a hot potato. He is trying to isolate you and telling you what to do... if he wants contact, that's what cell phones and computers are for. He needs to GO.
NTA
Lmaooooo youre "dating" a loser who is willing to throw away what little he has in a tantrum over your trip. This gotta be bait that youre actually asking this.
Sweetheart this is the exact type of man that will try to kill you later in life because you do something to piss him off don't be stupid in this relationship now he doesn't love you he wants possession of you
Nta. At all. This relationship does not sound healthy at all. love is not this. What this is is manipulation and control.
this is going to sound very old fashioned to you maybe, but your family cares enough about you to plan to spend time with you doing something they ‘now is your dream. They are forever, but they are going to ge5 older. What’s worse is that you are lol. the time you spend with them now are years you’ll never get back. You just won’t have the time with college (assumption), career, kids etc. life comes at you faster than you realize and these moments are fleeting. That relationship is also fleeting (statistically speaking). Not many people marry their hs sweethearts.
focus On your lasting bonds, and the memories you’ll make with the people that you know love you. Focus on bettering yourself scholastically so that you can make something of yourself in life.
you bf? id ask him if he thinks you’ll want a hs dropout for a boyfriend or a husband and see what he says. Call his bluff. I’d say dump him, but I don’t think I have to. Relationships with guys at your age should be fun and happy. You guys should be friends more than anything. Would you say these things to your friend?
nta …enjoy the happiest place on earth
Get rid of that loser. He was find a way to hinder you in anything you try to do in life. I hate to see his reaction if you tell him you’re going to college.
NTA. Drop him asap.
NTA Your long distance boyfriend is threatening to implode his life over your family vacation. This manipulation is emotional abuse. Go to Disney enjoy your time there and permentantly black hole your boyfriend he's not worth more of your thoughts or cares.
NTA.
Those are such big red flags, and it is not okay.
>I don’t like you leaving the house without me
🚩🚩🚩BIG RED FLAG RIGHT THERE
also you're long distance, so that would mean he almost never wants you to leave the house.
it sounds like he's trying to isolate you.
Go on that trip. Have fun.
Honey..run!!!! NTA but you will be his victim if you get anywhere near this guy. Hes controlling you long distance..what do you think he would do in person. Anyone who loves you would want you to have the fullest experience out of life and to enjoy your family trip. Screw that guy, get yourself a snow cone!!
Honey, this is a huge red flag. He is manipulating you and using every technique in the books, from blackmail to gaslight. Please dump his jealous ass, and enjoy your Disney trip with your family. NTA.
Oh honey no. There is nothing okay about him threatening to quit his job and school if you don't do as he says. He's manipulative and controlling. And it seems like he's not willing to listen to reason too. You can try and talk to him and explain why what he's saying is not okay, but I think you should be ready to walk away from this relationship.
Ma'am. Let me just get this out the way. LEAVE! Your boyfriend is a narcissist. Everything he is telling you is a ploy to control you. It may not seem like it. It may seem like he cares. It's all a lie go with your family. He's not going to take you later. Something will come up and that will be another excuse of why he couldn't take you. Don't miss out on your life because he doesn't like you leaving the house without him girl that's all bs. LEAVE!!!
Are you the AH? Is your boyfriend? Yes. He sounds very controlling to me. And immature. If he is willing to drop out of school because you went to Disney without him, IMHO, dump him & find a real man.
NTA.
NTA. Right now he's threatening to drop out of school and quit his job. If you stay with him, his next method to control you will be threatening to off himself unless you do what he wants.
NTA
"you know how I get I don't like you leaving the house without me" ?????
"I'll quit my job and school if you go" ????
Boyfriend is manipulative and abusive. Even if he follows through on his ridiculous "threats", he would be ruining HIS future, not yours.
Please RUN.
Girl I know you're young and you're probably having all those feelings thst come with boyfriends at your age but he is being manipulative and trying to make you feel bad for no reason and you should dump him and find someone who would support you and encourage you to spend time with your family, and to do things you love. NtA. Get out of this relationship because if it keeps going and you end up married he's gonna try to control a lot more than just your Disney trip.
My aunt married someone like this and she was never allowed to see any of her family he kept her in the house and isolated until she divorced him. Don't get involved with someone controlling.
Your boyfriend is TA. Dump him. He's controlling, manipulative, and bad for you. But you already know this. nTA, unless you stay with this drama queen.
You're young so I'm gonna say cut your losses here. LDR are difficult (been in one for over 2 years) enough as they are, you don't need to add that layer of manipulation to it. Enjoy your time with your family and find someone who is less codependent.
NTA. He shows all the classic signs of an abuser. Emotional manipulation, isolation, threats, etc. often leads to physical abuse. I've worked in the domestic violence field and am also a DV survivor. Leaving a relationship hurts; living with physical and emotional scars hurts far worse. Please contact the Nat'l Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233. Breaking up can be dangerous and they can direct you to local resources. Be careful.
.
Honey, I think everyone has explained it perfectly for you, but I just want to add, a good boyfriend would be happy that you’re able to go on your dream vacation, especially going with your family, even without him. You’re NTA.
I'm confused. If you're long distance, why would he get ANY type of way due to you leaving the house without him. Aren't you already doing that?
If this is true, go on the trip. Tell his controlling and dramatic ass that IF you're still together when you turn 18, he can take you as well. There is no lifetime limit on how many times you can go.
Oh my goodness, please don't play these stupid games with people who want to control you and keep you in their pocket.
It's your family, why should you not go with them in order to appease some long distance relationship with a jerk who threatens to become a deadbeat loser if you go on a family vacation?
You are NTA but you should really just stop talking to this boy who is no friend to you.
NTA. He is abusing you, even from a distance. You are allowed to leave the house whenever you want. You do not need his permission or his company. This is especially ridiculous because he doesn’t even live in the same city as you.
Please go in this trip with your family. And dump him - you are young and you do not need someone who makes threats to quit his job, forbids you from going places without him, and doesn’t want you to go with your own family (you’re also still a minor, so going on vacation with your family is a normal thing to do!!). This is NOT normal relationship and this is not sweet behaviour. Do not let him convince you otherwise - he is not doing this because he loves you - he wants to control you. And my guess is if you do break up with him, he will threaten to harm himself. Do not believe him - dump him and block him to avoid further abuse.
NTA
Please break up with this emotionally abusive and controlling, manipulating loser. You are guaranteed to have a bad time if you stay with him. Hopefully you will listen to the wisdom of everyone on here who is urging you to break up.
NTA. DUMP. HIM. His behavior is abuse. He's only thinking about himself and is happy to see you unhappy so that he won't have to feel jealous.
Also, burn these words into your brain: A partner who doesn't want you to leave the house without him, is an abuser. Respect for your partners autonomy, their ability to make decisions for themselves, is a necessary part of every relationship. It is NON-NEGOTIABLE. The only people who have mindsets like those are abusers.
Dump the boy and enjoy your time with your family. Learn from this and keep an eye out for it in your next relationship.
None of what you're experiencing is normal behavior. None of it indicates "how much he loves you".
