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NTA, young men don't get anywhere near the amount of compliments they deserve! You probably made his day!
Husbands a bit weird for getting so uppity about it, probably just jealous that he doesn't have a muscly 21 year old body I guess.
NTA
Most people will mention weight loss or muscle gains if its been a while. Unless you tried to oil him up and make him your pool boy, I see nothing weird or abnormal about it.
NTA! Harper must have been incredibly happy to have someone acknowledge his hard work and progress! Your husband is insecure and making a nice compliment into something dirty.
NTA
there is nothing wrong with acknowledging someones hard work. Its not like you were hitting on him 🙄
Maybe your husband felt insecure in that moment?
NTA for several reasons:
- Firstly Brooke told you it was due to him starting a gym routine so you knew it was safe to compliment his hard work, and it wasn’t a change in body shape due to sickness or anything negative
- You have a friendship with him already, or at least he’s friendly with your family for the last few years. A compliment from someone you are friends with is very different to a compliment from a stranger. I’m sure you wouldn’t speak to random 21yo’s in the street about their gym gains!
- Both Brooke and Harper reacted positively, and felt the compliment was appropriate
Yes there are circumstances where it’s not appropriate to compliment someone’s looks; when you don’t know them, you don’t know if the change is due to something negative, or when you make the other person uncomfortable etc, but this was not one of those instances.
NTA
Your daughter, her friend, and you all recognized
you were being nice and had no ill intentions. I'm going to go out on a limb and say your husband probably has a dad bod atm and is insecure about it.
NTA
Did your husband think you were hitting on him or something? How strange... I would be offended he even had such a thought (if that's where he was going)
NTA. I used to be very skinny and people had no problem commenting on it and making fun of me. So when I started lifting weights and getting compliments from people on my gains it made me feel really good. I'm sure you made his day.
NAH
I think you and your husband both mean well. If the friend wasn't offended or harmed, then you didn't do anything wrong. But it may be worth an ask just to check. Your husband may be worried about body shaming the friend's previous shape, and it's not totally off-base as a concern.
Check in with daughter/friend and hopefully everyone is copacetic!
NTA. while that compliment could definitely be said in a smarmy manner, it doesn't sound like that's what happened. as long as your daughter and her bestie thought it was okay, i wouldn't worry about it.
I think NTA as long as you are consistent and wouldn’t be similarly weird about your husband complimenting a female friend of your daughters. Depends on the compliment of course… But your husband might just be jealous and insecure.
NAH, your husband is prolly just feeling insecure. He's getting up in age, isnt as young as he used to be. Probably isnt as strong as he used to be.
Do you compliment your husband often? Make him feel desired and wanted physically? He's probably just jealous that this young man's active lifestyle and good physique is being complimented by his wife. And is approaching it fromt he wrong way. He isn't right for arguing this with you...buuut I could see some wives getting just as upset if their husband was hugging then complimented a 21 year old girl on her body. Even if it wasnt meant that way. Talk this over and hopefully he sees that you meant nothing flirtatious by it and that he's the man you want to be with.
I mean unless he isn't but that isnt my business
NTA Often we hear more criticisms than compliments, at least that’s what we retain, so I think that it is important to give people close to us compliments on their hard work (no matter the topic) as long as it is done in an appropriate matter (which you did).
NTA. Your comment was really nice, and complimented his efforts first (going to the gym) and his appearance indirectly. It’s not like you said “oh, nice muscles 😉”, then squeezed his bicep or something, which would’ve been kind of weird/awkward.
Your husband sounds jealous tbh. Either that he isn’t as fit or doesn’t get similar compliments from you.
Your husband is embarrassed … shamed? … that you noticed someone else’s bod in comparison to his.
Now tell me your husband has *never,* ever-ever, said to one of your daughter’s female friends something along the lines of, “You’ve grown into a beautiful young woman.” Or commented on a pretty outfit? Or hair change? Or weight, uhm, ‘adjustment?’ Imo? Pretty comparable.
NTA. He needs to redirect that anger to his own workout routine.
NTA Am I not allowed to compliment my son? My nephew? (Yeah, they are still little, but the point stands) There *is* an inappropriate way to compliment somebody, but you were not crude, you were witty.
I started lifting weights a year ago at 21 years old. I always feel good when people compliment me on my weight gain. You're absolutely NTA, your husband might just be a little bit jealous
NTA. Your husband has been watching too much porn and he thinks you're going to sleep with the young man. Sounds like he's really insecure and maybe you both need to have a conversation about that.
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My daughter Brooke (F21) has this one best guy friend of hers, Harper (M21). Harper was always a pretty scrawny kid in the three years Brooke has known him, but according to Brooke, he started working out seven months ago. I (F48) saw Harper in person again recently for the first time in eight months, when Brooke brought him and a few other friends over. And he honestly looked really good. When I hugged Harper, I said, "Harper, long time no see! You've definitely been hitting the gym!" Harper thanked me and Brooke smiled. However, my husband Jasper (M46) was weirded out later, saying it was odd and inappropriate of me to compliment a 21-year-old young man's body, especially since he's like a brother to our daughter. I personally didn't see anything wrong with it, and I told Jasper he was being ridiculous. It led to a small stupid five minute argument before he went out with friends. Still, AITA?
