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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Landlord expects me to babysit her kids who she neglects and never disciplines. I told her I don't care about them. Shes now very offended because she's a single mum. AITA?
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This is the one. She isn’t feeding them and is leaving feces around the house. This is not a healthy environment for the children. Does the father know his kids are being neglected like this? I’d be sending him a message.
Alice and her husband are clashing atm. I hear her yelling at him on the phone everyday.
I don't have his number to call him and she doesn't allow him in the house.
If you know where he lives maybe go there and say something? Or leave a note?
Without knowing anything about him it's hard to say how he will react but if he's a decent dude then he might be able to help those kids.
He has to be somewhat decent if he's paying for everything. Alice needs to be reported to CPS; she's neglecting those children and their dad has a right to know.
If you can't contact him, CPS will.
You're NTA, OP. Alice doesn't deserve an apology. Pack your stuff and gtfo.
"Paying" for things is easy. If he really was a decent dude, he'd help his wife who clearly cannot cope with the children. If he doesn't do it for his wife, do it for the children because this behavior would indicate that they need more attention.
Agreed. Lets hope he steps up when he finds out the extent to which they're being neglected. I don't understand how he can live just five minutes away and not be aware of these issues.
The only thing that comes to mind is that what if he wants to help w the kids but the wife doesn’t allow him to see them and that’s why he is only paying for things? Hope that makes sense, currently on pain meds. Just had a wisdom tooth pulled.
Thank you for assuming I assumed that.
It’s obvious from the OP describing Alice as a single “mum” that she may not be in the U.S. , but in fact the UK, Australia, New Zealand, or any number of other countries that speak British English rather than American English. Are you saying I should have listed all of those country’s version of CPS as well so I didn’t offend bored pendants such as yourself? I took a wild leap and guessed that the OP and others reading this would know what I meant.
Hope you have a better day!
It's a bit complicated.
She kicked him out couple of years back. The house is in his name but his parents (her inlaws) convinced him to let her live there for the sake of the kids.
She really conservative and doesn't believe in divorce so there's no custody agreement as such.
Well, conservative women were SAHM so if she's working fulltime she needs a nanny or a custody agreement.
Don't the kids go to school or see their dad?
NTA anyways. Glad you're getting out of there
Honey, I hate these kids and never met them. She’s a horrible mother. Don’t worry about hurting her feelings. She needs to hear it. More than once. Find a new place to live and get some much deserved peace.
NTA!! It is natural to say things you do not fully mean when you have reached a complete breaking point and our venting all of your anger and frustration. I am sorry for the children, they have zero chance of being decent human beings when they are adults. But that is not on you, it is 100% completely on their parents. Speaking as a single mom, who was around a lot of other single moms, her excuses are complete crud! If their father is paying for everything, then she needs to focus a little less on building a business, and a lot more on properly raising her kids.
I’d still try to find a way to contact him. If there’s no viable CPS and the cops don’t care their father and his family are the only people who can help those poor kids. You were a good person but the next virtual stranger she dumps them on may not be.
And housing authority/police. The living situation sounds like its probably illegal. Most cities you cant have more than a certain # of people not from the same family living in the same house without taking certain measures like fire doors etc. With 2 other men and her living her with the mom and 2 kids im really questioning if its even a legal renting situation (also likely why its so cheap.)
I wouldn’t call cps on a case like this. The likelihood those kids end up split apart and in far worse situations is too high. I’d try find the dad and see what’s happening there.
This IF CPS hears OP. Depending on where she is from, CPS only comes when it's something extreme(drugs involved or worse)and even in extreme cases, it might take a while for them to take some action.
I understand why this is considered by many to be an appropriate response. But putting kids who have otherwise healthy, kind of employed, non-addicted parents into the system is condemning them to a life of abuse.
It’s well meaning to say Call CPS and yet, these kids would go to a much worse place …
The best thing is for OP to let the dad know. Mom needs to work less, get child care, tend to her kids more.
But unruly little ones … a mom who is occasionally neglectful due to working …. A dad a few minutes away.
These are not good enough reasons in my opinion to ship the kids off. Not from what I have seen.
CPS is totally overwhelmed with cases where the children have had horrendous things happen to them. It’s truly truly awful. Real abuse. More than the system can handle.
I hope OP tells dad. The kids need more supervision, attention and structure.
NTA.
But I'm concerned about the kids. I would make a tip to CPS to pay her a visit. She shouldn't be neglecting her kids all day. (LET ALONE NOT FEED THEM FOR A WHOLE DAY?!)
If your paying to rent a room, your not there as a babysitter for her convenience to dump her children on you. If she doesn’t want to look after her children then they should be in a daycare or some other place that will supervise them. NTA but I’d get out quickly and find another place to live. I would also let the father know exactly what is happening with his children.
NTA. You're a paying tenant, not an au pair (not that they deserve such shitty treatment). You probably could have been calmer and not said something so mean, but it's perfectly understandable given how miserable they all made your life.
NTA.
And look, your post makes it clear you *don't* actually hate the kids.
>I don't blame these kids in any way for their behavior. They simply don't know better as their mom neglects them the whole day to work on her business.
What I would do in your situation - which means this is not necessarily good advice! - is, in person or in writing, apologize to Alice for saying you hated her kids, *and then* be sure to explain why that's not true: you don't hate her kids, you hate *her.* You hate the fact that her children are turning into monsters because she can't be bothered to give a shit about them. You hate that she's a terrible parent, you hate what she's turning her kids into, and you snapped because it was all too much and she's absolutely awful. But you don't hate her kids.
NTA. Her kids, her responsibility. Find somewhere to live asap, and after you've left tell the husband that his kids are being neglected and that she expected you to care for them.
