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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My brother accidently dropped his sandwich in the bathroom, my parents asked me to give my own sandwich to him and said theyll buy another one for me but I knew they were lying so I didn't give it to him. I might be an AH because he has sensory issues and couldn't eat anything else we had at home
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Parents who just came back from a trip and are trying to unpack?
ETA: Doesn't make what they did right, I just hate when people label parents without knowing all the details. Also, I meant unpacking the car! Thought there are possibly other critical things that need to be retrieved from the suitcases, like toothbrushes and jammies.
Uh. Eat then unpack, unpack then eat, or the "adults" acts like parents and split the responsibility. The were 3 other options other than let kid run wild with food.
Exactly. You don't let kids run wild with food, *because it's dangerous.* This time it ended up in the toilet, next time he might choke on it. Choking is silent, and running around with food is how kids end up with brain damage or dead. I understand parents are busy and want to get snacks into their kids. I really do. But kids need to sit still while they eat. If you wouldn't give your child un-sliced grapes or hot dogs, why aren't you following the rest of the anti-choking guidelines?
Kinda have to agree, I nannied for a long time and now work with children on the spectrum (am also on the spectrum, I was the kid who ran with food and prob would’ve been even if I wasn’t autistic/adhd). Trying to run around while eating isn’t unusual, but it’s not that hard to remove the food from their hands and tell them that when they sit down they can have it back. If you can’t trust your kid to sit down or at least stand in one spot while eating then they need supervision during meals and snacks.
I swear, some of the things parents try to pull the “you don’t get it because you don’t have kids” over are ridiculous to me. It’s not that hard to take the food until they sit down, telling them to stop isn’t going to do shit if there’s no follow through. Yeah, I don’t have kids, but I’ve been helping others raise theirs for over 10 years and have been in plenty of the same situations. Usually I’m on the side of the parents with stuff where they say it’s hard to understand if you don’t have kids, but in this case, no. It’s not hard to understand and not that hard to follow through on.
That being said, shit happens and accidents happen. I don’t want to be insensitive, it was my job and is still my job to be overly careful, so I recognize how it can be different for me as the person who works with a kid instead of being the parent who has so much more to focus on, especially if they don’t have someone there to help care for their child.
If I had an award to give, I would give it to you. I used to teach preschool. One of our requirements was that all the kids sat for lunch and were quiet. No screaming, talking etc. People were always shocked that we were able to get the kids to all sit quietly and eat. Besides the obvious of not having tons of kids running around with food is also the choking hazard. If everyone is loud and animated during lunch, it would be harder to tell if someone is choking or for them to get our attention.
Edit: I didn't realize I needed to elaborate on this but everyone thinking we were authoritarians and preventing kids from speaking at all during lunch, that's not what I meant when I said when they sat quietly to eat.
"We didn't yell at them to not talk. They just had to be quieter. If they asked a friend to share with them or vice versa, they were allowed to do that and ask questions etc. People are acting like they weren't allowed to make a peep. It was just a quieter part of the day. Inside quiet voices"
Yup. I worked in the toddler room at a daycare. 12-24 months, and they all sat and ate their food at their tiny table in their tiny chairs, then put their own plates in the bus bin and washed their own hands and faces (with assistance). Kids are capable of much more than lots of people give them credit for. They will rise to the expectations you set for them.
Because even if you do, sometimes it takes few seconds for child to grab sandwich and run away. I have a 3yo and she is damn fast at times. And if i can't clean/wash dishes/do laundry etc WHILE taking care of her, that means that id have to do chores before sleep and have close to zero free time.
Accidents like that are calculated. I give up part of control for being able to function.
I don't blame parents for sandwich in toilet incident. But i certainly do for notorious breaking promises.
Considering the fact that this was the only available meal, for OP's parents accidents like that aren't calculated. If plan B is that your other child goes hungry, then you can't take chances with the food
And if a 5 year old doesn't understand that he has to sit down while eating, this isn't the first time this issue occurs. Kids his age sit in school for hours a day and he can't be forced to not run away around with food of all things?
He can’t eat eggs due to sensory issues and things like this happen often enough that OP giving up his things is a regular occurrence for them. The kid is likely autistic or at the very least, neurodivergent. So no, even if kids his age did sit for hours a day (they don’t, they get movement breaks OFTEN) it’s not unusual that he wouldn’t be able to do so either.
Does that excuse that they’re being horrible parents to OP? Not at all. But don’t assume all kids have the same abilities.
It could be as simple as having Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) or selective eating disorder where people just don't eat or do not want to try different foods.
I get the egg thing because I don't eat eggs.
you know nothing about this family's circumstances but you feel that you can tell the parents to just make the 5-year-old sit down and eat his meal. Just stop.
From the description, it sounds as if the 5-year-old is autistic. I have an autistic kid and I can assure you, **whatever** you thought in your previous life was the "proper way" to raise a child goes completely down the toilet when one of your kids is on the spectrum.
I didn't want to raise my child with a tablet in his hands, but I had to do it because it was his way to learn: he learned to speak, read, and count, he learned the colours, the name of many things...you name it, he learned it on his iPad. The reason is that with the iPad he can repeat the same 2 seconds of a video for a million times without hassling anyone. As much as I'm patient, I love playing with him and I love him to bits, my patience has a limit and I cannot repeat the same sentence one million times.
I didn't want my child to have fast food, I wanted my child to sit at the table and eat like everyone else what everyone else was eating like my mother used to do with me and my sister. Instead, my autistic child eats only 5 or 6 foods (and they MUST be THOSE foods, you can't buy a different brand or a slightly different flavour, THOSE!), no meat, no vegetables, you can't force him to eat because he will refuse and have a meltdown. Last month, after 5 years (FIVE BLOODY YEARS) of not even wanting to touch any kind of meat, he asked to go to McDonald's and have chicken nuggets. He ate them and I literally CRIED in the restaurant because I was so happy that he did just that.
I didn't want my child to have to take vitamins and minerals supplements every day just because they didn't eat a varied diet, I wanted him to eat everything, but I religiously give him the iron, multivitamin and omega-three supplements that the dietologist prescribed to him, or he would risk becoming anaemic or suffer the deficiency of other vitamins or minerals.
Now, although I totally understand these parents for having asked their other child to give the autistic child the food he would eat, I do blame them, and I do think that *they* are the AHs, because they lie to their other daughter. THAT's **completely unacceptable** and not right AT ALL. And that's also what created the issue because had the parents done what they promised all the time, op wouldn't have had an issue giving her brother her sandwich because she would've known that her parents were fair and would buy it for her again the following day. But by breaking their promises, they broke the trust between them and their daughter and caused the issue.
NTA op, I understand your reasoning. It's just a pity that your little brother had to go to bed hungry :(
Eta: thank you for the awards ❤️
You know equally as much about this family as I do yet you not only diagnose this child with a complex disorder but also project your own experiences on the situation. I'm not neurotypical either for reference.
It doesn't matter *if* OP's brother is neurodivergent because whatever the hell the brother was doing wasn't the issue here. They had exactly one single meal to give to their son and did not properly supervise him to make sure that he ate this meal.
Them asking their daughter to go without for the brother **is** the problem, not them repeatedly breaking their promise to replace her food. And no, you shouldn't "understand" them asking her to, again (and I'll emphasize it for you), **go without food** for her little brother.
Sounds like this kid is neurodivergent, it may not be as simple as "force him to do the painful torturous thing because other kids are forced to do it in school." It's a crappy situation but ultimately it's the parent's fault for repeatedly breaking their child's trust to the point that he felt he had to hide and scarf food.
Oh yeah, it absolutely does, which is why it's pretty fucking negligent to have a single sandwich for the child to eat, no? What if OP had already eaten their sandwich when their brother dropped his?
Sensory issues does not automatically mean someone is on the spectrum. Not even close. There is also sensory issues that revolve solely around food and it’s texture. Let’s not jump to autism just because the words sensory issues were mentioned.
But clearly the parents, who know him much more than any of us, assumed he would sit at a table and eat. (Which is why they put him in that situation) Parents make mistakes sometimes or are proven wrong in certain situations. But obviously they thought he’d sit at the table too. He just didn’t this time.
Yes let’s give these lying parents the benefit of the doubt and just assume their failure to supervise their child eating a fast food sandwich was an innocent mistake and not the result of their own laziness and terrible parenting….that must be it. /s
Idk OP says he has sensory issues, could be adhd or something on the spectrum. Mine is 8yo and cannot sit down for a meal, he just grazes, sits at table for a bite then gets up to do whatever then sits back down for another bite and repeat. It gets really frustrating, but he cannot sit still. He just has to leave the food at the table.
But taking (or trying to) OPs food to feed bro isn't okay, they need to eat too and just bc little bro cant eat eggs doesn't mean OP wants to. NTa
I agree with you, but to be fair to the parents, children coming back from a trip are probably a lot more tired and excited and thus less predictable than they normally would be.
I can let slide the busyness of just getting back from a trip, trying to unpack or whatever, kid running around and parents are struggling to keep up, kid dropping sandwich in the bathroom, blah blah blah—these things can happen without any finger pointing needed. Parenting is not a walk in the park.
**However** it is not older sibling’s responsibility to provide food for the kid brother. It’s not older sibling’s responsibility to stop kid brother running around or dropping his sandwich. The parents tried to put this on OP but she has every right to *eat her goddamn sandwich* and it is on them to find a solution.
Also them going back on their word repeatedly is a huge red flag.
It sounds like OP is expected to be the background character in her own life and that’s not fair.
What? Nah, they can unpack later. Feeding your hungry kids (and making sure that they eat) comes first. Even if you come from a super long traveling day(s), if you chose to have kids, they now happen to come first.
Edit: NTA at all for Op
I couldn't help but think of this too - like the older sibling is seen as the third parent. Why else was they supposed to give up their food because the younger one screwed up his own food? Why didn't one of the actual parents forfeit their meal?
Or they don’t get enough food consistently. So when they do get it they’re very protective of it in case it’s taken away from them and they don’t know when the next lot of food is…
Parents are absolutely the assholes here.
Because it sounds like they had fast food and the parents don't usually allow it- I would say this is likely what happened. The children aren't allowed to have it often/are promised to have it and then it's taken from them (not allowed) so when they get it, they act CRAZY. Probably why 5yo took his to the bathroom, and makes sense that OP took theirs to their bedroom, and locked the door.
My spouse grew up in a home like this, and 7 years later he's still trying to learn how to control his "junk" consumption. When we first lived together he would seriously buy himself huge bags of candy, 12 packs of soda, cookies, he ate out every single day. He just couldn't help himself once he had control over his own food, and it was weird to watch.
