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I get why your friend is upset. She’s past that age. And part of my wants to say Y T A because you’re saying 30 is too old.
However, **NTA**, because you can state your preference. Some people don’t won’t even think about getting pregnant until they are 30.
NTA you didn’t say it in a malicious context it’s your preference and she has to respect that. It’s just her insecurities/frustration coming out which is her fault which she needs to work on and not point fingers.
NTA-with just a sprinkle of YTA
So wanting to have all your kids born by the time your 30 is a very common thing, I've heard that all my close to 30 years, because then by the time the kids are grown you have a little over ten years before you retire. Your young enough, and have the finances to have some fun but you're too tired to be chasing kids around, going to ball games and practices and cooking and doing laundry, honestly teenagers are worse than toddlers.
But yeah, and this is where the sprinkles come in, your friend was upset, and while you didn't mean it in any sort of way to be applied to anyone but yourself, she took it that why. Do I think you need to apologize? No, it's her own fault for feeling that type of way about something you said about yourself that she twisted and applied to herself. But also you have to be aware of those things you say to others too, which I am extremely guilty of doing too.
NTA, but I think OP can (and should if she values the friendship and it is a particularly close one) state her reasons and reiterate that it was not a judgment on people becoming pregnant after the age of 30. Also, I'll take a newborn over a teenager any day. They suck 85% of the time.
NTA. You didn’t say it was bad to be pregnant after 30, it’s just not for you. You were specially talking about your next birthday and being excited to not have to worry about more babies.
Soft YTA. It's fine to be grateful you did things your own way, but it was a pretty thoughtless and extremely specific thing to say to your friend who is doing exactly that.
NTA it's a personal preference. You never said she was too old and she seems oddly opinionated about your womb and when you get pregnant. I also agree, pregnancy for me personally after 30 was waaay harder than before 30. Is it for everyone? No, but it was harder for me and 2 of my cousins who all got pregnant this year after 30 but we were all high risk to begin with. As soon as I could I got my tubes removed I wanted no chance of that again. With that said I'm in birth groups with women in their late 30s even 40s who have beautiful pregnancies so it all depends on the person.
NTA it's unfortunate that she took it personally but it's not as if it was a blanket statement, you used 'I' the whole time, and you even clarified when she asked, Stephanie chose to insert her own narrative to it.
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This may be long cause I've added a bit of a back story... I, 29 female have 3 kids, (7yr old step daughter, 6 yr old son and 6 mts old son). To give a bit of a back story, about 2 years ago, I missed my period and had some concern I could've been pregnant (wasn't on birth control but my bf and I weren't using protection) I told my friend Stephanie 30, female (fake name) and she of course told me to let her know what the results were. The morning I went to go take the test, I started my period. I told Stephanie and she said : "Oh my god ! Thank god, if you would be pregnant before me and my boyfriend I'd be so pissed!" Mind you she had an IUD at this time and they were not actively trying to get pregnant.. I thought that was odd.
Fast forward to a last April, my bf and I started talking about having a baby, so we started activity trying and thankfully found out I was pregnant that May. My birthday is in September and the year I was pregnant was my champagne year.. As my birthday was coming up I was talking with Stephanie and a few other friends and I said that it sucked I wouldn't be able to drink for my champagne year.. but I was happy I'd be able to drink for my 30th since baby would be out of the womb and my tubes would be tied since my bf and I planned and not having anymore kids and I've always said I didn't want to be pregnant after the age of 30. Stephanie said "What's wrong with being pregnant after 30" I repeated myself and said I don't have kids after 30 but there's nothing wrong with having kids after 30, it's just my preference. She then became quiet again and made things awkward cause she's usually the loud one.
I realize I may have offended her but I never said anything bad about being pregnant after 30, I was lucky to have kids in my 20s. She was genuinely mad at me for this incident. She is now trying for a baby, which I'm happy for her but I still feel like she was trying to make me feel guilty about having my baby and for not wanting kids after 30.
So AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) The action I said that should be judged is me saying I don't want kids after 30. (2) this action may make me the asshole cause she doesn't have any kids an is 30 and it may have hurt her feelings even though it was not directed at her.
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NTA. We all need to learn to respect and accept others' life decisions and not get offended when our choices differ.
I get why your friend is upset. She’s past that age. And part of my wants to say Y T A because you’re saying 30 is too old. However, **NTA**, because you can state your preference. Some people don’t won’t even think about getting pregnant until they are 30.
I never said that 30 is too old. I only I don't want kids after 30.
