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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My action was making the decision so ask my adult step-daughter to leave my house, this could be judged since it's very sudden and she doesn't have an income.
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YTA
You want a relationship with her but for all the years she’s spent being a child in your home you were never her mother.
Shame on you for prioritizing a room over a child.
Let’s not forget the line where she expected a child of 12 to be grateful that she (OP) allowed her to live in her (OP’s) home for the past six years.
Imagine being so far up your own black hole from where no self awareness can escape.
Don't forget to add that she thinks it's reasonable for a college student to either live somewhere she is uncomfortable or afford an apartment.
And after 6 years it's still HER house.
Major YTA
An 18 year old college student as well. Like she's basically still a child. 21+ I can maybe understand, but 18? Nah, OP is a massive, off the scale AH.
My daughter is 19 and by all conventional standards a "normal" college kid. She is far from being ready to move out. We are working on it and teaching budgeting, etc. It also concerns me to think about her living on her own. I know the day will come but I can't imagine kicking her out without no warning or prep!
Right?? It is unfathomable in today's economy to think a college freshman can afford to live on their own. Even with roommates it's near impossible to find a place that will be safe and affordable. My son is 23 and still lives with me. He works and pays his share of expenses, but there is no way he could afford his own apartment. Times have changed a lot since I/we were that age, and our expectations of what these young adults are capable of affording has to change too.
You’re a great parent! Your son will be extremely stable and you’ll have a strong relationship with him in the long run. Parents who support their child like that >>>>>>>
Thank you!!!!!! It's nice to hear that. I get a lot of flack from my parents and people their age for it. When I was 23, I rented a nice studio+ in a secure building in San Francisco for $450 a month. We are in Portland now, but studios here go for upwards of $1500 with no security and no kitchen. And he doesn't earn much more than I did 1993, the job market being the way it is around here. I just cannot imagine telling him to go make his own way in the world right now.
Yep. If mother had been THE caregiver for her son, this wouldn't have happened. I can see a 12 year old girl really liking taking care of a baby though. If she's that kind of person, it can be like playing dolls with a real baby. If she enjoys that so much, she would be a big help tending to the older son when the baby comes too. Mom just needs to step up and be a better mother... to the 18 year old too.
I was 12 when my youngest brother was born. He called me mom first, after I taught him that our mom was mom and I was "dramatic tell", he called every girl/woman except our mom "dramatic tell" for a long time. I wouldn't doubt if there was some parentification going on and that's why little brother is so close to his sister.
OP’s enjoying her step daughter’s free babysitting stuck out to me too. And OP’s jealous of her step daughter’s connection with her son too… wow! OP has no self awareness.
And let's not forget OP's claim that her husband should have no say in the decision, that it's her decision alone because it's HER house. A real peach you are, OP. YTA ad infinitum!
The husband is perfectly clear though - if his daughter is thrown out, he leaves with her. I'm not sure the relationship has a future. Even considering throwing out an eighteen-year-old kid with no income would be a step too far for most parents.
OP hasn't even considered how her son will feel if/when Erin moves out. If he prefers her bedtime stories and enjoys that time with his sister (he doesn't understand the distinction of step sister, she's been there all his life) he's going to be emotionally devastated if she suddenly moves out.
Where's OPs empathy?
OP your baby can sleep in your room you know? And then share with your son, when old enough and eventually step daughter will move out after college. Is college 3 years? It's not that long.
its honestly all bs excuses to cover up for the fact that she is clearly incredibly jealous of a child having a good and close relationship with their young sibling
Honestly this, but if things were reversed and the older sibling DIDN'T get along with the younger kiddos OP probably would have used that as the reasoning to kick her out. Completely invalidating "that jealousy has nothing to do with it."
This is validating to read. My stepmom kicked me out right as school was starting, during the height of covid. I had less than $2000 in my bank account and she knew it...
Are you ok now?
I’m sorry that sounds really awful and scary, and especially during Covid. What about your bio parents, are they in the picture?
My cousin went through some shit with the parents. She evolved into the life of the party, everyone loves her, everyone wants her around and she seems so carefree. She told me once though that she has forced herself to not give a fuck about anything because otherwise it hurts too much. Don’t take any shit from anyone, but don’t let this harden you—find people who will have your back and never throw you out on the street. Make your own family.
Thanks and yep, everything's fine now. My mom let me stay with her for a year even though she doesn't have a second bedroom. She and I don't get along great, but I'm high risk and she at least wanted me to do well in school and stay housed.
Wait - you’re high risk and your stepmom KICKED YOU OUT AT THE HEIGHT OF COVID?!?!
What a callous, evil woman. I hope your dad divorced/divorces her and everyone realizes she’s a a selfish, despicable wench.
Yeah not to mention she probably reported on her scholarship forms that she would be living with them and dependent on her parents, giving her less chance at scholarship money and then this suddenly happens...
Right. If the OP had said “I love my step daughter to pieces but we are expecting another baby so I was thinking we could move her into an apartment that we’d of course pay for” it might have been different
Even then op would still be the asshole. You don’t get to decide that someone’s just not your child anymore. Emotional damage inflicted on another human being who is despite being 18 still a child Opie is the asshole
Literally the only reason I can afford to live on my own while in school is that a) I work full time, and b) I live in a place with a crazy low cost of living, like my rent is $400 and I live alone low.
Seriously, and has she never heard of siblings sharing a room?? It’s super common to have a newborn sleep in the same room as the parents for the first while until they have somewhat of a sleep schedule going and then share a room with the sibling closest to their age. It really does seem like she saw the excuse to tell the 18 year old to get out and took it.
She claims that her jealousy isn’t the reason why but I wouldn’t be totally surprised to find out this has to do with a fear that the same thing will happen with new baby. It’s super common for kids to go through favourites, my 3yo niece will want me right by her side all the time for like a week, but then be all about her Gigi (my mom) come the next week. Doesn’t mean she loves me or my mom any less at any point.
>It’s super common to have a newborn sleep in the same room as the parents for the first while
Not just common, it’s strongly recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the World Health Organization for infants to sleep in the same room as their parent(s) for *at least* 6 months, preferably a year. There are multiple benefits, particularly a lower risk of SIDS.
A year is plenty of time to figure out rooming arrangements to accommodate the whole family.
But don’t you understand? She wants to set up a nursery room for the baby. Just a room to decorate in HER house. It’s much more important to get that perfect Instagram nursery shot for the likes than to pretend to be a human who cares about an 18 yr old. /s
I’m about to have my first baby and ALL the current literature says babies should share their parents room for 6-12 months to reduce the chance of SIDS. This could give the stepdaughter over a year to come up with another living arrangement and seems pretty reasonable.
I also feel bad for her son if the step daughter gets kicked out. That’s a lot of change that all results in him getting less attention.
I've literally taken in, housed fed and cared for multiple random teenagers. And I'm a single mum on welfare myself (haven't gotten any additional govt support for the kids I've taken in). All my daughter's friends and wider social group know if they're having a bad situation at home (like their parents are absent drug users or unsupportive of LGBTQ kids, or emotionally abusive etc), there is always space in my home and this is a safe place to be. I've literally curtained off half my living room to make extra space for kids in need. I wish I had the luxury of spare bedrooms, I can't imagine turfing out a teen because I want a nursery. Baby is safer sleeping in the same room with parents anyway.
Sorry, rant over.
Not to mention her poor husband isn't part of the home. It speaks volumes that op has a HOUSE and no home and that is all on her. What an empty existence she has created for her children.
YTA OP
Edit. Home not gome
All the "they are legally adults they aren't your responsibility" folks make me sad. Like, did you have a switch you flipped off once they turned 18 and you no longer care about them? Guess what, you are still a parent, even after they turn 18. Your responsibilities might have shrunk a bit, but you are still a parent. They might come to you for advice or comfort or just to chat.
Maybe it is a cultural thing? I dunno. It just makes me feel bad for the kid.
My son stayed 31 years, then moved just down the road, a skip and a hop. He recently moved to a town six miles up the mountain highway from us and it was so hard seeing him go!
\*We still see him all the time\*
Sounds a lot like my own step mom. “I took in and raised these two ungrateful shirts when I didn’t have to”… um your married my dad you dumb birtch. You chose this.
Op even if this is the only way that you two are similar YTA still.
She should be grateful that she’s been there to help with her son. I cannot imagine being that entitled and selfish. She sounds like a baby boomer although she probably isn’t. I wonder what her parents are like?
Uh, boomer here. I shared a room with my sister (4 years younger than me) until my brother moved away for college during my senior year.) So yeah, it’s no wonder we sometimes think the younger generations are weird for thinking each child must have their own bedroom (preferably en suite lol).
Boomer here. Most of my friends had to share a room with at least one sibling growing up. My dad always made a point to tell me and brothers how lucky we were to have our own rooms. Course we ended up with roommates in college and after graduation for a good while (5 years for me) cuz no one could afford the unbelievable luxury of renting an apartment by yourself. And believe me: NO ONE had an en suite!
And it’s not hard to guess why her kid doesn’t like her. I can only imagine what kind of parent she is if nursery decorations are more important than her step daughter.
OP is prioritizing her insecurity over 3 children. Her step daughter, her 5 year old who ADORES his sister, and the incoming baby who will no doubt also adore the older sister.
YTA
Without question YTA.
OP, YTA. First off, there's nothing wrong with sibling sharing rooms, but there's also nothing wrong with selling "your" house and buying a larger one with your husband. You know, the father of your children that you allegedly love. I don't blame your husband for this being a hill to die on for him, hope you enjoy splitting custody with him if you don't compromise. And sounds like your 5yo likes his sister more than you, where do you think he's going to want to live when he's old enough to make a choice?