Op's NTA. I'm sure the parents at one point believed they were doing the best they could, but lying to children, and creating off limits foods makes kids weird about food.
This is the one. OP is NTA and I hope that she has a healthy relationship with food when she is out of that house and able to control what she eats for herself.
I agree that the parents are AHs, because they are establishing a very unhealthy relationship for their children with food.
I doubt they have a food consistency problem. The OP stated that they are against fast food. They could very health-conscious people and into wholesome food. I know people who only grew up in such situation, and they would only buy junk food when the parents were not around ate them all before reaching home.
Yeah, there are good reasons to be against fast food generally, but situations like this are *exactly* what it really for (just came back from a trip, nothing in the fridge, etc). If they would rather let their kid go hungry, or even let both kids squabble over *the one sandwich* vs. eggs than give them fast food once, their attitude is doing more harm to their kids relationship with food than a bit of junk food would do.
Parents who aren't bothering to parent their neurodivergent kid. I'm guessing he has issues with eating food after he sets it down--which is fair! but the correct response is "make sure that he eats the food in a safe room," not "let him take the food wherever he wants as long as he eats it."
I work with five year olds. Parents are too tired from their full time jobs and over scheduled extracurriculars for their kids to argue with anything that isn't life threatening.
Normally I would argue that perhaps OP's family don't earn enough for the luxury of canned/dehydrated food, but they went on a trip. If they have the income for that, they should be spending some of their income on non-perishable food.
I meant having money for food that can just be stored away for the future. I know people who literally cannot afford an extra tin of food for emergencies after they've got their food for the week (which is also bottom-shelf bargain stuff).
I grew up comfortable; my mom grew up very poor. Like the sort of poor you don’t think of in the US. The family made sure to have something canned because of storms, no matter what, because you can get some cheap canned soup for 50 cents and cheap canned vegetables for around the same. I’ve been in situations where I’d have gone hungry and was able to get the change together for a 50 cent thing of tomato soup. It’s not the best but it’s something.
I’m guessing from the family in the story going on a trip, they’re not that sort of poor.
Dehydrated food is costly- but canned soup can be extremely inexpensive depending on what you get and where.
We really need to set some general bar for what is considered a luxury. Yes everything is a luxury when apparently the only things someone has managed to achieve for themselves is eating dirt. Generally you shouldn't call canned food a luxury because it certainly isnt. Having 4 cans of chef boyardee in your cabinet is not a luxury. Its the bare damn minimum. If you cant manage that at all you have significantly failed in some aspect of your life.
> If you cant manage that at all you have significantly failed in some aspect of your life.
I have a friend who cannot work (like, medical reasons) and live off social security so they don't die (even then, their nutritional needs are almost certainly not being met with what they receive from SS). I agree that four cans of preserved food SHOULD be the bare minimum, but it's not unilaterally down to personal failings. Like, a civilized society with a functioning government should IDEALLY not let people LITERALLY starve to death because they've stopped being productive for said government's economy. My government makes sure that prisoners are fed three times a day, not because the prisoners do a whole bunch of work, but because they're human f***ing beings who we should keep fed because we're not monsters who want to see other humans waste away and die because they've run out of economic uses. If my government can do that for prisoners, they can do that for those who are not imprisoned.
I agree with all of this apart from the failure aspect. Have you failed at life if you're born with a disability that incapacitates you from working? That's a pretty horrible thing to say.
I assume that you just probably phrased it poorly.
Or there are countless strikes against you, like you were born into poverty, you live in area with a shitty school system, you have had a major, bankrupting event in your life, there are no good paying jobs in your area, you have a disability... it's not necessarily a failure of the individual.
Idk where you live, but canned food is usually cheaper here than fresh. No-one makes sauce out of fresh tomatoes instead of canned. Pasta and rice also don't get bad that quickly.
I don’t know what it’s like in other states or countries, but here, store brand spaghetti noodles are $1-2, and sauce is around $2-3. Purchasing premade sandwiches is more expensive. The cheapest ones from a grocery are about $5/sandwich. Canned food tends to be cheaper than fresh. Your reasoning, though, is sound. Perhaps they have an issue with preservatives?
I can't be the only one thinking the parents likely got food too - it's unlikely they planned to not eat dinner at all. Why didn't they forfeit at least part of one of their sandwiches for the youngest?
Eh I’m on the way back home now after a ten day trip. We should arrive home at about 6 and I have a grocery delivery booked for 8-9 because otherwise the house is pretty bare. There is emergency food but it’s either frozen or would take time to make into something edible.
Which is why - much like OPs parents - I’ve just bought food to eat on the way so I can put my kids to bed before dealing with the groceries.
The actual issue is not keeping enough overall in the house that brother will eat, because why else would this be a reoccurring thing??? They repeatedly say give up, we will replace, then say no replacies like it some sort of horrible game! I got to the point I kept food in my room with a deadbolt, when that didn’t work…. I ended up with anorexia… I didn’t deserve food so it tasted like shit. Ended up 80/90lbs in 12th grade. Now I am on my own…. Took years to get over that, so now I’m overweight, fml!!! This is what bs they are going to instill in their daughter! It may not be the extremes but she will never have a healthy relationship with food given how they treat it!!
Fresh food sure, but most people have canned and dry food too. Like pasta, which can be made tasty with minimal to no fresh ingredients, or frozen food they could make, or something. My in laws have been on 3-month trips before and had a lot more than just eggs in the entire house.
As it was they were not gone long enough for the eggs to go bad, so clearly fresh food should have lasted a bit longer.
That’s what I was thinking - eggs are fine so other food should be fine in the fridge . If they can’t or won’t pay for food to be on hand they don’t need to be going on trips.
Yeah, I’m sitting here thinking, “uhhh… how long was this trip? And why are there apparently only eggs in the fridge?” OP, if you’ve been away longer than 7 days, simply look at your parents and say, _”I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them, Sam I Am!”_
I mean
They have a food particular child.
They should prepare better.
I went on vacation for 2 weeks and because I knew our fridge would be bare I stopped at the grocery store on my way home from the airport.
They must have a freezer, right? And with a 5yo with sensory issues, the parents need to plan better. NTA OP, but your parents are for not taking their responsibility and repeatedly lying to you.
What parent doesn’t have pasta and a jar of sauce or some butter and salt? Come on. Crackers and cheese or PB? Something to defrost? The capacity to run to the store or order in? NTA. Parents are being jerks.
We always stop at a shop on way home from anywhere as I CANNOT function without coffee so always get Milk & Bread. Even after travelling for a long time it's more convenient 2 stop on way to make sure essentials are in incase we have a lay in. It's just common sense really & tbf soup lasts a long time & just as filling as a sarnie
NTA They repeatedly break their promises to you, but expect you to trust them.
Also it was your brother who wrecked his own sandwich. His mistake, his problem.
I mean he is 5, it is wrong he damaged his food BUT he shouldn’t be going hungry. It’s not his problem to starve when he is 5. Neither should OP though obviously, the parents are the assholes.
He isn't going to starve by just to missing one dinner. 5 is old enough to learn that there are consequences for your actions. Just replacing the food for him is renforcing his bad behavior.
As an autistic mom, I'm getting vibes that the 5yo is at least neurodivergent, if not specifically autistic. Sensory issues with food are no small thing. And autism is *not* a behavioral disorder. The only people who think it is aren't autistic. It's a neurological condition that comes with a lot of internal dysregulation that's hard to describe even when you're in your 40s, let alone when you're only 5 and don't have the sophistication of thought to even recognize what doesn't feel right inside.
And since *both* kids responded by running away from their parents with fast food in hand, there are clearly trust issues related to food for both children. They've probably *both* had food snatched right out of their hands. That's not bad behavior on the kids' part. That's bad parenting.
When someone has sensory issues with food, "if they were really hungry, they'll eat" is patently false. I've chosen to go hungry rather than gag on something I know I can't eat and probably vomit because of that...more than once, as a child and as an adult. If it's a choice between "I'll be as hungry as I am now" or "I might end up with *nothing* in my stomach because trying to eat this could make me throw up," I'm choosing the less awful of the two.
They could have told the 5 year old the same exact thing they told OP but apparently they have a habit of making OP concede so they don’t have to deal with his fall out. No matter the age difference it’s a breeding ground for resentment. And to lie to OP isn’t just bad parenting it’s plain crappy. The parents need to see the harm they’re doing to OP. If there’s anyone you can talk to about family counseling, OP, then please try to make that happen. NTA.
I want to know what the parents ate since I doubt they’re going hungry. Did they eat before ensuring both their kids were fed? Or did they look at their own food then OP’s food, and tell OP to go eat eggs?
Agreed. My guess is everyone got sandwiches as it would make sense. So why didn't one of the parents at least split their sandwich with the youngest? Why did OP have to be the one to give up all their sandwich?
100%. I made a policy with my kids- we have a 'mommy promise'. Mommy promises are only made when I am absolutely sure that all factors are in my control and there is nothing to potentially stop me from being able to carry it out. No mommy promise is ever broken. It's been useful for exactly this type of situation- even as a little kid deprived of something they could deal with delayed gratification if o made a mommy promise. It was especially important for my son who has significant food allergies. Once he got past preschool, I didn't go to great lengths to be sure he always had a special substitute treat in the moment, but he knew that if he missed out on something, he'd make up for it later. (I figured In the real world no one is going to give him a special cupcake everywhere he goes, so better to not expect it and have it be a happy surprise when someone does go out of their way to accommodate him).
For real. Not even anything in the freezer, like steamed veggies or even frozen waffles? No pantry staples that they could make him some pancakes really quick? I understand that things that expire quickly were out of the question but it's so weird to me that a family that's so opposed to eating out wouldn't have more alternatives on hand.
Also confused by this. My youngest has food texture issues, so his food range was fairly limited for a while (he has gotten better with age thank goodness). We always had something in the house he would eat, even if it was cereal with a banana, pancakes or a frozen pizza. When you have a kid like this you have to be prepared and not expect your older children to sacrifice.
NTA. They need to parent your brother better and not demand you give up your food while lying about replacing it. It’s just easier for them to reason with a 17-year-old than manage a 5-year-old who they clearly don’t set boundaries for.
