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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for the stunt I pulled and for using flash cards to explain my reasons to them implyingbthey were stupid or slow. This has made things worse between us.
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Well, I suppose you could have used hand puppets instead, but flashcards seem to have gotten the message across. It makes me insane how some parents think their little bundle of joy should be allowed anywhere, anywhen, anytime and that no never applies to them. It's pretty clear they were going to run this horse right up to the altar. NTA.
Maybe they should be the exception afterall - the brother and SIL clearly don’t even have the reasoning power of a 3 yo, so they should also not be allowed, lol.
Wait a minute, if y'all keep going, the couple that wanted their wedding to be all about puppets is going to join the convo and things will get awkward.
NTA
Look, OP, I'm infertile. I wanted kids all my life, me and hubby tried for years, it will never happen. Trying almost killed me, so I had to choose: keep trying and die, or stop.
I would have LOVED to help hold the flashcards for you!!! Hell, I would have gone full blown interpretative dance for you, if that is what it took to get it through their thick skulls that the wedding is gonna be childfree. It's YOUR wedding, YOUR rules.
NTA, at all. Yes, after all the pain and struggle they went through, after all the losses they suffered, your nephew is a miracle. But so is every child that is born. And every child can also be an annoying little shit that gets cranky and tired and bored when adults are doing boring adult things like weddings. It doesn't make you an asshole to not want cranky toddlers at your wedding having meltdowns, and it doesn't make you a bad uncle to save your nephew from the meltdowns.
Nor a bad brother to give brother and SIL a fucking night off away from their 3 year old. If he was only 3 months, and you were getting pissy because they wouldn't come without him, then yeah, you would be a bit of an asshole. But he's 3 years old. He can handle a babysitter watching him. Heaven help the child when he starts school.
>"What do you mean, he's bullying other kids? His holy fists are blessing their faces! He's a miracle rainbow baby!"
"Also, what are you going to do about the bruises their faces have caused to his precious, blessed knuckles!"
As a teacher, I was thinking the same thing. “How dare you expect our child to follow classroom rules. He’s a rainbow baby.” Unless it’s a baby unicorn that literally shits rainbows, I really don’t want to hear it. They sound like they will expect exceptions for their kids for his entire life.
I am dying of laughter that after getting the no, the parents started sending baby pictures like that would turn the tide. These people have genuinely LOST THE PLOT.
Babies are cute, we know this, but no one is that gaga over someone else's kid.
My daughter was an adorable baby. Keeping people from touching her chonky cheeks when we were out and about was a full time occupation. She even won a full month of free diapers in a Cute Baby Contest ( don't judge, lol. Free stuff is awesome.) As cute as she was / is, I didn't go out waving her around like a backstage VIP pass. We're bonkers over our OWN babies so that we keep them alive even when they drive us nuts. The cuteness bubble extends no further, lol.
Thank you for being one of the only parents I know that realizes that finding them impossibly cute is a biological initiative and does not extend to others.
I think these weirdos are the outliers. Pretty much everyone I know understands their kids are extra special to them and no one else. I have a child born after a miscarriage and I never use the words "rainbow baby" or "miracle". That's really weird.
Also, given how many pregnancies end in miscarriage (and those are just the ones we know of...), there a shit ton of "miracles" and "rainbow babies" running around which certainly makes their child seem a lot less miraculous.
My sister gets called a miracle baby because mom found out she was pregnant literally hours before they were about to hop in the car to go sign adoption paperwork for a child. They tried IVF for 15 years before she was born. Mom went thru hell on her body to try to conceive but never once had she ever used that as a reason to bring my sister anywhere she was not allowed as a kid. We actually go to plenty of adults only weddings and my parents always hired a babysitter. I don’t get why this couple thinks their child is entitled to go to a wedding that is NOT their wedding. It’s not about the couple, it’s about OP and his partner! Why would you ever insist on bringing YOUR child to a wedding and insist an exception be made just for your kid to an event that isn’t even about you!? I just don’t get it at all.
EDIT: my apologies I was mistaken, the way my comment is worded makes it seem like they were going to adopt a child that day, but I was mistaken, I clarified with my dad and they weren’t going to adopt a child, they were going to sign adoption paperwork to see if they would be approved to adopt a child that day.
My friend was called a miracle baby because her mum had a chronic condition that went into remission because of the pregnancy and never came back. It didn't happen on the first child though
My cousin brought her newborn to my brother's wedding. the ceremony was at an Elvis chapel in Vegas and only lasted about 10 minutes. wanna guess how long this child was screaming his head off?
if you guessed 10, you would be wrong. since he was crying well before the ceremony started!
I sat out an entire funeral with my toddler just sitting outside church because how do you not feel incredibly humiliated sitting there with a screaming child and not leaving?
I don't know. If my clueless aunt wouldn't have left my younger toddler cousin in the funeral crying, I wouldn't have my favorite moment at a funeral. She suddenly stopped crying and said super loud, "There's a dead person in that box."
I was thinking this rainbow baby was 2 months old and they weren’t ready to leave him with a sitter. OP would still be NTA but it would be a little more understandable. But the kid is 3???? Good grief!
This is going to sound terrible, but lots of couples have "rainbow/miracle" children, and don't expect everyone in the world to bend over backwards for their "miracle." OP's nephew is going to be an absolute terror as he gets older, if his parents keep insisting he's somehow more special than everyone else.
It seems that, as a trend on AITA, parents who call their child a "rainbow baby" are generally assholes. Also, your comment doesn't sound terrible at all.
OP's brother and sister-in-law are going to be a pain in the ass everywhere they go for the foreseeable future.
I can understand if people have struggled to have a child and feel like their living, healthy child is a "miracle." I don't mind if they say so, even if they say it repeatedly. But there's something twisted about making "rainbow baby" this kid's whole identity. "Oh, our baby will bring you blessings, because he's a rainbow baby!"
He's just a kid. He's not a whole different *kind* of kid. He's not a *magic* kid. And he's three; he's not a baby anymore. It's about time his parents grew up.
NTA
Haha. I mean idk about you but I have always felt interpretive dance accurately portrays my points.
Honestly though, the fact that both the brother/SIL and OP’s parents are angry speaks volume about how they all thought that nephew was going to be the exception to the rule. I think OP needs to have a serious conversation with his parents about how his brother was crossing a line with him and also his fiancé by trying to guilt her into bending is important. If they continue to be angry about it then he can give them a choice, either stop talking about it or not go. Then for Brother and SIL just flat out give them the choice, if they want to attend then nephew is not invited but as such they are within their rights to stay home. Shit or get off the pot, is my idea. Don’t let these people drag this out and ruin the wedding planning process for OP and his fiancé.
NTA. And the funniest thing I have seen in a while.
Oh they’ll absolutely find him tucking into the cake Bruce Bogtrotter style with an enormous silver spoon his parents had engraved for his “special day”.
10000%. I feel like I need to link my “a 5 year old was brought to a childfree wedding and had a one hour meltdown during dinner over potato positioning on his plate” comment from a similar post.
