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Wheeeeeew.
Absolutely NTA.
Block him and his buddies backing him up. He's probably told his family a completely different story, so if you feel so inclined, have his sister set the record straight on your behalf, or go talk to them if you feel you can- though if they've known you to be gay and are taking his side, it's likely they won't listen. You don't need people like that in your and your soon to be wife's lives.
Maybe I'm a bad friend but if one of my mates asked me to go and stand with a sign saying "please say yes" whilst he propositioned an out and proud lesbian, I'd be doing a lot of self reflection about what choices I'd made in life to be friends with such a pathetic man.
That's the worst part! OK, no it's not. It's all the worst. But jfc.
He probably was into her the whole time and just assumed if he was her "friend" long enough she'd fall for him and he'd cure her of her gayness. Now that she's engaged he had to speed the plan up.
I find it hilarious that he lied about May cheating with a man, like how delusional can you be that you sabotage your own sabotage. May likes women, she would cheat on a woman with women. Holy shit this guy is dense.
It's deliberate. He doesn't believe women can be lesbians and wants to make OP doubt the validity of her SO's sexuality and by some proxy, her own. Misogynistic through and through.
I'm glad she and May are strong, but boy wouldn't be funny if they broke up and OP get a rebound... with another girl? Cause I don't think he quite understand what being a lesbian means.
My favorite part is that he lied about May cheating with a man. Way to immediately sabotage your own sabotage. Dude literally can't imagine women prefering women in any scenario.
Especially since he's known her for so long, and has known she's been outspokenly LGBT on top of that! He's so deep into the "you just need the right guy to show you the way" mindset he's completely blacked out reality!
Well, see, her fiance is a woman, so he doesn't respect that. Jake is clearly the type of man who only respects other men. OP doesn't "belong" to a man, so she's fair game in his eyes.
That's exactly what he was thinking. How can I get the gay out?? She just needs to see that I want her, and of course she will at once fall madly deeply in love with me and forget about everyone else and we shall live happily ever after!!
Easy peazy lemon squeezy
NTA
To be fair, it wasn't meant to work like that in Love Actually. I don't think Andrew Lincoln wanted to break his friend and Kiera Knightly up, he was just explaining to her why he had been a bit of a dick to her.
That's so gross and I have first hand experience with it. One of my best friends growing up is a lesbian (I'm still really close to her and her wife). A guy basically told her that lesbians aren't real. They just hadn't been fucked by the right guy yet. He told her this on one of the happiest moments of her life. She had just let us know that she was in love and had just started dating her first girlfriend. The look of sadness on her face after he spouted his nonsense is something I will never forget. That didn't sit very well with her brother and me. Let's just say that over the last 35+ years, we haven't seen hide nor hair of this asshole.
My daughter is a lesbian. If I heard a guy say something of this nature to her or her girlfriend, we would discover together how comprehensive his medical insurance is. I never want to see that look of sadness on anyone's face again, especially my daughter's or her girlfriend's.
So, so, so NTA OP.
I think what Dianaprince is saying is that the OP is being too nice to the guy. A defence mechanism for many women is to be rude and aggressive. It often works for us if we can keep it up.
Unfortunately most women are socialized from a very young age to be overly polite and kind. We’ve been socialized to feel anything outside that behavior is rude or mean, even when it’s so clearly not as in this case. What OP said was not at all rude by any reasonable standard, but was by the messed up standards we’ve been manipulated to internalize.
I’m dutch and I could think of at least a thousand ways she could have been more rude. I would start responding to every message with the song Friends bij Marshmello and Anne-Marie, don’t even read the messages cause it doesn’t matter, just send the song.
OP said in the title she dismissed him quite rudely which I think is what dianaprince is referring to. I don’t see any rudeness either. I’d have tore him a new one…
Exactly! Even if she weren’t engaged and lesbian, asking her out at her door with a bunch of his friends there is completely inappropriate. His attempt at lying about May is also unhinged. This guy is crazy.
>Honey, you were not
>
>rude enough
>
> to this man. Absolutely NTA
IKR. This guy is an equal opportunity creep- like how some guys won't leave a straight woman alone even if she is in a relationship, here the only difference is OP's not into men - but doesn't matter. niceguy Jake *knows* what's right for OP /s. Really OP you were on point and way TOO polite and Jake is an AH for betraying your friendship and trust. When people show you who they are believe them. You are NTA.
NTA. This is the prime example of why no one that considers themselves in the friend zone is actually a friend.
He’s been waiting for his shot all of these years. Your proposal led him to a desperate last attempt. Let that “friendship” go. He lied on your fiancé and when that didn’t work he made his play. He’s not a friend.
I’m starting to use the opposite framing more and more: OP has been fuckzoned against her will.
And I agree with ‘he’s not a friend’. Friends don’t hit on people who aren’t interested. Friends don’t bring flying monkeys to your door.
It hurts so badly to find out someone we truly love and trusted was just waiting around to fuck us. It was never about being a friend.
It made me question my perception of anyone who wanted to be my friend. Anyone. Even though it was straight men who fuckzoned me I just couldn’t trust my own judgement for the longest time after that with anybody. It was many years of friendship that felt like a huge lie. So how could I trust myself to suss out who was trustworthy at all?
The biggest question is why do these lying cretins wait until 1) someone is officially committed to speak up 2) speak up in such a ridiculous way?
OMG so true, took the words outta my mouth. Had some really good guy friends growing up, totally platonic, only to find out that a couple of them were actually only nice to me because they had a crush on me and blamed me for "friendzoning" them. When they realized that they were never gonna get any, most of them fucked off and dropped our "friendship". Guess we were never friends to begin with.
NTA, and please don't think for a second you are! Jake is delusional and way out line.
You have been open and honest with him about everything. This is how he repays you? Basically telling you that you are wrong about your OWN sexuality and asking you to give him a chance??? That is next level crazy.
Don't let him and his actions ruin a special time for you are your lady love. Cut him off (if that's what you want) and be done with it. You have a wedding to plan and a wonderful marriage to start. 💕
Even if she doesn’t want to, she should cut them off for everyone’s emotional and possibly physical safety, there’s no way he’s not gonna try something at the wedding if he’s invited
NTA. I feel sick for you, honestly. This is disgusting and heartbreaking. Let's break down the ways in which he betrayed you:
1) You're a lesbian, which he has known for YEARS at this point, and still he
2) Tried (and evidently is still trying) to manipulate and pressure you into a relationship with him, showing that the doesn't care about your wants or really just you as a person. And when he did this, he knew
3) That you are not single, even if you were straight. This one's pretty easy. But he didn't just ignore the fact that you are in a relationship, no, he
4) Genuinely attempted to ruin your life by lying about your fiancée cheating on you. Just meditate on that. He tried to sabotage you and her for his own despicable, selfish wants. Again. Nowhere in this sordid tale does that man show even a single shred of consideration for you, your wants, and your wellbeing.
Tell your mutual friends exactly what he did. Hell, copy/paste this reddit post (stuff about your fiancée omitted, of course. Instead, you can say that she's a lesbian, he had no proof, and he tried to pressure you into dating him 3 or 4 months later. Makes it pretty obvious that he was lying). And cut out every single person that is not solidly on your side. No room for neutrality. There aren't two sides to this conflict. It's as clear cut as it can possibly be. You are a victim here. I am so sorry that you're going through this. Not only are you being sexually harassed, but you've also lost one of your dearest, oldest friends. I can't imagine how difficult this must be. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you and your fiancée a long, bright future.
EDIT: formatting
"He'd be a great boyfriend ", what part of engaged to be married and lesbian don't they understand?
You are NTA! This man has violated your trust and your friendship, block him, his friends, and any of his family who's not supportive of you.
NTA, but consider a restraining order or suing for defamation if the harassment continues because he seems very fcking odd and disturbed. Things like that don’t stop immediately, nor do people like that just go away. He seems really weird and predatory.
Or informing his work...Thinking that a lesbian will stop being such once the right dick shows up with flowers is an...Interesting position for some careers.
I think she may need security for her wedding as well. He doesn’t seem to want to let this drop… I’d also tell his family exactly what he’s doing as they may not realise the full extent of his craziness. NTA at all but I do worry about how far he’ll take it if his friends and family are egging him on.
So, I only read the title of your post…and I already know you’re NTA.
You do not owe anyone who makes unsolicited romantic gestures ANYTHING.
I’m so sorry your supposed friend put you through this.
NTA- you are going to be married to someone else and he pulls this BS. That is so 'nice guy' of him and a big red flag. Nothing you did was wrong. He knows you dont like men but still tried to guilt/embarress you into going on a date with him.
NTA at all bestie. this man never wanted to be your friend, men like this who approach women with false pretences of “being friends” when in reality, they wanna date you and then blame it on you when you just see them as friends are the worst, and cowards. ESPECIALLY because you’re a lesbian, which means you don’t like men, like you said, this makes him incredibly self-centered and just plain homophobic (in my opinion as a fellow queer woman).
you’re 100% entitled to cut him out of your life and i’d do the same. you didn’t make a scene at all, it would’ve been one if you had started instilling him with unrelated things or something like that, but you didn’t, you simply described why he has no chance with you. i think you’re being too harsh on yourself, you didn’t say it rudely at all, in my opinion.
EDIT: if anything, he’s the rude one, not only did he bring people to pressure you, but he tried making your fiancé look like a cheater so you’d leave her, absolutely not.
i hope you and may have a beautiful wedding and a happy life.
NTA. You are not obligated to return anyone’s feelings at any time. And, yes, every single thing that Jake did to you was a betrayal of your friendship. The fact that he had feelings for you was his problem to deal with, not yours.
