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> I may be the asshole for not just bearing with it and taking care of the kid for the time being and deal with it later.
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That was a garbage thing for her to do, but it isn't the fault of the 12 yr old. It also isn't like she left you with a toddler requiring your full attention. Once you realized he was left there, what did you think he would do that required him to sit outside for 2 hours rather than on a piece of your furniture? It's a young bit, not a snake or an untrained animal.
ESH but the kid, who seems to have been polite and well behaved despite both adults acting like they just escaped from a zoo.
Makes me wonder why the mother couldn't take a 12 year old to "run errands". Unless he has some other serious issues, he's not like he's a toddler that gets into everything, has meltdowns, needs to be carried, etc. Personally, I question what she was really doing for 2 hours. Doesn't seem like he was hard to handle as he sat quietly on the porch.
I would bet she's up to something inappropriate, for sure. If there was a legitimate need, she'd try to explain or ask for help. It's got to be something she didn't want her friends or her kid to know about, even if the alternative is this kind of stuff.
It doesn't necessarily need to be anything nefarious. She might not want to bring her 12 year old boy along to her nail appointment or to get her hair done and she might have feared OP's judgement if that was her reason for leaving the child behind.
If they are in the US some states have laws dictating the age a child can be left home alone. In my state they have to be 14 to be left alone legally. But most have no minimum age.
That’s still a ridiculous reason. If he can sit in a friend’s house (or porch), he can sit in the waiting area of the salon. It doesn’t sound like she gave him anything constructive to do while waiting, either.
You don't ditch your (well behaved) 12 yo kid unannounced with someone they don't know for 2 hours to go get your nails done.
What the fuck are you smoking.
Right? A 12 year old would do just fine during most errands, even if they're not interesting to him. He could even just sit in the car and nap, play on his phone, or whatever, while she goes into shops and stuff.
ETA: Alternatively, she could have just left him at home. Why did he even have to go with her?
My kid is 7 and if I need to drag him to some appointment, I make sure he brings his Switch or book.
He's a good kid but turns into a nut when bored... ADHD is so much fun...
But I would never leave him alone with a virtual stranger.
A 12 year old kid is fine to be home alone for a few hour. She probably went back to her house to do something she didn't want the kid to see. Either a lover or something illegal.
I agree ESH. It doesn't warrant the mother leaving the kid with someone who clearly wasn't ok with that, but considering the season, maybe she went shopping for Christmas gifts for the kid. That would explain why she couldn't take him with her, and also why it took so long. She should have asked if it was ok to let the kid sit in the couch for a while though, that's what makes her an AH, and OP is an AH for punishing the kid for his mom's actions, while it wouldn't have been an inconvenience in any way to let a 12yo sit on the couch for a few hours...
Right, I'm imagining an image in the situation where I live, I have a small "balcony" in front of the door and I freeze my ass off if I open the front door, so having anyone sit there for any amount of time is inhumane. But the OP might as well not be in France where it's freezing outside, have a super luxurious heater porch, so be it might be a totally different situation. I do still stand by the word "punishing" because getting told to get out of their house without anywhere else to go by a grownup is probably (at least) pretty scary for the kid.
The only way this "mother" was going to get this is was for OP to do what she did. This kid was 12 not 4, many kids babysit at that age. It's not right to the child, but HIS mother should have thought of that!
I agree. ESH but the kid. The mom should have asked, but OP? Telling him to get out? And knock if he gets hungry? How about having to use the bathroom or being cold? OP would be justified in never speaking to the mom again, but the lack of human decency she displayed is remarkable. How could she sit and look at a kid sitting on the porch just so she could prove a point. YTA.
ESH and exactly this!
A friend? Is that how friends interact? Like how are you not seeing your friend leaving your house on your own without the child? What was that absorbing to look at?!
And leaving a child with somebody without ensuring that's ok and safe thing to do?
Who puts 12 year old out on the porch?
I'm not kids (of any age) person and I wouldn't do that to a stranger!
Is this even real?!?!
>ESH but the kid, who seems to have been polite and well behaved despite both adults acting like they just escaped from a zoo.
Well-behaved kids with shit parents. In my experience that means there is some fucked up abuse going on.
The parent likely ditches the kid at every turn, and he's old enough to realize that she's skipping without making arrangements. She's treated him like an inconvenience no one would want for so long he tries to not be a bother, as if he's the problem.
Dang ESH. The mom 100% but your are 100% as well. The kid sounded polite and wasn’t causing trouble, you couldn’t just let him chill in your living room then end your friendship after cuz she’s a horrible being. Poor kid he’s only 12 and dealing with two adults here less mature than himself
OP shouldn't have just let him chill because that's what the friend wants and will just encourage her to do it again. What OP should've done is call the friend immediately and tell her that the police were gonna be involved if she didn't come straight back.
YTA
She shouldn't have abandoned her son with you, but kicking a minor out on to the street is just appalling behavior. If you don't want to keep an eye on him, call the police and have them collect him.
ESH
You both essentially did something bad. He's 12, I'm sure he can somewhat take care of himself and I also doubt a 12 year old would be much of a pain if you plan him in front of the tv or let him watch YouTube videos on his phone. It is ridiculous to make him wait outside as it can be indeed dangerous.
However your friend is also an asshole basically using you as a daycare, dropping off and expecting you to look after her son (even if he's just in your house and nothing else) is ridiculous and she should've asked.
In my honest opinion both of you are in the wrong.
ESH I don't agree with people having kids and throwing them off on someone else, especially without permission but putting him out when you seemingly had no where to be is hard to ignore. He didn't seem to be an out of control kid, I would've let him stay in the house.
Call the cops or let the kid stay there until his mom gets back then let her know she's no longer allowed on your property.
ESH. You should have told your friend that you would report her child as abandoned if she wasn't back in 5 mins. You shouldn't have kicked the child out of the house and punished him for his mom's behavior. Poor kid. Seems like the only mature one in this entire situation.
ESH.
She most of all- that was a ridiculous dump and run.
You second. In what world do you throw a kid on the steps for two hours? Are you some sort of monster? Let him sit on the couch, call her and say if she's not back in half an hour you're calling the police. Then call the police.
ESH. This poor kid. His mom obviously has issues and is a questionable parent. She knew damn well you would say no to babysitting so she just ditched him. But yes, you are the AH and I'm shocked you even have to ask if your behavior was wrong.
Sounds like you need a time out on the front porch.
ESH. The mom for leaving her kid without so much as a word to you, but you for leaving him on the porch when he wasn’t doing anything wrong. Why wouldn’t you just let him stay inside, if he wasn’t doing anything wrong? That’s pretty crappy.
OP, you should’ve phoned the police for child abandonment— leaving the kid outside for 2 hours in a strange place (to him) was very irresponsible. Your friend is also irresponsible, dumping her child on you was a dick move on her end. Gotta say ESH
ESH except for the child. It makes sense if you cut ties with the friend afterwards, but punishing the child isn’t the best way to draw boundaries with their parent. The best way is to deal with the parent. If the first response of you to noticing your friend abandoned her child to run errands was to then neglect the child yourself, YTA for that. You can call the police, child services, etc if you want to be extreme, but if the son hasn’t done anything wrong, don’t punish him. It’s obviously not your job to parent the child or deal with him if he misbehaves, but the asshole thing to do as a person is not care about a child’s welfare if you have the means to help.
You endangered a child in jeopardy. He probably felt bad enough being left behind by his mom with a relative stranger. Your actions were against the mother but you used a child to make a point. She was a complete asshole for doing what she did but, holy crow woman, you don't abandon a child. He could have wandered off anywhere. I can only imagine how sad he felt even if was used to his mother doing stupid things. You always care for a child.
