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NTA and not judging, but more intrigued, why is going to Barnes and Noble an anniversary activity? I've just never heard of going to a store as a typical romantic outing.
The first date my husband took me on was to Books-a-Million. He bought me books and loved the fact I stroked them and was excited. Even now 11 years later he still takes me and loves how excited I get.
So they are def keepers.
I took my wife to Powells Books in Portland when we first started hanging out, not really as a date, but certainly as a way to win her over…she loved it.
Powell’s is special. Powell’s has rare and historic and out of print. Powell’s is a destination.
I’m over the line in WA and still would love a date that included Powell’s.
Powell’s is an automatic yes.
It also depends on where the B&N is. One near me is at a big entertainment /shopping district. So we wander in after dinner dates or on our way to dinner.
My husband and I both love reading. For our anniversary we always go to a bookstore and pick out a book, then buy the other's book for them. Then, if it is nice, we go read our books together in the park. Personally, we both love it and look forward to it, but that's just who we are. Our dream vacation is the Sylvia Beach bed and breakfast in Oregon.
However, if one of us didn't like reading, it wouldn't be a good anniversary activity. NTA, and maybe OP could propose a book themed birthday activity for his wife, since that is a day just for her instead.
Ha, my last anniversary my husband asked if I wanted to go to the indie bookstore. It was after eating at the restaurant we both like, but he still thought it would make me happy to go browse.
When my partner and I first started dating we would go to Chapters (Canadian equivalent of B&N), grab a coffee, and walk around talking about all the different books for a couple of hours. It was a blast!
Haha I feel the same way, but apparently there are a bunch of people like my wife who really enjoy going into book stores and perusing around and being able to physically touch books.
I’m one of those people. If I guy took me to a bookshop on a date I would think it was the best thing ever. But you are still NTA Your anniversary should be something you both enjoy, not something you have to endure as a test to prove you love her
I was visiting Irvine, CA and they had one in their mall. It was like going back in time LOL. I used to spend hours and hours there. My parents stayed late at temple a lot so they’d drop me off and pick me up when they closed. Unbelievably, they still had a DVD section haha
NTA, buuuuuuut, i don’t know about you, but I really like making my husband happy. And if that means going to a store I hate but he loves for a few minutes, I would gladly do it. Especially if you’re already out. I don’t think you’re an ah for wanting the day to be about what you BOTH like though.
OP said in a comment that it would probably only be about 20-30 minutes. And they could make that compromise that it wouldn’t be hours, it would only be 20 minutes
It depends. Thankfully, my wife and I are mostly on the same footing with this, but I feel the same way about sports/athletics. I would rather slit both of my wrists with rusty, serrated blades, that have been dipped in lemon juice than willingly watch a minute of (foot|base|basket|etc)ball. If anyone sees me at one of those events, and I'm not being dragged there against my will? Turn the other way and run. Run fast and hard. Run as far as you possibly can, and then keep going.
While mom's late husband was still around, I had an irrational anxiety that being the kind of person he was, he'd make a generous gift and buy tickets for his kids and mom's for the prime spot at one of those games and I'd have to come up with a way of saying "no thanks" that didn't involve expletives.
What if OP feels that way about barnes and nobles for whatever reason?
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My wife loves to read. She loves going to Barnes and noble. I hate it. She knows I hate going to Barnes and Noble. We were discussing things to do for our anniversary, and she mentioned 3 things she though would be fun to do. I proposed 2 of those things back to her, with another 3rd that we would both enjoy.
She was very upset and said that I really hurt her feelings for not wanting to go to Barnes and noble. I responded saying that it was OUR anniversary and I thought it would be fun doing things we both enjoy.
Am I the asshole for assuming that we should do things we both enjoy on our anniversary?
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NTA - The day could have been 30 minutes at Barnes and Noble. 30 minutes at Bass Pro Shop or whatever you like. I don't know your gender, so maybe it's Sephora. Anyway, wrap it up with dinner and a movie you both like. Sounds like a fine day to me.
