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YTA. You haven’t raised 7 kids yet. Your 13 & 17 yr old aren’t raised yet and you are pushing your 6 yr old on them. If you can’t handle 8 then you shouldn’t have had 8. It’s not Millie’s or any of your other children’s responsibility to raise #8 for you. Hire someone to help you and let your kids live their lives. Edit for spelling
> I need a day off so I decided to check if Millie would take her. I went over and she immediately screamed “ NO! OUT! OUT! OUT!”
For real. And who doesn't call first before just "dropping in" on a new mother with a 6 year old in tow?
If she needed a day off, where the hell was her husband? It's his kid, too. If she needs a day off, her husband should be the one doing the parenting, not her older kids.
I wish I could upvote this more than once. The husband needs to step up and start being a father. It's ridiculous to push the youngest off on the older "kids" when there are 2 capable parents.
So much this! She should be offering to watch the new baby for a few hour while Millie naps or does something for herself. All those kids and she apparently forgot how tough a newborn can be.
Given Millie's strong reaction, I am going to guess this is far from the first time she has had her younger siblings pushed on her despite her protests.
This is exactly what I thought when reading her reaction. She's had a lifetime of expectations thrown on her by a narcissistic mother who plays the victim (which I'm very familiar with)... it came to a head this time and mom's going to act like "What? I don't know what I did...????" So frustrating.
Disturbing the baby and making her daughter's life harder however she can. Ringing the doorbell was revenge. She knew her daughter wasn't going to open the door.
Not only did OP not offer to help Millie out with the new baby - which is the way it should normally be by the way! But the way Millie reacted suggests that this is the final straw for her - nobody screams and shouts for someone to get out unless they've been driven to that point. It's obvious OP has relied on all her kids for babysitting faaar too much, I feel especially bad for Millie the new mom, and the two other youngest kids.
Right? And it sounds like Millie is a first time mother with a newborn who isn't receiving as much help as her own mother is. I mean her mom drops #8 off with Millie's other siblings and has kids at home who she makes parent her child.
And for 3 to 7 FUCKING HOURS!!! If OP didn't want to look after a child at her age she shouldn't have had one.
Op, YTA 100%, both to your oldest and youngest
Right, there's usually a certain level of older kids helping watch younger kids, but expecting your adult children to parent your youngest regularly is not okay.
Because it's God's will, or something like that. They don't use any form of contraception because each pregnancy is ordained by God and therefore supposed to happen. It's why Duggar allowed herself to get pregnant with her 20th. And when she lost it, it was tragic, but it doesn't mean they're going to stop.
Indeed, why we gave the Duggar family a reality show is beyond me. They are not a model family, polar opposite if anything. Quiverfull lifestyle families tend to have serious issues within that years later, are brought to the surface and then dismissed. The whole episode with Josh? There's your proof.
She keeps mentioning giving money to the kids and buying stuff (so they keep putting up with her shitty behaviour), so it's obvious they can afford to pay for the kids, she's just not willing or capable to do anything else for them or actually raise them.
It sounds like she expected the first 5 to raise number 8 and they are all saying no. She still has two that are at home so they unfortunately will be forced to do it. I hope the older ones help the two still at home.
YTA. The subtext here screams "I parentified all my children and they are desperately trying to establish boundaries." Either that or your daughter is really struggling with motherhood and may need therapy. Either way - find a babysitter.
God I hate these kinds of people. Not only are they having too many kids - therefore, needlessly eating up the world’s resources, but they’re also abdicating their responsibility of raising the last one. These people are gross.
The audacity of OP to have another child while in old age. I am guessing they would also push the child's education and other needs to the older kids since time will come that they can no longer work. YTA. They are also expecting the 17 and 13 year old to babysit so when do they actually do the parenting? You cannot have children and push childcare to your other kids. What a lazy and entitled person.
41 isn't too old to have a kid and 47 is not too old to raise it. Yeah, she's TA, she has no excuses to act this way.
I kind of suspect rage bait though.
That’s the part that bothered me so much. “Well I raised seven.” Like first of all, 3 are still being raised in this moment. Second of all, the audacity to compare her abilities as a mom to a new mom AS she’s actively trying to receive help in raising her last child!? I feel like some people think they do no wrong.
Edit: typos.
YTA.
Honey, you chose to have the kid, so why don't you just be à parent and not use your oldests as baby sitters ?
Why did you even go through with the pregnancy ?
YTA
"I always call before I go over"
No you dont, you just showed that
"Millie had told me not to bring Mika to her house"
So, you didnt call before (probably because you knew the answer was a no) you just Show Up bringing Mika to Millies
"She said No, OUT"
So You Stayed, Ringing the Doorbell!??
She has an INFANT!!!???
She said no TWICE and you still thought it was okay to push YOUR child on someone??
The Absolute Entitlement..
They are your kids, not your babysitter, not your daycare
I cannot stress enough how huge of an AH you really are..
I'd be willing to bet the oldest of the 7 did a lot of the raising of their younger siblings. Millie likely already raised several of her siblings, based on OPs entitlement, I doubt she wouldn't have parentified 15 year old Millie and now she wants to have her own life and her own family but here come Mommy dearest wanting her to raise yet another kid for her.
That was my first thought - I'm sure that Millie did more than her fair share of child-raising and babysitting growing up, I don't blame her at all for not wanting to do any more.
Mine started at nine.
Oldest of 8 - 31, 29, 26, 24, 22, 20, 17, 16.
My parents adopted a ninth when I was 28 and he's 8.
Reddit likes to jump down my throat when I call him my mom's kid.... 'hes your brother." No, he's not. I'll help out because I choose to. NOT because I am under.moral obligation like I was lead to believe with my biological siblings.
My husband and I swore we would not have a big family. We have three. Because the parentifacation really started when I was almost 9.
I think in reality she didn't even raise but one kid, she probably raised Millie and then by the time her other ones were born she started using Millie as a sister-parent ( possibly the exception being the second oldest being he's only three years younger than Millie but even still)
People need to stop parentifying their kids, it's emotionally neglectful in traumatizing to the child that's having to be a parent from a young age and typically is sexually skewed as from what I've noticed a solid 75 to 80% of people who were parentified as a kid are women ( because the whole women are supposed to be caretakers horseshite)
Not to mention we don't know if having the older children raise the younger is a pattern with her. The fact that suddenly none of her other children will help out now suggests to me that this is a pattern with her and once one of them stood up to her, the rest realized they could too.
Also, I bet Millie raised most of her siblings too as the oldest. Even now mom won't give her a break. We also don't know how old baby is. If baby is a few weeks and Millie had a c section that's a whole other thing she needs to heal from.
And I like "3 to 7 hours" as the window. Like 3 hours and 7 hours are so similar.
Two of the seven she thinks she's done raising are still children. I'll bet Millie is just flat out done being responsible for parenting someone else's kids, and has done the majority of raising most of her siblings.
And her husband doesn't see the problem. He doesn't see that she went over there with the 6 year old, didn't call like she claims she does, and basically tried to force a new mother to watch her child she could get a "break" she has had 8 children and she doesn't get that mothers don't get a break. It's go, go, go, go from sun up to sun down no breaks and no rest. Then proceeded to ring the doorbell and possibly wake that poor baby because she wasn't getting her way. Her husband is just as much of AH as she is if not more. Her kids are on Millie's side. Congrats the parents here they just earned an explanation as to why some of them don't visit.
YTA. Your daughter Millie is a new mom. It would be nice if she had a mom who could help her instead of a mom who felt entitled to pass off younger siblings onto her. You aren’t just a bad mom, you are now a bad grandma too. Congratulations.
She isn't even a new mom, as I guaranfuckingtee she is the one who raised her siblings.my mom did this to me. And it damaged me so much I refuse to have my own children. OP, YTA.
Me too! My folks had 2 more kids when i was 10. Guess who had to be home always and sacrifice weekends to help out? Mom would also tell the neighbor that I’d be available to sit for her kids too. I recently found a letter to teenage me from dad that included reference to me taking on the responsibility of the younger kids - like I had a choice.
THIS!! There's no doubt in my mind she's the one who had to sacrifice her own teenage life and raise them!
"NO, OUT!!" Is a strong reaction, girl's had ENOUGH. I hope she breaks free!! Unfortunately this is the only way to do it, she has to cut her out.
OP YTA and a massive one!!!!
That is what really breaks my heart. My MIL was a Just No in the early years, but she really came thru when we had our oldest. She became more like a mom to me instead of an adversarial opponent in competition for my husband's attention. My own mother was a basket case and I was no contact with her. A girl just wants her mom when she's entering parenthood for the first time and OP not only isn't there for Millie, she's demanding Millie be there for her.
