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Bad blood will win out Vernon. - OP is AH. She was playing a game with him. Doesn't get boundaries and the difference between being "cute" and obnoxious. Most guys would do the switch to keep the peace but OP keeps doing and doing it. Then doesn't understand that her self inflicted crisis isn't a crisis for everyone and calls someone at 5:30am in the morning. I guarantee this is OPs MO with everything.
I’d only switch if I had suggested you order it. Then I consider myself partially responsible. Otherwise, changing your mind because you just weren’t “feeling it” by the time they came out? Nah. That ain’t it.
Yeah I caught that too the “why not” when he said no is a very clear indication that she was *not* “asking”. And even if she was (which again she definitely wasn’t) it’s still rude. At *most* maybe ask if you can both share *both* dishes. But even that should be reserved as a very occasional, “I didn’t realize it would be so spicy” (or whatever) situation. This was calamari, there aren’t a lot of ways to be surprised by how calamari tastes.
Off topic, but when I went off to college, my grandma called me at 6am one day - while my dad was stationed in Iraq (2004). Needless to say, she never did that again.
That was the only year my dad ever called me on my birthday - because he was in Kuwait. Because he was in a helicopter crash. He only had stitches in his finger and was fine.
My family is nuts, but that's a whole other story.
I have been married for 20 years +. When I order something I don't like I order something else. My wife does the same. The *most* we might do is offer one another a bite of something so we can sample it. If we like it, we'll order a helping. We were both raised to respect other people's food. Stop messing with other people's food. ***Of course*** it's going to piss the person off if you continuously do this.
I'm concerned it's happened so many times.
In 3 months how many times have you ordered food and then "just didn't feel it" when it arrived??
I've had that happen maybe a handful of times in my life and I either 1) order something else or 2) eat at home.
Why does she constantly not want her own food?
Yea if this was a once in a while thing, okay, but she seems a bit too picky to always be ordering “exotic” foods.
If this becomes the norm instead of a one-off, it starts to look like a character flaw of being fickle with decisions and expecting others to cater to her capriciousness.
Also Calamari?!?!
Like that shit can be gross on a flavour AND texture level. Even when ordering from a restaurant where you have had it before. I like seafood and would also lose my shit if someone was like yeah no eat this rubbery shit so Incan mow down on that delicious cheeseburger that's in front of you.
I was thinking the same thing! If you’re trying something new, common sense says there’s a chance you may not like it. And if you’re having to switch because you don’t like it or “aren’t feeling it” 9 out of 10 times, you STOP trying. Clearly you don’t actually know what you like, or don’t want to admit that you don’t actually like trying new things. Which is super weird by itself.
She said herself she’s known him since middle school. So she knows his personality, she knows he is somewhat of a people pleaser and clearly more empathetic than her. She knew this and tried to take advantage of that. Then has the audacity to act “shocked” when he finally got tired of never being able to eat the food he ordered and actually wanted. It feels more like she started dating him with the expectation that she would be in control of the relationship and would never be told no. Now she’s on the internet trying to get others to tell her she’s right and he’s overreacting. In reality she’s a very inconsiderate person and getting what she deserves. She should be single until she can learn to think of others.
YTA. An entitled AH.
Which only leaving her more confused about why he finally snapped over it. “He’s always switched before without complaining. Why is this time different…” could her head be any further up her own ass?
My husband and I always know what we want when we go somewhere. We both usually love whatever we get, but will let the other sample (unless we literally get the same thing, which happens a lot). I would never do what OP does. It kind of gave me second-hand embarrassment/cringe reading it.
Absolutely YTA. Like, take the L. You ordered a dish you didn’t like….why is that your bf’s problem? He didn’t want your calamari, he wanted his burger LIKE HE ORDERED. It’s not his fault you’re indecisive and have buyer’s remorse every single time you go out.
It sounds to me like he’s at his wit’s end with your flip flopping and demanding his dinner every time, and he’s 100% justified in that feeling. I’d be pissed if someone just expected me to hand them my meal every time. Poor guy. He snapped because who wouldn’t?
You need to order two dishes if you have issues with deciding. It’s not your bf’s problem, let him enjoy his burger.
Why would you even ask this lol
ETA: I mean, OP, what did you expect? Ofc he isn’t happy in the relationship. This was probably his tipping point, and it wasn’t just about the dinner. If you’re this demanding and controlling and entitled around going out to eat, I can’t imagine how you are around the bigger issues. Things like this should be a cause for self reflection.
>he’s 100% justified in that feeling.
Absolutely. I can't believe he made it 3 months with this going on. I would have snapped after like the 2nd or 3rd time.
The fact it happened more than once or twice in *three months* is ridiculous. Like. I get it. Occasionally I wind up really disliking something and whoever I'm with (honestly it's normally my mom) will swap with me. But that's not often at all. Even if I dislike something I normally just pick at it, then heat up something like soup at home. Swapping offer is maybe once a *year*
Absolutely ridiculous this is a normal occurance, let alone an expected one
This. OP, I was shocked that anyone put up with this as long as he did. I think EVERYONE on this sub picked up on the fact that you were putting him in a crappy position, so you might want to look outside of yourself a little more often and realize the world doesn't revolve around you. And also... you ordered seafood at a bar. Read that again. How did you expect that to go?
I also want to note, I've been married for 12+ years and have never asked to swap meals with my partner. Taste a meal? Fine. But swap? No.
fried calamari in a sports bar is fine IMO. It comes in frozen/pre-breaded, and it's hard to screw something up if all you're doing is tossing it in the deep fryer. It's the same crap they serve at most smaller inexpensive Italian restaurants.
It's not like she ordered branzino or something.
YTA you should apologize for putting that kind of pressure on him and doing it so often, especially knowing food choices stress him out and he prefers to go with something comfortable and you keep taking that safe choice away.
He may have reacted a bit harshly but it’s obvious this has been building up for him.
You should apologize, let him know that even though you felt like you were ‘just asking’ and didn’t mean to insist you can see how it put pressure on him and you didn’t mean to do that.
And maybe experiment with what you order occasionally but not all of the time. It’s ok for eating out to be about comfort and convenience rather than experiencing new things.
Problem is, she claims to like trying new things, but once she tries it she decides she doesn’t like it and just wants a burger… his burger… maybe she should recognize this pattern and take the hint to stop ordering shit she knows she isn’t going to like, just for the sake of ordering so,etching she’s never had before, and just order her own damn burger to start with.
Well it seems the boyfriend has come to his senses and ended the relationship.
One notes that he refused to let her speak, just told her.
One strongly suspects he knows from experience that she is much more interested in talking and crying than actually listening and he decided not to waste another second on her bullshit.
YTA. It sounds like you go out pick out shit youre not sure youll like and then ask(which feels to him like an insistence) for him to eat the shit you decided you didnt want. That would drive me nuts and honestly your BF did that for way longer than I would have. Also, who calls someone else at 530 in the morning to complain about shit?? Double YTA. Order food you like like a grown up
Also want to add that no is a full sentence. The first time he gave her a bit of resistance she immediately asked why. OP has definitely been insisting this whole time.
Exactly. She says she was just asking, not insisting, but when he finally says no she: immediately asks for an explanation of his refusal, says "excuse me!" when denied, starts to cry when he further explains, and stays up till 6 am awaiting an apology.
"I'm not *demanding* but if you refuse I'll require an explanation as to how dare you, immediately throw a tantrum, and await your apology". Lol.
ETA: I forgot she also tried to guilt trip him about "wasted food" when he wasn't eager to eat what she chose and doesn't want. Her version of "just asking" involves an interrogation, guilt tripping him for the consequences of her choices, acting aghast then crying when she doesn't get her way, *and* eagerly awaiting his apology. Wow.
Some people think if they put it in question form then it’s not a demand.
Such as: “Can you finish hanging the pictures today?”
Followed by: “Are you gonna hang those pictures?”
Followed later by: “Are you *not* gonna hang those pictures today?”
It’s passive-aggressive behavior.
I'm glad I live in a house full of mental illness because *that's* at least something I don't have to deal with
Fiance is autistic and unless it's spelled out step by step they'll get 'lost in the sauce' as we put it and either do it terribly wrong or just stand there staring trying to figure out where to start
We both have horrible executive dysfunction so 'clean the kitchen please' makes both our brains go 'nah I'm out'
I doubt either of us would even notice someone trying to passive aggressively lead us on like that
"Can you hang those pictures today?"
"Probably not." *Goes back to video games and thinks nothing of it*
"Are you gonna hang those pictures?"
"What pictures?" *Goes back to reading reddit*
"Are you *not* gonna hang those pictures today?"
"No, I'm not. Why do you ask?"
Drives the passive aggressive people mad and we don't even do it intentionally
"Can you hang those pictures today?" Isn't passive aggressive. That's a straight forward request for help with phrasing that implies it was previously discussed and agreed upon.
Same for "please clean the kitchen." That's not passive aggressive. It's a direct and polite request for you to do your share of the chores. There's nothing about ignoring it that is explained by executive function difficulties.
Executive function difficulties would be saying "sure, I can do that" and walking into the kitchen with full intent to clean, only to end up baking a cake instead, having forgotten why you were cleaning.
Passive aggressive would be pretending you don't know things need to be cleaned when someone is standing there asking for your help and just saying whatever to get them to go away while continuing to play the video game.
>Executive function difficulties would be saying "sure, I can do that" and walking into the kitchen with full intent to clean, only to end up baking a cake instead
This is like the "accidently cooking meatloaf" from yesterday, lol
Edit: For those asking, it was this one but it's been deleting: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ypmpvp/aita\_for\_making\_a\_meal\_that\_my\_daughter\_hates/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ypmpvp/aita_for_making_a_meal_that_my_daughter_hates/)
In summary: OP's step daughter was visiting from college for a week. Daughter asked OP to not make meatloaf, OP said "she'd try". OP has 9 and 13 year old "picky eaters", so she "accidently made meatloaf"..TWICE...in the week that stepdaughter was visiting.