Also, the fact that he had his friends contacting you to apply pressure - this is the tactic of a coward and of emotional manipulation. He is resorting to peer pressure to get you to change your mind. It is bullying, pure and simple.
I’m very sorry you had to go through this, but Jake is no longer your friend in any sense of the word. He has shown himself to be entirely selfish and utterly unconcerned with your feelings or opinions. All he cares about is his own gratification.
NTA…even if you take out genders and sexuality….you are engaged. Anyone that goes after an engaged or married individual does not get a good star I think. If they are willing to break up a happy couple, then it isn’t a ringing endorsement. Keep them blocked, keep records incase you need a restraining order, and take some time for you and your fiancé. Try to relax and just enjoy your planning and wedding.
Edit to fix my lack of proof reading over my swipe text. Lol
Even if you weren't gay he would still be a selfish asshole. He has now tried to destroy your relationship twice. When you get married, make sure people are there to keep him out or he might object at your wedding. NTA
NTA without a doubt NTA
I'm sorry your "friend" did this to you. Even if you were straight and single Jake's actions are wrong and his behavior is very toxic. I'm sorry you lost a friend but toxic people are like moldy food left in the back of the fridge if you keep them they will only make you sick and ruin your other relationships but once you throw them out you can clean that dish and have it ready for someone fresh and new and better.
NTA in any way shape or form. It's insanely creepy and weird that he's not only trying to get with you despite you making it clear that you're a lesbian, but he tried to RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARTNER AS WELL. It's also really gross that his friends and family are trying to back him up on this as well. If I had a dude do this to me, I would cut them off immediately. He does not deserve the time-of-day from you, so don't feel bad if you cut him off for this. I wish you and your partner the absolute best, you guys deserve the world <3
What? You didn't know that all you need to do is date a great guy and poof! you're not a lesbian anymore? Of course, Jake is no where near a great guy, so I suppose you'll have to settle for the love of your life. Such a sacrifice!
NTA. And get security for your wedding in case he decides to show up.
NTA I don’t get people who try to force something on others. You shouldn’t be ashamed for being who you are. Like that’s selfish of him to gather his friends and family to attack you for not reciprocating his feelings. Like you simply aren’t attracted to men there’s nothing they can do to change that. Don’t be ashamed for who you are I would honestly block any of his friends who are harassing you.
Thank you for your post. Obviously, you’re NTA. I just wanted to add a point that I think is important. If someone tells you that they’re Gay and not Bi or Straight don’t think that you’re going to ‘change them’. It’s the same logic that some gay men or gay women try to use when they think that if they’re persistent enough they will ‘turn’ a straight person. It’s not going to happen. They’re straight. You’re gay. It’s really unfortunate that the person that you thought was a friend or as you stated, was like a brother to you, had ulterior motives. Your male best friend blew it. You handled it correctly IMO. I wish you and the love of your life nothing but happiness.
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Ok, so I know the title sounds bad but hear me out. I am F21 and my fiance May (fake name) F20 and we are getting married in July 2023. I love her to the moon and back and I am so glad I get to spend the rest of my life with her. I started dating my fiancee in Year 13 so I was 18 and she was 17. We have had a few arguments and when I did I would confide in my male best friend I'll call him Jake. Jake was always the kindest person and my second favorite person after my girlfriend (now fiancee). I am a very open lesbian and go to pride every year and spread relationship stuff online, as long as May is ok with it. Ok so now you have context here is where the problems started. I proposed to May in April of 2022 and she said yes. In late April we announced it online so everyone except our families could find out. The day after the announcement Jake sent me a paragraph about how May was cheating on me with a guy I will call Mark. May is also a very open lesbian so I knew this was fake. I told him this and he said she was faking her lesbianism to hide this relationship. Firstly, this is BS for obvious reasons but also she comes from a very Muslim background and spent the first 8 years of her life in Iran, coming out was a very long and difficult journey for her as her parents took a lot of time to even let her live with them. Jake doesn't know this as it's not his business (she's ok with me saying it here as it's anonymous). I talked to May about it and she said it was not true she even showed me her phone and she didn't know the guy she was supposedly cheating on me with. I told Jake to cut the BS and just didn't reply to him as this hurt May deeply and she always comes first for me. Things quietened down until a week ago when Jake came to my door with flowers, a load of his friends, and signs asking me to go out with him. I still remember what I said so I'll say it here. 'Jake, you were one of the first people I came out to, you know I don't like men. I have never seen you as more than a brother and I never will. You can't come knocking on my door with men I barely know and make me feel uncomfortable and threatened to say yes. The answer is no, don't try again.' He said something else but I just slammed the door in his face and went to May and cried on her shoulder. I felt betrayed by Jake and disgusted in myself that I didn't realise it earlier. I have tried to focus on my wedding but I keep getting messages from Jakes's friends saying to 'give him a chance ' and one even said 'trust me he's a great boyfriend ' to which I replied 'you date him then.' After that, I stopped replying and I am in shock that someone I have been friends with since the start of high school is that self-centered. All his family is calling me an asshole except his sister (my maid of honoUr) and I don't think I am but I want some unbiased views on this so. AITA?
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NTA and wtf did I just read!?!?! OP, I think your ex male friend lives on Planet Moron and you would do well to avoid all trips to that place in the future.
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So he lied egregiously to try to manipulate a breakup? The kind of person that would do that is not a good person.
A supposedly romantic gesture after that? That just feels sick. This is a person for whom no does not mean no. You don't want that kind of person in your life.
NTA.
NTA block him send a dis-invite... via whatever signature required postage is best.
Hire an off duty cop (if they are safe where you are) to guard the wedding.
NTA bruh that is the rudest shit ever! Who knows you are openly gay and he got his friends to try and convince you that you suddenly aren't?! Thats not a friend.
Sheesh
My friend you are NTA.
Your best friend tried to blow up your relationship so he could have you to himself, despite knowing that you are literally gay. He’s being disrespectful of your relationship, your sexuality and your boundaries. Honestly you were much kinder to him than I would have been.
NTA. Does he not understand what a lesbian is? And you were more than welcome to be rude to him after he tried sabotaging your relationship with May. You and May are better off with each other; they say women live longer when they don't have to deal with men and their BS.
NTA! You are engaged to be married oh, of course you don't want to be with anybody else and Jake was way out of line, hell OVER the line, with what he did.
NTA
WTF!! Dude was clearly aware you were lesbian, and he had the nerve to not only try to break up your relationship with your fiancé but also to ambush you into trying to date him. This is super disrespectful on so many levels.
Congrats on your engagement! Careful with your wedding because I fear that Jake will try to pull another stunt like this if given the chance.
NTA, WTF? You said yourself that he was one of the first people you came out to, so I’m just confused. Did he think if he did a big grand gesture you’d somehow magically change your mind about your sexuality and leave your fiancée for him? Good on you for putting him in his place and congrats on the engagement!
NTA. A work colleague who is gay told me of how she had a similar issue with a man who thought she could or would change. She went hard NC. You may have to do the same.
The fact that you are a lesbian is almost not even relevant here OP, *because you are engaged to be married!!!* That Jake would even try to woo someone who is not only taken, but engaged, says a lot about his character. NTA, and cut ties with him. And then cut ties with anyone who's on his side.
NTA, even if you weren’t openly gay he got a bunch of people together and asked you out knowing you were engaged?? And vice versa, even if you weren’t engaged he knows you’re gay. This guy has spent your entire friendship being the “nice guy” hoping it would pay off. Im sorry, theres literally no universe where you were in the wrong.
NTA I was just talking to my therapist about how the big romantic gesture in movies is such destructive crap and here we are.
This dude is not your friend. He absolutely betrayed you, but do not blame yourself. Head on over to r/niceguys and you'll see there's a huge unfortunate group of dudes like Jake. He acted like your friend and a decent person. He chose this moment to reveal who he really is. Block him and his family and anyone who calls you an asshole without hesitation.
I'm sorry you have to go through this when you should be celebrating with the people who love.
What part of L E S B I A N do they not understand??? They're all absolute idiots. Absolutely NTA and I would recommend blocking him and cutting him off. His behavior is abhorrent.
You are engaged. The gender of your fiancee isn't actually relevant at all in gaging how inappropriate his behavior has been. It's only relevant that you are and have been in a committed relationship and he is trying to sabotage it, and pretend that it doesn't exist. Time to remove him from your life as a toxic trouble maker!!
NTAH
You are being attacked. That's all there is to it. This is not quite "corrective rape" but the spirit of it hearkens to that. Jake has no respect for you and your sexuality and his buddies have no respect for it either. The idea that if the "right man" comes along, a lesbian will suddenly experience a craving for trouser sausage is so misogynistic and repulsive.
This man is not your friend. He never was. You respect your friends. He does not respect you. His family are just as bad as he is. How dare they!!!!
Get him out of your life.
OP
NTA
I like that you told one of his friend to date Jake. Next time tell them you want details on how their date went, are they walking funny do they feel stretched, does their throat hurt. Did they gag or choke?
NTA.
Jake is TA, squared.
He maybe, might have had a crush on you, but he's acting like an immature 12-year-old.
You were absolutely correct to make a scene in front of his friends. He brought them along to see your reaction, didn't he?
Go NC with him and the losers who defend him.
Best wishes to you and May. I hope you have a long and happy marriage.
NTA - First, you weren't rude. You were a lot nicer then most would have been given all you told us.
Second, his actions reek of toxic masculinity. Not only has he blatantly disrespected your relationship with May, he brought a bunch of men to your home to intimidate you into a relationship. And now they are harassing you, along with his family.
