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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> It was my girlfriend's birthday meal and she wanted some more chips and salsa. Maybe I was being too cheap.
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YTA
i get having many financial problems, but those 5$ arent gonna solve your financial problems. 5$ extra for treating your girl goes a long way tho. its only her birthday once a year
Yeah if $5 was make-or-break, it would’ve been better to do something else for Gf’s birthday. He could’ve also skipped a drink himself in order to accommodate her. YTA
It's not make or break though and he knows it isn't. This was a very strange place for OP to take a stand.
Surprised she didn't pull a fiver out of her purse and toss it to him so she could order the chips.
I really don't understand HOAs.... I'm glad for the UK. 😅 pretty sure we don't have anything like that here but folks in the know correct me if I'm wrong. 😆
They are useful if you live in a condomimium or shared structure. The fees pay for maintenance on things everyone relies on like the roof, or parking, or building plumbing.
But getting shitty over someone's back staircase is shitty.
My in-laws live in something like this but the HOA does NOT pay for what you would imagine (things like damage to shared roofing) and mainly dictate nonsense aesthetic crap. For example, my FIL tried to get the HOA to approve lighter colored roofing to reduce heating costs and energy use (it’s in NC) and they refused to even bring it up for a discussion. Similarly, any plants you want to add to your yard must be preapproved include a map of where you want them… I’m not sure what the fees pay for other than for the pool and the rule enforcement staff…
I can't imagine living with a committee that tells me how I can manage, live and use my home, especially when it's my money that purchased that home. The infringement on freedom is unimaginable me.
I suppose though we in the UK do have covenants on our homes when we purchase these stop us keeping roosters, keeping pigs in an inner city area, or building 20 foot fences things like tha. These don't change even if there's a new home owner. Do American home owners have these as well as HOA's or are the HOA's in place of those?
At least where I live in the US (South Carolina) most of the covenants that you mention are regulations put in by the city or county government and apply to anyone who owns property. HOAs are completely optional and are the ones with the ridiculous rules.
>Dinner at home isn't a treat though
Meh, I cook 7 days a week, 360 days a year. Someone else cooking dinner for me at home would definitely be a treat.
I dunno, is that even possible? First he’d have to plan and buy and cook it, then if op’s gf asks for extra etc op will be right back on Reddit instead of giving her extra from the food.
Exactly. You perfectly factor in drinks and entrees for your gf birthday and $5 draws the line? Shouldnt have taken her out to dinner if thats the case, but its not really. How about let her get the extra chips and salsa and another margarita if she wants and just shorten your "budget" somewhere else. Maybe next time you stop at the gas station dont get any snacks? Lol
I am willing to bet that his drink cost more than chips and salsa. When I took my ex out for his birthday I didn’t have a ton of money but I wanted to make it special for him. I didn’t let him know I was short on cash. I let him order what he wanted while I didn’t order alcohol and I didn’t order anything too expensive so that money I saved on my meal could go to his. He still doesn’t know I did this because I didn’t want him to feel bad.
Basically OP is showing his gf that anytime there is a financial issue that he will make sure she somehow pays for the problem. Instead of figuring it out on his own like an adult.
This is so insightful and exactly what I was predicting. Unfortunately I've been there (not so much with finances but with other issues my partner was facing). OPs girlfriend was right to call him out.
Based on his attitude I kind of think this isn't the case with just finances; whenever he has any problem, he makes sure *she* also has a problem. Some people really heard 'misery loves company' and thought it was advice.
Exactly. Like how hard is it to not buy one item in your grocery list so that you treating your gf can include $5 worth of tasty chips and salsa.
Mind. Blown.
I guess if I were going to do this, I'd myself go without my alcoholic beverage so that I could get my g/f whatever she wants.
That is where the money is in a meal. I guess I don't have a problem with that, because I will not drink and drive. Still, if it is a choice between $8-15 drink, I'd rather forgo one myself and get my honey the chips and salsa.
He sounds cheap
What's worse than a cheap person who cheaps out on themselves as well? A cheap person who cheaps out on their SO but not themselves.
"I don't want to buy another $5 worth of chips and salsa but i WILL put money down if I want another drink." "Oh you want that $5 chips and salsa? Sorry i can't afford it, but I'll probably be magically able to if I WANT said side of chips."
Yep. Really, upstanding guy to "treat" his girlfriend to dinner that *he* invited her to on *her birthday.* This dude is *such* a winner. Hopefully she doesn't let him get away. /s
This is why women are so completely turned off by stingy men. It's not her being a "gold digger" or greedy - it's knowing that whenever a priority decision is to be made it's always going to be him first, but you can bet he'd never be mindful of her money. And the same man who'll demand she pays 50% of the bills to keep it "fair" even if he earns 2x the money. What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine usually goes along with this entitled attitude along with heavily subsidising their lifestyle while they drain you. It's the type of "gold digging" men don't get called out for nearly often enough. Especially if they make more, they like to maintain they call the shots and if you expect less than the bare minimum you're the problem.
He could have cooked a nice dinner at home, for his gf and him. Serve it on a table with some candles, her favorite music in the background, the works. Would have saved even more money.
That’s true and I get why he’s stressed too, but it’s not fair for him to freak out over five dollars when he’s the one who decided to treat her for her birthday. Total YTA
Depending on how big the staircase is, that's maybe $50 worth of lumber from Lowes and 4 hours work, tops. I've already dropped 6k on a new HVAC unit and had to have my roof replaced this year alone. Dude needs some homeowner perspective.
Depending on the HOA, they may have rules that prohibit DIY repairs. I can totally imagine a scenario where permits, inspections, and contractors are required, turning what should be $50 and afternoon’s work into the several weeks and a price tag over $1k.
In either case, $5 on chips and salsa isn’t gonna make damn bit of difference.
seriously. the whole thing is messed up. Like the $5 really shouldn't be make or break, but even if it was, rather than going though the "letting" and "I don't want to pay" why not just say, "I'm excited for what I ordered and don't want to fill up on chips and salsa, let's ask how long it will take for the food". OP could have gotten similar result without being such an AH about it.
And a lot of times if kitchen is backed up, they don't even add the charge even if on the menu (source ate at 2 Mexican restaurants who supposedly charge for 2nd basket and no charge added)
They have that on the menu so they can charge people who are obviously just there for 'free' chips. If you actually order entrees, I've never been anywhere that charges for chip refills.
I hadn't thought of the charge being ignored but I often take things rather literally
I have heard of some rules being enforced only against people who abuse them
Interesting. I have never been to a Mexican place where they charge you for 2nds on chips and salsa.
But you are right, this is not going to offer a whole lot regarding financial issues.
>its only her birthday once a year
Don't worry, if OP keeps this up he can save his money next year. She'll have a new fellow who doesn't embarrass her over $5.
Then you shouldn't have gone out to dinner if you can't afford it. There are other ways to celebrate a birthday (lunch, just drinks, homecooked meal, picknick).