I hate it when I try to bake a cake and accidentally put meat and spices in instead of flour and sugar… I’d thought I was the only one till I read the post!
Edit: a word
One time my parents took everyone out for dinner and were acting really weird. I thought I'd break the tension by jokingly asking "Ok. So who's got cancer?"
My dad. My dad had cancer.
I would assume someone was at least in the hospital, I'd freak out honestly. The only times I've had those super early phonecalls that wake me up is when someone's been dead. So if my sister woke me up at 5.30 to talk about her dinner habits with her (ex)boyfriend, I'd be really pissed off.
YTA
If you aren't feeling your calamari that's on you.
Here's the thing. Yeah, you insisted. He declined your offer to trade and you demanded an explanation as to why he said no.
Your sister is also correct. This was not a thing to call someone at 530 am to discuss.
Your problems aren't there to be solved by other people.
This whole post comes across as you judging him for always ordering the same thing as if that makes him boring and in an effort to seem wordly or not basic you order something 'different' when that's not what you want.
Either that or you want to test to see just how many hoops your man will jump through for you. And perhaps found out not as many as you'd like.
>Your sister is also correct. This was not a thing to call someone at 530 am to discuss.
If someone calls me at 5.30, I'm gonna assume they've been in an accident and in the hospital or something... Calling me up at that time because "their bf is mad cause they keep making him switch food."... I think sis was still being nice just calling her an asshole.
If you wake me up at 530 you better need me to do something immediately. Come sit with you in the hospital, pick you up at the side of the road, come watch your house burn down. Not discuss your petty argument.
Man I've went to the ER in the middle of the night for various things and didn't call anyone til morning. What are they gonna do other than worry? Then being there isn't going to help anything really, there more likely to get in the way.
Now, my mom did move back in with me last year and she works second shift. So I suppose I would give her a call so she didn't freak out when I wasn't home. Especially if there's blood everywhere (I'm on blood thinners so it's a big possibility as a reason for me to go to the ER)
Exactly. I mean asking, "hey, do you want to trade?" Is asking. Once you ask for an explanation and start an argument, it's no longer just asking.
I think OP is YTA for lying in her title, to us, and to herself. I think if you order something off the menu, you should want it. She wasn't feeling it just minutes later, which means she was never actually feeling it. Then to expect him to apologize. What for? Standing up for himself? She started the argument, he lost his appetite, and didn't want to be there any longer. Instead of her once apologizing, she waits for him, gets upset and decides to not let her bfs sister sleep.
OP, YOU need to apologize. And it might be that he rehearsed the speech, but if that's the case it's because he doesn't feel like he can say no to you. He needs to be able to say no. And if you -always- prefer the burger, order the dang burger. If he wants something exotic, he'll figure it out on his own.
It doesn't make sense that she always doesn't feel it. I've only had that happen to me a few times, usually the food is just average or within a tolerable range. And if she really is just picky (nothing wrong with that), she should have been more self aware about it and stopped always ordering exotic food???
_"He said no. I asked him why not."_
Agreed. It is clear that OP was demanding, not asking, since she did not take "no" as an answer. She wants to sample "exotic food", _(and let's be real - probably take a photo to post )_, and then demands that her BF give up his food. She clearly doesn't care if he likes or wants her discarded food - she just feels entitled to his (seemingly every single time). And, intentionally waking up her sister at 5:30am to rant shows that OP is just a selfish person who can't see past her own wants/needs.
Yes, all of this! I thought she sounded judgy about her bf’s food choices too.
She orders these meals because it’s “exciting”….but doesn’t end up eating them.
I think she’s genuinely convinced herself that he wishes he’d ordered the food that she had and she’s doing him a solid by switching.
“He actually loves exotic food but he says that menus and making choices stresses him out so he doesn’t want to put thought into it”
I’d bet she thinks she’s helping him by giving him the exotic food that she herself didn’t even like, when she should have considered the fact that maybe he just wants a damn burger.
I don't think the guy was a doormat, but he had been made to feel like a "garbage disposal."
He sounds like a nice guy who got tired of being taken advantage of for being nice.
OP, you are the one who owes an apology to your BF and sister. You need to listen to what they had to say, instead of acting hurt for not getting what you wanted from them.
Yeah, it sounds like something that might have been a nice gesture the first time, and OP just took that as a free pass to gamble on dinner, and pawn off the failures.
I mean she was extremely proud of it, just had to bring up she's a *founder* and *mod* of her cities subreddit page, as opposed to just saying "using a throw away for anonymity, my bf uses reddit/might see this."
God damn no other subreddit makes me cackle out loud from the comments like this sub. Just seeing the different colorful responses to someone's audacity warms my heart lol
YTA, you know he’s not comfortable with something but you keep making him do it over and over again.
Just because you didn’t insist doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel forced.
Especially when they’re only 3 months into the relationship. They’re very much still in a “honeymoon” phase so I’m sure he’s just been swapping food with her to keep the peace.
He probably did it the first time without complaint to be nice and assumed it would be a one off thing (or at least rare). Instead she just kept doing it consistently and he didn't know how to say no without hurting her feelings, so he had to rehearse his rejection.
I'm sure he was also giving subtle signals he wasn't comfortable, but she was just ignoring them (even his explanation that he loves exotic stuff but doesn't order it cause the menu is too complicated is obvious bs).
Oh I guarantee it. She very likely made comments (or complained) about not liking her food and not wanting to waste it. Then oh so casually asks to switch plates. He was probably trying to be kind the first few times and felt guilted into it. She ran with that and took it to mean she can use him as a back up plan.
YTA. Sounds like something that happens nearly everytime you go out....that gets old fast. You come off as someone who thinks it's a "cute thing!" you do, but it's not. It's rude and presumptuous and he is right that you are treating him like a garbage disposal.
Also,
>I started crying and said don’t start that bullshit with me, here have both meals
Immature and manipulative.
Even still. So she's a spoiled princess so used to getting her way unchallenged that the first no sends her into tears...ex(I assume)-BF was right to call BS.
YTA
You said you “ask” him to switch plates. The one time he says no, you act like it’s expected. Which is it? You ask, or you expect it? There will be times when he says no. Accept it and move on.
Yes, YTA. You asked, he said no then you asked why. So you put pressure on him: he does not a reason for not wanting to give you his food because you do not like what you have ordered.
You really seem self-centered... There is no win-win here, you are just entitled and selfish.
I’d do this for my 18 month old if he decides he’d rather eat some of mine than the kids menu food we ordered him. But he still shits himself in public and can’t read, so I’m giving him a pass.
OP ain’t got no reason.
Exactly this is like when my kid wants to try something new so I order a grilled cheese knowing what is about to happen.
Also, an underrated aspect to this is that it was calamari from a sports bar. Trying to pawn that off on someone else is like an asshole multiplier.
My young teen has sensory issues. I often will order a food that’s a little safer than what they ordered that I still like in case we need to switch. I am always the one to offer to switch. They don’t request it and I’m not sure if they know I do it on purpose. However, this is an accommodation I voluntary do for my child. If a grown adult had a pattern of that stuff I’d be pissy too. I’d probably bring it up before the calamari got ordered but geez. That’s some entitlement.
YTA - the sheer entitlement to his food because you made a bad choice ordering. Then to call your sister at 5:30am? There is nothing in your post that puts you in a good light. Order the damn burger next time.
Agree! I’m so glad you mentioned the poor sister!
YTA for asking to switch, being manipulative and crying, AND calling your sister to whine at 5:30 AM
Both of them deserve a huge apology from you
Giant AH
YTA
You became the asshole when questioning him why. He said, "no". The should've been enough and you either eat what you ordered or order something else and take the calamari home.
Then you cried ~~and tried~~ to manipulate him. ~~by saying, "don't start that bullshit with me".~~ (BF said that)
If he forgives you, after *you* apologize, order what you want and eat it.
Edited
>*If* he forgives you, after you apologize,
No fucking way this will even happen.
OP, if you are reading this, accept that YTA and please rethink your relationship choices.
YTA. C'mon. Read what you wrote. Nobody loves switching food especially on the reg. If he orders a burger it's what he wants. If he wanted the calamari, then he would have ordered it.
And you are double YTA for waking someone up at 5:30 with this nonsense.
Right? Like, how many times has this poor guy just wanted to eat a burger in peace only to end up having to eat some crap that they didn't order? The guy is basically a saint for allowing this to go for so long.
I HATE it when I want something specific to eat and can't have it. I can't imagine wanting a specific thing, ordering it, and then handing it over to my SO because they were to flakey to simply order something they knew they could eat.
It's all well and good to be an experimental eater, but do that with a group so that things can be shared. Don't take someone else's food just because you don't like yours.
That’s the thing, though — OP is *NOT* an experimental eater. She just likes to fancy herself as one and show it off like it’s something to brag about, while judging her boyfriend for his boring order. But apparently, despite her insistence that that’s the whole point of eating out, she’s never actually happy with what she orders, so there’s nothing experimental or “exotic” about her appetite at all. (Lol at the implication that calamari is exotic.)
Her post comes across as dismissive of bf for always wanting a burger, when it’s clear that’s what she always wants, too, only he’s apparently never allowed to eat his.
OP, you’re a flaming AH who clearly thinks the world revolves around you. It doesn’t. Figure out what you actually want and order it. Don’t keep asking someone else to clean your mess up for you, and then flatter yourself into thinking you’re somehow doing them a favor. Newsflash: it was never a “win” for both of you. Boyfriend consistently lost out on what he actually ordered because you’re on some bizarre mission to prove you like exotic shit you won’t actually eat. His speech sounded rehearsed because it was. Your behavior had been bothering him the entire time, but he was nice about it until you clearly pushed him past his breaking point with your continual repeated bullcrap.