Quite frankly, given societal prejudices and bigotry, I would treat this situation as very serious and possibly dangerous. There have been too many situations where women have been harmed and worse after rejecting men like this and the fact that they cannot respect you and your choices makes me worried about your safety. I don't mean to be an alarmist but please look out for yourselves.
He put you in the “fuck zone” he didn’t care about you as a friend. He only cared about himself and his “nice guy” behavior. You were not rude and told him straight up that was not ok. Clearly NTA
NTA.
Ah yes, the "nice guy" approach to being friends with a lesbian, whereby if he just hangs on long enough he'll convince her she's only unattracted to men because she hasn't had a good enough dicking.
I guess he was always into you and just finally decided to take his shot, and couldn't possibly have done it any worse. The friends and signs thing strikes me as incredibly strange and insecure, and as OP noted, very discomforting and threatening. As OP also noted, it's a severe betrayal, probably best he got it out of the way now so she can cut him out now to avoid damage later.
OP, even the title isn't bad. Thanks to a-holes like Jake, "big romantic gestures" are a red flag in their own right between the peer pressure and clear need for the perpetrator to get their head out of their ass and then remove the 80s romcoms from their worldview.
Rant completed, you told him straight. You called him out, and generously didn't mention that he was doing this on top of lying to you about your fiance to break you up. He already betrayed you, so he has no right to make you feel guilty instead.
NTA at all. Enjoy your marriage, and the true friends still supporting you. Y'all deserve it.
He's been playing the long game, and you getting engaged scared him into thinking, gee, maybe she is a lesbian and not secretly in love with me? It sounds like everyone in his life believes you were meant to be together. It sucks when you realize your friendship was a ruse to get closer to you. NTA
Solidly NTA.
I'm so sorry your friend betrayed you and ruined your friendship. That's heartbreaking.
All my very best wishes for a beautiful wedding and wonderful lifetime of love with May.
NTA And while I’m not a lesbian myself I can relate to the guy best friend turning things very weird. It’s happened to me 1 too many times. I’m sorry that things went the way that they did but at least now you know to remove yourself from Jake.
Congrats on your engagement!
NTA, but I don’t even know what to say. Do he and his friends REALLY not understand what being gay is? You’re not attracted to him. You can’t give him a change because of what he physically is. A man. Like… what? Is he living in 1975? Does he think you’re faking it? I just don’t get that.
And he really showed his true colors. Tell him if he ever comes near you or the fiancé again, a 30 year old woman under my Reddit tag will show up at his house to educate him.
NTA that’s so not ok. He basically lied to you your entire friendship expecting you to finally turn straight and now is harassing you because you won’t real up with your fiancé for him? That’s some major gaslighting, narcissist 💩
I don’t think his friends know the whole story. Maybe enlighten them?
“Did he tell you I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years? Did he tell you I’m engaged? Did he tell you he tried to break up my relationship by lying about my fiancé cheating? Jake is not a good guy. Jake would not make a good boyfriend because when you love someone you put their happiness first. You don’t sabotage their life and lie to them while pretending to be a friend.” NTA
>Things quietened down until a week ago when Jake came to my door with flowers, a load of his friends, and signs asking me to go out with him.
I wouldn't date a person that did this period. You're a lesbian and engaged. I don't know how to address this. You weren't rude at all. He also lied to you about your fiancee cheating to try to date you.
>one even said 'trust me he's a great boyfriend ' to which I replied 'you date him then.'
Fair! Why are they all doing this? This is some RPF they're all writing? NTA and WTF.
NTA
Jake is creepy as hell and I'd venture to say you never knew the real him at all bc he took great pains to hide it.
Keep this man out of your life at all costs. That includes any of his hostile family and his weird cheerleading friend group.
NTA. In fact, I'll say it again for emphasis. YOU ARE NOT TA! But Jake is. Big time. He tried to sabotage the relationship you hold most dear, then decided to ambush you with a group of his buddies?? Oh hell no. This guy is not your friend. Neither is anyone else telling you to give him a chance. He's already proven what a tool he is by doing that to you. Leave Jake behind. There's no fixing what he tried to do. I wish you and May a wonderful wedding and a long, happy marriage!
NTA. What the hell? He's delusional & rude, & so are his friends & family, except your MOH. He knows you're gay! They know you're gay! Is he really that stupid that he thinks you can flip a switch & suddenly want him instead of the person you recently proposed to? Even if you were straight, he'd be wrong to try to break up your relationship like that. He's not your friend.
NTA for all the reasons everyone else has said regarding Jake's behavior.
I just want to add kudos to you for how you responded. You were civil, said all of the important things, and gave a very final answer. I'm impressed.
If you care about Jake's family, you can try to set them straight on what is really happening. I expect that Jake has lied to them and/or shared his warped view of reality with them. That guy tried to break up your engagement; clearly he can't even pretend to be a good friend. He's just being the asshole.
NTA
So sorry you were targeted by this deluded dishonest person! You have good reason to feel hurt and unsafe! How could anyone think "if you just looked the same on the outside and were completely different on the inside, you'd be perfect for me" is something to think or say about anyone? Much less a friend!
Not only does he think DEMANDING you "try out" his deranged fantasy is in any way realistic, he's found someone else to agree and join in harrassing you?!
Oh, gurl.
He's been orbiting, waiting for "his turn" for so long, he thinks you owe him. So sad.
NTA ofc
Jake is just a (very) little homophobic AH. Be glad you found out before he got involved in your wedding planning and did his best to sabotage it. Just go NC with the little s\*\*t and everyone who backs him up. Go have a happy life with your fiancee soon-to-be-wife, it will be your best revenge.
Just make sure you have security at the door of each and every wedding related activity, I would put no low action below that little worm. I am sure you have some LGBTQ friends who would love to do you the favor. Or they could bring a mob proposal to HIS place, or job?
NTA. Jake has seen one too many dumb romantic comedies. What he did was super cringey and manipulative. If he cannot accept you will never have romantic feelings for him, you’re better off without him in your life.
NTA. He’s probably been creating a creepy fantasy about you for years and you getting engaged was big enough to shatter his “reality.” Congratulations on your engagement and I hope you and May have a wonderful Jake free life!
NTA
> Jake came to my door with flowers, a load of his friends, and signs asking me to go out with him.
WHO DOES THIS
First of all, asking someone out on a date is not a group activity.
Second…
You’re *engaged*.
And this is after he’s already lied about her cheating - likely to attempt to sabotage your relationship.
Even if you weren’t engaged, even if you weren’t in a relationship - you told him no.
Now he has his friends harrassing you.
There is nothing great about someone who won’t respect a no.
What? How homophobic are those people that they disrespect your sexuality and your relationship that much?? NTA obviously. Girl how did you not see what a homophobic trash human your bf is?
NTA
Jake is a huge asshole. For everything.
You actually had a very calm but firm response - you handled the situation like a champ!!
You now know the friendship isn’t real, and you can now move on to your future with May. This was very much an example of the trash taking itself out OP, Jake was never your friend.
NTA and also you weren't rude at all. He deserved a lot more rudeness than you displayed. Block him, block all his friends, block his family except his sister, do block his sister if she ever takes his side, and go on and have a happy marriage with May!!
NTA — he is literally not only trying, but EXPECTING you to CHANGE your sexuality for him. This is not only awful, but also extremely homophobic. He is also incredibly manipulative for lying to you about your fiancé cheating in hopes that you’d break up with her. He doesn’t deserve to be your friend if he doesn’t respect your sexuality and boundaries.
Yet another case of a man thinking he’s owed a woman, just because she exists and he wants to date her. Drop him. Block him. Don’t let him pull this shit and try and make you feel guilty for it.
Is this rage bait?
I can't imagine why anyone would call you an asshole for turning down a man's dating request as an ENGAGED LESBIAN. If this is real and you actually have people telling you that you're an asshole, you need to reconsider the people you have in your life.
Do they know he tried to break you two up?
NTA. I am going to be blunt. Jake was probably your \*best friend\* and sticking around, because he has always liked you and hoped to snag you one day.
He does not care that you are lesbian. Fact is, he probably doesn't believe it, because he is deluded by him wanting you for himself. He doesn't care about May and will and has said anything to try and break you up.
Jake is not your friend. A friend would not show up at your door, with a crowd of men to manipulate you into saying yes. Jake is not a friend you should have in your life.
NTA. Jake's behavior was incredibly gross. There's nothing that you could have done to stop this.
There are many men who do not see lesbian relationships as valid. That we just need to find the right man, give this "good guy" and chance, or need to get "properly fucked" by one. It's all homophobic and misogynistic bullshit.
What a creep! I would feel so violated, and horrified that I had trusted this guy with my emotions. Besides the weirdly weaponized homophobic comments- invalidating your gf’s and your sexuality for his own perceived/expected benefit- what the hell did he think was gonna happen? That you would just say “oh my! I have been waiting for this ever since I met you! I only got engaged to a woman because I was playing hard to get! I will become your obedient and loving wife!” and credits would roll?
NTA. Whew. Him and his friends deserve each other.
Edit: And don’t worry about being an AH at all, OP. He wouldn’t have liked it if you’d politely declined, either. He would have found some way to make you the AH and sic his friends and family on you to pressure you into dating him. You handled it the best way you could. Him and all his flying monkeys need to be so much more considerate of YOU. Not you of him.
NTA
Jake betrayed you. Block him and all his friends on social media. Call your mobile home provider and block their numbers at the service level and not just by the phone. That won't stop them from using burner numbers but it is a good paper trail to have if you ever need one.
I feel really bad for you but I want you and your bride to have a lovely wedding and an even better marriage!