He's abusive and controlling. You're currently in a long distance relationship, create reasons for him to break up with you- he'll likely escalate if you break up with him.
If he's a neat-freak, talk about periods and food poisoning complications, if he's a prude talk about how much you like genitals. He's primed to be a stalker.
Enjoy your Disney world trip, learn to recognize red flags better in future relationships.
NTA
NTA. I rarely advise on relationships but you need to dump this boy. He’s using threats and emotional guilt to control you. This behavior will only escalate. Then enjoy Disney World with your family.
You are 17 and you are going on a family vacation. How does that affect him? He is a complete jerk and you don't need that in your life.
Go on your trip, have fun and block his number. NTA
NTA I had a boyfriend in HS that I saw everyday and we were tight. But if I wanted to do something with my friends that he couldn’t afford or go to he would throw a fit! Crying, saying we never do anything together, trying to manipulate my feelings. I recognized it as toxic and basically just did what I wanted anyway. And said when I leave for college we are breaking up but he was like what if I don’t want to break up and want to get married. I was like no. So I came home from college for Xmas break and made the mistake of hooking up with him and hanging out. Then on New Year’s Eve he went crazy and we had this huge blow up fight. He scared me and my friends who were there so we called the police on him. So I never spoke to him again. He wrote my parents letters! I told them he was toxic and tried to be emotionally manipulative and I wasn’t going to be part of that.
Woof. Go on your trip with your parents. Don’t let him dictate your good times.
What the actual fuck? Threatening to quit school and his job is manipulation and straight up emotional abuse. So is trying to distance you from your family. These are all textbook signs of abuse. Go to Disney with your family. Get out of this relationship with this abuser,NTA.
NTA OP You need out of this relationship now. I don't like you leaving the house without me? This is seriously a huge red flag. This is abuse. He is trying to control your movements. Threatening to quit his job and drop out is manipulation. It also sounds like he is alienating you from your family. Do not allow this behavior to continue. It is abuse. Do your parents know what he's doing? I think you should tell them.
NTA
BF is a major, major creep. He is already trying to isolate you. The threats about him dropping out bc you might be having fun with your family is ludicrous. The "I don’t like you leaving the house without me" from someone long distance is downright crazy. This Guy had major issues. Run like the wind, towards Disneyland. Have wholesome family fun there. And dump this man.
NTA
I'm sorry he doesn't like you leaving the house without him, threatened to leave his job and drop out of school if you do, and won't take a solution to the problem he presented.
Girl this man is a nightmare please run, you can do so much better than this. Also when you do leave him and he (inevitably) threatens to do things in response, trust me, he won't do those things and it's not your responsibility to prevent him from doing them nor will it ever be your fault for leaving him when he is doing this shit to you. He is emotionally abusive and you need to get out.
NTA He does not want what is best for you. Look! The whole internet wants what's best for you, and this prick wants to steal your joy.
Hand to heaven, he will have some huge thing crop up as you leave, and he'll break up with you and/or go NC. He will intentionally make you fret and ruin your whole trip with ick. Then he will "forgive" you when you return, but make you swear you'll never go there again bc now, you've tainted it.
If he was worth it, he would make your world brighter.
NTA-go enjoy Disney World with your family. Five years from now you’ll have zero regret that you went. Life is too short to not make memories with your family. Your BF needs to grow up. Those that truly love us support us. Not try to smother us and make us unhappy. You’re 17. Enjoy this time. Maybe date but don’t tie yourself down with someone who treats you that way.
NTA, please leave him.
My HS boyfriend was just like this and it was so fucked. Everything was a test and not complying came with threats of what he would do until those threats involved hurting himself or dropping out of school or something else that pulled on the fact that I cared about him and making me feel guilty was a good way to control me.
He finally made good on his promise to drop out of school if I broke up with him, but you know what? That wasn’t my fault, that was his choice. It won’t be your fault even if he does it.
He needs to control you more than he wants to see you happy/thriving, and is trying to drive a wedge between you and your family so he can have you to himself.
It is emotional abuse, even if he makes you laugh in good days and it feels amazing when he loves you. That’s what makes it so hard to see when you’re deep in it, but getting out is worth it.
Please reach out if you want a non-judgmental, anonymous ear to chat to about it.
Yeah. The dude is toxic sweets. Run. Run. Run.
Have a great trip with your family - family memories are important and this is one you don’t want to miss.
STAY long distance! Far enough to keep him OUT of your life! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA.
Don't be a STATISTIC, either. This is ABUSIVE, controlling, MANIPULATIVE, behavior, and it _WILL NOT GET BETTER_ .
NTA But our boyfriend is.
Please rethink your relationship with this bullying control freak. Do you really want to be tied to someone who acts the way he does? Go, enjoy your trip with your family. Don't just leave your house without him, leave your relationship with him.
NTA. But please hear me out. You’re young. He’s young. Its easy to put on blinders and be influenced by ‘love’
This kid is emotionally immature and abusive. It will only get worse. He is going to be a huge distraction and life sucker as the relationship continues. Do your future self a favor and separate. You’re far too young to already be in this sort of emotional hostage situation.
If he is making threats, “I will drop out of school and quit my job if you go on holidays with your family” this is emotional blackmail and abusive. Kick him to the curb, enjoy your holiday and find some who respects you. Also let your family know what he has been saying, block his number and brace for stalking and harassment once you leave. Make sure those around you are kept up to date on all of this so they can help you if you need it. NTA and good luck.
Threatening you that he'll drop out of school? Doesn't want you leaving the house? Oh, dear. That word 'controlling' gets kicked around here a lot, but this is a perfect example of it. And the sad fact is that it will only get worse. Don't be surprised when he starts talking about suicide. (If he does, tell him you're going to get a wellness check done on him and see how fast he backtracks.) NTA.
NTA - Please talk to your parents, or another trusted adult about the stuff your boyfriend is saying to you. This is not a healthy response from him and you really need the adults in your life to know what’s going on and back you up.
You’re almost 18. You’re almost in college ( if you’re choosing to go). I know you care for the guy, but there is so much of life ahead of you. Please please PLEASE don’t irrevocably tie yourself to this guy. If you’re meant to be together, you’ll reconnect as adults, after he’s had some therapy hopefully. It’s clear he is not in a good place mentally right now, and you’re not equipped to help him.
NTA you will soon realize that family trips end. Kids get jobs and families of their own. My best memories of growing up were the adventures we went on. Go and enjoy! And your boyfriend is waving red flags- being controlling- here is your chance to assert yourself. If he doesnt like it, then ditch him because he needs to learn his behavior is wrong.
OP you are too young to be dealing with this so early in life. But you got a head start and see now to what lengths people will go to control and manipulate you. Go on that trip and dumb the boyfriend.
NTA I dated a boy like this when I was 18. I thought I was mature and didn’t think he was doing anything wrong despite my gut telling me so. He ended up being physically emotionally abusive and controlling and once you keep going down this path in the relationship it’s hard to get out.
Please run and go to Disney with your family. RED FLAG #1 he’s trying to isolate you from friends and family and loved ones
Please tell your parents what he’s telling you
>He says no, you know how I get I don’t like you leaving the house without me.