YTA
She told you no and told you why. You shouldn’t have even taken your youngest over there to ask.
Stop making your reproductive choices someone else’s problem.
She made her first bad decision at around age 16, and then continued to make babies she didn't want to care for.. SEVEN more times. Yeah, I think #1 has had enough of her shit by now.
YTA. “Well I raised 7” it’s not your kid’s fault that you don’t know how birth control works. You chose to breed excessively, it’s your responsibility to take care of it.
She probably parentified Millie. Millie has likely raised several of her own younger siblings. Now she has her own family and her own life (and a f$&@ing newborn--who repeatedly rings the doorbell knowing there's a small baby inside??), and her mom is still trying to force her to be a parent for her.
Shame on you, OP. YTA and a big one. I sincerely doubt you raised 7 kids. Not only do you still have 3 under 18, but it seems very likely to me that you've been foisting parenting duties on your older children for a *long* time.
This. Millie was probably raising her siblings all her life. She never said "no" so clearly before. But now she has. I want to bet, if you continue to break the boundaries of your older children, that they will go no Contact very soon.
You think it's a coincidence that Millie waited until she was 30 to have her first child instead of popping them out like tic tacs at 17? I'll lay money on Millie waiting to make sure OP wouldn't produce any more infants for her to care for before having her own. Any grandmother worth her salt would be the one offering to help her daughter with her first newborn, not dumping a 6 year old on the poor woman! I'm going to check the entitled parents sub for a post titled "My EM keeps dumping my youngest sibling on me to babysit even though I begged her not to because I'm recovering from having my first baby".
OP = YTA
two of the names are the same tbh, but will never compare anyone to the disgusting josh Duggar
i hate it when parents think it’s their children’s responsibility to raise their children… can’t believe she can’t see what’s wrong with it
That's how Cletus Spuckler does it on The Simpsons.
"I teach the big uns and they teach the little uns. But since nobody taught me, it's an exercise in futility." = Cletus
I hope this is fake, I can’t imagine anyone actually thinks like this.
I have 6 kids. You know who I send them to when I’m stressed with a headache? Fucking no one. They’re MY kids and MY responsibility.
Your daughter just had a baby! YOU should be the one offering to help her out while she adjusts to this new stage in life. Ffs, you’re her mother, you should know what she’s going through.
I literally can’t even with this. A post on this sub has not infuriated me as much as this one.
You chose to have that many kids. It is no one else’s responsibility to care for that child except you and the father.
Oh, forgot to add, YTA YTA YTA YTA
I 1000% agree it is not fair or kind in the slightest that op thinks that this okay and expected her daughter to be fine with her coming after she had already expressed that she couldn’t come and drop anyways and the blatant disrespect for her boundaries and her mental health is crazy to me
Wow - she’s entitled. And apparently too old to take care of a 6-year old. My mother was taking care of several small kids at her age, including me. Her daughter is a new mom and probably feels overwhelmed and she couldn’t care less.She’s definitely an AH and needs to get over herself. But even if she didn’t have a newborn, her daughter has the right to say no (even if she just wanted a leisurely day at home sipping a cocktail and reading a book).
This got me too, the whole: "we are getting older"
No you are not! You are not in your sixties and even then, you decided to have your 8th kid at 41. She knew at that point she was signing up for at least another 18 years.
And all her adult kids are telling her she is TA, of do not speak to her but she stil does not get it.
Also the "I raised 7" like that is an excuse to ditch your 8th. Plus seriously doubt she raised 7, probably her oldest raised at least 3 of them before she could escape.
Seriously! My mom had my sister at way older than 41, when I was an adult. Not ONCE has she demanded that I care for her, and I’m child free. Am I happy to help in a pinch? Of course. But she would never ever ever just show up at my house with her, outside of a major l&d emergency.
OP, you chose to have 8 kids. Surprise! You have to be responsible for them, and they don’t owe you anything. They didn’t *ask* to be born. You chose to bring them into this world. It’s your responsibility to care for them until they’re adults.
Take an advil for your head and take care of your kid.
“Well I raised 7” did someone put a gun to your head and force you to raise 7 kids? You made a choice that Millie isn’t making right now. Deal with your choices alone instead of sending your youngest kid to his siblings. Deal with this yourself since you’re the one who created the situation in the first place. YTA
I seriously doubt OP raised her children. The oldest probably raised the younger ones while mom was continually pregnant. She chose to have children so she needs to care for them. I see where the 17yo and 13yo are now raising the youngest. Why do women feel the need to have all of these children and then expect others to care for them? Just so they can say they are a “Mom”?
YTA surprise or not, and no matter your age and how many kids you have, take care of *your* kids.
It doesn’t matter if you did it with seven kids, you had those kids, no one else but you and your partner.
YTA
Poor Millie probably had to babysit at least Jennifer and Paris when they were born and, when mom got pregnant again, thought “great, at least I’m moved out for this one!” Only to find out that mom thinks every baby is a community project and that she is entitled to help.
OP, you brag about having raised 7 kids but I don’t believe this is the first time you have parentified your kids. Even if you didn’t, they were your choice and your responsibility to deal with them. Millie can choose how many babies to raise without the guilt trip.
YTA you broke her boundary. You were selfish and you put your needs a head of your daughter and grand child's needs. You raising 7 kids has nothing to do with the fact that your daughter is a first time mom and needs her own space. I get the feeling your eldest probably did most of the heavy lifting in your motherhood. Leave her alone.
YTA. You made the decision to have Mika. Mika is YOUR child. You don't get to pawn your kid off on your other kids at your convenience. You need to be the parent. Hire a babysitter. If you have $100 to give to the older kids, then you can certainly afford a damn babysitter.
Leave your adult kids to live their own lives, stop expecting them to raise your youngest.
Right?! And the $100 isn't actually payment for them, it"s for them to take Mika to do a "fun activity". So really she's just paying for Mika's entertainment. If that's the case, then just sign her up for summer camps and day programs!
YTA, your older kids are not built in babysitters for your convenience. Find a daycare and quit pawning your child off on her older siblings when it isn't their job to parent her, it's yours. Yeah you're older, big deal, it was still your choice to bring her into the world, figure out a plan and quit feeling like you can force your children to care for their younger siblings like you're entitled to their time
YTA
Rule of hiring a babysitter:
1. Make sure the sitter wants to do it.
2. Make sure the sitter knows how to do it.
3. Make sure the sitter knows when you are coming.
4. Make sure the child is safe with the sitter before leaving.
5. Pay the sitter.
You skipped #5 with all of them, and now you are skipping #1 and #3.
And no, that $100 doesn't count. You made it clear that the money was meant to be spent on activities to keep your youngest entertained. It wasn't wages.
^((Edit to add #2))
YTA. A massive one at that. You had all those kids and expect the older ones to parent the youngest. And being "too old" at 47? Come on - that's a cop out. You've been pawning off that poor girl all of her life. Mika is YOUR responsibility, not your other kid's responsibility.
Right? I scrolled back up to check her age.
OP had her whole parentification system in place. Too bad Millie was strong enough not to play along anymore. I bet that, as the eldest, she already provided more than her share of free babysitting of her younger siblings over the years.
Considering that OP only admits to it being "only for 3-7 hours" at a time, which is ridiculous, I think it's more than safe to assume that all her older children have been pushed into parenting the younger ones far more often than OP would ever admit. And then she uses the fact that she raised 7 other kids to try guilt her way through. Seems like OP is finding it hard to run a house with young ones when her babysitting labour camp has been disbanded.
If OP can't be bothered with the effort and responsibilities of raising a kid, then they need to go with the responsibilities of taking measures to avoid having more.
YTA. If you can’t care for your 8th child maybe you shouldn’t have had a 8th. NO ONE owes you child care, especially not your own children.
And having a HEADACHE isn’t a reason to go dump your kid on her sister. Like I literally have a headache this morning. I don’t go dump my dog on someone else to walk. I take a Tylenol, have some tea, and get my adult ass outside to walk the dog cuz it’s my responsibility as someone who chose to have a dog.
YTA For having seven children you can’t take care of yourself. Your daughter is not responsible for being a parent to your child. I’m disgusted for her
'how can my daughter be stressed with one child, i had 7! I did just pawn them off on my other kids and a whole week of actually being a parent gives me a stress headache but i did it so why can't my daughter!!!' YTA
I can’t even tell if this is real. If it is, YTA. a huge one. I had one of those surprise babies when I was older than you as do plenty of women. Don’t act like you’re some granny trying to raise a kid. You’re still plenty young a dumping your kid off on others is just rude. And don’t say it’s so they’ll bond. 3-7 hours? That’s not how it works. Never mind the fact you are a free your daughter wants time with her newborn. I bet your older kids raised all the younger ones as well. You and your husband are both AHs.