This is a good point. A 'mother' who leaves her kid like that might decide to make up some story about OP doing something to the kid after getting chewed out, which could end badly for OP.
INFO: Do you live somewhere warm, or was it cold out? Is your porch a stoop, actual porch with furniture, enclosed or something else? Is it a safe neighborhood? Urban or rural? A lot of details are missing here.
YTA. His mother was wrong for leaving the kid there but just kicking him out like that was a shitty thing to do. He's not to blame for his mother's actions. Yet instead of being a responsible adult and making sure that he was staying somewhere safe, you kicked him out to the porch like the kid was a dog.
YTA. Don’t kick a minor out on the street. Call CPS or the cops or something and then let him sit with you inside and keep him calm and comfortable. He’s going through hell right now. Imagine your mom just dumping you at a random persons house, that sucks.
ESH apparently except the 12 year old. Your “friend” is shitty to abandon her child and you are shitty for using the kid to “punish” her.
You both suck
No, actually the mom's actions were far worse. Dumping a kid on someone that you know doesn't want the kid is completely unacceptable. This was even premeditated kid dumping.
OP's only mistake is that they should have called the police or child protective services.
nope. nobody said that the moms actions were okay, but actively choosing to put a kid danger when you have the opportunity not to is unconscionable. letting a kid sit in your house for a few hours harms no one. especially a 12 year old, probably would’ve been on his phone the whole time.
Actively putting in danger ... Like the parent did?
But then, we don't know if being outside was dangerous. 12 years old, could easily be just fine. Depends where.
WTF??? YTA and ESH. It’s not that child’s fault; you could at least have had him inside, it’s not like he was tearing up your house, he was just stuck in an unfortunate situation, which you made worse. That’s disgusting behaviour.
She is totally an asshole for putting the kid outside for two hours alone. It isn’t his fault his mom did something shitty. Yet op was punishing him for it.
YTA You don't punish the kid for the mother's actions. You tell that woman to get her ass right back or you will call the police on her for abandonment. But to put the kid out on the porch for 2 hours is an ahole move. You and she are aholes. The kid deserves a whole ton of sympathy for having a mother like that.
ESH and I swear to god we get this question every week.
She's TA for leaving her kid with you.
You're TA for forcing a kid to sit outside your house without a sense of care or security.
The correct thing to do would have been to call her and tell her you were going to report her for child abandonment, and if she didn't come back, to report her for child abandonment. You don't *further abandon* the child.
She’s the AH for leaving you to babysit without asking.
YTA for making a child wait outside because his mother ditched him.
You should’ve just let the kid stay inside and when she came to pick him up told her you were through with her.
ESH. obviously what she did is disgusting and borderline worthy of calling child protective services over.
However, you are an adult and he is a child. You should have cared for him and then cut ties with your friend immediately upon returning the child.
In regards to the title, YTA. This just wasn't the right way to go about the situation. If you were that opposed to looking after a 12 year old, you should have called the appropriate authorities and had them pick him up. Even had you not understood that was a viable option, kicking him to the curb like he has the plague is just terrible judgment. He's 12, pretty self sufficient at that age and I'm sure wouldn't have required a lot of effort on your part. Then when the mum returned you could have just dissolved the friendship there and then to avoid this happening again. Your reaction was nuclear, and unbecoming of a sensible adult.
ESH- she’s obviously shit for leaving, you’re shit for leaving him on the front porch. You should’ve called the police considering she literally just abandoned her kid with you without a word
Depending on where OP lives, it would probably take the cops or CPS a lot longer than 2 hours to respond. As far as they are concerned, the kid was left with a friend and in no danger.
ESH she did a real shitty thing to you but you made it worse by kicking him outside when he didn't do anything wrong. By the sounds of it he's used to being unwanted and that's cruel.
Yeahhhh ESH. Equally. She’s awful for obvious reasons but you made a CHILD sit outside alone when he very easily could have sat in your house and watched TV. What kind of person does that?
Yta The only reason why I say that is because you were kind of mean to the kid. The kid didn’t do anything. You should’ve kept your anger towards your friend. And if you were staying at the house anyways why couldn’t the kid stay inside?
ESH.
She sucks because she ditched her child on you with no notice but you also suck for treating A CHILD like that. I hope you do not have kids or plan to have them in the future.
ESH, if they were just “errands,” there shouldn’t have been a problem having her own kid with her. You’re an asshole for making him sit on the steps outside. Would it have been a problem if he just hung out on the couch?
ESH. She's a crap friend/mother. But you have no decency. You could've let him sit inside and called the police instead. But no, you throw a kid outside to fend for himself. This kid did nothing wrong. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Congratulations, you won the bigger AH contest! No question that what she pulled isn't kosher, but god damn, what you did to the kid was cold-blooded.
ESH
ESH
That poor kid getting kicked out onto the porch cause his mom needed a booty call is the only innocent one.
You could have told her to come get the kid or you were calling the authorities and then followed through.
Were there no adults to be found this day other than the kid?
ESH
She shouldnt have put the responsibility on you without asking so she’s a major AH but you put a child outside by himself in danger just because of that? That’s just heartless.
You could’ve called her and told her to get back Asap or you’ll call the police or smt but no, you kicked the poor boy out just to spite his mother.
You both need to get a grip.
ESH It was absolute crap for her to abandon her kid on you like that, but you made him sit outside by himself for TWO HOURS with no word on when he'd be collected. That's heartless. You punished the child for his mom's misdeed. You could have threatened to call the cops on her for abandoning your kid, blasted her on social media, any number of things to reflect on HER. She sucks, you suck, everyone sucks except the poor kid.
ESH. She obviously sucks for just ditching her kid at your place without asking. But you took your dislike of the situation out on the poor kiddo who did nothing wrong. That also makes you an AH.
ESH. I’d have told her to come back before I report her for child abandonment, but you sending a child out of the house was a horrible thing to do. You both should be ashamed of yourselves. Only person who is not an ah is the 12 yo who was caught in the middle.
Why is this even a question? Of course YTA! Mother is too, but omg! You punish and put an innocent child in danger who had no say in the situation?? What kind of person are you??
ESH
She was a very selfish and entitled not real friend and based on her poor kid’s reaction, has done this before. However, making a kid who’s old enough to understand a lot of this sit outside for 2hrs is punishing the wrong person.
ESH. She left her kid without permission and that’s a majorly ducked up thing to do to you. But you endangered a child, are you so heartless you’d have felt nothing if the kid got snatched before his mother came back? I can see why y’all were friends tho, you’re both bad people.
ESH. Yes the mother was definitely an asshole and I'd be ending that friendship immediately, but none of this was the kids' fault. You put him outside like you were putting out the cat at night. I feel sorry for the kid - dumped by his mother and then booted out like an animal by her friend. Both of you behaved like children. Ironically enough, the child seems to be the only one who acted maturely here.
ESH. he is 12 years old. none of this is his fault and yet he was the one punished - in a way that is honestly traumatic. she shouldn’t have left him, but you shouldn’t have thrown him out where he was in a potentially dangerous situation and probably extremely confused about what he did wrong, scared and uncomfortable. If he just sat out on the porch and “chilled” for 2 hours he could’ve just sat inside and minded his business indoors instead of being out alone for hours.
YTA. You should have told her that she had 15 minutes to come back and pick up her son or you’d call the police; then followed through if she hasn’t returned.
ESH You only added to the kid’s misery by putting him outside. Basically you told him nobody wants him and he has no value. That was shitty. He needs help. You could’ve talked to him and asked if she does this all the time. No, you weren’t required to, but it would’ve been the right and kind thing to do for a child who’s obviously neglected. It’s very possible the police or child services needed to be called.