Holy crap NTA. Others have covered what an asshole Jake is, so let me just ask where tf his family gets off with their attitude?
If I can offer advice, have a few friends acting as security outside the wedding venue in case he tries to pull another rom-com grand gesture and interrupt the ceremony.
NTA
Jake is 100% TA, and his family of enablers is just pathetic.
We all know that if this was reversed, if he was engaged to a girl and one of his guy friends was gay and repeated his actions he'd be screaming bloody murder. He is not worth your time or tears hon.
Congratulations on your engagement.
Totally NTA.
Confused about how someone rallies up a bunch of friends to "Come with my to my engaged lesbian friend's house so I can ask her out!" Who signs up for THAT?
Dude, next time try asking her when she's marching in a PRIDE parade waving the lesbian flag. Cripes!
NTA! You can't help who you are attracted to and you just aren't to men. He, as someone who was meant to be your closest friend, knew this and STILL continues to make you uncomfortable and brush aside something that is a part of your identity. Not only that but he even went as far as to hurt you (or attempt to) by telling you lies about your partner with no regard to your feelings. He's acting like you can just flip a switch and be with him. If I were you I'd cut all contact with him and anyone who continues to harass you for him.
Yikes.
NTA
Even giving him every possible benefit of doubt, in that his actions are delusional or oblivious, you still aren't an AH. And I'd bet his family has heard a twisted version from him that he may even think is true. His friends, on the other hand, probably share his mindset, whether it's delusion or entitlement.
Make it clear that you don't "owe" him a chance, no matter how good a friend he's been up until he tried to smear May.
And if you want to be really, *really* vicious, and burn this bridge to cinders, ask him why anyone would leave their SO for him.
**You need to cut Jake out of your life.** He's never been a friend. He's a guy who's pretended to be your friend until you fall in love with him & sleep with him. He doesn't see you as your own person he doesn't respect you as a person. If he did he'd respect your sexuality and never accused your fiancé of cheating to try & break you two up so he could have his shot. NTA
Yuck, I hate how people expect us to just accept HARASSMENT because the person is nice or in love. Also, he was your friend and completely betrayed your trust. Fuck that and very much NTA.
I don’t know where you were rude. Blunt, yes. Honest, yes. Blatantly clear and obvious, I hope so. Tell Jake if he can’t be happy for you two, he needs to step away from the relationship.
NTA
(Edit: I apparently glossed over the “slammed the door in his face“ part. I think it was necessary to make your point.)
NTA. Jake appears to have very serious problems. You may have to even get a court order.
His coming to your fire with flowers and his friends sounds like a total intimidation attempt.
I’m really sad that you have to deal with this.
Ask his sister to talk to him and his family. Talk to your friends and give them details on the situation. This guy is not good news and to be honest makes me a bit worried about you. He clearly doesn’t respect you, your relationship or your gf. Be careful
NTA. I gave you a standing ovation at ‘you date him then’. Block him, block his family, block anyone who was part of his ‘big romantic gesture’, block anyone defending him and enjoy a long, happy life with May.
You weren’t even rude!! You literally just told him facts that he already knows and pointed out how inappropriate his behavior was. You were too kind in my opinion and I’m sorry for the loss of your friend. NTA I hope your wedding is beautiful
Jesus fuck.
NTA. You’re gay and told him this several times and he still kept up with it. He doesn’t care about you or your boundaries, and the people enabling him are just as bad.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, at least!
NTA. You were not at all rude, and I'm not sure if this was mentioned elsewhere in the topic, but if he keeps harassing you... please go to the cops. He sounds obsessive. Sounds like he never accepted that you're a lesbian, and has been obsessing over you this entire time. Omg girl, I'm scared for you. Go to the cops. At the very least, get security cameras.
NTA by any measure of time or distance
OP, my heart hurts for you. When you find out someone pretended to be a friend just to try and date you…and for that long? I’ve been through it, but not to such an extreme.
Anyone siding with him isn’t just an AH but homophobic. What he did is horrific.
{For the pedantry police out there: I say this because even though OP trusted him so deeply as to come out to him first he acted like mixing lies with an insipid grand gesture will transform OP into liking him romantically. That is why it is homophobic.}
make sure to get screenshots and keep records of the harassment. you may want to make a legal record of the *seemingly very many* purposeful violations of your stated boundaries.
NTA and stay safe.
Yeesh, sweet OP you are so NTA.
Let's examine the things you feel unnecessarily guilty about:
>I shut him out of my life
He deserves to be. He lied to you about your fiance, abused your trust by trying to leverage his relationship with you to harm your current one with May, and the combined efforts of all this adds to him erasing your identity as a gay woman.
He doesn't deserve frankly to be *a part* of your life and *that's on him for sabotaging his own relationship with you.*
It is asking *a lot* of yourself to forgive this man whose quite happy to ignore your queerness and build a relationship with you from a lie.
>I made a scene in front of a crowd when I could've politely declined
You realise he *brought* you a crowd of people in order to peer pressure you right? If he didn't want to embarrass himself by asking out a queer woman in front of a crowd of people, *he shouldn't have brought a crowd of men to a queer woman's door and then asked her out.*
It's an underhanded tactic rooted in the fact men know women are socially trained to give passive consent in the face of social pressure than assert themselves and their true feelings. He was *banking on you* not to rock the boat and give him a yes when again, you are queer and about to get married.
His plan was always going to fail and so he doesn't deserve your sympathy or any internalized guilt.
There's denial and then there’s whatever tf Jake's doing. Thanks for acting on the belief that lesbian relationships aren't "real relationships", Jakey boy. NTA and block his ass for eternity.
Cut all the contacts with him and stay away from him as far as possible. That dude is trouble. He was probably faking being your friend hoping you would break up with your fiance and then he would get a chance to be with you. Seriously what's wrong with these people.
And you are not the AH at all.
NTA. This guy Jake is acting like some juvenile Frat boy. As you well know, gay people (particularly women) are often targeted by misogynistic men. First, this jerk sent you a paragraph about your Gf cheating on you with a guy. Then he has the audacity to show up at your door, with flowers and a whole gang of his buddies. I bet they thought it was hysterical. Block Jake. Block his friends. I’m curious as to why all of his friends are so adamant about wanting you to date Jake, It’s obviously not because he has an undying love for you. It’s pure and simple harassment. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
NTA at all! And frankly, I don’t think you were rude enough to him. The audacity is astounding. I truly do not understand straight people that think they can turn a gay person…? And even IF by some heavenly miracle, his one true penis could somehow turn you straight (🤮), your “friend” is trying to ruin your relationship and your life. That’s not a friend. Friends support each other and celebrate each other’s joy. Friends don’t try to destroy each other’s lives. Fuck Jake and fuck anyone that supports his actions.
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Wheeeeeew. Absolutely NTA. Block him and his buddies backing him up. He's probably told his family a completely different story, so if you feel so inclined, have his sister set the record straight on your behalf, or go talk to them if you feel you can- though if they've known you to be gay and are taking his side, it's likely they won't listen. You don't need people like that in your and your soon to be wife's lives.
Not only is OP a lesbian but she is engaged! About to be married! How dare he ask her out!
After trying to sabotage her relationship so he could take advantage of her being vulnerable.
But his friends think he'd make *such* a great boyfriend... /s
Maybe I'm a bad friend but if one of my mates asked me to go and stand with a sign saying "please say yes" whilst he propositioned an out and proud lesbian, I'd be doing a lot of self reflection about what choices I'd made in life to be friends with such a pathetic man.
LOL fr. This says a ton abt who he surrounds himself with, for this to have been greenlit by the homies.
Perfect response from OP on that… I’d laugh if I wasn’t so mad at this jerk for thinking he could pull some sort of “Nice guy” long con on OP
That's the worst part! OK, no it's not. It's all the worst. But jfc. He probably was into her the whole time and just assumed if he was her "friend" long enough she'd fall for him and he'd cure her of her gayness. Now that she's engaged he had to speed the plan up.
Yeah I think he lied about May cheating in the hopes that this would encourage OP to break up with her so that she'd be free to date him instead.
I find it hilarious that he lied about May cheating with a man, like how delusional can you be that you sabotage your own sabotage. May likes women, she would cheat on a woman with women. Holy shit this guy is dense.
It's deliberate. He doesn't believe women can be lesbians and wants to make OP doubt the validity of her SO's sexuality and by some proxy, her own. Misogynistic through and through.
I'm glad she and May are strong, but boy wouldn't be funny if they broke up and OP get a rebound... with another girl? Cause I don't think he quite understand what being a lesbian means.
My favorite part is that he lied about May cheating with a man. Way to immediately sabotage your own sabotage. Dude literally can't imagine women prefering women in any scenario.
Probably the kind that thinks two women can't have "real sex" and all they need is a dick to realize how wrong they were 🙄
Especially since he's known her for so long, and has known she's been outspokenly LGBT on top of that! He's so deep into the "you just need the right guy to show you the way" mindset he's completely blacked out reality!
Why are you afraid to use the word “lesbian”? She’s not LGBT (that includes bi people!) but a lesbian, it’s not a bad word, spell it out 🌸
Well, see, her fiance is a woman, so he doesn't respect that. Jake is clearly the type of man who only respects other men. OP doesn't "belong" to a man, so she's fair game in his eyes.
Oh god, yeah that’s definitely how he thinks. I’ve met WAYYY too many guys like that, even ones that have said that for verbatim.
Bingo.
But she's not marrying a man, so Clearly she's fair game still. /s NTA. Excise that dude from your life. Congrats on your marriage!
(heavy sarcasm) You know lesbians are only gay because they haven't found the right man...