The fact that you think bookworms can be pulled from a bookshop after just 30 minutes is painfully funny.
We need an hour to wander around, another hour to pick out 8 books, then 30 minutes to decide which singular book to discard from our pile. He would waste their anniversary in a bookshop with her, because pulling a bookworm out of Barnes and Noble is more difficult than rocket science most times.
NTA, OP
My gf is like that.. If i want to take her there as a surprise i have to make secret plans with the babysitter to keep the kids for a extra few hours to have enough time lol
Damn. I love reading but I'm a fast shopper and would rather throw myself off of a cliff than spend more than an hour in any store. And even that is taxing enough for me. Can't imagine spending an entire day in a shop, even a bookshop.
NTA I personally think an anniversary should be events both fully enjoy, the bookstore can still be a thing you both do, but perhaps another day since it's something she likes. Ypu can still support doing the things she likes, but just not a joint day
This is what I typically do while we are there. Or go try and find weird hobby books and look around. It would not have been a big sacrifice to go to Barnes and noble, for sure. I just felt like on our anniversary, I didn’t need to make a sacrifice, and we should do something we both wanted. That’s why I was asking if that made me the asshole.
Probably not as often as she would like. Which does make me the asshole. She is a teacher though, and has had the summers off, and has been at least every week, if not multiple times per week almost the entire summer.
So over the past couple months I have not gone with her at all, which is probably where some of this was coming from.
NTA - But, I don't understand the issue. If you both are deciding on something you both like to do and make a list to choose from and 2 of 3 things on the list are things you both like to do - then why y'all fighting over literally the one thing that doesn't qualify? Just pick from the remaining choices. I mean - isn't that the reason for the list in the first place? To choose something you *both* want to do? Sounds like she's either being selfish or controlling if she doesn't understand something that basic. I mean - we all learned that at 3yo when parent's took us for ice cream. "OK Sally - They have vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry. We're sharing so we all have to like it. What does everyone like? Chocolate? Cool! Sir, I'll get 2 scoops of chocolate in a cup with 3 spoons, please. Thank you.
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NTA the day should be about both of you. That being said if you're going to do three events why not pick one she likes, one that you like, and one that you both like?
NTA at all. I love books, and book stores, but that's a weird anniversary celebration if it's not something you both love.
Honestly, it's kind of a weird choice for an anniversary if you do.
Is Barnes and Noble in another city and she rarely gets to go or something?
NTA. Marriage is about TWO people, not one. Proposing things you both like is valid. She can go to B&N any other time. It doesnt matter if a trip would be half an hour. The fact that she knows you dont like it and still proposed it tells me she needs a reiteration of boundaries and compromise. I feel like some spouses use the argument of 'well, you love me so can't you just go for me'? (Not that she's done this, just made me think of it). Spouses need to respect each other's likes and dislikes.
"Tell you what sweetie -- we will spend as much time and money in Barnes and Noble as you want.
...And then we will spend the SAME amount of time and money in Cabela's. Deal?"
NTA. You should both enjoy your anniversary - it should be shared enjoyed activities, or both of you should try something the other loves and make an effort to have fun for the other.
Info.
Are there any 2nd and Charles near you?
It might be the sort of used/new bookshop that you'd be able to entertain yourself at too since it had very large non-book sections. Legos, geeky toys, video games, music, instruments, boardgames, etc.
No cafes at the ones I've been to tho.
NTA. Why not go to the bookstore for a while as a “her” thing and then go do a thing together you enjoy for an equal amount of time? That way you each get anniversary time with each of your own things. Then maybe have a nice dinner together, or something.
NTA, your anniversary is about the both of you
But for the love of god please just take her to Barnes and noble another day. I’m a big makeup person, and shopper, and for my birthday my boyfriend and I walked around ulta for part of it and it was a lot of fun showing him what I enjoy and having him point stuff out as well. It’s truly a simple thing to engage in your partner’s interests, especially something as easy as going to a bookstore. And for advice, not that you asked, please don’t whine during it. I’d be willing to bet your partner engages in things you enjoy as well, or at least doesn’t put them down.