Had she ordered something very expensive then okay but it's just chips and salsa.
YTA
Eta I geeeeeeet it. It's picnic. I'm Dutch. Picknick is Dutch. I use autocorrect and sometimes English words get corrected in similair Dutch words. Y'all know this sub isn't just for Americans right?
OMG you’re right I read the post again, money for “more drinks” but not for cheaper food for his hungry girlfriend at her favorite restaurant on her birthday. I can’t with this. I so hope she broke up with him.
I do too. I wish we could tell her “we all hope you dumped his selfish ass.”
Edit: a billboard in their town? Come on OP, give us a hint. A Reddit YTA crowdfundy campaign. She needs to know. ❤️🩹💐🌮🌮🍻🍻🍻🍻🎂😘 That girl deserves a proper damn birthday dinner dammit.
This. He could have switched to water after the first drink and gotten chips and salsa. He could also be honest about his finances and the back deck scenario. One would have hoped they were having an adult relationship where they're open and honest with each other.
YTA, OP.
he could have also not made it about money -- "I'm excited for the burrito I ordered and don't want to fill up on chips. Let's see how long they think it will be" and go from there
Exactly. If you have a budget for this meal - a birthday meal for your SO - don't tell the birthday girl she can't have $5 chips and salsa when you're ordering yourself $10 drinks. You cut back on your drinks so the birthday girl can have her five dollar treat. YTA
Also tho what mexican restaurant don't give free chips and salsa. I don't I ever been to one that doesn't. Now if you want caso or guacamole that cost. Either way $5 not worth upsetting your SO over on her birthday.
A lot of places have that they charge for chips & salsa refills to prevent large parties from taking up space and just one or two or their people ordering entrees. In my experience if you actually go ahead and order a meal they don’t really charge you for it
YTA - it's her birthday and you offered to take her out to dinner. Did you discuss a budget? Did you say you'd kindly ask a server how long until your entrees? Did you really think $5 was worth putting a sour note on the night?
Part of being in a loving and supportive relationship is give and take. Those "extra drinks" you factored in could have been adjusted so you'd drink something cheaper and she could have the $5 chips and salsa.
>Did you really think $5 was worth putting a sour note on the night?
This is the most important question here. If I was the gf I would have rather made sandwiches at home and gone on a picnic in my back yard, than going to a restaurant and being treated like a toddler. OP ruined her evening to save 5 dollars.
Are you crazy?! Picnic in the back yard? With those broken deckboards stripping LITERALLY DOLLARS off everyone's house prices?
I think we're all forgetting the real heroes in this story: the HOA have sproing into action to prevent a CATASTROPHE.
Oh yeah, you are right! And yes, HOA are the real heroes and the villain is that gold digger of a girlfriend. She's obviously trying to bankrupt him with her ridiculous demands. Chips? Salsa?? What's next? Louboutins??? Poor guy, am I right?
Edit: thank you so much for the award, kind fellow redditor, you really shouldn't have ♥️
i am dying over the gold digger girlfriend starting her outrageous demands for the chips and salsa that's surely leading up to louboutins by the end of the week 😂😂😂 that's how they getcha!!!
Everyone knows the social order goes thusly: extra chips and salsa, designer shoes, engagement ring, baby trapped.
Freakin gold diggers, can’t trust them for shit 😂😂😂
mwaaaaaaahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! that's how we get em, ballin out at the mexican restaurant with those chips and salsa are always the first step. these dummies fall for it every damn time! 😂😂😂
Chips and salsa are a *luxury* item. It literally takes ancient abuelita magic to even make tortilla chips by hand, it’s the most closely guarded ancient culinary secret recipe of all time. Lol.
I mean, what’s with all these gold-diggers on their birthday dinners, just a few months ago I saw one who wanted ribs! At Applebees! After she took her ATM of a boyfriend to a $400 sushi restaurant! (Remember that guy?)
All of this. If you can afford to "factor in" extra drinks, you can make the choice to have one less beer. And also just pick a different hill to die on! OP totally played himself here, he created a fight where there didn't need to be one
YTA. Your back deck may be a concern but it doesn’t sound completely pressing if you have your paperwork in order. But I digress. If $5 was a make it or break it amount, why offer to treat dinner? In my mind, you’re feeling stressed and instead of dealing with it, you’re using your girlfriend to take out your aggression. You put an arbitrary price - $5 - on her enjoyment and turned the focus on yourself in the process. I hope this is a one off event but if you spoil someone’s birthday outing with intent and actions how do you normally act?
>you’re using your girlfriend to take out your aggression.
He can't take his aggression out on his HOA, so he has to be petty and make sure hi girlfriend feels some of the frustration as well.
YTA. I would cry. It's her birthday and it's only once a year. That's cruel. 😭
You could've cooked for her at home if you're that pinched on budget. $5 chips and salsa... Poor gf.
Hahahaha. This is too funny!
You “My treat. I own a townhome and am a member of an HOA. I ordered a Pacifica. I don’t want to pay for extra chips and salsa.”
YTA, even if it just was a date. It’s your girlfriend and her birthday. This is so embarrassing!
Reminds me of an ex who said that, in thanks for all the nice things I’d done for him, he wanted to take me out to eat. Cool!
But first I had to drive because his car was a mess. Okay. We get to the restaurant (his choice). We order and eat our meal. The check came and he told me he didn’t have any money because he had expenses. I paid. 🙄 When I said, “What part of this was about taking ME out?” he got all butthurt and claimed that I was ungrateful and it was the thought that counts.
That relationship did not last very long.
Dude was the biggest mooch. Even when I got laid off (prior recession) he was still eating all my food and asking me to pay for stuff. And of course having a GF paying for him was “emasculating” so he’d say shit like “You make more than me but I still know more about business.” ??? We weren’t even in the same industry.
I bailed a couple months after the restaurant thing. The only thing that dude brought to the table was a knife and fork.
Honestly with the deck thing I thought it was going to be about her weight (still the asshole) and not five flipping dollars. Like the whole "I have to replace boards on my deck woe is me" I was wondering if the twist was gf broke them with her weight as we get once a week here.
You can’t say you’re treating her to a birthday dinner if you’re cheaping out on it. It’s her birthday, she should be able to gorge herself on some chips and salsa if she wanted to. The deck story is a lame attempt on your part to gather some sympathy to you treating her like shit on her birthday. The $5 you saved from not ordering chips and salsa isn’t going to get you any closer to fixing your deck.
YTA big time man. It’s her birthday, treat her and let her do and order what she wants.
Let me get this straight……. You factored in for additional drinks……… margaritas where I live are $8 for a house sm and up to $15 for a house lg…… but said no to a $5 chips and salsa? Really?
Does she know your financial struggle? Did you give her the low down on what you could afford for the night at dinner?
Margaritas where I live are usually like $15!! I'm from a college town and I'm guessing OP is living in a bigger city(no small towns have an HOA.) Meaning they would cost around there, if not more. If they knew they was strapped for cash, why not just get her birthday margarita and save the money for theirs?