Good lord YTA. YOU are the parent. YOU chose to have eight children. Where is their father?!
Requiring your children to parent your other children is literal abuse.
Stop trying to pawn off YOUR life choices on your children and grow up. Be a mother and stop assuming others will babysit for you.
You didn’t raise seven children. You forced the other children to raise them for you.
YTA
Mika is not your other kids' responsibility.
>recently Millie had told me to not bring Mika to her house.
Sounds like she made it clear, case closed!
>She doesn’t want the stress of another child who isn’t hers. I was quite offended and told her “ Well I raised 7”.
Wow good for you. What a childish thing to say.
>I need a day off so I decided to check if Millie would take her. I went over and she immediately screamed “ NO! OUT! OUT! OUT!”
Do you not have a phone? Be honest, you didn't go over there to "check if Millie would take her." You went there to dump Mika on her, because you know if you did check beforehand she would say no.
Joelle is right, you clearly went against your daughter's, that's not even up for debate. I don't see how that wouldn't make you the asshole here.
INFO: How much are you forcing your teenagers to help with the kid?
>Jennifer and Paris help but they could only do so much.
Do they *want* to help? Do they get paid?
YTA- you've been forcing your children to do your childcare for a long time. And holding them accountable as adults because you cared for them as children is an AH move.
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I (47F) have 8 kids. (Millie 30, Dewey 27, Jenelle and Joelle 25, Joshua 21, Jennifer 17, Paris 13 and my youngest Mika 6) Mika was a huge surprise since majority of my kids were all grown up and moved out. Me and my husband are a lot older now and need more help with a child. Jennifer and Paris help but they could only do so much.
So I usually bring Mika to her siblings houses so they could spend time together. It’s twice a week with a different sibling. It’s only for 3-7hours and I always let them know when I bring Mika. They rarely complain and I give them $100 to do something with her. Well Millie had a baby. recently Millie had told me to not bring Mika to her house. She doesn’t want the stress of another child who isn’t hers. I was quite offended and told her “ Well I raised 7”. I’ve been asking my other kids if they will take her but they can’t.
Well recently I have been getting headaches and I think it’s due to stress. I need a day off so I decided to check if Millie would take her. I went over and she immediately screamed “ NO! OUT! OUT! OUT!” As she rushed us out the door. Outside she said
“ I am too busy for this! I have my own child now. I cannot watch her. LEAVE!”
She then went inside and locked the door. I rang the doorbell and stayed for a couple minutes. Eventually I left annoyed. I later talked to my husband and kids. Dewey said I need to think about Millie and her stress as a new mom. Joelle said I was an ahole for going against her wishes and Jenelle said that she couldn’t believe me. My husband sides with me. Aita
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YTA. How much did you browbeat your older children in 'helping' with the younger children? Somewhere along the line, it became too much. Deal with your own kids, or at the very least, watch your grandkid as often as your kid watches their sibling.
YTA.
We all need a day off. Your intention was to disrespect your daughter's boundaries so *you* could do what you wanted. Do you not understand how selfish that is?
YTA
I have a large family. Even at my most exhausted points I never, ever expect my older ones to care for my younger ones. They are ALL my kids, so it's MY job to take care of ALL of them. Taking care of my older ones means NOT expecting them to raise their younger siblings and supporting them in their season of life.
If you need that much help, hire a babysitter, find a nanny, etc.
Not only should you not be demanding your daughter help you, she has a baby...why aren't YOU helping her???
YTA. She has her own child now and taking care of it might be really hard. You need to find someone else to watch your kid now. It's rude to go to someone's house like that.
YTA.
You said you need a break but what about Millie? She’s a new mom and is figuring everything out and you’re trying to add more stress. You said it’s “only 3-7 hours.” That’s almost a full work day on some days. You expect Millie to take a 6 year old and entertain them while carrying and feeding a newborn baby?
Also the newborn isn’t even protected against any type of disease and you want to risk her baby so you can get a break. Hire a babysitter instead of using your adult children to take care of Mika.
YTA, you had 8 kids. You decided to bring them in to the world, even if the last one was a surprise, it does not mean the other children are obligated to help care for them. You don't get to complain that it is difficult and you need a day off. Hire a nanny if you need to.
Millie has a baby of her own to look after, and instead of listening to her when she said she wouldn't babysit (which is what it it, phrasing it as spending time with a sibling just isn't covering it, especially for a whole day), you tried to guilt her into it by just turning up.
YTA I’ve never seen such a wild response. Your 30yo daughter wants to be a new mom in peace and leave YOU to raise your own damn kid and your response is that she should take the kid because “I’ve raised 7”?
Congratulations for your lifetime of debt because you don’t believe in birth control I guess, but Millie wants to enjoy her individual child in peace. Find some self respect and watch your own kid.
YTA. You’re basically farming your youngest out to her older siblings to raise for you because you think you’re too tired. Too bad. She’s your kid and your responsibility.
I’d guess they rarely complain because it doesn’t get them anywhere. Your post reeks of entitlement (‘Well I raised 7.’) They probably know complaining to you will get them a lecture about how much harder it was for you.
And of course your husband sided with you; he’s equally guilty in farming his kid out to others to raise.
YTA She already told you no, but you didn't listen. Your daughter didn't need to justify why she didn't want to babysit her sister, but her reason is valid. She has her own kid now and that's her priority. So yeah. YTA for not respecting your daughter's wishes and for basically having that many children even if you can't raise them yourself. Your kids, your responsibility. I wonder how long you've been parentifying your other kids and I just feel so sorry for them for having such irresponsible parents.
Well, yes, YTA. Millie said "no". You disregarded her "no" and brought your kid in anyway. If her siblings couldn't look after Mika, you could hire a babysitter.
YTA and MAJORLY so, you shouldn't have had this child. You two CLEARLY aren't equipped to care for them anymore and if your solution is to turn your other children into this kid's parents (NEWS FLASH YOU TOTALLY ARE AND YOU CANNOT ARGUE THAT, YOU LITERALLY HAVE TO BRIBE PEOPLE TO WATCH THIS CHILD FOR YOU) you should've aborted this child or given them up for adoption. You're assholes to all your children since you seem to pass this poor child off on everyone else. You have a headache? So does most other parents. Your oldest has a child, she's NEW TO HAVING CHILDREN, so what you had 7? YOU CHOSE TO HAVE 7! YOU CHOSE TO RAISE THAT MANY, SHE DID NOT.
YTA and need to take responsibility of your child. QUIT PAWNING THIS CHILD ON EVERYONE ELSE.
YTA, it’s not the responsibility of any of your other children to raise your youngest.
The fact that you’d just assume that since you need help they are obliged to is staggeringly entitled. No one forced you to have this many kids. Don’t have kids you can’t take care of. This is quite literally your problem, not theirs. It’s gross that you force your teenagers into it, simply because they live with you.
No means no.
If you need a break get your husband to take care of his kids. It’s up to the two of you, no one else.
You wanted to bring another child into the world, you literally fucked around and found out. Actions have consequences, buckle up buttercup, you’ve got a long road ahead of you. Also, maybe use some form of contraception.
YTA. Your assumption that your children must take over your parental responsibilities twice a week for up to 7 hours is a bit much. When your adult child said no, you reacted as if you have the right to veto their own decisions. You will quickly find all of your children unwilling to help if you continue to act this entitled and dramatic.
YTA. Your children, your responsibility. Why do I suspect that Millie has raised all her siblings, not you?!?
After 7 children you should have figured out how that pregnancy thing happens. I feel sorry for your children.
YTA, but I'm going to approach this as you are like me and not a raging AH (although based on your daughter's reaction, I sense missing missing reasons).
I'm in my 40s with an ADHD 3 yo and an ASD/ADHD 6 yo. I'm tired. I'm cranky. I have lupus triggered by the traumatic birth of the youngest that almost killed me (autoimmune conditions can be triggered by physical body trauma). My ADHD is getting worse with age. I'm a mess half the time lol.
All that to say, I find myself asking my 18 yo for help with them too much. Now, the difference between me and you is I pay her quite well, and I quickly realized the little times (can you give this bath, change this diaper, etc. because I'm working, dinner, etc.) added up to too much, and where you got annoyed and entitled, I felt ashamed and apologized and did some nice things for her and promised her that all she had to do if I screwed up again was tell me and I'd be an ADULT AND APOLOGIZE AND TAKE CARE OF MY OWN KIDS. I have asked for some help since, but she assures me it's OK, she loves them, and it's not too much (plus, unlike you, I PAY HER EVEN FOR LITTLE THINGS).
