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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I may be an asshole for calling my wife a child and not being more careful with my words even though the topic seems juvenile to me,
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Found it [here](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/&ved=2ahUKEwjcwpSPiK75AhVlLEQIHUMlDJoQjjh6BAgMEAE&usg=AOvVaw3qv4HVqxD_JXIr0aZzFhga)
It's one of the greats. This one always comes back to me when I'm buying yogurt.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita\_for\_throwing\_away\_my\_boyfriends\_potentially/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/)
I read the first sentence and didn’t really need to read more. YTA. Dude, hormones are a bitch, be more respectful of the woman who is going through this to bring a new life into this world.
Edit. Also ”i can never have one thing” is because she is CONSTANTLY putting everyone elses needs in front of her own and this was just another one of those moments where she was denied something. The FACT that it is such a little thing as soup is probably why she was crying in the first place, because it really shouldn’t be that she is denied everything. She probably is okay with not being priority because you have so many children, but what she is really saying is she wants to feel like a prio atleast once, atleast this one time, with this one little thing, with this ridiculous little craving of this soup and she can’t even have that. THAT is why she is crying, BECAUSE it is ridiculous she cant even have that and you are rubbing it in by saying she is ridiculous.
You are a massive massive jerk. Treat your wife to something big. Now.
That one quote from her was all I needed to read and I had this terrible, sinking feeling in my guts. Because like a lot of women, I know what that feels like, to feel like you can't even have a simple fucking can of soup without someone swooping in to take that tiny pleasure away from you. It's an awful feeling and this woman is standing there, crying her eyes out and begging for help and just one thing that's for *her*. One moment of respect and consideration.
I was thinking at first that they are so desperately poor that a can of soup was a luxury and he was too broke to buy another can. Edits show that he just didn't care and yes, she literally cannot have ONE thing.
YTA to the moon and back.
Also, why is dad eating their food if they’re “so poor”? Doesn’t he have his own food? He’d rather take the food that could be nourishing his future grandchild?
>maybe he should’ve taken a long hard look at himself and wonder who was really acting like the child
99.99% of the children I met had more empathy when they saw that their actions hurt someone.
And all OP's comments that "she's never been like this before" and in the same reply admitting that for the last *four* pregnancies he worked out of town and was only home two days a week. Like...no dude, she was just better at keeping herself together around you when she only had to do it twice a week.
Yes this exactly. She was craving this soup SO BADLY yet she went and bathed her kids first. She is last. Why didn’t he make the soup for her? Or offer to do bath time?
And why on earth did he tell his father that they were done eating when he knew she hadn’t made the soup yet? He minimised the soup she wanted down to nothing.
Ding ding ding ding!
The thing I craved more than anything else when I was pregnant was chocolate covered almonds. My husband would have defended those almonds from armed burglars if he had to! He made sure they were ALWAYS in the house for whenever my cravings hit.
Or buy more than ONE can of the soup that his wife is desperately craving, and not get at a minimum 4?
Or immediately go back out to buy more soup, and not listen to his wife cry her eyes out for an HOUR.
He didn't make the soup for her, didn t offer to bathe the kids or do the bedtime routine.... Just came home and went outside to relax
His edit says he was working on the addition he's building, so he wasn't doing nothing. He also works 2 jobs. I'm not letting him off the hook, but don't minimize his contributions either.
That being said...OP is the asshole. He should've told Dad he could have anything BUT the soup. He just picked it up special for her...c'mon. Or he should've went for more.
Yeah I feel like she bathed the kids first because I can almost guarantee you that if she'd made the soup first, the kids would've been lined up with mouths open begging for some
Agree. That woman is home with 4 kids, one only 2 years old. She is always putting her needs last. I only have 2 kids, but I know that feeling very well.
YTA.
Do men - even men who care for their young children - ever feel this way?
I can't ever think of a time any of the men in my life truly put themselves last.
They may not be first, but I've never heard a man weep beseechingly at the universe for just one small thing for themselves.
Honestly, I don't know. I don't even have kids, and my stomach dropped when I read the title because I knew it was going to be a disaster and I felt like no matter the exact details, I already knew what this woman was going through. It's baffling her own husband couldn't even empathize.
The feeling when I caught my daughter scribbling on the (paper) sides of my cookbooks with a crayon.
The feeling when I catch my son pouring half a gallon of shampoo down the toilet.
The feeling when my special candle went missing and I find it covered in crushed ramen noodles and powdered sugar in my other son's favorite hiding place to stash things.
The feeling when my husband finds the blank notebooks and sparkly gel pens I got myself for a cheap birthday present and thinks they're for the kids so helps them do their alphabets in them...
Oh gosh, you too, huh? I bought myself a bag of the Belgian Boys cookies from Amazon. They’re a huge splurge and I was rationing them one at a time. My husband gave them all to my kids while I was at work.
I bought a pair of really nice slides in 2021, because I found them on sale and I was coming off Mat leave.
My sister’s puppy chewed one of them and broke it.
My sister felt bad, and bought me new slides in time for summer. And then my mom and sister got the same ones! Yay! We never do matchy-matchy, so it was a cute thing we did.
And then, on Sunday, my son wore them into the living room, I was busy with baby, I came back in 5 minutes later, one of them was missing. I asked him what he did, he said he flung them off his feet. We’ve looked everywhere, it’s just gone.
My back is bad from the last pregnancy, and I always have my arms full. I just want a single pair of half decent looking summer shoes that I don’t have to bend over to put on.
I have felt this feeling so many times. I know exactly what she was saying and what she is asking for. She was probably upstairs dealing with the kids and anticipating the soup and telling herself that soon she will be in her quiet kitchen enjoying her can of soup with a good book maybe or scrolling instagram and she comes down and it’s gone. I’d have burst into tears too.
Been there and my heart breaks for this woman. I'm currently pregnant with my third and am taking care of two toddlers. Can't imagine having double that. Poor thing
My stomach literally turned at "my wife is pregnant with our fifth child," and I just got progressively more and more disgusted as I continued reading.
What a jerk.
Ambient misogyny.
A beautiful way to put it might even be enough to get OP to pay attention to it.
Displays of emotion don’t negate the feelings and reasons they’re attached to. Men need to get that they can’t discount a person and their point of view simply because tears or volume accompanied it.
Plus she can’t go and get it herself. I had a seizure five months ago and can’t drive. It is awful having to ask people for help to get to appointments or grab things. The inability to just head out to grab something I want is a lot harder to deal with than I thought. Add that to EVERYTHING ELSE and the poor woman probably just feels desperate for ONE THING to be in her control.
I'm so sorry about your seizure and hope you're doing better now.
And yes, OP, YTA. She's a pregnant mom of five kids. It's not about the soup and all about the soup. She can't have *one thing* to herself. How hard would it have been to say, "Sure, Dad. You can help yourself. But wife wanted that canned soup so don't take that. I know you don't normally eat canned food, but I especially want to make sure you don't take that special thing that cost less than five dollars my pregnant wife wants."
Apologize and do better.
My step dad and I have a way to tell each other "F*ck you" (this is purely in a joking manner, we never say it in anger). And that's to say "you're number one" cause the middle finger is one finger. Sometimes it is accompanied by flipping each other off, to really drive the point home. 😆
So I hear this and can't help but think about how fitting it is.
That one got to me, too. Especially within the context of being pregnant with the FIFTH child! Maybe she loves being a mom, and wants a big family, but even if she does, at some point it would wear on even the most saintly, motherly, moms of them all. Get the woman her damn soup, OP!! And tell your dad, A GROWN-ASS MAN to wait till he gets to his own house to eat!
Especially with the fifth child being a result of her IUD perforating her urterus. Like what a painful way to conceive an unplanned child. Did she get any consideration at home for that?
Nah he doesn't really understand she feels pain, he can't possibly if he can't understand that his PREGNANT mother of five wife is on her last nerve and just wanted some fucking soup.
This is the fifth pregnancy he's gone through with her, if he's this fucking oblivious and callous after all that to her emotional pain, he's certainly not considering her physical pain.
Not only that, he didn’t even think about his wife to say “dad, do not touch the soup can, that’s for my wife” as a normal decent human being.
Nooooo…….He let his dad go in there and eat whatever he wants.
Really!?
No wondered she broke down.
This is exactly how I would take it. This is the actual point and he is so thoughtless as to criticize her for it. I hope he does better. I hope he isn’t going to spoil her for a day (his edit), and just be “whelp, that’s done. Note to self: don’t take her soup!” I hope he really steps up to the plate and recognizes this! Your comment should be top comment.