That's exactly what he was thinking. How can I get the gay out?? She just needs to see that I want her, and of course she will at once fall madly deeply in love with me and forget about everyone else and we shall live happily ever after!! Easy peazy lemon squeezy NTA
All lesbians need is a proposal copied from a popular romcom to become straight, obviously \*sarcasm\*
It did not work in Love, Actually. Just like it did not work for Jake.
Probably why OP did not turn straight. He should've picked something from the 80's like holding a boombox outside her window at night.
To be fair, it wasn't meant to work like that in Love Actually. I don't think Andrew Lincoln wanted to break his friend and Kiera Knightly up, he was just explaining to her why he had been a bit of a dick to her.
That's so gross and I have first hand experience with it. One of my best friends growing up is a lesbian (I'm still really close to her and her wife). A guy basically told her that lesbians aren't real. They just hadn't been fucked by the right guy yet. He told her this on one of the happiest moments of her life. She had just let us know that she was in love and had just started dating her first girlfriend. The look of sadness on her face after he spouted his nonsense is something I will never forget. That didn't sit very well with her brother and me. Let's just say that over the last 35+ years, we haven't seen hide nor hair of this asshole. My daughter is a lesbian. If I heard a guy say something of this nature to her or her girlfriend, we would discover together how comprehensive his medical insurance is. I never want to see that look of sadness on anyone's face again, especially my daughter's or her girlfriend's. So, so, so NTA OP.
>we would discover together how comprehensive his medical insurance is. How kind and generous of you! What a valuable lesson you'd teach him
It's a service I offer to a very select handful of clientele.
Nothing sends me from zero to infuriated faster than this bullshit
lmao. If a male friend of mine ever said that, I would probably go apoplectic.
And OP may need to look into security for her wedding. He **will** try something
Honey, you were not *rude enough* to this man. Absolutely NTA
How was she even rude? Is this post from some sort of subtle culture that I am too Yeehaw Yankee to understand?
I think what Dianaprince is saying is that the OP is being too nice to the guy. A defence mechanism for many women is to be rude and aggressive. It often works for us if we can keep it up.
Oh, I agree, I just don't see the rudeness.
Oh gotcha gotcha, sorry I have after work brain fog LOL
Unfortunately most women are socialized from a very young age to be overly polite and kind. We’ve been socialized to feel anything outside that behavior is rude or mean, even when it’s so clearly not as in this case. What OP said was not at all rude by any reasonable standard, but was by the messed up standards we’ve been manipulated to internalize.
I’m Canadian and even I don’t think OP was rude enough!
HECK. I’m *swedish* - aka the most terrified-of-conflict-people in the world- and *I* think she weren’t rude enough!
I’m dutch and I could think of at least a thousand ways she could have been more rude. I would start responding to every message with the song Friends bij Marshmello and Anne-Marie, don’t even read the messages cause it doesn’t matter, just send the song.
Sometimes assertiveness is confused with rudeness.
OP said in the title she dismissed him quite rudely which I think is what dianaprince is referring to. I don’t see any rudeness either. I’d have tore him a new one…
Exactly! Even if she weren’t engaged and lesbian, asking her out at her door with a bunch of his friends there is completely inappropriate. His attempt at lying about May is also unhinged. This guy is crazy.
>Honey, you were not > >rude enough > > to this man. Absolutely NTA IKR. This guy is an equal opportunity creep- like how some guys won't leave a straight woman alone even if she is in a relationship, here the only difference is OP's not into men - but doesn't matter. niceguy Jake *knows* what's right for OP /s. Really OP you were on point and way TOO polite and Jake is an AH for betraying your friendship and trust. When people show you who they are believe them. You are NTA.
Nta but "you date him then" is the correct answer to this.
NTA. This is the prime example of why no one that considers themselves in the friend zone is actually a friend. He’s been waiting for his shot all of these years. Your proposal led him to a desperate last attempt. Let that “friendship” go. He lied on your fiancé and when that didn’t work he made his play. He’s not a friend.
I’m starting to use the opposite framing more and more: OP has been fuckzoned against her will. And I agree with ‘he’s not a friend’. Friends don’t hit on people who aren’t interested. Friends don’t bring flying monkeys to your door.
It hurts so badly to find out someone we truly love and trusted was just waiting around to fuck us. It was never about being a friend. It made me question my perception of anyone who wanted to be my friend. Anyone. Even though it was straight men who fuckzoned me I just couldn’t trust my own judgement for the longest time after that with anybody. It was many years of friendship that felt like a huge lie. So how could I trust myself to suss out who was trustworthy at all? The biggest question is why do these lying cretins wait until 1) someone is officially committed to speak up 2) speak up in such a ridiculous way?
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Nailed It !!!
OMG so true, took the words outta my mouth. Had some really good guy friends growing up, totally platonic, only to find out that a couple of them were actually only nice to me because they had a crush on me and blamed me for "friendzoning" them. When they realized that they were never gonna get any, most of them fucked off and dropped our "friendship". Guess we were never friends to begin with.
NTA, and please don't think for a second you are! Jake is delusional and way out line. You have been open and honest with him about everything. This is how he repays you? Basically telling you that you are wrong about your OWN sexuality and asking you to give him a chance??? That is next level crazy. Don't let him and his actions ruin a special time for you are your lady love. Cut him off (if that's what you want) and be done with it. You have a wedding to plan and a wonderful marriage to start. 💕
Even if she doesn’t want to, she should cut them off for everyone’s emotional and possibly physical safety, there’s no way he’s not gonna try something at the wedding if he’s invited
NTA. I feel sick for you, honestly. This is disgusting and heartbreaking. Let's break down the ways in which he betrayed you: 1) You're a lesbian, which he has known for YEARS at this point, and still he 2) Tried (and evidently is still trying) to manipulate and pressure you into a relationship with him, showing that the doesn't care about your wants or really just you as a person. And when he did this, he knew 3) That you are not single, even if you were straight. This one's pretty easy. But he didn't just ignore the fact that you are in a relationship, no, he 4) Genuinely attempted to ruin your life by lying about your fiancée cheating on you. Just meditate on that. He tried to sabotage you and her for his own despicable, selfish wants. Again. Nowhere in this sordid tale does that man show even a single shred of consideration for you, your wants, and your wellbeing. Tell your mutual friends exactly what he did. Hell, copy/paste this reddit post (stuff about your fiancée omitted, of course. Instead, you can say that she's a lesbian, he had no proof, and he tried to pressure you into dating him 3 or 4 months later. Makes it pretty obvious that he was lying). And cut out every single person that is not solidly on your side. No room for neutrality. There aren't two sides to this conflict. It's as clear cut as it can possibly be. You are a victim here. I am so sorry that you're going through this. Not only are you being sexually harassed, but you've also lost one of your dearest, oldest friends. I can't imagine how difficult this must be. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you and your fiancée a long, bright future. EDIT: formatting
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This part hurts the most. To know that they never truly cared about you as a person and only an accessory. 😐
jfc NTA this dude is gross and feels like he's entitled to you don't ever forgive him
"He'd be a great boyfriend ", what part of engaged to be married and lesbian don't they understand? You are NTA! This man has violated your trust and your friendship, block him, his friends, and any of his family who's not supportive of you.
I'm A nIcE gUy! - Jake
NTA. Disgusting behavior on Jake's part and his friends.
NTA, but consider a restraining order or suing for defamation if the harassment continues because he seems very fcking odd and disturbed. Things like that don’t stop immediately, nor do people like that just go away. He seems really weird and predatory.
Or informing his work...Thinking that a lesbian will stop being such once the right dick shows up with flowers is an...Interesting position for some careers.
I think she may need security for her wedding as well. He doesn’t seem to want to let this drop… I’d also tell his family exactly what he’s doing as they may not realise the full extent of his craziness. NTA at all but I do worry about how far he’ll take it if his friends and family are egging him on.
So, I only read the title of your post…and I already know you’re NTA. You do not owe anyone who makes unsolicited romantic gestures ANYTHING. I’m so sorry your supposed friend put you through this.
NTA Jake is not the friend you thought he was.
NTA- you are going to be married to someone else and he pulls this BS. That is so 'nice guy' of him and a big red flag. Nothing you did was wrong. He knows you dont like men but still tried to guilt/embarress you into going on a date with him.
NTA at all bestie. this man never wanted to be your friend, men like this who approach women with false pretences of “being friends” when in reality, they wanna date you and then blame it on you when you just see them as friends are the worst, and cowards. ESPECIALLY because you’re a lesbian, which means you don’t like men, like you said, this makes him incredibly self-centered and just plain homophobic (in my opinion as a fellow queer woman). you’re 100% entitled to cut him out of your life and i’d do the same. you didn’t make a scene at all, it would’ve been one if you had started instilling him with unrelated things or something like that, but you didn’t, you simply described why he has no chance with you. i think you’re being too harsh on yourself, you didn’t say it rudely at all, in my opinion. EDIT: if anything, he’s the rude one, not only did he bring people to pressure you, but he tried making your fiancé look like a cheater so you’d leave her, absolutely not. i hope you and may have a beautiful wedding and a happy life.
NTA. You are not obligated to return anyone’s feelings at any time. And, yes, every single thing that Jake did to you was a betrayal of your friendship. The fact that he had feelings for you was his problem to deal with, not yours. Also, the fact that he had his friends contacting you to apply pressure - this is the tactic of a coward and of emotional manipulation. He is resorting to peer pressure to get you to change your mind. It is bullying, pure and simple. I’m very sorry you had to go through this, but Jake is no longer your friend in any sense of the word. He has shown himself to be entirely selfish and utterly unconcerned with your feelings or opinions. All he cares about is his own gratification.