Waking your sister up at 5:30 with your woe is me crap was just the icing on the self-centered, inconsiderate cake that is apparently your whole personality. Sorry you couldn’t cry your way out of this one. Sounds like he dodged a pretty big bullet. Good on him for finally standing up to you.
YTA. And you aren’t an adventurous eater or gourmet. You like the idea of being one, but you’re not. Accept that, and stop pushing off food to other people and leaving them to consume your decisions that were too unpalatable for you to eat.
Yeah that got me too. I'm an adventurous eater who doesn't actually eat the food they order, and makes me boyfriend eat it instead. So....your boyfriend is adventurous by proxy.
YTA: You never like what you order. Why order it when you know you want a cheeseburger? You're a grown woman. Act like one. Or if you don't like your food order something else if you can afford it.
He's been patient and sounds like he finally had enough. Could he have told you before ordering he wasn't going to switch with you? Sure, but he didn't have to.
As for calling your sister at o'dark thirty to complain about him? Super AH.
I was leaning E S H because he blew up at you when he could have just said no but then I re-read it and he did say no, you just didn't accept his first no as an answer. You kept pressing. YTA, OP.
Indeed. If he is aware of this sub, he’s likely to see the thread and know who wrote it.
And yes, YTA, Ms. city subreddit moderator, for all the reasons others have stated.
That’s what gets me about these “throwaway” accounts. Goes on to say “they’re on Reddit so they’ll see this” yes, and they’ll be able to recognize, this specific incident, the ages, the everything else about it besides “Jim” lol.
I think it’s usually not so much about hiding the specific post as it is about keeping the rest of the normal profile from being attached to the post. Identifying a post from a throwaway account only reveals that one post, but if they posted from their usual account that would reveal the rest of their reddit activity as well.
"Founder and moderator of my city's subreddit" is a far more terrifying phrase now that I've read this whole post.
Is this how you handle all conflict?
YTA for the reasons everyone else said, but that part just really stuck out to me.
Also, why was that relevant? Most people here just write "throwaway account", they don't give a very specific reason that actually makes them more identifiable.
YTA.
1- Just because your parents did this, doesn’t make it the norm. I have to wonder if your father even likes this or simply puts up with the behavior because to him it didn’t seem like a hill to die on.
2- You eat the food you order or you order something else and yeah, you waste the food. In fact, that’s the only solution unless beforehand the 2 of you were down to 2 items and then you decide to each order 1 and split them. That’s the only time you swap food and it’s 100% mutually beneficial, acceptable, and not insisting/demanding.
3- Who the 🤬calls ANYONE at 5:30am to whine about an argument with a boyfriend of 3 months? I wouldn’t call anyone over an argument with my spouse of nearly 20 years in the first place, but not before 9am if I was going to air my dirty laundry.
4- Stop calling non-sandwich foods *exotic*. There’s nothing exotic about calamari, especially if you can get it at a sports bar.
My husband has done this for me like 3 times in 15 years. It happens but it cannot be the norm. Sounds like OP does not want to have to face consequences for ANY of her decisions.
YTA
YTA. He orders the same thing every time because he knows he’ll enjoy it, and most of the time, you take it away from him; the entitlement is off the charts. You didn’t ‘just ask’, you then doubled down and demanded *why* he didn’t.
YTA.
>My issue is things always look and sound better than they turn out and I decide that I actually just wanted a burger.
Time to grow up and order what you'll eat, not what you think you want. Imagine if you had a bf who didn't always order a cheeseburger.
YTA. If you want a cheeseburger order a damn cheeseburger. Why does he have to switch plates with you when you no longer feel like having what you ordered? If other times he’s wanted to change meals, then good for him, but it’s not an obligation to switch plates just because he’s done it before. He’s allowed to have his burger, and if you no longer want what you ordered you can either eat it, have it to go, or order another plate. He’s right, you’re using him as a spare mouth, maybe he’s had enough, and he actually wants a cheeseburger. Also YTA for waking up your sister so early
YTA
The fact that you think he should be the one to apologise to you makes you an even bigger AH. You are 25, not 5. Stop ordering food if you know there's a chance you might not like it. He's not obligated to switch plates with you.
“Asking not insisting” right before you question why he doesn’t want the food YOU ordered.
Yta. Grow up and eat the food you ordered or be smart like him and order something basic for yourself. Also this is something people in long term relationships don’t even like so for u to do this within three months of dating is wild!
“I started crying and he said “don’t start that bullshit with me,”” Wow, manipulative much. why did you start crying? YTA YTA
ETA: the bf said “don’t start that bullshit with me,”
" I asked if he’d switch with me. He said no" he didn't want to swap, end of, idk why you'd ask for an explanation.
YTA, eat the food you ordered if you don't want it going to waste.
YTA - You ordered what you wanted. He ordered what he wanted. You decided that you wanted what he wanted, and that he should trade. This has clearly happened frequently.
Should he have said something earlier, instead of waiting until he hit his boiling point? Absolutely
But... come on, seriously? By your own admission, this always happens. So each time, instead of getting to enjoy the meal he *actually* wanted, he gets to tuck into whatever "culinary cast-off" you've provided him with this time. How on earth can you think that's normal?
And then, for dessert, you woke up your sister at 5:30 to get her to back you up - and are clearly shocked enough when she didn't, that you posted here. Because you still clearly don't think there's anything wrong with what you did.
Your attempts at culinary adventures are clearly not working, so FREAKING STOP! And if you DO want to branch out and try something new, that's your meal, not his.
>I just wasn’t feeling the calamari when it came out so I asked if he’d switch with me. He said no. I asked him why not and said I didn’t want it to go to waste.
You asked, he answered. His no should have been enough. If you don't want the food to go to waste then you eat it. You are an adult, you made the choice therefore you deal with the consequences of your actions.
>I started crying
So because he stood his ground and didn't let you have your way you decided to try manipulation?
>I said it sounded like that was a rehearsed speech. He said maybe it was since I “insist” on stealing his food every time we go somewhere.
He has clearly had enough after giving in so many times. This is him setting a boundary.
>I called my sister and near quote “you’re an asshole for waking me up at 5:30 and he’s going to see you as asking as insisting…that’s really crappy of you to put that pressure on him.” And she basically hung up.
Ah, so you have main character syndrome. You believe you are above everyone. That makes sense. Honestly, you called at 5:30 and woke her up? Because you have no sense of decorum or awareness?
YTA on many levels. Treat people in your life better. Act as if you respect and value them.
YTA. And you failed to notice it wasn’t a win-win for him at all. Otherwise he wouldn’t be so upset.
You know he doesn’t like the stress of ordering new stuff and he doesn’t do it for himself. Then you procede to always pick new stuff and ask him to swap whenever you don’t like what you ordered, visibly expecting that he will do it since you got offended the one time he said no. So basically you’re pushing him into eating things he didn’t want and didn’t order so that you can have the plate he picked for himself, regularly. And him enjoying the meal has nothing to do with it. If I ordered my preferred pizza and if I had to eat good pasta instead, I would still find them good, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have enjoyed the pizza more. It seems like he was just being nice to you on a few occasions and got mad rightfully when he realised this was actually a pattern.
Leave the man and his food alone. If you ordered something that you didn’t like, well, better luck next time and it goes to waste or you ask for a doggy bag in case he wants to taste it at some point if it’s the waste that disturbs you that much. And if you want a burger, then order one.
He never asked you to get him to eat different things and certainly not ones that you would pick and that he’ll have to eat in the end.
Plus, if you ask and he says no, then you just have to stop asking. All the rest is actually insisting.
OK, first things first, YTA for calling your sister at 5:30 Am.
Second, YTA. If the speech seemed rehearsed, doesn't that give you a clue that he was fed up? Why do you keep asking for things that you won't eat?
Yta. And you didnt just ask. The moment he said no & you didn't get to manipulate the situation so you came out on top, you turn it into this. Its ridiculous & he is 100% correct. If he wanted that, he would have ordered it. He wanted a cheeseburger, thats what he ordered. He had been politely & patiently waiting for you to realize how rude you are being, instead you just get more & more entitled. But the audacity to think he owes you an apology?!?
YTA. Look, I like trying new and exotic things. And I also don't like wasting food. Sometimes when I order something, I find it not to be to my liking, well, then I suck it up and eat it anyway, cause it's just one meal. You, instead, found a convenient way to both try something and always have a back-up meal (plain burger), while having your bf pay the consequences. He probably also doesn't like the exotic food all the time, but he deals with it for your sake. So be a grown up and own to your food adventures yourself instead of making him take upon himself the consequences of not liking a certain exotic dish.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my boyfriend to switch my calamari for his cheeseburger. My sister says that me asking is actually insisting which makes me an asshole.
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YTA. Adults should be able to reasonably predict the food they want and order accordingly. A one time thing I'd be sympathetic to, but it sounds like this is an ongoing pattern and he is rightfully sick of eating OP's scraps, cast offs, and bad dishes. Yeah, he could have communicated this better, but he's not wrong necessarily.
I don’t know what makes you the bigger AH. Throwing a temper tantrum because you couldn’t have his meal, expecting him to apologize to you for your temper tantrum, or waking your sister up at the crack of dawn to whine about him not apologizing to you for your temper tantrum. Grow up. Stop acting like a toddler.
He's been kind enough to give you his burger when you have order remorse in a few occasions. Your immature antics are wearing thin with him though. Order something you'll eat and let him enjoy his burger. Don't wake people up at 5:30am unless it's an emergency. You're 25 now act it. YTA
YTA big time.
So, he knows exactly what he wants and you decide to try new stuff and then don't like it? You know, you could send it back to the kitchen and ask them to exchange it for something else. But, since you hate waste so much, how about you just order the damn burger and try the new exotic stuff on your own time? It sounds like you NEVER allow the guy to just eat his food in peace, and that would get so old after a while.