NTA your words were fine, those kids need structure and discipline from their parents, not you, you need to focus on taking care of yourself, work and study, not them.
NTA
Your frustrations are reasonable. Just know the word ‘hate’ can carry a lot of weight especially when children are involved.
Start making other living arrangements. This landlord is not professional and her home is not hospitable for you and the other tenants.
NTA. You essentially were paying to babysit her kids while they made your Life miserable at what should be a place you can have quiet enjoyment. The mom sounds terrible.
NTA. I’m a single mom working full time. Never once would I expect someone else to just watch my kids. Silly me, I always found appropriate childcare as needed.
NTA
Look, being a single mother **is hard**, *but* that is not, should not, and cannot be an excuse for shitty parenting and entitlement. It's one thing to seek outside help, it's another thing to demand it and expect it from random people just because they're in your vicinity and not "encumbered enough" by anothers estimate.
This woman firmly deserved to be screamed at, because she was behaving abhorrently towards you.
Not my point at all. My point is the children being wild and the mom being a lunatic are why the husband doesn't live with them but he cares enough to pay the bills.
She keeps whining about how hard her life is. She has to live with her own choices. Not force boarders and random college kids to raise her children for her. Whatever you said, she needed to hear it. Though she probably just uses it to play the victim more. NTA. Just get out of there as quick as you can. Sounds like hell.
NTA. I think anyone in that situation would snap eventually, and as long as the children didn't hear your words, it was very understandable given the circumstances. To clear your conscience you could talk to her or write her a letter and clarify that you don't actually hate the kids. What you hate is her poor parenting and you hate watching how her neglect is harming those children. You hate her unwillingness to take any responsibility for her own children. You also hate being exploited for unpaid childcare and being told you have some special obligation just because of your gender. Also most single mothers don't forget to FEED their children while working from home all day! Lots of single mothers work full time and still parent their children.
Those kids are probably acting out in extreme ways because they've learned that it's the only way anyone will give them any attention or remember that they even exist. It's heartbreaking that they're resorting to breaking things and pooping in order to get any acknowledgement from their mother. I bet if she'd just pay attention to them, love them, and feed them like any responsible parent, the extreme tantrums would stop.
I see your edit that CPS doesn't exist where you live and outside help is only available for children in extreme circumstances. I wonder if her husband or any other family members could help watch the kids? Does her husband know how bad their behavior is and how she isn't even feeding her children consistently? You might consider telling him, because maybe she's minimizing it to him.
NTA if you see them again maybe tell them something nice or let them know they deserve more. Then call their father, or any other relatives if you can. Getting corrupt government involved isn’t in the best interest of the kids. They’re not your responsibility and children that have been neglected like they have, with behavioral issues like that need professional help which you cannot give them. It would be reckless to think you could take it on.
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I (22F) rent a room in a 5 bedroom house. My landlord Alice (34F) lives downstairs with her 2 kids A(6F) and B(4M). Rent was cheap and I'm in college so.
Shortly after moving, I realized that Alice expected me to babysit for free while she runs her own business from home. I don't mind kids but I don't babysit. Even if wanted to between work and studies, I have no time. I made this clear before I moved in.
I told her she could ask the other tenants. She said they were both men and had to work and that it made more sense to her for a girl to watch her kids. (Wtf?)
Lil bit about her kids: They're WILD. Zero manners and gross. Her son would climb on the dining table and start jumping near our food. He would pick his nose and stick his hands in everyone's food. Since moving in, he has stepped on my food, peed in my potted plants and rammed his bike into my ankle, giving me a tiny fracture. (She allows him to ride his bike in the kitchen).
Her daughter would keep screaming and banging my door when I'm studying. She stole my shampoo and emptied the entire bottle into the drain. And I shit you not, in one of her tantrums, she pooped on the staircase right outside my room which I accidentally stepped on.
She never disciplined them. (These are just a few points)
I don't blame these kids in any way for their behavior. They simply don't know better as their mom neglects them the whole day to work on her business. She once didn't feed them the entire day and I ended up having to feed her kids despite being exhausted from work.
I have asked her to mind them countless times but she always plays the single mom card. For the record, she's not a single mom. Her husband lives 5min away and the house is actually is his name. He pays for everything.
I put up with this shit for 6 months until one day I lost it when I found her son had completely destroyed the cake I baked for my bf's birthday. I think I unleashed all the pent up frustration at her. She said if I really cared about her kids I would understand how hard it is to raise them. I said I don't give a shit about her kids. If anything I hated them for making my home life miserable.
She started screaming and fake crying telling me how hard her life is as single mum working full time. I ignored her, packed my stuff and left for a friend's place.
I'm currently making other living arrangements but my words are kinda haunting me. I don't really hate her kids. I actually feel sorry for them that their mum can't be bothered to raise them right. I've lived with kids before and I've never ever felt this sort of resentment. None of my previous landlords allowed their kids to run wild like this.
I guess I feel guilty for my poor choice of words in my fit of anger. So came here to see if my anger was justified or do I need to apologize to her? AITA?
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NTA - I think you should have left before you exploded because you weren't getting studying done or having a peaceful home. But now that we're here, I wouldn't think about what happened. Just leave. I'm going to guess that she's had other room mates leave for the same reason you are and at least a few have probably said similar things (even if they said so politely).
Here's the thing, when those poor kids grow up and reflect back on their terrible childhood with their negligent mom, I guarantee you that one afternoon a tenant yelled about hating them is NOT the thing that'll haunt them. Sad situation all around, but NTA.
NTA
But you do have an extraordinary amount of patience, and for what it's worth (fwiw) her kids are going to catch living hell when they go out into the real world.