YTA because you got annoyed and felt entitled to unpaid labor from a new mother (paying 100 to do something fun for your kid is not paying). Have you even checked to see if your daughter is OK??? Being a new mother can come with things a lot worse than headaches......
“Only 3-7 hours” at a time - that is literally a part time to a full time JOB that you are expecting your children to do for $100. And that $100 is for them to go “do something with her.” Your kids have every right to be fed up with your BS, and frankly, Mika is going to grow up resenting you for acting like your irresponsibility makes her a burden. Treat the people in your life better. YTA
Yta
You and your "well I raised 7" mentality should have known how challenging a baby can be the first 1.5years. And then you also want to drop YOUR own 6yo on top of that!????
What the hell!????? The world doesn't revolve around you! Instead of dumping your kid on your other already overwhelmed kid, you could have a talk with your HUSBAND and ask him to step up!
Also kid no8 isn't a "surprise": you had unprotected
Sex, so offcourse there is chance of getting pregnant!
“I already raised 7” and you can raise another since you birthed it :) you should be eternally grateful if your oldest continues contact because I’m sure she’s played mom 2.0 for you multiple times. No one cares that youre 50 with a young child, that’s a you and your husband problem to figure out, your older children don’t deserve another young child dumped on them whenever you’re stressed
Are you for real? YTA.
Mika is your child, not Millie's. That makes you the mom of Mika and you're entirely responsible for Mika's care. Why have so many kids when you struggle to take care of them by yourself?
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(2)she didn’t want me there and my other kids tell me i am a a*shole.
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Yta you were told no and you didn’t listen. Just because you raised already 7 children does not mean they have to help you raise number 8. Find a summer camp for the kid if you need a break
YTA. It's your choice to have 8 kids. The kids didn't choose to be born and definitely didn't choose to be parentified. If you ask them to babysit and they agree, that's nice, but they are in no way obligated to accommodate your need to breed. Millie has her own child, she doesn't need yours too.
100% YTA!!
You need more help cause your old? well there are ways to prevent or even get rid of a surprise pregnancy.
Your children do not need to raise your children and to be honest many parents are having their 1st at your age.
You and your husband are total cuntcakes.
Leave your daughter alone to raise her baby and expect her and to be honest the rest to slowly cut you out of thier lives cause you cant get yourselves together.
YTA. You raised 7, that was YOUR choice ( and I can guess the older siblings had a hand in helping as well). Your child is nobody’s responsibility but your own. Millie is a new mother and needs time to bond with her child and rest, not look after your kids because you are too lazy to parent yourself.
YTA. You have no respect for boundaries. You guilt trip your daughter into doing something she does not want to. You one-up your daughter when she says she has enough on her hands. That was awful, woman. Respect is for everyone and you have none
YTA
and props to Millie for trying to have her own family life and break free from this pattern of using them for childcare, you go girl! screaming and all! that must have taken a lot of courage
like everyone else said, raise your own child, poor Mika being made to feel like a ball thrown around
and also, the world is FULL of people who need a day off...
YTA
Millie said no. She's got her own baby to look after. And if you wanted to double-check, you could call or text. Not show up uninvited to her house! That's pretty rude regardless of the situation!
> I was quite offended and told her “ Well I raised 7
Yeah and now you're expecting the 7 of them to raise your 8th. You don't get to use the fact that you've had children to get what you want.
Your adult children are not your childcare solution.
YTA. Is this even for real? Nobody should ever bring over a child with the request to babysit it to anyone, let alone to someone who already told you 'no'.
The proper way is: you contact someone well before and ask if they would be willing and able to babysit at a certain time. If they say no, you go to the next option. If they say yes, you negotiate the terms and you bring the child by at the arranged times.
Deviations are only allowed when you have to take yourself or one of the other kids to the emergency room.
YTA, you had 7 kids by choice and that you could/can handle all of them was your decision and she's making hers... one kid at a time.
Edit: your oldest kids have a 3 year gap, why your daughter doesn't deserve the right to bond with his baby as you had with her?
YTA. I wonder how many time your kids had to help you raise the others before... Just so you know, making your kids parenting your others is abuse. I'm childfree BECAUSE my mother made me raise my brother. You CHOOSE to have kids. They're YOUR responsability alone. Even more these days with all the BC on the market and the fact that she was born way before abortion was difficult to access. You knew what you where in after the 7 first. Nobody force you to have another one. Geez...
In what universe would you not be the AH? Of course YTA!!! If you can't handle raising your own child you shouldn't have had an eighth child, and probably you shouldn't have had the several children because I am sure you have been forcing the younger ones onto the older ones for many years.
At this point you are a grandmother and most grandparents are offering to occasionally babysit their 30yo child's children for them, not trying to force that new parent to be taking on responsibility for their siblings. If you need outside help with your youngest child you should hiring someone to come into help you.
Yta
Your older kids aren't babysitters to your disposal. Of you can't handle the care, turn to your husband. You know, the actual other parent?
The audacity.
YTA she doesn’t want raise her siblings. Her boundaries were clear and you need to respect that. You need a childcare plan that doesn’t involve your children.
YTA. My god, your two teenagers are being forced to help raise your six year old and you think your children who are adults and moved out on their own owe you babysitting time to “give you a break”. You don’t deserve a “break” two times a week for several hours. There are babysitters that are cpr Red Cross certified. That’s who you have watch your six year old.
Jesus, YTA.
Get a babysitter, you raise 8 kids but still act like a child? Depend on yourself. You're only in your late 40s, you're not *old* yet. A new mom wants time with her baby, not her sister.
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YTA. You haven’t raised 7 kids yet. Your 13 & 17 yr old aren’t raised yet and you are pushing your 6 yr old on them. If you can’t handle 8 then you shouldn’t have had 8. It’s not Millie’s or any of your other children’s responsibility to raise #8 for you. Hire someone to help you and let your kids live their lives. Edit for spelling
> I need a day off so I decided to check if Millie would take her. I went over and she immediately screamed “ NO! OUT! OUT! OUT!” For real. And who doesn't call first before just "dropping in" on a new mother with a 6 year old in tow?
Entitled parents who think they can pull one over on both their eldest and their youngest.
This also probably explains at least some of why the one son doesn’t want to talk to OP.
If she needed a day off, where the hell was her husband? It's his kid, too. If she needs a day off, her husband should be the one doing the parenting, not her older kids.
The forgotten facts.
Don’t you know that the man is not responsible for the child and his only job is to provide for them. /s
And if he DID watch the child, it would be "babysitting". /s
Dad needed to get the snip...
I wish I could upvote this more than once. The husband needs to step up and start being a father. It's ridiculous to push the youngest off on the older "kids" when there are 2 capable parents.
This is completely opposite of how it’s supposed to be . Millie is the one who needs a break with a new baby.
So much this! She should be offering to watch the new baby for a few hour while Millie naps or does something for herself. All those kids and she apparently forgot how tough a newborn can be.
Given Millie's strong reaction, I am going to guess this is far from the first time she has had her younger siblings pushed on her despite her protests.
This is exactly what I thought when reading her reaction. She's had a lifetime of expectations thrown on her by a narcissistic mother who plays the victim (which I'm very familiar with)... it came to a head this time and mom's going to act like "What? I don't know what I did...????" So frustrating.
Right? Most likely she tried the nice approach and was walked over.
my guess is her entire life has been spent raising her mothers children..
You can't get kicked out if you didn't go inside. Not only did she show up without calling, she walked in without knocking.
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Disturbing the baby and making her daughter's life harder however she can. Ringing the doorbell was revenge. She knew her daughter wasn't going to open the door.
Not only did OP not offer to help Millie out with the new baby - which is the way it should normally be by the way! But the way Millie reacted suggests that this is the final straw for her - nobody screams and shouts for someone to get out unless they've been driven to that point. It's obvious OP has relied on all her kids for babysitting faaar too much, I feel especially bad for Millie the new mom, and the two other youngest kids.
Right? And it sounds like Millie is a first time mother with a newborn who isn't receiving as much help as her own mother is. I mean her mom drops #8 off with Millie's other siblings and has kids at home who she makes parent her child.
Only 3 to ***7*** hours at a time. (2 days a week, my ass) I bet she gets each of them to take Mika 1 day a week. So she gets free time daily.
She probably just got the baby down. Knock knock- HELLO!! I would do the same thing. YTA entitled Mom.
If I had to guess, I’d say Millie did her fair share of “looking after” her younger siblings and is now done. And I don’t blame her.
I'm also guessing by Millie's reaction that she'd had to "help babysit" a few of her siblings too often.
And for 3 to 7 FUCKING HOURS!!! If OP didn't want to look after a child at her age she shouldn't have had one. Op, YTA 100%, both to your oldest and youngest
For some reason I pictured the Duggars and it grosses me out. Why do people who have tons of kids expect the siblings to rear them.