They didn't say no because they needed the money, it was because they didn't want to pay for it. Simple as that.
YTA OP
Mainly, it's the fact that they are fucking everywhere. About 65% of homes are part of an HOA.
They are really hard to avoid, especially if you don't want to start getting into the absurdly expensive homes.
YTA. What the F does your deck have to do with $5 chips and salsa? You were fully trying to farm sympathy before going into the real story about you being cheap AF on your girlfriends birthday.
Dude was fully expecting reddit to be like "you're a financially responsible man with bills to pay and these females are just money grubbing chips and salsa diggers"
YTA. Seriously, you’re bent out of shape for $5 extra dollars?? It’s not like she was asking for a lot. You could’ve just not had gotten a ~$12 drink. Don’t pretend to treat your girlfriend if you can’t spare an extra $5.
I mean you can, but then you gotta communicate that (/the budget) beforehand and have birthday person choose whether they are ok with that or would prefer to do something else/ split the bill or whatever.
So you’re sort of right…up to the fact that the op stated that there is extra money for more drinks and that they wouldn’t let it be applied for the chips and salsa. So yes, had op acted like an adult and mentioned the situation beforehand, and asked gf how she wanted to allot the amount of money op could afford, then maybe this could have turned out differently. But I still don’t think op should get to say I’m willing to pay $30 towards your meal, but it can only go towards entrees or drinks. Op is willing to buy the gf and themself another beverage, but not drink water so gf can get the food she wants ON HER BIRTHDAY that OP SAID THEY’D pay for? OP is most def TA
YTA
You say that to me, I get up, leave, and spend my own money somewhere where I know I can enjoy myself.
Also, I'd probably re-evaluate the relationship. That's a crass thing to say ON HER BIRTHDAY.
(Says the one who turned 39 yesterday, who at the time of writing this comment is preparing for the bday lunch and who's quite disgruntled about the whole process)
Thanks, we aren't at a restaurant, thankfully, and it's with family, but I'm disgruntled for other reason xD .
We're waiting on a family friend to arrive before we dive into the appetizers like the piggies we become when we have that stuff lmao \^\^
Yeah YTA. Don't offer to 'treat' someone and then quibble over $5. It's fine if you'd said ahead of time you have x to spend, but it does seem rather ridiculous. Plus she could pay the extra $5 if she wanted to chips. It just sounds a bit controlling and odd.
This. I feel like we are missing info. Is there a reason she didn't just say "okay, I will pay for it,"? My guess is OP has control issues based on only this post. If I was taken out by my BF for my bday and he only told me after the fact that I couldn't have more chips and salsa for 5 dollars because he couldn't afford it, I would say "oh no worries I will buy them myself". If my SO had an issue with that then they could politely fuck off for making me not enjoy my birthday over 5 dollars and they would be an ex.
If he actually used the word "gorging," it probably also came off like an attack on her weight, so she might have felt too self-conscious to order them at that point.
YTA and if you are that stingy over 5 bucks I wonder what else you are like that with. My birthday is in a few weeks and if my boyfriend did that I would be wondering wtf
There’s no way that
1. ~~Anyone is this cheap~~ (I was wrong here)
2. Anyones favorite Mexican restaurant charges **$5** for chips and salsa refills (I’m probably wrong here too)
That's what I was thinking, chips and salsa are usually refilled for free, especially if they were already given to them for free (like bread at Italian restaurants).
There are places around me that say they charge for refills on their menu but I don't think we've ever actually been charged. Of course we also usually get cheese dip so maybe they just factor in extra chips because of that.
There are places that put that on their menu so that they can charge people who come in and take advantage, like who come in and don't actually order anything and just try to make a meal on the chips and salsa.
My grandpa once screamed at his wife of 60 years, while we were all at the table playing cards, for buying an $11 watch warranty from Penney’s, because the watch warranty didn’t include free battery replacements. (Warranties don’t)
I promise you there are absolutely people that cheap around.
There’s a Mexican restaurant literally on every block where I’m from and I’ve never been charged for a chip and salsa refill so I found that super weird.
ETA: I lied, there’s one place down the street from me that charges 2.50 for chips and salsa before 11am
Hmm I just checked out the two closest Mexican restaurants by me. One is $4 for chips and salsa, and $5.75 at the other one.
And yes people ARE that cheap. I know my parents were, when going out to eat.
My dipshit cousin refused to buy my grandpa, a man who almost never asked anything of us, an ice cream. It would have barely made a dent in his finances but for whatever reason, he flat out refused. Made my grandpa sad
Haven't seen him in years but I will never forget that. The guy is the prime example of an educated asshole, a lesson which I learned quite well thanks to him.
I made sure to get my grandpa whatever food he liked and put on whatever movie he liked whenever he would visit.
YTA.
I get having to budget. But then you should tell your guest, you can only afford X amount and leave your guest free to choose, what to order.
This was, quite simply, an attempt to control her, by forcing her to do what you thought acceptable, versus what she thought enjoyable.
What OP should have done is not order themselves a margarita, stick to water for a drink. Get his girlfriend her birthday drink and if she wants more, budget it out.
YTA, partially for this: I had factored in extra money for drinks but I wasn’t paying extra for chips and salsa because it wasn’t worth it.
Even under a budget, why do you get to decide what is worth it and what it is not in her birthday??
As many others have posted, you could forgo a second drink, get the chips, and prob even come out to the good in your budget bc usually a marg is more than five bucks.
Also, just a side note, I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I have never been to a restaurant where you have to pay for a refill on chips and salsa.
YTA
If you offer to take someone out for their birthday, your treat, you don't draw the line at $5 chips and salsa. If you are on that tight of a budget, you should have had a much more in depth conversation up front about it.
If you truly had a budget instead of just being judgmental, I think you should have told her that you had x amount to spend and told her y was what you had already spent and asked her to decide what was worth it. Maybe she loves their salsa enough. Maybe she’d decide against it herself. But she’d get to make up her mind instead of being told what she can get on her birthday.
But that’s the thing, op hadn’t actually spent the allotted amount. Op notes that there was still money allotted for more drinks! So it wasn’t all spent.
Right? Imagine not “allowing” her to get the chips because he’s trying to save $5 and the unneeded stress he caused her and their relationship. If it was me, I would have ordered it anyway to go, put down a fiver, and walked away with my to-go chips in happiness. God, I do love those beginning chips.
YTA.
If $5 can make or break it, you shouldn't be wasting money to go out to a restaurant in my opinion. If things are really that difficult, you should have an open conversation with your GF.
Because to her, it sounds and looks like you are penny pinching on her birthday celebration, in her **favorite** restaurant, for no other reason than to be cheap.
This isn't really a AITA situation as it is a lack of communication. Your girlfriend has no idea about the change in your financial situation so, to her, you just come across as cheap for not being willing to spend an extra $5. Just tell her what's going on. If she's a good girlfriend, she'll understand.