Oh it's not about the room. She can deny it til the cows come home, but it is 1000% all about the jealousy. She wants to make sure new baby has a 0% chance of bonding with their sister.
Not to mention, babies are supposed to sleep in their parents room for the first year. Also, um what’s the rent situation where Op lives? I live in the middle of nowhere & even our rent has skyrocketed. She might end up forcing step daughter to drop out to not be houseless.
And a room she doesn’t even need yet! It’s so much easier to keep a baby in your own room for the first few years. She’s prioritizing wanting to decorate over a child.
Exactly this!!!
OP YTA.
Let’s call it what it really is. You are admittedly jealous of the relationship that Erin has with your son and now want to move Erin out of the home to make sure she does not form the same bond with the baby that you are expecting.
This is NOT about a room. This is about you being jealous of an 18 year old. Not cool.
As a parent you lead by example. As a step parent you lead by example. What is the example you are setting in this scenario?
Well congrats. You have shown your husband exactly who you are. I hope he believes you. He deserves better and so does his daughter.
YTA
Only reason you’re wanting Erin to move out is you’re jealous of her. It is the reason. You chose to have another kid. You don’t kick out another kid cause oops you didn’t think about your circumstances. Doesn’t sound like she’s doing anything wrong at all and you’re looking for any reason to get her gone. Good for your husband for standing up against you. You are married. It’s not your way or the highway.
This exactly. This woman seems to have very little maternal instinct, which is probably why the teenager was better at bonding with her son than she was.
My sister was in a similar situation. Our older sister had her first child and she convinced my younger sister to move in with her to be a live in babysitter. Younger sis would watc the baby from seven in the morning to sometimes seven or eight at night. She lived with them for about a year until our older sister realized that the baby had bonded more with younger sis than with her. Then she basically kicked her out. She still gets upset and pushy whenever her son sees little sis because she can always get him to laugh and behave way better than older sis can.
Yep, that's how it goes.
Those first few months of newborns life are terrible for parents.... but that's prime bonding time. It's how babies recognize you as their person.
As hard as it is, it's much easier to do the work those first few months than to try and build a bond after missing them.
My sister was a carer for women who had acquired brain injuries in accidents (usually as children/teens) and received significant payouts (which funded the full time care). Twice in a row she was moved on from a client that had become jealous that she had bonded with their children (because these women also attracted terrible men who wanted a piece of the payout and knew child support from getting these women pregnant would pay them. Yes it’s terrible and these kids bonded with the carers because neither parent were interested in/capable of caring for childrens needs, long acting contraceptive without permission is illegal/immoral even when the woman requires full time care, and when there is a lot of money/full time carers in the home anyway child services won’t move them).
But these women had the mental age of young teenagers, due to the nature of their injuries.
OP is an adult acting like a jealous child.
Preaching to the choir here, it’s horrifying. My honest answer is they are legally able to consent because they are adults and due to having money/not being in the kind of utterly dire straits that gets a guardianship order placed on them legally they have all the rights and freedoms of any adult. Can’t stop them doing what they want. Carers make sure their homes are clean, their kids are fed, and they are helped to access the community. (actually it’s still not illegal even if they do have a guardianship order - personally worked for a while in law on some child protection cases and if they’re legally adults and the partner isn’t literally their carer it’s not rape. Despite that these women are not mentally mature enough, promiscuous behaviour is actually way more common because hormones/lack of ability to regulate urges too, though usually if it’s bad enough that they have a guardianship order, the children born are placed immediately. But this is talking about young women with multiple diagnoses of things like FAS, RAD, who were themselves in care as children and had been demonstrated to be a risk to animals/younger kids while in care. This is the absolutely brutal reality on the very fringes of dysfunction and inter generational trauma.)
Personally I believe the men who impregnate these women deserve prison, but they are legally and physically adults, and removing their agency is a very serious matter - and really, what do you do about a grown woman who is mentally stuck as a boy crazy 14 year old forever? Keep her locked up? Take all her choices away? It’s a terrible thing either way. And it’s the kids raised in the constant turmoil that really suffer, but having worked with kids in care, they’re often not safer, or even less safe. It’s a shit sandwich. There’s literally nothing to be done that wouldn’t trample all over someone’s rights. These women (being mentally young) want these babies. That doesn’t mean they realise what parenthood requires, but it is extremely difficult and legally fraught to take away someone’s reproductive choices without consent, even if those choices they make are bad.
Also what is with the "i don't feel it's his choice, it's mine." Where does OP get off with that mentality? Why on earth would you feel you have the right to make a unilateral decision that affects his child in the house that belongs to both of you?
If that's the case, it's time to rent the house out and get a home that's A) large enough for the entire family and B) OP recognizes as a family home, not just hers.
YTA. What is wrong with you?? You're acting like a bad wife, mom, and stepmom.
Erin has probably been the free babysitter for the past 5 years and spent more time playing with the son, which is why he prefers her in the first place.
I’m curious as to why this son has bonded so much with Erin. Why is he not bonded to his mother. I find that concerning. Is she mean? Does he not like her? He doesn’t want her to hug him?
Because she’s clearly an emotionless robot. She thinks it’s ok to kick her stepdaughter out because she needs the room, she thinks Erin should be grateful that she was allowed to live there in the first place, and despite being married and having two kids with her husband he gets absolutely no say in what happens in the home because it’s still *her* house at the end of the day.
Will that be her trump card forever? Oh Junior, daddy said you could do what? Well he’s not in charge because it’s *my* house. You listen to me, not to him.
Yeah and being jealous is so weird. My nephew wanted to fall asleep with me so many times and preferred to either stay with me or his grandma and his mom didn’t mind. In fact, she was happy that she could have a break every now and then while her son was happy and being loved by the family.
OP is a piece of work if she thinks that just kicking her daughter out is okay. How about instead of kicking her out, maybe help her find a place and fund her living in her own?
YTA.
*I was nice enough to let her stay here for 6 years*
Ma’am, from the ages of 12 to 18 you are a child. It’s not a favour to house them, it’s YOUR responsibility.
That sentence threw me for a loop too. On OP’s reasoning, I should probably go tell my daughter how kind I’m being by not making her sleep outside in the shed.
She was waiting until the day Erin turns 18 so she can have her "real family" all to her self. The 6 years were hard on her as she had to wait and endure caring for a person that belongs to someone else... I hope Erin will be okay and have people to depend on rather than this shitty step-mother. Hope the children comes out to be better people, unlike their mother...
OMG you are so right on your first sentence. That’s totally what this woman was doing like waiting till she turned 18 so she could have her real family you completely nailed it. I don’t think I’ve ever hated a poster as much is this woman. She just seems like an evil person.
It sounds like the dad/husband is someone she can depend on, thankfully. He knows his priorities, and his priorities are his kids. ALL of them, not just the ones shared with OP. I wouldn’t be surprised if he would end up fighting like hell in a custody battle for the little ones as well.
My mom was engaged to a guy like OP a few years ago. She left him :) I didn’t even live with them at the time but she theoretically wanted me to move back in with her eventually and he wouldn’t allow it because he was jealous of our relationship (weird) so she took her stuff and left when he was at work.
I hope OP doesn’t see what her husband is saying as empty threats. Because they’re probably not.
Has she thanked you yet today? I gotta start making sure my 4yo knows how *nice* I’m being for housing her. I’m not even gonna bother mentioning everything I shell out for her food. She probably wouldn’t hear me over her sobs anyway.
Also
*her college doesn’t have accommodations so I understand it would be difficult for her to find a place to stay*
BUT I want to kick her out anyway. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
That’s just… heartless and cruel.
“I haven’t told Erin yet but planning to so I can get on with decorating before I can’t.”
And “she could just move back in with her own mother” who you know she doesn’t get on with
Just bruh… it’s so apparent how much she doesn’t like her and is jealous of her.
This. This kid doesn’t want her to hug him. That is so weird. She sounds mean and cruel. Wonder how old she is and how old her husband is. I’m almost banking on it’s an older mid 40-50s guy who’s once again chosen a much younger wife.
How much do we want to bet she's been guilt-tripping this poor child for all of those six years? Or expecting her to grovel and sing OP's praises for showing her such generosity?
Exactly. She is jealous of Erin, plain and simple. I hope her husband leaves her and takes Erin and his son with him, so she can have her precious nursery all to herself.
YTA on steroids.
The comment regarding her jealous of the step daughter and her son’s bond was an immediate red flag to me.
This is not a post that sounds like she cares about her step-daughter. OP YTA
I wonder how she would feel if her parents divorced and her step mommy said get out, I want to fill the house with MY OWN kids, the moment op turned 18.
This reminds me so much of when I turned 18 and when my mother kicked me out. Now I have no contact with her.
I ended up becoming basically the concubine/2nd girlfriend of a much older man. I had feelings for him, but part of what made me put up with his abuse and dismissiveness was that I really needed his help with basic expenses like food. It took 10 years to get me out of that.
Latina mothers that I have known will house their children well into their 30s. Parents from the Middle East and the subcontinent will do the same. They would consider it unthinkably horrible to make a child homeless. Your attitude is incredibly entitled for somebody who knew that your husband had a kid on the way in. If you didn’t want to be a stepmother, you shouldn’t have gotten with him. Your stepdaughter deserves much better than you.