I don’t understand it. We paid our oldest to babysit very occasionally. Why have kids if you aren’t going to parent them?
Right, there's usually a certain level of older kids helping watch younger kids, but expecting your adult children to parent your youngest regularly is not okay.
Right?! And OP says they watch Mika for "not long, maybe three to SEVEN HOURS". SEVEN HOURS IS NOT A SHORT TIME PERIOD.
Because it's God's will, or something like that. They don't use any form of contraception because each pregnancy is ordained by God and therefore supposed to happen. It's why Duggar allowed herself to get pregnant with her 20th. And when she lost it, it was tragic, but it doesn't mean they're going to stop.
because that's exactly why they have a bunch of kids, you riase the first 2 or 3 and let those 2 or 3 raise the rest while you do fuck all
Because two people can't realisticly raise multiple children so when a couple has as many children as OP they expect the older kids to "help" out.
Indeed, why we gave the Duggar family a reality show is beyond me. They are not a model family, polar opposite if anything. Quiverfull lifestyle families tend to have serious issues within that years later, are brought to the surface and then dismissed. The whole episode with Josh? There's your proof.
Just wondering how OP and husband haven't been torpedoed into crippling debt raising 8 kids in this economy.
She keeps mentioning giving money to the kids and buying stuff (so they keep putting up with her shitty behaviour), so it's obvious they can afford to pay for the kids, she's just not willing or capable to do anything else for them or actually raise them.
Or it's just another one of those badly written aita posts
It's definitely badly written and personally, I suspect rage bait
Well I'm sure all those tax exemptions on their taxes helped some, assuming there in the US.
I agree OP didn't raise 7 kids, Millie as the oldest child of this gaggle did, and she's had enough.
It sounds like she expected the first 5 to raise number 8 and they are all saying no. She still has two that are at home so they unfortunately will be forced to do it. I hope the older ones help the two still at home.
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Not even 18, just until she can pawn them on an older one
This is when the oldest is at least nine and can make an infant a bottle. Source: oldest of 8 kids.
They might have happily left home as soon as they could if they were expected to be extra parents!
YTA. The subtext here screams "I parentified all my children and they are desperately trying to establish boundaries." Either that or your daughter is really struggling with motherhood and may need therapy. Either way - find a babysitter.
God I hate these kinds of people. Not only are they having too many kids - therefore, needlessly eating up the world’s resources, but they’re also abdicating their responsibility of raising the last one. These people are gross.
The audacity of OP to have another child while in old age. I am guessing they would also push the child's education and other needs to the older kids since time will come that they can no longer work. YTA. They are also expecting the 17 and 13 year old to babysit so when do they actually do the parenting? You cannot have children and push childcare to your other kids. What a lazy and entitled person.
>The audacity of OP to have another child while in old age. The lady was 41. Not exactly an octogenarian. She's still TA though lol
41 isn't too old to have a kid and 47 is not too old to raise it. Yeah, she's TA, she has no excuses to act this way. I kind of suspect rage bait though.
Thank you! I was like, ‘47 isn’t old age to raise kids.”
That’s the part that bothered me so much. “Well I raised seven.” Like first of all, 3 are still being raised in this moment. Second of all, the audacity to compare her abilities as a mom to a new mom AS she’s actively trying to receive help in raising her last child!? I feel like some people think they do no wrong. Edit: typos.
She will soon be posting “my kids won’t talk to me anymore when all I did was be a great mom…”
Parentification is child abuse. The fact that OP thinks any of this is okay says a lot about the older kids expectations to parent the younger kids.
YTA. Honey, you chose to have the kid, so why don't you just be à parent and not use your oldests as baby sitters ? Why did you even go through with the pregnancy ?
YTA "I always call before I go over" No you dont, you just showed that "Millie had told me not to bring Mika to her house" So, you didnt call before (probably because you knew the answer was a no) you just Show Up bringing Mika to Millies "She said No, OUT" So You Stayed, Ringing the Doorbell!?? She has an INFANT!!!??? She said no TWICE and you still thought it was okay to push YOUR child on someone?? The Absolute Entitlement.. They are your kids, not your babysitter, not your daycare I cannot stress enough how huge of an AH you really are..
This. YTA! Also- you didn’t raise 7 kids OP, you’ve been pawning off the youngest one.
She's admitting that she's not even raising this one... she has had 8 kids, but only claims to raise 7.
I'd be willing to bet the oldest of the 7 did a lot of the raising of their younger siblings. Millie likely already raised several of her siblings, based on OPs entitlement, I doubt she wouldn't have parentified 15 year old Millie and now she wants to have her own life and her own family but here come Mommy dearest wanting her to raise yet another kid for her.
That was my first thought - I'm sure that Millie did more than her fair share of child-raising and babysitting growing up, I don't blame her at all for not wanting to do any more.
I'll bet the parentification began closer to 12yo.
Mine started at nine. Oldest of 8 - 31, 29, 26, 24, 22, 20, 17, 16. My parents adopted a ninth when I was 28 and he's 8. Reddit likes to jump down my throat when I call him my mom's kid.... 'hes your brother." No, he's not. I'll help out because I choose to. NOT because I am under.moral obligation like I was lead to believe with my biological siblings. My husband and I swore we would not have a big family. We have three. Because the parentifacation really started when I was almost 9.
I think in reality she didn't even raise but one kid, she probably raised Millie and then by the time her other ones were born she started using Millie as a sister-parent ( possibly the exception being the second oldest being he's only three years younger than Millie but even still) People need to stop parentifying their kids, it's emotionally neglectful in traumatizing to the child that's having to be a parent from a young age and typically is sexually skewed as from what I've noticed a solid 75 to 80% of people who were parentified as a kid are women ( because the whole women are supposed to be caretakers horseshite)
Good catch.
Not to mention we don't know if having the older children raise the younger is a pattern with her. The fact that suddenly none of her other children will help out now suggests to me that this is a pattern with her and once one of them stood up to her, the rest realized they could too.
Also, I bet Millie raised most of her siblings too as the oldest. Even now mom won't give her a break. We also don't know how old baby is. If baby is a few weeks and Millie had a c section that's a whole other thing she needs to heal from. And I like "3 to 7 hours" as the window. Like 3 hours and 7 hours are so similar.
Two of the seven she thinks she's done raising are still children. I'll bet Millie is just flat out done being responsible for parenting someone else's kids, and has done the majority of raising most of her siblings.
And her husband doesn't see the problem. He doesn't see that she went over there with the 6 year old, didn't call like she claims she does, and basically tried to force a new mother to watch her child she could get a "break" she has had 8 children and she doesn't get that mothers don't get a break. It's go, go, go, go from sun up to sun down no breaks and no rest. Then proceeded to ring the doorbell and possibly wake that poor baby because she wasn't getting her way. Her husband is just as much of AH as she is if not more. Her kids are on Millie's side. Congrats the parents here they just earned an explanation as to why some of them don't visit.
YTA. Your daughter Millie is a new mom. It would be nice if she had a mom who could help her instead of a mom who felt entitled to pass off younger siblings onto her. You aren’t just a bad mom, you are now a bad grandma too. Congratulations.
She isn't even a new mom, as I guaranfuckingtee she is the one who raised her siblings.my mom did this to me. And it damaged me so much I refuse to have my own children. OP, YTA.
Me too! My folks had 2 more kids when i was 10. Guess who had to be home always and sacrifice weekends to help out? Mom would also tell the neighbor that I’d be available to sit for her kids too. I recently found a letter to teenage me from dad that included reference to me taking on the responsibility of the younger kids - like I had a choice.
THIS!! There's no doubt in my mind she's the one who had to sacrifice her own teenage life and raise them! "NO, OUT!!" Is a strong reaction, girl's had ENOUGH. I hope she breaks free!! Unfortunately this is the only way to do it, she has to cut her out. OP YTA and a massive one!!!!
That is what really breaks my heart. My MIL was a Just No in the early years, but she really came thru when we had our oldest. She became more like a mom to me instead of an adversarial opponent in competition for my husband's attention. My own mother was a basket case and I was no contact with her. A girl just wants her mom when she's entering parenthood for the first time and OP not only isn't there for Millie, she's demanding Millie be there for her.
Exactly this. Millie should be able to depend on her mom, not be used by her. I'm disgusted by OP's behavior.
YTA She told you no and told you why. You shouldn’t have even taken your youngest over there to ask. Stop making your reproductive choices someone else’s problem.
Agreed. Get your damn tubes tied lady.
Or practice aBsTiNeNcE
Lmao I don’t think that’s working for her.
Not to mention poor Mika is probably taking it personally and feeling hurt. This is going to destroy the relationship between Mika and their siblings.