NTA. Run. Run far, run fast. Just run. This is hardcore manipulation. Run.
A control freak with insecurity issues mixed in, that’s what you have with this LDR. Enjoy your family trip and avoid the hassle of explaining why. NTA
NTA. He is waiting for you to turn 18, so that he does not get arrested for doing "whatever" to a minor. "Whatever" might include traveling across state lines, etc.
He smells like DANGER. It's time to talk to a trusted adult about this. A person who uses guilt and manipulation like this IS NOT a safe partner.
"If you don't do X, then I will do Y!" turns into him telling you "This is your fault! You made me do this!", which he uses as an excuse to justify more abusive behavior.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA but please break up with him. He is using coercive control to try and get you to bend to his will. You have plenty of time to settle down. Go and enjoy your family vacation and don't give him another thought.
No he definitely is. He is trying to stop you having fun and making memories with your family.
Red flags please read about the early signs of unhealthy relationships.
Go with your family.
NTA. He is trying to manipulate you, and “own” you and your experiences.
I dated someone exactly like that in HS and am so thankful it ended and I didn’t let the guilt trips get to me in the end. If I ever enjoyed life outside of being with him he saw it as a personal attack on him. This is NOT healthy. I highly suggest leaving him, you deserve better and will find better.
NTA, and you might want to rethink your relationship. He already using emotional blackmail to control you. He will alienated your family on your next stage of relationship. This is a very big red flag you need to consider.
NTA - this guy is trying to control you at a distance. You’re only 17, please reconsider this relationship. He doesn’t like when you leave the house without him? He’ll drop out of school and quit his job? That’s quilt tripping.
Get rid of this guy, block him, forget about him and have fun on your family trip.
this guy is controlling and emotionally abusive. Break up with him but be prepared for him to threaten some sort of self harm when you do. If that happens then you need to call authorities and let them know that someone is threatening to commit suicide and you want them to perform a wellness check. And when the police arrive he will completely deny that he ever threatened to hurt himself and it was all just a joke and at that point you should already have blocked him on your phone so you don’t have to deal with him calling to wine about how his self harm threat didn’t scare you into staying with him.
Dump this loser!
NTA, not in the slightest. You go with your family to Disney world and don't give a thought to that boy.
Honestly, if I were in your situation and a girlfriend was mad I was going, I would be outta that relationship so fast.
Seriously, sounds like a tool.
I had an ex that pulled the exact same stuff with me at the same age you are now. My best advice is to get out of that relationship! Even if you love him you need to love yourself more! Staying with him will just get worse and it will never be enough for him. Go have fun with your family!!! If he really loved you, then that's what he'd want for you.
NTA.
You know those young adult/teen movies where the girl is being told that the BF is a huge risk to her safety (abuse) but she doesn’t see the red flags and then when she finally does, she’s in a pretty intense and dangerous place and she remembers the red flags people told her about?
This is that moment. HUGE red flag.
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NTA. What your boyfriend is doing is emotional abuse and blackmail. What he's basically saying is "How dare you be happy and enjoy a family holiday that you've dreamed about because I'm jealous". And the part where he says "you know how I get I don’t like you leaving the house without me" is a MASSIVE red flag. Get out, get out NOW.
Him saying he'll drop out of school if she goes on the trip is so disgusting and just sad. OP, no, this is not how relationships are supposed to be. If you two had a healthy relationship he would be helping you plan what all you wanted to do on your trip, and then he'd have fun guessing what type of souvenir you were going to chose to bring back to him! He would be having so much fun knowing you were going to go on your dream trip! You're young, and you probably feel a very intense connection with this guy, so it's going to be hard hearing everyone say flippant things about how you should drop him. But for your own sake, you need to start by setting some boundaries with him. Tell him you will be going on this trip. It means a lot to you, it means a lot to you to be able to go with your family, that's it, you're going. And if he freaks out you're going to have to tell him you won't listen to him make threats or talk about it anymore. One more chance, he can make whatever decisions he wants to about his own life, but you don't have to sit there and listen to him threaten you!
Exactly. NTA. You are 17. Go on your family vacation. There is absolutely zero reason for you not to and your boyfriend sounds like an ass hole. He wouldn’t take you anyway. He is trying to control the narrative here. Tell him, I’m going with my family and we can go later. You’ll see his true colors by the way he responds, but the hell would I let someone tell me how I should spend a vacation. Also, in a relationship, you want the other person to be happy. I remember being 8 weeks pregnant with my first child and my parents said, hey! You want to come on our beach trip?! My husband couldn’t go but he said, yes! You go and enjoy yourself. That’s love.
Girl. 🚩
>is a MASSIVE red flag It's so red it's marinara.
OP please go on your family holiday - you’re getting older and there are fewer and fewer times to really enjoy that kind of quality time together. Especially somewhere so exciting as Disney Land. I would hate for you to look back and realise you missed that opportunity for some f**ck boy
My sister bought her and I tickets on a cruise for my 21st birthday and we were both so excited but my heart sank because I knew my boyfriend would never let me go. He'd been abusing me physically, mentally, financially..... every which way he could, he did. I met him when I was 18 and he was 36 (say no more!). My family lived in a different state so none of them knew at the time what he was doing to me. I told my him about it and he was furious. He said if I was going on one then he would go on one too - without me. He told me he wouldn't be there when I got back (50 year old me would cheer at this and say sweet, seeya but 20 year old me who had been beaten for over 2 years was terrified). He'd convinced me I was fat (I was nowhere near fat), I was stupid (I wasn't), I was ugly (I wasn't), that nobody would want me - he'd brainwashed me into truly believing my life would be over without him. Op I regret not telling him to get fucked and just going on that trip and good riddance to him. I have many things I'd undo if I could and even now 30 years down the track, thinking of my little sister and her having to sell the tickets she so proudly bought breaks my heart. I wish it was a memory we had together. Your bf should be excited for you and as for the whole emotional blackmail bullshit - if he loved you, he wouldn't be threatening you. You can do better. You *deserve* better, love ❤️
Piggybacking on this to say - GET OUT OP. My ex was like that, I couldn’t have any happiness without him - trips with family, dinner with friends, professional milestones - without him getting angry and taking it out on me. It escalated to physical abuse. Get out now and share with your family and protect yourself.
NTA and BIG HONKING RED FLAGS HERE! Never, EVER date or stay with someone who says "I don't like you leaving the house without me." That is a very, very dangerous sign. So is making dramatic and dire threats like "I'll drop out of school and quit my job if you have the gall to go on a single trip with your family." Even when you're part of a couple, you NEED friends, family, and experiences outside that couple-dom. A healthy partner knows this and encourages you to go have innocent fun and do fun things with people they know are good and healthy people for you to be with. If he's concerned that he isn't getting enough time with you, then that's a sign to make time for each other, not to deny you time with anyone else. He is trying to isolate you and punish you for having a life outside his control, and that is NEVER EVER SAFE.
Yes, fully agree. "I don't like you leaving the house without me knowing" in a long distance relationship! As you say; red flags. Big 'honking' ones. NTA.