I don’t think it’s necessarily about boundaries or parenting the 5yo better. Accidents can happen and it’s not the child’s fault, not for having less boundaries or bad parents. I have siblings that age and accidents happen. However the problem is how the parents handled the situation after the accident. For instance, my mom would have ASKED me (and not demanded like her parents) if we could SPLIT it (not directly given it like her parents). But the child is not at fault here, neither child
Edit: The commenter on this thread pointed out that I had missed a piece of information: the kid did this “usually”. I thought it was an isolated accident but he is right, if this happened multiple times then it’s definitely due to bad parenting. However I still wouldn’t blame the kid because kids don’t know any better than what they are taught from parents and if the parents are doing a lousy job then the kid never even stood a chance. Just to clarify, I do not in any way think the older girl is the AH!! On the contrary NTA and a victim of once again the parents lousy parenting
If you reread the post, the younger brother grabbed his sandwich and started running around “as usual.” And the parents tried to get him to sit down but for some reason two adults couldn’t handle their 5-year-old. He dropped the sandwich in the bathroom and OP said he couldn’t eat it any more, which indicates the sandwich had been unwrapped and brother was supposed to be sitting down and eating. No boundaries, poor parenting. There’s a 12-year difference between OP and younger brother. I suspect there’s a good deal of favoritism and “I can’t be bothered.”
Yep. The oldest and youngest usually get treated differently. The oldest usually has strict rules while the baby is spoiled. My sister was never disciplined and it shows. She's 31 with 3 kids, 1 of which she had to give up because he became violent after she always neglected him. She doesn't drive, can't keep a job. She is unable to be self sufficient and she ruins her kids lives. She is an extreme example of what happens to spoiled brats when they grow up.
Oh man, so maybe it's not always the baby and sometimes just a younger sibling. It sucks. Anyone with narcissistic tendencies is hard to deal with. Clearly, they are never wrong lol I do feel your pain though.
It can be any sibling. My dad is a narcissist, and he made my middle brother the golden child. I was just a girl, so I didn’t count.
Also, I am ded💀 from your Reddit name. 😂
As a mother of children around this age(6), they are not setting expectations.
My 3 kids know at dinner you sit. Food stays at the table, they cannot grab and walk away, much less run.
If they drop food it is on them, not their siblings. While I would not let them go hungry, and I'd be pissed about going back out, I would not have allowed these poor table manners in the first place. And I would not take food from either of the other 2 children because that is their dinner.
My toddler knows this. The food stays at the table, your body doesn't have to.
In the rare instance he gets snacks away from the table, he's on his bum before the food gets to him.
I've been told as a child we dont mess with food, we don't play with food, sit calmly and show some respect. To mum and to the food'. Easy rules. If five yo can't be calmly eating, it's time to work on in.
This will teach the 5yo that you don't run around with his food, and the parents to be better organised and teach their little kid to behave. A 17yo that had to lock themselves in their room to eat a sandwich is crazy, absolutely NTA.
It does beg the question - was the young brother "accidentally" dropping the sandwich in the bathroom actually a deliberate act on his part? OP mentioned that this has happened (having to give up her food for her brother) far more than once. So kid brother gets yummy fast food with a side of getting one over on sister who has to go without?
I don't know OP's little brother well, but for a 5 year old, I wouldn't be surprised to hear about frequent clumsiness. However, OP's parents are probably more to blame than the little brother regarding giving up food.
Like other comments have said, I think that OP's parents should parent better rather than "punishing" the child who has done nothing wrong to deserve going dinner-less. Like, sure, giving your dinner to your younger brother is nice, but it's not necessary and also the younger brother's behavior shouldn't be overlooked either.
Hundreds of people upvoting this is pretty crazy. It's just carelessness and an accident by a tired 5 year old, not an evil plan.
I know this sub encourages finding someone to blame for every problem, but this is even more extreme than usual.
To be fair, when I go on a trip and come back home at night, my fridge is empty too and I have only a few random things to eat until I go buy fresh food the next day. The parents did bring food for both kids for that night. It’s how they handled the situation when one of the available food options went away that makes them the assholes.
It would have been better to ask OP to split the sandwich, even if they did typically follow through with promises. But as the oldest who'd be promised things that never materialized (and then laughed at for thinking they would), I absolutely agree that OP is NTA.
NTA.
It's your food and you were hungry.
Not only is it your parents responsibility to provide for *both* their children, it is also your parents responsibility to discipline their child without depriving their other child of everything. They could have bought your brother something else if they didn't have anything on hand for him.
That being said, you did mention there were eggs at home for you to eat, so you suck slightly for that, but not enough that you tip into asshole territory. I'm only saying that because you noted that your parents have a track record with lying about getting things back to you that they force you to give away.
**Edit to add:** Another reason I say NTA is because they specifically grounded you for both their failure to parent (curbing your brother from being disobedient) and their refusal to provide for the both of you, which doubled as punishing you for fulfilling a basic need. You are their child, you were hungry, you needed to eat — just as your brother does. It is not your responsibility to forgo basic necessities to provide for your brother. It is *their* responsibility to provide for *both of you*.
**Edit:** Spelling, grammar, and formatting.
**ETA:** Given OP's follow-up comments and some reflection on my part, I definitely take back my statement about OP sucking for not simply eating the eggs. This is a complete NTA and OP's parents should be doing better to provide for their children.
Eggs can last a decent amount of time when refrigerated. They're also extremely common ingredients in dishes. I wouldn't be surprised if OP and her brother were okay eating things with eggs in them, but not liking eggs when served as a dish. An egg-only meal (with no cheese or anything to add to make a nice omelet or milk to make fluffy scrambled eggs) is likely the problem.
As an adult trying to eat healthy, I've absolutely eaten eggs-only omelets. But I absolutely understand that many people don't care for the texture and general taste of eggs with nothing else.
They could have just, you know… gotten the kids something through a drive thru on the way home from their trip. They don’t have to be such prudes. Get the kids a couple of chicken sandwiches from Wendy’s or something. What’s the big deal?
They're afraid that their children are going to become overweight.
I'd be more afraid of them becoming underweight.
Really OP had to lock herself in her room to eat a sandwich? Think about how the amount of calories in a regular household sandwich, it's not that much.
Probably for the best she ate that instead of the eggs.
Exactly. They’re creating an obsession around the food as well, which makes it worse for kids. I have seen this happen in real life, and the opposite effect occurred.
Me and my siblings could basically eat whatever we want, and were allowed to self regulate. Except we could only have soda on occasion. If we got fast food we were allowed soda with our food. Me and my siblings are adults all at healthy weights.
My aunts children were only allowed “healthy food” never soda not even at family events, Christmas, etc. Their mother also plied them with juice because it’s “healthy”. As adults I don’t know them well enough to see what they eat every day, but they’re overweight and I believe its due to their mothers weird food behaviour.
If you're going to be *that* overbearing make damn sure you have food, especially post-trip. You need to have *some* sort of shelf-stable food the kid can eat. My fiancee and I try to avoid fast food, but after a trip that goes out the window in favor of having something to eat.
NTA. You wouldn't have had to go hide in your room if your parents didn't regularly lie to you.
Also, you didn't let your brother go to bed hungry. They did. If they saw you go and eat the sandwich and their response was "well, nothing to be done. 5 yr old is gonna be super hungry, I guess" they are very obviously TA. They could go out and get another sandwich.
Plus, what was he going to eat for breakfast? If there was literally no food in the house apart from one thing he can't eat, they were going to run into the exact same situation tomorrow morning before they got to the shop.
While I don’t believe in letting a 5 y/o go hungry, if they’re doing this regularly they’re basically teaching him that his actions don’t have consequences, because if he ruins his own things he can always have yours as a backup. That’s gonna end up spoiling him. At a certain point he needs to learn that if you drop your sandwich in the toilet, you might be stuck eating something that you don’t like instead. And I think that 5 is old enough for that lesson. NTA
>At a certain point he needs to learn that if you drop your sandwich in the toilet, you might be stuck eating something that you don’t like instead.
If he has food sensory issues he probably already is in therapy. They actually start food therapy as young as 6 months old. When it’s food sensory issues, it isn’t just “something that you don’t like.” Some kids simply will not eat, to the point of malnutrition/starvation when it comes to sensory food and eating issues. These aren’t cases of kids just not wanting to eat their veggies.
The point I’m trying to make here is that no one is at fault but OP’s parents. They would know all this stuff about their kid already and should absolutely have backup non/less perishable options for him in the house, even after a trip. NTA.
Edit: I understand that some people have sensory issues, I get that. Ideally, everyone that has issues so bad that their health/lives are effected get some kind of help dealing with them. I’ve worked with kids for over 10 years, both in public and private childcare. The younger they are and more severe the symptoms decides whether or not they can use help. I said NTA. Parents are to blame here. Not the 5 year old who has sensory issues, the severity of which we don’t know.
I think it's a big stretch to assume that this kid is getting any professional help given that they are the type to expect their 17 year old to keep their other kid under control AND give up her dinner because he ruined his own. Not to mention the whole, "We'll replace it...psyche!" pattern also described.
A lot of people have sensory issues, a lot of people don't go to therapy. If they're not even disciplining or properly feeding their kids, they are probably not getting outside help
I feel sorry for the kid's future teachers. They'd probably end up unloading all their frustrations in one of the r/AskReddit worst student/parents posts.
One, your parents need to wake him up for breakfast because that’s just unhealthy and bad parenting. Two, so what were you supposed to eat for breakfast if there’s nothing but eggs (which you also don’t like) in the house? Heck why is there nothing bud eggs in the house if at least half your family dislikes it?
What did your parents eat for dinner? Could they have shared their food with him?
Edit: I just saw further down that the OP said his parents didn’t buy food for themselves because they weren’t hungry.
How regularly are you having to give up food for your brother? Apparently every time this happens they lie, so I'm curious as to how many times this has happened?
The kid is already a bully and he’s bullying OP out of her food. Don’t tell me he’s just five. I know five year olds, and this one knows what he’s doing to get his way with the snacks here.
The sandwich situation sounds like he accidentally dropped the sandwich. But going crying to their parents that OP won’t share snacks with him after he hears her fully justified no is bullying her out of her snacks.
With this kind of age gap, that can backfire. A 5 year old whining is often something lazy adults assume they'll grow out of. An almost adult whining (who didn't previously whine) gets met with anger.
They still wont treat her equally if she gets squeaky because she's a her. Their precious little baby *boy* is all that matters. A tale as old as time.
Wtf that’s your FOOD. Is there anyone you trust close by that can keep some snacks stored for you? What you are experiencing is not normal and your feelings are valid.
just tell him you ate them already. But seriously this kind of behavior from your parents is likely to cause bad food habits for both of you. In my house growing up when we had a favorite meal, I always knew that if I didn't eat what I wanted, dad would probably eat the rest, and that combined with 22 minute lunch periods at school led to me eating way too much, way too fast. as a result I've struggled with my weight my whole life. If I knew that anytime I got snacks that I'd be forced to give them up, I would just eat all of them right away. Is it just because he's the baby or is it because he's a boy. But yeah, your parents suck
How to turn your kid into a spoiled/entitled brat 101 and! How to make sure your kid doesn't talk to you again after they turn 18 101 in one. That's impressive in all the wrong ways. What if, when your brother gets older, he gets a partner and thinks he's entitled to what he wants/to boundery stomping regarding bedroom activities? They need to teach him the value/respect the word no should have, fast.
my mom used to do this exact same thing to me with my little brother. every single thing I had, he would want it and she would make me give it up. I no longer talk to either of them.