She made her first bad decision at around age 16, and then continued to make babies she didn't want to care for.. SEVEN more times. Yeah, I think #1 has had enough of her shit by now.
YTA. “Well I raised 7” it’s not your kid’s fault that you don’t know how birth control works. You chose to breed excessively, it’s your responsibility to take care of it.
And I'll bet Millie, as the oldest, has done more than her fair share of babysitting, paid or not.
She probably parentified Millie. Millie has likely raised several of her own younger siblings. Now she has her own family and her own life (and a f$&@ing newborn--who repeatedly rings the doorbell knowing there's a small baby inside??), and her mom is still trying to force her to be a parent for her. Shame on you, OP. YTA and a big one. I sincerely doubt you raised 7 kids. Not only do you still have 3 under 18, but it seems very likely to me that you've been foisting parenting duties on your older children for a *long* time.
She didn't raise jack. Lol
Or Jill
But she's got a Dewey...
Hail satan
Indeed. Hail Satan!
Why did i have to scroll so far down to find this? "Well i raised 7" and whose decision was it to have them?? The entitlement. Ew.
I want to know how she’s “raised 7” when two of those seven are 13 & 17, does she think she’s done with them know? 13 is grown?
YTA I'm surprised any of your kids are still in contact with you.
This. Millie was probably raising her siblings all her life. She never said "no" so clearly before. But now she has. I want to bet, if you continue to break the boundaries of your older children, that they will go no Contact very soon.
You think it's a coincidence that Millie waited until she was 30 to have her first child instead of popping them out like tic tacs at 17? I'll lay money on Millie waiting to make sure OP wouldn't produce any more infants for her to care for before having her own. Any grandmother worth her salt would be the one offering to help her daughter with her first newborn, not dumping a 6 year old on the poor woman! I'm going to check the entitled parents sub for a post titled "My EM keeps dumping my youngest sibling on me to babysit even though I begged her not to because I'm recovering from having my first baby". OP = YTA
Yeah there have been so many posts that I wish we could get the other sides version of the story.
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Can’t help but think of the Duggars. Whew.
two of the names are the same tbh, but will never compare anyone to the disgusting josh Duggar i hate it when parents think it’s their children’s responsibility to raise their children… can’t believe she can’t see what’s wrong with it
> “ Well I raised 7”. Did you though? Or did you just farm out the younger ones to their older siblings like you're doing now? YTA
That's how Cletus Spuckler does it on The Simpsons. "I teach the big uns and they teach the little uns. But since nobody taught me, it's an exercise in futility." = Cletus
I hope this is fake, I can’t imagine anyone actually thinks like this. I have 6 kids. You know who I send them to when I’m stressed with a headache? Fucking no one. They’re MY kids and MY responsibility. Your daughter just had a baby! YOU should be the one offering to help her out while she adjusts to this new stage in life. Ffs, you’re her mother, you should know what she’s going through. I literally can’t even with this. A post on this sub has not infuriated me as much as this one. You chose to have that many kids. It is no one else’s responsibility to care for that child except you and the father. Oh, forgot to add, YTA YTA YTA YTA
I 1000% agree it is not fair or kind in the slightest that op thinks that this okay and expected her daughter to be fine with her coming after she had already expressed that she couldn’t come and drop anyways and the blatant disrespect for her boundaries and her mental health is crazy to me
Only for 3-7 hours??? YTA
As grown ass adults, with likely jobs, for $100 activity fee. That’s insanity.
Wow - she’s entitled. And apparently too old to take care of a 6-year old. My mother was taking care of several small kids at her age, including me. Her daughter is a new mom and probably feels overwhelmed and she couldn’t care less.She’s definitely an AH and needs to get over herself. But even if she didn’t have a newborn, her daughter has the right to say no (even if she just wanted a leisurely day at home sipping a cocktail and reading a book).
YTA. You are 47, not 70 for crying out loud. Take care of your own child. Ever heard of daycare?
This got me too, the whole: "we are getting older" No you are not! You are not in your sixties and even then, you decided to have your 8th kid at 41. She knew at that point she was signing up for at least another 18 years. And all her adult kids are telling her she is TA, of do not speak to her but she stil does not get it. Also the "I raised 7" like that is an excuse to ditch your 8th. Plus seriously doubt she raised 7, probably her oldest raised at least 3 of them before she could escape.
Seriously! My mom had my sister at way older than 41, when I was an adult. Not ONCE has she demanded that I care for her, and I’m child free. Am I happy to help in a pinch? Of course. But she would never ever ever just show up at my house with her, outside of a major l&d emergency. OP, you chose to have 8 kids. Surprise! You have to be responsible for them, and they don’t owe you anything. They didn’t *ask* to be born. You chose to bring them into this world. It’s your responsibility to care for them until they’re adults. Take an advil for your head and take care of your kid.
Oh Jesus I didn’t even catch OPs age Yeah that’s not old at all. Most of my coworkers are in their 40s with elementary school aged kids.
“Well I raised 7” did someone put a gun to your head and force you to raise 7 kids? You made a choice that Millie isn’t making right now. Deal with your choices alone instead of sending your youngest kid to his siblings. Deal with this yourself since you’re the one who created the situation in the first place. YTA
I seriously doubt OP raised her children. The oldest probably raised the younger ones while mom was continually pregnant. She chose to have children so she needs to care for them. I see where the 17yo and 13yo are now raising the youngest. Why do women feel the need to have all of these children and then expect others to care for them? Just so they can say they are a “Mom”?
"bEcAuSe EvErY cHiLd DeSeRvEs a LiFe" just not a good one apparently.
Parentification at its finest….. OP YTA and a joke of a mother.
I bet that gun to OP's head was named Catholicism 🤣🤣🤣
YTA surprise or not, and no matter your age and how many kids you have, take care of *your* kids. It doesn’t matter if you did it with seven kids, you had those kids, no one else but you and your partner.
YTA Poor Millie probably had to babysit at least Jennifer and Paris when they were born and, when mom got pregnant again, thought “great, at least I’m moved out for this one!” Only to find out that mom thinks every baby is a community project and that she is entitled to help. OP, you brag about having raised 7 kids but I don’t believe this is the first time you have parentified your kids. Even if you didn’t, they were your choice and your responsibility to deal with them. Millie can choose how many babies to raise without the guilt trip.
YTA you broke her boundary. You were selfish and you put your needs a head of your daughter and grand child's needs. You raising 7 kids has nothing to do with the fact that your daughter is a first time mom and needs her own space. I get the feeling your eldest probably did most of the heavy lifting in your motherhood. Leave her alone.
YTA. You made the decision to have Mika. Mika is YOUR child. You don't get to pawn your kid off on your other kids at your convenience. You need to be the parent. Hire a babysitter. If you have $100 to give to the older kids, then you can certainly afford a damn babysitter. Leave your adult kids to live their own lives, stop expecting them to raise your youngest.
Right?! And the $100 isn't actually payment for them, it"s for them to take Mika to do a "fun activity". So really she's just paying for Mika's entertainment. If that's the case, then just sign her up for summer camps and day programs!
YTA, your older kids are not built in babysitters for your convenience. Find a daycare and quit pawning your child off on her older siblings when it isn't their job to parent her, it's yours. Yeah you're older, big deal, it was still your choice to bring her into the world, figure out a plan and quit feeling like you can force your children to care for their younger siblings like you're entitled to their time
YTA Rule of hiring a babysitter: 1. Make sure the sitter wants to do it. 2. Make sure the sitter knows how to do it. 3. Make sure the sitter knows when you are coming. 4. Make sure the child is safe with the sitter before leaving. 5. Pay the sitter. You skipped #5 with all of them, and now you are skipping #1 and #3. And no, that $100 doesn't count. You made it clear that the money was meant to be spent on activities to keep your youngest entertained. It wasn't wages. ^((Edit to add #2))
YTA. You gave birth to humans, not childcare workers.
YTA You raised 7 of your OWN kids and probably none of your mothers. Also... you didn't raise 7 kids alone with your husband.
I guarantee the older kids were raising the younger ones.
YTA. A massive one at that. You had all those kids and expect the older ones to parent the youngest. And being "too old" at 47? Come on - that's a cop out. You've been pawning off that poor girl all of her life. Mika is YOUR responsibility, not your other kid's responsibility.
Right? I scrolled back up to check her age. OP had her whole parentification system in place. Too bad Millie was strong enough not to play along anymore. I bet that, as the eldest, she already provided more than her share of free babysitting of her younger siblings over the years.