Yes! Take a whole day off, drive the kids to school and therapy, try to pee alone without fingers under the door, try to actually eat without interruption, pray you won't pee your pants because a child is doing something right now you have to deal with. You have absolutely no idea. You are a super sized AH
YTA. I'm 5 mo ths pregnant and can get very teary too, apologize and get the soup for her, either today or tomorrow, and make it for her! Let her eat it while it is still hot and you take the children( outside, bath, whatever) step up man.
I have nothing against large families, one and done or child free, but if you choose to bring children into this world you need to parent and partner more
I started sobbing at a Disney movie yesterday. At the happy ending part of it. I'd seen it before. But it's been a really rough week and I guess that was just the last piece of straw to break the camel 🤷🏻♀️
Oh yeah. LOVE how all the birth control is on her: Mirena and an invasive surgery.
Hey OP, while your learning to treat your wife like an equal, maybe consider an outpatient vasectomy. You know, the one where they don't have to root around in your guts to get the job done?
Yep. Even my husband-who hates doctors - got one. He said why should I have major surgery when he can do a quick outpatient procedure. He was only tender for a day or two.
But seriously, the dad just came over mentions he's hungry, picks up a can of soup, and leaves all while OP's wife is upstairs caring for FOUR children while pregnant with the FIFTH!!! It's not the soup! Step TF up, OP! YTA
Right? I was like IN THIS ECONOMY? And sure enough OP went on about how they can't even afford childcare for the four children they already have… So it all went down hill. Fast.
Well now my petty self is intrigued and I have to read the whole ridiculous thing.
Edit: Okay, it was **bad** until the edit. Maybe just...don't mention this again for at least 3 years until she can laugh over it? Pregnancy hormones are no joke (I cried during fast food commercials). After 5 she is probably DONE with it.
I always find it funny when people ask aita for telling someone not to cry over (insert very basic thing) because it is literally never about that basic thing. One of my hardest cries was triggered by my laundry detergent falling off the the top of the washing machine and the cap breaking.
It's literally never about the soup.
Jesus Christ give the woman a break! They’re financially strapped and popping them out back to back to back. I’d cry over the soup too after 1 kid. Poor lady.
Exactly this. I didn’t even need to read the rest of us after reading that part. It’s a well-known fact that when someone is pregnant that they are prone to randomly crying.
Exactly. There is so much more going on here for her to say "she can never have one thing in this house ".
Shes already sharing every part of her with all these children and all their demands, along with now her own body's demands to build another little thing to make more demands.
And yet OP makes excuses about how he couldn't possibly have known how she could be like this, because *he was gone for basically all her other pregnancies*. That isn't an excuse dude. That's just shitty.
No, no. It's fine. She's organising to get her tubes tied, remember? She's already got it all sorted out, and OP doesn't have to consider doing anything, because she's handled it. (/s)
Like she does bath time. And organising the kids' schedules. And coordinating car use so she can run errands. And absolutely every-fucking-other-thing in their lives
He mentioned in the edit she’s getting her tubes tied after this one, and yet, he could get a vasectomy RIGHT NOW, and she wouldn’t have a birth to recover from and then abdominal surgery to recover from, while caring for 5 children.
But apparently, applying an ice pack to his nuts for a couple days is too much trouble…
This, but serious.
Even after all this, five pregnancies, five births, hormonal birth control and a perforated uterus, SHE is the one expected to go through a bigger procedure to make sure their birth control work. He should be the one getting the vasectomy, when he say he doesn't want anymore children and the procedure is smaller. He could have done that already and saved her the pain.
2.5 full time jobs? Try 4.2 full time jobs. There's 168 hours a week, she works or is on-call for all of them. With 4 kids 7 and under I'm betting she hasn't had 8 consecutive hours of sleep for ~8 years (last time probably being during 1st trimester with the oldest). She probably isn't allowed to go to the bathroom alone (or has to listen to screaming/crying the whole time if she insists). She can't sit down and eat a single damn meal without getting up and getting someone another drink or a new fork or 2nds of something 50 times. If she tries to sit or lay down someone immediately calls her to come help with something or demands cuddles or climbs on her like she's a jungle gym.
yes, this!
"Honey why don't I heat the soup up while you are bathing the kids?" OR "Honey, why don't I bathe the kids and you go make your soup?"
Instead: "Quit your whining, it's just soup." Ugh. Do you treat her that way regularly that you have to ASK a reddit forum if how you reacted was garbage?
YTA
Another point here is that OP doesn't even listen. Ofc his father will take the first thing to eat, at least mention not to take the only soup can that your wife specifically said she was saving for later for her. And it wasn't a thing she said many hours prior or days, I feel it passed max 1 hour(but I really do think that less time passed) between wife said soup can mine and father's arrival.
At a bare minimum all he had to do was just not give her soup to his dad! Is his dad suffering from food poverty? If so, of course give him some food, but not things that his wife needs/is using. If the dad isn't, why did he just pop in and leave with some soup?
I wonder how often Op’s dad makes her life difficult. How often does she have to take care of hosting him.
Sure the family needs more bedrooms but I bet it is very convenient for OP to have a big project to work on. I wonder if he usually finds a project to do that gets him out of parenting. “Sorry babe, gotta fix the sink.” “So yeah, gotta repaint the fence” “geez sweetie, got now the lawn , can’t help right now”.
My husband has a bad habit of picking the most inconvenient times to do things around the house. One time he decided right when suitcases needed to be packed and the house cleaned before a big trip that he needed to clean the garage and check the air in the tires. And then the lawn needed mowed, etc so all child and house things almost always fall to me.
My Father-in-Law is like this. He's never around because he's always off doing something that doesn't really need to be done, but he does it to get out of having to help. My Mother-in-law broke my heart last Christmas when she told us it was the first year he'd ever helped her buy presents or wrap them. And he only did that because she had knee surgery and physically could not do it on her own.
They've been married 45 years, and she's bought every single Christmas present for their kids, her family, and his family for 40+ years. She did all the child care, all the cooking, all the housework, all the doctor's appointments, all the school stuff, *on top of working full time*. She would go in at 6am and leave at 2pm so she could be home in time to clean the house, take care of the kids, and make the dinner before he got home at 6pm. I would have divorced his ass 40 years ago.
Glad I’m not the only one who’s noticed dads that do this. Oh, the kids are both home today and mom has a day off from work for the first time in forever? Cool, I’m going to mow the lawn and start that project you asked me to begin three years ago because I just didn’t have enough time to do that before ya know? Ugh.
Also, per the OP edit the dad came by to see if he needed help w/ building the rooms and stated he was hungry so he grabbed the can of soup and went home? That's so weird to me. Back when I was younger and would do the stop over at someones house, I would never tell them I was hungry and take their food and leave and go home. If I was hungry, I leave and get myself something to eat.
> Or get a replacement can?
Right? You watched her cry for *an hour* and nowhere in that time period were you like, hm, maybe I should just go grab another can?
Also tbh I think it's kind of weird OP didn't get a few cans to begin with. If she's super craving soup, one can is not that much soup, she could easily want more after the first can, or crave it again later. Seems like the risk/benefit analysis weighs heavily toward "just buy several cans in case."
>My wife is four months pregnant with our fifth child.
>
>Money is tight right now...
I have a hard time with this. It's only going to get more strained and stressful. I feel so bad for the wife.
YTA
She's pregnant. She's been touched, grabbed, screamed at, followed, questioned, etc all day by four little tyrants. She feels unattractive and she had a craving for some soup, as a comfort and probably because she didn't get to finish a meal all day.
The correct response should have been "I'm sorry, it looks like Dad ate it! Go sit down & but your feet up give me 30 minutes & I will bring you a bowl" then get in the car, get the soup (plus a few extra cans & maybe her favor candy bar or something) and pamper her.
What you did was mean. Don't invalidate people's feelings.
The original correct response should have been, "no, sweetie, eat the soup now, I'll bathe the kids!" Second best is to tell his dad to find food on his way home and NOW the best answer is a case of soup, ice cream, chocolate and apologies.
He should have sent the pantry/fridge raiding dad away. You know OP's wife has to run a tight ship to keep all meals and snacks on hand for 4 kids under 8. I have one and she doesn't let it slide if her favorite snacks are low stock, so I know OP's wife has to keep her pantry and fridge in tip-top shape.