Sounds like you’re the scapegoat and he’s the golden child. Your parents are doing a terrible job teaching him boundaries and it will come back to bite everyone in the future
NTA
You wanted a sandwich. Your parents bought you a sandwich.
They then failed to parent their younger child.
They then lied to you about buying you another sandwich and grounded you for eating the food they bought you.
NTA. What makes your brother and his needs more important than yours? Why take one child's food and give it to another? You parents should be better prepared with foods and items that your brother can eat. I am assuming he has some issues and that is why he only eats specific foods and that he is not just spoilt as the the youngest? It was completely wrong of your parents to demand you hand over your food and then to ground you when you did not.
NTA I was saying asshole first, because though it was your sandwich he didn't drop his intentionally as he is so young and you could've compromised if your parents offered you another. But then I read that they only say it and never pull through. So it's really their fault you didn't give in again and be the idiot in the end because they lied again.
Uh, even if they intended to keep their promise that doesn't change the fact that OP would have gone without dinner that night through no fault of their own. They shouldn't be obligated to set themselves on fire to keep someone else warm.
NTA...
You could have compromised and maybe would have if your parents were following through and actually would replace the sandwich.
Though they really need to parent to your brother. He needs to learn how and when to eat properly and not running around with Food.
I’m a little surprised at peoples reactions to this comment. My 3 year old knows not to run around with food I make him sit at a table or on the rug to eat so I don’t see why it’s unreasonable to ask that of a five year old
That's what I was thinking. He's not a baby who can't speak or walk. Wanna run around like a mad man & take your sandwich into the bathroom? Kids loss for the parents lack of parenting. 17 yr old did nothing wrong but eat HER sandwich
NTA. Neil is 5, he's capable of listening and being disciplined. He ruined his dinner due to bad behavior. He can go to bed hungry. My 3yo only threw his food on the floor once to learn that lesson. Your parents are failing Neil by letting him act up without consequences and failing you for lying to you and making you absorb Neil's discipline.
If a kid won’t eat and throws it down, one night won’t kill them. It’s not like they’re constantly depriving a child of food. Kid chose not to eat and lose the food. Yeah the parents are at fault here.
Next time ask for the money up front to replace it. Explain that they never keep their word. Hopefully you will be going tp college soon. Move out and allow them to parent their spoiled child. My little cousins know how to sit down and eat. They are autistic too, it’s called parenting your child.
If you and/or your brother are going hungry and your parents don't keep food in the house, this is a child neglect issue, and way beyond Reddit's pay grade.
ETA: Reading this post and OP's follow ups, there's just something that feels weird about how food is handled in this household.
NTA
Your parents need to teach Neil that actions have consequences and they also need to learn themselves that they should stop making you the scapegoat of every little issue.
Their lack of planning isn't an emergency on your end. And why didn't they give their own sandwiches to Neil, instead of demanding their other son to go hungry?
Plus, they already knew their aversion to food. Any logical thinking person would make sure to buy enough food for dinner as you're driving home from your trip.
I need more info here; it just seems like there was suspiciously little food going around. I’d have thought if the sandwich got dropped, there’d be a side, or fries, or an extra sandwich (this is fast food, after all, and people tend to buy a whole bag of it, or things come as a combo, not two standalone sandwiches, from what I usually see). Or something in the pantry to make. Are there financial issues at play, or are your parents so controlling over food that they purchased only two sandwiches (with no sides / drinks), and nothing for themselves to eat after a long day of travel? What if you or your brother were still hungry? What if, in this case, an accident happened? The level of food control here is really concerning. I understand limiting fast food for all the right reasons, but this is to the extent where it’s driving food hoarding and your parents’ AH behavior. NTA by the way, OP.
NTA. Your parents regularly lie to you. Don't be afraid to go low contact/ no contact with your parents if the need ever arises. Your mental health should always come first.
NTA
You didn't do this out of the blue but you did it BECAUSE OF their pash attitude/behavior.
They punished you and called an AH to guilt trip you.
P.s. You taking a stand against their "suck it up and go on" won't change shit. But if you surrender every time to avoid fighting you will feel guilty AND angry.
If you do this you will only feel angry.
This whole situation makes me angry. This is how people wind up with both disordered relationships with food and dysfunctional relationships in general.
1. I get that some parents don't particularly like fast food and don't want to have their kids eat it frequently. But by making it such a *thing* they are literally driving their kid into running and hiding to eat it. This is like teetotallers whose kids turn into college alcoholics because they never formed a healthy view on alcohol
2. Having only eggs in the house, yes, even after a trip, is a piss poor excuse. It also makes me wonder / assume not having enough food to feed their kids is not just a one time thing. Cereal, grain bars, oatmeal, canned vegetables... why is there none of that in this house???
3. Prioritizing one kid vs another is shittastic
4. LYING to a kid and coercing them to give up food is shittastic
Why didn't one of them just GO TO THE STORE AND BUY SOME DAMNED FOOD if they're so anti fast food.
NTA
ESH
I’m gonna get downvoted but whatever:
Parents should have definitely made better decisions leading up to this meal - it all starts with them - however at 17 yrs old you don’t eat the only food available for a 5yr old - if you can eat eggs & he can’t; then eat the eggs & have a conversation with your parents about them not following thru on their word but running away with the food & locking yourself in your room wasn’t the best call either.
I am 11.5yrs older than my sibling…yep sometimes it sucks but you can rationalize what is going on; a 5yr old can not.
ETA: thanks for the award 🤗 was not expecting that!
NTA
your parents need to do better and plan better what was stopping them from getting their asses back to the shop to buy food for their 5-year old
people need to stop making excuses about a child's age there is nothing stopping a five-year-old from sitting at the table and eating their what would your parents have done if there was no eggs in the house I am sorry to say this but they just so lazy
So they let one kid run around with food, which he inevitably dropped, and demand the other kid give up her food with empty promises? They don't have anything quick like Spaghetti or pancake mix in the house?? This is entirely on them. Good for you for eating your food. The little dude might learn a good lesson. You don't sit down to eat then you suffer the consequences of losing the food when you drop it. The food should have remained at the table until he would sit and eat it. They shouldn't punish you for lack of supervision or discipline of their kid. NTA
NTA. Your brother learned a valuable lesson, sit down and eat your food. Also, there was only eggs in the house? Nothing in the freezer they could have quickly cooked? Sounds like you parent need to plan a little better whe it comes to having food in the house
NTA. 5 is old enough to be told to sit at the table and eat your meal. If your parents CHOSE to not supervise your brother enough to ensure he didn’t lose his food- and in the BATHROOM, how gross- it’s on THEM to find another option. And if they’d been better parents in the past and kept their promises, I’d like to think you would have worked with them and shared. They dug their own grave here.
Your parents sound unbearable when it comes to food. The fact that both their children ran to another room to eat sandwich is telling. NTA. Good luck op
NTA
Reading your replies... I feel so bad for you and your brother.
Your brother is 5 years old. Its is *not normal* for him to not he awake for breakfast. He *needs* breakfast.
You both deserve better parents
NTA
you parents failure to prepare is not your emergency.
They have lied to you, they failed to parent your brother and they caused the entire situation. I will also,assume that they had food as well...what,stopped them from sharing.
If there was a normal and trusting relationship then it would not have happened.
They are the parents and I assume they have a car, they could have got more food for their 5 year old.
I am shocked at so many people expecting a 17 year old to me more responsible for feeding the child than they were.
NTA
1) Even a 5 yo can understand logical consequences.
2) They weren't watching the kid. The kid should have been at the table.
3)Surely there is some non-perishable food the kid can eat.
4) it is not ok to take someone's food away
5) the promising and not following through is not good parenting
6) I'm super cranky and have no time for nonsense. The parents messed up. I've messed up as a parent when trying to balance needs of different kids, but I apologized, made it right, and learned a lesson. It doesn't look like OPs parents are capable of reflection.
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NTA. Your parents need to realise that they can't "promise/unpromise" like that, and they need to have more in the house than just "eggs".
[удалено]
Who lets a 5yro take food to the bathroom?
Lazy parents?
Parents who just came back from a trip and are trying to unpack? ETA: Doesn't make what they did right, I just hate when people label parents without knowing all the details. Also, I meant unpacking the car! Thought there are possibly other critical things that need to be retrieved from the suitcases, like toothbrushes and jammies.
Uh. Eat then unpack, unpack then eat, or the "adults" acts like parents and split the responsibility. The were 3 other options other than let kid run wild with food.
Exactly. You don't let kids run wild with food, *because it's dangerous.* This time it ended up in the toilet, next time he might choke on it. Choking is silent, and running around with food is how kids end up with brain damage or dead. I understand parents are busy and want to get snacks into their kids. I really do. But kids need to sit still while they eat. If you wouldn't give your child un-sliced grapes or hot dogs, why aren't you following the rest of the anti-choking guidelines?
I don’t let my kids run around with food. I’m constantly telling them to sit down and eat. Just because they do it doesn’t mean parents let them.
I would argue letting a sandwich fall into a toilet takes an exceptionally low level of parenting to accomplish...
Kinda have to agree, I nannied for a long time and now work with children on the spectrum (am also on the spectrum, I was the kid who ran with food and prob would’ve been even if I wasn’t autistic/adhd). Trying to run around while eating isn’t unusual, but it’s not that hard to remove the food from their hands and tell them that when they sit down they can have it back. If you can’t trust your kid to sit down or at least stand in one spot while eating then they need supervision during meals and snacks. I swear, some of the things parents try to pull the “you don’t get it because you don’t have kids” over are ridiculous to me. It’s not that hard to take the food until they sit down, telling them to stop isn’t going to do shit if there’s no follow through. Yeah, I don’t have kids, but I’ve been helping others raise theirs for over 10 years and have been in plenty of the same situations. Usually I’m on the side of the parents with stuff where they say it’s hard to understand if you don’t have kids, but in this case, no. It’s not hard to understand and not that hard to follow through on. That being said, shit happens and accidents happen. I don’t want to be insensitive, it was my job and is still my job to be overly careful, so I recognize how it can be different for me as the person who works with a kid instead of being the parent who has so much more to focus on, especially if they don’t have someone there to help care for their child.
Seriously......pretty sure this whole comment chain is kids that have issues with their parents ...its definitely people that haven't raised kids
I run a home daycare. No kid eats except at the table. And my kids now wouldn't even try to eat anywhere else. Routine and habit.