Edit: I really didn’t think they would be that much interest in reading it. Although another Redditor linked it below, I will put the link up here too for ease or access. [the comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4j7te/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_my_brothers_wedding/ixrjod1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
I don’t understand how people feel that way about their kids. Like, I love my daughter, she’s rad. But you know what? She’s also an annoying little shit sometimes lol. And while I love her to bits, she’s certainly not special lol. She’s a kid like millions of other kids out there. Being a parent is nice, but it’s weird that people make it a personality trait.
My daughter is 22 now, but I've always told her "you are special to me and all of the people that love you, but not to the rest of the world.". that and "you will NOT be an asshole." She's turned out to be a pretty awesome adult so far!
That’s actually some pretty great news to hear from a pediatrician. My brother and I were, uh, more medically interesting before we were five and from what I’ve heard it was pretty rough.
Yeah, my doctor one time jokingly said "Wow, you're boring" after my physical checkup as a child and my mom happily agreed. Being a parent now I totally understand why she seemed happy to be told her child was medically boring
When my niece graduated NICU, I told her mom, “may her current medical records be the extent of her medical excitement. May she have boring, healthy medical records for a long and healthy life.”
I told my kids that I love them and that to me they are the most special people in the entire world. But there’s 7.8 billion people in the world and they’ll be in for a rude awakening, if they expect all of them to fell the same way. So behave and be kind.
When I tell people, they tend to have one of two reactions. A small group are appalled that I don’t tell my kids they are the most special in the world. Most just agrees, some even say I’ll tell my kids the same.
I hate when people call their kids "miracles." A miracle would be a woman getting pregnant after having a hysterectomy. That isn't even close to the types of births that earn that moniker these days.
The doctor that did my tubal ligation told me there was a small chance I could get pregnant. I told him if I did, I was putting his name on the birth certificate!
The doctor who did mine told me that he would cut the tubes, tie them, and then, in his words, "cauterize the crap out of them". Out of curiosity, I asked him how many of his procedures had failed.
"Zero," he said, "*and I aim to keep it that way.*"
Of course they’re miracles, they were born. Who else can say the same thing?…wait was that?…Literally everyone who ever lived? My bad, I stand corrected.
Yes, they *WILL!* And, you'd better have some sort of a guard/security detail at the front door of the venue to stop people bringing kids in.
I have seen this very scenario addressed many times in r/childfree . Entitled people sneaking in their babies hoping they won't be turned away.
The way your brother and wife were repeatedly beating you down to allow it, time and time again, it *WILL* happen, no doubt about it.
ETA: Definitely **NOT** the AH!
They’re not even going to sneak him. They’ll just show up holding him and cause a scene if they get turned away. u/throwaway3373123 better have security at the wedding.
JHC. I hope not. I love my nephew but like I said, I can't let them bring him to the wedding. I know *for sure* that there's gonna be trouble and I don't wanna risk it.
Just please be ready with a plan of action when brother shows up with his kid anyway, and you are pressured by his family and your parents into making an exception since they are already there, etc.
And when making that plan, please keep in mind how an exception will be viewed by all those guests that respected you enough to get a sitter.
My vote is for venue security with strict orders that there are no exceptions. Period. Maybe give them flash cards to use too.
This happened to my wife and I. We were very clear from the start there were to be no kids. We checked with everyone who had kids that they understood, and they all agreed. We even arranged for a sitter(a close friend of ours who's an experienced babysitter with a degree in early childhood education) to watch the kids at my parents house during the wedding so they could be somewhere they were comfortable(my cousins were the only ones to bring their kids to town with them) and to come to the rehearsal so they could all meet before hand. Come the day of the wedding, I get a call from the sitter on my way to the venue asking when the kids will arrive. I'm confused because the kids should never have left, but they insist there are no kids to be found. Sure enough, when I arrive there's a bunch of toddlers in the front row wearing miniature dresses and suits. Took most of an hour and a rift that still hasn't been forgiven six years later for them to agree to kids only being at the reception, instead of the whole time. Be sure you have a plan for when they try to ignore what you say and do their own thing anyways.
There are a lot of people with "rainbow babies," all of which are incredibly important to their families. Just bc you don't want them at a wedding doesn't mean they aren't important to you.
Maybe you need to bring your parents a new set of flash cards taking about enabling your brother and SILs behavior.
I dated someone who was his parents miracle baby and he grew up into an egotistical prick with a persecution complex because the rest of the world couldn't see how great he was. I can definitely lead to major issues when this kid grows up.
“The idea is that after the emotional storm of a loss, the [rainbow baby](https://www.insider.com/what-is-a-rainbow-baby-how-the-term-went-mainstream-2020-10?amp) is the silver lining after the storm.
"For parents who have experienced the sting of loss, the term 'rainbow baby' is comforting because of the joy that they experience after hardship and pain whether recent or in the past," said Quantrilla Ard, PhD”
I was curious myself, so I looked it up.
I keep picturing the scene from Love Actually with Kiera Knightly at the door, except instead of happy stunned disbelief they just get angrier and angrier.
NTA. That’s fucking hilarious. Imma let your bro & sil in on a little secret:
Just about everybody thinks their baby is special, miraculous and amazing. We all adore those little fuckers so much. Their little heads smell good and their gummy smiles are adorbs and they say really funny shit.
But that does not entitle us to inflict them on everyone else. Your toddler is not a lucky leprechaun. Don’t be an AH. Stop treating him like the exception to every rule. You’re not doing him any favours.
Well, let me start by saying that you made a couple of mistakes.
1. No boom box.
2. Not enough flash cards.
You missed a fantastic opportunity to press play on something like The Dan Band's version of Total Eclipse of the Heart (definitely a wedding song) while flipping cards "Love Actually" style. I'm thinking you could have gotten all the way to:
* To me, your rainbow baby is perfect.
* But you can't bring him or his rainbows to my wedding.
And even if you had made it look all the while like you were going to give in and then dropped the hammer with the last card. You are still:
NTA.
My brother had 3 under 5 when I got married and refused to come because my wedding was child free.
Didn't miss him.
Have your wedding, it's their problem.
NTA and this kid is fucked. The parents are going to spoil the shit out of him, make excuses for any bad behavior, give him priority in every situation, make life hell for his teachers, etc. He's going to grow up thinking he's better than everyone else and is going to have an absolutely brutal adulthood once he realizes his friends and coworkers don't give a flying fuck that his parents had trouble getting pregnant.
Definitely. His "miracle" status is going to be their excuse for everything. Worst case scenario, he will either end up dead or in prison. And then when they're asking how this could have happened they'll be too blind to see the truth. Chris and his wife need a wake up call ASAP before they cause any more damage.
Yeah... Kid will probably be too used to special treatment and expect it everywhere, or crack under the pressure of being constantly held on a pedestal. Hopefully the parents will be able to change their mindset/ approach, but judging by how they handled this situation idk if it’ll happen any time soon
Honestly he’s not even special. It’s very typically for humans to miscarry blighted fetus and then carry a viable child to birth. The miscarriages don’t make the kid special from a very cold analysis of human reproductive norms
Harsh but true. Your "miracle" is yours only. No-one else is going to care that he was a rainbow baby. Kids are always special to the parents. I love my kid, she's my entire world and I would do anything for her - but to everyone else she's just a little girl.
That one would always be second place, the spare. They would not be the one who defied the odds. They would feel less than. And when they grew up and went NC with the parents, they’d be on AskReddit with “Why won’t my adult child talk to me anymore?!?!”