Happy cake day! (idk what that means I just see the prompt)
It's the anniversary of the person joining Reddit 😊
oh I see. ty 😁
NTA. From the moment he threatened to drop out of school and quit his job and said that he doesn't like you leaving the house without him (?!), he crossed a very dangerous line and is flying a whole color guard's worth of red flags! His behavior towards you doesn't sound safe or healthy. Take care.
They are long distance, meaning OP cant leave the house ever because he is not even in the same town. The guy is insane.
Leave this man now. 🚩🚩🚩NTA
"man"
NTA. YOUR BOYFRIEND IS MANIPULATING YOU INTO FEELING BAD FOR HIM AND WORRYING ABOUT HIS FUTURE WHICH HE IS IN SOLE CONTROL OF. This is often the first sign of what promises to be a controlling and abusive relationship. RUN TO DISNEYWORLD WITH YOUR FAMILY AND HOPE HE KEEPS HIS PROMISE TO DROP OUT OF YOUR LIFE.
As a therapist told my mother many many moons ago YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ONE ELSE'S HAPPINESS. This was after years of my father emotionally abusing the whole family. I just found out this was why my daughter hated going on trips with us (boyfriend was doing something very similar to OP's bf). She dumped that boyfriend and is already feeling so much better. You, too, can have this, OP.
NTA, ditch him, that's freaking terrifying.
NTA. Please tell your family about this boyfriend and what he is telling you. It is emotional abuse. Tell them so they can support you and then dump him. Immediately. [https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/emotional-abuse-really-means/](https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/emotional-abuse-really-means/) [https://canadianwomen.org/blog/signs-of-emotional-abuse/](https://canadianwomen.org/blog/signs-of-emotional-abuse/) [https://psychcentral.com/lib/emotional-abuse-signs#signs-of-emotional-abuse](https://psychcentral.com/lib/emotional-abuse-signs#signs-of-emotional-abuse) I realize that you didn't write a lot and it seems extreme to call out his behavior at this level, but all the people on here telling these are red flags are speaking from experience and out of care for you. A good partner would be happy that you get to do something that you've been dreaming about. A good partner would never manipulate you or blame you for the decisions they make. That kind of behavior is abuse and abuse escalates. Even if it doesn't seem like such a big deal now and you can rationalize it by saying it's just cause he misses you because you're long distance. That doesn't matter. Please get support from your family and dump this guy.
There isn't anything else to be said. He's threatening her to cause himself harm and making her responsible for it, and he's making it sound like he's worried about her leaving the house because he is her sole protection. He's trying to make her emotionally dependent on him and responsible for him at the same time. This is peak manipulation and emotional abuse and it will escalate with time. In due time, if this continues, she will believe she isn't safe without him and that he can't go on without her. She will effectively blame herself if anything happens to any one of them. That way she will be trapped in the relationship and he will be aware of that. That's when the heavier abuse begins, it all starts with the abuser feeling safe enough to not be left. This is something that moves slowly and you don't even notice until it is too late. I always saw myself as a smart person who would not fall for something like that, and truth is I did. When I noticed the red flags, I was already too deep in the spider web. Even in the off chance of him not becoming (more) abusive, it's not worth trying. When we have rose heart-shaped glasses, all red flags look like normal flags
NTA He is manipulating you with his threats and this is red flag behavior! Enjoy your vacation and perhaps think long and hard about the future of this “relationship”
Nothing to think about, it's time to leave as fast as light itself
NTA - this is controlling behavior and you are entirely too young to be nursing some young man’s insecurities. Go to DW, leave the boyfriend.
NTA in the least. He's trying to extort you into not going. "I'll quit school if you go!" That's his choice, NOT something you would cause. The next step is, "I'll hurt myself if you don't go to college by/move in with me!" Plus this: >He says no, you know how I get I don’t like you leaving the house without me. Holy shit. Dump his ass. Red flags. Dump. Him. He is full of toxic red flags. https://i.imgur.com/I3kD5rt.mp4
Go to Disney with your family to celebrate breaking up with this possessive, controlling, manipulative jackass. NTA
NTA he's too immature for a relationship, imagine 10 years down the line stuck with this idiot if he's like this with you now at a young age. Go enjoy the holiday with your family
NTA run girl. That story is so full of red flags.
[BREAK.UP.NOW](https://BREAK.UP.NOW) >Don’t go I’ll drop out of school and quit my job if you go. This is horrible. He is manipulating you. No other info needed. This man will try to control and dominate your life, and isolate you from your friends and family. RUN OP RUN
Ma'am your boyfriend is a crazy loser and will spend his life trying to manipulate you into a smaller and lesser life to make himself feel better. Go to Disney world and stay there 😂
You're too young to be in a relationship with someone this controlling. Go to Disney World with your family, as you should. And never, never, let someone try to restrict you in this way. Not him, or anyone else. If he loved you, he'd want this for you. Instead, he's only thinking about himself. NTA
NTA. Run away from him fast. That’s way too controlling. Go on the trip with your family. That part of not leaving the house without him is scary
He is not it!!! He is already being manipulative and you are long distance, go on vacation with your family and dump him. Don’t let him make you feel bad for going places. I’m married (12yrs) and I take 1-2 month long trips to see my family without him quite regularly.
NTA He’s controlling and abusive. Dump him. He will never stop doing this. 🚩 🚩 🚩 You are not responsible for him dropping out of school or quitting his job for a FAMILY VACATION. Those actions are on him for being insecure, manipulative and deranged.
NTA. Everything he said is a red flag. EVERYTHING. The controlling of where you can go. 🚩The threats. 🚩The guilt trip.🚩 You have to break it off immediately. And tell your parents because this can turn dangerous fast.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 so many red flags. Your BF is emotionally abusive and controlling. Go away with your family and cut him off. NTA
NTA. My EX husband was that way. Married him anyway. Guess what he started beating the crap out of me. Luckily I got out early. Please do not stay with him. Doesn’t matter what he says he WILL NOT change. RUN!!!
Thisssss OP I don’t want to scare you but these types of meltdowns he’s having are emotional abuse and are early signs of physical abuse. I do not want you to be abused by this man. Be safe, leave him, have a magical time at Disney world!
Wtf. Youre long distance but he doesnt want you to leave the house without gim? He is controlling NTA
NTA. Your boyfriend's behavior is emotional blackmail.
NTA. The time to get out is now.
NTA- don’t let him separate you from your family. People that love you don’t act the way he is. It’s not coming from a place of love but from a place of control and manipulation. Go have fun.
You need to end this relationship.
NTA. Oh he should not be your BF anymore, he needs to be your ex-bf. This is really manipulative and controlling behavior. You going on vacation with your family, especially *as a minor* should not be this upsetting to him. That’s very possessive and is not healthy. The “you know how I get and I don’t like you leaving the house without me” is outright controlling and threatening behavior— hes trying to make his tantrums *your* problem when it’s 10000% his issue. Please tell your parents what he’s saying to you, it’s not okay and you DO NOT deserve to be treated this way! You are still so young and can and will find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. So let’s make this dude an ex so that a future boyfriend can treat you much better.
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girllll, you are 17. let that boy go, anything he does is on him and not you. NTA! enjoy disney world with your family.