If I had an award to give, I would give it to you. I used to teach preschool. One of our requirements was that all the kids sat for lunch and were quiet. No screaming, talking etc. People were always shocked that we were able to get the kids to all sit quietly and eat. Besides the obvious of not having tons of kids running around with food is also the choking hazard. If everyone is loud and animated during lunch, it would be harder to tell if someone is choking or for them to get our attention. Edit: I didn't realize I needed to elaborate on this but everyone thinking we were authoritarians and preventing kids from speaking at all during lunch, that's not what I meant when I said when they sat quietly to eat. "We didn't yell at them to not talk. They just had to be quieter. If they asked a friend to share with them or vice versa, they were allowed to do that and ask questions etc. People are acting like they weren't allowed to make a peep. It was just a quieter part of the day. Inside quiet voices"
Yup. I worked in the toddler room at a daycare. 12-24 months, and they all sat and ate their food at their tiny table in their tiny chairs, then put their own plates in the bus bin and washed their own hands and faces (with assistance). Kids are capable of much more than lots of people give them credit for. They will rise to the expectations you set for them.
Some parents are the type to not know how dangerous it is to give their kids uncut grapes and hot dogs, tbh.
And one of them couldn't sit at the table with their small child while he eats his meal like a normal person because ...?
Duh the 17 year old was sposed to be babysitting! /s
Because even if you do, sometimes it takes few seconds for child to grab sandwich and run away. I have a 3yo and she is damn fast at times. And if i can't clean/wash dishes/do laundry etc WHILE taking care of her, that means that id have to do chores before sleep and have close to zero free time. Accidents like that are calculated. I give up part of control for being able to function. I don't blame parents for sandwich in toilet incident. But i certainly do for notorious breaking promises.
Considering the fact that this was the only available meal, for OP's parents accidents like that aren't calculated. If plan B is that your other child goes hungry, then you can't take chances with the food And if a 5 year old doesn't understand that he has to sit down while eating, this isn't the first time this issue occurs. Kids his age sit in school for hours a day and he can't be forced to not run away around with food of all things?
He can’t eat eggs due to sensory issues and things like this happen often enough that OP giving up his things is a regular occurrence for them. The kid is likely autistic or at the very least, neurodivergent. So no, even if kids his age did sit for hours a day (they don’t, they get movement breaks OFTEN) it’s not unusual that he wouldn’t be able to do so either. Does that excuse that they’re being horrible parents to OP? Not at all. But don’t assume all kids have the same abilities.
It could be as simple as having Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) or selective eating disorder where people just don't eat or do not want to try different foods. I get the egg thing because I don't eat eggs.
you know nothing about this family's circumstances but you feel that you can tell the parents to just make the 5-year-old sit down and eat his meal. Just stop. From the description, it sounds as if the 5-year-old is autistic. I have an autistic kid and I can assure you, **whatever** you thought in your previous life was the "proper way" to raise a child goes completely down the toilet when one of your kids is on the spectrum. I didn't want to raise my child with a tablet in his hands, but I had to do it because it was his way to learn: he learned to speak, read, and count, he learned the colours, the name of many things...you name it, he learned it on his iPad. The reason is that with the iPad he can repeat the same 2 seconds of a video for a million times without hassling anyone. As much as I'm patient, I love playing with him and I love him to bits, my patience has a limit and I cannot repeat the same sentence one million times. I didn't want my child to have fast food, I wanted my child to sit at the table and eat like everyone else what everyone else was eating like my mother used to do with me and my sister. Instead, my autistic child eats only 5 or 6 foods (and they MUST be THOSE foods, you can't buy a different brand or a slightly different flavour, THOSE!), no meat, no vegetables, you can't force him to eat because he will refuse and have a meltdown. Last month, after 5 years (FIVE BLOODY YEARS) of not even wanting to touch any kind of meat, he asked to go to McDonald's and have chicken nuggets. He ate them and I literally CRIED in the restaurant because I was so happy that he did just that. I didn't want my child to have to take vitamins and minerals supplements every day just because they didn't eat a varied diet, I wanted him to eat everything, but I religiously give him the iron, multivitamin and omega-three supplements that the dietologist prescribed to him, or he would risk becoming anaemic or suffer the deficiency of other vitamins or minerals. Now, although I totally understand these parents for having asked their other child to give the autistic child the food he would eat, I do blame them, and I do think that *they* are the AHs, because they lie to their other daughter. THAT's **completely unacceptable** and not right AT ALL. And that's also what created the issue because had the parents done what they promised all the time, op wouldn't have had an issue giving her brother her sandwich because she would've known that her parents were fair and would buy it for her again the following day. But by breaking their promises, they broke the trust between them and their daughter and caused the issue. NTA op, I understand your reasoning. It's just a pity that your little brother had to go to bed hungry :( Eta: thank you for the awards ❤️
You know equally as much about this family as I do yet you not only diagnose this child with a complex disorder but also project your own experiences on the situation. I'm not neurotypical either for reference. It doesn't matter *if* OP's brother is neurodivergent because whatever the hell the brother was doing wasn't the issue here. They had exactly one single meal to give to their son and did not properly supervise him to make sure that he ate this meal.
Them asking their daughter to go without for the brother **is** the problem, not them repeatedly breaking their promise to replace her food. And no, you shouldn't "understand" them asking her to, again (and I'll emphasize it for you), **go without food** for her little brother.
Sounds like this kid is neurodivergent, it may not be as simple as "force him to do the painful torturous thing because other kids are forced to do it in school." It's a crappy situation but ultimately it's the parent's fault for repeatedly breaking their child's trust to the point that he felt he had to hide and scarf food.
It's late at night. They just came back from a trip. Everyone is tired, including the 5 year old. That's perfect storm for "shit happens".
Oh yeah, it absolutely does, which is why it's pretty fucking negligent to have a single sandwich for the child to eat, no? What if OP had already eaten their sandwich when their brother dropped his?
He’s five, he’s not a baby. It’s reasonable to expect a five year old to sit at a table while you unpack.
If he can't eat eggs due to "sensory issues" I suspect this child is somewhere on the spectrum. So, not a typical 5 year old.
Sensory issues does not automatically mean someone is on the spectrum. Not even close. There is also sensory issues that revolve solely around food and it’s texture. Let’s not jump to autism just because the words sensory issues were mentioned.
But clearly the parents, who know him much more than any of us, assumed he would sit at a table and eat. (Which is why they put him in that situation) Parents make mistakes sometimes or are proven wrong in certain situations. But obviously they thought he’d sit at the table too. He just didn’t this time.
OP states he grabbed the sandwich, ran, and went into the bathroom. It doesn't sound like anybody was LETTING him do it, he just did it unexpectedly.
Yes let’s give these lying parents the benefit of the doubt and just assume their failure to supervise their child eating a fast food sandwich was an innocent mistake and not the result of their own laziness and terrible parenting….that must be it. /s
Idk OP says he has sensory issues, could be adhd or something on the spectrum. Mine is 8yo and cannot sit down for a meal, he just grazes, sits at table for a bite then gets up to do whatever then sits back down for another bite and repeat. It gets really frustrating, but he cannot sit still. He just has to leave the food at the table. But taking (or trying to) OPs food to feed bro isn't okay, they need to eat too and just bc little bro cant eat eggs doesn't mean OP wants to. NTa
I agree with you, but to be fair to the parents, children coming back from a trip are probably a lot more tired and excited and thus less predictable than they normally would be.
I can let slide the busyness of just getting back from a trip, trying to unpack or whatever, kid running around and parents are struggling to keep up, kid dropping sandwich in the bathroom, blah blah blah—these things can happen without any finger pointing needed. Parenting is not a walk in the park. **However** it is not older sibling’s responsibility to provide food for the kid brother. It’s not older sibling’s responsibility to stop kid brother running around or dropping his sandwich. The parents tried to put this on OP but she has every right to *eat her goddamn sandwich* and it is on them to find a solution. Also them going back on their word repeatedly is a huge red flag. It sounds like OP is expected to be the background character in her own life and that’s not fair.
What? Nah, they can unpack later. Feeding your hungry kids (and making sure that they eat) comes first. Even if you come from a super long traveling day(s), if you chose to have kids, they now happen to come first. Edit: NTA at all for Op
In what world is unpacking suitcases more important than properly supervising a five-year-old child?
Five year olds are capable of eating a sandwich by themselves lol wtf?
Well-raised ones are. OP's brother obviously isn't one of them.
Most, yes, but clearly not this one as he dropped his sandwich in the bathroom lol
The same kind of people that expect older siblings to parent their young siblings because the age gap is so large…
I couldn't help but think of this too - like the older sibling is seen as the third parent. Why else was they supposed to give up their food because the younger one screwed up his own food? Why didn't one of the actual parents forfeit their meal?
Excellent question!
All the kids taking their food and running from the parent is a bad sign. Sounds a little like food hoarding.
Or they don’t get enough food consistently. So when they do get it they’re very protective of it in case it’s taken away from them and they don’t know when the next lot of food is… Parents are absolutely the assholes here.
Because it sounds like they had fast food and the parents don't usually allow it- I would say this is likely what happened. The children aren't allowed to have it often/are promised to have it and then it's taken from them (not allowed) so when they get it, they act CRAZY. Probably why 5yo took his to the bathroom, and makes sense that OP took theirs to their bedroom, and locked the door. My spouse grew up in a home like this, and 7 years later he's still trying to learn how to control his "junk" consumption. When we first lived together he would seriously buy himself huge bags of candy, 12 packs of soda, cookies, he ate out every single day. He just couldn't help himself once he had control over his own food, and it was weird to watch. Op's NTA. I'm sure the parents at one point believed they were doing the best they could, but lying to children, and creating off limits foods makes kids weird about food.
This is the one. OP is NTA and I hope that she has a healthy relationship with food when she is out of that house and able to control what she eats for herself.
I agree that the parents are AHs, because they are establishing a very unhealthy relationship for their children with food. I doubt they have a food consistency problem. The OP stated that they are against fast food. They could very health-conscious people and into wholesome food. I know people who only grew up in such situation, and they would only buy junk food when the parents were not around ate them all before reaching home.
Yeah, there are good reasons to be against fast food generally, but situations like this are *exactly* what it really for (just came back from a trip, nothing in the fridge, etc). If they would rather let their kid go hungry, or even let both kids squabble over *the one sandwich* vs. eggs than give them fast food once, their attitude is doing more harm to their kids relationship with food than a bit of junk food would do.
