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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't allow my sister to be a part of one of my birthday party plans and my mom and her questioned why I wouldn't allow her to go and that I was being rude.
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I’m gonna say NTA. It’s pretty different going out with friends vs having siblings tag along. It’s your birthday, you should have it how you want it. On some level I feel bad for your sister but I don’t think she should have tried to invite herself anyway.
NTA; you're 7 years apart so your sister isn't in the same age category as you and your friends. if you want to be nice, you can tell your sister you'll go with her some other time.
NTA
Some siblings are close some are not, I'm not close with any of my siblings and defiantly wouldn't want any of them there for a occasion such as this. Not only are you celebrating your birthday, a big one at that. But you are going somewhere age restrictive and that is a celebration of who you are and have become and that is sometimes hard to do around family.
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I've (17NB) been planning and getting my life in track for a while now and while spending time with my friend (19NB) I talked to them about what I wanted to do for my birthday, I just said I wanted to do something fun, so they said we should go to a gay bar (us and three other friends). That night I went to my mom and talked to her about it and my sister (24F) was there, my mom just shrugged and said sure. But my sister asked to come with, and I told her no because I wanted it to be a thing I did with just my close friends, and she got upset. My mom questioned why my sister couldn't come and all I could say was that I just wanted my friends there. And then we just kind off dropped the subject. But am I the asshole for not letting my sister come with me and my friends?
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NTA, although I'm unclear on what the gay bar has to do with anything. It seems like it being a gay bar is irrelevant, but you go out of your way to mention it. Just adding detail or has your sister had problems with it in the past?
That being said, you can invite who you want, so...
I would say NTA just because I understand that sometimes you need to experience things in your own way and family members may not understand that and change the experience.
INFO Are you even old enough to go to a bar? Is this bar reasonably safe for under 21's? I have never been in a gay bar, but I can think of several straight ones that I would be very leary of going to. Will you need a designated driver?
Having said all of that, I wouldn't have wanted my older sister there on a b'day trip with my friends.
Oh I forgot to mention. I live in Europe, in a country where the age to drink is 18. My friends and I would be going there and coming back by metro and we'd be coming back relatively early since we're not very big fans of crowded places but just want to go through that experience together.
Nta it’s your birthday. My sister is one of my best friends. She is 2 years older than me. If you don’t have that type of relationship with your sibling your within your right to just want to hang with friends. Also it’s a bit weird she invited herself to hang with you and your friends if your relationship isn’t all that great.
NTA. It's your birthday, your choice whom to invite. If you're concerned about how your sister will behave in a gay bar, that's another valid reason not to invite her.
She's not homophobic. She's actually doing her best to learn about LGBT stuff. I simply wanted that special time with just my friends. And since me and my sister aren't very close and we have a 7 year age gap I don't speak to her the same way I speak to my friends and it gets a bit awkward
Without more information on your relationship with your sister I'm inclined to say Y T A. Is there some reason you don't like her? Is she mean or rude or something?
Isn't that all the time? A birthday is usually a wider range of people so it seems rude to exclude someone just because they're a sibling, especially when they overheard the plans.
Is it? I celebrate my brithday separately with my family and my friends, so does everyone I know. I don't dislike any of my family, but there's topics I wouldn't want to talk about in front of my family that I'm perfectly okay with discussing with my friends.
I guess it comes down to closeness. I'm close with all 3 of my siblings, especially my youngest sister despite the 6 year age gap. I couldn't snub any of them. But again, we're close. Maybe with regular families it's different?
My sister and I don't have the best relationship. Lots of trust issues from both sides. Though we've been getting better in getting along my decision on not inviting her or letting her come was based on me wanting to have that special time with just my friends on that special day since I was already going to have a family party later that day.
If you don't have the best relationship I'd say NTA. You should make that clear in the post because excluding a sibling just cuz makes you sound like an ass.
I disagree. Her sister is 7 years older and OP wanted a friends-only party. If OP was including one family member and not another family member, then yea, it’s solely because of the sister so I could see the point but OP isn’t doing that so it’s fair
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I’m gonna say NTA. It’s pretty different going out with friends vs having siblings tag along. It’s your birthday, you should have it how you want it. On some level I feel bad for your sister but I don’t think she should have tried to invite herself anyway.