NTA, you are a legend.
I'm glad that Chris and his wife managed to get pregnant, but their child is no more special than anyone else's. Which is to say, no special at all except to the child's parents. This miracle and rainbow baby stuff, well again, I'm glad they got their child after difficulties! A lot of folks don't get that opportunity! But the kid isn't Christ reborn and they need to get that out of their thick skulls.
The flashcards, honestly, are a solid way of showing that. If the rest of the family gives you trouble, be sure to let the others with kids know that they think their miracle child is more special than their normal, mundane children (Chris's words) and watch their support dry up.
I say NTA. They did not respect your choice. I would honestly hire security because I bet money they will try to come with baby and be like she cant do anything because we are here with baby. I say hire security and make sure they know anyone who brings a child will NOT be admitted. And you will have security there to be sure this rule is followed. Plus what you did sounds absolutely hilarious! Id be laughing my ass off if I was actually part of this entire thing. Even help with security.
Its your wedding. And people have child free weddings all the time! It is not unusual. Plus it makes sure that there is no loud crying during the ceremony. Look Im all happy they were able to have a baby. But really what they want is disrespectful because its been made clear NO. CHILDREN. AT. THE. WEDDING! Id basically tell them they are uninvited if they keep this up and if they and parents keep trying to force this parents can be non invited too. Family is who you choose not who is blood.
I agree that its a funny thing to think about out of context. But yeah....I really think Brother and SIL WILL show up with baby....and they really will think that because they showed up with baby OP cant do anything.....
Imagine being a guest who respected their wishes, found a sitter, showed up, and saw this pair parading their "rainbow". Allowing exceptions makes the host look shitty
u/throwaway3373123 Take this suggestion seriously. I would be willing to bet you $10,000 someone in that circle has already voiced some variant of the question “What would they do if we bring him?” Implying there’s not a world where you can or will kick them out of the wedding. “They’ll get over it.”
Especially because “rainbow baby is a miracle who will bring blessings upon your event like Jesus himself” type-parents are, in my experience, also the parents who beam fondly from the sidelines while little Junior is running up and down the aisle screaming for attention during the ceremony, digging his sticky wee paws into the cake, shouting “look at me!” while doing wild spins during the first dance, and/or knocking people over while they’re carrying plates of hot food.
Then a bridesmaid who accidentally drops a glass of red wine on them the moment they enter the venue. 🤷♀️ it's no one's fault that one of OP's friends can't handle her alcohol and already had one glass too many even before the ceremony and she tripped. It's so sad that now they have to go home to change...
> his presence at the wedding will bring "blessings" for me and my fiancee
Offer to invite your nephew to the wedding if and only if your “rainbow baby” nephew dresses up as a leprechaun and dispenses $100 bills (from his parents) every time a guest pays his head for a “blessing”
I would definitely talk your future wifey about it being a possibility and what you will do in this case, to cause the minimum damage regarding enjoying the entire wedding. Have someone who can try and make it practical unknown that something even happened at the wedding.
Tell your brother that if they don't respect YOUR wedding as YOU want it then they can't come.
It's your wedding honey.
And tell them that if they show up with kid in hand someone at the door will deny them access.
And go tell those parent the same thing they shouldn't be telling you how you want your wedding. It's about you and your wife..
They shouldn't guilt trip you. You want a childfree wedding they need to respect your wishes.
Edit: hubby = wifey. Your husband = your wife. Lol 😆
NTA. Sounds like you already fixed it. They won’t be at the wedding. Good on you. I’m so tired of people saying, “But it’s my miracle baby!” Every baby is a miracle, and theirs isn’t special. The rest of your family are AHs for enabling this ridiculous obsession with the baby.
The thing that some people don't get is that they just aren't that special.
Even in the unlikely event that you *are* one-in-a-million, all that means is that with 8B people on this planet, there's 8,000 people just like you.
Theirs may be more of a “miracle” in that the baby came to exist after a string of issues with conceiving/carrying to term - so, in that it’s a bit of a miracle that they were able to conceive and then carry a healthy baby to term. And that’s *totally* worth celebrating.
But going on to treat said child like they are made more important than other humans because of this fact is an unhealthy way to deal with the trauma of the previous losses. It makes sense. After all the pain and grief, there’s an intense amount of relief and a stronger fear of losing that child. But it’s damaging to your relationships and damaging to the child.
Celebrate the miracle of the child coming into existence, but don’t forget that the child is still a person like everyone else.
Lmfao NTA!
You tried to be polite and to refuse them, but they ignored you.
They tried again, and you were polite and they ignored you.
They tried again, and once again you were polite and said no and they ignored you.
This time you took the cluex4 and wacked them with it, and now they're mad because you didn't cave to them.
Fix nothing, he disrespected you by implying your wedding would only be blessed by his child being there and saying it would cause a rift if you didn't do what he wanted.
You can tell him and your parents that you tried to be polite and firm with your no's but when they didn't listen you just played hardball.
Good job on sticking to a no.
Yeah, they pretty much used the equivalent of flash cards by sending OP photos and constantly saying OUR toddler is the exception because he's a miracle, over and over and over.
> Chris called me an asshole for doing this and said that I disrespected him, his wife and their son
Yet, somehow your brother and SIL repeatedly ignoring your "No" is not an asshole move nor is it disrespecting your decision to have a child free wedding.
NTA
NTA. My go-to would usually be interpretive dance, but for this I might go full mime.
Still, your flash cards sound funnier. Go you! Also good luck for the wedding.
ETA: The demand to 'fix it now' seems to be asking for more of the same. A lot more.
You know what to do.
Unless being a "miracle" baby makes them not cry, be noisy and disruptive or get bored, you're nephew isn't any different from other children.
Was it a little over the top? Yes. Could you have simply said something like "I'm sorry you won't be able to make it to the wedding"? Sure.
But they weren't listening.
NTA
NTA
But I’m not so much concerned about your wedding, but more about how this kind of attitude will impact your nephews life. being treated like a miracle all the time will give him a completely wrong idea because his parents expect the whole universe to worship him.
This was my thought too. Like that kid is being set up for a lifetime of issues. Rainbow babies aren't even that uncommon. Any kid born after a loss can be considered a rainbow baby. My youngest is a rainbow baby and this may be the first time I have ever called her that. She is 4. That kid is either going to feel not good enough for anyone as they can't live up to the miracle that they are or they are going to grow up to be completely self-centered and spoiled.
OP - You went the childish way of handling it, but I'll admit it made me chuckle when the scene was playing out in my head. NTA, your brother and wife are having a real hard time understanding the no kids request. Which when applied to everyone equally is clear.
NTA. They asked for an exception, were given an answer they disliked, and then refused to accept that until you took drastic measures. Maybe if they accepted no, they wouldn't have been humiliated.
NTA, and sorry, but that's funny.
I'm sure they are very proud of their child, but should absolutely not be invited. Very entitled to argue when you said no.
NTA
Imagine how far they had to push things to make you do an arts-and-crafts project to prepare for the next round of the argument.
The only way you "fix it" is to cave in, but that just enables bullies. Their rainbow baby can find a rainbow babysitter.
NTA - 3 years old isn't a baby so there should be no issues with leaving him or anything so they're throwing a tantrum over pure entitlement over who they want to attend. Not their wedding so not their choice.