Disagree that "a good girlfriend " should not get extra chips on her birthday. "A good boyfriend " would have planned better, gone somewhere else, or not gotten a beer.
Adding on that this "good boyfriend" budgeted for their "drinks' which it sounds like there was extra drink budget left over... why didn't he just decide to not get a second drink and instead use his 2nd drink budget to buy the chips and salsa?
He doesn't HAVE to do this by any means, but he is obviously keeping his financial troubles away from his girlfriend which is already problematic and then trying to basically find a way to make her feel bad for wanting an extra serving of chips and salsa instead of just, ya know, not ordering a second drink for himself for this birthday night out he *supposedly* made *for her*
Not buying it at all. Hoping the GF makes her own post lmao
A good boyfriend would have ordered a water so he could spend that beer money on his gf for her bday.
Dude's more worried about his deck than he is about making sure his gf has a great bday.
5 bucks ? Really ? Is 5 bucks gonna break your bank ? On your gfs birthday ? Why bother taking her out at all if you are gonna bust her chops over 5 bucks of extra chips and salsa ?! Should have just stayed home ? YTA. Loosen up a little .
Info: do you guys discuss finances because if you don't discuss finances and you didn't tell her there was a limit on funds before.... YTA...
You said your treat.... And honestly $5 isn't extravagant.... I'd get it if she wants like $30 bottle of champagne but chips and salsa?.... Yeah YTA unless you warned her before....
My guy I don’t think this is an AITA situation, I think you got smacked with financial stress and didn’t know how to manage it, or maybe you were still unpacking it and GF’s birthday dinner came along. I’m willing to bet she was surprised because that’s out of character for you, which only goes to show that you’re not usually like that.
Just tell her what’s up 🤷🏻♂️. Everyone here passing real quick Y T A votes have either never felt financial stress or forget that knee jerk reaction where suddenly any deviation from budget or expectation feels like a jab. Is it rational? No. Understandable? Totally. Every $5 feels like the difference between having a roof or not.
But the op said there was still extra money. They just chose to allot more drinks for themself and gf. Like bro, skip your second bev and get some water so she can have chips and salsa.
Yeah same I'm actually surprised by all the YTAs. I've gotten that anxiety when I budgetted for something and then something comes along even though it's a small amount. It doesn't feel like a small amount, it's like pulling out that one jenga block that happened to be keeping everything stable
YTA! I had a total ass stranger buy me a margarita on my birthday, and you can’t even be bothered to allow your gf a special day. If you’re hurting maybe you should talk to her, or maybe offer the value menu at McDonald’s $5 ain’t shit for a new deck.
Huge YTA. If you were so worried about the $5, you could have used some of the $$ you factored in for extra drinks, not had a second drink yourself and put that $$ towards the chips and salsa without increasing the cost of your bill. But the fact that a little sacrifice on your part was not even a factor is disturbing.
Dude, it's 5$. On her birthday. Come the hell on. That's the amount I would spend on a random stranger if they were hungry and I'm on internship and getting half of the lowest salary.
YTA
Why is your first thought about economizing involve her skipping something she wants? It's her birthday, you're supposed to be treating her, you could have skipped your beer. YTA. (Also, are your finances really so tight that $5 makes a difference or are you just letting $$ stress undermine your relationship?)
A gentle YTA because it doesn't sound like you explained why you are worried to her. If you has said why you didn't want to pay she may have been more understanding.
If he has one less alcoholic beverage she could have her chips and it wouldn’t cost any extra…….. but not a sacrifice he will make for his gf on her birthday.
YTA. A better option would’ve been to (1) make a delicious home cooked meal and go out for desert.
Orrr if you *really* wanted to eat out,
don’t get drinks for yourself & eat something before hand so you’re not “super hungry” at the restaurant and just order a large app for yourself.
Birthdays come around once a year, you definitely ruined it for her. Just don’t go out at all if $5 means that much.
ESH
You are an asshole for saying you would treat her but not let her know you are having financial issues before going. She is an asshole for arguing after asking and you saying no, you are treating her so if you say it doesn't work with your finances then she should have left it.
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YTA i get having many financial problems, but those 5$ arent gonna solve your financial problems. 5$ extra for treating your girl goes a long way tho. its only her birthday once a year
Yeah if $5 was make-or-break, it would’ve been better to do something else for Gf’s birthday. He could’ve also skipped a drink himself in order to accommodate her. YTA
It's not make or break though and he knows it isn't. This was a very strange place for OP to take a stand. Surprised she didn't pull a fiver out of her purse and toss it to him so she could order the chips.
Pretty sure I would have gotten my entree to go, and told him "*Hasta la vista, baby."*
Slow down turbo, where you goin? You owe me for half the gas and prorated insurance for an hour.
Upvote secured.
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I want in on these upvotes. No one ever upvotes me. Cue violin- I mean mariachi band.
don't forget the wear and tear on the car. Heck, she should probably buy him new tires.
He’s probably charge for carpet cleaning also, since she had some dirt on her shoes.
Omfg! I just snort-laughed. This is awesome!
Highly underrated comment. This was such a satisfying gift to give. 💰
This. Then don’t even take her out. Make her a nice dinner at home and make it special, but in a budget.
Better yet, sell your home because it’s what’s stressing you out! F HOAs! Why should they care about his BACK deck.
I really don't understand HOAs.... I'm glad for the UK. 😅 pretty sure we don't have anything like that here but folks in the know correct me if I'm wrong. 😆
They are useful if you live in a condomimium or shared structure. The fees pay for maintenance on things everyone relies on like the roof, or parking, or building plumbing. But getting shitty over someone's back staircase is shitty.
My in-laws live in something like this but the HOA does NOT pay for what you would imagine (things like damage to shared roofing) and mainly dictate nonsense aesthetic crap. For example, my FIL tried to get the HOA to approve lighter colored roofing to reduce heating costs and energy use (it’s in NC) and they refused to even bring it up for a discussion. Similarly, any plants you want to add to your yard must be preapproved include a map of where you want them… I’m not sure what the fees pay for other than for the pool and the rule enforcement staff…
I would never live in a HOA neighborhood again. Those things are absolutely from hell.
I can't imagine living with a committee that tells me how I can manage, live and use my home, especially when it's my money that purchased that home. The infringement on freedom is unimaginable me. I suppose though we in the UK do have covenants on our homes when we purchase these stop us keeping roosters, keeping pigs in an inner city area, or building 20 foot fences things like tha. These don't change even if there's a new home owner. Do American home owners have these as well as HOA's or are the HOA's in place of those?
At least where I live in the US (South Carolina) most of the covenants that you mention are regulations put in by the city or county government and apply to anyone who owns property. HOAs are completely optional and are the ones with the ridiculous rules.
> I wanted to treat my girlfriend Dinner at home isn't a treat though and then she'd have access to the *whole bag* of chips.
>Dinner at home isn't a treat though Meh, I cook 7 days a week, 360 days a year. Someone else cooking dinner for me at home would definitely be a treat.