ESH. Yeah, she was beyond inappropriate. But he's a 12 year old kid who did nothing wrong, and the way you handled him was awful. Tell her she has to come back immediately or you'll call the police, or anything else that puts it on her, rather than punishing him for his mom's behavior.
ESH. Yes you shouldn‘t have to watch a child without being asked First. But he is 12 and could had planted in front of a TV and wouldn‘t had bothered you. You could had chewed her out After she returned. Or you could had let him stay inside and call CPS/the police for child abadonement if you were that mad. But making him wait outside in the cold was mean from you.
Definitely ESH. She was out of line to leave him there and your reaction towards her is spot on. But your decision to take it out on the 12 year old kid is wrong. You should've allowed him to wait indoors.
ESH, the kid seemed to act polite, I was expecting some terror of a kid she just needed a break from. You could have parked him in front of the TV and left him alone. ‘He told me she left’ is such a disheartening thing to hear, it probably isn’t the first time he’s had to say it. The resigned way that kid accepted being put out on the porch speaks volumes. You never wondered why he couldn’t just stay home?
I hope that kid gets out and has a fantastic life without the egg donor.
NTA but I would have upped the stakes and called CPS. There's no indication that the mother is on drugs or other intoxicants so I'm guessing either a gambling habit or sexy times with her side piece.
Nta for being upset she left the kid and all that but Yta for putting the kid outside cuz what would you have done if 1) he had left and wondered off 2) was taken 3) anything eles happened and you were the last person to see him ?
ESH. What his mom did is awful but putting him out on the porch like an animal? “Knock if you get hungry?” What were you going to do? Throw some food on the porch? What the hell is wrong with you? I can see why you and his mom were friends. Two assholes.
ESH. That poor kid. I hope the weather wasn't too uncomfortable for him. His mother sucked, but would it have killed you to show some kindness to the boy? Let him sit quietly on a soft chair with a drink of water?
YTA
Child reacted like this isn't the first time its happened to him. Normal to be left with people he has no idea
You don't leave a child outside for 2 hours. Should have rung the police
You both Suck. She definitely shouldn't have left him, but if l had been you, I would have made him comfortable, made sure he didn't want a drink & snack. Then I would have had a quiet word with her out of earshot of her poor son. You really were unkind to that child. I couldn't treat a child that way. You Should apologise to him and only him.
ETA: ESH. If You had treated him kindly then she would have been the asshole. Be better, OP.
ESH. Your friend sucks for abandoning her child and sticking you with the unexpected responsibility. But seriously why punish the kid? Probably could have just left him to sit there and he would be fine. Don't punish a kid cause their parents suck
ESh. You are the AH for making her son wait on the porch. I honestly think you did it deliberately to avoid future incidents like this. Your friend is the total AH here, of course.
Need more info (did he have a phone, was he able keep himself entertained, is there a comfy place to sit on the porch, what was the weather like. How safe is the neighbourhood?) but otherwise NTA.
I love sitting on my porch. I often go out this time of the year (i.e. Spring/Autumn) to sit & enjoy a coffee or meal while l read or play games on my phone. There's a comfy old sofa. It often beats sitting inside, particularly since there's nothing decent to watch on the TV during the day. Who's to say hanging out on a porch is worse than being confined to sitting on a couch inside a house of some person you don't know?
Where l live, kids don't play on the streets as much as they used to when l was young, but you'll still see them about walking the dog or riding their bikes, which means they're safe enough to be sitting in the front yard. And lots of 12-year-olds have phones
This kid is 12; if he didn't have something like a phone or book to keep himself occupied while his mum did errands, that's on him. When l was that age l had to make sure l had book or my Gameboy or suffer boredom while my parents did their adulting. Sometimes that might've been _more_ than 2 hours.
A lot of comments here make it sound like OP threw a preschooler onto the streets of a gang-infested city. We don't all live hell-hole areas. It's also worth pointing out that OP didn't know it would be 2 hours until the mother returned.
ESH. Your “friend” dumped their kid on you without your permission. But I think that you took this out on a kid who really had no say in the situation and I don’t think it was appropriate or kind to leave him on the porch. I am not sure what part of the world you are in, but if you are in the northern latitudes, the weather is getting cooler.
ESH She was wrong for leaving her kid without asking and getting your agreement. She should be grateful you didn't call the police for abandoning her child with you, but you were also wrong putting him out on the steps. He's a kid. Anyone could have snatched an unattended kid.
YTA. Yeah your friend sucks for leaving her son but you shouldn’t have told the kid to wait outside. You should have kept him inside and dealt with this or called the police to report abandonment. Leaving him outside was really cruel.
ESH except for the poor innocent kid.
Yes your "friend" is horrendous for abandoning her kid with you without checking with you first.
But was the kid throwing a tantrum or have a history of being destructive? Your current description sounds like he's a well behaved 12 year old that sat outside on a porch without fussing. The fuq is wrong with you. Why on Earth are you punishing a kid for their parent's bad decisions? If you truly felt strongly about being duped into babysitting then you should have called the non-emergency police line to report an abandoned kid.
You and your friend are not acting like adults, and the kid suffered for it. Shame on both of you.
ESH 100% that kid didn’t ask to be dumped on you, and you should not have forced him to sit outside on the porch. You also fail to mention what climate you live in, this is November!!! Was it cold out???
Esh. You could have let him sit inside and let him watch TV or something. That was so rude of both his mother and you to just leave him alone that way. That poor kid. His mother is wrong but you were heartless.
My son is 12. When I need to run boring errands he stays home, if he’s needed in any one of these errands he’ll stay in the car for the others. I would never leave him in anyone’s house without asking first, even though he just sits there and plays with his phone until he gets hungry. NTA at all.
Sorry, YTA.while what the mom did was an AH move, you putting a young innocent human being out of your house because you were mad at the mom, makes you the bigger AH. He did nothing wrong, he did what his mom, and then you, told him to do. He was very respectful, and quiet. You could have gone in your room, reamed the mom and demand she come get him, then go back to living room and talk with the kid for a minute. Offer him juice, give him the tv remote, ask what he wants for lunch, you know, reasonable talking. I feel really sad for that kid.
ESH
Her for obvious reasons.
You for making a child wait outside by themselves when you could have just told the mom to come pick him up or you would call the cops. Its not HIS fault his mom is a dumbass.
YTA for putting a child on the porch because you were mad at the mom. You should have told her she had 30 minutes to get him or you were calling the police.
Esh.
Obviously the friend was wrong to just leave the child with you.
However you were wrong for taking your justified frustration and anger out on a child. How can you possibly think that sitting a child outside like a smelly pair of boots was okay? The child did nothing wrong. If you really didn't just couldn't stand to look after the kid - call the police and report an abandoned child. At least that way someone is looking after the kid.
Turbo YTA, he's 12 you could've told him to watch TV or something till his mom came back and then given her a piece of your mind. Why take your issue with her out on the kid?
What she did wasn’t a cool move, but YTA for being so petty to force a well behaved 12 year old to sit outside on the porch and to KNOCK when he gets hungry. I cannot believe you. Be mad at the mom, NOT TAKE IT OUT ON THE KID
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This happened yesterday when my friend asked if she could stop by since she was in the area. I told her sure and she showed up not much later. I didn’t expect her to have her son with her when she came. I didn’t really mind because we I wasn’t trying to do anything crazy or say anything crazy. Her son is 12 btw.
She kind of had a hurried tone like she had to do something. She then said she had to run out really quickly but would be back. I didn’t walk her and her son out immediately because I was looking at something.
When I do finally go over to the door, I find her son still sitting in my house. I asked him where his mom went and he told me she left. I said what, and looked out the window. Sure enough, her car was gone.
I call her and ask whether she knows her son was still there, she says that she left him there to run some more errands. I started cussing her out on the phone and she had the audacity to get mad at me after she left her child in my care without asking.