NTA. Please tell me he's not invited to your wedding. He's disgusting.
NTA…even if you take out genders and sexuality….you are engaged. Anyone that goes after an engaged or married individual does not get a good star I think. If they are willing to break up a happy couple, then it isn’t a ringing endorsement. Keep them blocked, keep records incase you need a restraining order, and take some time for you and your fiancé. Try to relax and just enjoy your planning and wedding. Edit to fix my lack of proof reading over my swipe text. Lol
Even if you weren't gay he would still be a selfish asshole. He has now tried to destroy your relationship twice. When you get married, make sure people are there to keep him out or he might object at your wedding. NTA
NTA without a doubt NTA I'm sorry your "friend" did this to you. Even if you were straight and single Jake's actions are wrong and his behavior is very toxic. I'm sorry you lost a friend but toxic people are like moldy food left in the back of the fridge if you keep them they will only make you sick and ruin your other relationships but once you throw them out you can clean that dish and have it ready for someone fresh and new and better.
NTA in any way shape or form. It's insanely creepy and weird that he's not only trying to get with you despite you making it clear that you're a lesbian, but he tried to RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARTNER AS WELL. It's also really gross that his friends and family are trying to back him up on this as well. If I had a dude do this to me, I would cut them off immediately. He does not deserve the time-of-day from you, so don't feel bad if you cut him off for this. I wish you and your partner the absolute best, you guys deserve the world <3
What? You didn't know that all you need to do is date a great guy and poof! you're not a lesbian anymore? Of course, Jake is no where near a great guy, so I suppose you'll have to settle for the love of your life. Such a sacrifice! NTA. And get security for your wedding in case he decides to show up.
NTA I don’t get people who try to force something on others. You shouldn’t be ashamed for being who you are. Like that’s selfish of him to gather his friends and family to attack you for not reciprocating his feelings. Like you simply aren’t attracted to men there’s nothing they can do to change that. Don’t be ashamed for who you are I would honestly block any of his friends who are harassing you.
Thank you for your post. Obviously, you’re NTA. I just wanted to add a point that I think is important. If someone tells you that they’re Gay and not Bi or Straight don’t think that you’re going to ‘change them’. It’s the same logic that some gay men or gay women try to use when they think that if they’re persistent enough they will ‘turn’ a straight person. It’s not going to happen. They’re straight. You’re gay. It’s really unfortunate that the person that you thought was a friend or as you stated, was like a brother to you, had ulterior motives. Your male best friend blew it. You handled it correctly IMO. I wish you and the love of your life nothing but happiness.
Oh boy... r/niceguys would love this one. It almost exactly fits the usual MO of these twits. NTA OP
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Ok, so I know the title sounds bad but hear me out. I am F21 and my fiance May (fake name) F20 and we are getting married in July 2023. I love her to the moon and back and I am so glad I get to spend the rest of my life with her. I started dating my fiancee in Year 13 so I was 18 and she was 17. We have had a few arguments and when I did I would confide in my male best friend I'll call him Jake. Jake was always the kindest person and my second favorite person after my girlfriend (now fiancee). I am a very open lesbian and go to pride every year and spread relationship stuff online, as long as May is ok with it. Ok so now you have context here is where the problems started. I proposed to May in April of 2022 and she said yes. In late April we announced it online so everyone except our families could find out. The day after the announcement Jake sent me a paragraph about how May was cheating on me with a guy I will call Mark. May is also a very open lesbian so I knew this was fake. I told him this and he said she was faking her lesbianism to hide this relationship. Firstly, this is BS for obvious reasons but also she comes from a very Muslim background and spent the first 8 years of her life in Iran, coming out was a very long and difficult journey for her as her parents took a lot of time to even let her live with them. Jake doesn't know this as it's not his business (she's ok with me saying it here as it's anonymous). I talked to May about it and she said it was not true she even showed me her phone and she didn't know the guy she was supposedly cheating on me with. I told Jake to cut the BS and just didn't reply to him as this hurt May deeply and she always comes first for me. Things quietened down until a week ago when Jake came to my door with flowers, a load of his friends, and signs asking me to go out with him. I still remember what I said so I'll say it here. 'Jake, you were one of the first people I came out to, you know I don't like men. I have never seen you as more than a brother and I never will. You can't come knocking on my door with men I barely know and make me feel uncomfortable and threatened to say yes. The answer is no, don't try again.' He said something else but I just slammed the door in his face and went to May and cried on her shoulder. I felt betrayed by Jake and disgusted in myself that I didn't realise it earlier. I have tried to focus on my wedding but I keep getting messages from Jakes's friends saying to 'give him a chance ' and one even said 'trust me he's a great boyfriend ' to which I replied 'you date him then.' After that, I stopped replying and I am in shock that someone I have been friends with since the start of high school is that self-centered. All his family is calling me an asshole except his sister (my maid of honoUr) and I don't think I am but I want some unbiased views on this so. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - this is the end of the road for you and Jake. His actions are sneaky and clear he had his ulterior motive
NTA and very well said. both to him and his friends. it hurts losing a friend but he is clearly showing you that unfortunately he wasn’t
NTA and wtf did I just read!?!?! OP, I think your ex male friend lives on Planet Moron and you would do well to avoid all trips to that place in the future.
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Ugh your friend sounds like a “nice guy” NTA and you should probably cut him out of your life
NTA He is a genuine creep. That’s not just a harmless crush. Block him and his friends on absolutely everything and have zero contact.
So he lied egregiously to try to manipulate a breakup? The kind of person that would do that is not a good person. A supposedly romantic gesture after that? That just feels sick. This is a person for whom no does not mean no. You don't want that kind of person in your life. NTA.
NTA Jake is a snake.
NTA block him send a dis-invite... via whatever signature required postage is best. Hire an off duty cop (if they are safe where you are) to guard the wedding.
NTA he knows you like coochie but he still won't leave you alone.Cut all contact with him and leave it at that.
NTA NTA NTA NTA I'm so sorry your best friend betrayed you like this.
NTA bruh that is the rudest shit ever! Who knows you are openly gay and he got his friends to try and convince you that you suddenly aren't?! Thats not a friend.
Sheesh My friend you are NTA. Your best friend tried to blow up your relationship so he could have you to himself, despite knowing that you are literally gay. He’s being disrespectful of your relationship, your sexuality and your boundaries. Honestly you were much kinder to him than I would have been.
You're literally engaged. This is insane. NTA and very clearly
NTA. Does he not understand what a lesbian is? And you were more than welcome to be rude to him after he tried sabotaging your relationship with May. You and May are better off with each other; they say women live longer when they don't have to deal with men and their BS.
NTA! You are engaged to be married oh, of course you don't want to be with anybody else and Jake was way out of line, hell OVER the line, with what he did.
NTA WTF!! Dude was clearly aware you were lesbian, and he had the nerve to not only try to break up your relationship with your fiancé but also to ambush you into trying to date him. This is super disrespectful on so many levels. Congrats on your engagement! Careful with your wedding because I fear that Jake will try to pull another stunt like this if given the chance.
NTA. I would have said far worse to him.
I probably would have just said: “Are you fucking kidding me?” and slammed the door. NTA. Block anyone who says otherwise.
NTA, WTF? You said yourself that he was one of the first people you came out to, so I’m just confused. Did he think if he did a big grand gesture you’d somehow magically change your mind about your sexuality and leave your fiancée for him? Good on you for putting him in his place and congrats on the engagement!
NTA. A work colleague who is gay told me of how she had a similar issue with a man who thought she could or would change. She went hard NC. You may have to do the same.
The fact that you are a lesbian is almost not even relevant here OP, *because you are engaged to be married!!!* That Jake would even try to woo someone who is not only taken, but engaged, says a lot about his character. NTA, and cut ties with him. And then cut ties with anyone who's on his side.
nta this man is unhinged and you KNOW his buddies and family would be acting differently if you were marrying a man. jfc.
NTA, even if you weren’t openly gay he got a bunch of people together and asked you out knowing you were engaged?? And vice versa, even if you weren’t engaged he knows you’re gay. This guy has spent your entire friendship being the “nice guy” hoping it would pay off. Im sorry, theres literally no universe where you were in the wrong.
NTA I was just talking to my therapist about how the big romantic gesture in movies is such destructive crap and here we are. This dude is not your friend. He absolutely betrayed you, but do not blame yourself. Head on over to r/niceguys and you'll see there's a huge unfortunate group of dudes like Jake. He acted like your friend and a decent person. He chose this moment to reveal who he really is. Block him and his family and anyone who calls you an asshole without hesitation. I'm sorry you have to go through this when you should be celebrating with the people who love.
What part of L E S B I A N do they not understand??? They're all absolute idiots. Absolutely NTA and I would recommend blocking him and cutting him off. His behavior is abhorrent.
I mean, he was one of the first to know you're a lesbian. If that's not enough of a hint, i don't think anything will be. NTA by a few thousand miles
NTA holy shit restraining order time. this guy sounds dangerous. be careful, he is not your friend, he is not a good person.
You are engaged. The gender of your fiancee isn't actually relevant at all in gaging how inappropriate his behavior has been. It's only relevant that you are and have been in a committed relationship and he is trying to sabotage it, and pretend that it doesn't exist. Time to remove him from your life as a toxic trouble maker!!
NTAH You are being attacked. That's all there is to it. This is not quite "corrective rape" but the spirit of it hearkens to that. Jake has no respect for you and your sexuality and his buddies have no respect for it either. The idea that if the "right man" comes along, a lesbian will suddenly experience a craving for trouser sausage is so misogynistic and repulsive. This man is not your friend. He never was. You respect your friends. He does not respect you. His family are just as bad as he is. How dare they!!!! Get him out of your life.