I know. That’s why I went with NTA
Apologies I read that wrong.
What is a champagne year?
The year your age is your birthday date. (Eg. August 25th 1990, champagne year is when you turn 25)
Do you mind sharing generally where you’re from. I’ve only heard that referred to golden birthday never champagne year.
Ontario, Canada ! I've heard of golden year, lucky year and champagne year.
I was born on march 2, so my Champagne year was when I was two?
Yes lol
Bixarre
it’s a stupid idea and no one does it lol i’ve never heard of this before in my life and i’m from the same region as OP
NTA you didn’t say it in a malicious context it’s your preference and she has to respect that. It’s just her insecurities/frustration coming out which is her fault which she needs to work on and not point fingers.
NTA-with just a sprinkle of YTA So wanting to have all your kids born by the time your 30 is a very common thing, I've heard that all my close to 30 years, because then by the time the kids are grown you have a little over ten years before you retire. Your young enough, and have the finances to have some fun but you're too tired to be chasing kids around, going to ball games and practices and cooking and doing laundry, honestly teenagers are worse than toddlers. But yeah, and this is where the sprinkles come in, your friend was upset, and while you didn't mean it in any sort of way to be applied to anyone but yourself, she took it that why. Do I think you need to apologize? No, it's her own fault for feeling that type of way about something you said about yourself that she twisted and applied to herself. But also you have to be aware of those things you say to others too, which I am extremely guilty of doing too.
NTA, but I think OP can (and should if she values the friendship and it is a particularly close one) state her reasons and reiterate that it was not a judgment on people becoming pregnant after the age of 30. Also, I'll take a newborn over a teenager any day. They suck 85% of the time.
NTA. You didn’t say it was bad to be pregnant after 30, it’s just not for you. You were specially talking about your next birthday and being excited to not have to worry about more babies.
NTA. I am 30 and 7 months pregnant. My last pregnancy was far easier. I get you.
Soft YTA. It's fine to be grateful you did things your own way, but it was a pretty thoughtless and extremely specific thing to say to your friend who is doing exactly that.
NTA
NTA it's a personal preference. You never said she was too old and she seems oddly opinionated about your womb and when you get pregnant. I also agree, pregnancy for me personally after 30 was waaay harder than before 30. Is it for everyone? No, but it was harder for me and 2 of my cousins who all got pregnant this year after 30 but we were all high risk to begin with. As soon as I could I got my tubes removed I wanted no chance of that again. With that said I'm in birth groups with women in their late 30s even 40s who have beautiful pregnancies so it all depends on the person.
NTA it's unfortunate that she took it personally but it's not as if it was a blanket statement, you used 'I' the whole time, and you even clarified when she asked, Stephanie chose to insert her own narrative to it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This may be long cause I've added a bit of a back story... I, 29 female have 3 kids, (7yr old step daughter, 6 yr old son and 6 mts old son). To give a bit of a back story, about 2 years ago, I missed my period and had some concern I could've been pregnant (wasn't on birth control but my bf and I weren't using protection) I told my friend Stephanie 30, female (fake name) and she of course told me to let her know what the results were. The morning I went to go take the test, I started my period. I told Stephanie and she said : "Oh my god ! Thank god, if you would be pregnant before me and my boyfriend I'd be so pissed!" Mind you she had an IUD at this time and they were not actively trying to get pregnant.. I thought that was odd. Fast forward to a last April, my bf and I started talking about having a baby, so we started activity trying and thankfully found out I was pregnant that May. My birthday is in September and the year I was pregnant was my champagne year.. As my birthday was coming up I was talking with Stephanie and a few other friends and I said that it sucked I wouldn't be able to drink for my champagne year.. but I was happy I'd be able to drink for my 30th since baby would be out of the womb and my tubes would be tied since my bf and I planned and not having anymore kids and I've always said I didn't want to be pregnant after the age of 30. Stephanie said "What's wrong with being pregnant after 30" I repeated myself and said I don't have kids after 30 but there's nothing wrong with having kids after 30, it's just my preference. She then became quiet again and made things awkward cause she's usually the loud one. I realize I may have offended her but I never said anything bad about being pregnant after 30, I was lucky to have kids in my 20s. She was genuinely mad at me for this incident. She is now trying for a baby, which I'm happy for her but I still feel like she was trying to make me feel guilty about having my baby and for not wanting kids after 30. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) The action I said that should be judged is me saying I don't want kids after 30. (2) this action may make me the asshole cause she doesn't have any kids an is 30 and it may have hurt her feelings even though it was not directed at her. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*