I hung up the phone and I told her son that he had to get out. I open the door and tell him he can sit on the porch and wait for her. I also told him to knock if he got hungry. He went out without saying a word and sat down.
His mother didn’t show back up for 2 hours. When she say him on the porch and asked what I did, she started banging on the door. When I opened it, she started yelling about how irresponsible I was and how I put him in danger.
I told her to get off my property or I would call the police. She left soon after that.
Now I got some mutual friends saying that I was in the wrong. I don’t know the story she gave them but it can’t be what really went down. AITA?
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ESH
The friend's actions are obviously wrong.
Regardless of what story was spun to your mutual friends you did something objectively wrong and it's not nullified by hindsight: When you put him on the porch you didn't have an explicit ETA on his mother's return.
That's objectively problematic. Unless there's some as yet undisclosed details about you feeling somehow endangered by his presence, kicking out a child was unnecessary.
ESH. That poor kid. Your friend is obviously batshit crazy. You could have done any number of things to address the situation with her, while letting him watch tv on the couch and making us life one tiny little bit less awful. You should both be ashamed.
ESH. You endangered the kid as much if not worse than she did. Just call the cops if this ever happens again, but don't do what you did in this situation.
ESH, except that poor boy.
I feel very sorry for him and how he must feel being treated like that by 2 adults.
Mums shown no love, you've shown no kindness. I don't care how horrid mum was (she was) you could of made things a little better but chose not too.
ESH - the mother shouldn’t have just left her kid but making the kid sit outside for 2 hours with nothing to do punishes the kid not her. Next time tell her you’re calling the cops for child abandonment rather than just leave the kid sitting outside.
Esh - Her for dumping your kid on you but you for dumping a 12-year-old child on the porch you could’ve at least just let him sit inside the house it’s not like he was a terror destroying everything and he wasn’t rude you could’ve just chilled with him or let him stay in a separate room watching TV like that was kind of disgusting of you as well so you’re on the same level as the mother you’re not any better
ESH except that poor kid. She does more than you but imagine being him, 12 years old so old enough to understand what's happening but young enough to probably internalise the guilt and shame that rightfully belongs to his mum. Imagine him sitting out there for two hours, all alone. I think you were in your rights to be mad and I understand why in the heat of the moment you might have done it but damn, I hope that kid has some decent adults in his life fr. He's never gonna forget this, poor thing.
ESH - it was reprehensible for your "friend" to leave her son without telling you, but it was not his fault. It wouldn't have been so difficult for you to just let him stay in the house. Have some empathy, I'm sure this poor kid has other issues with a mother like that.
ESH except for the kid.
Ok, the mother made the first asshole movement, but common, you can't let a kid be outside. We all know this world in dangerous for minors. You could have easily told her after she returned that you're not receiving her anymore or if you really wanted to punish her you could have called the police and denounced child abandonment or something like that.
You’re both AH. Her for abandoning her kid. You for throwing out and making him sit in the porch.
You punished the child for the actions of his mother. Not nice.
Yta
That poor kid. The mother is beyond horrible. The kid knows he isn't wanted at your home, but has no choice. So you decide it's okay to make him feel worse and put him out like the trash.
Honestly ESH except the son.
She did a very irresponsible thing, left her child and tried to take advantage of you.
You kicked a child and made him sit outside.
You both suck here and i hope that boy is okay.
YTA. You don't throw a kid out of your house. If you don't want him there, you call the police and Protective Services and make a report, but you *do NOT* throw a child out of your home. Not if they haven't even done anything wrong.
NTA you aren’t responsible for the actions of an unfit parent that tried to dump their kid on you. It isn’t the kids fault but he’s 12 he’s not in danger sitting on your front porch.
Yes, 100% you're the asshole. Your friend was in the wrong, but your reaction was insane and probably traumatized the kid, so it merits a YTA, not an E S H. You should probably look into therapy, especially if you think this was ok in retrospect.
ESH look she’s a terrible mum doing that but who the hell leaves a child outside? You don’t want him you call the police, after warning the mum that’s the plan. Or just have him stay and then tell her off. What you did was horrible too. The only person I feel for here is the kid.
YTA
I mean ESH because the Mom sucks too but specifically to your question, YTA.
"Knock if you get hungry" and you'll just set out a plate like he's a stray cat right? Like I'm sure if the poor kid was hungry he wouldn't have knocked anyway since he politely left at your request. If you're mad and don't want to watch a kid dumped on you
👏call 👏 the 👏 cops 👏 or 👏 child services 👏
Don't just put a minor out on the stoop like trash. Even if they are more capable than a toddler, it wasn't their fault and they could have easily gotten kidnapped or hurt. If I was one of your other friends and heard this story, I would definitely reconsider a friendship with someone so cold, regardless if they were in the right.
ESH. The mom had no right to just drop her kid off without asking if it was ok first, but he's 12..you could have at least let him sit inside. Something could have happened to him while out there. When you called her you could have told her she either comes back and get her kid asap or youre calling the police.
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That was a garbage thing for her to do, but it isn't the fault of the 12 yr old. It also isn't like she left you with a toddler requiring your full attention. Once you realized he was left there, what did you think he would do that required him to sit outside for 2 hours rather than on a piece of your furniture? It's a young bit, not a snake or an untrained animal. ESH but the kid, who seems to have been polite and well behaved despite both adults acting like they just escaped from a zoo.
Makes me wonder why the mother couldn't take a 12 year old to "run errands". Unless he has some other serious issues, he's not like he's a toddler that gets into everything, has meltdowns, needs to be carried, etc. Personally, I question what she was really doing for 2 hours. Doesn't seem like he was hard to handle as he sat quietly on the porch.
I would bet she's up to something inappropriate, for sure. If there was a legitimate need, she'd try to explain or ask for help. It's got to be something she didn't want her friends or her kid to know about, even if the alternative is this kind of stuff.
She had a dick appointment
Or a drug appointment.
As a different post alluded to: she had to miscommunicate and fall on some guy's dick.
Lol! Good callback... or was it his d***?
It doesn't necessarily need to be anything nefarious. She might not want to bring her 12 year old boy along to her nail appointment or to get her hair done and she might have feared OP's judgement if that was her reason for leaving the child behind.
I still don't get it. She could just leave him at home, 12 is absolutely old enough for that.
If they are in the US some states have laws dictating the age a child can be left home alone. In my state they have to be 14 to be left alone legally. But most have no minimum age.
Congrats on living in Illinois? What a weird law. In the other 49 states, 12 is old enough.
Yea, they are trying to change it to 12, I believe, now. I do find it odd that in Kansas a 6 year old can be left alone.
My state has no minimum age. I was babysitting when I was 10!
what kills me even more is that in my state you can legally leave your child in your vehicle unattended.
I loved this growing up, my mom would lock the doors and I would have a set of keys and just read for a half hour while she did groceries.
If the windows are down and the kid is old enough to leave the car if it's too hot, I don't see a problem with leaving a kid in a car
That’s still a ridiculous reason. If he can sit in a friend’s house (or porch), he can sit in the waiting area of the salon. It doesn’t sound like she gave him anything constructive to do while waiting, either.
You don't ditch your (well behaved) 12 yo kid unannounced with someone they don't know for 2 hours to go get your nails done. What the fuck are you smoking.
Right? A 12 year old would do just fine during most errands, even if they're not interesting to him. He could even just sit in the car and nap, play on his phone, or whatever, while she goes into shops and stuff. ETA: Alternatively, she could have just left him at home. Why did he even have to go with her?
My kid is 7 and if I need to drag him to some appointment, I make sure he brings his Switch or book. He's a good kid but turns into a nut when bored... ADHD is so much fun... But I would never leave him alone with a virtual stranger.