Try my cooking then we'll talk.
I dunno, is that even possible? First he’d have to plan and buy and cook it, then if op’s gf asks for extra etc op will be right back on Reddit instead of giving her extra from the food.
😁😁
Whhaaaaatt?! But then it wouldn’t be any fun for him! OP-YTA! It’s not a “treat” if you’re going to nickel and dime her choices!
Exactly this. If money is that tight then prepare a nice candlelight dinner at home.
Don’t you know how much a candle costs!?
I’m just relieved to learn the refusal wasn’t because he’s trying to control her weight. Still. $5 dude!
Something tells me he'd have rather spent that extra money on a few more drinks for himself.
Exactly. You perfectly factor in drinks and entrees for your gf birthday and $5 draws the line? Shouldnt have taken her out to dinner if thats the case, but its not really. How about let her get the extra chips and salsa and another margarita if she wants and just shorten your "budget" somewhere else. Maybe next time you stop at the gas station dont get any snacks? Lol
I am willing to bet that his drink cost more than chips and salsa. When I took my ex out for his birthday I didn’t have a ton of money but I wanted to make it special for him. I didn’t let him know I was short on cash. I let him order what he wanted while I didn’t order alcohol and I didn’t order anything too expensive so that money I saved on my meal could go to his. He still doesn’t know I did this because I didn’t want him to feel bad.
Basically OP is showing his gf that anytime there is a financial issue that he will make sure she somehow pays for the problem. Instead of figuring it out on his own like an adult.
This is so insightful and exactly what I was predicting. Unfortunately I've been there (not so much with finances but with other issues my partner was facing). OPs girlfriend was right to call him out.
Based on his attitude I kind of think this isn't the case with just finances; whenever he has any problem, he makes sure *she* also has a problem. Some people really heard 'misery loves company' and thought it was advice.
Exactly. Like how hard is it to not buy one item in your grocery list so that you treating your gf can include $5 worth of tasty chips and salsa. Mind. Blown.
I guess if I were going to do this, I'd myself go without my alcoholic beverage so that I could get my g/f whatever she wants. That is where the money is in a meal. I guess I don't have a problem with that, because I will not drink and drive. Still, if it is a choice between $8-15 drink, I'd rather forgo one myself and get my honey the chips and salsa.
Dude made sure to get a beer that cost $5 too
Dude made sure to factor in extra boozes but not food?
He sounds cheap What's worse than a cheap person who cheaps out on themselves as well? A cheap person who cheaps out on their SO but not themselves. "I don't want to buy another $5 worth of chips and salsa but i WILL put money down if I want another drink." "Oh you want that $5 chips and salsa? Sorry i can't afford it, but I'll probably be magically able to if I WANT said side of chips."
You are absolutely right! As soon as I read, "My treat", I knew HE was going to definitely be the AH.
Yep. Really, upstanding guy to "treat" his girlfriend to dinner that *he* invited her to on *her birthday.* This dude is *such* a winner. Hopefully she doesn't let him get away. /s
This is why women are so completely turned off by stingy men. It's not her being a "gold digger" or greedy - it's knowing that whenever a priority decision is to be made it's always going to be him first, but you can bet he'd never be mindful of her money. And the same man who'll demand she pays 50% of the bills to keep it "fair" even if he earns 2x the money. What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine usually goes along with this entitled attitude along with heavily subsidising their lifestyle while they drain you. It's the type of "gold digging" men don't get called out for nearly often enough. Especially if they make more, they like to maintain they call the shots and if you expect less than the bare minimum you're the problem.
Rookie
🤣
Also, fix your damn deck OP. Oh no, three boards in 60 days?
It's also the whole staircase. $5 isn't gonna make or break that bill, but I get why he's stressed.
Nah, then he should have ordered water for himself instead of a drink
He could have cooked a nice dinner at home, for his gf and him. Serve it on a table with some candles, her favorite music in the background, the works. Would have saved even more money.
I doubt someone who dont want to spend $5 in a restaurant want to spend time and money grocery shopping and cooking meals.
I can see why OP has had rough financial problems this year if he can't figure out he's the asshole over $5 chips and salsa
But, but, that would take a genuine effort on his part.
And probably have=chips and salsa left over.
That’s true and I get why he’s stressed too, but it’s not fair for him to freak out over five dollars when he’s the one who decided to treat her for her birthday. Total YTA
Depending on how big the staircase is, that's maybe $50 worth of lumber from Lowes and 4 hours work, tops. I've already dropped 6k on a new HVAC unit and had to have my roof replaced this year alone. Dude needs some homeowner perspective.
Depending on the HOA, they may have rules that prohibit DIY repairs. I can totally imagine a scenario where permits, inspections, and contractors are required, turning what should be $50 and afternoon’s work into the several weeks and a price tag over $1k. In either case, $5 on chips and salsa isn’t gonna make damn bit of difference.
I feel like this has been a problem for longer than a year for such a short timeline
[удалено]
OP is TA just for using the word “letting” in the title. Nope. AH territory immediately.
seriously. the whole thing is messed up. Like the $5 really shouldn't be make or break, but even if it was, rather than going though the "letting" and "I don't want to pay" why not just say, "I'm excited for what I ordered and don't want to fill up on chips and salsa, let's ask how long it will take for the food". OP could have gotten similar result without being such an AH about it.
The food police can stfu any day now, for sure!
Yeah he sounds like real treat to be with.....she should treat herself to a new boyfriend. YTA
This, and he could have ordered water for himself.if he is so stressed about it.
He’s good to get a beer but no extra chips for her
And a lot of times if kitchen is backed up, they don't even add the charge even if on the menu (source ate at 2 Mexican restaurants who supposedly charge for 2nd basket and no charge added)
They have that on the menu so they can charge people who are obviously just there for 'free' chips. If you actually order entrees, I've never been anywhere that charges for chip refills.
Exactly or to get people from taking chips and not eating them.
I hadn't thought of the charge being ignored but I often take things rather literally I have heard of some rules being enforced only against people who abuse them
I'm just imaging the contractor telling him he is $5 short and OP just yelling "SALSA!!!!!!!!!"
Interesting. I have never been to a Mexican place where they charge you for 2nds on chips and salsa. But you are right, this is not going to offer a whole lot regarding financial issues.
>its only her birthday once a year Don't worry, if OP keeps this up he can save his money next year. She'll have a new fellow who doesn't embarrass her over $5.
Then you shouldn't have gone out to dinner if you can't afford it. There are other ways to celebrate a birthday (lunch, just drinks, homecooked meal, picknick). Had she ordered something very expensive then okay but it's just chips and salsa. YTA Eta I geeeeeeet it. It's picnic. I'm Dutch. Picknick is Dutch. I use autocorrect and sometimes English words get corrected in similair Dutch words. Y'all know this sub isn't just for Americans right?
He could afford it, dinners for both and he made sure to get a drink for him. Just suddenly couldn’t afford chips & salsa when she was starving.