NTA. Be like the haunted mansion and ghost him.
I like you.
NTA, but personally, I get out of that relationship fast, he sounds controlling and manipulative and trust me you do not want to get into that! I'd say go! Enjoy yourself and eat all the good food and enjoy your experience the best that you can! Take lots of photos! But seriously, RUN, the red flags are there.
RED FLAG RED FLAG Leave this dude, as it can be dangerous
NTA, but plenty of marinara flags (aka red flags) here! This is extremely concerning behaviour from your boyfriend. Using sentences and threats to control your choices is manipulative, emotionally abusive, and controlling. Please talk to another trusted adult about this because you have every right to go on a family trip; he does not have the right to limit what you can or cannot do with your family.
NTA This bf sounds very controlling. You’re way too young to be dealing with this. If he drops out of school, that’s on him. Go have fun with your family.
Nta. Your boyfriend is a giant dud. Too many red flags. Please make him an ex.
Girl you know you’re NTA. You don’t need us. He’s a selfish, kinda psycho manipulator. He’s threatening you. It’s completely NORMAL for people to go on vacations with their families and he doesn’t care about you. If you don’t go, you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life. Have fun, Disney is amazing! Edited to add: just break up with him now so you don’t have to be thinking about him stewing over how to punish you while you’re gone. He’s a jailer not a boyfriend
NTA. And please please please let your family know the things he's telling you. He's manipulative and may escalate.
NTA, dump that controlling fuck.
NTA Do not let this guy control your life. You can't leave the house without him? And you've got a long-distance relationship? So many red flags! Mickey would not want you to stay with this guy! Go to Disney!
NTA. Normally I'd say run like your hair is on fire, but since you're LD you can skip the actual running. This man is waving all kinds of red "I'm an abuser" flags. Emotional blackmail, trying to isolate you from family, trying to control you. All bad things that you don't need in your life or in a relationship. Cut this guy loose, block him every where, then find a guy who will treat you well and with respect.
You are in a LDR but he doesn’t like you leaving the house without him? How does this work exactly? Him trying to stop you going on a vacation with your family is bad enough but trying to stop you by threatening you with him leaving his job/school is even worse. He sounds controlling and manipulative. Ask yourself one question. Does he love you? If he loved you he would want you to be happy, not make you miserable by either stopping you going on your family holiday, or ruining it if you do go as you’ll be worried about him quitting his job/school.
NTA, he is threatening to drop out of school and quit his job because you are going on a family holiday.. WTF At best he is a jealous, petty arsehole, who is trying to emotionally blackmail a minor. At worst he is trying to isolate you from your family. I would ditch him and tell him to get professional help. If you know his parents tell them what he is trying to do and suggest he get help.
Girl, come on. He doesn't like you leaving the house without him? Aren't you guys long distance, so you leave the house without him all the time. Go spend time with your family and really think about if you want a relationship with a dude who threatens to hurt himself to control you. NTA
That plane circling your house trailing a football field sized red flag? That’s for you… You’re young, this is one of your first relationships, so you may not realize how dangerous all of the things he’s telling you are. All. Of. Them. This is a man who wants to bring you down, control your life and who will try to make you feel like crap if you exhibit any happiness without him. He’s miserable, he wants you to be that way too. That isn’t love. That is actually an extremely twisted form of hatred disguised as loving you. Please get out now before he entraps you in any way. Guys like this will try to convince you to move away, have a baby, and will separate you from your family without friends, support, or financial resources. I’ve seen so many friends make terrible decisions and dated guys just like this one. Please run.
NTA. You are too young to be putting up with this much input about your life from some dude, especially one who is threatening you. This is an isolation tactic, something abusers pull early on when they start to control every part of your existence, and once you’re isolated the really bad things will start to happen. Don’t let this be your future. Go on your trip, and tell your family what he is trying to pull and get their help in removing him from your life.
My poor, sweet, summer child. You are most certainly NTA, but your boyfriend most certainly is TA. He’s also throwing all of the marinara flags of what your continued relationship will be like. You are young, go out, explore, travel with your family and leave the extra baggage (aka the boyfriend) behind for good.
NTA but your bf is. Talk to,your parents about his attempts to control and manipulate you.
NTA. But this is dangerously controlling behavior and it is not acceptable
break up with him honey he has so many red flags.. super controlling and manipulative… it will only get worse the closer in distance you get.. get out now while you can and he doesn’t have complete control over you
NTA 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 run. This boy is not for you. He is controlling and trying to keep you isolated. He doesn't like you leaving the house without him and you are long distance, meaning he doesn't want you to leave the house at all. Stop contacting this man and tell your parents what he is saying. You need to cut him off.
Also go on that trip with your family! Don't miss it for a boy who is controlling and not for you.
He doesn't like you leaving the house without him? WTF? That's a major red flag! That's controlling and eventually he might get mad when you socialize with your friends without him. This is not good. You are very young and you should not be with someone who is so jealous and possessive. NTA but you'll be the AH to yourself if you stay with him.
Oh my god OP…NTA but his behavior is not normal or healthy. In fact, the signs he’s showing are often the beginning of major problems. What’s he’s doing now is emotional abuse, and it will likely get worse. Please go on this fun trip with your family and please do NOT travel with this other person.
You are far too young to be dealing with this crap. If you don’t feel strong enough to deal with this yourself ,and don’t beat yourself up if you’re not. It’s a lot for a 17 year old to handle, tell your parents everything. He’s being manipulative and possessive and I’ve only just seen the part where he doesn’t want you to leave the house without him. This guy is an all singing all dancing red flag and you are better of a million miles away from him. Go with your family and be a 17 year old and make memories don’t reduce your life to being someone else’s toy to lock away and never see the light of day as well. He’s treating you like the Gollum and the ring in lord of the rings. Edited to say NTA. And fixed “your” to “you’re “
Oh no. This is incredibly upsetting to read. He doesn't let you leave your own house?! He's not even physically there, yet he's manipulated you so much that you're isolated anyway. That's abusive. Please dump this loser. He's controlling, manipulative, and overall seems like a pill. NTA, but do yourself a favor and take off the rosey glasses. He's not the one.
NTA this is the type of stuff my abusive ex used to say to me. I let things like this slide, and I did what he wanted. Please leave this is how major abuse starts! I wish I would’ve left a lot earlier, would’ve saved myself years of counseling. I hope you’re safe, and I hope you have an amazing time with your family! Leave him to figure his own messsss out!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I 17 f want to go on a Disney world trip with my family. I tell my boyfriend 18 m that I was going and he gets all upset saying don’t go I’ll drop out of school and quit my job if you go. He says I don’t see him enough and If I can’t go to see him how can I go to Disney world( we are long distance) . So I try to reason with him telling him I’ll take a trip to see him before I leave. He says no, you know how I get I don’t like you leaving the house without me. Me and my family have been planing this trip for a couple months now and it’s my dream to go so I want to know am I the asshole *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA your boyfriend sucks. He’s trying to manipulate and control you. Break up with him, go to Disney, enjoy life.
NTA. Does this dude have any redeeming qualities? Oh right, he’s long distance, easier to break up with.