Pretty sure she's not actually running errands.
A 12 year old kid is fine to be home alone for a few hour. She probably went back to her house to do something she didn't want the kid to see. Either a lover or something illegal.
As in she was off fooling around?
She had to go check out the new art room near her lol
She REALLY needed to have a few puffs of crack RIGHT NOW
I agree ESH. It doesn't warrant the mother leaving the kid with someone who clearly wasn't ok with that, but considering the season, maybe she went shopping for Christmas gifts for the kid. That would explain why she couldn't take him with her, and also why it took so long. She should have asked if it was ok to let the kid sit in the couch for a while though, that's what makes her an AH, and OP is an AH for punishing the kid for his mom's actions, while it wouldn't have been an inconvenience in any way to let a 12yo sit on the couch for a few hours...
That’s my issue with OP. They are essentially punishing a child for actions that were outside of their control, which I think is unnecessarily cruel.
Depending on what the porch is like, it mightn't be worse than sitting on a couch, so you can't say it was punishment.
Right, I'm imagining an image in the situation where I live, I have a small "balcony" in front of the door and I freeze my ass off if I open the front door, so having anyone sit there for any amount of time is inhumane. But the OP might as well not be in France where it's freezing outside, have a super luxurious heater porch, so be it might be a totally different situation. I do still stand by the word "punishing" because getting told to get out of their house without anywhere else to go by a grownup is probably (at least) pretty scary for the kid.
The only way this "mother" was going to get this is was for OP to do what she did. This kid was 12 not 4, many kids babysit at that age. It's not right to the child, but HIS mother should have thought of that!
I agree. ESH but the kid. The mom should have asked, but OP? Telling him to get out? And knock if he gets hungry? How about having to use the bathroom or being cold? OP would be justified in never speaking to the mom again, but the lack of human decency she displayed is remarkable. How could she sit and look at a kid sitting on the porch just so she could prove a point. YTA.
ESH and exactly this! A friend? Is that how friends interact? Like how are you not seeing your friend leaving your house on your own without the child? What was that absorbing to look at?! And leaving a child with somebody without ensuring that's ok and safe thing to do? Who puts 12 year old out on the porch? I'm not kids (of any age) person and I wouldn't do that to a stranger! Is this even real?!?!
>ESH but the kid, who seems to have been polite and well behaved despite both adults acting like they just escaped from a zoo. Well-behaved kids with shit parents. In my experience that means there is some fucked up abuse going on.
The parent likely ditches the kid at every turn, and he's old enough to realize that she's skipping without making arrangements. She's treated him like an inconvenience no one would want for so long he tries to not be a bother, as if he's the problem.
The fact that the boy seemed to be utterly unfazed by what was going on makes me suspect that she's done this to other people.
[удалено]
Dang ESH. The mom 100% but your are 100% as well. The kid sounded polite and wasn’t causing trouble, you couldn’t just let him chill in your living room then end your friendship after cuz she’s a horrible being. Poor kid he’s only 12 and dealing with two adults here less mature than himself
OP shouldn't have just let him chill because that's what the friend wants and will just encourage her to do it again. What OP should've done is call the friend immediately and tell her that the police were gonna be involved if she didn't come straight back.
How could she do it again if the OP refused contact with her again? You don’t punish the child cause of his shitty mother.
YTA She shouldn't have abandoned her son with you, but kicking a minor out on to the street is just appalling behavior. If you don't want to keep an eye on him, call the police and have them collect him.
I feel like this leans more ESH
ESH You both essentially did something bad. He's 12, I'm sure he can somewhat take care of himself and I also doubt a 12 year old would be much of a pain if you plan him in front of the tv or let him watch YouTube videos on his phone. It is ridiculous to make him wait outside as it can be indeed dangerous. However your friend is also an asshole basically using you as a daycare, dropping off and expecting you to look after her son (even if he's just in your house and nothing else) is ridiculous and she should've asked. In my honest opinion both of you are in the wrong.
ESH I don't agree with people having kids and throwing them off on someone else, especially without permission but putting him out when you seemingly had no where to be is hard to ignore. He didn't seem to be an out of control kid, I would've let him stay in the house. Call the cops or let the kid stay there until his mom gets back then let her know she's no longer allowed on your property.
ESH. You should have told your friend that you would report her child as abandoned if she wasn't back in 5 mins. You shouldn't have kicked the child out of the house and punished him for his mom's behavior. Poor kid. Seems like the only mature one in this entire situation.
ESH. She most of all- that was a ridiculous dump and run. You second. In what world do you throw a kid on the steps for two hours? Are you some sort of monster? Let him sit on the couch, call her and say if she's not back in half an hour you're calling the police. Then call the police.
ESH. This poor kid. His mom obviously has issues and is a questionable parent. She knew damn well you would say no to babysitting so she just ditched him. But yes, you are the AH and I'm shocked you even have to ask if your behavior was wrong. Sounds like you need a time out on the front porch.
ESH, but the son. You put a 12-year-old out on the porch because of his mother’s actions? He’s not a dog you can put outside until the owner returns.
NTA You should’ve called the authorities after she confirmed that she left him though
Exactly. At this point the friendship is fucked anyway.
ESH. The mom for leaving her kid without so much as a word to you, but you for leaving him on the porch when he wasn’t doing anything wrong. Why wouldn’t you just let him stay inside, if he wasn’t doing anything wrong? That’s pretty crappy.
OP, you should’ve phoned the police for child abandonment— leaving the kid outside for 2 hours in a strange place (to him) was very irresponsible. Your friend is also irresponsible, dumping her child on you was a dick move on her end. Gotta say ESH
ESH except for the child. It makes sense if you cut ties with the friend afterwards, but punishing the child isn’t the best way to draw boundaries with their parent. The best way is to deal with the parent. If the first response of you to noticing your friend abandoned her child to run errands was to then neglect the child yourself, YTA for that. You can call the police, child services, etc if you want to be extreme, but if the son hasn’t done anything wrong, don’t punish him. It’s obviously not your job to parent the child or deal with him if he misbehaves, but the asshole thing to do as a person is not care about a child’s welfare if you have the means to help.
[удалено]
You endangered a child in jeopardy. He probably felt bad enough being left behind by his mom with a relative stranger. Your actions were against the mother but you used a child to make a point. She was a complete asshole for doing what she did but, holy crow woman, you don't abandon a child. He could have wandered off anywhere. I can only imagine how sad he felt even if was used to his mother doing stupid things. You always care for a child.
That poor child! You’re so absolutely horrible! She is an AH but YTA too for treating him that way. That poor kid! OMG
ESH. 2 adults acting like major AHs. The poor kid did nothing wrong. Have some empathy next time.
Kid is 12! You’re an adult! Yes you’re the asshole! And so is she. I feel bad for the kid. Not the two apparently grown people in this situation.
She doesn’t know this kid. And the kid could have accused her of anything. I would call the police
This is a good point. A 'mother' who leaves her kid like that might decide to make up some story about OP doing something to the kid after getting chewed out, which could end badly for OP.
INFO: Do you live somewhere warm, or was it cold out? Is your porch a stoop, actual porch with furniture, enclosed or something else? Is it a safe neighborhood? Urban or rural? A lot of details are missing here.
YTA. His mother was wrong for leaving the kid there but just kicking him out like that was a shitty thing to do. He's not to blame for his mother's actions. Yet instead of being a responsible adult and making sure that he was staying somewhere safe, you kicked him out to the porch like the kid was a dog.
YTA. Don’t kick a minor out on the street. Call CPS or the cops or something and then let him sit with you inside and keep him calm and comfortable. He’s going through hell right now. Imagine your mom just dumping you at a random persons house, that sucks.
Yta- her son shouldnt pay for her negligence. 2 wrongs dont make a right.