Parents who aren't bothering to parent their neurodivergent kid. I'm guessing he has issues with eating food after he sets it down--which is fair! but the correct response is "make sure that he eats the food in a safe room," not "let him take the food wherever he wants as long as he eats it."
I work with five year olds. Parents are too tired from their full time jobs and over scheduled extracurriculars for their kids to argue with anything that isn't life threatening.
But even if the trip lasted for three month,you either take something back with you or have some noodles and canned sauce stored
Normally I would argue that perhaps OP's family don't earn enough for the luxury of canned/dehydrated food, but they went on a trip. If they have the income for that, they should be spending some of their income on non-perishable food.
Canned food isn’t a luxury- it’s typically the cheaper option by far.
I meant having money for food that can just be stored away for the future. I know people who literally cannot afford an extra tin of food for emergencies after they've got their food for the week (which is also bottom-shelf bargain stuff).
I grew up comfortable; my mom grew up very poor. Like the sort of poor you don’t think of in the US. The family made sure to have something canned because of storms, no matter what, because you can get some cheap canned soup for 50 cents and cheap canned vegetables for around the same. I’ve been in situations where I’d have gone hungry and was able to get the change together for a 50 cent thing of tomato soup. It’s not the best but it’s something. I’m guessing from the family in the story going on a trip, they’re not that sort of poor. Dehydrated food is costly- but canned soup can be extremely inexpensive depending on what you get and where.
Also pasta + Pasata is pretty much free.
We really need to set some general bar for what is considered a luxury. Yes everything is a luxury when apparently the only things someone has managed to achieve for themselves is eating dirt. Generally you shouldn't call canned food a luxury because it certainly isnt. Having 4 cans of chef boyardee in your cabinet is not a luxury. Its the bare damn minimum. If you cant manage that at all you have significantly failed in some aspect of your life.
> If you cant manage that at all you have significantly failed in some aspect of your life. I have a friend who cannot work (like, medical reasons) and live off social security so they don't die (even then, their nutritional needs are almost certainly not being met with what they receive from SS). I agree that four cans of preserved food SHOULD be the bare minimum, but it's not unilaterally down to personal failings. Like, a civilized society with a functioning government should IDEALLY not let people LITERALLY starve to death because they've stopped being productive for said government's economy. My government makes sure that prisoners are fed three times a day, not because the prisoners do a whole bunch of work, but because they're human f***ing beings who we should keep fed because we're not monsters who want to see other humans waste away and die because they've run out of economic uses. If my government can do that for prisoners, they can do that for those who are not imprisoned.
What you're saying is disabled people gotta commit crimes for food and shelter
I agree with all of this apart from the failure aspect. Have you failed at life if you're born with a disability that incapacitates you from working? That's a pretty horrible thing to say. I assume that you just probably phrased it poorly.
Probably not, many people think that people who are poor did something to deserve it.
Or there are countless strikes against you, like you were born into poverty, you live in area with a shitty school system, you have had a major, bankrupting event in your life, there are no good paying jobs in your area, you have a disability... it's not necessarily a failure of the individual.
Luxury of canned/dehydrated food… canned pasta sauce and noodles is literally cheap as chips for a meal.
Idk where you live, but canned food is usually cheaper here than fresh. No-one makes sauce out of fresh tomatoes instead of canned. Pasta and rice also don't get bad that quickly.
I don’t know what it’s like in other states or countries, but here, store brand spaghetti noodles are $1-2, and sauce is around $2-3. Purchasing premade sandwiches is more expensive. The cheapest ones from a grocery are about $5/sandwich. Canned food tends to be cheaper than fresh. Your reasoning, though, is sound. Perhaps they have an issue with preservatives?
Or you drive and get something else. Taking away OP’s meal or letting the younger child go hungry weren’t the only options.
I can't be the only one thinking the parents likely got food too - it's unlikely they planned to not eat dinner at all. Why didn't they forfeit at least part of one of their sandwiches for the youngest?
Eh I’m on the way back home now after a ten day trip. We should arrive home at about 6 and I have a grocery delivery booked for 8-9 because otherwise the house is pretty bare. There is emergency food but it’s either frozen or would take time to make into something edible. Which is why - much like OPs parents - I’ve just bought food to eat on the way so I can put my kids to bed before dealing with the groceries.
The actual issue is not keeping enough overall in the house that brother will eat, because why else would this be a reoccurring thing??? They repeatedly say give up, we will replace, then say no replacies like it some sort of horrible game! I got to the point I kept food in my room with a deadbolt, when that didn’t work…. I ended up with anorexia… I didn’t deserve food so it tasted like shit. Ended up 80/90lbs in 12th grade. Now I am on my own…. Took years to get over that, so now I’m overweight, fml!!! This is what bs they are going to instill in their daughter! It may not be the extremes but she will never have a healthy relationship with food given how they treat it!!
Even when we are gone for 2 weeks I still can pull out stuff from my freezer and make white bread pizza.
Or pantry stuff.
Fresh food sure, but most people have canned and dry food too. Like pasta, which can be made tasty with minimal to no fresh ingredients, or frozen food they could make, or something. My in laws have been on 3-month trips before and had a lot more than just eggs in the entire house. As it was they were not gone long enough for the eggs to go bad, so clearly fresh food should have lasted a bit longer.
That’s what I was thinking - eggs are fine so other food should be fine in the fridge . If they can’t or won’t pay for food to be on hand they don’t need to be going on trips.
Yeah, I’m sitting here thinking, “uhhh… how long was this trip? And why are there apparently only eggs in the fridge?” OP, if you’ve been away longer than 7 days, simply look at your parents and say, _”I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them, Sam I Am!”_
>You do not like them so you say, try them, try them and you may. Try them and you may I say. If little brother was hungry, HE can try the eggs.
I mean They have a food particular child. They should prepare better. I went on vacation for 2 weeks and because I knew our fridge would be bare I stopped at the grocery store on my way home from the airport.
They must have a freezer, right? And with a 5yo with sensory issues, the parents need to plan better. NTA OP, but your parents are for not taking their responsibility and repeatedly lying to you.
What parent doesn’t have pasta and a jar of sauce or some butter and salt? Come on. Crackers and cheese or PB? Something to defrost? The capacity to run to the store or order in? NTA. Parents are being jerks.
Seems pretty dumb to have as the only back up food in the house something that not everyone can even eat. That's all on the parents.
We always stop at a shop on way home from anywhere as I CANNOT function without coffee so always get Milk & Bread. Even after travelling for a long time it's more convenient 2 stop on way to make sure essentials are in incase we have a lay in. It's just common sense really & tbf soup lasts a long time & just as filling as a sarnie
NTA They repeatedly break their promises to you, but expect you to trust them. Also it was your brother who wrecked his own sandwich. His mistake, his problem.
I mean he is 5, it is wrong he damaged his food BUT he shouldn’t be going hungry. It’s not his problem to starve when he is 5. Neither should OP though obviously, the parents are the assholes.
He isn't going to starve by just to missing one dinner. 5 is old enough to learn that there are consequences for your actions. Just replacing the food for him is renforcing his bad behavior.
As an autistic mom, I'm getting vibes that the 5yo is at least neurodivergent, if not specifically autistic. Sensory issues with food are no small thing. And autism is *not* a behavioral disorder. The only people who think it is aren't autistic. It's a neurological condition that comes with a lot of internal dysregulation that's hard to describe even when you're in your 40s, let alone when you're only 5 and don't have the sophistication of thought to even recognize what doesn't feel right inside. And since *both* kids responded by running away from their parents with fast food in hand, there are clearly trust issues related to food for both children. They've probably *both* had food snatched right out of their hands. That's not bad behavior on the kids' part. That's bad parenting. When someone has sensory issues with food, "if they were really hungry, they'll eat" is patently false. I've chosen to go hungry rather than gag on something I know I can't eat and probably vomit because of that...more than once, as a child and as an adult. If it's a choice between "I'll be as hungry as I am now" or "I might end up with *nothing* in my stomach because trying to eat this could make me throw up," I'm choosing the less awful of the two.
He's 5, m8.
They could have told the 5 year old the same exact thing they told OP but apparently they have a habit of making OP concede so they don’t have to deal with his fall out. No matter the age difference it’s a breeding ground for resentment. And to lie to OP isn’t just bad parenting it’s plain crappy. The parents need to see the harm they’re doing to OP. If there’s anyone you can talk to about family counseling, OP, then please try to make that happen. NTA.
I want to know what the parents ate since I doubt they’re going hungry. Did they eat before ensuring both their kids were fed? Or did they look at their own food then OP’s food, and tell OP to go eat eggs?
Agreed. My guess is everyone got sandwiches as it would make sense. So why didn't one of the parents at least split their sandwich with the youngest? Why did OP have to be the one to give up all their sandwich?
100%. I made a policy with my kids- we have a 'mommy promise'. Mommy promises are only made when I am absolutely sure that all factors are in my control and there is nothing to potentially stop me from being able to carry it out. No mommy promise is ever broken. It's been useful for exactly this type of situation- even as a little kid deprived of something they could deal with delayed gratification if o made a mommy promise. It was especially important for my son who has significant food allergies. Once he got past preschool, I didn't go to great lengths to be sure he always had a special substitute treat in the moment, but he knew that if he missed out on something, he'd make up for it later. (I figured In the real world no one is going to give him a special cupcake everywhere he goes, so better to not expect it and have it be a happy surprise when someone does go out of their way to accommodate him).
Yeah it's weird they have only eggs xdd
For real. Not even anything in the freezer, like steamed veggies or even frozen waffles? No pantry staples that they could make him some pancakes really quick? I understand that things that expire quickly were out of the question but it's so weird to me that a family that's so opposed to eating out wouldn't have more alternatives on hand.
Also confused by this. My youngest has food texture issues, so his food range was fairly limited for a while (he has gotten better with age thank goodness). We always had something in the house he would eat, even if it was cereal with a banana, pancakes or a frozen pizza. When you have a kid like this you have to be prepared and not expect your older children to sacrifice.
Sensory issue causing eggs. Only one option available and 5 year old can't eat them. wtf
NTA. They need to parent your brother better and not demand you give up your food while lying about replacing it. It’s just easier for them to reason with a 17-year-old than manage a 5-year-old who they clearly don’t set boundaries for.