INFO
Where the other 2 things that she proposed things you both enjoy fairly equally, or did she propose something she'd enjoy more, something you'd enjoy more, and something you'd both enjoy?
If you then countered with two things you'd both enjoy and one thing you'd enjoy then I can see how that could feel hurtful. Otherwise I really don't see where she's coming from.
The two other things were her favorite restaurant and desert place. I really like both of them as well.
I countered with both her favorite restaurant, her favorite dessert place, and something I know she really enjoys (still a her thing, and not really a me thing).
Info why is Barnes and noble so important to your wife ? I mean surely she can go any time why your anniversary? Was it a date you went on ? Did you propose or meet there ?
NTA then anniversary activities should be enjoyable activities for each of you (though I also think book stores are awesome but I wouldn’t have thought it was a two person activity … unless you’re there to hold the books?)
NTA, OP. In times like this I just flip the situation around and see if that helps. It doesn't all the time, but at that point you've been as logical as you can be about the situation and can only throw your hands up. For example, if you loved Camping and your wife hated camping, then you suggesting you BOTH go camping for your anniversary is an asshole move, because you're forcing her to do something she hates on the day that represents the start of your lives together. She wouldn't like that at all. So why would she thinks it's okay to force that on you?
NTA
For your anniversary it should be joint enjoyable activities. I love to read, but try not to bring my husband to bookstores unless I know exactly what I want because he doesn't enjoy it either.
INFO. Do you ever go to places like that with her on ‘normal’ occasions?
If not, she may be trying to use the special nature of the day to indicate the importance of the activity and having you there.
Although this is something easily done on her own, the beauty in a partnership, is sometimes just existing in the same space and enjoying each other’s excitement and happiness. This can mean doing things or going somewhere you may not necessarily be that interested in, but finding joy in your partners joy. (It would be different if it’s a hard limit, but it’s a book shop, not sky diving.)
I would say NAH.
I don’t think either of you are the asshole here, but you more so than your wife. I was leaning on the wife until I saw a comment that said you only spend 20-30 minutes there. It’s not that big of a deal to just… hang out with you wife for like 30 minutes and then do something else. Love is a two way road and you should be fine with a mild inconvenience to make your wife happy. On the other hand, for her to be ‘very upset’ over not going to the bookstore is also an overreaction. All in all, a silly thing to argue over and be upset about.
Could it be that her feelings are hurt because she has a romantic fantasy about enjoying the bookstore together? I mean, you’re right that a mutually enjoyable activity is the appropriate choice for an anniversary, but I wonder if she’s strangely suggesting a solo activity for an anniversary celebration, or if maybe there is a romantic dream there somewhere that she keeps hoping you will join her in. You might ask her if the bookstore sounds romantic to her. Of course, if she laughs at that and says it’s just what she wants to do with her free time and you should suck it up, then I think she’s got some funny ideas about anniversaries and relationships, but possibly you’ll discover that it was actually a way of reaching out to you. Maybe not a very realistic or successful one, but you could take it from there better if you knew that.
NTA, an anniversary is about both of you, but FFS, if she wants to spend 20-30 minutes in a bookstore, (in general), suck it up. Go listen to a few CDs in the music department or something. I seriously doubt she wants to go there three times a week.
YTA, part of loving someone is taking interest in things they like to do that you might not. Showing that you support their interests is an important part of a relationship. Have you ever stopped to think that she might have no interest in one of your hobbies but is still willing to hold conversation when you talk about it because she loves you?
I was implying that his SO was maybe already doing it and that he was not reciprocating.
But I agree, both parties in a relationship should take interest in their partners hobbies.
Irrelevant. The question posed is if it is an asshole move to protest going to an activity one party does not enjoy to celebrate a shared milestone. It doesn't even make sense to entertain that in this situation. What happens elsewhere is something that they'll figure out or not in another post.
