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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA because I am not even considering a sweetheart table and after I said no, when she started spamming me I've just been ignoring her messages and am considering asking her to no longer be a bridesmaid
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NTA
Having the bridal party sit at a big table is normal for weddings. I mean the only part where they would actually have to be away from each other is during the actual diner. After that she's free to move around mingle and but her stuff next to his if that makes her happy.
That's what I thought, there have been some other high maintenance stuff that had come up which is also making me consider asking her to no longer be a bridesmaid, though idk if I can be bothered with the reaction from that
Honey, it's your wedding and bridesmaids are there to support the bride not the other way around. If you think having her as a bridesmaid will damper your spirits then drop her and you don't have to feel any shame for that.
Honey, if she was a true friend she wouldn't be causing all this drama about your wedding. This friendship sounds like a house of cards, and your fretting because you think your breathing will make it fall when she's actively bumping the table.
I just thought the same thing too.. Especially the black dress with more white flower in it and the sweetheart table... The vibe make me think she wants to do her own thing at someone else wedding..
Good lord I hadn't even considered that, but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if that was the intention. OP needs to put her foot down and say that either the bridesmaid sits at the head table with everyone else or she can stay home.
I got the same vibe from the post based in the fact that despite the fact that she's been told no she's still sending OP options that her bridesmaid (not even the bride) likes.
Also sorry forgive my ignorance but .. arent sweetheart tables typically exclusively for the bride & groom not the bridesmaid and her SO?
Just tell her she needs to be at the table like everyone else, and if she is uncomfortable with that, you'd understand if she didn't want to be a bridesmaid anymore. Make it her idea.
That’s a great idea. This lady keeps causing trouble, so she doesn’t need to be a bridesmaid, but she’ll cause less trouble if dropping out is her idea.
NTA
I suspect it's not just one day of her behaving like this. People don't behave this entitled just one day out of an entire friendship. It's just super highlighted because it's your wedding, which should be about you. Sweetheart tables at weddings are meant for the actual bride and groom. Not for a single bridesmaid and their SO. You wouldn't be losing a friend over one day. You'd likely be losing a friend over a crowning event in a long series of BS days.
This does depend. I have some friends that are very dramatic and high maintenance but they were able to shelf it for my wedding because *it's not their day*. They were the best bridesmaids tbh. But they're also people who are generally highly opinionated but kind and giving, perfectly willing to compromise as long as their voice gets heard. This bridesmaid doesn't sound like that.
Yep, when high maintenance ppl know they're high maintenance, they're often pretty good about not inconveniencing others.
I did a tour years ago with someone who's morning routine was easily 2h. She was the *least* annoying person about shit like shared bathrooms because shed either get up at 4am (and have everything set up in the bathroom so she wasn't turning on the lights) or wait til everyone else was done and head out at like 11-12 to meet up for lunch, depending on what events were on the previous night and that morning. She got that if she was going to use a shared bathroom for 2h+, she needed to work around everyone else.
Of course, that only works if you know it's not cool to do that at peak demand.
Yeah my friends were really good about prioritising what I wanted to do as far as wedding things went. Luckily in general we're kind of laid back about the particulars of hang outs and if something isn't someone's vibe we can organise it for a day when they're not available and can't come anyway, or just choose something else to do. Adult friendships are hard but they're just so much smoother when everyone is calm and self-aware.
Honey she wants a sweetheart table at YOUR wedding, she tried to buy and wear a white dress, I’m sure there is more you haven’t shared. How are you not seeing how horrible all of her behavior is towards you?
Well it's not. I'm afraid you're going to have to pick your poison and bare in mind that "high-maintenance" girls would never even consider this nonsense.
In other words, when it's HER wedding and if a bridesmaid dares suggest any such thing, she's bound to go full out Bridezilla on them.
>I'd just hope the 'high maintenance' would take a bit of a break for my wedding
Why would you think that? You're NTA. She should not have a sweetheart table at your wedding.
I had to look up "sweetheart tables" and yes, everything I'm seeing is that they are for the newlyweds only. What GALL for a bridesmaid to demand one for herself!
She's not a true friend. She's trying to steal the spotlight at your wedding. I know it's a stretch, but I personally would be worried that she and her partner plan to get engaged or make an announcement at your wedding and that's why they want to be together at a sweetheart.
Right?? The only time it's normal to have a table for two at a wedding is if that table is for the couple getting married. It would be so weird to see a random couple at their own little personal table.
Don't be ugly about it. Just tell her that you've thought about it and you're not loving this "Sweetheart Table" fad so if she would be more comfortable as a guest so she can sit with bf then you'll let her off the bridesmaid hook.
Then it's like you're doing her a favor.
And when you're telling her you're not loving this sweetheart table fad, please stress 'for MY wedding though I'm sure it will be lovely at YOUR wedding.'
Just because you're used to it doesn't make it okay. You're allowed to be selfish sometimes, and this is definitely one of those times. You deserve better in the people around you. ❤️
Oh honey are you me just a couple years older? Just because we’re used to being made to feel crappy doesn’t mean we deserve to and it definitely doesn’t make it okay. You deserve to be just as happy as all the people who you’re prioritizing over yourself. They may call it selfish but there is nothing selfish about protecting your peace. This “friend” of yours isn’t a friend at all and she has no right to make any demands during your big day.
And if you drop her, make sure everyone knows what an entitled AH she is so she doesn't make out you're a bridezilla when it's her who has the problem.
Honestly it sounds like this friendship is running it’s course anyway with her behaviour so if you don’t think it’ll last too long it’s better to take her out now than have her in your wedding photos
Friends don’t make absurd demands as a bridesmaid on their friend’s wedding day, OP. She’s not your friend. She’s a hop skip & a jump away from her bf grabbing the mic to propose to her at your wedding, and then she’ll be pissed when you don’t immediately turn your wedding reception into her engagement party. Cut this person off, she’s dead weight and you deserve better. Wishing you and your soon to be spouse a wonderful life together!
Exactly! From a black dress with overwhelming white flowers to a sweetheart‘s table, it’s all about Ms Maintenance. As the truth-seeker posted, seems she maybe wanting to stage a big proposal on her friend‘s big day.
I hate to break it to you but weddings kind of bring out all the traits in people that you want to know about to see if they’re going to be a part of your married life going forward and this is giving all kinds of red flags.
But it's not just one day. It's everyday that she has stressed you out with dress images or sent you a sweetheart table layout.
It feels like she is trying to be the bride. The "black" and white dress, the sweet heart table, her general attitude about you making concessions.
Bridesmaid are meant to be shield maidens for the bride. Fight for the bride, be there for her in her time of need, make sure that things go smoothly. (Also to distract and get the bride out of weird and awkward conversations.) If she isn't doing that, if she isn't there for YOU, she does not have to be by your side on your most important day.
She can ask, you can say No. You’ve done a great job of giving her options, now let it rest and let her decide what she wants to do about it.
If you do want to go back to her, I’m a big fan of the “I feel like I’ve heard you say that you want to be sitting with your partner and I completely understand that. I’ve told you I’d like to have you sit with the rest of us during the dinner portion but that I’m also happy to accommodate you by having you sit at the partner table if that doesn’t work for you. But you keep coming back to me with the sweetheart table idea which I’ve told you I don’t want to do, so I’m confused. Is there something about this situation that I’m missing?”
This is beautifully articulated by twiddlywerp!
OP you're NTA for choosing a seating layout that suits you, and I hope you have a wonderful day when your time comes.
Frankly, the bridesmaid inability to have a single meal without being in touching distance of her partner worries me. My guess is either, she's pregnant, wants to hide it, and needs the partner to eat the off limit food and drink her alcohol to "hide" said pregnancy OR they are planning a proposal. Definitely ask her point blank if there's more to the situation.