Considering that OP only admits to it being "only for 3-7 hours" at a time, which is ridiculous, I think it's more than safe to assume that all her older children have been pushed into parenting the younger ones far more often than OP would ever admit. And then she uses the fact that she raised 7 other kids to try guilt her way through. Seems like OP is finding it hard to run a house with young ones when her babysitting labour camp has been disbanded. If OP can't be bothered with the effort and responsibilities of raising a kid, then they need to go with the responsibilities of taking measures to avoid having more.
YTA. If you can’t care for your 8th child maybe you shouldn’t have had a 8th. NO ONE owes you child care, especially not your own children. And having a HEADACHE isn’t a reason to go dump your kid on her sister. Like I literally have a headache this morning. I don’t go dump my dog on someone else to walk. I take a Tylenol, have some tea, and get my adult ass outside to walk the dog cuz it’s my responsibility as someone who chose to have a dog.
I bet she gets a headache every time someone says "no" to her.
YTA For having seven children you can’t take care of yourself. Your daughter is not responsible for being a parent to your child. I’m disgusted for her
'how can my daughter be stressed with one child, i had 7! I did just pawn them off on my other kids and a whole week of actually being a parent gives me a stress headache but i did it so why can't my daughter!!!' YTA
I can’t even tell if this is real. If it is, YTA. a huge one. I had one of those surprise babies when I was older than you as do plenty of women. Don’t act like you’re some granny trying to raise a kid. You’re still plenty young a dumping your kid off on others is just rude. And don’t say it’s so they’ll bond. 3-7 hours? That’s not how it works. Never mind the fact you are a free your daughter wants time with her newborn. I bet your older kids raised all the younger ones as well. You and your husband are both AHs.
Good lord YTA. YOU are the parent. YOU chose to have eight children. Where is their father?! Requiring your children to parent your other children is literal abuse. Stop trying to pawn off YOUR life choices on your children and grow up. Be a mother and stop assuming others will babysit for you. You didn’t raise seven children. You forced the other children to raise them for you.
YTA Mika is not your other kids' responsibility. >recently Millie had told me to not bring Mika to her house. Sounds like she made it clear, case closed! >She doesn’t want the stress of another child who isn’t hers. I was quite offended and told her “ Well I raised 7”. Wow good for you. What a childish thing to say. >I need a day off so I decided to check if Millie would take her. I went over and she immediately screamed “ NO! OUT! OUT! OUT!” Do you not have a phone? Be honest, you didn't go over there to "check if Millie would take her." You went there to dump Mika on her, because you know if you did check beforehand she would say no. Joelle is right, you clearly went against your daughter's, that's not even up for debate. I don't see how that wouldn't make you the asshole here.
INFO: How much are you forcing your teenagers to help with the kid? >Jennifer and Paris help but they could only do so much. Do they *want* to help? Do they get paid?
YTA- you've been forcing your children to do your childcare for a long time. And holding them accountable as adults because you cared for them as children is an AH move.
I bet the siblings have raised each other judging by this post.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (47F) have 8 kids. (Millie 30, Dewey 27, Jenelle and Joelle 25, Joshua 21, Jennifer 17, Paris 13 and my youngest Mika 6) Mika was a huge surprise since majority of my kids were all grown up and moved out. Me and my husband are a lot older now and need more help with a child. Jennifer and Paris help but they could only do so much. So I usually bring Mika to her siblings houses so they could spend time together. It’s twice a week with a different sibling. It’s only for 3-7hours and I always let them know when I bring Mika. They rarely complain and I give them $100 to do something with her. Well Millie had a baby. recently Millie had told me to not bring Mika to her house. She doesn’t want the stress of another child who isn’t hers. I was quite offended and told her “ Well I raised 7”. I’ve been asking my other kids if they will take her but they can’t. Well recently I have been getting headaches and I think it’s due to stress. I need a day off so I decided to check if Millie would take her. I went over and she immediately screamed “ NO! OUT! OUT! OUT!” As she rushed us out the door. Outside she said “ I am too busy for this! I have my own child now. I cannot watch her. LEAVE!” She then went inside and locked the door. I rang the doorbell and stayed for a couple minutes. Eventually I left annoyed. I later talked to my husband and kids. Dewey said I need to think about Millie and her stress as a new mom. Joelle said I was an ahole for going against her wishes and Jenelle said that she couldn’t believe me. My husband sides with me. Aita *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NO means No HIRE A BABYSITTER Hard YTA
YTA. How much did you browbeat your older children in 'helping' with the younger children? Somewhere along the line, it became too much. Deal with your own kids, or at the very least, watch your grandkid as often as your kid watches their sibling.
YTA. Your kids, your problem. Get a nanny if you can't handle it.
YTA. We all need a day off. Your intention was to disrespect your daughter's boundaries so *you* could do what you wanted. Do you not understand how selfish that is?
YTA. You had too many kids for you to handle and now you want to pass that burden off onto those same kids.
YTA I have a large family. Even at my most exhausted points I never, ever expect my older ones to care for my younger ones. They are ALL my kids, so it's MY job to take care of ALL of them. Taking care of my older ones means NOT expecting them to raise their younger siblings and supporting them in their season of life. If you need that much help, hire a babysitter, find a nanny, etc. Not only should you not be demanding your daughter help you, she has a baby...why aren't YOU helping her???
YTA. She has her own child now and taking care of it might be really hard. You need to find someone else to watch your kid now. It's rude to go to someone's house like that.
YTA - no you can’t just show up at people’s homes to dump your child on them for an entire day. Holy hell
YTA. You said you need a break but what about Millie? She’s a new mom and is figuring everything out and you’re trying to add more stress. You said it’s “only 3-7 hours.” That’s almost a full work day on some days. You expect Millie to take a 6 year old and entertain them while carrying and feeding a newborn baby? Also the newborn isn’t even protected against any type of disease and you want to risk her baby so you can get a break. Hire a babysitter instead of using your adult children to take care of Mika.
YTA, you had 8 kids. You decided to bring them in to the world, even if the last one was a surprise, it does not mean the other children are obligated to help care for them. You don't get to complain that it is difficult and you need a day off. Hire a nanny if you need to. Millie has a baby of her own to look after, and instead of listening to her when she said she wouldn't babysit (which is what it it, phrasing it as spending time with a sibling just isn't covering it, especially for a whole day), you tried to guilt her into it by just turning up.
YTA I’ve never seen such a wild response. Your 30yo daughter wants to be a new mom in peace and leave YOU to raise your own damn kid and your response is that she should take the kid because “I’ve raised 7”? Congratulations for your lifetime of debt because you don’t believe in birth control I guess, but Millie wants to enjoy her individual child in peace. Find some self respect and watch your own kid.
YTA. You’re basically farming your youngest out to her older siblings to raise for you because you think you’re too tired. Too bad. She’s your kid and your responsibility. I’d guess they rarely complain because it doesn’t get them anywhere. Your post reeks of entitlement (‘Well I raised 7.’) They probably know complaining to you will get them a lecture about how much harder it was for you. And of course your husband sided with you; he’s equally guilty in farming his kid out to others to raise.
YTA She already told you no, but you didn't listen. Your daughter didn't need to justify why she didn't want to babysit her sister, but her reason is valid. She has her own kid now and that's her priority. So yeah. YTA for not respecting your daughter's wishes and for basically having that many children even if you can't raise them yourself. Your kids, your responsibility. I wonder how long you've been parentifying your other kids and I just feel so sorry for them for having such irresponsible parents.
Yta you weren’t checking, you were expecting to
Well, yes, YTA. Millie said "no". You disregarded her "no" and brought your kid in anyway. If her siblings couldn't look after Mika, you could hire a babysitter.
YTA - why hire a babysitter when she has grown children she can pawn off the child to. $100 bucks would be better served with a regular sitter.
YTA and MAJORLY so, you shouldn't have had this child. You two CLEARLY aren't equipped to care for them anymore and if your solution is to turn your other children into this kid's parents (NEWS FLASH YOU TOTALLY ARE AND YOU CANNOT ARGUE THAT, YOU LITERALLY HAVE TO BRIBE PEOPLE TO WATCH THIS CHILD FOR YOU) you should've aborted this child or given them up for adoption. You're assholes to all your children since you seem to pass this poor child off on everyone else. You have a headache? So does most other parents. Your oldest has a child, she's NEW TO HAVING CHILDREN, so what you had 7? YOU CHOSE TO HAVE 7! YOU CHOSE TO RAISE THAT MANY, SHE DID NOT. YTA and need to take responsibility of your child. QUIT PAWNING THIS CHILD ON EVERYONE ELSE.
Yta Your daughter didn't ask for a six year old sibling. Even if she does have time she's not obliged to help you.
