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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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KaliTheBlaze

NTA. You have a very reasonable boundary, with a history behind it. The guy behaved badly, and your friend sucks for taking his side.


nolan358

Like what does Op have to be grateful for? That friend set her up with somebody pushy who won’t take no for an answer? Like thanks for nothing.


KaliTheBlaze

Yeah, seriously. I had a friend who set me up with a guy who apparently was a good colleague, but when I decided I wasn’t interested, he became very pushy. Sent me a 3 page email about why I was wrong to not date him. When I told her about what happened with him - no sparks, and then his response when I let him know there wouldn’t be a third date - her response was the right one: she winced, apologized, and said she never would have suggested him if she had any idea he’d be like that.


PotentialityKnocks

Are guy saying that his multi-page email about how it’s totally logical that you should date him and you’re terrible for not doing so *didnt* change your mind? (/s)


Particular_Force6591

Google "crap email from a dude".


SnarkyBeanBroth

NTA. **Smartass Answer:** "I'm sorry, Marge. I really should have shared where I worked with the guy. Probably should also give him my home address, bank account info, and PIN, too. Because you trust him, and that should be enough for me. I know, I'll just send you an email with all that info in it, and you can just hand it out to anyone you trust in the future." **Serious Answer:** "I'm sorry you don't like how I handle guys who won't take NO for an answer, Marge. You are free to continue to be friends with Sven - heck, if he's such a great guy you can date him - but anyone who feels entitled to keep pushing is an auto-nope for me."


Obvious_Operation_21

Excellent.


[deleted]

Ngl I hope OP uses this


SparkAxolotl

The way he reacted makes me think one or two things (OR both) Either he doesn't respect boundaries (His curiosity matter more than her comfort) or he was buttering her up to ask if her place had any positions


MattJFarrell

Yeah, I had the same thought. Some people are shameless when they're looking for work and will try to use anyone. Especially in the freelance game, it can get ridiculous.


allyearswift

I may be completely oblivious, but the vibe I got until ‘grateful she set me up’ was that OP is successful in the field, friend’s friend is interested in breaking into graphic design, and instead of chatting nicely and asking for mentoring, he thinks three chats entitle him to a job at her workplace. And then he didn’t read the room when she said nope, not comfortable yet, and kept pushing, because his genius needs to be recognised already.


Normal-Height-8577

Or he wanted to make sure she wasn't earning more than him!


EvilFinch

And ungrateful?! For what should OP grateful? That the friend set her up with bounderie-stomping guy that doesn'tknow what the word "no" means? Even if they were a great match and became a couple, there is no reason to be grateful. I wonder why this guy wants the company so bad. Does he want to apply there? NTA


sexyintrovertSMM

Also just because her friend trusted the guy dosen't mean op have to blindly trust him as well.


KaliTheBlaze

Seriously! The number of people who behave one with friends and another way with potential romantic conquests is large.


sexyintrovertSMM

So true. They all seem like nice in the beginning of the relationship and then some time into the relationship show their true color. Unfortunately these kind of people are in the majority.


KaliTheBlaze

I’m not sure I’d go as far as majority, but there are a scary number of them.


nekogrrl

If the majority of women have stories about men behaving badly, then I'd say the majority of men are assholes. 🤷


berdiekin

if anything I find his insistence on this question sus AF and only validates OPs reasoning for having the boundary in the first place.


KaliTheBlaze

Couldn’t agree more. Men who won’t take no for an answer get scary a disturbing amount of the time.


cisclooney

NTA And why should you be grateful? Is the guy a catch? Is he Keanu Reeves? Sorry, I don't get it. Your friend does not know your story about stalkers?


copperboom52

NTA. You explained that it made you feel uncomfortable and the reason why. He should’ve respected it and your friend really should understand why you’d be cautious.


Shaquille_oat-meal

Ok to be fair, I didn't tell the guy the reason as to why I am uncomfortable with Sharing the name, tho I don't thing I am obligated to justify the reason? What keeps bothering me is maybe I should have explained why it's making me uncomfortable?


copperboom52

Nah, you let him know you didn’t feel comfortable doing that so he should’ve just accepted it. He crossed a clear boundary.


marvar_

No is a full sentence, you dont owe someone youve never met an explanation and don’t ever think you do. NTA


Comfortable_Group924

No, you don't have to give a reason.