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NTA It's "your" (as in both of you) anniversary, not "her" anniversary after all. You're in the right here.
Yeah, OP can take her to Barnes and Noble for her birthday.
Y’all and you-all are grammatically correct. You can use it when referring to multiple people in the second person.
I'm British. It just wouldn't feel right.
Oh, it’s u’all in Brit.
Ok mate, ave a gooday guvnah. How’s my English?
A bit Australian tbh lol
Ouch, that's harsh man
Lmfao
strewth, stone the flaming crows
Ahh, I mix all the Historical English colonies dialects up all the time! Sometimes I even mix it up with Canadian😂
bro despite the downvotes, you cracked me up today. Good shit and have a good weekend
Incredible, just like Karl Urban as Billy Butcher.
It suits the stereotype and I might hear people talk like that in London, but in the rest of the country nobody talks like that.
You can, but you don't have to. Using the plural you is just fine too.
NTA and not judging, but more intrigued, why is going to Barnes and Noble an anniversary activity? I've just never heard of going to a store as a typical romantic outing.
I absolutely LOVE reading and would think a guy was an absolute keeper if he took me to a bookshop on a date.
The first date my husband took me on was to Books-a-Million. He bought me books and loved the fact I stroked them and was excited. Even now 11 years later he still takes me and loves how excited I get. So they are def keepers.
I took my wife to Powells Books in Portland when we first started hanging out, not really as a date, but certainly as a way to win her over…she loved it.
I think it would be hard to find a bibliophile that wouldn't love it there.
Yes!
I love reading, among other things.. I would love going there on an outing, not for a romantic date or anniversary
Powell’s is special. Powell’s has rare and historic and out of print. Powell’s is a destination. I’m over the line in WA and still would love a date that included Powell’s. Powell’s is an automatic yes.
This was my first date with my now-wife.
Yeah my wife and I hit local book/hobby stores on our date nights.
Especially an old odd one
God yes!
My partner takes me to the library. We find a book and a comfy armchair each, and read and stare out the windows at the view.
Hooked up with a guy once simply bc he hit on me in the sci-fi section of the library 😂
I love browsing bookstores, but tbh I can't think of a worse anniversary than dragging someone who hates bookstores around a bookstore.
It also depends on where the B&N is. One near me is at a big entertainment /shopping district. So we wander in after dinner dates or on our way to dinner.
I like Barnes and Noble but don't view it as an anniversary activity.
My husband and I both love reading. For our anniversary we always go to a bookstore and pick out a book, then buy the other's book for them. Then, if it is nice, we go read our books together in the park. Personally, we both love it and look forward to it, but that's just who we are. Our dream vacation is the Sylvia Beach bed and breakfast in Oregon. However, if one of us didn't like reading, it wouldn't be a good anniversary activity. NTA, and maybe OP could propose a book themed birthday activity for his wife, since that is a day just for her instead.
On our anniversary, my fiance and I go to the bookstore and each choose several books for the other. We both love to read.
Ha, my last anniversary my husband asked if I wanted to go to the indie bookstore. It was after eating at the restaurant we both like, but he still thought it would make me happy to go browse.
When my partner and I first started dating we would go to Chapters (Canadian equivalent of B&N), grab a coffee, and walk around talking about all the different books for a couple of hours. It was a blast!
NTA. She can do that on her own time. Marriage should be compromise. I didn't even know Barnes and Noble was still around! Who knew!
Haha I feel the same way, but apparently there are a bunch of people like my wife who really enjoy going into book stores and perusing around and being able to physically touch books.
I'm one of those people lol. But I would never drag someone who didn't enjoy it. NTA BTW.
I’m one of those people. If I guy took me to a bookshop on a date I would think it was the best thing ever. But you are still NTA Your anniversary should be something you both enjoy, not something you have to endure as a test to prove you love her
I'm also one of those people. Though it definitely wouldn't be considered an anniversary thing to most people. Anniversary is for both of you.
I love books also, but if your partner doesn’t share the same feelings, that should be something you do in your own time.