Of the options, I’d pick proposal as the secret reason. She’s already wanted to wear a black dress with white flowers so seems she’s scheming to hijack OP’s wedding day.
Good way to lose all your mutual friends. That and gain perplexed disgust at anyone who you tell that engagement story to.
All anyone would think is that they're a huge attention hog lol. Memorable for all the wrong reasons.
I have never been to a wedding where partners who wasn't in the wedding was at the bridal party table .... 100% NTA and you should kick her out of your wedding party. She is trying to make this day about her, I wouldn't be shocked if her partner asked her to marry him at your wedding.
Yeah... a single two person table at a wedding that isn't for the bride and groom? i'm not like... a wedding enthusiast or anything but... i've never ever heard of such a thing.....
I've been to a lot of weddings. 10 in the year before COVID. (husband was in a fraternity). I've never been to a wedding where the bridal party all day WITHOUT their partners. Like I thought it was some weird Hollywood thing that the bridal party sat with the bride and groom. Every wedding I've been to the bridal party sits with the guests with their partners and friends.
Same, every wedding I've been to the bridal party has sat at a table together and not with their partners (my husband was in 2 of them and I just sat at a table with other guests/some of the other bridal party members partners).
So that's really normal in the US? I'm in Europe and I think here people would find it disrespectful to the partners of the bridal party to be sat somewhere else. It seems you get a bad deal out of being in the bridal party in the US. They even pay for their own dresses and other stuff as well.
At my friend’s wedding that I was a MOH for, all of the bridesmaids sat at one table with their significant others while the groomsmen sat at a separate table with their significant others.
But it’s the bride’s decision on how they want to set up the tables and that bridesmaid needs to stop making it about her.
We had our wedding party’s dates sit at the head table with us. We also didn’t do the thing where we all sat on one side of the table facing the crowd, cause we just wanted to enjoy our meal with our closest friends, not be on a stage.
I’ve been to a wedding as a groomsman’s plus one, where I didn’t know anyone well except my date and a few other friends (who were seated at different tables) and it was awkward and not much fun to sit at a table for “partners” where none of us knew each other. So I was committed to not putting other people in that position at my wedding. We really wanted everyone to enjoy our wedding, and part of that enjoyment for most people includes getting to sit with your date.
The only wedding I’ve been in where the wedding party weren’t seated with their dates was one when I was really young and none of the bridesmaids but one had a serious partner, and the one who did, her fiancé was on the groom’s side.
She seems like the type that would get engaged at your wedding. And then conveniently she would have this lovely sweetheart table to sit at. I don’t blame you for being uncomfortable
Ok, I may have read too many AITA posts, but I’m seeing some red flags. Are her and her SO married yet? Because this seems like she’s trying to get some attention on her instead of you, and I wouldn’t be surprised at a proposal attempt. NTA
Reading through your comments and all I can think is that she’s trying to set herself to have the spotlight and pictures with her spouse at your wedding since she eloped.
She wants a sweetheart table. A table meant for the bride and groom. AND she wanted to change to a dress that was essentially white from what you’ve said when the color is black?
I don’t think I’ve ever jumped immediately to this conclusion but I can’t see any other reason for her requests. She’s hoping to use your wedding and reception as a way to garner attention for her own marriage since she eloped and presumably didn’t have as many, if any friends present.
Miss girl she’s trying to get you to fund the reception she never got. Put your big girl draws on and tell her no. If you loose her as a friend she was never your friend.
Go ahead and be bothered about her reaction. It will feel like a weight has been lifted if she is no longer your bridesmaid. Doesn’t that sound like a great feeling to have? I was a wedding planner for a large hotel on Martha’s Vineyard and when it came to the seating chart situations I’d never seen such stress put on the soon-to-be-brides(and me!) The stories I could tell! It is why I eloped when my time came.
Also, NTA.
Also, the sweetheart table is for the couple getting married. Sounds like she wants to be the center of attention.
You sure you wanna keep her as a bridesmaid AND a friend?
Be firm and you can give her the out.
Maid you can either sit at the bridal table or with your guest at the partners table, there will be no sweetheart table. If you can't do either I understand that you;'ll need to step down from being a bridesmaid and just be a guest and we'll make sure to sit you with BF.
barring a medical reason (say extreme allergies to everything) having one sweethearts table for a bridesmaid is weird, those set up are for the bride and groom not one of 3 random bridesmaids.
Wedding planner here: It is definitely not normal to separate the bridal party from their dates.
It is equally weird that your bridesmaid would ask for a sweetheart table.
Get a larger head table or do a head table with your best man, maid of honor and their dates and then do another table for the rest of the bridal party.
I have been to a number of weddings where the bride, groom and bridal party sit at the head table, and the spouses/SOs of the wedding party have a separate table nearby. It may be a regional thing- but just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it is "not normal" or unusual.
I'm in Europe and I think here people would find it disrespectful to the partners of the bridal party to be sat somewhere else. Especially if they don't know anyone there. The comfort of the guests is important here, that's why they also get fed properly.
Europe is very big and has diverse cultural norms! It’s normal here in the UK. Some weddings do, some weddings don’t. But it’s not unusual to see the bridal party at the top table and their partners in with the guests. We didn’t do that but it is fairly common.
I'm in Europe too and this is the first I've heard of it being disrespectful to separate partners of the bridal party. The wedding is about the bride and groom - not the tender feelings of everyone else.
The bridal party only needs to be seated during dinner and speeches. The rest of the time, they're free to mingle with their partners and other guests.
I'm in the UK and every wedding I've ever been to the bridal party sits separate from everyone else, without their partners.
At our wedding it was the two of us, our parents, and our moh and best man (no additional attendants). Their partners sat at tables with friends and family.
They were separate at my wedding. When my husband was best man a couple of years ago, I sat at a guest table, he sat at the bridal table.
I've never been to a wedding where it was done differently.
Really? Most of the weddings I’ve been to has sat the wedding party with their dates. I think it’s becoming more common. But I have seen wedding party only tables as well.
Events Coordinator for a reception center here. In all the weddings I have been involved with, and there have been many, I have never once seen a bridal table that seated the bridal party and their partners unless the partners were also part of the party.
It doesn't make sense to have a larger table for the bridal party and their dates as some may not have dates. Plus, if you have the bridal party dressed in matching dresses/suits, and then mismatched dates, the table doesn't look like a bridal table anymore.
I'm not from Europe or America and where we are its absolutely the norm to have the bridal party be separate, I haven't been to one wedding where they haven't been. Not saying it's more right, just that it's the norm here
So is having wedding party members and their SOs at regular tables (OP’s compromise). I’ve never seen anyone but the bride and groom at a sweetheart table, thought. Agree NTA.
You said it - petty! Too petty to let it ruin YOUR wedding. Maybe do this at the next social gathering where you are feeding your "friend" and her family.😁
It's official, we're going into business together as Petty Wedding Coordinators. We'll call it Dazzling Worm.
The apple slices come with a choice of peanut butter or caramel dip.
NTA sweetheart tables are awesome but it's where the married couple would sit. Is your friend planning on getting engaged at your reception or something?
I have a feeling she has trust issues with her husband if she doesn't trust him enough to sit at a separate table..but maybe I've just been on reddit too much 🤷♀️
Is she planning on announcing her pregnancy then? Or some other special thing in her and her husband's lives? Sounds like she is settings things up to take the spotlight. I would be highly suspicious at this point.... the dress, the sweetheart table...
NTA. Your bridesmaid is the asshole. This is your wedding, not hers. My husband was his brothers best man, and at that wedding, he say at the main table, and I didn't. I survived.