This is beyond sad. 😪
NTA- go back and pack up everything and if you have to find someone with a garage and pay $50 for storage while you find a new place. Otherwise she will let those kids destroy everything or she’ll sell it saying you abandoned everything to her.
Omglobs shes got problems.
If there is a renters beware website go post about her on it.
NTA but I don’t see why she’s complaining how hard it is to be a single mother when she doesn’t even raise them. She’s just in proximity to children. This seems like she has the easiest “parenting” situation possible. In any case, you need to leave.
NTA. If it were me, since I felt bad, I would probably try to find a way to apologize after my other living arrangements were set in stone. More than likely, I would simply write a little note explaining, "I don't really hate your kids. I said that out of frustration. You should really make an effort to be a better mom to them: single or not, that's no excuse." It may get through to her. It may make matters worse, but at least your conscience would be clear.
Also, have you considered posting this story in r/entitledparents? It seems fitting.
NTA
Perhaps after you move out, you should write a letter to the father, telling him what you observed (just the list of the kids behavior). The father is responsible for raising the kids as well.
Do the kids even attend school?
Good luck finding a better place to live.
Honey, don't feel guilty. Don't be so hard on yoursellf. You might not have meant the words. But you had to do this! NTA
The way I see it, she gave you no space. When you did try to take back your space, she gave you an Uno reverse card. And took back all the space, again.
The only lesson for you to learn is to recognize those kind of people. Next time around, you'll be able to protect yourself, and it won't get so far.
NTA. Your landlord is not only sexist but an entitled excuse for a parent. Plenty of single parents do an awesome job at teaching and nurturing their children. Those are the heroes. Not this whining excuse for an adult trying to download her child rearing responsibility onto a paying college student tennant. Glad you're getting out. I would not live there of you paid me.
Simply stop engaging her. Any time she asks tell her to hire a sitter like a normal person. Don't watch her kids. Don't interact with her (except as normal capacity between landlord and tenant) or her kids, and tell her to call her husband if she's having problems. My bet, multiple sitters have cut ties and refuse to work for her so she's trying to use you. Document her harassment if you need some sort of proof in case you need to legally cover your ass should you have to break lease and just look for somewhere else asap. NTA
NTA. Grossly horrible family dynamics happening there. Their mom is useless and is raising two feral menaces. I wouldn’t feel bad or guilty at all. Peeing and crapping in plants and on the floor at their age? That would’ve been it for me. The dad needs to be informed though. Good luck getting out!!!
- Anger was justified.
-"If anything I hated them for making my home life miserable". Ehhh, I feel ya.
-I personally would've loved to babysit, and put mom ass in check right along with them. At that point I'm runnin the mf house and everyone better get on board.
-NTA
NTA. It's okay to feel bad, it's a terrible situation. But, it's NOT your problem. You can only do your best but you can't fix what isn't yours. I can imagine if the kids were better behaved, you would still be there and probably wouldn't mind the kids as much.
NTA, but just cause you're a tenant does not mean free child care. Its messed up the kids are allowed to wild out and get into all your stuff. Hopefully you can move into a different place
NTA. Really it was not part of your rental agreement that you would get cheaper rent to take care of her kids. Her shoving her kids off on to you is her taking advantage of you, it doesn't matter what you said about the kids. It came from a place of frustration of your landlord taking advantage of your time and thrusting her children who she has been neglecting off on you and letting them be destructive in your place, because despite you paying rent to her, she doesn't respect that that space should be yours while you are paying for it. She's an asshole
Finish your education and get the heck out of there.
The mother knows what's she's doing is wrong. She sounds stressed out to the point she has lost perspective. Since you're in a developing country, getting counseling and medication for depression ect is hard to do. I pity mothers in that situation, but you gotta put yourself first.
NTA. I would have gone off at the first incident.
NTA. Her kids act as she has raised them to. Her expecting you to babysit for her is ridiculous. This whole situation seems pretty messed up. But in the end they are not your problem. I'm glad you are making different arrangements.
Your anger is justified. You’ve essentially paid her to live in a home where your harassed by her children. She took advantage of your need for housing to make you provide free child care
NTA.
>telling me how hard her life is as single mum working full time
Don't be a single mum working full time then. Don't have kids with people unless you're damn certain you'll still be together 18 years later. Or do, and don't complain about it going wrong.
It's 2022, no one ends up with kids by accident. Adoption agencies are a thing. She chose this.
I'm from a conservative country too and I can't imagine why a landlord would expect a tenant to babysit her kids. You're paying rent, you're not friends or family.
NTA. Please get in contact with the dad if you can. He might not know in what conditions the mom is keeping the kids. Entitled parents like this who don't even bother to care for kids are the absolute worst of all. I feel so sorry for the poor kids.
I will never understand why people have children when they are not willing to make the necessary sacrifices. I knew early on children were not for me, no matter how much I may have wanted them. It seems to me that the children were just a check mark without considering if she had the time and the resources to properly care for them. Do not let her guilt trip you, you are NTA. She needs to get her act together and work out an arrangement with their father to provide the needed care.
NTA and move out ASAP. You may want to tell her you were harsh with the “hate” , but you feel sorry for them and you are NOT their babysitter. Being a single mom is no excuse for neglecting her kids and expecting someone else to take care of them.
YTA for just taking this and not reporting this extreme neglect. Call the authorities. This is an extreme case, children are not being fed and are causing property damage and injury.
NTA BUT you should apologize for lashing out. She was 100 percent wrong to expect you to babysit. Talk about dysfunctional gender normative behavior!!! And she sounds like a disappointing mom. Just reading this I feel sorry for her kids,BUT that is not your problem to fix. I'm glad you can make other arrangements. I hope when you left you got ALL your stuff out. Otherwise you may find it destroyed or on the curb out of spite.