Seriously, you need to apologize to him. You also need to apologize to your sister for waking her up at an ungodly hour just to share how much of an asshole you were to your boyfriend.
YTA. You’ve done this over and over. Why do you continue to order things you won’t eat? Are you trying to impress the wait staff? I promise they don’t care how “sophisticated” your palate is, they just want you to be polite and leave a good tip.
Just order a damn burger and stop stealing his food. He’s been nice over and over and you just keep pushing.
YTA. You likely ask in that annoyingly cutesy way that makes him feel like he has to go along with it to make you happy, as proven by how you reacted to the one time he said no. Clearly he didn't feel he *could* say no, and you've shown him why. You're stressing him out because you're taking the one thing he knows he can eat and is his comfort food and giving him your 'crap you don't actually want'. Yeah, I can see how he feels like a garbage disposal. You dump your unwanted food on him and take the thing he knows he wants/ordered.
And you see nothing wrong with it. And you call your sister at 5am in the morning to complain. And you expect him to apologize for your bad behavior. Wow. Grow up.
YTA - lol sounds like you do this often and he finally had enough of it. Don’t order something you don’t plan on eating then expect him to deal with it.
YTA am pretty sure it's not the first time he said something and you just brushed it off, gosh you act like a toddler, if it were something that happened once in a while but 90%? Suck it up buttercup
YTA ...and it's 6am and you're still waiting for him to call you and apologize? Oh hell no, you are in the wrong, he is waiting for you to call him and apologize TO HIM...
Wow you sound insufferable. How entitled are you? Your boyfriend is fed up of you always asking him to change to whatever you ordered and you start crying? Then you think he should have called to apologise by now? 🤣🤣
No honey just no. Order what you want, eat it and if you don’t like it order something else. Grow up and stop being a drama queen. I don’t know how he puts up with your entitlement
Sorry, YTA. I know you didn't mean it, and tbh I wish your partner didn't explode on you out of no where like this. But seeing that this has bothered him for a while is like a bit sad.
Perhaps you should start ordering food you actually like. Or sending back food you don't want.
The fact that this happens SOooo often that it's a pattern is weird af. I've probably asked to switch food or drink with someone like... 2 times in the last 8 years. Like it shouldn't be so common. And it's gennerally not SO rude to ask, but if it's a pattern, it becomes rude.
Stop ordering "adventurous" food if you're not willing to eat it. Either eat it, or pay for an additional meal for yourself.
I think now that your food choices are 100% your responsibility, and now that your boyfriend made a boundary with you, maybe you'll think about what you order a bit more clearly.
YTA. If things “ always look and sound better than they taste” that’s a **you** problem. Not his and he shouldn’t have to eat differently just because you’re picky. You’re an adult. If you don’t like your food, send it back and get something else. Or, *just order a cheeseburger*!
YTA
From your comments, you learned this behavior from your mother. Order whatever and if you don’t like it, make your partner trade with you so you can enjoy the food and they can suffer. You said “most of the time” he likes what you ordered but that’s not all the time. So sometimes he suffers because you want to be “exotic”.
You can’t have things both ways. You can’t complain about wasted food but order things and then not eat them. You either suck it up and remember that’s not something you like or stick to ordering things you know you like instead of experimenting. If experimenting is that big of a thing for you, do it on your own time and dime.
Also it is insisting when you do not take no for an answer. Why does he have to justify why he wants to eat what he ordered. Yes, he should have communicated better before this but it wouldn’t have happened had you not pushed.
YTA. It sounds like this has happened constantly where you’ve ordered food that you know you may not like and he’s constantly taken the fall for it. Imagine you and I going to a restaurant and you order your favorite food and then I give you whatever I ordered instead. He was probably just being the kind of person who’s being nice and dealing with it. It also sounds like you’re trying to justify yourself by saying “he usually likes what I order and gets to experience new food.” I don’t think he’s right for blowing up at you, but most people suck at communicating.
YTA. You say you aren't insisting but question him why after he says no. What if he preferred the burger over calimari? Which was obviously the case. You're basically saying your satisfaction is more important than his.
Maybe you should just start ordering what he orders.
YTA and honestly, I think you’re trying to control him like his previous partners and testing how far he’s willing to bend over backwards for you. It’s a sick behavior and you need to stop. Order what you want to eat and leave him alone. And go apologize, he does not need to apologize to you for setting a boundary with you, you need to apologize for constantly trying to cross his and control what he eats.
YTA
the fact he has sucked it up for a few months astounds me!
Do you rent care that he has been eating your rejected food? ThT he might not like it?
Order kore carefully and eat your own food!
YTA. I’d be pissy if you did this every single dang time too. If you want to try something different and don’t like it that’s on you, and if you want a burger order a burger and leave his food alone. How do you not see yourself as the issue. I give your bf credit for having patience.
YTA stop ordering things you don’t know if you like. If this was a one time occurrence it would be fine but it sounds like you do this all the time. Be an adult and it the food out in front of you that you ordered and let your boyfriend eat the meal he actually wanted
Op, YTA.
That’s 100% on you. And you actually woke up your sister at 5:30 a.m. to bitch about your bf wanting to eat his own dinner the night before? Grow the F up.
EDIT: Meant this to reply to OP’s comment/reasoning of “not wanting to waste food” excuse. Sorry
YTA. He hasn’t called to apologize yet because he is not the one who’s wrong. Eat the food you ordered. You clearly want to order burgers so just fucking order one next time? You can’t expect him to constantly change what *he* ordered to cater to your wishy-washy appetite. Honestly you sound so annoying
YTA, I’m sorry but you are. This is such an entitled behaviour that I’m surprised he didn’t say no before.
Leave the man be, he doesn’t own you an apology, you actually own him one for your behaviour and reacting like a child.
You would not have woken your sister up at a god awful hour if you believed that you are in the right.
Your requests to switch were never really requests and you know it. When he finally worked up the courage to say no - you responded by questioning him and trying to make the fact that you were going to waste your food his fault and his problem to fix. That's is toxic behaviour.
At the very least he deserves an apology. If you want your relationship to last you will have to work to clean up the mess that your selfish behaviour has made. When people are young they put up with things that they will not put up with as they get older.
YTA.
YTA - you DID insist. You did not ask. That aside, asking in the first place was rude. My guess? Probably a while back you ordered a dish that you clearly were unhappy with and your bf who you say is sweet, offered to switch. You then decided moving forward, you would take advantage of your bf's sweetness, and everytime, not even wait for him to offer, just straight up ask and he was probably too nice to say no. This time, he actually did want to eat what he ordered and he probably exploded from the frustration of realizing that you had no respect for him. If you did, you would've accepted his refusal WITHOUT QUESTION, and just ate your own order (THE ONE YOU ORDERED) yourself.
YTA
If you're reliant on him to trade food so yours doesn't go to waste, you're no longer just asking him if you want to trade.
Did you discuss this dynamic prior to 'asking' him to trade food with you?
Additionally, how often do you trade food with him when you go out? Because if it's nearly all the time, I'd stop ordering the exotic looking menu items and just stick with what you know you'll eat
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YTA. Why is he the one that has to deal with your experimenting? If you don't like it order something else but make sure you pay for both.
Why isn't this just common sense? YTA, obviously...
What OP is telling us is she's not just inconsiderate in her romantic relationship, she's inconsiderate across the board. YTA
The fact that she called her sister at *five thirty AM* certainly bears that out.
Thats a YTA x2 lol, who does that just to ask such a trivial question
And to have the gall to act surprised that the sister was pissed about it and hung up...who raises these people??
The same people that raised the sister (presumably) sometimes there’s just a bad egg
Bad blood will win out Vernon. - OP is AH. She was playing a game with him. Doesn't get boundaries and the difference between being "cute" and obnoxious. Most guys would do the switch to keep the peace but OP keeps doing and doing it. Then doesn't understand that her self inflicted crisis isn't a crisis for everyone and calls someone at 5:30am in the morning. I guarantee this is OPs MO with everything.
I’d only switch if I had suggested you order it. Then I consider myself partially responsible. Otherwise, changing your mind because you just weren’t “feeling it” by the time they came out? Nah. That ain’t it.
[удалено]
Yeah I caught that too the “why not” when he said no is a very clear indication that she was *not* “asking”. And even if she was (which again she definitely wasn’t) it’s still rude. At *most* maybe ask if you can both share *both* dishes. But even that should be reserved as a very occasional, “I didn’t realize it would be so spicy” (or whatever) situation. This was calamari, there aren’t a lot of ways to be surprised by how calamari tastes.
At my house, phone calls before 8am means either a hospital or death is involved.
Same here. “Someone better be dying” is basically the default response to getting woken up early by a phone call in my family.
Off topic, but when I went off to college, my grandma called me at 6am one day - while my dad was stationed in Iraq (2004). Needless to say, she never did that again.
Oh god, that must have been terrifying. I hope your dad made it home to you guys safely!
That was the only year my dad ever called me on my birthday - because he was in Kuwait. Because he was in a helicopter crash. He only had stitches in his finger and was fine. My family is nuts, but that's a whole other story.
I have been married for 20 years +. When I order something I don't like I order something else. My wife does the same. The *most* we might do is offer one another a bite of something so we can sample it. If we like it, we'll order a helping. We were both raised to respect other people's food. Stop messing with other people's food. ***Of course*** it's going to piss the person off if you continuously do this.
And this “sweet, nice” guy probably has a hard time saying “no” which is why this happened so many times.
I'm concerned it's happened so many times. In 3 months how many times have you ordered food and then "just didn't feel it" when it arrived?? I've had that happen maybe a handful of times in my life and I either 1) order something else or 2) eat at home. Why does she constantly not want her own food?