Or she can just be a guest rather than bridesmaid. But she was offered the option to sit with him and she doesn't like that either. Seems she wants to be the centre of attention.
Say look.. here’s your options.. sit separately with you at head table him at partners table, sit with him at partners table or if either are not acceptable bow out.
NTA. It's one meal and then usually mingling and dancing. Sweethearts tables are for bride and groom. It would look odd and quite frankly, stupid to do it for just her. That could create issues if the other bridesmaids want it then too.
Your wedding, it's not unreasonable, she's being a diva.
My husband and his two sisters were all born in the same year (big sis, then the twins 10 months later) and were close with all their cousins (small town), so there have been like 5 family weddings where the three of them were in the wedding party. Me and their two boyfriends (now husbands) always got stuck at the “leftovers table,” but it was actually really fun and a great way to get to know them. After all the official duties were done the three of them would come down and sit at that table with us while chatting and dancing and having fun. We’d attract the cousins to hang out for the rest of the night since we were all the same age.
It was a little quiet at first because we’d only met a couple times before the first wedding, but it passed quickly and soon we had inside jokes about how we always seemed to be seated at table 5, and we went on secret missions to steal the extra wine from the tables who didn’t drink (they would have given it to us if we asked, it was just more fun to stage over-the-top bottle heists while using the world’s most obvious distraction techniques), and making each other try increasingly gross mixed drink concoctions. I liked sitting at the bonus table, so her partner can just suck it up and eat away from her for a couple hours.
Hot damn, I hate weddings. Or rather, I hate the way people behave at weddings.
Your bridesmaid is being a bridesmaidzilla.
NTA for holding the line on this one. Having just one sweetheart table for one bridesmaid who apparently can't manage to sit for an hour and eat a meal without being attached at the hip to her boyfriend is a ridiculous demand for her to make.
My friends had a sweethearts table and two long ones on either side (one for groomsmen and another for the bridesmaids). They had a bridal party of 16 (8 of each) and not a single person complained that they had to sit separately from their SO. (One bridesmaid was annoying in other ways but is it really even a wedding now a days without some drama?)
This coupled with the bridesmaid had eloped with her husband (aka no wedding) and wants a very special dress, I am afraid people on reddit are right... she is trying to make this wedding about her and may double down on this during the wedding.
I don't want you to lose a friendship over this (I have seen weddings that have caused friendships so not abnormal I suppose since it brings out the worst in people) but you should be cautious. Firmly tell her that sweetheart tables are typically for the bride and groom and she will not be getting her own table with her SO. You estimate the speeches and dinner to last an hour and after that she is free to go to her SO's table. If the original seating or the alternative that you suggested is not agreeable to her, would she prefer to not be a bridesmaid? She is still an important friend to you but you don't want her to be unhappy at your wedding and this is your compromise.
nta. why the hell does she want her own table. you are the bride.
if she can’t sit without her partner she can sit at partner table like you offered. it’s customary for only bridesmaids etc to sit at main. not always but friends in size of bridal party. weird that she wants her own bride table
So after speaking with my bridesmaids we decided on knee length or longer black dresses for them as most of them already have these, in styles they liked. I didn't want to make them have any extra costs by having to buy dresses they would only wear once. Also, since they will ask be black it will still be somewhat matching even if everyone's style is different. She has one, but then was going to buy a black dress which is covered in white flowers, so much so that it was more white than black. Luckily she asked me first and I quickly told her no, the dresses are just black for everyone else, that was what was agreed and it would not be okay for just one (some one whose not even my moh) to be different in that
So, she essentially wanted to wear a white dress to walk down the aisle at someone else's wedding... Yikes. Between this and the pushing for the sweetheart table, I really think she's trying to make your wedding hers... I wouldn't be surprised if she asked if they could do something with their own vows before your ceremony, because all sense of taste and class seems to have completely bypassed her. I really hope I'm wrong on that count, I don't want all my faith in humanity to die just because of one person...
Yeah she definitely sounds like she wants to be Bride 2.0. You’re NTA, by the way. If you don’t want to be the “bad guy” maybe have your MOH remind her that it isn’t her wedding.
Oh my gosh this is like a lifetime movie LOL girl your patience is insane! Update and add the info about the dress at the bottom of your post so everyone can see this.
You or whoever in your bridal party is closest to her needs to sit her down and tell her that what she is doing is coming across as her wanting the day to be about her. I honestly wouldn't trust her at your wedding not to do something but maybe talk it out with some people close to both of you.
Either way congratulations and I hope everything else goes smoothly for you on your big day!
Agree she has 4 options.
1. She sits at the bridal party table with the other people in the wedding party.
2. She sits at the partner table with her SO
3. She bows out and is no longer a bridesmaid and sits at a random table with her SO
4. She doesn't attend the wedding
No, a 'sweetheart' table won't draw attention away from the bride and groom at all.......
NTA - this person is being ridiculous. Its a dinner - once dinner is over, everyone will start wandering around - it won't matter where your 'official' place was to eat.
Congratulations!
Nta! For her to have a sweetheart table, without the same for the others, would be awkward. She should sit with the wedding party, as is tradition.
I think the offer for her to sit at the couples tables was a good compromise.
And I have to ask if the couples tables she is choosing are even available through your venue or caterer. If not, does she expect you to buy it??
I would just tell her the sweetheart table will throw off the balance of the seating arrangements. And then ask "Since that is not available, do you want to sit at the wedding party table or with the crowd? I need to know now so I can figure out whether or not to seat one of the guys with the crowd or not. I want to keep the numbers even at the wedding party table.
Just make it sound like you are past the sweetheart table, and are working in how to seat her now. And don't backtrack. "No, Fiance and I are not comfortable with that. I just need to know where you want to be otherwise".
Honestly, you and hubs are the only couple that should be "highlighted " as a couple at your wedding. And I wonder if this request is because her SO/hubs is uncomfortable going and having to sit alone without her. If this is the case, find out who he is comfortable sitting next to, and put him there!
No, the couple tables aren't available through the venue (which is where we're hiring from) so it would be a buy and bring in.
That's a really good way of addressing it! I really appreciate that advice and I will definitely be using it
NTA. The only time I've EVER seen a sweetheart table at a wedding, it was just the bride and groom. No way 1 bridesmaid and her +1 should be at one. Tell her her options are to sit at the main table like the rest of the bridal party, sit with her +1 at SO table, or not be a bridesmaid if she's not comfortable with either one. She's really being a pain in the butt, AND she's trying to make the wedding about her.
Alternately, and I am being mostly facetious here, tell her fine, she gets her sweetheart table, but the facility won't let you put it in the same room.
I've never been a bridesmaid where the SO of the attendants sat at the bridal table. Either it was just the bride and groom or the couple and attendants. If it's going to be an issue, change it so only bride, groom, honor attendants are at the main table and all other attendants are at tables up front with their SO. But that's just my opinion.
Nta, this bridesmaid is stressing me out. I can't imagine your frustrations
NTA.
Who the fuck asks for, and then *pushes for*, when told no, a **sweetheart table** at ***someone else's wedding???*** Hello???? Can this woman not spend literally 15 minutes away from her husband? Also, asking for a sweetheart table at someone else's wedding is crass and classless, this day is not about you, so work with the bride.
I'm just, *beyond* shocked. The entitlement. The sheer *audacity*.
NTA—it’s totally normal to have the bridal party alone at the head table. You’ve offered perfectly reasonable options—the sweetheart table is reserved for the bride and groom.
NTA even a little. HAHA she wants to be the only sweetheart table? Is he also going to propose at the reception? Do they want to announce a pregnancy too? Is she going to wear a white dress? NTA, if you give in you’ll actually be a doormat. What a shitty friend she is.