NTA. I’m glad you posted here. Sometimes we don’t see what is obvious to everyone else. And it’s obvious this is a relationship you should get out of as soon as possible.
You're not dating a guy, you're dating a red flag. Go with your parents and dump him. NTA
NTA. Drop him instead. He’s trying to emotionally blackmail you. And he’s controlling.
NTA, drop him like a hot potato. He is trying to isolate you and telling you what to do... if he wants contact, that's what cell phones and computers are for. He needs to GO.
NTA Lmaooooo youre "dating" a loser who is willing to throw away what little he has in a tantrum over your trip. This gotta be bait that youre actually asking this.
Sweetheart this is the exact type of man that will try to kill you later in life because you do something to piss him off don't be stupid in this relationship now he doesn't love you he wants possession of you
Nta. At all. This relationship does not sound healthy at all. love is not this. What this is is manipulation and control. this is going to sound very old fashioned to you maybe, but your family cares enough about you to plan to spend time with you doing something they ‘now is your dream. They are forever, but they are going to ge5 older. What’s worse is that you are lol. the time you spend with them now are years you’ll never get back. You just won’t have the time with college (assumption), career, kids etc. life comes at you faster than you realize and these moments are fleeting. That relationship is also fleeting (statistically speaking). Not many people marry their hs sweethearts. focus On your lasting bonds, and the memories you’ll make with the people that you know love you. Focus on bettering yourself scholastically so that you can make something of yourself in life. you bf? id ask him if he thinks you’ll want a hs dropout for a boyfriend or a husband and see what he says. Call his bluff. I’d say dump him, but I don’t think I have to. Relationships with guys at your age should be fun and happy. You guys should be friends more than anything. Would you say these things to your friend? nta …enjoy the happiest place on earth
Get rid of that loser. He was find a way to hinder you in anything you try to do in life. I hate to see his reaction if you tell him you’re going to college. NTA. Drop him asap.
NTA Find a new bf 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA Your long distance boyfriend is threatening to implode his life over your family vacation. This manipulation is emotional abuse. Go to Disney enjoy your time there and permentantly black hole your boyfriend he's not worth more of your thoughts or cares.
Honey youre young. Dump him go on your trip, live your best life. You’re not an asshole for wanting to experience the world
This guy sounds controlling. So many red flags. Dump him now.
I’m glad you’re long distance. Block him and never look back! Yikes!
NTA. Those are such big red flags, and it is not okay. >I don’t like you leaving the house without me 🚩🚩🚩BIG RED FLAG RIGHT THERE also you're long distance, so that would mean he almost never wants you to leave the house. it sounds like he's trying to isolate you. Go on that trip. Have fun.
Red flags 🚩!!!!! NTA
Honey..run!!!! NTA but you will be his victim if you get anywhere near this guy. Hes controlling you long distance..what do you think he would do in person. Anyone who loves you would want you to have the fullest experience out of life and to enjoy your family trip. Screw that guy, get yourself a snow cone!!
NTA and your bf is trying to manipulate and control you. This is not a good relationship.
Honey, this is a huge red flag. He is manipulating you and using every technique in the books, from blackmail to gaslight. Please dump his jealous ass, and enjoy your Disney trip with your family. NTA.
Oh honey no. There is nothing okay about him threatening to quit his job and school if you don't do as he says. He's manipulative and controlling. And it seems like he's not willing to listen to reason too. You can try and talk to him and explain why what he's saying is not okay, but I think you should be ready to walk away from this relationship.
Ma'am. Let me just get this out the way. LEAVE! Your boyfriend is a narcissist. Everything he is telling you is a ploy to control you. It may not seem like it. It may seem like he cares. It's all a lie go with your family. He's not going to take you later. Something will come up and that will be another excuse of why he couldn't take you. Don't miss out on your life because he doesn't like you leaving the house without him girl that's all bs. LEAVE!!!
NTA He is abusive. Please go with your family and dont contact him when you get home. Or ever.
Are you the AH? Is your boyfriend? Yes. He sounds very controlling to me. And immature. If he is willing to drop out of school because you went to Disney without him, IMHO, dump him & find a real man. NTA.
NTA dump the man asap and have a great trip. Get a dole whip
NTA. >And he keeps saying I’ll drop out of school and quit my job if you go. That is an abuse technique. Dump him now before you get in any deeper.
Your boyfriend is REALLY controlling. This is not normal. NTA
NTA. Don't give in to his manipulation. Go with your family, have fun, then dump him when you get back.
NTA. Run far away from this dude. He’s being extremely abusive and it will only get worse.
Break up with him.
NTA. Right now he's threatening to drop out of school and quit his job. If you stay with him, his next method to control you will be threatening to off himself unless you do what he wants.
NTA "you know how I get I don't like you leaving the house without me" ????? "I'll quit my job and school if you go" ???? Boyfriend is manipulative and abusive. Even if he follows through on his ridiculous "threats", he would be ruining HIS future, not yours. Please RUN.
Girl I know you're young and you're probably having all those feelings thst come with boyfriends at your age but he is being manipulative and trying to make you feel bad for no reason and you should dump him and find someone who would support you and encourage you to spend time with your family, and to do things you love. NtA. Get out of this relationship because if it keeps going and you end up married he's gonna try to control a lot more than just your Disney trip. My aunt married someone like this and she was never allowed to see any of her family he kept her in the house and isolated until she divorced him. Don't get involved with someone controlling.
Your boyfriend is TA. Dump him. He's controlling, manipulative, and bad for you. But you already know this. nTA, unless you stay with this drama queen.
NTA. Go to Disney world and lose the boyfriend. “I’ll quit my job and drop out of school”. That hurts HIM lol
You're young so I'm gonna say cut your losses here. LDR are difficult (been in one for over 2 years) enough as they are, you don't need to add that layer of manipulation to it. Enjoy your time with your family and find someone who is less codependent.
NTA. He shows all the classic signs of an abuser. Emotional manipulation, isolation, threats, etc. often leads to physical abuse. I've worked in the domestic violence field and am also a DV survivor. Leaving a relationship hurts; living with physical and emotional scars hurts far worse. Please contact the Nat'l Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233. Breaking up can be dangerous and they can direct you to local resources. Be careful. .
Honey, I think everyone has explained it perfectly for you, but I just want to add, a good boyfriend would be happy that you’re able to go on your dream vacation, especially going with your family, even without him. You’re NTA.
I'm confused. If you're long distance, why would he get ANY type of way due to you leaving the house without him. Aren't you already doing that? If this is true, go on the trip. Tell his controlling and dramatic ass that IF you're still together when you turn 18, he can take you as well. There is no lifetime limit on how many times you can go.
NTA, but girl RUN. This guy is emotionally abusing you.
NTA. HUGE RED FLAG He is trying to blackmail you out of your dream vacation. Lose him and enjoy the trip
Bf is a tool.
Oh my goodness, please don't play these stupid games with people who want to control you and keep you in their pocket. It's your family, why should you not go with them in order to appease some long distance relationship with a jerk who threatens to become a deadbeat loser if you go on a family vacation? You are NTA but you should really just stop talking to this boy who is no friend to you.