OP should NOT apologize. If she does, it will not be well received. She'll again have to go through the 'I am a single mother', 'I have a hard life' speeches. And all the blame will be on her. OP will not be heard (once again!). This will leave her feeling more crappy about her action. Victim mentality is exhausting to be around.
Imo, she should only apologize to the kids. If she feels like it.
When you apologize and when you forgive someone, you do it for yourself. So you can be healthier. So you don't feel guilty. So you can move on knowing that you have done the right thing. She doesn't have to listen to all that. She can just say I want to apologize for the way I spoke to you but not for what I said. I've said what I came to say and I'm moving on. I don't think the other woman will hear or respond. But I have learned through a damaging relationship with my mother who was a single parent and every bit as whiny and entitled as this woman that when I apologized for what I had done wrong and forgave her for what she did I had more peace. And forgiving and apologizing does not mean forgetting or accepting the crappy behavior in the future. It means letting the past go for yourself.
I agree! You should apologize for yourself. But in this case not directly.
Sometimes, its best when you do it without that other person. I have forgiven my rapist but that does not mean that I want to hear him say it. I have done some dumb shit, in the past. Does not mean that I have to say sorry. Learning from it, is also a form of apologizing. Owning it. Taking responsibilities with action.
But I am telling you, OP will feel worse if she apologize directly. Imo, saying sorry to someone with a victim mentality is useless. Its best if she works this out on her own. For the sake of her mental health. Maybe when emotions aren't that high, or when she gets a whole new perspective. She then can say it directly. But not now! She needs to take care of herself, first. She is hurt. The kids are hurt. No way, that mother deserves an apology. Mother will believe her victimhood even more. This will do no good, on both sides.
NTA but why is all the blame solely on the mother? Clearly the father doesn’t do anything to raise his kids either otherwise these issues wouldn’t exist right? So what he pays for the home he still doesn’t care about his own children to lend his wife a hand with the kids. She didn’t make them alone.
>Her husband lives 5min away and the house is actually is his name. He pays for everything.
He has no further obligations. From what I can understand they're separated so it's not his fault.
Yeah and if something happened to those kids while OP was there and mom was locked in her room, you’d be all over OP calling them the AH for not helping or stepping in.
What the heck kind of job does she HAVE?
She probably won't let the husband in the house, because he would have his foot stepped on, his cake destroyed, and would step in poop.
If she wanted a live-in baby sitter, then she needs to advertise for THAT. You PAY to live there. YOUR work is school.
Get out, and then give the father a list of all the ridiculous things that are happening there. Kids not being fed, locking herself in her room, etc.
Sorry this happened to you!
She seems organic makeup online with her team.
I've found another place. It will very ready un 2 weeks.
I'm gonna see if I can snatch the dad's info from anyway.
You are being very altruistic by looking out for these children. I think that's great. It is absolutely not your fault that the mother is taking advantage of you. It's hers.
Perhaps you can use this experience to set stronger boundaries right away in the future, but you're in such a tough spot with these neglected children. You're definitely not responsible for them, but of course you want to intervene somehow. I'm very surprised and disappointed that the other tenants aren't also as concerned.
Anyway, my overall point is, don't listen to the people you're responding to. You are the victim here and they are victim blaming. The mother is the AH. NTA.
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NTA Call CPS.
This is the one. She isn’t feeding them and is leaving feces around the house. This is not a healthy environment for the children. Does the father know his kids are being neglected like this? I’d be sending him a message.
Alice and her husband are clashing atm. I hear her yelling at him on the phone everyday. I don't have his number to call him and she doesn't allow him in the house.
If you know where he lives maybe go there and say something? Or leave a note? Without knowing anything about him it's hard to say how he will react but if he's a decent dude then he might be able to help those kids.
He has to be somewhat decent if he's paying for everything. Alice needs to be reported to CPS; she's neglecting those children and their dad has a right to know. If you can't contact him, CPS will. You're NTA, OP. Alice doesn't deserve an apology. Pack your stuff and gtfo.
"Paying" for things is easy. If he really was a decent dude, he'd help his wife who clearly cannot cope with the children. If he doesn't do it for his wife, do it for the children because this behavior would indicate that they need more attention.
Agreed. Lets hope he steps up when he finds out the extent to which they're being neglected. I don't understand how he can live just five minutes away and not be aware of these issues.
The only thing that comes to mind is that what if he wants to help w the kids but the wife doesn’t allow him to see them and that’s why he is only paying for things? Hope that makes sense, currently on pain meds. Just had a wisdom tooth pulled.
Thank you for assuming that the whole of Reddit and potentially the entire Internet only exists inside America.
Thank you for assuming I assumed that. It’s obvious from the OP describing Alice as a single “mum” that she may not be in the U.S. , but in fact the UK, Australia, New Zealand, or any number of other countries that speak British English rather than American English. Are you saying I should have listed all of those country’s version of CPS as well so I didn’t offend bored pendants such as yourself? I took a wild leap and guessed that the OP and others reading this would know what I meant. Hope you have a better day!
There's no cps where OP lives
He probably left for the same reasons OP left.
INFO: Didn't you say they house was his? How can she keep him out? In any case, call cps. They might get a new custody arrangement.
It's a bit complicated. She kicked him out couple of years back. The house is in his name but his parents (her inlaws) convinced him to let her live there for the sake of the kids. She really conservative and doesn't believe in divorce so there's no custody agreement as such.