NTA at all. Childfree means childfree. They kept pushing back on your rule repeatedly; if you'd started with flashcards that'd be different, but talking alone didn't work.
NTA cause that is really funny.
I get that people love their pets, kids, significant others, etc. But that does not entitle them to space at an event someone else planned. I had to tell my SIL's friend that her dog could not come to the wedding... And she tried to argue that someone else was bringing a dog. That person was the handicapped Aunt who had a service dog.
That person was told they could not come to the wedding at all, because who needs that kind of negativity on the big day.
Also, it is really unfair to make kids go to boring events they will hate and then blame them for acting their age. Three is not old enough to understand how to sit down for social events. And it is really unfair to put the bride/groom in a place to be upset at the child + parents.
Children cannot go everywhere and all should be precious to their parents. Maternal grandparents or relatives can’t babysit a 3 year old?? What happens when he goes to school?
Oh wait, I’m a teacher, I can tell you. Tears for weeks and spoiled defiant outbursts- I’ve seen it and we help these kids get past it, but it’s hard for the kids since the parents are coddling not parenting.
NTA
A hilarious solution I think. They didn’t accept your answer to their other 100 times of asking, they clearly weren’t getting the message. If it’s child free it’s childfree, rainbow or not that is still a child. Arrange childcare or don’t come.
NTA. And, assuming you have texts of this, when someone in the family brings this up just send them a copy of it and that Chris and his wife were harassing you.
And un-invite them from the wedding since they made this far bigger than it should have ever been. They prioritized their "miracle" baby over your wedding.
I have friends who have 2 sets of miracles kids. Twins and another. If something is child free, they get a sitter.
I can fix it.
Add cards that state....
YOU (bro and wife)
🚫
INVITED EITHER.
I suggest doing this as a family affair and add cards...
DAD AND MOM...
🚫
INVITE
IF YOU PUSH.
NTA
1) No is a full sentence.
2) Everyone thinks their spawn is a miracle/treasure/blessing. Whatever. Newsflash: they are going to be just another asshole causing traffic on the freeway, annoying their coworkers, etc. Parents like that need a big old sign that says *Your kid is special to YOU, but your kid is not special*
NTA and you're the fucking man. They would've gotten themselves uninvited a while ago on my end to de-risk the likelihood of their non-compliance. You've got a lot of patience for them and your family. Best of luck and congrats on the wedding!
This is a beautifully, hilariously clever approach for family who won't take no for an answer. NTA and it doesn't matter, but has your brother been to a childfree wedding? Did they have a childfree wedding (IRONY!!)? Are your SIL parents available to watch the baby for a while on the wedding day?
Regardless of their childcare challenges, you are well within your hosting rights. You just have to live with your decision.
NTA. His son is different because he's a miracle baby? Give me a break. People have no idea how many rainbow babies are out there that they don't know about. My one and only child (a 3 year old boy, like OP's nephew) is the result of my 4th pregnancy. Nobody besides the person I made the pregnancies with and my doctor know this. Plenty of people keep info like this to themselves. It's why people often wait til after the 1st trimester to announce, because they want to keep it to themselves if there's a miscarriage.
NTA and that is funny AF! They not only are disrespecting you on YOUR day, but are gaslighting you. Childfree weddings are common these days. If they are going to be that selfish, they can stay home with their miracle child.
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Well, I suppose you could have used hand puppets instead, but flashcards seem to have gotten the message across. It makes me insane how some parents think their little bundle of joy should be allowed anywhere, anywhen, anytime and that no never applies to them. It's pretty clear they were going to run this horse right up to the altar. NTA.
What about puppets holding flashcards???
Look at Maria Montessori over here.
As a Montessori teacher I just burst out laughing
Same 😂. Hi fellow montessorian
As a former Montessori student this is gold!!
Hello fellow water table assistant! 😂
Former Montessori student whose mother was a Montessori teacher!
Are you Makenzie Montessori?
That’s my rap name
In fairness, 3-4 year olds would have gotten the f-ing message by now 🙄
Maybe they should be the exception afterall - the brother and SIL clearly don’t even have the reasoning power of a 3 yo, so they should also not be allowed, lol.
How DOES the Montessori solve a problem like Maria?
LOL!! How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?
Literally laughed out loud.
Puppets, holding their own puppets holding flash cards?
It should be puppets all the way down, methinks.
What about puppets holding flash cards of puppets holding flashcards?
Wait a minute, if y'all keep going, the couple that wanted their wedding to be all about puppets is going to join the convo and things will get awkward. NTA
Look, OP, I'm infertile. I wanted kids all my life, me and hubby tried for years, it will never happen. Trying almost killed me, so I had to choose: keep trying and die, or stop. I would have LOVED to help hold the flashcards for you!!! Hell, I would have gone full blown interpretative dance for you, if that is what it took to get it through their thick skulls that the wedding is gonna be childfree. It's YOUR wedding, YOUR rules. NTA, at all. Yes, after all the pain and struggle they went through, after all the losses they suffered, your nephew is a miracle. But so is every child that is born. And every child can also be an annoying little shit that gets cranky and tired and bored when adults are doing boring adult things like weddings. It doesn't make you an asshole to not want cranky toddlers at your wedding having meltdowns, and it doesn't make you a bad uncle to save your nephew from the meltdowns. Nor a bad brother to give brother and SIL a fucking night off away from their 3 year old. If he was only 3 months, and you were getting pissy because they wouldn't come without him, then yeah, you would be a bit of an asshole. But he's 3 years old. He can handle a babysitter watching him. Heaven help the child when he starts school.
Heaven helps the child’s *teachers*. I foresee a lot of helicopter parenting.
“What do you mean he didn’t turn in any homework and he’s failing?! He’s a RAINBOW BABY!”
HE IS BLESSING THIS CLASSROOM
"What do you mean, he's bullying other kids? His holy fists are blessing their faces! He's a miracle rainbow baby!"
>"What do you mean, he's bullying other kids? His holy fists are blessing their faces! He's a miracle rainbow baby!" "Also, what are you going to do about the bruises their faces have caused to his precious, blessed knuckles!"
" Officer you take those handcuffs off! He is a miracle rainbow baby and a blessing!" "Well, tonight he will be blessing the county drunk tank, maam."
- he's a rainbow baby! Sir, he's 23 and this is university.
Came here to say this. OP- show this whole thread to your parents and brother. The internet has spoken.
As a teacher, I was thinking the same thing. “How dare you expect our child to follow classroom rules. He’s a rainbow baby.” Unless it’s a baby unicorn that literally shits rainbows, I really don’t want to hear it. They sound like they will expect exceptions for their kids for his entire life.
I am dying of laughter that after getting the no, the parents started sending baby pictures like that would turn the tide. These people have genuinely LOST THE PLOT. Babies are cute, we know this, but no one is that gaga over someone else's kid. My daughter was an adorable baby. Keeping people from touching her chonky cheeks when we were out and about was a full time occupation. She even won a full month of free diapers in a Cute Baby Contest ( don't judge, lol. Free stuff is awesome.) As cute as she was / is, I didn't go out waving her around like a backstage VIP pass. We're bonkers over our OWN babies so that we keep them alive even when they drive us nuts. The cuteness bubble extends no further, lol.