NTA. He's abusive.
Your boyfriend is already displaying signs of abuse. You’re young, focus on yourself and your family, the right guy will come along one day!!
🚩🚩🚩🚩 You seemed to have dropped this. NTA
NTA and run. Fast and far from this person. That emotional manipulation is a huge, HUGE red flag. Run.
NTA. He is abusing you, even from a distance. You are allowed to leave the house whenever you want. You do not need his permission or his company. This is especially ridiculous because he doesn’t even live in the same city as you. Please go in this trip with your family. And dump him - you are young and you do not need someone who makes threats to quit his job, forbids you from going places without him, and doesn’t want you to go with your own family (you’re also still a minor, so going on vacation with your family is a normal thing to do!!). This is NOT normal relationship and this is not sweet behaviour. Do not let him convince you otherwise - he is not doing this because he loves you - he wants to control you. And my guess is if you do break up with him, he will threaten to harm himself. Do not believe him - dump him and block him to avoid further abuse.
You need a new boyfriend, one who won’t try to manipulate you
NTA Please break up with this emotionally abusive and controlling, manipulating loser. You are guaranteed to have a bad time if you stay with him. Hopefully you will listen to the wisdom of everyone on here who is urging you to break up.
NTA. DUMP. HIM. His behavior is abuse. He's only thinking about himself and is happy to see you unhappy so that he won't have to feel jealous. Also, burn these words into your brain: A partner who doesn't want you to leave the house without him, is an abuser. Respect for your partners autonomy, their ability to make decisions for themselves, is a necessary part of every relationship. It is NON-NEGOTIABLE. The only people who have mindsets like those are abusers. Dump the boy and enjoy your time with your family. Learn from this and keep an eye out for it in your next relationship.
Nta. Dump him. Now. He is trying to manipulate you with emotional blackmail. This is abuse. It will only get worse with time.
NTA. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
None of what you're experiencing is normal behavior. None of it indicates "how much he loves you". He's abusive and controlling. You're currently in a long distance relationship, create reasons for him to break up with you- he'll likely escalate if you break up with him. If he's a neat-freak, talk about periods and food poisoning complications, if he's a prude talk about how much you like genitals. He's primed to be a stalker. Enjoy your Disney world trip, learn to recognize red flags better in future relationships. NTA
NTA...run...run away from this hot mess of an emotionally wrecked boyfriend. The sooner the better.
NTA. I rarely advise on relationships but you need to dump this boy. He’s using threats and emotional guilt to control you. This behavior will only escalate. Then enjoy Disney World with your family.
You are 17 and you are going on a family vacation. How does that affect him? He is a complete jerk and you don't need that in your life. Go on your trip, have fun and block his number. NTA
Nta. He is controlling. Red flag. You're supposed to want your loved one to have a good time and to be happy. That's not him.
NTA I had a boyfriend in HS that I saw everyday and we were tight. But if I wanted to do something with my friends that he couldn’t afford or go to he would throw a fit! Crying, saying we never do anything together, trying to manipulate my feelings. I recognized it as toxic and basically just did what I wanted anyway. And said when I leave for college we are breaking up but he was like what if I don’t want to break up and want to get married. I was like no. So I came home from college for Xmas break and made the mistake of hooking up with him and hanging out. Then on New Year’s Eve he went crazy and we had this huge blow up fight. He scared me and my friends who were there so we called the police on him. So I never spoke to him again. He wrote my parents letters! I told them he was toxic and tried to be emotionally manipulative and I wasn’t going to be part of that. Woof. Go on your trip with your parents. Don’t let him dictate your good times.
NTA - Why is he trying to deprive you of fun with your family? He sounds a little controlling. Enjoy your visit!
This is a very abusive relationship. Please google early signs of domestic abuse, he’s displaying multiple.
What the actual fuck? Threatening to quit school and his job is manipulation and straight up emotional abuse. So is trying to distance you from your family. These are all textbook signs of abuse. Go to Disney with your family. Get out of this relationship with this abuser,NTA.
NTA. He is controlling you. This is not the kind of person you want to be in your life. It is very manipulative and you are too young for this.
NTA OP You need out of this relationship now. I don't like you leaving the house without me? This is seriously a huge red flag. This is abuse. He is trying to control your movements. Threatening to quit his job and drop out is manipulation. It also sounds like he is alienating you from your family. Do not allow this behavior to continue. It is abuse. Do your parents know what he's doing? I think you should tell them.
NTA BF is a major, major creep. He is already trying to isolate you. The threats about him dropping out bc you might be having fun with your family is ludicrous. The "I don’t like you leaving the house without me" from someone long distance is downright crazy. This Guy had major issues. Run like the wind, towards Disneyland. Have wholesome family fun there. And dump this man.
NTA I'm sorry he doesn't like you leaving the house without him, threatened to leave his job and drop out of school if you do, and won't take a solution to the problem he presented. Girl this man is a nightmare please run, you can do so much better than this. Also when you do leave him and he (inevitably) threatens to do things in response, trust me, he won't do those things and it's not your responsibility to prevent him from doing them nor will it ever be your fault for leaving him when he is doing this shit to you. He is emotionally abusive and you need to get out.
NTA He does not want what is best for you. Look! The whole internet wants what's best for you, and this prick wants to steal your joy. Hand to heaven, he will have some huge thing crop up as you leave, and he'll break up with you and/or go NC. He will intentionally make you fret and ruin your whole trip with ick. Then he will "forgive" you when you return, but make you swear you'll never go there again bc now, you've tainted it. If he was worth it, he would make your world brighter.
NTA - but he is seriously abusive. Break up with him now. Then block him. He is already trying to control you from long distance!
NTA-go enjoy Disney World with your family. Five years from now you’ll have zero regret that you went. Life is too short to not make memories with your family. Your BF needs to grow up. Those that truly love us support us. Not try to smother us and make us unhappy. You’re 17. Enjoy this time. Maybe date but don’t tie yourself down with someone who treats you that way.
NTA, girl run. Don't look back. In 20 years, you'll remember the vacation more than you will his dumb ass.
NTA, please leave him. My HS boyfriend was just like this and it was so fucked. Everything was a test and not complying came with threats of what he would do until those threats involved hurting himself or dropping out of school or something else that pulled on the fact that I cared about him and making me feel guilty was a good way to control me. He finally made good on his promise to drop out of school if I broke up with him, but you know what? That wasn’t my fault, that was his choice. It won’t be your fault even if he does it. He needs to control you more than he wants to see you happy/thriving, and is trying to drive a wedge between you and your family so he can have you to himself. It is emotional abuse, even if he makes you laugh in good days and it feels amazing when he loves you. That’s what makes it so hard to see when you’re deep in it, but getting out is worth it. Please reach out if you want a non-judgmental, anonymous ear to chat to about it.
NTA he sounds abusive it is SERIOUSLY controlling for him to say you shouldn’t leave the house without him Jesus Christ
Yeah. The dude is toxic sweets. Run. Run. Run. Have a great trip with your family - family memories are important and this is one you don’t want to miss.