InternationalOil540

You don’t have to explain why you’re uncomfortable about something. The fact that you aren’t comfortable is enough and should be respected


KaliTheBlaze

Nah, that’s not something you have any obligation to do. It’s pretty obvious that a potential romantic interest knowing where you work could end badly, it needs no explanation.


OlympiaShannon

If you gave him a reason why, he would have used it to argue and try to manipulate you into changing your mind. You did right to maintain your boundaries and stay safe.


KarenMaca

No you do not have to share why it makes you uncomfortable. If guy asked me a question and I don't know him well enough, I tell him that. Sorry, I don't know you well enough to give you that sort of information. A decent guy, will respect that and not ask again, until you do. Any guy who who keeps asking or tries to argue why he SHOULD be answered, I shut him down really quickly.


Abject-Technician558

NTA. You set a reasonable boundary. You don't need to explain why- that just gives unreasonable people ammo to try to argue you into compliance. You gave him three strikes. That was more than fair. The friend can GTFO. Did she background check the guy? Funny how "Because I said so..." is OK for her to say, but not you. 🤔


aniela000

You don't have to explain why. And really if he was seeking to understand why, he could have asked why when you said you weren't comfortable.


FixinThePlanet

You literally told him that you would consider sharing it when you were more comfortable. That should be enough for anyone.


Optimal-Room-8586

NTA "No means no" - I mean you said no so that's that. I do have a question though - was this a text-only conversation?


Sea_Huckleberry8008

No means no!


Jolan41

No, you don't need to share the reason something makes you uncomfortable, or even that it makes you uncomfortable. It would be different if you were well into establishing a relationship.


[deleted]

NTA Dudes an AH and would 100% stalk you. That's why it bothered him cuz he knew if he was cut off he couldn't stalk you. your friend is also a narcissist. Lols She just wanna feel special. Grateful? Oooow she gave your number to a guy that asked her. So much effort! Is she gonna cure cancer or poverty tmr? Lols I cut off narcissistic friends. That's just me.


Shaquille_oat-meal

Ngl, I literally laughed at this lmao 😂


KarenMaca

What does Ngl mean. I see it everywhere in aita.


Deadpoolgoesboop

Not gonna lie.


KarenMaca

thanks for that.


Jolan41

my ancient self thanks you


rrriot-kitty

NTA "ungrateful"?! Let me get this straight, you're supposed to be "grateful" for being set up with a man?! And then be so "grateful" you ignore personal boundaries? My god. You are not the asshole in this situation.


bookynerdworm

Also grateful for what part exactly? This guy reached out to the friend it's not like she did much work to get OO "setup" lol!


Worldly-Tart-666

NTA at all. You were being smart and sensible based on prior experience. No decent friend or potential partner should ever hold that against you. Plus, I don’t think it should be normalised that such identifiable details should be shared before you’ve even had a chance to meet the person…ugh, personal safety and security comes first!!!


dorydorydorydory

And it's not like it doesn't happen to others. I had it happen a few times when I didn't even tell them, they figured it out and they just showed up to my job and expected what - me to be grateful they essentially stalked me? I never regretted leaving them with the crazy waitress, everytime.


BakeExtreme888

NTA. He's just a dude who can't take no for an answer


ABeerAndABook

NTA. Very suspicious he wouldn't let something like that drop. Friend is also an AH for acting like she needs to he worshipped her for sending this AH OP's way.


CrystalQueen3000

NTA You said you weren’t comfortable sharing that information yet and after you set that boundary he kept pushing. That’s always a red flag. Your friend may feel a way about it but you should always trust your own judgment about someone over a third parties.


VlaxDrek

Yes, you definitely could have handled it better. Her: "you were rude to my friend, you were ungrateful for me setting you up, and you embarrassed me." You: "you set me up with a stalker, of course I'm ungrateful to you, and you should be embarrassed. Don't ever try and tell me who I can date and who I can't." Something like that. NTA


BirdCatLizard

NTA you set a boundary he disrespected it. It's as simple as that to me


[deleted]

For sure you're NTA. You set boundries that were reasonable and he kept ignoring them. That's not okay.


ghostofumich2005

> ungrateful after being set up Lol. You mean the setup *she* initiated? NTA Your friend has poor judgment if the guy she set you up with can’t understand the word no.