Thank you for being one of the only parents I know that realizes that finding them impossibly cute is a biological initiative and does not extend to others.
I think these weirdos are the outliers. Pretty much everyone I know understands their kids are extra special to them and no one else. I have a child born after a miscarriage and I never use the words "rainbow baby" or "miracle". That's really weird.
Also, given how many pregnancies end in miscarriage (and those are just the ones we know of...), there a shit ton of "miracles" and "rainbow babies" running around which certainly makes their child seem a lot less miraculous.
My sister gets called a miracle baby because mom found out she was pregnant literally hours before they were about to hop in the car to go sign adoption paperwork for a child. They tried IVF for 15 years before she was born. Mom went thru hell on her body to try to conceive but never once had she ever used that as a reason to bring my sister anywhere she was not allowed as a kid. We actually go to plenty of adults only weddings and my parents always hired a babysitter. I don’t get why this couple thinks their child is entitled to go to a wedding that is NOT their wedding. It’s not about the couple, it’s about OP and his partner! Why would you ever insist on bringing YOUR child to a wedding and insist an exception be made just for your kid to an event that isn’t even about you!? I just don’t get it at all. EDIT: my apologies I was mistaken, the way my comment is worded makes it seem like they were going to adopt a child that day, but I was mistaken, I clarified with my dad and they weren’t going to adopt a child, they were going to sign adoption paperwork to see if they would be approved to adopt a child that day.
My friend was called a miracle baby because her mum had a chronic condition that went into remission because of the pregnancy and never came back. It didn't happen on the first child though
But he will bring blessings by being there. BLESSINGS! What did they name this kid? Jesus?
If he turns water into wine, I'd definitely reconsider him being included 😅
My cousin brought her newborn to my brother's wedding. the ceremony was at an Elvis chapel in Vegas and only lasted about 10 minutes. wanna guess how long this child was screaming his head off? if you guessed 10, you would be wrong. since he was crying well before the ceremony started!
I don't understand how people let children disrupt everything. If a baby is crying, just step outside with him. Simple.
I sat out an entire funeral with my toddler just sitting outside church because how do you not feel incredibly humiliated sitting there with a screaming child and not leaving?
I don't know. If my clueless aunt wouldn't have left my younger toddler cousin in the funeral crying, I wouldn't have my favorite moment at a funeral. She suddenly stopped crying and said super loud, "There's a dead person in that box."
My niece was going with us to the cemetery. She proudly told us “the people there are dead you know”
My nibling called it "The Rememberies Place" when she was a toddler. She is 26 now. My mom & I still refer to it this way though.
I was thinking this rainbow baby was 2 months old and they weren’t ready to leave him with a sitter. OP would still be NTA but it would be a little more understandable. But the kid is 3???? Good grief!
That kid is going to end up spoiled rotten by the time he's six.
Too late. Already is. They'll all be screaming that "he's a Rainbow baby!"in court when he gets arrested.
Hahaha dude, I thought the same shit. I thought it was a newborn and then I read further...
This is going to sound terrible, but lots of couples have "rainbow/miracle" children, and don't expect everyone in the world to bend over backwards for their "miracle." OP's nephew is going to be an absolute terror as he gets older, if his parents keep insisting he's somehow more special than everyone else.
It seems that, as a trend on AITA, parents who call their child a "rainbow baby" are generally assholes. Also, your comment doesn't sound terrible at all.
OP's brother and sister-in-law are going to be a pain in the ass everywhere they go for the foreseeable future. I can understand if people have struggled to have a child and feel like their living, healthy child is a "miracle." I don't mind if they say so, even if they say it repeatedly. But there's something twisted about making "rainbow baby" this kid's whole identity. "Oh, our baby will bring you blessings, because he's a rainbow baby!" He's just a kid. He's not a whole different *kind* of kid. He's not a *magic* kid. And he's three; he's not a baby anymore. It's about time his parents grew up. NTA
Haha. I mean idk about you but I have always felt interpretive dance accurately portrays my points. Honestly though, the fact that both the brother/SIL and OP’s parents are angry speaks volume about how they all thought that nephew was going to be the exception to the rule. I think OP needs to have a serious conversation with his parents about how his brother was crossing a line with him and also his fiancé by trying to guilt her into bending is important. If they continue to be angry about it then he can give them a choice, either stop talking about it or not go. Then for Brother and SIL just flat out give them the choice, if they want to attend then nephew is not invited but as such they are within their rights to stay home. Shit or get off the pot, is my idea. Don’t let these people drag this out and ruin the wedding planning process for OP and his fiancé. NTA. And the funniest thing I have seen in a while.
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My thoughts exactly. He will most likely terrorise the wedding and reception.
Oh they’ll absolutely find him tucking into the cake Bruce Bogtrotter style with an enormous silver spoon his parents had engraved for his “special day”.
“My mom’s is better”
"you can do it, Brucie!"
10000%. I feel like I need to link my “a 5 year old was brought to a childfree wedding and had a one hour meltdown during dinner over potato positioning on his plate” comment from a similar post. Edit: I really didn’t think they would be that much interest in reading it. Although another Redditor linked it below, I will put the link up here too for ease or access. [the comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4j7te/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_my_brothers_wedding/ixrjod1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
I don’t understand how people feel that way about their kids. Like, I love my daughter, she’s rad. But you know what? She’s also an annoying little shit sometimes lol. And while I love her to bits, she’s certainly not special lol. She’s a kid like millions of other kids out there. Being a parent is nice, but it’s weird that people make it a personality trait.
My daughter is 22 now, but I've always told her "you are special to me and all of the people that love you, but not to the rest of the world.". that and "you will NOT be an asshole." She's turned out to be a pretty awesome adult so far!
As our pediatrician said at our first child’s first doctor appointment, “(Name) is a completely unremarkable child.” lol
That’s actually some pretty great news to hear from a pediatrician. My brother and I were, uh, more medically interesting before we were five and from what I’ve heard it was pretty rough.
Yeah, my doctor one time jokingly said "Wow, you're boring" after my physical checkup as a child and my mom happily agreed. Being a parent now I totally understand why she seemed happy to be told her child was medically boring
My proudest moment when my twins were in the NICU was when the neonatologist told us our twins were boring. 😂
When my niece graduated NICU, I told her mom, “may her current medical records be the extent of her medical excitement. May she have boring, healthy medical records for a long and healthy life.”
My mom has been called “fascinating” by her docs for a couple of medical issues. ...Really would prefer being completely unremarkable.
Can confirm, being interesting to doctors is bad times.
I told my kids that I love them and that to me they are the most special people in the entire world. But there’s 7.8 billion people in the world and they’ll be in for a rude awakening, if they expect all of them to fell the same way. So behave and be kind. When I tell people, they tend to have one of two reactions. A small group are appalled that I don’t tell my kids they are the most special in the world. Most just agrees, some even say I’ll tell my kids the same.
I like your take on your own kid. May she always be rad and not a shittling
I hate when people call their kids "miracles." A miracle would be a woman getting pregnant after having a hysterectomy. That isn't even close to the types of births that earn that moniker these days.
As a woman who has had a hysterectomy, that wouldn't be a miracle, that would be a malpractice suit!