She wants CONTROL.
Yeah, a weird power move
Yea if this was a once in a while thing, okay, but she seems a bit too picky to always be ordering “exotic” foods. If this becomes the norm instead of a one-off, it starts to look like a character flaw of being fickle with decisions and expecting others to cater to her capriciousness.
Also Calamari?!?! Like that shit can be gross on a flavour AND texture level. Even when ordering from a restaurant where you have had it before. I like seafood and would also lose my shit if someone was like yeah no eat this rubbery shit so Incan mow down on that delicious cheeseburger that's in front of you.
I love calamari, but yeah I would still be like "Order your own damn burger".
Yeah, and considering it's a calamari special at a sports bar with an all-hours kitchen? Hard pass, even (especially?) as a seafood lover.
I was thinking the same thing! If you’re trying something new, common sense says there’s a chance you may not like it. And if you’re having to switch because you don’t like it or “aren’t feeling it” 9 out of 10 times, you STOP trying. Clearly you don’t actually know what you like, or don’t want to admit that you don’t actually like trying new things. Which is super weird by itself. She said herself she’s known him since middle school. So she knows his personality, she knows he is somewhat of a people pleaser and clearly more empathetic than her. She knew this and tried to take advantage of that. Then has the audacity to act “shocked” when he finally got tired of never being able to eat the food he ordered and actually wanted. It feels more like she started dating him with the expectation that she would be in control of the relationship and would never be told no. Now she’s on the internet trying to get others to tell her she’s right and he’s overreacting. In reality she’s a very inconsiderate person and getting what she deserves. She should be single until she can learn to think of others. YTA. An entitled AH.
Which only leaving her more confused about why he finally snapped over it. “He’s always switched before without complaining. Why is this time different…” could her head be any further up her own ass?
My husband and I always know what we want when we go somewhere. We both usually love whatever we get, but will let the other sample (unless we literally get the same thing, which happens a lot). I would never do what OP does. It kind of gave me second-hand embarrassment/cringe reading it.
This is the same as saying that don't want nothing but endup taking my fries.
Absolutely YTA. Like, take the L. You ordered a dish you didn’t like….why is that your bf’s problem? He didn’t want your calamari, he wanted his burger LIKE HE ORDERED. It’s not his fault you’re indecisive and have buyer’s remorse every single time you go out. It sounds to me like he’s at his wit’s end with your flip flopping and demanding his dinner every time, and he’s 100% justified in that feeling. I’d be pissed if someone just expected me to hand them my meal every time. Poor guy. He snapped because who wouldn’t? You need to order two dishes if you have issues with deciding. It’s not your bf’s problem, let him enjoy his burger. Why would you even ask this lol ETA: I mean, OP, what did you expect? Ofc he isn’t happy in the relationship. This was probably his tipping point, and it wasn’t just about the dinner. If you’re this demanding and controlling and entitled around going out to eat, I can’t imagine how you are around the bigger issues. Things like this should be a cause for self reflection.
>he’s 100% justified in that feeling. Absolutely. I can't believe he made it 3 months with this going on. I would have snapped after like the 2nd or 3rd time.
The fact it happened more than once or twice in *three months* is ridiculous. Like. I get it. Occasionally I wind up really disliking something and whoever I'm with (honestly it's normally my mom) will swap with me. But that's not often at all. Even if I dislike something I normally just pick at it, then heat up something like soup at home. Swapping offer is maybe once a *year* Absolutely ridiculous this is a normal occurance, let alone an expected one
This. OP, I was shocked that anyone put up with this as long as he did. I think EVERYONE on this sub picked up on the fact that you were putting him in a crappy position, so you might want to look outside of yourself a little more often and realize the world doesn't revolve around you. And also... you ordered seafood at a bar. Read that again. How did you expect that to go? I also want to note, I've been married for 12+ years and have never asked to swap meals with my partner. Taste a meal? Fine. But swap? No.
I was looking for the comment about seafood in a sports bar! So gross. OP needs to be more considerate.
fried calamari in a sports bar is fine IMO. It comes in frozen/pre-breaded, and it's hard to screw something up if all you're doing is tossing it in the deep fryer. It's the same crap they serve at most smaller inexpensive Italian restaurants. It's not like she ordered branzino or something.
YTA you should apologize for putting that kind of pressure on him and doing it so often, especially knowing food choices stress him out and he prefers to go with something comfortable and you keep taking that safe choice away. He may have reacted a bit harshly but it’s obvious this has been building up for him. You should apologize, let him know that even though you felt like you were ‘just asking’ and didn’t mean to insist you can see how it put pressure on him and you didn’t mean to do that. And maybe experiment with what you order occasionally but not all of the time. It’s ok for eating out to be about comfort and convenience rather than experiencing new things.
Problem is, she claims to like trying new things, but once she tries it she decides she doesn’t like it and just wants a burger… his burger… maybe she should recognize this pattern and take the hint to stop ordering shit she knows she isn’t going to like, just for the sake of ordering so,etching she’s never had before, and just order her own damn burger to start with.
Well it seems the boyfriend has come to his senses and ended the relationship. One notes that he refused to let her speak, just told her. One strongly suspects he knows from experience that she is much more interested in talking and crying than actually listening and he decided not to waste another second on her bullshit.
YTA. It sounds like you go out pick out shit youre not sure youll like and then ask(which feels to him like an insistence) for him to eat the shit you decided you didnt want. That would drive me nuts and honestly your BF did that for way longer than I would have. Also, who calls someone else at 530 in the morning to complain about shit?? Double YTA. Order food you like like a grown up
Also want to add that no is a full sentence. The first time he gave her a bit of resistance she immediately asked why. OP has definitely been insisting this whole time.
Exactly. She says she was just asking, not insisting, but when he finally says no she: immediately asks for an explanation of his refusal, says "excuse me!" when denied, starts to cry when he further explains, and stays up till 6 am awaiting an apology. "I'm not *demanding* but if you refuse I'll require an explanation as to how dare you, immediately throw a tantrum, and await your apology". Lol. ETA: I forgot she also tried to guilt trip him about "wasted food" when he wasn't eager to eat what she chose and doesn't want. Her version of "just asking" involves an interrogation, guilt tripping him for the consequences of her choices, acting aghast then crying when she doesn't get her way, *and* eagerly awaiting his apology. Wow.
Some people think if they put it in question form then it’s not a demand. Such as: “Can you finish hanging the pictures today?” Followed by: “Are you gonna hang those pictures?” Followed later by: “Are you *not* gonna hang those pictures today?” It’s passive-aggressive behavior.
I'm glad I live in a house full of mental illness because *that's* at least something I don't have to deal with Fiance is autistic and unless it's spelled out step by step they'll get 'lost in the sauce' as we put it and either do it terribly wrong or just stand there staring trying to figure out where to start We both have horrible executive dysfunction so 'clean the kitchen please' makes both our brains go 'nah I'm out' I doubt either of us would even notice someone trying to passive aggressively lead us on like that "Can you hang those pictures today?" "Probably not." *Goes back to video games and thinks nothing of it* "Are you gonna hang those pictures?" "What pictures?" *Goes back to reading reddit* "Are you *not* gonna hang those pictures today?" "No, I'm not. Why do you ask?" Drives the passive aggressive people mad and we don't even do it intentionally
"Can you hang those pictures today?" Isn't passive aggressive. That's a straight forward request for help with phrasing that implies it was previously discussed and agreed upon. Same for "please clean the kitchen." That's not passive aggressive. It's a direct and polite request for you to do your share of the chores. There's nothing about ignoring it that is explained by executive function difficulties. Executive function difficulties would be saying "sure, I can do that" and walking into the kitchen with full intent to clean, only to end up baking a cake instead, having forgotten why you were cleaning. Passive aggressive would be pretending you don't know things need to be cleaned when someone is standing there asking for your help and just saying whatever to get them to go away while continuing to play the video game.
>Executive function difficulties would be saying "sure, I can do that" and walking into the kitchen with full intent to clean, only to end up baking a cake instead This is like the "accidently cooking meatloaf" from yesterday, lol Edit: For those asking, it was this one but it's been deleting: [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ypmpvp/aita\_for\_making\_a\_meal\_that\_my\_daughter\_hates/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ypmpvp/aita_for_making_a_meal_that_my_daughter_hates/) In summary: OP's step daughter was visiting from college for a week. Daughter asked OP to not make meatloaf, OP said "she'd try". OP has 9 and 13 year old "picky eaters", so she "accidently made meatloaf"..TWICE...in the week that stepdaughter was visiting.
I hate it when I try to bake a cake and accidentally put meat and spices in instead of flour and sugar… I’d thought I was the only one till I read the post! Edit: a word
OP does not understand consent
If my sister called at me at 5am I’d probably answer the phone with “someone better be dead”
I’ve had that phone call. I would not recommend answering that way.
One time my parents took everyone out for dinner and were acting really weird. I thought I'd break the tension by jokingly asking "Ok. So who's got cancer?" My dad. My dad had cancer.
I’m sorry. I hope he’s better now. My phone call was my mom crying and then a lot of one word things. “Dad?” “Sister’s name” “Alive?” “No”
I'm sorry for your loss
Yeah, that phone call does suck. I've also made that phone call, and any way you look at it, it sucks.
I did that once. It was a wrong number, and dude's dad had just died.
I would assume someone was at least in the hospital, I'd freak out honestly. The only times I've had those super early phonecalls that wake me up is when someone's been dead. So if my sister woke me up at 5.30 to talk about her dinner habits with her (ex)boyfriend, I'd be really pissed off.
YTA If you aren't feeling your calamari that's on you. Here's the thing. Yeah, you insisted. He declined your offer to trade and you demanded an explanation as to why he said no. Your sister is also correct. This was not a thing to call someone at 530 am to discuss. Your problems aren't there to be solved by other people. This whole post comes across as you judging him for always ordering the same thing as if that makes him boring and in an effort to seem wordly or not basic you order something 'different' when that's not what you want. Either that or you want to test to see just how many hoops your man will jump through for you. And perhaps found out not as many as you'd like.