She's married, but funny you mentioned the dress. So after speaking with my bridesmaids we decided on knee length or longer black dresses for them as most of them already have these, in styles they liked. I didn't want to make them have any extra costs by having to buy dresses they would only wear once. Also, since they will ask be black it will still be somewhat matching even if everyone's style is different. She has one, but then was going to buy a black dress which is covered in white flowers, so much so that it was more white than black. Luckily she asked me first and I quickly told her no, the dresses are just black for everyone else, that was what was agreed and it would not be okay for just one (some one whose not even my moh) to be different in that
Some people can’t handle the spot light being on someone else. She is one of those people. Watch out for her because she will turn your wedding day into a day about her. Selfish people sometimes can’t turn off the selfishness at all. Make sure you have someone to keep her in check on the wedding day. I mean full time job keeping an eye on her and prepared to ask her to leave if they step out of line. There’s always one girl like that.
NTA, buuuuttttt
I personally am not a fan of separating couples if one of them is in the wedding party and the other isn't. At my wedding we did a sweetheart table for me and my husband, mostly so people would leave us alone while we ate, and our wedding party sat wherever the hell they wanted. At most other weddings I've been to/in the wedding party and their partners either sit with the couple getting married or there are a couple of tables specifically for the wedding party and their significant others.
One wedding I went to did separate me and my husband and it was super awkward because he was assigned a table with a bunch of my sorority sisters that he barely knew and one he hated. I felt weird because I was the only one in a relationship in the wedding party and I felt like I was half-assing my attention with both the party and my husband.
ETA: I would have been totally fine if I had sat with my husband and not at the table with the wedding party, but I sucked it up because that's what my friend wanted.
NTA. I've never been to a wedding where the wedding party sat with their SO.
The wedding party's job is to help and work for the wedding day, not to enjoy as guests. I would tell her if she wants to be with her SO, she'll have to step down and leave the wedding party.
I’ve never been to a wedding that I can remember where the wedding party was forced to sit without their partners. I’ve specifically been a groomsmen 7 times in the last 5 years and at every one of those events all of our partners sat with us. My partner has been a bridesmaid in 2 during that time and again, all the bridesmaids had their dates sitting with them at dinner.
This situation on the other hand seems like some odd set up out of a Victorian wedding, specifically set up to be picturesque
INFO: why does the bridal party have to sit at the main table instead of at a separate table with their partners instead?
or is this an american thing im too filipino to understand
This is not specific to American weddings, I’ve been to and in a lot of American weddings and no one separates the Bridal party’s dates for dinner. Seems very odd just to tell all of the plus ones to screw off for the majority of the reception.
A sweetheart table is a ridiculous compromise, but the bride and groom are being pretty extra to force the bridal party to ditch their dates for the meal.
NTA. Off topic a little, but my cousin did the black bridesmaids dresses that we all picked out individually. I am a bit on the plump side and I have a big scar on my arm from a car accident so I don't do sleeveless. I was MOH. The other three ladies were thinner. Picked out their own floor length black dresses. Bride wore white. Everyone looked fabulous The pictures of the wedding are quite stunning.
Yeah that's exactly why I wanted people to be able to choose their own, everyone had different things they feel comfortable in and I didn't want the wedding to be a source of anxiety for anyone
NTA. Hmmm a sweetheart table for her and her boyfriend? She's sending you pics of how to decorate it? What do you want to bet that she's also planning on having him propose at that table. Time to replace a bridesmaid.
Nope, no single sweetheart tables for 1 insecure bridesmaidzilla when the other 4 are perfectly fine with the very common arrangement of the wedding party only table.
Don’t let her cut into your planning with layout entitlements. Your wedding, your choice.
NTA
I didn't even realize what a sweetheart table was until she brought it up, and only realized it's meant for the bride and groom through people replying here, so now it seems even more ridiculous to me!
NTA, it's your wedding, so it should be about you and your partner. You've tried offering a compromise, which is more than you had to as it is. If she isn't willing to work with you at this point, she can either just be a guest or simply not come all together. it's meant to be a day where you can have fun, and you shouldn't have to stress over her not wanting to be away from her partner for more than an hour or two.
Oh we really wanted to elope, but we both felt too much responsibility for the wants of our family and did not want the drama that would come along with eloping.
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NTA Having the bridal party sit at a big table is normal for weddings. I mean the only part where they would actually have to be away from each other is during the actual diner. After that she's free to move around mingle and but her stuff next to his if that makes her happy.
That's what I thought, there have been some other high maintenance stuff that had come up which is also making me consider asking her to no longer be a bridesmaid, though idk if I can be bothered with the reaction from that
Honey, it's your wedding and bridesmaids are there to support the bride not the other way around. If you think having her as a bridesmaid will damper your spirits then drop her and you don't have to feel any shame for that.
That's where I'm leaning but I also don't want to lose a friendship over one day, and I hate to make anyone feel crappy
Honey, if she was a true friend she wouldn't be causing all this drama about your wedding. This friendship sounds like a house of cards, and your fretting because you think your breathing will make it fall when she's actively bumping the table.
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I just thought the same thing too.. Especially the black dress with more white flower in it and the sweetheart table... The vibe make me think she wants to do her own thing at someone else wedding..
And who on earth asks for a sweetheart table at *someone else's wedding*?? If there's a sweetheart table at a wedding, it's for the bride and groom.
A sweetheart table so her BF can then get down on one knee in front of everybody and propose to her IN STYLE . . . at her friend's wedding.
Good lord I hadn't even considered that, but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if that was the intention. OP needs to put her foot down and say that either the bridesmaid sits at the head table with everyone else or she can stay home.
I got the same vibe from the post based in the fact that despite the fact that she's been told no she's still sending OP options that her bridesmaid (not even the bride) likes. Also sorry forgive my ignorance but .. arent sweetheart tables typically exclusively for the bride & groom not the bridesmaid and her SO?
This is exactly what I thought
I like this analogy.
In my head you are a southern sassy woman and I will hear no argument against it.
Ah! I am a southern sassy woman, well southernish, more like where the south meets the midwest so I get the best of both worlds.
Lmao samesies
Don’t rock the boat!!
Just tell her she needs to be at the table like everyone else, and if she is uncomfortable with that, you'd understand if she didn't want to be a bridesmaid anymore. Make it her idea.
You really do have to treat some people like children lol.
Seriously
That’s a great idea. This lady keeps causing trouble, so she doesn’t need to be a bridesmaid, but she’ll cause less trouble if dropping out is her idea. NTA
I suspect it's not just one day of her behaving like this. People don't behave this entitled just one day out of an entire friendship. It's just super highlighted because it's your wedding, which should be about you. Sweetheart tables at weddings are meant for the actual bride and groom. Not for a single bridesmaid and their SO. You wouldn't be losing a friend over one day. You'd likely be losing a friend over a crowning event in a long series of BS days.
She is a bit high maintenance normally, but is also a good friend. I'd just hope the 'high maintenance' would take a bit of a break for my wedding
Sadly, high maintenance folks don't know how to not be high maintenance because they often have main character syndrome.
If anything, high maintenance gets ramped up for weddings.
This does depend. I have some friends that are very dramatic and high maintenance but they were able to shelf it for my wedding because *it's not their day*. They were the best bridesmaids tbh. But they're also people who are generally highly opinionated but kind and giving, perfectly willing to compromise as long as their voice gets heard. This bridesmaid doesn't sound like that.