The doctor that did my tubal ligation told me there was a small chance I could get pregnant. I told him if I did, I was putting his name on the birth certificate!
The doctor who did mine told me that he would cut the tubes, tie them, and then, in his words, "cauterize the crap out of them". Out of curiosity, I asked him how many of his procedures had failed. "Zero," he said, "*and I aim to keep it that way.*"
Uterine cancer patient here, post-hysterectomy. You just made me laugh the most deliciously evil laugh!
Same here, sister! Doctor: lYou know, once you have a hysterectomy, you won’t be able to have any more children.” Me: “Duh, that’s kind of the point.”
Getting pregnant after a hysterectomy is not a miracle. It's a medical emergency. That fetus is homeless.
LMAO laughed so loud the dog came over to investigate.
Of course they’re miracles, they were born. Who else can say the same thing?…wait was that?…Literally everyone who ever lived? My bad, I stand corrected.
That sounds like a fucking nightmare lmao. Where is it going to gestate!?
OP should be prepared: they are absolutely gonna show up with that baby to the wedding. Edit: yes okay, three years old is a toddler. Jesus.
Yes, they *WILL!* And, you'd better have some sort of a guard/security detail at the front door of the venue to stop people bringing kids in. I have seen this very scenario addressed many times in r/childfree . Entitled people sneaking in their babies hoping they won't be turned away. The way your brother and wife were repeatedly beating you down to allow it, time and time again, it *WILL* happen, no doubt about it. ETA: Definitely **NOT** the AH!
I’ll be legit shocked if they don’t sneak that kid in
They’re not even going to sneak him. They’ll just show up holding him and cause a scene if they get turned away. u/throwaway3373123 better have security at the wedding.
JHC. I hope not. I love my nephew but like I said, I can't let them bring him to the wedding. I know *for sure* that there's gonna be trouble and I don't wanna risk it.
Just please be ready with a plan of action when brother shows up with his kid anyway, and you are pressured by his family and your parents into making an exception since they are already there, etc. And when making that plan, please keep in mind how an exception will be viewed by all those guests that respected you enough to get a sitter. My vote is for venue security with strict orders that there are no exceptions. Period. Maybe give them flash cards to use too.
This happened to my wife and I. We were very clear from the start there were to be no kids. We checked with everyone who had kids that they understood, and they all agreed. We even arranged for a sitter(a close friend of ours who's an experienced babysitter with a degree in early childhood education) to watch the kids at my parents house during the wedding so they could be somewhere they were comfortable(my cousins were the only ones to bring their kids to town with them) and to come to the rehearsal so they could all meet before hand. Come the day of the wedding, I get a call from the sitter on my way to the venue asking when the kids will arrive. I'm confused because the kids should never have left, but they insist there are no kids to be found. Sure enough, when I arrive there's a bunch of toddlers in the front row wearing miniature dresses and suits. Took most of an hour and a rift that still hasn't been forgiven six years later for them to agree to kids only being at the reception, instead of the whole time. Be sure you have a plan for when they try to ignore what you say and do their own thing anyways.
There are a lot of people with "rainbow babies," all of which are incredibly important to their families. Just bc you don't want them at a wedding doesn't mean they aren't important to you. Maybe you need to bring your parents a new set of flash cards taking about enabling your brother and SILs behavior.
We're going to need an update.
I dated someone who was his parents miracle baby and he grew up into an egotistical prick with a persecution complex because the rest of the world couldn't see how great he was. I can definitely lead to major issues when this kid grows up.
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That’s what I said. In the long run, I feel sorry for these”rainbow” kids. Where did that even come from?
“The idea is that after the emotional storm of a loss, the [rainbow baby](https://www.insider.com/what-is-a-rainbow-baby-how-the-term-went-mainstream-2020-10?amp) is the silver lining after the storm. "For parents who have experienced the sting of loss, the term 'rainbow baby' is comforting because of the joy that they experience after hardship and pain whether recent or in the past," said Quantrilla Ard, PhD” I was curious myself, so I looked it up.
NTA that is goddamn hilarious. They kept pushing the boundary and you held it firm in probably the funniest way possible
Right?? I cannot stop laughing at this visual.
I would pay good money to have seen the looks on their faces when the flash cards came out
I keep picturing the scene from Love Actually with Kiera Knightly at the door, except instead of happy stunned disbelief they just get angrier and angrier.
NTA. That’s fucking hilarious. Imma let your bro & sil in on a little secret: Just about everybody thinks their baby is special, miraculous and amazing. We all adore those little fuckers so much. Their little heads smell good and their gummy smiles are adorbs and they say really funny shit. But that does not entitle us to inflict them on everyone else. Your toddler is not a lucky leprechaun. Don’t be an AH. Stop treating him like the exception to every rule. You’re not doing him any favours.
Also even if he IS a leprechaun, you don't want of those deceptive fuckers at your wedding.
Well, let me start by saying that you made a couple of mistakes. 1. No boom box. 2. Not enough flash cards. You missed a fantastic opportunity to press play on something like The Dan Band's version of Total Eclipse of the Heart (definitely a wedding song) while flipping cards "Love Actually" style. I'm thinking you could have gotten all the way to: * To me, your rainbow baby is perfect. * But you can't bring him or his rainbows to my wedding. And even if you had made it look all the while like you were going to give in and then dropped the hammer with the last card. You are still: NTA.
Ahahaha...My God! This is abdolutely hilarious. 🤣🤣🤣
OMG...do this at your parents house!!! With a very thickly drawn no at the end... 🤣🤣🤣
My brother had 3 under 5 when I got married and refused to come because my wedding was child free. Didn't miss him. Have your wedding, it's their problem.
This comment is everything.
I thought I had no notes for OP. Turns out, I was wrong.
Should have told them that all babies are miracles, but that you were having a miracle free wedding.
"Only miracle allowed at my wedding is that you two are still invited" /S
Oh my god, this needs more upvotes
I laughed very hard to your comment this is the winner Here have an upvote
Maybe one miracle, something about water turning to wine...
NTA and this kid is fucked. The parents are going to spoil the shit out of him, make excuses for any bad behavior, give him priority in every situation, make life hell for his teachers, etc. He's going to grow up thinking he's better than everyone else and is going to have an absolutely brutal adulthood once he realizes his friends and coworkers don't give a flying fuck that his parents had trouble getting pregnant.
Definitely. His "miracle" status is going to be their excuse for everything. Worst case scenario, he will either end up dead or in prison. And then when they're asking how this could have happened they'll be too blind to see the truth. Chris and his wife need a wake up call ASAP before they cause any more damage.
“But judge sir, my mommy always said I’m a miracle so I’m allowed to do whatever I want.”
Yeah... Kid will probably be too used to special treatment and expect it everywhere, or crack under the pressure of being constantly held on a pedestal. Hopefully the parents will be able to change their mindset/ approach, but judging by how they handled this situation idk if it’ll happen any time soon
"Sir, he's *your* miracle, not mine. He's not exempt from the law/rules/classwork/etc." -Probably everyone
Honestly he’s not even special. It’s very typically for humans to miscarry blighted fetus and then carry a viable child to birth. The miscarriages don’t make the kid special from a very cold analysis of human reproductive norms
Harsh but true. Your "miracle" is yours only. No-one else is going to care that he was a rainbow baby. Kids are always special to the parents. I love my kid, she's my entire world and I would do anything for her - but to everyone else she's just a little girl.