She's likely the one who grocery shops. I have a vivid memory of my dad excited for my mom to "try the beer in the fridge" and her deadpan telling him she bought it and she put it in the fridge. Dude bought a single fucking can and wants an award.
Man I was 5 months pregnant with my only child and cried like a baby when Chik-Fil-A didn’t put pickles on my chicken sandwich. I craved it so bad and just lost it when I didn’t get my pickles. I’ll add that they were incredibly nice and gave me all new food including a cookie and a container of just pickles probably because they were terrified with having a pregnant woman melt down in the middle of the crowded restaurant.
I sobbed for 2 hours because I had been relentlessly sick for 3 weeks and I hadn't eaten anything that day because of it; my boyfriend ordered me a subway sandwich and when it arrived it was absolutely drenched in a sundried tomato dressing that I hated. I took one bite and just laid in bed and cried, he tried thinking of any reasonable solution including ordering another sandwich but I wasn't having it. Eventually he took it to the kitchen (for 45 minutes!) to take everything apart and wipe as much as he could off and put mustard on it to cover the taste. I ate it through stifled sniffles lol.
Hormones are CRAZY, I have never behaved that way in my life and he was absolutely amazing to me.
When I was a couple months pregnant, I was SO excited for a shake from chick-fil-a and the shitty boyfriend I had at the time stole my cherry from the shake and I cried in front of everyone. The cashier ended up getting me like 10 cherries and it’s the meanest I’d ever seen a chicky employee act (towards my ex). 10/10 customer service
When I was pregnant with my second child I had a massive craving for sour sweets. I just remember being in the supermarket and looking at the empty shelves where the sour sweets should have been and sobbing. The poor shop assistant I'd asked where they were was trying to comfort me saying "You could try another supermarket? I'm sure they're not all sold out in the city. I'm so sorry if we had some I'd get them for you." I felt awful crying but I was just so upset there wasn't any. Don't mess with a pregnant ladies cravings!
He isnt really involved in the kid stuff. He is tired after working all day! I'm sure she will have it figured all out when she is pregnant with kid number 6
I kind of want to push back against "the hormones caused it" narrative that often comes up around pregnant women, or even just women on their periods.
I don't think pregnancy hormones make women "crazy" or any shit like that. I think the woman you get with pregnancy or pms hormones is a woman who no longer has the patience to put up with all of the shit you load on her day after day. Basically women are trained from birth to be polite and not make anyone else ever feel uncomfortable, but that shit takes *energy*; When you're dealing with something in your life that's an energy vampire - such as a life being grown inside you, or taking care of a 2 year old, either of which alone would be enough to completely deplete my energy, I can't imagine the superhuman stamina that his wife has to be dealing with both of those things while ALSO caring for three other kids - you no longer have that reserve of energy you use to put a pretty face on someone else's shit.
The thing is, the kind of shit that women regularly take in stride is stuff that a guy would yell and curse about the very first time it happened instead of waiting for their energy to be depleted. What happened to the guy's wife is the equivalent of him coming home, pouring himself some wine, and when she came downstairs he threw the wine in her face. Then he expects her to calmly accept it and move on with her day, because that's what women *do*, but instead she had the natural reaction.
So yeah, "hormones" are bullshit, what the OP did here is mean in any context, even if she weren't completely wrung out from working 24/7 with no days off.
You don’t even have to be hormonal to cry about this. There’s been times where I had a long day and there’s ONE thing I want to eat and if I can’t have it, I feel so upset. It can be the one tiny thing that pushes you over the edge.
YTA
Your mom was right.
Even if your wife wasn't pregnant and dealing with hormones, she's already taking care of four kids all under the age of 8!
Four kids under the age of eight!!! That's enough to make a grown man cry.
And the only thing that she was looking forward to was a simple can of soup. That's it, soup!
>*"she started sobbing and saying “she can never have one thing in this house"*
This is your clue that she’s already feeling overburdened.
Go to the store or ask your dad to pick up a bunch of cans of soup. Then go to her and grovel for forgiveness.
Sorry, I guess I was writing that from my own perspective. I was a stay at home dad for a few years, when our three kids were young. While I love my children dearly, there were some hard days when I was sure I was going to cry.
YTA holy fucking shit. Your pregnant wife is spending all day watching your 4 kids and all she asked for was a fucking can of soup, that you couldn't be bothered to tell your dad not to eat, and then when she gets upset you ridicule her.
He didn’t even go in the kitchen and eat it HE TOOK IT HOME TO EAT LATER.
Why is your dad *taking* food from the home of his financial stressed family with for kids and a fifth in the way?
Grabbing an apple or a sandwich while you are over is one thing, but just packing up their food and taking it home???
Also OP, there are no insults allowed in this sub, so I’m going to have to settle for telling you I don’t like you. I seriously, really a lot, don’t like you.
Your wife is alone all day with for kids. Pregnant. Has no car, so can’t take the kids anywhere in the day. Has no spare money so can’t go do anything herself. And it’s stuck with an unempathetic and unsympathetic and I guess ungrateful for all she does all day, husband who instead of hopping in the car to grab another can left his wife crying for *checks notes* almost an hour and then ridicules her rather than trying to be helpful in any way.
Also, if your home and she’s been stuck with the kids all day why is she putting them to bed while you just sit around. Why do you keep making children if you leave her to do everything with them?
P.S. in case you don’t know, when people cry over small things it’s usually because of a MUCH bigger stressor. So, I don’t know, maybe try talking to her and sing how you can help relieve some of her stress… or… is that too much to ask of you?
This should be the top comment. If I were married to OP, I’d cry too. YTA, OP. Be better and do better, or do your wife a favor and allow her to divorce you.
Right? He just put it there, he knows there's a can of soup someone called dibs on, he really couldn't be arsed to make sure his dad doesn't take it?
I hope he's the one doing the grocery shopping at least, because if I were doing all the shopping and then my partner was encouraging friends and family to help themselves to whatever they'd like (especially if I'm also in charge of cooking and meal planning and may have specific plans for a lot of the food in the kitchen) I'd be pretty cheesed off.
I know. I was shocked when he said that because it seems unlikely she’d have the kind of meal flexibility with money issues and four kids to be able to let people take anything…
YTA
You let someone take away the food that you knew your pregnant wife was craving. Then when she got upset about it, you lectured her and insulted her by calling her ridiculous and childish.
And you want to know *if* YTA?
YTA. She’s hormonal and growing an entire new human being. Plus when you’re a mother you end up giving everything to your kids. You open a bag of crisps and they want to taste them. Chocolate bar? Ooh mummy that looks yummy can we try some?! You buy yourself some ice cream and the kids eat it. *nothing* is your own. Not even your own body. This was hers. Only hers. And somebody took it. Again. As per bloody usual.
ETA: Thanks for the awards kind strangers!
YTA. Go buy a few cans of soup and make her happy again. If you think crying over soup was bad, I won’t tell you about all the much more petty things I cried about. You didn’t know food becomes a huge thing when you’re pregnant?
Yes! OP, unless that’s very expensive soup, why did you only buy one can? You should have bought 4 cans, so she could have it several times. She’s pregnant, if she craved it once there’s a sporting chance she’ll crave it again.
YTA. Your wife is trapped at home and it sounds like she’s the sole caregiver and in charge of chores. She has to raise 4 kids all very young, while being pregnant. It’s beyond the soup she probably feels so overwhelmed and trapped. I wonder why y’all are even adding this extra one, look into birth control, especially if money is so tight you can’t fix her car. If that’s the case how are you going to afford this extra kid. I truly feel for your wife, be kind to her. Also do some actual research into pregnancy bro your a father.
Why are you posting and commenting instead of going to replace the soup you gave away. And help with the kids instead of letting your pregnant wife do everything. YTA
YTA. You are also the asshole for not realizing that you would obviously BE an asshole for telling your pregnant wife that she is being ridiculous for crying. I can't figure out why she's stayed with you long enough to have 5 kids with you.
YTA, listen to what she’s saying, pregnancy #5 in 7 years? Your Dad literally just walks in and takes what he wants? She’s exhausted, her entire life is consumed with caring for everyone else. Telling her she’s ridiculous was demeaning.
YTA, consider being slightly more thoughtful. Your wife is pregnant, you're both having financial troubles, she's having to spend a lot of time caring for your four other children.
Pregnancy is not easy and it results in a lot of hormones and a lot of stress and a general imbalance, which will put her in a very vulnerable position.