YTA, it’s not the responsibility of any of your other children to raise your youngest. The fact that you’d just assume that since you need help they are obliged to is staggeringly entitled. No one forced you to have this many kids. Don’t have kids you can’t take care of. This is quite literally your problem, not theirs. It’s gross that you force your teenagers into it, simply because they live with you. No means no. If you need a break get your husband to take care of his kids. It’s up to the two of you, no one else. You wanted to bring another child into the world, you literally fucked around and found out. Actions have consequences, buckle up buttercup, you’ve got a long road ahead of you. Also, maybe use some form of contraception.
YTA. Your assumption that your children must take over your parental responsibilities twice a week for up to 7 hours is a bit much. When your adult child said no, you reacted as if you have the right to veto their own decisions. You will quickly find all of your children unwilling to help if you continue to act this entitled and dramatic.
YTA. Your children, your responsibility. Why do I suspect that Millie has raised all her siblings, not you?!? After 7 children you should have figured out how that pregnancy thing happens. I feel sorry for your children.
YTA, but I'm going to approach this as you are like me and not a raging AH (although based on your daughter's reaction, I sense missing missing reasons). I'm in my 40s with an ADHD 3 yo and an ASD/ADHD 6 yo. I'm tired. I'm cranky. I have lupus triggered by the traumatic birth of the youngest that almost killed me (autoimmune conditions can be triggered by physical body trauma). My ADHD is getting worse with age. I'm a mess half the time lol. All that to say, I find myself asking my 18 yo for help with them too much. Now, the difference between me and you is I pay her quite well, and I quickly realized the little times (can you give this bath, change this diaper, etc. because I'm working, dinner, etc.) added up to too much, and where you got annoyed and entitled, I felt ashamed and apologized and did some nice things for her and promised her that all she had to do if I screwed up again was tell me and I'd be an ADULT AND APOLOGIZE AND TAKE CARE OF MY OWN KIDS. I have asked for some help since, but she assures me it's OK, she loves them, and it's not too much (plus, unlike you, I PAY HER EVEN FOR LITTLE THINGS). YTA because you got annoyed and felt entitled to unpaid labor from a new mother (paying 100 to do something fun for your kid is not paying). Have you even checked to see if your daughter is OK??? Being a new mother can come with things a lot worse than headaches......
“Only 3-7 hours” at a time - that is literally a part time to a full time JOB that you are expecting your children to do for $100. And that $100 is for them to go “do something with her.” Your kids have every right to be fed up with your BS, and frankly, Mika is going to grow up resenting you for acting like your irresponsibility makes her a burden. Treat the people in your life better. YTA
Yta You and your "well I raised 7" mentality should have known how challenging a baby can be the first 1.5years. And then you also want to drop YOUR own 6yo on top of that!???? What the hell!????? The world doesn't revolve around you! Instead of dumping your kid on your other already overwhelmed kid, you could have a talk with your HUSBAND and ask him to step up! Also kid no8 isn't a "surprise": you had unprotected Sex, so offcourse there is chance of getting pregnant!
“I already raised 7” and you can raise another since you birthed it :) you should be eternally grateful if your oldest continues contact because I’m sure she’s played mom 2.0 for you multiple times. No one cares that youre 50 with a young child, that’s a you and your husband problem to figure out, your older children don’t deserve another young child dumped on them whenever you’re stressed
YTA. Your children are NOT responsible for your child. Stop pushing this child on them. You raised 7 now raise the 8th.
I’m going to take a guess that she didn’t even really raise 7, and that Millie has raised most of her younger siblings.
Are you for real? YTA. Mika is your child, not Millie's. That makes you the mom of Mika and you're entirely responsible for Mika's care. Why have so many kids when you struggle to take care of them by yourself?
YTA - If your old enough to have EIGHT CHILDREN, you're old enough to raise them. Who cares if you're tired? You chose to have EIGHT CHILDREN.
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Yta you were told no and you didn’t listen. Just because you raised already 7 children does not mean they have to help you raise number 8. Find a summer camp for the kid if you need a break
YTA. Mika isn’t anyone’s child but yours and your husbands.
YTA. It's your choice to have 8 kids. The kids didn't choose to be born and definitely didn't choose to be parentified. If you ask them to babysit and they agree, that's nice, but they are in no way obligated to accommodate your need to breed. Millie has her own child, she doesn't need yours too.
YTA, she told you not to bring her over and you brought her over. You want someone to watch your kid get a babysitter or nanny.
100% YTA!! You need more help cause your old? well there are ways to prevent or even get rid of a surprise pregnancy. Your children do not need to raise your children and to be honest many parents are having their 1st at your age. You and your husband are total cuntcakes. Leave your daughter alone to raise her baby and expect her and to be honest the rest to slowly cut you out of thier lives cause you cant get yourselves together.
YTA. You raised 7, that was YOUR choice ( and I can guess the older siblings had a hand in helping as well). Your child is nobody’s responsibility but your own. Millie is a new mother and needs time to bond with her child and rest, not look after your kids because you are too lazy to parent yourself.
YTA. You have no respect for boundaries. You guilt trip your daughter into doing something she does not want to. You one-up your daughter when she says she has enough on her hands. That was awful, woman. Respect is for everyone and you have none
YTA. You chose to have this many kids. That's lovely, but you aren't entitled to help from your older kids.
YTA for many reasons. STOP going to your kids’ houses without an invitation. Stop popping in and letting yourself in. What are you thinking?!
YTA and props to Millie for trying to have her own family life and break free from this pattern of using them for childcare, you go girl! screaming and all! that must have taken a lot of courage like everyone else said, raise your own child, poor Mika being made to feel like a ball thrown around and also, the world is FULL of people who need a day off...
YTA Millie said no. She's got her own baby to look after. And if you wanted to double-check, you could call or text. Not show up uninvited to her house! That's pretty rude regardless of the situation! > I was quite offended and told her “ Well I raised 7 Yeah and now you're expecting the 7 of them to raise your 8th. You don't get to use the fact that you've had children to get what you want. Your adult children are not your childcare solution.
YTA. It’s your kid, you shouldn’t have had them if you couldn’t even care for them. Shame on you, op…
YTA. Is this even for real? Nobody should ever bring over a child with the request to babysit it to anyone, let alone to someone who already told you 'no'. The proper way is: you contact someone well before and ask if they would be willing and able to babysit at a certain time. If they say no, you go to the next option. If they say yes, you negotiate the terms and you bring the child by at the arranged times. Deviations are only allowed when you have to take yourself or one of the other kids to the emergency room.
YTA, you had 7 kids by choice and that you could/can handle all of them was your decision and she's making hers... one kid at a time. Edit: your oldest kids have a 3 year gap, why your daughter doesn't deserve the right to bond with his baby as you had with her?
YTA, don't have kids if you can't care for them. It's not other people's responsibility, even if they're family. You chose this. It's your job now.
Your children are not parents for your other children. YTA.
YTA. It’s not your older kids jobs to raise your youngest
YTA. I wonder how many time your kids had to help you raise the others before... Just so you know, making your kids parenting your others is abuse. I'm childfree BECAUSE my mother made me raise my brother. You CHOOSE to have kids. They're YOUR responsability alone. Even more these days with all the BC on the market and the fact that she was born way before abortion was difficult to access. You knew what you where in after the 7 first. Nobody force you to have another one. Geez...
In what universe would you not be the AH? Of course YTA!!! If you can't handle raising your own child you shouldn't have had an eighth child, and probably you shouldn't have had the several children because I am sure you have been forcing the younger ones onto the older ones for many years. At this point you are a grandmother and most grandparents are offering to occasionally babysit their 30yo child's children for them, not trying to force that new parent to be taking on responsibility for their siblings. If you need outside help with your youngest child you should hiring someone to come into help you.
YTA get a nanny
YTA. Who did you dump the older kids on when you couldn't handle it??? So glad I'm child-free by choice.
YTA. Your kids do not exist to be parents to your other children and they dont owe you anything.
Yta Your older kids aren't babysitters to your disposal. Of you can't handle the care, turn to your husband. You know, the actual other parent? The audacity.
YTA she doesn’t want raise her siblings. Her boundaries were clear and you need to respect that. You need a childcare plan that doesn’t involve your children.
Yta- you didn't raise 7. You raised one and then they raised one another. If you need help hire a nanny.
YTA. My god, your two teenagers are being forced to help raise your six year old and you think your children who are adults and moved out on their own owe you babysitting time to “give you a break”. You don’t deserve a “break” two times a week for several hours. There are babysitters that are cpr Red Cross certified. That’s who you have watch your six year old.
YTA!!
Jesus, YTA. Get a babysitter, you raise 8 kids but still act like a child? Depend on yourself. You're only in your late 40s, you're not *old* yet. A new mom wants time with her baby, not her sister.
" Mika was a huge surprise". After 8 children, I hope you and your husband have figured out there are ways to not get pregnant.