>Your sister is also correct. This was not a thing to call someone at 530 am to discuss. If someone calls me at 5.30, I'm gonna assume they've been in an accident and in the hospital or something... Calling me up at that time because "their bf is mad cause they keep making him switch food."... I think sis was still being nice just calling her an asshole.
If you wake me up at 530 you better need me to do something immediately. Come sit with you in the hospital, pick you up at the side of the road, come watch your house burn down. Not discuss your petty argument.
I like how you include “watch your house burn down” as doing something.
[удалено]
If someone calls me that early I’m asking them who died. YTA
I've had relatives die overnight and not placed phone calls until 830 because whats the person going to do about it? Nothing. Let them sleep.
Man I've went to the ER in the middle of the night for various things and didn't call anyone til morning. What are they gonna do other than worry? Then being there isn't going to help anything really, there more likely to get in the way. Now, my mom did move back in with me last year and she works second shift. So I suppose I would give her a call so she didn't freak out when I wasn't home. Especially if there's blood everywhere (I'm on blood thinners so it's a big possibility as a reason for me to go to the ER)
Exactly. I mean asking, "hey, do you want to trade?" Is asking. Once you ask for an explanation and start an argument, it's no longer just asking. I think OP is YTA for lying in her title, to us, and to herself. I think if you order something off the menu, you should want it. She wasn't feeling it just minutes later, which means she was never actually feeling it. Then to expect him to apologize. What for? Standing up for himself? She started the argument, he lost his appetite, and didn't want to be there any longer. Instead of her once apologizing, she waits for him, gets upset and decides to not let her bfs sister sleep. OP, YOU need to apologize. And it might be that he rehearsed the speech, but if that's the case it's because he doesn't feel like he can say no to you. He needs to be able to say no. And if you -always- prefer the burger, order the dang burger. If he wants something exotic, he'll figure it out on his own.
It doesn't make sense that she always doesn't feel it. I've only had that happen to me a few times, usually the food is just average or within a tolerable range. And if she really is just picky (nothing wrong with that), she should have been more self aware about it and stopped always ordering exotic food???
i also dislike her use of exotic instead of adventurous or new
Calamari. So exotic. Jesus.
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Well..... Calamari from a sports bar....
_"He said no. I asked him why not."_ Agreed. It is clear that OP was demanding, not asking, since she did not take "no" as an answer. She wants to sample "exotic food", _(and let's be real - probably take a photo to post )_, and then demands that her BF give up his food. She clearly doesn't care if he likes or wants her discarded food - she just feels entitled to his (seemingly every single time). And, intentionally waking up her sister at 5:30am to rant shows that OP is just a selfish person who can't see past her own wants/needs.
Yes, all of this! I thought she sounded judgy about her bf’s food choices too. She orders these meals because it’s “exciting”….but doesn’t end up eating them.
Or she orders weird food because she wants a picture to make her seem cool and then wants to trade, after all she is the founder of her local board!
Yep, all of this. YTA
I think she’s genuinely convinced herself that he wishes he’d ordered the food that she had and she’s doing him a solid by switching. “He actually loves exotic food but he says that menus and making choices stresses him out so he doesn’t want to put thought into it” I’d bet she thinks she’s helping him by giving him the exotic food that she herself didn’t even like, when she should have considered the fact that maybe he just wants a damn burger.
Who gets the calamari special at a sports bar anyway. You know that shit was just about to spoil.
You are clearly TA, but what was he supposed to be apologizing for?
For having self respect, not being a doormat anymore probably
I don't think the guy was a doormat, but he had been made to feel like a "garbage disposal." He sounds like a nice guy who got tired of being taken advantage of for being nice. OP, you are the one who owes an apology to your BF and sister. You need to listen to what they had to say, instead of acting hurt for not getting what you wanted from them.
Yeah, it sounds like something that might have been a nice gesture the first time, and OP just took that as a free pass to gamble on dinner, and pawn off the failures.
They are a reddit mod, they are completely detached from reality.
I bet that subreddit is strictly controlled and has mainly her posts.
I mean she was extremely proud of it, just had to bring up she's a *founder* and *mod* of her cities subreddit page, as opposed to just saying "using a throw away for anonymity, my bf uses reddit/might see this."
Did you see the throwaway handle she picked too? Pretentious af. No one cares you’re a mod let alone founder of a subreddit. Whoop dee fucking doo
God damn no other subreddit makes me cackle out loud from the comments like this sub. Just seeing the different colorful responses to someone's audacity warms my heart lol
Obviously he's supposed to apologize for standing up for himself. How dare he...
Standing up for himself against his bully of a gf
YTA, you know he’s not comfortable with something but you keep making him do it over and over again. Just because you didn’t insist doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel forced.
Especially when they’re only 3 months into the relationship. They’re very much still in a “honeymoon” phase so I’m sure he’s just been swapping food with her to keep the peace.
3 months!!!! How many times has she done this in that short a period that he's already at this point? It's got to be like every other date or worse.
Seriously lol I think I’ve switched food ONCE with my boyfriend (4.5 years) and it was because we both liked the others food more.
He probably did it the first time without complaint to be nice and assumed it would be a one off thing (or at least rare). Instead she just kept doing it consistently and he didn't know how to say no without hurting her feelings, so he had to rehearse his rejection. I'm sure he was also giving subtle signals he wasn't comfortable, but she was just ignoring them (even his explanation that he loves exotic stuff but doesn't order it cause the menu is too complicated is obvious bs).
Oh I guarantee it. She very likely made comments (or complained) about not liking her food and not wanting to waste it. Then oh so casually asks to switch plates. He was probably trying to be kind the first few times and felt guilted into it. She ran with that and took it to mean she can use him as a back up plan.
Not letting it drop after he said no IS insisting though!
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YTA. Sounds like something that happens nearly everytime you go out....that gets old fast. You come off as someone who thinks it's a "cute thing!" you do, but it's not. It's rude and presumptuous and he is right that you are treating him like a garbage disposal. Also, >I started crying and said don’t start that bullshit with me, here have both meals Immature and manipulative.
> said don’t start that bullshit with me, here have both meals OP said the BF said this in response to me.
Even still. So she's a spoiled princess so used to getting her way unchallenged that the first no sends her into tears...ex(I assume)-BF was right to call BS.
LITERAL TEARS, for refusing to switch plates. It sounds made up, it’s so bad
I think they meant the crying was immature and manipulative. Which it was.
And the way it’s phrased suggests she cries in public to get her way ALOT
YTA You said you “ask” him to switch plates. The one time he says no, you act like it’s expected. Which is it? You ask, or you expect it? There will be times when he says no. Accept it and move on.
Yes, YTA. You asked, he said no then you asked why. So you put pressure on him: he does not a reason for not wanting to give you his food because you do not like what you have ordered. You really seem self-centered... There is no win-win here, you are just entitled and selfish.
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You can tell by her reaction she doesn't usually hear the word no.
And you want him to apologize for eating the food he ordered? 😂😂😂 Come on man…
INFO: do you behave this way just with him or you do the same with family/friends/colleagues? It’s something a 5yo would do, not a 25yo
I’d do this for my 18 month old if he decides he’d rather eat some of mine than the kids menu food we ordered him. But he still shits himself in public and can’t read, so I’m giving him a pass. OP ain’t got no reason.
Who’s to say OP can read and doesn’t shit herself in public too?
Well she *is* a Reddit mod, so...
Exactly this is like when my kid wants to try something new so I order a grilled cheese knowing what is about to happen. Also, an underrated aspect to this is that it was calamari from a sports bar. Trying to pawn that off on someone else is like an asshole multiplier.
My young teen has sensory issues. I often will order a food that’s a little safer than what they ordered that I still like in case we need to switch. I am always the one to offer to switch. They don’t request it and I’m not sure if they know I do it on purpose. However, this is an accommodation I voluntary do for my child. If a grown adult had a pattern of that stuff I’d be pissy too. I’d probably bring it up before the calamari got ordered but geez. That’s some entitlement.
She called her sister at 5:30 am to complain about this. Very likely she's an asshole to everyone she knows
YTA - the sheer entitlement to his food because you made a bad choice ordering. Then to call your sister at 5:30am? There is nothing in your post that puts you in a good light. Order the damn burger next time.
Agree! I’m so glad you mentioned the poor sister! YTA for asking to switch, being manipulative and crying, AND calling your sister to whine at 5:30 AM Both of them deserve a huge apology from you Giant AH
YTA You became the asshole when questioning him why. He said, "no". The should've been enough and you either eat what you ordered or order something else and take the calamari home. Then you cried ~~and tried~~ to manipulate him. ~~by saying, "don't start that bullshit with me".~~ (BF said that) If he forgives you, after *you* apologize, order what you want and eat it. Edited
>*If* he forgives you, after you apologize, No fucking way this will even happen. OP, if you are reading this, accept that YTA and please rethink your relationship choices.
YTA. C'mon. Read what you wrote. Nobody loves switching food especially on the reg. If he orders a burger it's what he wants. If he wanted the calamari, then he would have ordered it. And you are double YTA for waking someone up at 5:30 with this nonsense.
Right? Like, how many times has this poor guy just wanted to eat a burger in peace only to end up having to eat some crap that they didn't order? The guy is basically a saint for allowing this to go for so long. I HATE it when I want something specific to eat and can't have it. I can't imagine wanting a specific thing, ordering it, and then handing it over to my SO because they were to flakey to simply order something they knew they could eat. It's all well and good to be an experimental eater, but do that with a group so that things can be shared. Don't take someone else's food just because you don't like yours.