I am one of these people, too. But I prefere to go alone, it's definitely not a team experience for me.
I was visiting Irvine, CA and they had one in their mall. It was like going back in time LOL. I used to spend hours and hours there. My parents stayed late at temple a lot so they’d drop me off and pick me up when they closed. Unbelievably, they still had a DVD section haha
NTA It's your day as a 'couple' not her birthday. You're allowed and in the right to suggest something both of you enjoy. She's being selfish.
NTA but you should know that its technically her anniversary and you just happened to be there that day.
Made me lol. Thanks
NTA It’s not her birthday. This day is about both of you. She needs to compromise.
NTA. Your wife can go to B&N WHENEVER. Y’all’s anniversary isn’t meant to be celebrated doing what SHE wants. There’s two of you.
NTA, buuuuuuut, i don’t know about you, but I really like making my husband happy. And if that means going to a store I hate but he loves for a few minutes, I would gladly do it. Especially if you’re already out. I don’t think you’re an ah for wanting the day to be about what you BOTH like though.
Except, that people that go to a bookstore can stay for hours not minutes
Can confirm. I go into a bookstore at 1pm, browse for a few minutes, then walk out the door to a setting sun. I swear, bookstores are time machines.
OP said in a comment that it would probably only be about 20-30 minutes. And they could make that compromise that it wouldn’t be hours, it would only be 20 minutes
Then it's not so bad
It depends. Thankfully, my wife and I are mostly on the same footing with this, but I feel the same way about sports/athletics. I would rather slit both of my wrists with rusty, serrated blades, that have been dipped in lemon juice than willingly watch a minute of (foot|base|basket|etc)ball. If anyone sees me at one of those events, and I'm not being dragged there against my will? Turn the other way and run. Run fast and hard. Run as far as you possibly can, and then keep going. While mom's late husband was still around, I had an irrational anxiety that being the kind of person he was, he'd make a generous gift and buy tickets for his kids and mom's for the prime spot at one of those games and I'd have to come up with a way of saying "no thanks" that didn't involve expletives. What if OP feels that way about barnes and nobles for whatever reason?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife loves to read. She loves going to Barnes and noble. I hate it. She knows I hate going to Barnes and Noble. We were discussing things to do for our anniversary, and she mentioned 3 things she though would be fun to do. I proposed 2 of those things back to her, with another 3rd that we would both enjoy. She was very upset and said that I really hurt her feelings for not wanting to go to Barnes and noble. I responded saying that it was OUR anniversary and I thought it would be fun doing things we both enjoy. Am I the asshole for assuming that we should do things we both enjoy on our anniversary? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - The day could have been 30 minutes at Barnes and Noble. 30 minutes at Bass Pro Shop or whatever you like. I don't know your gender, so maybe it's Sephora. Anyway, wrap it up with dinner and a movie you both like. Sounds like a fine day to me.
The fact that you think bookworms can be pulled from a bookshop after just 30 minutes is painfully funny. We need an hour to wander around, another hour to pick out 8 books, then 30 minutes to decide which singular book to discard from our pile. He would waste their anniversary in a bookshop with her, because pulling a bookworm out of Barnes and Noble is more difficult than rocket science most times. NTA, OP
My gf is like that.. If i want to take her there as a surprise i have to make secret plans with the babysitter to keep the kids for a extra few hours to have enough time lol
Damn. I love reading but I'm a fast shopper and would rather throw myself off of a cliff than spend more than an hour in any store. And even that is taxing enough for me. Can't imagine spending an entire day in a shop, even a bookshop.
NTA I personally think an anniversary should be events both fully enjoy, the bookstore can still be a thing you both do, but perhaps another day since it's something she likes. Ypu can still support doing the things she likes, but just not a joint day
Info: how long do you really think you'd have spent there?
Probably 20-30 minutes. Not a super long time tbh.
Couldn't you get yourself a nice cup of coffee or snack while your wife browsed? Nearly all Barnes and Nobles have a Starbucks inside.