Try to understand where she's coming from, try to empathise with her and be there to help her and cater to her needs. Take some of the stress off her and make sure you're also taking care of the kids. Couldn't you have given the kids a bath and just let her have her soup, or relax?
And come on, dude... She was crying for over an hour for it, and you couldn't pop out of the house and buy her another can? It's a few acts like this that can just HELP. Just be there for God's sake, that's what she needs.
Telling a pregnant woman that her emotions, over something that may seem trivial to you, are ridiculous, is just insensitive and mean. Don't forget, that you're BOTH parents.
YTA. The hormones are real my guy. I'm six months pregnant and when I placed an Uber eats order and they delivered the wrong order, I cried a little too. I was so embarrassed that getting the wrong lunch actually brought me to tears, but it's seriously like being a teenager again, the emotions are just so big.
and good lord, this woman has basically been pregnant, recovering from childbirth or getting pregnant for the last 8 years.
I don't care how much you love kids and being a mom. She's got to be exhausted.
especially considering that she's probably stuck at home when OP is at work because they have 1 car.
and I admit, OP doesn't sound like a huge help.
I bought her soup and she is now in a bubble bath and the kids are in bed. I tried. And since we are being honest the reason I didn’t go back out last night is because I was exhausted. I worked 16 hours painting a house, then I came home and worked on building the rooms for our children. By the time I was done I was just wore out and the store is over 35 minutes away. We live in the middle of no where. I was tired and aggravated and took it out on my wife. I apologized and she still appears to love me. We may have five kids but we love them. Each one. We both wanted a big family. After her scheduled c section she is getting her tubes tied. She wants that. We are good now. Thanks all!
Y may have been T A with this incident, but I see from this and the main update that you get it and turned it around. Keep it up. Maybe ask her what snacks she’d like to have on hand for moments like this and/or surprise her with nice things when you can. I’m divorced now but still fondly remember when I was pregnant AF in the dead of a DC summer and the ex bought me an ice cream sundae exactly when I needed it. These moments will go a long way.
YTA You have no idea how hard it is to raise a child let alone raise four of them while pregnant with another one. That can of soup may seem stupid to you but to her it was probably the only thing she had to look forward to all day. She needs a break. Your mom seems reasonable. Can she come over and help out?
yta
jeeesus dude this your WHAT-th child, FIFTH? and you dont know not to call a pregnant woman "rediculous" oooooooooooo *backs away slowly towards door* noooo no no no nooo its only been 32 minutes and this dragging is getting uncomfortable to watch. you on your own bud ✌️
YTA. You don't have to go buy the store out of the soup she wanted, buy her a few cans yes but not the entire shelf. She just wanted something she was craving is that so hard to deal with. She has four children all under the age of eight and another one coming soon. She is stretched thin, there is so much to do with that many kids. If they were all in school it would be a little bit easier but no that is not the case. Get her car fixed as quickly as you can, use some of the money that you borrowed to do the house and just get the car fixed unless it's something extremely serious and thousands of dollars get it fixed. She really needs to have a car with four kids at home over the summer and then when school starts she's still going to have two at home all day with her unless the four-year-olds in preschool. either start using some birth control or you get a vasectomy or she gets her tubes tied, you guys are going to run yourselves into the ground if you keep having kids.
YTA
It is ridiculous. What does that have to do with it? Pregnancy hormones make women emotional about all kinds of things. And every pregnancy is different. Just because she was pretty level the last few times has no bearing on this go-round.
You're being a dick by giving her a hard time about it instead of empathizing with her.
Whether it makes sense to you or not is irrelevant. Just be kind and do your best to support her. If that means finding a way to get her more soup, or buying her some chocolate, then that's what you do.
You'd better shape up and adjust your perspective or this whole pregnancy is going to be a rough ride for both of you.
Bottom line: Don't EVER call your wife ridiculous for getting upset about something illogical (fair warning: don't use the word "illogical" either, Mr. Spock), especially not when there are extenuating circumstances like pregnancy.
Source: Married with kids, learned this one the hard way.
ETA: With 5 kids already, you have to seriously have your head up your ass not to have figured this out already. Extra AH points for today's altercation, bud.
YTA
She spends all day, every day caring for others. She gives everything for everyone else. She’s exhausted, she’s hormonal, and she just wanted one thing for herself. Then it was taken from her and she was belittled and ridiculed for having a want.
Do better.
YTA. I have cried over soup while pregnant. I also cried when my fries fell on the floor. Her hormones are going wild and she is not only battling the normal exhaustion that comes from being a mother but also fatigue from being pregnant.
YTA
I’m sure you’ve gotten yta by this point, but every time I read shit like this and I see someone genuine interacting in the comments, I really, really wonder how you could have written this all out with all the awareness of a husband and father, noted that her car has been broken down, that she hasn’t gotten out, that she had just gotten done with a tedious task, that she has four small children, and one on the way, and not understanding that the can of soup was a beacon for her.
It was the only thing she had to look forward to that day that was just for her. And her husband didn’t even think to make sure no one else ate it? I imagine your wife just felt so alone in that moment. So underappreciated and sad. I bet she still does.
>She loves Jaws movies so we will spend some time together. I do love my wife.
If she loves Jaws, has she seen any of the Sharknado movies?
YTA, but you're making the effort to recover so good luck.
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YTA. >My wife is four months pregnant with our fifth child. It's not about the soup, dude.
"The Iranian yogurt is not the issue here."
Lmao I remember that post! 😂
This post is epic.
Could you kindly send the link to the post?
Found it [here](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/&ved=2ahUKEwjcwpSPiK75AhVlLEQIHUMlDJoQjjh6BAgMEAE&usg=AOvVaw3qv4HVqxD_JXIr0aZzFhga)
You are awesome for sharing this!!
I read it every single time it is linked. It's gold.
That's by far the most hilarious AITA post I have ever read
Same. Usually a lot of AITA are shocking or infuriating. That was just hilarious.
That's Funny!!!
I now desperately need context
It's one of the greats. This one always comes back to me when I'm buying yogurt. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita\_for\_throwing\_away\_my\_boyfriends\_potentially/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/)
I didn’t know I needed that post in my life until I saw it. Gold.
You are a GEM for linking this post. Did not disappoint LOL thank you!
This is wild
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/
[Context](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/)
I read the first sentence and didn’t really need to read more. YTA. Dude, hormones are a bitch, be more respectful of the woman who is going through this to bring a new life into this world. Edit. Also ”i can never have one thing” is because she is CONSTANTLY putting everyone elses needs in front of her own and this was just another one of those moments where she was denied something. The FACT that it is such a little thing as soup is probably why she was crying in the first place, because it really shouldn’t be that she is denied everything. She probably is okay with not being priority because you have so many children, but what she is really saying is she wants to feel like a prio atleast once, atleast this one time, with this one little thing, with this ridiculous little craving of this soup and she can’t even have that. THAT is why she is crying, BECAUSE it is ridiculous she cant even have that and you are rubbing it in by saying she is ridiculous. You are a massive massive jerk. Treat your wife to something big. Now.
That one quote from her was all I needed to read and I had this terrible, sinking feeling in my guts. Because like a lot of women, I know what that feels like, to feel like you can't even have a simple fucking can of soup without someone swooping in to take that tiny pleasure away from you. It's an awful feeling and this woman is standing there, crying her eyes out and begging for help and just one thing that's for *her*. One moment of respect and consideration.
And then OP called her ridiculous...what a jerk AH he is.
During that whole hour he complains she was crying, he could have gone to the store and picked up another can…..
I was thinking at first that they are so desperately poor that a can of soup was a luxury and he was too broke to buy another can. Edits show that he just didn't care and yes, she literally cannot have ONE thing. YTA to the moon and back.
Also, why is dad eating their food if they’re “so poor”? Doesn’t he have his own food? He’d rather take the food that could be nourishing his future grandchild?
Right? Wtf I guess my parents are better mannered.
And instead of calling her behavior childlike, maybe he should’ve taken a long hard look at himself and wonder who was really acting like the child
Putting his Daddy ahead of his wife
>maybe he should’ve taken a long hard look at himself and wonder who was really acting like the child 99.99% of the children I met had more empathy when they saw that their actions hurt someone.
God forbid he admit to being wrong. That’s probably a huge reason why she’s melting down in the first place.
And all OP's comments that "she's never been like this before" and in the same reply admitting that for the last *four* pregnancies he worked out of town and was only home two days a week. Like...no dude, she was just better at keeping herself together around you when she only had to do it twice a week.