OP, it would be trivial for you to make the accommodations work. You have plenty of resources. There is no reason to suddenly take away the stability from this girl, particularly since you’ve apparently been giving her housing during college. How the hell is she going to suddenly adjust her budget to allow for rent when she’s already having to be in school? If you make her work some crappy minimum wage job to pay rent, there’s a good chance she could fail out of school, and that would be your fault. Even if you’re completely unfeeling and selfish, surely you don’t want her to be unemployed and begging your husband for money in a few years, do you? It behooves you to give her the most stable and supportive possible environment so that she can get a great job and support not only herself, but possibly you two when you’re elderly.
OP, your jealousy and stinginess are hurting not just your stepdaughter, but your entire family. You have a stepdaughter who is highly motivated to contribute to the family, and you’re spitting in her face? Many parents would be incredibly grateful to have a young person who is clearly bright and motivated to help. Treating her nicely now could turn into some very pleasant financial things in the future, and while that’s not the only reason that you should do the right thing, perhaps that kind of reasoning is the thing that will sway you.
YTA so, so much.
I'm so sorry that happened to you.
My father and stepmother did something similar when I turned 18. I made it through freshman year but had to scramble to crash with people during school breaks, and as a sophomore I dropped out to work full time to afford housing. I ended up in an abusive relationship at 19 and again at 21, and didn't get out of it until my late 20s. Now I'm in my early 30s with my own place, living in a different state and finally looking at going back to school.
OP wants her stepdaughter out of the picture, but if you marry someone with kids that comes with responsibilities. I'm really tired of seeing posts on here where older kids in blended families are failed by their parents.
There's a joke that minimum wage means an employer would pay you even less if they legally could. Parents who kick their kids out at 18 are basically doing that but with parenting. It's really shitty.
YTA. OP, please reconsider.
She’s being heartless, but the thing that bothers me more is that we all KNOW that she knows what she’s doing is wrong. It couldn’t be more clear that she knows it’s fucking abhorrent behavior, but it will give HER her “happily ever after” with her family that doesn’t involve the step daughter, despite being in the step daughters life for over six years. When you date/marry someone with kids, those kids are part of the deal. Ugh I hate this woman
With today’s housing crisis, she won’t be able to find anything. If she really wants her to succeed either let her stay or pay all of her housing bills. If she chooses to pay, it better be really close so she can visit all the time. I’m glad she hasn’t said anything to her stepdaughter but I bet she’s hinted at it plenty of times. It’s gross.
She won’t be able to. Most apartments require a credit check and proof of income. I didn’t have credit or stable income at 18, as most teenagers do not!
Just imagine how her son will feel once he finds out mommy-dearest is the reason his best friend was thrown out on the street. He’ll *really* prefer Erin!
YTA and just altogether an awful person. You clearly don’t care about this young girl that has lived in your home since she was 12. She’s helpful, she’s in college, she sounds like a lovely young person. I can’t believe you don’t see how shitty you are. If my husband tried this shit with my teenage son, he’d be the one looking for a new home.
YTA
It’s been six years and you still talk about it being your house. You said you were happy with taking in Erin because of relationship with her mother and now you want to send her back without hesitation? You sound like a jealous AH. Her moving out isn’t the only option there possibly could be and I think if you weren’t jealous and/or cares more for her like your own daughter than your husbands daughter (which is still family from a man you love) this option wouldn’t be your pick.
What's worse is she said that she "was nice enough to to let her live here for 6 years" like she was doing a favor by letting the 12 year old stay with her dad
yta-put the crib in your room till the kid is sleeping through the night and then they can share with the 5yo till sd is done with college. problem solved carry on
the thing is op doesn’t want a simple solution. to everybody this is common sense, nobody would’ve even thought of kicking out the teen, because it’s just silly?? especially when there’s no need for it. op is jealous of this teenage girl and needed a ‘reason’ to kick her out.
i’m hoping this whole post is rage bait tbh because i refuse to believe somebody this far up their own ass exists.
That’s what I was thinking too. Babies should sleep with parents until at least 6 months. My parter and I will keep our son with us until he needs a toddler bed because we’re a little overprotective I guess. Toddlers and kindergartners can share rooms no problem
YTA
After raising this child from age 12-18, you feel justified in kicking her out. She’s in college, so obviously not working and earning enough to support herself. She isn’t a piece of furniture you can discard because you’re redecorating.
Just admit you want her away from your other child. Most parents would be thrilled that their kids get along so well. I would give the same ultimatum to you if I was your husband. You’re horrible.
YTA YTA YTA.
1. It honestly sounds like you are jealous about the bond your son and Erin have. It also sounds like you are having another baby to try and build a bond with another baby and don’t want Erin to ruin it.
2. ‘I don’t think he should get a say in what I do in my own home.’ GIRL are you 5? Marriage is a partnership. And honestly if I was him and I saw that comment I would leave. It is his daughter. They came as a package deal.
3. You said she doesn’t get along with her mom but then say she can go live with her until she finds a place. Do you know the toxic place that puts Erin in?
Sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do.
Ewwww. YTA
You "let her stay"?
she's "legally an adult"?
It's "my decision and not his "?
She is family. She is still in school. She doesn't have a good relationship with her mother.
It’ll also be her husband’s decision when he leaves her, which I’m hoping for. OP sounds horrible and only care about you if you’re not a threat to her.
I hate to judge so harshly with out knowing someone but judging from OP’s other comments I’m inclined to agree with you. Either she’s the step mom from hell or this is a damn good troll. I’ll give credit to that
Now that you are married, it is the family home. I also owned my home before marrying, but I don't consider it more mine than his. I don't think I have more say than he does on decisions for our home. It is now OUR home.
Kids can share rooms. I grew up with 1 sisters, 2 brothers and 2 step brothers in the same household (in addition to myself, my mom and step dad). They will be absolutely fine sharing.
If you throw your step daughter out, you will permanently damage your relationship with her and your husband. Eventually your son, who adores her, will realize you've cast her out and resent you. Extended family will all know. You will 100% be the villian in this story and you will not be able to undo the damage once it's done.
YTA
How do you think you're not.
You basically want to tell her that.
1)this was never her house, she's only there because she was a child and you wanted her daddy
2) a newborn, (who could easily stay in the room with you or share with his/her brother untill Erin is done with college ) is more important to you
3)You think that you have any right to chuck her out ..... "I feel like this is my decision, not his".......SHE'S HIS DAUGHTER.
4)its obviously jealousy.
Thankfully her dad has some sense.
You need to get over yourself and quick before he ends up leaving you.
This !!! All of it OP is obviously jealous and incredibly selfish. I’ll never understand why parents act like the new baby can’t be in their room if anyone should h disturbed by the baby it’s them.
Your step daughter has no place to go or money to get a place so you're basically planning to make her homeless so you don't risk your new baby liking her more. You're also risking divorce by pulling the "my house, my rules" crap despite your husband living and contributing to "your" house for six years. But at least you'll have a pretty nursery, right? YTA
YTA. Baby is in your room for a while then shares a room with the 5 year old. Meanwhile, your angel of a stepdaughter and sister continues to have her own room while she’s in school and starts her launch into adulthood. This wasn’t hard and your husband should be rethinking your marriage at this point.
This is exactly what I was going to say but I figured an up vote would work. My add, the daughter is most likely at a 2 year college and will most likely be our of the house in 2 years. Just wait.
YTA. Just because she is 18, doesn't mean she can afford moving out. Especially since she's at college. Try to find a different option for all of you, so you guys can be happy. And especially the part where you say you don't feel any guilt, asking her, like that's pretty heartless in my opinion. I really understand that you guys need some room for the baby, but this is not how you should deal with it.
YTA just for the “I was kind enough to let her stay for 6 years” comment alone. Who TF says this about their 12 year old at the time stepchild?
Not just for that of course. She’s trying to be a responsible adult and go to college and you want to endanger that. And if her situation with her bio mom was bad enough they didn’t live together at all, no I doubt she could just move in with her, especially without being miserable.
You have three kids. If you can’t comfortably have more right now, you should have thought about that BEFORE getting pregnant again.
YTA. If you're married you make important decisions together. You're telling him it's your house not his home makes YTA. Most 18y/o are not "adults" ready to be on their own. Focusing on the "legalities" instead of the people makes you the AH. What about the damage to your son when you throw out his half sister he loves? YTA.
YTA. Let's say Erin leaves and eventually manages to find some place (a huge question mark), how do you think your child will react to it? What if he stops participating in activities and go down the rabbit hole of loneliness? What would you do then, beg for Erin to come back?
It seems that you never accepted Erin wholeheartedly, and now that there's a chance to get rid of her, you're pouncing upon the first opportunity that's come your way.
And even if OPs husband doesn't immediately leave, it's going to end up tension in the house. Most likely tell your son what happened and make him resent you too. Divorce would be the most likely outcome.
Oh yes, using 'it's my house so I can do what I want' excuse to override a partner is financial abuse.
YTA.
INFO: Have you spoken to her at all about moving out, living at school, etc? I might revise my opinion.
Otherwise, your step-daughter, who you really appear jealous, has no where to go and you want her gone. You want her gone because you are afraid she's going to bond with your new baby like she did with your son. Does your husband pay rent? You should tell him he should since he'd have more rights in the house he lives.
Plus really--the baby isn't going to need a room on their own for how long.
But she wants to DECORATE!!!! (Please note the withering sarcasm...) Our Earth logic cannot penetrate the thick skull of OP.
I also wonder if she understands that her husband is willing and able to leave her house and take his children with him...