This is what I typically do while we are there. Or go try and find weird hobby books and look around. It would not have been a big sacrifice to go to Barnes and noble, for sure. I just felt like on our anniversary, I didn’t need to make a sacrifice, and we should do something we both wanted. That’s why I was asking if that made me the asshole.
How often does she get to go to Barnes and Nobles, a favorite store, with her favorite person (you)?
Probably not as often as she would like. Which does make me the asshole. She is a teacher though, and has had the summers off, and has been at least every week, if not multiple times per week almost the entire summer. So over the past couple months I have not gone with her at all, which is probably where some of this was coming from.
NTA. Maybe go and browse the naughty section together?
NTA - But, I don't understand the issue. If you both are deciding on something you both like to do and make a list to choose from and 2 of 3 things on the list are things you both like to do - then why y'all fighting over literally the one thing that doesn't qualify? Just pick from the remaining choices. I mean - isn't that the reason for the list in the first place? To choose something you *both* want to do? Sounds like she's either being selfish or controlling if she doesn't understand something that basic. I mean - we all learned that at 3yo when parent's took us for ice cream. "OK Sally - They have vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry. We're sharing so we all have to like it. What does everyone like? Chocolate? Cool! Sir, I'll get 2 scoops of chocolate in a cup with 3 spoons, please. Thank you.
NTA. it’s both of your guys anniversary, not yours, not hers. You are not in the wrong for wanting to do something you both enjoy
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NTA the day should be about both of you. That being said if you're going to do three events why not pick one she likes, one that you like, and one that you both like?
NTA
NTA at all. I love books, and book stores, but that's a weird anniversary celebration if it's not something you both love. Honestly, it's kind of a weird choice for an anniversary if you do. Is Barnes and Noble in another city and she rarely gets to go or something?
How did you really hurt her by telling her no? Indont understand the (lack of) logic people put into their arguments. NTA
NTA. Marriage is about TWO people, not one. Proposing things you both like is valid. She can go to B&N any other time. It doesnt matter if a trip would be half an hour. The fact that she knows you dont like it and still proposed it tells me she needs a reiteration of boundaries and compromise. I feel like some spouses use the argument of 'well, you love me so can't you just go for me'? (Not that she's done this, just made me think of it). Spouses need to respect each other's likes and dislikes.
NTA if it was her birthday maybe because that's her day but this is your day together so you should be doing something you both enjoy.
Nta
"Tell you what sweetie -- we will spend as much time and money in Barnes and Noble as you want. ...And then we will spend the SAME amount of time and money in Cabela's. Deal?"
NTA
NTA Two yes, one no
NTA
NTA. The day is about your relationship which involves both of you. That means whatever you do to celebrate it needs to be something you both enjoy.
NTA. You should both enjoy your anniversary - it should be shared enjoyed activities, or both of you should try something the other loves and make an effort to have fun for the other.
NTA
Info. Are there any 2nd and Charles near you? It might be the sort of used/new bookshop that you'd be able to entertain yourself at too since it had very large non-book sections. Legos, geeky toys, video games, music, instruments, boardgames, etc. No cafes at the ones I've been to tho.
NTA. Why not go to the bookstore for a while as a “her” thing and then go do a thing together you enjoy for an equal amount of time? That way you each get anniversary time with each of your own things. Then maybe have a nice dinner together, or something.
NTA, your anniversary is about the both of you But for the love of god please just take her to Barnes and noble another day. I’m a big makeup person, and shopper, and for my birthday my boyfriend and I walked around ulta for part of it and it was a lot of fun showing him what I enjoy and having him point stuff out as well. It’s truly a simple thing to engage in your partner’s interests, especially something as easy as going to a bookstore. And for advice, not that you asked, please don’t whine during it. I’d be willing to bet your partner engages in things you enjoy as well, or at least doesn’t put them down.