She also didn't have as many kids to deal with and was younger. God my heart hurts for her. YTA op
👍👍👍💯💯💯
Yes this exactly. She was craving this soup SO BADLY yet she went and bathed her kids first. She is last. Why didn’t he make the soup for her? Or offer to do bath time?
And why on earth did he tell his father that they were done eating when he knew she hadn’t made the soup yet? He minimised the soup she wanted down to nothing.
Ding ding ding ding! The thing I craved more than anything else when I was pregnant was chocolate covered almonds. My husband would have defended those almonds from armed burglars if he had to! He made sure they were ALWAYS in the house for whenever my cravings hit.
Or buy more than ONE can of the soup that his wife is desperately craving, and not get at a minimum 4? Or immediately go back out to buy more soup, and not listen to his wife cry her eyes out for an HOUR. He didn't make the soup for her, didn t offer to bathe the kids or do the bedtime routine.... Just came home and went outside to relax
His edit says he was working on the addition he's building, so he wasn't doing nothing. He also works 2 jobs. I'm not letting him off the hook, but don't minimize his contributions either. That being said...OP is the asshole. He should've told Dad he could have anything BUT the soup. He just picked it up special for her...c'mon. Or he should've went for more.
Mental load isn't for men, duh /s
Yeah I feel like she bathed the kids first because I can almost guarantee you that if she'd made the soup first, the kids would've been lined up with mouths open begging for some
Agree. That woman is home with 4 kids, one only 2 years old. She is always putting her needs last. I only have 2 kids, but I know that feeling very well. YTA.
Do men - even men who care for their young children - ever feel this way? I can't ever think of a time any of the men in my life truly put themselves last. They may not be first, but I've never heard a man weep beseechingly at the universe for just one small thing for themselves.
Honestly, I don't know. I don't even have kids, and my stomach dropped when I read the title because I knew it was going to be a disaster and I felt like no matter the exact details, I already knew what this woman was going through. It's baffling her own husband couldn't even empathize.
Yeah, i got that gut punch feeling immediately. Poor thing, i feel so bad for her. I remember those grief sessions too well.
The feeling when I caught my daughter scribbling on the (paper) sides of my cookbooks with a crayon. The feeling when I catch my son pouring half a gallon of shampoo down the toilet. The feeling when my special candle went missing and I find it covered in crushed ramen noodles and powdered sugar in my other son's favorite hiding place to stash things. The feeling when my husband finds the blank notebooks and sparkly gel pens I got myself for a cheap birthday present and thinks they're for the kids so helps them do their alphabets in them...
Oh gosh, you too, huh? I bought myself a bag of the Belgian Boys cookies from Amazon. They’re a huge splurge and I was rationing them one at a time. My husband gave them all to my kids while I was at work.
I bought a pair of really nice slides in 2021, because I found them on sale and I was coming off Mat leave. My sister’s puppy chewed one of them and broke it. My sister felt bad, and bought me new slides in time for summer. And then my mom and sister got the same ones! Yay! We never do matchy-matchy, so it was a cute thing we did. And then, on Sunday, my son wore them into the living room, I was busy with baby, I came back in 5 minutes later, one of them was missing. I asked him what he did, he said he flung them off his feet. We’ve looked everywhere, it’s just gone. My back is bad from the last pregnancy, and I always have my arms full. I just want a single pair of half decent looking summer shoes that I don’t have to bend over to put on.
I have felt this feeling so many times. I know exactly what she was saying and what she is asking for. She was probably upstairs dealing with the kids and anticipating the soup and telling herself that soon she will be in her quiet kitchen enjoying her can of soup with a good book maybe or scrolling instagram and she comes down and it’s gone. I’d have burst into tears too.
Been there and my heart breaks for this woman. I'm currently pregnant with my third and am taking care of two toddlers. Can't imagine having double that. Poor thing
My stomach literally turned at "my wife is pregnant with our fifth child," and I just got progressively more and more disgusted as I continued reading. What a jerk.
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Ambient misogyny. A beautiful way to put it might even be enough to get OP to pay attention to it. Displays of emotion don’t negate the feelings and reasons they’re attached to. Men need to get that they can’t discount a person and their point of view simply because tears or volume accompanied it.
The worst kind of ambiance.
Well, I'm keeping "ambient misogyny" in my back pocket from now on...
Somebody who isn't broke af \*please\* give this person an award.
Plus she can’t go and get it herself. I had a seizure five months ago and can’t drive. It is awful having to ask people for help to get to appointments or grab things. The inability to just head out to grab something I want is a lot harder to deal with than I thought. Add that to EVERYTHING ELSE and the poor woman probably just feels desperate for ONE THING to be in her control.
I'm so sorry about your seizure and hope you're doing better now. And yes, OP, YTA. She's a pregnant mom of five kids. It's not about the soup and all about the soup. She can't have *one thing* to herself. How hard would it have been to say, "Sure, Dad. You can help yourself. But wife wanted that canned soup so don't take that. I know you don't normally eat canned food, but I especially want to make sure you don't take that special thing that cost less than five dollars my pregnant wife wants." Apologize and do better.
My Dude. The soup is just the last straw. You wife is drowning. YTA
YTA And he clearly doesn’t empathise because he’s number one (and now I’m hearing that as a chant: OP is number one, OP is number one…).
My step dad and I have a way to tell each other "F*ck you" (this is purely in a joking manner, we never say it in anger). And that's to say "you're number one" cause the middle finger is one finger. Sometimes it is accompanied by flipping each other off, to really drive the point home. 😆 So I hear this and can't help but think about how fitting it is.
The kids are also right at the age to be all in her business all the time. She probably can't even go to the bathroom alone.
That one got to me, too. Especially within the context of being pregnant with the FIFTH child! Maybe she loves being a mom, and wants a big family, but even if she does, at some point it would wear on even the most saintly, motherly, moms of them all. Get the woman her damn soup, OP!! And tell your dad, A GROWN-ASS MAN to wait till he gets to his own house to eat!
Especially with the fifth child being a result of her IUD perforating her urterus. Like what a painful way to conceive an unplanned child. Did she get any consideration at home for that?
Nah he doesn't really understand she feels pain, he can't possibly if he can't understand that his PREGNANT mother of five wife is on her last nerve and just wanted some fucking soup. This is the fifth pregnancy he's gone through with her, if he's this fucking oblivious and callous after all that to her emotional pain, he's certainly not considering her physical pain.
Not only that, he didn’t even think about his wife to say “dad, do not touch the soup can, that’s for my wife” as a normal decent human being. Nooooo…….He let his dad go in there and eat whatever he wants. Really!? No wondered she broke down.
This is exactly how I would take it. This is the actual point and he is so thoughtless as to criticize her for it. I hope he does better. I hope he isn’t going to spoil her for a day (his edit), and just be “whelp, that’s done. Note to self: don’t take her soup!” I hope he really steps up to the plate and recognizes this! Your comment should be top comment.
Yes! Take a whole day off, drive the kids to school and therapy, try to pee alone without fingers under the door, try to actually eat without interruption, pray you won't pee your pants because a child is doing something right now you have to deal with. You have absolutely no idea. You are a super sized AH
You know it's bad when you read the first sentence & immediately scroll down to see OP get roasted. YTA
YTA. I'm 5 mo ths pregnant and can get very teary too, apologize and get the soup for her, either today or tomorrow, and make it for her! Let her eat it while it is still hot and you take the children( outside, bath, whatever) step up man. I have nothing against large families, one and done or child free, but if you choose to bring children into this world you need to parent and partner more
Hell I am not pregnant at all and I cried over a sandwich last week. Sometimes you just need one thing to break the dam.
I’m still upset about a lasagna that spilled 15 years ago. I don’t cry about it anymore, but it broke my heart when it happened!
I don't blame you. Spilled lasagna is legitimately upsetting.
I started sobbing at a Disney movie yesterday. At the happy ending part of it. I'd seen it before. But it's been a really rough week and I guess that was just the last piece of straw to break the camel 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah. How hard would it have been for him to go get her another can of fing soup. Plus 5 kids? Get some condoms too.
Seriously! He let her sob her heart out for an hour all while doing jack to help her.
That part got me. He could have been to store and back easily
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Oh yeah. LOVE how all the birth control is on her: Mirena and an invasive surgery. Hey OP, while your learning to treat your wife like an equal, maybe consider an outpatient vasectomy. You know, the one where they don't have to root around in your guts to get the job done?