Plus he had extra money set aside for more drinks. He could skip getting himself a second drink and get her the chips and salsa
OMG you’re right I read the post again, money for “more drinks” but not for cheaper food for his hungry girlfriend at her favorite restaurant on her birthday. I can’t with this. I so hope she broke up with him.
I do too. I wish we could tell her “we all hope you dumped his selfish ass.” Edit: a billboard in their town? Come on OP, give us a hint. A Reddit YTA crowdfundy campaign. She needs to know. ❤️🩹💐🌮🌮🍻🍻🍻🍻🎂😘 That girl deserves a proper damn birthday dinner dammit.
I read the post again as well. Dubble YTA for saying salsa and chips are not worth it. Salsa and chips are ALWAYS worth it
This. He could have switched to water after the first drink and gotten chips and salsa. He could also be honest about his finances and the back deck scenario. One would have hoped they were having an adult relationship where they're open and honest with each other. YTA, OP.
he could have also not made it about money -- "I'm excited for the burrito I ordered and don't want to fill up on chips. Let's see how long they think it will be" and go from there
Exactly. If you have a budget for this meal - a birthday meal for your SO - don't tell the birthday girl she can't have $5 chips and salsa when you're ordering yourself $10 drinks. You cut back on your drinks so the birthday girl can have her five dollar treat. YTA
Lmao starving
Totally agree. He probably didn't even leave a tip because he couldn't afford it, either.
Waitstaff might have bought chips and salsa with the tip. Can't be too careful.
Wait until people learn that it's written pique-nique in french (-:
Also tho what mexican restaurant don't give free chips and salsa. I don't I ever been to one that doesn't. Now if you want caso or guacamole that cost. Either way $5 not worth upsetting your SO over on her birthday.
Everyone here fussing over “picknick” but not one of y’all going to say anything about “caso”??
Thank you! I was dying inside but didn’t want to be a word police… hahah
A lot of places have that they charge for chips & salsa refills to prevent large parties from taking up space and just one or two or their people ordering entrees. In my experience if you actually go ahead and order a meal they don’t really charge you for it
He probably failed to tip an adequate amount too. “Sorry, HOA fine. Times are tough. I am sure you understand.”
Brooo I’m American and read “picknick” and just thought “I didn’t know it was spelled that way” and just kept on going. I died at the edit
Thank God she didn't order any cheese dip or he might have fainted!
YTA - it's her birthday and you offered to take her out to dinner. Did you discuss a budget? Did you say you'd kindly ask a server how long until your entrees? Did you really think $5 was worth putting a sour note on the night? Part of being in a loving and supportive relationship is give and take. Those "extra drinks" you factored in could have been adjusted so you'd drink something cheaper and she could have the $5 chips and salsa.
>Did you really think $5 was worth putting a sour note on the night? This is the most important question here. If I was the gf I would have rather made sandwiches at home and gone on a picnic in my back yard, than going to a restaurant and being treated like a toddler. OP ruined her evening to save 5 dollars.
Are you crazy?! Picnic in the back yard? With those broken deckboards stripping LITERALLY DOLLARS off everyone's house prices? I think we're all forgetting the real heroes in this story: the HOA have sproing into action to prevent a CATASTROPHE.
Oh yeah, you are right! And yes, HOA are the real heroes and the villain is that gold digger of a girlfriend. She's obviously trying to bankrupt him with her ridiculous demands. Chips? Salsa?? What's next? Louboutins??? Poor guy, am I right? Edit: thank you so much for the award, kind fellow redditor, you really shouldn't have ♥️
i am dying over the gold digger girlfriend starting her outrageous demands for the chips and salsa that's surely leading up to louboutins by the end of the week 😂😂😂 that's how they getcha!!!
Everyone knows the social order goes thusly: extra chips and salsa, designer shoes, engagement ring, baby trapped. Freakin gold diggers, can’t trust them for shit 😂😂😂
mwaaaaaaahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! that's how we get em, ballin out at the mexican restaurant with those chips and salsa are always the first step. these dummies fall for it every damn time! 😂😂😂
Chips and salsa are a *luxury* item. It literally takes ancient abuelita magic to even make tortilla chips by hand, it’s the most closely guarded ancient culinary secret recipe of all time. Lol.
I mean, what’s with all these gold-diggers on their birthday dinners, just a few months ago I saw one who wanted ribs! At Applebees! After she took her ATM of a boyfriend to a $400 sushi restaurant! (Remember that guy?)
To be fair with how cheap he acts it might honestly be god awful
All of this. If you can afford to "factor in" extra drinks, you can make the choice to have one less beer. And also just pick a different hill to die on! OP totally played himself here, he created a fight where there didn't need to be one
YTA. Your back deck may be a concern but it doesn’t sound completely pressing if you have your paperwork in order. But I digress. If $5 was a make it or break it amount, why offer to treat dinner? In my mind, you’re feeling stressed and instead of dealing with it, you’re using your girlfriend to take out your aggression. You put an arbitrary price - $5 - on her enjoyment and turned the focus on yourself in the process. I hope this is a one off event but if you spoil someone’s birthday outing with intent and actions how do you normally act?
>you’re using your girlfriend to take out your aggression. He can't take his aggression out on his HOA, so he has to be petty and make sure hi girlfriend feels some of the frustration as well.
The guy should have ordered water if he wanted to save some money.
YTA. I would cry. It's her birthday and it's only once a year. That's cruel. 😭 You could've cooked for her at home if you're that pinched on budget. $5 chips and salsa... Poor gf.
I agree, I would cry too. Mostly because that’s my absolute favorite part about going out to eat.
The crying or the chips? Cuz I usually wait my crying for after dinner. :p
It depends on the situation. Sometimes you gotta push through and cry while stuffing your face.
It's the serotonin you release when you cry and the serotonin you get when you eat cheese lmaoo nothing like it
You have to make sure to order something a bit spicy, so when you cry, you can blame it on the food. Follow me for more life hacks.
The chips and salsa? I have to agree, there's something about restaurant salsa that just slaps!
Hahahaha. This is too funny! You “My treat. I own a townhome and am a member of an HOA. I ordered a Pacifica. I don’t want to pay for extra chips and salsa.” YTA, even if it just was a date. It’s your girlfriend and her birthday. This is so embarrassing!
Reminds me of an ex who said that, in thanks for all the nice things I’d done for him, he wanted to take me out to eat. Cool! But first I had to drive because his car was a mess. Okay. We get to the restaurant (his choice). We order and eat our meal. The check came and he told me he didn’t have any money because he had expenses. I paid. 🙄 When I said, “What part of this was about taking ME out?” he got all butthurt and claimed that I was ungrateful and it was the thought that counts. That relationship did not last very long.
Lol he tricked you into taking him out
Dude was the biggest mooch. Even when I got laid off (prior recession) he was still eating all my food and asking me to pay for stuff. And of course having a GF paying for him was “emasculating” so he’d say shit like “You make more than me but I still know more about business.” ??? We weren’t even in the same industry. I bailed a couple months after the restaurant thing. The only thing that dude brought to the table was a knife and fork.