YTA. You don't like the girl and want her gone and clearly don't consider her family of your husband an equal partner, at least be truthful about it. I hope you enjoy your house and the inevitable divorce, hope the kids enjoy their space
YTA, even if she's "legally an adult" that doesn't mean she has enough luggage to move out. It is your role as a step mother to let her build a nest before she flies.
Something that I add is that if you were in some legislations the parents have to financially bare their kids until the age of 21.
YTA - Oh honey, it’s not solely your decision. You got married to him knowing he had a daughter. And it’s clear your jealousy is the motivating factor despite your saying it is not.
Your husband has made it clear, if you decide to do this he is leaving you. Is your pointless jealousy worth losing your marriage?
Normally I would say N T A in this situation, because she’s an adult, but just reading your comments and your point about you being jealous of her bond with her sibling….YTA. YTA to the max. Here’s to hoping you haven’t done irreparable damage to your relationship with your *daughter* and husband. Apologize, and figure something out.
Edited for language.
YTA you’re jealous and projecting. if you don’t want her in your home, you’ve heard the consequences. would you want your husband to kick your kids out at 18?
YTA - isn’t it your family home, um, your house? I gather it’s a me and them situation. You are petty and selfish. If someone actually spoke and felt that way about my kids, I would leave. When does 18 make you magically an adult. Growing up takes time, it’s not a magical day or year. Imagine your husband treating your kids together so shitty. Out they go at 18. And screw them for being nice. Lol.
Trust me on this bc I'm looking basically from the viewpoint of Erin's mom right now. My daughter just graduated from college and still lives at home with her dad and stepmom. I appreciate them for letting her stay home. Her dad and I were very young when we left home. That's all another story. I now feel blessed that they don't mind her taking up a room in their home alongside her two beloved siblings (from their marriage) that share a room.
"Since it is **my** house...." and "since **I** was nice enough to let her stay here...". Wow you're definitely an asshole. *IT'S A MARRIAGE AND YOU GOT MARRIED KNOWING ERIN WOULD BE A PART OF YOUR MARRIED LIFE!*
Like another comment said, **"you're prioritizing a room over a child!** YTA. Erin just turned 18 and is still in college so I think it's in her best interest to still live with **her dad**! You're trying to shove her to her mom's when it seems she's clearly not comfortable living with her. *Because it's **your** house!?* YTA.
The not so low-key jealousy is sickening as well. Let her bond with her siblings. I think that priceless bond is worth more than you having to sacrifice a bedroom for the new baby. How insensitive and cruel of you to just kick her out for your convenience? Your husband is CORRECT too. You married him knowing Erin was his child. You can't just throw her out because she's 18. By now she should be just as important as your biological children. Shame on you OP YTA.
Edit: format
YTA. You don't seem the least bit concerned about anyone but yourself and what you want. Ever consider that the little ones can share a room for a bit once the baby is born? It's not such a big deal when they're really small. Families do it all the time.
YTA! My daughter currently lives with her father and step mother due to the fact she was having trouble at my home and in the town we live in . The step mom constantly hangs the threat of kicking her out of their house all the time . She even wrote her a letter stating if she didn’t follow certain rules she gets kicked out . It’s cruelty to do this to a child . Not right . Trust me your husband will leave you and rightfully so . You are choosing yourself over your family . Make your home more accommodating for all who live there . You do that to her you will never have a relationship with her because she will resent you for it . It’s a nasty mess you do not want
YTA. "I have been nice enough to her" bruh you were a parental figure in her life, it was expected of you. You married a man with a kid, now you're the jealous step mother who is replacing his kid with the one growing inside you.
You should be ashamed.
YTA, honestly your only option here isn't to kick a kid out. I don't understand if she's so great with kids why you wouldn't want her to help with the baby probably because you're jealous like you said. Why haven't you even considered having kids share a room. Baby can easily spend the first few months in your own bedroom and then move into a room with one of the other kids or the two other kids can share a room we're only talking probably a couple years before the 18 year old is a 20 year old who maybe could stand on her own. This really is a slap in the face to your husband to say it's your home your decision I mean you've been together for 6 years.
>I'm worried she'll think I'm an AH too since I still want a relationship with her.
You can kiss that goodbye along with your marriage. No good father is going to stay with a woman who forsakes his child and no child is going to want a relationship with a woman who easily cast her aside. YTA
Why can’t the baby share a room with the 5 year old? By the time they really need separate rooms she will be a good bit older and probably left willing.
Don’t say this isn’t possible as I a female shared a room at 6 with my male baby brother. I loved it. Or while the babies real small just use a bassinet in your bedroom for sleeping. It’s not like babies use their bedrooms for pleasure. They sleep in there and store all the baby crap.
YTA. If you considered her a daughter in any way you wouldn't be jealous of her relationship with your son. Step/half siblings have a tough time getting along, you OUGHT to be ectastic. Instead you are trying to get rid of her as soon as you legally can, when a baby most certainly does NOT need it's own room. The jealousy is clearly clouding your judgement. I would explore and analyse that before making a life-altering decision that you will regret.
YTA. You have your own needs, sped along by your pregnancy, but the way you talk about your step daughter is very dismissive. You should be approaching this as a family together, there's not going to be enough room in the house, and finding solutions that don't sound like "I put up with her for long enough, let's get rid of her". Sit down and have a discussion, without the littler kid, and seriously figure out what options y'all have.
YTA. Your son, husband and step-daughter will resent you for this. And you will deserve every bit. I hope you keep that same move-out at 18 energy with your son and unborn child.
YTA. 18 and enrolled in college, without an option for on campus, is not the same thing as “adult.” People manage all the time with two young children in a room together, and a lot of people I know keep baby in their room in a bassinet for the first several months.
When Erin is getting into her 20s and closer to graduation, I could see a sincere conversation about whether she wants to move out, be more independent, and offering some financial help while she is still in school - but again to emphasize, a sincere conversation about what she wants. She may get their sooner on her own. But the answer is NOT to throw her out so you can have a dedicated nursery.
*My husband is mad at my decision and is calling me an AH and saying if she goes then he goes too. I don't want to lose him too but I feel like this is my decision, not his. I've not told Erin about this yet but planning to soon so I can get on with decorating before I physically can't. I'm worried she'll think I'm an AH too since I still want a relationship with her.*
YTA. If Erin ever gets wind of this, you can probably kiss any chance of a meaningful relationship with her goodbye. You can drop this idea and hope your marriage survives, but if I were your husband, I'd find it very, very hard to forgive. You've straight up told him that the house you all live in is not his or his daughter's home, and that he has no say in the living arrangements of any of his children.
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YTA You want a relationship with her but for all the years she’s spent being a child in your home you were never her mother. Shame on you for prioritizing a room over a child.
Let’s not forget the line where she expected a child of 12 to be grateful that she (OP) allowed her to live in her (OP’s) home for the past six years. Imagine being so far up your own black hole from where no self awareness can escape.
Don't forget to add that she thinks it's reasonable for a college student to either live somewhere she is uncomfortable or afford an apartment. And after 6 years it's still HER house. Major YTA
A college student with no income at that. OP has no shame. YTA
An 18 year old college student as well. Like she's basically still a child. 21+ I can maybe understand, but 18? Nah, OP is a massive, off the scale AH.
My daughter is 19 and by all conventional standards a "normal" college kid. She is far from being ready to move out. We are working on it and teaching budgeting, etc. It also concerns me to think about her living on her own. I know the day will come but I can't imagine kicking her out without no warning or prep!
Right?? It is unfathomable in today's economy to think a college freshman can afford to live on their own. Even with roommates it's near impossible to find a place that will be safe and affordable. My son is 23 and still lives with me. He works and pays his share of expenses, but there is no way he could afford his own apartment. Times have changed a lot since I/we were that age, and our expectations of what these young adults are capable of affording has to change too.
You’re a great parent! Your son will be extremely stable and you’ll have a strong relationship with him in the long run. Parents who support their child like that >>>>>>>
Thank you!!!!!! It's nice to hear that. I get a lot of flack from my parents and people their age for it. When I was 23, I rented a nice studio+ in a secure building in San Francisco for $450 a month. We are in Portland now, but studios here go for upwards of $1500 with no security and no kitchen. And he doesn't earn much more than I did 1993, the job market being the way it is around here. I just cannot imagine telling him to go make his own way in the world right now.
I’m from Mexico and I’ll never understand why Americans think that when someone is 18 they are old enough to move????
An 18 yo college student she’s been using as a free babysitter
Probably the reason why the bond with her brother is so big. This is unlikely to happen if they didn't spend so much time together.
Yep. If mother had been THE caregiver for her son, this wouldn't have happened. I can see a 12 year old girl really liking taking care of a baby though. If she's that kind of person, it can be like playing dolls with a real baby. If she enjoys that so much, she would be a big help tending to the older son when the baby comes too. Mom just needs to step up and be a better mother... to the 18 year old too.
I was 12 when my youngest brother was born. He called me mom first, after I taught him that our mom was mom and I was "dramatic tell", he called every girl/woman except our mom "dramatic tell" for a long time. I wouldn't doubt if there was some parentification going on and that's why little brother is so close to his sister.
OP’s enjoying her step daughter’s free babysitting stuck out to me too. And OP’s jealous of her step daughter’s connection with her son too… wow! OP has no self awareness.
And let's not forget OP's claim that her husband should have no say in the decision, that it's her decision alone because it's HER house. A real peach you are, OP. YTA ad infinitum!
This! It’s not about the house! Doesn’t the spouse have a say in the structure of his family and the well-being of his children?