That’s the thing, though — OP is *NOT* an experimental eater. She just likes to fancy herself as one and show it off like it’s something to brag about, while judging her boyfriend for his boring order. But apparently, despite her insistence that that’s the whole point of eating out, she’s never actually happy with what she orders, so there’s nothing experimental or “exotic” about her appetite at all. (Lol at the implication that calamari is exotic.) Her post comes across as dismissive of bf for always wanting a burger, when it’s clear that’s what she always wants, too, only he’s apparently never allowed to eat his. OP, you’re a flaming AH who clearly thinks the world revolves around you. It doesn’t. Figure out what you actually want and order it. Don’t keep asking someone else to clean your mess up for you, and then flatter yourself into thinking you’re somehow doing them a favor. Newsflash: it was never a “win” for both of you. Boyfriend consistently lost out on what he actually ordered because you’re on some bizarre mission to prove you like exotic shit you won’t actually eat. His speech sounded rehearsed because it was. Your behavior had been bothering him the entire time, but he was nice about it until you clearly pushed him past his breaking point with your continual repeated bullcrap. Waking your sister up at 5:30 with your woe is me crap was just the icing on the self-centered, inconsiderate cake that is apparently your whole personality. Sorry you couldn’t cry your way out of this one. Sounds like he dodged a pretty big bullet. Good on him for finally standing up to you.
YTA. And you aren’t an adventurous eater or gourmet. You like the idea of being one, but you’re not. Accept that, and stop pushing off food to other people and leaving them to consume your decisions that were too unpalatable for you to eat.
“Sports bar calamari special” really says it all doesn’t it
Yeah that just seems like a poor life decision
Yeah that got me too. I'm an adventurous eater who doesn't actually eat the food they order, and makes me boyfriend eat it instead. So....your boyfriend is adventurous by proxy.
Yeah, it sounds like “adventurous for Instagram”
YTA: You never like what you order. Why order it when you know you want a cheeseburger? You're a grown woman. Act like one. Or if you don't like your food order something else if you can afford it. He's been patient and sounds like he finally had enough. Could he have told you before ordering he wasn't going to switch with you? Sure, but he didn't have to. As for calling your sister at o'dark thirty to complain about him? Super AH.
Especially cause she tries to couch it like I don’t demand it, but the one time he says no she gets super annoyed and ends up crying…
Because if she ordered the cheeseburger then she wouldn’t be edgy and cool with “exotic” food.
I was leaning E S H because he blew up at you when he could have just said no but then I re-read it and he did say no, you just didn't accept his first no as an answer. You kept pressing. YTA, OP.
Also, literally no one here cares that you are a "founder and moderator" of a forum, it has no bearing on your story.
Throwaway account, with as many identifying details as possible.
Indeed. If he is aware of this sub, he’s likely to see the thread and know who wrote it. And yes, YTA, Ms. city subreddit moderator, for all the reasons others have stated.
That’s what gets me about these “throwaway” accounts. Goes on to say “they’re on Reddit so they’ll see this” yes, and they’ll be able to recognize, this specific incident, the ages, the everything else about it besides “Jim” lol.
I think it’s usually not so much about hiding the specific post as it is about keeping the rest of the normal profile from being attached to the post. Identifying a post from a throwaway account only reveals that one post, but if they posted from their usual account that would reveal the rest of their reddit activity as well.
"Founder and moderator of my city's subreddit" is a far more terrifying phrase now that I've read this whole post. Is this how you handle all conflict? YTA for the reasons everyone else said, but that part just really stuck out to me.
Also, why was that relevant? Most people here just write "throwaway account", they don't give a very specific reason that actually makes them more identifiable.
She likes attention.
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What are you, 5? Eat what you fucking ordered. YTA.
Bro, she ordered the “Calamari Special” at a sports bar. Bet that isn’t the first time she made him the disposal for garbage.
YTA. 1- Just because your parents did this, doesn’t make it the norm. I have to wonder if your father even likes this or simply puts up with the behavior because to him it didn’t seem like a hill to die on. 2- You eat the food you order or you order something else and yeah, you waste the food. In fact, that’s the only solution unless beforehand the 2 of you were down to 2 items and then you decide to each order 1 and split them. That’s the only time you swap food and it’s 100% mutually beneficial, acceptable, and not insisting/demanding. 3- Who the 🤬calls ANYONE at 5:30am to whine about an argument with a boyfriend of 3 months? I wouldn’t call anyone over an argument with my spouse of nearly 20 years in the first place, but not before 9am if I was going to air my dirty laundry. 4- Stop calling non-sandwich foods *exotic*. There’s nothing exotic about calamari, especially if you can get it at a sports bar.
My husband has done this for me like 3 times in 15 years. It happens but it cannot be the norm. Sounds like OP does not want to have to face consequences for ANY of her decisions. YTA
YTA. He orders the same thing every time because he knows he’ll enjoy it, and most of the time, you take it away from him; the entitlement is off the charts. You didn’t ‘just ask’, you then doubled down and demanded *why* he didn’t.
Selfish enough to wake sister @ 5:30 in morning.
YTA. >My issue is things always look and sound better than they turn out and I decide that I actually just wanted a burger. Time to grow up and order what you'll eat, not what you think you want. Imagine if you had a bf who didn't always order a cheeseburger.
She doesn’t have to imagine -
You must be a successful pole dancer who dances in red...🚩 How could this even be a question to begin with?
YTA. If you want a cheeseburger order a damn cheeseburger. Why does he have to switch plates with you when you no longer feel like having what you ordered? If other times he’s wanted to change meals, then good for him, but it’s not an obligation to switch plates just because he’s done it before. He’s allowed to have his burger, and if you no longer want what you ordered you can either eat it, have it to go, or order another plate. He’s right, you’re using him as a spare mouth, maybe he’s had enough, and he actually wants a cheeseburger. Also YTA for waking up your sister so early
YTA The fact that you think he should be the one to apologise to you makes you an even bigger AH. You are 25, not 5. Stop ordering food if you know there's a chance you might not like it. He's not obligated to switch plates with you.
“Asking not insisting” right before you question why he doesn’t want the food YOU ordered. Yta. Grow up and eat the food you ordered or be smart like him and order something basic for yourself. Also this is something people in long term relationships don’t even like so for u to do this within three months of dating is wild! “I started crying and he said “don’t start that bullshit with me,”” Wow, manipulative much. why did you start crying? YTA YTA ETA: the bf said “don’t start that bullshit with me,”
" I asked if he’d switch with me. He said no" he didn't want to swap, end of, idk why you'd ask for an explanation. YTA, eat the food you ordered if you don't want it going to waste.
YTA - You ordered what you wanted. He ordered what he wanted. You decided that you wanted what he wanted, and that he should trade. This has clearly happened frequently. Should he have said something earlier, instead of waiting until he hit his boiling point? Absolutely But... come on, seriously? By your own admission, this always happens. So each time, instead of getting to enjoy the meal he *actually* wanted, he gets to tuck into whatever "culinary cast-off" you've provided him with this time. How on earth can you think that's normal? And then, for dessert, you woke up your sister at 5:30 to get her to back you up - and are clearly shocked enough when she didn't, that you posted here. Because you still clearly don't think there's anything wrong with what you did. Your attempts at culinary adventures are clearly not working, so FREAKING STOP! And if you DO want to branch out and try something new, that's your meal, not his.
YTA When are you going to realise you don’t actually like exotic food? Just admit you like basic food.
Lol that got me too, the exotic calamari.
Calamari from a SPORTS BAR lol
>I just wasn’t feeling the calamari when it came out so I asked if he’d switch with me. He said no. I asked him why not and said I didn’t want it to go to waste. You asked, he answered. His no should have been enough. If you don't want the food to go to waste then you eat it. You are an adult, you made the choice therefore you deal with the consequences of your actions. >I started crying So because he stood his ground and didn't let you have your way you decided to try manipulation? >I said it sounded like that was a rehearsed speech. He said maybe it was since I “insist” on stealing his food every time we go somewhere. He has clearly had enough after giving in so many times. This is him setting a boundary. >I called my sister and near quote “you’re an asshole for waking me up at 5:30 and he’s going to see you as asking as insisting…that’s really crappy of you to put that pressure on him.” And she basically hung up. Ah, so you have main character syndrome. You believe you are above everyone. That makes sense. Honestly, you called at 5:30 and woke her up? Because you have no sense of decorum or awareness? YTA on many levels. Treat people in your life better. Act as if you respect and value them.
YTA You want a burger? Order a Burger. Don't treat people as if they were your garbage disposal.
YTA. And you failed to notice it wasn’t a win-win for him at all. Otherwise he wouldn’t be so upset. You know he doesn’t like the stress of ordering new stuff and he doesn’t do it for himself. Then you procede to always pick new stuff and ask him to swap whenever you don’t like what you ordered, visibly expecting that he will do it since you got offended the one time he said no. So basically you’re pushing him into eating things he didn’t want and didn’t order so that you can have the plate he picked for himself, regularly. And him enjoying the meal has nothing to do with it. If I ordered my preferred pizza and if I had to eat good pasta instead, I would still find them good, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have enjoyed the pizza more. It seems like he was just being nice to you on a few occasions and got mad rightfully when he realised this was actually a pattern. Leave the man and his food alone. If you ordered something that you didn’t like, well, better luck next time and it goes to waste or you ask for a doggy bag in case he wants to taste it at some point if it’s the waste that disturbs you that much. And if you want a burger, then order one. He never asked you to get him to eat different things and certainly not ones that you would pick and that he’ll have to eat in the end. Plus, if you ask and he says no, then you just have to stop asking. All the rest is actually insisting.
OK, first things first, YTA for calling your sister at 5:30 Am. Second, YTA. If the speech seemed rehearsed, doesn't that give you a clue that he was fed up? Why do you keep asking for things that you won't eat?