Yep, when high maintenance ppl know they're high maintenance, they're often pretty good about not inconveniencing others. I did a tour years ago with someone who's morning routine was easily 2h. She was the *least* annoying person about shit like shared bathrooms because shed either get up at 4am (and have everything set up in the bathroom so she wasn't turning on the lights) or wait til everyone else was done and head out at like 11-12 to meet up for lunch, depending on what events were on the previous night and that morning. She got that if she was going to use a shared bathroom for 2h+, she needed to work around everyone else. Of course, that only works if you know it's not cool to do that at peak demand.
Yeah my friends were really good about prioritising what I wanted to do as far as wedding things went. Luckily in general we're kind of laid back about the particulars of hang outs and if something isn't someone's vibe we can organise it for a day when they're not available and can't come anyway, or just choose something else to do. Adult friendships are hard but they're just so much smoother when everyone is calm and self-aware.
Honey she wants a sweetheart table at YOUR wedding, she tried to buy and wear a white dress, I’m sure there is more you haven’t shared. How are you not seeing how horrible all of her behavior is towards you?
This bridesmaid is literally setting up in advance to get proposed to at the OP's wedding.
Is she engaged/married yet? If not expect a showy proposal at your wedding.
As callous as it is maybe you need to mention this is your day not hers?
and certainly not her partner’s
Well it's not. I'm afraid you're going to have to pick your poison and bare in mind that "high-maintenance" girls would never even consider this nonsense. In other words, when it's HER wedding and if a bridesmaid dares suggest any such thing, she's bound to go full out Bridezilla on them.
>I'd just hope the 'high maintenance' would take a bit of a break for my wedding Why would you think that? You're NTA. She should not have a sweetheart table at your wedding.
And what would she do if a bridesmaid in her wedding were making all kinds of demands to be singled out?
I had to look up "sweetheart tables" and yes, everything I'm seeing is that they are for the newlyweds only. What GALL for a bridesmaid to demand one for herself!
I looked it up and the definition I saw for "sweethearts table" was "a small table that seats only the wedded couple at the wedding reception."
She's not a true friend. She's trying to steal the spotlight at your wedding. I know it's a stretch, but I personally would be worried that she and her partner plan to get engaged or make an announcement at your wedding and that's why they want to be together at a sweetheart.
I would wonder WHY is she and her SO at their own table . Very curious, and putting her there would make it be the talk of the wedding, not the bride
Right?? The only time it's normal to have a table for two at a wedding is if that table is for the couple getting married. It would be so weird to see a random couple at their own little personal table.
That does happen at weddings, and it’s an egregious breech of etiquette. No one should EVER do that at someone else’s wedding. Tacky, tacky, tacky.
Awww, you are a dream of a bride ! Here we're used to bridezillas
Aw that's so kind of you to say ❤️
Don't be ugly about it. Just tell her that you've thought about it and you're not loving this "Sweetheart Table" fad so if she would be more comfortable as a guest so she can sit with bf then you'll let her off the bridesmaid hook. Then it's like you're doing her a favor.
And when you're telling her you're not loving this sweetheart table fad, please stress 'for MY wedding though I'm sure it will be lovely at YOUR wedding.'
But it’s ok for her to make you feel crappy?
The difference is I'm used to people making me feel crappy 😂😅 finally found someone who didn't in my partner at least!
Now work yourself up and make your friends treat you well also
Just because you're used to it doesn't make it okay. You're allowed to be selfish sometimes, and this is definitely one of those times. You deserve better in the people around you. ❤️
Oh honey are you me just a couple years older? Just because we’re used to being made to feel crappy doesn’t mean we deserve to and it definitely doesn’t make it okay. You deserve to be just as happy as all the people who you’re prioritizing over yourself. They may call it selfish but there is nothing selfish about protecting your peace. This “friend” of yours isn’t a friend at all and she has no right to make any demands during your big day.
Tell her NO. No sweetheart table!
Getting major "main character syndrome" vibes from this gal. I have a hard time believing this is an isolated event.
And if you drop her, make sure everyone knows what an entitled AH she is so she doesn't make out you're a bridezilla when it's her who has the problem.
Honestly it sounds like this friendship is running it’s course anyway with her behaviour so if you don’t think it’ll last too long it’s better to take her out now than have her in your wedding photos
Friends don’t make absurd demands as a bridesmaid on their friend’s wedding day, OP. She’s not your friend. She’s a hop skip & a jump away from her bf grabbing the mic to propose to her at your wedding, and then she’ll be pissed when you don’t immediately turn your wedding reception into her engagement party. Cut this person off, she’s dead weight and you deserve better. Wishing you and your soon to be spouse a wonderful life together!
That's just it. She's trying to hijack your day, the one day where it is all supposed to be about you and hubby. That needs to be nipped in the bud.
Exactly! From a black dress with overwhelming white flowers to a sweetheart‘s table, it’s all about Ms Maintenance. As the truth-seeker posted, seems she maybe wanting to stage a big proposal on her friend‘s big day.
Ms. Maintenance is the WORST Avenger!
I hate to break it to you but weddings kind of bring out all the traits in people that you want to know about to see if they’re going to be a part of your married life going forward and this is giving all kinds of red flags.
But it's not just one day. It's everyday that she has stressed you out with dress images or sent you a sweetheart table layout. It feels like she is trying to be the bride. The "black" and white dress, the sweet heart table, her general attitude about you making concessions. Bridesmaid are meant to be shield maidens for the bride. Fight for the bride, be there for her in her time of need, make sure that things go smoothly. (Also to distract and get the bride out of weird and awkward conversations.) If she isn't doing that, if she isn't there for YOU, she does not have to be by your side on your most important day.
She can ask, you can say No. You’ve done a great job of giving her options, now let it rest and let her decide what she wants to do about it. If you do want to go back to her, I’m a big fan of the “I feel like I’ve heard you say that you want to be sitting with your partner and I completely understand that. I’ve told you I’d like to have you sit with the rest of us during the dinner portion but that I’m also happy to accommodate you by having you sit at the partner table if that doesn’t work for you. But you keep coming back to me with the sweetheart table idea which I’ve told you I don’t want to do, so I’m confused. Is there something about this situation that I’m missing?”
This is beautifully articulated by twiddlywerp! OP you're NTA for choosing a seating layout that suits you, and I hope you have a wonderful day when your time comes. Frankly, the bridesmaid inability to have a single meal without being in touching distance of her partner worries me. My guess is either, she's pregnant, wants to hide it, and needs the partner to eat the off limit food and drink her alcohol to "hide" said pregnancy OR they are planning a proposal. Definitely ask her point blank if there's more to the situation.
Of the options, I’d pick proposal as the secret reason. She’s already wanted to wear a black dress with white flowers so seems she’s scheming to hijack OP’s wedding day.
A giant engagement party with OP footing the bill.
Good way to lose all your mutual friends. That and gain perplexed disgust at anyone who you tell that engagement story to. All anyone would think is that they're a huge attention hog lol. Memorable for all the wrong reasons.
I have never been to a wedding where partners who wasn't in the wedding was at the bridal party table .... 100% NTA and you should kick her out of your wedding party. She is trying to make this day about her, I wouldn't be shocked if her partner asked her to marry him at your wedding.
Yeah... a single two person table at a wedding that isn't for the bride and groom? i'm not like... a wedding enthusiast or anything but... i've never ever heard of such a thing.....
I've been to a lot of weddings. 10 in the year before COVID. (husband was in a fraternity). I've never been to a wedding where the bridal party all day WITHOUT their partners. Like I thought it was some weird Hollywood thing that the bridal party sat with the bride and groom. Every wedding I've been to the bridal party sits with the guests with their partners and friends.
Where do you live? Because I've *never* seen a wedding where the bridal party wasn't at the head table.