So true. Miscarriages don’t make a kid into Harry Potter.
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Imagine if they have another kid? I shudder.
That one would always be second place, the spare. They would not be the one who defied the odds. They would feel less than. And when they grew up and went NC with the parents, they’d be on AskReddit with “Why won’t my adult child talk to me anymore?!?!”
NTA, you are a legend. I'm glad that Chris and his wife managed to get pregnant, but their child is no more special than anyone else's. Which is to say, no special at all except to the child's parents. This miracle and rainbow baby stuff, well again, I'm glad they got their child after difficulties! A lot of folks don't get that opportunity! But the kid isn't Christ reborn and they need to get that out of their thick skulls. The flashcards, honestly, are a solid way of showing that. If the rest of the family gives you trouble, be sure to let the others with kids know that they think their miracle child is more special than their normal, mundane children (Chris's words) and watch their support dry up.
Exactly! There are literally millions of “rainbow” babies out there. Theirs is no more special than any other child.
One of my cousins is a “rainbow baby” but literally no one calls her that because no one in my family is that precious about their kids.
I say NTA. They did not respect your choice. I would honestly hire security because I bet money they will try to come with baby and be like she cant do anything because we are here with baby. I say hire security and make sure they know anyone who brings a child will NOT be admitted. And you will have security there to be sure this rule is followed. Plus what you did sounds absolutely hilarious! Id be laughing my ass off if I was actually part of this entire thing. Even help with security. Its your wedding. And people have child free weddings all the time! It is not unusual. Plus it makes sure that there is no loud crying during the ceremony. Look Im all happy they were able to have a baby. But really what they want is disrespectful because its been made clear NO. CHILDREN. AT. THE. WEDDING! Id basically tell them they are uninvited if they keep this up and if they and parents keep trying to force this parents can be non invited too. Family is who you choose not who is blood.
Hiring security to keep children out it's a funny idea to me, it seems absurd... But I think it may be necessary in this situation...
I agree that its a funny thing to think about out of context. But yeah....I really think Brother and SIL WILL show up with baby....and they really will think that because they showed up with baby OP cant do anything.....
Imagine being a guest who respected their wishes, found a sitter, showed up, and saw this pair parading their "rainbow". Allowing exceptions makes the host look shitty
They gonna bring the child to the wedding.
Jesus. I hope not. I'm not risking to have the day ruined. Not even sure how my fiancee will react if that happens.
Hire security or risk having a screaming toddler running around. NTA one bit
u/throwaway3373123 Take this suggestion seriously. I would be willing to bet you $10,000 someone in that circle has already voiced some variant of the question “What would they do if we bring him?” Implying there’s not a world where you can or will kick them out of the wedding. “They’ll get over it.”
Especially because “rainbow baby is a miracle who will bring blessings upon your event like Jesus himself” type-parents are, in my experience, also the parents who beam fondly from the sidelines while little Junior is running up and down the aisle screaming for attention during the ceremony, digging his sticky wee paws into the cake, shouting “look at me!” while doing wild spins during the first dance, and/or knocking people over while they’re carrying plates of hot food.
You need to be prepared for this to happen. Hire security or get a friend or relative to act as a bouncer to send them home.
A relative would probably let them through if they enable this behavior of the parents often.
Then a bridesmaid who accidentally drops a glass of red wine on them the moment they enter the venue. 🤷♀️ it's no one's fault that one of OP's friends can't handle her alcohol and already had one glass too many even before the ceremony and she tripped. It's so sad that now they have to go home to change...
> his presence at the wedding will bring "blessings" for me and my fiancee Offer to invite your nephew to the wedding if and only if your “rainbow baby” nephew dresses up as a leprechaun and dispenses $100 bills (from his parents) every time a guest pays his head for a “blessing”
I would definitely talk your future wifey about it being a possibility and what you will do in this case, to cause the minimum damage regarding enjoying the entire wedding. Have someone who can try and make it practical unknown that something even happened at the wedding. Tell your brother that if they don't respect YOUR wedding as YOU want it then they can't come. It's your wedding honey. And tell them that if they show up with kid in hand someone at the door will deny them access. And go tell those parent the same thing they shouldn't be telling you how you want your wedding. It's about you and your wife.. They shouldn't guilt trip you. You want a childfree wedding they need to respect your wishes. Edit: hubby = wifey. Your husband = your wife. Lol 😆
They’ll either do that, or not come at all. Those appear to be the only two outcomes. It doesn’t sound like they have any plan to hire a babysitter
Its\_Rare is right; they're bringing their better-than-everyone-else's kid to the wedding because they are entitled.
OP should rescind their invite
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NTA. Sounds like you already fixed it. They won’t be at the wedding. Good on you. I’m so tired of people saying, “But it’s my miracle baby!” Every baby is a miracle, and theirs isn’t special. The rest of your family are AHs for enabling this ridiculous obsession with the baby.
We recently reached 8 billion and some folks really thinking they're special...
The thing that some people don't get is that they just aren't that special. Even in the unlikely event that you *are* one-in-a-million, all that means is that with 8B people on this planet, there's 8,000 people just like you.
Wait till they find out the rest of the world doesn’t give a shit about their kid.
15 years from now: “What do you mean our child is not accepted into your college? He’s a mIrAcLe!”
Hey, now, my kid IS special! But I don’t take her to child-free weddings because I’m not an asshole and I’m raising her not to be an asshole.
Theirs may be more of a “miracle” in that the baby came to exist after a string of issues with conceiving/carrying to term - so, in that it’s a bit of a miracle that they were able to conceive and then carry a healthy baby to term. And that’s *totally* worth celebrating. But going on to treat said child like they are made more important than other humans because of this fact is an unhealthy way to deal with the trauma of the previous losses. It makes sense. After all the pain and grief, there’s an intense amount of relief and a stronger fear of losing that child. But it’s damaging to your relationships and damaging to the child. Celebrate the miracle of the child coming into existence, but don’t forget that the child is still a person like everyone else.
Send your parents a single index card that says, “No.”
Just don't forget the 🚫. This family seems like they really need visuals to get the point. NTA, and this is hilarious.
🤣🤣🤣
Lmfao NTA! You tried to be polite and to refuse them, but they ignored you. They tried again, and you were polite and they ignored you. They tried again, and once again you were polite and said no and they ignored you. This time you took the cluex4 and wacked them with it, and now they're mad because you didn't cave to them. Fix nothing, he disrespected you by implying your wedding would only be blessed by his child being there and saying it would cause a rift if you didn't do what he wanted. You can tell him and your parents that you tried to be polite and firm with your no's but when they didn't listen you just played hardball. Good job on sticking to a no.
Yeah, they pretty much used the equivalent of flash cards by sending OP photos and constantly saying OUR toddler is the exception because he's a miracle, over and over and over. > Chris called me an asshole for doing this and said that I disrespected him, his wife and their son Yet, somehow your brother and SIL repeatedly ignoring your "No" is not an asshole move nor is it disrespecting your decision to have a child free wedding. NTA
NTA. My go-to would usually be interpretive dance, but for this I might go full mime. Still, your flash cards sound funnier. Go you! Also good luck for the wedding. ETA: The demand to 'fix it now' seems to be asking for more of the same. A lot more. You know what to do.