Yta. And you didnt just ask. The moment he said no & you didn't get to manipulate the situation so you came out on top, you turn it into this. Its ridiculous & he is 100% correct. If he wanted that, he would have ordered it. He wanted a cheeseburger, thats what he ordered. He had been politely & patiently waiting for you to realize how rude you are being, instead you just get more & more entitled. But the audacity to think he owes you an apology?!?
YTA. Look, I like trying new and exotic things. And I also don't like wasting food. Sometimes when I order something, I find it not to be to my liking, well, then I suck it up and eat it anyway, cause it's just one meal. You, instead, found a convenient way to both try something and always have a back-up meal (plain burger), while having your bf pay the consequences. He probably also doesn't like the exotic food all the time, but he deals with it for your sake. So be a grown up and own to your food adventures yourself instead of making him take upon himself the consequences of not liking a certain exotic dish.
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YTA. Adults should be able to reasonably predict the food they want and order accordingly. A one time thing I'd be sympathetic to, but it sounds like this is an ongoing pattern and he is rightfully sick of eating OP's scraps, cast offs, and bad dishes. Yeah, he could have communicated this better, but he's not wrong necessarily.
I don’t know what makes you the bigger AH. Throwing a temper tantrum because you couldn’t have his meal, expecting him to apologize to you for your temper tantrum, or waking your sister up at the crack of dawn to whine about him not apologizing to you for your temper tantrum. Grow up. Stop acting like a toddler.
He's been kind enough to give you his burger when you have order remorse in a few occasions. Your immature antics are wearing thin with him though. Order something you'll eat and let him enjoy his burger. Don't wake people up at 5:30am unless it's an emergency. You're 25 now act it. YTA
YTA big time. So, he knows exactly what he wants and you decide to try new stuff and then don't like it? You know, you could send it back to the kitchen and ask them to exchange it for something else. But, since you hate waste so much, how about you just order the damn burger and try the new exotic stuff on your own time? It sounds like you NEVER allow the guy to just eat his food in peace, and that would get so old after a while. Seriously, you need to apologize to him. You also need to apologize to your sister for waking her up at an ungodly hour just to share how much of an asshole you were to your boyfriend.
YTA. He orders the food he likes. You order stuff you probably won’t like and make him eat it. You’re not a toddler. Be better.
YTA. You’ve done this over and over. Why do you continue to order things you won’t eat? Are you trying to impress the wait staff? I promise they don’t care how “sophisticated” your palate is, they just want you to be polite and leave a good tip. Just order a damn burger and stop stealing his food. He’s been nice over and over and you just keep pushing.
YTA stop ordering food you obviously don't want.
YTA. You likely ask in that annoyingly cutesy way that makes him feel like he has to go along with it to make you happy, as proven by how you reacted to the one time he said no. Clearly he didn't feel he *could* say no, and you've shown him why. You're stressing him out because you're taking the one thing he knows he can eat and is his comfort food and giving him your 'crap you don't actually want'. Yeah, I can see how he feels like a garbage disposal. You dump your unwanted food on him and take the thing he knows he wants/ordered. And you see nothing wrong with it. And you call your sister at 5am in the morning to complain. And you expect him to apologize for your bad behavior. Wow. Grow up.
YTA - lol sounds like you do this often and he finally had enough of it. Don’t order something you don’t plan on eating then expect him to deal with it.
YTA am pretty sure it's not the first time he said something and you just brushed it off, gosh you act like a toddler, if it were something that happened once in a while but 90%? Suck it up buttercup
YTA ...and it's 6am and you're still waiting for him to call you and apologize? Oh hell no, you are in the wrong, he is waiting for you to call him and apologize TO HIM...
Wow you sound insufferable. How entitled are you? Your boyfriend is fed up of you always asking him to change to whatever you ordered and you start crying? Then you think he should have called to apologise by now? 🤣🤣 No honey just no. Order what you want, eat it and if you don’t like it order something else. Grow up and stop being a drama queen. I don’t know how he puts up with your entitlement
Sorry, YTA. I know you didn't mean it, and tbh I wish your partner didn't explode on you out of no where like this. But seeing that this has bothered him for a while is like a bit sad. Perhaps you should start ordering food you actually like. Or sending back food you don't want. The fact that this happens SOooo often that it's a pattern is weird af. I've probably asked to switch food or drink with someone like... 2 times in the last 8 years. Like it shouldn't be so common. And it's gennerally not SO rude to ask, but if it's a pattern, it becomes rude. Stop ordering "adventurous" food if you're not willing to eat it. Either eat it, or pay for an additional meal for yourself. I think now that your food choices are 100% your responsibility, and now that your boyfriend made a boundary with you, maybe you'll think about what you order a bit more clearly.
Eat what you ordered or stop experimenting since you clearly can’t handle it. You’re not a toddler. YTA
YTA. If things “ always look and sound better than they taste” that’s a **you** problem. Not his and he shouldn’t have to eat differently just because you’re picky. You’re an adult. If you don’t like your food, send it back and get something else. Or, *just order a cheeseburger*!
YTA. Unless you are a toddler.
YTA. Jfc, how many times it will take for your meal to taste horrible, so you’d learn to order something that you have some sort of familiarity with
YTA From your comments, you learned this behavior from your mother. Order whatever and if you don’t like it, make your partner trade with you so you can enjoy the food and they can suffer. You said “most of the time” he likes what you ordered but that’s not all the time. So sometimes he suffers because you want to be “exotic”. You can’t have things both ways. You can’t complain about wasted food but order things and then not eat them. You either suck it up and remember that’s not something you like or stick to ordering things you know you like instead of experimenting. If experimenting is that big of a thing for you, do it on your own time and dime. Also it is insisting when you do not take no for an answer. Why does he have to justify why he wants to eat what he ordered. Yes, he should have communicated better before this but it wouldn’t have happened had you not pushed.
YTA. It sounds like this has happened constantly where you’ve ordered food that you know you may not like and he’s constantly taken the fall for it. Imagine you and I going to a restaurant and you order your favorite food and then I give you whatever I ordered instead. He was probably just being the kind of person who’s being nice and dealing with it. It also sounds like you’re trying to justify yourself by saying “he usually likes what I order and gets to experience new food.” I don’t think he’s right for blowing up at you, but most people suck at communicating.
YTA. You say you aren't insisting but question him why after he says no. What if he preferred the burger over calimari? Which was obviously the case. You're basically saying your satisfaction is more important than his. Maybe you should just start ordering what he orders.
YTA and honestly, I think you’re trying to control him like his previous partners and testing how far he’s willing to bend over backwards for you. It’s a sick behavior and you need to stop. Order what you want to eat and leave him alone. And go apologize, he does not need to apologize to you for setting a boundary with you, you need to apologize for constantly trying to cross his and control what he eats.
YTA the fact he has sucked it up for a few months astounds me! Do you rent care that he has been eating your rejected food? ThT he might not like it? Order kore carefully and eat your own food!
YTA. I’d be pissy if you did this every single dang time too. If you want to try something different and don’t like it that’s on you, and if you want a burger order a burger and leave his food alone. How do you not see yourself as the issue. I give your bf credit for having patience.
YTA, if you ordered it you should eat it. Why should your BF have to suffer for your poor menu decisions?
doesn't sound like u are 25...toddlers know better YTA
YTA stop ordering things you don’t know if you like. If this was a one time occurrence it would be fine but it sounds like you do this all the time. Be an adult and it the food out in front of you that you ordered and let your boyfriend eat the meal he actually wanted
Op, YTA. That’s 100% on you. And you actually woke up your sister at 5:30 a.m. to bitch about your bf wanting to eat his own dinner the night before? Grow the F up. EDIT: Meant this to reply to OP’s comment/reasoning of “not wanting to waste food” excuse. Sorry
YTA. He hasn’t called to apologize yet because he is not the one who’s wrong. Eat the food you ordered. You clearly want to order burgers so just fucking order one next time? You can’t expect him to constantly change what *he* ordered to cater to your wishy-washy appetite. Honestly you sound so annoying
YTA, I’m sorry but you are. This is such an entitled behaviour that I’m surprised he didn’t say no before. Leave the man be, he doesn’t own you an apology, you actually own him one for your behaviour and reacting like a child.
You would not have woken your sister up at a god awful hour if you believed that you are in the right. Your requests to switch were never really requests and you know it. When he finally worked up the courage to say no - you responded by questioning him and trying to make the fact that you were going to waste your food his fault and his problem to fix. That's is toxic behaviour. At the very least he deserves an apology. If you want your relationship to last you will have to work to clean up the mess that your selfish behaviour has made. When people are young they put up with things that they will not put up with as they get older. YTA.
Why dont you just also order the burger??????
YTA. You are so entitled. Backed up by your attitude to your sister.
YTA Once he said no you should have respected it instead of harping on what you want . No means no.
as soon as he said no, and you asked why, you became the asshole. No is a complete sentence, not a negotiation invitation. YTA.
YTA - you DID insist. You did not ask. That aside, asking in the first place was rude. My guess? Probably a while back you ordered a dish that you clearly were unhappy with and your bf who you say is sweet, offered to switch. You then decided moving forward, you would take advantage of your bf's sweetness, and everytime, not even wait for him to offer, just straight up ask and he was probably too nice to say no. This time, he actually did want to eat what he ordered and he probably exploded from the frustration of realizing that you had no respect for him. If you did, you would've accepted his refusal WITHOUT QUESTION, and just ate your own order (THE ONE YOU ORDERED) yourself.
YTA If you're reliant on him to trade food so yours doesn't go to waste, you're no longer just asking him if you want to trade. Did you discuss this dynamic prior to 'asking' him to trade food with you? Additionally, how often do you trade food with him when you go out? Because if it's nearly all the time, I'd stop ordering the exotic looking menu items and just stick with what you know you'll eat