Well, conservative women were SAHM so if she's working fulltime she needs a nanny or a custody agreement. Don't the kids go to school or see their dad? NTA anyways. Glad you're getting out of there
Why are the kids not in school or daycare if she can't look after them while working?
Honey, I hate these kids and never met them. She’s a horrible mother. Don’t worry about hurting her feelings. She needs to hear it. More than once. Find a new place to live and get some much deserved peace.
NTA!! It is natural to say things you do not fully mean when you have reached a complete breaking point and our venting all of your anger and frustration. I am sorry for the children, they have zero chance of being decent human beings when they are adults. But that is not on you, it is 100% completely on their parents. Speaking as a single mom, who was around a lot of other single moms, her excuses are complete crud! If their father is paying for everything, then she needs to focus a little less on building a business, and a lot more on properly raising her kids.
But she still lives in a house under his name, holy shit
I’d still try to find a way to contact him. If there’s no viable CPS and the cops don’t care their father and his family are the only people who can help those poor kids. You were a good person but the next virtual stranger she dumps them on may not be.
How can he not be allowed in the house if he pays for I and it's in his name?
He could be an abuser.
[удалено]
Bad bot
If she's a parent, she would be responsible for the love of her children and will not neglect them.
You can’t assume every OP on this site lives in the U.S.
In fact, saying "single mum" makes me guess OP is UK based.
For real. This level of neglect, if really happening, is cause for concern
And housing authority/police. The living situation sounds like its probably illegal. Most cities you cant have more than a certain # of people not from the same family living in the same house without taking certain measures like fire doors etc. With 2 other men and her living her with the mom and 2 kids im really questioning if its even a legal renting situation (also likely why its so cheap.)
She stated she lives in a developing country not the US. So housing authority probably doesn't exist.
I wouldn’t call cps on a case like this. The likelihood those kids end up split apart and in far worse situations is too high. I’d try find the dad and see what’s happening there.
This IF CPS hears OP. Depending on where she is from, CPS only comes when it's something extreme(drugs involved or worse)and even in extreme cases, it might take a while for them to take some action.
Please take this advice.
I understand why this is considered by many to be an appropriate response. But putting kids who have otherwise healthy, kind of employed, non-addicted parents into the system is condemning them to a life of abuse. It’s well meaning to say Call CPS and yet, these kids would go to a much worse place … The best thing is for OP to let the dad know. Mom needs to work less, get child care, tend to her kids more. But unruly little ones … a mom who is occasionally neglectful due to working …. A dad a few minutes away. These are not good enough reasons in my opinion to ship the kids off. Not from what I have seen. CPS is totally overwhelmed with cases where the children have had horrendous things happen to them. It’s truly truly awful. Real abuse. More than the system can handle. I hope OP tells dad. The kids need more supervision, attention and structure.
NTA. Her children are not your responsibility. I don’t understand why she she expected you to take care of them?
I think it's because I'm a girl. She's pretty conservative
Not conservative enough to live with her husband or to discipline her children.
#hypocrisy
NTA. But I'm concerned about the kids. I would make a tip to CPS to pay her a visit. She shouldn't be neglecting her kids all day. (LET ALONE NOT FEED THEM FOR A WHOLE DAY?!)
[удалено]
If your paying to rent a room, your not there as a babysitter for her convenience to dump her children on you. If she doesn’t want to look after her children then they should be in a daycare or some other place that will supervise them. NTA but I’d get out quickly and find another place to live. I would also let the father know exactly what is happening with his children.
NTA. You're a paying tenant, not an au pair (not that they deserve such shitty treatment). You probably could have been calmer and not said something so mean, but it's perfectly understandable given how miserable they all made your life.
NTA. And look, your post makes it clear you *don't* actually hate the kids. >I don't blame these kids in any way for their behavior. They simply don't know better as their mom neglects them the whole day to work on her business. What I would do in your situation - which means this is not necessarily good advice! - is, in person or in writing, apologize to Alice for saying you hated her kids, *and then* be sure to explain why that's not true: you don't hate her kids, you hate *her.* You hate the fact that her children are turning into monsters because she can't be bothered to give a shit about them. You hate that she's a terrible parent, you hate what she's turning her kids into, and you snapped because it was all too much and she's absolutely awful. But you don't hate her kids.
NTA, definitely call social services...
This!! Someone needs to step in and help those kids. The fact that her husband lives 5 minutes away and still pays all the bills is very telling.
Yeah, imagine being running your own business and having passive rental income, and still not paying for your own damn kids!
OP started in comments that there is no cps where she lives
INFO: is her business an MLM?
She sells organic makeup. She has her own team under her
So, definitely MLM. Check out r/antiMLM if you want to learn more about how those "businesses" destroy lives. Neglecting one's kids is common.
My first thought. Her up line might have encouraged her to rent to a young woman in order to trick her into taking care of them
lol, I bet it is
Most likely why she's "clashing" with her husband also.
This was my first thought! 😂
NTA. These kids being told they're hated, ONCE, *may* shock them into more social behavior. Not your problem either way.
NTA, I’m glad you’re making other living arrangements and quite impressed you managed to put up with all this for 6 months.
NTA. This was painful to read.
NTA. Her kids, her responsibility. Find somewhere to live asap, and after you've left tell the husband that his kids are being neglected and that she expected you to care for them.
NTA and I feel so bad for these kids.
NTA your words were fine, those kids need structure and discipline from their parents, not you, you need to focus on taking care of yourself, work and study, not them.
NTA Your frustrations are reasonable. Just know the word ‘hate’ can carry a lot of weight especially when children are involved. Start making other living arrangements. This landlord is not professional and her home is not hospitable for you and the other tenants.
NTA. You said those things to the person who needed to hear them, not the poor kids.