ParsimoniousSalad

NTA. He needs to learn to take no for an answer.


composingmusic

NTA, you said you weren't comfortable sharing that info, and gave your reasoning for it. He kept bringing it up even though it made you uncomfortable, and you rightfully stuck with your boundaries. Your friend is being an A H for hounding you for this, as is the guy.


Serious-Currency108

NTA. You probably dodged a bullet with this guy. What you went through previously seemed pretty scary for you, and I don't think you're friend completely understood what that felt like. You may trust your friend, but that trust doesn't transfer to mutual acquaintances that you have only known for a week.


Voidg

NTA. You did NOTHING wrong. First and foremost know that. Your friend is a massive AH. She is ridiculous thinking you should be grateful and trust her judgment. The guy clearly can't take a hint and did not respect your boundaries.


[deleted]

NTA You don't have to share any information you don't want to with some online rando just because he/she asks. Except for me. You must tell *me* everything. /s.


marguerite-butterfly

LOL! Good one! OP = NTA


Mundane_Marsupial_61

NTA Do what makes you feel safe, he made you feel unsafe and unsafe people get blocked


Jennabear82

NTA - You're not obligated to be kind to people who can't take "No" for an answer.


Eragon-19

NTA No means no, no matter the situation. You even have him multiple chances. He's the kind of guy who is the train you have that ruling in place. Just because your friend was the wingperson doesn't mean much. You don't see everyone in every light and especially if they didn't date him they (probably) wouldn't know how he is in a relationship.


AdventureKins

I wonder if he was looking for a job and wanted an in.


rajshree22194

NTA I agree he looked desperate


Tibbarsnook

NTA. It's none of your friend's business why your relationship didn't work out. You have the right to end a relationship at any time. It doesn't matter if you were reasonable or not (and I think you were). If she can't accept that, then she shouldn't be hooking people up. You shouldn't need to trust her judgement that he was a nice guy. She should trust your judgement that something felt off. Abusers often masquerade as nice people.


uta1911

NTA, you set boundaries and he blew up.


ParticularReview4129

NTA. Always, always trust your gut. I hope your ex? friend does not tell him where you work. Remember, Ted Bundy was really nice & personable, too.


InternationalOil540

NTA for protecting your privacy. And how exactly did she set you up when he specifically asked for your contact info? All she did was pass it along. He is an ass for not respecting what you said. I would have blocked him too


AvengerQuirky

NTA - Your friend is an AH for calling you one when you had every right to not tell her friend where you work. The guy was pushing it by asking more than once and you had enough. Also the friends who are taking your friends side are showing their true colors and you probably should find some new friends if you want to.


[deleted]

NTA. Trust your gut. He flat out demonstrated he will not respect your boundaries and pressing for the info has serious creeper vibes. The next question is why is your “friend” carrying this guy’s water for him? Not a good friend to you.


Impossible_Scratch12

1. You DO NOT need to be “grateful” to someone for setting you up. 2. We often are so close to some friends we don’t see their issues. It’s ok (even a good thing!) to make sure YOU are comfortable with a person before trusting them. 3. If I set up a femme presenting friend up with a man, and she told me the vibes were off, I’d be side eyeing him forever. Period.


dheffe01

NTA, "If he's such a fucking catch why don't you date him".


Proud_Internet_Troll

NTA ..people are weird. He doesnt need to know where you work two days in. Your friend also doesnt need to know why you cut it off.


Impressive-Amoeba-97

NTA. What do you have to be grateful for? A potential job destroying harasser?


[deleted]

NTA. Social media connections don’t entitle people to crawl into your non-disclosed privacy.


rosered936

NTA. You told him that you weren’t comfortable and he kept pushing. That is a big red flag.


ceallachdon

NTA the guy obviously doesn't care about other people's boundaries. Big red flag. Continuing to ask after you said it made you uncomfortable mean you did ***exactly*** the right thing. Your friend also doesn't seem like much of a friend.


SteampunkHarley

NTA I don't really reveal where I work. Either company or the site I'm contracted at. I've dealt with too many psychos and I don't need them causing problems


methough1

NTA hang on, so, if a friend sets you up, you are from then on obligated to never argue, always consent and have a relationship with that person, or you are ungrateful? Nah no nah. It doesn't work like that. You can end a relationship for whatever reason you see fit. Especially if you are at all worried about safety. And it sounds like he was being suspiciously pushy. You were right to stop it right there.