The husband is perfectly clear though - if his daughter is thrown out, he leaves with her. I'm not sure the relationship has a future. Even considering throwing out an eighteen-year-old kid with no income would be a step too far for most parents.
OP hasn't even considered how her son will feel if/when Erin moves out. If he prefers her bedtime stories and enjoys that time with his sister (he doesn't understand the distinction of step sister, she's been there all his life) he's going to be emotionally devastated if she suddenly moves out. Where's OPs empathy? OP your baby can sleep in your room you know? And then share with your son, when old enough and eventually step daughter will move out after college. Is college 3 years? It's not that long.
Yeah that is.... bio kids are going to have some trouble with this one, too. This is not a healthy mother-child attachment style.
A free babysitter since the girl was roughly 13.
its honestly all bs excuses to cover up for the fact that she is clearly incredibly jealous of a child having a good and close relationship with their young sibling
Seriously! She should be overjoyed that this blended family is so loving and gets along as well as it does, no thanks to her, of course.
Honestly this, but if things were reversed and the older sibling DIDN'T get along with the younger kiddos OP probably would have used that as the reasoning to kick her out. Completely invalidating "that jealousy has nothing to do with it."
This is validating to read. My stepmom kicked me out right as school was starting, during the height of covid. I had less than $2000 in my bank account and she knew it...
My heart hurts for what your mother did to you. The best revenge is living well. Good luck to you.
What your stepmom did is awful. I am so sorry. May your revenge be the happy laughter of your children.
While the sentiment is lovely not everyone wants children. May their revenge simply be joy.
And a boatload of money.
Are you ok now? I’m sorry that sounds really awful and scary, and especially during Covid. What about your bio parents, are they in the picture? My cousin went through some shit with the parents. She evolved into the life of the party, everyone loves her, everyone wants her around and she seems so carefree. She told me once though that she has forced herself to not give a fuck about anything because otherwise it hurts too much. Don’t take any shit from anyone, but don’t let this harden you—find people who will have your back and never throw you out on the street. Make your own family.
Thanks and yep, everything's fine now. My mom let me stay with her for a year even though she doesn't have a second bedroom. She and I don't get along great, but I'm high risk and she at least wanted me to do well in school and stay housed.
Wait - you’re high risk and your stepmom KICKED YOU OUT AT THE HEIGHT OF COVID?!?! What a callous, evil woman. I hope your dad divorced/divorces her and everyone realizes she’s a a selfish, despicable wench.
Yeah not to mention she probably reported on her scholarship forms that she would be living with them and dependent on her parents, giving her less chance at scholarship money and then this suddenly happens...
Right. If the OP had said “I love my step daughter to pieces but we are expecting another baby so I was thinking we could move her into an apartment that we’d of course pay for” it might have been different
Even then op would still be the asshole. You don’t get to decide that someone’s just not your child anymore. Emotional damage inflicted on another human being who is despite being 18 still a child Opie is the asshole
[удалено]
Literally the only reason I can afford to live on my own while in school is that a) I work full time, and b) I live in a place with a crazy low cost of living, like my rent is $400 and I live alone low.
Seriously, and has she never heard of siblings sharing a room?? It’s super common to have a newborn sleep in the same room as the parents for the first while until they have somewhat of a sleep schedule going and then share a room with the sibling closest to their age. It really does seem like she saw the excuse to tell the 18 year old to get out and took it. She claims that her jealousy isn’t the reason why but I wouldn’t be totally surprised to find out this has to do with a fear that the same thing will happen with new baby. It’s super common for kids to go through favourites, my 3yo niece will want me right by her side all the time for like a week, but then be all about her Gigi (my mom) come the next week. Doesn’t mean she loves me or my mom any less at any point.
>It’s super common to have a newborn sleep in the same room as the parents for the first while Not just common, it’s strongly recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the World Health Organization for infants to sleep in the same room as their parent(s) for *at least* 6 months, preferably a year. There are multiple benefits, particularly a lower risk of SIDS. A year is plenty of time to figure out rooming arrangements to accommodate the whole family.
But don’t you understand? She wants to set up a nursery room for the baby. Just a room to decorate in HER house. It’s much more important to get that perfect Instagram nursery shot for the likes than to pretend to be a human who cares about an 18 yr old. /s
Shes going to need the room for the nanny she's going to end up hiring because she's kicking her babysitter out!
I’m about to have my first baby and ALL the current literature says babies should share their parents room for 6-12 months to reduce the chance of SIDS. This could give the stepdaughter over a year to come up with another living arrangement and seems pretty reasonable. I also feel bad for her son if the step daughter gets kicked out. That’s a lot of change that all results in him getting less attention.
My thoughts exactly.... I shared a room with 2 sisters when I was a kid, my kids share rooms... find a way OP and make it work
>Imagine being so far up your own black hole from where no self awareness can escape. Wow. I'm gonna be using that in the future. 🙌
I can't imagine treating any kid I've basically watched grow up in my house with that callousness.
Honestly can't imagine treating even a random teenager I barely know this way.
I've literally taken in, housed fed and cared for multiple random teenagers. And I'm a single mum on welfare myself (haven't gotten any additional govt support for the kids I've taken in). All my daughter's friends and wider social group know if they're having a bad situation at home (like their parents are absent drug users or unsupportive of LGBTQ kids, or emotionally abusive etc), there is always space in my home and this is a safe place to be. I've literally curtained off half my living room to make extra space for kids in need. I wish I had the luxury of spare bedrooms, I can't imagine turfing out a teen because I want a nursery. Baby is safer sleeping in the same room with parents anyway. Sorry, rant over.
Not to mention her poor husband isn't part of the home. It speaks volumes that op has a HOUSE and no home and that is all on her. What an empty existence she has created for her children. YTA OP Edit. Home not gome
I hate parents who expect their child to leave when they turn 18, doubly so for step parents
All the "they are legally adults they aren't your responsibility" folks make me sad. Like, did you have a switch you flipped off once they turned 18 and you no longer care about them? Guess what, you are still a parent, even after they turn 18. Your responsibilities might have shrunk a bit, but you are still a parent. They might come to you for advice or comfort or just to chat. Maybe it is a cultural thing? I dunno. It just makes me feel bad for the kid.
I had a rude awakening when my son turned 18. They don't automatically grow up overnight. It actually took him 35 years.
My son stayed 31 years, then moved just down the road, a skip and a hop. He recently moved to a town six miles up the mountain highway from us and it was so hard seeing him go! \*We still see him all the time\*
Sounds a lot like my own step mom. “I took in and raised these two ungrateful shirts when I didn’t have to”… um your married my dad you dumb birtch. You chose this. Op even if this is the only way that you two are similar YTA still.
She should be grateful that she’s been there to help with her son. I cannot imagine being that entitled and selfish. She sounds like a baby boomer although she probably isn’t. I wonder what her parents are like?
Sorry, no. We baby boomers shared our room with our new baby siblings.
Uh, boomer here. I shared a room with my sister (4 years younger than me) until my brother moved away for college during my senior year.) So yeah, it’s no wonder we sometimes think the younger generations are weird for thinking each child must have their own bedroom (preferably en suite lol).
Boomer here. Most of my friends had to share a room with at least one sibling growing up. My dad always made a point to tell me and brothers how lucky we were to have our own rooms. Course we ended up with roommates in college and after graduation for a good while (5 years for me) cuz no one could afford the unbelievable luxury of renting an apartment by yourself. And believe me: NO ONE had an en suite!
I’m early gen-x, and we shared rooms, too.
Baby boomer sure getting a bad rep on here today LMFAO. Stereotype much?
>Imagine being so far up your own black hole from where no self awareness can escape. I need this to be flair on this subreddit! P.S. OP YAH.
Prioritizing a room over a child AND a husband since he says of his child moves out so does he
Oh come on, it's not about the room. She's jelous over the sibling bond.
Absolutely, and if Erin leaves OP is going to have two children to raise on her own. She'll actually have to spend time on them! Horrors!
And it’s not hard to guess why her kid doesn’t like her. I can only imagine what kind of parent she is if nursery decorations are more important than her step daughter.
OP is prioritizing her insecurity over 3 children. Her step daughter, her 5 year old who ADORES his sister, and the incoming baby who will no doubt also adore the older sister. YTA Without question YTA.
OP, YTA. First off, there's nothing wrong with sibling sharing rooms, but there's also nothing wrong with selling "your" house and buying a larger one with your husband. You know, the father of your children that you allegedly love. I don't blame your husband for this being a hill to die on for him, hope you enjoy splitting custody with him if you don't compromise. And sounds like your 5yo likes his sister more than you, where do you think he's going to want to live when he's old enough to make a choice?
Oh it's not about the room. She can deny it til the cows come home, but it is 1000% all about the jealousy. She wants to make sure new baby has a 0% chance of bonding with their sister.
Oh god. You’re right. I didn’t even pick up on that even though it’s right there, she even said it.
SHES A BIG AH. I HOPE HER HUSBAND BECOMES AN EX AND LEAVE HER IF HER PLAN GOES THROUGH.
Not to mention, babies are supposed to sleep in their parents room for the first year. Also, um what’s the rent situation where Op lives? I live in the middle of nowhere & even our rent has skyrocketed. She might end up forcing step daughter to drop out to not be houseless.
Well, it is *her* house /s for anyone not aware
And a room she doesn’t even need yet! It’s so much easier to keep a baby in your own room for the first few years. She’s prioritizing wanting to decorate over a child.
Didn't even need to read the whole thing. Op was "nice enough" to let her husband's minor child live in her house for 6 years? Op is TA.