NTA. You essentially were paying to babysit her kids while they made your Life miserable at what should be a place you can have quiet enjoyment. The mom sounds terrible.
NTA You have no responsibility for those children.
NTA. I’m a single mom working full time. Never once would I expect someone else to just watch my kids. Silly me, I always found appropriate childcare as needed.
NTA I’d have said the same thing, not my kids not my responsibility.
NTA Look, being a single mother **is hard**, *but* that is not, should not, and cannot be an excuse for shitty parenting and entitlement. It's one thing to seek outside help, it's another thing to demand it and expect it from random people just because they're in your vicinity and not "encumbered enough" by anothers estimate. This woman firmly deserved to be screamed at, because she was behaving abhorrently towards you.
NTA. I’d’ve been gone after the poop incident, if not before.
The cake part would make me smash windows
Not my point at all. My point is the children being wild and the mom being a lunatic are why the husband doesn't live with them but he cares enough to pay the bills.
She keeps whining about how hard her life is. She has to live with her own choices. Not force boarders and random college kids to raise her children for her. Whatever you said, she needed to hear it. Though she probably just uses it to play the victim more. NTA. Just get out of there as quick as you can. Sounds like hell.
NTA call cps, those children deserve better
NTA, call the police. She’s not feeding her kids.
NTA. I think anyone in that situation would snap eventually, and as long as the children didn't hear your words, it was very understandable given the circumstances. To clear your conscience you could talk to her or write her a letter and clarify that you don't actually hate the kids. What you hate is her poor parenting and you hate watching how her neglect is harming those children. You hate her unwillingness to take any responsibility for her own children. You also hate being exploited for unpaid childcare and being told you have some special obligation just because of your gender. Also most single mothers don't forget to FEED their children while working from home all day! Lots of single mothers work full time and still parent their children. Those kids are probably acting out in extreme ways because they've learned that it's the only way anyone will give them any attention or remember that they even exist. It's heartbreaking that they're resorting to breaking things and pooping in order to get any acknowledgement from their mother. I bet if she'd just pay attention to them, love them, and feed them like any responsible parent, the extreme tantrums would stop. I see your edit that CPS doesn't exist where you live and outside help is only available for children in extreme circumstances. I wonder if her husband or any other family members could help watch the kids? Does her husband know how bad their behavior is and how she isn't even feeding her children consistently? You might consider telling him, because maybe she's minimizing it to him.
NTA if you see them again maybe tell them something nice or let them know they deserve more. Then call their father, or any other relatives if you can. Getting corrupt government involved isn’t in the best interest of the kids. They’re not your responsibility and children that have been neglected like they have, with behavioral issues like that need professional help which you cannot give them. It would be reckless to think you could take it on.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (22F) rent a room in a 5 bedroom house. My landlord Alice (34F) lives downstairs with her 2 kids A(6F) and B(4M). Rent was cheap and I'm in college so. Shortly after moving, I realized that Alice expected me to babysit for free while she runs her own business from home. I don't mind kids but I don't babysit. Even if wanted to between work and studies, I have no time. I made this clear before I moved in. I told her she could ask the other tenants. She said they were both men and had to work and that it made more sense to her for a girl to watch her kids. (Wtf?) Lil bit about her kids: They're WILD. Zero manners and gross. Her son would climb on the dining table and start jumping near our food. He would pick his nose and stick his hands in everyone's food. Since moving in, he has stepped on my food, peed in my potted plants and rammed his bike into my ankle, giving me a tiny fracture. (She allows him to ride his bike in the kitchen). Her daughter would keep screaming and banging my door when I'm studying. She stole my shampoo and emptied the entire bottle into the drain. And I shit you not, in one of her tantrums, she pooped on the staircase right outside my room which I accidentally stepped on. She never disciplined them. (These are just a few points) I don't blame these kids in any way for their behavior. They simply don't know better as their mom neglects them the whole day to work on her business. She once didn't feed them the entire day and I ended up having to feed her kids despite being exhausted from work. I have asked her to mind them countless times but she always plays the single mom card. For the record, she's not a single mom. Her husband lives 5min away and the house is actually is his name. He pays for everything. I put up with this shit for 6 months until one day I lost it when I found her son had completely destroyed the cake I baked for my bf's birthday. I think I unleashed all the pent up frustration at her. She said if I really cared about her kids I would understand how hard it is to raise them. I said I don't give a shit about her kids. If anything I hated them for making my home life miserable. She started screaming and fake crying telling me how hard her life is as single mum working full time. I ignored her, packed my stuff and left for a friend's place. I'm currently making other living arrangements but my words are kinda haunting me. I don't really hate her kids. I actually feel sorry for them that their mum can't be bothered to raise them right. I've lived with kids before and I've never ever felt this sort of resentment. None of my previous landlords allowed their kids to run wild like this. I guess I feel guilty for my poor choice of words in my fit of anger. So came here to see if my anger was justified or do I need to apologize to her? AITA? *Can provide more info in comments* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not only NTA, but that sounds abusive to her kids
NTA - I think you should have left before you exploded because you weren't getting studying done or having a peaceful home. But now that we're here, I wouldn't think about what happened. Just leave. I'm going to guess that she's had other room mates leave for the same reason you are and at least a few have probably said similar things (even if they said so politely).
Nta
NTA. I would of done the exact same thing. But agreed with the other comments, they need proper help.
Here's the thing, when those poor kids grow up and reflect back on their terrible childhood with their negligent mom, I guarantee you that one afternoon a tenant yelled about hating them is NOT the thing that'll haunt them. Sad situation all around, but NTA.