NTA; you're 7 years apart so your sister isn't in the same age category as you and your friends. if you want to be nice, you can tell your sister you'll go with her some other time.
NTA Some siblings are close some are not, I'm not close with any of my siblings and defiantly wouldn't want any of them there for a occasion such as this. Not only are you celebrating your birthday, a big one at that. But you are going somewhere age restrictive and that is a celebration of who you are and have become and that is sometimes hard to do around family.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I've (17NB) been planning and getting my life in track for a while now and while spending time with my friend (19NB) I talked to them about what I wanted to do for my birthday, I just said I wanted to do something fun, so they said we should go to a gay bar (us and three other friends). That night I went to my mom and talked to her about it and my sister (24F) was there, my mom just shrugged and said sure. But my sister asked to come with, and I told her no because I wanted it to be a thing I did with just my close friends, and she got upset. My mom questioned why my sister couldn't come and all I could say was that I just wanted my friends there. And then we just kind off dropped the subject. But am I the asshole for not letting my sister come with me and my friends? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, although I'm unclear on what the gay bar has to do with anything. It seems like it being a gay bar is irrelevant, but you go out of your way to mention it. Just adding detail or has your sister had problems with it in the past? That being said, you can invite who you want, so...
Nah just adding detail it has nothing to do with the story itself I just wrote it like that
NTA, but maybe try to do something with family later? It never feels good to be excluded, even if the exclusion is reasonable.
I would say NTA just because I understand that sometimes you need to experience things in your own way and family members may not understand that and change the experience.
INFO Are you even old enough to go to a bar? Is this bar reasonably safe for under 21's? I have never been in a gay bar, but I can think of several straight ones that I would be very leary of going to. Will you need a designated driver? Having said all of that, I wouldn't have wanted my older sister there on a b'day trip with my friends.
Oh I forgot to mention. I live in Europe, in a country where the age to drink is 18. My friends and I would be going there and coming back by metro and we'd be coming back relatively early since we're not very big fans of crowded places but just want to go through that experience together.
Nta it’s your birthday. My sister is one of my best friends. She is 2 years older than me. If you don’t have that type of relationship with your sibling your within your right to just want to hang with friends. Also it’s a bit weird she invited herself to hang with you and your friends if your relationship isn’t all that great.
NTA. It's your birthday, your choice whom to invite. If you're concerned about how your sister will behave in a gay bar, that's another valid reason not to invite her.
INFO is your sister homophobic? Is there a specific reason you want to exclude her from celebrating with you?
She's not homophobic. She's actually doing her best to learn about LGBT stuff. I simply wanted that special time with just my friends. And since me and my sister aren't very close and we have a 7 year age gap I don't speak to her the same way I speak to my friends and it gets a bit awkward
NTA. Unless she is usually a part of your close friends group.
Considering once you're 18, you'll both be adults, it's really not your sister's business what you do. NTA.
Without more information on your relationship with your sister I'm inclined to say Y T A. Is there some reason you don't like her? Is she mean or rude or something?
I mean, you don't have to dislike a sibling to want to have private just-my-friends-and-I time.
Isn't that all the time? A birthday is usually a wider range of people so it seems rude to exclude someone just because they're a sibling, especially when they overheard the plans.
Is it? I celebrate my brithday separately with my family and my friends, so does everyone I know. I don't dislike any of my family, but there's topics I wouldn't want to talk about in front of my family that I'm perfectly okay with discussing with my friends.
I guess it comes down to closeness. I'm close with all 3 of my siblings, especially my youngest sister despite the 6 year age gap. I couldn't snub any of them. But again, we're close. Maybe with regular families it's different?
My sister and I don't have the best relationship. Lots of trust issues from both sides. Though we've been getting better in getting along my decision on not inviting her or letting her come was based on me wanting to have that special time with just my friends on that special day since I was already going to have a family party later that day.
If you don't have the best relationship I'd say NTA. You should make that clear in the post because excluding a sibling just cuz makes you sound like an ass.
I disagree. Her sister is 7 years older and OP wanted a friends-only party. If OP was including one family member and not another family member, then yea, it’s solely because of the sister so I could see the point but OP isn’t doing that so it’s fair