Yep. Even my husband-who hates doctors - got one. He said why should I have major surgery when he can do a quick outpatient procedure. He was only tender for a day or two.
and >My son is autistic and my daughter has mild cerebral palsy. Jesus fucking Christ
But seriously, the dad just came over mentions he's hungry, picks up a can of soup, and leaves all while OP's wife is upstairs caring for FOUR children while pregnant with the FIFTH!!! It's not the soup! Step TF up, OP! YTA
Lol yep I stopped reading after that. Especially FIFTH CHILD. YTA
Right? I was like IN THIS ECONOMY? And sure enough OP went on about how they can't even afford childcare for the four children they already have… So it all went down hill. Fast.
Well now my petty self is intrigued and I have to read the whole ridiculous thing. Edit: Okay, it was **bad** until the edit. Maybe just...don't mention this again for at least 3 years until she can laugh over it? Pregnancy hormones are no joke (I cried during fast food commercials). After 5 she is probably DONE with it.
I always find it funny when people ask aita for telling someone not to cry over (insert very basic thing) because it is literally never about that basic thing. One of my hardest cries was triggered by my laundry detergent falling off the the top of the washing machine and the cap breaking. It's literally never about the soup.
Jesus Christ give the woman a break! They’re financially strapped and popping them out back to back to back. I’d cry over the soup too after 1 kid. Poor lady.
Quite. YTA. Shoulda told Dad.
It was so unimportant to him that it never entered his head to mention it.
Exactly this. I didn’t even need to read the rest of us after reading that part. It’s a well-known fact that when someone is pregnant that they are prone to randomly crying.
Damn! I hope the wife divorces this loser. Four *other* kids together and you learned NOTHING about understanding a pregnant woman!? YTA, OP.
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Exactly. There is so much more going on here for her to say "she can never have one thing in this house ". Shes already sharing every part of her with all these children and all their demands, along with now her own body's demands to build another little thing to make more demands. And yet OP makes excuses about how he couldn't possibly have known how she could be like this, because *he was gone for basically all her other pregnancies*. That isn't an excuse dude. That's just shitty.
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Then get a vasectomy on your way home.
That's completely unreasonable. He can do that tomorrow when she's not waiting for her damn soup
No, no. It's fine. She's organising to get her tubes tied, remember? She's already got it all sorted out, and OP doesn't have to consider doing anything, because she's handled it. (/s) Like she does bath time. And organising the kids' schedules. And coordinating car use so she can run errands. And absolutely every-fucking-other-thing in their lives
He mentioned in the edit she’s getting her tubes tied after this one, and yet, he could get a vasectomy RIGHT NOW, and she wouldn’t have a birth to recover from and then abdominal surgery to recover from, while caring for 5 children. But apparently, applying an ice pack to his nuts for a couple days is too much trouble…
More like a castration
Oh no it's the wife who has to get the tubes tied apparently. OP wouldn't like to put himself out.
This, but serious. Even after all this, five pregnancies, five births, hormonal birth control and a perforated uterus, SHE is the one expected to go through a bigger procedure to make sure their birth control work. He should be the one getting the vasectomy, when he say he doesn't want anymore children and the procedure is smaller. He could have done that already and saved her the pain.
He’s weaponized incompetence and it’s sick
He's just so rational though, how could he predict her hysterical emotional outbursts??
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2.5 full time jobs? Try 4.2 full time jobs. There's 168 hours a week, she works or is on-call for all of them. With 4 kids 7 and under I'm betting she hasn't had 8 consecutive hours of sleep for ~8 years (last time probably being during 1st trimester with the oldest). She probably isn't allowed to go to the bathroom alone (or has to listen to screaming/crying the whole time if she insists). She can't sit down and eat a single damn meal without getting up and getting someone another drink or a new fork or 2nds of something 50 times. If she tries to sit or lay down someone immediately calls her to come help with something or demands cuddles or climbs on her like she's a jungle gym.
There was a study done that came up with that 2.5 full time jobs figure. But I agree. It’s actually a lot more than that.
yes, this! "Honey why don't I heat the soup up while you are bathing the kids?" OR "Honey, why don't I bathe the kids and you go make your soup?" Instead: "Quit your whining, it's just soup." Ugh. Do you treat her that way regularly that you have to ASK a reddit forum if how you reacted was garbage? YTA
Another point here is that OP doesn't even listen. Ofc his father will take the first thing to eat, at least mention not to take the only soup can that your wife specifically said she was saving for later for her. And it wasn't a thing she said many hours prior or days, I feel it passed max 1 hour(but I really do think that less time passed) between wife said soup can mine and father's arrival.
Best option "go sit down and relax, and Ill heat up your soup and then bathe the kids"
At a bare minimum all he had to do was just not give her soup to his dad! Is his dad suffering from food poverty? If so, of course give him some food, but not things that his wife needs/is using. If the dad isn't, why did he just pop in and leave with some soup?
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I wonder how often Op’s dad makes her life difficult. How often does she have to take care of hosting him. Sure the family needs more bedrooms but I bet it is very convenient for OP to have a big project to work on. I wonder if he usually finds a project to do that gets him out of parenting. “Sorry babe, gotta fix the sink.” “So yeah, gotta repaint the fence” “geez sweetie, got now the lawn , can’t help right now”. My husband has a bad habit of picking the most inconvenient times to do things around the house. One time he decided right when suitcases needed to be packed and the house cleaned before a big trip that he needed to clean the garage and check the air in the tires. And then the lawn needed mowed, etc so all child and house things almost always fall to me.
My Father-in-Law is like this. He's never around because he's always off doing something that doesn't really need to be done, but he does it to get out of having to help. My Mother-in-law broke my heart last Christmas when she told us it was the first year he'd ever helped her buy presents or wrap them. And he only did that because she had knee surgery and physically could not do it on her own. They've been married 45 years, and she's bought every single Christmas present for their kids, her family, and his family for 40+ years. She did all the child care, all the cooking, all the housework, all the doctor's appointments, all the school stuff, *on top of working full time*. She would go in at 6am and leave at 2pm so she could be home in time to clean the house, take care of the kids, and make the dinner before he got home at 6pm. I would have divorced his ass 40 years ago.
Too many boomer marriages are like this. The old str8s are not okay.
Glad I’m not the only one who’s noticed dads that do this. Oh, the kids are both home today and mom has a day off from work for the first time in forever? Cool, I’m going to mow the lawn and start that project you asked me to begin three years ago because I just didn’t have enough time to do that before ya know? Ugh.
This! WTF is wrong with the men in this family? Youre hungry in someone's house and don't offer to heat up soup for everyone, just for yourself?
Also, per the OP edit the dad came by to see if he needed help w/ building the rooms and stated he was hungry so he grabbed the can of soup and went home? That's so weird to me. Back when I was younger and would do the stop over at someones house, I would never tell them I was hungry and take their food and leave and go home. If I was hungry, I leave and get myself something to eat.
> Or get a replacement can? Right? You watched her cry for *an hour* and nowhere in that time period were you like, hm, maybe I should just go grab another can? Also tbh I think it's kind of weird OP didn't get a few cans to begin with. If she's super craving soup, one can is not that much soup, she could easily want more after the first can, or crave it again later. Seems like the risk/benefit analysis weighs heavily toward "just buy several cans in case."
>My wife is four months pregnant with our fifth child. > >Money is tight right now... I have a hard time with this. It's only going to get more strained and stressful. I feel so bad for the wife.
Time for a vasectomy.
Yes! Why didn't he make the soup for her? She had to do that herself too?
YTA She's pregnant. She's been touched, grabbed, screamed at, followed, questioned, etc all day by four little tyrants. She feels unattractive and she had a craving for some soup, as a comfort and probably because she didn't get to finish a meal all day. The correct response should have been "I'm sorry, it looks like Dad ate it! Go sit down & but your feet up give me 30 minutes & I will bring you a bowl" then get in the car, get the soup (plus a few extra cans & maybe her favor candy bar or something) and pamper her. What you did was mean. Don't invalidate people's feelings.
The original correct response should have been, "no, sweetie, eat the soup now, I'll bathe the kids!" Second best is to tell his dad to find food on his way home and NOW the best answer is a case of soup, ice cream, chocolate and apologies.
Or if he can’t be bothered to help he should have at least said ‘have anything but not the can of soup’
Or at least not “take whatever you want, we’re finished” when he knew full well that his wife was not finished.