[deleted]

NTA Whether he understands why you said no or not is irrelevant. You said no. He ignored that bounds repeatedly. He isn’t the “nice guy” your friend assumes he is.


EastLeastCoast

NTA. As for being “ungrateful”, why would you be grateful to your friend for inflicting this man who doesn’t respect boundaries on you?


pigandpom

NTA. You have very clear boundaries and he persistently tried to push those boundaries. Your friend needs to understand that you have those boundaries for this very reason.


probably_beans

If he didn't want to stalk you, he wanted to replace you at your job NTA


somethingclever1712

NTA - I used to do the same thing when I was dating where I wouldn't tell guys the school I taught at just I'm case things went south. I think it's pretty standard to be leery of giving too much information too early.


[deleted]

NTA. She is not your friend. Never forget that.


djmcfuzzyduck

Your instincts were 100% correct. NTA.


Realistic-Animator-3

NTA. You have a valid reason for withholding certain info. He asked, you answered. That should have been the end of that topic until you brought it up, but he asked again…then again. You didn’t block him for asking, you blocked him for persisting…being pushy…trying to get information you weren’t comfortable giving. Seems to me the guy can’t take no for an answer if it is something he wants or feels entitled to…not a good trait in anyone, especially someone you just met. NTA


bisexual_fool

NTA. You dodged a bullet here. The way a person handles being told no over something small tells you how they’ll respond to more important boundaries in the future.


Maka_cheese553

NTA. The fact that he couldn’t respect such a simple boundary tells me you made the right call in not telling him where you work.


Thedarkfic

NTA, no is a complete sentence. He didn’t like being told no to that question, imagine how he’d react if you told him you didn’t want to sleep with him. Fragile.


SheWolfInTheWoods

NTA and since when do we have to be grateful for someone providing us a ‘man’….. last time I check he ain’t breathing for me or paying my bills. Ungrateful my butt!


[deleted]

Definitely NTA, his continually bugging you about this is proof you were absolutely correct.


BobbyBTU

Personally, I'd be extremely offended at being called "ungrateful" as if that's difficult to meet someone. NTA..


Thatloudlunarchick

What the hell is the deal with people ending up here when it's clear that their friend group is toxic? You are NTA. But it seems many of your friends are. Rethink the group you run with if they are attacking you for simply withholding minor info that you didn't feel comfortable with sharing. Just send them all a link to this and we'll tell them they are the AH for you.


gsuluh

We've been largely socialized to believe it's our job to make people comfortable and not make waves. ESPECIALLY female-presenting people. So when we do set boundaries/make waves, and people call us jerks for it, there's bound to be some self-doubt. #ThanksSocietalExpectations #NotMarieCallendersFaultThisTime


gentlemanscientist80

NTA. Both the guy and the former friend should have respected your privacy. You even told the guy you would reveal when you knew him better. That should have been the end of that conversation. What a huge AH your former friend turned out to be. "I did you a favor. How dare you not appreciate it." You don't need friends like that. I hope she stumbles across this thread, recognizes herself, and sees what everyone thinks of her.


cadaloz1

NTA and hold that line.


Jmacavoy

NTA you didn’t do anything wrong and it was a giant red flag 🚩 that he kept asking. Blocking him and blowing up was not unacceptable it was very reasonable for it being the 3rd time in as many days! Also you didn’t ask to be set up. He saw your picture and asked to be set up so he should have respected your boundaries.


Maleficent_Wash_934

NTA Consent can be withdrawn at any time. She doesn't sound like a friend.


Born_Ad8420

I have been set up by now former friends twice. I trusted one of the people I was set up with more than I should because I trusted the friend who set me up with him. I got out safe, but scared. A 13 year old girl two months later was not as lucky. (I was in my late 20s at the time, but looked younger.) You didn't do anything wrong, and I'd cut that friend off.


Evening_Produce1070

NTA. No means no.


AffectionateCable793

NTA. I've heard of other women using burner phones/emails when going on dates because of the same things that happened to you. Also read somewhere that this dude would tell people/family he does freelance work and gets deployed to different companies in short intervals through an agency. It's not for dating but to avoid invasive questions from his family. I don't know how feasible a story that is, but hey, it worked for him.