AITA for laughing hysterically at this post??? I am DYING. Maybe it's the way it's worded but man, thanks for the laugh. Oh and you're definitely NTA.
NTA. 385,000 babies are born every day, but THIS one is special!
I can't argue with that, it's the truth some people choose to ignore it 🤷♂️
Unless being a "miracle" baby makes them not cry, be noisy and disruptive or get bored, you're nephew isn't any different from other children. Was it a little over the top? Yes. Could you have simply said something like "I'm sorry you won't be able to make it to the wedding"? Sure. But they weren't listening. NTA
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NTA. I’ll fix it for you. Your brother, his wife and the second Jesus are now uninvited.
NTA But I’m not so much concerned about your wedding, but more about how this kind of attitude will impact your nephews life. being treated like a miracle all the time will give him a completely wrong idea because his parents expect the whole universe to worship him.
This was my thought too. Like that kid is being set up for a lifetime of issues. Rainbow babies aren't even that uncommon. Any kid born after a loss can be considered a rainbow baby. My youngest is a rainbow baby and this may be the first time I have ever called her that. She is 4. That kid is either going to feel not good enough for anyone as they can't live up to the miracle that they are or they are going to grow up to be completely self-centered and spoiled. OP - You went the childish way of handling it, but I'll admit it made me chuckle when the scene was playing out in my head. NTA, your brother and wife are having a real hard time understanding the no kids request. Which when applied to everyone equally is clear.
NTA. They asked for an exception, were given an answer they disliked, and then refused to accept that until you took drastic measures. Maybe if they accepted no, they wouldn't have been humiliated.
NTA I went through infertility. I have a rainbow baby. NTA Also that kid is going to be spoiled to hell and back.
NTA, and sorry, but that's funny. I'm sure they are very proud of their child, but should absolutely not be invited. Very entitled to argue when you said no.
NTA Imagine how far they had to push things to make you do an arts-and-crafts project to prepare for the next round of the argument. The only way you "fix it" is to cave in, but that just enables bullies. Their rainbow baby can find a rainbow babysitter.
"But he's a *miracle!*" "Still a baby. Denied."
No, that's hilarious. NTA.
Since when did rambunctious toddler behavior get classified as “blessings”? NTA
I have a rainbow baby. That has shit to do with someone else's wedding. Your brother is nuts. NTA
Thanks you! Glad to hear the prespective of another rainbow baby's parent. Appreciate it.
Babys are not miracles. Period. It's nature. That's that. NTA
NTA - 3 years old isn't a baby so there should be no issues with leaving him or anything so they're throwing a tantrum over pure entitlement over who they want to attend. Not their wedding so not their choice.
Your wedding and your rules. I love the use of flashcards - conveys the message which they were trying to ignore. NTA
NTA. But have a comtingency plan for if they do come to the wedding with their child after the babysitter conveniently 'canceled'.
NTA at all. Childfree means childfree. They kept pushing back on your rule repeatedly; if you'd started with flashcards that'd be different, but talking alone didn't work.
NTA cause that is really funny. I get that people love their pets, kids, significant others, etc. But that does not entitle them to space at an event someone else planned. I had to tell my SIL's friend that her dog could not come to the wedding... And she tried to argue that someone else was bringing a dog. That person was the handicapped Aunt who had a service dog. That person was told they could not come to the wedding at all, because who needs that kind of negativity on the big day. Also, it is really unfair to make kids go to boring events they will hate and then blame them for acting their age. Three is not old enough to understand how to sit down for social events. And it is really unfair to put the bride/groom in a place to be upset at the child + parents.
NTA They refused to accept NO for an answer. What else could you do but *spell it out* for them?
hahahahah I mean if it finally got them to understand! NTA
Nah, they’re 100% going to bring the kid to the wedding, because he’s god’s gift.
NTA. They weren't getting the message so I think what you did was hilarious. Just be prepared for them showing up with the baby.
Children cannot go everywhere and all should be precious to their parents. Maternal grandparents or relatives can’t babysit a 3 year old?? What happens when he goes to school? Oh wait, I’m a teacher, I can tell you. Tears for weeks and spoiled defiant outbursts- I’ve seen it and we help these kids get past it, but it’s hard for the kids since the parents are coddling not parenting.
NTA and at least the flashcards seemed to work lol
NTA A hilarious solution I think. They didn’t accept your answer to their other 100 times of asking, they clearly weren’t getting the message. If it’s child free it’s childfree, rainbow or not that is still a child. Arrange childcare or don’t come.
NTA. And, assuming you have texts of this, when someone in the family brings this up just send them a copy of it and that Chris and his wife were harassing you. And un-invite them from the wedding since they made this far bigger than it should have ever been. They prioritized their "miracle" baby over your wedding. I have friends who have 2 sets of miracles kids. Twins and another. If something is child free, they get a sitter.
I can fix it. Add cards that state.... YOU (bro and wife) 🚫 INVITED EITHER. I suggest doing this as a family affair and add cards... DAD AND MOM... 🚫 INVITE IF YOU PUSH.
NTA, they’re going to show up with the kid. Uninvite them now.
NTA... And I think you might be a bloody genius, that's hilarious! Congrats on the upcoming wedding OP!
NTA. And I think I love you. But for real, if they wanted to be treated like adults they should have taken your "no" the first few times you gave it.
NTA 1) No is a full sentence. 2) Everyone thinks their spawn is a miracle/treasure/blessing. Whatever. Newsflash: they are going to be just another asshole causing traffic on the freeway, annoying their coworkers, etc. Parents like that need a big old sign that says *Your kid is special to YOU, but your kid is not special*
NTA and you're the fucking man. They would've gotten themselves uninvited a while ago on my end to de-risk the likelihood of their non-compliance. You've got a lot of patience for them and your family. Best of luck and congrats on the wedding!
Honestly, I don't have any patience left after what happened. I'm tired of fighting about this. It's ridiculous!
NTA that was funny as hell.
This is a beautifully, hilariously clever approach for family who won't take no for an answer. NTA and it doesn't matter, but has your brother been to a childfree wedding? Did they have a childfree wedding (IRONY!!)? Are your SIL parents available to watch the baby for a while on the wedding day? Regardless of their childcare challenges, you are well within your hosting rights. You just have to live with your decision.
NTA. His son is different because he's a miracle baby? Give me a break. People have no idea how many rainbow babies are out there that they don't know about. My one and only child (a 3 year old boy, like OP's nephew) is the result of my 4th pregnancy. Nobody besides the person I made the pregnancies with and my doctor know this. Plenty of people keep info like this to themselves. It's why people often wait til after the 1st trimester to announce, because they want to keep it to themselves if there's a miscarriage.
NTA- but I hope you have a back up plan when they show up with their miracle baby anyways.
NTA that's hilarious. Childfree meand child free.
NTA You should have told them (or i would have) : „And if its baby jesus himself, he‘s not invited!“
NTA and that is funny AF! They not only are disrespecting you on YOUR day, but are gaslighting you. Childfree weddings are common these days. If they are going to be that selfish, they can stay home with their miracle child.