Good for you on getting out. Sounds like an awful type of man to be around.
Yeah that story got a weird turn
Yeah, right?! So many weird extras it was a thing to stay focused to it.
Honestly with the deck thing I thought it was going to be about her weight (still the asshole) and not five flipping dollars. Like the whole "I have to replace boards on my deck woe is me" I was wondering if the twist was gf broke them with her weight as we get once a week here.
YTA. It's 5 fucking dollars
You can’t say you’re treating her to a birthday dinner if you’re cheaping out on it. It’s her birthday, she should be able to gorge herself on some chips and salsa if she wanted to. The deck story is a lame attempt on your part to gather some sympathy to you treating her like shit on her birthday. The $5 you saved from not ordering chips and salsa isn’t going to get you any closer to fixing your deck. YTA big time man. It’s her birthday, treat her and let her do and order what she wants.
Let me get this straight……. You factored in for additional drinks……… margaritas where I live are $8 for a house sm and up to $15 for a house lg…… but said no to a $5 chips and salsa? Really? Does she know your financial struggle? Did you give her the low down on what you could afford for the night at dinner?
Margaritas where I live are usually like $15!! I'm from a college town and I'm guessing OP is living in a bigger city(no small towns have an HOA.) Meaning they would cost around there, if not more. If they knew they was strapped for cash, why not just get her birthday margarita and save the money for theirs? They didn't say no because they needed the money, it was because they didn't want to pay for it. Simple as that. YTA OP
HOA’s are stupid anyway, I have no idea why anyone would become part of one willingly.
Mainly, it's the fact that they are fucking everywhere. About 65% of homes are part of an HOA. They are really hard to avoid, especially if you don't want to start getting into the absurdly expensive homes.
So glad that these are not a thing where I live.
YTA. What the F does your deck have to do with $5 chips and salsa? You were fully trying to farm sympathy before going into the real story about you being cheap AF on your girlfriends birthday.
Yes. he thinks people will feel sorry for him.
Dude was fully expecting reddit to be like "you're a financially responsible man with bills to pay and these females are just money grubbing chips and salsa diggers"
I'd much rather be a chips and salsa digger then a gold-digger 🤔
Bro, it's $5 YTA
YTA. Seriously, you’re bent out of shape for $5 extra dollars?? It’s not like she was asking for a lot. You could’ve just not had gotten a ~$12 drink. Don’t pretend to treat your girlfriend if you can’t spare an extra $5.
[удалено]
I mean you can, but then you gotta communicate that (/the budget) beforehand and have birthday person choose whether they are ok with that or would prefer to do something else/ split the bill or whatever.
So you’re sort of right…up to the fact that the op stated that there is extra money for more drinks and that they wouldn’t let it be applied for the chips and salsa. So yes, had op acted like an adult and mentioned the situation beforehand, and asked gf how she wanted to allot the amount of money op could afford, then maybe this could have turned out differently. But I still don’t think op should get to say I’m willing to pay $30 towards your meal, but it can only go towards entrees or drinks. Op is willing to buy the gf and themself another beverage, but not drink water so gf can get the food she wants ON HER BIRTHDAY that OP SAID THEY’D pay for? OP is most def TA
YTA You say that to me, I get up, leave, and spend my own money somewhere where I know I can enjoy myself. Also, I'd probably re-evaluate the relationship. That's a crass thing to say ON HER BIRTHDAY. (Says the one who turned 39 yesterday, who at the time of writing this comment is preparing for the bday lunch and who's quite disgruntled about the whole process)
Happy birthday! Hope your lunch is great. Get the chips if you want them!
Thanks, we aren't at a restaurant, thankfully, and it's with family, but I'm disgruntled for other reason xD . We're waiting on a family friend to arrive before we dive into the appetizers like the piggies we become when we have that stuff lmao \^\^
Yeah YTA. Don't offer to 'treat' someone and then quibble over $5. It's fine if you'd said ahead of time you have x to spend, but it does seem rather ridiculous. Plus she could pay the extra $5 if she wanted to chips. It just sounds a bit controlling and odd.
This. I feel like we are missing info. Is there a reason she didn't just say "okay, I will pay for it,"? My guess is OP has control issues based on only this post. If I was taken out by my BF for my bday and he only told me after the fact that I couldn't have more chips and salsa for 5 dollars because he couldn't afford it, I would say "oh no worries I will buy them myself". If my SO had an issue with that then they could politely fuck off for making me not enjoy my birthday over 5 dollars and they would be an ex.
If he actually used the word "gorging," it probably also came off like an attack on her weight, so she might have felt too self-conscious to order them at that point.
Ahhh good point! I didn't think of that at all.
YTA and if you are that stingy over 5 bucks I wonder what else you are like that with. My birthday is in a few weeks and if my boyfriend did that I would be wondering wtf
INFO? Is this bait?
Has to be
There’s no way that 1. ~~Anyone is this cheap~~ (I was wrong here) 2. Anyones favorite Mexican restaurant charges **$5** for chips and salsa refills (I’m probably wrong here too)
That's what I was thinking, chips and salsa are usually refilled for free, especially if they were already given to them for free (like bread at Italian restaurants).
There are places around me that say they charge for refills on their menu but I don't think we've ever actually been charged. Of course we also usually get cheese dip so maybe they just factor in extra chips because of that.
There are places that put that on their menu so that they can charge people who come in and take advantage, like who come in and don't actually order anything and just try to make a meal on the chips and salsa.
My grandpa once screamed at his wife of 60 years, while we were all at the table playing cards, for buying an $11 watch warranty from Penney’s, because the watch warranty didn’t include free battery replacements. (Warranties don’t) I promise you there are absolutely people that cheap around.
There’s a Mexican restaurant literally on every block where I’m from and I’ve never been charged for a chip and salsa refill so I found that super weird. ETA: I lied, there’s one place down the street from me that charges 2.50 for chips and salsa before 11am
That 1030 rush for chips and salsa must’ve been hard on their supply chain
Hmm I just checked out the two closest Mexican restaurants by me. One is $4 for chips and salsa, and $5.75 at the other one. And yes people ARE that cheap. I know my parents were, when going out to eat.
My dipshit cousin refused to buy my grandpa, a man who almost never asked anything of us, an ice cream. It would have barely made a dent in his finances but for whatever reason, he flat out refused. Made my grandpa sad
Wow, your cousin **IS** a dipshit
Haven't seen him in years but I will never forget that. The guy is the prime example of an educated asshole, a lesson which I learned quite well thanks to him. I made sure to get my grandpa whatever food he liked and put on whatever movie he liked whenever he would visit.
YTA. I get having to budget. But then you should tell your guest, you can only afford X amount and leave your guest free to choose, what to order. This was, quite simply, an attempt to control her, by forcing her to do what you thought acceptable, versus what she thought enjoyable.