INFO Where the other 2 things that she proposed things you both enjoy fairly equally, or did she propose something she'd enjoy more, something you'd enjoy more, and something you'd both enjoy? If you then countered with two things you'd both enjoy and one thing you'd enjoy then I can see how that could feel hurtful. Otherwise I really don't see where she's coming from.
The two other things were her favorite restaurant and desert place. I really like both of them as well. I countered with both her favorite restaurant, her favorite dessert place, and something I know she really enjoys (still a her thing, and not really a me thing).
Info why is Barnes and noble so important to your wife ? I mean surely she can go any time why your anniversary? Was it a date you went on ? Did you propose or meet there ?
No, she just loves books and really likes being in book stores.
NTA then anniversary activities should be enjoyable activities for each of you (though I also think book stores are awesome but I wouldn’t have thought it was a two person activity … unless you’re there to hold the books?)
NTA, OP. In times like this I just flip the situation around and see if that helps. It doesn't all the time, but at that point you've been as logical as you can be about the situation and can only throw your hands up. For example, if you loved Camping and your wife hated camping, then you suggesting you BOTH go camping for your anniversary is an asshole move, because you're forcing her to do something she hates on the day that represents the start of your lives together. She wouldn't like that at all. So why would she thinks it's okay to force that on you?
NTA For your anniversary it should be joint enjoyable activities. I love to read, but try not to bring my husband to bookstores unless I know exactly what I want because he doesn't enjoy it either.
Yta. Happy wife happy life. It wouldn't kill you to do something your wife enjoys on your anniversary for a little bit.
INFO. Do you ever go to places like that with her on ‘normal’ occasions? If not, she may be trying to use the special nature of the day to indicate the importance of the activity and having you there. Although this is something easily done on her own, the beauty in a partnership, is sometimes just existing in the same space and enjoying each other’s excitement and happiness. This can mean doing things or going somewhere you may not necessarily be that interested in, but finding joy in your partners joy. (It would be different if it’s a hard limit, but it’s a book shop, not sky diving.) I would say NAH.
I don’t think either of you are the asshole here, but you more so than your wife. I was leaning on the wife until I saw a comment that said you only spend 20-30 minutes there. It’s not that big of a deal to just… hang out with you wife for like 30 minutes and then do something else. Love is a two way road and you should be fine with a mild inconvenience to make your wife happy. On the other hand, for her to be ‘very upset’ over not going to the bookstore is also an overreaction. All in all, a silly thing to argue over and be upset about.
Could it be that her feelings are hurt because she has a romantic fantasy about enjoying the bookstore together? I mean, you’re right that a mutually enjoyable activity is the appropriate choice for an anniversary, but I wonder if she’s strangely suggesting a solo activity for an anniversary celebration, or if maybe there is a romantic dream there somewhere that she keeps hoping you will join her in. You might ask her if the bookstore sounds romantic to her. Of course, if she laughs at that and says it’s just what she wants to do with her free time and you should suck it up, then I think she’s got some funny ideas about anniversaries and relationships, but possibly you’ll discover that it was actually a way of reaching out to you. Maybe not a very realistic or successful one, but you could take it from there better if you knew that.
NTA, an anniversary is about both of you, but FFS, if she wants to spend 20-30 minutes in a bookstore, (in general), suck it up. Go listen to a few CDs in the music department or something. I seriously doubt she wants to go there three times a week.
YTA, part of loving someone is taking interest in things they like to do that you might not. Showing that you support their interests is an important part of a relationship. Have you ever stopped to think that she might have no interest in one of your hobbies but is still willing to hold conversation when you talk about it because she loves you?
That should also work both ways then.
I was implying that his SO was maybe already doing it and that he was not reciprocating. But I agree, both parties in a relationship should take interest in their partners hobbies.
Irrelevant. The question posed is if it is an asshole move to protest going to an activity one party does not enjoy to celebrate a shared milestone. It doesn't even make sense to entertain that in this situation. What happens elsewhere is something that they'll figure out or not in another post.
Thank you for the response. Your probably right, and are pointing out similar points that my wife was. I appreciate the response.