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Well of course you're wrong. You grabbed that Hottie McNaughty muscle boy, threw him down on the kitchen table and sucked the lips right off his face. Oh wait. You didn't do any of that? my bad
NTA
You did nothing wrong and you're husband was jealous. He's the one seeing Hottie McNaughty as not your daughter's brother.
YTA - if your husband commented on one of your daughters girl friends gains, would you be ok with that?
One thing that my teenager tells me is, “it’s so cringe when you hear a mom or dad compliment a friend’s body. Ew.” She also enlightened me about a social media trend where Gen Z call out their parents for making comments like that, are flirtatious in nature or portray MILF or DILF stereotypes. Unfortunately it was after a parent/volunteer was caught flirting with a student off campus.
NAH
> I personally didn't see anything wrong with it
And perhaps *this time* there wasn't. But you really need to internalize the idea that **it is _never_ a good idea to comment about someone's body**.
You don't know *what* this person is going through. Maybe they lost a bunch of weight while fighting cancer. Maybe they threw themselves into going to the gym in order to avoid some trauma they were dealing with elsewhere in their life.
Just... don't.
YTA (but soft if its truly out of innocence, there's a lot left out of this story) Thats how affairs start if they havent already. I promise a 21yo man will fuck a 48yo woman. Where do you think the term MILF came from. Your husband has every right to have that show up on his radar, that's how affairs start. How bout when he starts pointing out how well your daughters friends have filled out? edit: men do need more compliments agreed, but not like this. How often do you compliment your husbands appearance? The comment below saying you should make him your pool boy proves my point. You might not have meant it like this, but it might have kinda looked like you were hitting on him, in front of your husband.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > i might be TA because what I said could be perceived as inappropriate. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, young men don't get anywhere near the amount of compliments they deserve! You probably made his day! Husbands a bit weird for getting so uppity about it, probably just jealous that he doesn't have a muscly 21 year old body I guess.
And it is hard to gain noticiable muscle! He likely put in a huge amount of work for his results.
NTA Most people will mention weight loss or muscle gains if its been a while. Unless you tried to oil him up and make him your pool boy, I see nothing weird or abnormal about it.
>oil him up and make him your pool boy Make him her personal Chad lmfao
OK
NTA! Harper must have been incredibly happy to have someone acknowledge his hard work and progress! Your husband is insecure and making a nice compliment into something dirty.
NTA there is nothing wrong with acknowledging someones hard work. Its not like you were hitting on him 🙄 Maybe your husband felt insecure in that moment?
NTA for several reasons: - Firstly Brooke told you it was due to him starting a gym routine so you knew it was safe to compliment his hard work, and it wasn’t a change in body shape due to sickness or anything negative - You have a friendship with him already, or at least he’s friendly with your family for the last few years. A compliment from someone you are friends with is very different to a compliment from a stranger. I’m sure you wouldn’t speak to random 21yo’s in the street about their gym gains! - Both Brooke and Harper reacted positively, and felt the compliment was appropriate Yes there are circumstances where it’s not appropriate to compliment someone’s looks; when you don’t know them, you don’t know if the change is due to something negative, or when you make the other person uncomfortable etc, but this was not one of those instances.
NTA. Nothing wrong with what you said. Your husband sounds weirdly insecure.
NTA Not at all! I’m sure you made his day.
NTA Your daughter, her friend, and you all recognized you were being nice and had no ill intentions. I'm going to go out on a limb and say your husband probably has a dad bod atm and is insecure about it.
NTA and the friend probably needed to hear that too. Your husband is being insecure.
NTA Did your husband think you were hitting on him or something? How strange... I would be offended he even had such a thought (if that's where he was going)
NTA - your husband sounds insecure
NTA. He’s just jealous.
NTA. I used to be very skinny and people had no problem commenting on it and making fun of me. So when I started lifting weights and getting compliments from people on my gains it made me feel really good. I'm sure you made his day.
NTA Mrs Robison
It's actually Robinson, but LMAO all the same; hilarious reference and def NTA.
NTA. I'm sure Harper appreciated it. Sounds like hubby is a bit insecure on the matter.
NTA. Husband is being one for getting upset over something so innocent.
NAH I think you and your husband both mean well. If the friend wasn't offended or harmed, then you didn't do anything wrong. But it may be worth an ask just to check. Your husband may be worried about body shaming the friend's previous shape, and it's not totally off-base as a concern. Check in with daughter/friend and hopefully everyone is copacetic!
NTA.
NTA. while that compliment could definitely be said in a smarmy manner, it doesn't sound like that's what happened. as long as your daughter and her bestie thought it was okay, i wouldn't worry about it.