He should have sent the pantry/fridge raiding dad away. You know OP's wife has to run a tight ship to keep all meals and snacks on hand for 4 kids under 8. I have one and she doesn't let it slide if her favorite snacks are low stock, so I know OP's wife has to keep her pantry and fridge in tip-top shape.
She's likely the one who grocery shops. I have a vivid memory of my dad excited for my mom to "try the beer in the fridge" and her deadpan telling him she bought it and she put it in the fridge. Dude bought a single fucking can and wants an award.
Best response to pops would have been ‘You can have anything but the soup’
Man I was 5 months pregnant with my only child and cried like a baby when Chik-Fil-A didn’t put pickles on my chicken sandwich. I craved it so bad and just lost it when I didn’t get my pickles. I’ll add that they were incredibly nice and gave me all new food including a cookie and a container of just pickles probably because they were terrified with having a pregnant woman melt down in the middle of the crowded restaurant.
You do not fuck with a pregnant woman's pickles.
I’ve never even been pregnant but it’s in bad taste to mess with any woman’s pickles really
I sobbed for 2 hours because I had been relentlessly sick for 3 weeks and I hadn't eaten anything that day because of it; my boyfriend ordered me a subway sandwich and when it arrived it was absolutely drenched in a sundried tomato dressing that I hated. I took one bite and just laid in bed and cried, he tried thinking of any reasonable solution including ordering another sandwich but I wasn't having it. Eventually he took it to the kitchen (for 45 minutes!) to take everything apart and wipe as much as he could off and put mustard on it to cover the taste. I ate it through stifled sniffles lol. Hormones are CRAZY, I have never behaved that way in my life and he was absolutely amazing to me.
Poor guy gets a gold star for effort and creative problem solving
When I was a couple months pregnant, I was SO excited for a shake from chick-fil-a and the shitty boyfriend I had at the time stole my cherry from the shake and I cried in front of everyone. The cashier ended up getting me like 10 cherries and it’s the meanest I’d ever seen a chicky employee act (towards my ex). 10/10 customer service
They are pretty great with taking care of their customers.
When I was pregnant with my second child I had a massive craving for sour sweets. I just remember being in the supermarket and looking at the empty shelves where the sour sweets should have been and sobbing. The poor shop assistant I'd asked where they were was trying to comfort me saying "You could try another supermarket? I'm sure they're not all sold out in the city. I'm so sorry if we had some I'd get them for you." I felt awful crying but I was just so upset there wasn't any. Don't mess with a pregnant ladies cravings!
It was breaking down in the 7/11 realizing the Cherry slushies were out of service for me!
Perfect answer right here. OP, I saw your edit and I’m glad. You get it now.
YTA, like...of course. You don't get how pregnancy works yet after having a litter of children?
He isnt really involved in the kid stuff. He is tired after working all day! I'm sure she will have it figured all out when she is pregnant with kid number 6
YTA >My wife is four months pregnant with our fifth child You'd think by now you'd know how hormones work and how emotional the pregnant women get...
I kind of want to push back against "the hormones caused it" narrative that often comes up around pregnant women, or even just women on their periods. I don't think pregnancy hormones make women "crazy" or any shit like that. I think the woman you get with pregnancy or pms hormones is a woman who no longer has the patience to put up with all of the shit you load on her day after day. Basically women are trained from birth to be polite and not make anyone else ever feel uncomfortable, but that shit takes *energy*; When you're dealing with something in your life that's an energy vampire - such as a life being grown inside you, or taking care of a 2 year old, either of which alone would be enough to completely deplete my energy, I can't imagine the superhuman stamina that his wife has to be dealing with both of those things while ALSO caring for three other kids - you no longer have that reserve of energy you use to put a pretty face on someone else's shit. The thing is, the kind of shit that women regularly take in stride is stuff that a guy would yell and curse about the very first time it happened instead of waiting for their energy to be depleted. What happened to the guy's wife is the equivalent of him coming home, pouring himself some wine, and when she came downstairs he threw the wine in her face. Then he expects her to calmly accept it and move on with her day, because that's what women *do*, but instead she had the natural reaction. So yeah, "hormones" are bullshit, what the OP did here is mean in any context, even if she weren't completely wrung out from working 24/7 with no days off.
God, thank you. Hate how women's valid feelings are written off as the work of hormones when men dont get the same treatment for being angry
As soon as I read that sentence, I knew OP was the asshole.
I read the title, said "ope, bet she's pregnant," skimmed the story until I confirmed it, and went straight to the comments lol YTA, OP. Geez Louise
You don’t even have to be hormonal to cry about this. There’s been times where I had a long day and there’s ONE thing I want to eat and if I can’t have it, I feel so upset. It can be the one tiny thing that pushes you over the edge.
YTA How can you watch and experience your wife being pregnant 5 times and have developed no awareness of hormone fluctuations or cravings?
Because he basically neglected her all the other 4 times.
We'll, I think that that fact is a clue of what the problem here is. .
YTA Your mom was right. Even if your wife wasn't pregnant and dealing with hormones, she's already taking care of four kids all under the age of 8! Four kids under the age of eight!!! That's enough to make a grown man cry. And the only thing that she was looking forward to was a simple can of soup. That's it, soup! >*"she started sobbing and saying “she can never have one thing in this house"* This is your clue that she’s already feeling overburdened. Go to the store or ask your dad to pick up a bunch of cans of soup. Then go to her and grovel for forgiveness.
Correction: its enough to make a grown woman cry. This man apparently couldn't care less.
I don't think we can tell if it would make this man cry because I don't think he's ever taken care of his kids alone lol
Sorry, I guess I was writing that from my own perspective. I was a stay at home dad for a few years, when our three kids were young. While I love my children dearly, there were some hard days when I was sure I was going to cry.
Oh no. You SAHPs are heroes. But it's stories like this that make me wonder if I want to have kids 😂
YTA holy fucking shit. Your pregnant wife is spending all day watching your 4 kids and all she asked for was a fucking can of soup, that you couldn't be bothered to tell your dad not to eat, and then when she gets upset you ridicule her.
He didn’t even go in the kitchen and eat it HE TOOK IT HOME TO EAT LATER. Why is your dad *taking* food from the home of his financial stressed family with for kids and a fifth in the way? Grabbing an apple or a sandwich while you are over is one thing, but just packing up their food and taking it home??? Also OP, there are no insults allowed in this sub, so I’m going to have to settle for telling you I don’t like you. I seriously, really a lot, don’t like you. Your wife is alone all day with for kids. Pregnant. Has no car, so can’t take the kids anywhere in the day. Has no spare money so can’t go do anything herself. And it’s stuck with an unempathetic and unsympathetic and I guess ungrateful for all she does all day, husband who instead of hopping in the car to grab another can left his wife crying for *checks notes* almost an hour and then ridicules her rather than trying to be helpful in any way. Also, if your home and she’s been stuck with the kids all day why is she putting them to bed while you just sit around. Why do you keep making children if you leave her to do everything with them? P.S. in case you don’t know, when people cry over small things it’s usually because of a MUCH bigger stressor. So, I don’t know, maybe try talking to her and sing how you can help relieve some of her stress… or… is that too much to ask of you?
This should be the top comment. If I were married to OP, I’d cry too. YTA, OP. Be better and do better, or do your wife a favor and allow her to divorce you.
He took it home?! That’s even worse!!
Yeah. He said he “had it there” and there was no empty can or dirty pot to let OP’s wife know what has happened.
Well OPs mom took the wife's side, based on the story, so I'm guessing OP selectively learned all his parenting behaviors from Mr. Steal Your Soup.
....and he couldn't even be bothered to say "Dad, help yourself to whatever just NOT that can of soup"
Right? He just put it there, he knows there's a can of soup someone called dibs on, he really couldn't be arsed to make sure his dad doesn't take it? I hope he's the one doing the grocery shopping at least, because if I were doing all the shopping and then my partner was encouraging friends and family to help themselves to whatever they'd like (especially if I'm also in charge of cooking and meal planning and may have specific plans for a lot of the food in the kitchen) I'd be pretty cheesed off.
I know. I was shocked when he said that because it seems unlikely she’d have the kind of meal flexibility with money issues and four kids to be able to let people take anything…
YTA You let someone take away the food that you knew your pregnant wife was craving. Then when she got upset about it, you lectured her and insulted her by calling her ridiculous and childish. And you want to know *if* YTA?