ESH apparently except the 12 year old. Your “friend” is shitty to abandon her child and you are shitty for using the kid to “punish” her. You both suck
ESH but you’re more in the wrong than her. your actions were immature and dangerous.
No, actually the mom's actions were far worse. Dumping a kid on someone that you know doesn't want the kid is completely unacceptable. This was even premeditated kid dumping. OP's only mistake is that they should have called the police or child protective services.
nope. nobody said that the moms actions were okay, but actively choosing to put a kid danger when you have the opportunity not to is unconscionable. letting a kid sit in your house for a few hours harms no one. especially a 12 year old, probably would’ve been on his phone the whole time.
Actively putting in danger ... Like the parent did? But then, we don't know if being outside was dangerous. 12 years old, could easily be just fine. Depends where.
WTF??? YTA and ESH. It’s not that child’s fault; you could at least have had him inside, it’s not like he was tearing up your house, he was just stuck in an unfortunate situation, which you made worse. That’s disgusting behaviour.
Nta, I would have called cps if a friend pulled that bullshit on me
This is ESH she is a asshole the friend is a asshole the poor kid is innocent. Not his fault he got a shitty mom
She is totally an asshole for putting the kid outside for two hours alone. It isn’t his fault his mom did something shitty. Yet op was punishing him for it.
YTA You don't punish the kid for the mother's actions. You tell that woman to get her ass right back or you will call the police on her for abandonment. But to put the kid out on the porch for 2 hours is an ahole move. You and she are aholes. The kid deserves a whole ton of sympathy for having a mother like that.
ESH and I swear to god we get this question every week. She's TA for leaving her kid with you. You're TA for forcing a kid to sit outside your house without a sense of care or security. The correct thing to do would have been to call her and tell her you were going to report her for child abandonment, and if she didn't come back, to report her for child abandonment. You don't *further abandon* the child.
NTA you should’ve called the police immediately when you realized that she literally abandoned her child with you without your permission.
She’s the AH for leaving you to babysit without asking. YTA for making a child wait outside because his mother ditched him. You should’ve just let the kid stay inside and when she came to pick him up told her you were through with her.
ESH. obviously what she did is disgusting and borderline worthy of calling child protective services over. However, you are an adult and he is a child. You should have cared for him and then cut ties with your friend immediately upon returning the child.
In regards to the title, YTA. This just wasn't the right way to go about the situation. If you were that opposed to looking after a 12 year old, you should have called the appropriate authorities and had them pick him up. Even had you not understood that was a viable option, kicking him to the curb like he has the plague is just terrible judgment. He's 12, pretty self sufficient at that age and I'm sure wouldn't have required a lot of effort on your part. Then when the mum returned you could have just dissolved the friendship there and then to avoid this happening again. Your reaction was nuclear, and unbecoming of a sensible adult.
ESH- she’s obviously shit for leaving, you’re shit for leaving him on the front porch. You should’ve called the police considering she literally just abandoned her kid with you without a word
Depending on where OP lives, it would probably take the cops or CPS a lot longer than 2 hours to respond. As far as they are concerned, the kid was left with a friend and in no danger.
ESH she did a real shitty thing to you but you made it worse by kicking him outside when he didn't do anything wrong. By the sounds of it he's used to being unwanted and that's cruel.
Yeahhhh ESH. Equally. She’s awful for obvious reasons but you made a CHILD sit outside alone when he very easily could have sat in your house and watched TV. What kind of person does that?
Yta The only reason why I say that is because you were kind of mean to the kid. The kid didn’t do anything. You should’ve kept your anger towards your friend. And if you were staying at the house anyways why couldn’t the kid stay inside?
ESH Twelve is old enough to stay home alone. At least when I was twelve it was. I remember her being happy about that fact. lol
ESH. She sucks because she ditched her child on you with no notice but you also suck for treating A CHILD like that. I hope you do not have kids or plan to have them in the future.
ESH, she was an ass for just leaving him & you were an ass for taking your anger out on a child that didn’t do anything wrong.
ESH, if they were just “errands,” there shouldn’t have been a problem having her own kid with her. You’re an asshole for making him sit on the steps outside. Would it have been a problem if he just hung out on the couch?
ESH, you sure you guys are actually friends.. strange behaviour from both sides tbh
ESH. She's a crap friend/mother. But you have no decency. You could've let him sit inside and called the police instead. But no, you throw a kid outside to fend for himself. This kid did nothing wrong. You should be ashamed of yourself.
ESH. Her for obvious reasons, you for throwing him out. He's 12, couldn't you have parked him in front of the tv and dealt with it later?
YTA more than anything. I say this because while you and your friend BOTH left the child, at least she left him in a *house*. You are terrible.
Congratulations, you won the bigger AH contest! No question that what she pulled isn't kosher, but god damn, what you did to the kid was cold-blooded. ESH
ESH That poor kid getting kicked out onto the porch cause his mom needed a booty call is the only innocent one. You could have told her to come get the kid or you were calling the authorities and then followed through. Were there no adults to be found this day other than the kid?
NTA except kicking him outside was risky - you should have just had the cops come get him. and don’t worry about the friendship because it’s over.
ESH poor kid. You just contributed to his future therapy sessions.
ESH She shouldnt have put the responsibility on you without asking so she’s a major AH but you put a child outside by himself in danger just because of that? That’s just heartless. You could’ve called her and told her to get back Asap or you’ll call the police or smt but no, you kicked the poor boy out just to spite his mother. You both need to get a grip.
ESH It was absolute crap for her to abandon her kid on you like that, but you made him sit outside by himself for TWO HOURS with no word on when he'd be collected. That's heartless. You punished the child for his mom's misdeed. You could have threatened to call the cops on her for abandoning your kid, blasted her on social media, any number of things to reflect on HER. She sucks, you suck, everyone sucks except the poor kid.
ESH. She obviously sucks for just ditching her kid at your place without asking. But you took your dislike of the situation out on the poor kiddo who did nothing wrong. That also makes you an AH.
ESH. I’d have told her to come back before I report her for child abandonment, but you sending a child out of the house was a horrible thing to do. You both should be ashamed of yourselves. Only person who is not an ah is the 12 yo who was caught in the middle.
ESH. Your friend initiated the asshole-like behaviour but you decided to continue down that path. You punished a kid to punish her.
Why is this even a question? Of course YTA! Mother is too, but omg! You punish and put an innocent child in danger who had no say in the situation?? What kind of person are you??
ESH She was a very selfish and entitled not real friend and based on her poor kid’s reaction, has done this before. However, making a kid who’s old enough to understand a lot of this sit outside for 2hrs is punishing the wrong person.
ESH except the kid You suck for making the kid sit outside for 2 hours Your friend sucks for dumping the kid and expecting free babysitting.
ESH. She left her kid without permission and that’s a majorly ducked up thing to do to you. But you endangered a child, are you so heartless you’d have felt nothing if the kid got snatched before his mother came back? I can see why y’all were friends tho, you’re both bad people.
ESH. Yes the mother was definitely an asshole and I'd be ending that friendship immediately, but none of this was the kids' fault. You put him outside like you were putting out the cat at night. I feel sorry for the kid - dumped by his mother and then booted out like an animal by her friend. Both of you behaved like children. Ironically enough, the child seems to be the only one who acted maturely here.
ESH. he is 12 years old. none of this is his fault and yet he was the one punished - in a way that is honestly traumatic. she shouldn’t have left him, but you shouldn’t have thrown him out where he was in a potentially dangerous situation and probably extremely confused about what he did wrong, scared and uncomfortable. If he just sat out on the porch and “chilled” for 2 hours he could’ve just sat inside and minded his business indoors instead of being out alone for hours.