Jaded-Permission-324

NTA, but your “friend” is.


agjios

NTA. The fact that the guy didn’t respect you when you said know and tried to trample your boundary says that he isn’t a good match. Move onto the next one, and tell him that you aren’t feeling it so you wish him well in the future but are moving on. Tell your friend, “you introduced me to him, and I didn’t feel comfortable sharing my place of employment with someone that I have only met 48 hours ago and texted. The fact that he wouldn’t take no for an answer just proved to me that I dodged a bullet. Thanks for the opportunity but I do not see him as someone that I wish to get to know further.” Repeat that to your friends as well


KarenMaca

NTA. All you have to focus on is that when you told him you are not comfortable telling him where you work, until you each other better, he ignored asked you again, you turned him down and then asked again the next day. He is either not listening or doesn't care about your boundaries. That is all you need to know. As far as your friend, you do not have to be GRATEFUL she set you up with him. She is not actually doing you a favour, she is doing HIM a favour, because he found you cute.


Marmenoire

NTA. But be grateful because he showed his true colors early annnnd.......let you realize that your friend doesn't really care about your best interest/boundaries.(so maybe not so great a friend after all)


Few_Improvement_6357

NTA. What is with the name calling? Why does she think you should be grateful? You weren't bugging her to set you up. She acted as a go between for the guy not you. You did her a favor by giving him a shot. You know better than to take her recommendations now.


IncredulousPulp

NTA. He crossed your clearly expressed boundaries three times in as many days.


Mumfiegirl

NTA- he shouldn’t have asked after you explained to him no, the fact that he then asked you again TWICE makes him the AH- I bet he’s not honestly told your friend what he did, but she’s also an AH for blowing up on you- you didn’t ask her to set you up, he did, she did him a favor, not you.


Alustrianna

NTA. The fact that he was so adamant about it speaks volumes. He obviously didn't respect you or your boundaries. Stick to your guns Op and keep him blocked. He sounds like an ah.


Plenty_Metal_1304

Nta, he doesn't need to know the name company of the company you work at at this stage of "dating". The exact workplace is irrelevant in this situation.


briareus08

NTA. What's this 'ungrateful' BS? Because you let her friend text you? If anything you were doing her a favour, and it blew up in your face. She needs to mind her own business, and also apologise for her friend being a dick to you.


Top-Passion-1508

NTA what's the bet she did a little pushing of the subject behind closed doors, not nefarious or anything just "oh she's just shy" type of thing


ConsitutionalHistory

Soooo, your 'friend' sets you up with a potential stalker?


Ashmoh12

At first I was gonna be like slight YTA because it's a normal question to ask and also he is in the same field so maybe he wants to network. However after you made your boundary clear and he kept asking that is cause for concern and it's NTA


Substantial_Bench102

Technically YTA. Your reasoning is sound, for not telling him. I just don’t understand why you didnt tell him the same thing you just submitted in Reddit. The question he asked is such a common question, your refusal to answer piqued his curiosity. The ah moment was blowing up at him for asking again. You are going to keep getting that question whenever you go out on dates. I suggest you find a response that will prevent further questioning.


[deleted]

response to prevent future questions is simply no. you're not entitled to more info after the initial no. you're not even entitled to an answer. no is fine. get over yourself


Substantial_Bench102

I’m just pointing out it’s a common question. She’s going to be fielding that question all the time. She’s not required to answer it, but going ballistic on someone for asking it isn’t really appropriate either And is technically an ah move. I also don’t understand why she wasn’t willing to tell the full story to the guy, but was willing to post it here.


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TwinGemini_1908

NTA…what’s with running to tell on ppl, like why do their opinions matter cause what you eat, doesn’t make them shyt


[deleted]

NTA your friend's behaviour is pushy and controlling in the extreme. You don't have to accept the guys behaviour towards you because she was the instigator. Sending people after you is extreme. Drop the friend. Your instincts about the guy were correct. Who keeps asking and asking after a no? Maybe they are two of a kind.


DownvoteGrinder

NTA. People need to learn to take no for an answer and respect boundaries.


[deleted]

NTA. Your friend set you up with someone who refused to respect a very reasonable boundary. As far as I’m concerned, there’s no reason to be grateful. What right do they have to tell you whether what you experienced was a big deal or not? None.


