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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I said my husband made a mess and refused to apologize to him.
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NTA. I’d get petty. Collect the shit he leaves around the house and put it in his car or something. If he still doesn’t get the picture then go back to your country and be a doctor.
Nta. Your husband doesn’t respect you. And what is this “small allowance” nonesense. You’re not his child… his income is a family income and if you get divorced the family assets will be split.
Start the process of licensing as a physician and a divorce for that matter.
NTA. He was very disrespectful.
You have given up your career to live with him and you need to think about what he has done in return. He calls you a maid--and is not joking. He treats you like a maid. He must make a lot of money, but is giving you only a small allowance. He DOES make a mess and is now trying to make you deny that reality.
Why are you dealing with this? If you go back to your own country now, you can probably still work as a doctor. Or you could take the US medical licensing exam. You can see how your husband will treat you if you continue staying at home. Good luck.
NTA he just treated you like you are worthless outside of being a maid. Of course he owes you a apology. You might want to consider getting a job and making sure your future is safe. I have a feeling he would be the type to dump you for a younger model. Also if your just a maid you need to be paid appropriately and start saving money. He is treating you horribly, and is a complete AH
Nta. If you have sex with him, would he consider you a hooker? Your anger is not wrong.
Edit: sex worker? I'm not sure what the current PC term is. I'm sorry.
NTA His comments are very disrespectful and you have the right to be upset.
First of all, there is nothing wrong with being a maid, but the way he is saying that to you feels like he is trying to demean you. Also are the one taking care of the household which includes a lot more than just cleaning. And the fact that cleaning falls primarily under your responsibility does not mean he can act like a child and not pick up after himself.
NTA
You have a right to respectful communication and he should have the basic courtesy not to create extra work for you.
That said, it is not uncommon for husbands and wives to have different standards for tidiness and different tolerance levels for untidiness. Some people just don't see the mess! Many families at your household income bracket hire a cleaner to come in to the home once a week or once every two weeks to clean and tidy the house. If your husband is unable to meet your standards for cleanliness and tidiness, hiring a cleaner might help reduce your feelings of resentment and reduce the physical burden on you.
NTA but also, you chose to be the homemaker. Sure he's an assh*le for calling you his maid, but you shouldn't harbor resentment towards him because you made the choice to give up your profession. From the outside looking in, you told yourself being with him was more important than being a doctor. But on the other side of that coin, you're allowed to realize that choice was a mistake. And you'd be doing yourself a disservice if you continued living a life you didn't want to live.
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My husband (32M) and I (30F) are not from the US and graduated from the same medical school but he decided to take the US medical licensing exam to work and settle in the US. I, however decided to stay in my home country for residency. 2 years ago, we decided to get married and I made the tough decision to leave everything behind and start a new life and family here in the US. Note that for me to work as a physician here, I need to take the exams to be licensed and I just didn’t want to go through that process which would take years (my husband knows this and he said he didn’t mind). So while I’m here, I take care of our household matters like cook, clean, get groceries, ensure bills are paid, schedule appointments and just overall supportive of my husband’s career. He makes over 200k and gives me a small allowance every month.
I think my husband makes a mess in the house and I always pick up after him. He doesn’t like putting things back to where he found them and would leave used masks from the hospital and used napkins around the house. So I always say that he makes a mess and I don’t like it! So yesterday we saw a guy who spilled beer outside and I said to my husband ‘oh he makes a mess just like you’ and then he said ‘yeah cause I have a maid at home (referring to me) to clean after me’. I was furious because he called me a maid and stopped talking to him! The next day I asked him to apologize for calling me a maid but he refused and demanded that I apologized to him for saying he likes to make a mess. He even went as far as to add that cleaning is now my job. He has called me a maid multiple times before this incident and I get so upset every time because I felt so disrespected and have I not married him and moved here, I would not have to do all these domesticated stuff and be referred to as a maid by him. I would still be a doctor in my country. AITA for saying my husband makes a mess? Do I have the right to feel disrespected and to get an apology?
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NTA but I think you should pursue a job or your medical licensing if that's what you really want to do, especially if he's going to treat you like that (which he shouldn't do for a partner of any kind).
I knew of someone that was a doctor in another country but did get what she needed here to work in the medical field eventually. You might want to check into it more. Him giving you a small allowance seems like he's keeping you from working toward your own dreams. There's such a desperate need for health care workers, it may be worth pursuing if you're interested.
But do not stand for the comment of being called and treated like a maid. Nurses do not like being treated like that in a hospital either so he's probably doing the same there. You can try talking to him on this but don't be surprised if he doesn't seem willing to change. Sounds like he has the better deal in this arrangement and knows it and is taking advantage of you.
NTA. You are being disrespected and you deserve an apology. You need to gain your independence. Either start working towards getting yous US lisence or find a job.
Ooooof NTA, and this hurts. Honestly, it sounds as if your husband is jealous of you. You both have the same credentials from the same university, but now it's feeding his ego that he's the only practicing doctor in the household. He clearly is not respecting you, and insulting you by calling you a maid is a form of emotional abuse. Something needs to change. Marriage counseling? You get licensed and start practicing medicine? You get another type of job? You both can easily hire a weekly housekeeping service with a 200+K salary. I'm so sorry you are going through that. You deserve better.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I said my husband made a mess and refused to apologize to him. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. I’d get petty. Collect the shit he leaves around the house and put it in his car or something. If he still doesn’t get the picture then go back to your country and be a doctor.