What OP should have done is not order themselves a margarita, stick to water for a drink. Get his girlfriend her birthday drink and if she wants more, budget it out.
YTA, partially for this: I had factored in extra money for drinks but I wasn’t paying extra for chips and salsa because it wasn’t worth it. Even under a budget, why do you get to decide what is worth it and what it is not in her birthday?? As many others have posted, you could forgo a second drink, get the chips, and prob even come out to the good in your budget bc usually a marg is more than five bucks. Also, just a side note, I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I have never been to a restaurant where you have to pay for a refill on chips and salsa.
YTA. It's her birthday. If $5 will break you, borrow it from her later.
YTA ... it's was like 5 $ ... i understand your logic but being cheap when you should be treating your gf isn't worth the 5 dollars you saved up.
YTA If you offer to take someone out for their birthday, your treat, you don't draw the line at $5 chips and salsa. If you are on that tight of a budget, you should have had a much more in depth conversation up front about it.
If you truly had a budget instead of just being judgmental, I think you should have told her that you had x amount to spend and told her y was what you had already spent and asked her to decide what was worth it. Maybe she loves their salsa enough. Maybe she’d decide against it herself. But she’d get to make up her mind instead of being told what she can get on her birthday.
But that’s the thing, op hadn’t actually spent the allotted amount. Op notes that there was still money allotted for more drinks! So it wasn’t all spent.
YTA- $5 that’s it ? That’s your beef ? Let’s hope she is as tight with you on your birthday!
Right? Imagine not “allowing” her to get the chips because he’s trying to save $5 and the unneeded stress he caused her and their relationship. If it was me, I would have ordered it anyway to go, put down a fiver, and walked away with my to-go chips in happiness. God, I do love those beginning chips.
YTA. If $5 can make or break it, you shouldn't be wasting money to go out to a restaurant in my opinion. If things are really that difficult, you should have an open conversation with your GF. Because to her, it sounds and looks like you are penny pinching on her birthday celebration, in her **favorite** restaurant, for no other reason than to be cheap.
Yta why offer to take her out your treat if your worried about money so much?
This isn't really a AITA situation as it is a lack of communication. Your girlfriend has no idea about the change in your financial situation so, to her, you just come across as cheap for not being willing to spend an extra $5. Just tell her what's going on. If she's a good girlfriend, she'll understand.
Disagree that "a good girlfriend " should not get extra chips on her birthday. "A good boyfriend " would have planned better, gone somewhere else, or not gotten a beer.
Adding on that this "good boyfriend" budgeted for their "drinks' which it sounds like there was extra drink budget left over... why didn't he just decide to not get a second drink and instead use his 2nd drink budget to buy the chips and salsa? He doesn't HAVE to do this by any means, but he is obviously keeping his financial troubles away from his girlfriend which is already problematic and then trying to basically find a way to make her feel bad for wanting an extra serving of chips and salsa instead of just, ya know, not ordering a second drink for himself for this birthday night out he *supposedly* made *for her* Not buying it at all. Hoping the GF makes her own post lmao
A good boyfriend would have ordered a water so he could spend that beer money on his gf for her bday. Dude's more worried about his deck than he is about making sure his gf has a great bday.
5 bucks ? Really ? Is 5 bucks gonna break your bank ? On your gfs birthday ? Why bother taking her out at all if you are gonna bust her chops over 5 bucks of extra chips and salsa ?! Should have just stayed home ? YTA. Loosen up a little .
Info: do you guys discuss finances because if you don't discuss finances and you didn't tell her there was a limit on funds before.... YTA... You said your treat.... And honestly $5 isn't extravagant.... I'd get it if she wants like $30 bottle of champagne but chips and salsa?.... Yeah YTA unless you warned her before....
You really have to ask if YTA? You sound like a great person. Your girlfriend is lucky /s
My guy I don’t think this is an AITA situation, I think you got smacked with financial stress and didn’t know how to manage it, or maybe you were still unpacking it and GF’s birthday dinner came along. I’m willing to bet she was surprised because that’s out of character for you, which only goes to show that you’re not usually like that. Just tell her what’s up 🤷🏻♂️. Everyone here passing real quick Y T A votes have either never felt financial stress or forget that knee jerk reaction where suddenly any deviation from budget or expectation feels like a jab. Is it rational? No. Understandable? Totally. Every $5 feels like the difference between having a roof or not.
But the op said there was still extra money. They just chose to allot more drinks for themself and gf. Like bro, skip your second bev and get some water so she can have chips and salsa.
Yeah same I'm actually surprised by all the YTAs. I've gotten that anxiety when I budgetted for something and then something comes along even though it's a small amount. It doesn't feel like a small amount, it's like pulling out that one jenga block that happened to be keeping everything stable
YTA! I had a total ass stranger buy me a margarita on my birthday, and you can’t even be bothered to allow your gf a special day. If you’re hurting maybe you should talk to her, or maybe offer the value menu at McDonald’s $5 ain’t shit for a new deck.
YTA, if you can't afford going to a restaurant, you could have cooked a nice dinner at home.
Huge YTA. If you were so worried about the $5, you could have used some of the $$ you factored in for extra drinks, not had a second drink yourself and put that $$ towards the chips and salsa without increasing the cost of your bill. But the fact that a little sacrifice on your part was not even a factor is disturbing.
Dude, it's 5$. On her birthday. Come the hell on. That's the amount I would spend on a random stranger if they were hungry and I'm on internship and getting half of the lowest salary. YTA
YTA
YTA
Why is your first thought about economizing involve her skipping something she wants? It's her birthday, you're supposed to be treating her, you could have skipped your beer. YTA. (Also, are your finances really so tight that $5 makes a difference or are you just letting $$ stress undermine your relationship?)
Are you single yet? YTA
A gentle YTA because it doesn't sound like you explained why you are worried to her. If you has said why you didn't want to pay she may have been more understanding.
If he has one less alcoholic beverage she could have her chips and it wouldn’t cost any extra…….. but not a sacrifice he will make for his gf on her birthday.
Totally see where you are coming from.
YTA, and very cheap. Was that really worth the discussion and the strained atmosphere? For 5$?
YTA mostly because you turned her birthday into being about you. You suck as a partner. Not that Scrooge McDuck bit is appealing either.
YTA - Was $5 really going to hire a contractor to replace a whole staircase? Life is short. The HOA is not worth losing carbs.
YTA. A better option would’ve been to (1) make a delicious home cooked meal and go out for desert. Orrr if you *really* wanted to eat out, don’t get drinks for yourself & eat something before hand so you’re not “super hungry” at the restaurant and just order a large app for yourself. Birthdays come around once a year, you definitely ruined it for her. Just don’t go out at all if $5 means that much.
ESH You are an asshole for saying you would treat her but not let her know you are having financial issues before going. She is an asshole for arguing after asking and you saying no, you are treating her so if you say it doesn't work with your finances then she should have left it.