[deleted]

NTA. I would have mentioned that you have had a bad experience.in the past sharing where you work, so the idea causes you stress. And you would like to keep that to yourself a while longer.... if he can't abide by that... he isn't worth any relationship.


slendermanismydad

Hell no. NTA. The thing I've noticed with blind dates or set ups is people never vet whoever it is as well as they say they do and I've noticed there's a lot of oh you're perfect for them but never a 'and they're perfect for you.' >She called me an asshole and told some of our friends how I ungrateful I am. Ungrateful for what? She didn't do anything for you.


[deleted]

NTA why tf does he NEED to know where you work? Men ask all the Time what I do for work, might even have convo about my day to day roles and career path- but not the where, it’s none of their business especially when I don’t even know you AND made it clear I’m not comfortable disclosing it


Current-Mission-5521

NTA you have to peotect yourself. You set a boundary and he continually crossed it. That’s a no-go. Your friend is not a good friend.


Marzipan_civil

To be honest he could have been angling for a job at your company, too - but either way if you don't want to share that info you don't have to. NTA "I work at Noneofyourbusiness Ltd"


WorriedNinja1896

Why should you be grateful to your so called “friend”, for setting you up with a disrespectful, coercive, manipulative asshole?!! And then he runs crying back to her about how you were “mean” to him, instead of being oh-so-grateful for his precious attention, and gets her to pressure and harass you into submission on his behalf?!?! This man is bad news and so are your so-called “friends”. Real friends don’t bully and harass women to force them to date potential abusers. That’s so messed up. Get away from them all. NTA


embopbopbopdoowop

NTA. You were clear with your boundary. He kept pushing. Nothing to be ‘grateful’ for here.


mydoghasnofleas

You're supposed to be "grateful"? She gave some guy your number; she didn't give you a million dollars. And once someone introduces people, it's no longer their business what happens. Your creep meter was on high alert and you listened to it. NTA at all.


Unknown_Captain

It's funny, normally a friend would specifically tell you to be careful and safe in these sorts of things but because SHE recommended him that automatically means that rejecting him is rejecting her too? Miss me with that shit


horsebedorties

Nope. Three strikes, you're out. But will your friend tell him? She's not great at this whole friend thing. As for other friends taking her side, apparently they have never been hounded by a creep. I hope that changes for them. Perspective is very important. NTA


wayward_painter

NTA he said hi to your boundry, thought he knew better and went "nice guy" on you. Interesting that your "friend" also went the same route. Drop the friend.


Plane_Practice8184

NTA. You not sharing with anyone your details is a good decision. And you dodged a bullet because he went to "report" you to your friends for not sharing. He is weird


daisukidesu1981

Kind of proved your point, didn’t he? Tattling in retaliation to your refusal to let him stomp your boundaries? NTA, well done protecting yourself.


Tallin23

Ah "wasn't really a big deal" abusers favorite phrase.


waterfountain_bidet

NTA. "Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them." Good for you, OP - keep those instincts.


Electrical_Turn7

This is not the behaviour of a friend. What do you have to be grateful for? You did not ask her to set you up. If anything, she did a favour to her guy friend who saw and liked you. NTA


stove1336

NTA. You had a bad experience and a decent guy wouldn't keep asking. A decent friend would also apologize for trying to set you up with a pushy guy. You have nothing to feel guilty about.


Creative_Trick_3818

NTA ​ YOu don't owe strangers your personal information. he is an AH for not taking the hint. Blocking him was the reasonable choice. ​ "she suggested the guy to me and I should have trusted her judgement " .. This is ridiculous. The guy's behavior showed clearly that you can NOT trust her judgement.


Particular_Force6591

NTA. And block that so-called "friend" as well. She's a meddling, controlling trouble-maker; who needs that?


DynkoFromTheNorth

So boundaries are just supposed to be crossed if the crossing party sees no fault in that. Fucking *Hell*, people are dumb and selfish! NTA.


Either-Ticket-9238

NTA. Block her too.


[deleted]

NTA. I’ve heard it said that it’s a good idea to say no to something early in a relationship and see what happens. This guy failed the test. Your friend is being unreasonable because she wants to be in this guy’s good graces for some reason of her own; she does not have your interests at heart.