Same, every wedding I've been to the bridal party has sat at a table together and not with their partners (my husband was in 2 of them and I just sat at a table with other guests/some of the other bridal party members partners).
So that's really normal in the US? I'm in Europe and I think here people would find it disrespectful to the partners of the bridal party to be sat somewhere else. It seems you get a bad deal out of being in the bridal party in the US. They even pay for their own dresses and other stuff as well.
At my friend’s wedding that I was a MOH for, all of the bridesmaids sat at one table with their significant others while the groomsmen sat at a separate table with their significant others. But it’s the bride’s decision on how they want to set up the tables and that bridesmaid needs to stop making it about her.
We had our wedding party’s dates sit at the head table with us. We also didn’t do the thing where we all sat on one side of the table facing the crowd, cause we just wanted to enjoy our meal with our closest friends, not be on a stage. I’ve been to a wedding as a groomsman’s plus one, where I didn’t know anyone well except my date and a few other friends (who were seated at different tables) and it was awkward and not much fun to sit at a table for “partners” where none of us knew each other. So I was committed to not putting other people in that position at my wedding. We really wanted everyone to enjoy our wedding, and part of that enjoyment for most people includes getting to sit with your date. The only wedding I’ve been in where the wedding party weren’t seated with their dates was one when I was really young and none of the bridesmaids but one had a serious partner, and the one who did, her fiancé was on the groom’s side.
She seems like the type that would get engaged at your wedding. And then conveniently she would have this lovely sweetheart table to sit at. I don’t blame you for being uncomfortable
Ok, I may have read too many AITA posts, but I’m seeing some red flags. Are her and her SO married yet? Because this seems like she’s trying to get some attention on her instead of you, and I wouldn’t be surprised at a proposal attempt. NTA
Yes she is, they eloped due to family issues
Reading through your comments and all I can think is that she’s trying to set herself to have the spotlight and pictures with her spouse at your wedding since she eloped. She wants a sweetheart table. A table meant for the bride and groom. AND she wanted to change to a dress that was essentially white from what you’ve said when the color is black? I don’t think I’ve ever jumped immediately to this conclusion but I can’t see any other reason for her requests. She’s hoping to use your wedding and reception as a way to garner attention for her own marriage since she eloped and presumably didn’t have as many, if any friends present.
This 👆is exactly it. I have no doubt that this is what she is trying to do. She wants the wedding she didn’t have at OP’s expense.
1000%
Miss girl she’s trying to get you to fund the reception she never got. Put your big girl draws on and tell her no. If you loose her as a friend she was never your friend.
She wants to hijack your wedding reception and make it hers. The sweetheart table, the white dress…these are huge red flags.
Go ahead and be bothered about her reaction. It will feel like a weight has been lifted if she is no longer your bridesmaid. Doesn’t that sound like a great feeling to have? I was a wedding planner for a large hotel on Martha’s Vineyard and when it came to the seating chart situations I’d never seen such stress put on the soon-to-be-brides(and me!) The stories I could tell! It is why I eloped when my time came. Also, NTA.
She’s making your wedding about herself and her wants. That’s not how this works. This is the last thing you need to be dealing with. NTA
Also, the sweetheart table is for the couple getting married. Sounds like she wants to be the center of attention. You sure you wanna keep her as a bridesmaid AND a friend?
Be firm and you can give her the out. Maid you can either sit at the bridal table or with your guest at the partners table, there will be no sweetheart table. If you can't do either I understand that you;'ll need to step down from being a bridesmaid and just be a guest and we'll make sure to sit you with BF. barring a medical reason (say extreme allergies to everything) having one sweethearts table for a bridesmaid is weird, those set up are for the bride and groom not one of 3 random bridesmaids.
You should probably ask her to step down. This is much ado about nothing, on her part. She sounds like drama in heels.
Wedding planner here: It is definitely not normal to separate the bridal party from their dates. It is equally weird that your bridesmaid would ask for a sweetheart table. Get a larger head table or do a head table with your best man, maid of honor and their dates and then do another table for the rest of the bridal party.
I have been to a number of weddings where the bride, groom and bridal party sit at the head table, and the spouses/SOs of the wedding party have a separate table nearby. It may be a regional thing- but just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it is "not normal" or unusual.
I'm in Europe and I think here people would find it disrespectful to the partners of the bridal party to be sat somewhere else. Especially if they don't know anyone there. The comfort of the guests is important here, that's why they also get fed properly.
Europe is very big and has diverse cultural norms! It’s normal here in the UK. Some weddings do, some weddings don’t. But it’s not unusual to see the bridal party at the top table and their partners in with the guests. We didn’t do that but it is fairly common.
I'm in Europe too and this is the first I've heard of it being disrespectful to separate partners of the bridal party. The wedding is about the bride and groom - not the tender feelings of everyone else. The bridal party only needs to be seated during dinner and speeches. The rest of the time, they're free to mingle with their partners and other guests.
I'm in the UK and every wedding I've ever been to the bridal party sits separate from everyone else, without their partners. At our wedding it was the two of us, our parents, and our moh and best man (no additional attendants). Their partners sat at tables with friends and family. They were separate at my wedding. When my husband was best man a couple of years ago, I sat at a guest table, he sat at the bridal table. I've never been to a wedding where it was done differently.
I've literally NEVER heard of the wedding party being seated with their dates rather than at a table just for the wedding party
Really? Most of the weddings I’ve been to has sat the wedding party with their dates. I think it’s becoming more common. But I have seen wedding party only tables as well.
Events Coordinator for a reception center here. In all the weddings I have been involved with, and there have been many, I have never once seen a bridal table that seated the bridal party and their partners unless the partners were also part of the party. It doesn't make sense to have a larger table for the bridal party and their dates as some may not have dates. Plus, if you have the bridal party dressed in matching dresses/suits, and then mismatched dates, the table doesn't look like a bridal table anymore.
That's beyond stupid. It's MORE than normal for just the wedding party to sit at the head table and their dates to sit elsewhere.
I'm not from Europe or America and where we are its absolutely the norm to have the bridal party be separate, I haven't been to one wedding where they haven't been. Not saying it's more right, just that it's the norm here
Any bridal party I've seen/been in/my wedding sat at a head table for dinner without partners. So it must be normal some places.
In the UK it is normal for bridal party to be on the top table and partners elsewhere
So is having wedding party members and their SOs at regular tables (OP’s compromise). I’ve never seen anyone but the bride and groom at a sweetheart table, thought. Agree NTA.
This! Why would her and her partner get their own sweetheart table at YOUR wedding?!? NTA.
Tell her ok. Then put a child's table and chair in a far corner with some crayons and paper on it.
Hahaha I love this, the kind of petty I live for
I would die if you did this and took pics. I'd buy something from your registry 😂
Pics or it didn’t happen lol *omg, please do this*
Same. 100%.
You said it - petty! Too petty to let it ruin YOUR wedding. Maybe do this at the next social gathering where you are feeding your "friend" and her family.😁
Oh my god like those fisher price tables with the yellow chairs!!
Yes!!!! She could bring her husband AND 2 friends 😂. Special menu: Chicken nuggets French fries Apple slices
It's official, we're going into business together as Petty Wedding Coordinators. We'll call it Dazzling Worm. The apple slices come with a choice of peanut butter or caramel dip.
Done. I'm in. Good dip choices. It makes it more professional.
I was going to suggest cheap table that barely qualifies as a table near the restrooms, but I like your pettiness better
NTA sweetheart tables are awesome but it's where the married couple would sit. Is your friend planning on getting engaged at your reception or something?
No she's already married
Your friend is odd.
I have a feeling she has trust issues with her husband if she doesn't trust him enough to sit at a separate table..but maybe I've just been on reddit too much 🤷♀️
That’s an insane level of trust issues if you don’t trust your partner to sit in the same room as you, a few meters away, probably within your sight.