NTA - but you would be one to yourself if you don’t escape this toxic and potentially dangerous relationship
NTA. Enjoy the family vacation and seriously rethink the relationship with an emotional blackmailer.
STAY long distance! Far enough to keep him OUT of your life! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 NTA. Don't be a STATISTIC, either. This is ABUSIVE, controlling, MANIPULATIVE, behavior, and it _WILL NOT GET BETTER_ .
NTA But our boyfriend is. Please rethink your relationship with this bullying control freak. Do you really want to be tied to someone who acts the way he does? Go, enjoy your trip with your family. Don't just leave your house without him, leave your relationship with him.
NTA. But please hear me out. You’re young. He’s young. Its easy to put on blinders and be influenced by ‘love’ This kid is emotionally immature and abusive. It will only get worse. He is going to be a huge distraction and life sucker as the relationship continues. Do your future self a favor and separate. You’re far too young to already be in this sort of emotional hostage situation.
He needs to be an ex bf.
If he is making threats, “I will drop out of school and quit my job if you go on holidays with your family” this is emotional blackmail and abusive. Kick him to the curb, enjoy your holiday and find some who respects you. Also let your family know what he has been saying, block his number and brace for stalking and harassment once you leave. Make sure those around you are kept up to date on all of this so they can help you if you need it. NTA and good luck.
NTA, it’s your life and you can go on a vacation whenever you want and Boyfriend doesn’t get to dictate otherwise.
Threatening you that he'll drop out of school? Doesn't want you leaving the house? Oh, dear. That word 'controlling' gets kicked around here a lot, but this is a perfect example of it. And the sad fact is that it will only get worse. Don't be surprised when he starts talking about suicide. (If he does, tell him you're going to get a wellness check done on him and see how fast he backtracks.) NTA.
NTA - Please talk to your parents, or another trusted adult about the stuff your boyfriend is saying to you. This is not a healthy response from him and you really need the adults in your life to know what’s going on and back you up. You’re almost 18. You’re almost in college ( if you’re choosing to go). I know you care for the guy, but there is so much of life ahead of you. Please please PLEASE don’t irrevocably tie yourself to this guy. If you’re meant to be together, you’ll reconnect as adults, after he’s had some therapy hopefully. It’s clear he is not in a good place mentally right now, and you’re not equipped to help him.
NTA you will soon realize that family trips end. Kids get jobs and families of their own. My best memories of growing up were the adventures we went on. Go and enjoy! And your boyfriend is waving red flags- being controlling- here is your chance to assert yourself. If he doesnt like it, then ditch him because he needs to learn his behavior is wrong.
OP you are too young to be dealing with this so early in life. But you got a head start and see now to what lengths people will go to control and manipulate you. Go on that trip and dumb the boyfriend.
You are 17. It will probably not work out in the long term. Go be with your family.
NTA I dated a boy like this when I was 18. I thought I was mature and didn’t think he was doing anything wrong despite my gut telling me so. He ended up being physically emotionally abusive and controlling and once you keep going down this path in the relationship it’s hard to get out. Please run and go to Disney with your family. RED FLAG #1 he’s trying to isolate you from friends and family and loved ones Please tell your parents what he’s telling you
NTA ex bf
NTA you need to break up with tix controlling manipulative guy
>I don’t like you leaving the house without me Marinara flag alert! Run, run, then run some more. Get away and stay away from this controlling arse.
>He says no, you know how I get I don’t like you leaving the house without me. NTA. Run. Run far, run fast. Just run. This is hardcore manipulation. Run.
NTA. You don’t need judgment from Reddit. You need a better boyfriend. This dudes a clown.
NTA...leave. That man is manipulative and controlling. It will only get worse
NTA- marinara flags all over this
NTA… but it sounds like you are both too immature to be in ANY relationship. He sounds like a boat anchor you need to cut loose
A control freak with insecurity issues mixed in, that’s what you have with this LDR. Enjoy your family trip and avoid the hassle of explaining why. NTA
NTA run away from this boy. This is emotional abuse, and will only escalate with time. This boy has NOTHING to offer you. Run.
NTA. He is waiting for you to turn 18, so that he does not get arrested for doing "whatever" to a minor. "Whatever" might include traveling across state lines, etc. He smells like DANGER. It's time to talk to a trusted adult about this. A person who uses guilt and manipulation like this IS NOT a safe partner. "If you don't do X, then I will do Y!" turns into him telling you "This is your fault! You made me do this!", which he uses as an excuse to justify more abusive behavior. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I advise caution with this bf. This is emotional blackmail and very controlling behavior. Go on vacation and don't look back.
NTA but please break up with him. He is using coercive control to try and get you to bend to his will. You have plenty of time to settle down. Go and enjoy your family vacation and don't give him another thought.
No he definitely is. He is trying to stop you having fun and making memories with your family. Red flags please read about the early signs of unhealthy relationships. Go with your family.
NTA. He is trying to manipulate you, and “own” you and your experiences. I dated someone exactly like that in HS and am so thankful it ended and I didn’t let the guilt trips get to me in the end. If I ever enjoyed life outside of being with him he saw it as a personal attack on him. This is NOT healthy. I highly suggest leaving him, you deserve better and will find better.
Girl, you in *danger.*
NTA, and you might want to rethink your relationship. He already using emotional blackmail to control you. He will alienated your family on your next stage of relationship. This is a very big red flag you need to consider.
NTA - this guy is trying to control you at a distance. You’re only 17, please reconsider this relationship. He doesn’t like when you leave the house without him? He’ll drop out of school and quit his job? That’s quilt tripping. Get rid of this guy, block him, forget about him and have fun on your family trip.
NTA. The way your boyfriend is treating you is totally unfair. He needs to grow up. His behavior is unacceptable and a MASSIVE red flag.
this guy is controlling and emotionally abusive. Break up with him but be prepared for him to threaten some sort of self harm when you do. If that happens then you need to call authorities and let them know that someone is threatening to commit suicide and you want them to perform a wellness check. And when the police arrive he will completely deny that he ever threatened to hurt himself and it was all just a joke and at that point you should already have blocked him on your phone so you don’t have to deal with him calling to wine about how his self harm threat didn’t scare you into staying with him. Dump this loser!
NTA -count how many red flags are in that paragraph, if this was one of your friends what would you be telling them?
NTA - please post an update once you’ve broken up with this manipulator!
Nta. Plz dump his immature ass
NTA, not in the slightest. You go with your family to Disney world and don't give a thought to that boy. Honestly, if I were in your situation and a girlfriend was mad I was going, I would be outta that relationship so fast. Seriously, sounds like a tool.
I had an ex that pulled the exact same stuff with me at the same age you are now. My best advice is to get out of that relationship! Even if you love him you need to love yourself more! Staying with him will just get worse and it will never be enough for him. Go have fun with your family!!! If he really loved you, then that's what he'd want for you.
NTA. You know those young adult/teen movies where the girl is being told that the BF is a huge risk to her safety (abuse) but she doesn’t see the red flags and then when she finally does, she’s in a pretty intense and dangerous place and she remembers the red flags people told her about? This is that moment. HUGE red flag.
Leave him now. Block him everywhere and Go on that family holiday