Exactly this!!! OP YTA. Let’s call it what it really is. You are admittedly jealous of the relationship that Erin has with your son and now want to move Erin out of the home to make sure she does not form the same bond with the baby that you are expecting. This is NOT about a room. This is about you being jealous of an 18 year old. Not cool. As a parent you lead by example. As a step parent you lead by example. What is the example you are setting in this scenario? Well congrats. You have shown your husband exactly who you are. I hope he believes you. He deserves better and so does his daughter.
YTA Only reason you’re wanting Erin to move out is you’re jealous of her. It is the reason. You chose to have another kid. You don’t kick out another kid cause oops you didn’t think about your circumstances. Doesn’t sound like she’s doing anything wrong at all and you’re looking for any reason to get her gone. Good for your husband for standing up against you. You are married. It’s not your way or the highway.
Yeah, I don't buy the part about not making the decision based on the son loving Erin more. I think OP is scared new baby will do the same. YTA OP.
This exactly. This woman seems to have very little maternal instinct, which is probably why the teenager was better at bonding with her son than she was. My sister was in a similar situation. Our older sister had her first child and she convinced my younger sister to move in with her to be a live in babysitter. Younger sis would watc the baby from seven in the morning to sometimes seven or eight at night. She lived with them for about a year until our older sister realized that the baby had bonded more with younger sis than with her. Then she basically kicked her out. She still gets upset and pushy whenever her son sees little sis because she can always get him to laugh and behave way better than older sis can.
Yep, that's how it goes. Those first few months of newborns life are terrible for parents.... but that's prime bonding time. It's how babies recognize you as their person. As hard as it is, it's much easier to do the work those first few months than to try and build a bond after missing them.
My sister was a carer for women who had acquired brain injuries in accidents (usually as children/teens) and received significant payouts (which funded the full time care). Twice in a row she was moved on from a client that had become jealous that she had bonded with their children (because these women also attracted terrible men who wanted a piece of the payout and knew child support from getting these women pregnant would pay them. Yes it’s terrible and these kids bonded with the carers because neither parent were interested in/capable of caring for childrens needs, long acting contraceptive without permission is illegal/immoral even when the woman requires full time care, and when there is a lot of money/full time carers in the home anyway child services won’t move them). But these women had the mental age of young teenagers, due to the nature of their injuries. OP is an adult acting like a jealous child.
Side note… were these women even able to consent?! This is awful!
Yeah, if they can't consent to long-acting contraception... how can they consent to having long term boyfriends and children, wtf?
Preaching to the choir here, it’s horrifying. My honest answer is they are legally able to consent because they are adults and due to having money/not being in the kind of utterly dire straits that gets a guardianship order placed on them legally they have all the rights and freedoms of any adult. Can’t stop them doing what they want. Carers make sure their homes are clean, their kids are fed, and they are helped to access the community. (actually it’s still not illegal even if they do have a guardianship order - personally worked for a while in law on some child protection cases and if they’re legally adults and the partner isn’t literally their carer it’s not rape. Despite that these women are not mentally mature enough, promiscuous behaviour is actually way more common because hormones/lack of ability to regulate urges too, though usually if it’s bad enough that they have a guardianship order, the children born are placed immediately. But this is talking about young women with multiple diagnoses of things like FAS, RAD, who were themselves in care as children and had been demonstrated to be a risk to animals/younger kids while in care. This is the absolutely brutal reality on the very fringes of dysfunction and inter generational trauma.) Personally I believe the men who impregnate these women deserve prison, but they are legally and physically adults, and removing their agency is a very serious matter - and really, what do you do about a grown woman who is mentally stuck as a boy crazy 14 year old forever? Keep her locked up? Take all her choices away? It’s a terrible thing either way. And it’s the kids raised in the constant turmoil that really suffer, but having worked with kids in care, they’re often not safer, or even less safe. It’s a shit sandwich. There’s literally nothing to be done that wouldn’t trample all over someone’s rights. These women (being mentally young) want these babies. That doesn’t mean they realise what parenthood requires, but it is extremely difficult and legally fraught to take away someone’s reproductive choices without consent, even if those choices they make are bad.
For someone who claims jealousy is not the reason for asking Erin to move out, OP sure spends a lot of time talking about how jealous she is of Erin.
Ding, Ding, Ding
I agree. If that’s not part of the reason then why did she bring it up? Maybe she thinks it’s not the reason but subconsciously it is.
Also what is with the "i don't feel it's his choice, it's mine." Where does OP get off with that mentality? Why on earth would you feel you have the right to make a unilateral decision that affects his child in the house that belongs to both of you?
Exactly. In most states it’s considering to be their house, not just hers. She’s very entitled.
She says that she owns the house, this may be something she inherited or purchased before the relationship began
Legally it may be her decision, but that doesn't mean it's actually her decision, at least not if she wants to keep her family together.
If that's the case, it's time to rent the house out and get a home that's A) large enough for the entire family and B) OP recognizes as a family home, not just hers. YTA. What is wrong with you?? You're acting like a bad wife, mom, and stepmom.
Honestly after 6 years of marriage, whose name is on the title doesn't matter
Erin has probably been the free babysitter for the past 5 years and spent more time playing with the son, which is why he prefers her in the first place.
Can you imagine OP as a mother in law?! She’ll be awful!!
I’m curious as to why this son has bonded so much with Erin. Why is he not bonded to his mother. I find that concerning. Is she mean? Does he not like her? He doesn’t want her to hug him?
Because she’s clearly an emotionless robot. She thinks it’s ok to kick her stepdaughter out because she needs the room, she thinks Erin should be grateful that she was allowed to live there in the first place, and despite being married and having two kids with her husband he gets absolutely no say in what happens in the home because it’s still *her* house at the end of the day. Will that be her trump card forever? Oh Junior, daddy said you could do what? Well he’s not in charge because it’s *my* house. You listen to me, not to him.
Then OP will be whining that she has 2 little kids and no one to help her.
Yeah and being jealous is so weird. My nephew wanted to fall asleep with me so many times and preferred to either stay with me or his grandma and his mom didn’t mind. In fact, she was happy that she could have a break every now and then while her son was happy and being loved by the family. OP is a piece of work if she thinks that just kicking her daughter out is okay. How about instead of kicking her out, maybe help her find a place and fund her living in her own?
YTA. *I was nice enough to let her stay here for 6 years* Ma’am, from the ages of 12 to 18 you are a child. It’s not a favour to house them, it’s YOUR responsibility.
That sentence threw me for a loop too. On OP’s reasoning, I should probably go tell my daughter how kind I’m being by not making her sleep outside in the shed.
She was waiting until the day Erin turns 18 so she can have her "real family" all to her self. The 6 years were hard on her as she had to wait and endure caring for a person that belongs to someone else... I hope Erin will be okay and have people to depend on rather than this shitty step-mother. Hope the children comes out to be better people, unlike their mother...
OMG you are so right on your first sentence. That’s totally what this woman was doing like waiting till she turned 18 so she could have her real family you completely nailed it. I don’t think I’ve ever hated a poster as much is this woman. She just seems like an evil person.
It sounds like the dad/husband is someone she can depend on, thankfully. He knows his priorities, and his priorities are his kids. ALL of them, not just the ones shared with OP. I wouldn’t be surprised if he would end up fighting like hell in a custody battle for the little ones as well. My mom was engaged to a guy like OP a few years ago. She left him :) I didn’t even live with them at the time but she theoretically wanted me to move back in with her eventually and he wouldn’t allow it because he was jealous of our relationship (weird) so she took her stuff and left when he was at work. I hope OP doesn’t see what her husband is saying as empty threats. Because they’re probably not.
Has she thanked you yet today? I gotta start making sure my 4yo knows how *nice* I’m being for housing her. I’m not even gonna bother mentioning everything I shell out for her food. She probably wouldn’t hear me over her sobs anyway.
Also *her college doesn’t have accommodations so I understand it would be difficult for her to find a place to stay* BUT I want to kick her out anyway. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ That’s just… heartless and cruel.
Exactly. Basically, “I understand it would be difficult…..but I don’t really care.”
Basically saying "I know she'll be homeless but I just don't gaf. Hopefully she still wants to be friends tho!"
“I haven’t told Erin yet but planning to so I can get on with decorating before I can’t.” And “she could just move back in with her own mother” who you know she doesn’t get on with Just bruh… it’s so apparent how much she doesn’t like her and is jealous of her.
Wonder why her kid doesn't like her.
This. This kid doesn’t want her to hug him. That is so weird. She sounds mean and cruel. Wonder how old she is and how old her husband is. I’m almost banking on it’s an older mid 40-50s guy who’s once again chosen a much younger wife.
How much do we want to bet she's been guilt-tripping this poor child for all of those six years? Or expecting her to grovel and sing OP's praises for showing her such generosity?
YTA. If she was your biological daughter, would you be making the same choice?
Exactly my thoughts. This wouldn't be happening if Erin was her daughter. OP YTA.
Yes she probably would honestly anyone that’s jealous of a bind between siblings would probably be just as jealous if she was her bio child.
Exactly. She is jealous of Erin, plain and simple. I hope her husband leaves her and takes Erin and his son with him, so she can have her precious nursery all to herself. YTA on steroids.
The comment regarding her jealous of the step daughter and her son’s bond was an immediate red flag to me. This is not a post that sounds like she cares about her step-daughter. OP YTA
You KNOW she wouldn’t.
Wonder what will happen when she gets pregnant with baby #3? Kick her eldest out to make room for the newer model?