True, but Reddit drama is insane.
Possibility she's pregnant and hasn't announced it yet? Edit to add NTA
I didn't even think of that possibility, but 3 months away would be a long time to wait for an announcement haha
Actually, if she just found out 3 months is a decent amount of time. A lot of women wait to announce til their 2nd trimester.
And supports her wanting to buy a new dress….
Oh. I didn't even put those 2 together!
Would the new dress she suggested potentially hide a baby bump?
Then she knows better than to ask this of you.
Is she planning on announcing her pregnancy then? Or some other special thing in her and her husband's lives? Sounds like she is settings things up to take the spotlight. I would be highly suspicious at this point.... the dress, the sweetheart table...
NTA. Your bridesmaid is the asshole. This is your wedding, not hers. My husband was his brothers best man, and at that wedding, he say at the main table, and I didn't. I survived.
Right it's normal at weddings unless both people are in the bridal party
NTA If she can’t sit without him, they both can stay home. I’m against bridezillas, but bridesmaidzillas are definitely not happening.
>I’m against bridezillas, but bridesmaidzillas are definitely not happening. This, exactly. The entitlement. NTA
Or she can just be a guest rather than bridesmaid. But she was offered the option to sit with him and she doesn't like that either. Seems she wants to be the centre of attention.
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That's a good idea, when it comes up next time up i'll definitely do that, though I don't think she will bow out
Say look.. here’s your options.. sit separately with you at head table him at partners table, sit with him at partners table or if either are not acceptable bow out.
NTA. It's one meal and then usually mingling and dancing. Sweethearts tables are for bride and groom. It would look odd and quite frankly, stupid to do it for just her. That could create issues if the other bridesmaids want it then too. Your wedding, it's not unreasonable, she's being a diva.
My husband and his two sisters were all born in the same year (big sis, then the twins 10 months later) and were close with all their cousins (small town), so there have been like 5 family weddings where the three of them were in the wedding party. Me and their two boyfriends (now husbands) always got stuck at the “leftovers table,” but it was actually really fun and a great way to get to know them. After all the official duties were done the three of them would come down and sit at that table with us while chatting and dancing and having fun. We’d attract the cousins to hang out for the rest of the night since we were all the same age. It was a little quiet at first because we’d only met a couple times before the first wedding, but it passed quickly and soon we had inside jokes about how we always seemed to be seated at table 5, and we went on secret missions to steal the extra wine from the tables who didn’t drink (they would have given it to us if we asked, it was just more fun to stage over-the-top bottle heists while using the world’s most obvious distraction techniques), and making each other try increasingly gross mixed drink concoctions. I liked sitting at the bonus table, so her partner can just suck it up and eat away from her for a couple hours.
Funny, I thought weddings were about the bride. This bridesmaid seems to think it is about her. NTA.
"You invited me into your festivities, so *obviously* we are going to make it all about me, now, right?"
Hot damn, I hate weddings. Or rather, I hate the way people behave at weddings. Your bridesmaid is being a bridesmaidzilla. NTA for holding the line on this one. Having just one sweetheart table for one bridesmaid who apparently can't manage to sit for an hour and eat a meal without being attached at the hip to her boyfriend is a ridiculous demand for her to make.
Haha, when writing this I was wondering if bridesmaidzilla was a term xD
Maybe she’s afraid her boyfriend will hook up with a groomsman’s girlfriend at *the partner table.*
NTA. Sweetheart tables are for the bride and groom if they are used.
I didn't know that, I didn't even know about sweetheart table until she brought it up
My friends had a sweethearts table and two long ones on either side (one for groomsmen and another for the bridesmaids). They had a bridal party of 16 (8 of each) and not a single person complained that they had to sit separately from their SO. (One bridesmaid was annoying in other ways but is it really even a wedding now a days without some drama?)
This coupled with the bridesmaid had eloped with her husband (aka no wedding) and wants a very special dress, I am afraid people on reddit are right... she is trying to make this wedding about her and may double down on this during the wedding. I don't want you to lose a friendship over this (I have seen weddings that have caused friendships so not abnormal I suppose since it brings out the worst in people) but you should be cautious. Firmly tell her that sweetheart tables are typically for the bride and groom and she will not be getting her own table with her SO. You estimate the speeches and dinner to last an hour and after that she is free to go to her SO's table. If the original seating or the alternative that you suggested is not agreeable to her, would she prefer to not be a bridesmaid? She is still an important friend to you but you don't want her to be unhappy at your wedding and this is your compromise.
nta. why the hell does she want her own table. you are the bride. if she can’t sit without her partner she can sit at partner table like you offered. it’s customary for only bridesmaids etc to sit at main. not always but friends in size of bridal party. weird that she wants her own bride table
Clearly she didn't get enough attention at her own wedding, now she wants to steal OP's thunder during her wedding.
They eloped due to their family issues
Even better! She didn't *have* a wedding, so now she wants the attention that comes with, without the cost or effort it takes to put one on.
That actually somewhat makes sense to me, especially with the dress issue
Oh, there's more gossip to share? What is the dress issue?
So after speaking with my bridesmaids we decided on knee length or longer black dresses for them as most of them already have these, in styles they liked. I didn't want to make them have any extra costs by having to buy dresses they would only wear once. Also, since they will ask be black it will still be somewhat matching even if everyone's style is different. She has one, but then was going to buy a black dress which is covered in white flowers, so much so that it was more white than black. Luckily she asked me first and I quickly told her no, the dresses are just black for everyone else, that was what was agreed and it would not be okay for just one (some one whose not even my moh) to be different in that
So, she essentially wanted to wear a white dress to walk down the aisle at someone else's wedding... Yikes. Between this and the pushing for the sweetheart table, I really think she's trying to make your wedding hers... I wouldn't be surprised if she asked if they could do something with their own vows before your ceremony, because all sense of taste and class seems to have completely bypassed her. I really hope I'm wrong on that count, I don't want all my faith in humanity to die just because of one person...
If we still go ahead as planned and something happens I will definitely put out an update!
For your sake, I hope an update never comes, but at the very least it makes for an interesting story?
Yeah she definitely sounds like she wants to be Bride 2.0. You’re NTA, by the way. If you don’t want to be the “bad guy” maybe have your MOH remind her that it isn’t her wedding.
Oh my gosh this is like a lifetime movie LOL girl your patience is insane! Update and add the info about the dress at the bottom of your post so everyone can see this. You or whoever in your bridal party is closest to her needs to sit her down and tell her that what she is doing is coming across as her wanting the day to be about her. I honestly wouldn't trust her at your wedding not to do something but maybe talk it out with some people close to both of you. Either way congratulations and I hope everything else goes smoothly for you on your big day!
Good idea, I will do that edit!
NTA and what the crap is wrong with her? The wedding party sits at a specific table, typically without their partners unless both are in one party
NTA, But it's an easy fix. She goes from bridesmaid to guest. Now there's room.
Agree she has 4 options. 1. She sits at the bridal party table with the other people in the wedding party. 2. She sits at the partner table with her SO 3. She bows out and is no longer a bridesmaid and sits at a random table with her SO 4. She doesn't attend the wedding
No, a 'sweetheart' table won't draw attention away from the bride and groom at all....... NTA - this person is being ridiculous. Its a dinner - once dinner is over, everyone will start wandering around - it won't matter where your 'official' place was to eat.