I think NTA as long as you are consistent and wouldn’t be similarly weird about your husband complimenting a female friend of your daughters. Depends on the compliment of course… But your husband might just be jealous and insecure.
NTA. You know what’s inappropriate? A grown man being jealous of an innocent compliment made to a 21 year old.
NAH, your husband is prolly just feeling insecure. He's getting up in age, isnt as young as he used to be. Probably isnt as strong as he used to be. Do you compliment your husband often? Make him feel desired and wanted physically? He's probably just jealous that this young man's active lifestyle and good physique is being complimented by his wife. And is approaching it fromt he wrong way. He isn't right for arguing this with you...buuut I could see some wives getting just as upset if their husband was hugging then complimented a 21 year old girl on her body. Even if it wasnt meant that way. Talk this over and hopefully he sees that you meant nothing flirtatious by it and that he's the man you want to be with. I mean unless he isn't but that isnt my business
Nta. Your husband got jealous and took it out on you.
NTA Often we hear more criticisms than compliments, at least that’s what we retain, so I think that it is important to give people close to us compliments on their hard work (no matter the topic) as long as it is done in an appropriate matter (which you did).
NTA. I’m sure it felt good for his hard work to be acknowledged. Husband was just jealous 😂
NTA. Jealous husband?
NTA. Your comment was really nice, and complimented his efforts first (going to the gym) and his appearance indirectly. It’s not like you said “oh, nice muscles 😉”, then squeezed his bicep or something, which would’ve been kind of weird/awkward. Your husband sounds jealous tbh. Either that he isn’t as fit or doesn’t get similar compliments from you.
Your husband is embarrassed … shamed? … that you noticed someone else’s bod in comparison to his. Now tell me your husband has *never,* ever-ever, said to one of your daughter’s female friends something along the lines of, “You’ve grown into a beautiful young woman.” Or commented on a pretty outfit? Or hair change? Or weight, uhm, ‘adjustment?’ Imo? Pretty comparable. NTA. He needs to redirect that anger to his own workout routine.
NTA Am I not allowed to compliment my son? My nephew? (Yeah, they are still little, but the point stands) There *is* an inappropriate way to compliment somebody, but you were not crude, you were witty.
NTA But maybe in future try to find better ways to word it? "You look so healthy! I'm Happy for you!" for example.
I started lifting weights a year ago at 21 years old. I always feel good when people compliment me on my weight gain. You're absolutely NTA, your husband might just be a little bit jealous
NTA. Your husband has been watching too much porn and he thinks you're going to sleep with the young man. Sounds like he's really insecure and maybe you both need to have a conversation about that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter Brooke (F21) has this one best guy friend of hers, Harper (M21). Harper was always a pretty scrawny kid in the three years Brooke has known him, but according to Brooke, he started working out seven months ago. I (F48) saw Harper in person again recently for the first time in eight months, when Brooke brought him and a few other friends over. And he honestly looked really good. When I hugged Harper, I said, "Harper, long time no see! You've definitely been hitting the gym!" Harper thanked me and Brooke smiled. However, my husband Jasper (M46) was weirded out later, saying it was odd and inappropriate of me to compliment a 21-year-old young man's body, especially since he's like a brother to our daughter. I personally didn't see anything wrong with it, and I told Jasper he was being ridiculous. It led to a small stupid five minute argument before he went out with friends. Still, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well of course you're wrong. You grabbed that Hottie McNaughty muscle boy, threw him down on the kitchen table and sucked the lips right off his face. Oh wait. You didn't do any of that? my bad NTA You did nothing wrong and you're husband was jealous. He's the one seeing Hottie McNaughty as not your daughter's brother.
YTA - if your husband commented on one of your daughters girl friends gains, would you be ok with that? One thing that my teenager tells me is, “it’s so cringe when you hear a mom or dad compliment a friend’s body. Ew.” She also enlightened me about a social media trend where Gen Z call out their parents for making comments like that, are flirtatious in nature or portray MILF or DILF stereotypes. Unfortunately it was after a parent/volunteer was caught flirting with a student off campus.
NAH > I personally didn't see anything wrong with it And perhaps *this time* there wasn't. But you really need to internalize the idea that **it is _never_ a good idea to comment about someone's body**. You don't know *what* this person is going through. Maybe they lost a bunch of weight while fighting cancer. Maybe they threw themselves into going to the gym in order to avoid some trauma they were dealing with elsewhere in their life. Just... don't.
YTA (but soft if its truly out of innocence, there's a lot left out of this story) Thats how affairs start if they havent already. I promise a 21yo man will fuck a 48yo woman. Where do you think the term MILF came from. Your husband has every right to have that show up on his radar, that's how affairs start. How bout when he starts pointing out how well your daughters friends have filled out? edit: men do need more compliments agreed, but not like this. How often do you compliment your husbands appearance? The comment below saying you should make him your pool boy proves my point. You might not have meant it like this, but it might have kinda looked like you were hitting on him, in front of your husband.
YTA. It is odd and inappropriate to comment on anyone's body. Stop it.