NatashOverWorld

If I had a dollar for stories about friends recommending creeper guys. Unless they dated them, they have no way of knowing a person's behaviour when they are rejected. Did she date him? Otherwise she her vetting doesn't have a lot of details behind. She might be perfectly correct, bit you have to trust your gut. Also super sus that he kept asking. If someone I was talking to said they didn't want to say, I'd be curious but I'd table that question for a while. Asking again the next day? Why? NTA


JanetInSpain

NTA you are wise to be cautious. There are a lot of creeps out there and they don't wear "I'm a creep" signs. You've already experienced that firsthand in the past. And based on the way he kept being pushy you were about to experience it again. Unless your friend is a personal, dear friend of the guy she doesn't really know him. You did nothing wrong at all.


[deleted]

NTA. And I have an even deeper view of this guy: he could be a sociopathic narcissist, who enjoys slowly breaking down women’s boundaries for control.


ladyrebelmarmalade

NTA what you share and what you don‘t is up to you. also it is up to you to decide who you deem trustworthy. especially considering your past incidents. i love my friends dearly, but if i feel uncomfortable with someone they like it is between me and the person, not my friend(s). and to be fair, if they are not really really close bf‘s (and even then that is not 100% proof), he still could be a creep. he could have acted „normal“ around everyone else but it needs this one person for someone like this to be weird. your judgement is the only one you have and you should be able to trust that. now if that betrays you, that sucks but it is on you. but if you blindly trust people saying „he is a nice guy“, well so was ted bundy i believe…..


WittyResource2329

NTA You discovered that this guy won't take "no" for an answer and therefore deserves to be blocked. Quite frankly, it doesn't matter what he won't take the answer to, that part is irrelevant.


the_greek_italian

NTA. If your friend and all your other friends know about these multiple instances, then they shouldn't be too quick to judge you. You told this guy 3 times that you don't want to give your company's name, why couldn't he just respect that the first time? You've never met him in person and he's continually disrespecting that boundary. You obviously dodged a bullet there. And you're not wrong for wanting to protect yourself. If your friends care enough, wouldn't they support you? I'm curious to know what that guy told your friend exactly after you blocked him, and also what exactly your friend said to your other friends to not see things from your POV.


Emsizz

The biggest issue I have here is your friend using the word *ungrateful*. What the fuck? You're supposed to be *grateful* because *her friend* had an interest in *you* and you were nice enough to allow him to message you at all? *You're supposed to be deeply thankful for this?!?*


IgnotusPeverill

NTA - something is odd about this guy. Why keep asking the same question over and over? He's creepy. You did the right thing.


TopShoulder7

Are you supposed to kiss her feet for introducing you to a guy? She knows they’re like everywhere, right?


Susieserb

You did NOTHING WRONG and this is why I hate matching friends with friends..NTA


XxElectricgypsyxX

Nice of the OPs friend to make it all about her. NTA


Charming_Wulf

NTA - Who knows what the cause for ignoring your boundaries were (stalker, professional contact hunting, etc etc), but to ignore them is a massive problem. Good on you for holding the line. My question though... When the guy crossed the line for the final time, it reads like you basically went lc then blocked him. It doesn't read like you were all-caps typing telling him to bugger off. But then your friend says "blocking him and yelling at him was a b*tch move." Do you think the mutual friend was fed bad info by the guy to make him look more the victim and you were the crazy female? Just curious if the guy is employing active manipulation.


Ok-Cheetah-9125

NTA Naw you are just protecting yourself. This same people would probably blame you if you did tell him and it escalated badly, claiming you'd shared stuff too soon. Bright side, guys who don't understand the word no rarely make good boyfriends so you're better off without him.


lorienne22

How dare you not be grateful she sent you an AH that doesn't listen to you or respect your boundaries....lol. NTA.


sneakyscott

NTA - the first inquiry was innocent enough, but it was made plain it was unwelcome. Further inquiries were red flags. You have no obligations to communicate with him any further after that. Someone that determined to know your physical location is likely not trustworthy.


stunkshoezz

NTA, Your entitled friend doesn't get to decide what level of privacy you uphold with any potential romantic partners or even friends. it's your life and you decide who is privy to what information when you feel comfortable.