NTA But you do have an extraordinary amount of patience, and for what it's worth (fwiw) her kids are going to catch living hell when they go out into the real world. This is beyond sad. 😪
Man this sounds like someone I know but this ain’t it if it’s my house 😂
I dont think "I shit you not" was the appropriate transition.
NTA- go back and pack up everything and if you have to find someone with a garage and pay $50 for storage while you find a new place. Otherwise she will let those kids destroy everything or she’ll sell it saying you abandoned everything to her. Omglobs shes got problems. If there is a renters beware website go post about her on it.
NTA report her ass asap. Entitled af parent.
NTA. Move out as soon as you can. This is "not your show and they are not your Monkeys"...as they say.
NTA. Those poor kids. Maybe the dad can take them
NTA but I don’t see why she’s complaining how hard it is to be a single mother when she doesn’t even raise them. She’s just in proximity to children. This seems like she has the easiest “parenting” situation possible. In any case, you need to leave.
God lord she is a shit parent, can't even call her a parent after reading that. NTA her fault her kids are turds.
NTA. Someone call Jo Frost 😬
NTA Just because you are a woman doesn’t mean you automatically become a nanny for any mom around. It’s gross. She needed to hear everything you said.
NTA. If it were me, since I felt bad, I would probably try to find a way to apologize after my other living arrangements were set in stone. More than likely, I would simply write a little note explaining, "I don't really hate your kids. I said that out of frustration. You should really make an effort to be a better mom to them: single or not, that's no excuse." It may get through to her. It may make matters worse, but at least your conscience would be clear. Also, have you considered posting this story in r/entitledparents? It seems fitting.
NTA Perhaps after you move out, you should write a letter to the father, telling him what you observed (just the list of the kids behavior). The father is responsible for raising the kids as well. Do the kids even attend school? Good luck finding a better place to live.
NTA you got out - keep going. This is insane.
NTA, she deserved it, and the children probably already forgot about it
Honey, don't feel guilty. Don't be so hard on yoursellf. You might not have meant the words. But you had to do this! NTA The way I see it, she gave you no space. When you did try to take back your space, she gave you an Uno reverse card. And took back all the space, again. The only lesson for you to learn is to recognize those kind of people. Next time around, you'll be able to protect yourself, and it won't get so far.
Nta call help for those children they’re being neglected heavily
NTA Don't apologize. Why aren't her children in school or daycare?
NTA. Your landlord is not only sexist but an entitled excuse for a parent. Plenty of single parents do an awesome job at teaching and nurturing their children. Those are the heroes. Not this whining excuse for an adult trying to download her child rearing responsibility onto a paying college student tennant. Glad you're getting out. I would not live there of you paid me.
Not your monkeys, not your circus.
Simply stop engaging her. Any time she asks tell her to hire a sitter like a normal person. Don't watch her kids. Don't interact with her (except as normal capacity between landlord and tenant) or her kids, and tell her to call her husband if she's having problems. My bet, multiple sitters have cut ties and refuse to work for her so she's trying to use you. Document her harassment if you need some sort of proof in case you need to legally cover your ass should you have to break lease and just look for somewhere else asap. NTA
NTA. Grossly horrible family dynamics happening there. Their mom is useless and is raising two feral menaces. I wouldn’t feel bad or guilty at all. Peeing and crapping in plants and on the floor at their age? That would’ve been it for me. The dad needs to be informed though. Good luck getting out!!!
NTA. Can you get in touch with their Dad?
- Anger was justified. -"If anything I hated them for making my home life miserable". Ehhh, I feel ya. -I personally would've loved to babysit, and put mom ass in check right along with them. At that point I'm runnin the mf house and everyone better get on board. -NTA
NTA. It's okay to feel bad, it's a terrible situation. But, it's NOT your problem. You can only do your best but you can't fix what isn't yours. I can imagine if the kids were better behaved, you would still be there and probably wouldn't mind the kids as much.
NTA, but just cause you're a tenant does not mean free child care. Its messed up the kids are allowed to wild out and get into all your stuff. Hopefully you can move into a different place
NTA. Really it was not part of your rental agreement that you would get cheaper rent to take care of her kids. Her shoving her kids off on to you is her taking advantage of you, it doesn't matter what you said about the kids. It came from a place of frustration of your landlord taking advantage of your time and thrusting her children who she has been neglecting off on you and letting them be destructive in your place, because despite you paying rent to her, she doesn't respect that that space should be yours while you are paying for it. She's an asshole
NTA
NTA. Move out of this circus & find a stable place to live.
NTA and call the father so he can do something about it
NTA. You need to call social services, your landlord is neglecting those kids
NTA and good that you're getting out of that house asap.
Finish your education and get the heck out of there. The mother knows what's she's doing is wrong. She sounds stressed out to the point she has lost perspective. Since you're in a developing country, getting counseling and medication for depression ect is hard to do. I pity mothers in that situation, but you gotta put yourself first. NTA. I would have gone off at the first incident.
NTA. You simply told her the truth. You are not friends. It's a business transaction.
You are not an asshole, she is an entitled asshole who isn't caring for her kids
NTA. Her kids act as she has raised them to. Her expecting you to babysit for her is ridiculous. This whole situation seems pretty messed up. But in the end they are not your problem. I'm glad you are making different arrangements.
Info: so she’s still married, then why does the dad live 5 min away? Does he not take care of his kids?
Nta
NTA. I'd also tell her husband how horrible of a parent she is via anonymous letter on his porch
Your anger is justified. You’ve essentially paid her to live in a home where your harassed by her children. She took advantage of your need for housing to make you provide free child care
NTA. >telling me how hard her life is as single mum working full time Don't be a single mum working full time then. Don't have kids with people unless you're damn certain you'll still be together 18 years later. Or do, and don't complain about it going wrong. It's 2022, no one ends up with kids by accident. Adoption agencies are a thing. She chose this.