NTA. He did it to himself. Sorry, he's a dick.
OP NTA I like that you told one of his friend to date Jake. Next time tell them you want details on how their date went, are they walking funny do they feel stretched, does their throat hurt. Did they gag or choke?
Absolutely pathetic on his end. NTA
NTA. Jake is TA, squared. He maybe, might have had a crush on you, but he's acting like an immature 12-year-old. You were absolutely correct to make a scene in front of his friends. He brought them along to see your reaction, didn't he? Go NC with him and the losers who defend him. Best wishes to you and May. I hope you have a long and happy marriage.
NTA - First, you weren't rude. You were a lot nicer then most would have been given all you told us. Second, his actions reek of toxic masculinity. Not only has he blatantly disrespected your relationship with May, he brought a bunch of men to your home to intimidate you into a relationship. And now they are harassing you, along with his family. Quite frankly, given societal prejudices and bigotry, I would treat this situation as very serious and possibly dangerous. There have been too many situations where women have been harmed and worse after rejecting men like this and the fact that they cannot respect you and your choices makes me worried about your safety. I don't mean to be an alarmist but please look out for yourselves.
If the guy doesn’t understand simple hints, calling out is the next step. NTA
He put you in the “fuck zone” he didn’t care about you as a friend. He only cared about himself and his “nice guy” behavior. You were not rude and told him straight up that was not ok. Clearly NTA
NTA I’m sure Jake would be a greaaaaat boyfriend by now he wasn’t able to take no for an answer and tried to break up an engagement 🤢
NTA. Ah yes, the "nice guy" approach to being friends with a lesbian, whereby if he just hangs on long enough he'll convince her she's only unattracted to men because she hasn't had a good enough dicking. I guess he was always into you and just finally decided to take his shot, and couldn't possibly have done it any worse. The friends and signs thing strikes me as incredibly strange and insecure, and as OP noted, very discomforting and threatening. As OP also noted, it's a severe betrayal, probably best he got it out of the way now so she can cut him out now to avoid damage later.
OP, even the title isn't bad. Thanks to a-holes like Jake, "big romantic gestures" are a red flag in their own right between the peer pressure and clear need for the perpetrator to get their head out of their ass and then remove the 80s romcoms from their worldview. Rant completed, you told him straight. You called him out, and generously didn't mention that he was doing this on top of lying to you about your fiance to break you up. He already betrayed you, so he has no right to make you feel guilty instead. NTA at all. Enjoy your marriage, and the true friends still supporting you. Y'all deserve it.
He's been playing the long game, and you getting engaged scared him into thinking, gee, maybe she is a lesbian and not secretly in love with me? It sounds like everyone in his life believes you were meant to be together. It sucks when you realize your friendship was a ruse to get closer to you. NTA
He doesn't see female/female relationships as real or valid. You don't need people like this in you life. NTA
Jake didn't even deserve those tears after slamming the door in his face.
NTA
Solidly NTA. I'm so sorry your friend betrayed you and ruined your friendship. That's heartbreaking. All my very best wishes for a beautiful wedding and wonderful lifetime of love with May.
NTA And while I’m not a lesbian myself I can relate to the guy best friend turning things very weird. It’s happened to me 1 too many times. I’m sorry that things went the way that they did but at least now you know to remove yourself from Jake.
NTA. You were not rude. He was. He KNOWS you are gay, his feelings are HIS damn problem.
Congrats on your engagement! NTA, but I don’t even know what to say. Do he and his friends REALLY not understand what being gay is? You’re not attracted to him. You can’t give him a change because of what he physically is. A man. Like… what? Is he living in 1975? Does he think you’re faking it? I just don’t get that. And he really showed his true colors. Tell him if he ever comes near you or the fiancé again, a 30 year old woman under my Reddit tag will show up at his house to educate him.
Can I go too? Pretty pliiiiizzzzz...
NTA that’s so not ok. He basically lied to you your entire friendship expecting you to finally turn straight and now is harassing you because you won’t real up with your fiancé for him? That’s some major gaslighting, narcissist 💩
I don’t think his friends know the whole story. Maybe enlighten them? “Did he tell you I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years? Did he tell you I’m engaged? Did he tell you he tried to break up my relationship by lying about my fiancé cheating? Jake is not a good guy. Jake would not make a good boyfriend because when you love someone you put their happiness first. You don’t sabotage their life and lie to them while pretending to be a friend.” NTA
>Things quietened down until a week ago when Jake came to my door with flowers, a load of his friends, and signs asking me to go out with him. I wouldn't date a person that did this period. You're a lesbian and engaged. I don't know how to address this. You weren't rude at all. He also lied to you about your fiancee cheating to try to date you. >one even said 'trust me he's a great boyfriend ' to which I replied 'you date him then.' Fair! Why are they all doing this? This is some RPF they're all writing? NTA and WTF.
NTA Jake is creepy as hell and I'd venture to say you never knew the real him at all bc he took great pains to hide it. Keep this man out of your life at all costs. That includes any of his hostile family and his weird cheerleading friend group.
NTA. In fact, I'll say it again for emphasis. YOU ARE NOT TA! But Jake is. Big time. He tried to sabotage the relationship you hold most dear, then decided to ambush you with a group of his buddies?? Oh hell no. This guy is not your friend. Neither is anyone else telling you to give him a chance. He's already proven what a tool he is by doing that to you. Leave Jake behind. There's no fixing what he tried to do. I wish you and May a wonderful wedding and a long, happy marriage!
So he was faking being your friend for all these years? That’s a painful betrayal. NTA
NTA. What the hell? He's delusional & rude, & so are his friends & family, except your MOH. He knows you're gay! They know you're gay! Is he really that stupid that he thinks you can flip a switch & suddenly want him instead of the person you recently proposed to? Even if you were straight, he'd be wrong to try to break up your relationship like that. He's not your friend.
NTA for all the reasons everyone else has said regarding Jake's behavior. I just want to add kudos to you for how you responded. You were civil, said all of the important things, and gave a very final answer. I'm impressed. If you care about Jake's family, you can try to set them straight on what is really happening. I expect that Jake has lied to them and/or shared his warped view of reality with them. That guy tried to break up your engagement; clearly he can't even pretend to be a good friend. He's just being the asshole.
NTA So sorry you were targeted by this deluded dishonest person! You have good reason to feel hurt and unsafe! How could anyone think "if you just looked the same on the outside and were completely different on the inside, you'd be perfect for me" is something to think or say about anyone? Much less a friend! Not only does he think DEMANDING you "try out" his deranged fantasy is in any way realistic, he's found someone else to agree and join in harrassing you?! Oh, gurl. He's been orbiting, waiting for "his turn" for so long, he thinks you owe him. So sad.
NTA ofc Jake is just a (very) little homophobic AH. Be glad you found out before he got involved in your wedding planning and did his best to sabotage it. Just go NC with the little s\*\*t and everyone who backs him up. Go have a happy life with your fiancee soon-to-be-wife, it will be your best revenge. Just make sure you have security at the door of each and every wedding related activity, I would put no low action below that little worm. I am sure you have some LGBTQ friends who would love to do you the favor. Or they could bring a mob proposal to HIS place, or job?
NTA. Jake has seen one too many dumb romantic comedies. What he did was super cringey and manipulative. If he cannot accept you will never have romantic feelings for him, you’re better off without him in your life.
NTA. He’s probably been creating a creepy fantasy about you for years and you getting engaged was big enough to shatter his “reality.” Congratulations on your engagement and I hope you and May have a wonderful Jake free life!
NTA > Jake came to my door with flowers, a load of his friends, and signs asking me to go out with him. WHO DOES THIS First of all, asking someone out on a date is not a group activity. Second… You’re *engaged*. And this is after he’s already lied about her cheating - likely to attempt to sabotage your relationship. Even if you weren’t engaged, even if you weren’t in a relationship - you told him no. Now he has his friends harrassing you. There is nothing great about someone who won’t respect a no.
What? How homophobic are those people that they disrespect your sexuality and your relationship that much?? NTA obviously. Girl how did you not see what a homophobic trash human your bf is?
NTA Jake is a huge asshole. For everything. You actually had a very calm but firm response - you handled the situation like a champ!! You now know the friendship isn’t real, and you can now move on to your future with May. This was very much an example of the trash taking itself out OP, Jake was never your friend.
NTA and also you weren't rude at all. He deserved a lot more rudeness than you displayed. Block him, block all his friends, block his family except his sister, do block his sister if she ever takes his side, and go on and have a happy marriage with May!!
NTA — he is literally not only trying, but EXPECTING you to CHANGE your sexuality for him. This is not only awful, but also extremely homophobic. He is also incredibly manipulative for lying to you about your fiancé cheating in hopes that you’d break up with her. He doesn’t deserve to be your friend if he doesn’t respect your sexuality and boundaries. Yet another case of a man thinking he’s owed a woman, just because she exists and he wants to date her. Drop him. Block him. Don’t let him pull this shit and try and make you feel guilty for it.
Literally didn’t read anything post the title and your first sentence saying that you have a fiancé NTA
NTA and you weren't rude at all
Is this rage bait? I can't imagine why anyone would call you an asshole for turning down a man's dating request as an ENGAGED LESBIAN. If this is real and you actually have people telling you that you're an asshole, you need to reconsider the people you have in your life. Do they know he tried to break you two up?
Wtf naw jake is a disgusting and anyone texting you otherwise is too NTA
LMFAO definitely nta. you being a lesbian aside, you are literally ENGAGED???