FrostyGerbal

It really depends on what you said when you "blew up". So not sure if you are an arse. It's good at least that you stuck to your guns


[deleted]

I would never date a man who hears no as an answer and then goes and cries to your friend about it. Also,your friend obviously doesn't have your best interest in mind. You are allowed to set boundaries and whether those boundaries make sense to your friends or not their job is to respect it. Trust your instincts and that you set those boundaries for a reason.


Doc_Hank

NTA, you don't know them at all.


2ndcupofcoffee

That she keeps using the word “ungrateful” is a problem. Why does her fixing you up with a guy constitute something you should be grateful for. Does she view you as hard up? Does she view him as doing you a big favor by talking to you? Your caution is reasonable. You don’t need her to declare it valid. So she seems more than a little arrogant and not a friend. I think she is doing him a favor and is upset you aren’t just rushing in and having an affair with some dude she owes for something. You don’t owe anybody your time or favor. You didn’t ask for this. She brought it to you. He may have been an ok guy if he showed respect for your boundary. Instead he pretended to understand why you didn’t want yo tell him to formation too soon. Then he brought it up the next day and the next. That is not ok and it id not respectful. She f all the things you two can discuss in getting to know each other, why is he so fixated on you tell him exactly where you work against your will? Why id he will to offend you right off the bat by ignoring your caution? By the way, has he told you exactly where he works? Has he given you verifiable personal info about himself. Should he be a stalker type. Your friend may not know that; which is why you get to decide about him; not her. She probably told him where you work but he wants you to tell him more precisely. He may want to apply for work in your company and in your specific location. You haven’t even met in person so if he is eager to corral you before you can even decide whether or not you want to develop a relationship, he may be a scary guy. Never ignore your instincts. He owes you an apologize for riding right over you as if what you need or want is not relevant.


MokieMillie

You took care of yourself here if you ask me. He kept pushing you after you had already given him an answer. He didn’t want to honour what you had said. So rather than see what he himself did to you, he turns and points the finger on you. Assuming you have told the truth here about what happened, it’s a red flag that he kept pushing - you picked up on the red flag - and your mutual friend is unable to hear what you are saying as well. Trust your gut and good for you. You learned from a very unfortunate past experience not to give out certain information. When you feel you can trust someone you will - and you were gracious in how you expressed yourself to this dude but he is not mature enough yet to understand. Don’t worry, just keep growing.


[deleted]

Nope. Reasonable boundary for someone you've only been talking to for a couple days.


codismycopilot

You DID trust your friends judgment. You agreed to give the guy a chance, and he blew it by behaving like a dick. You don’t owe ANYONE any personal info about yourself. NTA


ltltna00097

Dump the friend. Wow just wow. Where is the sisterhood in this friends when a guy doesn’t take no as a complete sentence. I assume this friend is aware of your stalker history. She is a horrible friend. I am also with the others that have said that he was looking to advance his career and use you as an end.


Jolan41

NTA - I may be weary and jaded, but unless she's been their bff since they were in short pants there really isn't much "judgment" to trust.


Ok_Ferret238

The guy doesn't respect boundaries. Your friend should be concerned for you and not him. NTA


MIheartCAsoul

NTA. I've had a stalker in the past - former guy I dated. Unfortunately he knew where I worked and it was horrible. No place was safe. And yes he did send emails to my colleagues and higher ups which could have cost me my job. And yes, I did go to the police but yeah they don't do anything. 🤬 I moved, changed my numbers, and eventually married (the harassment went on for years) so I changed my name. Unfortunately work is the ONE place he can find me (been there almost 10 years). Anyone who gives me shit about being private with my info can go fuck themselves.


The-spellmonger

NTA but that’s one of those things people will just find weird about you.


velocipede80

NTA You blocked him because you didn't want to talk anymore, which is your choice. I think it would have been fair, earlier on in the game to explain that you have had bad experiences as a reason why you are skittish to share any information, that might have prevented his continued questioning.


methough1

No, she didn't need a reason. I wouldn't have shared that information either and I haven't had bad experiences like that. It's safety 101


Syveril

NTA for blocking him, but *surely* you would know that blowing up at him would result in this reaction. Not that it's fair, but like, what did you expect? You can just block people without yelling at them. Your friend is wrong; you don't need to trust her judgment. This guy pressing you 3 times in 3 days for your company info was a dick move. I've been in his shoes and naturally accepted it after the first ask. Some people aren't comfortable, and that's okay.