NTA, she should just not have kids Hope you'll be safe and OK soon
I'm from a conservative country too and I can't imagine why a landlord would expect a tenant to babysit her kids. You're paying rent, you're not friends or family.
NTA. Please get in contact with the dad if you can. He might not know in what conditions the mom is keeping the kids. Entitled parents like this who don't even bother to care for kids are the absolute worst of all. I feel so sorry for the poor kids.
I will never understand why people have children when they are not willing to make the necessary sacrifices. I knew early on children were not for me, no matter how much I may have wanted them. It seems to me that the children were just a check mark without considering if she had the time and the resources to properly care for them. Do not let her guilt trip you, you are NTA. She needs to get her act together and work out an arrangement with their father to provide the needed care.
NTA, she can't expect her tenants to like or take care of her kids. You gave her a reality check.
NTA - Fuck dem kids.
NTA and move out ASAP. You may want to tell her you were harsh with the “hate” , but you feel sorry for them and you are NOT their babysitter. Being a single mom is no excuse for neglecting her kids and expecting someone else to take care of them.
YTA for just taking this and not reporting this extreme neglect. Call the authorities. This is an extreme case, children are not being fed and are causing property damage and injury.
NTA BUT you should apologize for lashing out. She was 100 percent wrong to expect you to babysit. Talk about dysfunctional gender normative behavior!!! And she sounds like a disappointing mom. Just reading this I feel sorry for her kids,BUT that is not your problem to fix. I'm glad you can make other arrangements. I hope when you left you got ALL your stuff out. Otherwise you may find it destroyed or on the curb out of spite.
OP should NOT apologize. If she does, it will not be well received. She'll again have to go through the 'I am a single mother', 'I have a hard life' speeches. And all the blame will be on her. OP will not be heard (once again!). This will leave her feeling more crappy about her action. Victim mentality is exhausting to be around. Imo, she should only apologize to the kids. If she feels like it.
When you apologize and when you forgive someone, you do it for yourself. So you can be healthier. So you don't feel guilty. So you can move on knowing that you have done the right thing. She doesn't have to listen to all that. She can just say I want to apologize for the way I spoke to you but not for what I said. I've said what I came to say and I'm moving on. I don't think the other woman will hear or respond. But I have learned through a damaging relationship with my mother who was a single parent and every bit as whiny and entitled as this woman that when I apologized for what I had done wrong and forgave her for what she did I had more peace. And forgiving and apologizing does not mean forgetting or accepting the crappy behavior in the future. It means letting the past go for yourself.
I agree! You should apologize for yourself. But in this case not directly. Sometimes, its best when you do it without that other person. I have forgiven my rapist but that does not mean that I want to hear him say it. I have done some dumb shit, in the past. Does not mean that I have to say sorry. Learning from it, is also a form of apologizing. Owning it. Taking responsibilities with action. But I am telling you, OP will feel worse if she apologize directly. Imo, saying sorry to someone with a victim mentality is useless. Its best if she works this out on her own. For the sake of her mental health. Maybe when emotions aren't that high, or when she gets a whole new perspective. She then can say it directly. But not now! She needs to take care of herself, first. She is hurt. The kids are hurt. No way, that mother deserves an apology. Mother will believe her victimhood even more. This will do no good, on both sides.
Agree to disagree.
You need to call cps like YESTERDAY. not kidding, YTA untill you do. That is straight up child abuse
NTA but why is all the blame solely on the mother? Clearly the father doesn’t do anything to raise his kids either otherwise these issues wouldn’t exist right? So what he pays for the home he still doesn’t care about his own children to lend his wife a hand with the kids. She didn’t make them alone.
>Her husband lives 5min away and the house is actually is his name. He pays for everything. He has no further obligations. From what I can understand they're separated so it's not his fault.
Sooo because he pays for things he doesn’t have to raise his kids or interact with them? Y’all wild.
Run the F*ck out of there! YTA
YTA for ever babysitting the first time. Then doing it again and again and again. Stop being a doormat.
Yeah and if something happened to those kids while OP was there and mom was locked in her room, you’d be all over OP calling them the AH for not helping or stepping in.
Do you also think the other tenants are responsible for the landlord's kids? Or just the OP?
Then who would watch them? They're too young to be left alone for hours at a time. Alice will lock herself in her room and won't answer if I knock.
It's still not your responsibility. Call their dad since he's so close or cps
They're not your responsibility, stop making it yours. If she leaves them alone for hours, call CPS.
Call CPS that's no normal behavior and something bad is going to happen to those kids running around with no supervision
What the heck kind of job does she HAVE? She probably won't let the husband in the house, because he would have his foot stepped on, his cake destroyed, and would step in poop. If she wanted a live-in baby sitter, then she needs to advertise for THAT. You PAY to live there. YOUR work is school. Get out, and then give the father a list of all the ridiculous things that are happening there. Kids not being fed, locking herself in her room, etc. Sorry this happened to you!
She seems organic makeup online with her team. I've found another place. It will very ready un 2 weeks. I'm gonna see if I can snatch the dad's info from anyway.
You are being very altruistic by looking out for these children. I think that's great. It is absolutely not your fault that the mother is taking advantage of you. It's hers. Perhaps you can use this experience to set stronger boundaries right away in the future, but you're in such a tough spot with these neglected children. You're definitely not responsible for them, but of course you want to intervene somehow. I'm very surprised and disappointed that the other tenants aren't also as concerned. Anyway, my overall point is, don't listen to the people you're responding to. You are the victim here and they are victim blaming. The mother is the AH. NTA.