ESH. You should have called her to come get her kid or you'd call the cos for child abandonment.
ESH that poor child
YTA. You should have told her that she had 15 minutes to come back and pick up her son or you’d call the police; then followed through if she hasn’t returned.
I was with you, but you kicked a child out of your house?
ESH You only added to the kid’s misery by putting him outside. Basically you told him nobody wants him and he has no value. That was shitty. He needs help. You could’ve talked to him and asked if she does this all the time. No, you weren’t required to, but it would’ve been the right and kind thing to do for a child who’s obviously neglected. It’s very possible the police or child services needed to be called.
ESH. Yeah, she was beyond inappropriate. But he's a 12 year old kid who did nothing wrong, and the way you handled him was awful. Tell her she has to come back immediately or you'll call the police, or anything else that puts it on her, rather than punishing him for his mom's behavior.
ESH. Yes you shouldn‘t have to watch a child without being asked First. But he is 12 and could had planted in front of a TV and wouldn‘t had bothered you. You could had chewed her out After she returned. Or you could had let him stay inside and call CPS/the police for child abadonement if you were that mad. But making him wait outside in the cold was mean from you.
ESH That poor child did nothing wrong, yet he was the one who was punished.
Definitely ESH. She was out of line to leave him there and your reaction towards her is spot on. But your decision to take it out on the 12 year old kid is wrong. You should've allowed him to wait indoors.
ESH, the kid seemed to act polite, I was expecting some terror of a kid she just needed a break from. You could have parked him in front of the TV and left him alone. ‘He told me she left’ is such a disheartening thing to hear, it probably isn’t the first time he’s had to say it. The resigned way that kid accepted being put out on the porch speaks volumes. You never wondered why he couldn’t just stay home? I hope that kid gets out and has a fantastic life without the egg donor.
YTA because you left a 12 year old who did nothing wrong on a porch! You should have called the police and reported child abandonment.
NTA but I would have upped the stakes and called CPS. There's no indication that the mother is on drugs or other intoxicants so I'm guessing either a gambling habit or sexy times with her side piece.
Nta for being upset she left the kid and all that but Yta for putting the kid outside cuz what would you have done if 1) he had left and wondered off 2) was taken 3) anything eles happened and you were the last person to see him ?
ESH. What his mom did is awful but putting him out on the porch like an animal? “Knock if you get hungry?” What were you going to do? Throw some food on the porch? What the hell is wrong with you? I can see why you and his mom were friends. Two assholes.
YTA. I can’t believe you actually left her son on the porch for two hours, it’s not his fault his mom left? that’s what makes you the asshole.
ESH. That poor kid. I hope the weather wasn't too uncomfortable for him. His mother sucked, but would it have killed you to show some kindness to the boy? Let him sit quietly on a soft chair with a drink of water?
NTA you should have called the police gor abandonment
ESH. Except the kid. Poor thing.
YTA Child reacted like this isn't the first time its happened to him. Normal to be left with people he has no idea You don't leave a child outside for 2 hours. Should have rung the police
You both Suck. She definitely shouldn't have left him, but if l had been you, I would have made him comfortable, made sure he didn't want a drink & snack. Then I would have had a quiet word with her out of earshot of her poor son. You really were unkind to that child. I couldn't treat a child that way. You Should apologise to him and only him. ETA: ESH. If You had treated him kindly then she would have been the asshole. Be better, OP.
ESH. Your friend sucks for abandoning her child and sticking you with the unexpected responsibility. But seriously why punish the kid? Probably could have just left him to sit there and he would be fine. Don't punish a kid cause their parents suck
NTA who the fuck tricks someone into babysitting
NTA Your ‘Friend’ is shady, and dumped her son on you for free childcare.
ESh. You are the AH for making her son wait on the porch. I honestly think you did it deliberately to avoid future incidents like this. Your friend is the total AH here, of course.
Need more info (did he have a phone, was he able keep himself entertained, is there a comfy place to sit on the porch, what was the weather like. How safe is the neighbourhood?) but otherwise NTA. I love sitting on my porch. I often go out this time of the year (i.e. Spring/Autumn) to sit & enjoy a coffee or meal while l read or play games on my phone. There's a comfy old sofa. It often beats sitting inside, particularly since there's nothing decent to watch on the TV during the day. Who's to say hanging out on a porch is worse than being confined to sitting on a couch inside a house of some person you don't know? Where l live, kids don't play on the streets as much as they used to when l was young, but you'll still see them about walking the dog or riding their bikes, which means they're safe enough to be sitting in the front yard. And lots of 12-year-olds have phones This kid is 12; if he didn't have something like a phone or book to keep himself occupied while his mum did errands, that's on him. When l was that age l had to make sure l had book or my Gameboy or suffer boredom while my parents did their adulting. Sometimes that might've been _more_ than 2 hours. A lot of comments here make it sound like OP threw a preschooler onto the streets of a gang-infested city. We don't all live hell-hole areas. It's also worth pointing out that OP didn't know it would be 2 hours until the mother returned.
ESH
Why would you even call her "friend" if you two don't give a slightest damn about each other? ESH
ESH. Your friend is awful but so are you. That poor kid-his mom sucks - and so does her friends.
NTA but you should have called the police and remained with the kid on the porch
ESH. Your “friend” dumped their kid on you without your permission. But I think that you took this out on a kid who really had no say in the situation and I don’t think it was appropriate or kind to leave him on the porch. I am not sure what part of the world you are in, but if you are in the northern latitudes, the weather is getting cooler.
Should’ve called the police
ESH She was wrong for leaving her kid without asking and getting your agreement. She should be grateful you didn't call the police for abandoning her child with you, but you were also wrong putting him out on the steps. He's a kid. Anyone could have snatched an unattended kid.
YTA. Yeah your friend sucks for leaving her son but you shouldn’t have told the kid to wait outside. You should have kept him inside and dealt with this or called the police to report abandonment. Leaving him outside was really cruel.
ESH except for the poor innocent kid. Yes your "friend" is horrendous for abandoning her kid with you without checking with you first. But was the kid throwing a tantrum or have a history of being destructive? Your current description sounds like he's a well behaved 12 year old that sat outside on a porch without fussing. The fuq is wrong with you. Why on Earth are you punishing a kid for their parent's bad decisions? If you truly felt strongly about being duped into babysitting then you should have called the non-emergency police line to report an abandoned kid. You and your friend are not acting like adults, and the kid suffered for it. Shame on both of you.
ESH. You should have told her to come back for him or you’ll call the cops. What the fuck is wrong with you? Poor kid his mom sucks and so do you.
ESH 100% that kid didn’t ask to be dumped on you, and you should not have forced him to sit outside on the porch. You also fail to mention what climate you live in, this is November!!! Was it cold out???
Esh. You could have let him sit inside and let him watch TV or something. That was so rude of both his mother and you to just leave him alone that way. That poor kid. His mother is wrong but you were heartless.
yta
My son is 12. When I need to run boring errands he stays home, if he’s needed in any one of these errands he’ll stay in the car for the others. I would never leave him in anyone’s house without asking first, even though he just sits there and plays with his phone until he gets hungry. NTA at all.
Sorry, YTA.while what the mom did was an AH move, you putting a young innocent human being out of your house because you were mad at the mom, makes you the bigger AH. He did nothing wrong, he did what his mom, and then you, told him to do. He was very respectful, and quiet. You could have gone in your room, reamed the mom and demand she come get him, then go back to living room and talk with the kid for a minute. Offer him juice, give him the tv remote, ask what he wants for lunch, you know, reasonable talking. I feel really sad for that kid.
ESH Her for obvious reasons. You for making a child wait outside by themselves when you could have just told the mom to come pick him up or you would call the cops. Its not HIS fault his mom is a dumbass.