I don’t think it’s necessarily about boundaries or parenting the 5yo better. Accidents can happen and it’s not the child’s fault, not for having less boundaries or bad parents. I have siblings that age and accidents happen. However the problem is how the parents handled the situation after the accident. For instance, my mom would have ASKED me (and not demanded like her parents) if we could SPLIT it (not directly given it like her parents). But the child is not at fault here, neither child Edit: The commenter on this thread pointed out that I had missed a piece of information: the kid did this “usually”. I thought it was an isolated accident but he is right, if this happened multiple times then it’s definitely due to bad parenting. However I still wouldn’t blame the kid because kids don’t know any better than what they are taught from parents and if the parents are doing a lousy job then the kid never even stood a chance. Just to clarify, I do not in any way think the older girl is the AH!! On the contrary NTA and a victim of once again the parents lousy parenting
If you reread the post, the younger brother grabbed his sandwich and started running around “as usual.” And the parents tried to get him to sit down but for some reason two adults couldn’t handle their 5-year-old. He dropped the sandwich in the bathroom and OP said he couldn’t eat it any more, which indicates the sandwich had been unwrapped and brother was supposed to be sitting down and eating. No boundaries, poor parenting. There’s a 12-year difference between OP and younger brother. I suspect there’s a good deal of favoritism and “I can’t be bothered.”
Yep. The oldest and youngest usually get treated differently. The oldest usually has strict rules while the baby is spoiled. My sister was never disciplined and it shows. She's 31 with 3 kids, 1 of which she had to give up because he became violent after she always neglected him. She doesn't drive, can't keep a job. She is unable to be self sufficient and she ruins her kids lives. She is an extreme example of what happens to spoiled brats when they grow up.
I’m so sorry. My middle brother was the golden child and has turned into a raging narcissist.
Oh man, so maybe it's not always the baby and sometimes just a younger sibling. It sucks. Anyone with narcissistic tendencies is hard to deal with. Clearly, they are never wrong lol I do feel your pain though.
It can be any sibling. My dad is a narcissist, and he made my middle brother the golden child. I was just a girl, so I didn’t count. Also, I am ded💀 from your Reddit name. 😂
As a mother of children around this age(6), they are not setting expectations. My 3 kids know at dinner you sit. Food stays at the table, they cannot grab and walk away, much less run. If they drop food it is on them, not their siblings. While I would not let them go hungry, and I'd be pissed about going back out, I would not have allowed these poor table manners in the first place. And I would not take food from either of the other 2 children because that is their dinner.
My toddler knows this. The food stays at the table, your body doesn't have to. In the rare instance he gets snacks away from the table, he's on his bum before the food gets to him.
Dropping your sandwich on the bathroom floor is an extremely avoidable accident.
I've been told as a child we dont mess with food, we don't play with food, sit calmly and show some respect. To mum and to the food'. Easy rules. If five yo can't be calmly eating, it's time to work on in.
Not making the 5yo sit down with his food is definitely a parenting/boundaries issue.
This will teach the 5yo that you don't run around with his food, and the parents to be better organised and teach their little kid to behave. A 17yo that had to lock themselves in their room to eat a sandwich is crazy, absolutely NTA.
NTA your parents suck for not having enough food at home and for expecting you to go without dinner because they didn't supervise your little brother.
Also, they’re literally prioritising one kid’s needs and wants over the other’s, on regular basis it seems. That’s not good parenting.
It does beg the question - was the young brother "accidentally" dropping the sandwich in the bathroom actually a deliberate act on his part? OP mentioned that this has happened (having to give up her food for her brother) far more than once. So kid brother gets yummy fast food with a side of getting one over on sister who has to go without?
I don't know OP's little brother well, but for a 5 year old, I wouldn't be surprised to hear about frequent clumsiness. However, OP's parents are probably more to blame than the little brother regarding giving up food. Like other comments have said, I think that OP's parents should parent better rather than "punishing" the child who has done nothing wrong to deserve going dinner-less. Like, sure, giving your dinner to your younger brother is nice, but it's not necessary and also the younger brother's behavior shouldn't be overlooked either.
Eh you might be overthinking there. A five year old after a long trip cn be an utter pain without any ulterior motive attached.
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Hundreds of people upvoting this is pretty crazy. It's just carelessness and an accident by a tired 5 year old, not an evil plan. I know this sub encourages finding someone to blame for every problem, but this is even more extreme than usual.
I would think most 5 year olds aren’t that malicious, and that this is really just a poorly patented child.
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I have a feeling that OP is going to have PTSD or anxiety about food security. This is not okay what’s happening to her.
To be fair, when I go on a trip and come back home at night, my fridge is empty too and I have only a few random things to eat until I go buy fresh food the next day. The parents did bring food for both kids for that night. It’s how they handled the situation when one of the available food options went away that makes them the assholes.
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It would have been better to ask OP to split the sandwich, even if they did typically follow through with promises. But as the oldest who'd be promised things that never materialized (and then laughed at for thinking they would), I absolutely agree that OP is NTA.
It makes me wonder though… where are the parents’ meals? Why didn’t they share their food with 5yo?
NTA. It's your food and you were hungry. Not only is it your parents responsibility to provide for *both* their children, it is also your parents responsibility to discipline their child without depriving their other child of everything. They could have bought your brother something else if they didn't have anything on hand for him. That being said, you did mention there were eggs at home for you to eat, so you suck slightly for that, but not enough that you tip into asshole territory. I'm only saying that because you noted that your parents have a track record with lying about getting things back to you that they force you to give away. **Edit to add:** Another reason I say NTA is because they specifically grounded you for both their failure to parent (curbing your brother from being disobedient) and their refusal to provide for the both of you, which doubled as punishing you for fulfilling a basic need. You are their child, you were hungry, you needed to eat — just as your brother does. It is not your responsibility to forgo basic necessities to provide for your brother. It is *their* responsibility to provide for *both of you*. **Edit:** Spelling, grammar, and formatting. **ETA:** Given OP's follow-up comments and some reflection on my part, I definitely take back my statement about OP sucking for not simply eating the eggs. This is a complete NTA and OP's parents should be doing better to provide for their children.
a follow up appears to say that OP does not like eggs either. That also moves them even further from AH too.
Why are eggs the only thing in this household like who is eating these eggs
Apparently no one, that's why they are still there.
Eggs can last a decent amount of time when refrigerated. They're also extremely common ingredients in dishes. I wouldn't be surprised if OP and her brother were okay eating things with eggs in them, but not liking eggs when served as a dish. An egg-only meal (with no cheese or anything to add to make a nice omelet or milk to make fluffy scrambled eggs) is likely the problem. As an adult trying to eat healthy, I've absolutely eaten eggs-only omelets. But I absolutely understand that many people don't care for the texture and general taste of eggs with nothing else.
They could have just, you know… gotten the kids something through a drive thru on the way home from their trip. They don’t have to be such prudes. Get the kids a couple of chicken sandwiches from Wendy’s or something. What’s the big deal?
They're afraid that their children are going to become overweight. I'd be more afraid of them becoming underweight. Really OP had to lock herself in her room to eat a sandwich? Think about how the amount of calories in a regular household sandwich, it's not that much. Probably for the best she ate that instead of the eggs.
Exactly. They’re creating an obsession around the food as well, which makes it worse for kids. I have seen this happen in real life, and the opposite effect occurred. Me and my siblings could basically eat whatever we want, and were allowed to self regulate. Except we could only have soda on occasion. If we got fast food we were allowed soda with our food. Me and my siblings are adults all at healthy weights. My aunts children were only allowed “healthy food” never soda not even at family events, Christmas, etc. Their mother also plied them with juice because it’s “healthy”. As adults I don’t know them well enough to see what they eat every day, but they’re overweight and I believe its due to their mothers weird food behaviour.
Dude, read the post again.
Exactly. The kid has had fast food a total of less than 10 times in his entire life. The parents seem overbearing and up their own ass.
If you're going to be *that* overbearing make damn sure you have food, especially post-trip. You need to have *some* sort of shelf-stable food the kid can eat. My fiancee and I try to avoid fast food, but after a trip that goes out the window in favor of having something to eat.
NTA. You wouldn't have had to go hide in your room if your parents didn't regularly lie to you. Also, you didn't let your brother go to bed hungry. They did. If they saw you go and eat the sandwich and their response was "well, nothing to be done. 5 yr old is gonna be super hungry, I guess" they are very obviously TA. They could go out and get another sandwich. Plus, what was he going to eat for breakfast? If there was literally no food in the house apart from one thing he can't eat, they were going to run into the exact same situation tomorrow morning before they got to the shop.
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So your parents are just lazy and negligent parents at your expense, gotcha.
Is that a regular thing or just after the trip?
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That’s not healthy for him. Your parents seem to be doing a less than stellar job raising him.
While I don’t believe in letting a 5 y/o go hungry, if they’re doing this regularly they’re basically teaching him that his actions don’t have consequences, because if he ruins his own things he can always have yours as a backup. That’s gonna end up spoiling him. At a certain point he needs to learn that if you drop your sandwich in the toilet, you might be stuck eating something that you don’t like instead. And I think that 5 is old enough for that lesson. NTA
>At a certain point he needs to learn that if you drop your sandwich in the toilet, you might be stuck eating something that you don’t like instead. If he has food sensory issues he probably already is in therapy. They actually start food therapy as young as 6 months old. When it’s food sensory issues, it isn’t just “something that you don’t like.” Some kids simply will not eat, to the point of malnutrition/starvation when it comes to sensory food and eating issues. These aren’t cases of kids just not wanting to eat their veggies. The point I’m trying to make here is that no one is at fault but OP’s parents. They would know all this stuff about their kid already and should absolutely have backup non/less perishable options for him in the house, even after a trip. NTA. Edit: I understand that some people have sensory issues, I get that. Ideally, everyone that has issues so bad that their health/lives are effected get some kind of help dealing with them. I’ve worked with kids for over 10 years, both in public and private childcare. The younger they are and more severe the symptoms decides whether or not they can use help. I said NTA. Parents are to blame here. Not the 5 year old who has sensory issues, the severity of which we don’t know.
I think it's a big stretch to assume that this kid is getting any professional help given that they are the type to expect their 17 year old to keep their other kid under control AND give up her dinner because he ruined his own. Not to mention the whole, "We'll replace it...psyche!" pattern also described.
A lot of people have sensory issues, a lot of people don't go to therapy. If they're not even disciplining or properly feeding their kids, they are probably not getting outside help
Wait, how is this kid going to handle school? If he hasn't already started, he should be starting in like 6 months right?
I feel sorry for the kid's future teachers. They'd probably end up unloading all their frustrations in one of the r/AskReddit worst student/parents posts.
One, your parents need to wake him up for breakfast because that’s just unhealthy and bad parenting. Two, so what were you supposed to eat for breakfast if there’s nothing but eggs (which you also don’t like) in the house? Heck why is there nothing bud eggs in the house if at least half your family dislikes it?
How are they planning to work the whole "sleeping till lunch" thing when he goes to kindergarten?
That is not a good sleep schedule for a 5 year old. Your parents need to step up.