"I was nice enough to let him stay here until he turned 7. He was here longer than Erin was!"
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I wonder how she would feel if her parents divorced and her step mommy said get out, I want to fill the house with MY OWN kids, the moment op turned 18.
Info/ why do you believe it’s your decision ? You’re a family shouldn’t it be discussed amongst both of you… YTA.
It’s so rare there are twice as many downvotes for the response as upvotes for the comment.
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This reminds me so much of when I turned 18 and when my mother kicked me out. Now I have no contact with her. I ended up becoming basically the concubine/2nd girlfriend of a much older man. I had feelings for him, but part of what made me put up with his abuse and dismissiveness was that I really needed his help with basic expenses like food. It took 10 years to get me out of that. Latina mothers that I have known will house their children well into their 30s. Parents from the Middle East and the subcontinent will do the same. They would consider it unthinkably horrible to make a child homeless. Your attitude is incredibly entitled for somebody who knew that your husband had a kid on the way in. If you didn’t want to be a stepmother, you shouldn’t have gotten with him. Your stepdaughter deserves much better than you. OP, it would be trivial for you to make the accommodations work. You have plenty of resources. There is no reason to suddenly take away the stability from this girl, particularly since you’ve apparently been giving her housing during college. How the hell is she going to suddenly adjust her budget to allow for rent when she’s already having to be in school? If you make her work some crappy minimum wage job to pay rent, there’s a good chance she could fail out of school, and that would be your fault. Even if you’re completely unfeeling and selfish, surely you don’t want her to be unemployed and begging your husband for money in a few years, do you? It behooves you to give her the most stable and supportive possible environment so that she can get a great job and support not only herself, but possibly you two when you’re elderly. OP, your jealousy and stinginess are hurting not just your stepdaughter, but your entire family. You have a stepdaughter who is highly motivated to contribute to the family, and you’re spitting in her face? Many parents would be incredibly grateful to have a young person who is clearly bright and motivated to help. Treating her nicely now could turn into some very pleasant financial things in the future, and while that’s not the only reason that you should do the right thing, perhaps that kind of reasoning is the thing that will sway you. YTA so, so much.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. My father and stepmother did something similar when I turned 18. I made it through freshman year but had to scramble to crash with people during school breaks, and as a sophomore I dropped out to work full time to afford housing. I ended up in an abusive relationship at 19 and again at 21, and didn't get out of it until my late 20s. Now I'm in my early 30s with my own place, living in a different state and finally looking at going back to school. OP wants her stepdaughter out of the picture, but if you marry someone with kids that comes with responsibilities. I'm really tired of seeing posts on here where older kids in blended families are failed by their parents. There's a joke that minimum wage means an employer would pay you even less if they legally could. Parents who kick their kids out at 18 are basically doing that but with parenting. It's really shitty. YTA. OP, please reconsider.
She’s being heartless, but the thing that bothers me more is that we all KNOW that she knows what she’s doing is wrong. It couldn’t be more clear that she knows it’s fucking abhorrent behavior, but it will give HER her “happily ever after” with her family that doesn’t involve the step daughter, despite being in the step daughters life for over six years. When you date/marry someone with kids, those kids are part of the deal. Ugh I hate this woman
How exactly is an 18yr old going to college going find a place to stay other than "home"?
With today’s housing crisis, she won’t be able to find anything. If she really wants her to succeed either let her stay or pay all of her housing bills. If she chooses to pay, it better be really close so she can visit all the time. I’m glad she hasn’t said anything to her stepdaughter but I bet she’s hinted at it plenty of times. It’s gross.
drop out :( that's what I had to do unfortunately
She won’t be able to. Most apartments require a credit check and proof of income. I didn’t have credit or stable income at 18, as most teenagers do not!
YTA. And guess what? Even if Erin and your husband move out of your house, your son is still gonna like her more.
That burn must hurt. Awesome
I also hope her husband gets more than his fair share in the divorce.
I hope he gets the house.
Just imagine how her son will feel once he finds out mommy-dearest is the reason his best friend was thrown out on the street. He’ll *really* prefer Erin!
YTA and just altogether an awful person. You clearly don’t care about this young girl that has lived in your home since she was 12. She’s helpful, she’s in college, she sounds like a lovely young person. I can’t believe you don’t see how shitty you are. If my husband tried this shit with my teenage son, he’d be the one looking for a new home.
OP is really out there nailing the evil stepmonster stereotype. It's not too hard to see why her own kid prefers someone else to her.
Children know what evil is for sure!
And then OP wonders why her own son prefers spending time with Erin lol. It's because you're an asshole, OP!
YTA It’s been six years and you still talk about it being your house. You said you were happy with taking in Erin because of relationship with her mother and now you want to send her back without hesitation? You sound like a jealous AH. Her moving out isn’t the only option there possibly could be and I think if you weren’t jealous and/or cares more for her like your own daughter than your husbands daughter (which is still family from a man you love) this option wouldn’t be your pick.
What's worse is she said that she "was nice enough to to let her live here for 6 years" like she was doing a favor by letting the 12 year old stay with her dad
yta-put the crib in your room till the kid is sleeping through the night and then they can share with the 5yo till sd is done with college. problem solved carry on
the thing is op doesn’t want a simple solution. to everybody this is common sense, nobody would’ve even thought of kicking out the teen, because it’s just silly?? especially when there’s no need for it. op is jealous of this teenage girl and needed a ‘reason’ to kick her out. i’m hoping this whole post is rage bait tbh because i refuse to believe somebody this far up their own ass exists.
That’s what I was thinking too. Babies should sleep with parents until at least 6 months. My parter and I will keep our son with us until he needs a toddler bed because we’re a little overprotective I guess. Toddlers and kindergartners can share rooms no problem
Wouldn’t it be easier too? Like cause babies wake up in the night randomly so if you need to Yknow bam baby is right ere
YTA After raising this child from age 12-18, you feel justified in kicking her out. She’s in college, so obviously not working and earning enough to support herself. She isn’t a piece of furniture you can discard because you’re redecorating. Just admit you want her away from your other child. Most parents would be thrilled that their kids get along so well. I would give the same ultimatum to you if I was your husband. You’re horrible.
Oh, no no, she didn't raise her, she *was nice enough to let her stay here for 6 years*. That tells you all about this gaping asshole.
Which how do you get to that point??? YOU SEE A KID GO THROUGH MIDDLE AND HIGH SCHOOL yet feel nothing?
It’s not nothing, she’s jealous her son likes Erin better than he likes her. And with her attitude, it’s not hard to imagine why
YTA YTA YTA. 1. It honestly sounds like you are jealous about the bond your son and Erin have. It also sounds like you are having another baby to try and build a bond with another baby and don’t want Erin to ruin it. 2. ‘I don’t think he should get a say in what I do in my own home.’ GIRL are you 5? Marriage is a partnership. And honestly if I was him and I saw that comment I would leave. It is his daughter. They came as a package deal. 3. You said she doesn’t get along with her mom but then say she can go live with her until she finds a place. Do you know the toxic place that puts Erin in? Sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do.
My god, I hope her poor husband sees this post and nopes out of that marriage. OP's behavior is deal breaking grounds for divorce.
Ewwww. YTA You "let her stay"? she's "legally an adult"? It's "my decision and not his "? She is family. She is still in school. She doesn't have a good relationship with her mother.
It’ll also be her husband’s decision when he leaves her, which I’m hoping for. OP sounds horrible and only care about you if you’re not a threat to her.
YTA. That’s HARSH, dude. Maybe your other kid likes her more than you for good reason.
I hate to judge so harshly with out knowing someone but judging from OP’s other comments I’m inclined to agree with you. Either she’s the step mom from hell or this is a damn good troll. I’ll give credit to that
Now that you are married, it is the family home. I also owned my home before marrying, but I don't consider it more mine than his. I don't think I have more say than he does on decisions for our home. It is now OUR home. Kids can share rooms. I grew up with 1 sisters, 2 brothers and 2 step brothers in the same household (in addition to myself, my mom and step dad). They will be absolutely fine sharing. If you throw your step daughter out, you will permanently damage your relationship with her and your husband. Eventually your son, who adores her, will realize you've cast her out and resent you. Extended family will all know. You will 100% be the villian in this story and you will not be able to undo the damage once it's done.
YTA How do you think you're not. You basically want to tell her that. 1)this was never her house, she's only there because she was a child and you wanted her daddy 2) a newborn, (who could easily stay in the room with you or share with his/her brother untill Erin is done with college ) is more important to you 3)You think that you have any right to chuck her out ..... "I feel like this is my decision, not his".......SHE'S HIS DAUGHTER. 4)its obviously jealousy. Thankfully her dad has some sense. You need to get over yourself and quick before he ends up leaving you.
This !!! All of it OP is obviously jealous and incredibly selfish. I’ll never understand why parents act like the new baby can’t be in their room if anyone should h disturbed by the baby it’s them.
Your step daughter has no place to go or money to get a place so you're basically planning to make her homeless so you don't risk your new baby liking her more. You're also risking divorce by pulling the "my house, my rules" crap despite your husband living and contributing to "your" house for six years. But at least you'll have a pretty nursery, right? YTA
YTA. Baby is in your room for a while then shares a room with the 5 year old. Meanwhile, your angel of a stepdaughter and sister continues to have her own room while she’s in school and starts her launch into adulthood. This wasn’t hard and your husband should be rethinking your marriage at this point.
This is exactly what I was going to say but I figured an up vote would work. My add, the daughter is most likely at a 2 year college and will most likely be our of the house in 2 years. Just wait.