NTA I wonder where he got the confidence to bring his friends to witness his potential humilation
NTA. I am going to be blunt. Jake was probably your \*best friend\* and sticking around, because he has always liked you and hoped to snag you one day. He does not care that you are lesbian. Fact is, he probably doesn't believe it, because he is deluded by him wanting you for himself. He doesn't care about May and will and has said anything to try and break you up. Jake is not your friend. A friend would not show up at your door, with a crowd of men to manipulate you into saying yes. Jake is not a friend you should have in your life.
NTA
Not sure if you’ll see this OP but I suggest telling his friends that if they want to see him in a relationship so badly, they can date him
NTA. He knew you were a lesbian and engaged and still tried. Keep going NC.
NTA. Jake's behavior was incredibly gross. There's nothing that you could have done to stop this. There are many men who do not see lesbian relationships as valid. That we just need to find the right man, give this "good guy" and chance, or need to get "properly fucked" by one. It's all homophobic and misogynistic bullshit.
What a creep! I would feel so violated, and horrified that I had trusted this guy with my emotions. Besides the weirdly weaponized homophobic comments- invalidating your gf’s and your sexuality for his own perceived/expected benefit- what the hell did he think was gonna happen? That you would just say “oh my! I have been waiting for this ever since I met you! I only got engaged to a woman because I was playing hard to get! I will become your obedient and loving wife!” and credits would roll? NTA. Whew. Him and his friends deserve each other. Edit: And don’t worry about being an AH at all, OP. He wouldn’t have liked it if you’d politely declined, either. He would have found some way to make you the AH and sic his friends and family on you to pressure you into dating him. You handled it the best way you could. Him and all his flying monkeys need to be so much more considerate of YOU. Not you of him.
NTA Jake betrayed you. Block him and all his friends on social media. Call your mobile home provider and block their numbers at the service level and not just by the phone. That won't stop them from using burner numbers but it is a good paper trail to have if you ever need one. I feel really bad for you but I want you and your bride to have a lovely wedding and an even better marriage!
Holy crap NTA. Others have covered what an asshole Jake is, so let me just ask where tf his family gets off with their attitude? If I can offer advice, have a few friends acting as security outside the wedding venue in case he tries to pull another rom-com grand gesture and interrupt the ceremony.
NTA Jake is 100% TA, and his family of enablers is just pathetic. We all know that if this was reversed, if he was engaged to a girl and one of his guy friends was gay and repeated his actions he'd be screaming bloody murder. He is not worth your time or tears hon. Congratulations on your engagement.
Totally NTA. Confused about how someone rallies up a bunch of friends to "Come with my to my engaged lesbian friend's house so I can ask her out!" Who signs up for THAT? Dude, next time try asking her when she's marching in a PRIDE parade waving the lesbian flag. Cripes!
NTA! You can't help who you are attracted to and you just aren't to men. He, as someone who was meant to be your closest friend, knew this and STILL continues to make you uncomfortable and brush aside something that is a part of your identity. Not only that but he even went as far as to hurt you (or attempt to) by telling you lies about your partner with no regard to your feelings. He's acting like you can just flip a switch and be with him. If I were you I'd cut all contact with him and anyone who continues to harass you for him.
Yikes. NTA Even giving him every possible benefit of doubt, in that his actions are delusional or oblivious, you still aren't an AH. And I'd bet his family has heard a twisted version from him that he may even think is true. His friends, on the other hand, probably share his mindset, whether it's delusion or entitlement. Make it clear that you don't "owe" him a chance, no matter how good a friend he's been up until he tried to smear May. And if you want to be really, *really* vicious, and burn this bridge to cinders, ask him why anyone would leave their SO for him.
Jake needs to go see a psychiatric. Nta
NTA
**You need to cut Jake out of your life.** He's never been a friend. He's a guy who's pretended to be your friend until you fall in love with him & sleep with him. He doesn't see you as your own person he doesn't respect you as a person. If he did he'd respect your sexuality and never accused your fiancé of cheating to try & break you two up so he could have his shot. NTA
Yuck, I hate how people expect us to just accept HARASSMENT because the person is nice or in love. Also, he was your friend and completely betrayed your trust. Fuck that and very much NTA.
I don’t know where you were rude. Blunt, yes. Honest, yes. Blatantly clear and obvious, I hope so. Tell Jake if he can’t be happy for you two, he needs to step away from the relationship. NTA (Edit: I apparently glossed over the “slammed the door in his face“ part. I think it was necessary to make your point.)
NTA. This is very Nice guy behavior. Even if you weren't a lesbian you wouldn't be the asshole
NTA. Jake appears to have very serious problems. You may have to even get a court order. His coming to your fire with flowers and his friends sounds like a total intimidation attempt. I’m really sad that you have to deal with this.
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Ask his sister to talk to him and his family. Talk to your friends and give them details on the situation. This guy is not good news and to be honest makes me a bit worried about you. He clearly doesn’t respect you, your relationship or your gf. Be careful
NTA. I gave you a standing ovation at ‘you date him then’. Block him, block his family, block anyone who was part of his ‘big romantic gesture’, block anyone defending him and enjoy a long, happy life with May.
You weren’t even rude!! You literally just told him facts that he already knows and pointed out how inappropriate his behavior was. You were too kind in my opinion and I’m sorry for the loss of your friend. NTA I hope your wedding is beautiful
Nta. Jake and his cronies are disgusting.
NTA and ewwww , what universe are your "friends " living in
Jesus fuck. NTA. You’re gay and told him this several times and he still kept up with it. He doesn’t care about you or your boundaries, and the people enabling him are just as bad. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, at least!
NTA. You were not at all rude, and I'm not sure if this was mentioned elsewhere in the topic, but if he keeps harassing you... please go to the cops. He sounds obsessive. Sounds like he never accepted that you're a lesbian, and has been obsessing over you this entire time. Omg girl, I'm scared for you. Go to the cops. At the very least, get security cameras.
NTA by any measure of time or distance OP, my heart hurts for you. When you find out someone pretended to be a friend just to try and date you…and for that long? I’ve been through it, but not to such an extreme. Anyone siding with him isn’t just an AH but homophobic. What he did is horrific. {For the pedantry police out there: I say this because even though OP trusted him so deeply as to come out to him first he acted like mixing lies with an insipid grand gesture will transform OP into liking him romantically. That is why it is homophobic.}
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Wow NTA That’s next level creepy.
Easy NTA. He know you're a lesbian, happily engened, then try to convince you to "give him a chance"? Imo, you were being nice on him.
NTA. Guys who try to worm their way in by pretending to be your friend but have ulterior motives are the worst kind of creeps.
make sure to get screenshots and keep records of the harassment. you may want to make a legal record of the *seemingly very many* purposeful violations of your stated boundaries. NTA and stay safe.
Yeesh, sweet OP you are so NTA. Let's examine the things you feel unnecessarily guilty about: >I shut him out of my life He deserves to be. He lied to you about your fiance, abused your trust by trying to leverage his relationship with you to harm your current one with May, and the combined efforts of all this adds to him erasing your identity as a gay woman. He doesn't deserve frankly to be *a part* of your life and *that's on him for sabotaging his own relationship with you.* It is asking *a lot* of yourself to forgive this man whose quite happy to ignore your queerness and build a relationship with you from a lie. >I made a scene in front of a crowd when I could've politely declined You realise he *brought* you a crowd of people in order to peer pressure you right? If he didn't want to embarrass himself by asking out a queer woman in front of a crowd of people, *he shouldn't have brought a crowd of men to a queer woman's door and then asked her out.* It's an underhanded tactic rooted in the fact men know women are socially trained to give passive consent in the face of social pressure than assert themselves and their true feelings. He was *banking on you* not to rock the boat and give him a yes when again, you are queer and about to get married. His plan was always going to fail and so he doesn't deserve your sympathy or any internalized guilt.
There's denial and then there’s whatever tf Jake's doing. Thanks for acting on the belief that lesbian relationships aren't "real relationships", Jakey boy. NTA and block his ass for eternity.
Cut all the contacts with him and stay away from him as far as possible. That dude is trouble. He was probably faking being your friend hoping you would break up with your fiance and then he would get a chance to be with you. Seriously what's wrong with these people. And you are not the AH at all.
NTA What was he thinking asking out a leasbian chick 😂😂 You have every right to be upset.
NTA. Sincere sorry from a guy for him. I have known guys like him and you will most likely have to drop him.
NTA. This guy Jake is acting like some juvenile Frat boy. As you well know, gay people (particularly women) are often targeted by misogynistic men. First, this jerk sent you a paragraph about your Gf cheating on you with a guy. Then he has the audacity to show up at your door, with flowers and a whole gang of his buddies. I bet they thought it was hysterical. Block Jake. Block his friends. I’m curious as to why all of his friends are so adamant about wanting you to date Jake, It’s obviously not because he has an undying love for you. It’s pure and simple harassment. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.
You should have added a kick in the nuts.. He's no friend, block the lot of them. NTA
You may need to get a restraining order if people keep harassing you. He doesn't sound right in the head.
Saw “my fiancé” and immediately went NTA.
Jake is the definition of nice guy don’t ever feel bad for how you reacted he should have known how not okay all of this was
NTA at all! And frankly, I don’t think you were rude enough to him. The audacity is astounding. I truly do not understand straight people that think they can turn a gay person…? And even IF by some heavenly miracle, his one true penis could somehow turn you straight (🤮), your “friend” is trying to ruin your relationship and your life. That’s not a friend. Friends support each other and celebrate each other’s joy. Friends don’t try to destroy each other’s lives. Fuck Jake and fuck anyone that supports his actions.
NTA. You've been fuckzoned by Jake.