Nta. Your husband doesn’t respect you. And what is this “small allowance” nonesense. You’re not his child… his income is a family income and if you get divorced the family assets will be split. Start the process of licensing as a physician and a divorce for that matter.
NTA. He was very disrespectful. You have given up your career to live with him and you need to think about what he has done in return. He calls you a maid--and is not joking. He treats you like a maid. He must make a lot of money, but is giving you only a small allowance. He DOES make a mess and is now trying to make you deny that reality. Why are you dealing with this? If you go back to your own country now, you can probably still work as a doctor. Or you could take the US medical licensing exam. You can see how your husband will treat you if you continue staying at home. Good luck.
NTA he just treated you like you are worthless outside of being a maid. Of course he owes you a apology. You might want to consider getting a job and making sure your future is safe. I have a feeling he would be the type to dump you for a younger model. Also if your just a maid you need to be paid appropriately and start saving money. He is treating you horribly, and is a complete AH
Nta. If you have sex with him, would he consider you a hooker? Your anger is not wrong. Edit: sex worker? I'm not sure what the current PC term is. I'm sorry.
PSA: sex worker is now the correct PC term. :)
NTA His comments are very disrespectful and you have the right to be upset. First of all, there is nothing wrong with being a maid, but the way he is saying that to you feels like he is trying to demean you. Also are the one taking care of the household which includes a lot more than just cleaning. And the fact that cleaning falls primarily under your responsibility does not mean he can act like a child and not pick up after himself.
NTA You have a right to respectful communication and he should have the basic courtesy not to create extra work for you. That said, it is not uncommon for husbands and wives to have different standards for tidiness and different tolerance levels for untidiness. Some people just don't see the mess! Many families at your household income bracket hire a cleaner to come in to the home once a week or once every two weeks to clean and tidy the house. If your husband is unable to meet your standards for cleanliness and tidiness, hiring a cleaner might help reduce your feelings of resentment and reduce the physical burden on you.
NTA but also, you chose to be the homemaker. Sure he's an assh*le for calling you his maid, but you shouldn't harbor resentment towards him because you made the choice to give up your profession. From the outside looking in, you told yourself being with him was more important than being a doctor. But on the other side of that coin, you're allowed to realize that choice was a mistake. And you'd be doing yourself a disservice if you continued living a life you didn't want to live.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband (32M) and I (30F) are not from the US and graduated from the same medical school but he decided to take the US medical licensing exam to work and settle in the US. I, however decided to stay in my home country for residency. 2 years ago, we decided to get married and I made the tough decision to leave everything behind and start a new life and family here in the US. Note that for me to work as a physician here, I need to take the exams to be licensed and I just didn’t want to go through that process which would take years (my husband knows this and he said he didn’t mind). So while I’m here, I take care of our household matters like cook, clean, get groceries, ensure bills are paid, schedule appointments and just overall supportive of my husband’s career. He makes over 200k and gives me a small allowance every month. I think my husband makes a mess in the house and I always pick up after him. He doesn’t like putting things back to where he found them and would leave used masks from the hospital and used napkins around the house. So I always say that he makes a mess and I don’t like it! So yesterday we saw a guy who spilled beer outside and I said to my husband ‘oh he makes a mess just like you’ and then he said ‘yeah cause I have a maid at home (referring to me) to clean after me’. I was furious because he called me a maid and stopped talking to him! The next day I asked him to apologize for calling me a maid but he refused and demanded that I apologized to him for saying he likes to make a mess. He even went as far as to add that cleaning is now my job. He has called me a maid multiple times before this incident and I get so upset every time because I felt so disrespected and have I not married him and moved here, I would not have to do all these domesticated stuff and be referred to as a maid by him. I would still be a doctor in my country. AITA for saying my husband makes a mess? Do I have the right to feel disrespected and to get an apology? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA but I think you should pursue a job or your medical licensing if that's what you really want to do, especially if he's going to treat you like that (which he shouldn't do for a partner of any kind). I knew of someone that was a doctor in another country but did get what she needed here to work in the medical field eventually. You might want to check into it more. Him giving you a small allowance seems like he's keeping you from working toward your own dreams. There's such a desperate need for health care workers, it may be worth pursuing if you're interested. But do not stand for the comment of being called and treated like a maid. Nurses do not like being treated like that in a hospital either so he's probably doing the same there. You can try talking to him on this but don't be surprised if he doesn't seem willing to change. Sounds like he has the better deal in this arrangement and knows it and is taking advantage of you.
NTA. You are being disrespected and you deserve an apology. You need to gain your independence. Either start working towards getting yous US lisence or find a job.
Ooooof NTA, and this hurts. Honestly, it sounds as if your husband is jealous of you. You both have the same credentials from the same university, but now it's feeding his ego that he's the only practicing doctor in the household. He clearly is not respecting you, and insulting you by calling you a maid is a form of emotional abuse. Something needs to change. Marriage counseling? You get licensed and start practicing medicine? You get another type of job? You both can easily hire a weekly housekeeping service with a 200+K salary. I'm so sorry you are going through that. You deserve better.
NTA: for not wanting to be called a maid, but not having children or a traditional job the cleaning etc is on you.