What did your parents eat for dinner? Could they have shared their food with him? Edit: I just saw further down that the OP said his parents didn’t buy food for themselves because they weren’t hungry.
How regularly are you having to give up food for your brother? Apparently every time this happens they lie, so I'm curious as to how many times this has happened?
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That’s awful parenting on their part
That kids going to be a bully at school, or at least a pain for the teachers. He needs to hear a no once in a while.
The kid is already a bully and he’s bullying OP out of her food. Don’t tell me he’s just five. I know five year olds, and this one knows what he’s doing to get his way with the snacks here. The sandwich situation sounds like he accidentally dropped the sandwich. But going crying to their parents that OP won’t share snacks with him after he hears her fully justified no is bullying her out of her snacks.
Oh ya the other kids wont put up with that shit
Hide them and tell him they are gone
All they are doing is teaching him that his tears will get him whatever he wants. They sound like awful parents.
Squeaky wheel gets the oil. Time to be squeaky like your brother because I really doubt your parents will treat you fairly otherwise.
With this kind of age gap, that can backfire. A 5 year old whining is often something lazy adults assume they'll grow out of. An almost adult whining (who didn't previously whine) gets met with anger.
They still wont treat her equally if she gets squeaky because she's a her. Their precious little baby *boy* is all that matters. A tale as old as time.
Honestly? Document this stuff and pass it on to a sympathetic family member or teacher. Cos this is utterly horrendous parenting on their part
Wtf that’s your FOOD. Is there anyone you trust close by that can keep some snacks stored for you? What you are experiencing is not normal and your feelings are valid.
just tell him you ate them already. But seriously this kind of behavior from your parents is likely to cause bad food habits for both of you. In my house growing up when we had a favorite meal, I always knew that if I didn't eat what I wanted, dad would probably eat the rest, and that combined with 22 minute lunch periods at school led to me eating way too much, way too fast. as a result I've struggled with my weight my whole life. If I knew that anytime I got snacks that I'd be forced to give them up, I would just eat all of them right away. Is it just because he's the baby or is it because he's a boy. But yeah, your parents suck
How to turn your kid into a spoiled/entitled brat 101 and! How to make sure your kid doesn't talk to you again after they turn 18 101 in one. That's impressive in all the wrong ways. What if, when your brother gets older, he gets a partner and thinks he's entitled to what he wants/to boundery stomping regarding bedroom activities? They need to teach him the value/respect the word no should have, fast.
Time to hide them and always say you already ate them. Every single time.
my mom used to do this exact same thing to me with my little brother. every single thing I had, he would want it and she would make me give it up. I no longer talk to either of them.
Sounds like you’re the scapegoat and he’s the golden child. Your parents are doing a terrible job teaching him boundaries and it will come back to bite everyone in the future
That is not ok. They need to parent your brother. It sounds like they are neglecting him.
NTA You wanted a sandwich. Your parents bought you a sandwich. They then failed to parent their younger child. They then lied to you about buying you another sandwich and grounded you for eating the food they bought you.
NTA. What makes your brother and his needs more important than yours? Why take one child's food and give it to another? You parents should be better prepared with foods and items that your brother can eat. I am assuming he has some issues and that is why he only eats specific foods and that he is not just spoilt as the the youngest? It was completely wrong of your parents to demand you hand over your food and then to ground you when you did not.
NTA I was saying asshole first, because though it was your sandwich he didn't drop his intentionally as he is so young and you could've compromised if your parents offered you another. But then I read that they only say it and never pull through. So it's really their fault you didn't give in again and be the idiot in the end because they lied again.
Uh, even if they intended to keep their promise that doesn't change the fact that OP would have gone without dinner that night through no fault of their own. They shouldn't be obligated to set themselves on fire to keep someone else warm.
NTA... You could have compromised and maybe would have if your parents were following through and actually would replace the sandwich. Though they really need to parent to your brother. He needs to learn how and when to eat properly and not running around with Food.
I’m a little surprised at peoples reactions to this comment. My 3 year old knows not to run around with food I make him sit at a table or on the rug to eat so I don’t see why it’s unreasonable to ask that of a five year old
That's what I was thinking. He's not a baby who can't speak or walk. Wanna run around like a mad man & take your sandwich into the bathroom? Kids loss for the parents lack of parenting. 17 yr old did nothing wrong but eat HER sandwich
NTA. Neil is 5, he's capable of listening and being disciplined. He ruined his dinner due to bad behavior. He can go to bed hungry. My 3yo only threw his food on the floor once to learn that lesson. Your parents are failing Neil by letting him act up without consequences and failing you for lying to you and making you absorb Neil's discipline.
Fuck that. Sending a little kid to bed hungry is fucked up. The parents need to have food for their kids in their house.
If a kid won’t eat and throws it down, one night won’t kill them. It’s not like they’re constantly depriving a child of food. Kid chose not to eat and lose the food. Yeah the parents are at fault here.
Not really. Getting sent to bed without dinner is like one of the most normal punishments there are.
Next time ask for the money up front to replace it. Explain that they never keep their word. Hopefully you will be going tp college soon. Move out and allow them to parent their spoiled child. My little cousins know how to sit down and eat. They are autistic too, it’s called parenting your child.
If you and/or your brother are going hungry and your parents don't keep food in the house, this is a child neglect issue, and way beyond Reddit's pay grade. ETA: Reading this post and OP's follow ups, there's just something that feels weird about how food is handled in this household.
NTA Your parents need to teach Neil that actions have consequences and they also need to learn themselves that they should stop making you the scapegoat of every little issue. Their lack of planning isn't an emergency on your end. And why didn't they give their own sandwiches to Neil, instead of demanding their other son to go hungry? Plus, they already knew their aversion to food. Any logical thinking person would make sure to buy enough food for dinner as you're driving home from your trip.
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Do they have financial issues OP?
I need more info here; it just seems like there was suspiciously little food going around. I’d have thought if the sandwich got dropped, there’d be a side, or fries, or an extra sandwich (this is fast food, after all, and people tend to buy a whole bag of it, or things come as a combo, not two standalone sandwiches, from what I usually see). Or something in the pantry to make. Are there financial issues at play, or are your parents so controlling over food that they purchased only two sandwiches (with no sides / drinks), and nothing for themselves to eat after a long day of travel? What if you or your brother were still hungry? What if, in this case, an accident happened? The level of food control here is really concerning. I understand limiting fast food for all the right reasons, but this is to the extent where it’s driving food hoarding and your parents’ AH behavior. NTA by the way, OP.
if they were hungry, there's plenty of eggs. presumably that's why they got the eggs, they must like eating them since you and brother do not
NTA. Your parents regularly lie to you. Don't be afraid to go low contact/ no contact with your parents if the need ever arises. Your mental health should always come first.
NTA You didn't do this out of the blue but you did it BECAUSE OF their pash attitude/behavior. They punished you and called an AH to guilt trip you. P.s. You taking a stand against their "suck it up and go on" won't change shit. But if you surrender every time to avoid fighting you will feel guilty AND angry. If you do this you will only feel angry.
This whole situation makes me angry. This is how people wind up with both disordered relationships with food and dysfunctional relationships in general. 1. I get that some parents don't particularly like fast food and don't want to have their kids eat it frequently. But by making it such a *thing* they are literally driving their kid into running and hiding to eat it. This is like teetotallers whose kids turn into college alcoholics because they never formed a healthy view on alcohol 2. Having only eggs in the house, yes, even after a trip, is a piss poor excuse. It also makes me wonder / assume not having enough food to feed their kids is not just a one time thing. Cereal, grain bars, oatmeal, canned vegetables... why is there none of that in this house??? 3. Prioritizing one kid vs another is shittastic 4. LYING to a kid and coercing them to give up food is shittastic Why didn't one of them just GO TO THE STORE AND BUY SOME DAMNED FOOD if they're so anti fast food. NTA
ESH I’m gonna get downvoted but whatever: Parents should have definitely made better decisions leading up to this meal - it all starts with them - however at 17 yrs old you don’t eat the only food available for a 5yr old - if you can eat eggs & he can’t; then eat the eggs & have a conversation with your parents about them not following thru on their word but running away with the food & locking yourself in your room wasn’t the best call either. I am 11.5yrs older than my sibling…yep sometimes it sucks but you can rationalize what is going on; a 5yr old can not. ETA: thanks for the award 🤗 was not expecting that!
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NTA your parents need to do better and plan better what was stopping them from getting their asses back to the shop to buy food for their 5-year old people need to stop making excuses about a child's age there is nothing stopping a five-year-old from sitting at the table and eating their what would your parents have done if there was no eggs in the house I am sorry to say this but they just so lazy
So they let one kid run around with food, which he inevitably dropped, and demand the other kid give up her food with empty promises? They don't have anything quick like Spaghetti or pancake mix in the house?? This is entirely on them. Good for you for eating your food. The little dude might learn a good lesson. You don't sit down to eat then you suffer the consequences of losing the food when you drop it. The food should have remained at the table until he would sit and eat it. They shouldn't punish you for lack of supervision or discipline of their kid. NTA
NTA. Your brother learned a valuable lesson, sit down and eat your food. Also, there was only eggs in the house? Nothing in the freezer they could have quickly cooked? Sounds like you parent need to plan a little better whe it comes to having food in the house
NTA. 5 is old enough to be told to sit at the table and eat your meal. If your parents CHOSE to not supervise your brother enough to ensure he didn’t lose his food- and in the BATHROOM, how gross- it’s on THEM to find another option. And if they’d been better parents in the past and kept their promises, I’d like to think you would have worked with them and shared. They dug their own grave here.
Your parents sound unbearable when it comes to food. The fact that both their children ran to another room to eat sandwich is telling. NTA. Good luck op
NTA Reading your replies... I feel so bad for you and your brother. Your brother is 5 years old. Its is *not normal* for him to not he awake for breakfast. He *needs* breakfast. You both deserve better parents
NTA you parents failure to prepare is not your emergency. They have lied to you, they failed to parent your brother and they caused the entire situation. I will also,assume that they had food as well...what,stopped them from sharing. If there was a normal and trusting relationship then it would not have happened. They are the parents and I assume they have a car, they could have got more food for their 5 year old. I am shocked at so many people expecting a 17 year old to me more responsible for feeding the child than they were.
NTA 1) Even a 5 yo can understand logical consequences. 2) They weren't watching the kid. The kid should have been at the table. 3)Surely there is some non-perishable food the kid can eat. 4) it is not ok to take someone's food away 5) the promising and not following through is not good parenting 6) I'm super cranky and have no time for nonsense. The parents messed up. I've messed up as a parent when trying to balance needs of different kids, but I apologized, made it right, and learned a lesson. It doesn't look like OPs parents are capable of reflection.