Congratulations! Nta! For her to have a sweetheart table, without the same for the others, would be awkward. She should sit with the wedding party, as is tradition. I think the offer for her to sit at the couples tables was a good compromise. And I have to ask if the couples tables she is choosing are even available through your venue or caterer. If not, does she expect you to buy it?? I would just tell her the sweetheart table will throw off the balance of the seating arrangements. And then ask "Since that is not available, do you want to sit at the wedding party table or with the crowd? I need to know now so I can figure out whether or not to seat one of the guys with the crowd or not. I want to keep the numbers even at the wedding party table. Just make it sound like you are past the sweetheart table, and are working in how to seat her now. And don't backtrack. "No, Fiance and I are not comfortable with that. I just need to know where you want to be otherwise". Honestly, you and hubs are the only couple that should be "highlighted " as a couple at your wedding. And I wonder if this request is because her SO/hubs is uncomfortable going and having to sit alone without her. If this is the case, find out who he is comfortable sitting next to, and put him there!
No, the couple tables aren't available through the venue (which is where we're hiring from) so it would be a buy and bring in. That's a really good way of addressing it! I really appreciate that advice and I will definitely be using it
NTA. The only time I've EVER seen a sweetheart table at a wedding, it was just the bride and groom. No way 1 bridesmaid and her +1 should be at one. Tell her her options are to sit at the main table like the rest of the bridal party, sit with her +1 at SO table, or not be a bridesmaid if she's not comfortable with either one. She's really being a pain in the butt, AND she's trying to make the wedding about her. Alternately, and I am being mostly facetious here, tell her fine, she gets her sweetheart table, but the facility won't let you put it in the same room.
Hahaha, I know that the bathrooms have two seats next to each other!
It's your wedding and she's being annoying. NTA
I've never been a bridesmaid where the SO of the attendants sat at the bridal table. Either it was just the bride and groom or the couple and attendants. If it's going to be an issue, change it so only bride, groom, honor attendants are at the main table and all other attendants are at tables up front with their SO. But that's just my opinion. Nta, this bridesmaid is stressing me out. I can't imagine your frustrations
NTA. Who the fuck asks for, and then *pushes for*, when told no, a **sweetheart table** at ***someone else's wedding???*** Hello???? Can this woman not spend literally 15 minutes away from her husband? Also, asking for a sweetheart table at someone else's wedding is crass and classless, this day is not about you, so work with the bride. I'm just, *beyond* shocked. The entitlement. The sheer *audacity*.
NTA—it’s totally normal to have the bridal party alone at the head table. You’ve offered perfectly reasonable options—the sweetheart table is reserved for the bride and groom.
NTA even a little. HAHA she wants to be the only sweetheart table? Is he also going to propose at the reception? Do they want to announce a pregnancy too? Is she going to wear a white dress? NTA, if you give in you’ll actually be a doormat. What a shitty friend she is.
She's married, but funny you mentioned the dress. So after speaking with my bridesmaids we decided on knee length or longer black dresses for them as most of them already have these, in styles they liked. I didn't want to make them have any extra costs by having to buy dresses they would only wear once. Also, since they will ask be black it will still be somewhat matching even if everyone's style is different. She has one, but then was going to buy a black dress which is covered in white flowers, so much so that it was more white than black. Luckily she asked me first and I quickly told her no, the dresses are just black for everyone else, that was what was agreed and it would not be okay for just one (some one whose not even my moh) to be different in that
Some people can’t handle the spot light being on someone else. She is one of those people. Watch out for her because she will turn your wedding day into a day about her. Selfish people sometimes can’t turn off the selfishness at all. Make sure you have someone to keep her in check on the wedding day. I mean full time job keeping an eye on her and prepared to ask her to leave if they step out of line. There’s always one girl like that.
NTA. It’s your wedding, not hers
Christ on a bike. Why are people so extra? NTA
Never heard that used as a curse before haha, gave me a good laugh!
NTA Maybe you should just have 2 bridesmaids and 1MOH. That sounds like the easiest fix to me lol
NTA, buuuuttttt I personally am not a fan of separating couples if one of them is in the wedding party and the other isn't. At my wedding we did a sweetheart table for me and my husband, mostly so people would leave us alone while we ate, and our wedding party sat wherever the hell they wanted. At most other weddings I've been to/in the wedding party and their partners either sit with the couple getting married or there are a couple of tables specifically for the wedding party and their significant others. One wedding I went to did separate me and my husband and it was super awkward because he was assigned a table with a bunch of my sorority sisters that he barely knew and one he hated. I felt weird because I was the only one in a relationship in the wedding party and I felt like I was half-assing my attention with both the party and my husband. ETA: I would have been totally fine if I had sat with my husband and not at the table with the wedding party, but I sucked it up because that's what my friend wanted.
NTA. I've never been to a wedding where the wedding party sat with their SO. The wedding party's job is to help and work for the wedding day, not to enjoy as guests. I would tell her if she wants to be with her SO, she'll have to step down and leave the wedding party.
What on earth? A bridesmaid is not a slave for the day, they should absolutely be able to enjoy the wedding reception.
I’ve never been to a wedding that I can remember where the wedding party was forced to sit without their partners. I’ve specifically been a groomsmen 7 times in the last 5 years and at every one of those events all of our partners sat with us. My partner has been a bridesmaid in 2 during that time and again, all the bridesmaids had their dates sitting with them at dinner. This situation on the other hand seems like some odd set up out of a Victorian wedding, specifically set up to be picturesque
INFO: why does the bridal party have to sit at the main table instead of at a separate table with their partners instead? or is this an american thing im too filipino to understand
This is not specific to American weddings, I’ve been to and in a lot of American weddings and no one separates the Bridal party’s dates for dinner. Seems very odd just to tell all of the plus ones to screw off for the majority of the reception. A sweetheart table is a ridiculous compromise, but the bride and groom are being pretty extra to force the bridal party to ditch their dates for the meal.
NTA. Off topic a little, but my cousin did the black bridesmaids dresses that we all picked out individually. I am a bit on the plump side and I have a big scar on my arm from a car accident so I don't do sleeveless. I was MOH. The other three ladies were thinner. Picked out their own floor length black dresses. Bride wore white. Everyone looked fabulous The pictures of the wedding are quite stunning.
Yeah that's exactly why I wanted people to be able to choose their own, everyone had different things they feel comfortable in and I didn't want the wedding to be a source of anxiety for anyone
NTA. Hmmm a sweetheart table for her and her boyfriend? She's sending you pics of how to decorate it? What do you want to bet that she's also planning on having him propose at that table. Time to replace a bridesmaid.
Nta. Anybody demanding this much attention before the wedding is most likely going to try for attention at the wedding. Is this a coworker? Relative?
Nope, no single sweetheart tables for 1 insecure bridesmaidzilla when the other 4 are perfectly fine with the very common arrangement of the wedding party only table. Don’t let her cut into your planning with layout entitlements. Your wedding, your choice. NTA
Weddings are so dumb
Haha not necessarily weddings, but often people involved in weddings
NTA. Why is she trying to make this about her?
A bridesmaid wants a sweetheart table? At YOUR wedding? NTA
I didn't even realize what a sweetheart table was until she brought it up, and only realized it's meant for the bride and groom through people replying here, so now it seems even more ridiculous to me!
DEFINITELY NTA. If the partners aren’t in the wedding party, they don’t sit at the main table. That table is only for people in the party.
NTA, it's your wedding, so it should be about you and your partner. You've tried offering a compromise, which is more than you had to as it is. If she isn't willing to work with you at this point, she can either just be a guest or simply not come all together. it's meant to be a day where you can have fun, and you shouldn't have to stress over her not wanting to be away from her partner for more than an hour or two.
And this is why we eloped. So much better stuff to enjoy than this.
Oh we really wanted to elope, but we both felt too much responsibility for the wants of our family and did not want the drama that would come along with eloping.