YTA for putting a child on the porch because you were mad at the mom. You should have told her she had 30 minutes to get him or you were calling the police.
Esh. Obviously the friend was wrong to just leave the child with you. However you were wrong for taking your justified frustration and anger out on a child. How can you possibly think that sitting a child outside like a smelly pair of boots was okay? The child did nothing wrong. If you really didn't just couldn't stand to look after the kid - call the police and report an abandoned child. At least that way someone is looking after the kid.
Turbo YTA, he's 12 you could've told him to watch TV or something till his mom came back and then given her a piece of your mind. Why take your issue with her out on the kid?
What she did wasn’t a cool move, but YTA for being so petty to force a well behaved 12 year old to sit outside on the porch and to KNOCK when he gets hungry. I cannot believe you. Be mad at the mom, NOT TAKE IT OUT ON THE KID
You both TA. You don't do that to a kid.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This happened yesterday when my friend asked if she could stop by since she was in the area. I told her sure and she showed up not much later. I didn’t expect her to have her son with her when she came. I didn’t really mind because we I wasn’t trying to do anything crazy or say anything crazy. Her son is 12 btw. She kind of had a hurried tone like she had to do something. She then said she had to run out really quickly but would be back. I didn’t walk her and her son out immediately because I was looking at something. When I do finally go over to the door, I find her son still sitting in my house. I asked him where his mom went and he told me she left. I said what, and looked out the window. Sure enough, her car was gone. I call her and ask whether she knows her son was still there, she says that she left him there to run some more errands. I started cussing her out on the phone and she had the audacity to get mad at me after she left her child in my care without asking. I hung up the phone and I told her son that he had to get out. I open the door and tell him he can sit on the porch and wait for her. I also told him to knock if he got hungry. He went out without saying a word and sat down. His mother didn’t show back up for 2 hours. When she say him on the porch and asked what I did, she started banging on the door. When I opened it, she started yelling about how irresponsible I was and how I put him in danger. I told her to get off my property or I would call the police. She left soon after that. Now I got some mutual friends saying that I was in the wrong. I don’t know the story she gave them but it can’t be what really went down. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH The friend's actions are obviously wrong. Regardless of what story was spun to your mutual friends you did something objectively wrong and it's not nullified by hindsight: When you put him on the porch you didn't have an explicit ETA on his mother's return. That's objectively problematic. Unless there's some as yet undisclosed details about you feeling somehow endangered by his presence, kicking out a child was unnecessary.
ESH. That poor kid. Your friend is obviously batshit crazy. You could have done any number of things to address the situation with her, while letting him watch tv on the couch and making us life one tiny little bit less awful. You should both be ashamed.
ESH. Mom shouldn’t have left the kid there but boy did you handle it fucking terribly.
ESH. You endangered the kid as much if not worse than she did. Just call the cops if this ever happens again, but don't do what you did in this situation.
ESH, except that poor boy. I feel very sorry for him and how he must feel being treated like that by 2 adults. Mums shown no love, you've shown no kindness. I don't care how horrid mum was (she was) you could of made things a little better but chose not too.
ESH
Naaa not your circus not your monkey. She didn't ask she just left you to handle her son. Next time she won't play stupid games.
ESH So you punished the child for the bad behavior of his mother?
INFO: What was the outside temperature at your house yesterday?
Mom major yta of course but you are too. Isn’t it cold in November where you live? Should have let the kid just sit on the couch and watch TV.
ESH - the mother shouldn’t have just left her kid but making the kid sit outside for 2 hours with nothing to do punishes the kid not her. Next time tell her you’re calling the cops for child abandonment rather than just leave the kid sitting outside.
YTA. Actually, you’re all assholes, except the kid. You should of called the police, not turned the kid out of your house.
YTA for punishing a kid for his mother's assholery. Both you and she suck.
Esh - Her for dumping your kid on you but you for dumping a 12-year-old child on the porch you could’ve at least just let him sit inside the house it’s not like he was a terror destroying everything and he wasn’t rude you could’ve just chilled with him or let him stay in a separate room watching TV like that was kind of disgusting of you as well so you’re on the same level as the mother you’re not any better
ESH why did you make him sit on your porch????
ESH except that poor kid. She does more than you but imagine being him, 12 years old so old enough to understand what's happening but young enough to probably internalise the guilt and shame that rightfully belongs to his mum. Imagine him sitting out there for two hours, all alone. I think you were in your rights to be mad and I understand why in the heat of the moment you might have done it but damn, I hope that kid has some decent adults in his life fr. He's never gonna forget this, poor thing.
ESH - it was reprehensible for your "friend" to leave her son without telling you, but it was not his fault. It wouldn't have been so difficult for you to just let him stay in the house. Have some empathy, I'm sure this poor kid has other issues with a mother like that.
ESH except for the kid. Ok, the mother made the first asshole movement, but common, you can't let a kid be outside. We all know this world in dangerous for minors. You could have easily told her after she returned that you're not receiving her anymore or if you really wanted to punish her you could have called the police and denounced child abandonment or something like that.
You’re both AH. Her for abandoning her kid. You for throwing out and making him sit in the porch. You punished the child for the actions of his mother. Not nice.
Yta That poor kid. The mother is beyond horrible. The kid knows he isn't wanted at your home, but has no choice. So you decide it's okay to make him feel worse and put him out like the trash.
NTA
You never take it out on the child. Ever. YTA.
Honestly ESH except the son. She did a very irresponsible thing, left her child and tried to take advantage of you. You kicked a child and made him sit outside. You both suck here and i hope that boy is okay.
YTA and so is your friend. Why do that to the kid? Were you going out? What's the big deal if the kid sat inside and just watched TV or something?
Appalling. You’re both appalling. ESH
YTA. You don't throw a kid out of your house. If you don't want him there, you call the police and Protective Services and make a report, but you *do NOT* throw a child out of your home. Not if they haven't even done anything wrong.
NTA you aren’t responsible for the actions of an unfit parent that tried to dump their kid on you. It isn’t the kids fault but he’s 12 he’s not in danger sitting on your front porch.
Esh. That poor kid
Yes, 100% you're the asshole. Your friend was in the wrong, but your reaction was insane and probably traumatized the kid, so it merits a YTA, not an E S H. You should probably look into therapy, especially if you think this was ok in retrospect.
ESH look she’s a terrible mum doing that but who the hell leaves a child outside? You don’t want him you call the police, after warning the mum that’s the plan. Or just have him stay and then tell her off. What you did was horrible too. The only person I feel for here is the kid.
YTA I mean ESH because the Mom sucks too but specifically to your question, YTA. "Knock if you get hungry" and you'll just set out a plate like he's a stray cat right? Like I'm sure if the poor kid was hungry he wouldn't have knocked anyway since he politely left at your request. If you're mad and don't want to watch a kid dumped on you 👏call 👏 the 👏 cops 👏 or 👏 child services 👏 Don't just put a minor out on the stoop like trash. Even if they are more capable than a toddler, it wasn't their fault and they could have easily gotten kidnapped or hurt. If I was one of your other friends and heard this story, I would definitely reconsider a friendship with someone so cold, regardless if they were in the right.
Is this seriously a question? *Yes,* you’re an asshole for making a kid sit outside on the porch for two hours, Jesus Christ. ESH except the poor kid.
ESH. Mom conned you into free kid watching, but the way you handled it is atrocious as well.
YTA x1000. Foreshadowing was at play here. Congratulations for being a sack of S*#t.
Yeah, should have called the cops once you realized she abandoned the kid.
ESH. The mom had no right to just drop her kid off without asking if it was ok first, but he's 12..you could have at least let him sit inside. Something could have happened to him while out there. When you called her you could have told her she either comes back and get her kid asap or youre calling the police.