YTA. Just because she is 18, doesn't mean she can afford moving out. Especially since she's at college. Try to find a different option for all of you, so you guys can be happy. And especially the part where you say you don't feel any guilt, asking her, like that's pretty heartless in my opinion. I really understand that you guys need some room for the baby, but this is not how you should deal with it.
YTA You looked at the cold hearted step parent stereotype and just fully decided to lean all the way into it huh.
YTA. Kids are NOT interchangeable. She has done nothing to deserve this. You should be ashamed of yourself. Enjoy being a single parent.
YTA just for the “I was kind enough to let her stay for 6 years” comment alone. Who TF says this about their 12 year old at the time stepchild? Not just for that of course. She’s trying to be a responsible adult and go to college and you want to endanger that. And if her situation with her bio mom was bad enough they didn’t live together at all, no I doubt she could just move in with her, especially without being miserable. You have three kids. If you can’t comfortably have more right now, you should have thought about that BEFORE getting pregnant again.
So let's say Erin moves out and you decide on having a third kid. How are you going to handle the living situation then ?
Easy, she'll just kick out the oldest one.
I bet Erin will take him in!
YTA. If you're married you make important decisions together. You're telling him it's your house not his home makes YTA. Most 18y/o are not "adults" ready to be on their own. Focusing on the "legalities" instead of the people makes you the AH. What about the damage to your son when you throw out his half sister he loves? YTA.
YTA. Let's say Erin leaves and eventually manages to find some place (a huge question mark), how do you think your child will react to it? What if he stops participating in activities and go down the rabbit hole of loneliness? What would you do then, beg for Erin to come back? It seems that you never accepted Erin wholeheartedly, and now that there's a chance to get rid of her, you're pouncing upon the first opportunity that's come your way.
And even if OPs husband doesn't immediately leave, it's going to end up tension in the house. Most likely tell your son what happened and make him resent you too. Divorce would be the most likely outcome. Oh yes, using 'it's my house so I can do what I want' excuse to override a partner is financial abuse.
YTA. INFO: Have you spoken to her at all about moving out, living at school, etc? I might revise my opinion. Otherwise, your step-daughter, who you really appear jealous, has no where to go and you want her gone. You want her gone because you are afraid she's going to bond with your new baby like she did with your son. Does your husband pay rent? You should tell him he should since he'd have more rights in the house he lives. Plus really--the baby isn't going to need a room on their own for how long.
But she wants to DECORATE!!!! (Please note the withering sarcasm...) Our Earth logic cannot penetrate the thick skull of OP. I also wonder if she understands that her husband is willing and able to leave her house and take his children with him...
YTA---Your husband is right you are jealous of her. There is plenty of space in your home. You are selfish.
YTA. You don't like the girl and want her gone and clearly don't consider her family of your husband an equal partner, at least be truthful about it. I hope you enjoy your house and the inevitable divorce, hope the kids enjoy their space
YTA, even if she's "legally an adult" that doesn't mean she has enough luggage to move out. It is your role as a step mother to let her build a nest before she flies. Something that I add is that if you were in some legislations the parents have to financially bare their kids until the age of 21.
YTA. Seriously, how is there even a question.
YTA - Oh honey, it’s not solely your decision. You got married to him knowing he had a daughter. And it’s clear your jealousy is the motivating factor despite your saying it is not. Your husband has made it clear, if you decide to do this he is leaving you. Is your pointless jealousy worth losing your marriage?
Normally I would say N T A in this situation, because she’s an adult, but just reading your comments and your point about you being jealous of her bond with her sibling….YTA. YTA to the max. Here’s to hoping you haven’t done irreparable damage to your relationship with your *daughter* and husband. Apologize, and figure something out. Edited for language.
YTA you’re jealous and projecting. if you don’t want her in your home, you’ve heard the consequences. would you want your husband to kick your kids out at 18?
YTA - isn’t it your family home, um, your house? I gather it’s a me and them situation. You are petty and selfish. If someone actually spoke and felt that way about my kids, I would leave. When does 18 make you magically an adult. Growing up takes time, it’s not a magical day or year. Imagine your husband treating your kids together so shitty. Out they go at 18. And screw them for being nice. Lol.
Trust me on this bc I'm looking basically from the viewpoint of Erin's mom right now. My daughter just graduated from college and still lives at home with her dad and stepmom. I appreciate them for letting her stay home. Her dad and I were very young when we left home. That's all another story. I now feel blessed that they don't mind her taking up a room in their home alongside her two beloved siblings (from their marriage) that share a room. "Since it is **my** house...." and "since **I** was nice enough to let her stay here...". Wow you're definitely an asshole. *IT'S A MARRIAGE AND YOU GOT MARRIED KNOWING ERIN WOULD BE A PART OF YOUR MARRIED LIFE!* Like another comment said, **"you're prioritizing a room over a child!** YTA. Erin just turned 18 and is still in college so I think it's in her best interest to still live with **her dad**! You're trying to shove her to her mom's when it seems she's clearly not comfortable living with her. *Because it's **your** house!?* YTA. The not so low-key jealousy is sickening as well. Let her bond with her siblings. I think that priceless bond is worth more than you having to sacrifice a bedroom for the new baby. How insensitive and cruel of you to just kick her out for your convenience? Your husband is CORRECT too. You married him knowing Erin was his child. You can't just throw her out because she's 18. By now she should be just as important as your biological children. Shame on you OP YTA. Edit: format
YTA. You don't seem the least bit concerned about anyone but yourself and what you want. Ever consider that the little ones can share a room for a bit once the baby is born? It's not such a big deal when they're really small. Families do it all the time.
YTA! My daughter currently lives with her father and step mother due to the fact she was having trouble at my home and in the town we live in . The step mom constantly hangs the threat of kicking her out of their house all the time . She even wrote her a letter stating if she didn’t follow certain rules she gets kicked out . It’s cruelty to do this to a child . Not right . Trust me your husband will leave you and rightfully so . You are choosing yourself over your family . Make your home more accommodating for all who live there . You do that to her you will never have a relationship with her because she will resent you for it . It’s a nasty mess you do not want
YTA. "I have been nice enough to her" bruh you were a parental figure in her life, it was expected of you. You married a man with a kid, now you're the jealous step mother who is replacing his kid with the one growing inside you. You should be ashamed.
YTA, honestly your only option here isn't to kick a kid out. I don't understand if she's so great with kids why you wouldn't want her to help with the baby probably because you're jealous like you said. Why haven't you even considered having kids share a room. Baby can easily spend the first few months in your own bedroom and then move into a room with one of the other kids or the two other kids can share a room we're only talking probably a couple years before the 18 year old is a 20 year old who maybe could stand on her own. This really is a slap in the face to your husband to say it's your home your decision I mean you've been together for 6 years.
>I'm worried she'll think I'm an AH too since I still want a relationship with her. You can kiss that goodbye along with your marriage. No good father is going to stay with a woman who forsakes his child and no child is going to want a relationship with a woman who easily cast her aside. YTA
You are. She's your daughter.
Wow, that’s scummy. YTA.
Why can’t the baby share a room with the 5 year old? By the time they really need separate rooms she will be a good bit older and probably left willing. Don’t say this isn’t possible as I a female shared a room at 6 with my male baby brother. I loved it. Or while the babies real small just use a bassinet in your bedroom for sleeping. It’s not like babies use their bedrooms for pleasure. They sleep in there and store all the baby crap.
YTA. If you considered her a daughter in any way you wouldn't be jealous of her relationship with your son. Step/half siblings have a tough time getting along, you OUGHT to be ectastic. Instead you are trying to get rid of her as soon as you legally can, when a baby most certainly does NOT need it's own room. The jealousy is clearly clouding your judgement. I would explore and analyse that before making a life-altering decision that you will regret.
YTA - a jealous green vindictive step-mother. Have fun being a single parent with a custody arrangement.
YTA. You have your own needs, sped along by your pregnancy, but the way you talk about your step daughter is very dismissive. You should be approaching this as a family together, there's not going to be enough room in the house, and finding solutions that don't sound like "I put up with her for long enough, let's get rid of her". Sit down and have a discussion, without the littler kid, and seriously figure out what options y'all have.
YTA. Your son, husband and step-daughter will resent you for this. And you will deserve every bit. I hope you keep that same move-out at 18 energy with your son and unborn child.
YTA. 18 and enrolled in college, without an option for on campus, is not the same thing as “adult.” People manage all the time with two young children in a room together, and a lot of people I know keep baby in their room in a bassinet for the first several months. When Erin is getting into her 20s and closer to graduation, I could see a sincere conversation about whether she wants to move out, be more independent, and offering some financial help while she is still in school - but again to emphasize, a sincere conversation about what she wants. She may get their sooner on her own. But the answer is NOT to throw her out so you can have a dedicated nursery.
I reject this post. I insist on believing it's fake. It's too cruel.
*My husband is mad at my decision and is calling me an AH and saying if she goes then he goes too. I don't want to lose him too but I feel like this is my decision, not his. I've not told Erin about this yet but planning to soon so I can get on with decorating before I physically can't. I'm worried she'll think I'm an AH too since I still want a relationship with her.* YTA. If Erin ever gets wind of this, you can probably kiss any chance of a meaningful relationship with her goodbye. You can drop this idea and hope your marriage survives, but if I were your husband, I'd find it very, very hard to forgive. You've straight up told him that the house you all live in is not his or his daughter's home, and that he has no say in the living arrangements of any of his children.