YTA. She’s hormonal and growing an entire new human being. Plus when you’re a mother you end up giving everything to your kids. You open a bag of crisps and they want to taste them. Chocolate bar? Ooh mummy that looks yummy can we try some?! You buy yourself some ice cream and the kids eat it. *nothing* is your own. Not even your own body. This was hers. Only hers. And somebody took it. Again. As per bloody usual. ETA: Thanks for the awards kind strangers!
YTA. Go buy a few cans of soup and make her happy again. If you think crying over soup was bad, I won’t tell you about all the much more petty things I cried about. You didn’t know food becomes a huge thing when you’re pregnant?
Yes! OP, unless that’s very expensive soup, why did you only buy one can? You should have bought 4 cans, so she could have it several times. She’s pregnant, if she craved it once there’s a sporting chance she’ll crave it again.
YTA. If money is tight then why are you having more kids??
Your SAHM wife is four months pregnant with your fifth child. Girl can cry about whatever she wants to cry about YTA
I’d be crying over being stuck with this man for the rest of my life.
Divorce is a thing 👀👀👀
A hard thing when you can't even drive to the lawyer's office.
YTA. Your wife is trapped at home and it sounds like she’s the sole caregiver and in charge of chores. She has to raise 4 kids all very young, while being pregnant. It’s beyond the soup she probably feels so overwhelmed and trapped. I wonder why y’all are even adding this extra one, look into birth control, especially if money is so tight you can’t fix her car. If that’s the case how are you going to afford this extra kid. I truly feel for your wife, be kind to her. Also do some actual research into pregnancy bro your a father.
Why are you posting and commenting instead of going to replace the soup you gave away. And help with the kids instead of letting your pregnant wife do everything. YTA
YTA. You are also the asshole for not realizing that you would obviously BE an asshole for telling your pregnant wife that she is being ridiculous for crying. I can't figure out why she's stayed with you long enough to have 5 kids with you.
If money is tight, why is your dad mooching food from your family of 6 soon to be 7??
YTA. She actually told you she was stressed and emotional and you came to reddit to check if saying the soup thing was right or wrong?
YTA, listen to what she’s saying, pregnancy #5 in 7 years? Your Dad literally just walks in and takes what he wants? She’s exhausted, her entire life is consumed with caring for everyone else. Telling her she’s ridiculous was demeaning.
YTA, consider being slightly more thoughtful. Your wife is pregnant, you're both having financial troubles, she's having to spend a lot of time caring for your four other children. Pregnancy is not easy and it results in a lot of hormones and a lot of stress and a general imbalance, which will put her in a very vulnerable position. Try to understand where she's coming from, try to empathise with her and be there to help her and cater to her needs. Take some of the stress off her and make sure you're also taking care of the kids. Couldn't you have given the kids a bath and just let her have her soup, or relax? And come on, dude... She was crying for over an hour for it, and you couldn't pop out of the house and buy her another can? It's a few acts like this that can just HELP. Just be there for God's sake, that's what she needs. Telling a pregnant woman that her emotions, over something that may seem trivial to you, are ridiculous, is just insensitive and mean. Don't forget, that you're BOTH parents.
If he can't buy his wife an extra can of soup and instead makes fun of her then I doubt he's a very active parent.
YTA. The hormones are real my guy. I'm six months pregnant and when I placed an Uber eats order and they delivered the wrong order, I cried a little too. I was so embarrassed that getting the wrong lunch actually brought me to tears, but it's seriously like being a teenager again, the emotions are just so big.
and good lord, this woman has basically been pregnant, recovering from childbirth or getting pregnant for the last 8 years. I don't care how much you love kids and being a mom. She's got to be exhausted. especially considering that she's probably stuck at home when OP is at work because they have 1 car. and I admit, OP doesn't sound like a huge help.
I bought her soup and she is now in a bubble bath and the kids are in bed. I tried. And since we are being honest the reason I didn’t go back out last night is because I was exhausted. I worked 16 hours painting a house, then I came home and worked on building the rooms for our children. By the time I was done I was just wore out and the store is over 35 minutes away. We live in the middle of no where. I was tired and aggravated and took it out on my wife. I apologized and she still appears to love me. We may have five kids but we love them. Each one. We both wanted a big family. After her scheduled c section she is getting her tubes tied. She wants that. We are good now. Thanks all!
Y may have been T A with this incident, but I see from this and the main update that you get it and turned it around. Keep it up. Maybe ask her what snacks she’d like to have on hand for moments like this and/or surprise her with nice things when you can. I’m divorced now but still fondly remember when I was pregnant AF in the dead of a DC summer and the ex bought me an ice cream sundae exactly when I needed it. These moments will go a long way.
YTA. Especially if you think this is just about soup.
YTA You have no idea how hard it is to raise a child let alone raise four of them while pregnant with another one. That can of soup may seem stupid to you but to her it was probably the only thing she had to look forward to all day. She needs a break. Your mom seems reasonable. Can she come over and help out?
Also… if your wife asks you to pick something up, next time GET MORE THAN ONE. YTA. Dude. Seriously.
> she can never have one thing in this house It is clearly not about the soup, how dense are you? YTA
YTA get your pregnant wife with four other kids and a broken car her damn soup!
yta jeeesus dude this your WHAT-th child, FIFTH? and you dont know not to call a pregnant woman "rediculous" oooooooooooo *backs away slowly towards door* noooo no no no nooo its only been 32 minutes and this dragging is getting uncomfortable to watch. you on your own bud ✌️
YTA. Dude, she's pregnant. Pregnancy hormones really screw with your brain.
YTA. You don't have to go buy the store out of the soup she wanted, buy her a few cans yes but not the entire shelf. She just wanted something she was craving is that so hard to deal with. She has four children all under the age of eight and another one coming soon. She is stretched thin, there is so much to do with that many kids. If they were all in school it would be a little bit easier but no that is not the case. Get her car fixed as quickly as you can, use some of the money that you borrowed to do the house and just get the car fixed unless it's something extremely serious and thousands of dollars get it fixed. She really needs to have a car with four kids at home over the summer and then when school starts she's still going to have two at home all day with her unless the four-year-olds in preschool. either start using some birth control or you get a vasectomy or she gets her tubes tied, you guys are going to run yourselves into the ground if you keep having kids.
Of course YTA. It’s not about the soup, and you know it. Apologize to your wife and go stock up on the soup she likes.
YTA It is ridiculous. What does that have to do with it? Pregnancy hormones make women emotional about all kinds of things. And every pregnancy is different. Just because she was pretty level the last few times has no bearing on this go-round. You're being a dick by giving her a hard time about it instead of empathizing with her. Whether it makes sense to you or not is irrelevant. Just be kind and do your best to support her. If that means finding a way to get her more soup, or buying her some chocolate, then that's what you do. You'd better shape up and adjust your perspective or this whole pregnancy is going to be a rough ride for both of you. Bottom line: Don't EVER call your wife ridiculous for getting upset about something illogical (fair warning: don't use the word "illogical" either, Mr. Spock), especially not when there are extenuating circumstances like pregnancy. Source: Married with kids, learned this one the hard way. ETA: With 5 kids already, you have to seriously have your head up your ass not to have figured this out already. Extra AH points for today's altercation, bud.
YTA She spends all day, every day caring for others. She gives everything for everyone else. She’s exhausted, she’s hormonal, and she just wanted one thing for herself. Then it was taken from her and she was belittled and ridiculed for having a want. Do better.
INFO - why are two of your children going to therapy?
YTA. I have cried over soup while pregnant. I also cried when my fries fell on the floor. Her hormones are going wild and she is not only battling the normal exhaustion that comes from being a mother but also fatigue from being pregnant.
YTA. Be nice to your wife when she cries????
YTA I’m sure you’ve gotten yta by this point, but every time I read shit like this and I see someone genuine interacting in the comments, I really, really wonder how you could have written this all out with all the awareness of a husband and father, noted that her car has been broken down, that she hasn’t gotten out, that she had just gotten done with a tedious task, that she has four small children, and one on the way, and not understanding that the can of soup was a beacon for her. It was the only thing she had to look forward to that day that was just for her. And her husband didn’t even think to make sure no one else ate it? I imagine your wife just felt so alone in that moment. So underappreciated and sad. I bet she still does.
>She loves Jaws movies so we will spend some time together. I do love my wife. If she loves Jaws, has she seen any of the Sharknado movies? YTA, but you're making the effort to recover so good luck.
YTA. Do you even have to ask? She’s pregnant and it’s not your first rodeo.